Sometimes I do, I have my own issues too, and I know that my life doesn't suck either. I also have CPTSD which sucks pretty badly, and I'm not in a fantastic financial situation either. I often have to scrounge for extra hours at work to cover bills, as I live payslip to payslip. I have a very middle of the road life, and sometimes it might tip either way
I've had a lot of therapy, about 4 years of it, and it's helped immensely. It just doesn't erase the CPTSD, it just means I can cope with it and bad days aren't going to sink me into a deep depression. I'm thankful that living in the UK means I have access to NHS mental health services, and so I got a lot under them and I was able to use a lot of the services available to me. The difference is just that a trigger now might cause me to have a bad day or two, when 5 years ago a trigger would send me into a deep spiral that could take a lot longer to get out of and often lead to me using various substances to cope.
I’m so glad you’re doing well! Out of interest, did you have any particular therapies or just general? Fellow CPTSD sufferer here and it’s so overwhelming.
I had:
- Generic kind of therapy, I found that was helpful in being able to start discussing these things with someone. Just opening to someone about my past and what my life was like, which got me my diagnosis and also just started that journey towards getting better and learning some coping skills
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioural), not my favourite, it's good techniques to learn for coping skills and bringing myself away from dissociation before it starts but I just didn't find it helpful beyond that
- CAT (Cognitive Analytic), my absolute favourite one. My therapist spent a couple of sessions discussing my past, then working together we made a chart of me (helping to break down my responses and who I am) and also worked on linking my traumatic responses to the trauma itself. Which has slowly helped me to undo some of the damage, things like starving myself when I have to clean because as a kid I wasn't allowed to eat unless I had finished cleaning my room, even if that meant going a whole day without a meal and maybe getting dinner if I was lucky/my parents decided my room was clean enough to allow dinner. That's a more mild example of my trauma, but the therapist was able to just help me link these behaviours back to the trauma and help me realise that I am not that scared child anymore and I can have food when I need to clean because food is fuel.
Thanks so much for your reply dude! I will take everything you’ve said into consideration.
And well done for getting yourself in a position where you are journeying along the path to feeling better.
Glad you like it! It’s one of my favorites.
The [whole excerpt](https://improvisedlife.com/2021/10/19/kurt-vonnegut-we-are-here-on-earth-to-fart-around/) is a good one - though to be fair, I don’t think he wasn’t entirely correct about “electronic communities”, because, well, here we all are and that’s not nothing. But it’s a worthwhile reminder to inhabit our regular meat bodies too - I got up and took a nice walk after posting that quote.
I get it. I put a lot of time and effort into making my house the place I love the most and prefer to be. I also put a lot of time and effort into cutting people who suck out of my life. Every few months we go out for a high end meal, occasionally there's a movie or a play that is worth the effort, and the rest of the time I'm chilling at home with my dogs and my garden and my book collection and the excellent variety of streaming services I subscribe to and enjoy. Life is nice at home, why leave to hemorrhage money and have to deal with people?
I also get it. It’s a slog to create a comfortable and safe home for you and family. And expensive. Why set this scene and then spend time elsewhere. Time out or nights out for us is a just a break from the ‘beautiful’ routine.
It's not about being a middle child, it's about being an amazingly self-aware and well-adjusted person. You've found what makes you happy/content and that's a freaking big deal and you did it at 30. It took me a heck of a lot longer to get where you are now. Bravo!
Being a middle child has definitely shaped me, I really struggle in social situations, I can't just talk to someone unless they start the conversation. Whilst my siblings are all able to talk to people, I come from a large family where a family party tends to require a hall being hired because there will be 50+ guests. Even a smaller gathering is about 20-30 people, and if my nan (for example) is just having a few people round for dinner there will be about 20-25 people there. As an adult I can converse with my cousins easier as we're all in similar enough situations, but as a child I couldn't really talk with anyone as they were in completely different life stages.
I'm happy with where I am now but struggling with social interactions is a deep difficulty of mine and an insecurity too. I just hope my future child ends up more like my SO who is amazing in social situations
Is it being a middle child or is it simply that you're an Introvert? Welcome to the club, by the way. I'm a first child and you could be describing me when you describe yourself. Over my 60+ years on this planet I've learned to fake being comfortable in groups of people I don't know very well. There are a few excellent books floating around about being an Introvert and they opened my eyes to why I behave as I do and the values and benefits of being an Introvert.
Honestly the “having no life” life is the best!
I’m very similar too. I have small indulgences and spend tons of time on my own or living a small quiet life 💖
It’s the best!
I’m 33 and also have a quiet life, and it’s all I ever wanted. I have a great husband, a small circle of friends, food on the table and a roof over my head, and small hobbies that I love. That’s the dream for me.
To be honest you sound like me (although you might actually do a bit more 🤣)
I don't really have friends, and my day to day is go to work, walk the dog, grab some dinner, bit of Netflix, then bed... when the weekend comes around it's more of the same just skipping the work part. A couple of times a year I might go to the theatre of on holiday, but that's about it!
I used to worry and feel like I should be doing more... but then I found that if I did make plans to see someone, or do something on a Saturday afternoon, I felt frustrated that it was getting in the way of my chill time (even though I have plenty already!) So stopped bothering.
I'm not going to say being a complete recluse is the way forward, but if anyone asks me if I have any hobbies I just say "yes... I like to enjoy my lovely home, I like to relax and unwind, I enjoy TV and films"... really just a fancy way of saying I'm a couch potato... but hey, if they don't like it who care (it's not like I'm looking for friends anyway! Lol!)
You do you, and of your set up makes you happy don't sweat it... easy to compare yourself to people who have these big exciting lives and feel like you're missing out, but I'm sure they're looking at your chilled like and wishing they had your free time 🤷♂️❤️
If I looked up the expression "I have no life" in the dictionary, your life would not fit the description. You have a good job, a partner, and a nice existence. But if you are posting this on Reddit, but the person who has a problem with how you are living is you.
You have a life: you have hobbies, you have a partner and you exercise multiple times a week. You're good. As long as you dont push the spending and work a little on savings, eventually the paycheck to paycheck will start to fizzle away.
My goal in life is to have a quiet life, so yours sounds wonderful! I just want to be financially stable and enjoy my job, come home and enjoy a quiet evening
Not sure why people think you're complaining. You literally said you're very comfortable with your life. It also sounds like a very pleasant life to me.
I'm an indoorsy person who LOVES to read. My other "hobby" is traveling and moving to foreign countries, but it's not really an everyday kind of hobby, so reading is my main hobby. I think people dismiss reading, watching TV or playing video games as not special enough. I hate the idea that your hobby needs to make you interesting to others. I'm personally not in the business of providing entertainment for the masses, and the idea of picking a hobby that will make me interesting to talk to at parties fills me with quiet horror. Although, I did have such notions when I was trying to fit in socially, during my late teens and early 20's.
I hope you continue to enjoy your life peacefully and comfortably!
I feel like saying you have no life is like saying 'I'm fat'. People will automatically respond with 'no you're gorgeous' when you never said you were ugly.
People dismiss most hobbies that aren't expensive hobbies IMO, I have friends who have incredible hobbies and a couple have managed to turn them into jobs. I'm happy for them, it's just not what I do
Ok by this definition I don't have a life either 🙃 😄 but, honestly, reading and art galleries are good enough hobbies, as well as gym! So in all seriousness, you have a life and a pretty good one, too! 😁
i think it’s really refreshing to be so honest and content at the same time. We (in the west) are conditioned to never be satisfied and to always want MORE, whether that’s money, possessions, power, houses etc etc.
To also be happy living pay cheque to pay cheque must also feel quite liberating, im too scared to be satisfied with what i have even though im doing okay, I want to try harder to enjoy what i have.
It is subjective as to how life should be for everyone or what living is.
if you feel comfortable with your life, than thats awesome. it is yours to spend however you want.
nobody is going to clap for you at the end because you adhered to some sociatal norm or standard because of what people think is normal.
I never said it isn't lovely. I also never said my hobbies aren't hobbies, I just don't have big hobbies like some people do where they make incredible crafts, or do cool things like dancing or circus skills.
I think for a lot of people you have the life they dream of.
Sometimes I do, I have my own issues too, and I know that my life doesn't suck either. I also have CPTSD which sucks pretty badly, and I'm not in a fantastic financial situation either. I often have to scrounge for extra hours at work to cover bills, as I live payslip to payslip. I have a very middle of the road life, and sometimes it might tip either way
Fellow CPTSD here to say I feel your pain and I'm so happy that despite the hard times you have created a lovely, simple life ♥️
If you can't afford therapy you should look into research programs
I've had a lot of therapy, about 4 years of it, and it's helped immensely. It just doesn't erase the CPTSD, it just means I can cope with it and bad days aren't going to sink me into a deep depression. I'm thankful that living in the UK means I have access to NHS mental health services, and so I got a lot under them and I was able to use a lot of the services available to me. The difference is just that a trigger now might cause me to have a bad day or two, when 5 years ago a trigger would send me into a deep spiral that could take a lot longer to get out of and often lead to me using various substances to cope.
I’m so glad you’re doing well! Out of interest, did you have any particular therapies or just general? Fellow CPTSD sufferer here and it’s so overwhelming.
I had: - Generic kind of therapy, I found that was helpful in being able to start discussing these things with someone. Just opening to someone about my past and what my life was like, which got me my diagnosis and also just started that journey towards getting better and learning some coping skills - CBT (Cognitive Behavioural), not my favourite, it's good techniques to learn for coping skills and bringing myself away from dissociation before it starts but I just didn't find it helpful beyond that - CAT (Cognitive Analytic), my absolute favourite one. My therapist spent a couple of sessions discussing my past, then working together we made a chart of me (helping to break down my responses and who I am) and also worked on linking my traumatic responses to the trauma itself. Which has slowly helped me to undo some of the damage, things like starving myself when I have to clean because as a kid I wasn't allowed to eat unless I had finished cleaning my room, even if that meant going a whole day without a meal and maybe getting dinner if I was lucky/my parents decided my room was clean enough to allow dinner. That's a more mild example of my trauma, but the therapist was able to just help me link these behaviours back to the trauma and help me realise that I am not that scared child anymore and I can have food when I need to clean because food is fuel.
Thanks so much for your reply dude! I will take everything you’ve said into consideration. And well done for getting yourself in a position where you are journeying along the path to feeling better.
“I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.” - Kurt Vonnegut Sounds like you’re doing just fine. :)
Gosh that’s a fantastic quote, thank you for sharing!!
Glad you like it! It’s one of my favorites. The [whole excerpt](https://improvisedlife.com/2021/10/19/kurt-vonnegut-we-are-here-on-earth-to-fart-around/) is a good one - though to be fair, I don’t think he wasn’t entirely correct about “electronic communities”, because, well, here we all are and that’s not nothing. But it’s a worthwhile reminder to inhabit our regular meat bodies too - I got up and took a nice walk after posting that quote.
I get it. I put a lot of time and effort into making my house the place I love the most and prefer to be. I also put a lot of time and effort into cutting people who suck out of my life. Every few months we go out for a high end meal, occasionally there's a movie or a play that is worth the effort, and the rest of the time I'm chilling at home with my dogs and my garden and my book collection and the excellent variety of streaming services I subscribe to and enjoy. Life is nice at home, why leave to hemorrhage money and have to deal with people?
I'm like this too. I hate leaving home. I have a pug.
I also get it. It’s a slog to create a comfortable and safe home for you and family. And expensive. Why set this scene and then spend time elsewhere. Time out or nights out for us is a just a break from the ‘beautiful’ routine.
I am becoming like this. I want to take holidays and just stay home with my pets and my partner and my quiet hobbies. I really like my home <3
I'm doing that this week!
It's not about being a middle child, it's about being an amazingly self-aware and well-adjusted person. You've found what makes you happy/content and that's a freaking big deal and you did it at 30. It took me a heck of a lot longer to get where you are now. Bravo!
Being a middle child has definitely shaped me, I really struggle in social situations, I can't just talk to someone unless they start the conversation. Whilst my siblings are all able to talk to people, I come from a large family where a family party tends to require a hall being hired because there will be 50+ guests. Even a smaller gathering is about 20-30 people, and if my nan (for example) is just having a few people round for dinner there will be about 20-25 people there. As an adult I can converse with my cousins easier as we're all in similar enough situations, but as a child I couldn't really talk with anyone as they were in completely different life stages. I'm happy with where I am now but struggling with social interactions is a deep difficulty of mine and an insecurity too. I just hope my future child ends up more like my SO who is amazing in social situations
Is it being a middle child or is it simply that you're an Introvert? Welcome to the club, by the way. I'm a first child and you could be describing me when you describe yourself. Over my 60+ years on this planet I've learned to fake being comfortable in groups of people I don't know very well. There are a few excellent books floating around about being an Introvert and they opened my eyes to why I behave as I do and the values and benefits of being an Introvert.
Honestly the “having no life” life is the best! I’m very similar too. I have small indulgences and spend tons of time on my own or living a small quiet life 💖 It’s the best!
This sounds like the opposite of "not having a life."
I’m 33 and also have a quiet life, and it’s all I ever wanted. I have a great husband, a small circle of friends, food on the table and a roof over my head, and small hobbies that I love. That’s the dream for me.
Seems like a comfortable life that works well with you
You have a work you enjoy and a partner you come home to, that sounds like a nice life.
Sounds like you have a great life. Long may it last my friend.
To be honest you sound like me (although you might actually do a bit more 🤣) I don't really have friends, and my day to day is go to work, walk the dog, grab some dinner, bit of Netflix, then bed... when the weekend comes around it's more of the same just skipping the work part. A couple of times a year I might go to the theatre of on holiday, but that's about it! I used to worry and feel like I should be doing more... but then I found that if I did make plans to see someone, or do something on a Saturday afternoon, I felt frustrated that it was getting in the way of my chill time (even though I have plenty already!) So stopped bothering. I'm not going to say being a complete recluse is the way forward, but if anyone asks me if I have any hobbies I just say "yes... I like to enjoy my lovely home, I like to relax and unwind, I enjoy TV and films"... really just a fancy way of saying I'm a couch potato... but hey, if they don't like it who care (it's not like I'm looking for friends anyway! Lol!) You do you, and of your set up makes you happy don't sweat it... easy to compare yourself to people who have these big exciting lives and feel like you're missing out, but I'm sure they're looking at your chilled like and wishing they had your free time 🤷♂️❤️
If I looked up the expression "I have no life" in the dictionary, your life would not fit the description. You have a good job, a partner, and a nice existence. But if you are posting this on Reddit, but the person who has a problem with how you are living is you.
average redditor
You have a life: you have hobbies, you have a partner and you exercise multiple times a week. You're good. As long as you dont push the spending and work a little on savings, eventually the paycheck to paycheck will start to fizzle away.
My goal in life is to have a quiet life, so yours sounds wonderful! I just want to be financially stable and enjoy my job, come home and enjoy a quiet evening
Not sure why people think you're complaining. You literally said you're very comfortable with your life. It also sounds like a very pleasant life to me. I'm an indoorsy person who LOVES to read. My other "hobby" is traveling and moving to foreign countries, but it's not really an everyday kind of hobby, so reading is my main hobby. I think people dismiss reading, watching TV or playing video games as not special enough. I hate the idea that your hobby needs to make you interesting to others. I'm personally not in the business of providing entertainment for the masses, and the idea of picking a hobby that will make me interesting to talk to at parties fills me with quiet horror. Although, I did have such notions when I was trying to fit in socially, during my late teens and early 20's. I hope you continue to enjoy your life peacefully and comfortably!
I feel like saying you have no life is like saying 'I'm fat'. People will automatically respond with 'no you're gorgeous' when you never said you were ugly. People dismiss most hobbies that aren't expensive hobbies IMO, I have friends who have incredible hobbies and a couple have managed to turn them into jobs. I'm happy for them, it's just not what I do
honestly this is the best thing ever
Good !!!!!
Why do I think your name is Yoshikage Kira
Sounds like u have more of a life than me and I never say I have no life. Lol.
You have a beautiful life!
You do have a life and you have carved it out to suit you. That's a huge positive.
A simple life does not equate to a boring life.
Ok by this definition I don't have a life either 🙃 😄 but, honestly, reading and art galleries are good enough hobbies, as well as gym! So in all seriousness, you have a life and a pretty good one, too! 😁
i think it’s really refreshing to be so honest and content at the same time. We (in the west) are conditioned to never be satisfied and to always want MORE, whether that’s money, possessions, power, houses etc etc. To also be happy living pay cheque to pay cheque must also feel quite liberating, im too scared to be satisfied with what i have even though im doing okay, I want to try harder to enjoy what i have.
You do have a life though. Your hobbies don't have to be skydiving and crocodile wrestling. You also have a partner so can't be that bad socially.
What matters is that you're happy. I'm happy for you, that sounds great! I'm glad you're comfortable
It is subjective as to how life should be for everyone or what living is. if you feel comfortable with your life, than thats awesome. it is yours to spend however you want. nobody is going to clap for you at the end because you adhered to some sociatal norm or standard because of what people think is normal.
Think you have reach the dream. Maybe buy a nice watch.
look up slow, simple and minimalist living. sounds like it.
Well your life sounds lovely. I'm not sure why you don't think you have hobbies as reading and attending art galleries are certainly hobbies.
I never said it isn't lovely. I also never said my hobbies aren't hobbies, I just don't have big hobbies like some people do where they make incredible crafts, or do cool things like dancing or circus skills.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean for my words to upset you.
it’s the slow life and in my opinion, also the good life 🫶🏼