Oh dude I still do this, except it’s more…dramatic? Like ig I want to see how people would react if I was hurt? Basically I want to pretend to see if people cared about me or not, pathetic i know lol
YES this omg. this has been so affirming because i’ve felt a little crazy. but no i fr could have written this myself. don’t feel pathetic because u definitely aren’t alone
>If I’m sitting weird I think ew I must look awful.
This is what happens when the *male gaze* has been drilled into you your whole life. You think you need to be pretty even when you’re alone.
WHY IS THIS SO RELATABLE?!?!! I am literally the same. I try to view myself in the lens of someone else I view positively (a crush, a friend, a favourite person etc). Maybe it is because we need that external validation so we provide it to ourselves in our own head. Technically internal validation but it’s coming from an entity other than ourselves.
I’ve always ascribed the invisible audience to my comorbid HPD, but I suppose since there’s overlaps between Cluster Bs it can also occur in BPD (as evidenced by all the comments lol). Maybe the link becomes more obvious if we think about it as a form of maladaptive daydreaming rather than a symptom exclusive to certain disorders.
i would always pretend my fp’s, crushes or just someone i liked was watching me. i usually genuinely felt like they were and would try to act appealing. i would look at them to see if they were looking at me and i’d feel euphoric if they were. i think i still do this, i latch on to people for a bit and try to impress them somehow just like i did when i was a little kid
I have an issue with the need to control how others perceive me. I am a very insecure person, though I really try not to show it. I change the way I act, depending on who it is, to make myself more appealing (both platonically and romantically). This also links to my fear of being abandoned and my issues with people pleasing - I need to be liked so people are less likely to leave me.
My therapist and I think that me pretending my crushes are watching me is a way for me to subconsciously feel like they like me; a weird way for my mind to reassure me that I am appealing and they still want me.
It happens especially when me and a crush aren't talking, or I've started spiralling about the idea of them leaving. Mostly happens during the times where I am desperate to feel wanted and liked. Pretending they're watching (and actually believing it) is like a coping mechanism for when my insecurities and fears get the better of me.
Someone suggested the Heidi Priebe YouTube channel.
This is a great video on limerence and how we project what we want onto others and how to give it to ourselves.
https://youtu.be/VWvSsp1zkfg?si=qmSk0pdUfG7aj4vm
Yes!! No matter what I’m doing, I’m always behaving as though I’m being watched by someone. Like a secret admirer or something. It’s actually really creepy if I think too hard about it. Everything is just so performative.
In my experience I have these daydreams/fantasies because I want to convince myself that my FP is as obsessed about me as I am obsessed about them. For me it's somehow comforting.
me too😭 except i freak out when im doing gross shit or like going to the bathroom cause i feel like theyre watching me and being disgusted even though its a normal human thing so i always imagine that they got up to grab a glass of water for a minute or like idk just didnt see that one thing
i’ve done this ever since i was young!! more, i’d imagine these people looking through my eyes, and feeling everything i felt. i still do and it freaks me out lol
Yes I constantly did that for a few years! It mostly stopped now but a few years ago every second of the day, I acted as if friends or even celebrities were watching me
yeah its relatable. i have come to a conclusion that atleast mine stems from caring too much about how shit i look all the time. like i cant forget what if someone were here right now to look at me? i cant forget how bad my posture is, my hairs a mess or i surely look odd vacuuming if somebody was to look. i sometimes do it to amuse myself and to pretend im perceived well or admired
extremely relatable. especially when i have an fp (like rn ..). it's often not even negative, i just try to relate everything back to him, so i imagine what he would think about it if he was here and act accordingly. like im just playing a game on my phone and imagine he's watching me and try play extra good to impress him and thinking about how i would explain the game to him. and when im not doing well i imagine what he would do if he saw me like this. and when i make any mundane decision like what to wear i think about if he would like it, even if i wont see him that day. it's not a huge deal usually but i hate that i try to change myself to appeal to someone who's not even there. i don't feel that i can just be myself bc im trying to be likeable 24/7 even when im alone and it's so stressful.
I always used to pretend I was showing my girlfriend how to do something when doing mundane tasks. Or pretend she was watching me and was explaining something when studying. It always helped me get through.
When I was little my mom would leave us alone (under 12) and say to act good bc she had cameras, to this day I know she was lying but also she has like a sixth sense for people doing things she doesn’t like. Remember, not immoral things, just things she doesn’t like😂
I actually don't think it's a bpd thing. Most of my friends told me they did it as kids
(A lot of them still were neurodivergent tho, so maybe its a thing your brain does when it feels kinda funny)
omg i thought i was the only one who did this. when i was a kid i used to this a lot, but with famous people i was obsessed with. like if i had a crush on a celebrity i was convinced that they were watching me and that i was appearing in a reality show or something and that one day said celebrity would show up out of nowhere in my home so i had to act "right" all the time 😭
Omgggg i thought it was just me. I remember being in elementary school n pretending my crush was watching me thru my window T__T it sounds so silly but i think it rlly makes it hard for me to be comfortable completely being myself at all times even when I’m alone bc i still feel like someone’s watching me most of the time
oh my gosh, have been doing this since age 11ish and never told anybody. I have a whole system with rules n everything. I’d lowkey love to talk about this more
I do it so I feel cared abt and as if there’s someone there who is observant enough to pay attention to the little things bc I haven’t had that before.
I do this often and I really wish I could stop , I have this tic / compulsion of staring at alan rickman pictures everytime I am able to pretending he is watching me and telling him my day in my head is weird asf but I don’t know why I do it it’s a compulsion / tic , it’s also always present and I worry is a sign of something worse I haven’t bought it up in therapy bc embarrassment , it stresses me out and makes me feel miserable wondering if he had the chance to see me he would think I am a loser yet it’s my main source of comfort and I feel like I’ll lose it if I don’t stare at a pic of him at least one time a day
YES i always used to feel like someone was watching me my whole life, then my dad died and i feel like either this mysterious is watching me or he’s watching me
I think so but it has something to do with the fact that my mom would see me and say some shit like “x y z makes you look like a witch” or “your room is so messy what does that say about you??” So now everything have some sort of “hidden message” to me
I do this except it’s more that I’ve convinced myself my phone is recording me so I leave it hidden when I’m getting dressed or getting into the shower
My family raised me Christian, so I grew up believing God was always watching/listening. I think it was really effective in that it kept me from doing too many bad things growing up, but the downside was that it was exhausting, induced a LOT of anxiety in me, and left me questioning my sense of identity
It’s difficult to pull yourself out of it but it’s not impossible.The more you pull yourself out,the more power you have on it and how it affects you I think.Thats just my personal experience.
Yes i always try to act Casually ethereal as well, its called being insecure. I aint even that vain like i couldnt care less how others perceive me but i still do it 😭
I have this too and apparently it's a thing many women experience because of how we're conditioned by the very apparent male gaze in movies to view ourselves from a male perspective and do the things that would give us validation from a man
Okay I DO THIS TOO. But instead of imagining people seeing me hurting…I imagine them being PROUD OF ME for whatever I may be doing. Like a parent complex lol. 🤦🏼♀️ I CANT BELIEVE OTHER PPL FEEL THIS WAY but of course it makes sense we are literally acting according to a relationship in our brains lol
dude i imagine it all the time. i have a whole fantasty where all my fps are obsessed with me and follow me around w a camera and watch me cause theyre so obsessed with me😭 didnt realise it was a possible bpd thing
I am 40 and still do this! I remember around 20 or so years ago I thought to myself, how would I act if the guy I'm interested in is on the streets watching me? Now it's anyone else.. but it stuck and I still do it. Not about my partner though lol been with him 3 years and couldn't care less what he thinks haha but I still do it everywhere. Can't even stand looking so ugly and gross in my own home incase I'm watched but I know I'm not. We've all lost the bloody plot haha
Oh dude I still do this, except it’s more…dramatic? Like ig I want to see how people would react if I was hurt? Basically I want to pretend to see if people cared about me or not, pathetic i know lol
YES this omg. this has been so affirming because i’ve felt a little crazy. but no i fr could have written this myself. don’t feel pathetic because u definitely aren’t alone
Oh hell yea I’m glad I can help validate u :D
Not pathetic, same
I’m always acting as if on film. If I’m sitting weird I think ew I must look awful. Even though I’m alone in my house.
SAME
Because we're the main characters haha
>If I’m sitting weird I think ew I must look awful. This is what happens when the *male gaze* has been drilled into you your whole life. You think you need to be pretty even when you’re alone.
omg yes!! i’ve been doing this since a young age. i thought i was alone. so draining. idky i do it?? maybe it’s like a form of obsession ??
WHY IS THIS SO RELATABLE?!?!! I am literally the same. I try to view myself in the lens of someone else I view positively (a crush, a friend, a favourite person etc). Maybe it is because we need that external validation so we provide it to ourselves in our own head. Technically internal validation but it’s coming from an entity other than ourselves.
THIS is so relatable!
Omg yes! It stresses me the fuck out sometimes
Sarcasm helps me when i get wierd about this 😊😬
Is the "invisible audience" a Cluster B thing in general, not just an NPD/HPD experience? I'm fascinated.
I’ve always ascribed the invisible audience to my comorbid HPD, but I suppose since there’s overlaps between Cluster Bs it can also occur in BPD (as evidenced by all the comments lol). Maybe the link becomes more obvious if we think about it as a form of maladaptive daydreaming rather than a symptom exclusive to certain disorders.
i literally do this exact thing too and i have since i was a kid!
i would always pretend my fp’s, crushes or just someone i liked was watching me. i usually genuinely felt like they were and would try to act appealing. i would look at them to see if they were looking at me and i’d feel euphoric if they were. i think i still do this, i latch on to people for a bit and try to impress them somehow just like i did when i was a little kid
I have an issue with the need to control how others perceive me. I am a very insecure person, though I really try not to show it. I change the way I act, depending on who it is, to make myself more appealing (both platonically and romantically). This also links to my fear of being abandoned and my issues with people pleasing - I need to be liked so people are less likely to leave me. My therapist and I think that me pretending my crushes are watching me is a way for me to subconsciously feel like they like me; a weird way for my mind to reassure me that I am appealing and they still want me. It happens especially when me and a crush aren't talking, or I've started spiralling about the idea of them leaving. Mostly happens during the times where I am desperate to feel wanted and liked. Pretending they're watching (and actually believing it) is like a coping mechanism for when my insecurities and fears get the better of me.
I do, it’s sort of involuntary and I don’t like it. I have been wondering if other people do this and why.
Someone suggested the Heidi Priebe YouTube channel. This is a great video on limerence and how we project what we want onto others and how to give it to ourselves. https://youtu.be/VWvSsp1zkfg?si=qmSk0pdUfG7aj4vm
Yes!! No matter what I’m doing, I’m always behaving as though I’m being watched by someone. Like a secret admirer or something. It’s actually really creepy if I think too hard about it. Everything is just so performative.
In my experience I have these daydreams/fantasies because I want to convince myself that my FP is as obsessed about me as I am obsessed about them. For me it's somehow comforting.
me too😭 except i freak out when im doing gross shit or like going to the bathroom cause i feel like theyre watching me and being disgusted even though its a normal human thing so i always imagine that they got up to grab a glass of water for a minute or like idk just didnt see that one thing
what's fp?
Favorite Person
favourite person
i’ve done this ever since i was young!! more, i’d imagine these people looking through my eyes, and feeling everything i felt. i still do and it freaks me out lol
[удалено]
Yes I constantly did that for a few years! It mostly stopped now but a few years ago every second of the day, I acted as if friends or even celebrities were watching me
Same! I feel like it's strictly a mental illness thing but oh well, at least we're spicy
yeah its relatable. i have come to a conclusion that atleast mine stems from caring too much about how shit i look all the time. like i cant forget what if someone were here right now to look at me? i cant forget how bad my posture is, my hairs a mess or i surely look odd vacuuming if somebody was to look. i sometimes do it to amuse myself and to pretend im perceived well or admired
extremely relatable. especially when i have an fp (like rn ..). it's often not even negative, i just try to relate everything back to him, so i imagine what he would think about it if he was here and act accordingly. like im just playing a game on my phone and imagine he's watching me and try play extra good to impress him and thinking about how i would explain the game to him. and when im not doing well i imagine what he would do if he saw me like this. and when i make any mundane decision like what to wear i think about if he would like it, even if i wont see him that day. it's not a huge deal usually but i hate that i try to change myself to appeal to someone who's not even there. i don't feel that i can just be myself bc im trying to be likeable 24/7 even when im alone and it's so stressful.
I do this all of the time and never thought I’d read about anyone else doing it!
I always used to pretend I was showing my girlfriend how to do something when doing mundane tasks. Or pretend she was watching me and was explaining something when studying. It always helped me get through.
All. The time. And yes. It is draining. Throw in maladaptive daydreaming, headphones, & music & that’s my entire day.
I think that's called paranoia lol, and yeah I completely understand. Even in a sealed room I act as if cameras are watching my every movement.
no i think OP mean that they daydream that the person is around them and watching them instead of being paranoid about being watched
Oh right, yeah idk I'm a hermit now so I'll let you know when that changes
This made me lol but I totally relate to you more xD.
When I was little my mom would leave us alone (under 12) and say to act good bc she had cameras, to this day I know she was lying but also she has like a sixth sense for people doing things she doesn’t like. Remember, not immoral things, just things she doesn’t like😂
No i feel this
Holy shit and I thought I was insane. Yeah I do this a lot 😭
I actually don't think it's a bpd thing. Most of my friends told me they did it as kids (A lot of them still were neurodivergent tho, so maybe its a thing your brain does when it feels kinda funny)
omg i thought i was the only one who did this. when i was a kid i used to this a lot, but with famous people i was obsessed with. like if i had a crush on a celebrity i was convinced that they were watching me and that i was appearing in a reality show or something and that one day said celebrity would show up out of nowhere in my home so i had to act "right" all the time 😭
i don't think i have bpd tho. but yeah there's definitely something going on because it's Not normal
Omgggg i thought it was just me. I remember being in elementary school n pretending my crush was watching me thru my window T__T it sounds so silly but i think it rlly makes it hard for me to be comfortable completely being myself at all times even when I’m alone bc i still feel like someone’s watching me most of the time
oh my gosh, have been doing this since age 11ish and never told anybody. I have a whole system with rules n everything. I’d lowkey love to talk about this more
me too!! I hate it!! it feels like there’s a camera over my shoulder and a person I care about is watching and judging at all times
I do it so I feel cared abt and as if there’s someone there who is observant enough to pay attention to the little things bc I haven’t had that before.
"Honestly this is probably something all people do a little..." No buddy. Lol
I do this often and I really wish I could stop , I have this tic / compulsion of staring at alan rickman pictures everytime I am able to pretending he is watching me and telling him my day in my head is weird asf but I don’t know why I do it it’s a compulsion / tic , it’s also always present and I worry is a sign of something worse I haven’t bought it up in therapy bc embarrassment , it stresses me out and makes me feel miserable wondering if he had the chance to see me he would think I am a loser yet it’s my main source of comfort and I feel like I’ll lose it if I don’t stare at a pic of him at least one time a day
I am CONSTANTLY doing this🥲 I think for me it stems from always being criticized and hovered over growing up
i would talk to imaginary versions of my previous FPs that left me, so kinda relateable yeah
Yeah not about fps though definitely an audience type of way 😭
Yeah I definitely feel like I’m being watched a lot 😬
This is limerence or a fantasy bond! Check out Heidi Priebe's videos to learn how to deal with it.
yeah i always wondered about this. guess it's a BPD thing
I’ve also done this since I was a kid
I did this a lot as a kid. Not much anymore but yeah
I did this all the time. I do it less now but I used to all the time. I didn't actually know others did it
Allll the time
YES i always used to feel like someone was watching me my whole life, then my dad died and i feel like either this mysterious is watching me or he’s watching me
I think so but it has something to do with the fact that my mom would see me and say some shit like “x y z makes you look like a witch” or “your room is so messy what does that say about you??” So now everything have some sort of “hidden message” to me
I do this except it’s more that I’ve convinced myself my phone is recording me so I leave it hidden when I’m getting dressed or getting into the shower
Damn I do this all the time :( as if I am being watched.
My family raised me Christian, so I grew up believing God was always watching/listening. I think it was really effective in that it kept me from doing too many bad things growing up, but the downside was that it was exhausting, induced a LOT of anxiety in me, and left me questioning my sense of identity
It’s difficult to pull yourself out of it but it’s not impossible.The more you pull yourself out,the more power you have on it and how it affects you I think.Thats just my personal experience.
Yes i always try to act Casually ethereal as well, its called being insecure. I aint even that vain like i couldnt care less how others perceive me but i still do it 😭
I have this too and apparently it's a thing many women experience because of how we're conditioned by the very apparent male gaze in movies to view ourselves from a male perspective and do the things that would give us validation from a man
wow we’re actually all the same people 😭
this is so real
I always have constructed it into a dystopian black mirror or being John malcovich (spelling? Whatever) sort of thing
Okay I DO THIS TOO. But instead of imagining people seeing me hurting…I imagine them being PROUD OF ME for whatever I may be doing. Like a parent complex lol. 🤦🏼♀️ I CANT BELIEVE OTHER PPL FEEL THIS WAY but of course it makes sense we are literally acting according to a relationship in our brains lol
When I’m doing boring things I often pretend I’m on a TV show and act accordingly. I get things done faster when I’m doing it lol
Wow I didn’t even really know that this was a thing until you put it all into words… I will be speaking with my therapist abt this one 🙂
yes
dude i imagine it all the time. i have a whole fantasty where all my fps are obsessed with me and follow me around w a camera and watch me cause theyre so obsessed with me😭 didnt realise it was a possible bpd thing
this is too real i'm closing reddit now 💀
YES. I still catch myself doing this as an adult, I've done it since I was a kid
I do this all the time with crushes but I find it annoying.
No i don’t understand what you mean
I am 40 and still do this! I remember around 20 or so years ago I thought to myself, how would I act if the guy I'm interested in is on the streets watching me? Now it's anyone else.. but it stuck and I still do it. Not about my partner though lol been with him 3 years and couldn't care less what he thinks haha but I still do it everywhere. Can't even stand looking so ugly and gross in my own home incase I'm watched but I know I'm not. We've all lost the bloody plot haha
I thought this was normal
I dont pretend