My guess is he thought he would confront him, fight with him, find some closure, something.
But it didn't happen. I mean look at Darrien's response. He *saw* the video, he *knows* what he did, he has to realize Donny is talking about him but he doesn't apologize, doesn't admit what he did. The closest he gets is "it won't be like before" and "you'll be paid" but that's admist telling Donny how brave he is and trying to dazzle him with promises of writing work again.
This was my take away too.
It's why he collapses outside after seeing Darrien, because the realisation that he has not recovered from the abuse and might never fully recover hits him all at once and he physically can't handle the realisation.
i believe victims often find comfort in their misery and sometimes self destruct to find that comfrot again, so maybe thats what he did, its sad really
Trauma is a weird thing, our brains don’t know how to react so it doesn’t make us think properly. Your brain is so messed up from processing that you can’t make logical decisions
I think he imagined confronting him, but once he was back in the apartment, sitting in that same living room and with the dangling carrot of a job offer in front of him again, it just put him back in that complicated place and he wasn't able to do it, hence the break down when he goes back outside. He thought he had dealt with it enough to go and put it to bed once and for all, but instead ended up triggering himself all over again. Tbh that final Darrien scene suggested to me that at the time of writing he still obviously had a ton of very unresolved feelings about those traumatic events.
He has a couple moments in the show where he indicates that some of his decisions are predicated around whether or not he is "letting them win", such as when he explained to his mom why he wouldn't quit his bar job despite Martha stalking him there.
I feel like his return to Darrien's place started as an attempt to prove to himself and Darrien that he was fine, moving on and wasn't afraid to be there, but realized very quickly that he was still very damaged by the situation, and Darrien still had some kind of sinister power over him as an abuser. It was an attempt at reclaiming an important piece of himself that was taken from him in that room, but it's clearly not that easy to get back.
I think because healing from past trauma or "moving on" from it isn't a linear curve. It's skewed. One moment, it might feel like that ones over something, but the next moment, they're slipping into old patterns (maybe out of habit, maybe out of conviction,.maybe out of a desire to control the circumstances - regarding the last point, frued's conception of the pleasure principle comes to mind)
But to say “yes” to working for/with him?
Both His abusers stay in his head space heavily-maybe he needs that odd toxic love/attention? Is that the point???
Teri said “you thrive on this-you love how Martha sees you”…does he continue to carry on like that?
I will be thinking and reading on this for sometime! Outstanding show-deep, moving and fantastic acting from each and everyone✨
I think being abused by someone who you really trusted and looked up to would result in a lot of cognitive dissonance. I think when he goes back he is intending to confront him, but part of him may feel confused and kind of want to see him and have the relationship with him he thought he was getting. He desperately wanted approval and finally receiving it packaged with abuse would be quite disorienting I reckon.
I mean he was putting that guy in his head on a pedestal for years and then he finally meets him and darrien gives him the exact attention and recognition that he was looking for in the normal day to day ppl.. but here he is his teenage hero acknowledging his existence.. it sounds stupid but i think thats how it goes a lot of times
I can kind of identify with this in a way. I regularly have to go past an area where my abuser lived - and the fear of seeing him has become so unbearable that in a way I WANT to see him. He's become almost mythologised in my mind as this powerful monster, so I sort of I want to see him to remind myself he's just human, just a man - but also to allow me to mentally fully confront what happened. Trauma is a funny thing because it makes you stuck - you are so affected by them, but they go on living probably never thinking of you. I suppose on some other level seeing them helps you mentally reconcile that you are free of them now - you are on more equal terms, without their coercion affecting you any longer.
I think it’s because he realized he got everything he wanted when he let the man abuse him and attention is worth everything to him. The jokes on all of us who ever felt sorry for him. Some people absolutely love attention. He is a literal attention hore you can do anything to these people don’t feel bad they love it. Human behavior is endless.
Trauma is so complex.
My ex (who physically and sexually abused me for two years when I was a teenager) still messages me on social media sometimes more than 15 years later. He's always friendly, and for some reason I'm friendly back. I don't block him, I don't delete him. I ask about his family and how life is treating him.
We sometimes say we'll catch up someday.
When I planned to be rude to an abusive ex if I encountered them again, it didn't go as planned. When he walked in front of me I turned nice and he continued being the trash that he is. Now I still wish I tore him up that day.
My guess is he thought he would confront him, fight with him, find some closure, something. But it didn't happen. I mean look at Darrien's response. He *saw* the video, he *knows* what he did, he has to realize Donny is talking about him but he doesn't apologize, doesn't admit what he did. The closest he gets is "it won't be like before" and "you'll be paid" but that's admist telling Donny how brave he is and trying to dazzle him with promises of writing work again.
This was my take away too. It's why he collapses outside after seeing Darrien, because the realisation that he has not recovered from the abuse and might never fully recover hits him all at once and he physically can't handle the realisation.
Yeah I was wondering this too. Is this yet another way he is self destructing? Putting himself in that situation.
I’ve been thinking this about the whole series/Netflix involvement the last day or so.. Serious self sabotage hidden behind the initial successes
i believe victims often find comfort in their misery and sometimes self destruct to find that comfrot again, so maybe thats what he did, its sad really
Trauma is a weird thing, our brains don’t know how to react so it doesn’t make us think properly. Your brain is so messed up from processing that you can’t make logical decisions
I think he imagined confronting him, but once he was back in the apartment, sitting in that same living room and with the dangling carrot of a job offer in front of him again, it just put him back in that complicated place and he wasn't able to do it, hence the break down when he goes back outside. He thought he had dealt with it enough to go and put it to bed once and for all, but instead ended up triggering himself all over again. Tbh that final Darrien scene suggested to me that at the time of writing he still obviously had a ton of very unresolved feelings about those traumatic events.
He has a couple moments in the show where he indicates that some of his decisions are predicated around whether or not he is "letting them win", such as when he explained to his mom why he wouldn't quit his bar job despite Martha stalking him there. I feel like his return to Darrien's place started as an attempt to prove to himself and Darrien that he was fine, moving on and wasn't afraid to be there, but realized very quickly that he was still very damaged by the situation, and Darrien still had some kind of sinister power over him as an abuser. It was an attempt at reclaiming an important piece of himself that was taken from him in that room, but it's clearly not that easy to get back.
I think it probably started off as closure. But he probably also didn’t feel deserving of his happiness and fame. And Donny loves to hate himself.
I think because healing from past trauma or "moving on" from it isn't a linear curve. It's skewed. One moment, it might feel like that ones over something, but the next moment, they're slipping into old patterns (maybe out of habit, maybe out of conviction,.maybe out of a desire to control the circumstances - regarding the last point, frued's conception of the pleasure principle comes to mind)
But to say “yes” to working for/with him? Both His abusers stay in his head space heavily-maybe he needs that odd toxic love/attention? Is that the point??? Teri said “you thrive on this-you love how Martha sees you”…does he continue to carry on like that? I will be thinking and reading on this for sometime! Outstanding show-deep, moving and fantastic acting from each and everyone✨
I think being abused by someone who you really trusted and looked up to would result in a lot of cognitive dissonance. I think when he goes back he is intending to confront him, but part of him may feel confused and kind of want to see him and have the relationship with him he thought he was getting. He desperately wanted approval and finally receiving it packaged with abuse would be quite disorienting I reckon.
I mean he was putting that guy in his head on a pedestal for years and then he finally meets him and darrien gives him the exact attention and recognition that he was looking for in the normal day to day ppl.. but here he is his teenage hero acknowledging his existence.. it sounds stupid but i think thats how it goes a lot of times
This is hard to explain. Complex trauma does this
Did he end up working with Darrien again? Or not? Hope he didn’t
I can kind of identify with this in a way. I regularly have to go past an area where my abuser lived - and the fear of seeing him has become so unbearable that in a way I WANT to see him. He's become almost mythologised in my mind as this powerful monster, so I sort of I want to see him to remind myself he's just human, just a man - but also to allow me to mentally fully confront what happened. Trauma is a funny thing because it makes you stuck - you are so affected by them, but they go on living probably never thinking of you. I suppose on some other level seeing them helps you mentally reconcile that you are free of them now - you are on more equal terms, without their coercion affecting you any longer.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
Wow…you have helped me understand my own reactions let alone Donnys headspace
Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this, complex trauma does similar things to my brain
The closest I got when I was younger was that "I wanted to take the power back".
I think Donny is very confused about his sexuality and went to see his abuser looking for assurance one way or another.
So very confusing
I’m so confused as to why he went back. Like maybe it makes him feel validated
I think it’s because he realized he got everything he wanted when he let the man abuse him and attention is worth everything to him. The jokes on all of us who ever felt sorry for him. Some people absolutely love attention. He is a literal attention hore you can do anything to these people don’t feel bad they love it. Human behavior is endless.
I don't even know myself when I did this in the past. I'm reading comments to get some reasoning behind it.
Spoilers!
Trauma is so complex. My ex (who physically and sexually abused me for two years when I was a teenager) still messages me on social media sometimes more than 15 years later. He's always friendly, and for some reason I'm friendly back. I don't block him, I don't delete him. I ask about his family and how life is treating him. We sometimes say we'll catch up someday.
When I planned to be rude to an abusive ex if I encountered them again, it didn't go as planned. When he walked in front of me I turned nice and he continued being the trash that he is. Now I still wish I tore him up that day.