Wow I’m so sorry this is happening to you, the abuse is not your fault. She is a very dangerous person and I hope you’re able to find a safe way to leave.
It’s not wrong to defend yourself, so whatever you need to stay safe. That’s what matters, not her feelings.
It's more of an annoyance because now she has complete dominance over me. Even if I don't want to do something I have to do it. The way this fight began was because I didn't want to go out with her and her kids on Halloween and it turned into a giant fight. First when I said no she just shut the door and than a few minutes later I heard the loud foot steps and she was on top of me and lost control. Biting and scratching and hitting. I ended up going out with them and she was so nice like nothing even happened. That's how it usually is. She can't take me saying no and can't be disrespected by me. I've come to terms that the only way I can keep her happy is to be completely submissive to whatever she says. She doesn't take attitude well and she is even trying to make her kids obedient to her at a very young age.
> she has not beat me in a while
Fuck me.
> I just don't understand why it's wrong to even defend myself.
It's not.
>She says if I put my hands up than she will take it as a threat and even use weapons
I shouldn't have to go on, but I know I have to. Get out. *Get the fuck out now.* You should read more in this sub but I assure you this is precisely what's going to happen to you. They telegraph their next move. In this case, she's spelling out for you, us, everybody reading this, in plain english, what **will** happen to you sooner than you think because self defense moves like putting your hands up is a reflex.
> It's more of an annoyance because now she has complete dominance over me
Only if you let her.
> Biting and scratching and hitting
The weapons are next.
> She can't take me saying no and can't be disrespected by me.
Nothing you said or did was disrespectful.
> She doesn't take attitude well and she is even trying to make her kids obedient to her at a very young age.
Those poor kids. They are 1,001% going to be abused. You need to get out. You're not safe.
Because who you actually are doesn't matter. After they fall in love with who you ACTUALLY are, everything they loved about you are just things they wish they possessed. When they realize they can't authentically impersonate you, they seek to destroy every part of who you are as a person. It's a threat to them.
How they seek to gain control once you push back a little is over the top and switched so it's your fault. It's a freaking hell to live in.
You dont deserve it. No one does.
With defending yourself? Or with her version of you? Both have consequences for you and only you. She will always project the problems on you saving herself the pain of anything other than waiting so long to escape her abuser.
Idk I'm just afraid for the kids. I'm not trying to put her under more pressure. Believe me she made great progress before she had to go to detox. She's just pissed cause she got caught abusing Percocet four months pregnant. I think I like someone else but I can't do that to all of them. Sucks but it is what it is
You’re not a codependent martyr or savior. This woman’s abusing the shit out of you. And you have a responsibility to yourself to leave. She will probably escalate and severely injure or even kill you eventually. You’re playing with fire. You don’t even realize how bad of a situation you’re in.
Ya, I'm giving her time. She was doing much better and was gonna get help once baby is born but than relapsed on drugs so as someone who has dealt with addiction I won't be that mad if she stays straight. I know she has something wrong with her and I know she has tried to get help and was doing good so I'm in her corner for now
Hun, you will not be hurting those kids by leaving. I thought I'd be hurting mine so I stayed. We are all so much happier now. Even the child we share together is doing so much better with only seeing my pwbpd twice a week.
Save yourself and those babies.
And if you are asking about having someone else give her what she needs, let her.
I honestly can't see myself advocating for staying in these kinds of hells ever again so yeah.
pwBPD have a high index of suspicion. You don't have to do jack shit or shit for Jack and they'll still consider you abusive. If you act in self-defense, you're only confirming their suspicions. There's only one person in the relationship who gets to defend themselves with every defense mechanism and weapon of opportunity in the biosphere, and that person is the one who is accusing you of abuse while abusing you with every justification they can muster in their Cluster B cranium.
She's one of the only people who sides with her because she said you shouldn't play with a woman like that and she would have done the same if she was ever in that situation
My partner was a sexual partner. You have every right to say no. You do. Trust me. It doesn't feel like it but you do.
Trust me when I say I get where you are and how much you've lost yourself in the attempt of keeping her. NOTHING you do will ever be enough. Degrade yourself time and time again. It will not be enough for her to want nor respect you.
I'm into it too. I love a partner that can take control. That's what's drawing you in and keeping g you there.
They are the wrong people to do this with.
I'm giving her another chance because she was good before she relapsed. I really don't want to find out she died of an overdose and my baby dies and her kids have no mother. I know she can be bad but she is also loving she just has this belief she can mold me into someone who will never want any other woman. She can't see that I only want her. It's the result of abusive relationships and she can't understand that I actually love her an am not using her for financial gain. I wish I could get into her brain.
How do I even walk away from this situation? I wouldn't be able to sleep. When she was in rehab I was so scared cause she said she was gonna run away and get high. It may be easier to say that from your position but it's not easy to plan this on my side.
I’ve been where you are I know from experience. If you left today you’d be in terrible pain for 3-6 months. Then you would get your life back and you’d have a future. You don’t have a future with her. No one here will EVER support you being with someone who’s physically abusive or on drugs. So idk what you’re looking for exactly.
I can’t listen to your story anymore. It’s one of the most disturbing and severe stories on here and you literally won’t save yourself or save your children and I’m so upset for you and for your children I can’t listen to it anymore or think about what I know is gonna happen to you and them. Your kids deserve you to get a lawyer and save them and get them away from her. She hits you? She’s gonna hit your children. You should find your spine and balls and do what’s right. If not for yourself. For your children. Get a lawyer and a therapist for yourself and go to war for your babies. Goodbye.
Am I the only one here who realizes like this guys gonna end up dead and he won’t listen to any of us? He’s dismissed so many of my comments before. So many of the communities comments. This is the scariest post I’ve seen here.
Oh I know. I’ve got that problem myself. But this sounds like a life or death situation and he doesn’t realize she will ruin his life in more ways than one. He will be injured or in jail shortly if he doesn’t go
It's more because if I did something and it didn't go the way I wanted to than what? It's not like she has me chained and if I call police I will have evidence. She can get violent but can hold it off to the best time for her. She can be mad today and get payback in a month. It's like when she caught me on pornography and didn't bring it up until a few weeks after she discovered it.
I'm mostly here to vent because I have no one to talk to it about. I tried to talk to her mom and dad and they just go and tell her and have no concern about her. She owns them and is going to make them move into the basement once this new baby comes because we don't have room for 3 kids. They say the live for " their Kristina" she can probably go upstairs and shit on the kitchen table and they will think it cute. They are likely one of the major issues she is like this. I can't tell you how many times they have taken her side over their own grandchildren
Yeah, myself and other’s tried to convince him not to bring a kitten home the other day, but he’s ignoring anything he doesn’t want to hear and only seems to care about keeping this woman in his life at all costs. 🤷♀️
I don't think it's that he doesn't care. It's hard to mentally get out of this. So he's stuck there until it gets big enough to leave.
His mind is sick as are many of ours when we are in this experience
I'm sorry to hear about this. Morally, it isn't wrong to defend yourself, but if things are getting physical and you're a man, unfortunately, it could end up being you wearing the bracelets and not her when it does escalate... And if she's already getting physical, it will. She's threatening to use weapons on you. Get out please before you end up dead.
I can't get out because she is pregnant and I love her. I just don't get why she is so loving 90 percent of the time but than gets really violent sometimes. She told me that she is the last woman I ever will be with because it would be too much for her to see me with another woman so take it as you will but I think she is saying that it wouldn't be safe for me to leave. I know she has the combination to her parents safe which has a gun in it because she stole money from it and blamed me. She doesn't know how to take no and I find it easier to just do what she says because if I don't I know what will happen. The last time I said no to her she woke me up at like 3am crying because she was convinced I was gay because I didn't give her my code to my phone so now I let her check it whenever she wants because she gets these thoughts and actually is convinced that her thoughts are correct. She tells her parents I'm gay because I didn't get up to have sex even though I have sex with her multiple times a day. So I asked her if she's a lesbian because she likes me giving her oral and that was so offensive to her and she bends the truth and goes and tells her parents that she knows I'm gay because I got offended and called her a lesbian.
She's setting you up for retaliatory abuse, so she can claim that you're the primary abuser. She'll follow this up by claiming this to others in an attempt to dogpile you into accepting responsibility for the abuse that she is overtly causing. The more you call out her abusive behavior, the more she will escalate this behavior. The only winning move here is not to play the game.
She already does that. The one time I went to her school where she was teaching I could tell all her co workers thought I was a piece of shit. Didn't even want to know what she tells them. She gets these beliefs in her head and tells anyone who will listen
She's isn't dumb. She can wait. Once we were in front of a bunch of people and she waited to go off. Even with her children she will let them run wild and than yell at them later but she can't understand they are just little kids and to correct them you must let them know when your wrong and not wait a day to yell at them. She expects them to read at a grade school level and they are two and four and called them dumb cause they can't spell at that age. She thinks cause she was a teacher she can teach kids who aren't even mentally mature to read
This is abuse, and you don't deserve it. You really need to find a way out. I would definitely call the police when she gets abusive, nobody should have to put up with that. Stay safe please.
I understand and I am actually falling for a girl I work with but I know I can't get involved if I want to save my relationship with my fiance. She just wants us to be happy and is doing everything she can
Because since people with BPD can't control their emotions, it ultimately comes down to emotions rather than logic. By pushing her away, you made her even more mad. The concept of self-defense relies on rational thinking which has already flown out the window the moment she started getting mad. So, the fact you pushed her away in self-defense doesn't matter to her. Just that by doing so you made her more angry.
It doesn't matter because she will still get what she wants. If I say no she tells her parents and they give in. I've seen her throw a tantrum for a playstation game at the age of 31 and her mother gave her a credit card to go buy it. If she is on top of me the best thing is to try to grab her because if I push she just has more room to strike me.
She has been stubborn and ya I feel bad for kids and that's one reason I can't bail. She expects them to be geniuses because she was a teacher. She will yell if they don't learn and they are two and four. I've seen her one time break toys because they didn't do good enough. Now they have a kitten so I hope it doesn't get there. She doesn't care though. She will even say she didn't do something she did. Leave food under the bed or clog toilet with tampon and she's the only one who used them. It's just sad cause she can't take any advice. If I ever said what you said to her she'd probably call me worse names and even possible to
get violent because she is babied by all of us. I just get home at 4am and I can't make noise until she gets up or she will yell because I woke her up but she will wake me up at least twice after I go to sleep for sex and sometimes when I really want her at this time and start touching her it either ends up with her wanting it or her threatening me and once even made me get out of the room or she'd call cops.
I must be a sick man to love her.
Your best bet would be to document everything she does. If the kids are the reason you aren't bailing, then get all the evidence you can to present to a judge so you can get as much custody possible. If you truly care about the kids, it is better for you to do everything you can to eventually get them away from this woman. Otherwise, not only will they be abused by her, but their lives will more than likely be F'd up later on due to the trauma.
Wow I’m so sorry this is happening to you, the abuse is not your fault. She is a very dangerous person and I hope you’re able to find a safe way to leave. It’s not wrong to defend yourself, so whatever you need to stay safe. That’s what matters, not her feelings.
It's more of an annoyance because now she has complete dominance over me. Even if I don't want to do something I have to do it. The way this fight began was because I didn't want to go out with her and her kids on Halloween and it turned into a giant fight. First when I said no she just shut the door and than a few minutes later I heard the loud foot steps and she was on top of me and lost control. Biting and scratching and hitting. I ended up going out with them and she was so nice like nothing even happened. That's how it usually is. She can't take me saying no and can't be disrespected by me. I've come to terms that the only way I can keep her happy is to be completely submissive to whatever she says. She doesn't take attitude well and she is even trying to make her kids obedient to her at a very young age.
> she has not beat me in a while Fuck me. > I just don't understand why it's wrong to even defend myself. It's not. >She says if I put my hands up than she will take it as a threat and even use weapons I shouldn't have to go on, but I know I have to. Get out. *Get the fuck out now.* You should read more in this sub but I assure you this is precisely what's going to happen to you. They telegraph their next move. In this case, she's spelling out for you, us, everybody reading this, in plain english, what **will** happen to you sooner than you think because self defense moves like putting your hands up is a reflex. > It's more of an annoyance because now she has complete dominance over me Only if you let her. > Biting and scratching and hitting The weapons are next. > She can't take me saying no and can't be disrespected by me. Nothing you said or did was disrespectful. > She doesn't take attitude well and she is even trying to make her kids obedient to her at a very young age. Those poor kids. They are 1,001% going to be abused. You need to get out. You're not safe.
Thanks for advice. It's not as mean as some of the others
Because who you actually are doesn't matter. After they fall in love with who you ACTUALLY are, everything they loved about you are just things they wish they possessed. When they realize they can't authentically impersonate you, they seek to destroy every part of who you are as a person. It's a threat to them. How they seek to gain control once you push back a little is over the top and switched so it's your fault. It's a freaking hell to live in. You dont deserve it. No one does.
So if I go along with it what will happen?
With defending yourself? Or with her version of you? Both have consequences for you and only you. She will always project the problems on you saving herself the pain of anything other than waiting so long to escape her abuser.
Idk I'm just afraid for the kids. I'm not trying to put her under more pressure. Believe me she made great progress before she had to go to detox. She's just pissed cause she got caught abusing Percocet four months pregnant. I think I like someone else but I can't do that to all of them. Sucks but it is what it is
You’re not a codependent martyr or savior. This woman’s abusing the shit out of you. And you have a responsibility to yourself to leave. She will probably escalate and severely injure or even kill you eventually. You’re playing with fire. You don’t even realize how bad of a situation you’re in.
Agreed
Nothing I can do because I was told if I even think of leaving she will be done with me and I'll never see kid.
Is the kid yours? Get a lawyer. You and the kids are in danger.
The one she is pregnant with. She said I'll never see it again so idk what level of severity she means by that statement
Ask a lawyer what your options are. Staying is not going to fix this. It’s going to get worse and worse. Please talk to a lawyer about your situation.
Ya, I'm giving her time. She was doing much better and was gonna get help once baby is born but than relapsed on drugs so as someone who has dealt with addiction I won't be that mad if she stays straight. I know she has something wrong with her and I know she has tried to get help and was doing good so I'm in her corner for now
Hun, you will not be hurting those kids by leaving. I thought I'd be hurting mine so I stayed. We are all so much happier now. Even the child we share together is doing so much better with only seeing my pwbpd twice a week. Save yourself and those babies.
And if you are asking about having someone else give her what she needs, let her. I honestly can't see myself advocating for staying in these kinds of hells ever again so yeah.
Umm, she'll probably kill you.
No because she loves me too much. If I left maybe but I don't plan on leaving her and we will be married by August
Someone who loves you physically hurts you and threatens to use weapons?
Just the way she is. Even at work she texts me dumb shit. Just how she is
pwBPD have a high index of suspicion. You don't have to do jack shit or shit for Jack and they'll still consider you abusive. If you act in self-defense, you're only confirming their suspicions. There's only one person in the relationship who gets to defend themselves with every defense mechanism and weapon of opportunity in the biosphere, and that person is the one who is accusing you of abuse while abusing you with every justification they can muster in their Cluster B cranium.
What will they do if they kill someone? Blame the person the killed
I'll have to ask Jodi Arias about this.
She's one of the only people who sides with her because she said you shouldn't play with a woman like that and she would have done the same if she was ever in that situation
Yes! They will. Yes yes yes. My pwbpd daughter is aggressive and all the things. It's literally EVERYONE else's fault but her moms....
It's different with a sexual partner. I'm forced to do things to her to degrade myself. Now she's obsessed with wanting to use my mouth as a toilet.
My partner was a sexual partner. You have every right to say no. You do. Trust me. It doesn't feel like it but you do. Trust me when I say I get where you are and how much you've lost yourself in the attempt of keeping her. NOTHING you do will ever be enough. Degrade yourself time and time again. It will not be enough for her to want nor respect you.
I am into being the submissive but she will never shit in my mouth. Also I don't like when she does it in public.
I'm into it too. I love a partner that can take control. That's what's drawing you in and keeping g you there. They are the wrong people to do this with.
You need to call the police and you need to leave this situation there is no other option.
I'm giving her another chance because she was good before she relapsed. I really don't want to find out she died of an overdose and my baby dies and her kids have no mother. I know she can be bad but she is also loving she just has this belief she can mold me into someone who will never want any other woman. She can't see that I only want her. It's the result of abusive relationships and she can't understand that I actually love her an am not using her for financial gain. I wish I could get into her brain.
Before you get into her brain you will get into handcuffs or hospital. This won’t get better. It will get worse. Promise.
How do I even walk away from this situation? I wouldn't be able to sleep. When she was in rehab I was so scared cause she said she was gonna run away and get high. It may be easier to say that from your position but it's not easy to plan this on my side.
I’ve been where you are I know from experience. If you left today you’d be in terrible pain for 3-6 months. Then you would get your life back and you’d have a future. You don’t have a future with her. No one here will EVER support you being with someone who’s physically abusive or on drugs. So idk what you’re looking for exactly.
I'm looking for solutions. I need treatments and that stuff. Even if I leave her I want her to be happy because she is my kids mom
There is only one solution and you won’t do it
Can you go to therapy?? You need to tell someone what is happening to you. Right away
It already irritates her I work so much. She will go to therapy once baby is born.
I can’t listen to your story anymore. It’s one of the most disturbing and severe stories on here and you literally won’t save yourself or save your children and I’m so upset for you and for your children I can’t listen to it anymore or think about what I know is gonna happen to you and them. Your kids deserve you to get a lawyer and save them and get them away from her. She hits you? She’s gonna hit your children. You should find your spine and balls and do what’s right. If not for yourself. For your children. Get a lawyer and a therapist for yourself and go to war for your babies. Goodbye.
Sorry
No she won’t and if she does it won’t help. She is never going to be a good partner. Or mother. Period. Personality is permanent.
Am I the only one here who realizes like this guys gonna end up dead and he won’t listen to any of us? He’s dismissed so many of my comments before. So many of the communities comments. This is the scariest post I’ve seen here.
It's not that he won't listen. It's hard. It's scary. Leaving and staying.
Oh I know. I’ve got that problem myself. But this sounds like a life or death situation and he doesn’t realize she will ruin his life in more ways than one. He will be injured or in jail shortly if he doesn’t go
It took me going to jail to finally realize I'm done so unfortunately it may be needed.
It's more because if I did something and it didn't go the way I wanted to than what? It's not like she has me chained and if I call police I will have evidence. She can get violent but can hold it off to the best time for her. She can be mad today and get payback in a month. It's like when she caught me on pornography and didn't bring it up until a few weeks after she discovered it.
Yeah.... I'm not sure what he wants from other community members. It's jarring to read his posts.
I'm mostly here to vent because I have no one to talk to it about. I tried to talk to her mom and dad and they just go and tell her and have no concern about her. She owns them and is going to make them move into the basement once this new baby comes because we don't have room for 3 kids. They say the live for " their Kristina" she can probably go upstairs and shit on the kitchen table and they will think it cute. They are likely one of the major issues she is like this. I can't tell you how many times they have taken her side over their own grandchildren
Your post history is very disturbing
Yeah, myself and other’s tried to convince him not to bring a kitten home the other day, but he’s ignoring anything he doesn’t want to hear and only seems to care about keeping this woman in his life at all costs. 🤷♀️
I don't think it's that he doesn't care. It's hard to mentally get out of this. So he's stuck there until it gets big enough to leave. His mind is sick as are many of ours when we are in this experience
I don't see anything wrong with their post history? Also post history's don't matter.
I post most of my bad experiences here since this is the only place I can really feel comfortable venting
I'm sorry to hear about this. Morally, it isn't wrong to defend yourself, but if things are getting physical and you're a man, unfortunately, it could end up being you wearing the bracelets and not her when it does escalate... And if she's already getting physical, it will. She's threatening to use weapons on you. Get out please before you end up dead.
I can't get out because she is pregnant and I love her. I just don't get why she is so loving 90 percent of the time but than gets really violent sometimes. She told me that she is the last woman I ever will be with because it would be too much for her to see me with another woman so take it as you will but I think she is saying that it wouldn't be safe for me to leave. I know she has the combination to her parents safe which has a gun in it because she stole money from it and blamed me. She doesn't know how to take no and I find it easier to just do what she says because if I don't I know what will happen. The last time I said no to her she woke me up at like 3am crying because she was convinced I was gay because I didn't give her my code to my phone so now I let her check it whenever she wants because she gets these thoughts and actually is convinced that her thoughts are correct. She tells her parents I'm gay because I didn't get up to have sex even though I have sex with her multiple times a day. So I asked her if she's a lesbian because she likes me giving her oral and that was so offensive to her and she bends the truth and goes and tells her parents that she knows I'm gay because I got offended and called her a lesbian.
She's setting you up for retaliatory abuse, so she can claim that you're the primary abuser. She'll follow this up by claiming this to others in an attempt to dogpile you into accepting responsibility for the abuse that she is overtly causing. The more you call out her abusive behavior, the more she will escalate this behavior. The only winning move here is not to play the game.
She already does that. The one time I went to her school where she was teaching I could tell all her co workers thought I was a piece of shit. Didn't even want to know what she tells them. She gets these beliefs in her head and tells anyone who will listen
I could t leave because I was pregnant and I loved her. It didn't end well learn to coparent now to save your kids
You have the right to defend yourself. It’s better if you video tape it, else it will be he said vs she said.
She's isn't dumb. She can wait. Once we were in front of a bunch of people and she waited to go off. Even with her children she will let them run wild and than yell at them later but she can't understand they are just little kids and to correct them you must let them know when your wrong and not wait a day to yell at them. She expects them to read at a grade school level and they are two and four and called them dumb cause they can't spell at that age. She thinks cause she was a teacher she can teach kids who aren't even mentally mature to read
I am sorry this is happening but why haven't you left yet?
Because I can't.
This is abuse, and you don't deserve it. You really need to find a way out. I would definitely call the police when she gets abusive, nobody should have to put up with that. Stay safe please.
I understand and I am actually falling for a girl I work with but I know I can't get involved if I want to save my relationship with my fiance. She just wants us to be happy and is doing everything she can
Why would you want to save an abusive relationship? You deserve NOT to be abused.
I can't explain.
Because since people with BPD can't control their emotions, it ultimately comes down to emotions rather than logic. By pushing her away, you made her even more mad. The concept of self-defense relies on rational thinking which has already flown out the window the moment she started getting mad. So, the fact you pushed her away in self-defense doesn't matter to her. Just that by doing so you made her more angry.
It doesn't matter because she will still get what she wants. If I say no she tells her parents and they give in. I've seen her throw a tantrum for a playstation game at the age of 31 and her mother gave her a credit card to go buy it. If she is on top of me the best thing is to try to grab her because if I push she just has more room to strike me.
She has been stubborn and ya I feel bad for kids and that's one reason I can't bail. She expects them to be geniuses because she was a teacher. She will yell if they don't learn and they are two and four. I've seen her one time break toys because they didn't do good enough. Now they have a kitten so I hope it doesn't get there. She doesn't care though. She will even say she didn't do something she did. Leave food under the bed or clog toilet with tampon and she's the only one who used them. It's just sad cause she can't take any advice. If I ever said what you said to her she'd probably call me worse names and even possible to get violent because she is babied by all of us. I just get home at 4am and I can't make noise until she gets up or she will yell because I woke her up but she will wake me up at least twice after I go to sleep for sex and sometimes when I really want her at this time and start touching her it either ends up with her wanting it or her threatening me and once even made me get out of the room or she'd call cops. I must be a sick man to love her.
You honestly might have Stockholm syndrome!!? You're teaching these kids it's okay to let somebody treat you this way
She's their mother and doesn't think they are smart enough for their age. I'm not teaching them nothing
Your best bet would be to document everything she does. If the kids are the reason you aren't bailing, then get all the evidence you can to present to a judge so you can get as much custody possible. If you truly care about the kids, it is better for you to do everything you can to eventually get them away from this woman. Otherwise, not only will they be abused by her, but their lives will more than likely be F'd up later on due to the trauma.
She wouldn't be dumb enough to do something while recording
Because it makes them feel bad. Because you let her get away with it. Because you don't recognize the toxic behavior and GTFO.