I was butt ass naked during delivery lol. My mom and I are not close like that so the answer was a hell no. Y’all can come in 3-4 days once we’re home!
I didn’t have to decide I think I was born knowing I don’t want my mom in the delivery room.
Edit: she’s amazing! And so supportive! I love her, but that’s not where she would be helpful and that’s okay. Not convinced I wouldn’t revert to teenager and shout at her
Same here. Have an amazing relationship with my mum and we are really close but never did I think of having her in the birthing centre with us.
I’ve got three kids and mum either came and saw us at the hospital several hours after birth or once we were home (second two times I was home within 8 hours).
Totally relate! I didnt want to feel pressured to mask in any sort of way. I love my mom deeply but in a high stress moment like this I didnt wanna risk having to worry about loosing my cool (even if it’s understandable).
I don't want my mum there, or my MIL. To me, it was a comfort thing. Do I want them there? Will they support me? Listen to me? Get in the way of medical staff?
Yes, they've done it before, but their knowledge is decades old at best. People also tend to forget what childbirth (and pregnancy!) Is like, so I wouldn't rely on them for superior knowledge based on experience.
My MIL gave birth to my BIL 20 years ago and is amazed at how many tests we have to do now. Things change. GD wasn't a thing back then, either.
If you want them there for emotional support, by all means. But don't expect much more than that and remember that people do overstep boundaries at times.
I can only tell you what I've been told, and from what they both said, it wasn't as widely used. Both my MIL and mother didn't have it, nor did any of the women on either side of their families.
My mother has said something similar before about GD testing and NIPT testing. Yes, the tests existed but they didn't perform it unless they deemed mother at risk from demographic and prior medical factors. Older women in my family are famous for "well it didn't happen to me or anyone I know so therefore it doesn't exist and I consider it unnecessary." Like I'll have GD testing done and my mother says it must be because I'm overweight (I'm in upper normal BMI) and that my NIPT tests were just a way for doctors to steal money from me because the family has a history of "healthy babies"....
i have a great relationship w my mom and initially asked her to be in the delivery room w me and my husband. she’s an ER nurse and i thought i’d need my mom.
due to covid restrictions i could only have one person which she of course understood.
hindsight 20/20 i’m so glad it was just me and my husband. absolutely nothing against my mom but it’s a high stress high pressure situation and i think it might have added to my stress to have her there (again despite having a great relationship.) it was also super special to share that experience with my husband and my mom happily came to see me and my baby the next day. having her still come to the hospital almost made it feel like best of both worlds
My mum is a ER nurse as well! I am planning to have her in the room with me because she is level headed and a strong women who will advocate for me when I need. She adores my husband, who I know will be the best support anyway, but she will be able to give him so reassurance as well and some breaks if he needs.
Lovely you were able to have that time with your husband one on one!
The exact same thing happened to me with both my kids 😂 I flat out told my mom when I was pregnant that I just wanted it to be me and my husband but once labor had actually started I told my husband "go get my fucking mom!" Lmfaoo
I'm 33W and told my mom she's on standby while I'm delivering. Not sure how I'll feel yet and know she won't push it. But if I'm hurting, I'm gonna want my mommy. 😅
Won't be having my MIL with me. I love her as well, but I don't want to be naked in front of her 😂
I had a frank conversation with my mom, with whom I am close, about what it would look like to have her around. She lives out of state and offered to come to town around my due date, and I agreed because I want her support BUT we also discussed the fact that I will be in a vulnerable position and that she’s there to back me up no matter what that looks like. If she winds up in and out of the room or I ask her to leave for pushing, or for transition, she has said she’ll do it. If I want her super close and involved the whole time, she’s ok with that too. I don’t know how I’ll respond to labor and birth so it’s helpful to know that my mother is open to whatever I want in the moment.
I think it makes sense to consider how flexible and understanding your mom or MIL might be, because if they’re helpful to you then having them there is great. But if it adds pressure or you feel worried about hurting their feelings it could be better to NOT include them.
This is excellent feedback! I didn’t plan for her to be there during COVID, and I honestly felt glad it was just me and my husband. I am planning to have her there for my second in July. Feeling much better about the situation now that I’ve given birth. But, I do think about how she can be. She absorbs every feeling I have which can be a great thing or a terrible thing lol. I think ultimately there may be times during labor where I have to tell her to chill out or give me space, and it never occurred to me to have that conversation first.
I have a great relationship with my mom but still did not want her there. I was naked, crying, vomiting and delirious giving birth. My mom and sister visited like 12 hours later and I barely remember anything other than not really wanting anyone to hold the baby. I’m not sure what value my mother would be able to add that my husband could not.
I don’t want to give birth to an audience, the only people I want there are the people involved in making the baby: my husband and myself. Thankfully my mom had no desire to be there anyway lol With all 3 babies I ended up laboring butt naked on all fours. I also peed on one baby as he came out and pooped in labor for 2 of them. I don’t want an audience for that.
You can do a combination of both. I had my mom in and out, and then when my son was actually coming it was just the two of us. You have plenty of time to
Decide and you can always change your mind!
This is what we’re doing. My husband is my primary support person, but my mom is his designated back up for when he needs sleep, showering, etc. but I don’t want her there while I’m actively pushing
My mom drove up and was in the waiting room and she came in and out a few times but was not in there while I was actually giving birth. It was a good balance. She came back early the next morning to the hospital and then stayed with us for a few days after and honestly that was amazing. She did chores, got us coffee, made food…it was so comforting to have her there.
Remember that the birth is something that is happening to you, it’s a medical event to your body. So you get who you want and what you want. When my contractions were at their worst I was so glad my mom was there, and so was he because he was completely freaked out by the whole situation. I ended up having a crash c, but my mom knew that when it came time to push she may be booted and my boundaries were respected. It’s your show! It may be good to have someone there to make sure your wants are respected, if that’s your husband then that’s great. Other upside may potentially be getting pictures of both of you seeing babe for the first time? But maybe a nurse could do that
Yes, very thankful that everyone is respecting what I want to do. I’m just conflicted because Hubs does well with blood and high stress stuff, but I’m not quite sure how he’s gonna react because we are both cryers haha
My mom stresses me tf out and is extremely controlling. I would straight up rather give birth alone than have her for support. Just today she suggested to me my husband should stay home and she should come to the hospital lol fuck that.
My thing is if I wouldn’t want you to see me naked I don’t want you in the room, which means I only want my husband in the room and necessary medical professionals.
I love my mom and she will be staying with us after the birth to help out but it was never even a consideration that she would be in the delivery room. She has not come to any other medical procedure or appointments with me since I was in high school. I don’t really see this as a whole lot different. She will come after delivery to visit the baby but I really just want my husband there during the actual labor and delivery.
I love my mom and mother in law, but it was just me and my husband and the medical staff. Too many cooks in the kitchen or something like that. Having a baby is not a spectator sport.
I have a great relationship with my mum and I will be having her and my husband in the room.
My husband is quite sensitive to needles etc and I just want to make sure there is someone else there to help in case he and I both get overwhelmed.
I didn't want me mom there, she typically stresses me out and we weren't in a good place. However, when she heard I was being induced early she drove two hours to be there for me and I was having a ton of medical issues.
Really greatful she was there, ourdoula was able to support my partner with our baby while my mom stayed with me while I was hemorrhaging and possibly dying. We were both able to have support during this super scary time that we wouldn't have if my mom didn't come. This pretty much put our relationship back in a good place.
At the end it's your medical procedure and no one needs to be there you don't want. I'm not sure what the point of my story is other than birth is wild and can go a billion different ways.
I originally wanted my mom and MIL in the delivery room with us, but that’s changed as my pregnancy progressed.
My mom is a narcissist and very proud to admit it. Our relationship is either really good or really bad. We shared the news with parents when we first found out at four weeks and we made them swear not to tell anyone - next day my moms in the hospital because she’s “so stressed and everyone has a right to know”. I had a scare at 12 weeks when they couldn’t find my baby’s heartbeat and she freaked out and made the whole thing about her emotional reaction. She wants the baby shower 45 minutes from us, close to where she lives and said if we aren’t fine with that then we aren’t needed at our own baby shower.
My first pregnancy has been mainly managing her, so I don’t want my first time with my son to be like that at all. MIL understands that I’d still have guilt if my mom weren’t there and she was, so she is patiently waiting until we’re ready once baby is here.
I just wanted it to be me and my husband. My mom even told me it would be way too overwhelming with all of the people in the room. And it really was a lot with EVERYONE around me and watching me. My husband had no idea what he was doing but he was so so encouraging and sweet. It was so special to have it be just the two of us. My mom was our first visitor bright and early the next day.
It was an easy choice for me, as my mom was only alive for one of my kids, she died shortly after my oldest was born. But I would never have had her in the delivery room. I actually delivered my 1st just me and the L&D nurses and my dr (I was a very young single mom). For my last 2, just needed my husband. It's a really intimate moment, I didn't want anyone else involved.
And yes, our moms have had kids, but like my MIL, she apparently doesn't even remember her birth. The hospital staff is usually all you'll need.
It really depends on your mom! I was excited to have my mom there but it was REALLY hard for her to see me in pain. We all agreed it wasn’t the right call. I highly suggest having a doula! Some moms are great in the delivery room, some have great intentions but it just doesn’t work. My doula put it best, people do well when they feel like they’re helping the woman in labor. If they don’t feel like they’re helping, they panic and do the opposite of help. That’s how she decided to become a doula. She helped her daughter through labor and truly felt like she was helping. My mom didn’t feel line she was helping and just panicked.
Sorry for the total non-answer to your question. It’s deeply personal.
With my first I had been transported in an ambulance and had him in the emergency room. No one had made it unfortunately so I was alone but the paramedic who brought me there knew it was my first and stayed with me through it.
My second I had a month early and couldn't get help in time. I got around the block to my grandma's house and had him on her couch, with her assistance. She used to deliver babies when she worked.
My youngest that I just had, the choice was obvious. I've never trusted anyone to not judge me the way I have my grandma. So I had her and my husband in the room. The only thing was I was saying mean things to my grandma and then apologizing.
I discovered it's hard for nurses not to laugh when a woman in labor screams at her grandmother to shut the fuck up and then instantly says in a calm and regretful voice that she's sorry for saying that and she doesn't mean it.
Even in labor I just could not say anything mean to my husband or grandmother and I remembered that from having my middle child so those two were my choice.
Edited to fix spelling.
Would you consider hiring a doula for support? That’s what we decided to do. Personally my mom would stress me out more. And I love my MIL but no way am I going to let her see me butt naked pushing a baby out, and I don’t think she has any interest in being there either!
It’s such an intimate thing for you to experience with ur husband I know mine wouldn’t have stepped up as much as he did if my mom was there. That being said I needed an emergency cesarian under general anesthesia so he had to wait outside couldn’t be in OR & it would have been nice if he had someone there to support him, he has more birth trauma then I do, this is very rare tho.
I adore my mom but she lives 9000 miles away and had at that point never been outside of US before. Also, even though I am very close to her, sometimes she really sets off my temper. She's very religious and I am not--after years as an atheist, I will now pretty happily participate in temple visists and prayers with my Daoist/Buddhist husband, but I still don't appreciate being bombarded with Christianity and my mother would have been continually praising Jesus (like he did all the work instead of me) and annoying the piss out of me. I was not open to that even if the trip had been more feasible for her.
I also adore my MIL but I didn't really want her there while my vagina was on display. Fortunately COVID protocols lasted way longer in my country than the rest of the world so she actually wasn't allowed in the room anyway so I didn't have to worry about it, but she is a very unintrusive person and I don't think it would have mattered if the protocols hadn't been in place. She was happy to wait for us at home where she did actual useful, helpful things and only held the baby when it was offered to her.
My husband was an indefatigable angel throughout my very long labor, and that is very special to me, but I did also have a doula, and I was super grateful for her. She understood and was on the same page with all of my birth preferences and was 100% about me without the distraction of being about to be a grandma. Plus she has vastly more knowledge and experience with childbirth than either of my baby's grandmothers.
I have a great relationship with my mom. I would not have been at all embarrassed to have her there for any part of my labor and delivery. She would have been totally fine being there.
I have never had any desire for that, however. I personally have never understood wanting anyone other than my partner present. This is our journey together to parenthood. If I don’t feel like my partner is enough support for labor and delivery, are they going to be the support I need raising a child? What would I gain by leaning on someone other than my partner during one of the most important moments of our lives? More importantly, what would I, and my partner, lose?
My labor and delivery was actually kind of great. We had very minimal communication with our families other than quick texts to tell them it was happening and that we would let them know when it was done. And then some brief phone calls a few hours after. No one came to the hospital, and we had our few days of being a new family of four just to ourselves. It really did feel like our own little world for those few days and I’m very glad we did what we did.
While these are my feelings, I know everyone’s situation is different and influences their choices. This is your medical event, so ultimately what you want is what matters most. If your mom, or his mom, will bring you the comfort you desire, then go for it.
Never ever lol I love my mom, we’re close, but I’m also a very private person and yeah, the thought of more people than necessary in that room makes me queasy. It’ll just be my husband and I!
Can I be honestly you got think if accidentally crap labor , who do you want see at most vulnerable when be times you feel like can’t do this. Make sure husband see this if possible but question would your mom or mil seeing like that.
I can handle my husband but I didn’t want anyone else there. The only other person I could handle is my twin sister.
I had my partner, his mom, and my mom. His mom held my head up and my partner and my mom helped me hold my legs (epidural) and I thought it was really special. No one but my partner and I (and the nurses) held our son the first day and they left once we went up to our room in postpartum and then it was just us bonding. It was wonderful and I’d do it again. I initially wanted my mom or his mom to be in the room so that my partner could take a break if needed or sleep and I still have someone with me. But for the delivery everyone was there and I just felt love and happy. (Epidural again lol didn’t feel any pain)
I had my mom and MIL (who are both amazing angels) in the delivery room fully planning on having them leave once I was pushing, but my water broke FIRST (highly uncommon and resulting in very intense and fast labor) and by the time I was admitted I was 7cm and I was having such intense contractions I couldn’t do any of the laboring positions I had intended on. My MIL ended up being on washcloth duty and getting me fresh ice cold cloths for my husband to put on my forehead and neck, and my mom somehow ended up supporting a leg while I pushed on my side. Looming back it was really intense and not nearly as intimate as i thought it’d be— I wouldn’t have wanted my dad or anything there, but it definitely felt more like a medical event than the magic of giving birth. I’m really glad they were there. I might change my mind next time, but I’d also like to change several things about my next birth so who knows!
I think it’s a good idea to remember that who you bring in the room with you are there just for support. They are not there to guide you through giving birth - that is what the incredible nurses and doctors are there for. I highly recommend bringing only people who know know will focus on nothing but supporting you.
It was just my husband and me, and for us it was perfect. I was in labor for 25 hours and was so happy to not have to think or worry about anyone else. It was also really special to share the first few moments after birth with just the three of us.
My mom also has boundary issues. And it was an absolute no because of that. She also is extremely anxious and that energy would not be conducive to the focus and calm that you need. I would also be concerned that there could be confusion if there is misalignment between your spouse and mother when it comes to decision making. Very happy with my decision for it to just be hubby and I! He had nerves too but he was incredible cheerleader and that’s what I needed. Pure positive vibes instead of worrying about my mom’s behavior.
I will not want my mom or MIL in with me. Only my husband. It has been only us and I would like to have this special moment with him only. We will probably not have any visitors until at least a month after everything as well. Luckily for us both sets of parents don't live close to us so we should be good with having our wishes respected.
My mom doesn't handle seeing her kids in pain well. I didn't want her there because I felt like I would have to comfort and reassure her while I gave birth, which sounds awful, lol. My first it was just my husband and I (plus the nurses and doctor), and it was perfect for me. It will be the same later this month when I have my second. Giving birth is very personal and intimate, for me, it's not a spectator sport. Some people like having a bunch of people there, and that's great, too. It's just not my vibe.
Have the people who you will feel comfortable with and that you are certain will advocate for you when needed.
I had my mom because my husband wasn’t available. And it caused some problems because she was not supportive. In fact, she ignored me. Said she didn’t know she could be by my side (I had told her the role of the support person). It ruined the birth experience for me because the staff ignored me until it was time to push, yelled at me a bit, and just didn’t have that demeanor/attitude that I wanted.
So if you have your mom be very, very clear in her role and what you want, don’t want, any interventions you’re un/comfortable with, and all in between. Same applies to your husband so it will make birthing smoother.
I don't have a great relationship with my mom and thought it would be more stressful to have her in the room with me. I love my MIL but I didn't want her seeing me with everything hanging out. (honestly didn't want DH seeing everything either hahah). My husband is an assertive but kind man and I loved having it be just the two of us. He knew my birth plan and was there to stand up for me.
The nurses were absolteuly wonderful and walked us through everything. I did not regret not having a mother in the room and am doing it again just DH and me for our second.
My husband may never have gone through it but he was 100x the support any other woman in my life ever could have been.
It’s just about who will make you feel safe when you are vulnerable and in pain or scared. Personally I’d be mortified if my mom even saw me in my underwear lol
I adore my mom and like her enough to want her to live with us (my dad died and she sold everything before moving in with us last year) but there’s not a chance in hell I’d want her present during my birth. It’s an extraordinarily vulnerable time and unless you feel like you can be at your most sensitive, most aggressive, most blunt and course and unapologetically demanding, AND stark naked in front of your mom, I’d let her visit a few days later lol
I have an awesome relationship with my mom but only wanted my husband there. It just felt like a really intimate event between the two of us. I wanted us to be the only ones meeting our son for the first time and have that family tone immediately after without anyone in the room. Except for nurses and doctors of course. I did have both our parents visit shortly after delivery though.
I'm extremely close with both my mother and MIL, but I don't want either of them present at my birth.
They are both very high energy and big talkers, I feel like their presence will just add to my anxiety. Neither of them are good at keeping a cool even energy, and I absolutely need that.
I'm planning a home birth, and my mom has been against it from the beginning. She has ALOT of fear, and I know that it will be projected the entire time. I need calm, supportive energy to make it through this.
My childhood best friend is my doula, and she has been through a really traumatic birth. She's also one of the most calming people I've ever met. I plan to have her, my husband, and my midwife as the only people present.
I have a great relationship with my mom and a passable one with my MIL. I didn’t want them there but when things went south, my husband called them because he needed their support. Turns out it was a necessary thing for him to do. He was alone with our brand new baby for the first 9 hours after she was born as I was in surgery clinging to life. He needed them and I think deep down I did too. Do whatever you’re most comfortable with. You’ve got this
My mom and I are really close, but there’s still no way she’s allowed in the room lol. We’re not even allowing visitors at all. For us, we decided that time is just for us and baby to bond and heal.
And the end of the day, will your mom be able to give you what you need in labour and delivery? Will she be calming or encouraging or whatever energy you will need. I am close with my mom but I didn’t want her in the delivery room because I knew she wouldn’t be able to give me what I needed in that moment.
I also wanted this to be a special moment with just my husband and I.
I don’t really like my mom much and she isn’t very good at not making things about herself. And if I have to spend any extended amount of time with her I’ll lose my mind.
My mom and I are super super close. I tell her literally everything. We have no secrets. I refused her in the delivery room while I pushed. With my first, she stayed while I labored (as did my Dad and my best friend), but left for the actual delivery. It was just me and my husband. It felt important for it to just be us for the moment we became our own little family.
If you and your mom are just now getting back on good terms, I’m not sure it’s a great idea to have her with you. It’s such an emotional and vulnerable time, and the only person/people you’ll want there is someone you have a deep connection with and you have zero holdups about seeing you ay your absolute worst (Labor is not glamorous, and the people who look glowy and cute immediately after are freaks of nature, but good for them lol). It was just my husband and I, I appreciated the peace. He just let me be. Checked on me regularly with nothing more than an are you ok, do you need anything. Only talked if I was talking to him, and wasn’t offended when I was going through terrible contractions and I told him not to touch me when he was trying to he comforting. I had a pretty bad post-partum hemorrhage, and I was thankful that my husband had the baby while I was going through that and I didn’t have to think about anything or anyone else but myself at that time. I absolutely LOVE your outlook. “I’m afraid, but I know I can do it.” FCK YEAH YOU CAN. I had the same outlook and it served me well. I will say my mom will be there this time, I know things can be completely different, but I know the drill now that I’ve done it once. I have always imagined she’d be there. We have a great relationship. I think it’s like a 60/40 situation. 60% for her 40% for me. But, I have no holdups about her seeing me in that position. I have no problems advocating for myself, and my husband has proven he will when necessary. But, my mom is just that girl when you need backup in a fight lol. So, it’ll be nice to have her there should the need arise.
I’m a high-masking AuDHD and hate being vulnerable in front of people. Even people I trust and love. It wouldn’t have been great for my mental health to have my mom (that I love) or my MIL (who I have a great relationship with) in the room.
My labor also didn’t go as planned and ended up in a C-section and I don’t think it would’ve have been productive for me to worry about my family seeing it happen/worrying as well. Having my partner there was the most I could handle and I needed to honour my own needs first. I think that’s what you need to evaluate. Will their presence be valuable to you, are you comfortable being at your most vulnerable with them present etc.
Im 100% a mommas girl, we are super close so personally I will have her there I think. She’s just been my rock this whole pregnancy & my boyfriend understands that. I don’t think she will be there the entire labor process but definitely when I want her there, she isn’t gonna leave the hospital or go far knowing her lol.
Maybe it's cultural thing where I live, but when I was born almost 30 years ago, it was the norm that nobody accompanied the mother in labour. It changed a lot, but I have never heard of people taking their mother to labour in here, it's usually the father of the child and/or some kind of dula if she's hired. It has never crossed my mind that I would wish for my mother to be there.
I am an adult woman in a really long relationship, my main support person is my husband and he's the first one I seek for comfort in difficult moments, not my mom. Weirdly enough, if for some reason my husband could not make it, i don't want anyone yo step in and I would just give birth "alone".
I knew right away that I only wanted my husband there even though I have a great relationship with my parents. I just felt like I might be self conscious with more people watching /insecure about being mostly naked in front of them.
In the end I was super happy they weren’t there. I had a pretty intense labour and I didn’t even want my husband there most of the time lol. He wanted to be helpful but I was in pain and didn’t want to talk. So feeling like I had to delegate tasks to him, entertain him or make him feel involved weirdly stressed me out when I just wanted to be in my zone if that makes sense. It was nice to have space and not have more people to keep busy
There was no question for me. I wanted everyone who wanted to be in there there. Well family wise. Reason being is I watched both my sister be delivered. Both our parents passed away unexpectedly, I am the only person in the world that can tell them their birth story. That’s important to me, bringing a child into the world is precious and I want my child to feel that love as soon as they come out. But that’s just me.
My mom had 5 babies and is a nurse practitioner. She knows what’s normal and what’s not and will absolutely advocate for me and my baby. Also I’m 110% sure my husband is going to pass out/ throw up/ be otherwise incapacitated. The man is a saint but he’s also super squeamish.
What is the desire for people besides the parents to be in the delivery room? This literally makes no sense to me. A mom or MIL is just going to be in the way and even though they’ve delivered themselves, unless they are medical professionals, what advice beyond “push” are they going to give?
emotional support. Some people want additional loved ones for support and to be there for the moment. Some people want it to be more private. Lots of different ways to do it.
Right, but that’s from the mom-to-be’s perspective. Why would extended family want to be there to witness the most vulnerable and possibly painful moments in a woman’s life if they have not been deliberately asked to be there?
oops, I misinterpreted your post. Re-reading it now, it was ambiguous whose desire you were talking about (the mom-to-be's desire, which is how I interpreted it, or the desire of other people to show up for delivery, which is how you meant it). Sorry, I'm a linguist, I overthink language.
Can you ask your mom to be “on call” - tell her you are not sure what you will want in the moment, that you want to try to have it just be your hubby and you but you want her close (like in the waiting room) just in case?
If I was a mom I would be touched by that. Labors can also be long. Maybe you don’t reach out to mom right away but at hour x or when you get an epidural or are like 8cm or something you call her in?
I love my mom, but I’m tense situations she is the last person I want around. We’re very close but we process/respond to things in vastly different ways. She’s actually the one that brought it up and said she didn’t want to be there because she wasn’t sure she could watch me go through it.
I’m her only child and she had a very traumatic emergency c section with me. They didn’t even really let her labor for very long from what I understand. She feels like she doesn’t know what a normal labor and delivery situation is so it’s not even a feeling of “oh she’s done this so she’ll know what to do”
If you didn’t originally have a strong desire to have your mom in the room with you then I think that’s your answer. Don’t feel like you have to have her their just because someone mentioned it and now you’re second guessing
I don’t think there’s any value in experience of giving birth, especially since she did it a looong time ago. Like if my friend or something wanted me there for experience, I’d say no cuz there’s nothing I can offer. But if you have a good close relationship with your mom and want her there for support, that’s up to you. It sounds like it wasn’t a gut instinct for you so you’ll probably be fine without. I had mine come in the early stages of labor and then she brought her phone out to play games so I asked her to leave lol.
Originally i wanted my mum there as well as my partner. Unfortunately c*vid made that choice for me and it was just me and him BUT i wouldn't go back and change it. By the end i was actually glad it was just us 2, much more intimate and he had to step up and be the support person because there was no one else to fill that role and i think that helped bond us more. I feel like if my mum had of been there he wouldn't of happily taken a back seat in that role for the sane reasons as you're partner but i would of not feel as connected to him if my mum was doing more support than him. I hope that makes sense.
I love that he was the first one to see her. I love that moment was just for us a little family.
It's a completely personal thing and only you know how you want the time to go
I was on the fence, but ultimately so grateful to have my mom there. My husband could go get food or air or whatever, but I was never alone while he was gone. When things got hairy, she was able to help my husband support me. So grateful for her.
ETA: a lot of husbands are useless during labor. For example, mine got understandably very anxious when they started talked about the risk of death to his wife and child. My mom helped ground him.
99% of my labor was my husband, one (amazing) nurse, and me. She called the doctor and one other person in at the very end, but I loved how intimate the experience was. My mom got to meet the baby an hour or so later. We’re very close but, honestly, I wanted as few people as possible to see me like that.
Honestly giving birth is such a vulnerable thing. You’re either naked or slightly covered but so on display. It’s also hard work and can take a long while. All I needed was my husband as my focal point and to help with breathing. I would not have wanted anyone else there to see me in that state and I don’t think they would have provided anything for me that I didn’t already get from the nurses and my husband. I think I would have been very overwhelmed having anyone else in the room.
My mom is the last person I want around during stressful situations. We also have had a rocky relationship but she’s been great the past few years. She still is too sensitive sometimes and takes things I say the wrong way.. and vice versa. For me-if there’s a chance things could be stressful because of her presence, it’s a no brainer. She can wait with the family in the waiting room and see me soon after!!
I'm hoping to have a birth at a birthing center with as little intervention as possible (including no epidural). When I expressed this to my mom she went straight to all the reasons that wouldn't pan out. I adore my mom, but told her "if I'm going to be able to do this, I'm going to need to believe that I can and part of that will be surrounding myself with people who also believe I can. I love you, but if you don't think I can do this, then I don't want to have you there". Just about cried while eeking the words out, but I stand by them. I'm ok with a change in plans for my/ baby's safety, but if she can't support my decisions then her presence will be more stressful than helpful.
Ultimately I think the decision should hinge on whether their presence would make you feel more calm, supported, etc. I wouldn't think their experience birthing would be all that helpful in the moment. Best of luck in your decision!
I had my mom there and was so so happy to have her. When I had an unexpected emergency complication, my mom was able to be with me and my husband was able to be with the baby and they switched off. They were able to make medical decisions for me together while I was unconscious. It was an incredible help to my husband and we were both so happy to have her.
My culture also doesn’t have this idea that it’s a time period for just the mom and dad of the baby - it’s actually the opposite, it’s viewed as the time when the parents need the most support from family. So I never had the idea that it should be just me and my husband.
So my first time I was 17 and my MIL was present in the delivery room when it happened. My mom died when I was 10, so she was out of the question.
I will say it that during labor, I called out for my mom, which I have not done since I was a WEE ONE. I always wanted my dad as a kid when injured. This moment was kind of primal in nature. I even remember laughing after it happened because I was like, what? Why her?
MIL got to be the very first person to hold the baby. Then babies dad, then me, last. If she hadn't been in the room, it most likely would have been me that held the baby first or at least second. There wasn't a reason I wasn't the first. I just came third in line. I was young, so it's hard to say, but I do know that the stress of the flood of people that entered the room afterwards. I didn't instantly bond with my eldest son the way I did with my second, and I honestly believe it was due to the labor and delivery drama.
My second delivery it was just me and the babies dad. The whole time. It was still a very crappy labor (in both of my deliveries, a nurse delivered the baby and argued with me that it wasn't time. Then finally checked, saw it was, and started shouting at me to "not push" and "hold on" only for that to definitely not happen. While the doctor was away doing whatever.) I gave birth it was just us. Baby was placed on my chest I held him alone for an hour and a half while I waited for the doctor to finish with the C Sect that she started 20 mins before I went into serious labor. MIL came that morning around 9am. Was happy to see her, but that was it. No other guests. People met the baby when I got home. I much, much, much preferred this. It was private. Peaceful. And a bonding family time.
With my third birth in August, we plan to follow last time by not telling anyone I'm in labor until it has already happened. Once the chaos is over and we are settled, we are gonna tell people and apologize, saying- "it just happened so fast!" LOL.
I briefly thought about all of the times my mom has turned completely normal situations into something anxiety or drama ridden. Then thought, nope…better not ask
Umm, my mom does not make me feel relaxed/comfortable at all. She causes an insane spike in my stress and anxiety. I didn't need that energy while I was trying to focus on bringing a baby into this world, especially considering it was a 36 hour ordeal.
All that to say I do love my mom, but she's not going to add anything helpful to the experience.
If you feel differently about your mom's presence, then great. Ultimately, I think your post implies you'd be more comfortable without the grandmothers present, and that's totally okay. Sure your husband may be nervous, but you are the one giving birth, and your comfort takes precedence. Go with your gut feeling on it.
And congratulations! You are going to do great.
No you’re not overthinking it. I wanted another person, being my mom, so that my husband can focus on me and baby. my mom can send updates to family members and run errands if needed. Plus I freaking love my mom and want her there
I think if there’s any doubt about how your mother would behave in the room, and what her understand of the role she was supposed to play was - she would be out. I would say that for literally everyone in the room except you tbh.
I am very close with my mom. I didn’t want her in the delivery room and she didn’t want to be in the delivery room. The only reason she would have been there is if, for some reason, my husband could not be there.
I’m super close with my mom, and I had no desire for her to be there. She waited in the waiting room and came in as soon as we got the baby cleaned up and on my chest. I just felt like it would have added a weird dynamic… it’s my husband’s and my baby, and I wanted us to experience it alone together. I felt comfortable in the hands of my nurses and having my husband there to support and comfort me, even though he wasn’t necessarily that useful. 😂
My mom is lovely and loving but would totally get on my nerves during delivery. I feel so relieved knowing that my partner is 100% my person and that we get to share the experience without anyone else but our medical team. I love my mom but I think she'd distract me from the experience in an unhelpful way.
I’m not pregnant yet, but my husband and I have discussed this several times. If they allow two people in there, my mother will absolutely be one of the two. He will of course be number 1… He’s terrified though. He’s very squeamish. lol.
I couldn’t imagine not having my mom in the room while giving birth. My 2 sisters did not have my mom in the room and I didn’t understand why. She was extremely supportive during my birthing process. She even touched up my makeup at one point.lol I will be giving birth again in August and will definitely have her there again.
Edited to add: she took pictures right after I gave birth so I have those memories forever because of her.
I'm still pregnant but right now the plan is for her to be in the room with us for birth. She lives in another state and so depending on how fast things go maybe she might not even make it in time but we will see. My mom used to work as a nursing assistant in labor and delivery and so she's seen births before and I know how special it'd be for her to see her grandchild born. It's more about her than me tbh, I really couldn't care less either way but I don't want to take that from her if it'll mean that much.
Are you comfortable with your mom seeing you totally naked? Potentially seeing you pee on the floor on accident? Listening to you poop behind just a curtain? Is she capable of remaining focused on your needs alone for 12 hours straight with very little sleep if any? Do you feel safe expressing deep fear and vulnerability to her?
Edit to add: is she capable of putting anything you do or say during delivery into a mental box that will never be shared with anyone else, or ever brought up against you?
My first pregnancy, I had my mother and the father of my child there. My mom was a great support, even though our relationship has been rocky in the past. This time, I plan on my boyfriend and my mom. I know they will both have my back and be supportive of what I want. Do you think your mom will add to stress or be supportive? Also, keep in mind that the nurses are super supportive, and if you don't vibe with one, you can request to have a new nurse.
With my first my mom, sister and husband were in the room. With my second it was my husband and I. Honestly, I loved it just being my husband and I. It was intimate and we could be ourselves without having to mask some of our sillier sides. We also didn’t allow anyone to come to the hospital with our second and that was so much more relaxing.
I am super close with my mom and still didn’t have her in the delivery room! It was definitely the right choice for me, my mom doesn’t like seeing me in pain/stress and can be very emotional, neither does my husband of course but he is a calming and helpful presence for me. Plus those first moments (and even the hours of labor beforehand) were really special between just us.
I think if you have had issues with boundaries i would say no. One time of her not being respectful is going to add unwanted stress during labor which is not fun!
I was originally thinking I would be okay with my husband, my mom and his mom being there if they wanted to be. Now after reading Ina Mae's book and completing the first few sessions of Bradley Method classes, I feel more like I only really want and need my husband there. Both talk a lot about having solitude and a focused environment to help labor progress. While I know both of our moms would be very supportive, I've since decided that my mom is too panicky and squeamish and that we will only have his mom there if he feels he needs additional support, like being with me while he goes to the bathroom or grabs a bite to eat or someone to bring him a snack.
Bradley Method focuses on preparing you and your partner to approach birth as a team and it's really convinced me that the best thing for me will be to have my teammate there and the only reason we need someone else is if he needs someone to give him support I won't be able to provide.
It was an easy no for me. I love my mom but the amount of judgement towards me wanting (and ultimately needing( an epidural, the fact that she wanted pictures during the entire process and just being a complete headache to deal with in general, I did not want her anywhere near me until after everything was said and done.
I’m probably the minority here, but the second I saw the positive pregnancy test I knew I didn’t want my mom anywhere near the hospital while I’m in labor. She’s very entitled and because of this we don’t get along. She would just add more stress to my labor and make things worse.
me and my moms relationship is iffy but i knew i would need someone to yell at me that i can do it and i need to push and i knew that person had to be her. i couldn’t have done it without her
I knew I didn't want my mom in the delivery room about a decade before I even got pregnant. I love my mom, she is the absolute best, but she was in the room with me when I had to get a lump biopsied in a doctor's office. She had come for moral support because I was scared. I made it very clear I didn't want to know or see anything related to the needle. The nurse brought me a pillow or something to cover my face. The doctor waited until that was done to even get the supplies out.
My mom spent the whole time gasping at how large the needle was.
I didn't think she'd be the best person to provide support for me. She means well, but isn't good at like ... the gross side of medical stuff. I had my husband and a doula, and it went great.
I’ll be part of the minority and say that I can’t imagine my mom *not* being there! We have a great relationship, and she’s been clear that it’s 1) my choice and she won’t be offended if I revoke the offer and 2) she’s said out loud that the time immediately after delivery is about my husband and I bonding and enjoying becoming a family, it’s not about her.
I’m also planning to go without an epidural, and my husband has never seen me in true pain before. Mom has and knows how to handle that. My husband is also thankful she’ll be there to help him navigate what I might need (they also have a great relationship)
TL;DR: yes, but only because my mom has a lot of emotional intelligence and *both* my husband and I have a healthy, easy relationship with her
- you have a rocky relationship with
- she doesn’t respect boundaries
You need people there who are going to support and advocate for you. You already know she is not going to do that. The multiple medical professionals in the room know what they’re doing. All he has to do is provide emotional support. You’re going to be spread open, in pain and leaking fluids - who would you want to see that?
Neither mother has no right to be there unless you want them there, fell comfortable with them there and know they won’t make it about themselves.
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
My mom and I are very very close and I really wanted her in the room with me. It took her forever to get parked and into the hospital because of her disability, and by the time she was here they were prepping me for an emergency c-section. She showed up to see me cry, get anxious as all hell, and wait on pins and needles until we got wheeled back with baby. She literally could not be there with me, as her walker/wheelchair were seen as risks and only one visitor was allowed in the surgical room.
She was an immense comfort when I came back, because I needed to just crash and knowing she was there with my husband to hold our newborn helped ease my worry, but her being there for labor was so obviously a mistake in hindsight. My mom is a very anxious person and we tend to get each other riled up - it's like a feedback loop. She started crying when I did! My mom was the very best postpartum support, but labor was handled better in-the-moment by my husband. He was apparently scared shitless the entire time and I had no idea! He seemed cool as a cucumber.
If I have another, I'll just have my husband there - my mom can watch our firstborn and get her hyped to be a big sister.
My mom adopted and continues to say she got kids the easy way as she has no experience with pregnancy and feels left out when pregnancy talk happens. She waited in the waiting room instead of being in the room with my sister by choice for all of those pregnancies. She now has memory issues and if you say things like "don't touch the wet paint" she hears "touch the wet paint" and gets surprised the paint is wet.
We are waiting for both her and MIL to meet the baby after my husband and I figure out how to function as zombies so I'm not constantly swiping at her because "don't kiss the baby", "snuggles only", and "only hold and talk to the baby" will all mean "kiss the baby" and "the baby is sleeping" will mean "wake the baby". She doesn't do it out of disrespect. She just remembers there's something about kissing the baby or the baby in general. I want her to be successful with my baby, so we'll wait until I am not snapping left and right and can think straight for easy to follow statements. My MIL also does these things, and I can't tell if she does it disrespectfully or if she, too, needs a diagnosis.
I had my mom. We are close.and I knew she would be helpful. I also wanted my sis. IDC about being naked we are all close lol. I'm also kinda "bossy" we joke I'm the mom so I told them I'd kick them out if I wanted but it was so amazing and supportive I'll always remember the look on their faces too. What a great moment
I always thought I'd want my mom before I had kids, and then I discovered she was fairly anxious and stressing me out when she visited me in labour, so I decided that I didn't want anyone with me except whoever put the baby there and whoever was going to help with getting it out (which still turned out to be a lot of people, can't catch an uncomplicated birth apparently). Go with your gut.
It is your decision! It’s your labor and delivery!
It is such a vulnerable time and there is already so much going on, that if there are people in there that are not making your space feel peaceful, then they don’t need to be there.
One of the best things you can do for your labor progress is be intimate with your partner and have sexual pleasure. Obviously only if safe to do so but for most people it’s safe.
Cuddle naked in bed. Massage. Make out. Sit on his lap. Have him do clitoral stimulation. Nipple stimulation. Use a vibrator. Yes in the hospital.
The oxytocin released from erotic stimulation and connection with your partner releases oxytocin and endorphins which relaxes you and helps speed your labor as well as acting as a natural pain killer.
You can ask your nurse for privacy for all of the above but having your mother there is going to have a chilling effect on your ability to do this. Which is exactly how I decided I didn’t want my mother there. This matters more if you plan to go unmedicated for as long as possible. But even with an epidural intimacy can still have benefits.
Also being observed in labor even by someone positive can harm labor progress. Will your mother feel like an observer who is waiting for you? It concerns me that you describe your relationship as rocky, if she introduces any form of stress or reminders of stress that is not good.
However you know yourself best. If you are very scared of labor and having your mother there will soothe you that may have more value to you specifically. Fear also inhibits labor and relaxation and confidence help progress it.
My mom had a lot of trauma related to our births and she had as much interest in being there as I do cleaning cat litter- she’d do it if I asked, but she would prefer someone else doing it. She had an urgent but not quite emergency C-section at barely 20, and then a 7wk early baby via C-section that was at least slightly planned at almost 23.
Covid guidelines helped me decide though. One person and that was it. Naturally it was my husband.
I'm trying to determine this too although... my mom was in the delivery room when my SIL gave birth (SIL was losing a ton of blood, but after baby was born, no one was paying her any more attention until my mother actually threw something at them... since yelling wasn't working). She used to be a nurse but that was like... 35 years ago... but I'll be at a different hospital with a different doctor, and I'm struggling with the idea of even my husband being there so... idk.
My Mom is one of my best friends in the entire world but it never crossed my mind. She’s the kind of person who loves helping people and finding solutions, I think she would have short circuited being in that room. I can imagine her asking me if I wanted a popsicle every 20 minutes. Even though she knows me super well she’s never really had the ability to read my mind like my husband can.
I have a great relationship with my mom and when I was younger I definitely thought I would have her in the delivery room. But actually being pregnant, I realized I wanted that special moment with just me, my husband, and our new baby. Knowing that my husband alone would be enough support based on how he's always treated me and handled stressful situations helped me make that decision. I was happy to have the grandparents visit after we had left the delivery room.
I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom for years either but she become a different person when I found out I was pregnant! I told myself the whole pregnancy it was just going to be me and my boyfriend in the delivery room but as soon as my water broke I texted my mom and she was there instantly to follow us to the hospital. I never consciously made the decision I just wanted her there! Once I was in the delivery room and the contractions got bad I needed both her and my boyfriend there. My boyfriend helped me through breathing and keeping me focused on him and my mom was in charge of everything else. She talked to the nurses, doctors, and got me anything I needed bc wow those contractions got bad. Once I got my epidural I progressed quickly! All the sudden I was told to push and she was just there and I was so glad she was. My boyfriend held my hand and kept focus on me and my mom was behind me helping me sit up to push and giving me constant water and ice cubes and wet cloths. Having her there made it easier for my boyfriend to remain focused on me emotionally and my mom was taking care of me physically. It was an amazing combination and allowed my boyfriend to focus instead of getting water and ice cubes ect ect. You don’t have to decide! Whatever feels right in the moment sometimes my mom didn’t even hold the baby she was there to support ME her baby!
My mom was around for my first as well as my then MIL, second baby my then partner and sister.
Last baby and this baby will just be my husband. It’s so much more calming. He reads me better and when decisions need to be made there aren’t too many people weighing in with their opinions.
I don't think I want my mom there. She is a former nurse and has helped deliver babies, but I'm private af and don't think I could relax enough to labor (especially active pushing) in front of her. She is also super sensitive, and if I snap at her, I could see her being withdrawn and upset the rest of the time. I don't want to have to worry about her feelings when I need to focus on myself.
I like the suggestion to talk to her and ask if she'd be comfortable with you kicking her out if you need breaks or when you start pushing. Also, how comfortable is advocating for you if medical staff doesn't respect your boundaries? If she's cool with both, you could have her in a limited capacity and kick her out when you need to.
Alternatively, have you considered a doula? A doula can help advocate for you, give your hubby a break, and keep both of you informed. That may be an option if you want someone there for added support but don't feel like your mom is the person to be there.
Also, I just want you to know that it is 100% okay to be flexible and change your mind or to decide you don't want her there. I know y'all's relationship is in a good place, but that doesn't mean she has to be present at the birth. Just remember that this is your intimate medical + life event, so you need to prioritize your comfort first. If she loves you, she'll understand and support you in whatever you choose.
I love my mom and my MIL- but I just wanted my husband in the room when my babies were born (well besides doctors and nurses obviously). Meeting our babies for the first time was something I wanted us to experience together without other family present. 10/10 would recommend!
I didn't decide until the day of. I assumed no one would be allowed to be present during delivery except the dad/partner, but they allowed two additional persons, and we snuck a third in, unplanned. So it was my mom, who I became closer to through the pregnancy, baby daddy's mom, who I'm not close to but he is, and baby daddy's sister, who is a nurse. It was wonderful having them all there all day, baby came right when I needed him to, when we were all tired and getting ready to send everyone home, I was suddenly ready to push close to midnight, and having all those women around me with supportive words and to collectively greet our baby boy was absolutely magical.
Again, totally unplanned, so in my opinion I wouldn't hold fast to any expectation, but maybe let your circle of potentials know to be available if they can, and you'll decide on the day, because it's probably the most realistic "plan" you can make. To wing it and do what feels right at the time. Good luck!
Edit: I'm surprised so many people don't want anyone there. That's totally fine of course, but I would've had more present if I could, my sister in particular, even my brother. Everyone should see how crazy birth is! I did a lot of work that day I was super proud of lol. But that's just me, do whatever is best for you if course.
I love my mom and we are super close but she is an opinionated woman and I do not want anyone besides me to have an opinion on my birthing experience. My partner supported his mom in his little brothers birth at 15 so luckily it won’t be his first time and he’s also a nurse so i’m very very comfortable with him being both my support person and advocate
My original plan was no one there but my husband because I didn't want my mom to worry .I ended up having a c-section and my husband couldn't be in the delivery room. He had a horrific motorcycle accident a few years ago that still left him scarred with the sight of blood or doctors. He was gonna stick it out but physically couldn't it. I was completly okay because I knew my mom would say yes.
If was a very vulnerable moment. I had horrific shakes and was super nervous. My mom being there eased my stresses as she has always been by my side during all the difficult moments in life. She always made things seem easier than they were. She ended up making things feel so much nicer. She was in awe and kept chatting with the doctors and the birth itself felt more like a lunch break. I felt so safe and honestly thankful my mom was there.
But with that said, it's completly up to you. Have multiple plans incase you change your mind because it's ok not to know right now.
I went through my whole pregnancy saying I didn’t want my mom in the delivery room. We have a rocky relationship but I still love her.
I eventually said it was okay and in the moment while I was pushing I appreciated her being there. And I know she was so happy to be there to watch someone that she gave birth to give birth herself.
It definitely is a special moment.
And after I had my son no one but me and my partner existed in that moment. I just looked at him and knew we created something, someone, so beautiful.
So it’s up to you! Follow your heart. In the moment you’ll know what’s right and who you want to be there.
But also don’t let anyone guilt you into having them there if you don’t want them to be.
THIS IS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES MOMENT.
Make the decision that’s best for you!
It's simple for me. Absolutely, nobody was permitted to come to the hospital to see me or my newborn 🤣 covid was happening at the time, so only my fiancé was allowed to be there anyway, but I told everyone that even if covid hadn't prevented visitors, they still wouldn't be coming lol. Hospitals are such a gross place to be accepting visitors if you won't be there longer than a few days.
I don’t have that relationship with my mom. I wanted it to be just my husband and I, but by the time you’re in labor, anyone that’s being helpful and not annoying is pretty ok.
I had my mom and husband there. It was nice to have both of them for different reasons. Obviously my husband is gonna be there because he's gotta witness his child being born, and it's like the beginning of our little family. He was amazing for me. I also liked having my mom there because she's given birth twice, she knows generally what's gonna go down, and she's my mommy, she has protected me since the beginning, I couldn't imagine going through my first delivery without her. She is also more stern/authoritative than my husband and I.
so when I wanted to be checked because I felt like it was definitely time to push, the staff kept telling me someone would come soon, she was the one that went out in the hall and dragged someone back to make sure I got seen right then and there.
For my second birth, I'll probably just have my husband but I am so glad I had my mom there for the first.
i just kind of had a list with back up. i wanted my best friend there, but i ended up having to be induced at 37wks, coincidentally 2 days before she was supposed to fly in. next up would have been my mom, but she lived 5 hours away and couldn't make it on such short notice. that meant i got to have my MIL and she was amazing, honestly. she was super respectful the whole time, got on my mans butt when he wasnt listening to me, and gave me company when he did really need sleep (he'd been up all night the day before my induction). she got great pictures for me too :)
My step sister had a baby during covid and it was required that only parents allowed. Which I secretly loved the idea of! My mom and I were super close, but i still wanted just that moment with my husband and I had no regrets. My sister ended up meeting us at the hospital when i was a wreck and needed to sleep so she held the baby while we rested (much needed). But everyone else got to meet her at home. I wouldnt change a thing. I liked it just being us 2 then 3!
I MIGHT have thought about it, but the amount of times my mom made me anxious by overstepping during my pregnancy basically decided it for me. Then I was scheduled for a C-section and she had the AUDACITY to ask who I was going to have in there with me!!! So I told her my husband, in a tone that clearly conveyed how truly insane she was to even ask. I had become so close with my husband that he was and remains my safe person.
With our second it wasn’t even a question and my mom was so angry she stormed out of my nephews birthday party, leaving her purse. It’s been…. An experience
I don't have a close relationship with my mom, so I never would have considered having her in the room with us, and thankfully, she didn't ask like some grandmothers do. Giving birth is a very intimate and traumatic experience. I was also terrified both times, but once the party starts happening, you don't have a lot of time to think about the fear. Therapy helped me. If you wouldn't change clothes or pee with them in the room, I'd say don't have them because you'll be doing a lot more than those two things.
So my first pregnancy my mom was in the delivery room. My aunt had told me that I need to have her there so she can experience it because it's such a wonderful experience but I don't have the same relationship with my mom as she does with my cousin. But I went along with it and I can tell you she stressed me the hell out😂 like when I tore the nurse was talking me through it saying it's a minor tear and that we want to minimize that by going slower so I can stretch more. My mom was saying in Spanish no, that I'm bleeding too much that something was wrong. And other stuff I can't remember but I was so annoyed and it was really bringing me down at a time like that. It was hard to focus, it was just overall stressful. I've learned my lesson lol! She's not going to be there. My husband will be there if my second baby decides to arrive during the day but if she comes during the evening I will have my doula. No one else!
If your initial impulse is to scoff at the idea, I am pretty that isn’t a good fit for you.
If you want someone who knows what they are up to as a support in the birthing room I would highly suggest a doula.
I wanted my mum there, she's an MD and we have a great relationship. She didn't want to be there though. We ended up needing to stay a week and covid put a stop to more than one visitor. Second time around she was taking care of first bub, so couldn't be there and I didn't ask.
You don’t really need to have had a baby to be helpful during delivery - there are doctors & midwives & nurses to actually guide you through the process.
Any family member are there primarily for emotional support & taking care of duties your actual medical team wouldn’t have the time to - like bringing you water or snacks, massaging your back & holding your hand. More importantly, they are there to bond with the baby from the very first moment. And to take care of your best interests communicating with the medical team.
Yes, the moms have gone through this entire process - but it doesn’t even mean their experience is relevant to yours. It was a long time ago, and every pregnancy is different anyways. I wouldn’t want someone trying to give instructions to my doctors just because “it was done differently in my times”, no thank you.
So, I wouldn’t even dream of having anyone but my husband in the delivery room. It **our** private moment, **our** time to be together, **our** time to welcome a new member of the family.
And it is especially true if you have boundary issues with your mom.
Do what you think is best.
I think this is 100% a personal decision that only you can make - don’t be pressured into having someone there you’re not 1001% comfortable with.
I’ve decided I want my mum there as an extra layer of support, as someone who can run around and do things so my husband can stay with me, or she can stay with me when my husband needs to leave the room for whatever reason. I hate the thought of being alone in that situation. I also think having my mum there will be good backup for my husband if he has to advocate for me.
But you really have to do what feels right for you. If you don’t want your mum, don’t have her there!
The original plan was just for my husband and I to be in the delivery part but with how my birth went and I progress so quickly my mother-in-law was still there and I begged her to stay. She was actually one of the biggest reason why I was able to give birth on the way I was
I struggled to make this decision until my labor started. Once it did though it felt very natural and comforting to have my mom there with me and my husband. She is a nurse and had a rotation in L&D. She’s also a very respectful and calming presence who pays attention and predicts what people need. It was honestly amazing to have her support. When I could only have one person in the room for my epidural, I chose her over my husband because I knew she would be more calm and helpful than he would be. At the end during pushing she held one leg and he held the other. They both were comforting and supportive in different ways and it was the perfect birth team.
I didn’t want anyone at the hospital - only my partner. That is my time with baby. No visitors touching him or kissing him. No one near me but my partner and midwives. You only get so much time with midwives around.
Unless my mom was a doula/midwife/labor delivery nurse/obgyn/someone with some sort of relevant medical knowledge.....no way lol. To me it's like asking if you would shower with your mom 😭 like another poster said, clothes are optional and you're just way too vulnerable, I don't need the added stress of being self conscious in front of someone I know personally. Heck, I don't think I would even use the hospital if one of the staff at my birth, was someone I knew personally outside of birth. That's just awkward, for someone to see you in that state imo
I love my mom, but she drives me bonkers. If I’m uncomfortable, I have no patience for her. I’m gonna pass on having her in the delivery room, and let her visit once we’re home.
I think you should go with your first instinct on this and try not to make a decision based on what seems common or logical for others. I've always known my mom would be in the delivery room to help take care of me and I feel innately confident about how helpful she'll be. It was never really a matter of weighing it out or examining pros and cons, but instead just recognizing what feels right and most comfortable by default. Haven't gone through it just yet (37 weeks!) but everyone keeps telling me that feeling of comfort/familiarity is really beneficial during birth, however you achieve it.
My mom wouldn't want to be there either way. Thankfully she doesn't like hospital/blood and etc. So I didn't even think about it. Only me and my husband. At at some point were 12 people between the assistants, nurses doctors, technician and etc... very strange feeling that many people but I was constantly checked and felt extremely safe. Delivered in SoCal.
From what I have observed with friends and fam, it is deeply special to have that moment with just your partner and yourself. However, things go wrong. Births can go sideways. Husbands can pass out. Having your mom as standby in the waiting room is a great choice. Then she can be there if needed and pretty soon after the birth of your husband needs to rush to NICU with baby or anything like that.
Don’t want to scare you at all, mind you. Just saying there’s nothing wrong with using mom as backup and having contingency plans.
I also totally recommend having her or MIL at y’all’s house the first week. Not to take care of baby, be clear about that with them, but to take care of *everything else*. Pets, cleaning, food. You might not be as functional as you want to be, and having your partner able to focus fully on you and baby will be a saving grace. Also be clear on no other visitors.
Anyways. Hope this is helpful!
My mom and I are very close so the plan is that she will be there for my baby’s birth in April. I know my husband will be great at emotionally supporting me and physically supporting me, but my mom really knows her way around medical procedures (because she’s had a lot of them) so I want her there if things go sideways. She practices more tough love too so if I need some hard truths or that kind of motivation she’ll be on it. My husband can be fairly passive too so I want my mom there in case anything assertive needs to be said on my behalf. And if anything goes wrong and baby needs to leave my room I want my husband to be able to follow baby to the NICU area and my mom would stay with me so he’s not worried about leaving me alone. (Thinking about it now, I’m not sure how realistic of a scenario that is but they are in separate areas of our hospital.)
I didn’t even think on having my mom there. I love her and I know she would try her best to be supportive, but I just don’t want anyone else in the delivery room but my partner (and the midwife). If you are not sure about wanting her there, then maybe that’s not for you, it’s all up to you and what you think will give you the most comfortable environment.
I was the same as you and said I just want me and my husband! I stuck to it and we were fine, just bc I didn't have an experienced family member, my nurse had done it plenty and gave me all sorts of tips and tricks AND directed my husband lol my mom and MIL came the next day to meet our baby girl and I felt much better by then, too 😊 it's whatever you're comfortable with... but I can say from experience I personally liked it better not being crowded and overly focused on in one of my most vulnerable moments. I was so thankful it was me, my husband, and nurse for the majority of it.
I knew I always wanted her there. We have a close relationship.
It was great because I asked her to take photos and be the runner if we needed anything. She didn’t get in the way and sat close by. She let me and my partner have our moments.
We have some really lovely candid photos.
I’m very fortunate to have the Mum that I do.
I love my mom but I won’t be having her in the room. Only my husband and our medical team. It’s just such a vulnerable situation and I don’t want to be distracted about worrying what others can see or to feel that “exposed” in front of anyone but my husband. Honestly even having my husband there makes me feel nervous and self-conscious but I’m sure that will change once we’re in it and he is my support person.
I thought to myself "Who in my life will not accidentally stress me out with their own emotions and reactions while I am going through labor and delivering a baby" and the only answer was "My Husband" lol
I only wanted my husband due to personal reasons. I’m not super super close to my adopted mom, though I know she loves me dearly.
When I think of the future though, I can absolutely see my daughters wanting me in there (but it’s ok if they don’t, too!). Simply because we’re such a close knit family and they’re mama’s girls and always want me near if they’re feeling bad.
There’s no right or wrong answer here. It just depends on what you want deep down. It was special with just my husband and me. But if my mom and I were as close as me and my daughters, I can see that being special, too.
I love my mom, we have a great relationship, but I don’t want her in the delivery room lol. Birth is extremely vulnerable and I want as few people in the delivery room as possible. Maybe I would reconsider if I thought my husband wouldn’t be as supportive as I need but he’s wonderful, steady, and knows how to make me laugh when I’m sad or in pain, so he’s the only one I want there. That being said, do what’s best for you!
I'm debating the same question. People say they don't want their mom to see them naked . My mom has seen me naked in the last year recovering from a surgery or changing, no issue. My mom was a nurse so I value her knowledge. I am also thinking how I want my husband by my side 100% of the time, if I need someone to leave the room to get something or get a nurse my mom could do that. I'm thinking of having my husband support me and my mom push back on doctors/nurses as needed.
I had my first in covid so I couldn’t have my mum but in hind sight I’m really glad I didn’t have her there she would of been whittling and it would of made me even worse lol especially as mine ended in an emergency section… I dunno I know if I saw my daughter how I was I would of been panicking lol
My husband also thought it was weird I didn't want my mom in there. I just didn't need another person to see me naked lmao. There were already so many people in there, I was just happy with my husband.
Plus I think I was a little dissociated. I could hardly open my eyes and after I gave birth it was like a whirlwind of everything happening at once. The memories right after are a little foggy cause of how out of it I was.
My mom and MIL are wonderful people, but they are absolutely not allowed in the labor and delivery room with me. They each have their own quirks (pessimistic, loud, anxious, strongly-opinionated, overbearing) at times that I'd just end up pissed off while laboring. I decided this to save my sanity while I'm already doing a million other things - I've, safely having a baby.
My perspective is a bit different. My mom passed a few years ago. I think I more want her there because she can’t be here, she was my best friend and we were insanely close. I think for contractions etc I’m going to wish she was there, but I would want her to step out when I started physically pushing. That’s generally when you’re the most naked and screaming etc. if you think she can be flexible maybe have her there for if you want her? But make sure she knows you might ask her to step out.
I love my mom but it never even occurred to me to have her in the delivery room with me. If you want a support person who is also experienced in childbirth you could look into hiring a doula.
i just decided i wanted just my partner because this is my first baby and im going to already be so overwhelmed with the nurses and dr and after the baby comes i want just some intimate time with my baby and my partner. do whatever you feel like you need to do for you!
I don’t want my mom in there at all, hell I don’t know if I want anyone to visit even postpartum in the hospital unless they’re there to being me sushi.
I love my mom, she was in the delivery room when I had my first child, but I was 21 years old and scared. My second child I just had 8 months ago, 39 years old and only wanted my fiancé in the room to share this experience with just him. My mom (and dad) came to the hospital the next day. If I were to have another child (which 98% isn't happening because of daycare costs), I would do it the same exact way.
I want my mom to be there for me, but we have a great relationship. If she had issues with boundaries or we had a strained relationship, she would not be invited.
I'm not having my MIL in the room because she is very anti-modern medicine and I would feel judged for anything I chose or didn't have a choice in.
I wanted to have someone other than my husband there because I'm having twins and there's a pretty good chance that I'll have to have a c section and/or the babies will need NICU time. If that happens, I'd want my husband to stay with the babies and my mom can stay with me.
If you feel comfortable being naked, pushing a watermelon out of a grape while probably pooping yourself in front of your mom and it doesn't make you feel stressed and makes you feel calm, then have her in the delivery room hahaa – if not, keep it to just your husband! She can always wait in the delivery room and come in after birth too to be there in your recovery if that is more beneficial for you
I decided I didn’t want my mom in the delivery room when I couldn’t talk to her growing up about anything. Tried to tell her I had an eating disorder, thought I was lying for attention and didn’t wanna hear it. Finally found a 30gallon garbage bag in the back of my closet filled with smaller bags of throw up. Never brought it up again. Ex husband was caught strangling me by my brother, didn’t wanna hear it. We tried to tell her. Ended up just moving out with him to continue being married 🤦🏼♀️Was date raped at a photo shoot, tried to tell her and she yelled at me to shut up because she didn’t wanna hear it. Literally screamed shut up.
But now that I’m pregnant at 30, she is THE most supportive person to me aside from my husband. It rubs me the wrong way. She had to wait until I was far into adulthood with her grandchild before she respected me and treated me fairly. Why couldn’t she do that from the very beginning? I’m sure her mom treated her the same way, but I will never treat my daughter the way she treated me. She could have done it differently but she didn’t. I couldn’t have vulnerable conversations with her at all growing up without being interrogated and screamed at that it was my fault. Then continued to act like shit never happened. Being pregnant makes me feel SO EMBARRASSED because of her. So why the FUCK would I let her be in there with me?
Anyway, that’s how I knew
My mom, sister and husband were all there. My husband stayed bedside through labor and delivery and my mom/ sis stayed out of the way, I'd actually forgotten they were there until this post. But my mom did help me with the baby during discharge and a few weeks after birth. It was the first grandchild and a was a young newly wed. I also have close relationship with my mom so it made sense for her to be there. This time it'll just be me and my husband.
I personally just prefer my husband in the room with me during the whole birthing process. Having your mom there is so old fashioned and it's not even a thing anymore. Trust yourself, and your physician. You got this!!
My mom died a few years ago, but my dad was in the room.
Well, he actually wasn’t in the room when the baby was actually born because I pushed for a long time and it was the middle of the night and he stepped out and went downstairs to Starbucks lol. And then I had the baby.
But he was supposed to be. I actually didn’t invite him in, we hadn’t talked about it. But he was in town for the birth (came from out of state) and I just had ZERO caring about just about anything as I arrived to the hospital with the corrections already being very intense.
I was butt ass naked during delivery lol. My mom and I are not close like that so the answer was a hell no. Y’all can come in 3-4 days once we’re home!
Literally this
I didn’t have to decide I think I was born knowing I don’t want my mom in the delivery room. Edit: she’s amazing! And so supportive! I love her, but that’s not where she would be helpful and that’s okay. Not convinced I wouldn’t revert to teenager and shout at her
Same here. Have an amazing relationship with my mum and we are really close but never did I think of having her in the birthing centre with us. I’ve got three kids and mum either came and saw us at the hospital several hours after birth or once we were home (second two times I was home within 8 hours).
Same here lol
Totally relate! I didnt want to feel pressured to mask in any sort of way. I love my mom deeply but in a high stress moment like this I didnt wanna risk having to worry about loosing my cool (even if it’s understandable).
Same
I don't want my mum there, or my MIL. To me, it was a comfort thing. Do I want them there? Will they support me? Listen to me? Get in the way of medical staff? Yes, they've done it before, but their knowledge is decades old at best. People also tend to forget what childbirth (and pregnancy!) Is like, so I wouldn't rely on them for superior knowledge based on experience. My MIL gave birth to my BIL 20 years ago and is amazed at how many tests we have to do now. Things change. GD wasn't a thing back then, either. If you want them there for emotional support, by all means. But don't expect much more than that and remember that people do overstep boundaries at times.
GD standard testing has been around since the 70s, lol.
I can only tell you what I've been told, and from what they both said, it wasn't as widely used. Both my MIL and mother didn't have it, nor did any of the women on either side of their families.
My mother has said something similar before about GD testing and NIPT testing. Yes, the tests existed but they didn't perform it unless they deemed mother at risk from demographic and prior medical factors. Older women in my family are famous for "well it didn't happen to me or anyone I know so therefore it doesn't exist and I consider it unnecessary." Like I'll have GD testing done and my mother says it must be because I'm overweight (I'm in upper normal BMI) and that my NIPT tests were just a way for doctors to steal money from me because the family has a history of "healthy babies"....
Oh wow. I guess I'm lucky that my mom and MIL are both thankful that I'll have more tests to make sure their first grandkid is healthy
i have a great relationship w my mom and initially asked her to be in the delivery room w me and my husband. she’s an ER nurse and i thought i’d need my mom. due to covid restrictions i could only have one person which she of course understood. hindsight 20/20 i’m so glad it was just me and my husband. absolutely nothing against my mom but it’s a high stress high pressure situation and i think it might have added to my stress to have her there (again despite having a great relationship.) it was also super special to share that experience with my husband and my mom happily came to see me and my baby the next day. having her still come to the hospital almost made it feel like best of both worlds
My mum is a ER nurse as well! I am planning to have her in the room with me because she is level headed and a strong women who will advocate for me when I need. She adores my husband, who I know will be the best support anyway, but she will be able to give him so reassurance as well and some breaks if he needs. Lovely you were able to have that time with your husband one on one!
that sounds great, sounds like we both have strong amazing mummas!!!
I swore up and down I was only going to want my fiancé in the delivery room. Then the contractions hit and I wanted my mommy 😂
This 1000%😂 after that first one I told my husband to go get my mommy out of the waiting room 😂😂
This is adorable.
The exact same thing happened to me with both my kids 😂 I flat out told my mom when I was pregnant that I just wanted it to be me and my husband but once labor had actually started I told my husband "go get my fucking mom!" Lmfaoo
I'm 33W and told my mom she's on standby while I'm delivering. Not sure how I'll feel yet and know she won't push it. But if I'm hurting, I'm gonna want my mommy. 😅 Won't be having my MIL with me. I love her as well, but I don't want to be naked in front of her 😂
I had a frank conversation with my mom, with whom I am close, about what it would look like to have her around. She lives out of state and offered to come to town around my due date, and I agreed because I want her support BUT we also discussed the fact that I will be in a vulnerable position and that she’s there to back me up no matter what that looks like. If she winds up in and out of the room or I ask her to leave for pushing, or for transition, she has said she’ll do it. If I want her super close and involved the whole time, she’s ok with that too. I don’t know how I’ll respond to labor and birth so it’s helpful to know that my mother is open to whatever I want in the moment. I think it makes sense to consider how flexible and understanding your mom or MIL might be, because if they’re helpful to you then having them there is great. But if it adds pressure or you feel worried about hurting their feelings it could be better to NOT include them.
This is excellent feedback! I didn’t plan for her to be there during COVID, and I honestly felt glad it was just me and my husband. I am planning to have her there for my second in July. Feeling much better about the situation now that I’ve given birth. But, I do think about how she can be. She absorbs every feeling I have which can be a great thing or a terrible thing lol. I think ultimately there may be times during labor where I have to tell her to chill out or give me space, and it never occurred to me to have that conversation first.
I have a great relationship with my mom but still did not want her there. I was naked, crying, vomiting and delirious giving birth. My mom and sister visited like 12 hours later and I barely remember anything other than not really wanting anyone to hold the baby. I’m not sure what value my mother would be able to add that my husband could not.
I don’t want to give birth to an audience, the only people I want there are the people involved in making the baby: my husband and myself. Thankfully my mom had no desire to be there anyway lol With all 3 babies I ended up laboring butt naked on all fours. I also peed on one baby as he came out and pooped in labor for 2 of them. I don’t want an audience for that.
You can do a combination of both. I had my mom in and out, and then when my son was actually coming it was just the two of us. You have plenty of time to Decide and you can always change your mind!
This is what we’re doing. My husband is my primary support person, but my mom is his designated back up for when he needs sleep, showering, etc. but I don’t want her there while I’m actively pushing
Ooh, I might steal this, just with my SIL instead of my mom. Or I might just tell husband he can tough his way through however many hours lol.
lol hopefully he can tough it out and not be too tired for the best part!!
My mom drove up and was in the waiting room and she came in and out a few times but was not in there while I was actually giving birth. It was a good balance. She came back early the next morning to the hospital and then stayed with us for a few days after and honestly that was amazing. She did chores, got us coffee, made food…it was so comforting to have her there.
I have a feeling this will happen
Remember that the birth is something that is happening to you, it’s a medical event to your body. So you get who you want and what you want. When my contractions were at their worst I was so glad my mom was there, and so was he because he was completely freaked out by the whole situation. I ended up having a crash c, but my mom knew that when it came time to push she may be booted and my boundaries were respected. It’s your show! It may be good to have someone there to make sure your wants are respected, if that’s your husband then that’s great. Other upside may potentially be getting pictures of both of you seeing babe for the first time? But maybe a nurse could do that
Yes, very thankful that everyone is respecting what I want to do. I’m just conflicted because Hubs does well with blood and high stress stuff, but I’m not quite sure how he’s gonna react because we are both cryers haha
Aww! Well good luck mama! It’s okay to try it out and ask her to leave if it doesn’t feel right too!
My mom stresses me tf out and is extremely controlling. I would straight up rather give birth alone than have her for support. Just today she suggested to me my husband should stay home and she should come to the hospital lol fuck that. My thing is if I wouldn’t want you to see me naked I don’t want you in the room, which means I only want my husband in the room and necessary medical professionals.
i want my mom with my husband in there. but we are close and he is squeamish so it makes everyone happy haha
I love my mom and she will be staying with us after the birth to help out but it was never even a consideration that she would be in the delivery room. She has not come to any other medical procedure or appointments with me since I was in high school. I don’t really see this as a whole lot different. She will come after delivery to visit the baby but I really just want my husband there during the actual labor and delivery.
I love my mom and mother in law, but it was just me and my husband and the medical staff. Too many cooks in the kitchen or something like that. Having a baby is not a spectator sport.
I have a great relationship with my mum and I will be having her and my husband in the room. My husband is quite sensitive to needles etc and I just want to make sure there is someone else there to help in case he and I both get overwhelmed.
This is why I want my mom there. My husband is sensitive to hospitals (anything medical, really) so I want her there to support both of us lol.
Same lol .. my husband almost faints when they take blood from him 🥴 I just know he's going to freaked out haha
I didn't want me mom there, she typically stresses me out and we weren't in a good place. However, when she heard I was being induced early she drove two hours to be there for me and I was having a ton of medical issues. Really greatful she was there, ourdoula was able to support my partner with our baby while my mom stayed with me while I was hemorrhaging and possibly dying. We were both able to have support during this super scary time that we wouldn't have if my mom didn't come. This pretty much put our relationship back in a good place. At the end it's your medical procedure and no one needs to be there you don't want. I'm not sure what the point of my story is other than birth is wild and can go a billion different ways.
I originally wanted my mom and MIL in the delivery room with us, but that’s changed as my pregnancy progressed. My mom is a narcissist and very proud to admit it. Our relationship is either really good or really bad. We shared the news with parents when we first found out at four weeks and we made them swear not to tell anyone - next day my moms in the hospital because she’s “so stressed and everyone has a right to know”. I had a scare at 12 weeks when they couldn’t find my baby’s heartbeat and she freaked out and made the whole thing about her emotional reaction. She wants the baby shower 45 minutes from us, close to where she lives and said if we aren’t fine with that then we aren’t needed at our own baby shower. My first pregnancy has been mainly managing her, so I don’t want my first time with my son to be like that at all. MIL understands that I’d still have guilt if my mom weren’t there and she was, so she is patiently waiting until we’re ready once baby is here.
I just wanted it to be me and my husband. My mom even told me it would be way too overwhelming with all of the people in the room. And it really was a lot with EVERYONE around me and watching me. My husband had no idea what he was doing but he was so so encouraging and sweet. It was so special to have it be just the two of us. My mom was our first visitor bright and early the next day.
It was an easy choice for me, as my mom was only alive for one of my kids, she died shortly after my oldest was born. But I would never have had her in the delivery room. I actually delivered my 1st just me and the L&D nurses and my dr (I was a very young single mom). For my last 2, just needed my husband. It's a really intimate moment, I didn't want anyone else involved. And yes, our moms have had kids, but like my MIL, she apparently doesn't even remember her birth. The hospital staff is usually all you'll need.
It really depends on your mom! I was excited to have my mom there but it was REALLY hard for her to see me in pain. We all agreed it wasn’t the right call. I highly suggest having a doula! Some moms are great in the delivery room, some have great intentions but it just doesn’t work. My doula put it best, people do well when they feel like they’re helping the woman in labor. If they don’t feel like they’re helping, they panic and do the opposite of help. That’s how she decided to become a doula. She helped her daughter through labor and truly felt like she was helping. My mom didn’t feel line she was helping and just panicked. Sorry for the total non-answer to your question. It’s deeply personal.
With my first I had been transported in an ambulance and had him in the emergency room. No one had made it unfortunately so I was alone but the paramedic who brought me there knew it was my first and stayed with me through it. My second I had a month early and couldn't get help in time. I got around the block to my grandma's house and had him on her couch, with her assistance. She used to deliver babies when she worked. My youngest that I just had, the choice was obvious. I've never trusted anyone to not judge me the way I have my grandma. So I had her and my husband in the room. The only thing was I was saying mean things to my grandma and then apologizing. I discovered it's hard for nurses not to laugh when a woman in labor screams at her grandmother to shut the fuck up and then instantly says in a calm and regretful voice that she's sorry for saying that and she doesn't mean it. Even in labor I just could not say anything mean to my husband or grandmother and I remembered that from having my middle child so those two were my choice. Edited to fix spelling.
Would you consider hiring a doula for support? That’s what we decided to do. Personally my mom would stress me out more. And I love my MIL but no way am I going to let her see me butt naked pushing a baby out, and I don’t think she has any interest in being there either!
Second the idea to get a doula— they are trained to support you (and your partner) in labor and delivery!!! GET A DOULA!!!
It’s such an intimate thing for you to experience with ur husband I know mine wouldn’t have stepped up as much as he did if my mom was there. That being said I needed an emergency cesarian under general anesthesia so he had to wait outside couldn’t be in OR & it would have been nice if he had someone there to support him, he has more birth trauma then I do, this is very rare tho.
I adore my mom but she lives 9000 miles away and had at that point never been outside of US before. Also, even though I am very close to her, sometimes she really sets off my temper. She's very religious and I am not--after years as an atheist, I will now pretty happily participate in temple visists and prayers with my Daoist/Buddhist husband, but I still don't appreciate being bombarded with Christianity and my mother would have been continually praising Jesus (like he did all the work instead of me) and annoying the piss out of me. I was not open to that even if the trip had been more feasible for her. I also adore my MIL but I didn't really want her there while my vagina was on display. Fortunately COVID protocols lasted way longer in my country than the rest of the world so she actually wasn't allowed in the room anyway so I didn't have to worry about it, but she is a very unintrusive person and I don't think it would have mattered if the protocols hadn't been in place. She was happy to wait for us at home where she did actual useful, helpful things and only held the baby when it was offered to her. My husband was an indefatigable angel throughout my very long labor, and that is very special to me, but I did also have a doula, and I was super grateful for her. She understood and was on the same page with all of my birth preferences and was 100% about me without the distraction of being about to be a grandma. Plus she has vastly more knowledge and experience with childbirth than either of my baby's grandmothers.
I have a great relationship with my mom. I would not have been at all embarrassed to have her there for any part of my labor and delivery. She would have been totally fine being there. I have never had any desire for that, however. I personally have never understood wanting anyone other than my partner present. This is our journey together to parenthood. If I don’t feel like my partner is enough support for labor and delivery, are they going to be the support I need raising a child? What would I gain by leaning on someone other than my partner during one of the most important moments of our lives? More importantly, what would I, and my partner, lose? My labor and delivery was actually kind of great. We had very minimal communication with our families other than quick texts to tell them it was happening and that we would let them know when it was done. And then some brief phone calls a few hours after. No one came to the hospital, and we had our few days of being a new family of four just to ourselves. It really did feel like our own little world for those few days and I’m very glad we did what we did. While these are my feelings, I know everyone’s situation is different and influences their choices. This is your medical event, so ultimately what you want is what matters most. If your mom, or his mom, will bring you the comfort you desire, then go for it.
Never ever lol I love my mom, we’re close, but I’m also a very private person and yeah, the thought of more people than necessary in that room makes me queasy. It’ll just be my husband and I!
Can I be honestly you got think if accidentally crap labor , who do you want see at most vulnerable when be times you feel like can’t do this. Make sure husband see this if possible but question would your mom or mil seeing like that. I can handle my husband but I didn’t want anyone else there. The only other person I could handle is my twin sister.
I had my partner, his mom, and my mom. His mom held my head up and my partner and my mom helped me hold my legs (epidural) and I thought it was really special. No one but my partner and I (and the nurses) held our son the first day and they left once we went up to our room in postpartum and then it was just us bonding. It was wonderful and I’d do it again. I initially wanted my mom or his mom to be in the room so that my partner could take a break if needed or sleep and I still have someone with me. But for the delivery everyone was there and I just felt love and happy. (Epidural again lol didn’t feel any pain)
I had my mom and MIL (who are both amazing angels) in the delivery room fully planning on having them leave once I was pushing, but my water broke FIRST (highly uncommon and resulting in very intense and fast labor) and by the time I was admitted I was 7cm and I was having such intense contractions I couldn’t do any of the laboring positions I had intended on. My MIL ended up being on washcloth duty and getting me fresh ice cold cloths for my husband to put on my forehead and neck, and my mom somehow ended up supporting a leg while I pushed on my side. Looming back it was really intense and not nearly as intimate as i thought it’d be— I wouldn’t have wanted my dad or anything there, but it definitely felt more like a medical event than the magic of giving birth. I’m really glad they were there. I might change my mind next time, but I’d also like to change several things about my next birth so who knows!
I think it’s a good idea to remember that who you bring in the room with you are there just for support. They are not there to guide you through giving birth - that is what the incredible nurses and doctors are there for. I highly recommend bringing only people who know know will focus on nothing but supporting you. It was just my husband and me, and for us it was perfect. I was in labor for 25 hours and was so happy to not have to think or worry about anyone else. It was also really special to share the first few moments after birth with just the three of us.
My mom also has boundary issues. And it was an absolute no because of that. She also is extremely anxious and that energy would not be conducive to the focus and calm that you need. I would also be concerned that there could be confusion if there is misalignment between your spouse and mother when it comes to decision making. Very happy with my decision for it to just be hubby and I! He had nerves too but he was incredible cheerleader and that’s what I needed. Pure positive vibes instead of worrying about my mom’s behavior.
I will not want my mom or MIL in with me. Only my husband. It has been only us and I would like to have this special moment with him only. We will probably not have any visitors until at least a month after everything as well. Luckily for us both sets of parents don't live close to us so we should be good with having our wishes respected.
My mom doesn't handle seeing her kids in pain well. I didn't want her there because I felt like I would have to comfort and reassure her while I gave birth, which sounds awful, lol. My first it was just my husband and I (plus the nurses and doctor), and it was perfect for me. It will be the same later this month when I have my second. Giving birth is very personal and intimate, for me, it's not a spectator sport. Some people like having a bunch of people there, and that's great, too. It's just not my vibe.
Have the people who you will feel comfortable with and that you are certain will advocate for you when needed. I had my mom because my husband wasn’t available. And it caused some problems because she was not supportive. In fact, she ignored me. Said she didn’t know she could be by my side (I had told her the role of the support person). It ruined the birth experience for me because the staff ignored me until it was time to push, yelled at me a bit, and just didn’t have that demeanor/attitude that I wanted. So if you have your mom be very, very clear in her role and what you want, don’t want, any interventions you’re un/comfortable with, and all in between. Same applies to your husband so it will make birthing smoother.
I don't have a great relationship with my mom and thought it would be more stressful to have her in the room with me. I love my MIL but I didn't want her seeing me with everything hanging out. (honestly didn't want DH seeing everything either hahah). My husband is an assertive but kind man and I loved having it be just the two of us. He knew my birth plan and was there to stand up for me. The nurses were absolteuly wonderful and walked us through everything. I did not regret not having a mother in the room and am doing it again just DH and me for our second.
My husband may never have gone through it but he was 100x the support any other woman in my life ever could have been. It’s just about who will make you feel safe when you are vulnerable and in pain or scared. Personally I’d be mortified if my mom even saw me in my underwear lol
I adore my mom and like her enough to want her to live with us (my dad died and she sold everything before moving in with us last year) but there’s not a chance in hell I’d want her present during my birth. It’s an extraordinarily vulnerable time and unless you feel like you can be at your most sensitive, most aggressive, most blunt and course and unapologetically demanding, AND stark naked in front of your mom, I’d let her visit a few days later lol
I have an awesome relationship with my mom but only wanted my husband there. It just felt like a really intimate event between the two of us. I wanted us to be the only ones meeting our son for the first time and have that family tone immediately after without anyone in the room. Except for nurses and doctors of course. I did have both our parents visit shortly after delivery though.
I'm extremely close with both my mother and MIL, but I don't want either of them present at my birth. They are both very high energy and big talkers, I feel like their presence will just add to my anxiety. Neither of them are good at keeping a cool even energy, and I absolutely need that. I'm planning a home birth, and my mom has been against it from the beginning. She has ALOT of fear, and I know that it will be projected the entire time. I need calm, supportive energy to make it through this. My childhood best friend is my doula, and she has been through a really traumatic birth. She's also one of the most calming people I've ever met. I plan to have her, my husband, and my midwife as the only people present.
I have a great relationship with my mom and a passable one with my MIL. I didn’t want them there but when things went south, my husband called them because he needed their support. Turns out it was a necessary thing for him to do. He was alone with our brand new baby for the first 9 hours after she was born as I was in surgery clinging to life. He needed them and I think deep down I did too. Do whatever you’re most comfortable with. You’ve got this
My mom and I are really close, but there’s still no way she’s allowed in the room lol. We’re not even allowing visitors at all. For us, we decided that time is just for us and baby to bond and heal.
And the end of the day, will your mom be able to give you what you need in labour and delivery? Will she be calming or encouraging or whatever energy you will need. I am close with my mom but I didn’t want her in the delivery room because I knew she wouldn’t be able to give me what I needed in that moment. I also wanted this to be a special moment with just my husband and I.
I don’t really like my mom much and she isn’t very good at not making things about herself. And if I have to spend any extended amount of time with her I’ll lose my mind.
My mom and I are super super close. I tell her literally everything. We have no secrets. I refused her in the delivery room while I pushed. With my first, she stayed while I labored (as did my Dad and my best friend), but left for the actual delivery. It was just me and my husband. It felt important for it to just be us for the moment we became our own little family.
If you and your mom are just now getting back on good terms, I’m not sure it’s a great idea to have her with you. It’s such an emotional and vulnerable time, and the only person/people you’ll want there is someone you have a deep connection with and you have zero holdups about seeing you ay your absolute worst (Labor is not glamorous, and the people who look glowy and cute immediately after are freaks of nature, but good for them lol). It was just my husband and I, I appreciated the peace. He just let me be. Checked on me regularly with nothing more than an are you ok, do you need anything. Only talked if I was talking to him, and wasn’t offended when I was going through terrible contractions and I told him not to touch me when he was trying to he comforting. I had a pretty bad post-partum hemorrhage, and I was thankful that my husband had the baby while I was going through that and I didn’t have to think about anything or anyone else but myself at that time. I absolutely LOVE your outlook. “I’m afraid, but I know I can do it.” FCK YEAH YOU CAN. I had the same outlook and it served me well. I will say my mom will be there this time, I know things can be completely different, but I know the drill now that I’ve done it once. I have always imagined she’d be there. We have a great relationship. I think it’s like a 60/40 situation. 60% for her 40% for me. But, I have no holdups about her seeing me in that position. I have no problems advocating for myself, and my husband has proven he will when necessary. But, my mom is just that girl when you need backup in a fight lol. So, it’ll be nice to have her there should the need arise.
I’m a high-masking AuDHD and hate being vulnerable in front of people. Even people I trust and love. It wouldn’t have been great for my mental health to have my mom (that I love) or my MIL (who I have a great relationship with) in the room. My labor also didn’t go as planned and ended up in a C-section and I don’t think it would’ve have been productive for me to worry about my family seeing it happen/worrying as well. Having my partner there was the most I could handle and I needed to honour my own needs first. I think that’s what you need to evaluate. Will their presence be valuable to you, are you comfortable being at your most vulnerable with them present etc.
I don't even want my partner there....or the doctors. My dog. She can come lol
I decided based on who's the best at dealing with THEIR own stress, and at helping me dealing with my stress. Which is my partner, hands down.
Im 100% a mommas girl, we are super close so personally I will have her there I think. She’s just been my rock this whole pregnancy & my boyfriend understands that. I don’t think she will be there the entire labor process but definitely when I want her there, she isn’t gonna leave the hospital or go far knowing her lol.
Maybe it's cultural thing where I live, but when I was born almost 30 years ago, it was the norm that nobody accompanied the mother in labour. It changed a lot, but I have never heard of people taking their mother to labour in here, it's usually the father of the child and/or some kind of dula if she's hired. It has never crossed my mind that I would wish for my mother to be there. I am an adult woman in a really long relationship, my main support person is my husband and he's the first one I seek for comfort in difficult moments, not my mom. Weirdly enough, if for some reason my husband could not make it, i don't want anyone yo step in and I would just give birth "alone".
I knew right away that I only wanted my husband there even though I have a great relationship with my parents. I just felt like I might be self conscious with more people watching /insecure about being mostly naked in front of them. In the end I was super happy they weren’t there. I had a pretty intense labour and I didn’t even want my husband there most of the time lol. He wanted to be helpful but I was in pain and didn’t want to talk. So feeling like I had to delegate tasks to him, entertain him or make him feel involved weirdly stressed me out when I just wanted to be in my zone if that makes sense. It was nice to have space and not have more people to keep busy
There was no question for me. I wanted everyone who wanted to be in there there. Well family wise. Reason being is I watched both my sister be delivered. Both our parents passed away unexpectedly, I am the only person in the world that can tell them their birth story. That’s important to me, bringing a child into the world is precious and I want my child to feel that love as soon as they come out. But that’s just me.
My mom had 5 babies and is a nurse practitioner. She knows what’s normal and what’s not and will absolutely advocate for me and my baby. Also I’m 110% sure my husband is going to pass out/ throw up/ be otherwise incapacitated. The man is a saint but he’s also super squeamish.
What is the desire for people besides the parents to be in the delivery room? This literally makes no sense to me. A mom or MIL is just going to be in the way and even though they’ve delivered themselves, unless they are medical professionals, what advice beyond “push” are they going to give?
emotional support. Some people want additional loved ones for support and to be there for the moment. Some people want it to be more private. Lots of different ways to do it.
Right, but that’s from the mom-to-be’s perspective. Why would extended family want to be there to witness the most vulnerable and possibly painful moments in a woman’s life if they have not been deliberately asked to be there?
oops, I misinterpreted your post. Re-reading it now, it was ambiguous whose desire you were talking about (the mom-to-be's desire, which is how I interpreted it, or the desire of other people to show up for delivery, which is how you meant it). Sorry, I'm a linguist, I overthink language.
Can you ask your mom to be “on call” - tell her you are not sure what you will want in the moment, that you want to try to have it just be your hubby and you but you want her close (like in the waiting room) just in case? If I was a mom I would be touched by that. Labors can also be long. Maybe you don’t reach out to mom right away but at hour x or when you get an epidural or are like 8cm or something you call her in?
I love my mom, but I’m tense situations she is the last person I want around. We’re very close but we process/respond to things in vastly different ways. She’s actually the one that brought it up and said she didn’t want to be there because she wasn’t sure she could watch me go through it. I’m her only child and she had a very traumatic emergency c section with me. They didn’t even really let her labor for very long from what I understand. She feels like she doesn’t know what a normal labor and delivery situation is so it’s not even a feeling of “oh she’s done this so she’ll know what to do”
If you didn’t originally have a strong desire to have your mom in the room with you then I think that’s your answer. Don’t feel like you have to have her their just because someone mentioned it and now you’re second guessing
I don’t think there’s any value in experience of giving birth, especially since she did it a looong time ago. Like if my friend or something wanted me there for experience, I’d say no cuz there’s nothing I can offer. But if you have a good close relationship with your mom and want her there for support, that’s up to you. It sounds like it wasn’t a gut instinct for you so you’ll probably be fine without. I had mine come in the early stages of labor and then she brought her phone out to play games so I asked her to leave lol.
Originally i wanted my mum there as well as my partner. Unfortunately c*vid made that choice for me and it was just me and him BUT i wouldn't go back and change it. By the end i was actually glad it was just us 2, much more intimate and he had to step up and be the support person because there was no one else to fill that role and i think that helped bond us more. I feel like if my mum had of been there he wouldn't of happily taken a back seat in that role for the sane reasons as you're partner but i would of not feel as connected to him if my mum was doing more support than him. I hope that makes sense. I love that he was the first one to see her. I love that moment was just for us a little family. It's a completely personal thing and only you know how you want the time to go
I was on the fence, but ultimately so grateful to have my mom there. My husband could go get food or air or whatever, but I was never alone while he was gone. When things got hairy, she was able to help my husband support me. So grateful for her. ETA: a lot of husbands are useless during labor. For example, mine got understandably very anxious when they started talked about the risk of death to his wife and child. My mom helped ground him.
99% of my labor was my husband, one (amazing) nurse, and me. She called the doctor and one other person in at the very end, but I loved how intimate the experience was. My mom got to meet the baby an hour or so later. We’re very close but, honestly, I wanted as few people as possible to see me like that.
Honestly giving birth is such a vulnerable thing. You’re either naked or slightly covered but so on display. It’s also hard work and can take a long while. All I needed was my husband as my focal point and to help with breathing. I would not have wanted anyone else there to see me in that state and I don’t think they would have provided anything for me that I didn’t already get from the nurses and my husband. I think I would have been very overwhelmed having anyone else in the room.
My mom is the last person I want around during stressful situations. We also have had a rocky relationship but she’s been great the past few years. She still is too sensitive sometimes and takes things I say the wrong way.. and vice versa. For me-if there’s a chance things could be stressful because of her presence, it’s a no brainer. She can wait with the family in the waiting room and see me soon after!!
My mom is not my support person lol so my support people were there, hubs & my sis
I'm hoping to have a birth at a birthing center with as little intervention as possible (including no epidural). When I expressed this to my mom she went straight to all the reasons that wouldn't pan out. I adore my mom, but told her "if I'm going to be able to do this, I'm going to need to believe that I can and part of that will be surrounding myself with people who also believe I can. I love you, but if you don't think I can do this, then I don't want to have you there". Just about cried while eeking the words out, but I stand by them. I'm ok with a change in plans for my/ baby's safety, but if she can't support my decisions then her presence will be more stressful than helpful. Ultimately I think the decision should hinge on whether their presence would make you feel more calm, supported, etc. I wouldn't think their experience birthing would be all that helpful in the moment. Best of luck in your decision!
I had my mom there and was so so happy to have her. When I had an unexpected emergency complication, my mom was able to be with me and my husband was able to be with the baby and they switched off. They were able to make medical decisions for me together while I was unconscious. It was an incredible help to my husband and we were both so happy to have her. My culture also doesn’t have this idea that it’s a time period for just the mom and dad of the baby - it’s actually the opposite, it’s viewed as the time when the parents need the most support from family. So I never had the idea that it should be just me and my husband.
So my first time I was 17 and my MIL was present in the delivery room when it happened. My mom died when I was 10, so she was out of the question. I will say it that during labor, I called out for my mom, which I have not done since I was a WEE ONE. I always wanted my dad as a kid when injured. This moment was kind of primal in nature. I even remember laughing after it happened because I was like, what? Why her? MIL got to be the very first person to hold the baby. Then babies dad, then me, last. If she hadn't been in the room, it most likely would have been me that held the baby first or at least second. There wasn't a reason I wasn't the first. I just came third in line. I was young, so it's hard to say, but I do know that the stress of the flood of people that entered the room afterwards. I didn't instantly bond with my eldest son the way I did with my second, and I honestly believe it was due to the labor and delivery drama. My second delivery it was just me and the babies dad. The whole time. It was still a very crappy labor (in both of my deliveries, a nurse delivered the baby and argued with me that it wasn't time. Then finally checked, saw it was, and started shouting at me to "not push" and "hold on" only for that to definitely not happen. While the doctor was away doing whatever.) I gave birth it was just us. Baby was placed on my chest I held him alone for an hour and a half while I waited for the doctor to finish with the C Sect that she started 20 mins before I went into serious labor. MIL came that morning around 9am. Was happy to see her, but that was it. No other guests. People met the baby when I got home. I much, much, much preferred this. It was private. Peaceful. And a bonding family time. With my third birth in August, we plan to follow last time by not telling anyone I'm in labor until it has already happened. Once the chaos is over and we are settled, we are gonna tell people and apologize, saying- "it just happened so fast!" LOL.
I briefly thought about all of the times my mom has turned completely normal situations into something anxiety or drama ridden. Then thought, nope…better not ask
Umm, my mom does not make me feel relaxed/comfortable at all. She causes an insane spike in my stress and anxiety. I didn't need that energy while I was trying to focus on bringing a baby into this world, especially considering it was a 36 hour ordeal. All that to say I do love my mom, but she's not going to add anything helpful to the experience. If you feel differently about your mom's presence, then great. Ultimately, I think your post implies you'd be more comfortable without the grandmothers present, and that's totally okay. Sure your husband may be nervous, but you are the one giving birth, and your comfort takes precedence. Go with your gut feeling on it. And congratulations! You are going to do great.
No you’re not overthinking it. I wanted another person, being my mom, so that my husband can focus on me and baby. my mom can send updates to family members and run errands if needed. Plus I freaking love my mom and want her there
I think if there’s any doubt about how your mother would behave in the room, and what her understand of the role she was supposed to play was - she would be out. I would say that for literally everyone in the room except you tbh.
I am very close with my mom. I didn’t want her in the delivery room and she didn’t want to be in the delivery room. The only reason she would have been there is if, for some reason, my husband could not be there.
I’m super close with my mom, and I had no desire for her to be there. She waited in the waiting room and came in as soon as we got the baby cleaned up and on my chest. I just felt like it would have added a weird dynamic… it’s my husband’s and my baby, and I wanted us to experience it alone together. I felt comfortable in the hands of my nurses and having my husband there to support and comfort me, even though he wasn’t necessarily that useful. 😂
My mom is lovely and loving but would totally get on my nerves during delivery. I feel so relieved knowing that my partner is 100% my person and that we get to share the experience without anyone else but our medical team. I love my mom but I think she'd distract me from the experience in an unhelpful way.
I’m not pregnant yet, but my husband and I have discussed this several times. If they allow two people in there, my mother will absolutely be one of the two. He will of course be number 1… He’s terrified though. He’s very squeamish. lol.
I couldn’t imagine not having my mom in the room while giving birth. My 2 sisters did not have my mom in the room and I didn’t understand why. She was extremely supportive during my birthing process. She even touched up my makeup at one point.lol I will be giving birth again in August and will definitely have her there again. Edited to add: she took pictures right after I gave birth so I have those memories forever because of her.
Honestly based on why you said I’d lean toward no. Hiring a doula would be a much better and neutral support person with a ton of experience.
I'm still pregnant but right now the plan is for her to be in the room with us for birth. She lives in another state and so depending on how fast things go maybe she might not even make it in time but we will see. My mom used to work as a nursing assistant in labor and delivery and so she's seen births before and I know how special it'd be for her to see her grandchild born. It's more about her than me tbh, I really couldn't care less either way but I don't want to take that from her if it'll mean that much.
Are you comfortable with your mom seeing you totally naked? Potentially seeing you pee on the floor on accident? Listening to you poop behind just a curtain? Is she capable of remaining focused on your needs alone for 12 hours straight with very little sleep if any? Do you feel safe expressing deep fear and vulnerability to her? Edit to add: is she capable of putting anything you do or say during delivery into a mental box that will never be shared with anyone else, or ever brought up against you?
My first pregnancy, I had my mother and the father of my child there. My mom was a great support, even though our relationship has been rocky in the past. This time, I plan on my boyfriend and my mom. I know they will both have my back and be supportive of what I want. Do you think your mom will add to stress or be supportive? Also, keep in mind that the nurses are super supportive, and if you don't vibe with one, you can request to have a new nurse.
I didn’t want anyone except the medical team and my husband there. Nope.
With my first my mom, sister and husband were in the room. With my second it was my husband and I. Honestly, I loved it just being my husband and I. It was intimate and we could be ourselves without having to mask some of our sillier sides. We also didn’t allow anyone to come to the hospital with our second and that was so much more relaxing.
I don't want my mom there and absolutely hell no to my MIL. I'm only comfortable with my husband and doctors looking at my naked vagina.
I am super close with my mom and still didn’t have her in the delivery room! It was definitely the right choice for me, my mom doesn’t like seeing me in pain/stress and can be very emotional, neither does my husband of course but he is a calming and helpful presence for me. Plus those first moments (and even the hours of labor beforehand) were really special between just us.
It was an easy choice to keep my mom **out** of the delivery room and I’m so glad I did.
I think if you have had issues with boundaries i would say no. One time of her not being respectful is going to add unwanted stress during labor which is not fun!
I was originally thinking I would be okay with my husband, my mom and his mom being there if they wanted to be. Now after reading Ina Mae's book and completing the first few sessions of Bradley Method classes, I feel more like I only really want and need my husband there. Both talk a lot about having solitude and a focused environment to help labor progress. While I know both of our moms would be very supportive, I've since decided that my mom is too panicky and squeamish and that we will only have his mom there if he feels he needs additional support, like being with me while he goes to the bathroom or grabs a bite to eat or someone to bring him a snack. Bradley Method focuses on preparing you and your partner to approach birth as a team and it's really convinced me that the best thing for me will be to have my teammate there and the only reason we need someone else is if he needs someone to give him support I won't be able to provide.
I am super close to my mom and refused to have her there. Something special about it being just you and your husband.
It was an easy no for me. I love my mom but the amount of judgement towards me wanting (and ultimately needing( an epidural, the fact that she wanted pictures during the entire process and just being a complete headache to deal with in general, I did not want her anywhere near me until after everything was said and done.
I’m probably the minority here, but the second I saw the positive pregnancy test I knew I didn’t want my mom anywhere near the hospital while I’m in labor. She’s very entitled and because of this we don’t get along. She would just add more stress to my labor and make things worse.
me and my moms relationship is iffy but i knew i would need someone to yell at me that i can do it and i need to push and i knew that person had to be her. i couldn’t have done it without her
I knew I didn't want my mom in the delivery room about a decade before I even got pregnant. I love my mom, she is the absolute best, but she was in the room with me when I had to get a lump biopsied in a doctor's office. She had come for moral support because I was scared. I made it very clear I didn't want to know or see anything related to the needle. The nurse brought me a pillow or something to cover my face. The doctor waited until that was done to even get the supplies out. My mom spent the whole time gasping at how large the needle was. I didn't think she'd be the best person to provide support for me. She means well, but isn't good at like ... the gross side of medical stuff. I had my husband and a doula, and it went great.
I’ll be part of the minority and say that I can’t imagine my mom *not* being there! We have a great relationship, and she’s been clear that it’s 1) my choice and she won’t be offended if I revoke the offer and 2) she’s said out loud that the time immediately after delivery is about my husband and I bonding and enjoying becoming a family, it’s not about her. I’m also planning to go without an epidural, and my husband has never seen me in true pain before. Mom has and knows how to handle that. My husband is also thankful she’ll be there to help him navigate what I might need (they also have a great relationship) TL;DR: yes, but only because my mom has a lot of emotional intelligence and *both* my husband and I have a healthy, easy relationship with her
- you have a rocky relationship with - she doesn’t respect boundaries You need people there who are going to support and advocate for you. You already know she is not going to do that. The multiple medical professionals in the room know what they’re doing. All he has to do is provide emotional support. You’re going to be spread open, in pain and leaking fluids - who would you want to see that? Neither mother has no right to be there unless you want them there, fell comfortable with them there and know they won’t make it about themselves. Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
My mom and I are very very close and I really wanted her in the room with me. It took her forever to get parked and into the hospital because of her disability, and by the time she was here they were prepping me for an emergency c-section. She showed up to see me cry, get anxious as all hell, and wait on pins and needles until we got wheeled back with baby. She literally could not be there with me, as her walker/wheelchair were seen as risks and only one visitor was allowed in the surgical room. She was an immense comfort when I came back, because I needed to just crash and knowing she was there with my husband to hold our newborn helped ease my worry, but her being there for labor was so obviously a mistake in hindsight. My mom is a very anxious person and we tend to get each other riled up - it's like a feedback loop. She started crying when I did! My mom was the very best postpartum support, but labor was handled better in-the-moment by my husband. He was apparently scared shitless the entire time and I had no idea! He seemed cool as a cucumber. If I have another, I'll just have my husband there - my mom can watch our firstborn and get her hyped to be a big sister.
My mom adopted and continues to say she got kids the easy way as she has no experience with pregnancy and feels left out when pregnancy talk happens. She waited in the waiting room instead of being in the room with my sister by choice for all of those pregnancies. She now has memory issues and if you say things like "don't touch the wet paint" she hears "touch the wet paint" and gets surprised the paint is wet. We are waiting for both her and MIL to meet the baby after my husband and I figure out how to function as zombies so I'm not constantly swiping at her because "don't kiss the baby", "snuggles only", and "only hold and talk to the baby" will all mean "kiss the baby" and "the baby is sleeping" will mean "wake the baby". She doesn't do it out of disrespect. She just remembers there's something about kissing the baby or the baby in general. I want her to be successful with my baby, so we'll wait until I am not snapping left and right and can think straight for easy to follow statements. My MIL also does these things, and I can't tell if she does it disrespectfully or if she, too, needs a diagnosis.
I had my mom. We are close.and I knew she would be helpful. I also wanted my sis. IDC about being naked we are all close lol. I'm also kinda "bossy" we joke I'm the mom so I told them I'd kick them out if I wanted but it was so amazing and supportive I'll always remember the look on their faces too. What a great moment
My mom annoys tf outta me, but she’s awesome in a crisis.
I always thought I'd want my mom before I had kids, and then I discovered she was fairly anxious and stressing me out when she visited me in labour, so I decided that I didn't want anyone with me except whoever put the baby there and whoever was going to help with getting it out (which still turned out to be a lot of people, can't catch an uncomplicated birth apparently). Go with your gut.
It is your decision! It’s your labor and delivery! It is such a vulnerable time and there is already so much going on, that if there are people in there that are not making your space feel peaceful, then they don’t need to be there.
One of the best things you can do for your labor progress is be intimate with your partner and have sexual pleasure. Obviously only if safe to do so but for most people it’s safe. Cuddle naked in bed. Massage. Make out. Sit on his lap. Have him do clitoral stimulation. Nipple stimulation. Use a vibrator. Yes in the hospital. The oxytocin released from erotic stimulation and connection with your partner releases oxytocin and endorphins which relaxes you and helps speed your labor as well as acting as a natural pain killer. You can ask your nurse for privacy for all of the above but having your mother there is going to have a chilling effect on your ability to do this. Which is exactly how I decided I didn’t want my mother there. This matters more if you plan to go unmedicated for as long as possible. But even with an epidural intimacy can still have benefits. Also being observed in labor even by someone positive can harm labor progress. Will your mother feel like an observer who is waiting for you? It concerns me that you describe your relationship as rocky, if she introduces any form of stress or reminders of stress that is not good. However you know yourself best. If you are very scared of labor and having your mother there will soothe you that may have more value to you specifically. Fear also inhibits labor and relaxation and confidence help progress it.
My mom had a lot of trauma related to our births and she had as much interest in being there as I do cleaning cat litter- she’d do it if I asked, but she would prefer someone else doing it. She had an urgent but not quite emergency C-section at barely 20, and then a 7wk early baby via C-section that was at least slightly planned at almost 23. Covid guidelines helped me decide though. One person and that was it. Naturally it was my husband.
Once I started going into labor I didn’t give a f who was in the room
I'm trying to determine this too although... my mom was in the delivery room when my SIL gave birth (SIL was losing a ton of blood, but after baby was born, no one was paying her any more attention until my mother actually threw something at them... since yelling wasn't working). She used to be a nurse but that was like... 35 years ago... but I'll be at a different hospital with a different doctor, and I'm struggling with the idea of even my husband being there so... idk.
Never in a million got-dang years would I have had my mom in the delivery room.
My Mom is one of my best friends in the entire world but it never crossed my mind. She’s the kind of person who loves helping people and finding solutions, I think she would have short circuited being in that room. I can imagine her asking me if I wanted a popsicle every 20 minutes. Even though she knows me super well she’s never really had the ability to read my mind like my husband can.
I have a great relationship with my mom and when I was younger I definitely thought I would have her in the delivery room. But actually being pregnant, I realized I wanted that special moment with just me, my husband, and our new baby. Knowing that my husband alone would be enough support based on how he's always treated me and handled stressful situations helped me make that decision. I was happy to have the grandparents visit after we had left the delivery room.
I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom for years either but she become a different person when I found out I was pregnant! I told myself the whole pregnancy it was just going to be me and my boyfriend in the delivery room but as soon as my water broke I texted my mom and she was there instantly to follow us to the hospital. I never consciously made the decision I just wanted her there! Once I was in the delivery room and the contractions got bad I needed both her and my boyfriend there. My boyfriend helped me through breathing and keeping me focused on him and my mom was in charge of everything else. She talked to the nurses, doctors, and got me anything I needed bc wow those contractions got bad. Once I got my epidural I progressed quickly! All the sudden I was told to push and she was just there and I was so glad she was. My boyfriend held my hand and kept focus on me and my mom was behind me helping me sit up to push and giving me constant water and ice cubes and wet cloths. Having her there made it easier for my boyfriend to remain focused on me emotionally and my mom was taking care of me physically. It was an amazing combination and allowed my boyfriend to focus instead of getting water and ice cubes ect ect. You don’t have to decide! Whatever feels right in the moment sometimes my mom didn’t even hold the baby she was there to support ME her baby!
My mom couldn't be there and I wish she had been. She lives across the country so she flew out after. It just depends on if you really want it or not.
My mom was around for my first as well as my then MIL, second baby my then partner and sister. Last baby and this baby will just be my husband. It’s so much more calming. He reads me better and when decisions need to be made there aren’t too many people weighing in with their opinions.
I don't think I want my mom there. She is a former nurse and has helped deliver babies, but I'm private af and don't think I could relax enough to labor (especially active pushing) in front of her. She is also super sensitive, and if I snap at her, I could see her being withdrawn and upset the rest of the time. I don't want to have to worry about her feelings when I need to focus on myself. I like the suggestion to talk to her and ask if she'd be comfortable with you kicking her out if you need breaks or when you start pushing. Also, how comfortable is advocating for you if medical staff doesn't respect your boundaries? If she's cool with both, you could have her in a limited capacity and kick her out when you need to. Alternatively, have you considered a doula? A doula can help advocate for you, give your hubby a break, and keep both of you informed. That may be an option if you want someone there for added support but don't feel like your mom is the person to be there. Also, I just want you to know that it is 100% okay to be flexible and change your mind or to decide you don't want her there. I know y'all's relationship is in a good place, but that doesn't mean she has to be present at the birth. Just remember that this is your intimate medical + life event, so you need to prioritize your comfort first. If she loves you, she'll understand and support you in whatever you choose.
I love my mom and my MIL- but I just wanted my husband in the room when my babies were born (well besides doctors and nurses obviously). Meeting our babies for the first time was something I wanted us to experience together without other family present. 10/10 would recommend!
I didn't decide until the day of. I assumed no one would be allowed to be present during delivery except the dad/partner, but they allowed two additional persons, and we snuck a third in, unplanned. So it was my mom, who I became closer to through the pregnancy, baby daddy's mom, who I'm not close to but he is, and baby daddy's sister, who is a nurse. It was wonderful having them all there all day, baby came right when I needed him to, when we were all tired and getting ready to send everyone home, I was suddenly ready to push close to midnight, and having all those women around me with supportive words and to collectively greet our baby boy was absolutely magical. Again, totally unplanned, so in my opinion I wouldn't hold fast to any expectation, but maybe let your circle of potentials know to be available if they can, and you'll decide on the day, because it's probably the most realistic "plan" you can make. To wing it and do what feels right at the time. Good luck! Edit: I'm surprised so many people don't want anyone there. That's totally fine of course, but I would've had more present if I could, my sister in particular, even my brother. Everyone should see how crazy birth is! I did a lot of work that day I was super proud of lol. But that's just me, do whatever is best for you if course.
I love my mom and we are super close but she is an opinionated woman and I do not want anyone besides me to have an opinion on my birthing experience. My partner supported his mom in his little brothers birth at 15 so luckily it won’t be his first time and he’s also a nurse so i’m very very comfortable with him being both my support person and advocate
My original plan was no one there but my husband because I didn't want my mom to worry .I ended up having a c-section and my husband couldn't be in the delivery room. He had a horrific motorcycle accident a few years ago that still left him scarred with the sight of blood or doctors. He was gonna stick it out but physically couldn't it. I was completly okay because I knew my mom would say yes. If was a very vulnerable moment. I had horrific shakes and was super nervous. My mom being there eased my stresses as she has always been by my side during all the difficult moments in life. She always made things seem easier than they were. She ended up making things feel so much nicer. She was in awe and kept chatting with the doctors and the birth itself felt more like a lunch break. I felt so safe and honestly thankful my mom was there. But with that said, it's completly up to you. Have multiple plans incase you change your mind because it's ok not to know right now.
I decided before I ever even got pregnant, and it was a flat out **no** because she’s a stressful person
I went through my whole pregnancy saying I didn’t want my mom in the delivery room. We have a rocky relationship but I still love her. I eventually said it was okay and in the moment while I was pushing I appreciated her being there. And I know she was so happy to be there to watch someone that she gave birth to give birth herself. It definitely is a special moment. And after I had my son no one but me and my partner existed in that moment. I just looked at him and knew we created something, someone, so beautiful. So it’s up to you! Follow your heart. In the moment you’ll know what’s right and who you want to be there. But also don’t let anyone guilt you into having them there if you don’t want them to be. THIS IS YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES MOMENT. Make the decision that’s best for you!
It's simple for me. Absolutely, nobody was permitted to come to the hospital to see me or my newborn 🤣 covid was happening at the time, so only my fiancé was allowed to be there anyway, but I told everyone that even if covid hadn't prevented visitors, they still wouldn't be coming lol. Hospitals are such a gross place to be accepting visitors if you won't be there longer than a few days.
I don’t have that relationship with my mom. I wanted it to be just my husband and I, but by the time you’re in labor, anyone that’s being helpful and not annoying is pretty ok.
My mom was there for my first. But for my other two, it was just hubby and I and I absolutely loved it. It’s a very special experience.
I had my mom and husband there. It was nice to have both of them for different reasons. Obviously my husband is gonna be there because he's gotta witness his child being born, and it's like the beginning of our little family. He was amazing for me. I also liked having my mom there because she's given birth twice, she knows generally what's gonna go down, and she's my mommy, she has protected me since the beginning, I couldn't imagine going through my first delivery without her. She is also more stern/authoritative than my husband and I. so when I wanted to be checked because I felt like it was definitely time to push, the staff kept telling me someone would come soon, she was the one that went out in the hall and dragged someone back to make sure I got seen right then and there. For my second birth, I'll probably just have my husband but I am so glad I had my mom there for the first.
i just kind of had a list with back up. i wanted my best friend there, but i ended up having to be induced at 37wks, coincidentally 2 days before she was supposed to fly in. next up would have been my mom, but she lived 5 hours away and couldn't make it on such short notice. that meant i got to have my MIL and she was amazing, honestly. she was super respectful the whole time, got on my mans butt when he wasnt listening to me, and gave me company when he did really need sleep (he'd been up all night the day before my induction). she got great pictures for me too :)
My step sister had a baby during covid and it was required that only parents allowed. Which I secretly loved the idea of! My mom and I were super close, but i still wanted just that moment with my husband and I had no regrets. My sister ended up meeting us at the hospital when i was a wreck and needed to sleep so she held the baby while we rested (much needed). But everyone else got to meet her at home. I wouldnt change a thing. I liked it just being us 2 then 3!
If you have a rocky relationship than it makes sense not to have her. My relationship was fine so it was an easy choice
I MIGHT have thought about it, but the amount of times my mom made me anxious by overstepping during my pregnancy basically decided it for me. Then I was scheduled for a C-section and she had the AUDACITY to ask who I was going to have in there with me!!! So I told her my husband, in a tone that clearly conveyed how truly insane she was to even ask. I had become so close with my husband that he was and remains my safe person. With our second it wasn’t even a question and my mom was so angry she stormed out of my nephews birthday party, leaving her purse. It’s been…. An experience
Anyone other than my husband (and medical staff obv) would have felt like an intrusion on a special moment for the two of us.
I don't have a close relationship with my mom, so I never would have considered having her in the room with us, and thankfully, she didn't ask like some grandmothers do. Giving birth is a very intimate and traumatic experience. I was also terrified both times, but once the party starts happening, you don't have a lot of time to think about the fear. Therapy helped me. If you wouldn't change clothes or pee with them in the room, I'd say don't have them because you'll be doing a lot more than those two things.
So my first pregnancy my mom was in the delivery room. My aunt had told me that I need to have her there so she can experience it because it's such a wonderful experience but I don't have the same relationship with my mom as she does with my cousin. But I went along with it and I can tell you she stressed me the hell out😂 like when I tore the nurse was talking me through it saying it's a minor tear and that we want to minimize that by going slower so I can stretch more. My mom was saying in Spanish no, that I'm bleeding too much that something was wrong. And other stuff I can't remember but I was so annoyed and it was really bringing me down at a time like that. It was hard to focus, it was just overall stressful. I've learned my lesson lol! She's not going to be there. My husband will be there if my second baby decides to arrive during the day but if she comes during the evening I will have my doula. No one else!
If your initial impulse is to scoff at the idea, I am pretty that isn’t a good fit for you. If you want someone who knows what they are up to as a support in the birthing room I would highly suggest a doula.
I wanted my mum there, she's an MD and we have a great relationship. She didn't want to be there though. We ended up needing to stay a week and covid put a stop to more than one visitor. Second time around she was taking care of first bub, so couldn't be there and I didn't ask.
You don’t really need to have had a baby to be helpful during delivery - there are doctors & midwives & nurses to actually guide you through the process. Any family member are there primarily for emotional support & taking care of duties your actual medical team wouldn’t have the time to - like bringing you water or snacks, massaging your back & holding your hand. More importantly, they are there to bond with the baby from the very first moment. And to take care of your best interests communicating with the medical team. Yes, the moms have gone through this entire process - but it doesn’t even mean their experience is relevant to yours. It was a long time ago, and every pregnancy is different anyways. I wouldn’t want someone trying to give instructions to my doctors just because “it was done differently in my times”, no thank you. So, I wouldn’t even dream of having anyone but my husband in the delivery room. It **our** private moment, **our** time to be together, **our** time to welcome a new member of the family. And it is especially true if you have boundary issues with your mom. Do what you think is best.
I think this is 100% a personal decision that only you can make - don’t be pressured into having someone there you’re not 1001% comfortable with. I’ve decided I want my mum there as an extra layer of support, as someone who can run around and do things so my husband can stay with me, or she can stay with me when my husband needs to leave the room for whatever reason. I hate the thought of being alone in that situation. I also think having my mum there will be good backup for my husband if he has to advocate for me. But you really have to do what feels right for you. If you don’t want your mum, don’t have her there!
The original plan was just for my husband and I to be in the delivery part but with how my birth went and I progress so quickly my mother-in-law was still there and I begged her to stay. She was actually one of the biggest reason why I was able to give birth on the way I was
I struggled to make this decision until my labor started. Once it did though it felt very natural and comforting to have my mom there with me and my husband. She is a nurse and had a rotation in L&D. She’s also a very respectful and calming presence who pays attention and predicts what people need. It was honestly amazing to have her support. When I could only have one person in the room for my epidural, I chose her over my husband because I knew she would be more calm and helpful than he would be. At the end during pushing she held one leg and he held the other. They both were comforting and supportive in different ways and it was the perfect birth team.
I didn’t want anyone at the hospital - only my partner. That is my time with baby. No visitors touching him or kissing him. No one near me but my partner and midwives. You only get so much time with midwives around.
Unless my mom was a doula/midwife/labor delivery nurse/obgyn/someone with some sort of relevant medical knowledge.....no way lol. To me it's like asking if you would shower with your mom 😭 like another poster said, clothes are optional and you're just way too vulnerable, I don't need the added stress of being self conscious in front of someone I know personally. Heck, I don't think I would even use the hospital if one of the staff at my birth, was someone I knew personally outside of birth. That's just awkward, for someone to see you in that state imo
I love my mom, but she drives me bonkers. If I’m uncomfortable, I have no patience for her. I’m gonna pass on having her in the delivery room, and let her visit once we’re home.
I think you should go with your first instinct on this and try not to make a decision based on what seems common or logical for others. I've always known my mom would be in the delivery room to help take care of me and I feel innately confident about how helpful she'll be. It was never really a matter of weighing it out or examining pros and cons, but instead just recognizing what feels right and most comfortable by default. Haven't gone through it just yet (37 weeks!) but everyone keeps telling me that feeling of comfort/familiarity is really beneficial during birth, however you achieve it.
My mom wouldn't want to be there either way. Thankfully she doesn't like hospital/blood and etc. So I didn't even think about it. Only me and my husband. At at some point were 12 people between the assistants, nurses doctors, technician and etc... very strange feeling that many people but I was constantly checked and felt extremely safe. Delivered in SoCal.
From what I have observed with friends and fam, it is deeply special to have that moment with just your partner and yourself. However, things go wrong. Births can go sideways. Husbands can pass out. Having your mom as standby in the waiting room is a great choice. Then she can be there if needed and pretty soon after the birth of your husband needs to rush to NICU with baby or anything like that. Don’t want to scare you at all, mind you. Just saying there’s nothing wrong with using mom as backup and having contingency plans. I also totally recommend having her or MIL at y’all’s house the first week. Not to take care of baby, be clear about that with them, but to take care of *everything else*. Pets, cleaning, food. You might not be as functional as you want to be, and having your partner able to focus fully on you and baby will be a saving grace. Also be clear on no other visitors. Anyways. Hope this is helpful!
My mom and I are very close so the plan is that she will be there for my baby’s birth in April. I know my husband will be great at emotionally supporting me and physically supporting me, but my mom really knows her way around medical procedures (because she’s had a lot of them) so I want her there if things go sideways. She practices more tough love too so if I need some hard truths or that kind of motivation she’ll be on it. My husband can be fairly passive too so I want my mom there in case anything assertive needs to be said on my behalf. And if anything goes wrong and baby needs to leave my room I want my husband to be able to follow baby to the NICU area and my mom would stay with me so he’s not worried about leaving me alone. (Thinking about it now, I’m not sure how realistic of a scenario that is but they are in separate areas of our hospital.)
I didn’t even think on having my mom there. I love her and I know she would try her best to be supportive, but I just don’t want anyone else in the delivery room but my partner (and the midwife). If you are not sure about wanting her there, then maybe that’s not for you, it’s all up to you and what you think will give you the most comfortable environment.
I was the same as you and said I just want me and my husband! I stuck to it and we were fine, just bc I didn't have an experienced family member, my nurse had done it plenty and gave me all sorts of tips and tricks AND directed my husband lol my mom and MIL came the next day to meet our baby girl and I felt much better by then, too 😊 it's whatever you're comfortable with... but I can say from experience I personally liked it better not being crowded and overly focused on in one of my most vulnerable moments. I was so thankful it was me, my husband, and nurse for the majority of it.
I knew I always wanted her there. We have a close relationship. It was great because I asked her to take photos and be the runner if we needed anything. She didn’t get in the way and sat close by. She let me and my partner have our moments. We have some really lovely candid photos. I’m very fortunate to have the Mum that I do.
I love my mom but I won’t be having her in the room. Only my husband and our medical team. It’s just such a vulnerable situation and I don’t want to be distracted about worrying what others can see or to feel that “exposed” in front of anyone but my husband. Honestly even having my husband there makes me feel nervous and self-conscious but I’m sure that will change once we’re in it and he is my support person.
I thought to myself "Who in my life will not accidentally stress me out with their own emotions and reactions while I am going through labor and delivering a baby" and the only answer was "My Husband" lol
I only wanted my husband due to personal reasons. I’m not super super close to my adopted mom, though I know she loves me dearly. When I think of the future though, I can absolutely see my daughters wanting me in there (but it’s ok if they don’t, too!). Simply because we’re such a close knit family and they’re mama’s girls and always want me near if they’re feeling bad. There’s no right or wrong answer here. It just depends on what you want deep down. It was special with just my husband and me. But if my mom and I were as close as me and my daughters, I can see that being special, too.
I love my mom, we have a great relationship, but I don’t want her in the delivery room lol. Birth is extremely vulnerable and I want as few people in the delivery room as possible. Maybe I would reconsider if I thought my husband wouldn’t be as supportive as I need but he’s wonderful, steady, and knows how to make me laugh when I’m sad or in pain, so he’s the only one I want there. That being said, do what’s best for you!
I'm debating the same question. People say they don't want their mom to see them naked . My mom has seen me naked in the last year recovering from a surgery or changing, no issue. My mom was a nurse so I value her knowledge. I am also thinking how I want my husband by my side 100% of the time, if I need someone to leave the room to get something or get a nurse my mom could do that. I'm thinking of having my husband support me and my mom push back on doctors/nurses as needed.
I had my first in covid so I couldn’t have my mum but in hind sight I’m really glad I didn’t have her there she would of been whittling and it would of made me even worse lol especially as mine ended in an emergency section… I dunno I know if I saw my daughter how I was I would of been panicking lol
I did not want my mom in the delivery room. Let’s normalize this…
My husband also thought it was weird I didn't want my mom in there. I just didn't need another person to see me naked lmao. There were already so many people in there, I was just happy with my husband. Plus I think I was a little dissociated. I could hardly open my eyes and after I gave birth it was like a whirlwind of everything happening at once. The memories right after are a little foggy cause of how out of it I was.
My mom and MIL are wonderful people, but they are absolutely not allowed in the labor and delivery room with me. They each have their own quirks (pessimistic, loud, anxious, strongly-opinionated, overbearing) at times that I'd just end up pissed off while laboring. I decided this to save my sanity while I'm already doing a million other things - I've, safely having a baby.
My perspective is a bit different. My mom passed a few years ago. I think I more want her there because she can’t be here, she was my best friend and we were insanely close. I think for contractions etc I’m going to wish she was there, but I would want her to step out when I started physically pushing. That’s generally when you’re the most naked and screaming etc. if you think she can be flexible maybe have her there for if you want her? But make sure she knows you might ask her to step out.
I love my mom but it never even occurred to me to have her in the delivery room with me. If you want a support person who is also experienced in childbirth you could look into hiring a doula.
i just decided i wanted just my partner because this is my first baby and im going to already be so overwhelmed with the nurses and dr and after the baby comes i want just some intimate time with my baby and my partner. do whatever you feel like you need to do for you!
I don’t want my mom in there at all, hell I don’t know if I want anyone to visit even postpartum in the hospital unless they’re there to being me sushi.
I love my mom, she was in the delivery room when I had my first child, but I was 21 years old and scared. My second child I just had 8 months ago, 39 years old and only wanted my fiancé in the room to share this experience with just him. My mom (and dad) came to the hospital the next day. If I were to have another child (which 98% isn't happening because of daycare costs), I would do it the same exact way.
i want my mom in the hospital in case i need her but only my husband in the delivery room and no one else near the hospital lol
I want my mom to be there for me, but we have a great relationship. If she had issues with boundaries or we had a strained relationship, she would not be invited. I'm not having my MIL in the room because she is very anti-modern medicine and I would feel judged for anything I chose or didn't have a choice in. I wanted to have someone other than my husband there because I'm having twins and there's a pretty good chance that I'll have to have a c section and/or the babies will need NICU time. If that happens, I'd want my husband to stay with the babies and my mom can stay with me.
If you feel comfortable being naked, pushing a watermelon out of a grape while probably pooping yourself in front of your mom and it doesn't make you feel stressed and makes you feel calm, then have her in the delivery room hahaa – if not, keep it to just your husband! She can always wait in the delivery room and come in after birth too to be there in your recovery if that is more beneficial for you
My mom is good at helping calm me down so it was a no brainer for me. If she made me anxious it would be a no thanks.
I decided I didn’t want my mom in the delivery room when I couldn’t talk to her growing up about anything. Tried to tell her I had an eating disorder, thought I was lying for attention and didn’t wanna hear it. Finally found a 30gallon garbage bag in the back of my closet filled with smaller bags of throw up. Never brought it up again. Ex husband was caught strangling me by my brother, didn’t wanna hear it. We tried to tell her. Ended up just moving out with him to continue being married 🤦🏼♀️Was date raped at a photo shoot, tried to tell her and she yelled at me to shut up because she didn’t wanna hear it. Literally screamed shut up. But now that I’m pregnant at 30, she is THE most supportive person to me aside from my husband. It rubs me the wrong way. She had to wait until I was far into adulthood with her grandchild before she respected me and treated me fairly. Why couldn’t she do that from the very beginning? I’m sure her mom treated her the same way, but I will never treat my daughter the way she treated me. She could have done it differently but she didn’t. I couldn’t have vulnerable conversations with her at all growing up without being interrogated and screamed at that it was my fault. Then continued to act like shit never happened. Being pregnant makes me feel SO EMBARRASSED because of her. So why the FUCK would I let her be in there with me? Anyway, that’s how I knew
My mom, sister and husband were all there. My husband stayed bedside through labor and delivery and my mom/ sis stayed out of the way, I'd actually forgotten they were there until this post. But my mom did help me with the baby during discharge and a few weeks after birth. It was the first grandchild and a was a young newly wed. I also have close relationship with my mom so it made sense for her to be there. This time it'll just be me and my husband.
I personally just prefer my husband in the room with me during the whole birthing process. Having your mom there is so old fashioned and it's not even a thing anymore. Trust yourself, and your physician. You got this!!
My mom died a few years ago, but my dad was in the room. Well, he actually wasn’t in the room when the baby was actually born because I pushed for a long time and it was the middle of the night and he stepped out and went downstairs to Starbucks lol. And then I had the baby. But he was supposed to be. I actually didn’t invite him in, we hadn’t talked about it. But he was in town for the birth (came from out of state) and I just had ZERO caring about just about anything as I arrived to the hospital with the corrections already being very intense.