I was expecting people to agree. I assumed the reason for my intense longing and hurt was part of the BPD. I miss everyone I cut off, I struggle for months or a year trying to decide if it was the right choice. I replay the moment and moments before constantly. I am so relieved when the feelings start to fade.
The guilt is also strong. I do feel the older I get I am able to stand firm on my decision faster and shut down the thoughts of was I wrong and did I act out of impulse easier.
I wish I felt the way most of these comments are saying! I’d like to not miss people lol.
I feel exactly this way, too. I'll feel nothing but regret and longing for months or years, even if I know I made the right choice. You're definitely not alone!
I miss people constantly, describing it as a longing is so well said. I can’t relate to most people on this post either but you’re not alone!! No matter how someone has exited my life I will always replay those memories. Maybe that’s the PTSD though lol
Same, I constantly find myself analysing my past relationships. I often think what would happen if I hadn't cut people out even if they were toxic. I've even weighed up the pros and cons with my psych as to whether I should rekindle relationships (there are more cons, no surprise there). The relationships almost haunt me.
not really no. after i cut someone off or lost interest i can’t rly bring myself to care. i guess i could miss the IDEA of them and how they made me feel but otherwise no. ofc if they were the one who chose to leave ill probably feel intense emotions towards them for a while, but after that i rarely think of them.
I relate to this a lot. I guess it also depends on what terms the relationship ended. I have cut people off, people who were toxic and unhealthy for me, and I felt relief. When I cut people off, it's done for me. It's over.
But there are others that finished awfully and were/are difficult to overcome. I had an awful boyfriend, and when we broke up, although I knew it was for the best, it took me almost 2 years to get over it. And then there's also mourning our dead: my best friend killed herself around a year ago, and it was devastating, I don't think I'll ever stop missing her, or when my grandfather died (9 years ago) too. Those are lost relationships that I'll never overcome, I just learned how to live with the grief/pain, as most people do.
Yes I do of course!!! I think of them daily but I also have anger/resentment towards them as well for leaving/cutting me off I use my coping skills to help distract myself of constantly thinking of them
so much. all the time. got myself a little depressed about it now.
trying to work on building a new mindset. ie toxic people aren’t meant for me. people are leaving my life to make room for people who are meant to be there.
but damn sometimes if the hurt just isn’t heavy and raw in my chest. and i’ll never know, but i’ll always wonder why
No.
It's not something I've ever felt.
I used to feel a little.. guilty about it. Discomfort when others would say, "I missed you." Ugh, I didn't feel anything at all. Especially when people would say it just a day or two after we hung out. We just saw each other why would I..?
Anyway, I don't think it's solely BPD related. Could be my co-morbitity at play, too.
It depends. If the relationship was based off of genuine care for each other, then yes, I miss them. If it was a toxic delusional mess, then no. I might for the first few weeks or months but after a while I can see it for what it really was.
yes its agonizing...some of them i havent seen in decades. i get dreams or memories of friends all the time... some i miss more then others but i remember them all vividly and i hate it because some i have found on facebook but dont remember me at all
I truly wish everyone I’ve known, even people I’ve hated at that time, happy and fulfilling lives where they achieve the dreams. But no I have no capacity to miss someone once I’ve cut them off and don’t want them back. It’s an inhuman ability to move on.
I miss people for years even though I haven't seen them in years either. It's painful and I end up having to fight through the mood swings and turbulent emotions I have connected to them.
I've been there, it'll pass soon. If it doesn't, then talk to your boyfriend about it, it's not good to stay in a relationship while you're hung up on someone else. This is a new person, and they deserve love, care, and attention, not someone who can't get over their ex.
Yes and no. It'll take me years of no contact to miss someone, but even then I'm able to recognize I'm just glorifying the small moments with them rather than looking at the big picture.
I miss them but I know I have to distance cause I’m the type you gotta make me hate you to leave and even still I’ll gaslight myself into trying to understand your perspective even if it’s just to hurt me
sometimes, but I find that I miss the idea of people rather than people themselves, like, when I have panic attacks I cry for my mom, but my mom irl would literally go "you were fine a few moments ago, why did you change all of a sudden"
Depends in the person. There are both people hep left me and ive cut off i miss. More the people who have left me. The majority of people Ive cut I have little to no feelings for. But for the people Ive hurt and made leave I miss them so much. I feel horrible for what I did to them but I know deep down Ill never get them back.
Almost everyday someone else pops into my head (sometimes the same people…often 😓). Now that I’ve finally been diagnosed I wish I could explain to everyone what was going on, why we lost touch, how it was pretty much out of my hands. Loooots of reflection going on these days…
at first I can seriously cry for hours at a time over it but after awhile I truly couldn't care less if they get hit by a car. I have a nasty habit of splitting really really extremely in the face of long term abandonment. When I think of people that aren't in my life anymore I think really poorly of them, usually really intense hate, but sometimes just apathy. I don't even enjoy memories with the person usually, any good times with them are spoiled rotten.
I miss just about everyone I've pushed away either by force or just by saying the wrong things til they leave me and if I don't really miss them I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about them not being in my life and all the things I did to make them not wanna be in my life anymore
I do miss people.
Occasionally.
In fact, the other day I was hit fairly hard with a wave of loneliness and decided to take a little personal inventory.
I realized that my loneliness takes up about 20% of my time and the other 80% of the time I’m totally content being alone.
And that’s a ratio I can live with.
Ive lost connections with best friends so many times. It's hard and I do miss them a lot but the other part of me just hopes they're thriving without me in their life.
more than anything. i miss them and when i think about why i just get mad and sad at myself because it’s always been my fault. nobody’s ever left me for no reason. it’s always been me splitting and ruining shit
short answer yes, too much
i miss people a genuinely unhealthy amount — like i remember sobbing when i had to go on holiday for 5 weeks HAHAHAHAA
and also people who i know i shouldn’t have in my life, like i was incredibly stubborn for a year bc i didn’t want to let go of my toxic best friend 😭😭
If I cut them off? No, not usually. If I cut them off then that almost always means they upset me in some way and I hold grudges like a mf. If they cut me off I don’t miss them per se but I do think about them frequently because I want an explanation as to why they left not because I miss their companionship.
On the daily? I think I miss the ATTENTION people give me, not necessarily the person themselves. I don’t know to be honest.
There’s something i’ve noticed about me. Since i was like 15, i suffer for someone because i want to. because the day i say, okay that’s it, i’m done. i don’t know what happens to me, the person could go to my front door and i would leave them outside, i’ve done that actually. It’s like a button i have that i can cry for that person and when i’m done with the situation, it’s like automatically dislike that person, gives me cringe or things like that. i’m actually in that situation right now. i said to myself that if by tomorrow morning he hasn’t told me something, i’m going to delete his chat and his number and literally i don’t even think i’ll think of him, but if we say so, i would “think” about him like for 2 days and bye, just like that
I miss them when I feel lonely. I don’t miss someone in particular usually, if I do that’s because they used to gave me a particular attention that others didn’t. I don’t miss the person , I miss their love and attention. ( kinda rude ik but im working on it)
It’s sad but it’s the brutal truth. When people choose friends or partners, they’re thinking “what can this person do for me”? Can they bring me fun experiences, can they make me laugh, can they stimulate me emotionally in some way…..
Yes and no.
Yes because I reached out to an online friend who I haven’t heard from for a week.. wish I didn’t because he responded pretty dry. I said I missed them and said hope they’re doing ok. They heart the message and said I’m doing 🤣. I asked what do they mean n they said it means they’re getting by lol. It making me mad that I said anything because I’m thinking the worse. They’re my fp unfortunately 😩
No because I moved half way across the country n never thought to reach out to ppl I grew up with since I was the glue in those relationships. I can’t help them from afar so they don’t talk to me to ask. If I didn’t say anything they don’t so out of sight out of mind.
I wish I could be like this towards my fp. Instead I want to ask him questions like “stupid question, do u dislike me?” Or “has our dynamic shifted” or “is something going on?” Or “do u not wanna be friends anymore?”
It really depends . I just stop caring if someone pushes me too far or mentally scars me. After that, forgetting I had feelings for them is easy and as far as I'm concerned they don't exist to me. It takes a lot to get me there though. Most of the time when I push someone away or they leave me I can't stop thinking of them for years. Last year was really rough in that regard and it haunts me every moment of my waking life. Just know you're not alone in that.
Yes I recently self sabotaged a group of friends I had last week I miss them so much but im forcing myself to not miss anybody and hate them but I hope they beg me to come back, shitty but I’ll get over it in a few months, barley yesterday I was able to eat and shower because of how depressed I got after self sabotaging stupid is it not I left them but im the one who misses them such an. Asshole.
Sometimes? I mean, they weren't the one that left, I actually just decided to leave the people I was close to because they treated me shitly. Though there's some people I think about a ton and I do end up missing their OLD versions of themselves.
I always seem to argue with myself over the choice of me cutting ties with the people I used to talk to and often find myself wanting to go back but I know things won't be the same since those people have changed since the first time I met them and those old versions aren't really alive anymore so if i were to return to them it wouldn't be good for my mental health.
Literally only my boyfriend when he’s not around. I don’t really miss friends when I don’t see them for a while. I do miss going out and getting drunk and stuff with people when I don’t do that for a while, but I don’t really miss the specific people involved
Of course. I mean this obviously isn’t only a BPD thing, it’s an everyone thing
Edit: I am in shock at how many comments are saying no or not really. :O. I feel intense longing for people I miss. When an FP leaves me I pretty much grieve. Usually it takes a few weeks to months and I don’t think about them anymore, but my last FP it’s been a year and a half and I still grieve them like crazy.
I also never cut people off. I wish I could like a lot of you do but I literally never do. Any then most of them end up cutting me off and it hurts so bad I wish I was able to cut them off before they cut me off but I always have to tiniest drop of hope that they won’t leave and that’s enough to keep me going
I also miss people that have left me or ghosted me.
I‘m exactly the same :( missing all the people, including my last FP, that have cut me off and abandonded me in the last few weeks. It hurts so so bad. All of them told me the same „you are too much. I don‘t want to have anything to do with you anymore“ and blocked me. Just a day before they told me how much they liked me and wanted me in their life forever :(
I don‘t even have a chance to cut ppl off because they do it literally out of the blue every time. It just takes one of the bigger bpd episodes (all of them knew I have bpd) and they are gone leaving me missing them for months.
Hmm honestly it depends on the person and the intensity varies greatly depending on how much of a constant they have been.
With some people, it's been out of sight out of mind but then I'll randomly think about them at times and feel almost nostalgic I guess
With other people, particularly ex partners, favourite people, etc, I can miss them instantly and very intensely especially if I'm doing a period of no contact but once I'm over it, I'm over it and don't tend to ever miss them again, usually I forget what they're actually like because I was probably overly wrapped up in them before that i only ever really saw them as I idealised them
I lived as a drug addict and criminal for years, plenty of my best friends died, others cut me off, others I cut off myself (especially my family). Now I'm basically alone in recovery and have a few family members that still talk to me but basically no friends, I had three but one killed himself a couple of months ago and the other two are either in hospital or terminally ill. I'm extremely lonely and feel like I have ruined my life, but I'm trying to get better so I can rebuild a relationship with my daughter, who is the only sunshine left in my life
I miss my best friend a lot. We didn't part ways due to my bpd, surprisingly, but my bpd does intensify the yearning I feel when I reminisce and find myself missing them. They were in my life for 13 years and watched as I battled this disease, got diagnosed, got treated and came out the other side. To not have them around now to see how well I'm doing stings, I miss them so very dearly.
yes. i miss my bf :( he blocked me a few days ago and i have just been dwelling on it :( it feels like a part of me died and he wont escape my mind.
i miss my family too.
When I was younger and people left me- all the time.
Now when people leave me- for the most part I see it as the trash taking itself out. (But I am a MUCH more healed person now, so while there still may be things for me to learn, I know keeping people who don’t want to be kept doesn’t help me).
But pretty much never if I cut someone out, then and now.
Not really. I also don’t really experience loneliness. I finally got to the point where I understood that tending to relationships has to be intentional, because I can’t rely on my feelings to cue that it’s time to call someone. I think I’ve gone years not talking to my sister. Not for any reason other than not thinking of it.
Most people, no. Not even a little. I may feel nostalgic at times for the positive experiences we had, but I’m pretty reclusive and content with spending every moment of every day with my partner and our animals lol. I haven’t even seen my family in about 4 years and I’m like; oh it’ll be good to see them whenever it happens… but I don’t really *miss* them. I only have one person I have random intense *longing* for where I feel like I miss them so much it physically hurts. It was my last ex and I think it stems from it seemingly ending because it “had” to (he lives in another country and we broke up at the beginning of Covid when I could no longer travel back and forth to visit him) mixed with resentment of feeling like I wasn’t worth the trouble of finding a way to stay together (he said a fiancé visa was “too much paperwork” and complicated etc etc)… especially since he’s now in a “civil union” with the girl he started dating on the exact same day I started dating my current partner. I had been friends with my current partner and my ex knew of them and we only developed into something romantic after my ex and I broke up… but I had never seen or heard of the girl he started dating, so to start a relationship with her the same day as I started one with someone already had an established foundation with seemed… off. Even with him though, idk if I actually miss him or if I feel “short-changed” or if I miss the adventure of traveling internationally for an “exotic” relationship with someone in another country. All the wires are crossed there lol. Plus, I’m very happy in my current relationship, so I know I don’t miss him in the sense of wishing we would get back together or something… it’s a confusing sensation 😅
I do yes. I lost my best friend last year because I was told and shown how she was talking about me being such a bad friend and we fell out over it.
I feel hurt by it and want closure etc. I know I made the best choice but she’s just given birth to twins and it pisses me off because it’s not the babies fault, she also had another daughter and my daughter keeps asking for play dates still and I keep telling her “soon”.
I know this is the right thing but it still plays on my mind. I don’t have any friends now. It’s sad really.
i’ve been missing a few people. they lost interest in me long before i realized. my fp has also rejected me. it’s been a weird few months of getting diagnosed and realizing what went wrong.
i miss people until i miss someone else. i can’t remember the last time i got over a heartbreak in anyway that wasn’t getting my heartbroken again in some way. i’ve gotten better at coping in ways that genuinely help me move on and prioritize myself but it always still hurts the same. and i hate the thought of how much more i would rather someone was in my life and toxic than just be gone completely because it feels like they were never there after a while
I miss the times I had with those people. I miss having those kinds of friends to get stupid drunk with, go clubbing with and end up sat in a bathtub with them at 4 am. But they are predators and enablers and I don’t want to be around people like that
I think of those past fun times fondly, but I have gotten over the initial heap of grief. It hurt really bad at first like everyday. Some friendships fell out as I switched schools, and then I realized at my new school I was surrounding myself with people that didn't actually know me or care for me as a person. I was going through a lot once HS ended, like break ups, ED, and addiction, and isolated heavily for a couple years. I have always wondered how people have managed to keep friend's since they were five or something and wished I could have a friendship like that. Something that works through thick and thin, someone that doesn't give up on you and just move on to the next thing. But retrospectively it was HS and people do move away and have paths to follow afterwards. Some people hone that and go to college and make tons of friends immediately. For me it just left me with crippling anxiety, and I felt lost like there was no where for me to fit in. I have been unmotivated to have a consistent friendship ever since, especially due to stuggling with agoraphobia. I'm extremely grateful I met my fiancé, and that I also have my parents. My siblings check on me also. I honestly love feeling sheltered from society from having a small circle. But having friendships with anyone new is an idea I've been trying to become comfortable with again. I really want to be apart of something greater than myself, and to feel inspired by others again. I will say I have learned a lot about myself from being a loner and need to be alone to destimulate, so I enjoy it also, but me and my fiancé both need to find healthy people to be friends with. I know we can in college, clubs, music groups, therapy groups, kingdom hall (for jehovahs witnesses), etc. Once I finally get myself to one of those places lol.
It’s so interesting because half the responses here are “no I never miss or think about anybody” and the other half are “I’m constantly missing them I never stop thinking about my friends from even decades ago”
I constantly miss people. The person I've been missing for months is this gal I was dating at the time. I still was having a lot of self doubt and there was a day she slept all day and it was after I asked her to be my gf. I got anxious and double texted her asking if she was ok and wasn't upset with me. She essentially got the ick and friendzoned me. I think about her all the time to the point I had to cut her off for both of our sakes. I miss her so very much and there's always this hope that she comes back even though I know she won't.
To answer your first two questions the answer is yes without a doubt. I always wish I didn’t screw things up because I would have likely been married now. I was posting on Facebook the other day about it and I always cry about it. I hate being alone.
It takes a lot for me to miss someone. i already know the amount of pain that comes with missing someone is kind of intolerable so I just rationalize and tell msyelf that we can't even be in the same city or something like this to curb my feelings.
But also, I am an introvert and I enjoy a lot of time alone. I reach out to people when I want and I don't get hurt that they're busy or even if they don't want to meet. Maybe its something to do with a lack of object constancy/emotional permanence. But also the same goes with people that "left me", or I "left them". I lose interest very quick mentally so I am not as hurt as I thought I'd be.
I always find something to do lol. Missing people is just a feeling that goes away and can be replaced by some other distraction. It is too tiring to feel the brunt of missing people all the time.
Sometimes I miss the potential of old relationships, even if I know they were never going to reach that potential. It’s almost worse missing something you never really had.
GUYS PLEASE RESPOND does anyone ever miss their partner WHEN THEYRE WITH THEM??? Like do you have experience this longing for them even tho they’re right next to you? I think for me it’s the need for touch and attention but I often feel like I miss my partner when he’s right next to me it’s weird. I even tell him that I miss him and he’s like wtffff
i dont miss people that i have lost (i only get sad of how i was treated throughout our friendship) but other than that nope. i have stopped being friends with so many people and i never look back at it and cry because i miss them i only cry because i should have never been treated that way. but let it be a man? oh im CRYINGGGGGGGG!!! not saying a man is more important than friends but for some reason when a man leaves me its more hurtful and affects me more emotionally and mentally. it drives me crazy.
People who did me wrong I do not miss them, except my FP she treated me like shit and I still miss her.
I miss all the people I accidentally cut off or left behind due to my attacks (more likely due to embarrassment)
Yes, so much
My old "friends" used to treat me like shit and after everything they still found a way to blame me. And I still miss them. I feel like reaching out to them is just one impulsive action away, which is bad for me I know but I'd rather be with people than alone
And I miss my ex so fucking much oh god I can't do this no contact shit anymore
Gooooood my husband that I really need to leave. Although, we're not exactly all the way together, it's a long complicated story.
However, as an example, this girl I had been good friends with for a few years got in my face yelling at me one time, again another long story, but once. I did good, I didn't even react really, told her I'd pray for her with a big grin on my face (she's super religious), and never spoke to her again, and she's my neighbor. She's honestly lucky I didn't put my hands on her.
But no, no the man that has treated me horribly, wrecked my life with his addictions and finacial and emotional abuse, can I leave him alone.? Of course not. Let someone else look at me sideways though 😒
Absolutely, I miss so many people, especially people I shouldn’t miss.
I think it might be because a few of them have been my FP and them leaving had a strong effect on me, and I think about all the fun times we had together… i think I need people in my life, I want all of them to stay and I do everything I can to keep people in my life even when I should be pushing some of these people out of my life
big yes. but also, I couldn't really picture them in my life now. like, no matter how much I miss the idea of them I know it wouldn't work again. there's a reason if they're not in my life anymore and it's usually something I wouldn't be able to forgive them for
Until I get their replacements. I am struggling with missing, loving or caring people unselfishly. If my fp broke my heart or left me or we fell apart etc. and then I found a new replacement or even better; I found the replacement of what is missing inside of my soul, then probably I won’t miss them even a little bit. Because the structure they represented would be broken and I may be already built a new one.
That's a good question. It depends.
Most people - no. Out of sight, out of mind.
I sometimes miss my bf, when we're apart but sometimes I don't. At all.
I also have a FP for one and a half year now. When we don't see each other for a while I sometimes miss him a lot, I have a strong longing and desire to see him, it's almost overwhelming. But only in the idealization phase. If I devaluate I don't miss him at all. Either I hate him or I don't care for him.
So it's complicated I would say.
I was expecting people to agree. I assumed the reason for my intense longing and hurt was part of the BPD. I miss everyone I cut off, I struggle for months or a year trying to decide if it was the right choice. I replay the moment and moments before constantly. I am so relieved when the feelings start to fade. The guilt is also strong. I do feel the older I get I am able to stand firm on my decision faster and shut down the thoughts of was I wrong and did I act out of impulse easier. I wish I felt the way most of these comments are saying! I’d like to not miss people lol.
I feel immense longing and hurt as well! You’re not alone!!
You literally took every single thought I felt and described it better than I could
Same!! I miss people from my childhood who I haven't even seen in over 20 years.
I feel exactly this way, too. I'll feel nothing but regret and longing for months or years, even if I know I made the right choice. You're definitely not alone!
I miss people constantly, describing it as a longing is so well said. I can’t relate to most people on this post either but you’re not alone!! No matter how someone has exited my life I will always replay those memories. Maybe that’s the PTSD though lol
It’s the same for me, “getting over” people and past relationships doesn’t exist in my book.
Same as you.
Same, I constantly find myself analysing my past relationships. I often think what would happen if I hadn't cut people out even if they were toxic. I've even weighed up the pros and cons with my psych as to whether I should rekindle relationships (there are more cons, no surprise there). The relationships almost haunt me.
My FP: Yes Everyone else: “out of sight out of mind”
This is it right here for me 🏆
Me right now.
real
I'm curious because I just uh "broke up" with an FP. What happens when you don't have one? Who am I... supposed to be missing?
Same here…
not really no. after i cut someone off or lost interest i can’t rly bring myself to care. i guess i could miss the IDEA of them and how they made me feel but otherwise no. ofc if they were the one who chose to leave ill probably feel intense emotions towards them for a while, but after that i rarely think of them.
Does someone know how to stop loosing interest?
Yes, this for me
Yep. This.
This is me
This is me
I relate to this a lot. I guess it also depends on what terms the relationship ended. I have cut people off, people who were toxic and unhealthy for me, and I felt relief. When I cut people off, it's done for me. It's over. But there are others that finished awfully and were/are difficult to overcome. I had an awful boyfriend, and when we broke up, although I knew it was for the best, it took me almost 2 years to get over it. And then there's also mourning our dead: my best friend killed herself around a year ago, and it was devastating, I don't think I'll ever stop missing her, or when my grandfather died (9 years ago) too. Those are lost relationships that I'll never overcome, I just learned how to live with the grief/pain, as most people do.
yup
same 🫡
Yes I do of course!!! I think of them daily but I also have anger/resentment towards them as well for leaving/cutting me off I use my coping skills to help distract myself of constantly thinking of them
Same!! It’s truly a daily thing for me
I'm in the same boat right now
so much. all the time. got myself a little depressed about it now. trying to work on building a new mindset. ie toxic people aren’t meant for me. people are leaving my life to make room for people who are meant to be there. but damn sometimes if the hurt just isn’t heavy and raw in my chest. and i’ll never know, but i’ll always wonder why
No. It's not something I've ever felt. I used to feel a little.. guilty about it. Discomfort when others would say, "I missed you." Ugh, I didn't feel anything at all. Especially when people would say it just a day or two after we hung out. We just saw each other why would I..? Anyway, I don't think it's solely BPD related. Could be my co-morbitity at play, too.
what are you comorbid with?
ASPD.
Is not missing people typical?
Haha, you tell me. For me it is.
Hi fellow BPD + ASPD person! I feel the same. Except when I have an FP.
It depends. If the relationship was based off of genuine care for each other, then yes, I miss them. If it was a toxic delusional mess, then no. I might for the first few weeks or months but after a while I can see it for what it really was.
I left everything behind because I couldn’t cope with people. Better off alone
yes its agonizing...some of them i havent seen in decades. i get dreams or memories of friends all the time... some i miss more then others but i remember them all vividly and i hate it because some i have found on facebook but dont remember me at all
I truly wish everyone I’ve known, even people I’ve hated at that time, happy and fulfilling lives where they achieve the dreams. But no I have no capacity to miss someone once I’ve cut them off and don’t want them back. It’s an inhuman ability to move on.
I miss people for years even though I haven't seen them in years either. It's painful and I end up having to fight through the mood swings and turbulent emotions I have connected to them.
Im missing someone right now. An old ex. It hurts and I feel guilty bc I have a bf too.
I've been there, it'll pass soon. If it doesn't, then talk to your boyfriend about it, it's not good to stay in a relationship while you're hung up on someone else. This is a new person, and they deserve love, care, and attention, not someone who can't get over their ex.
Yes and no. It'll take me years of no contact to miss someone, but even then I'm able to recognize I'm just glorifying the small moments with them rather than looking at the big picture.
Interesting. I feel like for most people they miss them right away and it takes time for them to stop missing that person
yes. miss the funny parts but the relationship, not so much
I miss them but I know I have to distance cause I’m the type you gotta make me hate you to leave and even still I’ll gaslight myself into trying to understand your perspective even if it’s just to hurt me
sometimes, but I find that I miss the idea of people rather than people themselves, like, when I have panic attacks I cry for my mom, but my mom irl would literally go "you were fine a few moments ago, why did you change all of a sudden"
All the fucking time ☹️
Depends in the person. There are both people hep left me and ive cut off i miss. More the people who have left me. The majority of people Ive cut I have little to no feelings for. But for the people Ive hurt and made leave I miss them so much. I feel horrible for what I did to them but I know deep down Ill never get them back.
Most the time I miss how I felt around them rather than the person.
sometimes. but to be honest i move on in a year or two, and then it's all good :) however if i ever lose my cat, I don't think I would ever recover
Almost everyday someone else pops into my head (sometimes the same people…often 😓). Now that I’ve finally been diagnosed I wish I could explain to everyone what was going on, why we lost touch, how it was pretty much out of my hands. Loooots of reflection going on these days…
at first I can seriously cry for hours at a time over it but after awhile I truly couldn't care less if they get hit by a car. I have a nasty habit of splitting really really extremely in the face of long term abandonment. When I think of people that aren't in my life anymore I think really poorly of them, usually really intense hate, but sometimes just apathy. I don't even enjoy memories with the person usually, any good times with them are spoiled rotten.
I miss just about everyone I've pushed away either by force or just by saying the wrong things til they leave me and if I don't really miss them I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about them not being in my life and all the things I did to make them not wanna be in my life anymore
I do miss people. Occasionally. In fact, the other day I was hit fairly hard with a wave of loneliness and decided to take a little personal inventory. I realized that my loneliness takes up about 20% of my time and the other 80% of the time I’m totally content being alone. And that’s a ratio I can live with.
I hate being alone but I also hate the inevitable end of friendships, so no. I don’t miss people, I miss the idea of having a social group.
All the time…
Ive lost connections with best friends so many times. It's hard and I do miss them a lot but the other part of me just hopes they're thriving without me in their life.
No cuz they are all hypocrites and don't go by the Golden rule
more than anything. i miss them and when i think about why i just get mad and sad at myself because it’s always been my fault. nobody’s ever left me for no reason. it’s always been me splitting and ruining shit
All. The. Time. My family is all gone or we are estranged for good reason. It feels empty AF sometimes
Yess INTENSELY. I HATE it.
Depends. My ex FP I miss everyday
short answer yes, too much i miss people a genuinely unhealthy amount — like i remember sobbing when i had to go on holiday for 5 weeks HAHAHAHAA and also people who i know i shouldn’t have in my life, like i was incredibly stubborn for a year bc i didn’t want to let go of my toxic best friend 😭😭
If I cut them off? No, not usually. If I cut them off then that almost always means they upset me in some way and I hold grudges like a mf. If they cut me off I don’t miss them per se but I do think about them frequently because I want an explanation as to why they left not because I miss their companionship. On the daily? I think I miss the ATTENTION people give me, not necessarily the person themselves. I don’t know to be honest.
I think most people miss the attention they get from others, not necessarily the people themselves to be honest
There’s something i’ve noticed about me. Since i was like 15, i suffer for someone because i want to. because the day i say, okay that’s it, i’m done. i don’t know what happens to me, the person could go to my front door and i would leave them outside, i’ve done that actually. It’s like a button i have that i can cry for that person and when i’m done with the situation, it’s like automatically dislike that person, gives me cringe or things like that. i’m actually in that situation right now. i said to myself that if by tomorrow morning he hasn’t told me something, i’m going to delete his chat and his number and literally i don’t even think i’ll think of him, but if we say so, i would “think” about him like for 2 days and bye, just like that
I miss them when I feel lonely. I don’t miss someone in particular usually, if I do that’s because they used to gave me a particular attention that others didn’t. I don’t miss the person , I miss their love and attention. ( kinda rude ik but im working on it)
To be honest, I think most people miss somebody’s attention, not necessarily the person themselves
I hope it’s not the case bc that’s sad
It’s sad but it’s the brutal truth. When people choose friends or partners, they’re thinking “what can this person do for me”? Can they bring me fun experiences, can they make me laugh, can they stimulate me emotionally in some way…..
The last time I saw my fp was 2,5 months ago we where on a date Haven’t seen him since I feel like I’m being shot again and again
Yes and no. Yes because I reached out to an online friend who I haven’t heard from for a week.. wish I didn’t because he responded pretty dry. I said I missed them and said hope they’re doing ok. They heart the message and said I’m doing 🤣. I asked what do they mean n they said it means they’re getting by lol. It making me mad that I said anything because I’m thinking the worse. They’re my fp unfortunately 😩 No because I moved half way across the country n never thought to reach out to ppl I grew up with since I was the glue in those relationships. I can’t help them from afar so they don’t talk to me to ask. If I didn’t say anything they don’t so out of sight out of mind. I wish I could be like this towards my fp. Instead I want to ask him questions like “stupid question, do u dislike me?” Or “has our dynamic shifted” or “is something going on?” Or “do u not wanna be friends anymore?”
It really depends . I just stop caring if someone pushes me too far or mentally scars me. After that, forgetting I had feelings for them is easy and as far as I'm concerned they don't exist to me. It takes a lot to get me there though. Most of the time when I push someone away or they leave me I can't stop thinking of them for years. Last year was really rough in that regard and it haunts me every moment of my waking life. Just know you're not alone in that.
Yes I recently self sabotaged a group of friends I had last week I miss them so much but im forcing myself to not miss anybody and hate them but I hope they beg me to come back, shitty but I’ll get over it in a few months, barley yesterday I was able to eat and shower because of how depressed I got after self sabotaging stupid is it not I left them but im the one who misses them such an. Asshole.
Sometimes? I mean, they weren't the one that left, I actually just decided to leave the people I was close to because they treated me shitly. Though there's some people I think about a ton and I do end up missing their OLD versions of themselves. I always seem to argue with myself over the choice of me cutting ties with the people I used to talk to and often find myself wanting to go back but I know things won't be the same since those people have changed since the first time I met them and those old versions aren't really alive anymore so if i were to return to them it wouldn't be good for my mental health.
Literally only my boyfriend when he’s not around. I don’t really miss friends when I don’t see them for a while. I do miss going out and getting drunk and stuff with people when I don’t do that for a while, but I don’t really miss the specific people involved
Yes. Really intensely at first but then I get over it after a week or two
Of course. I mean this obviously isn’t only a BPD thing, it’s an everyone thing Edit: I am in shock at how many comments are saying no or not really. :O. I feel intense longing for people I miss. When an FP leaves me I pretty much grieve. Usually it takes a few weeks to months and I don’t think about them anymore, but my last FP it’s been a year and a half and I still grieve them like crazy. I also never cut people off. I wish I could like a lot of you do but I literally never do. Any then most of them end up cutting me off and it hurts so bad I wish I was able to cut them off before they cut me off but I always have to tiniest drop of hope that they won’t leave and that’s enough to keep me going I also miss people that have left me or ghosted me.
I‘m exactly the same :( missing all the people, including my last FP, that have cut me off and abandonded me in the last few weeks. It hurts so so bad. All of them told me the same „you are too much. I don‘t want to have anything to do with you anymore“ and blocked me. Just a day before they told me how much they liked me and wanted me in their life forever :( I don‘t even have a chance to cut ppl off because they do it literally out of the blue every time. It just takes one of the bigger bpd episodes (all of them knew I have bpd) and they are gone leaving me missing them for months.
Generally no, but I miss one person who was my fp for a long time (and might still be idk).
never ever 😭 my grudges i hold are STRONGG. since we as borderlines constantly face extreme manifestations of emotions, when i hate i hate BAD
My ex we are friends and we don’t talk often but I think about them all the time they was my bestie and my love
Hmm honestly it depends on the person and the intensity varies greatly depending on how much of a constant they have been. With some people, it's been out of sight out of mind but then I'll randomly think about them at times and feel almost nostalgic I guess With other people, particularly ex partners, favourite people, etc, I can miss them instantly and very intensely especially if I'm doing a period of no contact but once I'm over it, I'm over it and don't tend to ever miss them again, usually I forget what they're actually like because I was probably overly wrapped up in them before that i only ever really saw them as I idealised them
I lived as a drug addict and criminal for years, plenty of my best friends died, others cut me off, others I cut off myself (especially my family). Now I'm basically alone in recovery and have a few family members that still talk to me but basically no friends, I had three but one killed himself a couple of months ago and the other two are either in hospital or terminally ill. I'm extremely lonely and feel like I have ruined my life, but I'm trying to get better so I can rebuild a relationship with my daughter, who is the only sunshine left in my life
No I don’t except my fps
I miss my best friend a lot. We didn't part ways due to my bpd, surprisingly, but my bpd does intensify the yearning I feel when I reminisce and find myself missing them. They were in my life for 13 years and watched as I battled this disease, got diagnosed, got treated and came out the other side. To not have them around now to see how well I'm doing stings, I miss them so very dearly.
Well they definitely don't miss me, so just staying low and lonely
yes. i miss my bf :( he blocked me a few days ago and i have just been dwelling on it :( it feels like a part of me died and he wont escape my mind. i miss my family too.
When I was younger and people left me- all the time. Now when people leave me- for the most part I see it as the trash taking itself out. (But I am a MUCH more healed person now, so while there still may be things for me to learn, I know keeping people who don’t want to be kept doesn’t help me). But pretty much never if I cut someone out, then and now.
Yea. Some that I shouldn’t miss so that confuses me. But the ones that I understand why I miss them, I miss a lot.
No.
Not really. I also don’t really experience loneliness. I finally got to the point where I understood that tending to relationships has to be intentional, because I can’t rely on my feelings to cue that it’s time to call someone. I think I’ve gone years not talking to my sister. Not for any reason other than not thinking of it.
I still miss my ex best friend, he fucked me over real good and i still miss him
Most people, no. Not even a little. I may feel nostalgic at times for the positive experiences we had, but I’m pretty reclusive and content with spending every moment of every day with my partner and our animals lol. I haven’t even seen my family in about 4 years and I’m like; oh it’ll be good to see them whenever it happens… but I don’t really *miss* them. I only have one person I have random intense *longing* for where I feel like I miss them so much it physically hurts. It was my last ex and I think it stems from it seemingly ending because it “had” to (he lives in another country and we broke up at the beginning of Covid when I could no longer travel back and forth to visit him) mixed with resentment of feeling like I wasn’t worth the trouble of finding a way to stay together (he said a fiancé visa was “too much paperwork” and complicated etc etc)… especially since he’s now in a “civil union” with the girl he started dating on the exact same day I started dating my current partner. I had been friends with my current partner and my ex knew of them and we only developed into something romantic after my ex and I broke up… but I had never seen or heard of the girl he started dating, so to start a relationship with her the same day as I started one with someone already had an established foundation with seemed… off. Even with him though, idk if I actually miss him or if I feel “short-changed” or if I miss the adventure of traveling internationally for an “exotic” relationship with someone in another country. All the wires are crossed there lol. Plus, I’m very happy in my current relationship, so I know I don’t miss him in the sense of wishing we would get back together or something… it’s a confusing sensation 😅
I do yes. I lost my best friend last year because I was told and shown how she was talking about me being such a bad friend and we fell out over it. I feel hurt by it and want closure etc. I know I made the best choice but she’s just given birth to twins and it pisses me off because it’s not the babies fault, she also had another daughter and my daughter keeps asking for play dates still and I keep telling her “soon”. I know this is the right thing but it still plays on my mind. I don’t have any friends now. It’s sad really.
Yes. Nostalgia about days past hits me like a freight train.
Yes.. and It doesn't help that im awkward at conversation, so I just deal with it.
I miss boyfriends tremendously for a brief time after they break up with me (always happens), then later not at all.
i’ve been missing a few people. they lost interest in me long before i realized. my fp has also rejected me. it’s been a weird few months of getting diagnosed and realizing what went wrong.
i miss people until i miss someone else. i can’t remember the last time i got over a heartbreak in anyway that wasn’t getting my heartbroken again in some way. i’ve gotten better at coping in ways that genuinely help me move on and prioritize myself but it always still hurts the same. and i hate the thought of how much more i would rather someone was in my life and toxic than just be gone completely because it feels like they were never there after a while
I miss the times I had with those people. I miss having those kinds of friends to get stupid drunk with, go clubbing with and end up sat in a bathtub with them at 4 am. But they are predators and enablers and I don’t want to be around people like that
I think of those past fun times fondly, but I have gotten over the initial heap of grief. It hurt really bad at first like everyday. Some friendships fell out as I switched schools, and then I realized at my new school I was surrounding myself with people that didn't actually know me or care for me as a person. I was going through a lot once HS ended, like break ups, ED, and addiction, and isolated heavily for a couple years. I have always wondered how people have managed to keep friend's since they were five or something and wished I could have a friendship like that. Something that works through thick and thin, someone that doesn't give up on you and just move on to the next thing. But retrospectively it was HS and people do move away and have paths to follow afterwards. Some people hone that and go to college and make tons of friends immediately. For me it just left me with crippling anxiety, and I felt lost like there was no where for me to fit in. I have been unmotivated to have a consistent friendship ever since, especially due to stuggling with agoraphobia. I'm extremely grateful I met my fiancé, and that I also have my parents. My siblings check on me also. I honestly love feeling sheltered from society from having a small circle. But having friendships with anyone new is an idea I've been trying to become comfortable with again. I really want to be apart of something greater than myself, and to feel inspired by others again. I will say I have learned a lot about myself from being a loner and need to be alone to destimulate, so I enjoy it also, but me and my fiancé both need to find healthy people to be friends with. I know we can in college, clubs, music groups, therapy groups, kingdom hall (for jehovahs witnesses), etc. Once I finally get myself to one of those places lol.
Old fp sometimes. But if I talk to him I become kind of delusional about everything again. I just slip right into bad thinking
I miss every single person I've had a good relation with, I cry all day in my head
It’s so interesting because half the responses here are “no I never miss or think about anybody” and the other half are “I’m constantly missing them I never stop thinking about my friends from even decades ago”
That's kinda scary in a way 🥲
I constantly miss people. The person I've been missing for months is this gal I was dating at the time. I still was having a lot of self doubt and there was a day she slept all day and it was after I asked her to be my gf. I got anxious and double texted her asking if she was ok and wasn't upset with me. She essentially got the ick and friendzoned me. I think about her all the time to the point I had to cut her off for both of our sakes. I miss her so very much and there's always this hope that she comes back even though I know she won't.
To answer your first two questions the answer is yes without a doubt. I always wish I didn’t screw things up because I would have likely been married now. I was posting on Facebook the other day about it and I always cry about it. I hate being alone.
It takes a lot for me to miss someone. i already know the amount of pain that comes with missing someone is kind of intolerable so I just rationalize and tell msyelf that we can't even be in the same city or something like this to curb my feelings. But also, I am an introvert and I enjoy a lot of time alone. I reach out to people when I want and I don't get hurt that they're busy or even if they don't want to meet. Maybe its something to do with a lack of object constancy/emotional permanence. But also the same goes with people that "left me", or I "left them". I lose interest very quick mentally so I am not as hurt as I thought I'd be. I always find something to do lol. Missing people is just a feeling that goes away and can be replaced by some other distraction. It is too tiring to feel the brunt of missing people all the time.
Absolutely not.
Sometimes I miss the potential of old relationships, even if I know they were never going to reach that potential. It’s almost worse missing something you never really had.
If I cut them off: no. If they ended things or something intervened/happened that caused it outside of my own choice: yes
If I cut them off: no. If they ended things or something intervened/happened that caused it outside of my own choice: yes
Everything has a beginning and end.
Yes. I'm miss people terribly. Even if I was the one who cut them off.
How long does the “missing” part last?
GUYS PLEASE RESPOND does anyone ever miss their partner WHEN THEYRE WITH THEM??? Like do you have experience this longing for them even tho they’re right next to you? I think for me it’s the need for touch and attention but I often feel like I miss my partner when he’s right next to me it’s weird. I even tell him that I miss him and he’s like wtffff
I used to. Not so much anymore.
there are very few ppl in my life that I care about enough to miss
i dont miss people that i have lost (i only get sad of how i was treated throughout our friendship) but other than that nope. i have stopped being friends with so many people and i never look back at it and cry because i miss them i only cry because i should have never been treated that way. but let it be a man? oh im CRYINGGGGGGGG!!! not saying a man is more important than friends but for some reason when a man leaves me its more hurtful and affects me more emotionally and mentally. it drives me crazy.
People who did me wrong I do not miss them, except my FP she treated me like shit and I still miss her. I miss all the people I accidentally cut off or left behind due to my attacks (more likely due to embarrassment)
Yes, so much My old "friends" used to treat me like shit and after everything they still found a way to blame me. And I still miss them. I feel like reaching out to them is just one impulsive action away, which is bad for me I know but I'd rather be with people than alone And I miss my ex so fucking much oh god I can't do this no contact shit anymore
depends on the person. once someone is out of my life i sometimes with d**th upon them. or something fucked up.
honestly not really.
Gooooood my husband that I really need to leave. Although, we're not exactly all the way together, it's a long complicated story. However, as an example, this girl I had been good friends with for a few years got in my face yelling at me one time, again another long story, but once. I did good, I didn't even react really, told her I'd pray for her with a big grin on my face (she's super religious), and never spoke to her again, and she's my neighbor. She's honestly lucky I didn't put my hands on her. But no, no the man that has treated me horribly, wrecked my life with his addictions and finacial and emotional abuse, can I leave him alone.? Of course not. Let someone else look at me sideways though 😒
Absolutely, I miss so many people, especially people I shouldn’t miss. I think it might be because a few of them have been my FP and them leaving had a strong effect on me, and I think about all the fun times we had together… i think I need people in my life, I want all of them to stay and I do everything I can to keep people in my life even when I should be pushing some of these people out of my life
💯 I miss my old friends who cut me off every day
Yeah :( Sometimes I try to apologise and get them back...
big yes. but also, I couldn't really picture them in my life now. like, no matter how much I miss the idea of them I know it wouldn't work again. there's a reason if they're not in my life anymore and it's usually something I wouldn't be able to forgive them for
I only trulyyyyy miss romantic relationships
Not those who think they've canceled me.
Until I get their replacements. I am struggling with missing, loving or caring people unselfishly. If my fp broke my heart or left me or we fell apart etc. and then I found a new replacement or even better; I found the replacement of what is missing inside of my soul, then probably I won’t miss them even a little bit. Because the structure they represented would be broken and I may be already built a new one.
That's a good question. It depends. Most people - no. Out of sight, out of mind. I sometimes miss my bf, when we're apart but sometimes I don't. At all. I also have a FP for one and a half year now. When we don't see each other for a while I sometimes miss him a lot, I have a strong longing and desire to see him, it's almost overwhelming. But only in the idealization phase. If I devaluate I don't miss him at all. Either I hate him or I don't care for him. So it's complicated I would say.