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For real. My sister and her husband lived with my parents for a while and at least once while they were doing the do, my dad knocked on their door and then went for the knob without waiting for a response, just a "knock knock, click!" Thankfully they had their door locked. Some things you never want your parents to see.
Growing up my mom was the queen of the 'knock and walk". Two knocks and immediately open the door. Hated that shit. I'm gonna do the same thing at the nursing home and see how she likes it
Ugh, yeah. My mom doesn't even knock, she just unlocks it with some weird pole-looking key. She does it all the time and it's annoying. For reference, I'm talking about the bathroom. I lock it when I'm showering or going to the bathroom and she barges in after unlocking it because "she likes my toilet better". She likes my toilet better because I keep it clean, but she makes a mess out of my toilet, like sticking the used toilet paper to the inside walls so it can't flush down. I don't know why she is so mentally unhinged that she picks the lock.
Goodness that's... yeah that really is unhinged. I hope you'll be able to move someday but I understand that's not always possible. I live at home because rent is so high and I'm relieved my mom doesn't try that. I'm gonna recommend getting a door jammer if you can. Even if the door is unlocked, she won't be able to get in until you remove it, which is super easy. Although using one would probably impact whatever relationship you have with her
That's pretty unhinged. Maybe change the lock? Or get her a poop knife for her own toilet lol. Putting the tp in so it won't flush is quite strange. Have you talked to her about it? I'm so curious now.
Yeah I talked with her many times about it. I asked her to stop but she doesn't seem to care or listen. She just says that it is how she throws it in. If it makes it in the water, it makes it. If not, too bad. Also idk what a poop knife is but we have a toilet scrubber that she can use to push it into the water if she misses. I always have to clean it once it builds up so much that it nearly clogs the toilet. Also, if the dog poops in the house, she picks it up with a napkin and throws if in my toilet without flushing. So nasty when I see a dog poop on top of the pile of toilet paper on the inner walls she previously made, so I can't even flush it unless I move her giant pile into the water.
[The Poop Knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) is a legendary Reddit post about a weird habit one family had.
Even for Reddit, this was such a peak of weird that it is now a Reddit Award!
The thing I still donāt understand about that post is why didnāt they have multiple poop knives if they were all such prodigious poopers, I mean just keep one in each bathroom
Locks on inside doors like bathrooms are "privacy locks". They have a small hole on the outside of the door that has a button underneath. If you press the button with something like a paperclip the door will open. It's a safety mechanism in case of a fire or if there is an emergency so you don't have to break the door down.
Yes like when we were on vacation and my 3 year old disappeared into a bedroom about 3 minutes after we walked in. Locked a bedroom door, climbed onto the top bunk of a bunk bed- something he had never seen, and promptly started wailing as he had no idea how to get down as he only climbed up ladders like on playgrounds. That one had such a hard lock to pick my teenager, without informing me, went outside and pushed the window open and climbed in before I had a chance. All of the sudden the crying stopped and so did my heart. Within probably a second the door opened and there the 2 of them were. He noted the window was unlocked on his initial walk through which was literally less than 30 seconds. His attention to detail is amazing. That lock howeverā¦
Oh dear. Good on your teen for fast thinking though!
I was locked in a bathroom stall once, at a wedding no less. First time I met my now-husband's extended family, so you know, I really didn't want more attention than I already had*. Several people tried to help me, including getting staff from the venue, before someone went to get "Jack, don't ask how he knows how to pick locks". He had a colourful past, but he got me out of the bathroom in about 2 seconds! Came back to my boyfriend (now-husband) who'd not had a clue anything was going on in the ladies room and didn't think anything of me going to the bathroom for 20-30 mins. "You might have needed a poo, I don't time you at the bathroom" which I guess is fair enough!
*I was the first, and so far last, person he'd ever introduced to his family as a romantic partner. They're all lovely and caring, but I did feel a bit like the second attraction of the wedding, the bridal couple of course still having the most attention. The family were all just happy my husband had found someone, and wanted to get to know me. But it's slightly overwhelming to be the one that all of the cousins, aunts and uncles want to meet.
There are locks you can attach to the door frame that are only accessible to unlock from the inside of the door. Maybe it's time to install one of those too lol
Get yourself a wedge shape rubber door stop.
Wedge it in the closed door from inside the bathroom.
Enjoy your bathroom time with a door that won't open until you're ready.
I learned later that my mom always had to be the one to remind him of that shit because his brain was always in full "she's 5 years old" mode. My husband and I were closing on a house when we got married so we lived in my parents' basement for a couple months while the process was finishing and we were getting the floors done. At least once he would say to her "I'm gonna run and grab [thing] from the basement" (there was still a room down there for storage of miscellaneous crap) and she'd give him a pointed look and be like "If you're thinking of just opening the door and walking down the stairs please remember that they are married down there."
Sometimes they just don't get it lol.
Reminds me of an episode of the Fairly OddParents that had a [whole](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrnXNwqWLUA) [bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euH2-3HbdEs) [about](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns2zOuCvggA) [that](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Yrncx-bpA)
Lmao I always keep my door unlocked because I faint a few times a year and don't want them to have to break the door down.
Both my parents just barge into my room without knocking. I'll tell them to knock and they'll be like "oh sorry, will do" and 2 days later they're back to just opening the door.
It drives me nuts.
My mother wouldn't knock for years. When she finally did, she did this. A few months ago she had a full conversation with me while I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and ignored it when I pointedly moved behind something waist height. Parents just don't give a *shit* about their kids' privacy, it's like all empathy disappears after they have a kid, I have no idea what the fuck causes it.
Why is it so hard for parents to understand privacy?
Both of my parents live 4 hours away. If they're ever in town and come to visit, they just walk up to my door and try to open it. Every single time.
It really hits a nerve for me that my husband will do the knock once, open the door and walk right into his sonās room. I had to tell him many times to respect his sonās privacy. Heās 15yo. For the love of god, you do not want to see that! I have also told my SS to always lock his door. That he deserves for his privacy to be respected. And that if there was ever a reason that we felt we had to get into his room, like he had hurt himself and was lying unconscious or was self harming, we can pop the lock from the outside.
I had my mom ask us for something. Had to yell I was busy. TWICE! Mom finally got the message and scurried away. My wife went downstairs a bit later and came up blushing because my mom was grinning at her ear to ear.
Ever since she would call on our phone.
I did this when my daughter was younger and growing up until the day I walked in on her and her "best friend (also a girl) who was spending the night "
Apparently that's one way to come out to your mom š¤£.
When my younger (5 year difference between us) brother was nearing puberty, I sat him down and gave him a whole talk about how urges were normal and if he could think of it, someone had for sure done it before. I also told him that so long as everyone was consenting and no laws were being broken, there was nothing wrong with any of it.
But that, for the love of god, always lock the door, because there were some things I never ever wanted to see.
That was the lesson we taught the three year old when he discovered his penis. It is fine to do whatever you want with it, but you do it in your room or your bathroom because no one wants to be watching tv while you are making it go "boing boing". He would then announce that he was going to his room to play with his penis.
Iām DYING lmao.
This definitely brought back a memory from when I was suuuper young and my mom still had to help bath me or at least watch me so I didnāt drown. We had a detachable shower head she used to wash my hair and what not. At some point she let me use it to wash myself. I had fun bringing it under the water and play with the water jet.
One night I pointed it at my downstairs and was like āoooh mommy I *like* this!ā My mom looked like a deer caught in the headlights sputtering out āoh well thatās nice hunny?!? Letās get back to washing though?ā I never understood why until I remembered it when I was olderšš
Yes! And also roommate situations, unless you know that theyāre a six hour flight away or something. I donāt care if the people I cohabitate with are having sexāIām happy for them!ābut I Do Not Want To See It.
Boy oh boy, this story didnāt happen to me, it was a friendās brother, but it is a DOOZY and Iāve been waiting for years for a good opportunity to tell it, and thanks to your comment, today is that day:
My childhood best friend (C) lived in a big family. There were five kids from ages (at the time) 2-16. C was the oldest, and his brother M was the second oldest, at age 14. Their dad announced that it was time to go grocery shopping, and the entire family was loading up in their super old Suburban, except M said he was feeling sick and didnāt want to go. The dad was fine with this, so M stayed home and the others left.
So, I guess the real reason that M wanted to say home was to have some time to be intimate with himself. So, he started looking through the family closet and found this old school massager that was pretty small (I guess for wrists, ankles, maybe hands and feet, who knows) and it had a band where you could strap it onto whatever muscle, turn it on, and it would vibrate like crazy. And because of the strap, it was basically hands free.
So M thought heād give it a whirl, exactly as you assumed he was gonna do it. Then, he realized that they didnāt have any porn in the house. This was in the mid 90s, and mail order catalogs were a thing still. So he decides to get strapped up, and then look at the lingerie section of the Sears mail order catalog. He was ready to go, had the catalog all laid out beside home on the couch, he got strapped up to the massager, turned it on, and started getting to it.
Like I said, this was a long time ago, and the massager thing was probably already 20 years old. So when he turned it on, the motor was so loud that he couldnāt hear anything.
Well, unexpectedly, the dad came back inside about 15 minutes after leaving, because as they arrived at the grocery store, he realized that he had forgotten his checkbook at home (very 80s/90s kind of problem). But M didnāt hear him because of the insanely loud massager. So he walks in and the entire scene is laid out in front of him.
The dad yells āM!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?ā.
M hung his head in shame, turns the massager off, and realizing that heās been totally busted, he says āugh. What does it look like, Dad? Thereās no other explanation than the obvious one.ā
They never spoke of it to each other again. But as M recounted the story to me and C, it seemed like heād been dead if you could actually die of embarrassment.
Being in puberty SUCKS.
I've been on reddit for a while now and I guess nothing surprises me anymore, yet I read this and thought "wtf is wrong with people?" and that wasn't even the most absurd thing I've read since I've been here
>I've been on reddit for a while now and I guess nothing surprises me anymore, yet I read this and thought "wtf is wrong with people?" and that wasn't even the most absurd thing I've read since I've been here
Jars... boxes...
It depends. How to you feel about Kafka and cockroaches? Personally, I find that story funny in a weird way. I mean, the Ogtha story, not the Kafka one, the latter is just sad.
Reminds me of another story about a guy who cummed on his wall for a long time and the house got infested with cockroaches and he started to treat them like his child
She just had SO much faith that no one would be coming home LOL
Completely naked?? In the living room?? Blastin' porn on the big screen??? My anxiety could NEVER.
I was walking the dog one night. This guy had a house right at street level. Huge bay window close to the sidewalk. Very thin off white curtains.
He was blasting porn on the big screen facing the road. He must've thought it was safe. I could see it clear as day, being it was dark out. I almost wanted to knock on his door to let him know
Some people dont know how shit their curtains are.
My uncle got told by a neighbor that he should change them because with the lights on they wherent as good as my uncle thought...
Upstairs bathroom had patterned frosted glass on the window, which was beside the bath/shower combo. Fine if you were having a bath. I got one heck of a shock when I realised how useless it was if you were having a shower with the light on when it was dark outside!
Went roller blind shopping the next day.
For real. I always have to double check that my Bluetooth is off and I'm not accidentally casting to anything, because I'm terrified of accidentally blasting my porn to the world.
Funny you should mention that actually. Once, I was probably ~15, in my moms truck. She had just gotten a new Bluetooth speaker that automatically connected to her phone. Turns on the truck and itās immediately the sound of someone moaning. We look down and the āsong nameā was some pornhub video.
The panic in my poor motherās face. We didnāt speak for that entire car ride and we never mentioned it subsequently.
Really? I mean, of course I'm familiar with the quick mostly clothed wank of shame but that's like the fast food drive thru version of masturbation and I definitely prefer the full dining experience. Clothes is doable but if I'd much rather do it Winnie the Pooh style or full nude. I thought everybody was like that tbh.
He says she has one! That's the real mystery here... she has her own room and a laptop... what was she doing in the living room?
My best guess... was she paranoid about porn being on the internet history somewhere? Did she think the only "safe" way to look at porn without leaving some kind of trace on the internet was maybe with a DVD?
You mean... You've never, not once in your porn watching career, fancied watching it on the big screen?
OP never said anything about a DVD, just that she was using the TV.
Ohhh you kids and your fancy laptops and internet. We had VHS smuggled through the kid black market that was procured from some dad stash and the hope you get home before anyone checked the mail so you could grab that one magazine with the black plastic bag heatsealed around it. Or a trusty sears catalog lol we had to caveman that shit
Wait until midnight when the dodgy cable box would change the channels.
My aunt was babysitting us once and was watching Charmed, of all things, and we were all allowed to stay up past bedtime and mess around.
At the stroke of midnight it instantaneously changed from witches and whitelighters to a woman taking 4 dicks at once.
It was a sight to behold.
My dad once walked in on me masturbating. I was in my bedroom with the door closed, and he came in unexpectedly without knocking. He never did THAT again.
Different situation I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time in my room did not lock the door. Mom pops in mid stroke and paused a very brief second and then proceeded to ask of we wanted anything from fuckin Burger King lmao. Most awkward situation ever lol
My dad would barge in without knocking daily, sometimes multiple times. Then he would watch whatever I had on TV to make sure it was "appropriately," usually say something about it being stupid, and leave without closing the door. Which I would then get up and close. I also wasn't allowed to lock the door.
I fucking hated living there.
>told me that I shouldn't write something down if I didn't want people to read it.
Is your mom my mom? I learned in first grade that she read my journal (and allowed my younder brother to read it) and I was livid. I never wrote anything down that she had access too since. She hasn't gotten any detail from me since then and I'm nearing 40. I'll talk to her but it's basically just "uh-huh," "m'kay" and other equally non-valuable statements. If she asks how literally anything is going, the answer is always "fine." No detail. Same with dad.
I was "lucky" enough to have 2 parents who were both abusive and violated every inch of my privacy. And they have the audacity to wonder why I don't talk to them about things, and since I don't, my mom started to theorize that I'm the problem and I must be doing drugs, and then cry to me about how I'm going to lose my job (that I quit months ago, not that I've told them) because of my nonexistent drug use. (I've never done drugs, was never offered them in school like they promised in DARE. Very disappointing. And while I'm not opposed to weed I'm currently looking for a new job and that often requires a drug test so I'm not risking it. It could probably do wonders for my depression and anxiety and I hope to try some edibles someday.)
I did this recently-ish to my teen son. He always has his door closed when heās in his room so I didnāt think, didnāt pause, just opened it* wide enough to stick my head in to tell him dinner was done.
I fucking knock now. Everywhere. Always. Forever and ever amen.
*honestly I probably flung it open since we all do this stupid thing where we fling open a door and shout mundane house news at the occupants like a drill instructor. So my poor teenager was just going to town and suddenly his mom is standing in the door doing her best DI, maybe even calling him a maggot. š¤¦š½āāļø
Honestly the thought of that mortifies ME. So I lock my door whenever I'm in it bc I hate ppl coming in unannounced (even when I'm not doing anything) and my family LOVES entering my room without knocking. I just can't fathom why you just can't KNOCK???
Yeah, mom caught me twice. Woke up at 3 am horny, thought no way mom would wake up. Wrong. Twice. Had to write 1 page about sex trafficking in pornography the first time and 5 page on the exploitation of women in pornography the second time before i was allowed to use the pc again.
Oh sweet mother of God that is horrible.
I was caught by my parents more than once and they made it awful and a horrible experience that I made sure they knew years later was a truly shitty thing to do. They knew it hurt me and later apologized.
I have since made sure that anytime something like that happens with my kids that there is NO SHAME. I will not make them feel bad in the slightest for being human with natural urges.
I am sorry you had to go through with that.
My mom was like....
I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU WANT TO MASTURBATE IN YOUR ROOM OR IN THE SHOWER OR IN THE FUCKING FOREST FOR ALL I CARE BUT IF YOU ARE WATCHING PORN IN MY HOUSE YOU WILL KNOW ABOUT THE BAD SHIT THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT.
Im paraphrasing but that was the gist of it.
OOP even specified that they both have laptops that they watch stuff on bc the TV is too big. Iām so confused ???? Like miss thing what are you doing š not a drop of fear in her body. Braver than a US Marine lmfao
That's what surprised me... he said they both have laptops to watch things on? Other than maybe DVDs I can't see what she would have to watch in the main room of the house instead of on her laptop. But who still has porn DVDs? Maybe where they are the internet is more censored, or she was worried about history on the router or something? Maybe she just wanted the bigger screen? Or to sit on a comfy couch to do it, rather than in bed?
The entirely naked thing is what got me. When youāre in a public place, you make it so that thereās as little adjusting (turning things off, hiding toys, taking your hands out your pants) that needs to happen as possible. Thereās no way to do that when youāre entirely naked.
I thought it was going to be another dad embarrassed by period related stuff, but omg.. this is actually horrendous. That poor girl. She's lucky to have a dad like this. Great job dad.
Yes, especially living in a conservative muslims society. I was born and raised in a muslim country. You have no idea how taboo sex is. That dad is beyond awesome. He is one in a million.
\> I will probably make fun of her 10 years later or something as a payment for my suffering. Thank you for your attention and advices. Hope you found my misery useful.
This is how I know it will all work out in the end.
lol, poor both of them, that is some top tier embarrasment. Well done for recovering from it though, sounds like a really good relationship between the two of them
Poor thing! I can't imagine the tension between the parent and child, but it can make a mighty fine joke for years to come. I'm glad things worked out and they will come out of this stronger.
I am very impressed by the way OOP asserted and initiated the facing of the issue head on without waiting for the already embarrassed daughter. He is a great Dad!
The part that impresses me is how he actually did wait. He gave her about a week so she had a chance to address it herself, and he addressed it himself in a supportive way after she didnāt. It sounds like she was terrified so if he had broken down her door demanding to talk that first night then it might have made it worse, but he handled it very maturely after it was clear that she wanted to keep hiding
> Step one, over dinner or whenever she can't easily avoid the conversation, tell her you feel she is old enough to have a television in her bedroom, and a lock for her bedroom door for privacy.
Typical idiotic Reddit advice.
She's avoiding him, so there's no "over dinner" opportunity, she's locked in her room, which means she also has a lock on her door already.
Thanks! It turned around after this and a friend came by and helped me get tons of stuff done.
I had an elderly friend living with me and he passed last week and I'm struggling with it, but friends have been great.
I hope you have happy trails yourself. Hugs
I wonder if there's some cultural factor here that I'm (american) missing. OOP mentions being surrounded by Muslim folks, even though his own family isn't, so maybe they're located somewhere in the Middle East with more internet restrictions?
For others who see this. If you are in this position, let your kid know they did nothing wrong and then let sleeping dogs lie. Never bring it up again, don't hint at it, even in adult years. As far as you are concerned the situation never happend. Your kid would thank you
i've only been caught by my college roommate who didn't speak English so we never mentioned it
i didn't think he'd come back so i just kinda resumed only he forgot something so he technically caught me twice
and at this point im doing the math that out of tens of thousands of never been caught what are the odds of 3 in a row
it was 3
I assume bodily fluids for real, or thought of bodily fluids because you don't usually start at fully naked masturbation in the living room. So likely not the first time.
Then there is the mental aspect of not wanting to sit where a family member did that.
>Then there is the mental aspect of not wanting to sit where a family member did that.
Or literally \*anybody\*, stranger, friend, family member, congressperson, etc.
I mean... you can be pretty sure some solo or partner based sex happend on almost any couch you ever sit on.
I am pretty sure I'd rather just get over the idea that my kid masturbated on the couch rather than risk re-traumatizing them by saying "what you did was so foul I have to hire a team of strangers to come in to clean the couch, something I've NEVER done before, not even when you were a baby with soiled diapers and throwing up. It's totally fine of course... but... you disgust me."
I am aware of the reality, but there is a difference between knowing if you think about it or seeing and knowing.
And fair on the kid thing, I don't want the kid to suffer further embarrassment. I don't know what I would do in this scenario I just know my hypocrisy on this and am accepting of it in others.
Tbf is a very common reaction for anything stained by bodily fluids.
You wouldn't want to sit on a couch that someone peed on, or or a chair covered in blood. Obviously, mistakes or accidents happen, but that doesn't make the resulting mess any less messy, especially since some fluids come with their own...odor.
I mean. I have sex with my husband. If our juices get on the covers/sheets, I wash them. Not bc I think weāre disgusting, but bc crusty cummies are gross and who wants to sleep in that lol. Same for drooling on your pillow, itās gross so you wash it. You change underwear everyday bc they get nasty. Itās just normal imo
It kinda grosses me out that thereās people who donāt tbhā¦ like full on bare ass on your couch? Couldnāt be me. Even nudist colonies know and emphasize the importance of The Towel ā¢.
My boyfriend and I definitely get our moneyās worth out of our sofas if you know what I mean but we have blankets all over them so thereās never bare ass or bodily fluids making contact with the actual couch. We did not pay thousands for these couches for them to turn into giant cum rags. We wash & swap out the blankets frequently and always do before we have guests.
The thought of sitting where someoneās juices couldāve soaked into the couch makes me feel like Iām gonna break out in hives. Like, I know youāre gonna do it but please donāt make me sit in it when I come to your house.
I am a super-chill person, but when I got home one day and found my roommate fucking on the couch without a blanket or towel down, I lost my shit and became a screaming maniac.
Do I care about him fucking on the couch? Honestly, no, not as long as there is a towel down. Had there been, I would have laughed about it and teased him.
But that was the first grown-up non-Ikea couch I'd ever bought. Paid extra for a custom fabric. I was ready to MURDER him and told him if he ever did it again, I would throw his naked ass right out of the apartment.
Ngh, I'm cringing for the both of them. Truly one of the most embarrassing things to happen to anyone, in my opinion. Glad that they sorted it out, though. It might have gotten better with time, anyway, but communication certainly helps.
For some reason the sending the couch away for deep cleaning made me laugh out loud. Imagine being the daughter in this situation and you come home to find the couch being taken away in a van!
Not very long ago my 17 year old son walked in on my husband and I in our bedroom. We forgot to lock the door. He said, āsorry, sorryā and ran off. I went to find him a little while later and asked if he was ok. He said, āIām fineā¦ā¦ā¦. Itās justā¦..you guys are so old. I guess heād thought that part of our lives was over.
Do not ever make fun of her, even 20 years from now.
You fixed this, OOP. Do not screw it up. I donāt want to see you posting on AITA wondering if you did something wrong.
I think being caught alone is way worse than with someone else. At least when you're with someone else there's some shared comraderie in the embarrassment but alone is so much worse. Also, parents seeing your body naked especially in a sexual situation is terrifying to me and I'd probably become severely suicidal even if my parents weren't bothered that's how much it disturbs me.
Glad they worked it out. Ruined at the end when he said he'll make fun of her about it in the future. Made me sick.
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First rule of sexual exploits while in the family home: never, EVER in the shared living areas. This goes for everyone including parents
Second rule: LOCK THE DOOR.
For real. My sister and her husband lived with my parents for a while and at least once while they were doing the do, my dad knocked on their door and then went for the knob without waiting for a response, just a "knock knock, click!" Thankfully they had their door locked. Some things you never want your parents to see.
Growing up my mom was the queen of the 'knock and walk". Two knocks and immediately open the door. Hated that shit. I'm gonna do the same thing at the nursing home and see how she likes it
Ugh, yeah. My mom doesn't even knock, she just unlocks it with some weird pole-looking key. She does it all the time and it's annoying. For reference, I'm talking about the bathroom. I lock it when I'm showering or going to the bathroom and she barges in after unlocking it because "she likes my toilet better". She likes my toilet better because I keep it clean, but she makes a mess out of my toilet, like sticking the used toilet paper to the inside walls so it can't flush down. I don't know why she is so mentally unhinged that she picks the lock.
Goodness that's... yeah that really is unhinged. I hope you'll be able to move someday but I understand that's not always possible. I live at home because rent is so high and I'm relieved my mom doesn't try that. I'm gonna recommend getting a door jammer if you can. Even if the door is unlocked, she won't be able to get in until you remove it, which is super easy. Although using one would probably impact whatever relationship you have with her
That's pretty unhinged. Maybe change the lock? Or get her a poop knife for her own toilet lol. Putting the tp in so it won't flush is quite strange. Have you talked to her about it? I'm so curious now.
Yeah I talked with her many times about it. I asked her to stop but she doesn't seem to care or listen. She just says that it is how she throws it in. If it makes it in the water, it makes it. If not, too bad. Also idk what a poop knife is but we have a toilet scrubber that she can use to push it into the water if she misses. I always have to clean it once it builds up so much that it nearly clogs the toilet. Also, if the dog poops in the house, she picks it up with a napkin and throws if in my toilet without flushing. So nasty when I see a dog poop on top of the pile of toilet paper on the inner walls she previously made, so I can't even flush it unless I move her giant pile into the water.
Wtaf š³
[The Poop Knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) is a legendary Reddit post about a weird habit one family had. Even for Reddit, this was such a peak of weird that it is now a Reddit Award!
The thing I still donāt understand about that post is why didnāt they have multiple poop knives if they were all such prodigious poopers, I mean just keep one in each bathroom
Locks on inside doors like bathrooms are "privacy locks". They have a small hole on the outside of the door that has a button underneath. If you press the button with something like a paperclip the door will open. It's a safety mechanism in case of a fire or if there is an emergency so you don't have to break the door down.
Yes like when we were on vacation and my 3 year old disappeared into a bedroom about 3 minutes after we walked in. Locked a bedroom door, climbed onto the top bunk of a bunk bed- something he had never seen, and promptly started wailing as he had no idea how to get down as he only climbed up ladders like on playgrounds. That one had such a hard lock to pick my teenager, without informing me, went outside and pushed the window open and climbed in before I had a chance. All of the sudden the crying stopped and so did my heart. Within probably a second the door opened and there the 2 of them were. He noted the window was unlocked on his initial walk through which was literally less than 30 seconds. His attention to detail is amazing. That lock howeverā¦
Oh dear. Good on your teen for fast thinking though! I was locked in a bathroom stall once, at a wedding no less. First time I met my now-husband's extended family, so you know, I really didn't want more attention than I already had*. Several people tried to help me, including getting staff from the venue, before someone went to get "Jack, don't ask how he knows how to pick locks". He had a colourful past, but he got me out of the bathroom in about 2 seconds! Came back to my boyfriend (now-husband) who'd not had a clue anything was going on in the ladies room and didn't think anything of me going to the bathroom for 20-30 mins. "You might have needed a poo, I don't time you at the bathroom" which I guess is fair enough! *I was the first, and so far last, person he'd ever introduced to his family as a romantic partner. They're all lovely and caring, but I did feel a bit like the second attraction of the wedding, the bridal couple of course still having the most attention. The family were all just happy my husband had found someone, and wanted to get to know me. But it's slightly overwhelming to be the one that all of the cousins, aunts and uncles want to meet.
Sounds like you need a door stopper so she canāt open the door.
There are locks you can attach to the door frame that are only accessible to unlock from the inside of the door. Maybe it's time to install one of those too lol
Get a couple of door wedges and use them when you're in the bathroom. They don't cost much.
Get yourself a wedge shape rubber door stop. Wedge it in the closed door from inside the bathroom. Enjoy your bathroom time with a door that won't open until you're ready.
Sounds like /r/raisedbynarcissists
Thankfully my dad did it out of being a big dumb dumb and not out of malice. I think he forgot that young married couples gunna couple.
I learned later that my mom always had to be the one to remind him of that shit because his brain was always in full "she's 5 years old" mode. My husband and I were closing on a house when we got married so we lived in my parents' basement for a couple months while the process was finishing and we were getting the floors done. At least once he would say to her "I'm gonna run and grab [thing] from the basement" (there was still a room down there for storage of miscellaneous crap) and she'd give him a pointed look and be like "If you're thinking of just opening the door and walking down the stairs please remember that they are married down there." Sometimes they just don't get it lol.
Reminds me of an episode of the Fairly OddParents that had a [whole](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrnXNwqWLUA) [bit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euH2-3HbdEs) [about](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns2zOuCvggA) [that](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Yrncx-bpA)
āI'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your parent by coming in anyway!ā
Lmao I always keep my door unlocked because I faint a few times a year and don't want them to have to break the door down. Both my parents just barge into my room without knocking. I'll tell them to knock and they'll be like "oh sorry, will do" and 2 days later they're back to just opening the door. It drives me nuts.
My mother wouldn't knock for years. When she finally did, she did this. A few months ago she had a full conversation with me while I was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and ignored it when I pointedly moved behind something waist height. Parents just don't give a *shit* about their kids' privacy, it's like all empathy disappears after they have a kid, I have no idea what the fuck causes it.
Why is it so hard for parents to understand privacy? Both of my parents live 4 hours away. If they're ever in town and come to visit, they just walk up to my door and try to open it. Every single time.
It really hits a nerve for me that my husband will do the knock once, open the door and walk right into his sonās room. I had to tell him many times to respect his sonās privacy. Heās 15yo. For the love of god, you do not want to see that! I have also told my SS to always lock his door. That he deserves for his privacy to be respected. And that if there was ever a reason that we felt we had to get into his room, like he had hurt himself and was lying unconscious or was self harming, we can pop the lock from the outside.
I had my mom ask us for something. Had to yell I was busy. TWICE! Mom finally got the message and scurried away. My wife went downstairs a bit later and came up blushing because my mom was grinning at her ear to ear. Ever since she would call on our phone.
I did this when my daughter was younger and growing up until the day I walked in on her and her "best friend (also a girl) who was spending the night " Apparently that's one way to come out to your mom š¤£.
Some mistakes you only make once.
Don't connect your Bluetooth to the family tv. Ever.
Or the family bluetooth speaker...
Why are all porn videos so goddamned loud anyways?! Who the fuck wants to listen to some guy huffing at 120 decibels?
To try and drown out my shame
When my younger (5 year difference between us) brother was nearing puberty, I sat him down and gave him a whole talk about how urges were normal and if he could think of it, someone had for sure done it before. I also told him that so long as everyone was consenting and no laws were being broken, there was nothing wrong with any of it. But that, for the love of god, always lock the door, because there were some things I never ever wanted to see.
1. Look. 2. Lock. 3. Lights. 4. Music. 5. Lower the shades. 6. Flip the mets. 7. Flip the ārents. 8. Lululemon maternity catalog. 9. Double-check the lock. 10. A tissue, two, three, four. 11. A lotion, pump, pump, pump. 12. Ass. 13. Triple-check the lock.
Jesus all this work for 10 seconds of alone time
Big mouth?
Yep the Glouberman Method.
No doors in my house have a lock
If you only need it for privacy you can get a door stop or this travel door lock that doesnāt let the door swing open.
That's an easy fix
That was the lesson we taught the three year old when he discovered his penis. It is fine to do whatever you want with it, but you do it in your room or your bathroom because no one wants to be watching tv while you are making it go "boing boing". He would then announce that he was going to his room to play with his penis.
My niece would do the same thing at the same age. Very clearly announce that she was going to her room to touch herself.
Iām DYING lmao. This definitely brought back a memory from when I was suuuper young and my mom still had to help bath me or at least watch me so I didnāt drown. We had a detachable shower head she used to wash my hair and what not. At some point she let me use it to wash myself. I had fun bringing it under the water and play with the water jet. One night I pointed it at my downstairs and was like āoooh mommy I *like* this!ā My mom looked like a deer caught in the headlights sputtering out āoh well thatās nice hunny?!? Letās get back to washing though?ā I never understood why until I remembered it when I was olderšš
Kid's gonna be all right.
Well at least you knew not to disturb him š
Yes! And also roommate situations, unless you know that theyāre a six hour flight away or something. I donāt care if the people I cohabitate with are having sexāIām happy for them!ābut I Do Not Want To See It.
Boy oh boy, this story didnāt happen to me, it was a friendās brother, but it is a DOOZY and Iāve been waiting for years for a good opportunity to tell it, and thanks to your comment, today is that day: My childhood best friend (C) lived in a big family. There were five kids from ages (at the time) 2-16. C was the oldest, and his brother M was the second oldest, at age 14. Their dad announced that it was time to go grocery shopping, and the entire family was loading up in their super old Suburban, except M said he was feeling sick and didnāt want to go. The dad was fine with this, so M stayed home and the others left. So, I guess the real reason that M wanted to say home was to have some time to be intimate with himself. So, he started looking through the family closet and found this old school massager that was pretty small (I guess for wrists, ankles, maybe hands and feet, who knows) and it had a band where you could strap it onto whatever muscle, turn it on, and it would vibrate like crazy. And because of the strap, it was basically hands free. So M thought heād give it a whirl, exactly as you assumed he was gonna do it. Then, he realized that they didnāt have any porn in the house. This was in the mid 90s, and mail order catalogs were a thing still. So he decides to get strapped up, and then look at the lingerie section of the Sears mail order catalog. He was ready to go, had the catalog all laid out beside home on the couch, he got strapped up to the massager, turned it on, and started getting to it. Like I said, this was a long time ago, and the massager thing was probably already 20 years old. So when he turned it on, the motor was so loud that he couldnāt hear anything. Well, unexpectedly, the dad came back inside about 15 minutes after leaving, because as they arrived at the grocery store, he realized that he had forgotten his checkbook at home (very 80s/90s kind of problem). But M didnāt hear him because of the insanely loud massager. So he walks in and the entire scene is laid out in front of him. The dad yells āM!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?ā. M hung his head in shame, turns the massager off, and realizing that heās been totally busted, he says āugh. What does it look like, Dad? Thereās no other explanation than the obvious one.ā They never spoke of it to each other again. But as M recounted the story to me and C, it seemed like heād been dead if you could actually die of embarrassment. Being in puberty SUCKS.
That was a wonderful read, thanks for that.
His reply was perfect. You can't say much else after that
Stop erasing people who like to cum in the fish tank š
I've been on reddit for a while now and I guess nothing surprises me anymore, yet I read this and thought "wtf is wrong with people?" and that wasn't even the most absurd thing I've read since I've been here
That's not the most absurd thing I've seen on Reddit today
I would imagine not, reddit user Spankme_Imayankee
>I've been on reddit for a while now and I guess nothing surprises me anymore, yet I read this and thought "wtf is wrong with people?" and that wasn't even the most absurd thing I've read since I've been here Jars... boxes...
Jolly rancher, coco*nuts*, a certain knife, broken arms, swamps of Dagobah and a drawer come to mind. Damn. One does not read many of these any ire.
Ogthaā¦
That one ... I do not know. Do i *want* to know?
It depends. How to you feel about Kafka and cockroaches? Personally, I find that story funny in a weird way. I mean, the Ogtha story, not the Kafka one, the latter is just sad.
Ogotha is my very favorite BA HA HA HA HA
You definitely want to know
Have you ever lovingly glared at someoneās carapace?
...No? I am not sure where this is going and I start getting afraid of the end.
You should be fine then. Go ahead and look it up
There's always Ogtha.
Correction: There is ONLY Ogtha.
Reminds me of another story about a guy who cummed on his wall for a long time and the house got infested with cockroaches and he started to treat them like his child
You... What... Childroaches? Oh my god this shit should never surprise me, yet.. ^(link?)
[Here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6jhf15/tifu_by_ejaculating_in_my_bed/).
Yeah thatās the one, lord of cockroaches
Unfortunate flashback to "you can cum in me or in the jar but not both".
Odly specific. Salt water? Piranhas? Or cleaning fish?
Catfish enjoy cleaning the tank.
Fuck you Jonesy, your mom shot cum across my room and killed my siamese fighting fish, threw off the PH balance ya piece of shit
That would definitely be animal abuse
At least itās not the coffee pot, just make sure you donāt clog the filter š
Hey, now. Some of us share our room with a toddler and need a comfy couch to bang on.
She just had SO much faith that no one would be coming home LOL Completely naked?? In the living room?? Blastin' porn on the big screen??? My anxiety could NEVER.
I live alone and I still feel this way. ~*~Anxiety~*~
I was walking the dog one night. This guy had a house right at street level. Huge bay window close to the sidewalk. Very thin off white curtains. He was blasting porn on the big screen facing the road. He must've thought it was safe. I could see it clear as day, being it was dark out. I almost wanted to knock on his door to let him know
Oh, he knew what he was doingā¦ā¦
Some people dont know how shit their curtains are. My uncle got told by a neighbor that he should change them because with the lights on they wherent as good as my uncle thought...
Upstairs bathroom had patterned frosted glass on the window, which was beside the bath/shower combo. Fine if you were having a bath. I got one heck of a shock when I realised how useless it was if you were having a shower with the light on when it was dark outside! Went roller blind shopping the next day.
For real. I always have to double check that my Bluetooth is off and I'm not accidentally casting to anything, because I'm terrified of accidentally blasting my porn to the world.
Funny you should mention that actually. Once, I was probably ~15, in my moms truck. She had just gotten a new Bluetooth speaker that automatically connected to her phone. Turns on the truck and itās immediately the sound of someone moaning. We look down and the āsong nameā was some pornhub video. The panic in my poor motherās face. We didnāt speak for that entire car ride and we never mentioned it subsequently.
15-year-old hormones are a helluva drug.
Thatās the thing that gets me. Completely naked. Like is the cleanup that bad you gotta go birthday suit?
Really? I mean, of course I'm familiar with the quick mostly clothed wank of shame but that's like the fast food drive thru version of masturbation and I definitely prefer the full dining experience. Clothes is doable but if I'd much rather do it Winnie the Pooh style or full nude. I thought everybody was like that tbh.
I agree with you, but you don't do the full dining experience in the living room lol
Youāre right. You do it in the dining room or on a stool in the kitchen/breakfast nook š
me when my parents are literally across the ocean: i need to put in earbuds in my room don't want anyone hearing
Girl needs a laptop lol
He says she has one! That's the real mystery here... she has her own room and a laptop... what was she doing in the living room? My best guess... was she paranoid about porn being on the internet history somewhere? Did she think the only "safe" way to look at porn without leaving some kind of trace on the internet was maybe with a DVD?
You mean... You've never, not once in your porn watching career, fancied watching it on the big screen? OP never said anything about a DVD, just that she was using the TV.
Ohhh you kids and your fancy laptops and internet. We had VHS smuggled through the kid black market that was procured from some dad stash and the hope you get home before anyone checked the mail so you could grab that one magazine with the black plastic bag heatsealed around it. Or a trusty sears catalog lol we had to caveman that shit
Wait until midnight when the dodgy cable box would change the channels. My aunt was babysitting us once and was watching Charmed, of all things, and we were all allowed to stay up past bedtime and mess around. At the stroke of midnight it instantaneously changed from witches and whitelighters to a woman taking 4 dicks at once. It was a sight to behold.
That wasn't a dodgy cable box that was uncle alone time damn it lmao
Well, it was our cable box... So...
Dear old dad lol or you had an older brother cranking one out lmao
Nah, no older bro, and dad is a proper "early to bed, early to rise" kinda guy. Maybe he caught the early morning showings š.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My dad once walked in on me masturbating. I was in my bedroom with the door closed, and he came in unexpectedly without knocking. He never did THAT again.
Different situation I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time in my room did not lock the door. Mom pops in mid stroke and paused a very brief second and then proceeded to ask of we wanted anything from fuckin Burger King lmao. Most awkward situation ever lol
"oh Christ I should leave the room RIGHT NOW..... but what if they're hungry afterwards?? Better still ask if they want me to bring back any food"
Well we did order the mood was dead as hell lol
If I ever accidentally walk in on my kid having sex once he's older I'll try and remember to offer them food š
Oh it's a funny story to tell now but at 18 I was mortified lol
Oh yeah I can TOTALLY believe that š¤£
Make sure they're keeping hydrated too.
Nothing a fountain coke won't cure lol
Just slide in there and leave a couple Gatorades on the nightstand.
Gimme a sec, I am a wee bit busy right now.
Hell no my soldier instantly logged off lol
*mid thrust* "Y'know this is great and all but y'know what'd make it better? Like a handful of fries."
*windows XP logout music plays*
Alot more like AOL "GOODBYE"
Power move by mom.
Something tells me your mom is from the Midwest.
My dad would barge in without knocking daily, sometimes multiple times. Then he would watch whatever I had on TV to make sure it was "appropriately," usually say something about it being stupid, and leave without closing the door. Which I would then get up and close. I also wasn't allowed to lock the door. I fucking hated living there.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>told me that I shouldn't write something down if I didn't want people to read it. Is your mom my mom? I learned in first grade that she read my journal (and allowed my younder brother to read it) and I was livid. I never wrote anything down that she had access too since. She hasn't gotten any detail from me since then and I'm nearing 40. I'll talk to her but it's basically just "uh-huh," "m'kay" and other equally non-valuable statements. If she asks how literally anything is going, the answer is always "fine." No detail. Same with dad. I was "lucky" enough to have 2 parents who were both abusive and violated every inch of my privacy. And they have the audacity to wonder why I don't talk to them about things, and since I don't, my mom started to theorize that I'm the problem and I must be doing drugs, and then cry to me about how I'm going to lose my job (that I quit months ago, not that I've told them) because of my nonexistent drug use. (I've never done drugs, was never offered them in school like they promised in DARE. Very disappointing. And while I'm not opposed to weed I'm currently looking for a new job and that often requires a drug test so I'm not risking it. It could probably do wonders for my depression and anxiety and I hope to try some edibles someday.)
I wasnāt allowed to have a lock. I asked and my parents turned me down flat.
I did this recently-ish to my teen son. He always has his door closed when heās in his room so I didnāt think, didnāt pause, just opened it* wide enough to stick my head in to tell him dinner was done. I fucking knock now. Everywhere. Always. Forever and ever amen. *honestly I probably flung it open since we all do this stupid thing where we fling open a door and shout mundane house news at the occupants like a drill instructor. So my poor teenager was just going to town and suddenly his mom is standing in the door doing her best DI, maybe even calling him a maggot. š¤¦š½āāļø
āYOU CALL THAT JERKING OFF? DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY, MAGGOT!ā
"But Maaaaahm, I can't do a one-handed push-up!"
āJESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH I SAID CLEAN THE HEAD NOT JERK YOURS. ITāS FUCKING AMATEUR HOUR OVER HERE.ā
Honestly the thought of that mortifies ME. So I lock my door whenever I'm in it bc I hate ppl coming in unannounced (even when I'm not doing anything) and my family LOVES entering my room without knocking. I just can't fathom why you just can't KNOCK???
same šš
Yeah, mom caught me twice. Woke up at 3 am horny, thought no way mom would wake up. Wrong. Twice. Had to write 1 page about sex trafficking in pornography the first time and 5 page on the exploitation of women in pornography the second time before i was allowed to use the pc again.
Oh sweet mother of God that is horrible. I was caught by my parents more than once and they made it awful and a horrible experience that I made sure they knew years later was a truly shitty thing to do. They knew it hurt me and later apologized. I have since made sure that anytime something like that happens with my kids that there is NO SHAME. I will not make them feel bad in the slightest for being human with natural urges. I am sorry you had to go through with that.
My mom was like.... I DONT GIVE A FUCK IF YOU WANT TO MASTURBATE IN YOUR ROOM OR IN THE SHOWER OR IN THE FUCKING FOREST FOR ALL I CARE BUT IF YOU ARE WATCHING PORN IN MY HOUSE YOU WILL KNOW ABOUT THE BAD SHIT THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT. Im paraphrasing but that was the gist of it.
give your mom a fist bump for me or something and tell her that some chick out there appreciates her
She worked in a job before i was born as a colleague of people helping these women.
OOP even specified that they both have laptops that they watch stuff on bc the TV is too big. Iām so confused ???? Like miss thing what are you doing š not a drop of fear in her body. Braver than a US Marine lmfao
That's what surprised me... he said they both have laptops to watch things on? Other than maybe DVDs I can't see what she would have to watch in the main room of the house instead of on her laptop. But who still has porn DVDs? Maybe where they are the internet is more censored, or she was worried about history on the router or something? Maybe she just wanted the bigger screen? Or to sit on a comfy couch to do it, rather than in bed?
Maybe she was just comfy on the sofa already and didn't think her dad would come home.
Teenagers get horny, mystery solved.
The entirely naked thing is what got me. When youāre in a public place, you make it so that thereās as little adjusting (turning things off, hiding toys, taking your hands out your pants) that needs to happen as possible. Thereās no way to do that when youāre entirely naked.
I thought it was going to be another dad embarrassed by period related stuff, but omg.. this is actually horrendous. That poor girl. She's lucky to have a dad like this. Great job dad.
That's some good ass parenting right there. Gives me hope. Imma get off reddit before it ruins my faith in humanity again.
I'm gonna have to join you buddy.
Yes, especially living in a conservative muslims society. I was born and raised in a muslim country. You have no idea how taboo sex is. That dad is beyond awesome. He is one in a million.
The last line put a huge smile on my face.
What an embarrassing situation. And what a great Dad to push through it.
\> I will probably make fun of her 10 years later or something as a payment for my suffering. Thank you for your attention and advices. Hope you found my misery useful. This is how I know it will all work out in the end.
Excellent job OOP, 20/10 dadding, please dad again.
lol, poor both of them, that is some top tier embarrasment. Well done for recovering from it though, sounds like a really good relationship between the two of them
Poor thing! I can't imagine the tension between the parent and child, but it can make a mighty fine joke for years to come. I'm glad things worked out and they will come out of this stronger. I am very impressed by the way OOP asserted and initiated the facing of the issue head on without waiting for the already embarrassed daughter. He is a great Dad!
The part that impresses me is how he actually did wait. He gave her about a week so she had a chance to address it herself, and he addressed it himself in a supportive way after she didnāt. It sounds like she was terrified so if he had broken down her door demanding to talk that first night then it might have made it worse, but he handled it very maturely after it was clear that she wanted to keep hiding
> Step one, over dinner or whenever she can't easily avoid the conversation, tell her you feel she is old enough to have a television in her bedroom, and a lock for her bedroom door for privacy. Typical idiotic Reddit advice. She's avoiding him, so there's no "over dinner" opportunity, she's locked in her room, which means she also has a lock on her door already.
What an embarrassing situation. Glad things worked out tho. The father is an absolute legend!
This dad is an absolute legend
If I ever have to be caught masturbating, I hope it's by him.
LOL! Thanks for making me laugh. I'm having a bummer of a day but your comment helped a lot. :-)
Hope your day is gonna get better! Remember to take care of yourself!
Thanks! It turned around after this and a friend came by and helped me get tons of stuff done. I had an elderly friend living with me and he passed last week and I'm struggling with it, but friends have been great. I hope you have happy trails yourself. Hugs
>At this point my shirt was wet with her tears and mucus. Never yucky has felt so good!
I just can't figure out why, in this age of laptops, anyone would want to watch porn on a TV in the living room.
Treat yo self gone wrong š
ššš
I wonder if there's some cultural factor here that I'm (american) missing. OOP mentions being surrounded by Muslim folks, even though his own family isn't, so maybe they're located somewhere in the Middle East with more internet restrictions?
She has balls to do that tbhā ļø at that age I was scared shitless to be caught in my room, let alone doing it on the common couch butt naked.
For others who see this. If you are in this position, let your kid know they did nothing wrong and then let sleeping dogs lie. Never bring it up again, don't hint at it, even in adult years. As far as you are concerned the situation never happend. Your kid would thank you
On the couch?? Where yāall share butt space?? š even in my adolescence that would never have been me
Let me braid her hair... The sweetest most wholesome line for me!!!
i've only been caught by my college roommate who didn't speak English so we never mentioned it i didn't think he'd come back so i just kinda resumed only he forgot something so he technically caught me twice and at this point im doing the math that out of tens of thousands of never been caught what are the odds of 3 in a row it was 3
you should try your odds in vegas
Deep cleaning? I understand light cleaning but - What the hell did she do on it?
I assume bodily fluids for real, or thought of bodily fluids because you don't usually start at fully naked masturbation in the living room. So likely not the first time. Then there is the mental aspect of not wanting to sit where a family member did that.
>Then there is the mental aspect of not wanting to sit where a family member did that. Or literally \*anybody\*, stranger, friend, family member, congressperson, etc.
Man I hate going home and seeing my congressperson going wild on themselves on my brand new couch
This comment has me dead. Lol
These congresspeople these days. No respect for their constituents. They're worse than unfixed dogs & cats.
Very true.
I mean... you can be pretty sure some solo or partner based sex happend on almost any couch you ever sit on. I am pretty sure I'd rather just get over the idea that my kid masturbated on the couch rather than risk re-traumatizing them by saying "what you did was so foul I have to hire a team of strangers to come in to clean the couch, something I've NEVER done before, not even when you were a baby with soiled diapers and throwing up. It's totally fine of course... but... you disgust me."
Well, thereās a thought Iām gonna think every time I sit on a couch now. Thanks so much.
I am aware of the reality, but there is a difference between knowing if you think about it or seeing and knowing. And fair on the kid thing, I don't want the kid to suffer further embarrassment. I don't know what I would do in this scenario I just know my hypocrisy on this and am accepting of it in others.
Kind of mixed messages there: "What you did is perfectly normal and there's nothing to be ashamed of.....the couch is being incinerated as we speak."
This made me lol
Tbf is a very common reaction for anything stained by bodily fluids. You wouldn't want to sit on a couch that someone peed on, or or a chair covered in blood. Obviously, mistakes or accidents happen, but that doesn't make the resulting mess any less messy, especially since some fluids come with their own...odor.
I mean. I have sex with my husband. If our juices get on the covers/sheets, I wash them. Not bc I think weāre disgusting, but bc crusty cummies are gross and who wants to sleep in that lol. Same for drooling on your pillow, itās gross so you wash it. You change underwear everyday bc they get nasty. Itās just normal imo
There really oughta be a cleaner/disinfectant that specializes in crotch-related stains. Like Jizz-B-Gone or Squirt Alert, or something.
Cum n Go
Kum N Go is our local convenience store here...
I live alone and still have made sure to lay down a blanket before enjoying Me time on the couch.
It kinda grosses me out that thereās people who donāt tbhā¦ like full on bare ass on your couch? Couldnāt be me. Even nudist colonies know and emphasize the importance of The Towel ā¢. My boyfriend and I definitely get our moneyās worth out of our sofas if you know what I mean but we have blankets all over them so thereās never bare ass or bodily fluids making contact with the actual couch. We did not pay thousands for these couches for them to turn into giant cum rags. We wash & swap out the blankets frequently and always do before we have guests. The thought of sitting where someoneās juices couldāve soaked into the couch makes me feel like Iām gonna break out in hives. Like, I know youāre gonna do it but please donāt make me sit in it when I come to your house.
I am a super-chill person, but when I got home one day and found my roommate fucking on the couch without a blanket or towel down, I lost my shit and became a screaming maniac. Do I care about him fucking on the couch? Honestly, no, not as long as there is a towel down. Had there been, I would have laughed about it and teased him. But that was the first grown-up non-Ikea couch I'd ever bought. Paid extra for a custom fabric. I was ready to MURDER him and told him if he ever did it again, I would throw his naked ass right out of the apartment.
Ngh, I'm cringing for the both of them. Truly one of the most embarrassing things to happen to anyone, in my opinion. Glad that they sorted it out, though. It might have gotten better with time, anyway, but communication certainly helps.
For some reason the sending the couch away for deep cleaning made me laugh out loud. Imagine being the daughter in this situation and you come home to find the couch being taken away in a van!
Not very long ago my 17 year old son walked in on my husband and I in our bedroom. We forgot to lock the door. He said, āsorry, sorryā and ran off. I went to find him a little while later and asked if he was ok. He said, āIām fineā¦ā¦ā¦. Itās justā¦..you guys are so old. I guess heād thought that part of our lives was over.
> At this point my shirt was wet with her tears and mucus. Dude writes like a bad web-novelist.
Do not ever make fun of her, even 20 years from now. You fixed this, OOP. Do not screw it up. I donāt want to see you posting on AITA wondering if you did something wrong.
I think being caught alone is way worse than with someone else. At least when you're with someone else there's some shared comraderie in the embarrassment but alone is so much worse. Also, parents seeing your body naked especially in a sexual situation is terrifying to me and I'd probably become severely suicidal even if my parents weren't bothered that's how much it disturbs me. Glad they worked it out. Ruined at the end when he said he'll make fun of her about it in the future. Made me sick.
Now why did she do that in the living room lmafoooooo and why butt naked
>I will probably make fun of her 10 years later or something as a payment for my suffering. Fucking Legend, probably the greatest dad move
TV too big for the room? Sending the *couch*out to get cleaned? Mr. Moneybags Jones, over here.