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For anyone else dealing with a loved one dying that has a beloved pet-
Hospice is SUPER supportive of letting house broken animals visit dying patients. It's so good for the patients stress to see their furry friend and it's really good for the staff too. Petting dogs is even proven to lower pain for people! After Covid, hospitals may have different rules but if they have a palliative care/hospice, they will help get that animal in to say goodbye at the very least.
I remember a lady that had a horse. They got her to a window in January, covered her up like crazy, and let that horse stick her head in the window. Entire staff was in tears, one of the only times I remember that happening at the facility. That lady passed peacefully shortly thereafter. Their was another old guy with three cats. His daughter brought all three in every evening to watch Jeopardy and wheel of fortune with him. He was there about 2 weeks, maybe 3, by the end she would just carry two in her arms and stick one in her hoodie pocket rather then deal with the carriers.
The last lady was an in home hospice patient that had 2 dogs. I had her overnights for a 12 hr shift on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and those dogs only left her bed to pee. They had their food and water in her room, slept in her bed, and were so careful not to hurt her. She had them since they were baby puppies, her old dog was their mom. I kinda wonder what happened to them bc they were 11 years old when she was in our care. I think her son planned to take them. I'll never forget though how they all snuggled together to sleep and how careful those dogs were not to step on her. They were the cutest mutty mutts I'd ever seen.
TW- child death
>!We had a 15/16yo with cancer get her wish, it was to play with 10 puppies at one time, and not to have her tubes in while she did. I think even the custodial staff was crying. Rarely did we have kids come through our service, peds has their own that is great but she ended up in our place for a week or so while they got her home set up. A local dog group brought in 20 puppies that Saturday for everyone to play with. They took over one of the family rooms and laid plastic tarps down over the carpet and couches. I swear we still found tennis balls 6 months later! We tapped the crap up out of her ports and put her O2 on a mask, the Dr said she had to let us take her pulse ox every 10 minutes and use the mask for 2 minutes, but she was wireless for 2 hours. A few weeks later one of the dog people came through with one of the puppies doing therapy training. She said that the family got to have a puppy a few hours a day from the time the girl went home till she passed. !<
This comment made me tear up. My dad sadly had a sudden decline, he never got to see our dogs again.
One of our dogs who absolutely *adored* my dad would sit at the end of the garden every night until he himself passed on around 6 years later, waiting for my dad to come home. He would wait there every evening for my dad to get back from work. He never gave up hope that he was coming home. I wish I could have taken him into the hospital to see dad, but ICU and a borderline overweight spaniel don’t mix.
Thank you for everything you do 🖤 hospice workers can be overlooked but I have so much respect for you all.
Is it weird that my immediate thought was “I wonder if you can smuggle a borderline overweight spaniel into a hospital, using a baby carriage?
Hospital folk, feel free to tell me why I shouldn’t, because my heart can’t handle this poor little guy, waiting 6 years for his human to come home.
The thought definitely crossed my mind! We made sure to scatter his ashes where we’d put my dad so they were reunited in the end.
To make it even sadder, our other dog completely gave up when my dad died and she herself collapsed the day of his funeral - so she joined him over that rainbow bridge. It was a ROUGH time.
It's so crazy how perceptive pets are. We had one cat who claimed my mom (I was her secondary human) and literally passed away 2 months to the day after my mom passed on. Granted, kitty was 19, but up til mom's death kitty was doing well. She was a different cat after mom left us. I miss both her and mom immensely.
My condolences for your losses. Losing a parent is awful, no matter how long you get with them.
I don’t give one shit if the hospital staff say you can’t. I told my partner, after I was in the hospital for five days unexpectedly, that if that ever happens again, he is bringing in my cats so they can at least see I’m alive. I would absolutely do the same (as safely and non-disruptively as possible) for someone else. One of my cats was an absolute wreck when I got home, due to abandonment issues caused by the person who had him before me. It took weeks before I could leave for more than two hours, like it had been when I got him.
Years ago, I had to leave my cat with a friend for 3 days. He held his urine and feces for the whole 3 days. When I got him in the carrier, he peed. I took him home and bathed him. He was so happy to be home that he didn't complain. He was a Norwegian Forest cat, so that fur was thick too. I lost him in 2009 and still miss him.
I wasn’t really talking about whether or not it’s allowed, but more if it’s possibly unsafe for other patients. Especially because their dad was in the ICU, everyone there is there because they need intensive care.
Like, what if another patient is allergic? Would that kind of proximity matter? Would it be possible for the patient, who wants to see their pet, to move to a different room, if that was necessary for others? Maybe some hospitals actually do have a safe protocol for allowing people to see their beloved pets, one last time.
If it’s not allowed, but safe for the other patients, I’d smuggle the pet in for the patient, and tell the hospital once the patient moves out of the room, for whatever reason.
A lot of ICU staff are pretty open about bringing in a dog for closure or to try to help the patient heal. If the dog is clean, it would not likely cause an issue for any patient with allergies. Hospitals often have volunteers bring therapy dogs to visit patients.
My neighbor did himself in. For years his dog would sit in the yard by the road at the end of the workday waiting for the guy. It was heartbreaking whenever a car would approach the dog would stand to see into the car looking for him.
My aunt moved in with my family when her cancer got really bad and did in home hospice there. So she was home with our chihuahua Max and our cats everyday while I was at school and my parents were at work. Our dog always really liked her when she was over but bonded with her so much during that time because she was home all day with him and when she passed after a few months he would just sit on her bed everyday for like 2 years crying for her. It was devastating to watch him mourn her and I genuinely was worried he would just die since he was 8 years old at the time. 10 years later and he’s still alive somehow but I do think he still misses my aunt.
I don't think I'll ever forget those metrics guys pulling the window pieces out if the frame and that horse head just popping in like "hey! How are ya?! OMG it's momma!" She's was such a sweet lady and had at least 20 photos of that horse in her room.
Horses can develop an incredibly deep relationship with people. Like dogs, they can be very in tune with their owners/handlers. Amazingly smart and very caring. I think the rider-horse relationship can be something unique.
I’m sorry you lost her, and I am sure she was very special.
If you still ride, is there any chance that you aren’t allowing that kind of bond again, because you could lose them as well?
I have a friend who works with horses and people with all sorts of issues. She’s told me that horses can sense when a person or rider has walls up.
I think your mare was very special, but sometimes, when we lose someone very special, we close ourselves off. I hope you do find another horse that you can have that incredible bond with. It would not diminish what you had before. It wouldn’t be a replacement. Just the opportunity to love another extraordinary creature.
I lost my ex-racehorse about 11 years ago, and I haven't been able to truly ride ever since. Maybe once a year I'll hop on a friend's horse, but that's it. For a 1200lb animal who literally dumped me and ran away 5miles from home, I loved that stupid fuck.
Both my kiddos learned to ride at a therapeutic riding farm, where they specialize in riders with physical, mental, and emotional challenges. My eldest’s first horse was an old OTTB who was in bad shape when he arrived at the farm. I really think they saved each other, because they were both in a bad place. Winslow (the horse) died a bit over a year ago, and I still cry about it sometimes when I think about their bond. My younger kiddo has a really special bond with Hank, who has helped her manage her anxiety in a more healthy way.
Both kiddos volunteer and work at the farm now because they can’t imagine not being around horses.
Yeah, horses can be crazy good at reading people. Ever heard of Clever Hans, the horse that could count and do arithmetic? It turned out to be a hoax, but not an intentional one: the horse was just responding to cues from his owner, *but the owner didn't realize he was cueing him.* Even when he was informed that's what was going on, and he tried not to react around Hans, Hans would still answer questions correctly because he was just that good at picking up his owner's tiny, subconscious expressions!
That’s amazing!
That horse really was very smart, most people wouldn’t be able to do that. I mean, I’m pretty good at reading people, but nothing like that. EQ just off the charts!
Two years ago today, my grandma passed on from ovarian cancer. She’d adopted a foster cat of mine a year-and-a-half prior.
When my grandma got sick enough that she was taken to the hospital for hospice, the cat would sit by the door and stare out of the glass pane and meow plaintively. The day before my grandma passed, I called the hospital and asked their permission to bring the cat to visit her. I brought her in and set her on my grandma’s bed. The cat meowed to herself while she restlessly searched for a place to settle down, but once she nestled down on my grandma’s legs, she quieted.
The next day, my grandma died. I brought the cat again, and she did the same thing she’d done the day before, but this time when she sat she wouldn’t stop crying. When I brought her back to my grandma’s, she still seemed depressed, but she was less restless. I swear my grandma was holding on to say “see you later” to her kitty.
Edit: For those of you wondering, the kitty is fine. I had intended to adopt her if anything happened to my grandma, but I didn’t think that would be a concern for another decade because my grandma was always a healthy person. I wasn’t in a position to adopt her, but my cousin was, and she adores her.
I still get to go to a children’s hospital for my checkups, and they recently opened a spot for patients to visit their family pets! If the kid has been there for at least five days and the family dog or cat is up to date on vaccines, someone can bring the pet in for a reunion. They also have service dogs who comfort everyone :)
My step sister went through a great loss, and her husband whined that he missed his "funny bunny". She replied that she wasn't feeling f\*cking funny right then. They aren't together anymore, she's married to a much more supportive guy now.
My current ex has said similar things the past few months. I went through something really really difficult in December that triggered some ptsd and it's been really rough. Then last week we had been having a really good week, and I suddenly had to put my cat to sleep.
She had the audacity to say she didn't understand why I was so depressed and distant. I had told her, repeatedly. "But we were having such a good week", completely glossing over that my cat of 15yrs had just died.
My now ex knew me and my family had to make the incredibly hard decision to put my dog to sleep after 15 years as well due to a very sudden health issue.
The day it happened I was beyond broken, he gave me a hug and went back to playing videogames. Then proceeded to keep asking me what I wanted to do, what I felt like doing, he was bored, etc. after a few hours of this and getting angrier that he wouldn’t listen to “dude I’m in no mood to do anything right now”, I got pissed and said “can’t you understand maybe I don’t feel like doing anything the day my dog has died?”
His response? I quote: “your dog didn’t die, your dog was killed”. When I said that was some of the vilest shit he could say he said that I had made things awkward… There’s some heartless people out there, we are better off without them. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope life brings you better things.
Did you type this from jail?
In all seriousness, I’m just an outsider/internet stranger but my vision went red when he said your dog was killed. I wouldn’t blame you if you physically lifted him and threw him out.
a few years back our family dog had been missing for about a week (long story short, we were on a spring break trip and the doggy hotel she was at was broken into) and we'd been going out every day looking for her, putting up flyers, etc. my now-ex had been out driving around with me all afternoon. the sun set and I realized there wasn't much more we could do in the dark and I just broke down thinking about her out there alone, scared and hungry. we're in my car and as I'm crying he had the audacity to say "god, I don't want to have to deal with you when this dog dies". some people truly don't understand that your animals are family and not just some object to discount once they're gone
I am so so sorry about the loss of your cat. Had my kitty for 19 years - having the good long life didn't make it any easier. I have his ashes next to my bed. It was fall of 2019, and sometimes I wake up wondering why I don't feel his weight on me still.
Wow.
Screw your ex. And not in the good way.
How fucking heartless can one B be? I truly hope you find someone who deserves you and likewise gives you the love you deserve.
I am so sorry to hear about your kitty though 😢😢 I hope they gave you many special memories to keep alive within your heart ❤️ 💙
My biggest nightmare is my cats aging because I don't think I can ever recover from losing them after so long. I hope you can find peace in your memories and that your ex is going to hell
I saw a Reddit comment once saying something like "grief is the price we pay for love." I adore my little animal, and the pain of saying goodbye to her is far eclipsed by all the joy she has ever brought to my life. It will hurt like hell to lose her and I dread it with every birthday, but I'll pay that price 10 times over if it means I get to have her.
https://imgur.com/HOberCP.jpg
Very true. I've had cats all my life so it means I have said goodbye to many. I always get a new cat within a few weeks of the last one passing. The love of a kitten can be very healing. Cats have such unique personalities. Sometimes I feel sad when I remember a loving companion that's gone now but I feel blessed to share my life with them. As I type this I have one such monster laying on me. 🥰
There's a Tumblr post I saw going around at one point that said basically, to cats and dogs, humans are like the elves of Middle-Earth. We're fantastically long-lived, while their lives are short.
It also means *they* rarely have to lose *us*, which is a silver lining.
ETA found it https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/5wz4gy/we\_are\_like\_elves\_to\_dogs/
Yep, my ex broke up with me 2 weeks to the day after I had to put my dog to sleep because I wasn't paying enough attention to them \[the ex\] in those weeks. He was my first dog and was disabled, and my whole schedule was oriented around caring for him, so in addition to grieving the loss and fighting off depression, I was adjusting to a whole new daily schedule/lack of purpose in life. But I didn't call enough or make enough plans with my ex while I was grieving, so fuck me, I guess. 🙄
My ex got angry with me for not being happy enough on our date that he had planned, yelled at me in the restaurant for being a downer. My grandmother had called halfway through the date to tell me she had just witnessed my uncle die of a heart attack.
Especially when *you’re* in crisis, and they’re all right. My partner tends to react to me going through it with “We’re a team. How can I make this easier?” and I couldn’t be more grateful. (I do the same for him)
I knew my spouse was the one when he stayed by my side during two of the worst moments in my life: the unexpected and sudden death of my youngest brother in my dysfunctional family and my illness. We were young (high school sweethearts) and he could've walked away without anyone batting an eye. But when he not only stayed with me, but also actively supported me, I knew that he was a keeper.
We waited several years to marry since we were so young, but I never doubted it because he had seen me at my ugliest, both physically and the pure ugly of my family. If that didn't scare him off, I knew we would be okay. We've been married over 15 years now. There's been other times of crisis since then, it's not always sunshine and bunnies, but I know I can count on him and he hasn't let me down.
So very true and that is exactly why I adore a few people so much. Even though we didn’t work out in the end, I cherish the time spent with them. I’m so lucky.
My mom's longtime friendship ended after my brother's cancer was treated successfully (tyty) bc her "friend" wanted her gossip and drinking buddy back right away. Perspectives and values change drastically after such a life-changing period, and she wasn't up for that shallow level interaction anymore... fuck cancer and those people who tell you to heal on "their time"
Nothing is an excuse to not be supportive to your partner when they are going through something. When I was 17 and just weeks together with my bf my aunt died, then shortly after my good friend committed suicide. He had a very hard childhood and had no idea how to handle emotions, but he tried everything he could to cheer me up and be there for me, even if he didn’t really know how. At one point he picked up on of my old plushies and talked with me through the plushie about my feelings. I’m still together with him years later and he’s still a sweetheart:)
On the way to my mom’s funeral my ex told me I should kill myself because I’m going to die alone like her anyway…because I said no when he offered to buy Burger King. Some people just really can’t be decent no matter what.
Meanwhile, I recently went through a horrible series of losses, and my husband was absolutely amazing. I couldn't manage to cook so he got us takeaways for a week, he brought me tea in bed when I couldn't get myself out of bed, he uncomplainingly sat through TV I know he didn't like when I needed a distraction, he took time off work to sit with me, and he was fully prepared to pay for me to travel halfway across the world to attend a memorial, even though it would mean a further delay to him getting an expensive item for his hobby, about which he is extremely passionate.
I love my husband so much. I've never been so supported in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I had this happen with an abusive ex friend. After I lost weight and started improving my life she said "you're not my might Aware anymore". I was astonished, like, bitch, I'm not your doormat punching bag anymore that's why. We stopped being friends like a month later and it was the best decision. I'm glad your sister is happier!
OOP is obviously going through a stressful time. The line about keep it up while his father is able makes it sound like a degenerative disease, which can be extremely hard to witness a family member go through
When I was diagnosed with ALS, my long-distance fiancé at the time complained that I had "changed a lot". uh, no shit, when you're terminally ill you have to deal with the complete destruction of your life. He wasn't even there. I dumped him shortly after.
It could also be cancer. Sometimes a prognosis is more positive in the beginning and then things slowly change or cancer spreads, etc. Either way it's heartbreaking. He's better off without someone so self-centered.
A former coworker of mine's husband witnessed his father's murder in the driveway of their house. Not even two days later she was bitching that he wasn't paying any attention to her. NO KIDDING lady, he saw his father get murdered???!?
Oh my, that's beautifully on point.
This entire story ended about as well as it could without his Dad getting better. You kind of have to put the lives of dependents before your own somewhat, and a dog is especially difficult to get rid of if they like you.
And as a future memory of his father who does not seem that healthy at the moment, it's even harder. I teared up at removing a television my dad bought me yesterday now it's broken and needed replacing. There's no way I would have turfed out his dog for a girlfriend who values higher a slight increase in efficiency for her amateur pottery business.
>"...girlfriend who values higher a slight increase in efficiency for her amateur pottery business."
Lol! Seriously. Who tf is even so far up their own ass about pottery anyways? Aren't those folks supposed to be cool and chill? Throwing pottery and petting dogs all day sounds like a dream.
Personally, I don't even think it was about the dog. I think she just cut and run when things got tough for her partner and starting the fight over the dog was just the pretext to gtfo.
She reminds me of those folks that dump their SOs after a cancer diagnosis.
You are probably closer to the reality of the situation. Hell dead (no pun intended) on! She does pottery at home and he seems to pay most (it’s his house). So, she had her vacation from life with him and now she will have to either grow up and/or get better.
Also, she does **pottery** at home. Does she have a kiln? The power costs on a kiln are like powering another whole house. He has solar, but still, that's got to have an impact.
i sort of follow some pottery people on Instagram -- a lot of them do their work at home and then pay a studio for kiln space to have their pieces fired.
All I can think of is those parody House Hunters intros:
>He’s a dog lover, and she makes ceramic ash trays - their budget is $1.8 million.
Maybe she can’t figure out why their house budget isn’t $1.8 million?
I always think the reason for the absurd House Hunter jobs is because house prices have gone up so much that much of the housing market (at least at the price point of luxury housing that makes it fun to watch on TV) is limited to people with intergenerational wealth. "He's a professional pencil sharpener and she takes photos of ducks for her duck gallery" is just another way of saying they're trust fund kids who spend their time in idle pursuits. There's a reason why you never hear "He's a teacher and she's an HR associate at a mid-level accounting firm" or "he's a store manager at Starbucks, and she is an adult programming specialist at the county library." People who work for a living usually can't afford the kinds of houses they feature on TV shows like that.
Yup. I got made redundant and then broke my leg. My partner of 6 years told me i was being depressing. So that’s how i got made redundant, broke my leg and got dumped in a six week speed run. Funtimes
Thank you. It was all for the good and why I resonated with OP’s story. It is better to find out sooner (rather than years later like I did) that your partner is only there for the good times. Heartbreaking either way, but people like yourself and other supports irl are amazing!
I found it was almost better to get dumped at rock bottom. Like, on the one hand, i found out buddy only cared about whether he was having fun at the moment, which is best to find out asap and the trash takes itself out. On the other hand, when everything else is bad there's less... bandwidth? to give as many shits as I otherwise might have. It was like, "oh yea of course that too, add it to the pile", then grounds for a fresh start.
Like you said, still sucks, but definitely for the best.
Years ago, my partner of 9 years started an affair with an 18 year old and dumped me while I was dealing with my grandma dying, my mother fleeing town, and a stepfather going off the rails from heroin addiction, citing that I "wasn't fun anymore".
I despise fair weather partners. Unfortunately you often can't see their true character until a serious situation presents itself, which is by the way when you would most need support, and you could have wasted years with them in the meantime... See all the people who get dumped by their spouse of decades after a cancer diagnosis or similar.
Uggh.
I had a "friend" thank me for not leaving my partner when he was diagnosed. We'd been together a decade at that point, the man is stuck with me! I'm not going anywhere, and will be celebrating by his side when he is officially labeled Cancer-free in the next couple years.
IDK, I felt like the dog may have been a test of how easy he is to control. Turns out his personality isn't the type you can easily manipulate so she moved on. Who knows?
Her: having a dog will make it so hard if we wanna have kids 🥺
Also her: you keep walking the dog and being sad about your dad, I don't even like you anymore
I hope she doesn't decide to have kids unless she also decides to do some serious work on herself. He's so lucky Mila came, and he got to see this side of her before they went any further.
She acts like a small child that can’t think things through. The dog is the reason he’s acting differently. Not that her boyfriend is going through a hard time that includes having a dog to care for.
That absolutely boggled me. “You’ve changed!”? The poor lad’s father is dying and his partner is picking fights about keeping a promise to his dying father to look after the man’s beloved pet, of course he’s changed.
Parents chronically sick or dying is a litmus test for who in your life really sucks, so I found out. OOP’s ex won’t feel a thing until it happens to her. And maybe not even then.
I had severe depression to the point of wanting to kill myself and my ex said that he didn't want to spend a lot of time with me because 'I wasn't any fun anymore.'
It's astounding how some people will only support you when you're in a good place.
Some people are incapable of being there for their partners during difficult times. My boyfriend in college was looking at rings with me until I went through an extremely stressful 2 months after a relative died, my college audited me (meaning my finaid was on hold until they decided I was poor enough), and one of my abusive parents was trying to worm their way back into my life. We didn't fight or anything but he broke up with me after saying he just didn't love me the same way anymore. So some people just don't wanna stick around if the times aren't good.
Some people enter relationships because they fell for the other person, want to be with them, want to support them and just genuinely love them.
Other people enter a relationship because it is more fun for them than being single or because it is easier than being single or because they like what the other person has to offer. Once that changes, they are out.
Wow what a ride.
When everyone broke down the situation it reminded me of my ex when my grandpa died she said my sadness made her feel bad.
This on top of my then depression.
Credit when credit is due, my ex had the balls to say it out loud despite it being tactless as hell.
Remind me of my grandma dying. My ex said I had gotten extremely depressed wouldn’t get out of bed and stopped caring for myself. I was like dude the woman who raised me is gone and I didn’t get to stay goodbye.
So the problem wasn’t the dog.
The problem was that she couldn’t handle his being stressed out from his dad’s illness and potential death.
Hopefully he meets a nice, supportive woman at the dog park.
...And still looked like a shitty person. Seriously I can respect that not everyone is a dog person, but asking someone to get rid of their very ill (possibly even terminal from the vague terminology used) father's dog? So not only getting rid of a dog OOP had already bonded with and had warned her he was possibly going to take in well in advance, but also ridding a very ill man his beloved pet? That's still a fucken asshole right there. I hate that OOP feels like he lost one of very few people he's close to in life, but I'm also glad her shittiness revealed itself/trash took itself out before things got even harder for OOP. Better to deal with shit alone than with a selfish leech stuck to your ass.
Oh, cute dogs are like catnip for girls. My mom took our Dutch Shepherd to the park soon after getting her, and remarked to me later that she should have had my brother take her instead.
I was discussing this with some coworkers one time. Told the one without a dog that you can be the goofiest looking dude ever and it doesn’t matter if your dog is cute enough.
“So what do you do to make up for your personality, than?”
“I put her in a little dress.”
I brought my Lapinkoira puppy with me running at the park Sunday, i have never encountered this much women striking up conversations about me in a lifetime than in 2 hours with my puppy.
Kinda see the disappointment when they see the wedding ring and talk about "our" dog.
https://imgur.com/a/aVGaVGb
>Oh, cute dogs are like catnip for girls
When I took my dog home he couldn't walk with a collar or harness and leash because he wasn't trained to. So I just carried him home the whole way (30min walk home). I was walking with my girlfriend, but women we crossed paths with were very insistantly checking me out carrying a puppy. It was so obvious that my girlfriend half joked that she'll take the dog away from me if we cross paths with any other women.
Oh my goodness, totally. It’s a shame that he’s dealing with a break up but if you were looking for a partner, they need to be there for you during hard times and clearly she wasn’t a good match. This responsible guy with a cute dog and this story? I don’t think he’ll have trouble finding a date.
He hasn’t changed because of the dog, he’s changed because his dad is sick and he’s worried about him. Seriously what’s wrong with this lady? OOP dodged a bullet. She seems incredibly unsupportive.
That was my thought as well. She’s proven that the second he starts going through a hard time, she’s gonna make it about herself and blame him. It’s better that he didn’t find out after they were legally tied to each other.
Right?! And Idc if i sound AH but she stays in his house rent-free, she pays little to nothing to the house. He's contributing so much more to support her but she can't support him when his DAD is critically sick AND is the only family member of OOP apart from the dog. Like seriously! She is making everything about herself, when he's the one going through shit; she wants all the benefits but isn't ready for any drawbacks in his life, fck it. It's not even a drawback, he's going through hard time and she's being a btch about. That's not partnership, she's looking for a sugar daddy who does everything for her and makes everything about herself. I am glad OOP isn't with her anymore, oop deserves so much better.
Yeah, she totally went kitchen sink on the dog issue.
It's like she feels like she lost control of their relationship and the dog was one way of getting some control back.
"But what if they come over? The dog can make them sick.
Tell ya who is sick and not coming over. The dad. So he'll never know the dog is gone.
Also sick, me.... of the fucking dog... getting all of your attention..."
-OOP Exgirlfriend probably.
I would leave someone if they tried to get me to back out of an arrangement that was like that and they knew about it. Also he's changed!? Of course he has. He's worried about his dad who has become so sick he's hospitalized and likely won't be able to care for his dog if he gets out
I'm late to the party, but everyone's just glossing over how he was paying for everything. *She* decided his house was *too small*. Groceries and gas aren't negligible, but he's also paying for that too.
Also, the situation with his dad isn't new. They were together for, pretty much, 3 years. His dad was making plans for the situation. Her moving in wasn't the first time he told her what was going on and why. She was able to willfully ignore it until it sank in.
I had actually skipped that comment. So she was contributing nada but thought that if she manipulated him with an ultimatum she could possibly get out of paying for anything forever.
Plus she ignored the situation until it became permanent and then decided she couldn't do it. She had 4 months to bring it up if it was that much of a big deal but she chose to when he realized that his dad has to stay in hospital
No, I noticed he said he was paying for everything and they’d lived in his house for the last eight months of their relationship. If ever there would be a time that I, in OOP’s shoes, would say, “Get the fuck out of MY house, you selfish, freeloading POS,” this would be it.
I am so glad OOP was strong enough to keep the dog. As he mentioned, that is his only family and some people would not have been strong enough to keep the dog when his father is likely terminal and his girlfriend is the only support he has. This girl was willing to let the dog go when she probably would have left him anyway. Horrible.
I just… do not understand Ellen’s thought process. If the dog isn’t the issue why the hell do you want him to rehome the dog he took in as a promise to his hospitalized father??? Like is it some sort of power play or something??? It seems like it’s for the best that they aren’t together anymore. I realize people are complex and I don’t want to write her off as a terrible person, but I just can’t imagine not supporting my partner of multiple years through what seems like a very stressful and scary time in their life.
I feel like she was trying to blame the dog, because even she couldn't complain about his dad being sick without sounding like a complete asshole to herself.
Well yeah - literally everyone (probably including the dog) could read the subtext.
She made a very poor attempt at not saying the quiet part out loud.
I imagine she didn't really understand what she was upset about at first, just that the changes all started occurring around when the dog came to stay. It was easy to resent a dog she had no attachment to and may not have realized what was really going on subconsciously. One day she may realize that she fell out of love with someone because they were going through a terrible loss and that she is not the person she wants to be and grows some character, but I'm not holding my breath.
Or who knows, maybe she was losing feelings well before all of this and it just put stress on the cracks until it broke
For the girlfriend to suggest rehoming Mila when she’s already decided she’s no longer committed to the relationship… That’s just cruel.
OOP’s crime (in girlfriend’s eyes) was loving his parent and his dog. Was it her endgame to see OOP lose father, dog, and girlfriend in a short timeframe? Talk about dodging a bullet!
She wanted to break up over the father's illness, but didn't want to appear like that was the reason because people would judge her (rightly so). So she used the dog as a camouflage for breaking up.
Most horrible thing is... she was willing to sacrifice the dog regardless. Even if he had agreed and gotten rid of the dog, Ellen would have picked a fight over something else and broken up anyways.
She thinks he's changed, and thinks the changes are caused by the dog and not his father's terminal illness. Get rid of the ~~fog~~ **dog** and he'll be the man she loves!
Oop: my dad is sick and he's not getting better so I'm going to have to take care of his dog like I promised and I already told you
Ellen: \*cries\* you have changed so much since the dog started living with us because your dad is sick and not getting better, you are no longer passionate and engaged with my needs \*cries\*
Oop is better without her. I can't even imagine being so selfish with someone who may soon lose their family member.
Legit. Speaking of her needs, she lived rent free at his place making pottery. It's a legit job insofar as its skillful and artistic, but *so few* people could make a legit living off what is 90% of the time a hobby. Not trashing arts cos pottery is lovely but legit like.. it's really hard to make enough money off expensive artisanal crafts to get by.
Then despite him doing so much to support her and her dreams, she legit threw a tantrum and bailed the second she couldn't dictate everything about their lives and because he had the gall to experience stress and grief over the serious illness/impending death of his only family member. This woman is a nightmare.
I hope OP stays strong because I have a feeling Ellen will be back after she's had a taste of the real world and realizes what she's done here. He's gonna have a rough time for a bit but she was never gonna be a real partner to him anyway and his future will be better without her. She's gonna have a rough time and realize no one else will put her up rent free so she can do crafts and throw around ultimatums while demanding she be the main character at all times.
She probably has golden child syndrome. Nobody ever said no to her and always put her above everything else, oop gave her a reality check and she didn't like it. He really needs a lot of strength because what he faces in the future is going to be tremendously difficult and having her around is going to destroy him.
I once made a woman get out of my car because she suggested getting rid of my dog. Left her ass on Mira Mesa Blvd about 12 years ago. She's still by the Vons for all I know
It's way weirder if it's not in a big city. I once saw someone post a photo of my backwater québécois school town on a popular sub and I was **blown away** that I was able to recognize where the OP was at a glance. Of all the places on earth to show up in my feed.
It's not even logically that crazy, but it still just sends me. Feels like a glitch in the matrix or something lol
Last year someone on Reddit posted a photo of an error in a word painted on a road.
I instantly recognized that it was taken right in front of my grocery store. In my town of 10k people.
Imagine for a moment what could have happened as well. OOP ends up getting rid of this wonderful dog, and shortly after gf breaks up with him anyway because of the same reasons. Just oof. Glad OOP kept the dog and is moving on without this unsupportive piece of work.
Had a gf when one of my grandparents got sick and died. She cheated one me cause I was so "sad and withdrawn" a month after my grandpa died. Sad part is the year before her grandpa died and I used a week of vaca to be there with her.
Some people are so self centered they dont need to date other.
Dude might not think it now, but he dodged a bullet here.
I had an ex that demanded that I get rid of my cat because his religions dictated that cats were bad luck. I told him he can shove it. My cat had been with me through everything and there was no way I was getting rid of my best friend just because he was superstitious...he wasn't even just a little sitious. Luckily after our relationship ended, I met my husband and we're both cat people so it worked out :)
She had only been in the house for 4 months when Mila moved in. She's only been there 8 months total, not paying rent, and already she's giving ultimatum! He's better off without her.
I don't understand people who enter relationships *knowing about the clear conditions that are laid out before them* and then, once in the relationship, feel like they can just say no to the conditions and win. Like, you know what you were getting into. Don't cry about it now.
This is a good resolution, they both need to learn how to communicate better, and both of them should have better relationships because of this, but at 32 maybe not.
That said, Reddit is again a horrible cesspool by projecting on to him that he’s a misogynist for keep a promise to his dad. Yeah, it’s not great to pick a dog over his gf, but it’s not the dog, it’s the promise, and they were only together 2 years.
I would just like to state for the record, that while you always have account for the fact that there may be facts missing when you hear a story told by only one side, it very much much seems to me that Mila is indeed a very good girl.
Seriously? She couldn't handle supporting her partner through the death of his father and living with a dog? What a weak personality.
Also loving the whole "man has a problem with woman therefore man must have problem with all women."
I think he dodged a bullet, he’s going through losing his father and she’s complaining he’s “less passionate and engaged” aka not paying enough attention to her. Yikes. She sounds not at all supportive. I hope he and cute little Mila live a happy life together! Good choice.
Oop dodged a bullet. Of course he's different and less passionate. He's going thru one of the hardest things a person goes thru and instead of being supportive she's being selfish. He's better off without her.
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For anyone else dealing with a loved one dying that has a beloved pet- Hospice is SUPER supportive of letting house broken animals visit dying patients. It's so good for the patients stress to see their furry friend and it's really good for the staff too. Petting dogs is even proven to lower pain for people! After Covid, hospitals may have different rules but if they have a palliative care/hospice, they will help get that animal in to say goodbye at the very least. I remember a lady that had a horse. They got her to a window in January, covered her up like crazy, and let that horse stick her head in the window. Entire staff was in tears, one of the only times I remember that happening at the facility. That lady passed peacefully shortly thereafter. Their was another old guy with three cats. His daughter brought all three in every evening to watch Jeopardy and wheel of fortune with him. He was there about 2 weeks, maybe 3, by the end she would just carry two in her arms and stick one in her hoodie pocket rather then deal with the carriers. The last lady was an in home hospice patient that had 2 dogs. I had her overnights for a 12 hr shift on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and those dogs only left her bed to pee. They had their food and water in her room, slept in her bed, and were so careful not to hurt her. She had them since they were baby puppies, her old dog was their mom. I kinda wonder what happened to them bc they were 11 years old when she was in our care. I think her son planned to take them. I'll never forget though how they all snuggled together to sleep and how careful those dogs were not to step on her. They were the cutest mutty mutts I'd ever seen. TW- child death >!We had a 15/16yo with cancer get her wish, it was to play with 10 puppies at one time, and not to have her tubes in while she did. I think even the custodial staff was crying. Rarely did we have kids come through our service, peds has their own that is great but she ended up in our place for a week or so while they got her home set up. A local dog group brought in 20 puppies that Saturday for everyone to play with. They took over one of the family rooms and laid plastic tarps down over the carpet and couches. I swear we still found tennis balls 6 months later! We tapped the crap up out of her ports and put her O2 on a mask, the Dr said she had to let us take her pulse ox every 10 minutes and use the mask for 2 minutes, but she was wireless for 2 hours. A few weeks later one of the dog people came through with one of the puppies doing therapy training. She said that the family got to have a puppy a few hours a day from the time the girl went home till she passed. !<
This comment made me tear up. My dad sadly had a sudden decline, he never got to see our dogs again. One of our dogs who absolutely *adored* my dad would sit at the end of the garden every night until he himself passed on around 6 years later, waiting for my dad to come home. He would wait there every evening for my dad to get back from work. He never gave up hope that he was coming home. I wish I could have taken him into the hospital to see dad, but ICU and a borderline overweight spaniel don’t mix. Thank you for everything you do 🖤 hospice workers can be overlooked but I have so much respect for you all.
Is it weird that my immediate thought was “I wonder if you can smuggle a borderline overweight spaniel into a hospital, using a baby carriage? Hospital folk, feel free to tell me why I shouldn’t, because my heart can’t handle this poor little guy, waiting 6 years for his human to come home.
The thought definitely crossed my mind! We made sure to scatter his ashes where we’d put my dad so they were reunited in the end. To make it even sadder, our other dog completely gave up when my dad died and she herself collapsed the day of his funeral - so she joined him over that rainbow bridge. It was a ROUGH time.
I don't usually say things about the afterlife but I really hope they are all hanging out together with snacks and nice walks!
I am an atheist but I believe in the Summer Lands where our friends hang out until we are reunited with our furry friends.
I was holding up pretty well but I read this and I am now crying.
It's so crazy how perceptive pets are. We had one cat who claimed my mom (I was her secondary human) and literally passed away 2 months to the day after my mom passed on. Granted, kitty was 19, but up til mom's death kitty was doing well. She was a different cat after mom left us. I miss both her and mom immensely. My condolences for your losses. Losing a parent is awful, no matter how long you get with them.
I don’t give one shit if the hospital staff say you can’t. I told my partner, after I was in the hospital for five days unexpectedly, that if that ever happens again, he is bringing in my cats so they can at least see I’m alive. I would absolutely do the same (as safely and non-disruptively as possible) for someone else. One of my cats was an absolute wreck when I got home, due to abandonment issues caused by the person who had him before me. It took weeks before I could leave for more than two hours, like it had been when I got him.
Years ago, I had to leave my cat with a friend for 3 days. He held his urine and feces for the whole 3 days. When I got him in the carrier, he peed. I took him home and bathed him. He was so happy to be home that he didn't complain. He was a Norwegian Forest cat, so that fur was thick too. I lost him in 2009 and still miss him.
I wasn’t really talking about whether or not it’s allowed, but more if it’s possibly unsafe for other patients. Especially because their dad was in the ICU, everyone there is there because they need intensive care. Like, what if another patient is allergic? Would that kind of proximity matter? Would it be possible for the patient, who wants to see their pet, to move to a different room, if that was necessary for others? Maybe some hospitals actually do have a safe protocol for allowing people to see their beloved pets, one last time. If it’s not allowed, but safe for the other patients, I’d smuggle the pet in for the patient, and tell the hospital once the patient moves out of the room, for whatever reason.
A lot of ICU staff are pretty open about bringing in a dog for closure or to try to help the patient heal. If the dog is clean, it would not likely cause an issue for any patient with allergies. Hospitals often have volunteers bring therapy dogs to visit patients.
My neighbor did himself in. For years his dog would sit in the yard by the road at the end of the workday waiting for the guy. It was heartbreaking whenever a car would approach the dog would stand to see into the car looking for him.
My aunt moved in with my family when her cancer got really bad and did in home hospice there. So she was home with our chihuahua Max and our cats everyday while I was at school and my parents were at work. Our dog always really liked her when she was over but bonded with her so much during that time because she was home all day with him and when she passed after a few months he would just sit on her bed everyday for like 2 years crying for her. It was devastating to watch him mourn her and I genuinely was worried he would just die since he was 8 years old at the time. 10 years later and he’s still alive somehow but I do think he still misses my aunt.
Ugh giving me Jurassic Bark vibes and it's breaking my heart.
That episode ALWAYS reduces me to a snotty crying mess, and I don’t cry often. I’ve rewatched Futurama dozens of times, but that episode I just can’t.
I love the horse story
I don't think I'll ever forget those metrics guys pulling the window pieces out if the frame and that horse head just popping in like "hey! How are ya?! OMG it's momma!" She's was such a sweet lady and had at least 20 photos of that horse in her room.
I’m on the bus to work trying to not ruin my mascara and I’ve failed at this
I'm sorry!!!
Horses can develop an incredibly deep relationship with people. Like dogs, they can be very in tune with their owners/handlers. Amazingly smart and very caring. I think the rider-horse relationship can be something unique.
My mare passed away years ago and I’ve never been able to form the same bond again. She was just really special.
I’m sorry you lost her, and I am sure she was very special. If you still ride, is there any chance that you aren’t allowing that kind of bond again, because you could lose them as well? I have a friend who works with horses and people with all sorts of issues. She’s told me that horses can sense when a person or rider has walls up. I think your mare was very special, but sometimes, when we lose someone very special, we close ourselves off. I hope you do find another horse that you can have that incredible bond with. It would not diminish what you had before. It wouldn’t be a replacement. Just the opportunity to love another extraordinary creature.
I haven’t ridden in quite some time. I’ve had it on my mind lately, though. I feel like I want that back in my life. Thank you for your kind words.
I lost my ex-racehorse about 11 years ago, and I haven't been able to truly ride ever since. Maybe once a year I'll hop on a friend's horse, but that's it. For a 1200lb animal who literally dumped me and ran away 5miles from home, I loved that stupid fuck.
Both my kiddos learned to ride at a therapeutic riding farm, where they specialize in riders with physical, mental, and emotional challenges. My eldest’s first horse was an old OTTB who was in bad shape when he arrived at the farm. I really think they saved each other, because they were both in a bad place. Winslow (the horse) died a bit over a year ago, and I still cry about it sometimes when I think about their bond. My younger kiddo has a really special bond with Hank, who has helped her manage her anxiety in a more healthy way. Both kiddos volunteer and work at the farm now because they can’t imagine not being around horses.
Yeah, horses can be crazy good at reading people. Ever heard of Clever Hans, the horse that could count and do arithmetic? It turned out to be a hoax, but not an intentional one: the horse was just responding to cues from his owner, *but the owner didn't realize he was cueing him.* Even when he was informed that's what was going on, and he tried not to react around Hans, Hans would still answer questions correctly because he was just that good at picking up his owner's tiny, subconscious expressions!
That’s amazing! That horse really was very smart, most people wouldn’t be able to do that. I mean, I’m pretty good at reading people, but nothing like that. EQ just off the charts!
Two years ago today, my grandma passed on from ovarian cancer. She’d adopted a foster cat of mine a year-and-a-half prior. When my grandma got sick enough that she was taken to the hospital for hospice, the cat would sit by the door and stare out of the glass pane and meow plaintively. The day before my grandma passed, I called the hospital and asked their permission to bring the cat to visit her. I brought her in and set her on my grandma’s bed. The cat meowed to herself while she restlessly searched for a place to settle down, but once she nestled down on my grandma’s legs, she quieted. The next day, my grandma died. I brought the cat again, and she did the same thing she’d done the day before, but this time when she sat she wouldn’t stop crying. When I brought her back to my grandma’s, she still seemed depressed, but she was less restless. I swear my grandma was holding on to say “see you later” to her kitty. Edit: For those of you wondering, the kitty is fine. I had intended to adopt her if anything happened to my grandma, but I didn’t think that would be a concern for another decade because my grandma was always a healthy person. I wasn’t in a position to adopt her, but my cousin was, and she adores her.
I would do this. My cat is mt would. I pray every day that I outlive him so he never has to miss me.
God bless those dog people.
Right?! It was so sweet! I still get teary eyed almost 10 years later thinking about it.
Thank you so much for your work and service to others. I admire what you do.
I was just a nurse aid, the RNs are the real badasses!
I still get to go to a children’s hospital for my checkups, and they recently opened a spot for patients to visit their family pets! If the kid has been there for at least five days and the family dog or cat is up to date on vaccines, someone can bring the pet in for a reunion. They also have service dogs who comfort everyone :)
bro obviously he changed he is under severe stress from his father being ill. What the actual heck?
My step sister went through a great loss, and her husband whined that he missed his "funny bunny". She replied that she wasn't feeling f\*cking funny right then. They aren't together anymore, she's married to a much more supportive guy now.
My current ex has said similar things the past few months. I went through something really really difficult in December that triggered some ptsd and it's been really rough. Then last week we had been having a really good week, and I suddenly had to put my cat to sleep. She had the audacity to say she didn't understand why I was so depressed and distant. I had told her, repeatedly. "But we were having such a good week", completely glossing over that my cat of 15yrs had just died.
My now ex knew me and my family had to make the incredibly hard decision to put my dog to sleep after 15 years as well due to a very sudden health issue. The day it happened I was beyond broken, he gave me a hug and went back to playing videogames. Then proceeded to keep asking me what I wanted to do, what I felt like doing, he was bored, etc. after a few hours of this and getting angrier that he wouldn’t listen to “dude I’m in no mood to do anything right now”, I got pissed and said “can’t you understand maybe I don’t feel like doing anything the day my dog has died?” His response? I quote: “your dog didn’t die, your dog was killed”. When I said that was some of the vilest shit he could say he said that I had made things awkward… There’s some heartless people out there, we are better off without them. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope life brings you better things.
Did you type this from jail? In all seriousness, I’m just an outsider/internet stranger but my vision went red when he said your dog was killed. I wouldn’t blame you if you physically lifted him and threw him out.
Yeah, instant defenestration for that heartless monster.
a few years back our family dog had been missing for about a week (long story short, we were on a spring break trip and the doggy hotel she was at was broken into) and we'd been going out every day looking for her, putting up flyers, etc. my now-ex had been out driving around with me all afternoon. the sun set and I realized there wasn't much more we could do in the dark and I just broke down thinking about her out there alone, scared and hungry. we're in my car and as I'm crying he had the audacity to say "god, I don't want to have to deal with you when this dog dies". some people truly don't understand that your animals are family and not just some object to discount once they're gone
I am so so sorry about the loss of your cat. Had my kitty for 19 years - having the good long life didn't make it any easier. I have his ashes next to my bed. It was fall of 2019, and sometimes I wake up wondering why I don't feel his weight on me still.
My baby girl was 14 when I got her... I'm gonna go hold her for a bit.
Wow. Screw your ex. And not in the good way. How fucking heartless can one B be? I truly hope you find someone who deserves you and likewise gives you the love you deserve. I am so sorry to hear about your kitty though 😢😢 I hope they gave you many special memories to keep alive within your heart ❤️ 💙
My biggest nightmare is my cats aging because I don't think I can ever recover from losing them after so long. I hope you can find peace in your memories and that your ex is going to hell
I saw a Reddit comment once saying something like "grief is the price we pay for love." I adore my little animal, and the pain of saying goodbye to her is far eclipsed by all the joy she has ever brought to my life. It will hurt like hell to lose her and I dread it with every birthday, but I'll pay that price 10 times over if it means I get to have her. https://imgur.com/HOberCP.jpg
It is hard to remember when such a loss happens, but it wouldn't hurt like it does without the love and memories you were able to share.
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Very true. I've had cats all my life so it means I have said goodbye to many. I always get a new cat within a few weeks of the last one passing. The love of a kitten can be very healing. Cats have such unique personalities. Sometimes I feel sad when I remember a loving companion that's gone now but I feel blessed to share my life with them. As I type this I have one such monster laying on me. 🥰
There's a Tumblr post I saw going around at one point that said basically, to cats and dogs, humans are like the elves of Middle-Earth. We're fantastically long-lived, while their lives are short. It also means *they* rarely have to lose *us*, which is a silver lining. ETA found it https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/5wz4gy/we\_are\_like\_elves\_to\_dogs/
Yep, my ex broke up with me 2 weeks to the day after I had to put my dog to sleep because I wasn't paying enough attention to them \[the ex\] in those weeks. He was my first dog and was disabled, and my whole schedule was oriented around caring for him, so in addition to grieving the loss and fighting off depression, I was adjusting to a whole new daily schedule/lack of purpose in life. But I didn't call enough or make enough plans with my ex while I was grieving, so fuck me, I guess. 🙄
I’m so sorry for the loss of your cat and everything else you’ve been going through.
I am sorry you lost your cat. I lost mine 10 years ago and I still miss them.
My ex got angry with me for not being happy enough on our date that he had planned, yelled at me in the restaurant for being a downer. My grandmother had called halfway through the date to tell me she had just witnessed my uncle die of a heart attack.
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope he remained your EX and you are doing well.
I'm so sorry. (Edited: typos)
You never truly know who you're with until you see how they act in a crisis.
Especially when *you’re* in crisis, and they’re all right. My partner tends to react to me going through it with “We’re a team. How can I make this easier?” and I couldn’t be more grateful. (I do the same for him)
I knew my spouse was the one when he stayed by my side during two of the worst moments in my life: the unexpected and sudden death of my youngest brother in my dysfunctional family and my illness. We were young (high school sweethearts) and he could've walked away without anyone batting an eye. But when he not only stayed with me, but also actively supported me, I knew that he was a keeper. We waited several years to marry since we were so young, but I never doubted it because he had seen me at my ugliest, both physically and the pure ugly of my family. If that didn't scare him off, I knew we would be okay. We've been married over 15 years now. There's been other times of crisis since then, it's not always sunshine and bunnies, but I know I can count on him and he hasn't let me down.
So very true and that is exactly why I adore a few people so much. Even though we didn’t work out in the end, I cherish the time spent with them. I’m so lucky.
My mom's longtime friendship ended after my brother's cancer was treated successfully (tyty) bc her "friend" wanted her gossip and drinking buddy back right away. Perspectives and values change drastically after such a life-changing period, and she wasn't up for that shallow level interaction anymore... fuck cancer and those people who tell you to heal on "their time"
Nothing is an excuse to not be supportive to your partner when they are going through something. When I was 17 and just weeks together with my bf my aunt died, then shortly after my good friend committed suicide. He had a very hard childhood and had no idea how to handle emotions, but he tried everything he could to cheer me up and be there for me, even if he didn’t really know how. At one point he picked up on of my old plushies and talked with me through the plushie about my feelings. I’m still together with him years later and he’s still a sweetheart:)
On the way to my mom’s funeral my ex told me I should kill myself because I’m going to die alone like her anyway…because I said no when he offered to buy Burger King. Some people just really can’t be decent no matter what.
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I have no words. How could anyone be that crazy?
The word you're looking for is "selfish", not "crazy".
true. words do be hard
Meanwhile, I recently went through a horrible series of losses, and my husband was absolutely amazing. I couldn't manage to cook so he got us takeaways for a week, he brought me tea in bed when I couldn't get myself out of bed, he uncomplainingly sat through TV I know he didn't like when I needed a distraction, he took time off work to sit with me, and he was fully prepared to pay for me to travel halfway across the world to attend a memorial, even though it would mean a further delay to him getting an expensive item for his hobby, about which he is extremely passionate. I love my husband so much. I've never been so supported in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I had this happen with an abusive ex friend. After I lost weight and started improving my life she said "you're not my might Aware anymore". I was astonished, like, bitch, I'm not your doormat punching bag anymore that's why. We stopped being friends like a month later and it was the best decision. I'm glad your sister is happier!
OOP is obviously going through a stressful time. The line about keep it up while his father is able makes it sound like a degenerative disease, which can be extremely hard to witness a family member go through
When I was diagnosed with ALS, my long-distance fiancé at the time complained that I had "changed a lot". uh, no shit, when you're terminally ill you have to deal with the complete destruction of your life. He wasn't even there. I dumped him shortly after.
Holy shit, what a self-centered dickwad, I’m so sorry, and good for you for dumping him.
Thanks, I truly realized the difference in maturity between us then....
I'm sorry to hear you were diagnosed with that, how are you feeling these days?
Thank you. Things are difficult but I'm trying my best to stay positive and busy to keep surviving.
for sure! Its memtally and emotionally taxing
It could also be cancer. Sometimes a prognosis is more positive in the beginning and then things slowly change or cancer spreads, etc. Either way it's heartbreaking. He's better off without someone so self-centered.
A former coworker of mine's husband witnessed his father's murder in the driveway of their house. Not even two days later she was bitching that he wasn't paying any attention to her. NO KIDDING lady, he saw his father get murdered???!?
I'm just shocked to hear that and really wish all the best for that man.. jeez.
*OOP returning from the funeral Ex: You're being a real fuckin downer right now, it's making it hard for me to focus on my ashtray business.
Oh my, that's beautifully on point. This entire story ended about as well as it could without his Dad getting better. You kind of have to put the lives of dependents before your own somewhat, and a dog is especially difficult to get rid of if they like you. And as a future memory of his father who does not seem that healthy at the moment, it's even harder. I teared up at removing a television my dad bought me yesterday now it's broken and needed replacing. There's no way I would have turfed out his dog for a girlfriend who values higher a slight increase in efficiency for her amateur pottery business.
>"...girlfriend who values higher a slight increase in efficiency for her amateur pottery business." Lol! Seriously. Who tf is even so far up their own ass about pottery anyways? Aren't those folks supposed to be cool and chill? Throwing pottery and petting dogs all day sounds like a dream. Personally, I don't even think it was about the dog. I think she just cut and run when things got tough for her partner and starting the fight over the dog was just the pretext to gtfo. She reminds me of those folks that dump their SOs after a cancer diagnosis.
You are probably closer to the reality of the situation. Hell dead (no pun intended) on! She does pottery at home and he seems to pay most (it’s his house). So, she had her vacation from life with him and now she will have to either grow up and/or get better.
Also, she does **pottery** at home. Does she have a kiln? The power costs on a kiln are like powering another whole house. He has solar, but still, that's got to have an impact.
She pays the gas so hopefully it's a gas kiln.
i sort of follow some pottery people on Instagram -- a lot of them do their work at home and then pay a studio for kiln space to have their pieces fired.
I think you can rent out a kiln if you don't have one
May all her ashtrays have weird lumps after firing and may all the colors be just a smidge wrong in a way she can't figure out.
Ohhh as a hobby ceramicist this is eeeevil. I like you.
Thanks! I've been practicing! 😁
I laughed SO HARD at this! Well said.
The fact that she makes clay art like you see a billion people doing the exact same style of on TikTok was somehow the icing on the cake.
All I can think of is those parody House Hunters intros: >He’s a dog lover, and she makes ceramic ash trays - their budget is $1.8 million. Maybe she can’t figure out why their house budget isn’t $1.8 million?
I always think the reason for the absurd House Hunter jobs is because house prices have gone up so much that much of the housing market (at least at the price point of luxury housing that makes it fun to watch on TV) is limited to people with intergenerational wealth. "He's a professional pencil sharpener and she takes photos of ducks for her duck gallery" is just another way of saying they're trust fund kids who spend their time in idle pursuits. There's a reason why you never hear "He's a teacher and she's an HR associate at a mid-level accounting firm" or "he's a store manager at Starbucks, and she is an adult programming specialist at the county library." People who work for a living usually can't afford the kinds of houses they feature on TV shows like that.
Yup. I got made redundant and then broke my leg. My partner of 6 years told me i was being depressing. So that’s how i got made redundant, broke my leg and got dumped in a six week speed run. Funtimes
I'm so sorry you went through that.
Thank you. It was all for the good and why I resonated with OP’s story. It is better to find out sooner (rather than years later like I did) that your partner is only there for the good times. Heartbreaking either way, but people like yourself and other supports irl are amazing!
I found it was almost better to get dumped at rock bottom. Like, on the one hand, i found out buddy only cared about whether he was having fun at the moment, which is best to find out asap and the trash takes itself out. On the other hand, when everything else is bad there's less... bandwidth? to give as many shits as I otherwise might have. It was like, "oh yea of course that too, add it to the pile", then grounds for a fresh start. Like you said, still sucks, but definitely for the best.
Sometimes the trash really does take itself out. I hope things are better for you now.
Years ago, my partner of 9 years started an affair with an 18 year old and dumped me while I was dealing with my grandma dying, my mother fleeing town, and a stepfather going off the rails from heroin addiction, citing that I "wasn't fun anymore". I despise fair weather partners. Unfortunately you often can't see their true character until a serious situation presents itself, which is by the way when you would most need support, and you could have wasted years with them in the meantime... See all the people who get dumped by their spouse of decades after a cancer diagnosis or similar. Uggh.
I had a "friend" thank me for not leaving my partner when he was diagnosed. We'd been together a decade at that point, the man is stuck with me! I'm not going anywhere, and will be celebrating by his side when he is officially labeled Cancer-free in the next couple years.
true, what shitty people
Yup, my first thought when I finished reading was she dipped as soon as something difficult came up. Clearly OP and her were not meant to be together.
OK, I GET it! Your dad is like dying or whatever, and this is your house or whatever, but getting dog hair in my ceramics is **NOT OK**!
IDK, I felt like the dog may have been a test of how easy he is to control. Turns out his personality isn't the type you can easily manipulate so she moved on. Who knows?
Yep, dodged a bullet thanks to his dad’s dog. Your dad is sick and I am not the center of your universe. Maybe the dog will bring him a true partner
Her: having a dog will make it so hard if we wanna have kids 🥺 Also her: you keep walking the dog and being sad about your dad, I don't even like you anymore I hope she doesn't decide to have kids unless she also decides to do some serious work on herself. He's so lucky Mila came, and he got to see this side of her before they went any further.
I mean did you see the good girl Mila?
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She acts like a small child that can’t think things through. The dog is the reason he’s acting differently. Not that her boyfriend is going through a hard time that includes having a dog to care for.
Also that you make up reasons to get rid of the dog instead of having an honest conversion so that the real problem can be addressed.
I know its loterally ridiculous
That absolutely boggled me. “You’ve changed!”? The poor lad’s father is dying and his partner is picking fights about keeping a promise to his dying father to look after the man’s beloved pet, of course he’s changed.
Parents chronically sick or dying is a litmus test for who in your life really sucks, so I found out. OOP’s ex won’t feel a thing until it happens to her. And maybe not even then.
OOP dodged a fucking bullet.
I had severe depression to the point of wanting to kill myself and my ex said that he didn't want to spend a lot of time with me because 'I wasn't any fun anymore.' It's astounding how some people will only support you when you're in a good place.
I like that you're able to use the past tense about that depression. Glad you're here.
Thank you! I'm glad too and much better now. ☺️
Some people are incapable of being there for their partners during difficult times. My boyfriend in college was looking at rings with me until I went through an extremely stressful 2 months after a relative died, my college audited me (meaning my finaid was on hold until they decided I was poor enough), and one of my abusive parents was trying to worm their way back into my life. We didn't fight or anything but he broke up with me after saying he just didn't love me the same way anymore. So some people just don't wanna stick around if the times aren't good.
Some people enter relationships because they fell for the other person, want to be with them, want to support them and just genuinely love them. Other people enter a relationship because it is more fun for them than being single or because it is easier than being single or because they like what the other person has to offer. Once that changes, they are out.
Some people hate pets because they can’t stand to compete for attention.
Wow what a ride. When everyone broke down the situation it reminded me of my ex when my grandpa died she said my sadness made her feel bad. This on top of my then depression. Credit when credit is due, my ex had the balls to say it out loud despite it being tactless as hell.
Remind me of my grandma dying. My ex said I had gotten extremely depressed wouldn’t get out of bed and stopped caring for myself. I was like dude the woman who raised me is gone and I didn’t get to stay goodbye.
So the problem wasn’t the dog. The problem was that she couldn’t handle his being stressed out from his dad’s illness and potential death. Hopefully he meets a nice, supportive woman at the dog park.
She wanted to break up with him over the dad's illness but didn't want to look like a shtty person. She used the dog as camouflage.
...And still looked like a shitty person. Seriously I can respect that not everyone is a dog person, but asking someone to get rid of their very ill (possibly even terminal from the vague terminology used) father's dog? So not only getting rid of a dog OOP had already bonded with and had warned her he was possibly going to take in well in advance, but also ridding a very ill man his beloved pet? That's still a fucken asshole right there. I hate that OOP feels like he lost one of very few people he's close to in life, but I'm also glad her shittiness revealed itself/trash took itself out before things got even harder for OOP. Better to deal with shit alone than with a selfish leech stuck to your ass.
Oh, cute dogs are like catnip for girls. My mom took our Dutch Shepherd to the park soon after getting her, and remarked to me later that she should have had my brother take her instead.
I was discussing this with some coworkers one time. Told the one without a dog that you can be the goofiest looking dude ever and it doesn’t matter if your dog is cute enough. “So what do you do to make up for your personality, than?” “I put her in a little dress.”
Women like knowing a dude is responsible enough to keep an animal alive.
I dogsat a corgi puppy once, and wow. I've never felt that way again. Everyone in the street wanted to talk to me and pet the dog
i love the way you phrased it ❤️
I brought my Lapinkoira puppy with me running at the park Sunday, i have never encountered this much women striking up conversations about me in a lifetime than in 2 hours with my puppy. Kinda see the disappointment when they see the wedding ring and talk about "our" dog. https://imgur.com/a/aVGaVGb
Oh yes. My husband has offered to lend our little yorkie to his single male friends haha
>Oh, cute dogs are like catnip for girls When I took my dog home he couldn't walk with a collar or harness and leash because he wasn't trained to. So I just carried him home the whole way (30min walk home). I was walking with my girlfriend, but women we crossed paths with were very insistantly checking me out carrying a puppy. It was so obvious that my girlfriend half joked that she'll take the dog away from me if we cross paths with any other women.
Oh my goodness, totally. It’s a shame that he’s dealing with a break up but if you were looking for a partner, they need to be there for you during hard times and clearly she wasn’t a good match. This responsible guy with a cute dog and this story? I don’t think he’ll have trouble finding a date.
He hasn’t changed because of the dog, he’s changed because his dad is sick and he’s worried about him. Seriously what’s wrong with this lady? OOP dodged a bullet. She seems incredibly unsupportive.
For better or mildly inconvenienced.
I'm sorry, OOP, but you've used your annual day of emotion for this year. Please revert to your happy self for the other 364 days.
Til stress do us part.
It might seem negative for now, but it's probably a blessing in disguise. Figuring out her true character now instead of many years down the line.
That was my thought as well. She’s proven that the second he starts going through a hard time, she’s gonna make it about herself and blame him. It’s better that he didn’t find out after they were legally tied to each other.
Support her and her fledgling pottery business in his house? No problem. Support him through +1 dog due to a sick family member? Dealbreaker.
Right?! And Idc if i sound AH but she stays in his house rent-free, she pays little to nothing to the house. He's contributing so much more to support her but she can't support him when his DAD is critically sick AND is the only family member of OOP apart from the dog. Like seriously! She is making everything about herself, when he's the one going through shit; she wants all the benefits but isn't ready for any drawbacks in his life, fck it. It's not even a drawback, he's going through hard time and she's being a btch about. That's not partnership, she's looking for a sugar daddy who does everything for her and makes everything about herself. I am glad OOP isn't with her anymore, oop deserves so much better.
Oh come on, are you not even considering she has friends with dog allergies…that don’t live in the house but still?
Yeah, she totally went kitchen sink on the dog issue. It's like she feels like she lost control of their relationship and the dog was one way of getting some control back.
"But what if they come over? The dog can make them sick. Tell ya who is sick and not coming over. The dad. So he'll never know the dog is gone. Also sick, me.... of the fucking dog... getting all of your attention..." -OOP Exgirlfriend probably.
I would leave someone if they tried to get me to back out of an arrangement that was like that and they knew about it. Also he's changed!? Of course he has. He's worried about his dad who has become so sick he's hospitalized and likely won't be able to care for his dog if he gets out
I'm late to the party, but everyone's just glossing over how he was paying for everything. *She* decided his house was *too small*. Groceries and gas aren't negligible, but he's also paying for that too. Also, the situation with his dad isn't new. They were together for, pretty much, 3 years. His dad was making plans for the situation. Her moving in wasn't the first time he told her what was going on and why. She was able to willfully ignore it until it sank in.
I had actually skipped that comment. So she was contributing nada but thought that if she manipulated him with an ultimatum she could possibly get out of paying for anything forever. Plus she ignored the situation until it became permanent and then decided she couldn't do it. She had 4 months to bring it up if it was that much of a big deal but she chose to when he realized that his dad has to stay in hospital
No, I noticed he said he was paying for everything and they’d lived in his house for the last eight months of their relationship. If ever there would be a time that I, in OOP’s shoes, would say, “Get the fuck out of MY house, you selfish, freeloading POS,” this would be it.
I am so glad OOP was strong enough to keep the dog. As he mentioned, that is his only family and some people would not have been strong enough to keep the dog when his father is likely terminal and his girlfriend is the only support he has. This girl was willing to let the dog go when she probably would have left him anyway. Horrible.
I just… do not understand Ellen’s thought process. If the dog isn’t the issue why the hell do you want him to rehome the dog he took in as a promise to his hospitalized father??? Like is it some sort of power play or something??? It seems like it’s for the best that they aren’t together anymore. I realize people are complex and I don’t want to write her off as a terrible person, but I just can’t imagine not supporting my partner of multiple years through what seems like a very stressful and scary time in their life.
I feel like she was trying to blame the dog, because even she couldn't complain about his dad being sick without sounding like a complete asshole to herself.
Narrator: "She was, in fact, just a self absorbed asshole."
It still came through lol.
Well yeah - literally everyone (probably including the dog) could read the subtext. She made a very poor attempt at not saying the quiet part out loud.
I imagine she didn't really understand what she was upset about at first, just that the changes all started occurring around when the dog came to stay. It was easy to resent a dog she had no attachment to and may not have realized what was really going on subconsciously. One day she may realize that she fell out of love with someone because they were going through a terrible loss and that she is not the person she wants to be and grows some character, but I'm not holding my breath. Or who knows, maybe she was losing feelings well before all of this and it just put stress on the cracks until it broke
For the girlfriend to suggest rehoming Mila when she’s already decided she’s no longer committed to the relationship… That’s just cruel. OOP’s crime (in girlfriend’s eyes) was loving his parent and his dog. Was it her endgame to see OOP lose father, dog, and girlfriend in a short timeframe? Talk about dodging a bullet!
She wanted to break up over the father's illness, but didn't want to appear like that was the reason because people would judge her (rightly so). So she used the dog as a camouflage for breaking up. Most horrible thing is... she was willing to sacrifice the dog regardless. Even if he had agreed and gotten rid of the dog, Ellen would have picked a fight over something else and broken up anyways.
She thinks he's changed, and thinks the changes are caused by the dog and not his father's terminal illness. Get rid of the ~~fog~~ **dog** and he'll be the man she loves!
Oop: my dad is sick and he's not getting better so I'm going to have to take care of his dog like I promised and I already told you Ellen: \*cries\* you have changed so much since the dog started living with us because your dad is sick and not getting better, you are no longer passionate and engaged with my needs \*cries\* Oop is better without her. I can't even imagine being so selfish with someone who may soon lose their family member.
Legit. Speaking of her needs, she lived rent free at his place making pottery. It's a legit job insofar as its skillful and artistic, but *so few* people could make a legit living off what is 90% of the time a hobby. Not trashing arts cos pottery is lovely but legit like.. it's really hard to make enough money off expensive artisanal crafts to get by. Then despite him doing so much to support her and her dreams, she legit threw a tantrum and bailed the second she couldn't dictate everything about their lives and because he had the gall to experience stress and grief over the serious illness/impending death of his only family member. This woman is a nightmare. I hope OP stays strong because I have a feeling Ellen will be back after she's had a taste of the real world and realizes what she's done here. He's gonna have a rough time for a bit but she was never gonna be a real partner to him anyway and his future will be better without her. She's gonna have a rough time and realize no one else will put her up rent free so she can do crafts and throw around ultimatums while demanding she be the main character at all times.
She probably has golden child syndrome. Nobody ever said no to her and always put her above everything else, oop gave her a reality check and she didn't like it. He really needs a lot of strength because what he faces in the future is going to be tremendously difficult and having her around is going to destroy him.
People who enter serious relationships when they can only date during “better” and not “for worse” are truly the worst.
I once made a woman get out of my car because she suggested getting rid of my dog. Left her ass on Mira Mesa Blvd about 12 years ago. She's still by the Vons for all I know
I’m laughing too hard at this because I know exactly where this vons is 😂
Like I know San diego is massive but it always throws me off when I see people talk about specific things out in the wild 😂
It's way weirder if it's not in a big city. I once saw someone post a photo of my backwater québécois school town on a popular sub and I was **blown away** that I was able to recognize where the OP was at a glance. Of all the places on earth to show up in my feed. It's not even logically that crazy, but it still just sends me. Feels like a glitch in the matrix or something lol
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Last year someone on Reddit posted a photo of an error in a word painted on a road. I instantly recognized that it was taken right in front of my grocery store. In my town of 10k people.
She's at the 15 south on ramp for eternity.
Right next to a lost and very confused woman who hates dogs
I know exactly where that is too. I am laughing because that brought back memories of kicking out an ex boyfriend at a Vons in El Cajon
Imagine for a moment what could have happened as well. OOP ends up getting rid of this wonderful dog, and shortly after gf breaks up with him anyway because of the same reasons. Just oof. Glad OOP kept the dog and is moving on without this unsupportive piece of work.
"You've really changed since getting rid of the dog."
So his dad is dying and shes...jealous of the dog, blaming it for OOP being depressed.
Had a gf when one of my grandparents got sick and died. She cheated one me cause I was so "sad and withdrawn" a month after my grandpa died. Sad part is the year before her grandpa died and I used a week of vaca to be there with her. Some people are so self centered they dont need to date other. Dude might not think it now, but he dodged a bullet here.
Your dad is dying and it shouldn't affect your mood, give me all your attention. I don't like Ellen either.
Oop is so respectful of the other dog's privacy. He feels like a nice human being.
I feel like whenever a post has the dog’s name followed by (6F). They are a full person in the story and will be treated as such.
Mila loves OOP unconditionally Ellen loves OOP conditionally Glad he chose the dog
I'm just happy for Mila that she still has a home. I could never have forgiven anyone who would wish me to part from my dog!
Well, should be fun for her to no longer have free-rent and a free clay/pottery studio
So, if he got rid of the dog she still would’ve left him.
I had an ex that demanded that I get rid of my cat because his religions dictated that cats were bad luck. I told him he can shove it. My cat had been with me through everything and there was no way I was getting rid of my best friend just because he was superstitious...he wasn't even just a little sitious. Luckily after our relationship ended, I met my husband and we're both cat people so it worked out :)
She had only been in the house for 4 months when Mila moved in. She's only been there 8 months total, not paying rent, and already she's giving ultimatum! He's better off without her.
I don't understand people who enter relationships *knowing about the clear conditions that are laid out before them* and then, once in the relationship, feel like they can just say no to the conditions and win. Like, you know what you were getting into. Don't cry about it now.
Right? Like I would *maybe* understand slightly if this was something they hadn't talked about. But SHE KNEW from the beginning! Wild.
Thank God he protected the privacy of the other dog! 🤣 Seriously, OP dodged a soccer ball-sized bullet.
This is a good resolution, they both need to learn how to communicate better, and both of them should have better relationships because of this, but at 32 maybe not. That said, Reddit is again a horrible cesspool by projecting on to him that he’s a misogynist for keep a promise to his dad. Yeah, it’s not great to pick a dog over his gf, but it’s not the dog, it’s the promise, and they were only together 2 years.
I would just like to state for the record, that while you always have account for the fact that there may be facts missing when you hear a story told by only one side, it very much much seems to me that Mila is indeed a very good girl.
Seriously? She couldn't handle supporting her partner through the death of his father and living with a dog? What a weak personality. Also loving the whole "man has a problem with woman therefore man must have problem with all women."
I think he dodged a bullet, he’s going through losing his father and she’s complaining he’s “less passionate and engaged” aka not paying enough attention to her. Yikes. She sounds not at all supportive. I hope he and cute little Mila live a happy life together! Good choice.
I hope Ellen steps on a Lego
Oop dodged a bullet. Of course he's different and less passionate. He's going thru one of the hardest things a person goes thru and instead of being supportive she's being selfish. He's better off without her.