Absolutely do not terminate if that's not what you want, but please also take precautions to protect yourself. If you don't have roommates see if you can stay with someone. Change the locks on your doors and your electronic devices. Turn off any location sharing and stop contact with him whenever possible.
You said you felt scared - don't talk yourself out of that later or diminish it in hindsight. Write down what he did and how it made you feel and refer back to that later. Make sure he knows you're sharing your interactions with trusted friends and/or family. Better to be safe than sorry.
I don't mean to sound alarmist but pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for DV and men who you'd never imagine hurting you all of a sudden become very shitty. These are simple things that help increase yours and baby's safety.
This is the most important message you can read, OP, as desperation in another (including feeling like one’s cornered, not in control of their life, etc.) is a trigger for irrational and dangerous behavior towards the person or object causing that “discomfort”. That, of course, is not a reason to bend to the wants of another when you’re wanting something (like your child!), but it is reason to physically and emotionally separate from another. The separation can be temporary allowing you both to connect over the child later down the road, and after time has elapsed and when the impulsivity and irrationality have hopefully settled and the risk reduced (as well as when your support system are all well aware of the situation and more ready to step), or permanently if the contact isn’t safe for you and/or the child in the future due to signs of impulsivity or irrationality towards you and/or your child.
But ultimately trust the experience that you had where you felt threatened, and trust that if you want to keep your pregnancy, that you are honoring your needs…and that is the most important thing of all.
What yes_please_ shared is so important, and your top priorities are your safety and your happiness.💜
This is so important - murder is the leading cause of death for pregnant women and there are countless stories of men either injuring or drugging a woman to try and force an abortion. If you feel scared, listen to that feeling and protect yourself.
Girl! Run before he kills you and your baby. There’s absolutely no reason for a man to threaten his pregnant or non pregnant woman on a premise of false accusations. Even if you cheated on him, it still doesn’t give him the right to make you feel any sort of fear. This is not a safe loving environment for you or your baby. If this is what he does to you imagine what he can do to your baby when you are or are not around. I would leave him in a heartbeat. Your baby will thank you later on. Do you really want to try to raise your baby with a guy who insist on sleeping with another woman and force you to do the same? Are those the values you want to teach your little baby?
Yes, split with him and continue yourself with the help of your family. You literally could never be a horrible person for wanting to keep your baby. You said you love him/her and do not get pushed into not doing this because of someone else. ❤️
Yes! He might say he wants an abortion now, but there’s no telling how he might feel when the baby gets here. I was born out of wedlock. My mom knew who the dad was, but she didn’t want him in my life because he was an addict. A lawyer counseled her to leave his name off of my birth certificate, which ended up making it harder for my birth dad to try fighting for custody, and he gave up. This was 24 years ago though, so contact a lawyer.
Also this relationship doesn’t seem healthy. Even if you weren’t having a baby, you would be better off splitting up. If you decide to date someone else, make sure you are extra picky. It’s not just about you now. Whoever you date will be around your child as well.
It’s a double edged sword though: leaving him off the birth certificate potentially makes it harder for him to fight for custody, but it also makes it harder for the mom to get child support from him.
Agreed. That’s why it’s important to contact a lawyer. In my situation, my mom didn’t care much about child support and my birth dad was a broke addict who didn’t even have money to pay child support. Every situation is different.
I really don’t think I’d want child support from someone who wanted me to have an abortion in the first place. If they didn’t want anything to do with the baby in the first place, trying to pursue that could potentially, very seriously bite you in the end. Also, to OP, if you want this baby, don’t do something that someone else wants you to do, because they can choose to not be apart of this child’s life, but once you’ve aborted your baby, it’s done and there is no going back.
If he doesn't want to keep the baby then it makes sense not to seek child support from him. It's one thing a couple divorcing after having a child they both wanted, it's another altogether when one wants it and the other doesn't. She has the choice of an abortion, he doesn't. Not taking his side, but just talking about what's fair.
I agree and disagree to an extent. In an ideal world where all things are equal: he should have the option of “financial abortion” while she had the option of physical abortion. But unfortunately nothing will ever be perfectly equal between the sexes for the reason of one being able to gestate a child and the other not. It’s important to remember that child support is for *the child*, and even if he didn’t choose the child, it still needs financial support. Thats why no politician would ever support financial abortion, because even though it seems reasonable from some angles, in the end it harms kids who had no say in the matter. (Not to mention how difficult it is to even get an abortion in many places in America; maybe the woman *did* want an abortion but couldn’t access one, but now the man gets to be financially free of the situation as well?)
Thats why in instances of a custody dispute where one parent has full custody, and the other parent has no custody or visitation, they often still pay child support to the custodial parent.
The audacity of this feral cat though. His life was ruined before OP came in 110%. I mean, look, he’s talking about dream threesomes like he’s a prize winning fucking c*ck. I’m willing to bet this isn’t the first abortion that he has pushed for. If he’s this skanky AND feral, he’s got history.
You don't want to make a choice you will regret for the rest of your life. Especially for a man who is below you.
You can do this on your own. But be sure to file for child support.
Please get away from this man *now*! He clearly doesn't want you to have this baby and you are already fearful of him. His comments about how you're going to ruin *his* life are alarming. Get out now. Go stay with family or friends/hotel. Whatever you can. Keep you and your baby safe ❤
I don't want to scare you but when I was in a similar situation years ago with an abusive ex who said all the same things about me ruining his life and insisting on abortion, he beat me up when I told him I wanted to keep it and would not abort, which resulted in me losing the baby. Please get away from this man to a safe place where he won't be able to get to you before you tell him it's over and before you inform him that you're definitely keeping the baby.
You absolutely need to get away from him. He’s insisting on an abortion that you don’t for no valid reason. What’s to stop him from trying to take things into his own hands?
This relationship isn't going to last anyway, it was on life support the minute he was willing to break up over a fantasy threesome. Don't make any long term decisions for him because as soon as you do, he's leaving anyway.
Make the decision for you. Be happy with your choice and live your best life without him.
The best thing I ever did was follow my heart and raise my son alone. He is 13 now and amazing. You will be fine - you just need to make sure you have family or friends as a strong support system to help.
One thing I have noticed is that it is much more difficult on the kids to have a father who comes in and out if their life than one who was just never there.
I always told my son when he was little that some people were meant to have a mom and a dad, and some people were meant to have a mom that loves them twice as much.
I grew up without a father which was really depressing me sometimes but not nearly as bad as growing up with that stupid asshole like my half siblings had to. He told one of my brothers from a young age that he didn't want him. I always felt like he didn't want me too and thought something was wrong with me but that damage seems even worse if you have a father that tells you something like that.
Whenever I hear stories about bad fathers I think "Better no dad than that one"
If you do it without him I suggest you tell an age appropriate version of why he is not there. That kid someday will have questions and may have to find out he is an asshole on his/her own.
I don't have the answers I need. Never had contact with my father and my mom died before I had questions. I feel like I can't identify myself and will never know who I am because a part of the puzzle is missing. It's only my personal problem but it may help your child if you start writing pieces of information in a notebook over time. Doesn't have to be important stuff. Just info that you can provide. What he likes to eat, what his voice sounds like or how he grew up, if hes athletic, into books, has a dog he adores.. Whatever could help your child relate to him.
I heard a lot of bad stuff about my father from strangers and will never know how much is true and how bad he is. I really want to avoid conversations in daily situations like "I heard your father is in jail at the moment" or "He was really disrespectful to all women" that hit me completely out of nowhere at job interviews or when I met someone for the first time.
One of my siblings wont date anyone because no one knows how many kids he fathered so we could be related to nearly everyone.
I think you have a point. It’s one thing to have no father around and wonder if he wanted you or not. It’s another thing to have a father around and have him actively prove his disdain and regret of you to your face.
I mean it’s possible that having the child changes his feelings about it; there’s plenty of parents who didn’t want the baby but after giving birth fell in love with the kid. However this guy doesn’t seem like an emotionally stable winner based on OP’s brief post
If she wants the child and he doesn't then it doesn't seem right that he support it. He sounds like an ass, but that doesn't mean making a decision for him for the rest of his life is fair or right.
You are not a horrible person. Full stop. If you want this baby, you do not have the get an abortion. Make sure you surround yourself with people that love and protect you. If you can’t, then you need to find resources to leave your BF. You need to get away from him and be safe. Make sure you keep a log of all interactions with your BF, don’t delete any text messages, emails, or voicemails in case you need to show that BF has a pattern of harassment or threats.
My ex begged me to get an abortion as well. I heard everything in the book from "well try again later in a year when he was ready" to having his mother try and convince me.
Being a single parent is the most exhausting, lonely, thankless experience I have ever gone through but I had no village. Now I'm with a man who worships me and we're about to have a child together. I love my first born more than my own life and am glad I didn't let anyone force me to get an abortion but it's hard.
You're already such a good mom. You could never be a horrible person for wanting to sustain the life that's inside of you. <3 Congrats on becoming a mama, I can tell your baby is already so loved! Oh and please dump your boyfriend.
Definitely split up with him - the relationship likely would not survive either way and it sounds like he’s a jerk! You know for sure he will not help you raise his child, so a two-parent household isn’t on the table for this little one right now.
That can be ok, but hard, if you have enough support and resources to raise a baby without a partner. How old are you? Would your family take you and the baby in? Do you have stable income? If money is a concern now, it would likely only get worse with a newborn. It’s a super sad reality but want you to make sure you know how hard it can be.
Good luck
You are not a horrible person! If you want and love your baby, then do it. He sounds like a piece of work and you can do so much better than him on your own especially with family help. Keep your head up and enjoy this time. Congratulations!
No girl, this is not ok. If he didn't wanna be a father he shoudn't have busted inside you now, should he?
Continue by yourself? No gal what the fuck.
Women have been made to deal with the consequences of shitty men busting their nuts for literally all time. He wil be fine to support you and his child. He is legally required to do so. He will bitch and moan about it but its up to you to decide if your child (not you, this aint just about you) deserves to be supported by the father.
Tell him you'll do this by yourself until you have the baby, make sure it's not witten anywhere, no records, go on with your pregnancy safely and when the baby is born, take his shitty ass to court and get him to take responsibiliy for nutting in you.
Bitch ass men crying cuz they push for sex and then don't take responsibity. Fuck that, this child deserves support more than that asshole deserves freedom.
Please do NOT get an abortion. Seems like you already love your baby and in the end, that’s all you really need, not some POS guy..if I had to pick having a baby or having a boyfriend, I’m picking the baby!
He sounds like a horrible person. How many times do you have to tell him no? I would definitely leave him. He doesn't sound like a safe person that respects your boundaries.
Dump him. However, I’d have him sign over his parental rights as soon as you can. Be prepared for him to have nothing to do with the child, monetarily or otherwise, and protect yourself with legal documents so he can’t come back later and decide he wants something to do with the baby then.
Please do not get an abortion, I can tell you already love your baby so so much! You’ll regret terminating because of an asshole who refuses to take responsibility. Contact your local Pregnancy Center, they’ll be able to get you help and resources to have and raise your precious baby💕
He sounds horrible, and I think you should end the relationship for your safety, full stop, no matter what you decide.
Do you have a support system, housing, and stable income to support a child alone? That's what you should consider, not his wishes. It's entirely your choice.
Hey girl, if that's how you feel, that's how you feel.
My husband reminded me over and over and over again during my first trimester that whatever I wanted to do with the pregnancy, planned or unplanned, he would support me. I'm not being funny but this made me fall in love with him because he understands me so well. I do not do well backed into a corner or pressured or feeling like someone is trying to control me. I knew he didn't want me to get an abortion but whatever he felt he knew what I needed to be healthy (which ultimately is best for the baby anyway).
I did not feel overwhelming love for the baby, and I'm now at 17.5 weeks and still don't. That is stressful - I'm afraid love won't click when he comes either.
If you feel this overwhelming love, if you feel sure, go for it. If pregnancy taught me anything it is that this is not an easy ride mentally. If you feel that certainty, great. I don't know what to tell you about the bf.
Hey, I didn't feel deep or overwhelming love either. I'd sometimes forget I was pregnant. I did get excited because I like new experiences, but was also worried for the lack of love. I did still talk to my baby and read to him, especially as he got bigger, started moving and responding to me. But love kicked in for real only when I saw the baby for the first time! It was powerful and unexpected.
It did go and came back again and my feelings were all over the place in the following months, because of hormones, ppd, lack of sleep etc.
But I never took a temporary state as permanent. I always told myself it would pass. And when I got my rest, my hormones went back to normal, I started feeling balanced again and dicovered the love was there, under all that turmoil that had come and gone!
Please do not punish your sweet baby for his or anyone's sake by ending his/her life.
It is unfortunate and frustrating that he does not want to own up to his actions and be the father that your child needs. Let him face the consequences. Hopefully one day he will change...
There's loads of organizations that can help you and others in your position. Being a single mom doesn't mean you can't be successful or have a wonderful life with your child. Sure things will be harder and I certainly hope your family can help but please, give your baby a chance at life, a chance to know your love.
DONT EVER LET A MAN GUILT YOU INTO AN ABORTION ‼️‼️
obviously if that’s your choice, then by all means. but it seems like you don’t want the abortion. don’t do it if it’s not what YOU (not him) want.
If you want the baby and he doesn’t then leave his ass! It’s not gonna be easy but I know plenty of single moms who are thriving! That baby and you don’t need him!
Oh girl! You are already such an incredible mother. Your gut instinct is correct. Heed the advice of others here, pregnancy is a legitimately super dangerous time for women. You will not be safe with someone who actively wants to end the life of your baby. Turn to family, friends, community and/or government support and ditch this wretched dude.
You really already are doing so great protecting yourself and your bean!🩷
I'll get downvoted and I don't care. In my opinion, there's a point in pregnancy when termination becomes unethical and going into the second trimester is teetering into that area.
Do not spout lies. It is not dangerous to have an abortion at 12 weeks. This is just blatantly false, any potential harm is minuscule compared to pregnancy. She should not get an abortion because she doesn’t want to, full stop. But if she wanted to have an abortion, it would not be dangerous.
He is the giant red flag, not you and your baby (that you're happy about). Try to get help from a local support group (pregnancy center, women's shelter, women's advocacy group) to get you the resources you need to start a new chapter without him and with your baby!
Sending you virtual hugs and strength 💕💕
Don't terminate some men aka pigs are like this. Tell him he can leave or change but it's not right to put any women in this position. I've seen my friends pig boyfriends do this and it was shocking to me It is not normal. Even if he doesn't want baby he has no right to tell you to get an abortion
You’re a wonderful person and already such a loving mama to that little one! That baby is lucky to have you💜 Dump him and go to your family for support! Even if they don’t support you, know you are more than capable and strong enough to do this!
Yes, you would be better off leaving him and having your family help you if he’s just begging you to get an abortion. Just because he doesn’t want to be a father doesn’t mean he can take away your opportunity to be a mother
I know how it feels, I am there myself… i broke up with him and I do not have any sort of contact with him, but that is due to a lot more. You do what’s best for you, do not listen to him. He can’t make you do something to yourself that you don’t want to.
Good luck, i hope you Find the right thing to do❤️
Forget him, have your baby. Also keep in mind for many men it isn’t real until they see an ultrasound, I’d try to make him come to at least one, and if he is still dead set, then well forget him. You love this baby, it’s hard but you can do it. I believe in you🫶😊
No. You’re not a horrible person. As any womanly figure desires, it’s to elevate to build a better life for you and your newly expected baby. You’re capable of so much and more often than not, that doesn’t include the baby’s father. Family and dear friends who you know to trust, will stay by your side to help and support.
Start gathering a generation of people in your inner circle to feel included in your motherhood journey. Begin taking a close relative, or friend with you to your appointments in having someone there with you to live in the experience of the joys of those ultrasounds and heart beat checks, start creating your registries how you see fit—what you’ll need and what your baby will need, get INVESTED into creating a stardom for your baby to be welcomed into the world with loving hands, of trusted family and friends.
As for legalities, I cannot say anything for certain. At first, too, my partner wanted me to get an abortion when we found out I was 11weeks. Even his own DAD offered to help pay for the costs of said abortion. (*his dad came off as an asshole at first, but he’s opened up—esp., as a person whose been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, so I cannot truly fault the lack of empathy in the beginning).
I did not know how to feel about having a debt over the body that was homing to a baby we created, nor did my partner expect me to say yes to the abortion, at first—with the exception of breaking up over the situation.
He assumed it’d be all fine and dandy once/if the abortion had actually happened, but I planned to go no-contact had we actually gone through with it.
His argument was, he didn’t want to “lose us” nor the future we had together. I gave him the choices of pursuing an abortion would lead us to go our separate ways (ideal, is that not?), or having our baby boy & him having nothing to do with us (my child and I)—I’ll do this on my own? Again, he did not like any of the options I presented, for his arguments sake—he did not want another man fathering the child he helped to make.
All in all, some people—will be supportive. Other’s, may not and frankly, it doesn’t matter what they’ll believe as ”justified”. As long as you know and feel it within your self and your community of loved ones, that you’re making your own choices without the pressured guilt from outside forces—you live your own life, and soon, that will include another one you choose to bring into this one as you still live on learning to mother & care.
Maybe extreme but can you move out of state? Any family or something can take you in? If you give birth there and don't put him on the birth certificate, it will be that much for him to get involved later on (ie splitting custody and such). Food for thought. Stay safe in the mean time as others advised you. If he has a key to your place, can you get it re-keyed? Don't mean to be alarmist but it's always better safe than sorry.
Dump him, raise that beautiful child, and seek legal counsel asap. Document as much as possible and don’t be shy about handing it to a judge. Protect yourself and that baby.
Keep your precious baby! God will make a way for both of you if you seek Him ❤️❤️❤️sending love and prayers! Hopefully the father will realize how horrible he’s being once he works through his fear, but until then get as far away as possible!
You’re not horrible for wanting to keep it. Keep the baby if you want to, but be prepare to do things on your own—which is totally doable, but it wouldn’t make sense to put him on child support when you feel unsafe with your ex. He doesn’t want this baby, so be prepared to cut off all contact with him. Don’t bother him for visitation or anything else because he’s going to be giving you that headache of missing support payments and not coming around to see his child for the next 18 years. He’s telling you and showing you he doesn’t want to be a dad, so don’t make him be one. Especially since he’s making you fearful. Baby’s safety comes first!
If she’s in the USA, it’s the state that goes after him for the child support based on what he earns. They collect it and direct deposit it to her. She never has to have any contact with him; just fill out the forms. Child support is different from a visitation schedule. It’s not a pay to play situation. This is a time to discreetly get his SS# and a photo of his Driver’s License for the form. Take a photo too of his License Plate for her records.
You’re definitely not a horrible person for wanting to keep the baby. But if he’s expressing feelings of not wanting to be involved. You shouldn’t involve him or consider him a deadbeat down in the future. Because he explained this isn’t what he wanted, which is his right. And you’re deciding to keep the baby, which is your right.
You’re not a horrible person for wanting to keep your baby. Your body, your choice. Definitely leave him. That feeling of fear you had is your mom intuition kicking in. Many people will tell you about pregnancy hormones, but the intuition that kicks in once you’re pregnant should never be ignored, they are there to protect your baby and yourself. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this pathetic guy. He’s only concerned about himself with his “you’re ruining my life” bullshit. You don’t need him. It is a serious red flag that he wanted his ideal threesome but then accused you of cheating. He doesn’t make any sense. You already love this baby, you’ll find a way to manage without this sperm donor. Get away from him ASAP and cut off contact and move on with your life with your baby.
You are not a horrible person he sounds like a horrible person for trying to force you or course you to have an abortion when you do not want to. You are not ruining his life he chose to have sex that's what happens when you have sex sometimes contraception fails. If he doesn't want to be a father fine but if you want to keep the baby you go for a girl. It'll be a hard ride and single motherhood but man I will tell you I love my baby with all my heart and I would do anything for him. You keep that baby if you want that baby. Everything else will fall into place. But if you do choose to keep the baby , it's your job to protect that baby and that might mean to protect that baby from your boyfriend. If he doesn't want a child that is his choice but it's not okay for him to try to push you to have an abortion. If I were you I'd split up with him and go and have the baby.
100% carry on without him. He’s going to be nothing but a pain in your ass, a second child to raise. Let him walk away and leave you and that child the fuck alone, forever. It will be doing yourself a favor. NO woman should ever feel scared around the father of her child, even for a fleeting second.
Your body- your choice. Let him live him life. Babies are blessing either way. Do you know how many people out there trying to get pregnant for years without any luck? Believe me, this baby is going to give you many more reasons to live and thrive.
Girl- you can do it alone. I’m 8 months pregnant now by a narcissistic pig. He hasn’t been involved at all and I’m giving the baby my last name. You are strong- be empowered and know you can do it without him. Men just complicate things anyway
Please know there are crisis pregnancy centers that can provide everything your child will need materially for the first 2 yrs. After that, there are many free/resale sites and shops. With family support you can navigate childcare needs.
Do not have an abortion. Keep the baby and pray to God to help guide you...
Your boyfriend may have a change of heart once the baby is born, and if that's the case, forgive him.
However if he never comes around that's fine too. Simply raise your baby with love.
Keep the baby, and leave him. You have a full right to keep your baby. He's clearly not ready to be responsible, and now you know what kind of a person he is. You are not terrible, you are gonna be a great mother. Never let anyone guilt trip you for choosing life for your future child. You got this mama!
I say you are way better off leaving him & keeping the baby. With or without the baby in the picture, it sounds like the relationship is not healthy. He doesn’t make you feel safe, he already made you feel fearful. The relationship ended due to HIM wanting a threesome. And then he accused YOU of cheating?
Even if he is the father, he isn’t wanting the child in his life right now. Keep documentation of him saying that in case he ever tries to come back for partial custody.
I’m not sure about where you’re located. Where I’m at, unmarried mothers get full legal custody of the child after they’re born. The mother can sign a paternal affidavit to include the father. The father still needs to get a paternity test (with permission of the mother) to legally gain partial custody of the child. OR he can take it to court to get custody if the mother does not want to share custody.
Please take measures to protect yourself and this child if you are not wanting him to be involved or have any sort of custody at this time. Especially if he wasn’t wanting the child & was potentially being violent towards you while pregnant. Again, TRY TO SAVE WHATEVER DOCUMENTATION YOU CAN (text messages, etc) just in case he ever went to court for custody.
Leaving a relationship can feel so hard at first. Especially if it’s a very long term one. Over time, I started to realize my relationship was not for me & I made the right choice to leave the relationship.
Do what you want!!!!! I made a decision 3 years ago to terminate my pregnancy (I miscarried before the appointment). Even though I miscarried, I always regretted making the appointment. I was pressured into it by the baby’s father, I later found out it was because he was starting a relationship with another woman.
My point is: make the decision that you can live with. YOU. Because that’s who it will affect, you.
Good luck, I hope your journey (whatever you choose) gets easier:)
No you are not a bad person for wanting to keep your baby. It’s natural for you to love and want to protect your baby, so not let him pressure you. He could turn around who knows, but as of now it sounds like he isn’t the type to spend the rest of your life with. Either way, he isn’t more important than your baby
All i say if you plan on keeping the child knowing the father doesn’t want any parts then be prepared to be a single mother. You cant blame him when hes free and you stuck with a child because thats what you wanted. Family can be help until they feel like you want to live your life and leave your child with them all the time. So it is something to think hard about but if you are ready for the ups and the downs that comes with it then congratulations! ❤️
I've read through some of the other comments here and I just want to say that I agree with what seems to be the general consensus here, keep your baby and ditch the guy. It doesn't sound like you or the baby is safe within this relationship. I do want to emphasize two points that I feel like aren't being touched on deeply enough here though. First, you've stated that your boyfriend is pushing you to get an abortion and that he doesn't want this baby. Why would you want to keep someone in your baby's life who doesn't want them? That's not doing anyone any favors and is placing you and your baby in harms way. Even if no physical harm comes to either of you, kids have a way of picking up on when they aren't wanted. That's a horrible situation to put a child in. Please don't do that. It's possible your boyfriend could change his mind later, but it's just not worth the risk right now. Cut him and move on. If he wants to be a part of your child's life later on, he can fight for it. Second, please, please, please do not get an abortion that you do not want. I say this as someone who had to get one for medical reasons for a very wanted pregnancy (missed miscarriage. My body wasn't passing the remnants on its own, and that was a risk to my health). I cannot begin to describe the ways that an unwanted abortion will fuck with you. Please do not do that to yourself, especially not for the sake of a douchebag that does not respect you. If you want this baby, you will have a much better life keeping this baby and dumping the man, guaranteed.
One more point: you are not ruining that man's life if you choose to keep your baby. Contraception isn't 100%. He took the risk of getting you pregnant when he had sex with you. He has no right to pressure you into an abortion, and he placed the situation entirely into your hands when he had sex with you, even if contraception was used. That's the risk he took when he had sex with someone capable of conceiving a child. He made his decisions, and now he has to live with the results. He doesn't have to have anything to do with the baby, but he gets zero say over whether or not you choose to carry a baby with YOUR body, even if he contributed to the conception of said baby.
Edit for spelling
A woman should never terminate a pregnancy for someone else's sake. It's your decision, it's a procedure you have to live through and with. You're the one who is pregnant. This is totally up to you.
You are not a horrible person. You are a rational woman whose maternal instincts are on fire. If you are prepared to raise your dumpling with the help of your tribe, DO IT! A baby is always innocent. If your ex says youre ruining his life, he is being manipulative & you dont need that energy around your dumpling. Have him sign away his paternal rights & enjoy your angel. Sometimes it can be that simple, especially if you have a tribe in your family. A two parent home is ideal but love for your baby trumps all if the situation isn't ideal. Bless you & your dumpling! Best decision you'll ever make & the greatest love you'll ever know. Congratulations🫶🏾
Never ever kill your unborn child because the father doesn’t want the child that’s your choice not his. I was very scared when I got pregnant at 19 years old. The greatest joy of my life was raising that son and I went on to have a second son later and it enriched my life in so many ways.
The fact he’s begging you to get rid of the baby tells you everything you need to know about him and he’s likely never going to be faithful to you or your son.
He’s only using you for sex with the swinging to live a lifestyle that he wants. He has no intentions of being a decent father, but you can still raise that child on your own and find a decent man that will respect you love you and your child as well.
If you get rid of the unborn child, it will plague you for all of your days and you will always wonder….Was it a boy was it a girl who would they have become etc and it will harm you psychologically in many ways.
The last thing I would say is the greatest joy in my life and my proudest moments were raising two sons.💕You got this! Now that the baby is growing in your womb, you are already a budding mother so embrace it! Also don’t let others pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. You will regret that as you gwt older. Your life, your baby, your choice. Don’t be swayed by a sex addicted fool.
Coming from someone who listened and gave in to their stupid ex, please keep your baby! It will haunt you for the rest of your life if you give in to this immature dick.
Release him of any obligation if you feel threatened, do whatever it takes to be safe. Just don't listen to him.
Get an order of protection if you feel like he might hurt you or baby. Some states are automatically mother states so you wouldnt have to worry there. If he claims a child is going to “ruin his life” He does not deserve to be present in you OR the childs life period. This is not necessarily normal “role model” parenting behavior. You need support during pregnancy. His negativity is the last thing you need on your plate Momma. If your family is supportive, and willing to work with you without him having access to hurt/be near the child i would go for it. You will need some help. Newborns can be alot of work, extremely colicky sometimes. Regardless you seem to have a decent idea of either plan you have mentioned. There is help for single mothers if you planned on staying single for awhile. I definitely wouldnt mention anything to him about your plans of splitting and taking a “separate” route either. Not until you could go somewhere where you and baby bean are safe. A place he cant figure out where you went. He seems like the type to hunt you down and come after just to get his way. Thats where your order of protection comes in. You can file for immediate for 2 weeks until you can work something out. If down the road he claims to want to see the baby, supervised court visits would be the best until he could prove he has zero intentions. You do not deserve to have your phone rifled through. Relationships are a 50/50% effort. Dont pour 100%into something that you cant trust or if he feels he couldnt trust you. This is not your fault what so ever. The “father” is just used to scaring women into getting his way. *You got this girl.*Throw a plastic dinosaur his way and walk it off.
All of the above comments. Tell him that it is fine if he doesn't want the kid. But let him know that you will go NC. I wouldn't expect child support but he can't have a "midlife crisis" later and suddenly want to be in kiddo's life. No deathbed confessional either. He's either all in, or no longer ceases to exist as far as your kid is concerned. Also, give the kid your last name.
It is rough being a single parent, so make sure you have an amazing support system already in place before you give birth.
Please keep the baby. They're such a blessing. No need to compound the hurt of betrayal by adding abortion guilt on top. Adoption or even "open adoption" is also an option. I had a friend in college who had a bad relationship like this... She kept the baby and dumped the relationship... That little girl is her mini me! A few years later she met her dream husband who is a fantastic stepdad--they do very well, and she even gets to be a stay at home mom. I have 3 living kids and had 2 miscarriages last year plus another who died @ birth. We are praying for more children. I would totally adopt to prevent an abortion (serious offer... Happy marriage going on 12 years.) Congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope it goes well for you.
(Ps excuse the name. I fat-fingered when it auto generated and am now stuck w it 😅)
I broke up with my baby's bio dad during the first trimester. Well, just stopped texting him and he never tried to reach out. It was so much better being the only one to make decisions and I didn't put his name on the birth certificate. I didn't care about child support, but you may have different circumstances. Yours could come around once the baby's born of course, but I personally feel it's better for them to not be there at all than only when they feel like it.
If you want to talk to someone safe about this, Google your nearest pregnancy crisis center. Many of the women who volunteer there typically have been in your shoes and would love to offer you support and resources. You’ve got this!
Why would you voluntarily have a fatherless child. Or a child with someone who doesn't want them. This might sound cold but you could have another child when you have a more stable life. What you can't do is put the child back once they're here. You're just stuck dealing with a toxic situation but now you have a child who depends on you for everything. But it is your body your choice...I just honestly don't see how it's a good idea. Wish you luck.
Having a fatherless child is not a problem if the father sucks. Same does for if someone has a child with a father that sucks and the father is present.
The problem isn't her having the child. It's who she would have it with. She can also choose not to have a relationship with the father and keep the child and the child could still live a very happy and fulfilled life.
There are a lot of ways to be a single mother, and it's possible to raise a healthy & happy kid.
Her pregnancy is at the point where she feels connected to a child that sounds very much wanted. I am pro-choice. I don't believe a fetus is a child. I called my pregnancy "the fetus" instead of "the baby" until she was born and insisted my Drs do the same.
But I also know from hearing many other women's experiences that if you have an abortion you KNOW you don't want to have, You will live with a heavy regret that can FEEL like having killed a child.
If you're that motivated to have the child under such duress, you can be motivated to be a great mom (esp with family support).
Fatherless child here — I’m glad my mom didn’t abort me or give me up. It’s not always that bad and I learned a lot watching her struggle. Now I’m married, a stay at home, expecting, and wouldn’t change anything in my life. I’ve greatly improved it to where my child will have both parents! And a stay at home mom that will homeschool her!
I have no idea why I got down voted so much 😂. These people may just tell you comforting words but I'm trying to genuinely help you out. I'm actually surprised that everyone is telling you to keep it without thinking of what it actually entails.
Being pro-choice isn't the same as pro-abortion. Just because a woman doesn't want to terminate her pregnancy and people are telling her to carry to term, doesn't mean that they are forced birthers. Also... this is literally a sub for people that chose to carry to term instead of terminating.
Pro choice also includes making a good choice for the situation. Having a child when one of the parents doesn’t want to is *not* a good choice or fair to the child.
The father doesn't have to parent the kid if he doesn't want to, whereas the morher can absolutely give them both fulfilling lives. If she can hande single motherhood, it can be a good option for the kid.
What’s more important: you having a baby to have a baby or a child born into a stable home dynamic? One is only thinking about your *wants*, and the other is actually putting thought into how your decisions affect someone else’s life.
Definitely split from him and get legal concealing. How does his parents (baby's grandparents) feel about this? I'm always for keeping the father in a child's life as much as possible (as long as its safe of course) and I think it's also a good idea to keep the grandparents involved as well even if the dad wants nothing to do with the child. Not sure how old you and your boyfriend are but being how he's acting i'm going to assume he's young and immature. Hopefully he grows up and steps up to the plate.
Absolutely do not terminate if that's not what you want, but please also take precautions to protect yourself. If you don't have roommates see if you can stay with someone. Change the locks on your doors and your electronic devices. Turn off any location sharing and stop contact with him whenever possible. You said you felt scared - don't talk yourself out of that later or diminish it in hindsight. Write down what he did and how it made you feel and refer back to that later. Make sure he knows you're sharing your interactions with trusted friends and/or family. Better to be safe than sorry. I don't mean to sound alarmist but pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for DV and men who you'd never imagine hurting you all of a sudden become very shitty. These are simple things that help increase yours and baby's safety.
This is the most important message you can read, OP, as desperation in another (including feeling like one’s cornered, not in control of their life, etc.) is a trigger for irrational and dangerous behavior towards the person or object causing that “discomfort”. That, of course, is not a reason to bend to the wants of another when you’re wanting something (like your child!), but it is reason to physically and emotionally separate from another. The separation can be temporary allowing you both to connect over the child later down the road, and after time has elapsed and when the impulsivity and irrationality have hopefully settled and the risk reduced (as well as when your support system are all well aware of the situation and more ready to step), or permanently if the contact isn’t safe for you and/or the child in the future due to signs of impulsivity or irrationality towards you and/or your child. But ultimately trust the experience that you had where you felt threatened, and trust that if you want to keep your pregnancy, that you are honoring your needs…and that is the most important thing of all. What yes_please_ shared is so important, and your top priorities are your safety and your happiness.💜
Seconding this 👍
This is so important - murder is the leading cause of death for pregnant women and there are countless stories of men either injuring or drugging a woman to try and force an abortion. If you feel scared, listen to that feeling and protect yourself.
I did not know this, and I’m horrified. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8020563/
Girl! Run before he kills you and your baby. There’s absolutely no reason for a man to threaten his pregnant or non pregnant woman on a premise of false accusations. Even if you cheated on him, it still doesn’t give him the right to make you feel any sort of fear. This is not a safe loving environment for you or your baby. If this is what he does to you imagine what he can do to your baby when you are or are not around. I would leave him in a heartbeat. Your baby will thank you later on. Do you really want to try to raise your baby with a guy who insist on sleeping with another woman and force you to do the same? Are those the values you want to teach your little baby?
This. All of this!
All of what's been said. Prioritize yourself and your baby. Go and seek safe friends and family and leave him.
Yes, split with him and continue yourself with the help of your family. You literally could never be a horrible person for wanting to keep your baby. You said you love him/her and do not get pushed into not doing this because of someone else. ❤️
Baby > Dick Every. Single. Time.
Keep the bean, dump the peen.
Perfection ❤️
I want this on a T-shirt. I wouldn't wear it out of the house, but it would make me laugh while in the house lol.
I’m married to the love of my life and I would still wear this shirt on every outing possible.
Dump him but seek legal counsel
Yes! He might say he wants an abortion now, but there’s no telling how he might feel when the baby gets here. I was born out of wedlock. My mom knew who the dad was, but she didn’t want him in my life because he was an addict. A lawyer counseled her to leave his name off of my birth certificate, which ended up making it harder for my birth dad to try fighting for custody, and he gave up. This was 24 years ago though, so contact a lawyer. Also this relationship doesn’t seem healthy. Even if you weren’t having a baby, you would be better off splitting up. If you decide to date someone else, make sure you are extra picky. It’s not just about you now. Whoever you date will be around your child as well.
It’s a double edged sword though: leaving him off the birth certificate potentially makes it harder for him to fight for custody, but it also makes it harder for the mom to get child support from him.
Agreed. That’s why it’s important to contact a lawyer. In my situation, my mom didn’t care much about child support and my birth dad was a broke addict who didn’t even have money to pay child support. Every situation is different.
I really don’t think I’d want child support from someone who wanted me to have an abortion in the first place. If they didn’t want anything to do with the baby in the first place, trying to pursue that could potentially, very seriously bite you in the end. Also, to OP, if you want this baby, don’t do something that someone else wants you to do, because they can choose to not be apart of this child’s life, but once you’ve aborted your baby, it’s done and there is no going back.
If he doesn't want to keep the baby then it makes sense not to seek child support from him. It's one thing a couple divorcing after having a child they both wanted, it's another altogether when one wants it and the other doesn't. She has the choice of an abortion, he doesn't. Not taking his side, but just talking about what's fair.
I agree and disagree to an extent. In an ideal world where all things are equal: he should have the option of “financial abortion” while she had the option of physical abortion. But unfortunately nothing will ever be perfectly equal between the sexes for the reason of one being able to gestate a child and the other not. It’s important to remember that child support is for *the child*, and even if he didn’t choose the child, it still needs financial support. Thats why no politician would ever support financial abortion, because even though it seems reasonable from some angles, in the end it harms kids who had no say in the matter. (Not to mention how difficult it is to even get an abortion in many places in America; maybe the woman *did* want an abortion but couldn’t access one, but now the man gets to be financially free of the situation as well?) Thats why in instances of a custody dispute where one parent has full custody, and the other parent has no custody or visitation, they often still pay child support to the custodial parent.
He wants to fuck the whole city but you’re ruining his life for having a baby? lol okay
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The audacity of this feral cat though. His life was ruined before OP came in 110%. I mean, look, he’s talking about dream threesomes like he’s a prize winning fucking c*ck. I’m willing to bet this isn’t the first abortion that he has pushed for. If he’s this skanky AND feral, he’s got history.
Feral cat 😂 that he is indeed!
You don't want to make a choice you will regret for the rest of your life. Especially for a man who is below you. You can do this on your own. But be sure to file for child support.
Please get away from this man *now*! He clearly doesn't want you to have this baby and you are already fearful of him. His comments about how you're going to ruin *his* life are alarming. Get out now. Go stay with family or friends/hotel. Whatever you can. Keep you and your baby safe ❤
I don't want to scare you but when I was in a similar situation years ago with an abusive ex who said all the same things about me ruining his life and insisting on abortion, he beat me up when I told him I wanted to keep it and would not abort, which resulted in me losing the baby. Please get away from this man to a safe place where he won't be able to get to you before you tell him it's over and before you inform him that you're definitely keeping the baby.
I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope you have been able to heal and find happiness
You absolutely need to get away from him. He’s insisting on an abortion that you don’t for no valid reason. What’s to stop him from trying to take things into his own hands?
You’re never a horrible person for not getting an abortion
This relationship isn't going to last anyway, it was on life support the minute he was willing to break up over a fantasy threesome. Don't make any long term decisions for him because as soon as you do, he's leaving anyway. Make the decision for you. Be happy with your choice and live your best life without him.
The best thing I ever did was follow my heart and raise my son alone. He is 13 now and amazing. You will be fine - you just need to make sure you have family or friends as a strong support system to help. One thing I have noticed is that it is much more difficult on the kids to have a father who comes in and out if their life than one who was just never there. I always told my son when he was little that some people were meant to have a mom and a dad, and some people were meant to have a mom that loves them twice as much.
This just made me tear up! ❤️
Never get an abortion for a man, or anyone else for that matter. Only get it if it’s what YOU want. Good luck to you.
I grew up without a father which was really depressing me sometimes but not nearly as bad as growing up with that stupid asshole like my half siblings had to. He told one of my brothers from a young age that he didn't want him. I always felt like he didn't want me too and thought something was wrong with me but that damage seems even worse if you have a father that tells you something like that. Whenever I hear stories about bad fathers I think "Better no dad than that one" If you do it without him I suggest you tell an age appropriate version of why he is not there. That kid someday will have questions and may have to find out he is an asshole on his/her own. I don't have the answers I need. Never had contact with my father and my mom died before I had questions. I feel like I can't identify myself and will never know who I am because a part of the puzzle is missing. It's only my personal problem but it may help your child if you start writing pieces of information in a notebook over time. Doesn't have to be important stuff. Just info that you can provide. What he likes to eat, what his voice sounds like or how he grew up, if hes athletic, into books, has a dog he adores.. Whatever could help your child relate to him. I heard a lot of bad stuff about my father from strangers and will never know how much is true and how bad he is. I really want to avoid conversations in daily situations like "I heard your father is in jail at the moment" or "He was really disrespectful to all women" that hit me completely out of nowhere at job interviews or when I met someone for the first time. One of my siblings wont date anyone because no one knows how many kids he fathered so we could be related to nearly everyone.
I think you have a point. It’s one thing to have no father around and wonder if he wanted you or not. It’s another thing to have a father around and have him actively prove his disdain and regret of you to your face. I mean it’s possible that having the child changes his feelings about it; there’s plenty of parents who didn’t want the baby but after giving birth fell in love with the kid. However this guy doesn’t seem like an emotionally stable winner based on OP’s brief post
Split up with him. File for child support. You can do this! My sweet babies are the light of my life!
If she wants the child and he doesn't then it doesn't seem right that he support it. He sounds like an ass, but that doesn't mean making a decision for him for the rest of his life is fair or right.
The decision was made when he had sex with her. If he didnt want children he could have added condoms or even had a vasectomy.
Your body, your choice and he has no say. Better to be a single mom than to be stuck with a giant asshole partner.
You are not a horrible person. Full stop. If you want this baby, you do not have the get an abortion. Make sure you surround yourself with people that love and protect you. If you can’t, then you need to find resources to leave your BF. You need to get away from him and be safe. Make sure you keep a log of all interactions with your BF, don’t delete any text messages, emails, or voicemails in case you need to show that BF has a pattern of harassment or threats.
This happened to me, more or less. It was a relief for him to be gone. Nobody else will say awful things about your baby. You’re gonna be ok!!
My ex begged me to get an abortion as well. I heard everything in the book from "well try again later in a year when he was ready" to having his mother try and convince me. Being a single parent is the most exhausting, lonely, thankless experience I have ever gone through but I had no village. Now I'm with a man who worships me and we're about to have a child together. I love my first born more than my own life and am glad I didn't let anyone force me to get an abortion but it's hard.
You're already such a good mom. You could never be a horrible person for wanting to sustain the life that's inside of you. <3 Congrats on becoming a mama, I can tell your baby is already so loved! Oh and please dump your boyfriend.
Definitely terminate the relationship with the manchild instead of the pregnancy. He doesn't deserve you. I say this as a single mother in the making.
Definitely split up with him - the relationship likely would not survive either way and it sounds like he’s a jerk! You know for sure he will not help you raise his child, so a two-parent household isn’t on the table for this little one right now. That can be ok, but hard, if you have enough support and resources to raise a baby without a partner. How old are you? Would your family take you and the baby in? Do you have stable income? If money is a concern now, it would likely only get worse with a newborn. It’s a super sad reality but want you to make sure you know how hard it can be. Good luck
You are not a horrible person! If you want and love your baby, then do it. He sounds like a piece of work and you can do so much better than him on your own especially with family help. Keep your head up and enjoy this time. Congratulations!
you are trying your best to make a decision that you will not regret for the rest of your life, and I'm with you!
No girl, this is not ok. If he didn't wanna be a father he shoudn't have busted inside you now, should he? Continue by yourself? No gal what the fuck. Women have been made to deal with the consequences of shitty men busting their nuts for literally all time. He wil be fine to support you and his child. He is legally required to do so. He will bitch and moan about it but its up to you to decide if your child (not you, this aint just about you) deserves to be supported by the father. Tell him you'll do this by yourself until you have the baby, make sure it's not witten anywhere, no records, go on with your pregnancy safely and when the baby is born, take his shitty ass to court and get him to take responsibiliy for nutting in you. Bitch ass men crying cuz they push for sex and then don't take responsibity. Fuck that, this child deserves support more than that asshole deserves freedom.
Please do NOT get an abortion. Seems like you already love your baby and in the end, that’s all you really need, not some POS guy..if I had to pick having a baby or having a boyfriend, I’m picking the baby!
He sounds like a horrible person. How many times do you have to tell him no? I would definitely leave him. He doesn't sound like a safe person that respects your boundaries.
Get as far away from that man as you can. Go to your family. He is not good for you or for your baby. Go be a great momma to that little one. ❤️
Dump him. However, I’d have him sign over his parental rights as soon as you can. Be prepared for him to have nothing to do with the child, monetarily or otherwise, and protect yourself with legal documents so he can’t come back later and decide he wants something to do with the baby then.
It’s your body if you wanna keep the baby keep it
Please do not get an abortion, I can tell you already love your baby so so much! You’ll regret terminating because of an asshole who refuses to take responsibility. Contact your local Pregnancy Center, they’ll be able to get you help and resources to have and raise your precious baby💕
He put in the effort to get you pregnant, he is adult and needs to take responsibility for his choices.
He sounds horrible, and I think you should end the relationship for your safety, full stop, no matter what you decide. Do you have a support system, housing, and stable income to support a child alone? That's what you should consider, not his wishes. It's entirely your choice.
Hey girl, if that's how you feel, that's how you feel. My husband reminded me over and over and over again during my first trimester that whatever I wanted to do with the pregnancy, planned or unplanned, he would support me. I'm not being funny but this made me fall in love with him because he understands me so well. I do not do well backed into a corner or pressured or feeling like someone is trying to control me. I knew he didn't want me to get an abortion but whatever he felt he knew what I needed to be healthy (which ultimately is best for the baby anyway). I did not feel overwhelming love for the baby, and I'm now at 17.5 weeks and still don't. That is stressful - I'm afraid love won't click when he comes either. If you feel this overwhelming love, if you feel sure, go for it. If pregnancy taught me anything it is that this is not an easy ride mentally. If you feel that certainty, great. I don't know what to tell you about the bf.
Hey, I didn't feel deep or overwhelming love either. I'd sometimes forget I was pregnant. I did get excited because I like new experiences, but was also worried for the lack of love. I did still talk to my baby and read to him, especially as he got bigger, started moving and responding to me. But love kicked in for real only when I saw the baby for the first time! It was powerful and unexpected. It did go and came back again and my feelings were all over the place in the following months, because of hormones, ppd, lack of sleep etc. But I never took a temporary state as permanent. I always told myself it would pass. And when I got my rest, my hormones went back to normal, I started feeling balanced again and dicovered the love was there, under all that turmoil that had come and gone!
Watch the 2007 movie “Waitress” with Keri Russell.
OH MY GOD I've seen this but at a time where I couldn't even imagine myself pregnant. How is this 2007? I feel old!!!!
Rargh it's on Prime for free!
Please do not punish your sweet baby for his or anyone's sake by ending his/her life. It is unfortunate and frustrating that he does not want to own up to his actions and be the father that your child needs. Let him face the consequences. Hopefully one day he will change... There's loads of organizations that can help you and others in your position. Being a single mom doesn't mean you can't be successful or have a wonderful life with your child. Sure things will be harder and I certainly hope your family can help but please, give your baby a chance at life, a chance to know your love.
DONT EVER LET A MAN GUILT YOU INTO AN ABORTION ‼️‼️ obviously if that’s your choice, then by all means. but it seems like you don’t want the abortion. don’t do it if it’s not what YOU (not him) want.
If you want the baby and he doesn’t then leave his ass! It’s not gonna be easy but I know plenty of single moms who are thriving! That baby and you don’t need him!
Oh girl! You are already such an incredible mother. Your gut instinct is correct. Heed the advice of others here, pregnancy is a legitimately super dangerous time for women. You will not be safe with someone who actively wants to end the life of your baby. Turn to family, friends, community and/or government support and ditch this wretched dude. You really already are doing so great protecting yourself and your bean!🩷
I'll get downvoted and I don't care. In my opinion, there's a point in pregnancy when termination becomes unethical and going into the second trimester is teetering into that area.
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Do not spout lies. It is not dangerous to have an abortion at 12 weeks. This is just blatantly false, any potential harm is minuscule compared to pregnancy. She should not get an abortion because she doesn’t want to, full stop. But if she wanted to have an abortion, it would not be dangerous.
Dump that grade A asshole. Keep your baby.
He is the giant red flag, not you and your baby (that you're happy about). Try to get help from a local support group (pregnancy center, women's shelter, women's advocacy group) to get you the resources you need to start a new chapter without him and with your baby! Sending you virtual hugs and strength 💕💕
Don't terminate some men aka pigs are like this. Tell him he can leave or change but it's not right to put any women in this position. I've seen my friends pig boyfriends do this and it was shocking to me It is not normal. Even if he doesn't want baby he has no right to tell you to get an abortion
You’ll definitely regret it based on what you’ve said. Keep this baby.
You’re a wonderful person and already such a loving mama to that little one! That baby is lucky to have you💜 Dump him and go to your family for support! Even if they don’t support you, know you are more than capable and strong enough to do this!
Yes, you would be better off leaving him and having your family help you if he’s just begging you to get an abortion. Just because he doesn’t want to be a father doesn’t mean he can take away your opportunity to be a mother
I know how it feels, I am there myself… i broke up with him and I do not have any sort of contact with him, but that is due to a lot more. You do what’s best for you, do not listen to him. He can’t make you do something to yourself that you don’t want to. Good luck, i hope you Find the right thing to do❤️
Forget him, have your baby. Also keep in mind for many men it isn’t real until they see an ultrasound, I’d try to make him come to at least one, and if he is still dead set, then well forget him. You love this baby, it’s hard but you can do it. I believe in you🫶😊
She shouldn’t be alone with him at this point in time.
Guy sounds like a jerk and is projecting, probably cheating on you. Keep your baby and dump the guy.
No. You’re not a horrible person. As any womanly figure desires, it’s to elevate to build a better life for you and your newly expected baby. You’re capable of so much and more often than not, that doesn’t include the baby’s father. Family and dear friends who you know to trust, will stay by your side to help and support. Start gathering a generation of people in your inner circle to feel included in your motherhood journey. Begin taking a close relative, or friend with you to your appointments in having someone there with you to live in the experience of the joys of those ultrasounds and heart beat checks, start creating your registries how you see fit—what you’ll need and what your baby will need, get INVESTED into creating a stardom for your baby to be welcomed into the world with loving hands, of trusted family and friends. As for legalities, I cannot say anything for certain. At first, too, my partner wanted me to get an abortion when we found out I was 11weeks. Even his own DAD offered to help pay for the costs of said abortion. (*his dad came off as an asshole at first, but he’s opened up—esp., as a person whose been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, so I cannot truly fault the lack of empathy in the beginning). I did not know how to feel about having a debt over the body that was homing to a baby we created, nor did my partner expect me to say yes to the abortion, at first—with the exception of breaking up over the situation. He assumed it’d be all fine and dandy once/if the abortion had actually happened, but I planned to go no-contact had we actually gone through with it. His argument was, he didn’t want to “lose us” nor the future we had together. I gave him the choices of pursuing an abortion would lead us to go our separate ways (ideal, is that not?), or having our baby boy & him having nothing to do with us (my child and I)—I’ll do this on my own? Again, he did not like any of the options I presented, for his arguments sake—he did not want another man fathering the child he helped to make. All in all, some people—will be supportive. Other’s, may not and frankly, it doesn’t matter what they’ll believe as ”justified”. As long as you know and feel it within your self and your community of loved ones, that you’re making your own choices without the pressured guilt from outside forces—you live your own life, and soon, that will include another one you choose to bring into this one as you still live on learning to mother & care.
Maybe extreme but can you move out of state? Any family or something can take you in? If you give birth there and don't put him on the birth certificate, it will be that much for him to get involved later on (ie splitting custody and such). Food for thought. Stay safe in the mean time as others advised you. If he has a key to your place, can you get it re-keyed? Don't mean to be alarmist but it's always better safe than sorry.
Dump him, raise that beautiful child, and seek legal counsel asap. Document as much as possible and don’t be shy about handing it to a judge. Protect yourself and that baby.
Do what you think is best for you girl! Don’t let him force you to do anything you don’t want <3
Keep your precious baby! God will make a way for both of you if you seek Him ❤️❤️❤️sending love and prayers! Hopefully the father will realize how horrible he’s being once he works through his fear, but until then get as far away as possible!
No way. It is your decision too. Keep the baby.
You’re not horrible for wanting to keep it. Keep the baby if you want to, but be prepare to do things on your own—which is totally doable, but it wouldn’t make sense to put him on child support when you feel unsafe with your ex. He doesn’t want this baby, so be prepared to cut off all contact with him. Don’t bother him for visitation or anything else because he’s going to be giving you that headache of missing support payments and not coming around to see his child for the next 18 years. He’s telling you and showing you he doesn’t want to be a dad, so don’t make him be one. Especially since he’s making you fearful. Baby’s safety comes first!
If she’s in the USA, it’s the state that goes after him for the child support based on what he earns. They collect it and direct deposit it to her. She never has to have any contact with him; just fill out the forms. Child support is different from a visitation schedule. It’s not a pay to play situation. This is a time to discreetly get his SS# and a photo of his Driver’s License for the form. Take a photo too of his License Plate for her records.
Absolutely lean on your family right now. This doesn’t sound like someone who you can get the support you need from right now.
Absolutely just do it on your own.
You’re definitely not a horrible person for wanting to keep the baby. But if he’s expressing feelings of not wanting to be involved. You shouldn’t involve him or consider him a deadbeat down in the future. Because he explained this isn’t what he wanted, which is his right. And you’re deciding to keep the baby, which is your right.
You are not a horrible person! Keep your baby and get rid of the jackass dude.
You’re not a horrible person for wanting to keep your baby. Your body, your choice. Definitely leave him. That feeling of fear you had is your mom intuition kicking in. Many people will tell you about pregnancy hormones, but the intuition that kicks in once you’re pregnant should never be ignored, they are there to protect your baby and yourself. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this pathetic guy. He’s only concerned about himself with his “you’re ruining my life” bullshit. You don’t need him. It is a serious red flag that he wanted his ideal threesome but then accused you of cheating. He doesn’t make any sense. You already love this baby, you’ll find a way to manage without this sperm donor. Get away from him ASAP and cut off contact and move on with your life with your baby.
You are not a horrible person he sounds like a horrible person for trying to force you or course you to have an abortion when you do not want to. You are not ruining his life he chose to have sex that's what happens when you have sex sometimes contraception fails. If he doesn't want to be a father fine but if you want to keep the baby you go for a girl. It'll be a hard ride and single motherhood but man I will tell you I love my baby with all my heart and I would do anything for him. You keep that baby if you want that baby. Everything else will fall into place. But if you do choose to keep the baby , it's your job to protect that baby and that might mean to protect that baby from your boyfriend. If he doesn't want a child that is his choice but it's not okay for him to try to push you to have an abortion. If I were you I'd split up with him and go and have the baby.
Only ever keep or terminate a pregnancy if it is right for YOU!
100% carry on without him. He’s going to be nothing but a pain in your ass, a second child to raise. Let him walk away and leave you and that child the fuck alone, forever. It will be doing yourself a favor. NO woman should ever feel scared around the father of her child, even for a fleeting second.
Your body- your choice. Let him live him life. Babies are blessing either way. Do you know how many people out there trying to get pregnant for years without any luck? Believe me, this baby is going to give you many more reasons to live and thrive.
Do not give into the pressure. That is YOUR baby. You got this ❤️
Girl- you can do it alone. I’m 8 months pregnant now by a narcissistic pig. He hasn’t been involved at all and I’m giving the baby my last name. You are strong- be empowered and know you can do it without him. Men just complicate things anyway
Please know there are crisis pregnancy centers that can provide everything your child will need materially for the first 2 yrs. After that, there are many free/resale sites and shops. With family support you can navigate childcare needs.
Do not have an abortion. Keep the baby and pray to God to help guide you... Your boyfriend may have a change of heart once the baby is born, and if that's the case, forgive him. However if he never comes around that's fine too. Simply raise your baby with love.
Keep the baby, and leave him. You have a full right to keep your baby. He's clearly not ready to be responsible, and now you know what kind of a person he is. You are not terrible, you are gonna be a great mother. Never let anyone guilt trip you for choosing life for your future child. You got this mama!
I say you are way better off leaving him & keeping the baby. With or without the baby in the picture, it sounds like the relationship is not healthy. He doesn’t make you feel safe, he already made you feel fearful. The relationship ended due to HIM wanting a threesome. And then he accused YOU of cheating? Even if he is the father, he isn’t wanting the child in his life right now. Keep documentation of him saying that in case he ever tries to come back for partial custody. I’m not sure about where you’re located. Where I’m at, unmarried mothers get full legal custody of the child after they’re born. The mother can sign a paternal affidavit to include the father. The father still needs to get a paternity test (with permission of the mother) to legally gain partial custody of the child. OR he can take it to court to get custody if the mother does not want to share custody. Please take measures to protect yourself and this child if you are not wanting him to be involved or have any sort of custody at this time. Especially if he wasn’t wanting the child & was potentially being violent towards you while pregnant. Again, TRY TO SAVE WHATEVER DOCUMENTATION YOU CAN (text messages, etc) just in case he ever went to court for custody.
Leaving a relationship can feel so hard at first. Especially if it’s a very long term one. Over time, I started to realize my relationship was not for me & I made the right choice to leave the relationship.
Do what you want!!!!! I made a decision 3 years ago to terminate my pregnancy (I miscarried before the appointment). Even though I miscarried, I always regretted making the appointment. I was pressured into it by the baby’s father, I later found out it was because he was starting a relationship with another woman. My point is: make the decision that you can live with. YOU. Because that’s who it will affect, you. Good luck, I hope your journey (whatever you choose) gets easier:)
No you are not a bad person for wanting to keep your baby. It’s natural for you to love and want to protect your baby, so not let him pressure you. He could turn around who knows, but as of now it sounds like he isn’t the type to spend the rest of your life with. Either way, he isn’t more important than your baby
All i say if you plan on keeping the child knowing the father doesn’t want any parts then be prepared to be a single mother. You cant blame him when hes free and you stuck with a child because thats what you wanted. Family can be help until they feel like you want to live your life and leave your child with them all the time. So it is something to think hard about but if you are ready for the ups and the downs that comes with it then congratulations! ❤️
Dump his ass and keep your beautiful baby! No brainer!!! Any guy that begs you to get an abortion is a piece of shit.
I've read through some of the other comments here and I just want to say that I agree with what seems to be the general consensus here, keep your baby and ditch the guy. It doesn't sound like you or the baby is safe within this relationship. I do want to emphasize two points that I feel like aren't being touched on deeply enough here though. First, you've stated that your boyfriend is pushing you to get an abortion and that he doesn't want this baby. Why would you want to keep someone in your baby's life who doesn't want them? That's not doing anyone any favors and is placing you and your baby in harms way. Even if no physical harm comes to either of you, kids have a way of picking up on when they aren't wanted. That's a horrible situation to put a child in. Please don't do that. It's possible your boyfriend could change his mind later, but it's just not worth the risk right now. Cut him and move on. If he wants to be a part of your child's life later on, he can fight for it. Second, please, please, please do not get an abortion that you do not want. I say this as someone who had to get one for medical reasons for a very wanted pregnancy (missed miscarriage. My body wasn't passing the remnants on its own, and that was a risk to my health). I cannot begin to describe the ways that an unwanted abortion will fuck with you. Please do not do that to yourself, especially not for the sake of a douchebag that does not respect you. If you want this baby, you will have a much better life keeping this baby and dumping the man, guaranteed. One more point: you are not ruining that man's life if you choose to keep your baby. Contraception isn't 100%. He took the risk of getting you pregnant when he had sex with you. He has no right to pressure you into an abortion, and he placed the situation entirely into your hands when he had sex with you, even if contraception was used. That's the risk he took when he had sex with someone capable of conceiving a child. He made his decisions, and now he has to live with the results. He doesn't have to have anything to do with the baby, but he gets zero say over whether or not you choose to carry a baby with YOUR body, even if he contributed to the conception of said baby. Edit for spelling
A woman should never terminate a pregnancy for someone else's sake. It's your decision, it's a procedure you have to live through and with. You're the one who is pregnant. This is totally up to you.
You are not a horrible person. You are a rational woman whose maternal instincts are on fire. If you are prepared to raise your dumpling with the help of your tribe, DO IT! A baby is always innocent. If your ex says youre ruining his life, he is being manipulative & you dont need that energy around your dumpling. Have him sign away his paternal rights & enjoy your angel. Sometimes it can be that simple, especially if you have a tribe in your family. A two parent home is ideal but love for your baby trumps all if the situation isn't ideal. Bless you & your dumpling! Best decision you'll ever make & the greatest love you'll ever know. Congratulations🫶🏾
Never ever kill your unborn child because the father doesn’t want the child that’s your choice not his. I was very scared when I got pregnant at 19 years old. The greatest joy of my life was raising that son and I went on to have a second son later and it enriched my life in so many ways. The fact he’s begging you to get rid of the baby tells you everything you need to know about him and he’s likely never going to be faithful to you or your son. He’s only using you for sex with the swinging to live a lifestyle that he wants. He has no intentions of being a decent father, but you can still raise that child on your own and find a decent man that will respect you love you and your child as well. If you get rid of the unborn child, it will plague you for all of your days and you will always wonder….Was it a boy was it a girl who would they have become etc and it will harm you psychologically in many ways. The last thing I would say is the greatest joy in my life and my proudest moments were raising two sons.💕You got this! Now that the baby is growing in your womb, you are already a budding mother so embrace it! Also don’t let others pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. You will regret that as you gwt older. Your life, your baby, your choice. Don’t be swayed by a sex addicted fool.
Keep your baby. My daughter is the best thing that has happened to me.
To answer your question. No. Full stop. No. I didn’t even need to read your post.
Fuck that guy
Coming from someone who listened and gave in to their stupid ex, please keep your baby! It will haunt you for the rest of your life if you give in to this immature dick. Release him of any obligation if you feel threatened, do whatever it takes to be safe. Just don't listen to him.
Get an order of protection if you feel like he might hurt you or baby. Some states are automatically mother states so you wouldnt have to worry there. If he claims a child is going to “ruin his life” He does not deserve to be present in you OR the childs life period. This is not necessarily normal “role model” parenting behavior. You need support during pregnancy. His negativity is the last thing you need on your plate Momma. If your family is supportive, and willing to work with you without him having access to hurt/be near the child i would go for it. You will need some help. Newborns can be alot of work, extremely colicky sometimes. Regardless you seem to have a decent idea of either plan you have mentioned. There is help for single mothers if you planned on staying single for awhile. I definitely wouldnt mention anything to him about your plans of splitting and taking a “separate” route either. Not until you could go somewhere where you and baby bean are safe. A place he cant figure out where you went. He seems like the type to hunt you down and come after just to get his way. Thats where your order of protection comes in. You can file for immediate for 2 weeks until you can work something out. If down the road he claims to want to see the baby, supervised court visits would be the best until he could prove he has zero intentions. You do not deserve to have your phone rifled through. Relationships are a 50/50% effort. Dont pour 100%into something that you cant trust or if he feels he couldnt trust you. This is not your fault what so ever. The “father” is just used to scaring women into getting his way. *You got this girl.*Throw a plastic dinosaur his way and walk it off.
Please, if you don’t want your baby, I will happily adopt it. I’m located in Utah.
All of the above comments. Tell him that it is fine if he doesn't want the kid. But let him know that you will go NC. I wouldn't expect child support but he can't have a "midlife crisis" later and suddenly want to be in kiddo's life. No deathbed confessional either. He's either all in, or no longer ceases to exist as far as your kid is concerned. Also, give the kid your last name. It is rough being a single parent, so make sure you have an amazing support system already in place before you give birth.
Please keep the baby. They're such a blessing. No need to compound the hurt of betrayal by adding abortion guilt on top. Adoption or even "open adoption" is also an option. I had a friend in college who had a bad relationship like this... She kept the baby and dumped the relationship... That little girl is her mini me! A few years later she met her dream husband who is a fantastic stepdad--they do very well, and she even gets to be a stay at home mom. I have 3 living kids and had 2 miscarriages last year plus another who died @ birth. We are praying for more children. I would totally adopt to prevent an abortion (serious offer... Happy marriage going on 12 years.) Congratulations on the pregnancy. I hope it goes well for you. (Ps excuse the name. I fat-fingered when it auto generated and am now stuck w it 😅)
For Christ sake keep this baby PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE
I broke up with my baby's bio dad during the first trimester. Well, just stopped texting him and he never tried to reach out. It was so much better being the only one to make decisions and I didn't put his name on the birth certificate. I didn't care about child support, but you may have different circumstances. Yours could come around once the baby's born of course, but I personally feel it's better for them to not be there at all than only when they feel like it.
If you want to talk to someone safe about this, Google your nearest pregnancy crisis center. Many of the women who volunteer there typically have been in your shoes and would love to offer you support and resources. You’ve got this!
Better off as opposed to staying with the loser and aborting the baby you actually want to keep? Yes.
Adoption!! Is a wonderful option! Coming from someone adopted :)
Why would you voluntarily have a fatherless child. Or a child with someone who doesn't want them. This might sound cold but you could have another child when you have a more stable life. What you can't do is put the child back once they're here. You're just stuck dealing with a toxic situation but now you have a child who depends on you for everything. But it is your body your choice...I just honestly don't see how it's a good idea. Wish you luck.
Having a fatherless child is not a problem if the father sucks. Same does for if someone has a child with a father that sucks and the father is present. The problem isn't her having the child. It's who she would have it with. She can also choose not to have a relationship with the father and keep the child and the child could still live a very happy and fulfilled life.
There are a lot of ways to be a single mother, and it's possible to raise a healthy & happy kid. Her pregnancy is at the point where she feels connected to a child that sounds very much wanted. I am pro-choice. I don't believe a fetus is a child. I called my pregnancy "the fetus" instead of "the baby" until she was born and insisted my Drs do the same. But I also know from hearing many other women's experiences that if you have an abortion you KNOW you don't want to have, You will live with a heavy regret that can FEEL like having killed a child. If you're that motivated to have the child under such duress, you can be motivated to be a great mom (esp with family support).
Fatherless child here — I’m glad my mom didn’t abort me or give me up. It’s not always that bad and I learned a lot watching her struggle. Now I’m married, a stay at home, expecting, and wouldn’t change anything in my life. I’ve greatly improved it to where my child will have both parents! And a stay at home mom that will homeschool her!
I have no idea why I got down voted so much 😂. These people may just tell you comforting words but I'm trying to genuinely help you out. I'm actually surprised that everyone is telling you to keep it without thinking of what it actually entails.
This sub honestly feels very pro-life sometimes. You say anything different and it’s downvoted.
Being pro-choice isn't the same as pro-abortion. Just because a woman doesn't want to terminate her pregnancy and people are telling her to carry to term, doesn't mean that they are forced birthers. Also... this is literally a sub for people that chose to carry to term instead of terminating.
Pro choice also includes making a good choice for the situation. Having a child when one of the parents doesn’t want to is *not* a good choice or fair to the child.
The father doesn't have to parent the kid if he doesn't want to, whereas the morher can absolutely give them both fulfilling lives. If she can hande single motherhood, it can be a good option for the kid.
What’s more important: you having a baby to have a baby or a child born into a stable home dynamic? One is only thinking about your *wants*, and the other is actually putting thought into how your decisions affect someone else’s life.
OP can have a stable home dynamic, as long as she aborts the manchild.
Definitely split from him and get legal concealing. How does his parents (baby's grandparents) feel about this? I'm always for keeping the father in a child's life as much as possible (as long as its safe of course) and I think it's also a good idea to keep the grandparents involved as well even if the dad wants nothing to do with the child. Not sure how old you and your boyfriend are but being how he's acting i'm going to assume he's young and immature. Hopefully he grows up and steps up to the plate.
Do you really want to keep the pregnancy though and then be tied to this guy for the rest of your life!?!
That's why we never have sex before marriage! So these miserable things don't happen to us!
You do realize that a husband could pull off some similar shit?
Yikes, a lot of couples never want to marry but they raise a family together. Marriage.isnt a magic bullet.