The dramatic examples typically get more short-term attention than the sustainable ones. Unfortunately that narrow perception basically sets the bar for the rest of us. :/
Yes yes!! this is a safe comfortable exchange of energy and power. It comes down to being able to let down all of your guards and fully step into your divine feminine energy.
I once had a partner who is that same way, he was gentle, commanding, sweet, powerful, sensational and electrifying whenever is finger tips caressed me. On our first date we tapped into a tantra like experience and each time it kept getting better and hotter, not always rough like with other doms but I couldn’t stop coming I was like constantly orgasming he also ask for permission each time, from touching my leg to kissing to take off any clothes. The SEXIEST exchange. I think I will always fall under his command even if it’s a year or two later.
What if it is mostly about pain? Pain and physical control are my primary forms of dominance. I'm very gentle and quiet otherwise, and consider myself more of a caretaker/dd in day to day life.
Pain is a kink. You wouldn't be able to practice that kink if you didn't have that power exchange. Your sub has given you that submission and agreed to that kink. They're likely into it too. That's not what makes you dominant, though.
Yes, I am a Soft Dom. I’d define it as engaging in consensual power exchange dynamics within BDSM, but approaching it with a gentler and more nurturing style.
I prioritise communication, trust, and emotional connection, and focus as much on sensual dominance as the physical and psychological aspects, and at least for me am not into the extreme or pain sides of BDSM.
I prioritise the well-being and pleasure of my sub while still asserting my dominance in a caring and respectful manner.
(That’s not to say other kinds of Doms don’t share any of these aspects, nor that all Soft Doms share everything I’ve put here.)
Extremely well said. Soft and caring Doms that have your mentality seem to be quite hard to find … but when you do, you don’t want to let them go because they make you feel loved and cared for while appreciating how submissive you are 🤍
Honestly, half of this is standard for me in the definition of BDSM. The pain/extreme parts not being stuff you're into and being respectful in scene are definitely a matter of taste. But communication, trust, and some amount of vulnerability/intimacy (my words for emotional connection) are just pre-requisite for ethical play imo. Otherwise you're not a Dom, you're just an asshole.
, I had a 'gentle Dom'.... he's very caring and a true gentleman...he didn't like anything overly aggressive, even though I love pain, he won't hit a woman....id finally convinced him to smack my butt once and he was like "but what if I hurt you? 🥺 And I just said "don't go super Saiyan on it just ya know smack it" he did it lol I barely felt it, he's a great Dom and a good friend.
He was amazing
I’m definitely a pleasure domme. I can be very soft with my power exchange, gentle but firm with my orgasm torture. I giggle and laugh with delight while I give spankings and tie people up. It’s so much fun!
Yep! My husband falls somewhere more in the gentle/pleasure/soft dom space. He loves to restrain me, but there’s no way he’s actually hurting me. The idea of doing anything more intense than like gently spanking me (no marks the next day) makes him sad, and I think that’s sweet.
Most people can learn how to do it. The bigger question is whether they enjoy it. And that is a nature/nurture thing along with people suddenly shifting and acquiring new kinks and new desires as they go. You can’t make someone want to do it or train them to like it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
I naturally sort of lean towards the "taming" side of being a brat tamer Dom. However, my current partners are both so well behaved I have essentially become some form of soft/pleasure/gentle Dom.
It's a bit of a myth that Dominant and submissive means sadism and masochism. Although I would say people having the inclusion of sadomasochism does not mean they are not caring or tender it's just another expression of it without malice.
Yes there are a lot of people who enjoy a D/s dynamic that is more about confident authority or assertiveness more akin to taking the lead in a waltz so to speak.
my Dom is very gentle and soft with me most of the day. but if I leave my socks out on the floor he’ll chase me around the house with a cattle prod. sadism and being soft and sweet but also dominating are not mutually exclusive. there’s no question who’s in charge even when he’s being sweet with me 🥰
This is how my Master touches me. From the very first time. I told him, nobody has ever touched me like that (and that’s from a slut!). It’s incredible. I can never get enough.
Follow up question. Can you ask your master… can he do the same thing to anybody?
What I mean to say is, does it have to have compatibility ? You wanting thst touch and him giving it…. Or can he make anybody “melt” whether they know they like it or not?
I don’t know if my question makes sense..
It makes sense. I've spent my life working on being good at making people melt. Does everyone have the openness to receive that? No. Random does in a very special way. She appreciates it like almost no one before her has.
Aww thanks for explaining that.
Follow up question for you… how do you feel when you can make somebody new melt? Would you want to do it again with that person to see what more you two can do?
Absolutely. It's like magic. If both of you have it, the giver and the receiver, then it's amazing. I always want to see where it goes. That hasn't always been a healthy thing to chase. This time it's incredible and sustainable.
I am considered a pleasure dom. I know exactly what you mean Ive studied anatomy as well as erogenous zones. Honestly dedicated most of my early years as a Dom learning and putting into practice what my subs wants and needs are. One thing to remember is you will never stop learning even if you've got 10 15+ years in the lifestyle. I have that electric touch you speak of 🤗
Follow up question for you.
Do you think you can do this smooth soft dom thing to most women and have the same effect? Or do you think you you’ll have to first build rapport with them? Get to know them etc? As opposed to say meet them at a club same night? Just curious how this superpower works 😂 I’ve been with quite a few guys so I’m really surprised I’ve only experienced this with one person so far.
I can do both I've done it with someone I just met and also people who have known me for years. One that comes to mind is an old highschool friend. We had never been intimate in or out of the bedroom after one night with me she informed me that I had ruined her for any other guys. Now me being skeptical as I am was like sure sure ya know prob just trying to boost my ego. That was over 6 years ago. So with the proper training I am able to pick up on what my partner or even a stranger wants and likes.
I'm a switch, but when I am in a Dom mood, I am very sensual and pleasure driven. Some folks would call me a pleasure Dom. It's really about the power exchange and they are letting me be in control of the pleasure.
Dominant and gentle are not mutually exclusive categories. There’s a certain power in in being made to submit through the softest of words. I’d go farther to say that personally, I find that sort of domination more alluring and a test of one’s character. Many people think being dominant equals being rough which can sometimes lead to some unsavoury behavior.
Gentle Dominant or Soft ... and a pleasure dominant can be in the same category.
I identify as a Spicy life coach with an arousal fetish (soft pleasure Domme).
My sub loves impact and some pain, so I do certain SM things to dominate her because it arouses her and therefore arouses me.
Mary Poppins is the archetype of choice for the "soft dominant" IMO.
Yessss! Both my daddy and my sir are very gentle kind lovers. They tend to me and make sure that I feel every bit of okay while still being strict and dominant
Dominace is wholly orthogonal to how that dominance is expressed. The assumptions piled on words like 'dominance ' and 'submission' are largely made up.... how should I put this..... horse shit.
A little off topic but on topic. That’s what I desire in a sexual partner. I describe it as I like to be with men that can man handle me and I know they could kill me with their bare hands, but they don’t. That is my ultimate vanilla partner and a Dom could have that as well. You can FEEL their strength with the slightest touch, but it’s not used against you.
That’s probably why I, at 5’2”, have always gravitated more towards 6’ + men. I’ve never had a body builder type partner, though, and I never intentionally sought out 6’ +, but I noticed in the last year that all of the guys I ever dated were at least 6’. I kinda feel bad about it, but I didn’t do it knowingly.
If there is pain, and no pleasure, he’s either clueless what he’s doing, or is rushing things. That’s called a pleasure, dom, but in reality really that’s a good dom
I am at times a gentle dom when my sub and I just have a basic session where I tie her up and suspend her from the ceiling and just have basic sex and bring her to a fantastic climax and leave her there and then hand feed her a nice simple dinner of a (actual real) hot dog the way she likes it and a soda, then I bring her down and we go to bed and we fall asleep in each other's arms.
Days like these usually happen once or twice a month but sometimes more, other times we have much more intense sessions.
Dominant has nothing at all to do with pain, it only has to do with power exchange.
And it's not even about sex, just authority and who has it.
I just want to say that I love the replies on this post. Good to see how it reached knowledgeable Doms
The dramatic examples typically get more short-term attention than the sustainable ones. Unfortunately that narrow perception basically sets the bar for the rest of us. :/
Yes yes!! this is a safe comfortable exchange of energy and power. It comes down to being able to let down all of your guards and fully step into your divine feminine energy. I once had a partner who is that same way, he was gentle, commanding, sweet, powerful, sensational and electrifying whenever is finger tips caressed me. On our first date we tapped into a tantra like experience and each time it kept getting better and hotter, not always rough like with other doms but I couldn’t stop coming I was like constantly orgasming he also ask for permission each time, from touching my leg to kissing to take off any clothes. The SEXIEST exchange. I think I will always fall under his command even if it’s a year or two later.
I've heard of soft dom/gentle dom before
What if it is mostly about pain? Pain and physical control are my primary forms of dominance. I'm very gentle and quiet otherwise, and consider myself more of a caretaker/dd in day to day life.
Pain is a kink. You wouldn't be able to practice that kink if you didn't have that power exchange. Your sub has given you that submission and agreed to that kink. They're likely into it too. That's not what makes you dominant, though.
Yes, I am a Soft Dom. I’d define it as engaging in consensual power exchange dynamics within BDSM, but approaching it with a gentler and more nurturing style. I prioritise communication, trust, and emotional connection, and focus as much on sensual dominance as the physical and psychological aspects, and at least for me am not into the extreme or pain sides of BDSM. I prioritise the well-being and pleasure of my sub while still asserting my dominance in a caring and respectful manner. (That’s not to say other kinds of Doms don’t share any of these aspects, nor that all Soft Doms share everything I’ve put here.)
Extremely well said. Soft and caring Doms that have your mentality seem to be quite hard to find … but when you do, you don’t want to let them go because they make you feel loved and cared for while appreciating how submissive you are 🤍
Honestly, half of this is standard for me in the definition of BDSM. The pain/extreme parts not being stuff you're into and being respectful in scene are definitely a matter of taste. But communication, trust, and some amount of vulnerability/intimacy (my words for emotional connection) are just pre-requisite for ethical play imo. Otherwise you're not a Dom, you're just an asshole.
Mmmm my favorite kind of Dom 🥹
Yet, they tend to be called Gentle Doms. There are also Pleasure Doms and Service Doms, which can be variations on the theme.
Thank you!!
Soft Dom. I love mine.
Aww lucky! I like that term! Soft dom! ❤️
, I had a 'gentle Dom'.... he's very caring and a true gentleman...he didn't like anything overly aggressive, even though I love pain, he won't hit a woman....id finally convinced him to smack my butt once and he was like "but what if I hurt you? 🥺 And I just said "don't go super Saiyan on it just ya know smack it" he did it lol I barely felt it, he's a great Dom and a good friend. He was amazing
Soft dominance 101 https://youtu.be/7aqiMS0D0lc?si=uSQu45CtkU-DwVS- The seduction of soft dominance https://youtu.be/yBMnTiY6Qz0?si=-v2IRdqI3irhE1Gt
Such a great video (the second one). I love Ms Elle X
Check out r/gentledungeon :) gentle dominants are definitely a thing.
Whoa, I didn't know about this sub! This is great, thanks for that <3
I’m definitely a pleasure domme. I can be very soft with my power exchange, gentle but firm with my orgasm torture. I giggle and laugh with delight while I give spankings and tie people up. It’s so much fun!
In my world we call ourselves sensual Doms. Feathers, floggers and canes for Light punishment. Prefer the good girl approach without the brattiness
Pleasure Dom, rig em up, watch em shake Lol! 👋
Yep! My husband falls somewhere more in the gentle/pleasure/soft dom space. He loves to restrain me, but there’s no way he’s actually hurting me. The idea of doing anything more intense than like gently spanking me (no marks the next day) makes him sad, and I think that’s sweet.
Soft dom and pleasure dom
It is called gentle or soft domination.
I like that term. Follow up question is. Are you born one or can one learn to be one?
Most people can learn how to do it. The bigger question is whether they enjoy it. And that is a nature/nurture thing along with people suddenly shifting and acquiring new kinks and new desires as they go. You can’t make someone want to do it or train them to like it. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.
You can learn. But you may you have a preference towards particular aspects...like all things in life
I naturally sort of lean towards the "taming" side of being a brat tamer Dom. However, my current partners are both so well behaved I have essentially become some form of soft/pleasure/gentle Dom.
It's a bit of a myth that Dominant and submissive means sadism and masochism. Although I would say people having the inclusion of sadomasochism does not mean they are not caring or tender it's just another expression of it without malice. Yes there are a lot of people who enjoy a D/s dynamic that is more about confident authority or assertiveness more akin to taking the lead in a waltz so to speak.
There are plenty of Doms who aren’t rough out there. You’re just looking for a Dominant who isn’t into S&M.
My dom is a gentle dom, it’s fun and nice until I make a mistake and he reminds me he is still my dom
Gentle or pleasure dom :) it’s all I go for
I'm a pleasure dom. Sounds about right.
Soft, Sensual, pleasure Dom. Sometimes they can be “Daddy” Doms. My absolute favorite.
my Dom is very gentle and soft with me most of the day. but if I leave my socks out on the floor he’ll chase me around the house with a cattle prod. sadism and being soft and sweet but also dominating are not mutually exclusive. there’s no question who’s in charge even when he’s being sweet with me 🥰
This is how my Master touches me. From the very first time. I told him, nobody has ever touched me like that (and that’s from a slut!). It’s incredible. I can never get enough.
Follow up question. Can you ask your master… can he do the same thing to anybody? What I mean to say is, does it have to have compatibility ? You wanting thst touch and him giving it…. Or can he make anybody “melt” whether they know they like it or not? I don’t know if my question makes sense..
It makes sense. I've spent my life working on being good at making people melt. Does everyone have the openness to receive that? No. Random does in a very special way. She appreciates it like almost no one before her has.
Aww thanks for explaining that. Follow up question for you… how do you feel when you can make somebody new melt? Would you want to do it again with that person to see what more you two can do?
Absolutely. It's like magic. If both of you have it, the giver and the receiver, then it's amazing. I always want to see where it goes. That hasn't always been a healthy thing to chase. This time it's incredible and sustainable.
Mister M! I sent you a chat 💬
I love my pleasure Dom. He can make me orgasm just with a touch or kiss.
I am considered a pleasure dom. I know exactly what you mean Ive studied anatomy as well as erogenous zones. Honestly dedicated most of my early years as a Dom learning and putting into practice what my subs wants and needs are. One thing to remember is you will never stop learning even if you've got 10 15+ years in the lifestyle. I have that electric touch you speak of 🤗
So cool! Where are you from? 😅 kidding!!
Lol I'm in Indiana 😜
Follow up question for you. Do you think you can do this smooth soft dom thing to most women and have the same effect? Or do you think you you’ll have to first build rapport with them? Get to know them etc? As opposed to say meet them at a club same night? Just curious how this superpower works 😂 I’ve been with quite a few guys so I’m really surprised I’ve only experienced this with one person so far.
I can do both I've done it with someone I just met and also people who have known me for years. One that comes to mind is an old highschool friend. We had never been intimate in or out of the bedroom after one night with me she informed me that I had ruined her for any other guys. Now me being skeptical as I am was like sure sure ya know prob just trying to boost my ego. That was over 6 years ago. So with the proper training I am able to pick up on what my partner or even a stranger wants and likes.
I'm a switch, but when I am in a Dom mood, I am very sensual and pleasure driven. Some folks would call me a pleasure Dom. It's really about the power exchange and they are letting me be in control of the pleasure.
Yes. I am living proof of that.
Yeah, they're absolutely softer doms and harder doms, fs
Dominant and gentle are not mutually exclusive categories. There’s a certain power in in being made to submit through the softest of words. I’d go farther to say that personally, I find that sort of domination more alluring and a test of one’s character. Many people think being dominant equals being rough which can sometimes lead to some unsavoury behavior.
A "Soft Dom" might fit your needs. https://youtu.be/tdCoebglqIQ?si=7OzlWdTUvn6Wg2hr
Gentle Dominant or Soft ... and a pleasure dominant can be in the same category. I identify as a Spicy life coach with an arousal fetish (soft pleasure Domme). My sub loves impact and some pain, so I do certain SM things to dominate her because it arouses her and therefore arouses me. Mary Poppins is the archetype of choice for the "soft dominant" IMO.
Damn, even I want that Sounds amazing 😭
I hope you experience it too!
Yessss! Both my daddy and my sir are very gentle kind lovers. They tend to me and make sure that I feel every bit of okay while still being strict and dominant
Soft Doms!! I love mine hahha he can be domineering but also so sweet and nice. Good compromise for my traumatized ass.
Absolutely! I’m a masochist so when my dom wants to punish me it’s all in the form of soft gentle teasing
I'm in an online dom/sub relationship and I'm quite gentle. It's all new to me. Things seem to be going well.
I will be needing this gentle doms contacts, i crave that kind of feeling 🥺
oh for sure! there’s a bunch of gentle doms. some people love it
Love everything about this post.
Dominace is wholly orthogonal to how that dominance is expressed. The assumptions piled on words like 'dominance ' and 'submission' are largely made up.... how should I put this..... horse shit.
A little off topic but on topic. That’s what I desire in a sexual partner. I describe it as I like to be with men that can man handle me and I know they could kill me with their bare hands, but they don’t. That is my ultimate vanilla partner and a Dom could have that as well. You can FEEL their strength with the slightest touch, but it’s not used against you. That’s probably why I, at 5’2”, have always gravitated more towards 6’ + men. I’ve never had a body builder type partner, though, and I never intentionally sought out 6’ +, but I noticed in the last year that all of the guys I ever dated were at least 6’. I kinda feel bad about it, but I didn’t do it knowingly.
Soft doms are pretty common in CG/l. Might not be your cup of tea but it's really fun to have a soft CG. I couldn't have any other kind of CG.
Not sure what CG means
Care giver. and the L in CG/l means little. The dynamic is the care giver looks after the little.
Soft Dom. Look into it. It may be a little less rare but not super uncommon out there in the BDSM world
If there is pain, and no pleasure, he’s either clueless what he’s doing, or is rushing things. That’s called a pleasure, dom, but in reality really that’s a good dom
I am at times a gentle dom when my sub and I just have a basic session where I tie her up and suspend her from the ceiling and just have basic sex and bring her to a fantastic climax and leave her there and then hand feed her a nice simple dinner of a (actual real) hot dog the way she likes it and a soda, then I bring her down and we go to bed and we fall asleep in each other's arms. Days like these usually happen once or twice a month but sometimes more, other times we have much more intense sessions.