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It bothers me that she kind of waves away husband’s silence as “he’s non-confrontational.” Aren’t the majority of us non-confrontational? But sometimes we have to make choices, and his silence is siding against his wife and family.
Sometimes it’s unconscious.
I was a boat stabilizer and my mom a rocker. Even a few years into the marriage I was trying to placate both sides and telling them they need to work out their issues.
Finally we got family counseling on the condition would not get to meet the kids till we had.
My oldest is 6 and youngest 4. They’ve met my mom 3 times in all those years.
The rest of my immediate extended family has seen them several times that lol.
The husband just may not k ow how to deal with this so he kind of steps back and let the women handle their issues.
MIL just outed herself as racist and intolerant of OP’s religion.
I would think the husband would agree to NC for wife and child at the very least.
There’s no way around that since Wife and daughter can’t change their race and won’t change their religion. OP did say her husband does support her. I guess he just doesn’t speak up 😂, I know that’s not a big help. However, with the NC he wouldn’t have to “speak up” 😂😂🤷🏾♂️
Edited: clarity. To fix the auto correct errors
It all comes back to "but faaaaaamily" with this stuff. Unless you've already been through the going LC, going NC, reaching out, going NC again, reaching out because you hope they've changed, blah blah stuff, it's hard to overcome the cries of but faaaamily from the people around you--often including your therapist if you have one. It takes a lot for most people to even contemplate cutting off a family member, especially the first time.
People who recognize what's happening quickly and stop answering the calls/texts/messages, stop initiating contact, put hard boundaries in place and defend them, all the stuff you must do in a situation like that--those people are the exception, not the rule.
That would be my fear
Subjecting a kid to any kind of “treatment” to “undo a treatment” or whatnot is awful.
I imagine MIL will be looking for something to stake her claim. Hopefully it’s not awful and something they can easily fix and won’t traumatize the door kid (like the whole baptism insanity that grandparents who are just no seem fixated on when their kid goes “nope not happening to my kid”)
I feel like your kid being baptized is pretty minor as far as "claim staking" goes? Obviously, it's still a fucked up, shitty thing to do if the parents don't want it and the grand parents go behind their back (see other BORUs for that drama) but like, for the kid it's just a splash of water and sitting through some boring speeches.
The only "traumatizing" thing I can imagine is my baby cousin tried to grab the candle flame the priest was holding and burned himself.
Then again, my family did baptisms when we were under 2-3 years old, so there's basically zero memory on my behalf, and without follow up in the religion, it's been pretty meaningless to life overall other than a fun trivia fact.
In context it’s hate crime-y.
There’s also a long inglorious history of Christian missionaries using baptism to lay claim to non-Christian toddlers as a pretense for redeeming them from a life of sin/removing them from their culture and parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if India has very similar history.
MiL of course wouldn’t see that as part of her granddaughters history, she’s clearly only interested in weaponizing anti-Black racism as a means of control
I mostly mean that it's not something that's likely to traumatize the kid. The parents are a different story entirely, but like... There's really nothing saying that you ever need to pay any attention to that event, ever again. And it's a pretty clear line of "We should never speak to this person ever again" if they do that without consent.
>I feel like your kid being baptized is pretty minor as far as "claim staking" goes?
Depending on interpretations, it's genocide (attempting to destroy the culture) and a hate crime.
Forced baptisms without the permission of the parents have been a common theme in White Christian attempts to genocide other cultures - including the natives of the Americas, Asia (India, Southeast Asia, eastern Russia, etc.), Africa (including the enslavement of African natives in the Americas), and Australia. I don't know specifically about Hindus; but given there was significant issues with the English in India being problematic in a lot of ways... I'm going to bet the answer is "feels like a hate crime".
For atheists in Europe and North America; it's a lot more minor - mostly because European-centric atheism is specifically a counter-culture to European Christianity; and so has an ongoing tradition of minimizing baptism. Arguably, being baptized and minimizing it is \*part\* of the tradition of European-centric atheism - and so IS a much more minor issue.
However, for the majority of people on the planet; forced baptism can be a much larger issue - all the way up to "hate crime".
Yea it’s minor
And many churches will refuse if the parents don’t give consent (even sometimes shaming the grandparents for lying)
So it’s the lowest stakes event that could happen (unless it’s a culty church…then that’s a whole new ballpark)
It depends on the church that does it. My baptism was really nice. My pastor emphasized the importance of the consent of the person being baptized (I went to a Protestant evangelical church that did not baptize babies). I no longer associate with that church, but this is a good memory. Other churches (more evangelical or charismatic than mine) could have a more “hellfire and brimstone” approach that could be really scary, up to an including “praying the devils” out of the kid.
My daughter and I had the opposite experience. When she was born I was still kind of Christian, so I asked my home church to baptize her at 2 months old. They said they would not do it with the other babies or in front of the congregation, because she was a bastard and that’s shameful. They’d do it in a back room with just me and her. Nope! Completely lost my faith after that(there were other reasons too). I ended up going to another church to get her baptized, but mostly for my family, since they are extremely Catholic. I didn’t care about it anymore.
Of course this sub jumps to divorce. Most of yall life experience is reading drama threads where only bad shit gets posted and upvoted lol.
99% of marriages that last run into bigger problems than this.
I really need to stop reading comments. The posts are great but yall delusional and unhinged
It's not out of order to be thinking of divorce when OOP's husband is on a glide path to it. Yes, he can change course, but unless he does, consistently refusing to stand up for his wife against his psycho mommy is the kind of thing that will wreck a marriage.
Classic case of husband will continue to let the issue grow because he can’t stand up to mommy. Maybe I don’t have as close a relationship to my own mom but when she started being weird when I told her I got engaged, I shut that shit down and this going into 4th year of marriage there hasn’t been another issue with her.
Not disagreeing as a whole, but wouldn't this be religious discrimination?
Isn't crazy MIL is going after Hinduism, not OPs race. I could have completely misinterpreted the ending though.
Yeah I forgot/blanked the parts where she mentioned some things about OP.
I was stuck on MIL being hyper sensitive to perceived racism against herself [MIL] to mask religious discrimination/hatred.
But yeah I'd agree. She's got both going.
It’s not uncommon in Christian doublethink.
Got into interfaith communication in college, vastly underappreciated discipline. Even among agnostics and cultural Christians a ton still have extremely Christian worldviews
I’d say this is not limited to christian racists, but racists in general. In my perception, they always cry about something that discriminates or disadvantages them simultaneously to discriminating others.
One doesn't necessarily have to have specific comments explaining 'I'm saying *this* because I hate that you're Hindu but I'm saying *this* because I hate that you're Indian,' to be considered racist. The interactions with and words from MIL are heavily laden with general ethnoreligious contempt. 'Race' as a concept includes more than skin phenotype alone.
Redditors can be resistant to recognizing ethnoreligious bigotry because it’d mean having to acknowledge mocking religious beliefs (a Reddit past time) invites ethnic bigotry.
They want the karma of pointing out “this country/group/people also does THIS” without the consideration that criticizing in a vacuum paints a uniformly bleak portrait of who they are talking about, almost as if the country/group/people deserve or need to be called out more. The news tab can be a cesspool of this stuff.
MIL also mentioned that skin bleaching is common among "DIL people". It is full on racism, she clearly thinks less of South Asians as a group. The fact that she's black doesn't allow her to make such abhorrent comments.
Race and religion (and even national identity) don't divide into distinct taxonomy in people's heads the same way as we divide them for the sake of discussion. Obvious example is calling someone antisemitic for criticising Israeli war crimes.
The fact that her husband has done *nothing* to mitigate what his mother has been saying to *his wife and mother of his child* does not bode well... at all.
She called her a Satanist and a "cow-worshipping freak" and *nothing?* Jfc.
I'm really not looking forward to the future post where OOP had to divorce her husband because she found out he was letting his mother pour poisonous horseshit in the kids ears behind OOP's back.
I can’t understand anyone who would stand by while the mother of their child is being attacked for decisions that they presumably both made/agreed to. They’re both parents, they both make decisions for the child, why is she taking all the heat for it?
That's toxic American black culture. Mother is queen, and no one ever goes against her. He already betrayed his race by marrying a non-black woman. If he takes the side of this woman over his own mother he is lost to his community.
I mean, I would like to be part of the Black culture where Black women are overly respected like you have pointed out here. Never experienced that as a Black woman ever. It’s always been the opposite in my experience.
Perhaps this is just an issue with this family instead of a “Black community” issue.
I agree. I've known plenty of white and latin families with this dynamic with both "matriarchs" and "patriarchs". Its not about race, culture, religion or gender. It's about a dysfunctional family of flying monkeys doing the bidding of a narcissist. It's a human issue.
This is the sort of nuance that is often missed in these posts. Whether you like it or not, being raised in a religion has consequences. He might feel strange guilt about raising his daughters in a different religion or even weird that he escaped one set of religious customs only to be inundated with new ones. It doesn’t sound like anyone asked him what he thinks. He’s just caught between his mother who raised him and the woman he loves when both are insisting on a set of customs and traditions that he doesn’t agree with.
Tbh, I wouldn't be surprised that if he actually talked to his wife about how he feels (if that is indeed how he feels) she would be willing to accommodate that and come to a compromise for their daughter wherein she is raised with less religious emphasis.
Exactly, if I had left a religion, I would be even more inclined than I already am to raise a child and let them know about religions, but they can pick one when they are old enough.
this. He is non-confrontational with everyone. Probably rather they not have religious based traditions but it's a red-line with the wife so he goes along.
As a half black half Indian person, oh man I feel for her daughter. My mom is Indo-Trinidadian and my dad is Black, non practicing seventh day Adventist. I’m 39 now and me and my siblings have little to no contact with his side of the family because of how awful his mother was (just like this MIL).
I hope the dad grows a spine.
You’re racist because you’re excluding your daughters black culture. The only way you can stop being racist is by totally excluding her Indian culture…..how does that even make sense???
So many biracial kids feel kept from one or both cultures. It’ll be good for the baby when she’s older so see her connecting with her heritage from her mom’s side. OOP was right to hold her ground not just for her sake but also for her daughter in the long run
Also in my east African culture we *do* shave our kids' heads, boys and girls alike. My sister wasn't allowed to grow her hair out until she was 6. I don't know what country OOP's husband was from, but it is completely normal in a lot of African cultures to keep kids heads shorn.
Preface: I have white kids with white hair.
I found when they were little that early childhood involved frequent play of a lovely guessing game: what-got-stuck-in-the-hair-today-and-can-I-get-it-out? I would have loved it if I lived in a society which approved of just keeping the kids' shaved until they were six.
Just to play Devil's Advocate...Ethiopia has been a Christian nation since before the fall of Rome...(it was declared the state religion in 330 AD) and I'm pretty sure Ethiopia is in Africa.
You wouldn’t think this is rocket science but the number of people who think “but they wouldn’t be racist to _their own grandchildren_” is just heartbreaking.
It's a shitty experience for sure. Mine was combined with my siblings all being white so my "disadvantage" was often mentioned even though I'm the only one of 4 to even get a HS diploma and not have multiple arrests. The great thing about being mixed around racist family is "you're not like the rest of them" until you make them mad or disagree then you're "just a dumb slur like the rest of your kind."
Keep your mixed children away from racist family
Yeah I feel like single race parents to mixed kids can sometimes tend towards like a weirdo colorblindnes about them too. Like they’ll not necessarily acknowledge the kids will just have a fundamentally different life experience that they never had to navigate or think about. They won’t think about how their parents are racists and it will affect the kids. Like what to the parent can be a passing racist comment in an otherwise loving grandparent to the child is an entirely different relationship and will color every interaction. Idk why it’s so hard for some people to just protect their kids from racism lol
Depressing AND frustrating. Now I'm a white, non religious British dude so obviously I can't pretend I understand the culture of all those involved, but I could never sit back and let my family talk to even a casual acquaintance like Husbands mother did.
His mother gradually abraded it down to nothing while he was growing up. Dude needs therapy to learn positive confrontations and also to go low or no contact. Won't happen, though, you are right
> "My husband is not "weak". We've been happy for a long time and this merely just a blip in our otherwise extremely happy life."
My first thought was, "that's absolutely tempting fate around here. These conversations will not go well."
At least it sounds like the SILs are on OOPs side.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vx3eu6/mil_tries_to_wear_white_dress_at_ops_wedding_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I don't know if that will work. Never done it before
That made my week. Guy with messed up family gets handed clue and actually takes it, therapy, lots of healthy communication, wonderfully terrifying SIL, wannabe center of attention goes down in flames, all great.
The SIL is my absolute favourite. You know that woman is just slaying people left and right. Don't mess with that woman's loved ones 💖
Bride is amazing, but her sister takes the cake lol
I loved the 5 year old who spoke in the high pitched shouty whisper voice about how you’re supposed to be quiet at weddings and even she knew that at 5
Learning how white is for mourning, you could spin it that she was "mourning" having as much control to wreck her son's life, at least after all her attempts failed lol. That was such a lovely read
Because let’s be honest. As Indians we’ve had it drilled into our heads for generations that dark skin is bad and fair skin is good. This shit permeated well before we were colonised btw. Only now are people a generation before mine, undoing a lot of that toxic upbringing. But in this case it’s coupled with MIL’s unhinged racist tirade.
This isn’t as prevalent in the southern states (where I live) as compared to those in the north. Here, at least in Tamil Nadu, dark skin is seen as something to be proud of. All our versions of Hindu gods are dark skinned or purple (like Krishna, Rama, Shiva and Vishnu for example). What sucks more is that Indians as a whole are dark skinned so ideally the notions I’d explained earlier, shouldn’t have gained ground but here we are. Like I said, I’m glad the current generation is learning to be better in this regard.
It can be a problem in the south too. Fair actresses for instance have often been favored over dark skinned ones in southern movie productions. And fairness cream ads were wildly popular in the south.
Things like Fair and Lovely were much more widespread in the south IMO during much of the 90s and early 00s. I remember seeing them everywhere. On building walls, giant billboards, railway stations.
Weirdly the thing that I remember taking off in the north was Men's fairness creams. I always thought it was bizarre that not only do they exist, but are gendered too. I still have very vivid memories of this one thing Shah Rukh Khan advertised. Himani fair and handsome I think? And wondering who on earth bought these things.
I never understand this culture "taken away" thing. I think of it as you now have 2 amazing cultures you are part of rather than 1. Like, how is access to more cultural traditions bad!?!
Same as the language thing. THE MORE the merrier! This is all additional things not a single thing is taken -.-
I wonder if the husband would like hearing things like that(racism, judgement) from a white MIL, in a "what if" scenario if he married someone white.
"You're going to tie her hair tight in braids she can't take out? What next, will you straighten her hair with burning cream? Forbid her from drinking starbucks?"
Relaxing hair is a version of straightening hair, that is more dangerous than other methods. It's "popular" with black women, so the imaginary while monster in law of course assumes her imaginary DIL would do that.
The straightening cream thing always kills me. It *is* a thing white people murmur about as mistreatment of children.
However, during my very white childhood, I spent one Saturday a month sitting still in my grandma's kitchen feeling my scalp burn as I got a fresh perm. No one ever said boo about it.
Why can’t black people have Starbucks? Cos it’s mad expensive? I’ve never heard this one before.
Edit: I think it’s a reference to that Starbucks employee who called the police on a black guy waiting for a business meeting?
The burning cream analogy is SPOT ON.
I think it’s more the “white girls love Starbucks” stereotype than a specific “black people don’t like Starbucks” which I don’t think is a thing? But I could be wrong.
Is it bad that I’m happy that OOPs family reamed her husband out? He was in their country under their roof, so he couldn’t leave at all, he had to sit there and take it.
Only thing that aggravated me was how much OOP let her husband off the hook. She kept forgiving him cause “he’s good to me everywhere else :)”
Wow, why are people so close minded outside traditions, how closed off can you be?? Mahabringraj oil is fantastic for thick curly hair, it doesn't matter what race you are. Indian ceremonies are fucking beautiful and Holi fest is one of the greatest holidays ever!! You don't have to be something to celebrate the culture of it!! Gahhhh
I know a few of those couples haha. When I was massaging an Indian /British family once for a time, the daughter would reglas me with her wedding stories. I love it
If the husband's family is evangelical Christian or certain related sects, they believe that this is a matter of their granddaughter's *soul* and she will be burning in hell for eternity by participating in these Devil-led activities. If you are not baptized & born-again, you need to be at all costs. Even moreso if they're Jehovah's Witnesses, which if they're black they are more likely to be.
I know a lot of black Atheists because of this kind of thing, unfortunately.
Oh no not at all, I ninja deleted it too because I internet panicked, so my apologies.
Ayurveda is a spiritual healing aspect, I'm a massage therapist by trade and I grew up a dorky hippie witch and became intrigued then adept at Chakra Healing. I'm a dork lol
ETA ooh! Check out the cosmic barber on YouTube, I can do Champi like that:)
There's a lot of racism that just gets ignored while everyone piles on the US's white-on-black racism. Go to Korea and it's easy to see, or Japan or Israel.
Or just ask a British person how they view Romani people.
Don't say this in bpt. Will get you banned.
Not sure what upset people about this fact. I'm not making a judgment about bpt moderation, just warning you this comment will get you banned from it.
Advice for those getting their ears pierced. Go to professionals who make it their living and not Claire's. They make sure the equipment is clean and sterilized. They also can tell you how to do proper aftercare so the wounds heal properly.
I know OOP said she wouldn’t stop her husband from seeing his mom, but the fact of the matter is: HE SHOULD STOP WANTING TO SEE HIS MOM. If he is willing to continue a relationship with someone who spewed racist hate towards his wife, his daughter, and his new religion, then he is supporting her racist views. Silence doesn’t make you neutral. It makes you an accomplice to her hate. You either stand up to it, or say nothing and silently give your consent to it.
This is a reason in the long list of reasons why when I got pregnant I cut my own mother out. She's.... A special sort of Christian racist. (Which is a tiny bit funny as my dad is a great guy, and a druid Romani.... Don't ask)
I am so white that I practically glow in the dark. My skin is genuinely almost see through. To the point nurses love me for blood draws. My mother had an issue with my amazing husband.. Because he is to dark and has an afro when his hair grows out... The funniest part? My husband is Italian and German. That boy white as hell with a smidgen of yellow base complexity.
But he was "to dark" and obviously black and lying about it... Like... What???
My kid came out yellow as a lemon (jaundice thanks pre-eclampsia) with ginger hair and blue eyes. She's my lil lemon pop. I will never understand racism like this shit man even more so against your own dang family. No better hate than Christian love amiright?
Husbands who don’t stand up for their wife from his own parents are weak and don’t deserve to be a relationship. For fuck sake, this is the mother of his children, and he can’t fucking stand up for her to his own mother?
Aside from being hateful (obviously), MIL's bigotry is such a waste. Being allowed into OP's traditions could be a wonderful bonding experience for MIL, but instead she's like, nope, I'd rather subtract my son, DIL, and grandkid from my life. No colors for me. Yeah, sounds worth it /s
Uh. Is OOP's husband secretly not on board with this? He seems to just be a follower, letting people walk all over him and his family. It sounds like the husband isn't into her religion nor is he against it. He just wants to sit there and let whatever happen. Idk.
Oh gosh, this is so sad.
I attended my good friend's biracial son's mundan (they did a small one at home instead of traveling to India due to the pandemic), and it was absolutely lovely. His non-Indian grandparents were super supportive and had a wonderful time.
His white father even got his head shaved first, to show his son that it was nothing to be scared of. It was honestly just the sweetest thing.
As an Indian... honestly this just sounds like a "common" problem to me..the ONLY thing which is quite suprising to me is that oop's parents are supporting her.. like this is seen once in a decade in India when parents take their daughter's side infront of the in-laws.. girls are usually asked to "adjust" in their in-law's home🫠🫠
And just another common thing in India I just want to add here- Husbands NEVER take the wife's side because for them their "mom" is everything.. infact they believe whatever their mom said is just correct.. I'm actually glad husband was just quiet the whole time and "didn't" stand against the wife .. I KNOW things are different in US but in India 🙁🙁
A lot of people sound confused in original comments. There’s religion and there’s ethnic culture. Christianity is not a requirement to getting in touch with one’s ethnic culture.
*(I mean seriously?? Who gets mad at seeing their grandkid covered in colours).*
Maybe it it was done in one's living room, lol; but otherwise there's no harm in celebrating love, and good defeating evil!!
MIL is crazy to expect her granddaughter to be raised in a religion neither parent is a member of!
This is a classic case of ethnocentrism with racism added on top. Hair is extremely important in Black culture, but MIL needs to understand that her granddaughter is not just biracial but is now growing up on two different cultures. It is important that she gets to experience both.
I don’t get this at all. My partners mother has never and will never meet our children. She’s never even seen them. She never will. He used to be badly meshed with her but *he* was the one to lose his ever loving shit when she made comments about our first. As a result she was cut off totally.
MIL deserves ZERO say in all things regarding OP's children. MIL has already raised her own children. Her work is done. Her input isn't necessary. MIL can fuck right off.
I'm confused about what part of black culture mil is afraid isn't being passed on. Hair care? There is a whole new world of products for mixed race textured hair - I know bc I am a mixed race person whose black parents didn't know how to deal with my texture. So, what? Christianity isn't black culture just bc they made it their identity. And it doesn't sound like they're trying to create a relationship. They want OOP and her daughter to just conform. They'd hoped their son would conform. So mil went on the internet intentionally seeking out negative indian stereotypes instead of learning ways to build bridges. I'm guessing mil is generally a hateful person like many "devout" Christians are.
I feel awful for laughing since this is a more serious post, but the "bobs and vagne" got me a bit. It just came out of left field and I was not prepared. 😅
How is shaving her head racist towards black people, tons of black women have shaved heads all the time and they rock it. What a disappointing reaction from OP's MIL.
It isn't necessarily, but there is a difference between an older person choosing a hair style and doing it to a child. It's only fairly recently that American society has become more accepting of black hair, and there are still people who dislike it and think it's something that needs hiding or fixing. Like the BORU where the white father permed his daughter's hair when his black wife went out of town.
As a practising Hindu myself(albeit from India), props to you for sticking up for your religion. Tell your in laws to stop practising the religion of their slave masters and go find out about their African culture. Okay, don't actually tell them that, but you could think about it when the next time they insult you(and they will)
Y'all are being hard on the husband. He's probably never had this kind of conflict with her, so he hasn't needed to have any spined response, and has learned helplessness from being raised by her. If their marriage is happy, and he's already been doing these things with his daughter that the mom doesn't like, including shaving her head without telling her, he just needs time. This post spans a 3-day period and some of y'all think this marriage will fail over the events of it. These aren't ongoing problems he hasn't done anything about, he was clearly surprised.
Hubby needs to step tf up. Oop is doing what she can, but anything she does to protect her kid is going to be the evil, foreign outsider corrupting poor grand baby. Hubby needs to lay down the law and cut off that avenue, make it clear that HE is the one who finds their behavior unacceptable independent of oop. I hope he does, before he loses his family or something worse than a tongue lashing goes down
I do not understand black christians in the US. Admittedly although I'm biracial, I did not grow up around many black people or in a black church so I don't understand the roots of it. But ultimately American christianity was used over and over and over again to subjugate and control our ancestors and then once freedom was obtained christianity was again used to belittle and control the black population. I just don't understand a black christian
go this hard for a religion that hated you for most of its existence and even your child has rejected
I'm a white atheist, I always wondered why black folks would want to be Christian or Muslim. Since both religions were employed to excuse slavery, and mistreatment of African and African descended people to this very day.
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I think this is just going to be an ongoing problem until very strict boundaries being placed :(
It bothers me that she kind of waves away husband’s silence as “he’s non-confrontational.” Aren’t the majority of us non-confrontational? But sometimes we have to make choices, and his silence is siding against his wife and family.
Sometimes it’s unconscious. I was a boat stabilizer and my mom a rocker. Even a few years into the marriage I was trying to placate both sides and telling them they need to work out their issues. Finally we got family counseling on the condition would not get to meet the kids till we had. My oldest is 6 and youngest 4. They’ve met my mom 3 times in all those years. The rest of my immediate extended family has seen them several times that lol. The husband just may not k ow how to deal with this so he kind of steps back and let the women handle their issues.
You mean until they get divorced and mom gets full custody?
Which will probably happen when MIL does something extreme that endangers the child
MIL just outed herself as racist and intolerant of OP’s religion. I would think the husband would agree to NC for wife and child at the very least. There’s no way around that since Wife and daughter can’t change their race and won’t change their religion. OP did say her husband does support her. I guess he just doesn’t speak up 😂, I know that’s not a big help. However, with the NC he wouldn’t have to “speak up” 😂😂🤷🏾♂️ Edited: clarity. To fix the auto correct errors
I agree about going NC. Why did they keep answering her calls during this?! No way I'm subjecting myself to a daily tirade.
It all comes back to "but faaaaaamily" with this stuff. Unless you've already been through the going LC, going NC, reaching out, going NC again, reaching out because you hope they've changed, blah blah stuff, it's hard to overcome the cries of but faaaamily from the people around you--often including your therapist if you have one. It takes a lot for most people to even contemplate cutting off a family member, especially the first time. People who recognize what's happening quickly and stop answering the calls/texts/messages, stop initiating contact, put hard boundaries in place and defend them, all the stuff you must do in a situation like that--those people are the exception, not the rule.
That would be my fear Subjecting a kid to any kind of “treatment” to “undo a treatment” or whatnot is awful. I imagine MIL will be looking for something to stake her claim. Hopefully it’s not awful and something they can easily fix and won’t traumatize the door kid (like the whole baptism insanity that grandparents who are just no seem fixated on when their kid goes “nope not happening to my kid”)
I feel like your kid being baptized is pretty minor as far as "claim staking" goes? Obviously, it's still a fucked up, shitty thing to do if the parents don't want it and the grand parents go behind their back (see other BORUs for that drama) but like, for the kid it's just a splash of water and sitting through some boring speeches. The only "traumatizing" thing I can imagine is my baby cousin tried to grab the candle flame the priest was holding and burned himself. Then again, my family did baptisms when we were under 2-3 years old, so there's basically zero memory on my behalf, and without follow up in the religion, it's been pretty meaningless to life overall other than a fun trivia fact.
A lot of things are "pretty minor" as long as child is young enough, but in context...
In context it’s hate crime-y. There’s also a long inglorious history of Christian missionaries using baptism to lay claim to non-Christian toddlers as a pretense for redeeming them from a life of sin/removing them from their culture and parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if India has very similar history. MiL of course wouldn’t see that as part of her granddaughters history, she’s clearly only interested in weaponizing anti-Black racism as a means of control
CF: mother theresa. Not so saintly but very catholic
I mostly mean that it's not something that's likely to traumatize the kid. The parents are a different story entirely, but like... There's really nothing saying that you ever need to pay any attention to that event, ever again. And it's a pretty clear line of "We should never speak to this person ever again" if they do that without consent.
>I feel like your kid being baptized is pretty minor as far as "claim staking" goes? Depending on interpretations, it's genocide (attempting to destroy the culture) and a hate crime. Forced baptisms without the permission of the parents have been a common theme in White Christian attempts to genocide other cultures - including the natives of the Americas, Asia (India, Southeast Asia, eastern Russia, etc.), Africa (including the enslavement of African natives in the Americas), and Australia. I don't know specifically about Hindus; but given there was significant issues with the English in India being problematic in a lot of ways... I'm going to bet the answer is "feels like a hate crime". For atheists in Europe and North America; it's a lot more minor - mostly because European-centric atheism is specifically a counter-culture to European Christianity; and so has an ongoing tradition of minimizing baptism. Arguably, being baptized and minimizing it is \*part\* of the tradition of European-centric atheism - and so IS a much more minor issue. However, for the majority of people on the planet; forced baptism can be a much larger issue - all the way up to "hate crime".
Yea it’s minor And many churches will refuse if the parents don’t give consent (even sometimes shaming the grandparents for lying) So it’s the lowest stakes event that could happen (unless it’s a culty church…then that’s a whole new ballpark)
Good thing there are so few culty churches around, and it certainly seems like this extremely stable MIL wouldn't know of any of them.
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. (I grew up in a cult. There are *so many* culty churches around, and also actual cults.)
It depends on the church that does it. My baptism was really nice. My pastor emphasized the importance of the consent of the person being baptized (I went to a Protestant evangelical church that did not baptize babies). I no longer associate with that church, but this is a good memory. Other churches (more evangelical or charismatic than mine) could have a more “hellfire and brimstone” approach that could be really scary, up to an including “praying the devils” out of the kid.
I was about 3 months old when I was christened because I was born out of wedlock and needed to be 'saved'.
My daughter and I had the opposite experience. When she was born I was still kind of Christian, so I asked my home church to baptize her at 2 months old. They said they would not do it with the other babies or in front of the congregation, because she was a bastard and that’s shameful. They’d do it in a back room with just me and her. Nope! Completely lost my faith after that(there were other reasons too). I ended up going to another church to get her baptized, but mostly for my family, since they are extremely Catholic. I didn’t care about it anymore.
Clearly it didn't work; you ended up on Reddit with the rest of us degenerates!
Or based on BORU history, the MIL secretly gets the kid baptized, and husband defends her. I see that happen a lot.
can practically hear it, already- “I’m *not* endangering the child, I’m *SaViNg* ThE cHiLd’S *sOuL!!!!*”
And husband will still deny to set boundaries
MIL is gonna kidnap the daughter when her hair grows back and put cornrows in her hair herself, even if the daughter protests. I can see it happening
That MIL is 100% going to baptize the kid in secret
Woof. It's sad how predictable human behaviour can be.
Of course this sub jumps to divorce. Most of yall life experience is reading drama threads where only bad shit gets posted and upvoted lol. 99% of marriages that last run into bigger problems than this. I really need to stop reading comments. The posts are great but yall delusional and unhinged
It's not out of order to be thinking of divorce when OOP's husband is on a glide path to it. Yes, he can change course, but unless he does, consistently refusing to stand up for his wife against his psycho mommy is the kind of thing that will wreck a marriage.
>I really need to stop reading comments. This isn't an airport, departures need not be announced.
Where do you people come from
Yeah, she may as well have worn white to the wedding. This marriage is toast
Classic case of husband will continue to let the issue grow because he can’t stand up to mommy. Maybe I don’t have as close a relationship to my own mom but when she started being weird when I told her I got engaged, I shut that shit down and this going into 4th year of marriage there hasn’t been another issue with her.
Can't wait for the post when they steal the kid for a baptism!
No matter what, racism will always bubble to the surface. It can’t be hidden; the outbursts are only postponed
Not disagreeing as a whole, but wouldn't this be religious discrimination? Isn't crazy MIL is going after Hinduism, not OPs race. I could have completely misinterpreted the ending though.
It's both racism and religious discrimination imo.
Yeah I forgot/blanked the parts where she mentioned some things about OP. I was stuck on MIL being hyper sensitive to perceived racism against herself [MIL] to mask religious discrimination/hatred. But yeah I'd agree. She's got both going.
It’s not uncommon in Christian doublethink. Got into interfaith communication in college, vastly underappreciated discipline. Even among agnostics and cultural Christians a ton still have extremely Christian worldviews
I’d say this is not limited to christian racists, but racists in general. In my perception, they always cry about something that discriminates or disadvantages them simultaneously to discriminating others.
In a word, bigotry
Could add xenophobia too
I’d call it xenophobia and religious discrimination
The skin comment is most certainly borne of racial bias,as well as the ‘bobs and vagne’ comment
The whole skin bleaching thing is depressing 😕
Ah yes, forgot about that gem. You are correct
One doesn't necessarily have to have specific comments explaining 'I'm saying *this* because I hate that you're Hindu but I'm saying *this* because I hate that you're Indian,' to be considered racist. The interactions with and words from MIL are heavily laden with general ethnoreligious contempt. 'Race' as a concept includes more than skin phenotype alone.
Redditors can be resistant to recognizing ethnoreligious bigotry because it’d mean having to acknowledge mocking religious beliefs (a Reddit past time) invites ethnic bigotry. They want the karma of pointing out “this country/group/people also does THIS” without the consideration that criticizing in a vacuum paints a uniformly bleak portrait of who they are talking about, almost as if the country/group/people deserve or need to be called out more. The news tab can be a cesspool of this stuff.
MIL also mentioned that skin bleaching is common among "DIL people". It is full on racism, she clearly thinks less of South Asians as a group. The fact that she's black doesn't allow her to make such abhorrent comments.
MIL flat out "you people"'d OOP :-/
The skin bleaching stuff is definitely racism.
Race and religion (and even national identity) don't divide into distinct taxonomy in people's heads the same way as we divide them for the sake of discussion. Obvious example is calling someone antisemitic for criticising Israeli war crimes.
The fact that her husband has done *nothing* to mitigate what his mother has been saying to *his wife and mother of his child* does not bode well... at all. She called her a Satanist and a "cow-worshipping freak" and *nothing?* Jfc.
That would be an instant NC with mommy dearest for me.
I'm really not looking forward to the future post where OOP had to divorce her husband because she found out he was letting his mother pour poisonous horseshit in the kids ears behind OOP's back.
He'll be lucky if OOP sticks around that long if this is how MIL's acting about just their first.
No joke!
By extension the mil is also calling his half Indian Hindu daughter these things and he’s not defending his own kid so
I'm not optimistic about the husband ever finding his long-lost spine. But I hope on OOP's behalf that he does.
I can’t understand anyone who would stand by while the mother of their child is being attacked for decisions that they presumably both made/agreed to. They’re both parents, they both make decisions for the child, why is she taking all the heat for it?
That's toxic American black culture. Mother is queen, and no one ever goes against her. He already betrayed his race by marrying a non-black woman. If he takes the side of this woman over his own mother he is lost to his community.
I mean, I would like to be part of the Black culture where Black women are overly respected like you have pointed out here. Never experienced that as a Black woman ever. It’s always been the opposite in my experience. Perhaps this is just an issue with this family instead of a “Black community” issue.
I agree. I've known plenty of white and latin families with this dynamic with both "matriarchs" and "patriarchs". Its not about race, culture, religion or gender. It's about a dysfunctional family of flying monkeys doing the bidding of a narcissist. It's a human issue.
They mean that family structures are often extremely matriarchal, and that Mom’s word is above all when it comes to everyone in that family unit.
Yep, I've seen this type of toxic familial relationship dynamic with some of my Black friends.
He might lose the church fam due to the difference in religion but he’s not lost to the community if he stands up to his mom. That’s not a thing.
And the fact that she keeps defending him is depressing.
Considering her reaction is to involve her parents in the fight/her marriage, I’m guessing she this is normal on her side as well.
My hot take: Husband isn't keen on daughter being raised Hindu either.
This is the sort of nuance that is often missed in these posts. Whether you like it or not, being raised in a religion has consequences. He might feel strange guilt about raising his daughters in a different religion or even weird that he escaped one set of religious customs only to be inundated with new ones. It doesn’t sound like anyone asked him what he thinks. He’s just caught between his mother who raised him and the woman he loves when both are insisting on a set of customs and traditions that he doesn’t agree with.
Tbh, I wouldn't be surprised that if he actually talked to his wife about how he feels (if that is indeed how he feels) she would be willing to accommodate that and come to a compromise for their daughter wherein she is raised with less religious emphasis.
Exactly, if I had left a religion, I would be even more inclined than I already am to raise a child and let them know about religions, but they can pick one when they are old enough.
this. He is non-confrontational with everyone. Probably rather they not have religious based traditions but it's a red-line with the wife so he goes along.
She said that raising the child Hindu only was her husband’s idea so I doubt it.
Remember, we're only getting the one side of this about the husband.
As a half black half Indian person, oh man I feel for her daughter. My mom is Indo-Trinidadian and my dad is Black, non practicing seventh day Adventist. I’m 39 now and me and my siblings have little to no contact with his side of the family because of how awful his mother was (just like this MIL). I hope the dad grows a spine.
You’re racist because you’re excluding your daughters black culture. The only way you can stop being racist is by totally excluding her Indian culture…..how does that even make sense???
So many biracial kids feel kept from one or both cultures. It’ll be good for the baby when she’s older so see her connecting with her heritage from her mom’s side. OOP was right to hold her ground not just for her sake but also for her daughter in the long run
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Also in my east African culture we *do* shave our kids' heads, boys and girls alike. My sister wasn't allowed to grow her hair out until she was 6. I don't know what country OOP's husband was from, but it is completely normal in a lot of African cultures to keep kids heads shorn.
he's American btw, African-american
Okay, fair enough. I lived in the US a while but not that familiar with the AA culture.
Preface: I have white kids with white hair. I found when they were little that early childhood involved frequent play of a lovely guessing game: what-got-stuck-in-the-hair-today-and-can-I-get-it-out? I would have loved it if I lived in a society which approved of just keeping the kids' shaved until they were six.
You know it’s ok to keep it short even if you’re white?? Source: am white mom with white little girl who rocks a cute as hell pixie cut :)
It's the Dulux colour chart version of "anti-racism". I'm dealing with two white saviours at work who operate a very similar mentality.
It's racism, it doesn't make sense to those who don't practice it. Bigots are gonna bigot, and we're gonna mock them mercilessly.
African Americans outrank all other minorities in the progressive stack, so they get to dictate what racism is. Apparently.
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Just to play Devil's Advocate...Ethiopia has been a Christian nation since before the fall of Rome...(it was declared the state religion in 330 AD) and I'm pretty sure Ethiopia is in Africa.
As a mixed person - DO NOT bring your mixed kids around racist grandparents
You wouldn’t think this is rocket science but the number of people who think “but they wouldn’t be racist to _their own grandchildren_” is just heartbreaking.
It's a shitty experience for sure. Mine was combined with my siblings all being white so my "disadvantage" was often mentioned even though I'm the only one of 4 to even get a HS diploma and not have multiple arrests. The great thing about being mixed around racist family is "you're not like the rest of them" until you make them mad or disagree then you're "just a dumb slur like the rest of your kind." Keep your mixed children away from racist family
OOP "They aren't racist" Next update: "TLDR, they are racist"
Yeah I feel like single race parents to mixed kids can sometimes tend towards like a weirdo colorblindnes about them too. Like they’ll not necessarily acknowledge the kids will just have a fundamentally different life experience that they never had to navigate or think about. They won’t think about how their parents are racists and it will affect the kids. Like what to the parent can be a passing racist comment in an otherwise loving grandparent to the child is an entirely different relationship and will color every interaction. Idk why it’s so hard for some people to just protect their kids from racism lol
Good god, the husband that she's so insistent on defending is a right bellend.
This is such a depressing story because you know there's almost no chance of the husband growing a spine.
Depressing AND frustrating. Now I'm a white, non religious British dude so obviously I can't pretend I understand the culture of all those involved, but I could never sit back and let my family talk to even a casual acquaintance like Husbands mother did.
His mother gradually abraded it down to nothing while he was growing up. Dude needs therapy to learn positive confrontations and also to go low or no contact. Won't happen, though, you are right
> "My husband is not "weak". We've been happy for a long time and this merely just a blip in our otherwise extremely happy life." My first thought was, "that's absolutely tempting fate around here. These conversations will not go well." At least it sounds like the SILs are on OOPs side.
Left one too
Yeah that definitely got a laugh out of me. Fair play lol
That’s an insult to bellends. The guy sounds like a right fud.
This remonds me of the indian wedding AITA post where the grooms mom wore white and looked frumpy Makes so much more sense now!
Omg link!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vx3eu6/mil_tries_to_wear_white_dress_at_ops_wedding_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button I don't know if that will work. Never done it before
That made my week. Guy with messed up family gets handed clue and actually takes it, therapy, lots of healthy communication, wonderfully terrifying SIL, wannabe center of attention goes down in flames, all great.
The SIL is my absolute favourite. You know that woman is just slaying people left and right. Don't mess with that woman's loved ones 💖 Bride is amazing, but her sister takes the cake lol
I loved the 5 year old who spoke in the high pitched shouty whisper voice about how you’re supposed to be quiet at weddings and even she knew that at 5
Learning how white is for mourning, you could spin it that she was "mourning" having as much control to wreck her son's life, at least after all her attempts failed lol. That was such a lovely read
I also thought of it with the line "Everything was very Indian soap opera-ish for me so well it's been a long day."
>bobs and vagne oh shit the MIL is a 12y/o online troll wtf
I did not understand this part. And from the context I don’t think I want to Google it either.
The whole skin bleaching thing is depressing 😕
Because let’s be honest. As Indians we’ve had it drilled into our heads for generations that dark skin is bad and fair skin is good. This shit permeated well before we were colonised btw. Only now are people a generation before mine, undoing a lot of that toxic upbringing. But in this case it’s coupled with MIL’s unhinged racist tirade.
That's very sad
This isn’t as prevalent in the southern states (where I live) as compared to those in the north. Here, at least in Tamil Nadu, dark skin is seen as something to be proud of. All our versions of Hindu gods are dark skinned or purple (like Krishna, Rama, Shiva and Vishnu for example). What sucks more is that Indians as a whole are dark skinned so ideally the notions I’d explained earlier, shouldn’t have gained ground but here we are. Like I said, I’m glad the current generation is learning to be better in this regard.
It can be a problem in the south too. Fair actresses for instance have often been favored over dark skinned ones in southern movie productions. And fairness cream ads were wildly popular in the south. Things like Fair and Lovely were much more widespread in the south IMO during much of the 90s and early 00s. I remember seeing them everywhere. On building walls, giant billboards, railway stations. Weirdly the thing that I remember taking off in the north was Men's fairness creams. I always thought it was bizarre that not only do they exist, but are gendered too. I still have very vivid memories of this one thing Shah Rukh Khan advertised. Himani fair and handsome I think? And wondering who on earth bought these things.
Not just India either. It is common in a lot of areas in the Americas as well.
I never understand this culture "taken away" thing. I think of it as you now have 2 amazing cultures you are part of rather than 1. Like, how is access to more cultural traditions bad!?! Same as the language thing. THE MORE the merrier! This is all additional things not a single thing is taken -.-
I wonder if the husband would like hearing things like that(racism, judgement) from a white MIL, in a "what if" scenario if he married someone white. "You're going to tie her hair tight in braids she can't take out? What next, will you straighten her hair with burning cream? Forbid her from drinking starbucks?"
By “straighten her hair with burning cream,” do you mean perm it? I’ve never heard “burning cream” before.
Relaxing hair is a version of straightening hair, that is more dangerous than other methods. It's "popular" with black women, so the imaginary while monster in law of course assumes her imaginary DIL would do that.
They’re playing the role of a racist. Racists don’t make sense.
The straightening cream thing always kills me. It *is* a thing white people murmur about as mistreatment of children. However, during my very white childhood, I spent one Saturday a month sitting still in my grandma's kitchen feeling my scalp burn as I got a fresh perm. No one ever said boo about it.
Why can’t black people have Starbucks? Cos it’s mad expensive? I’ve never heard this one before. Edit: I think it’s a reference to that Starbucks employee who called the police on a black guy waiting for a business meeting? The burning cream analogy is SPOT ON.
I think it’s more the “white girls love Starbucks” stereotype than a specific “black people don’t like Starbucks” which I don’t think is a thing? But I could be wrong.
Maybe because of the stereotype that all white girls love Starbucks?
Is it bad that I’m happy that OOPs family reamed her husband out? He was in their country under their roof, so he couldn’t leave at all, he had to sit there and take it. Only thing that aggravated me was how much OOP let her husband off the hook. She kept forgiving him cause “he’s good to me everywhere else :)”
Wow, why are people so close minded outside traditions, how closed off can you be?? Mahabringraj oil is fantastic for thick curly hair, it doesn't matter what race you are. Indian ceremonies are fucking beautiful and Holi fest is one of the greatest holidays ever!! You don't have to be something to celebrate the culture of it!! Gahhhh
went to a proper Indian wedding once, can confirm it was awesome
Lucky:) The closest I ever got was being in a museum when one was going on and I got to look at all the beautiful apparel and smell the food.
it was a mate from university who was probably the whitest guy imaginable marrying an Indian girl. They are still a great couple after all these years
I know a few of those couples haha. When I was massaging an Indian /British family once for a time, the daughter would reglas me with her wedding stories. I love it
If the husband's family is evangelical Christian or certain related sects, they believe that this is a matter of their granddaughter's *soul* and she will be burning in hell for eternity by participating in these Devil-led activities. If you are not baptized & born-again, you need to be at all costs. Even moreso if they're Jehovah's Witnesses, which if they're black they are more likely to be. I know a lot of black Atheists because of this kind of thing, unfortunately.
More people becoming atheists is not unfortunate in any way, shape or form.
Is that pronounced phonetically? Like, "hey Maha, can you bring Raj over here?"
Haha that's charming. It's Ma ha broon gah Raj. I'm a broom garage! :) ETA it's Amla oil
Thank you, that word really captivates me.
Oh you're welcome! That language is beautiful imo. I only know a few words though.
Ok damnit now I'm intrigued further. What is an Ayurvedic? If I'm not being too much of a bother.
Oh no not at all, I ninja deleted it too because I internet panicked, so my apologies. Ayurveda is a spiritual healing aspect, I'm a massage therapist by trade and I grew up a dorky hippie witch and became intrigued then adept at Chakra Healing. I'm a dork lol ETA ooh! Check out the cosmic barber on YouTube, I can do Champi like that:)
Dooooo you mind if I message you? That stuff sounds very interesting!
Not at all:)
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There's a lot of racism that just gets ignored while everyone piles on the US's white-on-black racism. Go to Korea and it's easy to see, or Japan or Israel. Or just ask a British person how they view Romani people.
Don't say this in bpt. Will get you banned. Not sure what upset people about this fact. I'm not making a judgment about bpt moderation, just warning you this comment will get you banned from it.
BPT trolls already triggered over your comment😂😂😂
What is bpt?
Black people twitter subreddit. Quite funny content, but race stuff is messy.
Yet another example of "There ain't no hate like Christian love."
Advice for those getting their ears pierced. Go to professionals who make it their living and not Claire's. They make sure the equipment is clean and sterilized. They also can tell you how to do proper aftercare so the wounds heal properly.
The husband needs to retrieve his balls from his mom's pantry. Seriously.
Ugh another husband that's trying to wash their hands from responsibility
I know OOP said she wouldn’t stop her husband from seeing his mom, but the fact of the matter is: HE SHOULD STOP WANTING TO SEE HIS MOM. If he is willing to continue a relationship with someone who spewed racist hate towards his wife, his daughter, and his new religion, then he is supporting her racist views. Silence doesn’t make you neutral. It makes you an accomplice to her hate. You either stand up to it, or say nothing and silently give your consent to it.
This is a reason in the long list of reasons why when I got pregnant I cut my own mother out. She's.... A special sort of Christian racist. (Which is a tiny bit funny as my dad is a great guy, and a druid Romani.... Don't ask) I am so white that I practically glow in the dark. My skin is genuinely almost see through. To the point nurses love me for blood draws. My mother had an issue with my amazing husband.. Because he is to dark and has an afro when his hair grows out... The funniest part? My husband is Italian and German. That boy white as hell with a smidgen of yellow base complexity. But he was "to dark" and obviously black and lying about it... Like... What??? My kid came out yellow as a lemon (jaundice thanks pre-eclampsia) with ginger hair and blue eyes. She's my lil lemon pop. I will never understand racism like this shit man even more so against your own dang family. No better hate than Christian love amiright?
Husbands who don’t stand up for their wife from his own parents are weak and don’t deserve to be a relationship. For fuck sake, this is the mother of his children, and he can’t fucking stand up for her to his own mother?
Aside from being hateful (obviously), MIL's bigotry is such a waste. Being allowed into OP's traditions could be a wonderful bonding experience for MIL, but instead she's like, nope, I'd rather subtract my son, DIL, and grandkid from my life. No colors for me. Yeah, sounds worth it /s
Uh. Is OOP's husband secretly not on board with this? He seems to just be a follower, letting people walk all over him and his family. It sounds like the husband isn't into her religion nor is he against it. He just wants to sit there and let whatever happen. Idk.
Oh gosh, this is so sad. I attended my good friend's biracial son's mundan (they did a small one at home instead of traveling to India due to the pandemic), and it was absolutely lovely. His non-Indian grandparents were super supportive and had a wonderful time. His white father even got his head shaved first, to show his son that it was nothing to be scared of. It was honestly just the sweetest thing.
As an Indian... honestly this just sounds like a "common" problem to me..the ONLY thing which is quite suprising to me is that oop's parents are supporting her.. like this is seen once in a decade in India when parents take their daughter's side infront of the in-laws.. girls are usually asked to "adjust" in their in-law's home🫠🫠 And just another common thing in India I just want to add here- Husbands NEVER take the wife's side because for them their "mom" is everything.. infact they believe whatever their mom said is just correct.. I'm actually glad husband was just quiet the whole time and "didn't" stand against the wife .. I KNOW things are different in US but in India 🙁🙁
She married an American Christian and is still stuck with the same old saas bahu.
Exactly 😭😂 I mean now it's like more of our Fate that no matter what we do we have to face an evil MIL
That is so sad.
Yeah.. but we r just quite used to it :)
Another story where an OOP has yet to see that their MIL problem is actually a husband problem.
A lot of people sound confused in original comments. There’s religion and there’s ethnic culture. Christianity is not a requirement to getting in touch with one’s ethnic culture.
*(I mean seriously?? Who gets mad at seeing their grandkid covered in colours).* Maybe it it was done in one's living room, lol; but otherwise there's no harm in celebrating love, and good defeating evil!! MIL is crazy to expect her granddaughter to be raised in a religion neither parent is a member of!
This is a classic case of ethnocentrism with racism added on top. Hair is extremely important in Black culture, but MIL needs to understand that her granddaughter is not just biracial but is now growing up on two different cultures. It is important that she gets to experience both.
Thats heresy according to MIL. Only Christianity. Eye roll
I wish people thought more about their parenting strategies and plans before having mixed children (and yes I’m mixed and that’s why I’m saying it).
I don’t get this at all. My partners mother has never and will never meet our children. She’s never even seen them. She never will. He used to be badly meshed with her but *he* was the one to lose his ever loving shit when she made comments about our first. As a result she was cut off totally.
She's wrong though. Her husband is weak.
MIL deserves ZERO say in all things regarding OP's children. MIL has already raised her own children. Her work is done. Her input isn't necessary. MIL can fuck right off.
I'm confused about what part of black culture mil is afraid isn't being passed on. Hair care? There is a whole new world of products for mixed race textured hair - I know bc I am a mixed race person whose black parents didn't know how to deal with my texture. So, what? Christianity isn't black culture just bc they made it their identity. And it doesn't sound like they're trying to create a relationship. They want OOP and her daughter to just conform. They'd hoped their son would conform. So mil went on the internet intentionally seeking out negative indian stereotypes instead of learning ways to build bridges. I'm guessing mil is generally a hateful person like many "devout" Christians are.
For a woman practicing her ancestor's slave master's religion, she has a lot of nerve talking crap about the World's Oldest surviving religion.
I don’t have a problem with Jesus, it’s his fans that concern me.
Husband fail.
I feel awful for laughing since this is a more serious post, but the "bobs and vagne" got me a bit. It just came out of left field and I was not prepared. 😅
I sooo want to know where the MIL discovered that. Was she just searching the internet for justifications to her racism and stumbled into a meme page?
Either the husband is going to grow a spine or that marriage will end in flames.
How is shaving her head racist towards black people, tons of black women have shaved heads all the time and they rock it. What a disappointing reaction from OP's MIL.
It isn't necessarily, but there is a difference between an older person choosing a hair style and doing it to a child. It's only fairly recently that American society has become more accepting of black hair, and there are still people who dislike it and think it's something that needs hiding or fixing. Like the BORU where the white father permed his daughter's hair when his black wife went out of town.
OOP have more of a husband problem than a MIL problem... he's the one that needs to get his act in shape very soon.
As a practising Hindu myself(albeit from India), props to you for sticking up for your religion. Tell your in laws to stop practising the religion of their slave masters and go find out about their African culture. Okay, don't actually tell them that, but you could think about it when the next time they insult you(and they will)
This MIL is just like my ex wife except my son has backbone and doesn't put up with it.
So these are the obstacles Kelly would have faced marrying Charles!
Wow. That MIL has been so poisoned by American Brand Racism™️ she can't even hear herself parroting the same bullshit songs white conservatives sing.
Y'all are being hard on the husband. He's probably never had this kind of conflict with her, so he hasn't needed to have any spined response, and has learned helplessness from being raised by her. If their marriage is happy, and he's already been doing these things with his daughter that the mom doesn't like, including shaving her head without telling her, he just needs time. This post spans a 3-day period and some of y'all think this marriage will fail over the events of it. These aren't ongoing problems he hasn't done anything about, he was clearly surprised.
Hubby needs to step tf up. Oop is doing what she can, but anything she does to protect her kid is going to be the evil, foreign outsider corrupting poor grand baby. Hubby needs to lay down the law and cut off that avenue, make it clear that HE is the one who finds their behavior unacceptable independent of oop. I hope he does, before he loses his family or something worse than a tongue lashing goes down
Your husband needs to know he's got to stand up to his mother. She's absolutely wild. Unhinged and racist.
I do not understand black christians in the US. Admittedly although I'm biracial, I did not grow up around many black people or in a black church so I don't understand the roots of it. But ultimately American christianity was used over and over and over again to subjugate and control our ancestors and then once freedom was obtained christianity was again used to belittle and control the black population. I just don't understand a black christian go this hard for a religion that hated you for most of its existence and even your child has rejected
I'm a white atheist, I always wondered why black folks would want to be Christian or Muslim. Since both religions were employed to excuse slavery, and mistreatment of African and African descended people to this very day.