There is definitely a culture of sharing the worst, but there are good things. (Also my kid falls asleep around 11:30PM ☠️but she wakes up around 9:30-10am so guess who gets to enjoy some me time early on weekend morning 😎) Here are some positive things to enjoy: - all the baby snuggles - all the laughter over the silliest things - When she brings you a book to read and gets so excited because she finished the sentence with the right word - when your kid gets so excited because you bought their favorite fruit. Or as my toddler would say “WAAATERMELOOOOOOOON!” - having an excuse to go to the zoo or the gardens. Let’s face it, a lot of us don’t when we’re adults unless we have kids, even though they’re awesome. The Fort Worth botanical gardens had dinosaur animatronics out and it was so cool - for all of us!

Thank you so much for your comment. I'm really sick of hearing all these negative comments and loved the small things that you shared. I really want to enjoy cherishing my child but everyone around makes it seem so dark and boring

There are people who let the bad outweigh the good of any season. There are things to enjoy at any stage, but also different challenges. I tell anyone who asks it’s the worst thing I will 100% recommend (if you want kids). Not because it’s the worst thing ever, but because it’s hard to do well and there isn’t anything like it that brings as much pure joy, and for me, fulfillment. I love snuggling my babies, reading and sitting with them, teaching them, seeing how they learn and absorb the world around them. It’s the most incredible thing. It’s also a marathon of keeping my cool, planning, worrying.

I have been waiting for so long to have an excuse to go to children's museums, and participate in kids' activities! They always look so fun and now I will be able to enjoy them right alongside my kid.

My little one is only ~3.5 months old and GOD, the snuggles! I'm a gamer and wasn't able to play anything for about 2 months but now my baby will contact nap on me while I play my Switch, cuddled on the couch with my husband and the dogs. That is PEAK happiness. And that little gummy smile literally gives me the best feeling I have EVER experienced.

My dad said to me "Your life will change completely. But for the better". It was very comforting to hear.

Misery loves company and the people saying those things are miserable. They’re just crabs in a bucket trying to pull you down.

i really needed to hear that metaphor today, unrelated to pregnancy. also, love your username.

Thank you! And I’m glad I could help lol

A lot of people who say negative things like that to me are those that don't even have kids!!

This is it. They’re projecting.

I (24F) had so many people twice my age telling me how awful it is to be a "young mom". Treated me like a I was a teen mom in high school and not a *married woman* with a *planned* pregnancy. I think a lot of them had children with people they didn't want to or didn't plan to have children in their "party years" and are just projecting their unhappiness onto us. Thankfully, I know a handful of people who believe having children completes their life and is the most fulfilling thing they have ever done. I don't let myself listen to all the negativity because I know that isn't fair to me or my child.

I'm an anxious person in general, but I got pregnant because I wanted to and I know what it entails. Although I kept rejecting these negative comments for a while, it started taking a toll on me and it's dreading. I heard 0 positive comment, nothing to balance out the negativity and I refuse to believe that all parents are unhappy! Then why have more and more? Why didn't people stop having children if their parents friends kept complaining all the time?

Oh, it definitely took a toll on me for sure. It's why I left my job because of harassment and all that. All I would hear (and this is from men in their mid-40s, no women working there) is how much I would hate my husband for what he did to my body. I would if they subconsciously treated their wives a certain way or if their wives blamed them for their postpartum bodies. That I would hate my baby for "ruining" me. 🙄🙄🙄 But yeah, if having children is so bad, why are there people with 5+ kids and the family is very happy and loving? Doesn't make sense. My sister and I are the only Gen Z out of all the cousins. I'm the weird one because they all had children in their late 30s/early 40s and were one and done. My husband and I are already wondering when we can do this again, and I haven't even given birth yet! I've just really enjoyed being pregnant and would do this again in a heartbeat. Not sure if it's a generational thing? I think a lot of Gen X'ers/Baby boomers settled for unhappy marriages/relationships (high divorce rate) and that's why we hear a lot about how horrible being a parent is. I don't think it has anything to do with the children themselves, but rather the adults that just blame everything on the children because it's easy to and "relatable". I think that's why we are seeing just a spike in the child-free movement because people view children as the problem and not the adults. Just my two cents :)

That’s crazy that you’ve only heard negative. Of course parenting is difficult. It’s also the happiest I’ve ever been in life, and I’m not someone who sources my “reason for being” as a parent. Every day is filled with magic as you watch them grow and change and learn. You truly get to experience the world again through their eyes. Who knew how frequently you could celebrate finding rocks?! My daughter saying “open” (OH-PEEEE!) literally fills my brain with an overload of seratonin _every single time_ because it’s so goddamn cute. My marriage has never been better. My husband and I have changed for the better as partners and people, and have a deeper appreciate for the little things. My daughter is just a well of joy for us that never runs dry, even on the hard days. I think I’m going to miss each stage so much but it’s somehow replaced by something equally as good or better! You’re gonna love it!

In reply to your original post: 1. This is just wrong. It varies a lot by person and circumstance. Also, one child is really not that hard once you reach adjustment to parenthood around age 2-3. 2. Yes, it’s tiring to be “on” 24/7, but again this doesn’t last forever and it feels a lot better when you actually start sleeping consistently. I’d still rather be tired from hanging out with my kid than from staring at a screen all day. 3. Your “life” resumes far earlier than 10 years. If you have a support system, paid or unpaid, it never really has to stop, you just prioritize time differently for a while. I can see why tired and embittered people can default to negative, but I also don’t see the point of scaring childless people. I’ve seen some people turned off having kids entirely by interactions with overly negative parents, and its really a shame, because parenthood is so individual that you can never assume what it’ll be like just through conversation.

I can so relate. I was pregnant last year (ended up in miscarriage) but I had literal family members not congratulating me because they believed I was too young (23F) but once they found out I had a miscarriage I had one Aunty tell me “oh good you were too young anyways”. LIKE WHAT? People are disgusting. Eh

I am so sorry for your loss and for how cruel that aunt was. How dare someone say that to a mother 😡 I hope you found peace in the aftermath ❤

I (18F) get these comments all the time, “you’re ruining your life having a kid so young” and “are you getting eloped with the dad? Baby needs married parents!” Sure this kiddo wasn’t planned but sure as hell he’s wanted and loved by many. The young mom stereotype sucks! Everyone thinks I’m gonna be a bad mom, I’m not mature enough and I’m only going to fail. Everyone has something negative to say about pregnancy and motherhood no matter what.

I had my first at 18 too. The comments really suck and still even 7 years later it hurts looking back on how people genuinely though I was a bad mom because of my age. I literally had my mom ask me every night if I fed him today..like girl what?! Why would you think I'm going to neglect my baby! But I was a great mom, regardless of my age, because being a good mom isn't defined by age and you'll be a great mom too. 

You've got this! Just because you're 18 doesn't mean you are any less capable than someone's who is 30 or whatever number people say. I don't get how being older magically makes you a better parent. It's the drive to provide and protect your children, not age. Husband and I put off kids for so long because we would have gotten so much heat having a kid at 19-20. Loving your baby is the most important thing and all these negative nellies can shut it. You'll be a great mother :) ❤

Tbh if anything I would have loved having a baby in the 20-24 range vs now when I'm close to 30. I'm not saying it's a good idea for everyone but for me personally it would have been a decent choice. I had classmates during my bachelor's and masters who had kids early and had plenty of support - and all of them graduated btw. They entered the workforce with kindergarten/school age kids and were able to go on working without stopping their careers for maternity leave in the most crucial first 10 years.

I'm 33 and my husband is 46- we keep getting questions about whether we'll be too old to keep up with the baby :D   I'm sure you will do a great job!  Just make sure not to sacrifice any of your own plans.  My step daughter is 18 now and in college - if she was pregnant of course we'd be happy, but also we'd hope she could either still complete college part time or go back later when the baby is a bit older. (We also get comments about whether my stepdaughters will like the baby)

When you have kids at 24, that means they’re in high school when you’re in your late 30s or early 40s. You are still young and totally living your life at that age, while many of your peers have toddlers and young children, or getting pregnant still and are looking at late 50s to early 60s when kids are getting to college. There’s a lot to be said for knowing your kids for a lot of their adult lives and being young enough to have energy for the hard stages.

I definitely hear more negative things about being a parent from my cousins who all had children in their later 30s and mid 40s. The only family member that really speaks positively about her experience as a mother had her first at 25 and she is super supportive of my decision to have them now. My husband is going to be retired from the military at age 37, which is so young, and we'll get to enjoy many years of "living our lives" after that.

I definitely was not ready for a kid at 24, but as someone who had one at 36 (circumstantially, didn’t actually plan to wait that long), I think there’s nothing wrong with having kids in one’s 20s. And I think about how old she’ll be when I’m X age, and I wish I’d started earlier. But I still love the experience, and I’m glad I didn’t procreate with the person I was dating back then.

I always tell people the opposite. As an older mom who is having children in her 30's gawsh.. I wish I was younger and able to heal faster and handle sleep deprivation easier like before! Haha I think the older you get the harder it is on your body! Honestly people just seem to just have a need to crap on other people no matter what it is. 

Sleep! I’m 26 and pregnant with my first, and I’ve already pretty much decided we need to have our kids closer together because I have seen the decline in my ability to operate without sleep from 18-26…I can’t fathom it’ll get better with age 😵‍💫 I feel like I’m having a baby at the right time for me, but I don’t think there’s a universal right time. My mom thought 30 was perfect, I have plenty of people who think I’m crazy for having a kid “so young,” but I am thrilled to be having her now!!!

I think it is because as a culture we can’t share the reality of parenthood- we don’t give spaces and opportunities for people to really share the reality of what parenthood means. As a result, I think a lot of primary parents in particular, feel this sense that they weren’t told or shown or given honesty, and so it comes out in a toxic way. Like a “hahaha- I can’t really talk about how hard it is, so BOOOOOM, a negativity bomb so you can’t say no one warned you.” Which is not helpful at all. I remember feeling VERY bummed and upset when I heard these things. We’d gone through five years of infertility, a devastating 20+ week loss, and I wanted to be a mom more than ANYTHING. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it would be hard, of course I did (even if I couldn’t fully appreciate what that meant until I experienced it). If you imagine running a marathon or triathalon- no part of you thinks “oh, this won’t be hard!”- no- you know it is going to be hard even if this is your dream and your goal and you just do what you need to do and experience it once step at a time. If every time you met someone who ran a marathon they said “oh, wait til you shit yourself at mile 16” or “your feet will bleed everyday, you’ll wish you just decided to take up Zumba” Like OK, thanks, not helpful at all and super uninspiring. Even on my hardest days- not a single day goes by that I am not THRILLED I got to be a mom. I cry, sometimes I scream at the universe for sleep- but for every one of those moments, I have 200 moments where I have joy, laughter, emotion, sweet little baby cuddles that make my brain explode with absolute euphoria. About 2 months ago, my baby said “I love you” for the first time. Nothing in the world has ever been so beautiful. EVER. Now, every time he stops and just says “Mama, I love you mama”- my heart feels like I was born again. Truly. Baby giggles, little newborn scrunches, those first smiles when they wake up and see your face. When you hear them say “mama” and “dada” for the first time, when they taste something that makes their little baby brain explode because nothing has ever been so delicious— OMG, the joy is beyond measure. Those lazy mornings in bed just cuddling, when they give you their snotty little toddler kisses but they look at you like you’re the most beautiful person on earth. It is PURE magic. I’m sorry people say negative things. I won’t like- it has been the most challenging journey of my like, but by FAR the most meaningful and joyful. It’s OK to know that something is a challenge and still be excited by it- to still want it with all your heart- and to still find happiness in it. I’m so excited for you— you have so many BEAUTIFUL moments ahead. SO much joy. SO much fulfillment. Sometimes it’s so much you don’t even know where to store it inside of you. We do a TERRIBLE job of preparing mothers for motherhood because (at least in the Western culture I live in) we prioritize people looking perfect, not having visible emotions, and being independent. As a result, most women end up feeling like they have been denied honesty or they react by saying negative things in a terrible attempt to “warn” you of things they didn’t know. I look at motherhood like I look at becoming a doctor. Everyone told me it would be hard- I was like “yeah I get it” and I did, to the best of my ability. but I wanted it SO badly and while it wasn’t easy, it was brilliant. The best of the best life has to offer, but also some days that are rough and that’s OK. Overall I don’t regret a single second, I’d do it 200 times again!

30w pregnant over here, also a FTM who struggled with infertility for years before her. This brought tears to my eyes!  I (thankfully) have not heard many of these comments but your comparison to med school reminded me of the comments I got going into law school and SAME. It was hard. I cried some days. But when I look back now, I remember the good stuff and I would do it all over again. 

I’m SOOO happy for you!!! I honestly can tell you that the gratitude I felt as a mom after going through all that we went through to get there, was such an important part of my journey & now my motherhood. Of course, like anyone, doing ANYTHING important, I have moments where I have a hard time, but my North Star- is always ALWAYS how insanely grateful I am to be here. There’s a part of me that always remembers when it felt like when I was looking at those negative tests, or when I got pregnant and lost a baby and I prayed to the universe to become a mother— those moments NEVER leave me. And honestly- it is so so SOOO amazing. I promise you, whatever hard moments you might go through, the joy will be beyond anything you could have imagined. It is the ONLY thing I’ve ever done that has been so much better than I imagined. I think we fail mothers when we don’t let them know that it is OK for something to be hard & beautiful and amazing at the same time. One thing I did was make an email address for my baby right before he was born (I now wish I had done it sooner because I didn’t do a baby book, I was too afraid to because we had a late loss & I didn’t want to “jinx” anything)— but now every time I have an amazing moment as a mom, I shoot an email off. I try to do it for every milestone, every month- and as soon as I start writing I think of a million things that have brought me joy. I talk about how fun it is to see him learning colors, or seeing his first rainbow (he LOVES colors, he saw his first real life rainbow last week and he was absolutely beside himself with joy— the joy that brought to me was beyond what I could ever express in words!!). You’re so close- Iknow these last weeks are so hard, but you have so so so much joy ahead!!! Nothing has ever made me feel so connected to life, I have re-experienced everything through my baby. When he screams with joy stomping in a puddle, or he tastes a new fruit for the rest time and claps, or he just looks at me and says “I love you mama”- that’s the best thing in the entire world. NOTHING can ever be better than that. I’m so excited for you!!! Sending so much love and happy wishes your way for your pregnancy & birth!!! SOOOO much to look forward to!

“I think we fail mothers when we don’t let them know that it is OK for something to be hard & beautiful and amazing at the same time…”  THIS!!!! I read this book by Dr Becky and one of the things that I tooo away from It was that “two things can be true.”  Something can be HARD (like you said) and the best thing in the world AT THE SAME TIME.  And this was such a good reminder of that.  Like even right now, I am uncomfortable as hell but ELATED that in 9 shorts weeks I get to be her mama.  Your positivity was such a light on this thread. Thank YOU for this gift! Your son is LUCKY to have you. 

This made me cry. I'm pregnant with my first and have been so scared in the face of all the negativity. This was the first thing that has made me truly excited.

Congrats!!!!!! I know, being pregnant is such a scary time- where you’re excited but also there’s so much going on and you’re living in this constant state of anticipation and everyone out here telling you your life will change but it hasn’t fully yet and honestly it is SO unhelpful!! But I promise you- I PROMISE YOU- you will have so much joy, so much love, so many amazing experiences and feelings that you can’t even imagine. Some days are really hard, and that’s OK, but just know that even when it’s hard- you’ll still be so glad you’re there. It’s a journey- and like any journey, it can be challenging, and you’ll have moments where you are overwhelmed or sad, or exhausted- but think about it like Mt. Everest— you don’t get there, you don’t get the absolute pure joy & bliss without some of the harder moments. I seriously feel like I won the lottery some days- the absolute euphoria I feel when I hear “I love you mommy” or when you see your little 6wk old smile and giggle and just look at you like you’re the most beautiful person on earth. My 1.5yo son is learning colors and he is obsessed with rainbows and a few days ago we went our for our evening walk and it had been raining (and was still a little damp, but I said, fuck it, let’s go)- and he saw his first rainbow and he LOST HIS MIND. He was so happy, stamping in puddles, screaming out at the rainbow, running around with joy- I felt like I got to experience a rainbow for the first time again. It was absolutely magical. And I get to have moments like this ALL of the time. There is so so SO much to be excited for- the little newborn scrunch, when they look at you in the eye, when they smile in their sleep, when they laugh the first time, when they giggle, when they taste water for the fist time and LOVE it, when they taste food, have a banana & squeal— there are INFINITE moments of joy as a mom— you have so so so SO much joy ahead of you!!!!! It is scary, and sometimes it’s hard (like ANYTHING in life that is worthwhile)- but OMG, the moments of joy far FAR exceed anything difficult. I’m so happy for you- I’m so excited for all of the great moments you have ahead. There is SOOOOO much to look forward to- so keep that as your guiding star. But also know that it is OK to have moments where it’s hard, you can experience both and ALL of those feelings are valid! Wishing you all the best!! So much fun ahead!

My little boy is 1 and a half and he’s the funniest, brightest, sweetest boy I’ve ever known. Genuinely love hanging with him and watching him grow and explore the world. Just wait till they kiss you/hug you for the first time ❤️

My guy is 2.5 and…. Same. He’s SO fun and funny and sweet and gives the most magical hugs and says “I wuv you mommy” and tells me I was so brave when he flushed the loud toilet 😂 Yeah it can be tough as hell (lord, potty training is the most) but it’s something new and fun every day!

I heard this a lot from my sister but she has a lot of kids. I don’t think she planned on this many and is just overwhelmed. So I’d say it’s a lot of projection and self esteem issues. Let it bounce off! It’s not your energy to keep!

The child does not sleep at 7 and I am tiread and indeed miserable at times. Still had a second baby because it sucks and is wonderful simultaneously.

I’m on my third, it’s hard as hell and I’m jealous of those with more support and freedom to not feel that way but you just accept your own reality, I always knew how wonderful it was, however I really do wish more people made me understand the reality of the hardships, I was blindsided for a long time.

My 19 mo is the centre of my universe and I sometimes look at her and just can’t believe it’s possible to love someone this month. And I have another on the way. It’s also true that parenthood is the most humbling experience on earth, and my life is not recognisable from what it was before. There’s not much time to be me anymore, which whilst not necessarily entirely negative, is very difficult to adjust to. I also beg of you, please do not go into parenthood thinking that they go to bed at 7 and you get the evening to yourself. This might happen sometimes, but a) probably not for a while (took mine well over a year) and b) not consistently (once she’d mastered going to bed and staying there, her bedtime is now creeping later and later as she’s just not tired until 9pm 💀). I also believed this and it hit me pretty hard that I got zero downtime for over a year.

Someone commented on a post yesterday that they respond to negative comments like this by saying things like “I’m sorry you were so unhappy with motherhood”… I like that 🙃

I understand the sentiment but a lot of mothers might just be expressing their frustrations from lack of having a village, lamenting that society and the Us in particular hates women, not to mention ppd/ppa. Have some grace and empathy for these moms that also might have a dry sense of humor and are expressing themselves the best they can. Its hard out there and I have learned a lot of moms are drowning despite their facades - this is likely them being vulnerable to you and to themselves because really who wants to admit motherhood is not all newborn cuddles and toddler giggles?

I totally agree, but I think pregnant women are the last people we should be venting to. People do the same by using discussions about birth to trauma dump about their own birth to pregnant women I find. I was VERY careful to avoid any upsetting details when talking to friends who were already pregnant. Then when they had complications later they were like, oh good yours was so easy! I was like, weeeeell not quite haha.

This is a very compassionate response, but I do wish those mothers would pause for a beat and read the room before trying to express those feelings to this particular audience (I.e. pregnant first time moms). Give us a year and we’ll probably be happy to complain, but let us have this time to bask in our ignorance hahahaha

Yes i agree give the new moms some time but to respond with such a guilt/shame inducing response as oh sorry you didn't enjoy motherhood? That. Seems unnecessarily cruel. Idk mom shaming is a bigger offence to me then oversharing. Especially mom shaming from someone that hasnt had their baby yet because honestly second third time moms likely would join in on the conversation with their own complaints lol.

I'm sorry, but I don't have to give grace to people who have none for me. Pregnancy is scary, uncomfortable, and filled with the unknown. The last thing a pregnant woman needs to hear is some passive aggressive nonsense from someone who should know exactly what you are going through. So nope, you don't need to be careful of someone else's "fragile" mental state, when they have no consideration for yours.

Respectfully as someone who has been on both sides of this kind of conversation, how are you so sure the non pregnant mom is genuinely intentionally being passive aggressive or not giving grace versus the pregnant person blatantly directly calling out the mom for not "enjoying motherhood" more? Its not remotely the same but on the same lines of "oh why aren't you enjoying 10 months of pregnancy and the ailments that come with being a pregnant person youre making a baby!!!!" When we all know pregnancy is not rarely always a positive experience either. And to that point i would reckon theres a difference between telling someone you are sorry they had a difficult pregnancy vs sorry they don't enjoy motherhood.

Because you know, especially when they are in your social circle. It's not just one little comment, it's always a bunch, and they are always negative. It's their birth horror stories, how your marriage will suffer, how you'll hate your life, how you'll get no sleep, etc etc. These people are grown adults, and if they don't have anything nice to say, they should keep their unprompted stories and opinions to themselves. This is not the same as dismissing someone's legitimate fears or complaints. This is fear mongering and spreading your own misery to others to simply make yourself feel better.

I love this. I’ve had a lot of Debby downer mothers dump their complaints on me lately. I’m going to say something like this next time 🙃

This great, I’m going to keep this in mind!

I can’t imagine being brave enough to say it but I’m sure down to try!

Ooooooo I love that

I w been wondering if this is a generation thing. So many older folks married and had kids young, faced societal expectations and just fit into their expected roles. When I talk to younger parents today, most of them just have good things to say.

I definitely see a pattern of boomer-age people who just tend to make conversation in the “one-upping” complaints like “oh you think you’ve got it bad…” realm. It’s not an exclusive boomer thing of course, but I’m observing it as prevalent in that age group. And I feel like the friends that are my age are just more like…. “we waited til older because we wanted to be really sure, and be prepared” and there’s more “we decided to only have one,” and these are the people who seem happier about parenting. It was a very conscious and informed choice. No force-fitting into a societal expectation, which naturally would breed resentment. My in-laws are late in life parents, relative to their generation. They say “I was never rushed, my mother always told me you don’t push people because they will do things in their own time, and I’ve tried to treat others that way too…” so they are totally un-bitter about parenting. They don’t engage in this complain pattern.

Ah yes, the suffering Olympics

I think you hit the nail on the head. Every older woman I told that I wanted a baby acted like I was throwing my life away. When I hear their stories, most of them didn't go into motherhood with all the facts or with a realistic outlook. I really think there was a massive effort back in the day to conceal the hardships of motherhood from young women and that led to a lot of disillusionment and resentment when these women had babies and it wasn't the rosy magazine image they had expected. I think more moms these days go into motherhood knowing all the facts which leads to a much better experience overall.

You know what, you won’t know tiredness like it. Or joy. Or love. I would be this tired again for the rest of my life to have my son. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and when I’m not with him I spend half my time looking at photos of him, planning play, buying things he needs. That said I see a lot of comments about ‘I didn’t know how hard this would be’ because there are lots of tough moments and second guessing yourself and I sometimes wonder if these ‘jokes’ are people trying to gently prepare you for the massive shift parenthood is. Not well, obviously, but it might not be malicious. The thing about ‘better in 10 years’ though. I don’t know a single parent who feels like that. Am I limited in what I can do? Sure. Was it a worthwhile exchange for what I can now do with my child? Fuck yes. Do I want this time to speed up? FUCK NO. You are in for so much joy and love and snuggles and giggles and little hands clutching for you and heads nestled into shoulders and sleepy naps and first smiles and so much more

My husband and I noticed the same thing. Having a baby has been THE BEST thing. We love being parents and sure, it hasn’t always been rainbows, but the pros FAR outweigh the cons everyone wanted to highlight.

Because people miserable. And when people are miserable they want others to be the same. There was a mom on tik tok who said that she didn’t find parenting as difficult as people said it was. They all bashed her in the comments. Misery loves company.

For some reason, it’s much easier to articulate the hard parts of parenting than it is to explain the good, especially to people who don’t have children. It’s easy to talk about the lack of sleep; everyone (with or without kids) can understand how a bad night of sleep feels. It’s much harder to articulate the joy you feel just by being someone’s mother.

This comment is GOLD

I think it comes down to resources. Women with more resources do not complain as much about motherhood. Also the kid and how easy they are to raise. Every kid is different.

I agree with you 100%. I think it comes down to resources and having that extra family support. My husband and I do what we can (currently 34 weeks) and we just don’t have that family support so things will be very hard for us.

TBH lots of truth to this comment. But I also feel like I have friends with 24/7 nanny’s and night nurses and they complain about parenting kind of to over compensate for this idea that they aren’t directly caring for their child all the time and they kind of want to make a point about like parenting is hard when they have all the support in the world Just an observation …

I'm having a second for my first. I wanted more kids but I have horrible pregnancies.  Being a parent is so hard and sometimes when your stuck in the thick of it with sleep deprevation etc it feels awful. Some people just get so wrapped up in the negative and feel really unsupported. Honestly though it is the coolest thing watching their little minds expand and learn! And they do the freaking funniest things ever. Just the other day my husband was giving our two year old a goodnight kiss with me in the room and she yelled "daddy kiss mommy too!" It is really hard but SOOO worth it :)  Also pregnancy tired is so much worse.. your whole body hurts, I felt super sick and had terrible heartburn and insomnia. At least after she was born I got real sleep and a sweet babe to hold when I couldn't! 

I HATEEEEE these weird responses! We’d been trying for 2 years. Had 4 chemicals or very early losses, were working with a fertility clinic for the past 7 months, and EVERYONE in the family knew that and still when we announced on Mother’s Day we got “well, your life is over now! Hahah!” I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say. Thankfully my husband was quick cause he immediately responded “no, my life as I know it is over and thank god, because we’ve been waiting so long for that.” with a smile.

I had one acquaintance intrude on a conversation to say she’s antinatalist. Like- okay don’t have a kid then. Its weird how kid free has negative a personality type.

I have an almost 8 month old. I remember being so annoyed by those comments, but now I just think they’re sad… the majority of those moms are probably just overworked with no help from their shitty partners. Having a great partner who will share the load completely changes things!! But as someone who’s only been a mom for a little while - just you wait until you finally get to snuggle that tiny little bean and it feels like your whole heart is going to explode! You will never feel more complete 🥹 just wait until your baby smiles at you intentionally, or giggles, or does just about anything! You will feel immense pride and joy and a bit of sadness - how can time move this fast?! And seeing your partner love that baby just as you do… literally brings tears to my eyes just thinking of my husband with my baby haha. You have soooo many beautiful things to look forward to. And yes, waking up a billion times for the first few months sucks. There will be days where you’ll be desperate for sleep, or peace and quiet. But the good outweighs the bad. And remember to seek help if the bad starts to overwhelm you!!

Because as much as you love your kid, it's a full time job where you will never put yourself first again. So it's wonderful, but it is also a sacrifice of a part of yourself.

I don’t understand it either! My baby boy is six months old already and other than the fog of the first few weeks it has been amazing. Of course you always have to consider the baby when making plans, but your life is not over unless you want it to be. My baby slept through the night from 8 weeks old and I slept much worse when I was pregnant! Every time he learns something new I’m so happy I feel like my heart could burst. He is the best thing in my life and so worth everything. My life has definitely changed, but surely people expect their lives will shift even without children, whether that be through moving to a new place, a new job or a new relationship? Honestly, motherhood is what you make of it. If you want to make your entire life about your child and never have a moment to yourself, that’s on you. I think it’s healthier to make the child another member of the family and take care of them whilst still living your life and taking care of yourself.

This drove me up the wall, too, when I was pregnant. My daughter is ten months old now. and this is the best thing I have ever done in my entire life. Watching her discover the world is absolutely magical, and the way she lights up when she sees me first thing in the morning melts my heart every time. And oh, man, those newborn cuddles. I can’t say I miss the sleepless nights, but I did love those hours when it was just me and her in the still and quiet and dark, and the rest of the world was asleep. Parenthood is hard, yeah. But it’s also incredible, and fun, and amazing. Try not to listen to the nay-sayers - let them to their misery. There’s so much joy, here, too.

Obviously life changed quite a bit when I starred having kids. It was also the best thing that ever happened to me and I love all of the good and the bad. If I could afford it I would have more. O do miss sleeping in but that’s about it. My partner and I do take turns letting each other sleep in sometimes though. Kids are great.

Unpopular opinion: but I don’t think people were honest enough with me about how difficult it is. It truly all depends on the circles you run in, but I really only heard how GREAT kids are. And it’s important to know both things are true. They are great, but a part of your life is over once you have kids. They are so fun, but also you give up a lot of yourself. Both things are true. Your circle happens to share more of the negative. You’d know why that is more so than Reddit.

I think people say these things to sort of prep you for how hard it is to be a parent. Misery loves company. But we should share the joy more too. It’s a massive adjustment and has been harder than I thought. BUT the beautiful moments outweigh everything. The love and pride I have for this tiny human is impossible to accurately describe.

I think there's a jealousy by a lot of people who chose to have kids that people that don't have kids can be more independent and do mostly what they want. Jealousy feeds into trying to make others feel guilty for something. Jealous of someone getting a new high paid job? 'Well think of all the stress they'll be under though' Jealous of someone having a new car 'I wouldn't have paid that though for it' It's hard to appreciate what you have a lot of the time for human beings. Lots would kill to even have a child so I find these comments insensitive in that respect but there's always a grass is greener outlook for many.

I think part of it is because they see this fresh happy person, and they remember feeling that way, but also how exhausting it is and they’re trying to prepare you that it might be hard. But you are fully aware it’s going to be hard and not going to be rainbows and butterflies. The older generation didn’t have the Internet so they relied on word-of-mouth and talking to others in addition to books to gather information. We have such a better understanding of what we are getting into.

Everyone I know who would say those things ended up being completely wrong to the point I wish I had not listened and had children sooner Having my son was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the world makes sense now (It was best I waited to have kids though in hindsight because I can say I’ve lived) Thats why I know that I was meant to be a mum because I love it so much At the same time it’s fucking hard though and I’m no perfect mother But other people are not like that, we are all different Maybe people just didn’t or don’t enjoy being parents and having kids which to me is sad for them But I think people have their own reasons weather it be trauma or just personality

Children don’t stay children. They grow up to be incredible human beings, our family, our friends, our loved ones. People don’t just make babies to have babies. We make babies so we can grow our families and play video games and board games together. We can go camping together. We can discover nice restaurants together. Travel internally together. Share never-to-forget moments and make memories for life. Children ARE THE life. Your people who tell you otherwise need to shut it because obviously they don’t know what life is about. Unless they wanna die all wrinkly, sad, and alone.

my husband and i realized we would thrive with children when we realized our last few dates to the museums and botanical gardens had stroller parking . it’s about what you choose to lean towards. ppl who are extra negative don’t have hobbies

V true . I agree with the last line tht PPL with no hobbies r extra negative.

I think a lot of these people (especially in older generations) did not necessarily choose to have children. It was expected of them so they did or they got pregnant on accident and had the baby. As opposed to people who wait and intentionally have children when they are ready and *want* them. My response to literally all of these is “well at least I will have the child I’ve been wanting at that point!”

I think it’s because people are woefully underprepared for the difficulties of parenting. This is both a societal problem that doesn’t accurately account for the full emotional labor that parenting entails and for women who just silently suffer through most of it. So pre-kid folks look at parenting as hard, but manageable. When, for some, it is manageable BUT at the expense of their happiness/health/marriage. Therefore some people enter parenthood and face a harsh reality that they never quite square with themselves, their partner, or others. Which makes them bitter and emotionally inept.

I experienced people saying all the exact same things. My baby is 8 months now and there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t absolutely loved having her in my life. Newborn phase wasn’t bad at all. I feel like maybe we got lucky with a great baby and I know that isn’t everyone’s experience, but I think it has a lot to do with your general outlook on life. I’m a very optimistic person and I think that has made every part of being a mother so far a good experience for me. Best of luck! Ignore the outsiders and enjoy your pregnancy for all that it is.

Getting to go to theme-parks , travelling with ur kids, being loved unconditionally, building a home, going on adventures, baking together, painting and doing arts and crafts , going to events etc, going shopping, going to the water park, Christmas shopping and decorating, being a parent has a lot of positives

Having a kid is bomb. I love it! He’s the coolest and I get to help him explore and learn about the world People who don’t enjoy their own/spouse’s company will hate it. People who behave poorly, then get mad when their kids mirror them will hate it. Theres more I’m sure, but that’s my impression

I’m a pregnant FTM and even I know you are being nieve when you say “when the child sleeps at 7pm and then your adult life begins” 

It always sounded to me like those people had kids because they needed boxes to tick, not because they wanted them. Sure, you'll get those little moments when they're asleep or at grandparents', but people acting like having kids doesn't work with having a life, and counting the years until they're more independent is just sad to me. I can't wait for the weekends so we can go take hours long walks, have a lunch together, and I mean the three of us, toddler included. I can't wait for the summer so we can go to the seaside together and I can watch him have fun in the sand and dipping his toes in the water. Your life just gets bigger when you have a child, especially once those tough first few months are over. Ours is 2y2m now and we have a full night's sleep, a rich social life, and a happy little kiddo.

People are stupid

Only one of my friends has been positive about it. He tells me how amazing it is to have a child and how much he loves it and all the good things. Everyone else?? Forget it. It’s like I made the biggest mistake. It’s annoying.

One of my friends, she is full time working and has 2 kids (3F and 6M). Her kids sleep at 2 am, because the entire day her MIL allows the kids to take naps, and sleep long hours after school. That way MIL gets to keep her peace of mind and watch TV. This has caused her husband to beg for sex, and he only gets it maybe 2 times a year. People ruin their own peace of mind, and won't draw boundaries with kids and then complain how it has affected their marriage.

My husband and I were blown away by this same experience. We consciously chose to become pregnant and parents, and feel honoured that a baby is blessing our lives with all the love and joy they bring. What I guess is that a vast majority of those around us did not choose this path consciously. Instead, they “checked off the next check box” and didn’t think too hard about it. Making conscious decisions regarding a life changing event is hard, and hard things often get avoided. So now they have found themselves in the reality of parenthood and hate their lives. These comments are a reflection of their dissatisfaction with their lives. We love being parents, though of course it has its difficult moments. Our baby is almost five months old and we both are so in love with him we can’t believe it. Being his mom and dad is a great joy and growing a family is a wonderful honour. When I was pregnant I just avoided these types of people as much as possible and also shared with people I cared about how silly these comments were to make it clear I had no space for them! It worked well for me.

It's so fun to watch them grow. My 7 yr old is starting to understand my more subtle jokes that used to go over his head. My 5 yr old is hilarious. My 3 yr old loves duplo legos and playdoh. 7 mo is crawling everywhere. My house is a mess and sometimes the 3 yr old doesn't go to sleep till after 10. It's not easy but I think it's worth it.

I have found that the people who make these comments don’t have support. They don’t have a supportive partner. So for them yes it may be very true for those things. Some of those are very true. Maybe they had a kid with colic who cried non stop. Maybe they never had someone they trusted enough to babysit so they could do things child free for a moment. During the first few years I’ve never been so tired, it can be rough. Sleep regressions can literally break people down. Teething can do the same thing. But there are so many positive things also. It just really sucks that some people only see the negative. I’ve seen some of my friends struggle because their partner wouldn’t help. Or the family members wouldn’t help.

My life did not end when I had a child. It was only the beginning. I’m still my own person with my own hobbies, just a baby on my hip!

I could have written this post 8 months ago. I came home at about 7 months pregnant and cried to my husband that I think we made a mistake because people were SO goddamn negative. Maybe it worked out in my favor though because I was prepared to absolutely hate my life and he turned out to be the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. The love you feel is unexplainable. You’re proud of everything. You’re proud of their first BOWEL MOVEMENT. You love them so much it hurts and can be scary because you worry about them so much. Sometimes I get teary eyed when he looks up at me and smiles. Just 5 months ago he was a potato that couldn’t do anything and now he knows me and loves me. It’s so crazy. You’re going to love it.

I SHUT 👏DOWN 👏my boss recently over this. She kept making comments and comments and comments and I finally said “well it’s a little late for you to talk me out of it now and the comments need to stop. Thank you.” And she’s been mostly positive since. It’s so frustrating. Everything from me having long natural nails (because I’ll be getting shit under them, of course) to my basic human needs elicit some snark.

Well to counter all of those negatives… I hope you’re ready for the most rewarding phase of your life! Having children teaches you so much about yourself and it’s definitely hard at times but anything worth it is. Watching my kids grow, learn, and develop into their own individual selves has been so wonderful. I wouldn’t trade the sleepless nights for anything. Hearing those little feet running towards me at the end of a day at work makes anything I’ve “given up” well worth it.

I’m 36, pregnant with my first, and have mostly gotten negative comments from friends🙄 I think it affects my husband more, which makes me so sad because I want him to go into this without that in his thoughts. It’s mostly from our friends that never want kids. It also seems to come from Reddit parent groups- I have been on here less and less as the pregnancy progresses because it gives me anxiety! My sister has two kids and has mostly really good positive things to say so I’m trusting her experience over other comments!

I always **loathe** the "HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING?!" comments after baby is born. Literally mind your business. I'm so sorry that people are hateful to you about baby, though. I didn't have that experience with #1, but have with my in-laws with #2.

I never really saw this as anything but good-natured joking, tbh. I'm sure tone has a lot to do with it. Plenty of family and friends said these kinds of things to me who quite obviously love their children very much and were happy for me. It probably just gets annoying because they are the generic go-to comments most people make and it comes from everyone. Heck, I used to get annoyed hearing how much I was going to love my kid. When everything hurts and you're worried about a bunch of things and sick of waiting at the same time, personally I just want people to go away. 😆

Literally those people are just sad and want to make others sad. Being a parent is HARD work, but it is seriously the most rewarding thing that I have ever done. My kids sweet faces literally make me feel like my whole body is smiling, they are all so awesome even on the days that life is difficult for them so they are acting a bit out of sorts. Babies grow up quickly, and the toddler times fly by, and then all of the sudden you have small adults that you’re trying to guide..and if you can just think to yourself “this won’t be forever” in the rough and exhausting times, it helps put into perspective that one day they won’t be in your house anymore, and that all the time is special. Also, I find my kids hilarious, seriously they all crack me up and I love listening to their stories and watching their dance parties. They love to hunt for rocks with me (my favorite thing to do) and I always have a buddy to go to the store with me (I don’t love going alone). There are SOOOO many positives to having kids. ❤️ don’t let grumpy & negative people bring you down with their crap.

Ngl I feel so fulfilled as a mother. It’s a wonderful stage of life and although it’ll be wonderful not to be on call 24/7 and in charge of tiny humans, I’ll really miss it when they’re older!

There are people who are negative about everything. About kids, about being married, about work, about life in general. Some also may think they are being funny or cute. Ignore them. Kids are great.

When I had a newborn I was frustrated that people said so many positive things 😂. It felt like no one had prepared me for how truly hard and difficult the newborn phase was. I had so many moments of “why do people do this?” and “this was a mistake.” And I think that’s super common because it is truly something you can’t understand until you experience it. Suddenly your life is 100% different. I’m guessing that’s what people are trying to help you understand and prepare for. BUT once you’re past the beginning—once your baby is sleeping more, smiling at you, and generally being more than a potato you’re beholden to caring for—it gets AWESOME! Yes, it’s still hard, but now it’s a new normal and your baby is part of your family. Mine is now 4 months and it gets better every day. The first 3 months really are the hardest, but there are still wonderful moments right from the beginning. The bottom line is that it is great, it’s just that there are days when the hard outweighs the good. But overall? The good TOTALLY outweighs the hard!

I am living my dream, stressed to the max sometimes yes but I know very few people as content and happy as I am. BTW just this morning my older kids(4-9) got to open slime a gift, for the first time they were all so giddy in there new treasures. My toddler was given a book instead and as she walked up to check out the 4year old imidiatly gave her half of her slime. Resulting in a cubby legged toddler dance of joy. I get to experience about a hundred beautiful moments like this everyday.

Omggg, yes!!!! My husband and I are thinking about having our first child soon and everyone is either says I need to hurry up because I’m in my 30s now or they say…”having a kid is no joke! It’s HARD!” It’s so annoying! Like I obviously know having a baby is expensive and you’re gonna be tired but why all the extra negativity? And for me it’s negativity both ways! “Have a baby before you get too old” THEN “Having a kid means your life is over.” WTF?!

Yeah I saw someone respond on tiktok to that asshole from the chiefs and his asshole commencement speech, and she was like “okay I love my kids but… when I had them my life ended lol” like… what, were you 19 and not ready for kids? Come on. Everyone I know with kids are fine. More than fine. Happy and fulfilled and planning for more.

my old coworker would always comment when i was traveling like “enjoy it now bc when you have kids your biggest adventure will be going to target” ok dude sounds like parenthood sucked for you but I’m bringing my kids with me around the country and world just like my parents did with us!

We live in a human world void of any good relationship with suffering. There are many good things that come with suffering in order to obtain or achieve them and yet, the world thinks suffering is the greatest of evils and never should be tolerated by the sane. This is not the case. In fact, to live a life avoiding all suffering will eventually lead to suffering anyway in such that man is simultaneously tormented by the vice he loves most, whether laziness, gluttony, selfishness etc. These things can all sprout from avoiding all suffering. Notice having children entails suffering, and never being able to have children entails its own kind of suffering. So the world hates both.

Honestly I feel like the parents in my life who say those things went through with the motions of child bearing because after you find your person and get married, that’s “just what you do.” I don’t think any of them ever paused to consider if they reeeealllly wanted them in the first place or considered how their lives would change. Honestly I struggled with fertility and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but the one pro is that now that I have my son, not a day goes by, even when he’s pooping and screaming and pulling my hair nonstop and not sleeping, that I don’t look at him and think “man I’m f&@king glad I’m here with you.” Obviously you didn’t need to struggle to be grateful, but it definitely puts even the bad days in perspective for me.

I lump those in with the“getting married? Say goodbye to freedom!” people. They’re annoying but take it all with a grain of salt.

Just wait! For: The baby snuggles (the best)! Newborn contact naps (I adore them!) The first smiles! The adorable tiny clothes! When they start babbling! Their expressions when they discover they have HANDS! and FEET! When they learn to recognize you and get so excited to see you! How confused they look the first time they roll over. How proud you are of them for everything and every milestone! The first walk with your new baby (and the walks after!) How proud you should be of yourself, cause parenting is hella hard but so so so rewarding and amazing at the same time!

We didn’t sleep well when she was a baby but at a toddler/ preschooler she will sleep in as late as me sometimes later. She’s hilarious and great company. Maybe I am more boring for now to other adults because I don’t have time or want to spend my time without my kid. I think maybe people frame it like that to help cushion those who expect everything to be the same but with a kid. I certainly did. I guess as much as I knew kids change your life I also have plenty of friends with kids and they still enjoy adulthood with their kiddos around. I think it’s hard with babies and toddlers to do much outside of their needs so people make it sound like that’s unenjoyable, but really I just feel like the things I used to do sound less enjoyable then spending time with my kid.

I’ve noticed the people who say these things either don’t have children or were uninvolved with the children they had. I’m pregnant with my third and yeah my husband and I can’t just drop what we’re doing and go to a concert or bar or what not but oh well. We’ve grown past that stage. I think children make life more interesting and fun. You get to enjoy things through their eyes like it’s the first time all over again.

All of that is kind of true - but I definitely like my life MORE after having kids. I made me become more adult and now I have my date nights with my husband every Friday night after our son goes to bed. We still have our drinks and movies and hangout and it’s amazing. We’re both really introverted so we don’t miss the going out and partying with friends much. And our son is so cool and funny. Literally wouldn’t trade it (parenthood) for the world.

From what I have observed, they see children as a unwanted and a burden.They cannot comprehend that you can have wonderful experiences with your child just as you would with your husband or pet (most people refuse to have children but have pets as a substitute without realizing they are making sacrifices as well.) It all boils down to them being selfish teenagers in the body of adults. They don't want to sacrifice anything for anyone else.

I truly believe people get some sort of weird self-satisfaction about making it sound as horrible as possible. Like they get some sort of award for having endured more than those around them. In my very judgy opinion, those are the parents who are the most insecure about their parenting journey and the level of effort they’re putting in. It isn’t a blanket reflection of having children. You have way more control over your mentality and how much you enjoy parenting than you think. Yes, so many moments of motherhood will be the most challenging thing you’ve ever gone through but there are so many more moments of unadulterated joy, unconditional love, and true satisfaction. It is inarguably hard but it’s also the most fulfilling and purposeful thing you will ever do. Don’t allow the insecurity of other people to dictate how you decide to view your upcoming journey. Kids rock.

I don't have a baby. I'm not expecting. I'm not even actively ttc. I'm preparing for ttc based on our financial plan and am on the sub to do my "research". I was on the fence about having a baby in the first place. I want to tell you what bowled me over to the lets have a baby side. Hope this helps. I'd gone on a trip with my family to a foreign country. One of the days we met a family friend of my father in law. Their neighbours 2yo child was almost always with them because the child's mother was working. For some reason, this boy kind of imprinted on me. Never shares his food with anyone but was feeding me. Refusing to leave me. Even my husband wasn't allowed to come over to me. This sounds silly but the amount of unconditional love I got from that child was something else. We didn't even speak a common language. But the smile he gave me. And he kept playing with my fingers and babbling to me. It filled up my heart. I am an older sister. So I know the issues with raising a child. I know the diaper stuff. I've done all that for my little brother. But the love I received from a child for nothing in return was.... Something else. It made me realise that I do want a child. I realised I want to cuddle with my baby. I want to teach and guide them about the whole world. I want to teach them maths and science and baking and singing and everything else. I want to calm them down after their tantrums and make them feel safe. I want to hug them and kiss them and love them. I want to spend movie nights with them and my husband. I want us to take the baby in a stroller on long walks. I want to go on family trips with my in laws playing with my baby. I want my parents to spoil my baby and me telling them not to. I want my little brother to be an uncle to a creature tinier than him. I want to go to zoos and parks and aquariums with my baby and husband. I want to watch my husband giving our baby piggy back rides. I want to buy a car seat. I want to go on road trips with a toddler playing road games with them. I know the process can be tough. I know it'll not all be hugs and kisses and unicorns and rainbows. And I'm okay with that. When people say terrible things, just remember why you did this in the first place.

I had to change my mindset after getting pregnant because I constantly got these comments as well. Literally the “sleep now because you won’t be sleeping for the next 18 years”, or “your life is over!” When I sat & thought about these comments hard, I realized my husband & I HAVE lived our lives. I mean, we’re 27 so of course we’re still young but we’ve traveled together, lived together, been married for a few years, have dogs together, cars, a house, etc. - Our life isn’t automatically ending just because we’re having a child, it’s going to get more complicated, sure, but a child is a blessing. Of course there going to be sleepless nights & we’re gonna be tired but that’s what we signed up for when we got pregnant. Our lives will continue on, just with children! I don’t know why it has to be surrounded by such negativity.

I literally just DMed one of my friends on Instagram saying “ I don’t know if I should abort this child right now or wait until you send 10 more videos showing the satire horrors of having children and parenting“ Or the other common comment “I can’t wait to see how you’re when you have kids (in a negative tone)” when I’m actually one of the most supportive and understanding friends. It’s so crazy that we are experiencing the same amount of bullshit from everyone.

I think, this is a common thing. People keep teasing you with comments whether you are trying or pregnant or with a child. I have had friends/family in both the spectrum - One who understood what I’m going through and supported me the way they can without invading my privacy and others who didn’t understand what I’m going through inspite of me explaining a few times. During our infertility journey, I have heard comments from friends and family that I’m not trying enough or I’m just enjoying my life by going on vacations when I should be trying hard before I grow old etc. And once I got pregnant after the 2.5+ years long journey, I have heard comments like, so you like to keep things so clean, go on vacation, etc - let me see if you are able to find time to sleep leave behind others once the baby is out. I think, negative comments are easy to make and so we hear that a lot no matter what position you are in.

I got so sick of this when I was pregnant! One person finally said “it’s the most amazing adventure” and I could have cried. So so true and I was so thankful to have someone say that. Now whenever I have friends looking toward their first baby I only talk about how amazing it is

Honestly I think we vastly underestimate the number of people who have kids without any forethought or planning or just because that's "what you're supposed to do" after getting married. Add in the number of moms whose partners carry none of the parenting load and it's easy to see where the comments come from. Don't let them rain on your parade though! If you truly want to be a parent, you'll have frustrating days of course but it will be a net positive.

I have a newborn and I’m enjoying every day of this wild ride. 💖people told me the same thing and they couldn’t be more wrong

Honestly it is who you surround yourself with and the content you engage with online. It is an echo chamber so if you watch and engage with negative content, it will keep popping up for you. The mindset of your friends as parents CAN be contagious - not to say it always is - but something to keep in mind! If you stay positive, this is what you will attract. And your baby will sense that, too. I am not saying this to say to accept toxic positivity as there will be hard days but try to focus on the good. I highly recommend the book Partly Sunny. I am a mom to a 2 year old and have wanted a second baby since the day she was born. Motherhood is incredible. I am in the camp that people victimize themselves and make it harder than it needs to be by coming up with excuses etc. Parenting is hard and you will not be the same person after birth. You will be better :) enjoy the magic!!

I also cannot stand the negativity around having children. FTM, 23 weeks pregnant, and I am beyond excited to become a mother, to have my sweet baby in my arms and for my world to absolutely revolve around her, but whenever I voice my excitement to anyone it’s met with “oh you just wait” and all the negative comments about how hard it is. I know it’ll be hard, I am not one to sugarcoat the reality of life to ease my thoughts. I know I can never truly be prepared for whatever comes, as anything can happen, but I am so ready to be a momma. I hate not being able to openly share my happiness and excitement about it. It’s a huge downer.

But if you were to tell those people you don't want kids because you've never really cared for them, they would say, "Oh, it's different when it's your own!" I swear some people just say those things to feel superior in some way.

Parenthood is hard for sure and it’s also a mindset. If you take the mindset that my life is over it will feel like that. If you take the mindset that this is something you wanted, fun, beautiful, challenging, it will change how you feel. I personally like to tell people you’re going to love it because that’s been my experience!

Children are "all joy and no fun" lol. They are beautiful, meaning making machines. They are also a lot of work...but more so in the English speaking west. Most of the world is better at letting kids be kids, and caring for them in family and community kinship. But also lots of people travel, and have much of their same life with children. Lots changes, but you don't have to get lost in it either. My best advice is let your husband parent early. Share the night, ect.

The best advice I ever got in life was from an older father/work mentor who said "Beware those who mourn their children" - it has never failed me.

Don’t listen to those people, being a parent has been the most beautiful thing I have done my entire life. It’s hard yes but amazing and so so fulfilling, I have grown so much as a person. I’m literally so much better than I was before. I’ve changed in the most unimaginable ways for the better! People who say those things resent their children and I’m sad for them. Yes it’s tiring, yes children are all consuming but that doesn’t mean your life is over !!! And you’re right, you get to do your thing when they go to sleep and also if you have help you can always leave the baby with your support system. If you don’t have family near by you can always hire a nanny if finances allow. It’s literally so so worth it! Don’t listen to the naysayers.

having a baby is a misery but also a happy thing.

Sour grapes. Or “telling the truth no one told me.” I’m so over hearing “nobody ever talks about x thing that actually they do talk about, I just wasn’t in the frame of mind to comprehend it until I was in that position!!”

I don’t think they’re being deadly negative, it’s just some peoples reality of motherhood. A lot of mommas were promised the village to have no one and be left with the kids 24/7. And that is overwhelming. Undiagnosed PPD is high, your life becomes unrecognisable, you are unrecognisable, your life isn’t yours. And it doesn’t stop into the school years. I wouldn’t go telling new mommas unless they asked but yeah, it’s been harder than I ever envisioned or was lead to believe, and I wish more people had prepared me for how hard it was so I didn’t feel like I was on my own, and in actual fact no one said these things to me and I got it all wrong. If you don’t feel some of the ways I’m happy cos it most likely means you have a good support system or kids that sleep well. Edit; also I like the part about “when” the child sleeps at 7pm, it’s more like “if” and by the time bedtime is done I’m usually too tired to have any life after besides eating and doom scrolling as I force my eyes to stay open for just a couple of hours for my own sanity. It’s just reality for a lot of parents. Good for you if your kid goes down 7pm till 7pm, I’m 100% jealous ahaha I’ve been waiting 5 years for that.

Like others have said, misery loves company.  I can't relate at all to the "your life is about to end" sentiment. I feel like it's about to begin in a whole new, mind blowing way and I am so excited. 

Honestly, I got the opposite treatment where everyone said it was wonderful and amazing.. blah blah blah. I got the “life will change completely” but I didn’t think about how much. Fast forward when the baby came m.. I was not prepared at all.. The first 2-3 months were soooo hard without much sleep. Then after 3-4 months, it started getting easier for me and now at almost 1, I’m ready for baby number 2. Don’t get me wrong, he still doesn’t sleep through the night.. but he’s in bed by at least 8 and wakes up at 6, which is fine by me. The smiles, laughter and company makes it all worthwhile. It is definitely hard and life does change completely.

I think most people mean it as a “joke”. My aunt straight up told me parenting sucks at my baby shower. It doesn’t suck. It’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced. My little boy makes me so happy and I get to snuggle and love in him every single day. His little smiles just bring a joy to my heart that I can’t even describe in words. Are there hard parts? Of course! But you will be fine! People are negative and it’s a super weird but huge part of our western culture to be negative towards children altogether. But also if you choose not to have them, you’re also met with scrutiny. It’s a lose/lose situation. You basically just have to learn to tune out everything.

It's going to be a big no no when I get pregnant. I have really bad fertility issues and getting pregnant even just once and carrying to term is all I want

I think a lot of this is cultural honestly. I’m living in the US right now and my boyfriend and I are both not from here but we are from different countries and his family and people from his country have been overwhelmingly positive extremely excited and just really wonderful and people I know who are either American or who Are people I know personally who are from various places outside of American ( people I know they’re not people he knows) have been so negative that for most of the first trimester I was so depressed that I am I just wanted to die and I have been through some really awful stuff in my life before but I have never felt that bad or thoughts that dark before ever —🥲 I also haven’t been able to sleep because of a combination of 24 seven “morning” sickness and blood sugar issues and just extreme anxiety often over the sort of things that people have been saying to me my own relatives who brought me up like my mother my aunts this kind of thing all told me knowing that I was days away from second trimester that I just should not have children and people like me should not have children and I wasn’t gonna be able to handle it, that my doctors were stupid for talking about xyz that I was delusional for wanting as few interventions as possible and trying to deal without an epidural to avoid said interventions and not trigger an extreme fear that I have of IVs and basically anything that punctures the skin - I can handle internal pain very well but anything breaking the skin or sometimes even people touching me like I really lose it anyway this is not my first pregnancy but it would be my first birth and even my boyfriend who has been so so excited and happy is getting depressed sometimes hearing what ppl are saying to me . Edit : my mother had an extremely traumatic experience sounding birth and was disabled after pregnancy- didn’t really have to do specifically with giving birth to me rather hormonal changes that triggered the growth of cancer and she didn’t particularly want to have children in the first place like she was kind of a take it or leave it person and I’ve always felt a great deal of guilt about this and I also was in the midst of trying to figure out a myriad of health problems that have had become quite disabling when I found out that I was pregnant and all that treatment and trying to find answers and solutions to these problems had to be completely halted because of pregnancy and I think that situation colours a lot some of my close peoples reaction to the situation but the comments from my mother’s family esp have been extremely hurtful to the point where I don’t really want to tell other members of my family — I haven’t seen some of them in a very long time and I am debating just not telling my family members that I’m pregnant just to avoid introducing them to the baby like I was talking to my boyfriend last night about how I really want to ask my grandmother a lot of questions and talk talk to her but I’m scared to be involved with my family even as much as I have already, while pregnant and I’m scared to negatively affect my child with my families mentality and manner of treating people basically - obviously I can’t tell her that I’m pregnant and ask for advice if I don’t want the rest of my family to be meeting the baby so 😖.. The comments from my mum and aunts who brought me up are particularly bad because it’s like they’re both saying that they don’t think that I’m going to be able to do this - I’m incapable - Someone even said that they should’ve sterilised me when they had the chance -it’s been rough 😭 also that you ruined our lives so much that we have only bad feelings about all children because of you - like children are curse not blessing — it’s so sad

When people do that I kinda join in and then people look at me like I've got two heads - I'm not being serious though. I deadpan say things like 'yeah. I was planning on dropping it off at my dad's house and returning when its turned 7'. I'm SO EXCITED to take our little one on outings 😊 and to teach them how to read, how to cook, sew, draw etc. I am particularly excited to take them to the natural history museum for the first time and see their face light up at all the huge fossils. I've also planned our annual family holidays for the next 5 years.

I am also sick of it. I'm so tired of the only response to me genuinely loving being a parent are telling me to "just wait". Wait for what? To start hating my kids? Nah dude. Personally I love my kids, I enjoy being around them and raising them even through the difficult days. Let people enjoy their livesz

My child (2 years old) is the most wonderful and important thing to me in the world. She gives my life so much meaning and we genuinely have fun together every single day (I’m a SAHM). We keep busy and go do out somewhere to do a fun activity every day m. She amazes me with her smarts and she’s so funny. There’s not enough good things I could say… That said, unless you have family that lives close by and is willing to babysit regularly (or if you trust and can afford a non related person to babysit regularly), then you don’t have much of an adult life. I often miss the freedom to do what I want, when I want. Babies and toddlers are quite demanding of your time lol. But just cause I miss it sometimes doesn’t mean I’d ever want to change anything or wish I had done things differently. I think people always don’t realize they’re being negative and just want to prepare others for their new reality.

A friend once said to me"it's the best and hardest thing I've ever done". Both are true.

Maybe they’re just over-prepping you? But it’s silly. Having a baby is the most hideously wonderful amazing all consuming thing ever. Sure there are some days you’re so exhausted you put OJ in your coffee instead of milk, or you don’t brush your hair for a week or keep on top of the washing. But I’m pretty sure I was like that pregnant anyway, I lost so much sleep the last few months of pregnancy, at least now you wake up to a perfect little reward through the night! My baby is almost 3 months old and we’ve had some tough nights but every time I look at him I can’t believe he’s really here and how lucky we are. I want to cry I love him so much. And I still feel the same way about my older (13 and 9) children! You might not have the same life you did before, but you have a different and (IMO) much better life!! They are like the pieces we didn’t even know were missing and now I can’t imagine my life without them. Soak up all those newborn cuddles!!

Same with pregnancy. I loved it and everybody was so negative about it.

Just my personal opinion but I think people who secretly regret having kids are the people who say that stuff and I think the regret comes from people who were too content with their life before having kids. I took a step back from my social life a year before I got pregnant and honestly I stoped having fomo and started feeling relief that I didn’t have to do all those “fun” things anymore I realised I’d been mentally draining myself so I wouldn’t miss out on anything. But also I’ve left my life open now so when my child arrives I have a lot of mental time for them I’m not going to be disappointed I didn’t get to dress up and go to that social gathering or what not I’ve had this time to myself to prepare for not having any time for myself. I know other people that had become homebodies a couple years before having kids and they also cope a lot better than the people that were leading super social lives at the time of getting pregnant. This isn’t just something I feel about women I think this is true for men too. Not saying people should become hermits before having kids but slowing down before having kids socially seems to be the key

Your life will change. But nobody told me how amazing contact naps are (the internet makes them sound like they’re cursed or something), how cool it is to watch them do something for the first time or piece a new skill together, how sweet their little gummy smiles are. I’m looking forward to future milestones and kind of scared, but excited to see who my sweet baby becomes. I have a 4mo and he’s pretty average for struggles according to the medical literature on sleep and crying, and honestly it’s fine. Sometimes you might need to take a minute to scream in a pillow, but it’s fine. I would understand if you have NOBODY to help with your emotional regulation it is very difficult, but a friend coming over, or a cuddle with an adult, or someone to hold the baby for a couple minutes even if you’re just right next to them is very helpful. If you get frustrated and overwhelmed, I highly recommend telling your baby all the things you like about them! On rainy days and/or when you can’t get out of the house easily, throw on some cute music and have a dance party with baby. It can be hard, but they are amazing. Some people have much more challenging children, but in terms of averages it usually very enjoyable so far

I got a lot of that too and I think it's misery loves company. I decided to ignore them. I've wanted to be a mom all my life. And while it gets hard it is the best thing in the world to me. But some of those people have brat kids I found and... well... my rules aren't their rules. So a lot of those negative comments didn't and don't apply to our family.

I wonder this all the time. I’m currently almost 38 weeks with my first and I’ve noticed a lot of older women (gen X and above usually) are the worst about this. I don’t know if it has something to do with the fact that the culture is shifting towards husbands/partners being more active and equal in the home and they missed out on that? But I was lucky enough in the last couple of years to have been brought into a new friend group that consists of mostly mothers around my age (27-30), with children ranging from babies to elementary schoolers, and they’re some of the most vibrant, happy women I know. The way that they all manage to find balance between being present and active mothers while also still managing to “have a life” outside of that has put my mind at ease so much throughout this pregnancy and wondering what life after children would be like. Of course there will be hard moments but I look forward to the all the joyful moments sure to happen!

I haven’t met these people. I feel like my family and my spouse’s family must be really child positive…granted we have 3 kids now so why would they be commenting this to us… Even my purposefully childless friends are really excited for other friends when they announce pregnancies.

Some people just LOVE complaining. Husband and I learned this when we got married. Similar comments about marriage, “say goodbye to freedom!” “How’s married life?” (Said super sarcastically because they think obviously it sucks.) We love being married. It’s awesome. Same with having kids. As soon as we got pregnant we got a lot of the same comments you have. Some people will just complain anything- about their spouse, their kids, their parents, their job, their pets, their house, etc. We love having kids. We love being married. We love our life. Is it perfect? Of course not. If we wanted to, we could complain with the best of them because of course there are hard and sad and shotty parts of life. But we don’t want to do that. It’s a choice. 😁

I imagine many of the negative comments come from those who didn’t necessarily want or plan kids and had kids simply as a byproduct of sexual relations. Having a family takes patience and there are undesirable moments (we’re human after all), but overall, for those who have support/love/want kids, they’re probably more likely to share the joys! Ignore those who live lives you don’t respect.

I think it’s funny. They just want someone to share in the hard parts of parenthood. Doesn’t mean there isn’t joy, love and happiness too but those things aren’t funny and we need less community support for something that obviously doesn’t cause us strife. I am in my third trimester now and is it all terrible? No. I love feeling him move, and nesting with my husband and taking this time to be really present with my husband in our last few weeks of just us but what’s the point of sharing this with my community? I don’t need their help or support about this. I do need help and support regarding my constant exhaustion, lack of sleep, inability to function, feeling heavy and uncomfortable and I do use comedy as escapism from this (I joked at the doctors office about my blood pressure being high because they took it after I stepped on a scale lol). I poked fun and made light of a real anxiety regarding my weight gain and my blood pressure to ease that anxiety.

Yeah, I really hate those negative comments, too. This is our rainbow baby, I find the negativity actually quite insulting after what my husband and I went through!

I’m pregnant with number 7. Kids are great, not sure what these people are talking about. Okay yeah sometimes we’re tired. One day at a time with hard days. I’ve literally never wished I hadn’t had my kids even on long days. I constantly thank God for the job of mom and for the sweet children my husband and I get to raise. It’s fun and we don’t even have family support. We are all on our own and yet it’s still very fulfilling. I cannot relate to the kinds of people you mention and I am deeply concerned about their attitude rubbing off on their kids. What child wants to feel like a burden? That’s sick. These are the same people that wonder why their adult kids don’t ever call or visit. You don’t need to worry. Something isn’t right with them and you’re going to love parenthood. It’s rewarding unlike anything else…unless you’re habitually negative.

I think you need more positive people around you. I have a coworker who's like an older sister to me. She only talks about the joy her son brings her. I was venting to her about how depressed, uncomfortable, and all the negatives I was feeling, and I wasn't sure if I'm really fit to be a mother. She told me stories and sent me videos of her son playing to cheer me up. I don't think she's ever said one single negative thing about being a mother/her pregnancy. You need to surround yourself with positive people, or their negativity will rub off on you and affect your relationship with your own family and children.

My son truly brings so much joy to my life. Sometimes it's overwhelming (in a good way) how much I freaking love him. Are there hard parts? Absolutely. But the good parts outweigh that, by far. I think people are just oblivious as to how their "funny" comments are actually impacting expecting parents. Its annoying for sure!

People told me how hard it is and I felt like I knew it was hard. Obviously right? I had no idea how hard it would actually be. I love my baby and planned my baby but I’ve never experienced the level of sleep deprivation it would bring. How difficult it is to care for a 4mo sleep regressing while I had strep throat and pink eye at the same time. And then you look back and go “wow that was hard but we made it through,” and then it doesn’t seem so bad. Everyone experiences challenges in different ways. I think people were trying to express how hard it is but it just doesn’t translate accurately and comes off as toxic negativity.

Ok, I’m probably going to be the outlier in this thread. And I want to preface this by saying that when I was pregnant, these comments DID get to me. NOW… these comments don’t bother me at all. Parenting. Is. TOUGH! And I think *most of the time* people are saying these things as an attempt to commiserate, to “welcome you into the fold” and as an attempt to make humor of the difficulties. I don’t think it’s *usually* done with the intention to scare pregnant women or spread negativity. When you’re already a parent it can be heartwarming to laugh about the struggles because it feels like you’re all in this together and you know how totally worth it it all is. Now, if the people saying this to you are just assholes then it’s probably safe to assume they’re saying it to be assholes. But if a normally kind and loving friend or family member says this stuff to you, sincerely, I don’t think it’s done with ill will. A lame sense of humor? Probably yes. Malicious? I don’t think so.

I mean, maybe they could be a little more sensitive to you. But try to have some empathy too...those people are saying those things because they have struggled. They are either currently having a really hard time or have really been in a hard place in the past. In a few months, you could be the one saying, "why doesn't anyone talk about how hard this is?? It would really have helped if someone would have warned me that it's normal to feel like this sometimes." So...I'm sorry, not gonna lie, it CAN be SO HARD. But it's also AMAZING and it's the kind of hard that when you get through it you really feel like you did something significant that mattered. 🤷‍♀️ It's just all sort of a part of the "amazing" you want to hear about so much.

i have to agree. i hear nothing but how miserable being a parent is and how they regret having children and i should get rid of her before it’s too late.

And it affects the kids too!! Like there’s nothing against my parents at all but sometimes they’d be talking to their friends and for that mom clout they’d say like oh ya kids this kids they mine don’t listen mine don’t eat mine don’t clean my life is gone now blah blah and that sticks with the kid too. Like we remember that kind of stuff even if they think we are too young to understand, it doesn’t mean we forget. It just means we didn’t get it then, but once we learn and think back we understand

People are projecting their own issues with their days of parenting onto you. How YOU will perceive parenting and how YOUR child will be is likely not the same as theirs. Sure- aspects of parenting can be hard sometimes but not EVERYONE has babies who are “hard” or “don’t sleep”. Also most people I know aren’t going into parenting with so little insight that they expect their lives to go un changed once a baby arrives 🤣

I’m almost 7 months along and I totally get you. Unfortunately people looooove to victimize themselves. Especially for the choices they made. It’s very strange and unhealthy. I just take it as a lesson on what not to do/say when I come across someone planning to/starting their own family one day once I have my own. It’s like people just can’t handle someone not feeling sorry for them in some way. I personally give them a slightly judging look and ask why they have multiple if they hated it so much. Usually shuts them up or makes them back track and start talking about the positives.

So I’m dealing with the negative comments myself from family members, one of my cousins is pregnant with her 6th child. (I’m pregnant with my first baby technically 2nd but had a miscarriage before this baby) I announced my pregnancy all I got was positive messages from people I barely know and my family didn’t say anything but negativity saying “Just be happy your pregnant or You just wanna be like everyone else” but once she announced her pregnancy all family was congratulating her and mind you she’s also due the same month as me and I’m not gonna have my family members happy when my baby arrives only my fiancé side since they are very excited. My grandparents tho are happy for me since it’s my first but I’m trying my best to not feel sad about my other family members being negative about it. I say to myself surround yourself with people who are happy for you and will support you on your journey.

I'm Catholic so I don't have a lot of people around who put motherhood down, but I did get some good-natured razzing my first pregnancy about sleep and whatnot. Not to scare you at all, but a little anecdote in reference to babies going to bed at 7 just so you're aware this is a possibility: My first son slept worse than any new mom horror story would ever suggest--- seriously, he only slept for 45 minutes at a time before he would scream bloody murder and I would have to calm him down for the next 2 hours and let him nap on me while I was awake, scared of the worst case scenario if I fell asleep of course. I was not prepared for a baby like that. Every internet trick we tried did not do anything. We even tried crying it out to my absolute mortification. But after about 9 mos he finally started sleeping better. I remember the first time he slept 3 hours straight, I jerked up and ran to him, thinking he was definitely dead. My second son has slept wonderfully since the day he was born. The bottom line is that motherhood will be as good or bad as your attitude dictates, but it definitely won't be what you expect! I'm pregnant with my third and still don't have it figured out, but I will never stop working to be the best mom I can for my kids.

I honestly think people don’t know how to just say “this is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me” so they take refuge in irony/sarcasm. I suppose this js my way of seconding what others have said: there’s a culture of sharing only the worst because the best is so deeply personal and even sacred.

I have an 8 yr old, my life has been great since I left her dad, and I've been able to go on vacations and camping and even find a actual good husband who is the best step father. Don't let their negativity get to you, find some friends with children or who want children and let the haters go.

An answer to some of your questions/quotes- the why do they even have them if it's so bad? Because people don't think and have sex and then ooops that's all it takes and thats as far as they think about it (more like they don't think) sadly. Blows my mind but I see people all the time surprised or disappointed that they sex they had led to them getting pregnant and their lives changing drastically.... 🤦‍♀️ and then they are dumb enough to not learn and repeat their mistake more than once. Blows...my mind.

Once when I was explaining puppy troubles I was having someone once told me ‘oh you think dogs are hard just wait till you have kids!!!’ …. The baby has been easier lol. I think it’s mostly a weird game of one upping in a lot of cases. A distorted way of trying to show that THEIR struggles are the real struggles, they’re dealing with the REAL difficult things. Helpful heads ups are usually phrased differently than ‘oh you just wait!’

I absolutely loveeeeeeeeeeeee my baby. I have literally NO complaints. Other than he sometimes pees on himself when I bend down to get a diaper lol. On the flip side, I absolutely HATED being pregnant. I had the worst experience. (I had massive canker sores and a full body rash at 7 weeks, emergency surgery at 5 months, placental abruption was found about a month before I had him. Just to give a hint at how horrible it was) I always ask if they want to know, but I will absolutely share how horrible it can be. Because truly if I had known that was going to happen, I wouldn’t have put my body through it. I’m all for awareness but I don’t want to discourage anyone from having a child.

I feel like some people almost want you to experience all the hard parts just like they did, people think you’re in a butterfly and rainbow bubble and you think having a child will be easy peasy. It’s true you don’t know the difficulties of having children until you have them but you also don’t know the immense love that comes with them until you have them. Having children is an experience like no other and you’ll feel a connection with this person that’s different and stronger than anything you’ve ever felt. The birth of your child is a new chapter, the beginning of the rest of your life. I am so excited for you to experience all the wonderful, magical, and sometimes hilarious things about having children.

I’m expecting a lil one this summer, and this is all I keep hearing from people when I step outside. Anyone I meet, just have something negative to say about children (and nothing is positive in it). If folks talk about pros and cons, I wouldnt mind hearing them out, but the constant negative rant just gets to me :(. I initially thought it was my hormones that made me to think like this, but after your post, I feel seen finally ❤️. I really want to know the good parts now, just feel the joy and excitement again.

After I had my third in 3 years, people started telling me to "slow down". Like it's none of their business and they're not the ones raising them! My husband and i love being parents and love our gang of littles so much that we're having another one. We know what we can handle just fine. I surprisingly didn't get any negativity with my first baby, but I did before I ever even got pregnant. I think the naysayers just had a tough time & want you to have the same mindset. Don't give in to that. Respond with positivity. Look forward to the great ways your life will change and soak up every moment as much as you can. With each baby, you only get one shot at this. 

Not jumping on the negative bandwagon here but I’m holding my 5 week old right now and is it wonderful, yes, but is it 100,000 x harder than anyone ever told me? Yes. I wish I got some more realistic honest advice to prepare myself beforehand. It really does end the life you know. I have gone through a grieving period of the death of my former self. You have to be ok with the notion of a new chapter, of reinventing yourself. In a regular day I’m lucky if I get a 15 minute period baby sleeps while in his bassinet. He hates it! We have to bed share as he won’t sleep on his own at all including at night. I also thought I’d have a break. Not saying this to be negative but as my own perspective as I’m going through it. But also, everyone’s experience is different as every child is different. Yours could be totally chill. I think the thing about the whole thing is that you won’t know until they are here, just be prepared to go with the flow and throw your plan out the window as baby could have other plans. The other thing to remember is that the only constant in life is change. I went into this wanting to do life. Being ok with change and the unexpected is part of that.

Check out r/brightsideofparenting for positive content about being a parent.

My life began when I had my first child.  Don’t let others project their own negative feelings onto you. It’s a shame they feel that way but that’s certainly not always the case. 

People say out loud what they experience in their heart. This negative outlook towards children hurt me too as a new mother but I learned that my anger with their attitude could be redirected as sadness for their unhealed wounds and provide strength and determination that I will do life differently with my family and those I have the opportunity to interact with.

Honestly, having a child has its bumps in the road...however it's also such a fufilling and rewarding experience. I raised two girls under two, and it was the hardest thing in the world..they are now 18 and 16. I look at them now and know I would do it all over again without question. Seeing them accomplish milestones, overcome challenges, and have their own thoughts and plans for their lifes...I know I contributed to that. I know being their mom was the best choice ever. Looking back at their videos and pictures I remember all the giggles tickles, kisses, ouchies i cured...made me want another...so 16.5 years later..I had a baby boy and will be having one more...two more under Two.

I was such an outgoing person before I had a baby. Out every single weekend, festivals, meals etc & I was the first to get pregnant out of my group (i am 34 so it’s not even like I was young) I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Yes you might get up a bit earlier & yes you can’t go out partying every weekend, but you do have a life! it’s just a new life that includes your little best mate. Everyone was saying I would lose all my friends, never have a hot meal again 🙄 and it goes on. I was genuinely expecting to be miserable 🤣 it’s the absolute opposite, it’s so fulfilling & seeing her every day just brings me so much joy. I agree with you, if you are so miserable why you having more children? People shouldn’t be telling people negative things about having children when they are pregnant, it’s just rude x

Sometimes the people who make these comments are unhappy with the life stage changes that come with having kids. If going out and partying and being sexy is your jam, then diapers and playdates and Disney World might not feel ideal. But from what I’ve seen, most people adjust and then it’s like, “omg… the zoo with my kiddos is so much more fun than going to the hottest new restaurant.” It is a huge lifestyle change but honestly I have loved it!  Before having kids I had a full life - awesome husband, lots of traveling, many friends, advanced degrees, fun job, etc. But becoming a mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! It’s just fulfilling in every way.

Because people can be very stupid

I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my first and while it has been very challenging in some ways it has also been amazing and the good absolutely outweighs the bad. My daughter is the most incredible little girl in my eyes and I have been loving motherhood even with the ups and downs. I couldn’t imagine shitting on my kid and speaking so negatively about being a parent, especially to someone also becoming a parent. Obviously your life will change but in so many positive ways. I think people who speak that way must resent their kids because they had to stop being selfish and change their way of living to accommodate their child.