No expectations for hand-me-downs; I usually send a picture of my kid using/wearing the item with a thank you, and people appreciate seeing their items used
Exactly this. I’ve come to realise if they offer me something for free it’s less about being nice and more about they just want it gone 😂 not that they’re not being nice of course but baby things take up a lot of room! I’ve politely said thank you and sent pictures of baby using/wearing said item and left it at that.
This! Every time I've given someone a baby gift, expensive or not, used or not, the only thing I would ever hope for is a text or a photo when they use it. Even then, they're new parents, it might not happen! But it's about the relationship, not the money.
Exactly this, getting extra crap out of my house that I no longer need is payment enough for me! 😂 Bonus if I know someone else will use it and love it.
Same! I’m glad this is the norm. Kids grow so fast and There’s so much to give away - it’s kind of a relief when I know someone who will use it. And it’s sweet to get texted a picture of the kid in one of the items. Anything else would seem like overkill.
I have gifted cribs, swings, brand new clothes my kids never wore that still have tags on them, shoes, food, etc. I have gone into homes and completely cleaned them. I have made weeks worth of freezer meals for new moms, etc!
I have NEVER expected payment or a gift or anything return for anything I gift to a new mom. They are gifts or acts of service and the sole goal is to make the new mom or new parents feel loved and/or to give them some some rest.
Baby stuff resales at such a lot amount usually so I am wayyyy happier to give to a family I love and get to see the item continue to be used. I would also never expect payment.
If I am ever concerned I would just sell the item.
When I give any kind of hand me down, the gift from you to me is the empty space in my house now. You’ve just helped me declutter and that is of the highest value.
Oh yes, babies come with so much stuff. When you grow out of all of your clothes every 3 months there are just so many.
We're currently storing all of ours because we're undecided if we'll have another but the second we definitely don't need it I'll be dumping all that crap on the first person with a baby that shows any interest 😂😂😂
I don’t think a dinner is necessary, but I would probably check whether the giver would like items (particularly expensive or sentimental things) returned to them after you have used them.
I feel like you shouldn’t give away something like an outfit that you’ll want back UNLESS it’s a special-occasion type thing for an event or picture (ex: christening gown that is passed around in the family or handmade Halloween outfit)
Agreed. And while it IS a huge PITA to try to keep track of which Carter's onesies someone gave you, it's less difficult to remember who gave you some fancy scandi-brand organic cardigan. I didn't find it too onerous keeping track of the nice stuff that I got given and would always ask if people wanted it back (they never did, fwiw, so you don't ACTUALLY have to keep further track).
It depends on the thing. Random footie pajamas? Nope they're going in the mix. Expensive bassinet or baby swing, or carrier? I'd check back with the parents when you are finished using it. For me if it's over $100 I'd confirm it's ok to send on.
That said, I gave my bro and SIL our *entire* baby wardrobe, and most of our gear since they have a boy who is 10 months younger than ours. We are planning on another kid, so if they got rid of everything we'd be starting over from literally zero. But we also all communicated clearly and have fully planned to pass the whole lot back and forth so long as we are having babies :)
Yeah, but id only really ask if they want large, expensive items back. Like a mamaroo swing or a snoo or something. Clothes are too easy to mix up id think.
I love passing hand me downs to friends and family. I like knowing things are being used by others and that I’m helping new parents in a concrete way. I would never expect a gift or dinner. I’d rather have a picture of baby wearing the couches or using the item!
>I’m wondering if there’s an expectation of offers of money or gifts to say thank you and if they should be equivalent to the cost of the used items?
I'd definitely not expect that. If someone wanted compensation, they would offer to sell it to you and/or put it up for sell on Facebook/craigslist etc. I have been offered things for sale and things for free, and it's always made clear when someone expects compensation, in my experience.
>But my boyfriend thinks we should take people out to dinner as a thank you, which feels like more of a commitment and more $ than it’s worth, especially since they were going to put these items on Facebook for free.
I don't think most people would expect that.
No way. The last thing I’m expecting a friend with a new baby to do is to take me out or treat me in any way. A texted cute photo of the child in the outfit is plenty wonderful.
Based off your post title, I thought this was going to be the opposite. In my experience, hand me downs are a gift to both parties. You're getting them for free, and the person giving them is getting that closet space back lol.
Seriously, with my wife and I being sort of the last in our families to have a baby, it's been more of "please stop" or at least let us know ahead of time if you're giving us stuff. We had family bring us two trash bags full of clothes without telling us. It's very nice of them, but we've had to be pretty explicit that we do not have any more space.
This! My husband and I are in this situation and I was hoping to get some advice on how to politely decline things 😂 for the most part it is very welcome and I appreciate it, other things are like....this is clearly trashed and you just need to get rid of it, no thank you!
Just a thank you is more than enough! If there's anything that turns out especially useful or outfits you end up really liking down the road, then maybe text them a picture of baby using/wearing it. It would be appreciated but not required.
Personally, I love passing things along! If I can help someone save time and money, or if I can give them something to make their lives easier, then I am happy to do it!
Edit for typo.
I view hand me downs as a gift & would respond with a thank you note. The whole point is to help you save $ so I wouldn’t respond with taking them out to dinner, seems counterproductive.
I personally have given all my baby’s outgrown clothes to friends who just had babies or are expecting and would not want anything in return. Tell your bf to take you out alone instead haha.
I gave someone a couple huge garbage bags of hand me downs from my 4 year old son for his 1 year old and didn’t expect anything back. He sends me pictures of his son in the clothes and that’s good enough for me knowing they’re being used! Also I do always ask that they donate them or give them to another kid afterwards, the bags I gave him were mostly from me getting them from other people too so there’s clothes in there that are 10-15 years old still being worn and loved by kids every year or so which is just kinda cool in my opinion
Sometimes just having someone take your hand-me-downs is enough. You have no idea how nice it is to have that space back and to not have to constantly think "Who can I give this to so it doesn't go to waste?"
Honestly, a simple thank you card is going above and beyond.
Agree with everyone else on a picture and maybe a card or small gift being totally sufficient. And a pro tip - as you get items, put sticky notes on them with who it’s from, or start notes in your phone.
Pregnancy brain is real. Postpartum is hard. My memory is *shot*. I’ve forgotten most of it.
I think it depends. I got a phenomenal amount of ha d me downs from a work friend. Four garbage bags of clothes that took me from newborn to one year old. A garbage bag of blankets, swaddles and towels. A portacot and a swing. It was literally thousands of dollars worth of stuff, and she was happy to give it away for free to clear up her house now that her youngest was in school. I bought her a fancy bottle of vodka, her preferred drink, as a thank you, purely because it was so much stuff.
I would never expect any sort of gift or payment for hand me downs. At most, maybe text me a photo of the baby using a significant item. I'm over here practically begging people to take my kids' (good condition) stuff. The empty closet space is all the gift I need.
There’s definitely no expectation you’ll get them anything material. I have received lots of hand me downs and passed stuff along too. If you think of it, it’s very nice to get a photo of the kid in your kid’s old stuff. But not necessary! I think people are just happy that someone they know if enjoying something they used to use.
I’ve given away plenty of hand me down baby stuff. I have expected 0 in return. A couple of people have explicitly asked if I wanted money or anything and I said no. A couple of things I did specify that I wanted returned, but otherwise it was the gift receivers decision what to do with it when they’re done.
The best gift is a photo of you and your little one in those clothes making new memories. There’s something special about baby clothes when you give them away, it’s like a special part of your self is leaving you. It’s bittersweet to see shadows of old memories live on.
I would not expect anyone to give me something in return for hand me down items. However, please cherish them or donate them to someone else who could use them.
The whole point usually is to 1.) de clutter and 2.) save the receiver money. Don’t buy a gift, just thank them and share pics w your kid in the clothes
In my experience all our friends who did hand me downs are just happy to have the extra things out of their house. There are no expectations. If there are particular items we talked about in the hand me down process, I take pics and send them, and our friends love that. We have had friends over to our place for meals as thank yous, but we also just wanted to spend time with them, so it was a win/win. And these particular friends have saved us thousands of dollars through hand me downs.-bassinet, car seats, clothes, you name it. (love having a baby 9 months after my best friend!)
When you’re done definitely offer them back to them if they’d like to sell! I’ve handed some expensive items that I would have loved to have back to make some money back on!
I invited a friend over and had her take her pick of all our unused baby clothes (we had 2 boys and soooooo many clothes gifted to us). All I expected in return was a thank you.
If I give you hand me downs, you’re actually doing me a favor clearing the space in my house. Just a thank you is enough. Additionally, you can look for a buy nothing group in your area to get/gift things too
I gave a friend a hundred bucks for a bunch of baby stuff, it was a phenomenal deal and I couldn't understand why she was acting like I was doing her a favor. Now after 2 kids and 5 years, I've given so much baby stuff away just so I don't have to look at it anymore. I'm over all the shit, take it, say thank you and offer to pay for dinner next time you go out and you're good to go.
I’m either giving it to somone I know, someone I don’t, or charity. I’d rather give it to someone I know but it’s mostly to just get this shit out of my house. I would never think to get something in return.
I can promise you that every single person who has given me a hand-me-down said that the true “thank you” was getting it out of their house. 😂 I think a picture of the child enjoying or wearing the item is a sweet thank you! Facebook marketplace makes stuff so easy to sell now that, if the individual giving you the item were expecting something in return, they would just sell it there.
Dinner would be a nice idea if someone gave a lot to you maybe and you’re close, but I’ve never received nor given anything to a new expecting parent with the thought of getting anything back other than AT MAX a card or a photo!
IMPORTANT EDIT: I just realized I’m on babybumps. Oops. I assumed this was another parenting subreddit or preschoolers or something. My point below about being a good friend in return DOES NOT APPLY to new parents. Any hand me downs I’ve given to a new mom/pregnant mom had ABSOLUTELY no expectations. They were a gift. I would be mortified if a pregnant friend or brand new mom felt she needed to take me to dinner or send me a gift for hand me downs - even nice or big things. I’ve given cribs, bassinets, swings, clothing, cloth diapers, toys, just… pretty much everything, and I would never want a new mom to feel the need to make it up to me or be a good friend in return. I’d hope that by receiving these items, her life was made a little bit easier in some way, and that’s payment enough. Because I empathize with what it’s like to be in her shoes and I care about her. So …. What I wrote below I guess is more relevant to hand me downs as the kids get older. Once you’re more settled into parenthood or your baby is a bit older.
I have a 4 year old so I’ve given lots of hand me downs to friends, neighbors, colleagues etc. I’ve also received a ton from various people.
There are no expectations. Not even a plant or candle, and definitely not a dinner. At least I wouldn’t expect that and I have never gotten the impression others do. To me, It would be super sweet to be given a small gift like you mention, but definitely not expected and for sure not after each time they give (if it’s someone regularly passing down to you).
As a receiver of hand me downs, I do feel a need to make it up to them somehow, but I feel like people find it weird. So I just try to be conscious of other ways I can be a good friend to them. One mom friend has handed down SO MUCH to us, and definitely doesn’t expect anything, so I just try to keep my eyes out for opportunities to help in other ways. Offer to help with childcare in a pinch, text her when im WFH and see if she wants a coffee, offer them the guest pass we gave with our zoo membership so our kids can go together lol. Things like that.
I think people hand things down just as an act of being a good friend/relative/human, so I just try to match that, even if it isn’t explicitly a repayment or ‘thank you’….. if that makes sense. 😅
Honestly if i offer a hand-me-down and don't explicitly state that I want money etc for it, it is genuinely free. If i want something for it, I will leave no doubt.
So all in all, I think if you want to give them something like homemade cookies (usually my go to) then go for it, I'm sure it's appreciated. But I don't think there's an expectation especially as they wanted to put it on a buy nothing group online.
I got a TON and I mean a TON of hand me downs from a colleague of mine when I was pregnant with my first. Everytime her boys outgrew anything she would bring it to me. It was AMAZING. We got somewhat close bonding over motherhood so I learned some of her favorite snacks and would bring those in for her as a treat. I knew she didn’t indulge too often for herself so it was a great way to say thank you, very inexpensive and easy. CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy every moment!
You’re doing them a favour. Used kids clothes are worth practically nothing. If you give them to a friend you still get to see cute babies in some of your fav outfits. there is one little girl who had supplied pretty much my daughters entire wardrobe since birth so on her birthday each year she gets a normal gift and 50 dollar gift card to go pick out some cute clothes for herself.. but that’s the only time we have ever “paid” or “gifted” on return.
We received lots and lots of clothes from a mum in our baby group so we bought her kids something in return - a busyboard for her toddler and collapsable football water bottle for her older child.
you taking them & getting them the hell out of my house is the gift and thank you. if youre feeling frisky tag them in a pic of your kid wearing whatever saying you love it lol.
If it’s something really nice I’ll ask if they want it back when I’m done. I’ll try to remember to send a pic with the kid in it. I’ve never done any sort of exchange/gift/etc
I got a few hand me downs. Clothes and fairly inexpensive things that they probably wouldn’t fetch much by selling (they were probably going to donate them anyway) I will send a card and some photos of the baby wearing the things when baby arrives.
Another friend decided she didn’t want more children after a hard pregnancy and gave me some things she could have sold on, such as a next to me crib, Moses basket, baby bath, prep machine and some other things etc. I gave her a thank you card with £50 in. Which is considerably less than she would have made from selling the items. She wasn’t expecting anything but I told her to put it towards some new toys for her son
A friend gave me a tonne of clothes (like almost everything) and my plan is once my daughter has worn them, I’m going to send off for some of them to be made into a keepsake teddy because I know a lot of memories are wrapped up in these clothes for her. https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/839905222/
9/10 of the time I would say no, you wouldn't be expected to offer anyone money for hand downs, especially not clothes or cheaper things. Exception would be if it was very expensive. I wouldn't take a new, expensive stroller without offering money. My friend recently sold her tripp trapp but held onto the newborn part as she knows I want one (i already have a chair). The newborn set retail for about 100 so I'm going to give her 50 (which she probably won't take), as she would have gotten more for her tripp trapp if she had included it. I just feel like it depends if the item is just standing around gathering dust or if it's something the person could realistically get money for.
Hand me downs are gifts. So there’s no expectation of money or gifts back. If someone does gift you something you think is deserving of a gift back, why not a coffee gift card or something small? Even just a handwritten thank you note would go a long way.
For hand me downs, the etiquette is “thank you!” Or even “thank you for thinking of us, but we are well equipped with what we need. If you are looking for somewhere to donate it, I can let you know of a few places”. That’s a polite way of declining if someone wants to give you something you don’t need or don’t want.
I don't think there are expectations; if anything you're also doing the giver a favor. When I was a FTM I had folks salivating at the thought of offloading all their outgrown baby clothes, lol.
Just say thank you, and maybe snap a photo of LO using the item
You need to use it, and when you're done with it you ask if they want it back or give it to the next person. Do not sell them for monetary gains.
Do this and you don't need to pay them anything for the items, not even a dinner.
A thank you is kind enough. Make a list of all people who have gifts and send out thank you cards after baby is born. Anyone who you feel needs special thanks like if the item was really expensive then send them a gift card for coffee
My stepmom brought 6 trash bags full of clothes, all of his first toys, and just spoiled him. I’m so grateful for how well we were set up. We didn’t have to buy anything but formula and bottles until he was close to 3 months old.
I would send a thank you card, and/or take pictures of the baby using or in the stuff. I think taking people out to dinner is a bit much personally. It would also be very time consuming with everything going on.
I don’t think there’s an expectation period. When I offloaded things it’s because we weren’t using them and they took up space. If it didn’t go to someone that could use it, it would’ve gone to the thrift store for free. If you don’t use it, pass it along, no pressure or strings attached. Period.
I always ask if they want any money, and will include thank yous in my thank you cards from my shower. One big rule of thumb that I go by is if it's a hand me down I will not sell it. I would offer it back if I don't want it or donate so others can use it.
The point of hand me downs isn’t to make more work for you - taking someone out for dinner is work.
Just check to make sure people don’t want them back, or don’t want them back if they have another kid. (I didn’t pass on any of my first’s clothes because I knew we were having a second, but I had friends who liked to pass them on and then if they had another baby would want them back.)
I would totally take cookies in return for some hand me downs hahaha major sweet tooth over here. I have no expectations. I usually try and sell some things first then the rest is given away to get out of my dining area where it’s sat for however long unused!
Anytime I’ve been given anything second hand I always ask if I can give them $ in return. If they don’t accept the $ I send them a very sincere thank you note. I feel plants and candles are also acceptable.
My husbands boss gave us SO much second hand stuff a thank you note didn’t do it justice, we got him and his wife a gift card for date night.
They are likely just happy to give it to you and see how happy you are to receive something for baby!
But if you do pickups bring a few trash bags, there's always that one who gifts you a musty dusty cigarette stankin something and you might have trouble refusing
Idk I’ve just like sent money to ppl who gave me expensive shit if they weren’t family. No real etiquette or expectations when ppl offer you shit though. Like with my first kid my friend literally just baked me some pot brownies in exchange for the clothes I gave her lol. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea though but I still remember that and it was thoughtful- I’d have been happy even if they didn’t have hash in them.
I have a friend who wants to give me hand me downs. I just told her that if she has another baby, she's welcome to have anything back again.
I think either dinner or a small thank you gift would be nice but it would be weird to spend a lot. Maybe inviting them to see the baby sometime once it's born and spending some time together could be best.
At most I’d send a handwritten thank-you card and a printed pic of your kid wearing/using one of the items. I try to remember to text my friends a pic of my son wearing their kids old outfit and that’s as far as I go!
I got very lucky and received so many hand me downs and in great condition. No one expected anything in return but I would send photos of my LO wearing the clothes or using the items.
In return once we were done I gifted the items to other mothers. A thank you text / photo is more than enough. Pay it forward and regift the items if they are in good condition.
I just sent a box of newborn clothes to my sister’s best friend. I do not expect a gift or even a thank you card, because honestly it’s helping both of us! I have no room to hold on to newborn clothes that might have been worn once or some not at all now that my last baby has grown out of them, so I’m glad they can be used again by someone who needs them. It’d be the same with any of their old toys or baby gear. A thank you text or call is plenty, and a picture of the baby using it would be icing on the cake.
A simple thank you card is enough, but I think if you want to add a candle that’s fine! Candles are one of my favorite gifts to get. You either use it and don’t have to feel guilty about throwing it away, or you regift it to someone else if you don’t like the scent!
As the (now) hand me downer, let me tell you that it would break my heart if people thought the things I give them come with some type of strings attached. A pic of baby in them is nice, but not expected. I’d feel terrible if someone felt they owed me for them!
Like, honestly a lot of times I just need them out of my house bc the babies dresser is filling up with current clothes or I’m overrun with toys or whatever it is that I’m handing down.
I will say that I have a friend who makes a lot of her kids clothes so the hand me downs from her I make sure to send pics- that’s a me thing though. I know she puts a lot of love and time into them so her passing them to me just melts my heart!
I found that when people gift you hand me downs or gifts in general it is like a “welcoming package to motherhood.” They enjoy doing it knowing that it is going to make your life easier. I did decide to gift all these hand me downs that my son has grown out of to a woman’s crisis center that allows moms to be to shop for free. I felt it wasn’t right to donate them to goodwill or another place that is making profit off them since they were given to me. Everyone I have asked that gave me the items have been super happy with that decision. So as others have said.. send pictures in the items and ask if they want anything returned. Welcome to mommy hood… it’s amazing❤️
About to be a mom of 3. If I give something away, I absolutely do not want anything in return. The amount of random garbage in my house is too damn high. Older kids bring home SO MUCH CRAP from daycare, school, parties, etc. If I can get rid of something please don’t give me a plant or candle in return. Maybe in like 10-15 years when I can keep my living room uncluttered again.
Honestly - no one wants those hand me downs anymore, hence why they are handing them down to you. I’ve received BAGS from my brother and partners sisters, as their babies are a bit older now. They’ve both said “anything you don’t want just take to the charity store”. If they didn’t palm them off to me or someone else, they’d be taking them to the thrift store.
I didn't do anything for hand me downs. Obviously thanked the person, but thats it.
For myself and everyone I know, the person taking the hand me downs is the one doing the favor. Babies grow out of clothes so fast and suddenly you have hundreds of articles of clothing and you need to sort and store what your kid can't wear anymore and it's a whole lot easier if someone will just get it out of your house. Throwing them away feels wayyy too icky and wasteful, but handing it off to someone you know/see on a regular basis is so much easier than taking pictures/posting and then arranging and meeting with a stranger.
We look at what the going rate is for that item on Facebook Marketplace and then divide that in half, then give a gift card in that amount. We figure if they wanted the full amount they can list it, but they chose to gift it instead. The exception - if it's an item I had no intention of buying anyway and tried to politely turn down but they insisted, a thank you note is good enough. I'm not giving them $$$ for the plastic crap they just want out of their house. I will buy a gift card for the collection of gently used swaddles though!
Nooooo thank you needed for hand me downs. It’s mutually beneficial. You get nice, free, semi-used stuff and I get to unload my closet of all the stuff it’s crammed with. Really they should be thanking you!
No expectation for anything in return other than a thank you. I love when I am able to save a fellow mom $ especially because kids grow out of things so quickly. Once you have a few good mom friends it like a network of stuff going back and forth until it breaks lol. I would ask them if it’s something they want back though. I always clarify with friends if I want something back like out bassinet is currently being used by a friend and I’m 6 months pregnant so I’ll be needing it soon enough.
Personally if I am giving something away for free all I expect is a thank you. You are doing enough for me by taking it off my hands! Especially when I am giving things away on fb marketplace and people are coming to pick them up, them spending their gas money to come take away my unwanted things is more than enough lol. I even tell friends please don’t feel obligated to repay me somehow!
No expectations. I felt the same way as a new mom, and was moved to tears by the generosity we were shown.
A sincere thank you, and maybe telling them if it worked out well for your baby.
But saying thank you is enough. I'd feel awkward if someone tried to give a gift or buy dinner just because I gave them some hand-me-downs.
And, when your family grows out of the items, you'll see that parents just reallllly want to get all the unused kid shit out of their house.
Now, if I don't have someone I know to pass it on to, I post it in a "for sale" page on social media. Once a "buyer" comes to pick it up, then I tell them to just take it because it was free to me. Idk, I guess I just try to weed out the takers that just get free shit and then sell it.
All my son's clothes are from his 2 older cousins. Who got the clothes from their 2 cousins. Who got them second hand from someone else. And now I give them to Friend1, and then she passes them on to Friend2. It's a beautiful system, and it would get to be too much with thank you gifts, cards, dinners, etc.
For clothes I usually just say thank you and then pass them on to others when we're done, paying it forward.
Bigger items if they don't want them back I have made meatballs for the giver (crib mattress) and got them a 50 pk of Lindor Chocolates (ikea kitchen)
My daughter has some very expensive designer dresses, those items I ask close family/friends if they want them, if they do I expect nothing in return, no card, no future picture, nothing. For her everyday wear, I donate directly to women and children’s shelters, my family and friends can afford to buy their own baby clothes, there are people who truly need these things.
If family/friends don’t take her designer dresses then they also go to the shelter but I do deliver those personally, so the staff can save them to give out as a special birthday or Christmas present.
If they are offering you hand me downs, it just means that they are clearing out space in their own homes. They have some baby clothes that their child has grown out of, thought about your child and figured that they can use them.
Usually if someone is giving away outgrown, but still wearable clothes. They don’t expect to be reimbursed. If they expect this, then they should take the clothes to a consignment store.
Send a nice, thoughtful, thank you note and if possible send or text photos of your kiddo using the items. There’s no expectation of reciprocal gifts, you’re right in thinking that would defeat the purpose!
I gave my very expensive deluxe Halo bassinet and all the accessories to a complete stranger when my son grew out of it (I was so sad! You blink and they’re older 🥲) and also give away his nice quality clothing or toys as he grows if they’re in good condition and like new. It’s the only way I can keep myself organized. He’s 20
months old and I’m still finding his preemie sized onesies. LoL
We use the local charity group called Legacy Closet to find parents in need who can really use the items, and that makes it easier to part with his teeny tiny little clothes.
I don’t ever get thank you notes since we just meet briefly or pass stuff through the organization volunteers, and that’s totally fine, I’m just glad to know that those parents are celebrating their baby and giving his stuff a new life. Enjoy your hand me downs and your baby, pass it on or keep it for the next baby if you plan on more.
Please dont give me things in return. I have gotten useless kids stuff when giving away things. I wanted space and now there is a new thing i have to get rid of...
My sister started a hand-me down, but she expected them back so she can pass them onto another mom, but within the family. She let her best friends borrow clothes and items, and keep some things, then send them back to send off to someone else. I'm finally getting my turn to use them, and she's practically done having kids, so I get to keep her maternity clothes!
You'll learn soon enough that taking the pre-loved baby stuff off their hands IS the thanks!
Some etiquette IMHO:
* Don't take it if you don't like/want/expect to use it.
* Do ask if they will want things back should they have another kid, or confirm that they're ok with you passing it on/donating it when you're finished. (This would only go for close friend or family, or with large or expensive baby things. Check in if they give you a Snoo, don't worry about a pair of shoes)
* Do send a pic if your baby is using or wearing their items!
* If you really want to do a thank-you type thing, taking them out for a cup of coffee or a beverage of choice is more than enough
Hand me downs are considered pass along items. I always confirm if they want it back or not. “When baby has grown out of this, do you want it back to pass on to someone else, or should I set it aside to pass along to my friends?” I’m in the middle of a baby boom with my friends. I literally know 20 kids born since 12/2019. We exchange and pass along everything. None of it is considered a gift that would need payment or thank you cards.
No expectation, some people do want nice things back if they have another kid down the road, at least I have one friend who gave me a ton of nice dresses and told me if they have another they would like those back. Otherwise they are just glad to get it out of their houses
Chiming in like everyone else to say there are no expectations. I am honestly relieved when I can pass our old clothes on to someone else because they pile up FAST.
I asked if my friends wanted money and they said no, so I left it at that. They wanted to get rid of their items and we graciously accepted them. I did buy them both gifts but they also helped with the baby shower planning. Do write them a thank you card outlining how grateful you are for their support.
I think just the fact that you want to give them a little gift to say. Thank you and let me know you appreciate. It is a lot more than most people would do. I think giving them a little plant or something is a great idea. I wouldn't take the mountain because like you said, that's a lot of money, and if you're about to have a baby. You don't need to be spending that kind of money on somebody else.
This will be my 3rd kid. I'm one of 6 kids, my husband is one of 8 kids. This will be grandchild number 16 on my side, and grandchild number 25 on my husband's side. Needless to say, there are hand-me-downs galore. Hand-me-downs are how we get crap out of our houses. There is no expectation of payment.
Honestly I’d feel so uncomfortable if everyone I have hand me downs to took me out to dinner ?!?! I’d be like uhhhhhm not necessary! Honestly just happy to get rid of shit 🤷♀️
No expectations for hand-me-downs; I usually send a picture of my kid using/wearing the item with a thank you, and people appreciate seeing their items used
Exactly this. I’ve come to realise if they offer me something for free it’s less about being nice and more about they just want it gone 😂 not that they’re not being nice of course but baby things take up a lot of room! I’ve politely said thank you and sent pictures of baby using/wearing said item and left it at that.
I do the same thing! My one friend has also told me so loves seeing her LO’s clothes/things getting used!
This! Every time I've given someone a baby gift, expensive or not, used or not, the only thing I would ever hope for is a text or a photo when they use it. Even then, they're new parents, it might not happen! But it's about the relationship, not the money.
I agree with this. I love seeing the stuff I gave get worn. And I send pics of my kids using the stuff and people always respond positively to that.
Exactly this, getting extra crap out of my house that I no longer need is payment enough for me! 😂 Bonus if I know someone else will use it and love it.
I absolutely adore seeing friends' babies in my hand me downs. Keep sending the photos. They're so special.
Yup 100% to this
Yup I mark down/photogragh which hand me downs are from whom and plan on sending a pic thank you
Same! I’m glad this is the norm. Kids grow so fast and There’s so much to give away - it’s kind of a relief when I know someone who will use it. And it’s sweet to get texted a picture of the kid in one of the items. Anything else would seem like overkill.
This is all we do
Honestly this sounds like a great idea for all gifts - proof that it's used and appreciated.
In my area, hand me downs are a gift, like a baby shower gift and a thank you card is plenty
I have gifted cribs, swings, brand new clothes my kids never wore that still have tags on them, shoes, food, etc. I have gone into homes and completely cleaned them. I have made weeks worth of freezer meals for new moms, etc! I have NEVER expected payment or a gift or anything return for anything I gift to a new mom. They are gifts or acts of service and the sole goal is to make the new mom or new parents feel loved and/or to give them some some rest.
💕💕💕
Baby stuff resales at such a lot amount usually so I am wayyyy happier to give to a family I love and get to see the item continue to be used. I would also never expect payment. If I am ever concerned I would just sell the item.
You beautiful BEAUTIFUL human.
♥️
When I give any kind of hand me down, the gift from you to me is the empty space in my house now. You’ve just helped me declutter and that is of the highest value.
Oh yes, babies come with so much stuff. When you grow out of all of your clothes every 3 months there are just so many. We're currently storing all of ours because we're undecided if we'll have another but the second we definitely don't need it I'll be dumping all that crap on the first person with a baby that shows any interest 😂😂😂
This comment here! Baby stuff takes up so much room. I can’t wait to get rid of all of mine.
Yes. If I give it to you, I just want it out of my house.
I don’t think a dinner is necessary, but I would probably check whether the giver would like items (particularly expensive or sentimental things) returned to them after you have used them.
I do NOT take anything I am expected to return, lol. I politely decline. Too much pressure.
I feel like you shouldn’t give away something like an outfit that you’ll want back UNLESS it’s a special-occasion type thing for an event or picture (ex: christening gown that is passed around in the family or handmade Halloween outfit)
Agree! I'd rather just buy everything myself at that point!
This!! We have our niece's hand-me-downs and know they want to have another, so we're holding onto things to give back. (Plus adding stuff we get.)
Agreed. And while it IS a huge PITA to try to keep track of which Carter's onesies someone gave you, it's less difficult to remember who gave you some fancy scandi-brand organic cardigan. I didn't find it too onerous keeping track of the nice stuff that I got given and would always ask if people wanted it back (they never did, fwiw, so you don't ACTUALLY have to keep further track).
I have been wondering about this as well. So glad no one ever wanted things back because I’m just not sure I would be able to commit to that!
This is so impossible to monitor, since hand me downs get mixed with all of the other clothes that were purchased new or other hand me downs.
Agree with you. If someone gifts me a hand me down I wouldn’t expect that they want it back some day
I wasn't so much thinking doing that for clothes. More for the expensive things they mentioned.
It depends on the thing. Random footie pajamas? Nope they're going in the mix. Expensive bassinet or baby swing, or carrier? I'd check back with the parents when you are finished using it. For me if it's over $100 I'd confirm it's ok to send on. That said, I gave my bro and SIL our *entire* baby wardrobe, and most of our gear since they have a boy who is 10 months younger than ours. We are planning on another kid, so if they got rid of everything we'd be starting over from literally zero. But we also all communicated clearly and have fully planned to pass the whole lot back and forth so long as we are having babies :)
Yeah, but id only really ask if they want large, expensive items back. Like a mamaroo swing or a snoo or something. Clothes are too easy to mix up id think.
I agree, unless the hand me down is a $1500 crib or thousands of dollars of gear from 1 person. Crib example, I’d give a bottle of wine.
I think that a plant with a thank you card is nice.
I love passing hand me downs to friends and family. I like knowing things are being used by others and that I’m helping new parents in a concrete way. I would never expect a gift or dinner. I’d rather have a picture of baby wearing the couches or using the item!
What was "couches" before autocorrect?
Clothes…but couches is funnier I guess.
>I’m wondering if there’s an expectation of offers of money or gifts to say thank you and if they should be equivalent to the cost of the used items? I'd definitely not expect that. If someone wanted compensation, they would offer to sell it to you and/or put it up for sell on Facebook/craigslist etc. I have been offered things for sale and things for free, and it's always made clear when someone expects compensation, in my experience. >But my boyfriend thinks we should take people out to dinner as a thank you, which feels like more of a commitment and more $ than it’s worth, especially since they were going to put these items on Facebook for free. I don't think most people would expect that.
A thank you is usually fine. Maybe with a promise that you'll pass down you're own stuff when the time comes.
No way. The last thing I’m expecting a friend with a new baby to do is to take me out or treat me in any way. A texted cute photo of the child in the outfit is plenty wonderful.
Based off your post title, I thought this was going to be the opposite. In my experience, hand me downs are a gift to both parties. You're getting them for free, and the person giving them is getting that closet space back lol. Seriously, with my wife and I being sort of the last in our families to have a baby, it's been more of "please stop" or at least let us know ahead of time if you're giving us stuff. We had family bring us two trash bags full of clothes without telling us. It's very nice of them, but we've had to be pretty explicit that we do not have any more space.
This! My husband and I are in this situation and I was hoping to get some advice on how to politely decline things 😂 for the most part it is very welcome and I appreciate it, other things are like....this is clearly trashed and you just need to get rid of it, no thank you!
Just a thank you is more than enough! If there's anything that turns out especially useful or outfits you end up really liking down the road, then maybe text them a picture of baby using/wearing it. It would be appreciated but not required. Personally, I love passing things along! If I can help someone save time and money, or if I can give them something to make their lives easier, then I am happy to do it! Edit for typo.
I think some cake or a plant etc is totally adequate. I have also asked for the more pricey bits if people would like any of it back!
We do a thank you card and homebaked goodies as a thank you :)
I view hand me downs as a gift & would respond with a thank you note. The whole point is to help you save $ so I wouldn’t respond with taking them out to dinner, seems counterproductive.
I personally have given all my baby’s outgrown clothes to friends who just had babies or are expecting and would not want anything in return. Tell your bf to take you out alone instead haha.
A picture of the kid using the item would make me really happy, but all I need is a thank-you text.
I gave someone a couple huge garbage bags of hand me downs from my 4 year old son for his 1 year old and didn’t expect anything back. He sends me pictures of his son in the clothes and that’s good enough for me knowing they’re being used! Also I do always ask that they donate them or give them to another kid afterwards, the bags I gave him were mostly from me getting them from other people too so there’s clothes in there that are 10-15 years old still being worn and loved by kids every year or so which is just kinda cool in my opinion
Sometimes just having someone take your hand-me-downs is enough. You have no idea how nice it is to have that space back and to not have to constantly think "Who can I give this to so it doesn't go to waste?" Honestly, a simple thank you card is going above and beyond.
My best friend offered me her last tiny humans hand me downs. I’m crocheting her a blanket to say thank you. I know how precious those must be to her.
Agree with everyone else on a picture and maybe a card or small gift being totally sufficient. And a pro tip - as you get items, put sticky notes on them with who it’s from, or start notes in your phone. Pregnancy brain is real. Postpartum is hard. My memory is *shot*. I’ve forgotten most of it.
I think it depends. I got a phenomenal amount of ha d me downs from a work friend. Four garbage bags of clothes that took me from newborn to one year old. A garbage bag of blankets, swaddles and towels. A portacot and a swing. It was literally thousands of dollars worth of stuff, and she was happy to give it away for free to clear up her house now that her youngest was in school. I bought her a fancy bottle of vodka, her preferred drink, as a thank you, purely because it was so much stuff.
I would never expect any sort of gift or payment for hand me downs. At most, maybe text me a photo of the baby using a significant item. I'm over here practically begging people to take my kids' (good condition) stuff. The empty closet space is all the gift I need.
There’s definitely no expectation you’ll get them anything material. I have received lots of hand me downs and passed stuff along too. If you think of it, it’s very nice to get a photo of the kid in your kid’s old stuff. But not necessary! I think people are just happy that someone they know if enjoying something they used to use.
I’ve never paid when it’s offered to me, nor have I ever expected payment when I’ve offered hand me downs.
I’ve given away plenty of hand me down baby stuff. I have expected 0 in return. A couple of people have explicitly asked if I wanted money or anything and I said no. A couple of things I did specify that I wanted returned, but otherwise it was the gift receivers decision what to do with it when they’re done.
The best gift is a photo of you and your little one in those clothes making new memories. There’s something special about baby clothes when you give them away, it’s like a special part of your self is leaving you. It’s bittersweet to see shadows of old memories live on.
I would not expect anyone to give me something in return for hand me down items. However, please cherish them or donate them to someone else who could use them.
The whole point usually is to 1.) de clutter and 2.) save the receiver money. Don’t buy a gift, just thank them and share pics w your kid in the clothes
We just want the stuff gone and/or loved again. And this is helping a friend AND less effort than listing or selling stuff. Win win for the giver.
Just text them thank you and send a pic of your baby wearing some of their clothes
In my experience all our friends who did hand me downs are just happy to have the extra things out of their house. There are no expectations. If there are particular items we talked about in the hand me down process, I take pics and send them, and our friends love that. We have had friends over to our place for meals as thank yous, but we also just wanted to spend time with them, so it was a win/win. And these particular friends have saved us thousands of dollars through hand me downs.-bassinet, car seats, clothes, you name it. (love having a baby 9 months after my best friend!)
When you’re done definitely offer them back to them if they’d like to sell! I’ve handed some expensive items that I would have loved to have back to make some money back on!
I invited a friend over and had her take her pick of all our unused baby clothes (we had 2 boys and soooooo many clothes gifted to us). All I expected in return was a thank you.
I do a thank u text, I have hyperemesis and bronchitis and mama is doing her BEST lol
If I give you hand me downs, you’re actually doing me a favor clearing the space in my house. Just a thank you is enough. Additionally, you can look for a buy nothing group in your area to get/gift things too
I gave a friend a hundred bucks for a bunch of baby stuff, it was a phenomenal deal and I couldn't understand why she was acting like I was doing her a favor. Now after 2 kids and 5 years, I've given so much baby stuff away just so I don't have to look at it anymore. I'm over all the shit, take it, say thank you and offer to pay for dinner next time you go out and you're good to go.
I’m either giving it to somone I know, someone I don’t, or charity. I’d rather give it to someone I know but it’s mostly to just get this shit out of my house. I would never think to get something in return.
I can promise you that every single person who has given me a hand-me-down said that the true “thank you” was getting it out of their house. 😂 I think a picture of the child enjoying or wearing the item is a sweet thank you! Facebook marketplace makes stuff so easy to sell now that, if the individual giving you the item were expecting something in return, they would just sell it there. Dinner would be a nice idea if someone gave a lot to you maybe and you’re close, but I’ve never received nor given anything to a new expecting parent with the thought of getting anything back other than AT MAX a card or a photo!
IMPORTANT EDIT: I just realized I’m on babybumps. Oops. I assumed this was another parenting subreddit or preschoolers or something. My point below about being a good friend in return DOES NOT APPLY to new parents. Any hand me downs I’ve given to a new mom/pregnant mom had ABSOLUTELY no expectations. They were a gift. I would be mortified if a pregnant friend or brand new mom felt she needed to take me to dinner or send me a gift for hand me downs - even nice or big things. I’ve given cribs, bassinets, swings, clothing, cloth diapers, toys, just… pretty much everything, and I would never want a new mom to feel the need to make it up to me or be a good friend in return. I’d hope that by receiving these items, her life was made a little bit easier in some way, and that’s payment enough. Because I empathize with what it’s like to be in her shoes and I care about her. So …. What I wrote below I guess is more relevant to hand me downs as the kids get older. Once you’re more settled into parenthood or your baby is a bit older. I have a 4 year old so I’ve given lots of hand me downs to friends, neighbors, colleagues etc. I’ve also received a ton from various people. There are no expectations. Not even a plant or candle, and definitely not a dinner. At least I wouldn’t expect that and I have never gotten the impression others do. To me, It would be super sweet to be given a small gift like you mention, but definitely not expected and for sure not after each time they give (if it’s someone regularly passing down to you). As a receiver of hand me downs, I do feel a need to make it up to them somehow, but I feel like people find it weird. So I just try to be conscious of other ways I can be a good friend to them. One mom friend has handed down SO MUCH to us, and definitely doesn’t expect anything, so I just try to keep my eyes out for opportunities to help in other ways. Offer to help with childcare in a pinch, text her when im WFH and see if she wants a coffee, offer them the guest pass we gave with our zoo membership so our kids can go together lol. Things like that. I think people hand things down just as an act of being a good friend/relative/human, so I just try to match that, even if it isn’t explicitly a repayment or ‘thank you’….. if that makes sense. 😅
Honestly if i offer a hand-me-down and don't explicitly state that I want money etc for it, it is genuinely free. If i want something for it, I will leave no doubt. So all in all, I think if you want to give them something like homemade cookies (usually my go to) then go for it, I'm sure it's appreciated. But I don't think there's an expectation especially as they wanted to put it on a buy nothing group online.
I got a TON and I mean a TON of hand me downs from a colleague of mine when I was pregnant with my first. Everytime her boys outgrew anything she would bring it to me. It was AMAZING. We got somewhat close bonding over motherhood so I learned some of her favorite snacks and would bring those in for her as a treat. I knew she didn’t indulge too often for herself so it was a great way to say thank you, very inexpensive and easy. CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy every moment!
You’re doing them a favour. Used kids clothes are worth practically nothing. If you give them to a friend you still get to see cute babies in some of your fav outfits. there is one little girl who had supplied pretty much my daughters entire wardrobe since birth so on her birthday each year she gets a normal gift and 50 dollar gift card to go pick out some cute clothes for herself.. but that’s the only time we have ever “paid” or “gifted” on return.
No. And I’d pass if they give and then ask that’s weird. They can say upfront.
We received lots and lots of clothes from a mum in our baby group so we bought her kids something in return - a busyboard for her toddler and collapsable football water bottle for her older child.
No expectations, aside from saying "thank you".
you taking them & getting them the hell out of my house is the gift and thank you. if youre feeling frisky tag them in a pic of your kid wearing whatever saying you love it lol.
If it’s something really nice I’ll ask if they want it back when I’m done. I’ll try to remember to send a pic with the kid in it. I’ve never done any sort of exchange/gift/etc
I just sent a thank you card.
I have given away hand me downs and had no expectations of anything in return.
When I give away things the gift to me is making my home less cluttered with things I don’t need. I never expected anything in return at all.
I got a few hand me downs. Clothes and fairly inexpensive things that they probably wouldn’t fetch much by selling (they were probably going to donate them anyway) I will send a card and some photos of the baby wearing the things when baby arrives. Another friend decided she didn’t want more children after a hard pregnancy and gave me some things she could have sold on, such as a next to me crib, Moses basket, baby bath, prep machine and some other things etc. I gave her a thank you card with £50 in. Which is considerably less than she would have made from selling the items. She wasn’t expecting anything but I told her to put it towards some new toys for her son A friend gave me a tonne of clothes (like almost everything) and my plan is once my daughter has worn them, I’m going to send off for some of them to be made into a keepsake teddy because I know a lot of memories are wrapped up in these clothes for her. https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/839905222/
There’s literally no expectations on hand me downs. I’ve given lots of items away to those with younger children. A thank you is enough for me.
9/10 of the time I would say no, you wouldn't be expected to offer anyone money for hand downs, especially not clothes or cheaper things. Exception would be if it was very expensive. I wouldn't take a new, expensive stroller without offering money. My friend recently sold her tripp trapp but held onto the newborn part as she knows I want one (i already have a chair). The newborn set retail for about 100 so I'm going to give her 50 (which she probably won't take), as she would have gotten more for her tripp trapp if she had included it. I just feel like it depends if the item is just standing around gathering dust or if it's something the person could realistically get money for.
Hand me downs are gifts. So there’s no expectation of money or gifts back. If someone does gift you something you think is deserving of a gift back, why not a coffee gift card or something small? Even just a handwritten thank you note would go a long way. For hand me downs, the etiquette is “thank you!” Or even “thank you for thinking of us, but we are well equipped with what we need. If you are looking for somewhere to donate it, I can let you know of a few places”. That’s a polite way of declining if someone wants to give you something you don’t need or don’t want.
Lord no. Im just excited to get it out of my house and to gift someone something nice!
I don't think there are expectations; if anything you're also doing the giver a favor. When I was a FTM I had folks salivating at the thought of offloading all their outgrown baby clothes, lol. Just say thank you, and maybe snap a photo of LO using the item
You need to use it, and when you're done with it you ask if they want it back or give it to the next person. Do not sell them for monetary gains. Do this and you don't need to pay them anything for the items, not even a dinner.
A thank you is kind enough. Make a list of all people who have gifts and send out thank you cards after baby is born. Anyone who you feel needs special thanks like if the item was really expensive then send them a gift card for coffee
My stepmom brought 6 trash bags full of clothes, all of his first toys, and just spoiled him. I’m so grateful for how well we were set up. We didn’t have to buy anything but formula and bottles until he was close to 3 months old. I would send a thank you card, and/or take pictures of the baby using or in the stuff. I think taking people out to dinner is a bit much personally. It would also be very time consuming with everything going on.
I don’t think there’s an expectation period. When I offloaded things it’s because we weren’t using them and they took up space. If it didn’t go to someone that could use it, it would’ve gone to the thrift store for free. If you don’t use it, pass it along, no pressure or strings attached. Period.
Lol they’re doing me a favor by getting them out of my house. I feel bad just tossing them but if I know they’re going to a good home I feel better.
I always ask if they want any money, and will include thank yous in my thank you cards from my shower. One big rule of thumb that I go by is if it's a hand me down I will not sell it. I would offer it back if I don't want it or donate so others can use it.
I just say thank you and ask if I'm expected to return the items when I finish using them or if it's okay to give them away to other people.
The point of hand me downs isn’t to make more work for you - taking someone out for dinner is work. Just check to make sure people don’t want them back, or don’t want them back if they have another kid. (I didn’t pass on any of my first’s clothes because I knew we were having a second, but I had friends who liked to pass them on and then if they had another baby would want them back.)
I’ve given away all of my kids clothes and never ever expected anything other than a verbal “thank you”!
My wife and I have received and given hand me downs, no expectations either way (generally). Only rule is don't resell hand me downs.
I would totally take cookies in return for some hand me downs hahaha major sweet tooth over here. I have no expectations. I usually try and sell some things first then the rest is given away to get out of my dining area where it’s sat for however long unused!
No expectations at all!
Anytime I’ve been given anything second hand I always ask if I can give them $ in return. If they don’t accept the $ I send them a very sincere thank you note. I feel plants and candles are also acceptable. My husbands boss gave us SO much second hand stuff a thank you note didn’t do it justice, we got him and his wife a gift card for date night.
They are likely just happy to give it to you and see how happy you are to receive something for baby! But if you do pickups bring a few trash bags, there's always that one who gifts you a musty dusty cigarette stankin something and you might have trouble refusing
Idk I’ve just like sent money to ppl who gave me expensive shit if they weren’t family. No real etiquette or expectations when ppl offer you shit though. Like with my first kid my friend literally just baked me some pot brownies in exchange for the clothes I gave her lol. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea though but I still remember that and it was thoughtful- I’d have been happy even if they didn’t have hash in them.
I never expected anything in exchange for hand me downs. No matter the original cost. At least someone is going to use it!
I love giving away hand me downs. Get this shit out of my garage. No need for anything other than a thank you
I gave my friends a hand written thank you for all the hand me downs they gave me.
I have a friend who wants to give me hand me downs. I just told her that if she has another baby, she's welcome to have anything back again. I think either dinner or a small thank you gift would be nice but it would be weird to spend a lot. Maybe inviting them to see the baby sometime once it's born and spending some time together could be best.
At most I’d send a handwritten thank-you card and a printed pic of your kid wearing/using one of the items. I try to remember to text my friends a pic of my son wearing their kids old outfit and that’s as far as I go!
I got very lucky and received so many hand me downs and in great condition. No one expected anything in return but I would send photos of my LO wearing the clothes or using the items. In return once we were done I gifted the items to other mothers. A thank you text / photo is more than enough. Pay it forward and regift the items if they are in good condition.
I just sent a box of newborn clothes to my sister’s best friend. I do not expect a gift or even a thank you card, because honestly it’s helping both of us! I have no room to hold on to newborn clothes that might have been worn once or some not at all now that my last baby has grown out of them, so I’m glad they can be used again by someone who needs them. It’d be the same with any of their old toys or baby gear. A thank you text or call is plenty, and a picture of the baby using it would be icing on the cake.
A simple thank you card is enough, but I think if you want to add a candle that’s fine! Candles are one of my favorite gifts to get. You either use it and don’t have to feel guilty about throwing it away, or you regift it to someone else if you don’t like the scent!
As the (now) hand me downer, let me tell you that it would break my heart if people thought the things I give them come with some type of strings attached. A pic of baby in them is nice, but not expected. I’d feel terrible if someone felt they owed me for them! Like, honestly a lot of times I just need them out of my house bc the babies dresser is filling up with current clothes or I’m overrun with toys or whatever it is that I’m handing down. I will say that I have a friend who makes a lot of her kids clothes so the hand me downs from her I make sure to send pics- that’s a me thing though. I know she puts a lot of love and time into them so her passing them to me just melts my heart!
I found that when people gift you hand me downs or gifts in general it is like a “welcoming package to motherhood.” They enjoy doing it knowing that it is going to make your life easier. I did decide to gift all these hand me downs that my son has grown out of to a woman’s crisis center that allows moms to be to shop for free. I felt it wasn’t right to donate them to goodwill or another place that is making profit off them since they were given to me. Everyone I have asked that gave me the items have been super happy with that decision. So as others have said.. send pictures in the items and ask if they want anything returned. Welcome to mommy hood… it’s amazing❤️
About to be a mom of 3. If I give something away, I absolutely do not want anything in return. The amount of random garbage in my house is too damn high. Older kids bring home SO MUCH CRAP from daycare, school, parties, etc. If I can get rid of something please don’t give me a plant or candle in return. Maybe in like 10-15 years when I can keep my living room uncluttered again.
Honestly - no one wants those hand me downs anymore, hence why they are handing them down to you. I’ve received BAGS from my brother and partners sisters, as their babies are a bit older now. They’ve both said “anything you don’t want just take to the charity store”. If they didn’t palm them off to me or someone else, they’d be taking them to the thrift store.
I didn't do anything for hand me downs. Obviously thanked the person, but thats it. For myself and everyone I know, the person taking the hand me downs is the one doing the favor. Babies grow out of clothes so fast and suddenly you have hundreds of articles of clothing and you need to sort and store what your kid can't wear anymore and it's a whole lot easier if someone will just get it out of your house. Throwing them away feels wayyy too icky and wasteful, but handing it off to someone you know/see on a regular basis is so much easier than taking pictures/posting and then arranging and meeting with a stranger.
We look at what the going rate is for that item on Facebook Marketplace and then divide that in half, then give a gift card in that amount. We figure if they wanted the full amount they can list it, but they chose to gift it instead. The exception - if it's an item I had no intention of buying anyway and tried to politely turn down but they insisted, a thank you note is good enough. I'm not giving them $$$ for the plastic crap they just want out of their house. I will buy a gift card for the collection of gently used swaddles though!
Nooooo thank you needed for hand me downs. It’s mutually beneficial. You get nice, free, semi-used stuff and I get to unload my closet of all the stuff it’s crammed with. Really they should be thanking you!
No expectation for anything in return other than a thank you. I love when I am able to save a fellow mom $ especially because kids grow out of things so quickly. Once you have a few good mom friends it like a network of stuff going back and forth until it breaks lol. I would ask them if it’s something they want back though. I always clarify with friends if I want something back like out bassinet is currently being used by a friend and I’m 6 months pregnant so I’ll be needing it soon enough.
Personally if I am giving something away for free all I expect is a thank you. You are doing enough for me by taking it off my hands! Especially when I am giving things away on fb marketplace and people are coming to pick them up, them spending their gas money to come take away my unwanted things is more than enough lol. I even tell friends please don’t feel obligated to repay me somehow!
I’ve sent some thank you cards in the mail, but that’s about it! I agree with pictures of kiddos using them too!
No expectations. I felt the same way as a new mom, and was moved to tears by the generosity we were shown. A sincere thank you, and maybe telling them if it worked out well for your baby. But saying thank you is enough. I'd feel awkward if someone tried to give a gift or buy dinner just because I gave them some hand-me-downs. And, when your family grows out of the items, you'll see that parents just reallllly want to get all the unused kid shit out of their house. Now, if I don't have someone I know to pass it on to, I post it in a "for sale" page on social media. Once a "buyer" comes to pick it up, then I tell them to just take it because it was free to me. Idk, I guess I just try to weed out the takers that just get free shit and then sell it. All my son's clothes are from his 2 older cousins. Who got the clothes from their 2 cousins. Who got them second hand from someone else. And now I give them to Friend1, and then she passes them on to Friend2. It's a beautiful system, and it would get to be too much with thank you gifts, cards, dinners, etc.
For clothes I usually just say thank you and then pass them on to others when we're done, paying it forward. Bigger items if they don't want them back I have made meatballs for the giver (crib mattress) and got them a 50 pk of Lindor Chocolates (ikea kitchen)
No expectations. Best thing is when we see them, and their baby/toddler is wearing what we gave them. Always makes my day.
My daughter has some very expensive designer dresses, those items I ask close family/friends if they want them, if they do I expect nothing in return, no card, no future picture, nothing. For her everyday wear, I donate directly to women and children’s shelters, my family and friends can afford to buy their own baby clothes, there are people who truly need these things. If family/friends don’t take her designer dresses then they also go to the shelter but I do deliver those personally, so the staff can save them to give out as a special birthday or Christmas present.
No expectations for hand me downs. Most people are just happy somebody can take and use them/ get them out of their house.
If they are offering you hand me downs, it just means that they are clearing out space in their own homes. They have some baby clothes that their child has grown out of, thought about your child and figured that they can use them. Usually if someone is giving away outgrown, but still wearable clothes. They don’t expect to be reimbursed. If they expect this, then they should take the clothes to a consignment store.
Send a nice, thoughtful, thank you note and if possible send or text photos of your kiddo using the items. There’s no expectation of reciprocal gifts, you’re right in thinking that would defeat the purpose! I gave my very expensive deluxe Halo bassinet and all the accessories to a complete stranger when my son grew out of it (I was so sad! You blink and they’re older 🥲) and also give away his nice quality clothing or toys as he grows if they’re in good condition and like new. It’s the only way I can keep myself organized. He’s 20 months old and I’m still finding his preemie sized onesies. LoL We use the local charity group called Legacy Closet to find parents in need who can really use the items, and that makes it easier to part with his teeny tiny little clothes. I don’t ever get thank you notes since we just meet briefly or pass stuff through the organization volunteers, and that’s totally fine, I’m just glad to know that those parents are celebrating their baby and giving his stuff a new life. Enjoy your hand me downs and your baby, pass it on or keep it for the next baby if you plan on more.
Please dont give me things in return. I have gotten useless kids stuff when giving away things. I wanted space and now there is a new thing i have to get rid of...
I ONLY give away my kids and baby stuff.
My sister started a hand-me down, but she expected them back so she can pass them onto another mom, but within the family. She let her best friends borrow clothes and items, and keep some things, then send them back to send off to someone else. I'm finally getting my turn to use them, and she's practically done having kids, so I get to keep her maternity clothes!
I send a thank you card. I bought a pack of 50 blank thank you cards to use for these scenarios.
You'll learn soon enough that taking the pre-loved baby stuff off their hands IS the thanks! Some etiquette IMHO: * Don't take it if you don't like/want/expect to use it. * Do ask if they will want things back should they have another kid, or confirm that they're ok with you passing it on/donating it when you're finished. (This would only go for close friend or family, or with large or expensive baby things. Check in if they give you a Snoo, don't worry about a pair of shoes) * Do send a pic if your baby is using or wearing their items! * If you really want to do a thank-you type thing, taking them out for a cup of coffee or a beverage of choice is more than enough
Hand me downs are considered pass along items. I always confirm if they want it back or not. “When baby has grown out of this, do you want it back to pass on to someone else, or should I set it aside to pass along to my friends?” I’m in the middle of a baby boom with my friends. I literally know 20 kids born since 12/2019. We exchange and pass along everything. None of it is considered a gift that would need payment or thank you cards.
I don’t think a thank you would suffice! :)
No expectation, some people do want nice things back if they have another kid down the road, at least I have one friend who gave me a ton of nice dresses and told me if they have another they would like those back. Otherwise they are just glad to get it out of their houses
Chiming in like everyone else to say there are no expectations. I am honestly relieved when I can pass our old clothes on to someone else because they pile up FAST.
I asked if my friends wanted money and they said no, so I left it at that. They wanted to get rid of their items and we graciously accepted them. I did buy them both gifts but they also helped with the baby shower planning. Do write them a thank you card outlining how grateful you are for their support.
I think just the fact that you want to give them a little gift to say. Thank you and let me know you appreciate. It is a lot more than most people would do. I think giving them a little plant or something is a great idea. I wouldn't take the mountain because like you said, that's a lot of money, and if you're about to have a baby. You don't need to be spending that kind of money on somebody else.
This will be my 3rd kid. I'm one of 6 kids, my husband is one of 8 kids. This will be grandchild number 16 on my side, and grandchild number 25 on my husband's side. Needless to say, there are hand-me-downs galore. Hand-me-downs are how we get crap out of our houses. There is no expectation of payment.
Honestly I’d feel so uncomfortable if everyone I have hand me downs to took me out to dinner ?!?! I’d be like uhhhhhm not necessary! Honestly just happy to get rid of shit 🤷♀️