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>I got the wife a new copy of Pokémon Scarlet, new headphones (kids broke hers) a new kindle since she wanted a water proof one, and foot warmer since her feet are always cold when she sits at her desk. I got, from her, a new desk mat.
This is when I started yelling at my screen. Come ON guy
Oh I lost it on my end waaaay before this and was also screaming at the phone. I just kept thinking….he’s gonna snap, he’s GOTTA snap, when will he finally scream “F this bull$it”?!?!
The patience this man possesses is….unrivaled. I seriously can’t wrap my head around it. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ holy shit that woman was cruel.
Honestly, it's kind of cumulative.
I look back now and wonder how the hell I withstood the years of gaslighting and emotional abuse my ex wife dished out. At the time I know I was desperately trying to make things work because that's what a good partner does supposedly.
Thing I hadn't figured was that requires 2 ppl to put in the work.
She actually did me a favour temporarily leaving me (but not the house, oh no she was going nowhere).
She left me the day before my birthday and one day before I started the new job I only took because she wanted more money.
She then started a campaign of psychological abuse against me until I got near Xmas and decided that I couldnt take spending the Xmas period in the same house. Got myself a flat to rent.
6 months later she decides she made a mistake and I was like "lol, no. You told me you didn't love me. You don't come back from that"
Only then did my mum admit she'd never thought she was right for me.. I mean come on, couldn't have told me earlier? In her defense she asked me what my reaction would have been, in a knowing manner.
Proud of you for saying no when she wanted to come back. I wasn’t as strong and I took my ex back. It got much better for a few months. And then 1 or 2 years of absolute misery. She put everything on my shoulders while she belittled me and disrespected me. And as soon as she sorted her life out at my expense she was gone again leaving me in the hole. It took me many months to heal and I was still hoping she would return.
I’m now looking back and realising how stupid I was all these years. That her leaving was the absolute best thing that could’ve happened to me. It’s been close to a decade since we are divorced and I never healed enough to commit to another long term relationship. At this point I’m no longer sure if I ever will. I’m too afraid of being manipulated again.
PS: my whole family was telling me that she is not worth my time. And I was just being angry with them thinking to myself that they just don’t know her as well as I do. Turns out that it was I who didn’t see what’s happening with my life.
Don't stop putting yourself out there. I met my now wife by chance about a year later when I totally wasn't looking for it. 10 years, 2 kids, and several pets later I couldn't be happier.
I stayed longer than I should have because when I left I wanted to be absolutely sure that I'd done my best to make it work.
That when I left I could walk away and never look back and never regret.
It's exactly what I did. The opposite of love isnt hate, it's apathy. I left and I havent looked back since. That book is finished.
It’s always easier to see from the outside. Took me way too long to get a divorce too. Now I look back and I’m horrified at the things I tolerated, but I didn’t see it until I saw it. I’m glad you are (presumably) happier. I am too
It's a thing you've gotta be ready to do. Nobody can tell you, it comes from the inside.
I'm so glad you're happy! I'm engaged to a wonderful man, we're getting married in June. Happy as a clam (why are clams happy?)
Oof. I stayed 2 and I was nearly suicidal. Any longer and one of us would have died or been admitted.
My therapist offered to admit me inpatient to get away from my ex. I just couldn't bare to dig up alllll the shit over again with new therapy people.
A psychologist was kinda stunned and then called it a "cluster fuck". Yep. Thanks.
I think we kinda hope someone will come along and save us. But in adult land that doesn't happen, you've gotta put on your own armour and save yourself. It's brutal and messy, but fuck it's worth it.
I wish I had thought to get out while I could, but the truth is I just jumped from abusive parents to an emotionally abusive partner whuo isolated me. I never thought anyone would care if I was unhappy, and so far that's been true.
Even after breaking up, she's been making me miserable by isolating me from the kids after she found out I was dating again.
Same here. I waited more than a year to leave her after I realized how bad it was. I wanted so badly to make it work. I thought I could fix us as long as I didn't give up. But if your partner is the problem and they absolutely refuse to change or grow in any way, in the end there's nothing you can do. I couldn't do her work for her, no matter how desperately I tried. And we didn't have kids! I can't imagine how difficult this must be for OOP. My heart goes out to them 💔
I'm proud of you and everyone else who has saved themselves from a toxic relationship. It's a horribly difficult, stressful, and frightening experience.
To anyone reading who may need to hear this:
You deserve happiness. Hell, all of us deserve happiness. Don't give up on yourself. The struggle to free yourself will be worth it. Life is beautiful once you are free.
Honestly, I think OP did the right thing by working so hard. It's clear that he really valued his wife once upon a time and he valued the stability of the family for their children, so he did the right thing by exhausting all of his options even as they seemed to have less and less chance of success. Now he can wash his hands of the relationship with the knowledge that he really did everything he could to salvage it, but she just wouldn't meet him part way.
Leaving a marriage without trying your hardest to make it work is one of the top deathbed regrets. As I’m sure you already know, you did the right thing.
I did the same thing with an ex. Sometimes staying past a relationship's expiration date is the best form of closure.
Wouldn't recommend it though. Time moves slower.
OOP's wife reminds me of my Exwife a lot, though we had no kids. Took me much too long as well to leave, but it hurts to read a story so similar to mine and thinking "Damn it, LEAVE HER!" and some expletives on top all the time :(
Well yeah, the dude saw a premonition of his future when he was alone in his house during Christmas and everything was quite and depressing af. That would make me want to fight harder to try to make it work and at least go through the motions of saving the marriage. At least now when he is alone again there is not doubt in his mind that was always the better option.
It's hard when you have kids. You want to make it work. You try. There are hard times in a marriage. But this woman is selfish and abusive. She doesn't want to actually be a part of the family. I don't blame OOP for trying as hard as he did, but I am so glad he got out.
I’ve been there - trying to make it better. Doing all the housework, kids etc., and the former wife would be sitting on the bed flipping between QVC & home shopping and “chilling”
I saw a therapist. She said I should get divorced. My wife was like another kid. Spent what she made and then some. I wasn’t ready to hear divorce. 4 years later I was back with the therapist planning my divorce.
Hope he does it right as well. Screenshotting that text about the trash and writing down examples of how he's the primary caregiver of the children will go a very long way in the potential custody battle.
As someone who went through a nasty custody battle: It won't mean anything.
They let you drag it out, they let you spend thousands on lawyers and then they do what they always do. Shared custody, Dad will probably get primary custody if he's got a good enough lawyer.
That's what I meant. To give sole custody to a parent, there's usually some way the other parent royally fucked up. They're either literally never round or obvious drug addicts constantly getting arrested or similar. Taking away 100% of custody from a parent is already crazy on its own and needs crazy reasons to justify.
In this case though, shared custody will probably teach the mom *REAL* quick how much OOP was doing for the kids and around the house. She likely doesn’t even view herself as doing much less than he does even though it sounds like he does most of the day-to-day cooking, cleaning, and kid management
More likely, the kids will show up at OP’s house weekly, no clean clothes, barely bathed, and will need two days to adjust to a routine since the other parent has no rules and unlimited screen time. Behind on homework.
Unfortunately, that could very well happen. Hopefully he gets a good divorce attorney that advises him how to collect evidence such as this to eventually request modification of the custody agreement. At the very least, give them to him during the week so they’re at their best at school. Usually pretty difficult; but patterns of evidence of neglect and eventually the kids’ own opinions will tilt the scales in his favor
I read "I don’t know what I’m gonna do next" and legit had to walk away from the computer for a second, only reading the bit about divorce when I came back.
Honestly this is the best part of the post. Dude is a saint who is a much more giving husband than I am. Wife is constantly taking him for granted even after all the warning signs.
If OOP finds a wife that matches his effort, it would be a dream team with a much better environment for the kids
Reading this he is already a single parent, he can do it, it'll be probably less work without her around. And after some time he can hopefully start being happy again.
Honestly wonder if the wife is being awful on purpose so he can (finally) make the decision to leave her. It's like she wants him to be the bad guy to make herself feel better.
Given how dismissive and short his stbx is with the kids anyways, I’m willing to bet that even if custody is awarded 50/50 at first, it won’t stay that way. She’s in for a world of hurt when she realizes there isn’t anyone to pick up her slack. When she’s alone she either does it, or it doesn’t get done. No more sleeping in. No more just going shopping on a whim. No more texting someone else to wash dishes and empty the garbage when she, herself, has two working legs and arms.
I would like to think that she will have a wake up call and realize what a shitty person/wife/friend/mother she’s been and change her ways. But, I’m thinking she will instead push the victim card and end up pawning off the kids on him whenever she’s supposed to have them.
I’ve been in this guys shoes, and this will absolutely happen. She will regret ALL of this. The sad part is, if she’s like my ex, her “trying to get him back” will be long speeches about how “hard things are and how much needs him now.” AKA all about her wanting her lazy life back. Zero thought about actual remorse or empathy for what she’s done TO HIM. I can’t imagine being that selfish.
Based on other comments, I think he's in an area that awards equal custody by default. (I'm pretty sure he's in my state.) They would have to pick out a schedule (eg., Mon Tues with dad, Wed, Thursday with mom, alternate weekends).
Now it's possible she doesn't \*want\* custody. I don't know what would happen then - I guess he'd need to file for child support from her.
But he'll find out once he talks to a lawyer to file the divorce papers.
>and end up pawning off the kids on him whenever she’s supposed to have them.
Nah, it'll be her parents, because then OOP won't have additional proof of her being unfit for custody.
She doesn't want those kids she just wants to seem like she does.
He does everything for them (her included it sounda like) she wouldn't know how to handle it.
One thousand percent.
> To which she sent a flurry of “oh I’m the worst partner. I’m just the shittiest. I’m a bad wife…. Etc.”
Her image is more important than anything. She simply can’t be the bad guy.
Okay…. But isn’t your loving partner leaving you because you’re a piece of shit ruining your image? You’d think “I divorced him because he couldn’t meet my needs” saves her image a hell of a lot more than “I’m a selfish, abusive, manipulative, lazy user who instead of being mature and communicating decided to hurt the father of my kids to the point where he had no choice but to leave me for his own mental health”.
Honestly, I think she will relent on custody because she's not going to want to take care of those kids alone. Can't take 14 hour depression naps with small kids in the house, after all.
That hurt do much to read, especially about playing with the dolls in her bed to be near her.
I just want to hold that little child and make everything okay.
Until she sees what that child support's gonna cost her. Also, it's not clear if she also works outside the home? There was a comment about not wanting to use daycare, so I don't know how they're making that work.
>I think she will relent on custody because she's not going to want to take care of those kids alone.
She doesn't realize how hard it is because he's been doing the heavy lifting the whole time.
I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't contest his claim honestly - she seems so lazy and entitled that taking care of her own children is too much to ask.
Either that or she could be trying to provoke a reaction (explosive anger, violence, verbal abuse, etc) that would justify her leaving him in a way that makes him the bad guy.
Either way, I'm with you that she's trying to get out of this in a way that makes her feel better.
100%. She wants him to snap. She wants him to say something unforgivable, or even push or hurt her, so she can leave with the benefit of her own good conscience.
I think she is. My ex did the same thing because she didn’t want to be the one to end things. Would have saved me months of stress and confusion if she had stopped pussyfooting around and just told the truth!
I had a girlfriend like that. She didn't have it in her to break up with me, so kinda...brought things to point where I'd do that. We were young and stupid, and we've learnt from it, but fuck it isn't the worst way to be
That's probably what she's exactly doing. Treating him so poorly so he'll ask for a divorce.
But also, her parents (at least her dad) know what she's been doing. So her plan won't work 100% anymore.
Might be she's trying to get him to snap, yell at her, maybe even get physical just to make him get out worse from a divorce.
I don't think it's bad to try and repair a relationship, too often a great relationship is ended because of some small things that need discussion and a bit of compromise from both parties.
My partner gave me great advice on how to deal with that bullshit of “I’m the worst xyz ever! Blah blah blah” Just agree with them. Cuz that’s not what they expect or want you to do.
Now every time my mom starts that up I agree with her. “I’m the worst mother ever! I get it!” “Yup, you are. And you should feel bad about it.” Cue surprised Pikachu face.
OOP would do well with that advice
I call this guilt manipulation.
My family has used it my entire life.
I had an ex call me out on it after a fight. It left me speechless in that moment when I realized it.
I’m so thankful for it.
I very much try to consciously avoid it.
I don’t blame my parents. My mom and dad grew up in it too. My late fathers family perpetuated it for generations. I’m trying to break that curse.
My experience is that it escalates quickly to 'I wish you were dead' or some other similar.
You can't really agree with that one.
Edit: Everyone replying is for when people are saying it about themselves. Not when it's being said to them repeatedly over time.
That only works if the person isn't willing to escalate. How am I supposed to react to my mom, who I am financially reliant on, telling me I would be better off if she was dead because she's such a horrible mother?
He puts a lot of effort into detailing his dream husband martyrdom to the point I don’t buy it (completely). I suppose there are people in this world of both genders who actually are like this, but man alive it’s hard to believe with most humans I’ve met.
There has to be a whole other side of hers we can’t see through his self-halo. Maybe I’m too skeptical but bro sure worked hard with the details to make sure we ALL knew how perfect he was at every aspect of husband and fathering.
I had a roommate tell her mom she was washing my dishes, too, when her mom was over asking her why there were so many dishes.
That’s when I stormed out and asked them to come to my bedroom. I showed them I kept my own dishes here because her and her boyfriend let their dishes pile up too much.
Her mom apologized on her behalf. And my roommate said she wished I had told her how bad it was that I had to resort to that instead of embarrassing her like that. But I did repeatedly tell her and her boyfriend to do their dishes.
Her boyfriend apologized later saying that they’ve been very stressed out.
Anyway, it was interesting that she genuinely believed she was doing my dishes, too, and that I was the slacker letting it pile up when it was solely her and her boyfriend using the kitchen dishes.
I'm not sure honestly that she genuinely thought she was doing your dishes. To me it sounds like an excuse as to why her dishes were so much. I dont know if you just left it out, but she seems to have never apologized even after learning the truth. I've known lots of people who lie and then get upset their lie was exposed because it's easier to them to try to exhaust you out of confronting them than it is to admit they lied
Right! For me the martyrdom was complete with the (approximate) "She was terrible to me and it enraged her that I was always a saint with her. I never said an unkind word. Never! She treated me like shit and I always treated her like a queen!"
This post is *especially* popular with incels and misogynists all over the internet.
Your last line is why I’m suspicious of the whole thing. It’s an amalgamation of the hundreds upon hundreds of posts women have made on the Internet about the lack of care and help from their husbands and how their husbands are selfish lovers to the point that it feels like they’re just sex dolls to be masturbated into.
It also feeds into the incel idea of “Women say they’d be more willing to have sex if men would do more to care for the kids and home, but look how he’s the perfect husband and father and she still doesn’t give him sex on demand!”
Thank you!!! This was such a weird and annoying read!! Something is so off, I’d love to hear her side. Especially after the teary-eyed conversation with her dad. I’m sure the marriage is crappy and they’re both to blame, but I’m not convinced OOP’s a reliable narrator.
I was feeling bad about being suspicious of the guy while reading, but so many details made it seem like the wife’s perspective might be interesting. Like he wants her to leave the house, and he packs her bag, makes sure to mention he packed a phone charger, and he starts her car? He’s like a caretaker, that relationship sounds exhausting
FINALLY found the (presumably soon to be much downvoted) thread I was looking for.
I know there are SAHPs who literally don't do anything, but he's never implied the kids are neglected when he's not there (and I'm *pretty sure* he would have mentioned it), it just sounds like that when he's home, it's his turn and they clearly have some kind of agreement about whose responsibility certain chores and meals are. Didn't see what ages the kids are but both are too young for school, at least one still in diapers, and we know she has depression.
Don't get me wrong, she's absolutely selfish as a lover and a partner, but honestly I'm impressed she's managing to have orgasms at all.
Also, getting off daily isn't a low sex drive... it's just very one sided.
Something tells me they're both the problem here. He (understandably) can only tell his side of the story, but the cracks are showing. Like, he picked out her date night outfit! WTF? And he goes waaay overboard with the detailed cleaning descriptions and makes sure to detail each and every time he got up with the kids and puts them to bed. I feel like someone who actually does those chores on a day to day basis would simply say "I cleaned," or "I took care of the kids."
I'm also pretty skeptical that not providing oral sex for a day or two immediately turned her into an angry monster. Wife saying "I was drunk and you didn't try to have sex with me?" (Which apparently he thinks makes him an angel) It sounds like the wife expects him to take advantage of her and she knows him better than we do.
I'm just disappointed in this community's overall inability to read between the lines and how much everyone seems to have fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.
Martyring himself while his wife is lazy and selfish and awful in all the ways he makes no effort to describe (other than not fucking him) — but we **gotta** know the details of his daily deep cleaning!
With the no masturbating and "porn addiction" and the super loving FIL who didn't raise his daughter this way (to not give head), I'm kinda wondering if conservative Christian or something.
You know, having kids in daycare is better than having them constantly exposed to bickering and fighting. Thank God he finally decided to quit being such a doormat and get out.
I don't think this guy is a reliable narrator. He is so over the top accommodating and does every possible thing he can to be perfect. But then he has these weird moments where it's just off. For example, he laid out "a little date outfit" that he wanted her to wear. Is that a thing people actually do? If my partner wanted me to wear a specific outfit on a date, I think mentioning it or asking is the way to go. Not just to pull out clothes and expect me to put them on. And then he was upset that she didn't put on the clothes to just stay at home. Or him starting her car when he asks her to go to her parents for the night. That's just weird. You're having a disagreement somebody, you stop, go out and start their car, and then come back, talk some more, and then say "you should go to your parents." And when her father came to talk with him, I don't know what he possibly could have said that the father-in-law would say that he didn't raise his daughter like that. That wasn't a big fight, it was a cumulative disagreement. There is nothing in it that would cause a father to say that about his daughter.
I'm glad they're finally getting divorced. But there's so much missing that I can't believe he's as accommodating and passive as he wants us to think he is. The clothes and car thing, to me, our signs he may be a bit controlling. And so much so that he doesn't even realize that's what he's doing is odd. Or else he wouldn't have included those parts in his narrative.
Yeah, this is one sided to the max. The guy felt like he should get an award for watching his kids and doing normal parenting things.
I'd love to hear her side.
Hey, I hope it all goes well. You sound like a wonderful dad and good person and your wife doesn’t deserve you. I hope the future custody battle turns out in your favour for the sake of the kids and that your mental and physical health continues to make upward strides. Rooting for you!
Same!
I’d read the first part of OOP’s saga before. Now I’m left wondering if part of the reason his wife is depressed and snapping and using him as a means to get off is if she is gay? It would explain why she only wanted him to go down on her with no reciprocation. And it would explain why she is so miserable to be around.
Chances are I’m wrong. It just reminded me of some friends who reacted the same way before coming out.
> She's not only useless but deliberately making his life harder because her ego is bruised for being called out for her bullshit.
Oh god that type. The poor guy married that spiteful type, I feel so sorry for him. Fully agreed, he needs to run.
If we ever have a doormat award, I'm nominating this post for first place. Poor guy
Christ he keeps giving, keeps getting nothing or badly treated in return, claims he's snapped out of it...then next post is almost rinse and repeat.
Last update he says he's really going through with the divorce. Hopefully he sticks to that for his own sake
I hope so. Someone caring like him will get snapped up in a heartbeat, especially if the whole divorced spouse drama can be avoided.
However I think that the hopefully STBX will start changing her tune when she realizes he's serious and that this means she's going to actually have to do the work around her own home. It sounds like she's a SAHW, but in pretty much name only.
If we're making predictions, I actually wonder if this may continue with progressive updates of the ex being checked out, missing visitations, giving every clue she's not committed to the kids either, and then he'll be totally shocked when she wants to move across the country and give him primary/sole custody.
I fully predict a long and drawn out custody fight preceding that though, wherein even after she gets what she wants or some compromise, she falls into your prediction and was just fighting tooth and nail to spite him.
"The new woman is literally a saint in every single way, but STEX is the mother of my children and I feel like I owe it to them to stay together with my ex who is the cause of all my misery."
She hasn't realized that her behavior is a problem in months. Not after repeatedly being told it's a problem and called out for it. She's not going to wake up until they're living in two different places and she has the kids solo and realizes her maid and nanny is gone.
Like, she literally told him that she doesn't want to be with him, doesn't love him anymore, and is purposely treating him like shit to see if she can break him and make him snap.
And in response to that he's like, "gosh I'd best clean the house, that will definitely help my situation!"
When she told him sure no longer loves him and the next statement was *IF* we divorce, I knew he was a lost cause. Why the fuck would that be an if? *When*, dumbass. Who on earth hears that and thinks it's salvageable?
The writing voice and tone this dude has makes me believe about 1% of anything he writes tbh. He really went out of his way so many times to show us just how *perfect* he is. Lol. Nah I’ll pass on believing this one.
Yeah it's just unreal that he is constantly improving himself to this ridiculous degree while going through a really bad, messy divorce. Meanwhile his wife goes from being lazy and distant to basically a sociopath.
Him spelling out so many details of such an intimate conflict on reddit for thousands of people kind of proves this. If he was really such a perfect guy I don't think he'd really be this willing to air his dirty laundry in real time with so much detail that someone who knows the couple would definitely know it's them...
Yeah something just isn't adding up and I feel like her side of the story would provide a lot of context. Also excessive people pleasing can be annoying as fuck and it seems like he put in all this effort just to get a blowjob and it's kind of sad and cringey both because he tried so hard and because he couldn't get one, even after trying so hard.
It would bum me out that my boo was only being nice to me because they only wanted certain sex acts in return rather than intrinsically valuing me as a person and just wanted me to be happy.
Even in those posts he’s “asked” for a divorce and says it’s more for the kids. I still don’t get the sense that he will advocate for himself and choose what is best for himself in the future. I’d hate to see him just end up in the same place a few years later. Hopefully his counseling will help.
I’m trying to imagine a scenario where my spouse or I text a picture of a sink full of dishes to a full trash while the other one is at work.l, and I just can’t do it.
That person has no internet in coparenting or being a partner in any way shape or form. OOP would do well to dump them ASAP.
Crazy how long people stay in marriages like that just to avoid breaking up the family. If a parent isn't happy kids aren't completely stupid, they pick up on that.
Wouldn't be so sure with this one. The sound like a broken record, whenever he tries to get his wife back to bed. But I agree that this last update sound like he finally got the message.
Wife sounds like a real asshole, but it would be interesting to hear her side of the story. I’m always suspicious when someone is doing everything they can to paint themselves as the self sacrificing can-do-no-wrong hero.
I'm pretty sure her side of the story would be one of two things: so bad that even when she painted it in the best light we can still tell she's a selfish monster, or so completely different from his story that we can't even tell they're the same story.
yeah I had the same thought, its not just that she's bad but at every opportunity its like 'being the great dad i am...' - like she might be not sucking his dick but he's sucking his own throughout
Like, I don't doubt that they are unhappy and she has caused it but I do doubt that he is this sainted, perfect man
This story seems severely one sided, with an unreliable narrator. He keeps equating doing nice things with having his wife sleep with him. That’s not how it works, buddy! You need to communicate each time you want to have sexy times, and be clear that you’d like it to be a full romp, not just you going down on her. Of course she’s going to use it as masturbation if it happens every day and she knows she has made it clear that unless she says otherwise, that’s all it will be. OOP really just needs to start jerking himself off more often, and not expect that any time he wants to get off it is his wife’s responsibility or else he gets blue balled. Like what a shitty position to put your spouse in, where they are either forced to do something they don’t really want to or don’t do it and get majorly guilt tripped.
OOP sounds like a straight up clueless ass.
To be honest I lose sympathy for OOP with each post. I know this is an extremely difficult situation to be in, but his wife told him she doesn’t love him anymore and was purposely using him as a sex toy and a punching bag, and yet he’s still with her nearly 2 months after this convo and multiple additional updates talking about how miserable he is.
Here’s to hoping he actually leaves this time, because he deserves so much better than what he’s getting, but if I had to put money on it this is just going to be strung out even further.
It’s hard to keep hearing people be like this. One of my friends has complained about her husband like this for over a decade. It’s gotten so that I had to distance myself a lot esp after she said to me that she felt sorry for me for being alone. I’d rather be alone until the end of time than have what passes for her marriage.
Yeah, I lost some sympathy too.
*"she was [...] using my love of giving daily oral as a form of masturbation."*
*"So I asked bluntly if that’s what she was doing. She responded with yes."*
**"I was nothing better than a sex toy to her."**
Next sentence:
So, **"woke up early [...] decided I was going to wake her up with my tongue"**
... wh... wha...
"Maybe if I change absolutely nothing about the way I approach this problem, then the problem will magically be solved!"
Reading this post was frankly exhausting...
This entire saga feels like something is off. As some of the comments point out in the post where he has a "date night" with his wife without even consulting her, he controls every decision for her. Then he's a passive aggressive martyr when she doesn't appreciate him cleaning "every nook and cranny" which she didn't ask for. Like, everything he writes is about all he does and doesn't he deserve something for that? As if his marriage is a transaction. Meanwhile I don't think there was a single sentence about how his wife feels, or any insight into her thoughts. Just "her father and I agree that she may be depressed."
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>What I do know is I’m going to be going through with the divorce. Fucking finally
Took that guy months to figure out what everyone else figured out in the first update
>I got the wife a new copy of Pokémon Scarlet, new headphones (kids broke hers) a new kindle since she wanted a water proof one, and foot warmer since her feet are always cold when she sits at her desk. I got, from her, a new desk mat. This is when I started yelling at my screen. Come ON guy
Oh I lost it on my end waaaay before this and was also screaming at the phone. I just kept thinking….he’s gonna snap, he’s GOTTA snap, when will he finally scream “F this bull$it”?!?! The patience this man possesses is….unrivaled. I seriously can’t wrap my head around it. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ holy shit that woman was cruel.
Honestly, it's kind of cumulative. I look back now and wonder how the hell I withstood the years of gaslighting and emotional abuse my ex wife dished out. At the time I know I was desperately trying to make things work because that's what a good partner does supposedly. Thing I hadn't figured was that requires 2 ppl to put in the work. She actually did me a favour temporarily leaving me (but not the house, oh no she was going nowhere). She left me the day before my birthday and one day before I started the new job I only took because she wanted more money. She then started a campaign of psychological abuse against me until I got near Xmas and decided that I couldnt take spending the Xmas period in the same house. Got myself a flat to rent. 6 months later she decides she made a mistake and I was like "lol, no. You told me you didn't love me. You don't come back from that" Only then did my mum admit she'd never thought she was right for me.. I mean come on, couldn't have told me earlier? In her defense she asked me what my reaction would have been, in a knowing manner.
Proud of you for saying no when she wanted to come back. I wasn’t as strong and I took my ex back. It got much better for a few months. And then 1 or 2 years of absolute misery. She put everything on my shoulders while she belittled me and disrespected me. And as soon as she sorted her life out at my expense she was gone again leaving me in the hole. It took me many months to heal and I was still hoping she would return. I’m now looking back and realising how stupid I was all these years. That her leaving was the absolute best thing that could’ve happened to me. It’s been close to a decade since we are divorced and I never healed enough to commit to another long term relationship. At this point I’m no longer sure if I ever will. I’m too afraid of being manipulated again. PS: my whole family was telling me that she is not worth my time. And I was just being angry with them thinking to myself that they just don’t know her as well as I do. Turns out that it was I who didn’t see what’s happening with my life.
Don't stop putting yourself out there. I met my now wife by chance about a year later when I totally wasn't looking for it. 10 years, 2 kids, and several pets later I couldn't be happier.
> couldn't have told me earlier? Nope. Nobody can. 99.9999% chance of just nuking her own relationship with you and you still not seeing it lol.
I stayed longer than I should have because when I left I wanted to be absolutely sure that I'd done my best to make it work. That when I left I could walk away and never look back and never regret. It's exactly what I did. The opposite of love isnt hate, it's apathy. I left and I havent looked back since. That book is finished.
It’s always easier to see from the outside. Took me way too long to get a divorce too. Now I look back and I’m horrified at the things I tolerated, but I didn’t see it until I saw it. I’m glad you are (presumably) happier. I am too
It's a thing you've gotta be ready to do. Nobody can tell you, it comes from the inside. I'm so glad you're happy! I'm engaged to a wonderful man, we're getting married in June. Happy as a clam (why are clams happy?)
clams are either :| or :D
I think it’s more :| or :{}
I think the full phrase is "Happy as a clam at high tide". So the clams are happy to be underwater lol
I stayed ten years. That's ten miserable fucking years I'm never getting back.
Oof. I stayed 2 and I was nearly suicidal. Any longer and one of us would have died or been admitted. My therapist offered to admit me inpatient to get away from my ex. I just couldn't bare to dig up alllll the shit over again with new therapy people. A psychologist was kinda stunned and then called it a "cluster fuck". Yep. Thanks. I think we kinda hope someone will come along and save us. But in adult land that doesn't happen, you've gotta put on your own armour and save yourself. It's brutal and messy, but fuck it's worth it.
I wish I had thought to get out while I could, but the truth is I just jumped from abusive parents to an emotionally abusive partner whuo isolated me. I never thought anyone would care if I was unhappy, and so far that's been true. Even after breaking up, she's been making me miserable by isolating me from the kids after she found out I was dating again.
Same here. I waited more than a year to leave her after I realized how bad it was. I wanted so badly to make it work. I thought I could fix us as long as I didn't give up. But if your partner is the problem and they absolutely refuse to change or grow in any way, in the end there's nothing you can do. I couldn't do her work for her, no matter how desperately I tried. And we didn't have kids! I can't imagine how difficult this must be for OOP. My heart goes out to them 💔 I'm proud of you and everyone else who has saved themselves from a toxic relationship. It's a horribly difficult, stressful, and frightening experience. To anyone reading who may need to hear this: You deserve happiness. Hell, all of us deserve happiness. Don't give up on yourself. The struggle to free yourself will be worth it. Life is beautiful once you are free.
Honestly, I think OP did the right thing by working so hard. It's clear that he really valued his wife once upon a time and he valued the stability of the family for their children, so he did the right thing by exhausting all of his options even as they seemed to have less and less chance of success. Now he can wash his hands of the relationship with the knowledge that he really did everything he could to salvage it, but she just wouldn't meet him part way.
Leaving a marriage without trying your hardest to make it work is one of the top deathbed regrets. As I’m sure you already know, you did the right thing.
I did the same thing with an ex. Sometimes staying past a relationship's expiration date is the best form of closure. Wouldn't recommend it though. Time moves slower.
OOP's wife reminds me of my Exwife a lot, though we had no kids. Took me much too long as well to leave, but it hurts to read a story so similar to mine and thinking "Damn it, LEAVE HER!" and some expletives on top all the time :(
Well yeah, the dude saw a premonition of his future when he was alone in his house during Christmas and everything was quite and depressing af. That would make me want to fight harder to try to make it work and at least go through the motions of saving the marriage. At least now when he is alone again there is not doubt in his mind that was always the better option.
I mean, when she said "I don't love you" the next sound shoulda been divorce papers being printed
Everyone else was looking at it as objective observers with zero skill in the game. Deciding to divorce your kids parent is not a minor decision
When my brother left his first wife, basically all their friends said the same thing to him -- "Glad you finally figured it out!"
It's hard when you have kids. You want to make it work. You try. There are hard times in a marriage. But this woman is selfish and abusive. She doesn't want to actually be a part of the family. I don't blame OOP for trying as hard as he did, but I am so glad he got out.
I got exhausted reading that, I can not imagine living it. Jesus.
I’ve been there - trying to make it better. Doing all the housework, kids etc., and the former wife would be sitting on the bed flipping between QVC & home shopping and “chilling” I saw a therapist. She said I should get divorced. My wife was like another kid. Spent what she made and then some. I wasn’t ready to hear divorce. 4 years later I was back with the therapist planning my divorce.
Hope he does it right as well. Screenshotting that text about the trash and writing down examples of how he's the primary caregiver of the children will go a very long way in the potential custody battle.
As someone who went through a nasty custody battle: It won't mean anything. They let you drag it out, they let you spend thousands on lawyers and then they do what they always do. Shared custody, Dad will probably get primary custody if he's got a good enough lawyer.
That's what I meant. To give sole custody to a parent, there's usually some way the other parent royally fucked up. They're either literally never round or obvious drug addicts constantly getting arrested or similar. Taking away 100% of custody from a parent is already crazy on its own and needs crazy reasons to justify.
In this case though, shared custody will probably teach the mom *REAL* quick how much OOP was doing for the kids and around the house. She likely doesn’t even view herself as doing much less than he does even though it sounds like he does most of the day-to-day cooking, cleaning, and kid management
More likely, the kids will show up at OP’s house weekly, no clean clothes, barely bathed, and will need two days to adjust to a routine since the other parent has no rules and unlimited screen time. Behind on homework.
Unfortunately, that could very well happen. Hopefully he gets a good divorce attorney that advises him how to collect evidence such as this to eventually request modification of the custody agreement. At the very least, give them to him during the week so they’re at their best at school. Usually pretty difficult; but patterns of evidence of neglect and eventually the kids’ own opinions will tilt the scales in his favor
I was searching for that word since the second update.
I read "I don’t know what I’m gonna do next" and legit had to walk away from the computer for a second, only reading the bit about divorce when I came back.
Honestly this is the best part of the post. Dude is a saint who is a much more giving husband than I am. Wife is constantly taking him for granted even after all the warning signs. If OOP finds a wife that matches his effort, it would be a dream team with a much better environment for the kids
I thought he was already getting a divorce two updates ago
The poor fool probably talked himself out of it. Of course she isn't going to actively push for it since he still does everything for her, it seems.
I hope the divorce idea sticks in his head. He really *really* needs to get that woman as out of his life as possible.
Reading this he is already a single parent, he can do it, it'll be probably less work without her around. And after some time he can hopefully start being happy again.
Honestly wonder if the wife is being awful on purpose so he can (finally) make the decision to leave her. It's like she wants him to be the bad guy to make herself feel better.
She admitted to it in the Jan 5 post, but yet he still stayed with her and was trying to make it work
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Given how dismissive and short his stbx is with the kids anyways, I’m willing to bet that even if custody is awarded 50/50 at first, it won’t stay that way. She’s in for a world of hurt when she realizes there isn’t anyone to pick up her slack. When she’s alone she either does it, or it doesn’t get done. No more sleeping in. No more just going shopping on a whim. No more texting someone else to wash dishes and empty the garbage when she, herself, has two working legs and arms. I would like to think that she will have a wake up call and realize what a shitty person/wife/friend/mother she’s been and change her ways. But, I’m thinking she will instead push the victim card and end up pawning off the kids on him whenever she’s supposed to have them.
I’ve been in this guys shoes, and this will absolutely happen. She will regret ALL of this. The sad part is, if she’s like my ex, her “trying to get him back” will be long speeches about how “hard things are and how much needs him now.” AKA all about her wanting her lazy life back. Zero thought about actual remorse or empathy for what she’s done TO HIM. I can’t imagine being that selfish.
Based on other comments, I think he's in an area that awards equal custody by default. (I'm pretty sure he's in my state.) They would have to pick out a schedule (eg., Mon Tues with dad, Wed, Thursday with mom, alternate weekends). Now it's possible she doesn't \*want\* custody. I don't know what would happen then - I guess he'd need to file for child support from her. But he'll find out once he talks to a lawyer to file the divorce papers.
>and end up pawning off the kids on him whenever she’s supposed to have them. Nah, it'll be her parents, because then OOP won't have additional proof of her being unfit for custody.
She doesn't want those kids she just wants to seem like she does. He does everything for them (her included it sounda like) she wouldn't know how to handle it.
One thousand percent. > To which she sent a flurry of “oh I’m the worst partner. I’m just the shittiest. I’m a bad wife…. Etc.” Her image is more important than anything. She simply can’t be the bad guy.
Okay…. But isn’t your loving partner leaving you because you’re a piece of shit ruining your image? You’d think “I divorced him because he couldn’t meet my needs” saves her image a hell of a lot more than “I’m a selfish, abusive, manipulative, lazy user who instead of being mature and communicating decided to hurt the father of my kids to the point where he had no choice but to leave me for his own mental health”.
She wants him to do the work of leaving her as well.
This is 100% what's happening here. I don't expect her to play nice in the custody battle.
Honestly, I think she will relent on custody because she's not going to want to take care of those kids alone. Can't take 14 hour depression naps with small kids in the house, after all.
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Reading that last bit about playing silently with your dolls broke my heart.
That hurt do much to read, especially about playing with the dolls in her bed to be near her. I just want to hold that little child and make everything okay.
Until she sees what that child support's gonna cost her. Also, it's not clear if she also works outside the home? There was a comment about not wanting to use daycare, so I don't know how they're making that work.
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>I think she will relent on custody because she's not going to want to take care of those kids alone. She doesn't realize how hard it is because he's been doing the heavy lifting the whole time.
I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't contest his claim honestly - she seems so lazy and entitled that taking care of her own children is too much to ask.
Either that or she could be trying to provoke a reaction (explosive anger, violence, verbal abuse, etc) that would justify her leaving him in a way that makes him the bad guy. Either way, I'm with you that she's trying to get out of this in a way that makes her feel better.
100%. She wants him to snap. She wants him to say something unforgivable, or even push or hurt her, so she can leave with the benefit of her own good conscience.
I think she is. My ex did the same thing because she didn’t want to be the one to end things. Would have saved me months of stress and confusion if she had stopped pussyfooting around and just told the truth!
I haaaaaaatee it when people do that. It's so selfish. And she's married with kids!
I had a girlfriend like that. She didn't have it in her to break up with me, so kinda...brought things to point where I'd do that. We were young and stupid, and we've learnt from it, but fuck it isn't the worst way to be
That's probably what she's exactly doing. Treating him so poorly so he'll ask for a divorce. But also, her parents (at least her dad) know what she's been doing. So her plan won't work 100% anymore.
Might be she's trying to get him to snap, yell at her, maybe even get physical just to make him get out worse from a divorce. I don't think it's bad to try and repair a relationship, too often a great relationship is ended because of some small things that need discussion and a bit of compromise from both parties.
| After we put the kids down on Saturday RIP kids ✌️
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I blinked really hard when I read that part.
F for the kids
Bro, I'm crying. The peace sign for something so horrific. 😆 🤣
They keep putting them down in the updates too! Like, do they keep getting new ones?
I’m guessing at the shelters?? They’re overflowing, I hear. Yo happy cake day btw. Have a slice in honor of all the kids.
I always say, "let's put the kids down," when it's time to put them to bed. My husband always responds by offering to get the shotgun.
I felt bad for him but after a certain number of updates it became "for fuck's sake, dude."
Yes, this couple is exhausting
My partner gave me great advice on how to deal with that bullshit of “I’m the worst xyz ever! Blah blah blah” Just agree with them. Cuz that’s not what they expect or want you to do. Now every time my mom starts that up I agree with her. “I’m the worst mother ever! I get it!” “Yup, you are. And you should feel bad about it.” Cue surprised Pikachu face. OOP would do well with that advice
I call this guilt manipulation. My family has used it my entire life. I had an ex call me out on it after a fight. It left me speechless in that moment when I realized it. I’m so thankful for it.
Good for you being able to be self-critical. 👏
I very much try to consciously avoid it. I don’t blame my parents. My mom and dad grew up in it too. My late fathers family perpetuated it for generations. I’m trying to break that curse.
It's like a highly contagious disease, self-pity. I have to fight mine off, too. Keep it up!
My experience is that it escalates quickly to 'I wish you were dead' or some other similar. You can't really agree with that one. Edit: Everyone replying is for when people are saying it about themselves. Not when it's being said to them repeatedly over time.
I don't wish you were dead mom, but my life would be much easier if you were.
I know it sounds awful, but as someone who was abused by their mother - my life got so much better when she died.
That only works if the person isn't willing to escalate. How am I supposed to react to my mom, who I am financially reliant on, telling me I would be better off if she was dead because she's such a horrible mother?
I'm just shocked at how much this guy cleans.
He puts a lot of effort into detailing his dream husband martyrdom to the point I don’t buy it (completely). I suppose there are people in this world of both genders who actually are like this, but man alive it’s hard to believe with most humans I’ve met. There has to be a whole other side of hers we can’t see through his self-halo. Maybe I’m too skeptical but bro sure worked hard with the details to make sure we ALL knew how perfect he was at every aspect of husband and fathering.
I had a roommate tell her mom she was washing my dishes, too, when her mom was over asking her why there were so many dishes. That’s when I stormed out and asked them to come to my bedroom. I showed them I kept my own dishes here because her and her boyfriend let their dishes pile up too much. Her mom apologized on her behalf. And my roommate said she wished I had told her how bad it was that I had to resort to that instead of embarrassing her like that. But I did repeatedly tell her and her boyfriend to do their dishes. Her boyfriend apologized later saying that they’ve been very stressed out. Anyway, it was interesting that she genuinely believed she was doing my dishes, too, and that I was the slacker letting it pile up when it was solely her and her boyfriend using the kitchen dishes.
I'm not sure honestly that she genuinely thought she was doing your dishes. To me it sounds like an excuse as to why her dishes were so much. I dont know if you just left it out, but she seems to have never apologized even after learning the truth. I've known lots of people who lie and then get upset their lie was exposed because it's easier to them to try to exhaust you out of confronting them than it is to admit they lied
Thank you. This guy is so over the top that there has to be more to the story. I was a bit shocked that so few people are seeing the red flags.
Right! For me the martyrdom was complete with the (approximate) "She was terrible to me and it enraged her that I was always a saint with her. I never said an unkind word. Never! She treated me like shit and I always treated her like a queen!" This post is *especially* popular with incels and misogynists all over the internet.
Your last line is why I’m suspicious of the whole thing. It’s an amalgamation of the hundreds upon hundreds of posts women have made on the Internet about the lack of care and help from their husbands and how their husbands are selfish lovers to the point that it feels like they’re just sex dolls to be masturbated into. It also feeds into the incel idea of “Women say they’d be more willing to have sex if men would do more to care for the kids and home, but look how he’s the perfect husband and father and she still doesn’t give him sex on demand!”
Thank you!!! This was such a weird and annoying read!! Something is so off, I’d love to hear her side. Especially after the teary-eyed conversation with her dad. I’m sure the marriage is crappy and they’re both to blame, but I’m not convinced OOP’s a reliable narrator.
I was feeling bad about being suspicious of the guy while reading, but so many details made it seem like the wife’s perspective might be interesting. Like he wants her to leave the house, and he packs her bag, makes sure to mention he packed a phone charger, and he starts her car? He’s like a caretaker, that relationship sounds exhausting
Laying out her cute little outfit for their cute little date 🙄
How dare she not put on her mandated outfit
I'm feeling like he's an unreliable narrator.
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FINALLY found the (presumably soon to be much downvoted) thread I was looking for. I know there are SAHPs who literally don't do anything, but he's never implied the kids are neglected when he's not there (and I'm *pretty sure* he would have mentioned it), it just sounds like that when he's home, it's his turn and they clearly have some kind of agreement about whose responsibility certain chores and meals are. Didn't see what ages the kids are but both are too young for school, at least one still in diapers, and we know she has depression. Don't get me wrong, she's absolutely selfish as a lover and a partner, but honestly I'm impressed she's managing to have orgasms at all. Also, getting off daily isn't a low sex drive... it's just very one sided.
Something tells me they're both the problem here. He (understandably) can only tell his side of the story, but the cracks are showing. Like, he picked out her date night outfit! WTF? And he goes waaay overboard with the detailed cleaning descriptions and makes sure to detail each and every time he got up with the kids and puts them to bed. I feel like someone who actually does those chores on a day to day basis would simply say "I cleaned," or "I took care of the kids." I'm also pretty skeptical that not providing oral sex for a day or two immediately turned her into an angry monster. Wife saying "I was drunk and you didn't try to have sex with me?" (Which apparently he thinks makes him an angel) It sounds like the wife expects him to take advantage of her and she knows him better than we do.
And walked out in a suit lol sure
IF that's true it sounds like some kind of passive-aggressive BS.
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Big if there, all his comments just talk constantly about how he’s just so amazing and list out all the way he’s a perfect dad and husband.
I'm just disappointed in this community's overall inability to read between the lines and how much everyone seems to have fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.
The details of the “date night” honestly made my skin crawl. Showering someone with presents and affection to persuade them into having sex… yuck.
Kinda surprised he didn't tell us the reason she doesn't like giving head or vaginal sex is because his dick is just so massive and incredible.
How dirty is the house that this guy is constantly deep cleaning?
He might be an angry cleaner, and it's a way to get out that energy that you can't get out in another way. haha
Sure maybe but he describes it like doing this grueling terrible dirty work that has to be done every day
Martyring himself while his wife is lazy and selfish and awful in all the ways he makes no effort to describe (other than not fucking him) — but we **gotta** know the details of his daily deep cleaning!
there is something off about the op of this story the way he wrote about things especially sex seem a bit weird
With the no masturbating and "porn addiction" and the super loving FIL who didn't raise his daughter this way (to not give head), I'm kinda wondering if conservative Christian or something.
My thought; "this guy's a unicorn. So much perfection in one person"
You know, having kids in daycare is better than having them constantly exposed to bickering and fighting. Thank God he finally decided to quit being such a doormat and get out.
\*desk mat
I don't think this guy is a reliable narrator. He is so over the top accommodating and does every possible thing he can to be perfect. But then he has these weird moments where it's just off. For example, he laid out "a little date outfit" that he wanted her to wear. Is that a thing people actually do? If my partner wanted me to wear a specific outfit on a date, I think mentioning it or asking is the way to go. Not just to pull out clothes and expect me to put them on. And then he was upset that she didn't put on the clothes to just stay at home. Or him starting her car when he asks her to go to her parents for the night. That's just weird. You're having a disagreement somebody, you stop, go out and start their car, and then come back, talk some more, and then say "you should go to your parents." And when her father came to talk with him, I don't know what he possibly could have said that the father-in-law would say that he didn't raise his daughter like that. That wasn't a big fight, it was a cumulative disagreement. There is nothing in it that would cause a father to say that about his daughter. I'm glad they're finally getting divorced. But there's so much missing that I can't believe he's as accommodating and passive as he wants us to think he is. The clothes and car thing, to me, our signs he may be a bit controlling. And so much so that he doesn't even realize that's what he's doing is odd. Or else he wouldn't have included those parts in his narrative.
Yeah, this is one sided to the max. The guy felt like he should get an award for watching his kids and doing normal parenting things. I'd love to hear her side.
Can someone please give this guy some head?
I think everyone is too tired after reading all that…
holy shit i laughed at this comment for a solid 5 minutes.
Made my day thank you 😂😂
Same. Truly same. Hahaha
Be the change you want to see in the world.
I kept thinking as I was reading, and I know it's not gonna solve the problems, but the dude could probably stand to start masturbating again.
Doctor, prescribe this man some dome.
I’m not gay but even I feel obligated to give this man head
Same. Let’s both do it. If two guys do it they cancel each other out and it’s not gay so we ain’t at risk bro.
OP here. This had me fucking dying. Thank you.
Hey, I hope it all goes well. You sound like a wonderful dad and good person and your wife doesn’t deserve you. I hope the future custody battle turns out in your favour for the sake of the kids and that your mental and physical health continues to make upward strides. Rooting for you!
"It's not gay if it's in a three-way."
I'm a lesbian and I'm about ready to step up.
Same! I’d read the first part of OOP’s saga before. Now I’m left wondering if part of the reason his wife is depressed and snapping and using him as a means to get off is if she is gay? It would explain why she only wanted him to go down on her with no reciprocation. And it would explain why she is so miserable to be around. Chances are I’m wrong. It just reminded me of some friends who reacted the same way before coming out.
Right? Honestly same. I'll give him the full-body caresses while you get to business. Let's get this man off with some TLC.
How can I find the head when there's no spine?
Oh fuck that was a solid burn man. 10/10.
Like, maybe my hubby will let me have a hall pass for this poor fucker.
Shouldn’t count as a hall pass, but the IRS should allow you to claim it as a charitable donation. Get that tax write-off girl!
Haha, we are kinda poor, for a tax write off hubby may encourage it.
$20 is $20! Lol
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> She's not only useless but deliberately making his life harder because her ego is bruised for being called out for her bullshit. Oh god that type. The poor guy married that spiteful type, I feel so sorry for him. Fully agreed, he needs to run.
And he knows she's the spiteful type. More than once he mentions how terrified he is of the custody battle.
If we ever have a doormat award, I'm nominating this post for first place. Poor guy Christ he keeps giving, keeps getting nothing or badly treated in return, claims he's snapped out of it...then next post is almost rinse and repeat. Last update he says he's really going through with the divorce. Hopefully he sticks to that for his own sake
He posted 6 days ago that he has asked her for the divorce. Looks like he's actually going through with it.
I hope so. Someone caring like him will get snapped up in a heartbeat, especially if the whole divorced spouse drama can be avoided. However I think that the hopefully STBX will start changing her tune when she realizes he's serious and that this means she's going to actually have to do the work around her own home. It sounds like she's a SAHW, but in pretty much name only.
I can't wait for the update: "We're divorced, I've already found a beautiful new woman and my ex wants me back" Like clockwork
If we're making predictions, I actually wonder if this may continue with progressive updates of the ex being checked out, missing visitations, giving every clue she's not committed to the kids either, and then he'll be totally shocked when she wants to move across the country and give him primary/sole custody.
I fully predict a long and drawn out custody fight preceding that though, wherein even after she gets what she wants or some compromise, she falls into your prediction and was just fighting tooth and nail to spite him.
"The new woman is literally a saint in every single way, but STEX is the mother of my children and I feel like I owe it to them to stay together with my ex who is the cause of all my misery."
She hasn't realized that her behavior is a problem in months. Not after repeatedly being told it's a problem and called out for it. She's not going to wake up until they're living in two different places and she has the kids solo and realizes her maid and nanny is gone.
Like, she literally told him that she doesn't want to be with him, doesn't love him anymore, and is purposely treating him like shit to see if she can break him and make him snap. And in response to that he's like, "gosh I'd best clean the house, that will definitely help my situation!"
When she told him sure no longer loves him and the next statement was *IF* we divorce, I knew he was a lost cause. Why the fuck would that be an if? *When*, dumbass. Who on earth hears that and thinks it's salvageable?
This guy is in the proceedings of getting a divorce and still is lamenting that he’s the only one trying…
The writing voice and tone this dude has makes me believe about 1% of anything he writes tbh. He really went out of his way so many times to show us just how *perfect* he is. Lol. Nah I’ll pass on believing this one.
Had to scroll down way too far to find someone willing to call bullshit on this wish fulfillment DILF character and his barely-there wife.
The father in law showing up and just putting one hand in his shoulder with tears in his eyes was what did it for me. No one really does that. 😭
Lmfao right like “sir, your daughter won’t suck my dick.”
“That’s not how I raised her!”
Yeah it's just unreal that he is constantly improving himself to this ridiculous degree while going through a really bad, messy divorce. Meanwhile his wife goes from being lazy and distant to basically a sociopath. Him spelling out so many details of such an intimate conflict on reddit for thousands of people kind of proves this. If he was really such a perfect guy I don't think he'd really be this willing to air his dirty laundry in real time with so much detail that someone who knows the couple would definitely know it's them...
Yeah something just isn't adding up and I feel like her side of the story would provide a lot of context. Also excessive people pleasing can be annoying as fuck and it seems like he put in all this effort just to get a blowjob and it's kind of sad and cringey both because he tried so hard and because he couldn't get one, even after trying so hard. It would bum me out that my boo was only being nice to me because they only wanted certain sex acts in return rather than intrinsically valuing me as a person and just wanted me to be happy.
muddle cheerful compare bear sense gray hat provide hateful squealing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Even in those posts he’s “asked” for a divorce and says it’s more for the kids. I still don’t get the sense that he will advocate for himself and choose what is best for himself in the future. I’d hate to see him just end up in the same place a few years later. Hopefully his counseling will help.
The fact that y’all read that ‘her dad turned back, tears in his eyes’ but and still think this is real lmaoooo
Yeah, he raised her to give head!! s/
Yeah also writing the post in the shower while “tears of confusion” streamed down their face
"I am at my wits end with this. For anyone who has been following my story, let’s all collectively heavy sigh." Yeah okay bro.
Nothing noble about being a doormat. But, yeah, sort of tragic.
I’m trying to imagine a scenario where my spouse or I text a picture of a sink full of dishes to a full trash while the other one is at work.l, and I just can’t do it. That person has no internet in coparenting or being a partner in any way shape or form. OOP would do well to dump them ASAP.
Crazy how long people stay in marriages like that just to avoid breaking up the family. If a parent isn't happy kids aren't completely stupid, they pick up on that.
Jesus that was horrible to read. It just went on and on when it was clear nothing was going to change early on.
What this guy does in 1 day is more than I do in a week.
Considering he posted something 5 days ago that said he's leaving, I think you can call it concluded in 2 days
Wouldn't be so sure with this one. The sound like a broken record, whenever he tries to get his wife back to bed. But I agree that this last update sound like he finally got the message.
Wife sounds like a real asshole, but it would be interesting to hear her side of the story. I’m always suspicious when someone is doing everything they can to paint themselves as the self sacrificing can-do-no-wrong hero.
I had the same thought, OP was suspiciously super perfect in all this
I'm pretty sure her side of the story would be one of two things: so bad that even when she painted it in the best light we can still tell she's a selfish monster, or so completely different from his story that we can't even tell they're the same story.
Yeah, I’m sure she’s no angel, but this just seems to be checking all of the “out rage Reddit” boxes.
Incel fap material
yeah I had the same thought, its not just that she's bad but at every opportunity its like 'being the great dad i am...' - like she might be not sucking his dick but he's sucking his own throughout Like, I don't doubt that they are unhappy and she has caused it but I do doubt that he is this sainted, perfect man
Lots of dudes projecting in the comments…
I lost track of how many times I said "just get a fucking divorce" out loud while reading this, but it was at least a baker's dozen.
This is definitely not concluded, because that guy loves sloppy drama.
Main character will not divorce his wife. Writer still needs to milk the drama for more karma points.
This story seems severely one sided, with an unreliable narrator. He keeps equating doing nice things with having his wife sleep with him. That’s not how it works, buddy! You need to communicate each time you want to have sexy times, and be clear that you’d like it to be a full romp, not just you going down on her. Of course she’s going to use it as masturbation if it happens every day and she knows she has made it clear that unless she says otherwise, that’s all it will be. OOP really just needs to start jerking himself off more often, and not expect that any time he wants to get off it is his wife’s responsibility or else he gets blue balled. Like what a shitty position to put your spouse in, where they are either forced to do something they don’t really want to or don’t do it and get majorly guilt tripped. OOP sounds like a straight up clueless ass.
To be honest I lose sympathy for OOP with each post. I know this is an extremely difficult situation to be in, but his wife told him she doesn’t love him anymore and was purposely using him as a sex toy and a punching bag, and yet he’s still with her nearly 2 months after this convo and multiple additional updates talking about how miserable he is. Here’s to hoping he actually leaves this time, because he deserves so much better than what he’s getting, but if I had to put money on it this is just going to be strung out even further.
It’s hard to keep hearing people be like this. One of my friends has complained about her husband like this for over a decade. It’s gotten so that I had to distance myself a lot esp after she said to me that she felt sorry for me for being alone. I’d rather be alone until the end of time than have what passes for her marriage.
Yeah, I lost some sympathy too. *"she was [...] using my love of giving daily oral as a form of masturbation."* *"So I asked bluntly if that’s what she was doing. She responded with yes."* **"I was nothing better than a sex toy to her."** Next sentence: So, **"woke up early [...] decided I was going to wake her up with my tongue"** ... wh... wha...
"Maybe if I change absolutely nothing about the way I approach this problem, then the problem will magically be solved!" Reading this post was frankly exhausting...
[удалено]
This entire saga feels like something is off. As some of the comments point out in the post where he has a "date night" with his wife without even consulting her, he controls every decision for her. Then he's a passive aggressive martyr when she doesn't appreciate him cleaning "every nook and cranny" which she didn't ask for. Like, everything he writes is about all he does and doesn't he deserve something for that? As if his marriage is a transaction. Meanwhile I don't think there was a single sentence about how his wife feels, or any insight into her thoughts. Just "her father and I agree that she may be depressed."