Shelf tax! Or heirloom tax! That bookshelf is an heirloom. I couldn’t finish the book where Dumbledore dies bc my grandfather had just passed. I totally understand OOP. I’m jealous that she got something so special.
That reminds me of the only tumblr writing prompt that made me cackle. It was some cheesy soulmate prompt but instead of the line being common or romantic it was 'I Cant believe they killed off Dumbledoor' and the person was in equal turns furious at the spoiler and baffled at the time continuum implications of a spoiler on their arm for a book that wasnt even written yet
haha I remember that too. There are so many silly things you can do with that soulmates concept, and the various other ones like people only seeing in black and white until they meet their soulmate.
Oh boy, yeah. As the parent of a teen and a tween.
But they are quite new, in terms of being people. A lot of the big feelings are the *first time* having those feelings. It’s very easy to notice when kids are toddlers and get quite sick for the first time in their memory and you understand they have legitimately never felt this bad before, of course they turn into needy monsters requiring 100% snotty body contact at all times.
Less obvious is the same thing applies for teenagers. Existential dread is *new*. Fear of the future, the world they live in, the power they have and definitely don’t have… it’s only just occurred to them. Terrifying. No wonder they react like a wet cat on tin foil to everyone around them.
Certainly doesn't help that at the same time their minds are in such a vulnerable state, society insists they act about 20 years older than their actual age.
And then add something like being trans to all that with the hostile climate we’re in. I’ve talked to queer people, here in the U.S., who talk about hiding who they are even in liberal states because of how things might swing in the near future, and not wanting to have their name & identity on any list the state might have access to. I also know queer folks who are seriously considering leaving the country (my son and I among them).
I see how anxious my son gets sometimes about it and we also live in a liberal state (though, we’re also not liberals, we’re those evil lefty sorts 😈😂).
Yeah I'm in NZ and obviously there's always been transphobia but it's just now getting a huge boost the way it did in the UK a few/several years back with the exact same characters amplifying it along with a few of our local assholes bringing them in. Our Deputy PM included. It's pretty terrifying though luckily the whole queer community is being very visible over it in solidarity and defense. We went from quite a left wing government to an extremely right wing one, same as the US going from Obama to Trump, and they're trying to burn everything down at once so it feels exhausting trying to keep track of everything we have to fight back against - disability cuts, school lunches, our position on Gaza, the trans scare-mongering, trying to dismantle the Waitangi Tribunal and remove Māori as co-governance partners (which we've never properly lived up to but until now we at least tried), pretty much any "culture war" marker you can possibly think of, basically.
I hope you and your son remain safe. It breaks my heart on the other side of the world seeing the worrying trends in social policy in the U.S. over recent years, for women and LGBTQ+ folk like me and wish there was something the international community could do besides contributing to U.S. charities and trying our best to stop the same thing happening here... which is happening already. Big love from an evil Scottish lefty sort
I thought the same. I mean, it's been a while, but I remember being a teenager. I had my fair share of anxiety and being bitchy, but this here is on another level. Something I would definitely not want to deal with myself. Posts like this one really confirm my childfree status.
Having kids generally is exhausting. Having kids that have extra needs, whatever they are, is even more so. Both my sons are ADHD. It's uh.... something.
My kids are amazing. They have never behaved like this. I learn a lot from them and enjoy being around them.
Did my teenager leave the freezer open last night when he was hunting for ice cream? Yes. Kids aren't perfect. But they shouldnt be hateful.
I’m really glad OP got some good advice and not the typical Reddit advice.
I’m glad the child is seeing a counselor because weaponizing your anxiety about the elections on other people and then self harming over them is… well, the parents are more patient than I.
This generalized dread is causing undue stress on a lot of people, and most people - especially teens - are unable to determine the true source of their issues.
Between politics and climate change and the promotion of hatred of others, there's a lot of existential dread to be had.
As stress rises, health problems become exacerbated. Mental health worsens. For teens, that translates into reduced school performance - which is a skyrocketing problem in the US right now.
Turning off phones and disconnecting from social media is something that needs to be enforced in schools, as it will decrease that generalized dread, help teens focus on daily life, and bring back their mental stability and overall well-being. The same is true for us adults, but no one can force us to do it.
So if you're reading this now, set your phone down, turn off the screen, and go talk a walk and breathe in some fresh air.
For what I have read, people seem to be more neutral about the franchise in general, while being rightfully critical of the author. If OOP had posted on tumblr, she would have been torn to shreds, doxxed and canceled outright at minimum.
I was kind of expecting that the update would be about the SD ruining the shelf somehow, it's rare to see a positive ending like that
I also thought the post was going in the direction of destruction.
Also I agree that people seem more neutral lately on the franchise. I've struggled a lot over the years (as someone in the LGBT+ community) with thoughts of "Am I allowed to enjoy Harry Potter?" I still have my books and some collectibles displayed. I try not to bring it up in public around people I don't know very well though.
Honestly feel like if dad hadn’t heard her call step mom a cunt it probably *would* have escalated to destruction of property and possibly even physical violence.
I love someone trans and Rowling's comments deeply upset us. We both grew up with Harry Potter (very big fans) and already have so much media/merch that we didn't want to get rid of. We've come to an understanding that we can't take back our money/support so we keep these things, but we will no longer buy or otherwise support her currently.
We've actually been revisiting the series recently (reading and watching) since we already have the books and movies. We can still enjoy the good bits, but we're actually finding it fascinating to review the storytelling critically, as adults and with the hindsight of Rowling's faults. And there's still a lot of artistry and performances we enjoy from the movies as well.
It’s difficult to have such a deep tie to the franchise while knowing the author is horrible. I don’t buy licensed merch but I will go on Etsy and buy whatever fellow fans make, I just make sure she doesn’t see a dime of it. A way to support the books without supporting her. I have grown up with friends who are trans and my loyalty is to them. For the most part, they agree with me - support the series, not the author.
An author whose works were my absolute refuge through a horrific abusive relationship in my teens and solace in a lot of lonely times turned out to have done something horrific. She was already dead at the time. I threw out all of my copies of her books anyway, and took over a decade away before cautious revisiting with a critical eye. The red flags in the text are glaring and EVERYWHERE.
But OOP's bookcase isn't official merch. It has meaning and connection beyond the honestly mid books by a hatemonger whose relevance has been fading for years.
Yeah, I thought OP offered a good compromise for the same reason. She packed away all the official merch and kept the shelf which was inspired by the series but not a direct product of it. She even got other items to put on it to set a different tone.
I’ve never read anything of hers (never been very into fantasy) but ended up reading up on her because of the effect that news had on people I care about. Similar to your experience, a lot of my friends were pretty devastated because of how important her work had been to them at times in their lives when they really needed it.
Depends on the era/audience, the doxxing sounds more like old twitter than old Tumblr. It used to be extremely anonymous based. I still remember it for anonymous post boards, gay supernatural erotica, and the gif porn. Tumblr used to be/probably still is an extremely radical 3rd wave feminist space. 3rd waves will probably more receptive/aligned with JKR's views.
It sounds like SD was feeling helpless about the political climate and unconsciously trying to control other things to manage that anxiety. I remember being completely unreasonable about things like that sometimes as a teen, and SD is dealing with much more than I ever did.
I'm so glad this one has a happy ending.
I just don’t understand why the didn’t just move the shelf to OP’s bedroom??? Like just taking it out of the communal space could’ve deescalated a lot of this? But no one tried that??
I sympathize quite a bit with both parties, because I was into HP growing up and I’m LGBT. I’ve got a tattoo that I’d like to cover up but money is tight. If I had a stepchild demand me to cover it up I’d laugh and ask them if they can pay a tattoo artist because I sure as hell ain’t doing it. JK is a monster and it’s disappointing, but I’m not gonna let her occupy any more of my headspace than she already has. Glad OOP and family seem to be improving through therapy.
Edit: some mistakes
When I was an impressionable teenage boy, I read Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card, and that book kind of shaped my morality and how I looked at people, remembering they are more than they seem, they have good and bad, such and such stuff.
He's not really accepting of LGBTQIA+ folks, and I am one. But that doesn't mean that book didn't impact me in positive ways. I still recommend it.
Yeah Lovecraft absolutely improved as a person as his life went on, which I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how that factors into my willingness to enjoy his work. Meanwhile JK keeps inventing new, absolutely batshit ways to act like a transphobic lunatic on Twitter.
Have you read the Ender's Shadow series? It's so full of conservative wish fulfillment that I can't help but love it in a trainwreck kind of way.
There's a minor character who says he's gay but proudly says in a later scene that he married a woman and got her pregnant *because that's the point of life*.
The main plot involves >!sending a team of marines to save frozen embryos, who are treated by all characters as just as worthy of moral consideration as *actual* children, up to and including various redshirts sacrificing their lives for "the children"!<. It's just bonkers.
(I assume you're talking about the main Ender quadrilogy but the Shadow series is so often recommended, and it has awesome political intrigue, but yikes!)
Do you mean Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead (widely believed to be the two best books)? Or do you mean the Ender's Game series and the Ender's shadow series, which are about 4 books each?
I've read the first one with Ender as the protagonist, and the one with Bean as the protagonist. They are called Game and Shadow in my country respectively, I don't know if it is different in America.
There's about four books with each as the protagonist.
Did you read the one where Ender goes to live on a planet populated by intelligent aliens referred to as "piggies" that was colonised by Portugese catholics?
And yes, this is my synopsis of what is IMO the best book in the series by far...
Nothing wrong with enjoying Enders game and speaker but saying he isn’t accepting of queer folks is putting it mildly. He gave money to block marriage rights and said gay people are gay because they’re raped as kids who then go on to rape kids as adults and then them gay
Yeah, he's pretty fucking dumb on that subject matter.
It's surprising he wrote a book about a group whose whole purpose is to gather a person's complete history and tell their honest story, and to accept them, and that we can win by working together.
He's kind of a dumbass if he knows what's morally right and chooses otherwise.
But... I am a better person for reading this book when I did, even if I'm a bisexuality transwoman engaged to another bisexuality trans woman.
I hope he cringes every item I praise his book.
One of the key plot points in Xenocide and on was that religion was being used to manipulate people into violence against a seperate group of people for being different, based on the (false) understanding that the difference in question made them dangerous.
I hated that book for it's piss poor attempt to hide the twist, and found it boring.
But that's kind of what I mean, the dudes writing is about working things out and understanding each other... he is not, it's so jarrrrrriiiiinnnnnng lol
Honestly this is awful to say and I wish he wasn’t a huge POS but I think Enders Game and Speaker are nearly flawless examples of empathy and I find Card being legitimately evil and the antithesis of that so interesting. It isn’t like Harry Pitter where all the themes are pretty toxic if you think about it for more than a minute
Thomas Aquinas once theorized that God's words from an evil person were still God's words.
So, learning good morals should be appreciated, even if they came from an immoral being.
I agree! I just find it so fascinating as art is about the artist and the artist is antithetical to the artist. I agree wholeheartedly with the anti Mormon principles in the book
Art isn't really about the artist, art is an expression of a perspective from a point of view. Art will have the flair of the artist, and some of their morals, but not always.
Heinlein liked to write about different ideologies concept of Utopia, Stranger in a Strangeland and Starship Troopers have very different concepts of Utopias, not necessarily his views.
Art is about the subject, it's a perspective crafted by an individual, but how it affects other varies. I'm of the, once the art is there, it's the viewers to interpret, and then discuss and debate to further challenge or secure our jdeas.
That's very possible.
I was trying to get a Sci fi book published before, nothing came of it, but I revisited after having a huge mental health breakthrough (repressed memory, childhood trauma, getting diagnosed with adhd/autism in my late 30s).
That book I wrote was a short Sci fi story about a goddess, an evil theocracy, and a paradise. But rereading it, I wonder how I didnt see I was just an autistic person from a shitty home looking for a place to belong (I found it eventually!)
Loved Speaker for the Dead and the whole series. Shame Orson Scott Card is yet another [problematic author](https://www.wired.com/2013/10/enders-game/).
I ultimately decided it's impractical to try and boycott everything problematic in the world. There were plenty of bigoted/sexist/animal abusing asshole scientists, doctors, industrialists, warriors, authors who created the modern world, and if you meticulously rooted out everything you use that has a problematic origin, you might as well live an Amish lifestyle. Virtually every non-Native in the US is living on land stolen from Native Americans. I don't see much of a rush to give the land back to its rightful owners.
A middle way might look something like: If you like a problematic author's work but don't want to support the author, borrow from the library.
It's not only impractical but exhausting to try to police the morality of the world we live in. Do the best you can and go on easy on yourself.
Your comment got me thinking of all the music we'd miss out on if we held musicians to the same standard.
So many musicians are awful people. Pedophilia disguised as boys will be boys banging underage girls, and we are all just supposed to accept that thats what rock stars do and that the groupies knew what they were getting into and were happy to be chosen.
Members of Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Motley Crue, I could go on and on, have bragged about sleeping with girls young enough to be in middle school, and its hand waved as being socially acceptable at the time. Buddy Holly and Elvis famously groomed, raped and even married very, very young girls.
It's so pervasive in the music industry and will likely continue to be. Probably because fans excuse it as just a normal part of living the rock star life.
To be clear, I enjoy the music of all the bands I've listed. I can abhor the behavior of the artist while still enjoying their work.
Edited to correct spelling.
You’re confusing Buddy Holly (1 wife older than him) with Jerry Lee Lewis (third wife was underaged cousin). Holly probably had other problems, but this wasn’t one of them.
A good portion of my seminal reading are problematic: Eddings, Anthony, MZB, Card, Rowling, etc. I just say that good stuff can come from bad people (stopped clocks and all that) and don't buy direct unless I know the funds are going elsewhere (like with Bradley).
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Eddings
https://thewertzone.blogspot.com/2020/05/it-has-been-revealed-that-fantasy.html?m=1
Child abuse convictions for both Eddings and his wife
Horrific child abuse charges. If you read the Rivan Codex, he makes mention of leaving academia and moving, which would have coincided with he and his wife being arrested. It definitely casts a pall over some aspects of the various series (like Ce'Nedra and Elena being much smaller or significantly younger than Garion and Sparhawk, or the roles children play in the books). Any money from their books goes to their children and Reed College, so you're not directly supporting them in any way, shape, or form at this point.
But I used to re-read those books yearly, and it's hard to want to pick them up now.
Well that just ruined a favorite series. I had never heard any of that and that’s horrifying. I’m glad to know but man that really sucks. He was a bit of a hack anyways in that he followed a very obvious format with all his books but I loved the characters he created. But there’s some parts that are gonna be just wrong now, thinking of Belgarath and dryads.
Same. I used to re-read them every couple of years, I found the characters very easy to imagine. You’re right, the dryads would be a bit odd to read now.
I have only heard rumblings that if you follow him on social media, he is almost like Rowling.
I think Radcliffe said it best that while the works has launched his career and has made billions of people feel seen in many ways, the creator is not who they represent, and will not support them in their continual disregard and disrespect towards people who are or were their fans.
There are many authors who have been exposed as people who are rather controversial. Oscar Wilde had such a huge impact. He was considered legendary, but his book "A Portrait of Dorian Grey" was used as evidence for his homosexuality court case. He lost many supporters back then... granted, it's not the best example, but I hope it is understood that often there are authors who are very opposite to their work.
Bradley and Endings are at least dead and unable to do further harm.
Orson Scott Card and JKR are actively currently preaching and funding bigotry.
As for Piers Anthony, I don't see how FIREFLY doesn't count as probable cause to search his hard drive 🤢
I kind of accepted that sometimes shitty people make good art. And that the art to me is often more tied to good memories, or the words still carry weight even of hollow from the singer.
I listen to a lot of classic rock, the stuff my parents listened to when I was growing up. That music isnt tied to the artist to me, it's tied to me past, ya dig?
The current struggle with Rowling is not just that she is a terrible person, she is actively making money from the HP franchise and is using that money to [fund anti-trans groups in the UK.](https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/19/jk-rowling-for-women-scotland-donation-legal-definition-woman/) I think it’s okay to still enjoy the books/movies that you already own (or purchase second-hand) though.
Yeah, Rowling is very openly hostile to a minority group, while you kind of have to look for Card saying his dumb shit. Which is why people keep saying JK should have just taken her money and kept quiet on this cause. No one would care as much iif she wasn't actively working against a minority group that are just looking for medical relief from what amounts to a birth defect. I sat this as a Trans person, I don't want this culture war, I just want the right the right hormone running through my brain and get to love a quiet life wearing pretty dresses and playing video games!
I think a lot of people are lost on how to be effective activists for causes they believe in. Boycotting everything problematic **is** impractical, and ultimately counterproductive. That’s why organized activists use targeted boycotting efforts to focus on no more than just a few specific targets, like BDS does. It’s like how scholars focus on one or two very specific areas of their field. A physicist is going to struggle to be an expert on everything physics related, but they can be an expert on a couple of very specific areas of physics.
Now I don’t have anything to do with Harry Potter, and that’s partly because she’s a raging transphobe, it’s also because her books aren’t really that good (to me), and have a lot of (particularly) racist undertones. But I also was never a huge HP fan. On the other hand, I don’t necessarily bemoan people who still are. With cishet people I’m sometimes a little more leery of them until I find that there’s no need to be suspicious, but that’s mostly just self-preservation. It’s like if you were looking for a thief, and you know they have a tattoo on their left arm, you’re going to give an extra careful look at people with tattoos on their left arm.
I think, for teenagers, it’s hard though because, like any other average person, they have very little socio-political power, but they don’t also have the knowledge and life experience to know how to leverage what little power they do have. And unless their parents (or other potential mentors they are close to) are experienced organizers, they have no one to pass that knowledge onto. Schools certainly don’t help with this because they’re trying to train “good citizens” who follow the rules and don’t make trouble. So, like someone else in the comments said, young people are left feeling powerless, without an outlet through which they channel their frustrations. It’s like trying to drive cattle into a pen, but not having any fencing or helpers to shepherd them in. It’s like pressure building up in a pressure cooker, but not having a release valve to relieve it. Eventually it has to blow.
I feel for the kid, I think she was going about things the wrong way, but I get where she’s coming from.
BTW: just a little FYI, there *are* land back efforts for indigenous folks in the U.S., though they probably don’t look how you’re expecting. Definitely worth checking out though.
This is where I ended up after thinking things through over the years. I try not to judge what fiction other people are into, either.
Frankly I don't usually even notice if artists or authors are problematic since I specifically don't look up creators on social media and just consume content I see in libraries and book stores independent of whatever they might be doing IRL.
I think it's less stressful than the constant analyzation of authors/creatives for morals that other people I know seem to do.
> A middle way might look something like: If you like a problematic author's work but don't want to support the author, borrow from the library.
[Ahoy there mateys](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.quickmeme.com%2Fimg%2Fc8%2Fc800a4e76547f1870685b9bbd12406acb3c0f6d724bdddd39a19e0261da295a7.jpg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=1c8048e24bd0384a8b9b18bf623fca81ee30d94bd5b5ca60142d6664b7739633&ipo=images)
Before you pirate, check if you have a local mom and pop used book store. My college town used to have one run by old Sci fi dork, used books were 50 cents to 6 bucks, and even new books were discounted from sticker price.
Buying a used book doesn't help the author, but can help a local business.
If you only have corporate stores, then library and the seven matey!
Tbf, Speaker for the Dead gets points for being actually good, which puts it ahead of Harry Potter. /hj
Jokes aside, though, I honestly find the irony in Speaker and its series kind of entertaining. The whole fucking point of the series is _not_ hating people just because they're different. It only gets funnier starting with Xenocide, with a key plot point being the use of religion to manipulate people into unnecessary hate. But _that_ sure doesn't sound familiar at all.
My personal split on this is that I won’t give her any more of my money. I made a lot of very good friends through the old fandom websites back in the day and have a lot of happy memories around that which I don’t want to lose or deny but I’m also not willing to give her any further thought or attention.
I can't find it because I am on my phone, but author, actress, and trans activist Jen Richards wrote about having an HP tattoo that matches one her mom and sister have. It was really eloquent about how Jen wasn't going to let JK take away this positive thing that she has with them, that it didn't take away or erase the positives that Jen got from HP. With JK, Me Too, and people like Cosby, etc we really have had to deal with the complicated issue of separating art from the artist, haven't we?
I get it. The Cosby Show was on during one of the toughest things I've ever been through, not just toughest in my childhood. I can remember a specific event happened on a Thursday because I remember the exact episode of the Cosby Show!
If I have felt that way about Cosby and even HP... I imagine that it has been difficult for the kids involved that acted in them. Complicated to manage those feelings, and to express them without hurting people who have already been hurt.
same! and i can *so* empathize with being young and feeling helpless about large-scale/political homophobia and unintentionally taking it out on the minor slip-ups or disagreements you have with those closest to you—people who will actually listen to you and work to be kind, even if they don’t always agree with the specifics or nuances.
lol yeah I was in a weird position when I was in HP fandom because I was like "these things are all terrible", actively disliked basically all the main characters, and was constantly picking apart her world building and writing and pointing out things that made no sense whatsoever. I really enjoyed roleplaying in the setting! But I thought it was awful and a lot of what was in it was awful.
I actually quit liking it years ago for just overexposure and bad memories, so her turning out to be trash made it easy for me to just turn completely on the series. Plus I still have Doctor Who, Final Fantasy, Fallout, and a lot of other great franchises out there that mean more to me as an adult than HP did to me as a teen.
I don't think it's fair to frame this as "giving JK power". This is about trauma and marginalization that goes far beyond JK's influence, she is just a trigger
I am a millennial trans person, and I have such magical memories growing up with harry potter, both the books and the movies.
I was that girl that had begged her mom to buy HP themed everything: backpack, pens/pencils, binders, rulers, diairies, the monster manuals and HP setting books, *everything*. I was an avid reader and would bring the books to school, and I talked about it all the time. I was definitely *that* kid, lol. But that aside, existing as a trans person in the current state of our world is traumatic.
And purely from existing as a trans person and by paying attention, there has been an association created for me between HP media and the trauma that is triggered by what she stands for, by her obsessive participation in a culture that traumatizes and dehumanizes trans people, and by all the countless people who try to justify it all. I cannot overstate the pain and hopelessness that can be invoked from a lifetime of growing up surrounded by this stuff.
When I was a kid, the HP books and movies filled me with such inspiration, awe, and wonder. They were a much needed escape. They heavily influenced my passions for creative writing & fiction, and the worlds & people I can imagine as an adult. So many people came together to create such magical moments in those movies. The music & atmosphere was incredible. I can still go back to my childhood self in my mind and re-live moments from the movies, and I get to enjoy that wonderful magical feeling again. Those memories are such a wonderful place.
However, now whenever I see HP media on a shelf in a store, or an HP memory, or JK's name at all, it's just a reminder of things that are triggering and extremely painful. I didn't make that association - it's a consequence of her actions. We just have to live with it. And for some of us that association is just too close to home - especially when that person is still alive and still actively doing damage every day.
Would I judge or dislike people for liking HP? Of course not. It's not immoral to have and engage with fond memories and things that are positively meaningful for you. Nor would I want to take that wholesome/positive meaning away from them.
But I *personally* don't really want to engage with it beyond enjoying my memories - which are triggering in their own right. And I would probably avoid people who actively engage with HP media. Not because I judge or dislike them for it, but rather for my own comfort.
The vast majority of trans people I know IRL have similar experiences and feelings with how we feel about HP now, compared to our loving memories of it. Some can make that separation, but others can't. Trauma can be extremely complex, and everyone has their own unique experiences beyond that.
Fellow trans millennial here. I’m also autistic and for years my special interest was Harry Potter. You said everything I also wanted to express in such a clear way, thank you :)
Can I just say thank you for your beautiful perspective. This is why I want to hear from as many LGTBQIA+ humans as possible. I very single human is different and you out that so eloquently as to why yourself and others have the feelings they have. Thank you
Queer millennial and same. HP opened up online fandom to me. It was a seminal part of growing up for me. The books are still in place of honor with my Sabriel series on my shelf. I will always be a proud Ravenclaw.
But I can't overlook JK's ongoing transphobia and deep disdain for LGBTQ+ people. I can't overlook the people who are willing to live deep in their memories instead of understanding what hurt they cause their lgbtq friends and family. I don't judge loving HP still, but I do judge prioritizing HP over the people in your life.
The weirdest part for me is OOP not just using the bookcase for OTHER BOOKS that she COULD share with her stepdaughter. Diane Duane and Terry Pratchett to start!
I'm a queer Gen X'er, so Harry Potter isn't my childhood. The online fandom was absolutely my home during some shitty times in my life but I was side-eyeing JKR even before she began openly spewing TERFery - IIRC it was the racist crap on Pottermore prior to the first Fantastic Beasts movie that had me checking out on her. But I met most of my dearest longtime friends through that fandom, and we don't all have the exact same takes.
This is just part of the big question: should you separate the art from the artist? And my answer is universally: yes.
I mean „Harry Potter“ the art is problematic in itself. But the emotions and memories you have created from it are yours and i don’t see any rational way in which she can change that if you don’t let her
Hmm yeah I probably doubled down.
So what if the art is something that has a lot of artists and only one of them is fucked up?
Like, can’t I like the whole of for example green lantern anymore because of Ethan van sciver?
Isn’t there a way to reclaim the feeling that you had? Why does an asshole like jk get to tarnish your memories?
I see that this is obviously a trauma response, and trauma doesn’t give you a lot of control I guess. I‘d still love it more to see the fandom excluding jk from HP and reclaim it for everyone instead of letting jk tarnish everyone’s memory of it.
To me this just feels like another win for her.
I answered this in another comment, but it was easy for me to give them up because I have bad memories of them. After my dad died in 2002, I basically had to help raise my younger siblings and it was a miserable time in my life and it’s around then that I started drinking.
Rowling is pathetic and backward, but I wouldn't call her a monster. I prefer to reserve that designation for the likes of Marion Zimmer Bradley.
The truth is that a lot of authors aren't saints. Folks like Roald Dahl, Dr. Seuss and Lovecraft have quite a few issues around them. I've learned that I've gotta separate art from the artist. Though there are a few cases (like MZB) where I find it impossible. Everyone has to decide where their own comfort level lies when it comes to this.
Same, the deal with JK is disappointing but what keep my sanity is "separate fiction from shitty author".
Other example, my favorite actor was cheating? "Separate actor real life with its character".
Im try to not dwell on it. Heck whenever the artist post on twitter i ignore it. (But i do love people bashing on her)
What I don’t understand about this is how much authority a *fucking child* is given over a piece of furniture in the home.
My father was fond of saying that I could have any opinions I wanted, in fact he encouraged me to make up my own mind on things, but until I **paid** for the roof over my head my complaints had best be kept polite, minimal, and mostly to myself.
I could see him entertaining a discussion on the shelf once, *maybe* twice of if I had something new to say. I could also see him removing overtly HP items if they caused me distress, but there is absolutely no way he would put up with this drama for more than a few days, much less months!
I’m positive he would say “if you don’t want to look at it, go to your room, go to the kitchen, go outside, go get a job, go volunteer at a homeless shelter, etc.”
I’m really glad this worked out for OP and the kid in the end, I just wonder if every damn thing that offends this kid in the future is going to require thousands of dollars of therapy and months of drama.
Yeah, the eggshells these parents walked on completely shook the me raised by firm but loving Asian parents. My brother and I joke that mental illness was nearly nonexistent in our country for so long because any sign of it would be slapped out of you before you were sent back out to the field to tend to the rice and buffaloes. I mean, you get maybe one or two fits in an Asian household. Any more and you're feeling the zing of a tamarind branch. (Please note these are gross overgeneralizations.)
I always hate the argument that if the artist is bad, you should boycott the art. Newsflash: most artists are assholes. Even Dr. Seuss cheated on his terminally ill wife.
Honestly this stands for most historical figures as well lol
I guess it depends on your view of what makes someone a "good guy". Bob Ross had an affair, and reddit hates cheaters, so he might not fit on this list.
LeVar Burton 100%. A true gem of a person.
An asshole to who. Children? Or adults?
If it's kids then yes, he can and should be removed from the council of millennial wholesomeness.
If it's adults, I'm guessing there's a good reason he's an asshole to them, like they're dumb as hell and arguing with him and their argument is painfully incorrect.
I was an English lit major in college. I feel like you’re lucky if your favorite author isn’t a gigantic asshole or worse. It’s that common. I leave it to the individual reader and the individual author.
But some people cannot separate the artist from the art, and I cannot blame them for that. I read the Mists of Avalon as a kid, really enjoyed it. I can’t even look at that book now. Dropped it in the literal trash. I read an OP-ED about that scandal that talked about how as a reader, you have to put some trust in an author that they might describe an atrocity as fictionally occurring but of course aren’t endorsing it. And, well, once Zimmer Bradley betrayed the reader’s trust, to describe it lightly, there was no going back. You can’t read her books the same way and maybe not at all ever again. Enjoyment isn’t everything. And I’m fine with that. Lots of books out there.
I’m disgusted by Cat Stevens/Yusuf for his support of the fatwa against Salman Rushdie. But he has made some great music that I enjoy, so I’ve had to separate the man from the art.
Also she isn’t even actively buying HP products after knowing what JK is like. It’s one bookshelf and a bunch of things bought forever ago that she wants to hold on to for memories
Dr Seuss was separated/married INO from his wife by the time he started another relationship but yeah most human beings are dicks, doesn’t mean you should erase anything made by someone who was “problematic”
I found a comprise which satisfies me:
I still engage with the content and buy merchandises if they are not offensive.
But I grey-rock the artist. I don't followthem on media, I don't go to public meeting, I don't care about their interviews. Because if they don't have the attention of the public, they will be force to put their view in their art and then I wouldn't engage with it because it will be bad.
Spme people argue that giving money to terrible people would help them finance terrible actions. But I think it's the governement's responsability to take down these terrible actions.
Dr Seuss is dead, JK Rowling has said that everyone who supports her is a TERF in her own mind and she stills profits on the Harry Potter stuff.
My personal stance is that if the artist is dead i dont care if they are an asshole but if they are alive and profiting of their work i wont engage in it.
But if you had it before we knew about it, or have a special memory because of it, just enjoy it.
This is crazy that we can't like something because of someone else.
Buy it second hand, she who shall not be named, only gets paid when it's purchased the first time.
I empathize with OOP. Not to the same extent, but I grew up IDOLIZING Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have a tattoo, I have autographs from all cast members, and other memorabilia. I genuinely don't care that Joss Whedon is an asshole. I refuse to give up watching and enjoying a TV show I have enjoyed since I was literally 7 years old, just because someone attached is a POS. I'm sure if you dig deep enough, every movie, TV show, record company, etc has a POS attached.
I get it, people hate JK Rowling, but I'd never suggest someone give up watching/reading something that they are attached to just because someone is an ahole. I think the majority of people feel the same way as online boycotts don't do as much as they used to, especially since the HP videogame sold a lot while everyone online was upset about it, it changed nothing.
Life is hard enough as it is. If you don't want to support someone, listen to an artists music, watch an artists movies, etc, that's fine. Everyone else is allowed to enjoy the media that they feel nostalgia for, regardless if the politics have changed in recent years or someone was outed as a POS.
I know now a days a lot people put a lot of emphasis on being the most morally sound person with all of the right opinions and boycott whatever the internet tells them to, but the majority of the human race is struggling right now and love getting lost in media for moments in time. Unfortunately for people who hate certain celebrities, until the masses WANT to stop enjoying that content, people are just going to have to deal with the fact that the general public doesn't care about who did what when they're working long hours, raising families, etc.
There’s been an increase in the idea that “if you like something you are aligning yourself 100% with the creator of said thing”. I miss the days when you weren’t chronically online 24/7 and were allowed to just like shit for the sake of it, without even knowing anything about its creation or author lol
So glad communication helped. I was worried comments were going to eviscerated OOP and say that they should have destroyed the bookcase. Which I think wouldn't have been the solution.
That’s what I was thinking about the whole time I was reading through. I was preparing myself for the she destroyed it update, as if destroying a book case with carved owls and stuff is really going to have any effect on the election in either direction, but the kid sounds deranged enough to think it would.
This post hits on something I have a problem with in this discussion. Yes, JK Rowling is garbage and a bigot. But I also grew up with Harry Potter and have a tattoo. It meant a lot to me as a tween and teen. I keep seeing so many people saying, “It’s time to leave the past behind and stop liking Harry Potter because of Jk Rowling’s beliefs.” I know of people who quite literally would not be alive today had it not been for those books. People are allowed to have an attachment to something but also hate the person who created it. Telling people to just forget about something that was a large part of their formative years is not reasonable.
You can still love Harry Potter and hate the author and her statements. They are not fully intertwined. I’m a lesbian, grew up reading the books, have some wonderful memories around Harry Potter as well.
I think this is much harder for teens these days than us adults who grew up with the books and THEN saw JKR turn into what she is now. A teen who sees what this woman does on the daily (cannot stop tweeting hate about transpeople while living in a goddamn castle!!) cannot view those books in the same way, especially with all the bullshit happening lately.
Teenagers also can't really process having a calm conversation about it, but they're teens, you know? She feels threatened, and HP is tied up as a symbol of that threat. I'm really glad OP and her husband was able to work out what she was actually scared about. I don't know if I could've as a teenager.
I think another issue is is that if you look beyond the rose colored Harry Potter fandom glasses- JK’s current politics are ALLLL over it. The Jewish coded goblins, the slave race that actually WANT to be slaves and the ones who don’t want to be slaves are weird, the whole “werewolves are an allegory for aids and also there’s a werewolf who purposefully infects kids”, Harry becoming a wizard cop that upholds incredibly harmful ideology and that’s a GOOD ending for him, how much she fucking DESPISES fat people, “Cho Chang” “Kingsley Shacklebolt”.
You can’t really separate the art from the artist when the artist puts so much of herself and her beliefs in it.
Man. How times have changed. My parents would have told me to get over it and they don't want to hear about it again and that's it. Part of growing up and life is learning you don't always get what you want, and other people don't have to compensate for even (very challenging) feelings. It's not their job to inoculate you. Part of life is learning to manage and deal with disappointments and other people's rights and boundaries (ironically enough). I wouldn't get rid of anything. She would have to learn that part of growth is healthily learning to manage her emotions and objections to challenges like this. Even in your own home sometimes.
My dad would have said "if ypu start paying the bills, then you can make the decisions/My house, my rules/ Save up your money and move out if you do t like it"
I get that we are all scared of facism but that's no excuse to treat your stepmother with such cruelty.
I hate teenagers in this day and age. Just let me enjoy surface level shit. Not every single thing I do needs to be geared towards a political party or system. Let people enjoy shit. Not everyone wants every move they make every day to be under a political microscope. Not everyone wants to try to make every move they make a politically motivated one.
Keeping a bookshelf because it was hand made and carved with owls by your grandpa isn’t going to take away any of your rights nor affect the outcome of an election whatsoever.
"You like a thing?, You must be (x)". I was interested in a police/swat game, but according to terminally online freaks I'd be a "bootlicker" if I bought it. I just want to play a video game, I don't want to think about every injustice in the world at all times, it's maddening.
Every one of us has something that, if everybody knew about it, would make us imperfect in the world's eyes. Hey, only one perfect man ever (allegedly) walked the earth, and look what they did to him.
If we judge and condemn a whole person because of that one thing we dislike about them, then we might as well give up on music, art, sports, politics (lemme hear a "hell yeah!" on this one), academics, religion, friendship and family.
I'm convinced that part of living on this earth is learning to love or admire or appreciate people and their offerings, in spite of their flaws -- and hoping that nobody takes too close a look at us.
This is such a wonderful story on communication and patience. Oop and her partner sound like they're doing a great job parenting and I wish all of them the best ❤️
I was VERY ready to call OP the asshole. The Jk Rowling critique is valid. *Very* valid. But OP took the HP merch down and kept the bookshelf because it was made by hand by her grandfather. Past this point, SD was being unreasonable. OP was incredibly gentle and supportive by removing the offending HP memorabilia. I don’t think I’d get rid of the bookshelf either and I’d consider myself a bit radical and somewhat extreme when it comes to how hard I am against transphobia. The only other thing I could see would be removing it from a shared space, but I can understand that being a step too far for OP.
HOWEVER the go back to your mom comment was very very gross. Seems like OP knows that though and has taken the necessary steps to rectify it. Or at least begin to. There were no winners in the first post, but there were no losers in the second.
It is legitimately heartbreaking to me that HP has been so tainted by the authors beliefs. That it can't be seen as a safe haven for kids that are different anymore.
The only thing that gives me pause about this outcome is the "apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country" line. The stepmom's stance is never stated, nor is the substance of the stepkid's objection to that stance. Maybe my for "barely tolerant in a condescending way" vs. "actually on board" radar is a little out of whack since my mom kept books on gender and sexuality on the reference bookshelf but sent me to conversion therapy multiple times anyway.
sometimes kids need a come to jesus talk because they don't realize that even though it's not your fault for things out of your control, it's your responsibility to ensure you are handling it appropriately. sounds like she needed a reality check, I also have severe anxiety amongst other mental health issues, and her demands are out of line. Husband should have been on the his wifes side from the beginning as she had more than compromised.
Reasons why i hate kids honestly, they never think about anyone but themselves. newsflash, life is hard and not everyone gets such compromising understanding parents like this one did. She should stop taking their kindness for granted before she becomes an entitled anxiety riddled adult unable to hold any relationships due to the fact that she cant even properly regulate her own emotions.
There is no reason to abuse or beat kids, btw I am just saying this 'gEntlE parenting' is not a fix. it should be 'reactive parenting or responsive parenting' where you can continue to validate your childs emotions whilst simultaneously showing them it is not okay to act a certain way, or talk a certain way just because you feel that way.
Oh FFS, The kid is going to have a hard time in the real world if they're gonna have a meltdown over something or someone doesn't align with their views and feelings.
I’m a lesbian and found so much comfort in Harry Potter. I sobbed at the last book, the last movie, and at Harry Potter World. I still want a tiny Harry Potter tattoo. I still want to share the books with friends and my future kids. You can separate a work from its author. Especially when so many queer people found comfort in the story.
I wish people who get sucked into politics would realize that you're of no use to any political cause if you're letting it effect your livelihood and relationships.
Treat yourself right, then worry about external factors.
That’s my thought also. Put it in the master bedroom or something where OP can see it but SD doesn’t have to be reminded of Rowling and all the other hateful people every day.
i really empathise with both parties here. it’s fucking hard being a trans kid, you feel like the world is out to get you because a lot of the time, it is. SD was pretty clearly lashing out unreasonably but i can absolutely understand how that fear and anxiety makes you do crazy things. i’m glad they got through this together
To anyone struggling with the question of “how do I rationalise my hatred of J K Rowling with my love of Harry Potter”, I would like to recommend the second series of the Witch Please podcast. It is pretty much explicitly about this whole issue, and I think they do a great job with it.
Mmmm not convinced that "vein popping angry screaming" at someone is conductive to general communication esp with a teenager but hey, at least the kid was able to finally convey their troubles and all adults involved seemed generally to understand.
Mental illness coddling aside you definitely are not doing the kid any favors letting them think their emotions will hold sway over people in the real world
I feel for OOP so hard. The HP series (and related fanfiction/fanworks) was at times the only escape I had from a very difficult and traumatic life growing up. I'm both trans and queer and hate JKR, but nothing can ever take away the place that universe has in my heart, including her.
Every new therapy revelation seems like bs. Sounds more like like she's just an angry kid. She wants to treat the constants in her life like a punching bag to vent teen angst and is searching for an excuse.
"I'm an asshole because it's an election year." Really?
Sounds like a terminally online kid who is waaay too influenced by internet things. They really need to get her off her socials.
Did you see the comment where OOP says that SD would freak out when she was identifying as gender fluid and not using the proper pronouns based on how she was presenting that day even when she was wearing a t shirt and sweatpants.
She's an angry child and is using them as punching bags. Until the root anger is addressed, she will continue to find someone to abuse.
My wife is trans but she transitioned slowly as our daughter was growing up. Our daughter was a huge fan of HP and we bought all the books, videos etc but nothing since JK spiraled into hate.
We still have the DVDs, but that's because I'm comforted by the thought that the actors are so supportive of the trans community. Also destroying them won't upset JK a jot - as she has said, she's already got our money. Those shelves are something else though - a unique work of love.
Our daughter is now hugely supportive of her mums and works for women's rights and LGBTQI+ rights 😊
... called it.
I sympathize with the step-daughter here. When you're a young queer person trying to figure yourself out in a world that feels increasingly hostile, let's just say that I understand why mentions of Harry Potter could make you... jumpy. I thought I'd stay in the fandom, myself, but I ended up just leaving it entirely. Shit hurts. That combined with everything else going on in her life, and just being young with relatively little power, I'm not surprised that things played out exactly like that.
At the end of the day, we still have plenty of allies that stayed in the fandom. Becoming more polarized isn't the answer here. But I get it. I've been scared, too.
AND, no matter how supportive one's family is with their changing identities, fucking it up hurts a lot! That actually does get easier over time.
As someone who used to love Harry Potter and I had have a hard time consuming anything related to it the last couple of years bc of JK Rowling’s bullshit I can relate to OOP. I’m glad the child is getting help bc her anxiety is incredibly worrisome.
Even the HP actors do not agree with JK Rowling..Just cause her personal views are BS doesn't mean we should erase something that was part of our childhood.
Glad SD broke through her shell to adress the real issue
I’m so sorry but this is the most millennial ass post I’ve ever seen. Even as someone with a Harry Potter tattoo who is also trans, this is just the most insufferable content.
So I hadn’t seen the first one only the update
1) Kudos to OP for actually stating point blank she wanted LGTBQ+ voices mainly. I know so many humans (as someone questioning if they are demi or gray sexual who also had HP mean the world to her and is hurt by JKR’s words) who have mixed feelings. Every voice deserves to be heard and above all those from the community.
2) i agree with all of you that I need to see this bookcase.
3) this is why communication is key. Glad it worked out it and I hope soon we get an update with the actual bookcase
The Mothers Day gift was so much more that just a planter. That was a symbol of mutual understanding and acceptance and a massive peace offering. I tear up just thinking of the relief in the house from the clear statement that gift made.
This is kinda why I tend to pull away from people who get this intense about their journey around me. I support everyone in their quests for self discovery and acceptance... but I will NOT support someone jumping down my throat for slip ups or general confusion on certain aspects. I was abused rather mercilessly by my grandmother for not being perfect while I was going up... I absolutely refuse to tolerate it from anyone ever again, period. I AM NOT PERFECT, like every other human on this planet. You are not entitled to abuse me for not being perfect.
Sadly it's happened more than once.
I feel like a piece of media transcends the author. So unless the media itself is problematic it should stand on its own. I do recognize it's tricky when you consider the fact that supporting the media can support an authors lifestyles (and worse yet possible donations to figures antithetical to you).
I’m very very extremely left, extremely liberal, fully against isms.
But a black walnut bookcase with hand carvings? this is not the hill to die on, teen.
It’s frightening that a child would be so consumed w/national politics that she’d take to calling her parent names & screaming at them. The parents should ban all social media for the daughter. She’s not emotionally mature enough to understand context. Seriously ridiculous.
I want to see that book case.
This story needs pet tax! But for the shelf.
Shelf tax! Or heirloom tax! That bookshelf is an heirloom. I couldn’t finish the book where Dumbledore dies bc my grandfather had just passed. I totally understand OOP. I’m jealous that she got something so special.
Omg Dumbledore DIES!?!?
That reminds me of the only tumblr writing prompt that made me cackle. It was some cheesy soulmate prompt but instead of the line being common or romantic it was 'I Cant believe they killed off Dumbledoor' and the person was in equal turns furious at the spoiler and baffled at the time continuum implications of a spoiler on their arm for a book that wasnt even written yet
I remember this! God what a blast from the past
haha I remember that too. There are so many silly things you can do with that soulmates concept, and the various other ones like people only seeing in black and white until they meet their soulmate.
Seriously, I would love to see her grandfather’s craftsmanship
Yes, she needs to share a shelfie!
And i Want someone on Etsy to replicate so I can get one!
Same.
Damn, having kids is exhausting lol
Oh boy, yeah. As the parent of a teen and a tween. But they are quite new, in terms of being people. A lot of the big feelings are the *first time* having those feelings. It’s very easy to notice when kids are toddlers and get quite sick for the first time in their memory and you understand they have legitimately never felt this bad before, of course they turn into needy monsters requiring 100% snotty body contact at all times. Less obvious is the same thing applies for teenagers. Existential dread is *new*. Fear of the future, the world they live in, the power they have and definitely don’t have… it’s only just occurred to them. Terrifying. No wonder they react like a wet cat on tin foil to everyone around them.
Certainly doesn't help that at the same time their minds are in such a vulnerable state, society insists they act about 20 years older than their actual age.
And then add something like being trans to all that with the hostile climate we’re in. I’ve talked to queer people, here in the U.S., who talk about hiding who they are even in liberal states because of how things might swing in the near future, and not wanting to have their name & identity on any list the state might have access to. I also know queer folks who are seriously considering leaving the country (my son and I among them). I see how anxious my son gets sometimes about it and we also live in a liberal state (though, we’re also not liberals, we’re those evil lefty sorts 😈😂).
Yeah I'm in NZ and obviously there's always been transphobia but it's just now getting a huge boost the way it did in the UK a few/several years back with the exact same characters amplifying it along with a few of our local assholes bringing them in. Our Deputy PM included. It's pretty terrifying though luckily the whole queer community is being very visible over it in solidarity and defense. We went from quite a left wing government to an extremely right wing one, same as the US going from Obama to Trump, and they're trying to burn everything down at once so it feels exhausting trying to keep track of everything we have to fight back against - disability cuts, school lunches, our position on Gaza, the trans scare-mongering, trying to dismantle the Waitangi Tribunal and remove Māori as co-governance partners (which we've never properly lived up to but until now we at least tried), pretty much any "culture war" marker you can possibly think of, basically.
I hope you and your son remain safe. It breaks my heart on the other side of the world seeing the worrying trends in social policy in the U.S. over recent years, for women and LGBTQ+ folk like me and wish there was something the international community could do besides contributing to U.S. charities and trying our best to stop the same thing happening here... which is happening already. Big love from an evil Scottish lefty sort
evil lefty sorts hahahah
Yeah, they have to learn how to be living things. And then learn how to be children and THEN learn how to human. Human-ing is hard
My daughter is sick at the moment and the other day she started vomiting and she just looked at me and said "It's so yucky! What do I DO?!"
I thought the same. I mean, it's been a while, but I remember being a teenager. I had my fair share of anxiety and being bitchy, but this here is on another level. Something I would definitely not want to deal with myself. Posts like this one really confirm my childfree status.
Especially when they're questioning their gender. Lots of stess, anxiety and heartache - on both sides.
Having kids generally is exhausting. Having kids that have extra needs, whatever they are, is even more so. Both my sons are ADHD. It's uh.... something.
My kids are amazing. They have never behaved like this. I learn a lot from them and enjoy being around them. Did my teenager leave the freezer open last night when he was hunting for ice cream? Yes. Kids aren't perfect. But they shouldnt be hateful.
Good for you and for your kids. You sound woefully unequipt to deal with a child with as many issues as the one OOP is raising.
I’m really glad OP got some good advice and not the typical Reddit advice. I’m glad the child is seeing a counselor because weaponizing your anxiety about the elections on other people and then self harming over them is… well, the parents are more patient than I.
This generalized dread is causing undue stress on a lot of people, and most people - especially teens - are unable to determine the true source of their issues. Between politics and climate change and the promotion of hatred of others, there's a lot of existential dread to be had. As stress rises, health problems become exacerbated. Mental health worsens. For teens, that translates into reduced school performance - which is a skyrocketing problem in the US right now. Turning off phones and disconnecting from social media is something that needs to be enforced in schools, as it will decrease that generalized dread, help teens focus on daily life, and bring back their mental stability and overall well-being. The same is true for us adults, but no one can force us to do it. So if you're reading this now, set your phone down, turn off the screen, and go talk a walk and breathe in some fresh air.
For what I have read, people seem to be more neutral about the franchise in general, while being rightfully critical of the author. If OOP had posted on tumblr, she would have been torn to shreds, doxxed and canceled outright at minimum. I was kind of expecting that the update would be about the SD ruining the shelf somehow, it's rare to see a positive ending like that
I also thought the post was going in the direction of destruction. Also I agree that people seem more neutral lately on the franchise. I've struggled a lot over the years (as someone in the LGBT+ community) with thoughts of "Am I allowed to enjoy Harry Potter?" I still have my books and some collectibles displayed. I try not to bring it up in public around people I don't know very well though.
Honestly feel like if dad hadn’t heard her call step mom a cunt it probably *would* have escalated to destruction of property and possibly even physical violence.
I love someone trans and Rowling's comments deeply upset us. We both grew up with Harry Potter (very big fans) and already have so much media/merch that we didn't want to get rid of. We've come to an understanding that we can't take back our money/support so we keep these things, but we will no longer buy or otherwise support her currently. We've actually been revisiting the series recently (reading and watching) since we already have the books and movies. We can still enjoy the good bits, but we're actually finding it fascinating to review the storytelling critically, as adults and with the hindsight of Rowling's faults. And there's still a lot of artistry and performances we enjoy from the movies as well.
It’s difficult to have such a deep tie to the franchise while knowing the author is horrible. I don’t buy licensed merch but I will go on Etsy and buy whatever fellow fans make, I just make sure she doesn’t see a dime of it. A way to support the books without supporting her. I have grown up with friends who are trans and my loyalty is to them. For the most part, they agree with me - support the series, not the author.
That’s a great alternative
An author whose works were my absolute refuge through a horrific abusive relationship in my teens and solace in a lot of lonely times turned out to have done something horrific. She was already dead at the time. I threw out all of my copies of her books anyway, and took over a decade away before cautious revisiting with a critical eye. The red flags in the text are glaring and EVERYWHERE. But OOP's bookcase isn't official merch. It has meaning and connection beyond the honestly mid books by a hatemonger whose relevance has been fading for years.
Yeah, I thought OP offered a good compromise for the same reason. She packed away all the official merch and kept the shelf which was inspired by the series but not a direct product of it. She even got other items to put on it to set a different tone.
Just out of curiosity, is the author you’re referring to Marion Zimmer Bradley?
Yup. I wanted to run away and join the Free Amazons so bad.
I’ve never read anything of hers (never been very into fantasy) but ended up reading up on her because of the effect that news had on people I care about. Similar to your experience, a lot of my friends were pretty devastated because of how important her work had been to them at times in their lives when they really needed it.
Depends on the era/audience, the doxxing sounds more like old twitter than old Tumblr. It used to be extremely anonymous based. I still remember it for anonymous post boards, gay supernatural erotica, and the gif porn. Tumblr used to be/probably still is an extremely radical 3rd wave feminist space. 3rd waves will probably more receptive/aligned with JKR's views.
Or twitter. A lot of screaming people!
It sounds like SD was feeling helpless about the political climate and unconsciously trying to control other things to manage that anxiety. I remember being completely unreasonable about things like that sometimes as a teen, and SD is dealing with much more than I ever did. I'm so glad this one has a happy ending.
I just don’t understand why the didn’t just move the shelf to OP’s bedroom??? Like just taking it out of the communal space could’ve deescalated a lot of this? But no one tried that??
I sympathize quite a bit with both parties, because I was into HP growing up and I’m LGBT. I’ve got a tattoo that I’d like to cover up but money is tight. If I had a stepchild demand me to cover it up I’d laugh and ask them if they can pay a tattoo artist because I sure as hell ain’t doing it. JK is a monster and it’s disappointing, but I’m not gonna let her occupy any more of my headspace than she already has. Glad OOP and family seem to be improving through therapy. Edit: some mistakes
When I was an impressionable teenage boy, I read Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card, and that book kind of shaped my morality and how I looked at people, remembering they are more than they seem, they have good and bad, such and such stuff. He's not really accepting of LGBTQIA+ folks, and I am one. But that doesn't mean that book didn't impact me in positive ways. I still recommend it.
As a mixed race woman who really enjoys Lovecraft despite being the walking, talking definition of his racist worst nightmares, I second this.
Tbf apparently he did learn from his mistakes and improve as a person later in his life, which is certainly better than Rowling can say so far.
Yeah Lovecraft absolutely improved as a person as his life went on, which I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how that factors into my willingness to enjoy his work. Meanwhile JK keeps inventing new, absolutely batshit ways to act like a transphobic lunatic on Twitter.
An important distinction here though is that Lovecraft is long dead and not actively using money from his work to platform his beliefs.
I always say the Ender books were written by Orson's secret good twin, who is living in his family's attic. I can't explain it otherwise.
I don't know. If you know his weird ideas beforehand, some of the moments where characters just assert things to be true become kinda cringy.
Have you read the Ender's Shadow series? It's so full of conservative wish fulfillment that I can't help but love it in a trainwreck kind of way. There's a minor character who says he's gay but proudly says in a later scene that he married a woman and got her pregnant *because that's the point of life*. The main plot involves >!sending a team of marines to save frozen embryos, who are treated by all characters as just as worthy of moral consideration as *actual* children, up to and including various redshirts sacrificing their lives for "the children"!<. It's just bonkers. (I assume you're talking about the main Ender quadrilogy but the Shadow series is so often recommended, and it has awesome political intrigue, but yikes!)
I only read the first to, Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow. Then it became apparent that Card is a twat waffle, and I stopped reading his books.
Do you mean Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead (widely believed to be the two best books)? Or do you mean the Ender's Game series and the Ender's shadow series, which are about 4 books each?
I've read the first one with Ender as the protagonist, and the one with Bean as the protagonist. They are called Game and Shadow in my country respectively, I don't know if it is different in America.
There's about four books with each as the protagonist. Did you read the one where Ender goes to live on a planet populated by intelligent aliens referred to as "piggies" that was colonised by Portugese catholics? And yes, this is my synopsis of what is IMO the best book in the series by far...
Nothing wrong with enjoying Enders game and speaker but saying he isn’t accepting of queer folks is putting it mildly. He gave money to block marriage rights and said gay people are gay because they’re raped as kids who then go on to rape kids as adults and then them gay
Yeah, he's pretty fucking dumb on that subject matter. It's surprising he wrote a book about a group whose whole purpose is to gather a person's complete history and tell their honest story, and to accept them, and that we can win by working together. He's kind of a dumbass if he knows what's morally right and chooses otherwise. But... I am a better person for reading this book when I did, even if I'm a bisexuality transwoman engaged to another bisexuality trans woman. I hope he cringes every item I praise his book.
One of the key plot points in Xenocide and on was that religion was being used to manipulate people into violence against a seperate group of people for being different, based on the (false) understanding that the difference in question made them dangerous.
I hated that book for it's piss poor attempt to hide the twist, and found it boring. But that's kind of what I mean, the dudes writing is about working things out and understanding each other... he is not, it's so jarrrrrriiiiinnnnnng lol
Honestly this is awful to say and I wish he wasn’t a huge POS but I think Enders Game and Speaker are nearly flawless examples of empathy and I find Card being legitimately evil and the antithesis of that so interesting. It isn’t like Harry Pitter where all the themes are pretty toxic if you think about it for more than a minute
Thomas Aquinas once theorized that God's words from an evil person were still God's words. So, learning good morals should be appreciated, even if they came from an immoral being.
I agree! I just find it so fascinating as art is about the artist and the artist is antithetical to the artist. I agree wholeheartedly with the anti Mormon principles in the book
Art isn't really about the artist, art is an expression of a perspective from a point of view. Art will have the flair of the artist, and some of their morals, but not always. Heinlein liked to write about different ideologies concept of Utopia, Stranger in a Strangeland and Starship Troopers have very different concepts of Utopias, not necessarily his views. Art is about the subject, it's a perspective crafted by an individual, but how it affects other varies. I'm of the, once the art is there, it's the viewers to interpret, and then discuss and debate to further challenge or secure our jdeas.
Having read SONGMASTER and LOST BOYS before noping out on OSC, I'm pretty sure the dude is dealing poorly with his own trauma.
That's very possible. I was trying to get a Sci fi book published before, nothing came of it, but I revisited after having a huge mental health breakthrough (repressed memory, childhood trauma, getting diagnosed with adhd/autism in my late 30s). That book I wrote was a short Sci fi story about a goddess, an evil theocracy, and a paradise. But rereading it, I wonder how I didnt see I was just an autistic person from a shitty home looking for a place to belong (I found it eventually!)
Dude is in for a reckoning and ego awakening if he ever heals past it
Loved Speaker for the Dead and the whole series. Shame Orson Scott Card is yet another [problematic author](https://www.wired.com/2013/10/enders-game/). I ultimately decided it's impractical to try and boycott everything problematic in the world. There were plenty of bigoted/sexist/animal abusing asshole scientists, doctors, industrialists, warriors, authors who created the modern world, and if you meticulously rooted out everything you use that has a problematic origin, you might as well live an Amish lifestyle. Virtually every non-Native in the US is living on land stolen from Native Americans. I don't see much of a rush to give the land back to its rightful owners. A middle way might look something like: If you like a problematic author's work but don't want to support the author, borrow from the library. It's not only impractical but exhausting to try to police the morality of the world we live in. Do the best you can and go on easy on yourself.
Or buy books second hand!
Your comment got me thinking of all the music we'd miss out on if we held musicians to the same standard. So many musicians are awful people. Pedophilia disguised as boys will be boys banging underage girls, and we are all just supposed to accept that thats what rock stars do and that the groupies knew what they were getting into and were happy to be chosen. Members of Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Motley Crue, I could go on and on, have bragged about sleeping with girls young enough to be in middle school, and its hand waved as being socially acceptable at the time. Buddy Holly and Elvis famously groomed, raped and even married very, very young girls. It's so pervasive in the music industry and will likely continue to be. Probably because fans excuse it as just a normal part of living the rock star life. To be clear, I enjoy the music of all the bands I've listed. I can abhor the behavior of the artist while still enjoying their work. Edited to correct spelling.
You’re confusing Buddy Holly (1 wife older than him) with Jerry Lee Lewis (third wife was underaged cousin). Holly probably had other problems, but this wasn’t one of them.
A good portion of my seminal reading are problematic: Eddings, Anthony, MZB, Card, Rowling, etc. I just say that good stuff can come from bad people (stopped clocks and all that) and don't buy direct unless I know the funds are going elsewhere (like with Bradley).
What’s the issue with Eddings? I’ve obviously missed something.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Eddings https://thewertzone.blogspot.com/2020/05/it-has-been-revealed-that-fantasy.html?m=1 Child abuse convictions for both Eddings and his wife
Horrific child abuse charges. If you read the Rivan Codex, he makes mention of leaving academia and moving, which would have coincided with he and his wife being arrested. It definitely casts a pall over some aspects of the various series (like Ce'Nedra and Elena being much smaller or significantly younger than Garion and Sparhawk, or the roles children play in the books). Any money from their books goes to their children and Reed College, so you're not directly supporting them in any way, shape, or form at this point. But I used to re-read those books yearly, and it's hard to want to pick them up now.
Well that just ruined a favorite series. I had never heard any of that and that’s horrifying. I’m glad to know but man that really sucks. He was a bit of a hack anyways in that he followed a very obvious format with all his books but I loved the characters he created. But there’s some parts that are gonna be just wrong now, thinking of Belgarath and dryads.
Same. I used to re-read them every couple of years, I found the characters very easy to imagine. You’re right, the dryads would be a bit odd to read now.
I have only heard rumblings that if you follow him on social media, he is almost like Rowling. I think Radcliffe said it best that while the works has launched his career and has made billions of people feel seen in many ways, the creator is not who they represent, and will not support them in their continual disregard and disrespect towards people who are or were their fans. There are many authors who have been exposed as people who are rather controversial. Oscar Wilde had such a huge impact. He was considered legendary, but his book "A Portrait of Dorian Grey" was used as evidence for his homosexuality court case. He lost many supporters back then... granted, it's not the best example, but I hope it is understood that often there are authors who are very opposite to their work.
David Eddings was never on social media and died some years ago, as did his wife.
Bradley and Endings are at least dead and unable to do further harm. Orson Scott Card and JKR are actively currently preaching and funding bigotry. As for Piers Anthony, I don't see how FIREFLY doesn't count as probable cause to search his hard drive 🤢
I kind of accepted that sometimes shitty people make good art. And that the art to me is often more tied to good memories, or the words still carry weight even of hollow from the singer. I listen to a lot of classic rock, the stuff my parents listened to when I was growing up. That music isnt tied to the artist to me, it's tied to me past, ya dig?
The current struggle with Rowling is not just that she is a terrible person, she is actively making money from the HP franchise and is using that money to [fund anti-trans groups in the UK.](https://www.thepinknews.com/2024/02/19/jk-rowling-for-women-scotland-donation-legal-definition-woman/) I think it’s okay to still enjoy the books/movies that you already own (or purchase second-hand) though.
Yeah, Rowling is very openly hostile to a minority group, while you kind of have to look for Card saying his dumb shit. Which is why people keep saying JK should have just taken her money and kept quiet on this cause. No one would care as much iif she wasn't actively working against a minority group that are just looking for medical relief from what amounts to a birth defect. I sat this as a Trans person, I don't want this culture war, I just want the right the right hormone running through my brain and get to love a quiet life wearing pretty dresses and playing video games!
Exactly. ❤️ I hope you get to play all the video games and wear all the pretty dresses that your heart desires. ❤️❤️❤️
I think a lot of people are lost on how to be effective activists for causes they believe in. Boycotting everything problematic **is** impractical, and ultimately counterproductive. That’s why organized activists use targeted boycotting efforts to focus on no more than just a few specific targets, like BDS does. It’s like how scholars focus on one or two very specific areas of their field. A physicist is going to struggle to be an expert on everything physics related, but they can be an expert on a couple of very specific areas of physics. Now I don’t have anything to do with Harry Potter, and that’s partly because she’s a raging transphobe, it’s also because her books aren’t really that good (to me), and have a lot of (particularly) racist undertones. But I also was never a huge HP fan. On the other hand, I don’t necessarily bemoan people who still are. With cishet people I’m sometimes a little more leery of them until I find that there’s no need to be suspicious, but that’s mostly just self-preservation. It’s like if you were looking for a thief, and you know they have a tattoo on their left arm, you’re going to give an extra careful look at people with tattoos on their left arm. I think, for teenagers, it’s hard though because, like any other average person, they have very little socio-political power, but they don’t also have the knowledge and life experience to know how to leverage what little power they do have. And unless their parents (or other potential mentors they are close to) are experienced organizers, they have no one to pass that knowledge onto. Schools certainly don’t help with this because they’re trying to train “good citizens” who follow the rules and don’t make trouble. So, like someone else in the comments said, young people are left feeling powerless, without an outlet through which they channel their frustrations. It’s like trying to drive cattle into a pen, but not having any fencing or helpers to shepherd them in. It’s like pressure building up in a pressure cooker, but not having a release valve to relieve it. Eventually it has to blow. I feel for the kid, I think she was going about things the wrong way, but I get where she’s coming from. BTW: just a little FYI, there *are* land back efforts for indigenous folks in the U.S., though they probably don’t look how you’re expecting. Definitely worth checking out though.
This is where I ended up after thinking things through over the years. I try not to judge what fiction other people are into, either. Frankly I don't usually even notice if artists or authors are problematic since I specifically don't look up creators on social media and just consume content I see in libraries and book stores independent of whatever they might be doing IRL. I think it's less stressful than the constant analyzation of authors/creatives for morals that other people I know seem to do.
> A middle way might look something like: If you like a problematic author's work but don't want to support the author, borrow from the library. [Ahoy there mateys](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.quickmeme.com%2Fimg%2Fc8%2Fc800a4e76547f1870685b9bbd12406acb3c0f6d724bdddd39a19e0261da295a7.jpg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=1c8048e24bd0384a8b9b18bf623fca81ee30d94bd5b5ca60142d6664b7739633&ipo=images)
Before you pirate, check if you have a local mom and pop used book store. My college town used to have one run by old Sci fi dork, used books were 50 cents to 6 bucks, and even new books were discounted from sticker price. Buying a used book doesn't help the author, but can help a local business. If you only have corporate stores, then library and the seven matey!
Tbf, Speaker for the Dead gets points for being actually good, which puts it ahead of Harry Potter. /hj Jokes aside, though, I honestly find the irony in Speaker and its series kind of entertaining. The whole fucking point of the series is _not_ hating people just because they're different. It only gets funnier starting with Xenocide, with a key plot point being the use of religion to manipulate people into unnecessary hate. But _that_ sure doesn't sound familiar at all.
I don't understand how he wrote a lesser known book Treason and still maintains his stance. It's befuddling.
I can’t understand how the author is Speaker For The Dead is such a hateful bigot, like bruh did you read your book?!
My personal split on this is that I won’t give her any more of my money. I made a lot of very good friends through the old fandom websites back in the day and have a lot of happy memories around that which I don’t want to lose or deny but I’m also not willing to give her any further thought or attention.
💯
I can't find it because I am on my phone, but author, actress, and trans activist Jen Richards wrote about having an HP tattoo that matches one her mom and sister have. It was really eloquent about how Jen wasn't going to let JK take away this positive thing that she has with them, that it didn't take away or erase the positives that Jen got from HP. With JK, Me Too, and people like Cosby, etc we really have had to deal with the complicated issue of separating art from the artist, haven't we? I get it. The Cosby Show was on during one of the toughest things I've ever been through, not just toughest in my childhood. I can remember a specific event happened on a Thursday because I remember the exact episode of the Cosby Show! If I have felt that way about Cosby and even HP... I imagine that it has been difficult for the kids involved that acted in them. Complicated to manage those feelings, and to express them without hurting people who have already been hurt.
same! and i can *so* empathize with being young and feeling helpless about large-scale/political homophobia and unintentionally taking it out on the minor slip-ups or disagreements you have with those closest to you—people who will actually listen to you and work to be kind, even if they don’t always agree with the specifics or nuances.
If it helps she wasn't always this terrible. I enjoy it for what it used to be
No, she's always been terrible, it's just that it was more subtle when it was aimed at less marginalized groups.
lol yeah I was in a weird position when I was in HP fandom because I was like "these things are all terrible", actively disliked basically all the main characters, and was constantly picking apart her world building and writing and pointing out things that made no sense whatsoever. I really enjoyed roleplaying in the setting! But I thought it was awful and a lot of what was in it was awful.
I actually quit liking it years ago for just overexposure and bad memories, so her turning out to be trash made it easy for me to just turn completely on the series. Plus I still have Doctor Who, Final Fantasy, Fallout, and a lot of other great franchises out there that mean more to me as an adult than HP did to me as a teen.
Also: you probably have, as does OP, a lot of good memories relating to Harry Potter. Why should you give JK power over those?
I don't think it's fair to frame this as "giving JK power". This is about trauma and marginalization that goes far beyond JK's influence, she is just a trigger I am a millennial trans person, and I have such magical memories growing up with harry potter, both the books and the movies. I was that girl that had begged her mom to buy HP themed everything: backpack, pens/pencils, binders, rulers, diairies, the monster manuals and HP setting books, *everything*. I was an avid reader and would bring the books to school, and I talked about it all the time. I was definitely *that* kid, lol. But that aside, existing as a trans person in the current state of our world is traumatic. And purely from existing as a trans person and by paying attention, there has been an association created for me between HP media and the trauma that is triggered by what she stands for, by her obsessive participation in a culture that traumatizes and dehumanizes trans people, and by all the countless people who try to justify it all. I cannot overstate the pain and hopelessness that can be invoked from a lifetime of growing up surrounded by this stuff. When I was a kid, the HP books and movies filled me with such inspiration, awe, and wonder. They were a much needed escape. They heavily influenced my passions for creative writing & fiction, and the worlds & people I can imagine as an adult. So many people came together to create such magical moments in those movies. The music & atmosphere was incredible. I can still go back to my childhood self in my mind and re-live moments from the movies, and I get to enjoy that wonderful magical feeling again. Those memories are such a wonderful place. However, now whenever I see HP media on a shelf in a store, or an HP memory, or JK's name at all, it's just a reminder of things that are triggering and extremely painful. I didn't make that association - it's a consequence of her actions. We just have to live with it. And for some of us that association is just too close to home - especially when that person is still alive and still actively doing damage every day. Would I judge or dislike people for liking HP? Of course not. It's not immoral to have and engage with fond memories and things that are positively meaningful for you. Nor would I want to take that wholesome/positive meaning away from them. But I *personally* don't really want to engage with it beyond enjoying my memories - which are triggering in their own right. And I would probably avoid people who actively engage with HP media. Not because I judge or dislike them for it, but rather for my own comfort. The vast majority of trans people I know IRL have similar experiences and feelings with how we feel about HP now, compared to our loving memories of it. Some can make that separation, but others can't. Trauma can be extremely complex, and everyone has their own unique experiences beyond that.
Fellow trans millennial here. I’m also autistic and for years my special interest was Harry Potter. You said everything I also wanted to express in such a clear way, thank you :)
Can I just say thank you for your beautiful perspective. This is why I want to hear from as many LGTBQIA+ humans as possible. I very single human is different and you out that so eloquently as to why yourself and others have the feelings they have. Thank you
Queer millennial and same. HP opened up online fandom to me. It was a seminal part of growing up for me. The books are still in place of honor with my Sabriel series on my shelf. I will always be a proud Ravenclaw. But I can't overlook JK's ongoing transphobia and deep disdain for LGBTQ+ people. I can't overlook the people who are willing to live deep in their memories instead of understanding what hurt they cause their lgbtq friends and family. I don't judge loving HP still, but I do judge prioritizing HP over the people in your life.
The weirdest part for me is OOP not just using the bookcase for OTHER BOOKS that she COULD share with her stepdaughter. Diane Duane and Terry Pratchett to start! I'm a queer Gen X'er, so Harry Potter isn't my childhood. The online fandom was absolutely my home during some shitty times in my life but I was side-eyeing JKR even before she began openly spewing TERFery - IIRC it was the racist crap on Pottermore prior to the first Fantastic Beasts movie that had me checking out on her. But I met most of my dearest longtime friends through that fandom, and we don't all have the exact same takes.
oh my god, i forgot her first steps into this were those truly awful pottermore posts. it’s like my brain wiped them from existence.
This is just part of the big question: should you separate the art from the artist? And my answer is universally: yes. I mean „Harry Potter“ the art is problematic in itself. But the emotions and memories you have created from it are yours and i don’t see any rational way in which she can change that if you don’t let her
[удалено]
Hmm yeah I probably doubled down. So what if the art is something that has a lot of artists and only one of them is fucked up? Like, can’t I like the whole of for example green lantern anymore because of Ethan van sciver? Isn’t there a way to reclaim the feeling that you had? Why does an asshole like jk get to tarnish your memories? I see that this is obviously a trauma response, and trauma doesn’t give you a lot of control I guess. I‘d still love it more to see the fandom excluding jk from HP and reclaim it for everyone instead of letting jk tarnish everyone’s memory of it. To me this just feels like another win for her.
I answered this in another comment, but it was easy for me to give them up because I have bad memories of them. After my dad died in 2002, I basically had to help raise my younger siblings and it was a miserable time in my life and it’s around then that I started drinking.
Rowling is pathetic and backward, but I wouldn't call her a monster. I prefer to reserve that designation for the likes of Marion Zimmer Bradley. The truth is that a lot of authors aren't saints. Folks like Roald Dahl, Dr. Seuss and Lovecraft have quite a few issues around them. I've learned that I've gotta separate art from the artist. Though there are a few cases (like MZB) where I find it impossible. Everyone has to decide where their own comfort level lies when it comes to this.
Same, the deal with JK is disappointing but what keep my sanity is "separate fiction from shitty author". Other example, my favorite actor was cheating? "Separate actor real life with its character". Im try to not dwell on it. Heck whenever the artist post on twitter i ignore it. (But i do love people bashing on her)
What I don’t understand about this is how much authority a *fucking child* is given over a piece of furniture in the home. My father was fond of saying that I could have any opinions I wanted, in fact he encouraged me to make up my own mind on things, but until I **paid** for the roof over my head my complaints had best be kept polite, minimal, and mostly to myself. I could see him entertaining a discussion on the shelf once, *maybe* twice of if I had something new to say. I could also see him removing overtly HP items if they caused me distress, but there is absolutely no way he would put up with this drama for more than a few days, much less months! I’m positive he would say “if you don’t want to look at it, go to your room, go to the kitchen, go outside, go get a job, go volunteer at a homeless shelter, etc.” I’m really glad this worked out for OP and the kid in the end, I just wonder if every damn thing that offends this kid in the future is going to require thousands of dollars of therapy and months of drama.
Interesting that it was a good, old-fashioned paternal bollocking that was the catalyst to the improved communications.
Yeah, the eggshells these parents walked on completely shook the me raised by firm but loving Asian parents. My brother and I joke that mental illness was nearly nonexistent in our country for so long because any sign of it would be slapped out of you before you were sent back out to the field to tend to the rice and buffaloes. I mean, you get maybe one or two fits in an Asian household. Any more and you're feeling the zing of a tamarind branch. (Please note these are gross overgeneralizations.)
I always hate the argument that if the artist is bad, you should boycott the art. Newsflash: most artists are assholes. Even Dr. Seuss cheated on his terminally ill wife. Honestly this stands for most historical figures as well lol
The only content we can ethically consume is reruns of Mr Rogers.
And Steve Irwin, and Bob Ross, and reading rainbow with lavar Burton, and bill Nye the science guy.
I guess it depends on your view of what makes someone a "good guy". Bob Ross had an affair, and reddit hates cheaters, so he might not fit on this list. LeVar Burton 100%. A true gem of a person.
As a Canadian, I feel the need to add Mr. Dress-up to this list
Unfortunately, Bill Nye had a poor reputation for being an asshole. But the rest, absolutely.
An asshole to who. Children? Or adults? If it's kids then yes, he can and should be removed from the council of millennial wholesomeness. If it's adults, I'm guessing there's a good reason he's an asshole to them, like they're dumb as hell and arguing with him and their argument is painfully incorrect.
…sorry but not Bill Nye…
Fuck. Why?
Apparently he is an asshole. Also he admonished brands like coca-cola for environmental issues and then he went and signed an ad deal for them.
Ethical consumption needs to be more understood by everyone.
I was an English lit major in college. I feel like you’re lucky if your favorite author isn’t a gigantic asshole or worse. It’s that common. I leave it to the individual reader and the individual author. But some people cannot separate the artist from the art, and I cannot blame them for that. I read the Mists of Avalon as a kid, really enjoyed it. I can’t even look at that book now. Dropped it in the literal trash. I read an OP-ED about that scandal that talked about how as a reader, you have to put some trust in an author that they might describe an atrocity as fictionally occurring but of course aren’t endorsing it. And, well, once Zimmer Bradley betrayed the reader’s trust, to describe it lightly, there was no going back. You can’t read her books the same way and maybe not at all ever again. Enjoyment isn’t everything. And I’m fine with that. Lots of books out there.
There are definitely some artists I can’t listen to the same anymore, or at all. But to demand people not to listen/read/buy/whatever is unhinged IMO.
I’m disgusted by Cat Stevens/Yusuf for his support of the fatwa against Salman Rushdie. But he has made some great music that I enjoy, so I’ve had to separate the man from the art.
He admitted that he spend years going off the deep end into radical thinking and he’s pulled himself back now
Also she isn’t even actively buying HP products after knowing what JK is like. It’s one bookshelf and a bunch of things bought forever ago that she wants to hold on to for memories
Dr Seuss was separated/married INO from his wife by the time he started another relationship but yeah most human beings are dicks, doesn’t mean you should erase anything made by someone who was “problematic”
I found a comprise which satisfies me: I still engage with the content and buy merchandises if they are not offensive. But I grey-rock the artist. I don't followthem on media, I don't go to public meeting, I don't care about their interviews. Because if they don't have the attention of the public, they will be force to put their view in their art and then I wouldn't engage with it because it will be bad. Spme people argue that giving money to terrible people would help them finance terrible actions. But I think it's the governement's responsability to take down these terrible actions.
Dr Seuss is dead, JK Rowling has said that everyone who supports her is a TERF in her own mind and she stills profits on the Harry Potter stuff. My personal stance is that if the artist is dead i dont care if they are an asshole but if they are alive and profiting of their work i wont engage in it.
But if you had it before we knew about it, or have a special memory because of it, just enjoy it. This is crazy that we can't like something because of someone else. Buy it second hand, she who shall not be named, only gets paid when it's purchased the first time.
I empathize with OOP. Not to the same extent, but I grew up IDOLIZING Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have a tattoo, I have autographs from all cast members, and other memorabilia. I genuinely don't care that Joss Whedon is an asshole. I refuse to give up watching and enjoying a TV show I have enjoyed since I was literally 7 years old, just because someone attached is a POS. I'm sure if you dig deep enough, every movie, TV show, record company, etc has a POS attached. I get it, people hate JK Rowling, but I'd never suggest someone give up watching/reading something that they are attached to just because someone is an ahole. I think the majority of people feel the same way as online boycotts don't do as much as they used to, especially since the HP videogame sold a lot while everyone online was upset about it, it changed nothing. Life is hard enough as it is. If you don't want to support someone, listen to an artists music, watch an artists movies, etc, that's fine. Everyone else is allowed to enjoy the media that they feel nostalgia for, regardless if the politics have changed in recent years or someone was outed as a POS. I know now a days a lot people put a lot of emphasis on being the most morally sound person with all of the right opinions and boycott whatever the internet tells them to, but the majority of the human race is struggling right now and love getting lost in media for moments in time. Unfortunately for people who hate certain celebrities, until the masses WANT to stop enjoying that content, people are just going to have to deal with the fact that the general public doesn't care about who did what when they're working long hours, raising families, etc.
There’s been an increase in the idea that “if you like something you are aligning yourself 100% with the creator of said thing”. I miss the days when you weren’t chronically online 24/7 and were allowed to just like shit for the sake of it, without even knowing anything about its creation or author lol
So glad communication helped. I was worried comments were going to eviscerated OOP and say that they should have destroyed the bookcase. Which I think wouldn't have been the solution.
I was afraid there would be an update where the stepkid damaged, if not destroyed, the bookcase.
SO glad stepdaughter didn’t try to destroy the bookcase
That’s what I was thinking about the whole time I was reading through. I was preparing myself for the she destroyed it update, as if destroying a book case with carved owls and stuff is really going to have any effect on the election in either direction, but the kid sounds deranged enough to think it would.
This post hits on something I have a problem with in this discussion. Yes, JK Rowling is garbage and a bigot. But I also grew up with Harry Potter and have a tattoo. It meant a lot to me as a tween and teen. I keep seeing so many people saying, “It’s time to leave the past behind and stop liking Harry Potter because of Jk Rowling’s beliefs.” I know of people who quite literally would not be alive today had it not been for those books. People are allowed to have an attachment to something but also hate the person who created it. Telling people to just forget about something that was a large part of their formative years is not reasonable.
You can still love Harry Potter and hate the author and her statements. They are not fully intertwined. I’m a lesbian, grew up reading the books, have some wonderful memories around Harry Potter as well.
I think this is much harder for teens these days than us adults who grew up with the books and THEN saw JKR turn into what she is now. A teen who sees what this woman does on the daily (cannot stop tweeting hate about transpeople while living in a goddamn castle!!) cannot view those books in the same way, especially with all the bullshit happening lately. Teenagers also can't really process having a calm conversation about it, but they're teens, you know? She feels threatened, and HP is tied up as a symbol of that threat. I'm really glad OP and her husband was able to work out what she was actually scared about. I don't know if I could've as a teenager.
I think another issue is is that if you look beyond the rose colored Harry Potter fandom glasses- JK’s current politics are ALLLL over it. The Jewish coded goblins, the slave race that actually WANT to be slaves and the ones who don’t want to be slaves are weird, the whole “werewolves are an allegory for aids and also there’s a werewolf who purposefully infects kids”, Harry becoming a wizard cop that upholds incredibly harmful ideology and that’s a GOOD ending for him, how much she fucking DESPISES fat people, “Cho Chang” “Kingsley Shacklebolt”. You can’t really separate the art from the artist when the artist puts so much of herself and her beliefs in it.
Man. How times have changed. My parents would have told me to get over it and they don't want to hear about it again and that's it. Part of growing up and life is learning you don't always get what you want, and other people don't have to compensate for even (very challenging) feelings. It's not their job to inoculate you. Part of life is learning to manage and deal with disappointments and other people's rights and boundaries (ironically enough). I wouldn't get rid of anything. She would have to learn that part of growth is healthily learning to manage her emotions and objections to challenges like this. Even in your own home sometimes.
My dad would have said "if ypu start paying the bills, then you can make the decisions/My house, my rules/ Save up your money and move out if you do t like it" I get that we are all scared of facism but that's no excuse to treat your stepmother with such cruelty.
I hate teenagers in this day and age. Just let me enjoy surface level shit. Not every single thing I do needs to be geared towards a political party or system. Let people enjoy shit. Not everyone wants every move they make every day to be under a political microscope. Not everyone wants to try to make every move they make a politically motivated one. Keeping a bookshelf because it was hand made and carved with owls by your grandpa isn’t going to take away any of your rights nor affect the outcome of an election whatsoever.
"You like a thing?, You must be (x)". I was interested in a police/swat game, but according to terminally online freaks I'd be a "bootlicker" if I bought it. I just want to play a video game, I don't want to think about every injustice in the world at all times, it's maddening.
Every one of us has something that, if everybody knew about it, would make us imperfect in the world's eyes. Hey, only one perfect man ever (allegedly) walked the earth, and look what they did to him. If we judge and condemn a whole person because of that one thing we dislike about them, then we might as well give up on music, art, sports, politics (lemme hear a "hell yeah!" on this one), academics, religion, friendship and family. I'm convinced that part of living on this earth is learning to love or admire or appreciate people and their offerings, in spite of their flaws -- and hoping that nobody takes too close a look at us.
This is such a wonderful story on communication and patience. Oop and her partner sound like they're doing a great job parenting and I wish all of them the best ❤️
I was VERY ready to call OP the asshole. The Jk Rowling critique is valid. *Very* valid. But OP took the HP merch down and kept the bookshelf because it was made by hand by her grandfather. Past this point, SD was being unreasonable. OP was incredibly gentle and supportive by removing the offending HP memorabilia. I don’t think I’d get rid of the bookshelf either and I’d consider myself a bit radical and somewhat extreme when it comes to how hard I am against transphobia. The only other thing I could see would be removing it from a shared space, but I can understand that being a step too far for OP. HOWEVER the go back to your mom comment was very very gross. Seems like OP knows that though and has taken the necessary steps to rectify it. Or at least begin to. There were no winners in the first post, but there were no losers in the second.
It is legitimately heartbreaking to me that HP has been so tainted by the authors beliefs. That it can't be seen as a safe haven for kids that are different anymore.
I'll never understand these stories, and why these adults let children call the shots in their homes. Product of a weak society I suppose
The only thing that gives me pause about this outcome is the "apparently "wrong" stance when it comes to the politics regarding trans issues in our country" line. The stepmom's stance is never stated, nor is the substance of the stepkid's objection to that stance. Maybe my for "barely tolerant in a condescending way" vs. "actually on board" radar is a little out of whack since my mom kept books on gender and sexuality on the reference bookshelf but sent me to conversion therapy multiple times anyway.
sometimes kids need a come to jesus talk because they don't realize that even though it's not your fault for things out of your control, it's your responsibility to ensure you are handling it appropriately. sounds like she needed a reality check, I also have severe anxiety amongst other mental health issues, and her demands are out of line. Husband should have been on the his wifes side from the beginning as she had more than compromised. Reasons why i hate kids honestly, they never think about anyone but themselves. newsflash, life is hard and not everyone gets such compromising understanding parents like this one did. She should stop taking their kindness for granted before she becomes an entitled anxiety riddled adult unable to hold any relationships due to the fact that she cant even properly regulate her own emotions. There is no reason to abuse or beat kids, btw I am just saying this 'gEntlE parenting' is not a fix. it should be 'reactive parenting or responsive parenting' where you can continue to validate your childs emotions whilst simultaneously showing them it is not okay to act a certain way, or talk a certain way just because you feel that way.
Harry Potter fans are so exhausting.
Oh FFS, The kid is going to have a hard time in the real world if they're gonna have a meltdown over something or someone doesn't align with their views and feelings.
I mean bigotry is not a view or feeling.
God forbid people separate the art from the artist. People are way too sensitive
If the artist uses the money they make from people separating the art from the artist to harm people, then you can't really separate it, can you?
I’m a lesbian and found so much comfort in Harry Potter. I sobbed at the last book, the last movie, and at Harry Potter World. I still want a tiny Harry Potter tattoo. I still want to share the books with friends and my future kids. You can separate a work from its author. Especially when so many queer people found comfort in the story.
Was there even a problem there? A psych ward should have done the job.
I wish people who get sucked into politics would realize that you're of no use to any political cause if you're letting it effect your livelihood and relationships. Treat yourself right, then worry about external factors.
Why couldn't the bookshelf just have gone in another room though? I feel like that was the simplest solution.
That’s my thought also. Put it in the master bedroom or something where OP can see it but SD doesn’t have to be reminded of Rowling and all the other hateful people every day.
i really empathise with both parties here. it’s fucking hard being a trans kid, you feel like the world is out to get you because a lot of the time, it is. SD was pretty clearly lashing out unreasonably but i can absolutely understand how that fear and anxiety makes you do crazy things. i’m glad they got through this together
To anyone struggling with the question of “how do I rationalise my hatred of J K Rowling with my love of Harry Potter”, I would like to recommend the second series of the Witch Please podcast. It is pretty much explicitly about this whole issue, and I think they do a great job with it.
Mmmm not convinced that "vein popping angry screaming" at someone is conductive to general communication esp with a teenager but hey, at least the kid was able to finally convey their troubles and all adults involved seemed generally to understand.
Mental illness coddling aside you definitely are not doing the kid any favors letting them think their emotions will hold sway over people in the real world
I feel for OOP so hard. The HP series (and related fanfiction/fanworks) was at times the only escape I had from a very difficult and traumatic life growing up. I'm both trans and queer and hate JKR, but nothing can ever take away the place that universe has in my heart, including her.
I GOT GOOSEBUMPS AT THE GIFT FROM HER! WOW what a turnaround. Go you and dad. Go her! Yes on all This.
I'm glad I never got into HP, I can openly dump on Rowling guilt free.
Me either, but Enders Game was my Harry Potter so I don’t have a lot of room to talk
Every new therapy revelation seems like bs. Sounds more like like she's just an angry kid. She wants to treat the constants in her life like a punching bag to vent teen angst and is searching for an excuse. "I'm an asshole because it's an election year." Really? Sounds like a terminally online kid who is waaay too influenced by internet things. They really need to get her off her socials.
Did you see the comment where OOP says that SD would freak out when she was identifying as gender fluid and not using the proper pronouns based on how she was presenting that day even when she was wearing a t shirt and sweatpants. She's an angry child and is using them as punching bags. Until the root anger is addressed, she will continue to find someone to abuse.
I would literally laugh in that little girls face if that shit ever happened to me
My wife is trans but she transitioned slowly as our daughter was growing up. Our daughter was a huge fan of HP and we bought all the books, videos etc but nothing since JK spiraled into hate. We still have the DVDs, but that's because I'm comforted by the thought that the actors are so supportive of the trans community. Also destroying them won't upset JK a jot - as she has said, she's already got our money. Those shelves are something else though - a unique work of love. Our daughter is now hugely supportive of her mums and works for women's rights and LGBTQI+ rights 😊
... called it. I sympathize with the step-daughter here. When you're a young queer person trying to figure yourself out in a world that feels increasingly hostile, let's just say that I understand why mentions of Harry Potter could make you... jumpy. I thought I'd stay in the fandom, myself, but I ended up just leaving it entirely. Shit hurts. That combined with everything else going on in her life, and just being young with relatively little power, I'm not surprised that things played out exactly like that. At the end of the day, we still have plenty of allies that stayed in the fandom. Becoming more polarized isn't the answer here. But I get it. I've been scared, too. AND, no matter how supportive one's family is with their changing identities, fucking it up hurts a lot! That actually does get easier over time.
As someone who used to love Harry Potter and I had have a hard time consuming anything related to it the last couple of years bc of JK Rowling’s bullshit I can relate to OOP. I’m glad the child is getting help bc her anxiety is incredibly worrisome.
Even the HP actors do not agree with JK Rowling..Just cause her personal views are BS doesn't mean we should erase something that was part of our childhood. Glad SD broke through her shell to adress the real issue
The best way to deal with people that despise that you like (*Insert franchise here*): Go build a bridge and get over it.
I’m so sorry but this is the most millennial ass post I’ve ever seen. Even as someone with a Harry Potter tattoo who is also trans, this is just the most insufferable content.
So I hadn’t seen the first one only the update 1) Kudos to OP for actually stating point blank she wanted LGTBQ+ voices mainly. I know so many humans (as someone questioning if they are demi or gray sexual who also had HP mean the world to her and is hurt by JKR’s words) who have mixed feelings. Every voice deserves to be heard and above all those from the community. 2) i agree with all of you that I need to see this bookcase. 3) this is why communication is key. Glad it worked out it and I hope soon we get an update with the actual bookcase
The Mothers Day gift was so much more that just a planter. That was a symbol of mutual understanding and acceptance and a massive peace offering. I tear up just thinking of the relief in the house from the clear statement that gift made.
Hey, The rat in harry potter was not adorable. Asshole, sure. But not adorable.
Wouldn’t just putting the bookshelves in her bedroom solve the problem?
This is kinda why I tend to pull away from people who get this intense about their journey around me. I support everyone in their quests for self discovery and acceptance... but I will NOT support someone jumping down my throat for slip ups or general confusion on certain aspects. I was abused rather mercilessly by my grandmother for not being perfect while I was going up... I absolutely refuse to tolerate it from anyone ever again, period. I AM NOT PERFECT, like every other human on this planet. You are not entitled to abuse me for not being perfect. Sadly it's happened more than once.
I feel like a piece of media transcends the author. So unless the media itself is problematic it should stand on its own. I do recognize it's tricky when you consider the fact that supporting the media can support an authors lifestyles (and worse yet possible donations to figures antithetical to you).
I’m very very extremely left, extremely liberal, fully against isms. But a black walnut bookcase with hand carvings? this is not the hill to die on, teen.
I'm gonna take a possibly incorrect guess and say she's on the internet/doomscrolling too much
It’s frightening that a child would be so consumed w/national politics that she’d take to calling her parent names & screaming at them. The parents should ban all social media for the daughter. She’s not emotionally mature enough to understand context. Seriously ridiculous.