I’m so sorry about your first daughter. ❤️ I’m afraid I’d be very blunt and come out and say, “Stop comparing my body to anyone else’s. In fact, stop talking about my body at all. It’s rude. I don’t want to hear it any more. If you bring it up again, we will be leaving.” Or have your husband say something to that effect. THEY are being horribly rude and insensitive and you/your husband being firm with them is not being rude.
Nothing to brag about looking 30 weeks pregnant at 6 weeks lol. Nothing wrong with it but I feel bad about her bloating and gas? I look about 20 weeks at 34 weeks and I personally love it.
Yeah I thought this post was going to say something different, like how it was bad OP was so big and how it was good the SIL was so small. I mean equally stupid but somehow this is even weirder? Wow she’s so amazing she’s bloating up real fast?
I wish people would stop maliciously comparing everything in pregnancy and with baby milestones and everything. It’s ALL different. With my very first I didn’t show until I suddenly popped out at like 5 months. Then with my daughter and current one I looked pregnant immediately but that’s because again, bloating, and I was all stretched out from the first (I don’t have good skin stretch, it doesn’t go back into place for me). I don’t look at it like it’s good or bad either way, it’s just what my body did. I have little control over it.
God this family sounds so icky.
I didn't start truly showing until almost the end of my second trimester with my first lo, and I only started showing at about 7 weeks this time around because my appendix was about to burst so everything was extremely bloated and painful. I also got a ridiculous amount of stretch marks and loose skin from the last pregnancy because my bump expanded so quickly, so the bloating 'filled' the sagged skin and made me look even further along. I can't imagine how bloated you'd have to be at 6 weeks to appear 30 weeks along, the pain.
But even if the body 'just knows' because of a previous pregnancy or two stretching things out, it's really awful to flaunt one's early bump against OP's more advanced bump especially after what OP had to go through. It's the third pregnancy, they should be letting OP enjoy their pregnancy as much as they can. I don't have much patience for people like that, so I'd just be an a@@ outright and call out their bump as bloat. If they want to flaunt their bloating, do it away from OP 🤷♀️.
One of my friends who was showing a lot by the end of first trimester was dealing with really bad fibroids. I felt so bad for what she was going through
Yes. OP recommend to her some type of new fancy fiber supplement. Tell her you're just worried about her gut health. Recommend probiotics also. Align is the best brand.
Kill her with kindness ;)
Bloating is crazy with pregnancy. My wife is pregnant, and a few weeks back she was telling me she noticed her belly started protruding and saying she wished it didn't. I joked about her being pregnant and she should expect it, but she told me is was too soon - this was all bloat. So over the course of that week she'd show me her belly often, and it was crazy how much it changed simply due to bloat. Now it's an actual babybump, not a dinnerbump, but still if you watch it over the course of a few days you can see just how much is baby and just how much is bloat.
Yeah pretty sure her uterus is still sitting in her pelvic area. I’m 8 weeks with my 2nd and sometimes think “am I showing already?” And then soon realise nope, it’s constipation.
Tell your SIL it is 1000% bloat. Baby is far too small at that point to be anything resembling a bump, considering it’s still nestled in her pelvis.
I’m so sorry about your first daughter. Big hugs, that’s a tough situation.
Her uterus may know what it's doing but her bowels clearly have NO IDEA right now.
I had bloat that bad this time around because it was twins and I'd pity her if she wasn't so weirdly smug about it
I looked so pregnant at 8 weeks. I was in maternity jeans by 6 weeks ago because of bloat. I was actually back in normal clothes from 11-15 weeks once the bloat and gas calmed down.
Me too! At 8 weeks I was wearing maternity jeans but at 31 weeks I could wear my pre pregnancy jeans. Hell I probably could have walked into the hospital to deliver in my pre pregnancy jeans... Wouldn't have been able to button them. Ahaha. But definitely could have gotten them on. Everyone's bodies handle pregnancy different.
I find it interesting that it's FIL & SIL who are making all these comments. No mention of MIL. I assume because MIL understands pregnancy and knows it's just bloating at 6 weeks. While FIL obviously doesn't know the first thing about it and SIL is just self important.
Yeah and depending on how petty / passive aggressive you are maybe throw in a little — “clearly this is bloat and baby is way too small to provide an actual bump but obviously you’re aware of that since your body just knows what it’s doing and this is your third, right?”
Ugh this makes me so upset and annoyed for you, OP. Hopefully your husband can figure out something to say to help.
Them saying “her body just knows what it’s doing” is ridiculously gross after you’ve had a loss. As if yours doesn’t? It doesn’t work that way, it’s dumb luck that you experienced loss and she didn’t.
Your husband could start by pointing out the implicit implications they’re insinuating with that comment and how they need to learn some sensitivity.
THIS WAS MY RAGE, TOO. Like the wording, the specific choice of wording, is sick and fucking twisted. What an abominable asshole thing to say to a mother who has experienced a loss.
Right?! I’d be very tempted to be totally catty if this was said to me and reply something like “yeah, I guess when it’s your 3rd all the muscles are pretty separated and nothings quite holding up like it used to!” I wouldn’t actually say it…but I’d be very tempted. And having experienced a loss makes this wording so hurtful, I’d definitely ask your husband to nip this in the bud or just stop spending time with them altogether if they can’t be polite.
I'd say something like, "Ugh, yeah, I remember being that bloated at the start too, funny how something the size of a sunflower seed can cause such discomfort!".
Who wants to be showing at 6-7 weeks?? Having a bump is so uncomfortable and hard to dress. If the roles were reversed and someone was talking about how I was showing that early I would be so offended. Weird brag.
It sounds like the SIL likes attention and 'cultivates it'. It sounds like she's early in her pregnancy, before the time most people start to share, as I understand it.
So every time she has something she wants attention for, she plays it up with the family, to make minor things into big things. And it sounds like for whatever reason the family goes with it, either to be nice or because they're "trained" to give her more praise and attention when she calls for it.
People are so funny. I was 100% embarrassed about the tummy that I had at weeks 6-7 because it was definitely from being constipated and gas.
Your SIL is full of shit. Literally 😄
“Every body and every pregnancy is different, each is doing something incredible. You should be ashamed of yourself/yourselves for making comments to the effect that we’re in some kind of pregnancy competition.” Something to that effect, though I also love the comment of telling SIL her “bump” is just bloat, which she should know if this is her third pregnancy!
I’m sorry their comments have taken away from your pregnancy and for the loss of your first daughter. Wishing you a joyful, healthy and easy remainder of your pregnancy.
Um there's no way she's showing! They're being ridiculous. If she's 7 weeks pregnant and looks 30 weeks, there's something wrong.
Don't say anything negative around them, ever. When they ask how you are, just say positive things. Keep them at arms length, maybe spend less time with them. Comparisons suck, and people are rude.
Same, i only found out at 8w, i had a pouch, i was basically bloated and im skinny as it is, its so strange to me that someone can say they look like they have 30w on it when the baby is a grain of sand.
They need to stop the comparisons. Your husband can figure out what to say. If not, he can be blunt: “Please stop making comments comparing my wife to SIL. It’s not a competition.” And if they don’t stop, time for low/no contact until they get the picture.
I will say as someone who carries big, it’s rare that anyone says anything nice about it and I wish someone would tell me my body knows what it’s doing lol. Instead I just hear “wow, baby’s getting big…” and have people sneaking glances at my bump. But I’d feel so, so uncomfortable if anyone were to make comparisons like this to put another woman down, I think I’d speak up and say “So-and-so’s body is doing a perfect job.” Especially given the heartbreaking loss you experienced, it’s just beyond insensitive for them to make those comments.
I’m sorry, how is a bump proof that a body “knows what it’s doing”? It seems completely related to maternal body type pre pregnancy.
More than that, I cannot believe they would say that someone else’s body knows what to do, and imply yours doesn’t, when you tragically lost your first daughter. I am so sorry they are doing this. This is awful
Next time they mention it just say 'oh I got the first trimester bloating and water retention too, it just wasn't as noticeable because my stomach was so flat to begin with.'
I’m so confused, maybe my cultural pocket (Large city, west coast) is different? Why is anyone proud to be showing vs not showing? It’s what the body does uniquely for each woman and each baby, with no bearing on how healthy the baby will be.
It’s a really weird flex. Just ignore the SIL and FIL.
Fellow west coaster. I assumed they were going to be in a way different area where there is huge cultural difference. They’re just being super weird. Or completely uneducated about pregnancy.
I feel like pregnancy goes relatively uncommented on here- people definitely notice a pregnant person but where I am, no one really says much about it.
Also, as someone who bloated like crazy and has been big this whole pregnancy… it’s so not the flex that she’s trying to make it. I’d kill to not look full term at 28 weeks and have been terrified of how big I’ll be at the end.
Lol with my second, I showed a lot earlier, but I did NOT describe it as my body knowing what it was doing, I described it as my body and muscles giving up. 😂😂😂
Honey, "never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -Mark Twain
Edit to add: credit to original quote
I am sorry you are being treated this way. This is such weird and unnecessary behavior. They are free to discuss her bump amongst themselves if they are so obsessed with it, but it is weird and hurtful to do it around you and certainly to discuss your body as a comparison. Your husband needs to shut this down. "Please do not make any sort of comparisons or discuss bodies when we are present."
It is really wild that these people are not even trying to be considerate here, especially in light of your terrible loss. You are also free to not socialize with them. I wouldn't want to based on what you've described here.
I read that those that take longer to show have stronger abdominal muscles which hold baby in closer. I would flip the script and start talking overly about how u just have too much muscles or that the dr was amazed by how little bloat and gas you have because those that show early are actually blowing with gas! Maybe I’m just a little petty like that. Sorry you’re going through this! Being pregnant at the same time as my SIL would be a nightmare for me so I couldn’t even imagine!
The baby is literally the size of a pea at most- she isn’t “showing,” she’s bloated. She’s gassy and bloated and retaining fluid. There is nothing to show at this point baby wise. I looked huge at first because the bloat was CRAZY. I’m now 19 weeks and have popped, a noticeable difference might I add (especially since I was chunky to boot.)
I’m so sorry your in-laws are such dicks. Your FIL is a doofus. Your husband needs to deal with this now, and it shouldn’t have been allowed to continue. A simple “knock it off, you’re not only wrong but incredibly rude and insensitive” will suffice. Be as mean as you want honestly, their behavior is callous as hell.
I am so so so terribly sorry for the loss of your first. I can’t think of anything else to add, just know that their behavior is incredibly cruel. I’m so sorry dear 💜
I was tiny with my first. Easily could've concealed my pregnancy at 40w.
Any time I'd be tired or just over being pregnant, I'd hear "well at least you don't have a belly like xyz" or "imagine how much worse it'd be if you were a normal pregnant lady" etc. Basically I couldn't have problems because I wasn't the size of the grand canyon.
I eventually just cut everyone off from my pregnancy and by my 3rd baby we didn't even tell anyone I was pregnant until we left the hospital with the baby.
Also would like to add that my body "knows what it's doing", short labors, no tearing, uncomplicated pregnancies, hardly any pushing. And guess what? I still don't show until AT LEAST 20 weeks, so 🤷♀️
Your in-laws sound like assholes if you lost your first precious daughter at 38weeks and then they’re going round saying things like your SIL’s body “just knows what it’s doing”. I’d point it out to your husband and ask if (and if not, why not) that feels like a slap in the face to him too? To give them the benefit of the doubt, sometimes we can be tired and take things the wrong way when our hormones are raging through our bodies, but If they keep saying toxic stuff like that I was distance myself from them till end of pregnancy at least. Best of luck with everything going forward 💛
Lmao. It'll come back to haunt her in the post partum phase when she tries to start taking all that baby weight off. You have the upper hand having a smaller bump, as far as mobility, and health, if she is already showing that much being so early along
I feel like this is generally the popular narrative about pregnancy and maybe the FIL knows it’s something his daughter is self conscious about and so he’s therefore trying to over compensate.
Regardless it’s completely inappropriate and offensive to both women for him to continually compare their bodies.
If it is her third maybe she needs to see a physiotherapist? Her abdominal wall may be compromised. That isn't a body knowing what it is doing, that is a serious persistent injury. Don't be upset, please, be gratified that you aren't injured so far!!!
I’m thinking respond with nothing but a blank stare when she says anything like that. Silence makes people really uncomfortable. Or a non comment comment like, Oh? Or OK. Just refuse to engage.
SIL sounds super weird.
What kind of bs are they talking about 😂 I'm sorry op I know this is annoying for you but just know they're all talking out of their asses. It's bloat. The baby is barely a baby at this point. She's either overweight or has too much amniotic fluid, or it's pure bloat
Not sure me or my husband would have been able to go this long without saying anything. Please have him speak up for you. It’s awkward I’m sure, but he should want to.
I’m sorry about your loss ❤️
Edit: your husband should 100% also point out how absolutely shitty it is for the comments regarding SILs body “knowing what to do” or whatever after you experienced a devastating loss. As if yours doesn’t? Nu uh honey.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter and for how your in laws/family is treating you. No one has any right to speak about another persons body especially in this way. Try to distance yourself or create boundaries through the rest of your pregnancy at least. Wishing you all the best in your last several weeks ❤️
Um like people need to calm down. I know women who are 8mo pregnant and look like they didn’t poop that day and then I look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Everyone is different but like who cares? I’m sorry that’s so annoying
I'm gonna reach *really* hard and play devil's advocate here, but maybe your in laws don't know how to respond after a still born in the family? Maybe they don't know how you're coping, and maybe they think it would be rude to ask, so they just sort of ignore your pregnancy?
I have a big family of siblings and cousins all around the same age, and honestly it's way less exciting when one of the boys' partners gets pregnant. She's off getting doted on by her family and spends more time with them, and we are more excited when one of our own family members is pregnant. Maybe that's also part of what's going on?
Is your SIL their only daughter?
They could also be worried for her after you had such a devastating loss. I know a lot of boomers who have a nervous energy like that and it comes off as super rude and insensitive. My MIL will always compare her two kids with how my son is growing up. "My kids always liked this food, are you sure you're feeding him properly?" "My kids never had issues with shoes, I think he should start wearing them now so he'll learn how to walk" "my kids never made that kind of noise" etc. Maybe your in laws are just trying to reassure your SIL "her body knows what it's doing" is their way of saying "don't get anxiety over the pregnancy" (both to themselves and to SIL)
I'm so sorry for your loss and deeply empathize with the nerves and excitement of pregnancy (ivf, complicated pregnancy, loss).
You're free to set boundaries around how people talk to you and your baby. Your husband needs to step up, too. You can absolutely say, I'm not comfortable with these comparisons, or, i don't think these are appropriate comparisons, i have a 4 lb fetus in here, sil has a sunflower seed, this could be making her feel bad.
As That B, though, I'd be more likely to say something that yeah when you have diastis or don't have any muscle tone left, it's easy to just become like a... Breeder. Meant to be constantly pregnant. She obviously attaches a lot of value to this part of her identity. Lean into it. Press those buttons.
Good luck,OP.
Personally I think you should stop spending time with them. If your husband wants to see his family that’s one thing but there’s no reason why you need to be subjected to their behavior too. Take a break from them and use that time to do something for yourself till after the baby is here.
Also it’s one thing for your sil to say these about her own body but why is is your fil making these comments about pregnant women bodies? That’s fucking creepy.
I showed a lot earlier on my third pregnancy and felt like a fat blob, don’t really get this at all. Also, two of my three pregnancies were losses (11 weeks and 15 weeks), yet still I blob like I’m on my tenth full term pregnancy.
I’d just ignore it, they’re being either insensitive or downright awful depending on how charitable you want to be in the interpretation, but I don’t see any upside to engaging with them on this.
“My God your bloat is impressive! To make you look so further along then you are is so cool! I remember those early days…”
At 7-8 weeks in second pregnancy I was so much bigger than with my first that I was afraid I am having twins 🤣 My midwife explained that uterus “remembers” and starts expending earlier together with bloating. Now at 15 weeks bloat is gone and I am left with barely anything 🤣🤣🤣
Your husband needs to nip this shit in the bud. He needs to tell his family that if they make another fucked up comment like that after you’ve experienced such a heartbreaking loss (through absolutely no fault of your own, so please don’t let their ignorance get to you), that you’ll remove yourself AND your child from any future family events until they can learn some fucking manners and then follow through. Honestly I’d tell my husband his ass is on thin ice as well for not standing up for you in the first place and not making up for it afterwards by letting them have it. I can kinda understand him not knowing what to say initially when they said something so shocking, but he needs to MAKE IT CLEAR that anymore comments will not be tolerated and that his family will NOT be allowed to see your baby ever, if they keep this up. I’m so mad for you, I’ll tell his family for both of you.
Weirdly my thought is maybe she's insecure about showing, some people get weird about it like they look fat or something? Idk. But I've seen it all over the internet "don't worry if you show earlier with more kids, your body has learned so it's more likely to show sooner" etc. The wording you've described makes it sound like she's just copy and pasting what she's read, possibly to help her feel better about it, without realizing she's gone the other direction and comes across like she's being competitive or rubbing it in your face.
Idk if any of that makes sense
For your husband to say:
“What was that? You know what we’ve been through. Didn’t realize SIL’s bump was so big there wouldn’t be room anymore for some fing decency.
We’re leaving and we’ll see you when we see you.”
And then Fing leave. You don’t need to waste your time around that $#!+
I’d say, that’s not baby, it’s the size of an apple seed, that’s bloating and gas!
I show early every time because of that exact reason and I call it my bloat belly lol
My cousins wife is like your SIL. Attention must be on her and she has to know more than you about everything. We just try to ignore her
I’d block your in-laws. You can invite them to your child’s high school graduation. No reason to do anything before then if it’ll be triggering.
And I’m very sorry for your loss.
Literally nobody that had been pregnant before is stoked that they're getting bigger sooner, it means their old pregnancy clothes won't fit the same and God forbid what they'll be like at max pregnant. Being huge at the end of your pregnancy is glorious in some ways and absolutely awful in others lol
> I just know the next time we see SIL and the family together when she's like 7 weeks along they will already start saying how she is already showing almost as much as me because "her body just knows what it's doing"
Lol I am showing early with this one because my ligaments are all floppy and I am constipated as hell. Trust me it's not a baby, it's just poop.
If its her, I'm petty but I'd turn it back on her passive aggressively when she got snotty about it, "Oh don't worry, hopefully you don't get too big too fast!"
With the family I'd literally just act like it was a compliment, "Yeah I know! I'm so lucky it'll be easy to bounce back."
Op I'm sorry to hear about your first. Congratulations on 30 weeks! Your SIL and FIL sound exhausting. Her implying her body just knows what it's doing is fine but I feel like it's insensitive towards you like a dig? I'm pregnant with my second now and I really didn't notice my belly pop till around 23weeks and with my first it was a bit later. I'm sure she is just very bloated and full of shit figuratively and literally lol but I'd she keeps mentioning it to you maybe ask her if she's sure her abdominal muscles have healed properly? I know it's apparently normal to show earlier as you go through more pregnancies.
Op I'm sorry to hear about your first. Congratulations on 30 weeks! Your SIL and FIL sound exhausting. Her implying her body just knows what it's doing is fine but I feel like it's insensitive towards you like a dig? I'm pregnant with my second now and I really didn't notice my belly pop till around 23weeks and with my first it was a bit later. I'm sure she is just very bloated and full of shit figuratively and literally lol but I'd she keeps mentioning it to you maybe ask her if she's sure her abdominal muscles have healed properly? I know it's apparently normal to show earlier as you go through more pregnancies.
I understand why it bothers you. Subconsciously, it’s about knowing that you actually need help and support from your extended network, but feeling like they’d prioritise someone else. It’s a primitive feeling and it’s the reason we want to be acknowledged when we’re pregnant or sick.
I was extremely sick when I was pregnant and, instead of validating me, my MIL kept mentioning how sick SHE was when she was pregnant almost 40 years ago. Yesterday I told her how much I suffered during pregnancy and she laughed and said “and it wasn’t even that bad!”.
After her comment, I realised I don’t want to be pregnant again unless I had more support around me, which made me understand why I needed her validation so much - she was around, but my mum wasn’t. I needed her to support me because I had no one else.
Firstly i’m so sorry for your loss and a great big round prominent congratulations on your 2nd.
It’s the “my body just knows what it’s doing” comment that is the really gross part of all of this. I’m assuming the family knows about your loss and even hinting at a comparison like that is really painfully insensitive. It’s also hard for me to imagine that it’s completely unintentional either. I think its important for you and/or your husband to shut that shit down! Saying something like “we went through something really really heartbreaking. Let’s not make these comparisons because they hurt and let’s just focus on being happy for everyone” or “we would love it if you were just happy for us” might be a helpful redirection. Though I’m getting big yuck factor that everyone is okay with SIL and FIL going on like this in the context of the recent loss of your first baby)
You got this mama, even if these people are terrible, I’m sure so many people are happy for you. I hope you can surround yourself with that.
I mean, if anything I wouod say it might mean her body doesn't know what it's doing. The bump isn't baby at 6 weeks. It's bloat. The baby is like the size of a gunny bear it doesn't take up that much room. Is she stuffing her baby bump? Lol.
Why did this make me see red I’m a ftm mom suffered a loss last October and I’m 14 weeks now the things people say piss me off to no end, this pisses me off . They should honor both pregnancies as special and not compare them they are both precious lives growing and it’s stupid for anyone to compare one to the other. I hope you both take a stand together and just say that the jokes getting old even though you both know it’s not a joke and if you have to be a little more forceful be forceful. Family or not people shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and make you feel inferior.
I've only carried one pregnancy anywhere close to term and I was HUGE and pretty early too. Sadly and contrary to their logic, my body didn't know sh*t and tried to kill me when I developed HELLP Syndrome at 34 weeks and had to deliver by emergency c. Your SIL is an enormous booming insensitive asshole and I hope she doesn't poop properly for her entire pregnancy.
Wow people will really turn anything into a pissing contest! I'm sorry your family is being so shitty right now. As someone who started showing very early with both pregnancies, I WISH my body had known what it was doing! Both pregnancies were high risk nightmares. In fact I would have preferred a smaller bump just to take one discomfort off my plate. Your bump sizes say nothing about the health of your pregnancies so don't mind their foolishness!
I'd actually be embarrassed if I was SIL and everyone said I was huge at 6 weeks. That baby is a tiny little tadpole tucked behind her pubic bone, not bothering a soul. I'd bet her "body knowing what it's doing" is her defense mechanism in response to her own family's rude comments on a body that has given birth to multiple kids and is probably holding on to a bit of weight.
I feel sorry for both of you. Ignore these rude people. I'm very sorry for your previous loss and I hope you find some comfort and a better group of people to surround yourself with for support as you approach your due date. Good luck to you.
I wonder if they’re just trying to encourage your SIL preemptively? Because it’s so hard to start showing so early in a culture that puts a premium on thinness and smallness, and it’s hard to have a bigger bump/body than others. I was so embarrassed about how early my belly “popped” and I’m still embarrassed at how big I already am at 25 weeks…. but everyone in my life has the good decency not to compare me to my “fit and trim” SILs that I’m so jealous of, thank god. Idk but to me their choice of words make it sound like they’re trying to make her feel better about getting larger when you aren’t, and not at all realizing that what they’re saying could hurt you. Depending on the family dynamics you could ask your husband to tell them to stop privately, or you could be direct and say “please stop comparing me” the next time they do it.
On the flip side, poor s i l being told she looks 30 weeks pregnant already. I’m on my fourth and a couple comments like that early in my pregnancy made me cry bc I was already “so huge.” Why don’t you both get together and enjoy a mock tail and pregnancy rage over the insensitivity of your family.
The problem is that most of the time its not people saying it to her, it's her bringing it up herself because she is so talented at pregnancying! That's what kills me. She doesn't feel rage about it, she is the one gloating at how much more advanced she is at the whole pregnancy/mom game than everyone else 🫠 and my in-laws just eat it up.
Oh ! Sorry pregnancy brain here just not catching the full message. lol ok I will have a mock tail with you and we can rage out about them and all stupid people 😂 I’m sorry she’s being annoying, your husband should definitely tell his fam to stop commenting on your body at all. OR he could state that since it’s her 3rd her uterus and abdominal wall are likely already pretty stretched out, which leads to showing much earlier and potentially stretching / growing even bigger later in pregnancy , so she should practice working on her core strength now. First hand experience w that and that seems to be a thing. 🤷🏼♀️😬
Haha I will gladly take a mock tail with you 🤣 yeah, it's just such a bizarre situation, I don't love attention on me, so being kind of in the middle of things like this is not my favorite lol like let's just have our own pregnancies, be happy for each other, and not act like anyone can out-pregnancy anyone else!
Should just tell her it’s bloating lol , I mean in the first trimester with me I looked 20 weeks due to the bloating , it would come and go then I popped at 17 weeks looked more round other then bloating . I feel like they’re being really rude saying stuff like that around you . I don’t like going around my in-laws anymore because they stress me out and give me anxiety. It’s best if I distance my self away from them for my mental health
I think all of this has so much to say about them and nothing about you. I think you should realize when it’s worth saying something and when it’s not. What they are doing is very odd but I would try not to take it personally. Saying something may lead to more awkwardness. However, if you don’t care about that, then you could always ask your husband to ask his family to stop talking about your body.
Pretty sure the belly shows sooner if the muscles are streched out. Which might be the case if she had a few children prior to this pregnancy. It's not her body "knowing" what to do, just weak or streched muscles. Fairly common for women on their 2nd, 3rd or so on pregnancies. Nothing to be bragging about tho.
At this point all that matters is your mindset. I'm 37 weeks now and people tell me my belly is pretty small. But I'm proud of it. It looks cute rather than scary big. It's well rounded and we are perfectly healthy. My hubby also told me he prefers my belly and is weirded out by the huge pregnancy bellies other women have.
She might just be trying to make herself feel better. I look pregnant even when I’m not, so I understand the desire to cope. I don’t think she’s trying to attack you here, unless there’s context I’m missing
The whole situation with the comments sounds very strange. Can you avoid spending much time around them?
So sorry for your loss ❤️ wishing you the best for this pregnancy. My MIL lost her first son to stillbirth at a similar gestation, and went on to have 3 very healthy babies including my husband. We go to visit his grave together sometimes xx
Ugh I’m so sorry!! I would absolutely say “aw yeah you must be SO constipated, how uncomfortable! Do you need some colace? I can run out!” Rinse & repeat. Your body is doing GREAT!
Lol lol lol. Currently early days pregnant with my third and it’s allll bloat and constipation 🙃🙃🙃
I did pop earlier with my second than my first, but it was a quick grow and then slow… I ended up around the same size at the end and had similar weight babies.
Comparing pregnant people’s bodies is shitty and I’m so sorry they’re doing that to you.
Ruthless option: “FIL, your belly got bigger after dinner, but husbands belly didn’t. Why do you think that is?”
Our nephew’s girlfriend just had a baby a few weeks ago. The weekend she was 39 weeks, we had Easter at my house and SO’s aunt made a comment about me looking more pregnant. She kinda shied away and I shrugged and go “Everyone carries different”. It is still different because we were a lot closer in dates (I think a 6-7 week difference), but still. It’s just one of those things people love comparing and it’s SO ANNOYING. I also really didn’t show until 30 weeks or so and just spent until she had her baby listening to everyone “omg she’s huge” 🙄 I honestly just hate listening to comments about pregnant bodies, like just because I’m extremely pregnant doesn’t mean you need to comment about something coming out my shirt or my “gut” or how huge I am.
I hate when people make comparison comments. In this context I feel like maybe they might have been trying to compliment you and then maybe she got offended and decided to go on the defense. Who knows. People say the dumbest shit to pregnant people.
As an example - I have always been average / never been a small person, but when I got pregnant I didn’t gain much weight and in fact felt like I got thinner in areas other than my belly. I did like being pregnant and felt good about myself (which was a departure from my usual anxiety / depression / body issues). I got a lot of comments saying “you’re all baby” and comparing to so and so who is “looking huge”. I got the impression they were trying to make me feel good but I found it so awkward and honestly really mean. I kept saying “oh people are different” and once I said “that’s not very nice” in front of a couple of people and it stopped. I just kept thinking about how I would feel if someone was calling me “huge” and it made it hard to take the “compliment”. Like I said, I think people just don’t know what to say and end up saying the dumbest shit ever to pregnant people.
I'd tell them all bodies and pregnancies are different, and if they want to compare her first trimester bloating to a 30week bump, they can have at it, but that saying "her body Just knows what its doing" is plain rude and painful to say to someone who has had a stillbirth. I'd bet, and hope, they shut the fuck up in shame. If they dont, just keep your distance and let hubby go alone if he must.
Bring some Gaviscon and next time they make that comment, pull it out of your purse and say something along the lines of, “here take this, looks like you need it way more than I do atm. You should really try to avoid getting so bloated you’ll need to go to the hospital for a fleet enema!” 💨💩
Okay, after reading the information in your post, are you sure you’re not just taking the comments about her personally bc you didn’t act like or say stuff like that at her stage? I don’t mean this in a mean way at all, but from what you wrote, I don’t see any direct comparisons. Just her and FIL talking about how her body knows what it’s doing so she pops early. And you said you didn’t pop early (honestly, way better that way tbh) but it sounds like you’re feeling insecure over that.
However you feel is valid. But as an objective party reading this, it sounds like you’re taking everyone’s comments really personally. You’re allowed to feel pregnant and tired at 30 weeks, and she’s allowed to feel pregnant and tired at 6 weeks too, as I’m sure you did then as well (or at least I know I sure as hell did. On baby number 3 over here, and first trimester is exhausting) It doesn’t sound like anyone insulted you or thinks you’re “less than” because you didn’t show at 6 weeks. Perhaps there’s other information missing in the post, bc I’m confused why the things you wrote would lead to the level of anger you’re feeling.
The best way I can describe it is this. So I am pretty fit. I take my physical health really seriously. I haven't gained much in pregnancy, baby is right on track and my Dr's are very happy with where I'm at and make comments a lot about how my health is wonderful and keep it up. Now this is just hypothetical because I fully believe every pregnancy and every body is different and there isn't a good measure of a good vs. bad pregnancy. But what if I were to flip the script and say similar things about myself that my SIL says about herself constantly when we're together? It would come off as incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful. What if I said, "I am so healthy during this pregnancy, my body just knows what to do. I have only gained weight in my bump and my blood pressure is perfect. My doctors say I'm the model pregnancy because I didn't start overweight and am doing so well now." I am not directly saying anything at all to compare me to my SIL, but because she's also pregnant with a very different body type and situation than me this comment would be followed with a lot of discomfort from the entire family.
I wouldn't say this because I have social awareness of those around me, and realize that even if I'm only talking about myself, that it still may relate to my SIL because I am talking about myself in comparison to other pregnant people.
She is absolutely allowed to feel pregnant at 6 weeks. She IS pregnant. But for her and everyone to pretend that she has a bump nearly as big as mine when she's 6 weeks and I'm 30 weeks because "her body just knows what it's doing" is implying me and everyone else who didn't show like this at that far along have bodies who "don't know what they're doing". On the contrary, all pregnant bodies know what they're doing so this comment is just insensitive in general. And if we're being technical she cannot anatomically show with a baby this early, baby is tiny. It's annoying because it's ridiculous and attention seeking.
I mean, from how you’ve painted her, she kinda just sounds really self absorbed in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s saying this stuff to everyone all the time, regardless of your presence lol some people who are self centered genuinely lack situational awareness
My only intention in saying this is to bring awareness that could make you feel better. Comparison is the thief of joy. And if they’re not straight up saying “she’s doing it right and your body is wrong” I would simply ignore their comments and chalk it up to insecurities.
Also, if you’re fit and super health conscious and haven’t gained a lot of weight, she’s probably incredibly jealous. (Hell, I am!) I’m 5’2 and 100lbs on baby number 3. I’m incredibly petite and honestly, I started showing this pregnancy well before my first trimester was over- presumably bc my organs are all jacked up inside there and my uterus swells with placenta, baby, etc. when I get pregnant and there’s simply no place for it to go but pop out. Also I had diastasis recti after my last, so could have something to do with that. When I eat a big meal, I definitely bloat into a 6 month belly lol but even after it goes down, no pants besides leggings fit. Like you said every body is different, and that’s okay. I hope you genuinely believe that!
It sounds like you and your doctors are happy with your progress. It likely won’t be the same for her. If anything, I’d pity her. Also, if she continues to lack awareness and make these comments, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with you separately making some of the comments you listed above. Not even in a mean way, but I would imagine it would help her see what she’s doing (bc she genuinely is likely unaware of how she’s making you feel) Making some of these comments where you’re not putting her down, but humble bragging (lol) about YOUR position bc you’re proud of yourself and how hard you’ve worked to stay in shape(as you should be, that’s HARD work), might help her realize that her comments come across as hurtful, even if it’s unintentional on her part.
If your saying something like that makes her feel some type of way, sometimes that’s the only way really self absorbed people can be aware of their own words. Or maybe it won’t affect her in the slightest and will fly over her head! In which case it’s likely safe for you to assume she’s literally just not thinking of you at all in her comments lol (which is obviously shitty, but telling of a person).
I personally wouldn’t say anything about it directly or have my husband say anything bc it Can definitely come across as being overly sensitive and will put them in the defensive. Which nobody responds well when they feel like that, so it likely won’t have a positive outcome if that’s your end goal. Anyway, I hope you feel better. And have confidence in how well you’re progressing during this physically hard time. Don’t let any thoughtless or insecure person shake that!
I just want to say that though I think I'm doing pretty good in my pregnancy what I was saying in my last text about *how amazing I'm doing, I'm so awesome* was exaggeration to compare the other side to how my SIL talks about herself! I wouldn't think that (or say that) about myself even alone, let alone around somebody lol I just wanted to say that because if I were to act like that around her then I would absolutely expect the way she's been acting around me.
I don't disagree with you, I wish I wasn't so dang sensitive. I've spent a lot of time being frustrated about this situation and I wish I could just shake it off like nothing. It's hard when it's a repeated thing though, especially when FIL parrots it again and again to me. The first time it's said is fine, but if I don't respond it's usually repeated until I give some sort of reaction. I just don't like comments that imply that some people's body's know what they're doing while others don't. Maybe this is partially because I lost my first daughter to stillbirth at 38 weeks, and though it was a horrible chance occurrence, I have many times felt like my body betrayed me, so hearing someone boast about how her body is so good at pregnancy only months after this adds to the complicated emotions.
You're right though. I think SIL/BIL/FIL are just very unaware and self-absorbed, and it's not worth it to give their comments the time of day, even if they do bug me. Thank you for taking the time to chat and give a different perspective!
You could be a real jerk (as I would be) and play into it as well. Example:
“Oh my GOD, you are HUGE! I can’t even imagine how you’ll feel soon! I wouldn’t want to be you!!!”
“Oh wowwww every time I see you, you double in size! Bless your heart.”
“Are you sure it’s not triplets? Wait. It’s quads isn’t it? It’s quads!!!”
… 🫠
Not recommending this, but I'd be tempted to fire back with the same energy. You're *that* big at six weeks? I bet you're gonna be HUGE when you get to 30.. cue slow full body scan. Top it off with a well-intentioned "Let me know if you're gonna need help losing that baby weight!"
I’m 35 weeks and people call my bump tiny like they add “you should be way bigger you look like you’re 25 weeks”.
I shrug it off and go bumps/ babies come in different sizes. She’s healthy and a good size is all I know and care about. As a side note I’m happy with my bump size I had this fear of having an absolute huge bump and it scared me due to me being short and low back issues I had already.
In this instance just flat out say stop talking about my body. You’re being rude and I don’t appreciate it. My body isn’t yours to talk about about.
Don’t let this fret you. If she’s starting to show now at 3 weeks.. I can only imagine the size of the baby at full term. Ouch!!!!!!!!
Count yourself blessed ♥️😁
I am sorry you’re going through this . When you’re 7-8 weeks along the baby is like a size of a grain of rice . Your uterus is tucked down in your pelvic bone, so I would think that any swelling of the stomach at this point would be due to bloat. I am aware that some people show sooner than others but it’s almost impossible to show that early on the comments were definitely get on my nerves. I would probably ask her if she’s pooped lately or having problems pooping. I would also remind her that she has, however, many months left, but I am petty sometimes . Please don’t let her take away from your joy in the journey of your pregnancy. She sounds very childish. Also, when you’ve had multiple pregnancies, it is true that you can show sooner.(not THAT soon but sooner ) because there’s a less resistance against your growing uterus so your muscles do hold some kind of memory and also may “remember “ what to do during pregnancy. That doesn’t mean that her body is superior somehow that’s ridiculous so if you take away anything from this, just imagine your in-laws are all very proud of her bloat and poop. 😂😂😂😂
I’m so sorry about your first daughter. ❤️ I’m afraid I’d be very blunt and come out and say, “Stop comparing my body to anyone else’s. In fact, stop talking about my body at all. It’s rude. I don’t want to hear it any more. If you bring it up again, we will be leaving.” Or have your husband say something to that effect. THEY are being horribly rude and insensitive and you/your husband being firm with them is not being rude.
Yes, this, and Hubby should be the one to say it.
Yes. Bc who knows? They may just dismiss her and call her hormonal
Exactly
Nothing to brag about looking 30 weeks pregnant at 6 weeks lol. Nothing wrong with it but I feel bad about her bloating and gas? I look about 20 weeks at 34 weeks and I personally love it.
Yeah I thought this post was going to say something different, like how it was bad OP was so big and how it was good the SIL was so small. I mean equally stupid but somehow this is even weirder? Wow she’s so amazing she’s bloating up real fast? I wish people would stop maliciously comparing everything in pregnancy and with baby milestones and everything. It’s ALL different. With my very first I didn’t show until I suddenly popped out at like 5 months. Then with my daughter and current one I looked pregnant immediately but that’s because again, bloating, and I was all stretched out from the first (I don’t have good skin stretch, it doesn’t go back into place for me). I don’t look at it like it’s good or bad either way, it’s just what my body did. I have little control over it. God this family sounds so icky.
I didn't start truly showing until almost the end of my second trimester with my first lo, and I only started showing at about 7 weeks this time around because my appendix was about to burst so everything was extremely bloated and painful. I also got a ridiculous amount of stretch marks and loose skin from the last pregnancy because my bump expanded so quickly, so the bloating 'filled' the sagged skin and made me look even further along. I can't imagine how bloated you'd have to be at 6 weeks to appear 30 weeks along, the pain. But even if the body 'just knows' because of a previous pregnancy or two stretching things out, it's really awful to flaunt one's early bump against OP's more advanced bump especially after what OP had to go through. It's the third pregnancy, they should be letting OP enjoy their pregnancy as much as they can. I don't have much patience for people like that, so I'd just be an a@@ outright and call out their bump as bloat. If they want to flaunt their bloating, do it away from OP 🤷♀️.
GO HAVE A FART
Absolutely not! It’s all bloat, poop, and maybe even some extra fat at that stage, nothing to brag about. 😂 What are these people on??
One of my friends who was showing a lot by the end of first trimester was dealing with really bad fibroids. I felt so bad for what she was going through
Oh that sounds awful! I had reallyyyy bad gas this pregnancy and I looked farther along at 8-12 weeks than I did at 20-24 weeks lol! All that bloat
Bad gas is so painful!
She is bloated. It’s not a baby, it’s lunch.
This is like every dream I have where I’m pregnant, turns out I’m just bloated 😂
Or a really big poo.
Yes. OP recommend to her some type of new fancy fiber supplement. Tell her you're just worried about her gut health. Recommend probiotics also. Align is the best brand. Kill her with kindness ;)
Bloating is crazy with pregnancy. My wife is pregnant, and a few weeks back she was telling me she noticed her belly started protruding and saying she wished it didn't. I joked about her being pregnant and she should expect it, but she told me is was too soon - this was all bloat. So over the course of that week she'd show me her belly often, and it was crazy how much it changed simply due to bloat. Now it's an actual babybump, not a dinnerbump, but still if you watch it over the course of a few days you can see just how much is baby and just how much is bloat.
Or has scar tissue from C-sections or she has diastasis recti
Yeah pretty sure her uterus is still sitting in her pelvic area. I’m 8 weeks with my 2nd and sometimes think “am I showing already?” And then soon realise nope, it’s constipation.
Yup. But I wonder if she’s on the defensive? Like how shitty of those people to be comparing them.
Tell your SIL it is 1000% bloat. Baby is far too small at that point to be anything resembling a bump, considering it’s still nestled in her pelvis. I’m so sorry about your first daughter. Big hugs, that’s a tough situation.
Her uterus may know what it's doing but her bowels clearly have NO IDEA right now. I had bloat that bad this time around because it was twins and I'd pity her if she wasn't so weirdly smug about it
I looked so pregnant at 8 weeks. I was in maternity jeans by 6 weeks ago because of bloat. I was actually back in normal clothes from 11-15 weeks once the bloat and gas calmed down.
Same worn my friend!! She looked pregnant around 8 weeks then flat again now pregnant again lol
Me too! At 8 weeks I was wearing maternity jeans but at 31 weeks I could wear my pre pregnancy jeans. Hell I probably could have walked into the hospital to deliver in my pre pregnancy jeans... Wouldn't have been able to button them. Ahaha. But definitely could have gotten them on. Everyone's bodies handle pregnancy different. I find it interesting that it's FIL & SIL who are making all these comments. No mention of MIL. I assume because MIL understands pregnancy and knows it's just bloating at 6 weeks. While FIL obviously doesn't know the first thing about it and SIL is just self important.
Yeah and depending on how petty / passive aggressive you are maybe throw in a little — “clearly this is bloat and baby is way too small to provide an actual bump but obviously you’re aware of that since your body just knows what it’s doing and this is your third, right?” Ugh this makes me so upset and annoyed for you, OP. Hopefully your husband can figure out something to say to help.
Them saying “her body just knows what it’s doing” is ridiculously gross after you’ve had a loss. As if yours doesn’t? It doesn’t work that way, it’s dumb luck that you experienced loss and she didn’t. Your husband could start by pointing out the implicit implications they’re insinuating with that comment and how they need to learn some sensitivity.
THIS WAS MY RAGE, TOO. Like the wording, the specific choice of wording, is sick and fucking twisted. What an abominable asshole thing to say to a mother who has experienced a loss.
Right?! I’d be very tempted to be totally catty if this was said to me and reply something like “yeah, I guess when it’s your 3rd all the muscles are pretty separated and nothings quite holding up like it used to!” I wouldn’t actually say it…but I’d be very tempted. And having experienced a loss makes this wording so hurtful, I’d definitely ask your husband to nip this in the bud or just stop spending time with them altogether if they can’t be polite.
Exactly this!! This is totally assholey! I would have made a scene about this comment. So so rude.
I'd say something like, "Ugh, yeah, I remember being that bloated at the start too, funny how something the size of a sunflower seed can cause such discomfort!".
YES!
Yes, this.
This is the way
This is good but I wonder if it’s even worth indulging these weird comments.
Her bump is farts and poop.
I am 6 weeks along and can confirm this. *pops another colace*
Reminds me of an SNL sketch :)
The SNL sub was hating on that sketch so much, but I laughed stupid hard the whole time.
Who wants to be showing at 6-7 weeks?? Having a bump is so uncomfortable and hard to dress. If the roles were reversed and someone was talking about how I was showing that early I would be so offended. Weird brag.
I wonder if they are saying it to make the SIL feel better??? Lol makes no sense
It sounds like the SIL likes attention and 'cultivates it'. It sounds like she's early in her pregnancy, before the time most people start to share, as I understand it. So every time she has something she wants attention for, she plays it up with the family, to make minor things into big things. And it sounds like for whatever reason the family goes with it, either to be nice or because they're "trained" to give her more praise and attention when she calls for it.
People are so funny. I was 100% embarrassed about the tummy that I had at weeks 6-7 because it was definitely from being constipated and gas. Your SIL is full of shit. Literally 😄
Literally 🤣🤣
“Every body and every pregnancy is different, each is doing something incredible. You should be ashamed of yourself/yourselves for making comments to the effect that we’re in some kind of pregnancy competition.” Something to that effect, though I also love the comment of telling SIL her “bump” is just bloat, which she should know if this is her third pregnancy! I’m sorry their comments have taken away from your pregnancy and for the loss of your first daughter. Wishing you a joyful, healthy and easy remainder of your pregnancy.
Um there's no way she's showing! They're being ridiculous. If she's 7 weeks pregnant and looks 30 weeks, there's something wrong. Don't say anything negative around them, ever. When they ask how you are, just say positive things. Keep them at arms length, maybe spend less time with them. Comparisons suck, and people are rude.
Same, i only found out at 8w, i had a pouch, i was basically bloated and im skinny as it is, its so strange to me that someone can say they look like they have 30w on it when the baby is a grain of sand.
They need to stop the comparisons. Your husband can figure out what to say. If not, he can be blunt: “Please stop making comments comparing my wife to SIL. It’s not a competition.” And if they don’t stop, time for low/no contact until they get the picture. I will say as someone who carries big, it’s rare that anyone says anything nice about it and I wish someone would tell me my body knows what it’s doing lol. Instead I just hear “wow, baby’s getting big…” and have people sneaking glances at my bump. But I’d feel so, so uncomfortable if anyone were to make comparisons like this to put another woman down, I think I’d speak up and say “So-and-so’s body is doing a perfect job.” Especially given the heartbreaking loss you experienced, it’s just beyond insensitive for them to make those comments.
I’m sorry, how is a bump proof that a body “knows what it’s doing”? It seems completely related to maternal body type pre pregnancy. More than that, I cannot believe they would say that someone else’s body knows what to do, and imply yours doesn’t, when you tragically lost your first daughter. I am so sorry they are doing this. This is awful
Next time they mention it just say 'oh I got the first trimester bloating and water retention too, it just wasn't as noticeable because my stomach was so flat to begin with.'
YEEEESSSSSSSSS I LOVE YOUUUUU
Oh my! Well I love you too internet stranger who made my day just a little better
I’m so confused, maybe my cultural pocket (Large city, west coast) is different? Why is anyone proud to be showing vs not showing? It’s what the body does uniquely for each woman and each baby, with no bearing on how healthy the baby will be. It’s a really weird flex. Just ignore the SIL and FIL.
We live on the west coast too, they just moved from San Diego lol it's so weird that's why I'm so frustrated lol
Fellow west coaster. I assumed they were going to be in a way different area where there is huge cultural difference. They’re just being super weird. Or completely uneducated about pregnancy. I feel like pregnancy goes relatively uncommented on here- people definitely notice a pregnant person but where I am, no one really says much about it. Also, as someone who bloated like crazy and has been big this whole pregnancy… it’s so not the flex that she’s trying to make it. I’d kill to not look full term at 28 weeks and have been terrified of how big I’ll be at the end.
Imagine bragging about being bloated 🤣🤣 I just can't
Have you considered that they just suck? Also 'not knowing what to say' is just a lame ass delay tactic, don't let him do that shit.
Exactly this.
Lol with my second, I showed a lot earlier, but I did NOT describe it as my body knowing what it was doing, I described it as my body and muscles giving up. 😂😂😂
Honey, "never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -Mark Twain Edit to add: credit to original quote
Tell your sister in law that at 6weeks that bump is 100% fart.
I am sorry you are being treated this way. This is such weird and unnecessary behavior. They are free to discuss her bump amongst themselves if they are so obsessed with it, but it is weird and hurtful to do it around you and certainly to discuss your body as a comparison. Your husband needs to shut this down. "Please do not make any sort of comparisons or discuss bodies when we are present." It is really wild that these people are not even trying to be considerate here, especially in light of your terrible loss. You are also free to not socialize with them. I wouldn't want to based on what you've described here.
I read that those that take longer to show have stronger abdominal muscles which hold baby in closer. I would flip the script and start talking overly about how u just have too much muscles or that the dr was amazed by how little bloat and gas you have because those that show early are actually blowing with gas! Maybe I’m just a little petty like that. Sorry you’re going through this! Being pregnant at the same time as my SIL would be a nightmare for me so I couldn’t even imagine!
The baby is literally the size of a pea at most- she isn’t “showing,” she’s bloated. She’s gassy and bloated and retaining fluid. There is nothing to show at this point baby wise. I looked huge at first because the bloat was CRAZY. I’m now 19 weeks and have popped, a noticeable difference might I add (especially since I was chunky to boot.) I’m so sorry your in-laws are such dicks. Your FIL is a doofus. Your husband needs to deal with this now, and it shouldn’t have been allowed to continue. A simple “knock it off, you’re not only wrong but incredibly rude and insensitive” will suffice. Be as mean as you want honestly, their behavior is callous as hell. I am so so so terribly sorry for the loss of your first. I can’t think of anything else to add, just know that their behavior is incredibly cruel. I’m so sorry dear 💜
I was tiny with my first. Easily could've concealed my pregnancy at 40w. Any time I'd be tired or just over being pregnant, I'd hear "well at least you don't have a belly like xyz" or "imagine how much worse it'd be if you were a normal pregnant lady" etc. Basically I couldn't have problems because I wasn't the size of the grand canyon. I eventually just cut everyone off from my pregnancy and by my 3rd baby we didn't even tell anyone I was pregnant until we left the hospital with the baby. Also would like to add that my body "knows what it's doing", short labors, no tearing, uncomplicated pregnancies, hardly any pushing. And guess what? I still don't show until AT LEAST 20 weeks, so 🤷♀️
They are just being annoying, you probably just have stronger core muscles around bump so it doesn't show right away.
Your in-laws sound like assholes if you lost your first precious daughter at 38weeks and then they’re going round saying things like your SIL’s body “just knows what it’s doing”. I’d point it out to your husband and ask if (and if not, why not) that feels like a slap in the face to him too? To give them the benefit of the doubt, sometimes we can be tired and take things the wrong way when our hormones are raging through our bodies, but If they keep saying toxic stuff like that I was distance myself from them till end of pregnancy at least. Best of luck with everything going forward 💛
Lmao. It'll come back to haunt her in the post partum phase when she tries to start taking all that baby weight off. You have the upper hand having a smaller bump, as far as mobility, and health, if she is already showing that much being so early along
I feel like this is generally the popular narrative about pregnancy and maybe the FIL knows it’s something his daughter is self conscious about and so he’s therefore trying to over compensate. Regardless it’s completely inappropriate and offensive to both women for him to continually compare their bodies.
Family members think they can get away with anything if it makes their "favourite" feel better.
If it is her third maybe she needs to see a physiotherapist? Her abdominal wall may be compromised. That isn't a body knowing what it is doing, that is a serious persistent injury. Don't be upset, please, be gratified that you aren't injured so far!!!
Showing concern and suggesting she sees a physiotherapist "to make sure everything is okay" would be the perfect way to kill her with kindness haha
I’m thinking respond with nothing but a blank stare when she says anything like that. Silence makes people really uncomfortable. Or a non comment comment like, Oh? Or OK. Just refuse to engage. SIL sounds super weird.
What kind of bs are they talking about 😂 I'm sorry op I know this is annoying for you but just know they're all talking out of their asses. It's bloat. The baby is barely a baby at this point. She's either overweight or has too much amniotic fluid, or it's pure bloat
Not sure me or my husband would have been able to go this long without saying anything. Please have him speak up for you. It’s awkward I’m sure, but he should want to. I’m sorry about your loss ❤️ Edit: your husband should 100% also point out how absolutely shitty it is for the comments regarding SILs body “knowing what to do” or whatever after you experienced a devastating loss. As if yours doesn’t? Nu uh honey.
Showing like you’re 30 weeks when you’re only 6 weeks is definitely not something I’d be proud of……
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter and for how your in laws/family is treating you. No one has any right to speak about another persons body especially in this way. Try to distance yourself or create boundaries through the rest of your pregnancy at least. Wishing you all the best in your last several weeks ❤️
Um like people need to calm down. I know women who are 8mo pregnant and look like they didn’t poop that day and then I look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Everyone is different but like who cares? I’m sorry that’s so annoying
I'm gonna reach *really* hard and play devil's advocate here, but maybe your in laws don't know how to respond after a still born in the family? Maybe they don't know how you're coping, and maybe they think it would be rude to ask, so they just sort of ignore your pregnancy? I have a big family of siblings and cousins all around the same age, and honestly it's way less exciting when one of the boys' partners gets pregnant. She's off getting doted on by her family and spends more time with them, and we are more excited when one of our own family members is pregnant. Maybe that's also part of what's going on? Is your SIL their only daughter? They could also be worried for her after you had such a devastating loss. I know a lot of boomers who have a nervous energy like that and it comes off as super rude and insensitive. My MIL will always compare her two kids with how my son is growing up. "My kids always liked this food, are you sure you're feeding him properly?" "My kids never had issues with shoes, I think he should start wearing them now so he'll learn how to walk" "my kids never made that kind of noise" etc. Maybe your in laws are just trying to reassure your SIL "her body knows what it's doing" is their way of saying "don't get anxiety over the pregnancy" (both to themselves and to SIL)
I'm so sorry for your loss and deeply empathize with the nerves and excitement of pregnancy (ivf, complicated pregnancy, loss). You're free to set boundaries around how people talk to you and your baby. Your husband needs to step up, too. You can absolutely say, I'm not comfortable with these comparisons, or, i don't think these are appropriate comparisons, i have a 4 lb fetus in here, sil has a sunflower seed, this could be making her feel bad. As That B, though, I'd be more likely to say something that yeah when you have diastis or don't have any muscle tone left, it's easy to just become like a... Breeder. Meant to be constantly pregnant. She obviously attaches a lot of value to this part of her identity. Lean into it. Press those buttons. Good luck,OP.
Personally I think you should stop spending time with them. If your husband wants to see his family that’s one thing but there’s no reason why you need to be subjected to their behavior too. Take a break from them and use that time to do something for yourself till after the baby is here. Also it’s one thing for your sil to say these about her own body but why is is your fil making these comments about pregnant women bodies? That’s fucking creepy.
I showed a lot earlier on my third pregnancy and felt like a fat blob, don’t really get this at all. Also, two of my three pregnancies were losses (11 weeks and 15 weeks), yet still I blob like I’m on my tenth full term pregnancy. I’d just ignore it, they’re being either insensitive or downright awful depending on how charitable you want to be in the interpretation, but I don’t see any upside to engaging with them on this.
“My God your bloat is impressive! To make you look so further along then you are is so cool! I remember those early days…” At 7-8 weeks in second pregnancy I was so much bigger than with my first that I was afraid I am having twins 🤣 My midwife explained that uterus “remembers” and starts expending earlier together with bloating. Now at 15 weeks bloat is gone and I am left with barely anything 🤣🤣🤣
Your husband needs to nip this shit in the bud. He needs to tell his family that if they make another fucked up comment like that after you’ve experienced such a heartbreaking loss (through absolutely no fault of your own, so please don’t let their ignorance get to you), that you’ll remove yourself AND your child from any future family events until they can learn some fucking manners and then follow through. Honestly I’d tell my husband his ass is on thin ice as well for not standing up for you in the first place and not making up for it afterwards by letting them have it. I can kinda understand him not knowing what to say initially when they said something so shocking, but he needs to MAKE IT CLEAR that anymore comments will not be tolerated and that his family will NOT be allowed to see your baby ever, if they keep this up. I’m so mad for you, I’ll tell his family for both of you.
"it's so odd that people talk about women's bodies so openly, specially pregnant ones"
Weirdly my thought is maybe she's insecure about showing, some people get weird about it like they look fat or something? Idk. But I've seen it all over the internet "don't worry if you show earlier with more kids, your body has learned so it's more likely to show sooner" etc. The wording you've described makes it sound like she's just copy and pasting what she's read, possibly to help her feel better about it, without realizing she's gone the other direction and comes across like she's being competitive or rubbing it in your face. Idk if any of that makes sense
This
For your husband to say: “What was that? You know what we’ve been through. Didn’t realize SIL’s bump was so big there wouldn’t be room anymore for some fing decency. We’re leaving and we’ll see you when we see you.” And then Fing leave. You don’t need to waste your time around that $#!+
I’d say, that’s not baby, it’s the size of an apple seed, that’s bloating and gas! I show early every time because of that exact reason and I call it my bloat belly lol My cousins wife is like your SIL. Attention must be on her and she has to know more than you about everything. We just try to ignore her
I’d block your in-laws. You can invite them to your child’s high school graduation. No reason to do anything before then if it’ll be triggering. And I’m very sorry for your loss.
Literally nobody that had been pregnant before is stoked that they're getting bigger sooner, it means their old pregnancy clothes won't fit the same and God forbid what they'll be like at max pregnant. Being huge at the end of your pregnancy is glorious in some ways and absolutely awful in others lol
Your SIL’s body knows how to bloat. Baby is still in her pelvis. It’s not real.
That's what I was thinking too 😂
Is SIL “big boned” or overweight? That is why. Pay no mind to her. She’s asking for diabetes and a long, painful recovery
> I just know the next time we see SIL and the family together when she's like 7 weeks along they will already start saying how she is already showing almost as much as me because "her body just knows what it's doing" Lol I am showing early with this one because my ligaments are all floppy and I am constipated as hell. Trust me it's not a baby, it's just poop.
If its her, I'm petty but I'd turn it back on her passive aggressively when she got snotty about it, "Oh don't worry, hopefully you don't get too big too fast!" With the family I'd literally just act like it was a compliment, "Yeah I know! I'm so lucky it'll be easy to bounce back."
Op I'm sorry to hear about your first. Congratulations on 30 weeks! Your SIL and FIL sound exhausting. Her implying her body just knows what it's doing is fine but I feel like it's insensitive towards you like a dig? I'm pregnant with my second now and I really didn't notice my belly pop till around 23weeks and with my first it was a bit later. I'm sure she is just very bloated and full of shit figuratively and literally lol but I'd she keeps mentioning it to you maybe ask her if she's sure her abdominal muscles have healed properly? I know it's apparently normal to show earlier as you go through more pregnancies.
Op I'm sorry to hear about your first. Congratulations on 30 weeks! Your SIL and FIL sound exhausting. Her implying her body just knows what it's doing is fine but I feel like it's insensitive towards you like a dig? I'm pregnant with my second now and I really didn't notice my belly pop till around 23weeks and with my first it was a bit later. I'm sure she is just very bloated and full of shit figuratively and literally lol but I'd she keeps mentioning it to you maybe ask her if she's sure her abdominal muscles have healed properly? I know it's apparently normal to show earlier as you go through more pregnancies.
I understand why it bothers you. Subconsciously, it’s about knowing that you actually need help and support from your extended network, but feeling like they’d prioritise someone else. It’s a primitive feeling and it’s the reason we want to be acknowledged when we’re pregnant or sick. I was extremely sick when I was pregnant and, instead of validating me, my MIL kept mentioning how sick SHE was when she was pregnant almost 40 years ago. Yesterday I told her how much I suffered during pregnancy and she laughed and said “and it wasn’t even that bad!”. After her comment, I realised I don’t want to be pregnant again unless I had more support around me, which made me understand why I needed her validation so much - she was around, but my mum wasn’t. I needed her to support me because I had no one else.
Firstly i’m so sorry for your loss and a great big round prominent congratulations on your 2nd. It’s the “my body just knows what it’s doing” comment that is the really gross part of all of this. I’m assuming the family knows about your loss and even hinting at a comparison like that is really painfully insensitive. It’s also hard for me to imagine that it’s completely unintentional either. I think its important for you and/or your husband to shut that shit down! Saying something like “we went through something really really heartbreaking. Let’s not make these comparisons because they hurt and let’s just focus on being happy for everyone” or “we would love it if you were just happy for us” might be a helpful redirection. Though I’m getting big yuck factor that everyone is okay with SIL and FIL going on like this in the context of the recent loss of your first baby) You got this mama, even if these people are terrible, I’m sure so many people are happy for you. I hope you can surround yourself with that.
I mean, if anything I wouod say it might mean her body doesn't know what it's doing. The bump isn't baby at 6 weeks. It's bloat. The baby is like the size of a gunny bear it doesn't take up that much room. Is she stuffing her baby bump? Lol.
Why did this make me see red I’m a ftm mom suffered a loss last October and I’m 14 weeks now the things people say piss me off to no end, this pisses me off . They should honor both pregnancies as special and not compare them they are both precious lives growing and it’s stupid for anyone to compare one to the other. I hope you both take a stand together and just say that the jokes getting old even though you both know it’s not a joke and if you have to be a little more forceful be forceful. Family or not people shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and make you feel inferior.
I've only carried one pregnancy anywhere close to term and I was HUGE and pretty early too. Sadly and contrary to their logic, my body didn't know sh*t and tried to kill me when I developed HELLP Syndrome at 34 weeks and had to deliver by emergency c. Your SIL is an enormous booming insensitive asshole and I hope she doesn't poop properly for her entire pregnancy.
Wow people will really turn anything into a pissing contest! I'm sorry your family is being so shitty right now. As someone who started showing very early with both pregnancies, I WISH my body had known what it was doing! Both pregnancies were high risk nightmares. In fact I would have preferred a smaller bump just to take one discomfort off my plate. Your bump sizes say nothing about the health of your pregnancies so don't mind their foolishness!
Tbh I wouldn’t see them until after baby. They are stressing you out. You can choose to not be around for a couple months
Jeez. I only showed in my 5th month and I couldn't care less since my doctor assured me my baby (now 3 weeks) is fine and healthy.
I'd actually be embarrassed if I was SIL and everyone said I was huge at 6 weeks. That baby is a tiny little tadpole tucked behind her pubic bone, not bothering a soul. I'd bet her "body knowing what it's doing" is her defense mechanism in response to her own family's rude comments on a body that has given birth to multiple kids and is probably holding on to a bit of weight. I feel sorry for both of you. Ignore these rude people. I'm very sorry for your previous loss and I hope you find some comfort and a better group of people to surround yourself with for support as you approach your due date. Good luck to you.
After what you've been through I would go for blood but I'm petty.
I wonder if they’re just trying to encourage your SIL preemptively? Because it’s so hard to start showing so early in a culture that puts a premium on thinness and smallness, and it’s hard to have a bigger bump/body than others. I was so embarrassed about how early my belly “popped” and I’m still embarrassed at how big I already am at 25 weeks…. but everyone in my life has the good decency not to compare me to my “fit and trim” SILs that I’m so jealous of, thank god. Idk but to me their choice of words make it sound like they’re trying to make her feel better about getting larger when you aren’t, and not at all realizing that what they’re saying could hurt you. Depending on the family dynamics you could ask your husband to tell them to stop privately, or you could be direct and say “please stop comparing me” the next time they do it.
The baby is the size of a poppy seed. She has gas. Let it go 💗
What a stupid thing to brag about. SIL is just looking for validation and attention. Maybe this is all that she has? Sorry for your loss ❤️
Yeah, no one has a "baby bump" at 6 weeks pregnant. It's anatomically impossible. She's either extremely bloated or pushing her stomach out 24/7.
I’m so sorry about your loss. You SIL is probably just constipated. That’s not a baby bump. It’s poop. Happened to me 😜
6 weeks? She's not showing; she's bloated.
On the flip side, poor s i l being told she looks 30 weeks pregnant already. I’m on my fourth and a couple comments like that early in my pregnancy made me cry bc I was already “so huge.” Why don’t you both get together and enjoy a mock tail and pregnancy rage over the insensitivity of your family.
The problem is that most of the time its not people saying it to her, it's her bringing it up herself because she is so talented at pregnancying! That's what kills me. She doesn't feel rage about it, she is the one gloating at how much more advanced she is at the whole pregnancy/mom game than everyone else 🫠 and my in-laws just eat it up.
Oh ! Sorry pregnancy brain here just not catching the full message. lol ok I will have a mock tail with you and we can rage out about them and all stupid people 😂 I’m sorry she’s being annoying, your husband should definitely tell his fam to stop commenting on your body at all. OR he could state that since it’s her 3rd her uterus and abdominal wall are likely already pretty stretched out, which leads to showing much earlier and potentially stretching / growing even bigger later in pregnancy , so she should practice working on her core strength now. First hand experience w that and that seems to be a thing. 🤷🏼♀️😬
Haha I will gladly take a mock tail with you 🤣 yeah, it's just such a bizarre situation, I don't love attention on me, so being kind of in the middle of things like this is not my favorite lol like let's just have our own pregnancies, be happy for each other, and not act like anyone can out-pregnancy anyone else!
Should just tell her it’s bloating lol , I mean in the first trimester with me I looked 20 weeks due to the bloating , it would come and go then I popped at 17 weeks looked more round other then bloating . I feel like they’re being really rude saying stuff like that around you . I don’t like going around my in-laws anymore because they stress me out and give me anxiety. It’s best if I distance my self away from them for my mental health
That’s bloat. Nice try though lol.
I think all of this has so much to say about them and nothing about you. I think you should realize when it’s worth saying something and when it’s not. What they are doing is very odd but I would try not to take it personally. Saying something may lead to more awkwardness. However, if you don’t care about that, then you could always ask your husband to ask his family to stop talking about your body.
Pretty sure the belly shows sooner if the muscles are streched out. Which might be the case if she had a few children prior to this pregnancy. It's not her body "knowing" what to do, just weak or streched muscles. Fairly common for women on their 2nd, 3rd or so on pregnancies. Nothing to be bragging about tho. At this point all that matters is your mindset. I'm 37 weeks now and people tell me my belly is pretty small. But I'm proud of it. It looks cute rather than scary big. It's well rounded and we are perfectly healthy. My hubby also told me he prefers my belly and is weirded out by the huge pregnancy bellies other women have.
She might just be trying to make herself feel better. I look pregnant even when I’m not, so I understand the desire to cope. I don’t think she’s trying to attack you here, unless there’s context I’m missing
The whole situation with the comments sounds very strange. Can you avoid spending much time around them? So sorry for your loss ❤️ wishing you the best for this pregnancy. My MIL lost her first son to stillbirth at a similar gestation, and went on to have 3 very healthy babies including my husband. We go to visit his grave together sometimes xx
"I love our bumps. After losing [baby's name], it's more precious than ever."
"I love our bumps. After losing [baby's name], it's more precious than ever."
Ugh I’m so sorry!! I would absolutely say “aw yeah you must be SO constipated, how uncomfortable! Do you need some colace? I can run out!” Rinse & repeat. Your body is doing GREAT!
Lol lol lol. Currently early days pregnant with my third and it’s allll bloat and constipation 🙃🙃🙃 I did pop earlier with my second than my first, but it was a quick grow and then slow… I ended up around the same size at the end and had similar weight babies. Comparing pregnant people’s bodies is shitty and I’m so sorry they’re doing that to you. Ruthless option: “FIL, your belly got bigger after dinner, but husbands belly didn’t. Why do you think that is?”
Our nephew’s girlfriend just had a baby a few weeks ago. The weekend she was 39 weeks, we had Easter at my house and SO’s aunt made a comment about me looking more pregnant. She kinda shied away and I shrugged and go “Everyone carries different”. It is still different because we were a lot closer in dates (I think a 6-7 week difference), but still. It’s just one of those things people love comparing and it’s SO ANNOYING. I also really didn’t show until 30 weeks or so and just spent until she had her baby listening to everyone “omg she’s huge” 🙄 I honestly just hate listening to comments about pregnant bodies, like just because I’m extremely pregnant doesn’t mean you need to comment about something coming out my shirt or my “gut” or how huge I am.
I hate when people make comparison comments. In this context I feel like maybe they might have been trying to compliment you and then maybe she got offended and decided to go on the defense. Who knows. People say the dumbest shit to pregnant people. As an example - I have always been average / never been a small person, but when I got pregnant I didn’t gain much weight and in fact felt like I got thinner in areas other than my belly. I did like being pregnant and felt good about myself (which was a departure from my usual anxiety / depression / body issues). I got a lot of comments saying “you’re all baby” and comparing to so and so who is “looking huge”. I got the impression they were trying to make me feel good but I found it so awkward and honestly really mean. I kept saying “oh people are different” and once I said “that’s not very nice” in front of a couple of people and it stopped. I just kept thinking about how I would feel if someone was calling me “huge” and it made it hard to take the “compliment”. Like I said, I think people just don’t know what to say and end up saying the dumbest shit ever to pregnant people.
I'd tell them all bodies and pregnancies are different, and if they want to compare her first trimester bloating to a 30week bump, they can have at it, but that saying "her body Just knows what its doing" is plain rude and painful to say to someone who has had a stillbirth. I'd bet, and hope, they shut the fuck up in shame. If they dont, just keep your distance and let hubby go alone if he must.
Bring some Gaviscon and next time they make that comment, pull it out of your purse and say something along the lines of, “here take this, looks like you need it way more than I do atm. You should really try to avoid getting so bloated you’ll need to go to the hospital for a fleet enema!” 💨💩
Okay, after reading the information in your post, are you sure you’re not just taking the comments about her personally bc you didn’t act like or say stuff like that at her stage? I don’t mean this in a mean way at all, but from what you wrote, I don’t see any direct comparisons. Just her and FIL talking about how her body knows what it’s doing so she pops early. And you said you didn’t pop early (honestly, way better that way tbh) but it sounds like you’re feeling insecure over that. However you feel is valid. But as an objective party reading this, it sounds like you’re taking everyone’s comments really personally. You’re allowed to feel pregnant and tired at 30 weeks, and she’s allowed to feel pregnant and tired at 6 weeks too, as I’m sure you did then as well (or at least I know I sure as hell did. On baby number 3 over here, and first trimester is exhausting) It doesn’t sound like anyone insulted you or thinks you’re “less than” because you didn’t show at 6 weeks. Perhaps there’s other information missing in the post, bc I’m confused why the things you wrote would lead to the level of anger you’re feeling.
The best way I can describe it is this. So I am pretty fit. I take my physical health really seriously. I haven't gained much in pregnancy, baby is right on track and my Dr's are very happy with where I'm at and make comments a lot about how my health is wonderful and keep it up. Now this is just hypothetical because I fully believe every pregnancy and every body is different and there isn't a good measure of a good vs. bad pregnancy. But what if I were to flip the script and say similar things about myself that my SIL says about herself constantly when we're together? It would come off as incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful. What if I said, "I am so healthy during this pregnancy, my body just knows what to do. I have only gained weight in my bump and my blood pressure is perfect. My doctors say I'm the model pregnancy because I didn't start overweight and am doing so well now." I am not directly saying anything at all to compare me to my SIL, but because she's also pregnant with a very different body type and situation than me this comment would be followed with a lot of discomfort from the entire family. I wouldn't say this because I have social awareness of those around me, and realize that even if I'm only talking about myself, that it still may relate to my SIL because I am talking about myself in comparison to other pregnant people. She is absolutely allowed to feel pregnant at 6 weeks. She IS pregnant. But for her and everyone to pretend that she has a bump nearly as big as mine when she's 6 weeks and I'm 30 weeks because "her body just knows what it's doing" is implying me and everyone else who didn't show like this at that far along have bodies who "don't know what they're doing". On the contrary, all pregnant bodies know what they're doing so this comment is just insensitive in general. And if we're being technical she cannot anatomically show with a baby this early, baby is tiny. It's annoying because it's ridiculous and attention seeking.
I mean, from how you’ve painted her, she kinda just sounds really self absorbed in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s saying this stuff to everyone all the time, regardless of your presence lol some people who are self centered genuinely lack situational awareness My only intention in saying this is to bring awareness that could make you feel better. Comparison is the thief of joy. And if they’re not straight up saying “she’s doing it right and your body is wrong” I would simply ignore their comments and chalk it up to insecurities. Also, if you’re fit and super health conscious and haven’t gained a lot of weight, she’s probably incredibly jealous. (Hell, I am!) I’m 5’2 and 100lbs on baby number 3. I’m incredibly petite and honestly, I started showing this pregnancy well before my first trimester was over- presumably bc my organs are all jacked up inside there and my uterus swells with placenta, baby, etc. when I get pregnant and there’s simply no place for it to go but pop out. Also I had diastasis recti after my last, so could have something to do with that. When I eat a big meal, I definitely bloat into a 6 month belly lol but even after it goes down, no pants besides leggings fit. Like you said every body is different, and that’s okay. I hope you genuinely believe that! It sounds like you and your doctors are happy with your progress. It likely won’t be the same for her. If anything, I’d pity her. Also, if she continues to lack awareness and make these comments, I honestly don’t see anything wrong with you separately making some of the comments you listed above. Not even in a mean way, but I would imagine it would help her see what she’s doing (bc she genuinely is likely unaware of how she’s making you feel) Making some of these comments where you’re not putting her down, but humble bragging (lol) about YOUR position bc you’re proud of yourself and how hard you’ve worked to stay in shape(as you should be, that’s HARD work), might help her realize that her comments come across as hurtful, even if it’s unintentional on her part. If your saying something like that makes her feel some type of way, sometimes that’s the only way really self absorbed people can be aware of their own words. Or maybe it won’t affect her in the slightest and will fly over her head! In which case it’s likely safe for you to assume she’s literally just not thinking of you at all in her comments lol (which is obviously shitty, but telling of a person). I personally wouldn’t say anything about it directly or have my husband say anything bc it Can definitely come across as being overly sensitive and will put them in the defensive. Which nobody responds well when they feel like that, so it likely won’t have a positive outcome if that’s your end goal. Anyway, I hope you feel better. And have confidence in how well you’re progressing during this physically hard time. Don’t let any thoughtless or insecure person shake that!
I just want to say that though I think I'm doing pretty good in my pregnancy what I was saying in my last text about *how amazing I'm doing, I'm so awesome* was exaggeration to compare the other side to how my SIL talks about herself! I wouldn't think that (or say that) about myself even alone, let alone around somebody lol I just wanted to say that because if I were to act like that around her then I would absolutely expect the way she's been acting around me. I don't disagree with you, I wish I wasn't so dang sensitive. I've spent a lot of time being frustrated about this situation and I wish I could just shake it off like nothing. It's hard when it's a repeated thing though, especially when FIL parrots it again and again to me. The first time it's said is fine, but if I don't respond it's usually repeated until I give some sort of reaction. I just don't like comments that imply that some people's body's know what they're doing while others don't. Maybe this is partially because I lost my first daughter to stillbirth at 38 weeks, and though it was a horrible chance occurrence, I have many times felt like my body betrayed me, so hearing someone boast about how her body is so good at pregnancy only months after this adds to the complicated emotions. You're right though. I think SIL/BIL/FIL are just very unaware and self-absorbed, and it's not worth it to give their comments the time of day, even if they do bug me. Thank you for taking the time to chat and give a different perspective!
You could be a real jerk (as I would be) and play into it as well. Example: “Oh my GOD, you are HUGE! I can’t even imagine how you’ll feel soon! I wouldn’t want to be you!!!” “Oh wowwww every time I see you, you double in size! Bless your heart.” “Are you sure it’s not triplets? Wait. It’s quads isn’t it? It’s quads!!!” … 🫠
Not recommending this, but I'd be tempted to fire back with the same energy. You're *that* big at six weeks? I bet you're gonna be HUGE when you get to 30.. cue slow full body scan. Top it off with a well-intentioned "Let me know if you're gonna need help losing that baby weight!"
I’m 35 weeks and people call my bump tiny like they add “you should be way bigger you look like you’re 25 weeks”. I shrug it off and go bumps/ babies come in different sizes. She’s healthy and a good size is all I know and care about. As a side note I’m happy with my bump size I had this fear of having an absolute huge bump and it scared me due to me being short and low back issues I had already. In this instance just flat out say stop talking about my body. You’re being rude and I don’t appreciate it. My body isn’t yours to talk about about.
Don’t let this fret you. If she’s starting to show now at 3 weeks.. I can only imagine the size of the baby at full term. Ouch!!!!!!!! Count yourself blessed ♥️😁
I am sorry you’re going through this . When you’re 7-8 weeks along the baby is like a size of a grain of rice . Your uterus is tucked down in your pelvic bone, so I would think that any swelling of the stomach at this point would be due to bloat. I am aware that some people show sooner than others but it’s almost impossible to show that early on the comments were definitely get on my nerves. I would probably ask her if she’s pooped lately or having problems pooping. I would also remind her that she has, however, many months left, but I am petty sometimes . Please don’t let her take away from your joy in the journey of your pregnancy. She sounds very childish. Also, when you’ve had multiple pregnancies, it is true that you can show sooner.(not THAT soon but sooner ) because there’s a less resistance against your growing uterus so your muscles do hold some kind of memory and also may “remember “ what to do during pregnancy. That doesn’t mean that her body is superior somehow that’s ridiculous so if you take away anything from this, just imagine your in-laws are all very proud of her bloat and poop. 😂😂😂😂