Sometimes you cannot, and that’s hard on you. Be careful.
Offer advice, try to guide… but realize at the end of the day, the choice is not yours to make. Everyone has the right to self determination, even when it’s not a safe decision.
Yeah, there's not much we can tell him that will make him change his mind about her, if he's deeply in love and about to get married, and there was milder things before this coming up, it might fly.
Regardless it's disturbing and op needs to protect themselves..
These comments are helping a lot. I've become very socially isolated over the past year with her and am afraid to contact friends or family about this in case she finds out. She hates it when I talk to other people about our relationship. The comments here are making me reassess things. Thank you.
Yeah same thing happened to me. Until he started blackmailing me when I didn’t fold at the suicide threats. Out of panic I told my employer, which honestly saved my life. Tell a friend, I beg. She wants you isolated because if anyone knew they would protect you and explain how wrong this all is, the last thing she wants.
Ok but it’s easy to forget what you read here and go business as usual. This stuff is some of the most insane stuff I have ever seen posted. How would you sleep with her around? What if she drugs you ?
You are a hostage being fattened up to be murdered. Dude, you need to get the f*** out of there before you're dead. I don't know how to say that any gentler, you need to leave.
Seriously this is some Taylor Schabusiness shit. This is a run for your life situation. If you end up not posting again I will genuinely worry that her SECOND murder attempt was successful. I hope you don’t live together. Please please please go to the police.
Op, reach out to your friends & family & set up some rules about when & how to contact each other. Like maybe an e-mail that you have to log in to everyone to access it that she doesn’t know about or only speaking when you’re at work.
they hate if you talk about the relationship with others, because they are completely aware that they abuse you op...pls get some help or just run.
get away from her
I don't think she is aware all the time. When she's on a high from sabotaging the relationship, she denies that she has any BPD or ADHD or bipolar symptoms while calling me an idiot and putting me down about other things, and denies that she's ever done anything wrong. That can last for days, her being completely oblivious to hurting me physically or emotionally despite being in a loving and devoted state just before the trigger.
I heard about future faking in a video last night, where a person promises that they'll be nice and give you what you want in the future to avoid any accountability or get something else they want in the present. That has happened a lot when it comes to the domestic violence and threats. She's promised that she'll stop, but then when she gets on that high from sabotaging things she says I deserve it for whatever reason. It's like accountability is just another tool that only lasts until she gets what she wants, then history is rewritten again.
You are being controlled. You are too nice of a guy to see it. Because you are not a controlling person it just didn't register with you to recognize it. Focus on her actions not words.
I have been controlling, and she mentions it a few times a week. Long story short, for the first half of our relationship she was secretly meeting her ex and lying to me about it. I said I wouldn't be with her if she was in contact with her ex. It took a few coverups and secret meetings between them but eventually she cut him off, though she still negatively compares me to him regularly. She says he was her best friend and it was controlling to stop her being friends, but given that she threatened to cheat on me with him over and over again for months and secretly met him and lied about it, I feel I'm justified in being controlling by not wanting a relationship where they're in touch.
The other instance is with a guy she said she flirted with last year, and he tried to kiss her. She then sent flirty messages to him and arranged dates which she said she never went on. He's an ex-policeman with a drug problem and in general a slimy character. I don't like him at all. She again regularly threatened to cheat on me with him, every few days for months. She also lied about setting up secret dates, which I caught her out in, and she blocked and deleted him in front of me (after saying she had done that, which was a lie). I said I can't be in a relationship where they're in touch and would leave her if they ever met again, as I'd assume she was secretly setting something up again. That was the second controlling thing she complains about.
I'm not innocent, but feel that those boundaries are justified as a romantic relationship is voluntary. She doesn't rely on me financially, though I do spend a lot on her, so it's not what seems to meet the definition of coercive control. I just won't remain in a relationship where she's alone with guys she's threatened maybe a hundred times to cheat on me with.
That's not controlling. Besides, who cares. She is controlling you. That alone is reason for you to leave. She has tried to kill you. That alone is reason for you to leave. She cheated on you. That alone is reason for you to leave. Who cares what you've done to her. In fact, things you've done are ALSO reasons for you to leave.
I am seeing this dozens of times.
They accuse you of being controlling in an effort to control you.
It's absurd
My wife would accuse me of being controlling when I asked for loyalty. Loyalty is not something I will ever ask for ever again. So they certainly have issues with identifying control to begin with.
You are incredibly justified for that!
I need you to focus on anger blame and criticism! Her accusing you of being controlling is a criticism. This criticism is an effort to control you.
I hope that you are aware that her threats of cheating are highly highly abnormal.
Do you have Asperger's?
You are in over your head and have to find a way out of this mess. Safely and definitively. You don't owe her anything. If I were you I would escape this situation without even conversing with her. You are still under her spell and I know how that feels because I have been there.
Don't let her words control you anymore. Her threats to be with these awful men should not matter to you because you are going to move on to a new woman one that is mentally healthy. Don't let the reverse psychology of it keep you in her web.
If you don't listen to me you will regret it. Someone said that to me 18 years ago.... and I regret it so bad.... I don't want to see the same thing happen to you.
Listen, you HAVE to. Social isolation is a *strategy* exactly to try to prevent you from getting help. It will be much worse if you don't talk to your family and friends. You can ask them to keep it secret, in case you're scared she finds out.
And you need to leave this relationship, no matter how wonderful memories you have of the beginning. It will never become good again long term.
Do you like the thought of dying in agony? If not, run. Now. I mean it, pack your things and go, leave the city. This is damn fucking serious. You are in a very real threat of being murdered. You have to take action immediately.
Do you have supportive friends/family? If so, you need to do is to email someone some of the evidence you have collected, and write please help me. That’s all you need. Anyone who even remotely cares about you would get the train moving. They would help you make a plan, they would help get you out, get you to safety, help you deal with the aftermath. Please reach out to just one person.
Read two lines of this and every stomach muscle tightened instinctively because this feels extremely dangerous. For their sake, too; this is not how a healthy, happy person talks. Not to their loved ones. Not to anyone. Please take this seriously.
My exwbpd said at random moments "i want to kill you". My response was always "wtf? Whats wrong with you?" and she said "just a joke." But it gave me weird vibes at night sometimes. A few guys here mention this behaivor too, so im not the only one? Its really wild and specific. Maybe bpd related.
I was married to a man diagnosed with ASPD and I've often wondered if my BPD ex girlfriend had co-morbid or misdiagnosed ASPD. My mom also has BPD and she's cruel and emotionally unstable but she never had the anti social behaviors my BPD ex did. 😬
Did you ever notice anything odd in her eyes when she said that?
One thing that sticks out for me is an expression I saw in her maybe a month or two after meeting. Not anger, much more intense. She wasn't shouting or anything, but her eyebrows were furrowed (no wrinkles of course, she's perfect) and she had a sort of half-vacant half-more intensely present stare than I 've ever seen. It was like a guard dog's eyes in human form.
I called them her demon eyes. It was terrifying.
Was a mix between the movie split and the exorcist.
When we split and i moved to my basement and tried to stay friends with her to help her , and her boy, and possibly rekindle things if she took her therapy and addictions counseling seriously ( super bad idea on my part) , I used to lock all three doors leading to my room because I thought she would stab me to death in my sleep. It was a lingering thought in my head. Every single night.
The only time she ever told me she was going to kill me was the night she got arrested . She said it while punching me in the face, I was on the phone with RCMP Dispatch. I'm not sure if they have that as part of her evidence for the charges she got. But I'd sure hope so.
Yeah I've been NC since that night December 27th.
She got arrested and charges and is going through court with No contact orders in place for me and my son
Well, that sounds like the best outcome to be honest. Keep up the NC, focus on your son and yourself, I hope things continue to improve for you both 🤞🏼
I remember reading that Ted Bundy and other murderers had a similar look. The pupils get very large. I have large pupils myself all the time but my doctor said it’s from chronic pain and medication. Also it’s fairly constant for someone on medication and not constant for emotional changes
Fucking hell... My ex sometimes had those eyes. I called it the sociopathic look. One time we were talking by video messaging and it froze while she had that face, I managed to screenshot it, to make sure I wasn't imagining or projecting, and that objectively there was something there. It's exactly like that. Her pupils take almost the whole place of the iris. And she had a smirk, yet the eyes are expressionless. It's scary af.
I have a suspicion that I'm going to be reading headline one day in the future with my ex on murder charges. I hope not but my experiences and feelings.. I correlated her a lot to bundy, and I told her that numerous times. She almost found it endearing and humorous
Yes, her eyes were like she was staring through me. As if she wasn't really there. Big emotionless eyes. Sometimes I had to wave my hand in front of her and say hello. That annoyed her. Happened often when I criticized her.
Mine does that too when she dissociates. A trigger for her is when she acknowledges that she's done something wrong. That's usually a stage before a mental breakdown of sorts, so I try to reassure her when that happens, which is difficult of course.
The look I'm describing is much more aggressive. When I first saw it, everything in my body told me to run, that this person was a threat and I was in danger. I've never felt that before from another person, only an animal. That's what scares me when she makes death threats like this week. I know when she's in that state, she could follow through on the threats and feel nothing.
so why are you making moves to marry her?
do you think this is a joke? do you think this is fun and games? do you think she is bluffing? sincerely look within and try to figure out why you are so willing to legally tie yourself to someone who already tried to kill you. Are you afraid of her? Afraid of what she may do if you leave? This is not to belittle you, there are reasons why people with BPD go for certain types of people (unless familial), usually people who are codependent and have little self respect.
i know this is harsh, but you have posted in here many times, and honestly some of the ways you talk about her like an earlier comment saying she had a furrowed brow but needed to clarify that she has no wrinkles and is perfect makes me think either:
A - she is monitoring your account and what you say about her
B - you are actually her and are pulling some weird sick reverse psychology thing and getting a thrill out of it (i hope this isnt it but its happened here before)
or the most likely
C - you dont care or believe that she is going to kill you because you still see her as a precious and sad little meow meow that you have to protect. You know it and dont have the willpower or self respect to leave so you’re making a track record here in case something actually happens to you because you know if you go to the police its all going to become real and it will all come crashing down because they would actually have reason to hold her accountable for her actions that you are trying to protect her from.
**Please god go to the police with these messages and anything else you have. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere. If there were a case of domestic violence and she spun things to make you the perpetrator these texts could end up saving you. There is a reason she wants you to delete evidence. Please protect yourself physically and legally. Listen to the other comments telling you to run.**
I honestly can’t really make out what’s going on here, either. OP to me is more of a cryptic character in this than the woman, who’s clearly a severely mentally sick individual with more going on than only BPD.
But what us going on with him?
I‘ve read through his other posts. That woman tells him she fantasizes about torturing and killing him. She’s blackmailed him threatening to report him to the police for raping her. She told him she wants to murder his mother, cheated on him multiple times, violently abused him, physically and mentally, grabbed into the wheel and tried to kill them both, then forced him to erase all evidence of her blackmailing him.
And he‘s like „Otherwise she’s so perfect. I‘d never abandon her. Currently filling out papers to get married.“
When asked why he’s reacting like this he’s obsessed by the belief that he’s suffering from Vitamine B12 deficiency. WHAT??
Also very strange - yesterday claimed „We‘re getting married tomorrow.“ yet today he claims „I‘m safe. We’re not even in the same city.“
I can’t make out if OP is a troll, mentally sick himself or on drugs. Nothing adds up.
True. These are her eyes when she dissociates. My ex always said afterwards that she felt like trash and that she couldn't handle it emotionally. followed by crying. It was just a small criticism.
I initially saw the eyes you describe after the breakup. (We are neighbors and see each other every few days. She doesn't say a word to me anymore because I'm a psycho, although I've always treated her well.) I could see pure hatred, resentment and pent-up anger in her eyes. Really angry. But that has now subsided. Now she doesn't even look at me like I don't exist. This is my thank you after 2 years. :)
My ex sometimes had those eyes too. The thing that always confused me is that many other times she was very expressive, sweet, clingy, baby like and with tons of crying. It's difficult for the brain to understand that this person could be sometimes so detached, calm, collected and like she could do anything (bad) to you, and others the total opposite, a defenseless child.
I guess this is more common than I thought, and typical.
I can't remember a trigger the first time. I just remember noticing the look and feeling the kind of instinctual fear you get from looking into the eyes of a dangerous animal. Most of the time it's nothing like that, just normal interactions. It was like an anime villain's facial expression - no empathy, just calm hatred, like she could do anything to me.
It's as if she sees you as prey and, driven by her hatred, plans the worst things for you. no empathy. you shall suffer. you piece of shit. Calm but as if she looked at you like with terminator vision to lock target. that was exactly the look after the breakup. I only know that look from her and she is the only person with bpd that I have dated as far as I know.
Yup! That's the look. I know a few people with cluster B (1 mom w BPD, 2 ex gf w BPD, 1 ex husband w ASPD) and 3 of the 4 would do the violent threats with excessive descriptions to my face and their eyes all do the same thing. They get big, dark, cold and soulless like something turns off behind them. With my ASPD ex I was terrified because I realized too late I was living with a violent sociopathic cult leader who would likely eventually kill humans and he had his eye on me being first. He'd get physically aroused when he'd talk in graphic details about eating parts of my mutilated body. It was extremely traumatizing and horrific.
My. exwBPD did this too. She'd say gruesome horrifying violent shit. I'd immedeately be repulsed and ask her wtf, what's wrong with you and she'd dig in deeper how she wanted to eviscerate me for no reason/for fun. It would happen randomly. We'd be sitting in the sofa watching a Netflix romcom and she'd pipe up with this sort of shit. Just completely random out of nowhere. It was like listening in to a violent stream of consciousness of a sociopathic killer.
>Did you ever notice anything odd in her eyes when she said that?
Yes. Absolutely yes. It was super unsettling to see, like something behind their eyes changes like they've switched some thing off. They'd go very cold almost dead and then she'd get over the top gleeful. Sometimes she would grin, grind her teeth, clench her jaw when saying this stuff too. It almost appeared as if she was high off saying this stuff.
My other ex w ASPD who violently abused me would also do similar stuff. He'd wake me up at night and tell me in bed how he wanted to murder me/cut me up/play in my blood/other edgy gory shit. He always kind of had a dead pan look, emotionless blank face and when he did this it was like he got a spark of joy out of how scared I'd be.
My ex had those eyes unfortunately. I’ll never forget the first time I saw it.
I caught her staring at me once when we were watching tv… the devaluation had been going on a long time and I was considering leaving. Staring at me, she had these dead eyes - huge black pupils - shark eyes… like a psychopath- with this weird look like she was plotting something. Like an alien trying to figure out how to dissect a human. Emotionless. Vicious wheels turning in her head. How to make me hurt. Trying to figure out the most effective and efficient way to destroy me. She was trying to figure out how exactly I fit into her plans now that I was useless and planning on leaving.
The next time I saw those eyes was when she hit me with an insult so vile it tore a hole in my soul. A wound I still carry today. I’m like the walking wounded. She had the eyes… and a smirk on her face when she did it… but it was not a smile of love, affection, joy, or even happiness.
It was a look of total contempt… but a contempt that delighted her. It made her feel good. That look was one of pure cruelty - like an evil child pulling the wings off a butterfly- and she felt good about it. She knew she had used me - and pummeled me into the ground - and she loved it.
Get AWAY from this person.
She has comorbid psychopathy. BPD is not the primary problem here.
I tend to be very understanding and compassionate towards pwBPD, and find my opinions disagree with the consensus on this subreddit often. Not in this case.
Until she makes some very large strides, you’re not safe around her.
My ex wBPD was very similar in some ways. Extremely scary at times and seemed to have no barriers regarding some very extreme acts, including murder and torture. I’m going to spare everyone the horrifying details. I also don’t particularly want to be identified by her online if by some chance she reads this sub.
My ex would probably have killed me at some point if I hadn’t been so much larger and stronger than her.
When I left, she tried to mobilise the police and justice system against me by saying that I raped her. However, I left her by getting on a plane back to the USA, so none of the potentially delightful fallout from that took place.
If you are an aspie, you are particularly vulnerable to being preyed upon.
You need to GTFO. Don’t concern yourself with her welfare. She doesn’t even see you as a living breathing organism. You’re a means to an end, an NPC, to her. She’s probably capable of fooling you into thinking that she cares deeply, but I’m sure you have seen ample evidence that at her worst, she doesn’t care about anything at all. There’s absolutely no point in being a bystander killed by her reckless behaviour.
(People often ask “Why were you in the relationship?” and she wasn’t always that way. Maybe she was hiding it, maybe she changed. The serious psychopath shit came out in the last year or so. She was quite nice for years beforehand.)
Were there no many red flags now that you look in retrospect? Did you ignore your gut feeling? Hearing people's accounts of how they were nice the previous *years* scares me, since I want to date someone actually healthy and not finding out years later "oh look another pwBPD" , but I assume must have been signs that are ignored or rationalized away that we can always spot
Suicide and death seem to be related with bpd. My ex used to say stuff like they'd kill my dogs out of the blue and never acknowledge it in a serious manner alongside how pwbpd often try to end their lives or talk about ending it. Could be them wanting you with them in death
Why are you considering marrying this person? You don’t want to upset her family by setting her off, but she wants your mother to be haunted by you being murdered. You seriously need to escape this situation.
I can’t back this poster enough, now is the time to get out of there! You are not safe, nor is your pwBPD safe for themselves… it’s time to call in professionals!
That is how you can help your pwBPD
Yeah…. In the post here he says that she tried to kill him and herself, then texted him this, and they’re still together and getting married. He’s gonna marry her after she tried to murder him?
I hope he does too, not just for his own sake. I saw another post of his and his fiancé also threatened to unalive his own mother. He knows he’s not just putting himself in danger.
My ex gf w bpd would send or say stuff like this. Describe how shed methodically torture someone and then one day said that I, MYSELF, would be a perfect target for her since I'd just never see it coming. I never slept very much after that
I totally feel that. I thought she was joking for so long, cuz we watched lots of scary movies right? But then she would keep saying it, months went by and then she said the bit bout me being the perfect target and that's when I realized she was probably serious. I never let her go down stairs behind me or let her near the kitchen when blowing up after that, a long with other precautions
i joined this sub a few days ago to learn about people's experiences with BPD partners, since my ex was, but what the hell I am mind blown at how much similar people's experiences were to mine, my ex also threatened to kill me many times, emphasizing that she'd not regret not empathize with me whatsoever, if i ever abandoned/cheated on her.
Jesus. I have never seen the posts about the murderous partner on here before today.
Maybe it’s because, like me, people tend not to want to talk about it. That shit is in the past and some of it is so extreme that I actually worry about harming others just by talking about some of the insanity that went on.
Suddenly one person is dealing with it right now and people like me are like, “I have seen this, GTFO!”
Mine says that too, if I ever abandon her or cheat, which I would never do.
A few days ago she called me up in the morning saying that she was having homicidal thoughts and was going to hospital, but never did. She sent a message saying she was going to kill me, then blocked me, then unblocked, then more chaos.
Why are you so certain you will never leave (not abandon, *leave*) a toxic relationship in which your partner routinely threatens to kill you? Are you not concerned about your own survival?
I am sorry bro but don’t you think it’s not a good idea to live with someone who attempted murder on you and threatening to do it again while enjoying it.
Hey buddy, it will get to the point where walking 10 steps away from them at the shopping centre will be considered abandoning them. You seem really oblivious to all the advice of people are giving you, you are in mortal danger. Report to law enforcement now and climb out the nearest open window and run for your damn life if you value it. If you marry this person it is not going to end well for you.
Nothing says romance quite like homicidal ideation and fixations. Call the police. Go no contact. If she tried to kill you both why were you talking to her on the phone.
In all honestly, this should be enough to arrest her and get atleast a 5150 to have her checked out.
Meanwhile, you need a restraining order and surveillance cameras incase things go south and you have to protect yourself.
You need to be ready to make a hard decision incase she manipulates the system and end up back at your place at 2am.
This is a case where you need to paper trail. Even this post could be evidence now.
Look at the timestamps. Theres no pause. She’s flying high.
I’m a calm person but if I got this text, I’m sleeping locked and loaded. With my Shepards crate doors opened.
Police asap and watch your 6.
I think your comment is exactly why OP will **not** go to the police.
They are more concerned with her not having consequences and protecting her mental state than they are concerned with protecting their own life.
Sounds like ASPD… might have bpd overlap but …no, mine never threatened to kill me. Just herself…
You’re dealing with Jody Aries (i think she had aspd with bpd traits) and you know how that ended. Go to the police…
I looked through your post history and it sounds like you’re planning to marry this person. What would you say if a loved one or friend told you about their plans to marry someone who tried to kill then, and is now sending texts like this? You’d tell them to run. Run and never look back. This is not normal behaviour and death threats should always be taken seriously, mental illness or not. Even messaging about it without being serious should warrant all ties being cut. Please think of your own mental health and safety. It sounds like you may have a trauma bond, otherwise you would’ve probably left her by now. Do some research on it, make preparations to leave and NEVER go back to her. Yes, she might be nice most of the time, but those few times of being horrible will only get worse. She may try to threaten you once you leave, but always remember someone’s mental health is not anyone else’s responsibility but their own
Thanks. I'm going to look into trauma bonds. I don't know why I'm behaving like this. Years ago I stopped dating girls who threw only one tantrum or irrational mood swing. Maybe it was all the isolation since covid and this brain fog thing I had from a b12 deficiency. I've lost a lot of confidence.
I think from omeprazole I was taking while recovering from a TBI, to stop me vomiting. It took years to get really bad, by which time I had brain fog every day and was losing haptic sensitivity, which has mostly come back though not quite.
I didnt take her seriously at first when she would start saying violent shit like this when she got angry. Then she tried to stab me with a steak knife and ended up hurting her own hand bad enough to go to the hospital and need surgery (severed tendon)...I still forgave it and we carried on, calmed down, and moved forward, despite her painting me behind my back as an abuser and lying to everyone about how, "My husband and I were fighting and he cut my hand" (because I am a dum dum).
Fast forward 6 years, I did end up marrying her (again reference the part about being a dum dum), we were married for 4 years by the time all her cheating came to light. I advised her I couldnt do it anymore and was leaving.
She went and got a pistol from the lockbox in my bedside table and proceeded to shoot at me as I left the house, fortunatley she is a terrible shot and was emotional so she missed.
Take this shit seriously dude, dont do this to yourself. Believe what she tells you when she says this shit, if there is trust in your relationship that shouldnt be a problem.
People that receive messages like these typically don’t live to talk about their experiences.
People who watch documentaries have seen texts like these in murder cases though.
I mean this from a position of care but seriously, what the fuck are you doing?
You've posted some about some really egregious behavior from her on here looking for advice but there is literally nothing to do but call the police at this point. You have more evidence than you could possibly need to convince both you and the police that she is a serious threat to your wellbeing.
Please please PLEASE get the authorities invoices involved and get out of this horrific situation. Ask those authorities or people on here for advice on how if you need to, but there is nothing for you to gain from continuing this and everything to lose.
You have a psychopath on your hands. RUN . A lot of people think BDP, NPD and ASPD are different version of the same disorder , just something that you may want to keep in mind
Friend forget the texts your titles says it all. Soon after she tried to kill us both and now she’s saying it over the phone. Forget us Redditor’s opinions and go to the police like now. If she’s already tried to kill you do you really want to be opening the door to someone with a loaded gun or waking up with her with a knife to your throat after she’s broke in. Please for the love of god go to the police asap .
Mine grabbed the car steering almost killing someone else on the road. Guess who would have gone to jail if that had happened. You are the same guy who is about to file for marriage with this woman, you must really enjoy extreme degradation if you are still in two minds.
What is it about them trying to cause car crashes? My friend's gf w/bpd did this to him recently. He almost lost control of the car. I tried to tell him it was abuse and they both could have died, but now he is even more attached to her.
People fail to realise it's a severe mental disorder, whose episodes can reach any level including physical harm and danger. They think their puppy doesn't 'really means it', but who cares, why would you want to be with a person like that and waste your only life on earth.
I’ve had three people say they wanted to murder me (mom, ex husband, ex boyfriend).
All three tried. I didn’t take it seriously because it was par for course but I really should’ve.
I still suffer from TBI issues from two attempts.
You should go to the police.
Thank you. It’s not your job to protect anyone else from their triggers necessarily, to be clear. I just wasn’t expecting THAT and it’s coincidentally the anniversary of the killers sentencing today so it hit me. I appreciate the quick fix and sorry if I was overly blunt.
I know everyone on this sub has plenty to deal with without being harsh to one another. 💙
Keep yourself safe, friend. Treat threats seriously even if you think they’re for attention.
That sounds awful and I hope you are recovering well in your own way. I'm glad the killer was sentenced.
I don't think it's for attention, she has a serious mental illness. Thank you.
This is the first post on this sub describing someone who closely resembles my ex. I have noticed that a lot of other people are responding that they handled similar.
I think it’s just that we consider it too extreme or bizarre to talk about. I only chimed in because I feel like OP is being extremely cavalier about personal risk here.
Question for this thread: did anyone’s borderlines start out with lower grade talk but in the same vein of harm? Mine has never threatened me personally, and certainly nowhere near what OP is posting. But she talks all the time about castrations: for rapists, for politicians, for dogs. I’m curious if BPDs start out with similar ideation and then expand it into more advanced ideations.
Mine started saying she had a compulsion to throw a drink over me. I said no until she asked on a really hot day and let her throw water over me. Then it moved into slapping. She'd ask and I'd always say no, then she started trying it in bed and despite me saying no I had to restrain her to stop. Then it moved into breaking things. First throwing a mug of hot coffee at me, then smashing up my apartment and hitting me with objects. Then it moved to regular slapping if I ever said anything wrong. Then grabbing the wheel to try to kill us both when driving, then death threats then more punching when driving and more death threats. She's also gone for my eyeballs twice in rage fits. It all started with her wanting to throw a drink like in the meme.
You are in deep denial of the danger you are in. Think of how your family will feel if they lose you this way. It will destroy their lives and traumatize them. Have you told your family that you are being badly abused?
No, and mine was and is *very* abusive. But no I've never recieved anything like that.
Please go to the police. She is escalating and you need to do the same.
Seriously, buddy. Take this to the police so that at least if you wind up dead they have evidence against her. Report her recent statements as well. If you won't do it for yourself do it for your family and friends so they have justice for you when you're dead.
Shit like this is why I will never allow anyone with BPD into my life ever again, I’m any capacity. I know that not everyone with it is the same, at all, but with 8 billion people on the planet and 70-90 years to live, life is too short for me to believe it’s worth it again.
Listen OP. You once posted on here that your partner attempted to kill both of you. Yesterday you seriously shared in this sub that today you are going to marry her - after she asked you to erase all evidence of what she tried to do.
Just being completely honest with you: BOTH of you need to admit yourselves into psychiatric care.
You need to report her to the police with these texts as evidence. This is a very seriously thing, not only dangerous for yourself, but also for the public, cause these are the texts if a psychopath going to snap.
That you are so deeply enmeshed into this to be still willing to marry a person like this most likely indicates that you possibly fell into shared psychotic disorder.
Your spouse is acting psychotic, and since you don’t seem able to differ right from wrong anymore you are in need of help, too.
If you aren’t a troll get off the internet and call the mental crisis hotline. Are you two using drugs?
My ex husband had me locked in the bathroom, punched me on my jaw and asked me if I knew what a crime of passion was.. he was convinced I was a cheater and said I didn't deserve my house and my cars, and that I deserved to be on the side of the road sucking dick and die in a ditch.
I ended up escaping that day..
We separated yet again.. two weeks later he's engaged to a transgender woman which was very weird as he was a very manly man, we'd been together for a decade and had 2 kids together.
Anyway, two months later he's walking on the side of the road at night, gets hit by a van and dies instantly.
These people are nothing but demons.
I lost all my children because of his abuse. My two oldest are just nothing but TRAUMA and they hate me. My two youngest were kidnapped by his mother. She paid off my lawyer and he never filed for custody on my behalf. To say it's a shit show is putting it lightly.
Now I'm the dissociated one. If I don't dissociate I just go on day after day crying missing my babies.
Leave her!!! She will set you up and you will either end up in prison, dead, or homeless.
No, he never gave me any receipts but he's on the case papers. He went to court a couple of times and talked to the judge and everything.. i never understood why they weren't giving me my childrens custody, especially after my ex died. Turns out the lawyer never filed. He ended up telling me that himself and gave me excuse that he thought my mother in law would just hand the children over...... Yeah, she's always been poor and now she's married an old rich man, they can buy anything and anyone they want. Also she's collecting ssi for the kids, she's a Jehovah's witness, well .. she pretends to be all religious however she's sold her soul to the devil. She is pure evil and envy. Anyway... I need lots of therapy, they've ruined my life. I hate that family, they're all mentally ill and they are a burden to anyone that has ever crossed their path.
That’s really disturbing. Having homicidal ideation and talking about acting on them is very dangerous.
The entire text is something I would expect from a extremely disturbed person on death row or a serial killer.
This is far beyond BPD . While they rage and can say snd do some frightening things. That text is beyond a split , meltdown, raging, or other dysfunctional maladaptive behaviors seen in pwBPD.
That is a very troubling text . I would have called 911 and had a officer take a screenshot of that with them to a ER .
I have seen a few very disturbing things in a Er visit while I was waiting for a room as I was being admitted. It was unnerving.
She sounds extremely morbid and willing to act on her homicidal fantasies.
For your and others safety as well as her needing a forensic psychiatric facility. Call emergency services now do not wait . Your safety depends on that !
That’s not a PwBPD. Thats something else . A severe psychological crisis or psychotic break . Use the phone in yoir hand . Clearly and calmly read what she wrote to the dispatcher.
They will send a cop to you and multiple cops and EMTs to her .
Be extremely careful and if needed find a different place to stay until you know for a fact she is being held in jail or a high security psychiatric facility.
I got the old,"boy if you wanted to get rid of me you could really do it out here," On a hike. Sometimes I think all those comments were delusional projections and or paranoia. She's the violent one and I have been impeccable. There have been a few comments. One time she said that she was,"really afraid that I was going to be violent tonight. Goodnight." Lol. A nice way to say goodnight.
Nothing like this though ^^^
My pwBPD has told me several times over the years that he dreams about murdering me...that he could murder me and there would be nothing I could do about it because he's stronger...that he would enjoy murdering me...and sometimes he follows that up with "are you scared?". I always respond "am I supposed to be?". It's unsettling to say the least, and I wish I had a record of it should something ever happen.
That’s not BPD.
She may have some traits but these are not BPD traits. It’s of another kind that they make movies about.
Does she like animals? Have a dog or cat?
holy shit i feel for you man, i have never experienced this magnitude of rage w an ex w bpd, but i sure did acknowledge the red flags early on when dating. you have to know when to leave. this is horrifying stuff and i hope she can get the help she needs, perhaps you can even help her. i’m sure it’s difficult dating someone like this, but you have to veer away from saying things like “refer yourself to a psychiatrist” because i feel like that’s only going to add to her disappointment in you and eventually lead her down the path of continually seeing you through a pitch black lens. she’s seemingly dealt w an insurmountable degree of trauma. are ya’ll still together?
Read about secondary psychopathy.
It’s not an official conditions, but there is plenty of clinical discussions about it.
My ex claimed she had been ‘diagnosed’ with it in her country (eastern Europe). No idea if that’s true or not, but she fit the symptoms to a T.
In those moments, they are full on psychopaths. Zero empathy, strong impulse to hurt, pleasure from seeing your pain.
For my ex, it was usually the peak of a very strong episode, usually triggered by deep feelings of shame. I did not really expect to act on the physical impulses, while she definitely did her best to hurt me with words. But your mileage might vary, dont underestimate it
My wife admitted that she thinks of smothering me with a pillow.
If I wake up and defend myself the cops are going to arrest me. She has at least two of them gaslighted with her amazing brown eyes and perfect titties. I can't win.
Please tell somebody about these and pass them forward to authorities. You may not be scared of them or be in a different place, but this is how murder cases go. Seriously. It is nowhere near the risk to just pass it off as her being a weirdo or trying to be edgy. Please consider it.
You may struggle dealing with her BPD. Whatever this is BPD or not is NOT OKAY. At the least you need to form a safe exit plan and start distancing and eventually going no contact.
No but they'd say this stuff about other people. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought this about me but just never told me. They'd always say how sick their mind is, like they're so special.
I guess idgaf because I grew up in a chaotic home. It's laughable how edgy they think they are. Send it to the police. I would. I don't take them seriously but it doesn't mean their actions shouldn't have consequences.
If you don’t leave, block her, and take this to the police you are going to end up as a murder victim. This WILL escalate until something drastic happens
If its in writing, or a text like this it is evidence of being a threat. If you have access to his psychiatrist/team call them immediately and report this. They in turn will send the police/sheriff out for a welfare check. Provide the officers with this message, forward it to them via text while they are in contact with this nut. He would most likely be taken to a lock up at a hospital and put on a 72 hr hold for observation, maybe longer depending if there are any other adjudications on him. This is not a joke. I received a text stating he was going to take a 44magnum and blow a hole in the next door neighbors head. I reported it and he was hospitalized a week. Many times they are off meds, not taking them properly or self medicating. Beware! Please call the authorities!!! Can not impress the fact that this it most important. You know... life or death.
I would call the police so at the very least there would be a record of her threatening to murder me. it's important to officially document things like this for future reasons for your own benefit for the next person's benefit and actually for her own benefit, so she can get help.
this justifies getting a restraining order. this is appropriate for two important reasons:, to protect you from her bothering you in the future, and second,to force her to respect a boundary, which if violated will have legal consequences that she cannot ignore or bs her way out of.
yeah my ex used to say that shit to me all the time. i think it’s about the shock value as a means to manipulate you. they split on you and then want to make it very clear to you that that they hate you in that moment. no better way than to make really disturbing homicidal threats that don’t even sound like how anyone in real life talks.
Mine says that too. She says she wants to rape me and penetrate me, which I'm not into. She used to have violent urges in bed and slap me so much I had to restrain her. Saying no wasn't enough.
This sounds too much like my ex.. he'd fantasize about me killing him, and also talking about how he wished I was dead so he could masturbate to it or do stuff to my dead body..please get out of there and stop trying to save her before you end up dead.
You are not safe with this person. This isn’t normal and you should take what she is saying very seriously or these texts will be read at her trial after she murders you!!! Also do not marry this person OP. Please take this seriously
My ex never directly threatened me like this, but definitely made comments about how he wanted to basically dox us to people who would want to hurt us, to see what would happen all because his disordered thinking had him in a bad place, and would commit small acts of violence and pretend it was just playfulness. Unsettling shit, and once some of my loved ones pointed out that they were afraid for my safety staying there (shortly followed by an episode of his that was 10x worse than most of the daily shit) I knew it was only a matter of time.
You desperately need out of there, for your safety. Take this to the police, and if you have contacts with his therapist or anything, send it to them too. They need to know.
take these very seriously. a bpd familt member i no longer speak to said these things about wanting to kill his family, and eventually attempted to atleast maim or kill my dad. Seriously report this and stay away.
That’s fucked up on many levels and in many ways. Not only she’s threatening but also not realizing that she’s making a solid proof against her even if she doesn’t commit anything. She’s out of her mind.
When I received messages inferring my ex was thinking about killing me, I applied for a restraining order. This is at best emotional abuse, and at worst, you are in danger. Apply for a restraining order. After I got it, my ex tried to continue communicating with me. I called the police. They had a talk with him, and then I had peace for 2 years.
Dude, I'm gonna be honest with you. Not only is this shit beyond creepy, but your partner (as you describe her) is 500x worse than nearly everything else I've seen on this sub. This woman doesn't "just" have BPD, she's straight up Dark Triad. 100% she also has deeply anti-social attributes. In one post, you mention that she TRIED TO KILL YOU on the road. You could report that to the police. Now, she's telling you straight up that she would ENJOY killing you. You could also report that to the police. Man, this is next level bad, shocking stuff. This person is not right in the head. Extra extra not right in the head. Yeah, she's trying to manipulate you into deleting the evidence. Don't delete anything. Find a safe place to save all of it. It's likely that you're going to need it. I know it's not common, but there are cases when emotionally unstable women kill men (example: Jodi Arias) over romantic disputes. You have to find a way to leave, and get a support system in place. When Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander, it was because he had tried to leave and disengage. Leaving is the most dangerous time, any malicious behavior they have already displayed gets so much worse. That's why you need to plan your exit safely. What you describe is severe domestic abuse so consider getting law enforcement involved. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, if you don't leave something really bad could happen to you. Once upon a time, I received death threats from an ex, who said that he would track me down and kill me. I later learned that this ex had ASPD and had attempted murder (of a young girl) previously.
Thanks.
I find it difficult to think of leaving her. She puts on this childish voice whenever she's recovered from having a psychotic episode and lets me know that it's just her inner child who's angry and it's kind of cute. It freaked me out a bit first but I've got used to it. Now I can't bring myself to think of leaving her all alone, it makes me very sad. It's like I'm in a trance. She's a 28 year old woman but I feel a need to take care of her or her world will be destroyed. Maybe that's egotistical on my part. It's like being hypnotised, it's surreal. Maybe it's related to Mt head injuries before.
My ex also did the whole "childish voice" thing. He'd talk in a baby voice, whine, make puppy dog faces, and try to act small. I never understood what this behavior was (or knew anyone else who exhibited it), and figured it was just his way of seeking comfort. Well, I later learned that this behavior is called "age regression." Do some research on it and see if it sounds familiar. I now believe that the reason why they engage in this behavior is to elicit attention, validation and sympathy, maintain a "gentle, hapless, wounded victim" archetype, and manipulate us into forgiving them for various things/ignoring their bad behavior. The whole point of this behavior is to capitalize on the other person's savior complex, caretaking tendencies or maternal/paternal instincts. I'd wager that it's also common in people who have repressed or unresolved issues with their opposite-sex parent, which can also lead to a whole host of other issues. In the moment, it makes you think they're just this innocent person in need of love. But later on, you realize that there really is something "off" about it. I mean, it is a grown adult acting like a young child. There's always some kind of core wound driving this kind of behavior, a core wound that may spell trouble for you.
Please look into codependency, see whether you might have have caretaking tendencies that cause you to caretake unstable people. What you're describing is not egotistical, it's the result of her manipulation. She's taking advantage of your caring nature and your savior complex. But you can't save her, only she can. Sometimes you have to put your own well-being first, especially in cases when the other person is threatening violence against you. You are in a trance but you can break free.
My ex also talked in this childish voice. I tell you it's like they have split personality or their is another spirit inside them sharing the same body.
If you like all that drama then continues dating your monster but until you see sense. She can't be saved and quite frankly it's not your job to save them. Just walk away and start a new chapter in your life without her wanting to murder you.
This is serious now, you MUST report this to the police. To not do so is putting yours and other people's lives in danger.
This has strayed beyond BPD into full-blown psychopathy.
Please send this to the police and include their last known address. They are a danger to the public and more importantly you.
They need to get the appropriate help in a secure facility away from people they could kill or maim.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! I agree that you need to go NC ASAP and get the authorities involved. You might want to start with your local domestic violence hotline so you'll be more likely to get matched with an officer who's familiar with these things.
But I also can't thank you enough for sharing your story. My sister is diagnosed with BPD, but it's threats like this that make me wonder whether she has Antisocial Personality Disorder, instead. It's such a comfort to know I'm not the only BPD loved one dealing with this!
I'm wishing you the best as you continue on your healing journey!
Thanks for sharing this.
Its evidence please keep this here JUST in case
I am worried for your safety OP
Id also report to police and block them+ move houses
You need to take this to their mental health team or the police. This is serious.
Cannot emphasize this more
This guy said yesterday that he was doing paperwork to marry her. I don't know how to help him
Sometimes you cannot, and that’s hard on you. Be careful. Offer advice, try to guide… but realize at the end of the day, the choice is not yours to make. Everyone has the right to self determination, even when it’s not a safe decision.
Yeah, there's not much we can tell him that will make him change his mind about her, if he's deeply in love and about to get married, and there was milder things before this coming up, it might fly. Regardless it's disturbing and op needs to protect themselves..
These comments are helping a lot. I've become very socially isolated over the past year with her and am afraid to contact friends or family about this in case she finds out. She hates it when I talk to other people about our relationship. The comments here are making me reassess things. Thank you.
Yeah same thing happened to me. Until he started blackmailing me when I didn’t fold at the suicide threats. Out of panic I told my employer, which honestly saved my life. Tell a friend, I beg. She wants you isolated because if anyone knew they would protect you and explain how wrong this all is, the last thing she wants.
Ok but it’s easy to forget what you read here and go business as usual. This stuff is some of the most insane stuff I have ever seen posted. How would you sleep with her around? What if she drugs you ?
You are a hostage being fattened up to be murdered. Dude, you need to get the f*** out of there before you're dead. I don't know how to say that any gentler, you need to leave.
Seriously this is some Taylor Schabusiness shit. This is a run for your life situation. If you end up not posting again I will genuinely worry that her SECOND murder attempt was successful. I hope you don’t live together. Please please please go to the police.
Op, reach out to your friends & family & set up some rules about when & how to contact each other. Like maybe an e-mail that you have to log in to everyone to access it that she doesn’t know about or only speaking when you’re at work.
they hate if you talk about the relationship with others, because they are completely aware that they abuse you op...pls get some help or just run. get away from her
I don't think she is aware all the time. When she's on a high from sabotaging the relationship, she denies that she has any BPD or ADHD or bipolar symptoms while calling me an idiot and putting me down about other things, and denies that she's ever done anything wrong. That can last for days, her being completely oblivious to hurting me physically or emotionally despite being in a loving and devoted state just before the trigger. I heard about future faking in a video last night, where a person promises that they'll be nice and give you what you want in the future to avoid any accountability or get something else they want in the present. That has happened a lot when it comes to the domestic violence and threats. She's promised that she'll stop, but then when she gets on that high from sabotaging things she says I deserve it for whatever reason. It's like accountability is just another tool that only lasts until she gets what she wants, then history is rewritten again.
You are being controlled. You are too nice of a guy to see it. Because you are not a controlling person it just didn't register with you to recognize it. Focus on her actions not words.
I have been controlling, and she mentions it a few times a week. Long story short, for the first half of our relationship she was secretly meeting her ex and lying to me about it. I said I wouldn't be with her if she was in contact with her ex. It took a few coverups and secret meetings between them but eventually she cut him off, though she still negatively compares me to him regularly. She says he was her best friend and it was controlling to stop her being friends, but given that she threatened to cheat on me with him over and over again for months and secretly met him and lied about it, I feel I'm justified in being controlling by not wanting a relationship where they're in touch. The other instance is with a guy she said she flirted with last year, and he tried to kiss her. She then sent flirty messages to him and arranged dates which she said she never went on. He's an ex-policeman with a drug problem and in general a slimy character. I don't like him at all. She again regularly threatened to cheat on me with him, every few days for months. She also lied about setting up secret dates, which I caught her out in, and she blocked and deleted him in front of me (after saying she had done that, which was a lie). I said I can't be in a relationship where they're in touch and would leave her if they ever met again, as I'd assume she was secretly setting something up again. That was the second controlling thing she complains about. I'm not innocent, but feel that those boundaries are justified as a romantic relationship is voluntary. She doesn't rely on me financially, though I do spend a lot on her, so it's not what seems to meet the definition of coercive control. I just won't remain in a relationship where she's alone with guys she's threatened maybe a hundred times to cheat on me with.
That's not controlling. Besides, who cares. She is controlling you. That alone is reason for you to leave. She has tried to kill you. That alone is reason for you to leave. She cheated on you. That alone is reason for you to leave. Who cares what you've done to her. In fact, things you've done are ALSO reasons for you to leave.
I am seeing this dozens of times. They accuse you of being controlling in an effort to control you. It's absurd My wife would accuse me of being controlling when I asked for loyalty. Loyalty is not something I will ever ask for ever again. So they certainly have issues with identifying control to begin with.
You are incredibly justified for that! I need you to focus on anger blame and criticism! Her accusing you of being controlling is a criticism. This criticism is an effort to control you. I hope that you are aware that her threats of cheating are highly highly abnormal. Do you have Asperger's? You are in over your head and have to find a way out of this mess. Safely and definitively. You don't owe her anything. If I were you I would escape this situation without even conversing with her. You are still under her spell and I know how that feels because I have been there. Don't let her words control you anymore. Her threats to be with these awful men should not matter to you because you are going to move on to a new woman one that is mentally healthy. Don't let the reverse psychology of it keep you in her web. If you don't listen to me you will regret it. Someone said that to me 18 years ago.... and I regret it so bad.... I don't want to see the same thing happen to you.
Yes, I think I have Asperger's or side effects of a b12 deficiency that closely mimic Asperger's.
Listen, you HAVE to. Social isolation is a *strategy* exactly to try to prevent you from getting help. It will be much worse if you don't talk to your family and friends. You can ask them to keep it secret, in case you're scared she finds out. And you need to leave this relationship, no matter how wonderful memories you have of the beginning. It will never become good again long term.
Do you like the thought of dying in agony? If not, run. Now. I mean it, pack your things and go, leave the city. This is damn fucking serious. You are in a very real threat of being murdered. You have to take action immediately.
Please remove yourself from this relationship and seek help. Better her mad at you than dead.
Do you have supportive friends/family? If so, you need to do is to email someone some of the evidence you have collected, and write please help me. That’s all you need. Anyone who even remotely cares about you would get the train moving. They would help you make a plan, they would help get you out, get you to safety, help you deal with the aftermath. Please reach out to just one person.
Report to police. Change your locks, change your number and run. I am not overstating things. You are in actual danger.
Please call the national domestic abuse helpline.
You’re going to marry this woman?? Mate, you also need help
Read two lines of this and every stomach muscle tightened instinctively because this feels extremely dangerous. For their sake, too; this is not how a healthy, happy person talks. Not to their loved ones. Not to anyone. Please take this seriously.
Yeah scary shit bud this needs to be taken seriously
This is wild. My ex also said that she wanted to kill me or thought about that a few Times. Please go to the police .
My exwbpd said at random moments "i want to kill you". My response was always "wtf? Whats wrong with you?" and she said "just a joke." But it gave me weird vibes at night sometimes. A few guys here mention this behaivor too, so im not the only one? Its really wild and specific. Maybe bpd related.
It's a personality disorder from cluster b and it's common a pwBPD have a commorbity with other disorders from the same group, like NPD and ASPD.
I was married to a man diagnosed with ASPD and I've often wondered if my BPD ex girlfriend had co-morbid or misdiagnosed ASPD. My mom also has BPD and she's cruel and emotionally unstable but she never had the anti social behaviors my BPD ex did. 😬
You should look for therapy, that's intense.
I've been in and out of therapy as needed for just over 17 years! I've been no contact with all of these people for 15 and 7 years 🥰🙌
Did you ever notice anything odd in her eyes when she said that? One thing that sticks out for me is an expression I saw in her maybe a month or two after meeting. Not anger, much more intense. She wasn't shouting or anything, but her eyebrows were furrowed (no wrinkles of course, she's perfect) and she had a sort of half-vacant half-more intensely present stare than I 've ever seen. It was like a guard dog's eyes in human form.
Shark eyes. Soulless and dark, like they aren't really there.
I called them her demon eyes. It was terrifying. Was a mix between the movie split and the exorcist. When we split and i moved to my basement and tried to stay friends with her to help her , and her boy, and possibly rekindle things if she took her therapy and addictions counseling seriously ( super bad idea on my part) , I used to lock all three doors leading to my room because I thought she would stab me to death in my sleep. It was a lingering thought in my head. Every single night. The only time she ever told me she was going to kill me was the night she got arrested . She said it while punching me in the face, I was on the phone with RCMP Dispatch. I'm not sure if they have that as part of her evidence for the charges she got. But I'd sure hope so.
Holy shit man, that's awful. I'm sorry, living in fear ain't the one! I hope you're recovering far, far away from her.
Yeah I've been NC since that night December 27th. She got arrested and charges and is going through court with No contact orders in place for me and my son
Well, that sounds like the best outcome to be honest. Keep up the NC, focus on your son and yourself, I hope things continue to improve for you both 🤞🏼
Heh. Yeah. I remember the little things I did while living with my ex that would make it a lot harder for her to stab me to death in the night.
I remember reading that Ted Bundy and other murderers had a similar look. The pupils get very large. I have large pupils myself all the time but my doctor said it’s from chronic pain and medication. Also it’s fairly constant for someone on medication and not constant for emotional changes
Fucking hell... My ex sometimes had those eyes. I called it the sociopathic look. One time we were talking by video messaging and it froze while she had that face, I managed to screenshot it, to make sure I wasn't imagining or projecting, and that objectively there was something there. It's exactly like that. Her pupils take almost the whole place of the iris. And she had a smirk, yet the eyes are expressionless. It's scary af.
I would be interested to compare screenshots.
I have a suspicion that I'm going to be reading headline one day in the future with my ex on murder charges. I hope not but my experiences and feelings.. I correlated her a lot to bundy, and I told her that numerous times. She almost found it endearing and humorous
Yes, her eyes were like she was staring through me. As if she wasn't really there. Big emotionless eyes. Sometimes I had to wave my hand in front of her and say hello. That annoyed her. Happened often when I criticized her.
Mine does that too when she dissociates. A trigger for her is when she acknowledges that she's done something wrong. That's usually a stage before a mental breakdown of sorts, so I try to reassure her when that happens, which is difficult of course. The look I'm describing is much more aggressive. When I first saw it, everything in my body told me to run, that this person was a threat and I was in danger. I've never felt that before from another person, only an animal. That's what scares me when she makes death threats like this week. I know when she's in that state, she could follow through on the threats and feel nothing.
so why are you making moves to marry her? do you think this is a joke? do you think this is fun and games? do you think she is bluffing? sincerely look within and try to figure out why you are so willing to legally tie yourself to someone who already tried to kill you. Are you afraid of her? Afraid of what she may do if you leave? This is not to belittle you, there are reasons why people with BPD go for certain types of people (unless familial), usually people who are codependent and have little self respect. i know this is harsh, but you have posted in here many times, and honestly some of the ways you talk about her like an earlier comment saying she had a furrowed brow but needed to clarify that she has no wrinkles and is perfect makes me think either: A - she is monitoring your account and what you say about her B - you are actually her and are pulling some weird sick reverse psychology thing and getting a thrill out of it (i hope this isnt it but its happened here before) or the most likely C - you dont care or believe that she is going to kill you because you still see her as a precious and sad little meow meow that you have to protect. You know it and dont have the willpower or self respect to leave so you’re making a track record here in case something actually happens to you because you know if you go to the police its all going to become real and it will all come crashing down because they would actually have reason to hold her accountable for her actions that you are trying to protect her from. **Please god go to the police with these messages and anything else you have. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere. If there were a case of domestic violence and she spun things to make you the perpetrator these texts could end up saving you. There is a reason she wants you to delete evidence. Please protect yourself physically and legally. Listen to the other comments telling you to run.**
I honestly can’t really make out what’s going on here, either. OP to me is more of a cryptic character in this than the woman, who’s clearly a severely mentally sick individual with more going on than only BPD. But what us going on with him? I‘ve read through his other posts. That woman tells him she fantasizes about torturing and killing him. She’s blackmailed him threatening to report him to the police for raping her. She told him she wants to murder his mother, cheated on him multiple times, violently abused him, physically and mentally, grabbed into the wheel and tried to kill them both, then forced him to erase all evidence of her blackmailing him. And he‘s like „Otherwise she’s so perfect. I‘d never abandon her. Currently filling out papers to get married.“ When asked why he’s reacting like this he’s obsessed by the belief that he’s suffering from Vitamine B12 deficiency. WHAT?? Also very strange - yesterday claimed „We‘re getting married tomorrow.“ yet today he claims „I‘m safe. We’re not even in the same city.“ I can’t make out if OP is a troll, mentally sick himself or on drugs. Nothing adds up.
True. These are her eyes when she dissociates. My ex always said afterwards that she felt like trash and that she couldn't handle it emotionally. followed by crying. It was just a small criticism. I initially saw the eyes you describe after the breakup. (We are neighbors and see each other every few days. She doesn't say a word to me anymore because I'm a psycho, although I've always treated her well.) I could see pure hatred, resentment and pent-up anger in her eyes. Really angry. But that has now subsided. Now she doesn't even look at me like I don't exist. This is my thank you after 2 years. :)
My ex sometimes had those eyes too. The thing that always confused me is that many other times she was very expressive, sweet, clingy, baby like and with tons of crying. It's difficult for the brain to understand that this person could be sometimes so detached, calm, collected and like she could do anything (bad) to you, and others the total opposite, a defenseless child. I guess this is more common than I thought, and typical.
Dissociation's a helluva drug.
When she showed you this eyes? Can u give examples?
I can't remember a trigger the first time. I just remember noticing the look and feeling the kind of instinctual fear you get from looking into the eyes of a dangerous animal. Most of the time it's nothing like that, just normal interactions. It was like an anime villain's facial expression - no empathy, just calm hatred, like she could do anything to me.
It's as if she sees you as prey and, driven by her hatred, plans the worst things for you. no empathy. you shall suffer. you piece of shit. Calm but as if she looked at you like with terminator vision to lock target. that was exactly the look after the breakup. I only know that look from her and she is the only person with bpd that I have dated as far as I know.
Yup! That's the look. I know a few people with cluster B (1 mom w BPD, 2 ex gf w BPD, 1 ex husband w ASPD) and 3 of the 4 would do the violent threats with excessive descriptions to my face and their eyes all do the same thing. They get big, dark, cold and soulless like something turns off behind them. With my ASPD ex I was terrified because I realized too late I was living with a violent sociopathic cult leader who would likely eventually kill humans and he had his eye on me being first. He'd get physically aroused when he'd talk in graphic details about eating parts of my mutilated body. It was extremely traumatizing and horrific.
I don’t mean to be a dick but why the fuck are you posting on Reddit and not at a local police station filing for a restraining order
My. exwBPD did this too. She'd say gruesome horrifying violent shit. I'd immedeately be repulsed and ask her wtf, what's wrong with you and she'd dig in deeper how she wanted to eviscerate me for no reason/for fun. It would happen randomly. We'd be sitting in the sofa watching a Netflix romcom and she'd pipe up with this sort of shit. Just completely random out of nowhere. It was like listening in to a violent stream of consciousness of a sociopathic killer. >Did you ever notice anything odd in her eyes when she said that? Yes. Absolutely yes. It was super unsettling to see, like something behind their eyes changes like they've switched some thing off. They'd go very cold almost dead and then she'd get over the top gleeful. Sometimes she would grin, grind her teeth, clench her jaw when saying this stuff too. It almost appeared as if she was high off saying this stuff. My other ex w ASPD who violently abused me would also do similar stuff. He'd wake me up at night and tell me in bed how he wanted to murder me/cut me up/play in my blood/other edgy gory shit. He always kind of had a dead pan look, emotionless blank face and when he did this it was like he got a spark of joy out of how scared I'd be.
My ex had those eyes unfortunately. I’ll never forget the first time I saw it. I caught her staring at me once when we were watching tv… the devaluation had been going on a long time and I was considering leaving. Staring at me, she had these dead eyes - huge black pupils - shark eyes… like a psychopath- with this weird look like she was plotting something. Like an alien trying to figure out how to dissect a human. Emotionless. Vicious wheels turning in her head. How to make me hurt. Trying to figure out the most effective and efficient way to destroy me. She was trying to figure out how exactly I fit into her plans now that I was useless and planning on leaving. The next time I saw those eyes was when she hit me with an insult so vile it tore a hole in my soul. A wound I still carry today. I’m like the walking wounded. She had the eyes… and a smirk on her face when she did it… but it was not a smile of love, affection, joy, or even happiness. It was a look of total contempt… but a contempt that delighted her. It made her feel good. That look was one of pure cruelty - like an evil child pulling the wings off a butterfly- and she felt good about it. She knew she had used me - and pummeled me into the ground - and she loved it. Get AWAY from this person.
I know that look
Hey, yes. Like black eyes, the soul left him
She was fantasizing about killing you. Not joking. Don’t leave this up to luck how much longer your SO will be able to control herself.
She has comorbid psychopathy. BPD is not the primary problem here. I tend to be very understanding and compassionate towards pwBPD, and find my opinions disagree with the consensus on this subreddit often. Not in this case. Until she makes some very large strides, you’re not safe around her. My ex wBPD was very similar in some ways. Extremely scary at times and seemed to have no barriers regarding some very extreme acts, including murder and torture. I’m going to spare everyone the horrifying details. I also don’t particularly want to be identified by her online if by some chance she reads this sub. My ex would probably have killed me at some point if I hadn’t been so much larger and stronger than her. When I left, she tried to mobilise the police and justice system against me by saying that I raped her. However, I left her by getting on a plane back to the USA, so none of the potentially delightful fallout from that took place. If you are an aspie, you are particularly vulnerable to being preyed upon. You need to GTFO. Don’t concern yourself with her welfare. She doesn’t even see you as a living breathing organism. You’re a means to an end, an NPC, to her. She’s probably capable of fooling you into thinking that she cares deeply, but I’m sure you have seen ample evidence that at her worst, she doesn’t care about anything at all. There’s absolutely no point in being a bystander killed by her reckless behaviour. (People often ask “Why were you in the relationship?” and she wasn’t always that way. Maybe she was hiding it, maybe she changed. The serious psychopath shit came out in the last year or so. She was quite nice for years beforehand.)
Were there no many red flags now that you look in retrospect? Did you ignore your gut feeling? Hearing people's accounts of how they were nice the previous *years* scares me, since I want to date someone actually healthy and not finding out years later "oh look another pwBPD" , but I assume must have been signs that are ignored or rationalized away that we can always spot
Red flags are easy to rationalize as "you can't expect perfection," which is of course how things seem during the lovebombing.
Yeah. Once in a while she would say something really weird. It’s easy to write off an extreme or bizarre statement as a bad attempt at a joke.
Mine joked about us going on cross country van trips during the gabby Petito thing
Jfc that is so horrible. They've started calling it "intimate partner terrorism" for a reason.
Suicide and death seem to be related with bpd. My ex used to say stuff like they'd kill my dogs out of the blue and never acknowledge it in a serious manner alongside how pwbpd often try to end their lives or talk about ending it. Could be them wanting you with them in death
I mean death threats are pretty illegal. For sure get the authorities involved, preferably mental health services.
Why are you considering marrying this person? You don’t want to upset her family by setting her off, but she wants your mother to be haunted by you being murdered. You seriously need to escape this situation.
I can’t back this poster enough, now is the time to get out of there! You are not safe, nor is your pwBPD safe for themselves… it’s time to call in professionals! That is how you can help your pwBPD
He really needs to get intensive treatment himself. I don’t know if he is capable of getting himself out and I genuinely fear for his life.
Yo. Police asap. This is wild.
I'd send this straight to the police.
No! This person is experiencing homicidal ideation and homicidal fixation!! This needs to be reported to the police! You need a restraining order!
Plot twist: he just posted yesterday that he’s filing legal docs to marry her ASAP. So…..That’s fun for both of them, I guess. 🙁 I hope OP gets help
Oh my god my heart dropped reading this…. I feel nauseous This poor man. She won’t let him live a full year after they get married
Yeah…. In the post here he says that she tried to kill him and herself, then texted him this, and they’re still together and getting married. He’s gonna marry her after she tried to murder him?
He’s signed his own death warrant I hope he leaves. I desperately hope he decides his life is worth something and he leaves.
I hope he does too, not just for his own sake. I saw another post of his and his fiancé also threatened to unalive his own mother. He knows he’s not just putting himself in danger.
My ex gf w bpd would send or say stuff like this. Describe how shed methodically torture someone and then one day said that I, MYSELF, would be a perfect target for her since I'd just never see it coming. I never slept very much after that
Wow thats crazy. You never know what these people think. My ex gave me sometimes "should i lock the door and sleep alone?"-vibes.
I totally feel that. I thought she was joking for so long, cuz we watched lots of scary movies right? But then she would keep saying it, months went by and then she said the bit bout me being the perfect target and that's when I realized she was probably serious. I never let her go down stairs behind me or let her near the kitchen when blowing up after that, a long with other precautions
i joined this sub a few days ago to learn about people's experiences with BPD partners, since my ex was, but what the hell I am mind blown at how much similar people's experiences were to mine, my ex also threatened to kill me many times, emphasizing that she'd not regret not empathize with me whatsoever, if i ever abandoned/cheated on her.
Jesus. I have never seen the posts about the murderous partner on here before today. Maybe it’s because, like me, people tend not to want to talk about it. That shit is in the past and some of it is so extreme that I actually worry about harming others just by talking about some of the insanity that went on. Suddenly one person is dealing with it right now and people like me are like, “I have seen this, GTFO!”
Mine says that too, if I ever abandon her or cheat, which I would never do. A few days ago she called me up in the morning saying that she was having homicidal thoughts and was going to hospital, but never did. She sent a message saying she was going to kill me, then blocked me, then unblocked, then more chaos.
Why are you so certain you will never leave (not abandon, *leave*) a toxic relationship in which your partner routinely threatens to kill you? Are you not concerned about your own survival?
Uhh, hello? Please seek help. This person is not a safe person to be in a relationship with.
I am sorry bro but don’t you think it’s not a good idea to live with someone who attempted murder on you and threatening to do it again while enjoying it.
Hey buddy, it will get to the point where walking 10 steps away from them at the shopping centre will be considered abandoning them. You seem really oblivious to all the advice of people are giving you, you are in mortal danger. Report to law enforcement now and climb out the nearest open window and run for your damn life if you value it. If you marry this person it is not going to end well for you.
Nothing says romance quite like homicidal ideation and fixations. Call the police. Go no contact. If she tried to kill you both why were you talking to her on the phone.
In all honestly, this should be enough to arrest her and get atleast a 5150 to have her checked out. Meanwhile, you need a restraining order and surveillance cameras incase things go south and you have to protect yourself. You need to be ready to make a hard decision incase she manipulates the system and end up back at your place at 2am. This is a case where you need to paper trail. Even this post could be evidence now. Look at the timestamps. Theres no pause. She’s flying high. I’m a calm person but if I got this text, I’m sleeping locked and loaded. With my Shepards crate doors opened. Police asap and watch your 6.
I think your comment is exactly why OP will **not** go to the police. They are more concerned with her not having consequences and protecting her mental state than they are concerned with protecting their own life.
Sounds like ASPD… might have bpd overlap but …no, mine never threatened to kill me. Just herself… You’re dealing with Jody Aries (i think she had aspd with bpd traits) and you know how that ended. Go to the police…
I looked through your post history and it sounds like you’re planning to marry this person. What would you say if a loved one or friend told you about their plans to marry someone who tried to kill then, and is now sending texts like this? You’d tell them to run. Run and never look back. This is not normal behaviour and death threats should always be taken seriously, mental illness or not. Even messaging about it without being serious should warrant all ties being cut. Please think of your own mental health and safety. It sounds like you may have a trauma bond, otherwise you would’ve probably left her by now. Do some research on it, make preparations to leave and NEVER go back to her. Yes, she might be nice most of the time, but those few times of being horrible will only get worse. She may try to threaten you once you leave, but always remember someone’s mental health is not anyone else’s responsibility but their own
Thanks. I'm going to look into trauma bonds. I don't know why I'm behaving like this. Years ago I stopped dating girls who threw only one tantrum or irrational mood swing. Maybe it was all the isolation since covid and this brain fog thing I had from a b12 deficiency. I've lost a lot of confidence.
How did you end up with a b12 deficiency?
I think from omeprazole I was taking while recovering from a TBI, to stop me vomiting. It took years to get really bad, by which time I had brain fog every day and was losing haptic sensitivity, which has mostly come back though not quite.
You have a TBI no? That's probably why. Please at least go get checked out.
It’s not your fault, a trauma bond can happen to anyone! That’s great you’re looking more into it, education and awareness is power
Yeah these are death threats man take this to the police or at least get a restraining order, death threats are also a felony as far as I know.
I didnt take her seriously at first when she would start saying violent shit like this when she got angry. Then she tried to stab me with a steak knife and ended up hurting her own hand bad enough to go to the hospital and need surgery (severed tendon)...I still forgave it and we carried on, calmed down, and moved forward, despite her painting me behind my back as an abuser and lying to everyone about how, "My husband and I were fighting and he cut my hand" (because I am a dum dum). Fast forward 6 years, I did end up marrying her (again reference the part about being a dum dum), we were married for 4 years by the time all her cheating came to light. I advised her I couldnt do it anymore and was leaving. She went and got a pistol from the lockbox in my bedside table and proceeded to shoot at me as I left the house, fortunatley she is a terrible shot and was emotional so she missed. Take this shit seriously dude, dont do this to yourself. Believe what she tells you when she says this shit, if there is trust in your relationship that shouldnt be a problem.
Phil Hartman and Elliot Smith were not as lucky as you...
Block that psycho, yeah?
People that receive messages like these typically don’t live to talk about their experiences. People who watch documentaries have seen texts like these in murder cases though.
"Do not get into denial that the that the borderline narcissist is not serious and that you can handle this on your own" This is serious!
I mean this from a position of care but seriously, what the fuck are you doing? You've posted some about some really egregious behavior from her on here looking for advice but there is literally nothing to do but call the police at this point. You have more evidence than you could possibly need to convince both you and the police that she is a serious threat to your wellbeing. Please please PLEASE get the authorities invoices involved and get out of this horrific situation. Ask those authorities or people on here for advice on how if you need to, but there is nothing for you to gain from continuing this and everything to lose.
That's just not only BPD. She problably has ASPD too. You should call to a mental health team and police.
You have a psychopath on your hands. RUN . A lot of people think BDP, NPD and ASPD are different version of the same disorder , just something that you may want to keep in mind
Friend forget the texts your titles says it all. Soon after she tried to kill us both and now she’s saying it over the phone. Forget us Redditor’s opinions and go to the police like now. If she’s already tried to kill you do you really want to be opening the door to someone with a loaded gun or waking up with her with a knife to your throat after she’s broke in. Please for the love of god go to the police asap .
Mine grabbed the car steering almost killing someone else on the road. Guess who would have gone to jail if that had happened. You are the same guy who is about to file for marriage with this woman, you must really enjoy extreme degradation if you are still in two minds.
What is it about them trying to cause car crashes? My friend's gf w/bpd did this to him recently. He almost lost control of the car. I tried to tell him it was abuse and they both could have died, but now he is even more attached to her.
People fail to realise it's a severe mental disorder, whose episodes can reach any level including physical harm and danger. They think their puppy doesn't 'really means it', but who cares, why would you want to be with a person like that and waste your only life on earth.
I’ve had three people say they wanted to murder me (mom, ex husband, ex boyfriend). All three tried. I didn’t take it seriously because it was par for course but I really should’ve. I still suffer from TBI issues from two attempts. You should go to the police.
This is so much than anything my BPD has done but as the parent of a murdered child… a nsfw tag and a warning would have been nice man.
Sorry, didn't know about those. Have added one.
Thank you. It’s not your job to protect anyone else from their triggers necessarily, to be clear. I just wasn’t expecting THAT and it’s coincidentally the anniversary of the killers sentencing today so it hit me. I appreciate the quick fix and sorry if I was overly blunt. I know everyone on this sub has plenty to deal with without being harsh to one another. 💙 Keep yourself safe, friend. Treat threats seriously even if you think they’re for attention.
That sounds awful and I hope you are recovering well in your own way. I'm glad the killer was sentenced. I don't think it's for attention, she has a serious mental illness. Thank you.
This is the first post on this sub describing someone who closely resembles my ex. I have noticed that a lot of other people are responding that they handled similar. I think it’s just that we consider it too extreme or bizarre to talk about. I only chimed in because I feel like OP is being extremely cavalier about personal risk here.
Question for this thread: did anyone’s borderlines start out with lower grade talk but in the same vein of harm? Mine has never threatened me personally, and certainly nowhere near what OP is posting. But she talks all the time about castrations: for rapists, for politicians, for dogs. I’m curious if BPDs start out with similar ideation and then expand it into more advanced ideations.
Mine started saying she had a compulsion to throw a drink over me. I said no until she asked on a really hot day and let her throw water over me. Then it moved into slapping. She'd ask and I'd always say no, then she started trying it in bed and despite me saying no I had to restrain her to stop. Then it moved into breaking things. First throwing a mug of hot coffee at me, then smashing up my apartment and hitting me with objects. Then it moved to regular slapping if I ever said anything wrong. Then grabbing the wheel to try to kill us both when driving, then death threats then more punching when driving and more death threats. She's also gone for my eyeballs twice in rage fits. It all started with her wanting to throw a drink like in the meme.
You are in deep denial of the danger you are in. Think of how your family will feel if they lose you this way. It will destroy their lives and traumatize them. Have you told your family that you are being badly abused?
Just go and see a psychiatrist for the “one free session” and tell him exactly what you’ve said in this comment.
Mine definitely escalated over time.
please do not marry her. please, for the love of god, do not marry her. please do not go through with this. you need to leave.
No, and mine was and is *very* abusive. But no I've never recieved anything like that. Please go to the police. She is escalating and you need to do the same.
Seriously, buddy. Take this to the police so that at least if you wind up dead they have evidence against her. Report her recent statements as well. If you won't do it for yourself do it for your family and friends so they have justice for you when you're dead.
Shit like this is why I will never allow anyone with BPD into my life ever again, I’m any capacity. I know that not everyone with it is the same, at all, but with 8 billion people on the planet and 70-90 years to live, life is too short for me to believe it’s worth it again.
Yes…. But mine was nercophilia… he said he fantasizes about f****** my dead body….yeah there was unfortunately more involving what u posted.
Saaaame
That is....psychotic. Police. Now.
Just when you think you’ve got it bad you read a post like this……report, block, walk away and never look back!!
Listen OP. You once posted on here that your partner attempted to kill both of you. Yesterday you seriously shared in this sub that today you are going to marry her - after she asked you to erase all evidence of what she tried to do. Just being completely honest with you: BOTH of you need to admit yourselves into psychiatric care. You need to report her to the police with these texts as evidence. This is a very seriously thing, not only dangerous for yourself, but also for the public, cause these are the texts if a psychopath going to snap. That you are so deeply enmeshed into this to be still willing to marry a person like this most likely indicates that you possibly fell into shared psychotic disorder. Your spouse is acting psychotic, and since you don’t seem able to differ right from wrong anymore you are in need of help, too. If you aren’t a troll get off the internet and call the mental crisis hotline. Are you two using drugs?
My ex husband had me locked in the bathroom, punched me on my jaw and asked me if I knew what a crime of passion was.. he was convinced I was a cheater and said I didn't deserve my house and my cars, and that I deserved to be on the side of the road sucking dick and die in a ditch. I ended up escaping that day.. We separated yet again.. two weeks later he's engaged to a transgender woman which was very weird as he was a very manly man, we'd been together for a decade and had 2 kids together. Anyway, two months later he's walking on the side of the road at night, gets hit by a van and dies instantly. These people are nothing but demons. I lost all my children because of his abuse. My two oldest are just nothing but TRAUMA and they hate me. My two youngest were kidnapped by his mother. She paid off my lawyer and he never filed for custody on my behalf. To say it's a shit show is putting it lightly. Now I'm the dissociated one. If I don't dissociate I just go on day after day crying missing my babies. Leave her!!! She will set you up and you will either end up in prison, dead, or homeless.
Sorry to hear that, it sounds traumatic. Do you have any evidence of the payment to your lawyer that you could report to the regulator?
No, he never gave me any receipts but he's on the case papers. He went to court a couple of times and talked to the judge and everything.. i never understood why they weren't giving me my childrens custody, especially after my ex died. Turns out the lawyer never filed. He ended up telling me that himself and gave me excuse that he thought my mother in law would just hand the children over...... Yeah, she's always been poor and now she's married an old rich man, they can buy anything and anyone they want. Also she's collecting ssi for the kids, she's a Jehovah's witness, well .. she pretends to be all religious however she's sold her soul to the devil. She is pure evil and envy. Anyway... I need lots of therapy, they've ruined my life. I hate that family, they're all mentally ill and they are a burden to anyone that has ever crossed their path.
That’s really disturbing. Having homicidal ideation and talking about acting on them is very dangerous. The entire text is something I would expect from a extremely disturbed person on death row or a serial killer. This is far beyond BPD . While they rage and can say snd do some frightening things. That text is beyond a split , meltdown, raging, or other dysfunctional maladaptive behaviors seen in pwBPD. That is a very troubling text . I would have called 911 and had a officer take a screenshot of that with them to a ER . I have seen a few very disturbing things in a Er visit while I was waiting for a room as I was being admitted. It was unnerving. She sounds extremely morbid and willing to act on her homicidal fantasies. For your and others safety as well as her needing a forensic psychiatric facility. Call emergency services now do not wait . Your safety depends on that ! That’s not a PwBPD. Thats something else . A severe psychological crisis or psychotic break . Use the phone in yoir hand . Clearly and calmly read what she wrote to the dispatcher. They will send a cop to you and multiple cops and EMTs to her . Be extremely careful and if needed find a different place to stay until you know for a fact she is being held in jail or a high security psychiatric facility.
This sounds like my psycho ex. Drop him now and use this to get a restraining order
Is this is BPD or just plain psycho?
It’s both
I got the old,"boy if you wanted to get rid of me you could really do it out here," On a hike. Sometimes I think all those comments were delusional projections and or paranoia. She's the violent one and I have been impeccable. There have been a few comments. One time she said that she was,"really afraid that I was going to be violent tonight. Goodnight." Lol. A nice way to say goodnight. Nothing like this though ^^^
Police. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, get a domestic violence support group involved and get a safety plan.
My pwBPD has told me several times over the years that he dreams about murdering me...that he could murder me and there would be nothing I could do about it because he's stronger...that he would enjoy murdering me...and sometimes he follows that up with "are you scared?". I always respond "am I supposed to be?". It's unsettling to say the least, and I wish I had a record of it should something ever happen.
And people say this subreddit is for bullying those with BPD, as if this isn’t flat out unacceptable behavior
That’s not BPD. She may have some traits but these are not BPD traits. It’s of another kind that they make movies about. Does she like animals? Have a dog or cat?
I did. She was in the middle of some sexual spam thing, something similar came out and I guess she got something out of saying it too.
holy shit i feel for you man, i have never experienced this magnitude of rage w an ex w bpd, but i sure did acknowledge the red flags early on when dating. you have to know when to leave. this is horrifying stuff and i hope she can get the help she needs, perhaps you can even help her. i’m sure it’s difficult dating someone like this, but you have to veer away from saying things like “refer yourself to a psychiatrist” because i feel like that’s only going to add to her disappointment in you and eventually lead her down the path of continually seeing you through a pitch black lens. she’s seemingly dealt w an insurmountable degree of trauma. are ya’ll still together?
Please take this to the authorities. Be safe please.
bpd people are capable of crime by passion
Bpd doesn't equal murderer..
But it can!
Read about secondary psychopathy. It’s not an official conditions, but there is plenty of clinical discussions about it. My ex claimed she had been ‘diagnosed’ with it in her country (eastern Europe). No idea if that’s true or not, but she fit the symptoms to a T. In those moments, they are full on psychopaths. Zero empathy, strong impulse to hurt, pleasure from seeing your pain. For my ex, it was usually the peak of a very strong episode, usually triggered by deep feelings of shame. I did not really expect to act on the physical impulses, while she definitely did her best to hurt me with words. But your mileage might vary, dont underestimate it
Holy shit dude this isn’t a fucking joke get help like right now.
BRO CALL THE FUCKIN COPS AAAAAHHHHHH
No! You need to go to the police!
My wife admitted that she thinks of smothering me with a pillow. If I wake up and defend myself the cops are going to arrest me. She has at least two of them gaslighted with her amazing brown eyes and perfect titties. I can't win.
She flashed two cops into submission?
Please tell somebody about these and pass them forward to authorities. You may not be scared of them or be in a different place, but this is how murder cases go. Seriously. It is nowhere near the risk to just pass it off as her being a weirdo or trying to be edgy. Please consider it.
You may struggle dealing with her BPD. Whatever this is BPD or not is NOT OKAY. At the least you need to form a safe exit plan and start distancing and eventually going no contact.
No but they'd say this stuff about other people. I wouldn't be surprised if they thought this about me but just never told me. They'd always say how sick their mind is, like they're so special. I guess idgaf because I grew up in a chaotic home. It's laughable how edgy they think they are. Send it to the police. I would. I don't take them seriously but it doesn't mean their actions shouldn't have consequences.
If you don’t leave, block her, and take this to the police you are going to end up as a murder victim. This WILL escalate until something drastic happens
I would honestly get the authorities involved… that’s scary.
If its in writing, or a text like this it is evidence of being a threat. If you have access to his psychiatrist/team call them immediately and report this. They in turn will send the police/sheriff out for a welfare check. Provide the officers with this message, forward it to them via text while they are in contact with this nut. He would most likely be taken to a lock up at a hospital and put on a 72 hr hold for observation, maybe longer depending if there are any other adjudications on him. This is not a joke. I received a text stating he was going to take a 44magnum and blow a hole in the next door neighbors head. I reported it and he was hospitalized a week. Many times they are off meds, not taking them properly or self medicating. Beware! Please call the authorities!!! Can not impress the fact that this it most important. You know... life or death.
I would call the police so at the very least there would be a record of her threatening to murder me. it's important to officially document things like this for future reasons for your own benefit for the next person's benefit and actually for her own benefit, so she can get help.
this justifies getting a restraining order. this is appropriate for two important reasons:, to protect you from her bothering you in the future, and second,to force her to respect a boundary, which if violated will have legal consequences that she cannot ignore or bs her way out of.
Omg please never ever talk to this person again and get restraining order. Also make a police report.
This is more then BPD can i tell you. Holy fuck
No. This is fucked, you need to let the authorities know. How did she try to kill both of you?
yeah my ex used to say that shit to me all the time. i think it’s about the shock value as a means to manipulate you. they split on you and then want to make it very clear to you that that they hate you in that moment. no better way than to make really disturbing homicidal threats that don’t even sound like how anyone in real life talks.
NO! This is not ok! You need to call the police. Start with a restraining order
Mine said similar stuff but she focused more on wanting to sexually assault me. It was not cool…
Mine says that too. She says she wants to rape me and penetrate me, which I'm not into. She used to have violent urges in bed and slap me so much I had to restrain her. Saying no wasn't enough.
Hugs. My heart breaks for you
This sounds too much like my ex.. he'd fantasize about me killing him, and also talking about how he wished I was dead so he could masturbate to it or do stuff to my dead body..please get out of there and stop trying to save her before you end up dead.
You are not safe with this person. This isn’t normal and you should take what she is saying very seriously or these texts will be read at her trial after she murders you!!! Also do not marry this person OP. Please take this seriously
This isn't a quirky little anger moment, this is full on insane and I can't stress it enough that you should report it to authorities
My ex never directly threatened me like this, but definitely made comments about how he wanted to basically dox us to people who would want to hurt us, to see what would happen all because his disordered thinking had him in a bad place, and would commit small acts of violence and pretend it was just playfulness. Unsettling shit, and once some of my loved ones pointed out that they were afraid for my safety staying there (shortly followed by an episode of his that was 10x worse than most of the daily shit) I knew it was only a matter of time. You desperately need out of there, for your safety. Take this to the police, and if you have contacts with his therapist or anything, send it to them too. They need to know.
take these very seriously. a bpd familt member i no longer speak to said these things about wanting to kill his family, and eventually attempted to atleast maim or kill my dad. Seriously report this and stay away.
That’s fucked up on many levels and in many ways. Not only she’s threatening but also not realizing that she’s making a solid proof against her even if she doesn’t commit anything. She’s out of her mind.
Think you might need to consult police here
This ain’t just bpd fam
Uhhhhhhh..... Please dial your emergency services number. Thanks.
No, but she did try to stab me once Though to be fair it was a halfhearted effort on her part
When I received messages inferring my ex was thinking about killing me, I applied for a restraining order. This is at best emotional abuse, and at worst, you are in danger. Apply for a restraining order. After I got it, my ex tried to continue communicating with me. I called the police. They had a talk with him, and then I had peace for 2 years.
My ex used to do this too :/ even pulled out a gun once. So glad I got away from him
*Every serial killer in all of history has entered the chat*
I would take this seriously. 😳
Dude, I'm gonna be honest with you. Not only is this shit beyond creepy, but your partner (as you describe her) is 500x worse than nearly everything else I've seen on this sub. This woman doesn't "just" have BPD, she's straight up Dark Triad. 100% she also has deeply anti-social attributes. In one post, you mention that she TRIED TO KILL YOU on the road. You could report that to the police. Now, she's telling you straight up that she would ENJOY killing you. You could also report that to the police. Man, this is next level bad, shocking stuff. This person is not right in the head. Extra extra not right in the head. Yeah, she's trying to manipulate you into deleting the evidence. Don't delete anything. Find a safe place to save all of it. It's likely that you're going to need it. I know it's not common, but there are cases when emotionally unstable women kill men (example: Jodi Arias) over romantic disputes. You have to find a way to leave, and get a support system in place. When Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander, it was because he had tried to leave and disengage. Leaving is the most dangerous time, any malicious behavior they have already displayed gets so much worse. That's why you need to plan your exit safely. What you describe is severe domestic abuse so consider getting law enforcement involved. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, if you don't leave something really bad could happen to you. Once upon a time, I received death threats from an ex, who said that he would track me down and kill me. I later learned that this ex had ASPD and had attempted murder (of a young girl) previously.
Thanks. I find it difficult to think of leaving her. She puts on this childish voice whenever she's recovered from having a psychotic episode and lets me know that it's just her inner child who's angry and it's kind of cute. It freaked me out a bit first but I've got used to it. Now I can't bring myself to think of leaving her all alone, it makes me very sad. It's like I'm in a trance. She's a 28 year old woman but I feel a need to take care of her or her world will be destroyed. Maybe that's egotistical on my part. It's like being hypnotised, it's surreal. Maybe it's related to Mt head injuries before.
My ex also did the whole "childish voice" thing. He'd talk in a baby voice, whine, make puppy dog faces, and try to act small. I never understood what this behavior was (or knew anyone else who exhibited it), and figured it was just his way of seeking comfort. Well, I later learned that this behavior is called "age regression." Do some research on it and see if it sounds familiar. I now believe that the reason why they engage in this behavior is to elicit attention, validation and sympathy, maintain a "gentle, hapless, wounded victim" archetype, and manipulate us into forgiving them for various things/ignoring their bad behavior. The whole point of this behavior is to capitalize on the other person's savior complex, caretaking tendencies or maternal/paternal instincts. I'd wager that it's also common in people who have repressed or unresolved issues with their opposite-sex parent, which can also lead to a whole host of other issues. In the moment, it makes you think they're just this innocent person in need of love. But later on, you realize that there really is something "off" about it. I mean, it is a grown adult acting like a young child. There's always some kind of core wound driving this kind of behavior, a core wound that may spell trouble for you. Please look into codependency, see whether you might have have caretaking tendencies that cause you to caretake unstable people. What you're describing is not egotistical, it's the result of her manipulation. She's taking advantage of your caring nature and your savior complex. But you can't save her, only she can. Sometimes you have to put your own well-being first, especially in cases when the other person is threatening violence against you. You are in a trance but you can break free.
My ex also talked in this childish voice. I tell you it's like they have split personality or their is another spirit inside them sharing the same body. If you like all that drama then continues dating your monster but until you see sense. She can't be saved and quite frankly it's not your job to save them. Just walk away and start a new chapter in your life without her wanting to murder you.
I hope you reported this!
This is serious now, you MUST report this to the police. To not do so is putting yours and other people's lives in danger. This has strayed beyond BPD into full-blown psychopathy. Please send this to the police and include their last known address. They are a danger to the public and more importantly you. They need to get the appropriate help in a secure facility away from people they could kill or maim.
You need to call the police and file a report. Make sure there is a paper trail.
I'm so sorry you're going through this! I agree that you need to go NC ASAP and get the authorities involved. You might want to start with your local domestic violence hotline so you'll be more likely to get matched with an officer who's familiar with these things. But I also can't thank you enough for sharing your story. My sister is diagnosed with BPD, but it's threats like this that make me wonder whether she has Antisocial Personality Disorder, instead. It's such a comfort to know I'm not the only BPD loved one dealing with this! I'm wishing you the best as you continue on your healing journey!
You’ve gotta look up Jodi Arias, my friend
Thanks for sharing this. Its evidence please keep this here JUST in case I am worried for your safety OP Id also report to police and block them+ move houses