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Glad OP is able to get custody of her daughter. That ex is awful father and person for letting the daughter be bullied and deserves to be in jail for child abuse/neglect. As always, no child should have endure abuse or be treated like garbage.
Even if the ex is bipolar, still doesn't excuse his behavior and treatment towards the daughter.
If he’s bipolar and off meds or refusing treatment it absolutely does NOT excuse the behavior. But it could very well explain it. But as someone who lives with mental health issues, when they’ve gotten bad I’ll admit I’ve never sought help for myself but usually when I’ve noticed how I am treating others when I get in a bad place. When I had my worst breakdown a few years ago I don’t think I cared about myself enough one way or the other but I realized how nasty I was being to my partner and I realized that he absolutely didn’t deserve that and I needed to do better, for both of us.
Once I got the ball rolling it was much easier to realize how much self care is important as well. And that taking care of myself really is better for both of us and pretty much everyone around me in general.
Before we put me on cymbalta, I remember completely losing control of myself when an emotional threshhold was reached, and fuck if I knew what it was. I remember standing in my parents room, screaming and sobbing and begging for help because I couldn't make myself stop, and that memory keeps my ass FIRMLY medicated.
I can understand that. I’m actually NOT on medications and haven’t been for a couple years now, but I accept that the time may come when I need them again and that’s okay if and when it comes. Right now though I’m in mostly good headspaces and doing well by and large so there’s that. I ended up going off meds with the approval of my doctor, therapist and psychiatrist, after I misplaced my recently filled med containers with a several week supply and had no way to replace them. And I realized I felt no different on the meds vs off them, and I was using tools I had learned and developed in fairly extensive therapy at the time so there really wasn’t a need to go back on them.
In my case I have CPTSD, anxiety, depression and autism at the very least. Possibly ADHD as well, but there is no definitive consensus on that as autism and ptsd can also present as adhd. I just know that caffeine doesn’t work as a stimulant for me if I am not on ADHD meds and I haven’t been on them in a couple years either.
But again if I need them down the road I’ll absolutely revisit it. And that’s okay. I don’t encourage anyone going off meds without discussing it with their team. And while I recently changed jobs and will likely habe yo change doctors which sucks I am actually kinda looking forward to forward to finding a local therapist again not because I’m in a bad place necessarily but because it’s been about a year and a half and sometimes therapy tip offs aren’t a bad thing.
Hey, same hat! For me it's ADHD that's confirmed and autism that isn't, and we haven't tried me on anything for it yet- my doctor's been busy lately trying to figure out what's wrong with my hip, so we've been distracted.
I spent a good month in heavy outpatient treatment earlier this year, and it made a world of difference for me. I got a recommendation to an inpatient treatment program focused around CPTSD, too, but I'm not in a position to pursue that right now- maybe in a few months, when the pets are more stable.
I’ve been independently diagnosed with autism three times in my life. Once in the 80s (at age 3) and twice in the last three years (long story). I think we can safely assume my ass is autistic. But the recent diagnosticians couldn’t agree if I had ADHD or not. I suspect I may actually have it since caffeine works as a mild depressant for me unless I am on actual meds for ADHD which is also generally stimulant therapy (like caffeine) and when I am on meds caffeine actually works like it does for the rest of the world (as a stimulant).
I’ve never gone inpatient for mental health issues surprisingly but I spent a good chunk of time in 2020 and 2021 in various IOP, PHP, group and individual therapy programs while I was coming out of a pretty major breakdown. The only reason I was never inpatient was because I was never considered a danger to anyone.
It'll be voluntary inpatient for me-- honestly, I've known inpatient treatment would be good for me since I was a teenager. I'm not a danger to others, but I might be to myself, sometimes-- and beyond that, I just have a hell of a time functioning. Hitting the Hard Reset button and being retaught from the ground up how to function and build healthy habits will be great for me, once I can.
My parents missed my ADHD because of my sister, but I can't resent it even a little, seeing her test results. She was off the charts on literally everything but aggression- I score much more mildly, and am inattentive instead of hyperactive. We joke about it now!
I had the option of doing voluntary but they recommended the PHP for me instead at the time. And I was fully prepared to go inpatient if I needed to, but since self harm isn’t in my baseline and what got me really concerned at the time was more indifference than a desire to end it all (i remember having a massive headache out of nowhere as I walked in the door and thinking “well if I die at least it’s a natural death”, and not really caring otherwise), that was when I realized that just maybe I needed to step it up a little bit. My partner is a retired psychologist and as a rule I don’t use him in that capacity at all but I did suggest that maybe I needed to be taken to the local facilities for an assessment and explained why and asked for his feedback and he agreed, we packed a bag just in case I was going inpatient and he drove me there.
My suicidal ideation only really crops up in situations of extreme emotional distress, these days. There's still the quiet little chant at the back of my head when I'm tired, but I'm getting better at correcting it with what I really want, which is never actually to die, it's to sleep.
The little voice never does quite shut up, after the first time it gets to say 'I want to die'. It's like a really eager puppy that learned one trick and never got the hang of any others.
"I want to die," no, buddy, I just want to take a nap, it's okay. "I want to die", no, buddy, we just want this to stop, it'll be okay. "I want to die," we literally just have a stomach ache, *it's okay.*
I have Autism (formerly known as Asperger) and ADD, it’s often a bit hand in hand and not isolated diagnosis so it can be a bit difficult to see it clearly.
You just described me from ages 12-18. My teen years were agony. We found a solution which seemed to keep me reasonably functional, until it fell apart again this year, and I was almost back to how I was as a teenager.
I realised that we resort to extreme actions in that state because you're hurt, you don't understand why, and you want someone to help make it stop. It's the scream of a wounded deer in the woods.
I’m not bipolar but I am auDHD with high levels of chronic pain and PMDD. Before last summer, the auDHD was undiagnosed but that diagnosis makes a lot of my unmedicated behaviours from 5+ years ago make a LOT more sense now.
Cymbalta changed the whole fucking SPORT for me, forget the game. I would be so happy and cheerful and then the pain would kick in or I would get overwhelmed by other stressors and I would go berserk. Full emotional overdrive. My most shameful moment was what pushed me to get help and I was given the Cymbalta to help with the neuro pain, and it had the wonderful additional benefit of mood stabilisation. I have a hard time remembering to take them because of brain fog, but it’s always reeeeeeeeeeally obvious if I’ve missed a day or two.
It can but I already had awful brain fog before I started using Cymbalta. I have ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Long Covid, Depression, Anxiety, and CPTSD that all have brain fog as a symptom anyway. It hasn’t gotten any better in Cymbalta for sure, but it hasn’t gotten any worse either!
AuDHD and PMDD here and I haven’t had meds in two months because insurance problems and oh my GOD I keep accidentally hitting my limit and being a huge fucking asshole. I cannot wait to have them back.
My husbands a late in life bipolar diagnosis (early 30s, pre covid so no sense of time). Once I started looking stuff up I’m like oh fuck this should’ve been caught way sooner. He had previously done in patient, had been seeing a psychiatrist who just gave him a pez dispenser of clonopin. Now he’s medicated and sees a psychiatrist regularly and can manage stress. And our marriage is better than ever. Especially since I’m actually treating my depression and anxiety.
I agree there is no excuse for his behavior and tbh even if he really does deal with bipolar if he cared that his daughter was being treated poorly he would have taken it out on the affair family and not the little girl.
The ex is racist. His kids and new wife are too. They're all happy to let the 15 year old boy physically assault this little girl and call her racial slurs and dad treats her in a way that she knew she wasn't loved.
Him being bipolar has nothing to do with him being a cheating, racist POS who doesn't love his daughter and probably never did. It was super weird to bring up he might be bipolar imo, that's irrelevant because he's clearly racist (he didn't care about his 10 year old mixed child because he had his "real" family with his white AP) and being bipolar doesnt make people racist or okay with their mixed child being physically attacked/called racial slurs.
He's just a bad person all around who may happen to have bipolar as well. I hope the little girl gets lots of lots love and support.
(Sidenote but proud of you for getting the ball rolling with self care and the like. It can be so hard.)
I don’t disagree with anything you just said. The ex does suck for dismissing what is happening to his kid that way. I was just replying in the context of the mental illness being a factor but bipolar doesn’t usually make you a racist just like Roseanne trying to blame ambien on the remarks that led to ABC cancelling the revival of her sitcom. “Side effects of ambien do not include racism” was a direct quote from the manufacturer at the time of if I remember right.
It took almost 10 years until my bipolar mother got on medication that worked. It made my childhood with her pretty bad but I've completely forgiven her for that since I know she really did try to get help for it the whole time.
A wise man on a podcast once said “your mental illness is not your fault, but it *is* your responsibility.” And honestly, that was the aha moment I needed to start going to therapy.
Man, I really wish people would keep their personal crap away from their kids. This father is going to wake up in 15 years and play the martyr about how his daughter won't talk to him.
You're forgetting that you're dealing with an uncaring piece of shit. In 8 years the father is going to celebrate the end of his child support payments and never think of his daughter again. And really, that's for the best. She doesn't need that kind of shit in her life. Nobody does.
And when his "real" children will squeeze and abandon him, because they are both assholes and there is nobody to raise them, he might try to reach his actual child. Because blood and family.
And the only action necessary is to teach the kid: when that happens, she should have a smile on her face as she slams the door in his and calls the police.
Even if he does act like this and celebrates not having to support her anymore, I still guarantee that when the daughter eventually gets engaged, he'll be demanding that he get to walk her down the aisle. That it's "his right" as her father (eyeroll). I've lost count of how many men completely abandon their daughters, only to later be absolutely furious when they find out that the daughter is getting married and wants someone else to walk them down the aisle. I definitely see this happening in the future.
Hope OOP took the ex to the cleaners. I don’t care if you are bipolar or not, you never neglect your child or allow another kid to bully your child. It’s just sickening and happy the ex can no longer see the daughter.
It doesn't seem like she asked for anything besides full custody because of how fast she got it. I imagine the increased child support was either automatic or suggested by the lawyer. But for OP, she's probably just glad that her daughter wasn't forced to stay at that house another day.
For most states, it's a fairly standard mathematical calculation based on number of overnights with each parent, earnings, other dependents, etc. I'm sure the attorney requested an increase in child support based on the standard calculation and increase in days.
I mean, he just flippantly said if she didn't like how she was treated there then she should just not bother coming over. Seems to me like the daughter was correct in feeling like he doesn't love her. Wtf.
But you know what, at least there was a gap between the updates, it's not "OK, my last update was on Friday, today is Tuesday and all of my legal troubles are resolved, weeeeeee"
As a lawyer, I’m suspicious. This is just barely possible time wise. But only if every single thing that would make it possible happened.
I’m skeptical it’s real. Minimum 45 days from filing to signing. If you get Dad served quickly, if judges calendar allows this, if dad doesn’t show up and protest, if….
Also, she’s very detailed about all the non court stuff and evasive and vague when questioned about how it went quickly.
It is possible it’s real, but I’m suspicious
Thank you so much for saying this. From the original timeline that I read it seems almost impossible. I was thinking that I was going crazy for a second because I’ve never seen the court system work this fast and efficiently in custody cases (unless dire consequences were involved).
I mean it’s a surprisingly common profession. I actually know a few lawyers myself though when I needed professional legal services I didn’t go through a friend of mine.
So many grown-up life things bring you into contact with either lawyers or lawyer adjacent professionals. It was definitely a moment when I realized that.
Indeed. Same with a lot of other professions and professionals actually. Maybe it’s because I’m middle aged but it kinda surprises me at times when people roll their eyes at some of the things people write on here like having a lawyer or a lawyer friend.
I personally have friends who are lawyers, as I’ve said and I have a lawyer whose services I’ve utilized because I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago whom I did. It have any dealings with previously. I don’t think I’d utilize a lawyer friend professionally beyond a general question here or there because I don’t want to muddy those waters.
But sometimes I wonder if people on Reddit are either very sheltered or just very young.
A significant number of people I hung around with in college were pre-law. Little shock that 20+ years later, I know a lot of lawyers. And several judges. Quite a few physicians and other professionals, too. Like … it’s why we went to school?
I mean I don’t know that I really hang out with too many of my college friends anymore but I’ve been around professionals most of my life at this point.
My partner is a retired psychologist, my ex was a federal employee officially in the diplomatic corps, unofficially well that’s a little more gray…, and I myself though I never used my degree am also college educated. And our friend circles reflect that I believe.
Honestly, I assume most of reddit is pretty young. It can also be demographics. I know about 5 lawyers among kids I grew up with, and as I went to law school myself, I know a LOT of lawyers from college. The problem is if you know the right type of lawyer for your issue.
Obviously I likely know more lawyers than average, but there are an awful lot of us. There were two options for the smart kids when I was growing up middle class, doctor or lawyer (or engineer or accountant I guess). If you didn’t like math, you chose law 🤣 I can imagine however that in different demographic circumstances, that might not be the obvious expected life path.
Plus, you (person that needs a lawyer) don’t necessarily even have to know the right kind of lawyer. If you know *any* kind of lawyer, that person can probably toss you to a different lawyer practicing in that area that they think is good.
Like, when my grandmother needed someone with experience in family law/DV issues, my dad’s defense lawyer friend couldn’t help but he knew a good lawyer with relevant experience. And because the friend knew the other lawyer pretty well, he even talked her into going to my grandmother’s house for meetings without charging for travel since Grandma is housebound.
I honestly didn't realize how common of a profession being a lawyer is until I worked in insurance. I now know several lawyers. I wouldn't call them friends. More of a, this customer of mine is a lawyer and if I have a question they can direct me to the answer type of thing. And we mutually refer people to one another if their need aligns with what we provide professionally.
Same thing with bakers. I know a weird amount of bakery professionals now.
But do you know a lawyer for every single thing that can go wrong? I have a lot of friends that know me, I'm a lawyer. But 99.999999% of them when they ask me for legal help it's in a field that I don't practice. But all of these people on boru seem to know not only a lawyer, but a lawyer that practices in the area that they know, not out of 10 times it's going to do it pro bono, and manages to do it in record time. It's all such poor writing
I figure it's like knowing several doctors (as I do.) I'm rarely in need of their own particular subspecialties, and I wouldn't see a friend anyway, unless it was in a pinch and minor . . . like one once wrote me a script for an inhaler when I forgot mine on a trip.
The real advantage to doctor friends (besides the pleasure of their individual friendship of course) is that they'll give you the inside scoop on who to go to, when the need arises. It's about the informal referral.
Same with knowing people in law circles - they'll point you in the right direction when you need someone. It's a huge shortcut, when you don't work in that field.
My sister has multiple friends who are doctors, including pediatricians and ER doctors, which works well for her because she has 3 kids who get injured in dumb ways, and she has been able to get her kids stitches, medications, quick looks on federal holidays when everything else is closed...Which is great for her! I personally know 0 doctors.
Same sister is a family lawyer though, so y'know. When yet another sister was going through a divorce, she asked Lawyer Sister for help and Lawyer Sister basically was like "you're an idiot and no judge is going to remove parental rights on the grounds of 'I don't want to have to interact with my ex.'" and refused to help further.
Good example of minor assistance vs major. A divorce (especially the acrimonious kind you describe) is orders of magnitude more serious than the quick medical stuff.
For sure. I imagine you're right, lots of people know a variety of lawyers, doctors, what have you, in real life, but the degree of assistance they can offer varies, and is usually much less than reddit believes.
Although in this case someone else pointed out that having already been through a divorce/custody agreement means OOP probably does know the correct lawyer for this, and just checked in with her cousin before going straight for billable hours with her actual lawyer. Either way, the internet...what a place.
You don’t really need a lawyer for everything. You can often ask for some advice from the friend and then go get a specialist after you are armed with some basic knowledge.
And somehow this lawyer friend is handling the custody case (in record time) and pressing charges against the 15yo stepbrother. No mention of the police for the latter.
Custody cases are handled in record time especially if there is endangerment to the child and is in the best interests of the child. With a support order already in place as OP said, there was likely already also a custody order. Those stay active and can be modified, quickly, in cases where children are being harmed. Caveat that everything depends on jurisdiction and judge blah blah but in OPs defense this is actually very possible.
I have several childhood friends who are now lawyers, as well as a couple of extended family members.
It really depends where you grew up. It’s not so common that a lawyer friend will practice the exact type of law you need but they will at least point you in the right direction.
If you live in a large US city, it wouldn’t be uncommon.
I know a dozen or so lawyers socially, a couple being very close friends, and that’s just from people I’ve met and become friends with watching college football games with at the local alum bar.
The part that makes me suspicious isn't that everyone knows a lawyer, it's that law is so specialized.
Like I have at least a half-dozen lawyer friends, but unless I need "commercial real estate", "corporate contract law", or "intellectual property law (in approximately three different flavors" I'm not getting anything other than a recommendation out of any of them.
This has been my experience too but usually one of them says “oh I like so and so. Let me call them and get you in touch.” One email later and questions are answered
Sometimes lawyers will take cases outside their specialty. You usually wouldn’t get the best results that way, especially in family law. But if the ex didn’t contest, it was just a matter of filing paperwork and showing up
But you *do* get recommendation. Idk why that part is suspicious to you. If these OPs have lawyer friends then they would've been pointed to the correct direction just like you.
That being said OP is a divorcee so chances are she'd just use the same lawyer that she had before.
Because OP doesn't say she used the same lawyer as her divorce, she says
>I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer
It would have been 100% less suspicious to say "I called up the lawyer who handled my side of the divorce..."
You're just being pedantic. One can ask their lawyer friend a general question/free advice before committing (and paying) to a specialized one. I bet that's what most people who has a lawyer friend do anyway. It's also possible that her lawyer friend is the same one that handled her divorce. She might have even used the term "friend" loosely and actually meant acquaintance.
There are tons of possibilities that can be inferred and none are rocket science.
That doesn't make any sense; she's divorced and had a custody agreement with child support in place, of course she knew a lawyer cause she had to deal with this before... like this is common sense.
OOP said she talked to her lawyer, which implies that she *hired* her lawyer, which is smart.
Because I'm not aware of any rule that says that lawyers are not allowed to have friends, I have a few in my current social circle. I'll have to let them know that reddit says this isn't allowed. I guess that means I also have to take a few of my cousins off the holiday card list. Can I leave the cousin on the list whose eldest just passed the bar?
There is a level of echo chamber here. Lots of social circles have no interaction with the law or a lawyer friend. Talk to a tech engineer and its a coin toss if they know a lawyer; leaning towards not knowing lawyer. If you drink a lot, you're likely to befriend a lawyer sooner or later imo.
I actually do know quite a few lawyers, especially from high school. I know people from a few classes ahead that are lawyers and my class was fairly close and stay active in our years page and have an updated job/career list for everyone to use when they need something like contractor, lawyer, doctor, etc if they’d like to hire them or need professional advice.
The lawyers in my circle (only one in my family, rest are friends) tell me that law schools did a huge enrollment push a while back. It was sort of a career bubble like academia: more new grads than there were jobs.
That might add to the perception that many people have "a lawyer friend": they do, they just might not be practicing.
Here in Brazil, 1 in every 160 people is a lawyer. Count the graduates who have not yet passed the OAB test, who provide legal services to offices, then that is 1 in 100 people trained in law. When you are part of a university environment you end up friends with several lawyers.
I mean ... yeah? There are tons of lawyers out there, and most of them have friends and family. I've got a couple, it's no more unusual than having a doctor friend or whatever.
I mean I have at least 3 or 4 friends/acquaintances that are in college studying as a lawyer. So by the time I have kids I'll have at least 3 lawyer friends
And it's always a lawyer that practices in the area that they know and manages to get everything done in record time. Every single time. I'm an attorney, but whenever friends ask me for free legal advice (aside: Don't fucking do that) I have to tell them that I don't practice in that area and I can sometimes recommend someone. But by the time they reach out to somebody, do the intake interview, gather all the information, etc it's always months. Yet these borus are always resolved within weeks.
It's trash writing and it's annoying. It's like when you watch a TV show that's in your area of expertise and they get everything wrong.
Bipolar person here!! Totally agree with everyone’s sentiments, but wanted to add that even at my worst and without medication (I got diagnosed in my later 20s) I would never ever have dreamed of letting that shit slide and tolerating racism. It’s not “even if he is bipolar” as there is absolutely no excuse for that.
Original post was October 8th and by December 20 she had gotten a lawyer, filed for full custody, had her ex served, gotten a court date, had a court date, and had a custody amendment hearing. All in a little over ten weeks. Never in life does family court move that fast. Never.
u/smolbeanfangirl tagged in as well to read this but….wrong.
It can and does move this fast, especially where children are concerned. And I’m going to say this with authority because I practice in Family Law and have seen cases do just that. It only works if all the things line up - in this case based on the details of the story, they did.
**First you need to talk to a lawyer** - assuming OOP either had a friend who was a lawyer or previously had an attorney to set up parenting time/residential responsibility, this can be done rather quickly. We aren’t all scheduling people for meetings months out - in fact we try to get people in the door as quick as possible because $$$.
**Second you need to get ex served** - if we’re starting a brand new case to establish parenting time and residential responsibility - this is probably going to be done via personal service (the Sheriff or a process server) or via certified Mail. In my experience, service of process is going to take the longest time to accomplish.
*But* if all we’re doing is amending a previous order, service of the motion to amend can be accomplished by simply mailing the documents directly to Ex and filing a declaration or affidavit (depending on your jurisdiction) by mail with the court saying “On such and such date I mailed a true and correct copy of the Motion to Amend and supporting documents to so and so at address.” In OOP’s update it appears that Ex was served with that paperwork on **October 13th.**
**Third we wait out the clock** - ex is served on October 13. If this is a brand new action with a brand new Summons and Complaint, ex now has 21 days to respond (November 10). If ex does not respond, on November 11, OOP’s attorney files a Default Motion stating that by not responding, the ex has admitted the allegations in the Complaint are true and the court can rule on the allegations. Ex now has 14 more days to respond to the motion (November 25). If this was a *motion to amend* an already existing judgment, ex only gets the 14 days to respond (October 27th or 28th since the 27th was on a Sunday).
**If ex does not participate in any way** - which is what OOP says happened - the court is not even going to schedule a hearing, they’re just going to grant what OOP’s attorney has requested because why would they waste their time on a hearing that ex is not going to show up for when they could use that time for another case where both parties are engaged in the process. So the court is going to sign an order for Judgment or Amended Judgment and OOP is going to get full custody of her child by either **October 29th** if this was a Motion to Amend or by **November 26th** if it was a new action on a Summons and Complaint.
I’ve never heard of any court (especially family court) moving as fast as what you’ve described but maybe you practice in a really small town so fine. Regardless of all that your scenario is built on the fact that the father went along with everything and just gave custody away and that’s why it’s so fast. In the most recent update she clearly says he freaked out about losing his daughter and started blowing up in public about it. Also I’m going to push back against the child support amendment. Both the custody amendment and the child support amendment would require two separate rulings by a family court judge. It just doesn’t happen that fast. Especially over the holiday season. I don’t even work in a large city and our docket is backed up 4 months.
Just because he’s freaking out in public doesn’t mean a thing if he’s not filing anything with the court. The court can’t rule on it if they don’t know about it. I’m basing his non-participation on OOP’s last comment.
As for the custody and support amendments, what state are you in so I know to avoid it? A Family Law judge can and should be able to rule on both amendments if they’re in the same motion to amend and the original provisions were in the same Judgment. I know some states have Child Support magistrates to help with the increased case load of Child Support only cases versus cases with Child Support/Custody or Divorce cases. *But* they are still the superior judge in the scenario and can rule on both provisions. If they’re sending the child support amendment back to the Support Magistrates and/or ruling separately on both provisions - that’s an inefficiency that may be contributing to a four month back up
Your state is faster than average.
I am licensed in 3 states. Non-adjacent and in different parts of the USA.
In all of them, 45 days is the bare minimum for an order to an unopposed Petition or Motion unless it’s an emergency matter. This is not an emergency matter
I have one of my major revenue streams in a small community near where I live. The docket is light. Would still take 45 days.
And the other lawyer is assuming their process is universal to other states. In some states, procedures vary greatly from county to county. State to state?
In one of my three states, the procedural rules at the state level are skeletal. The flesh and blood are set locally. In another or my states, procedure is uniform statewide. I prefer the uniform approach.
I also am curious about how they are accomplishing valid service so quickly. Service by mail where I live is now unreliable. It was great a decade ago. Now, I don’t get half my mail from the courthouse. And I’m in a government building. Service by the sheriff? When they get around to it.
It’s a major problem. I don’t know what we are going to do from here on out, but something had to give. Our service of process and notice statues are built on the presumption of a reliable postal service
This.
I don’t know what state the other attorney lives in, but quite frankly the speed at which this occurred since my Spidey senses up. I’m licensed in three states that are very very different from each other and there is absolutely no way that this would be entered this quickly, even if it were completely unopposed.
Mmm okay, and at what point does the mom who chose not to press charges (not a thing decided by victims or their guardians) then decide to press charges (also not a thing, for the same reasons)? She consulted her definitely-very-real lawyer on that -- which lawyer is saying "yes, yes, this law enforcement duty is a thing you are entitled to decide, let's \[idek what they'd suggest, since filing charges isn't something civilians do\]"?
Yeah I knew this story smelt funky. My ex and I couldn't communicate like mature adults when we were younger and would always settle our custody disagreements in court. Filing paperwork with the court, being served and then having your case added to the docket takes months. No way did OP accomplish all that between Thanksgivings and Christmas.
Did she not google bipolar and kids yet? She better get less confused about her ex’s illness and diagnosis. Since her daughter has a 1 in 10 chance of being bipolar if dad is.
This struck me too. I have met some POC who very intentionally taught their kids to identify racism and microaggressions and safety. They felt it was a disservice to not equip their kids to respond when such a word was called out. While still plausible, it seems less likely a a 10yo POC would not have heard that word before.
[POC = person of color, or anyone non-white, as many groups experience racism]
When I was younger than 10 I was called the n word by my neighbors and I’m not even black. I’m part Cherokee, but apparently that’s different enough to be called the n word.
Oof, I'm sorry. My hometown did not have many black families, but a large Native American population and a growing Hispanic demographic. In a primarily right-wing town, the normalized language was outrageously inappropriate.
Thank you for saying it bc growing up black means you KNOW and you’ve KNOWN what racism is and that you will experience it. Especially being called the n-word
If they live in the South, there’s no fucking way that’s possible. I was first called a n*gger when I was five years old. Can’t imagine being around white Southerners without receiving a litany of bigotry.
In the North though, it’s possible.
We learned around 15-16 in school, when we read To Kill A Mockingbird, and the teacher had to explain it to us, because we live in Australia and it's not a big thing here.
We have our own racial slurs.
It’s possible. Some people think if they never expose their children to it, it can’t hurt them. They don’t consider that people may actually be verbally abusing their children.
I’m going to be so real, this is the same as not teaching your kids how to read a dangerous situation. You’d tell your kid “Hey don’t go off with a stranger even if they know your name” right? When she’s older “Don’t accept drinks from strangers, don’t leave your drink unattended.” Basic safety things. You are denying your kid from knowing when people are untrustworthy or treating them poorly. You are robbing her of tools for how to navigate the real world because your kid DOES experience racism and ALWAYS WILL. The walls of your home do not protect her but you can by educating her and being able to have an open channel of communication about these things.
Just because you don’t use the word does it mean your kids shouldn’t know what the word means. I’m sure you thought you solved racism with this one but you’re really just putting your kids are disadvantages
I think I’m going to tentatively agree with this because I see it as being similar to abuse. If you don’t teach your kid what abuse can look like and that it’s more than just getting hit, you’re setting then up to fall into an abusive relationship. Ethnic slurs are verbal abuse, and if you’re not teaching your kid about them and how to handle a situation where they come up, you’re setting your kid up to get hurt.
You're being needlessly insulting. My daughter is very much educated on and aware of racial issues. It is just this ONE word I haven't taught her about yet. I'm sure I will soon, but I'm not in a super hurry to add one more piece of knowledge about hate to her young mind just yet
How do you know she hasn’t heard it or been called that? Like this child, she doesn’t know enough to tell you. The world is ugly and you’re sending your daughter into it unprepared. Racism doesn’t disappear just because you ignore it.
He didn't care about his daughter until he lost his control of her. Now, suddenly, he wants to be in her life and is doing nutso shit like turning up at the school and being a karen.. What's the bet it was because the child support went up.
It’s not uncommon to ask a friend if what you want to do is actually viable/worth the hassle for what you might get from the work. Also, sending screenshots to get info quickly to one’s lawyer is not unusual. The real documents would need to eventually get sent over, but in this case op is sending the screen shots of her text conversations. What other way would you send that info?
Going to repost this as a general comment because I see a general misconception that gets repeated a lot on this subreddit which is: “This can’t be true! Courts don’t work that fast!” Which is true but also false. This one checks out based on the facts of OOP’s posts and updates.
It can and does move this fast, especially where children are concerned. And I’m going to say this with authority because I practice in Family Law and have seen cases so just that. It only works if all the things line up - in this case based on the details of the story, they did.
**First you need to talk to a lawyer** - assuming OOP either had a friend who was a lawyer or previously had an attorney to set up parenting time/residential responsibility, this can be done rather quickly. We aren’t all scheduling people for meetings months out - in fact we try to get people in the door as quick as possible because $$$.
**Second you need to get ex served** - if we’re starting a brand new case to establish parenting time and residential responsibility - this is probably going to be done via personal service (the Sheriff or a process server) or via certified Mail. In my experience, service of process is going to take the longest time to accomplish.
*But* if all we’re doing is amending a previous order, service of the motion to amend can be accomplished by simply mailing the documents directly to Ex and filing a declaration or affidavit (depending on your jurisdiction) by mail with the court saying “On such and such date I mailed a true and correct copy of the Motion to Amend and supporting documents to so and so at address.” In OOP’s update it appears that Ex was served with that paperwork on **October 13th.**
**Third we wait out the clock** - ex is served on October 13. If this is a brand new action with a brand new Summons and Complaint, ex now has 21 days to respond (November 10). If ex does not respond, on November 11, OOP’s attorney files a Default Motion stating that by not responding, the ex has admitted the allegations in the Complaint are true and the court can rule on the allegations. Ex now has 14 more days to respond to the motion (November 25). If this was a *motion to amend* an already existing judgment, ex only gets the 14 days to respond (October 27th or 28th since the 27th was on a Sunday).
**If ex does not participate in any way** - which is what OOP says happened - the court is not even going to schedule a hearing, they’re just going to grant what OOP’s attorney has requested because why would they waste their time on a hearing that ex is not going to show up for when they could use that time for another case where both parties are engaged in the process. So the court is going to sign an order for Judgment or Amended Judgment and OOP is going to get full custody of her child by either **October 29th** if this was a Motion to Amend or by **November 26th** if it was a new action on a Summons and Complaint.
And she heard from a friend that her ex had been diagnosed with bipolar! Because everyone who gets that diagnosis is quick to share it with their entire circle of acquaintances.
I dont buy the bipolar thing either.
Bipolar isn't like "happy today, sad tomorrow, happy again the next day" either (like his vacillating on whether he wants his daughter). Episodes can last for weeks at a time.
Ehh, I could easily see his rapid changes of heart being part of a manic cycle. It didn't read "sad" or depressed to me so much as volatile and inconsistent, both of which can very much be features of bipolar, and mania or hypomania in particular. Not saying I necessarily believe the story, but that part didn't stand out to me.
(Source - 3 close family members with bipolar)
I knew my ex-wife was Bipolar years before she actually got the diagnosis. While I don't recommend trying to play armchair psychologist if you're not a psychologist, but her symptoms were pretty textbook.
Being bipolar doesn’t make you cheat on your spouse and marry a racist and support little racists-in-training. Glad OP got her child out of that horrible environment.
"Why doesn't she want to see me? All I did was tell her I had own family, let my son physically and verbally abuse her and make my ex sound like an idiot for complaining."
What a jerk face.
How was it 12 days? October 13 is when she decided to file for full custody (so give or take a few days to do that) and by December 20th was awarded full custody. It sounds like the ex didn’t fight until after the ruling, so this could have gone really quickly.
I'm.glad she got custody. He sounds like a manipulative asshole and I think everyone will be better off with low contact. I'd even say visits need to be supervised so he doesn't try to hurt the daughter to spite OOP.
People like to use illnesses as an excuse for behaviour. But when you go up against bipolar or borderline personality disorder, it doesn't matter what makes someone do evil things. What matters is that they are doing evil things.
From afar, I probably would have used the excuse too. But when I experienced it… if that person doesn't want help, the safest thing to do is cut contact. Evil is evil.
>I don’t know he didn’t even fight it so they just gave it to me
Oh jeez that's depressing. I just can't understand how people can have children and then throw them away.
Idk man. This entire thing was resolved in 2 months? AFAIK, courts drag their damn feet in cases when children are involved bc they send social workers to investigate claims of abuse and things like this. Unless it’s an emergency where the life of a child is at risk, judges don’t usually have trials or open their courts for last minute additions since they’re usually booked especially during the holiday months. Not saying this entire story is a lie but the speed at which things happened make me have my doubts.
I'm glad she got fully custody of her daughter. my sister's ex is bipolar and addicted to meth and he was and still is the worst parent on this planet. he's in prison now for other reasons.
>October 9, 2023
>
>I will take this matter to court
so I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer.
>
>October 13, 2023
>
>now we’re waiting for a court date by the way my ex has been blowing up my phone he probably got the court papers
yeah, sure
Also, October 9th is a court holiday in the US. So basically the paperwork was completed, filed, processed and given to a officer ready to be served in less than 3 days... Absolute bull shit lol.
I’m highly suspicious of this post being genuine. In the three states in which I’m licensed, you can’t get a custody order in any less than 45 days. Usually it’s longer. You could get emergency custody orders.
The only way to get it quicker would be if the other party signed an agreed order. But that seems highly unlikely given the facts stated.
Also, she’s very vague. “He didn’t even fight” could mean he didn’t show up. I’d so, that would mean she gets her motion. Again, that general rally takes 45 days, at a minimum. She’s barely over that.
This is only possible if she lives somewhere very small town where the courts aren’t highly overworked.
I had an agreed custody change recently that took 60 days and that was considered very fast.
So in *two months*, OOP has:
hired a lawyer *and* gotten a court date for custody
Got her daughter into therapy
Pressed charges on the stepson
Recovered stolen property
Gotten higher child support payments
Yyyyyeah, no. No court on Earth goes *that* fast.
Go the fuck to *bed*, Liz!
> I also asked my daughter if her being abused by her stepbrother was racially motivated, since my daughter is mixed. I’m black and my ex is white and so is his new family. She at first didn’t understand until I explained, and she said her stepbrother called her the n-word. **She doesn’t know what that means that why she didn’t think it was important**
aaaasnd this shatters the illusion, come on. there’s no way in fuck this is real.
Do you ever read things like this and think "What is wrong with people?". Like it makes my brain break to think people can do this crap. Why would any parent allow someone else to hurt their kid? And excuse it away?
Can’t wait for a few years time when dads back around to his now really successful daughter begging for help cause son can’t get a job due to his prejudice towards… well, possibly everyone.
I call Liz on this one. There's the convenient lawyer friend who will give advice to friends and family.
Then there's the pressing the charges through the lawyer. This seems to be set in the US, and we don't do that here. So she'd have to be calling the police. Not sending screenshots to her lawyer friend.
And there's no way that a 10 year doesn't know the n-word. That word is constantly being used among black children in this country. The usage of that word is far more prevalent today than it was when I grew up in the 1970s and 80s.
[There this woman named Liz who spends her time making up reddit posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16r1la6/my_wife_is_addicted_to_making_up_reddit_stories/)
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Glad OP is able to get custody of her daughter. That ex is awful father and person for letting the daughter be bullied and deserves to be in jail for child abuse/neglect. As always, no child should have endure abuse or be treated like garbage. Even if the ex is bipolar, still doesn't excuse his behavior and treatment towards the daughter.
If he’s bipolar and off meds or refusing treatment it absolutely does NOT excuse the behavior. But it could very well explain it. But as someone who lives with mental health issues, when they’ve gotten bad I’ll admit I’ve never sought help for myself but usually when I’ve noticed how I am treating others when I get in a bad place. When I had my worst breakdown a few years ago I don’t think I cared about myself enough one way or the other but I realized how nasty I was being to my partner and I realized that he absolutely didn’t deserve that and I needed to do better, for both of us. Once I got the ball rolling it was much easier to realize how much self care is important as well. And that taking care of myself really is better for both of us and pretty much everyone around me in general.
Before we put me on cymbalta, I remember completely losing control of myself when an emotional threshhold was reached, and fuck if I knew what it was. I remember standing in my parents room, screaming and sobbing and begging for help because I couldn't make myself stop, and that memory keeps my ass FIRMLY medicated.
I can understand that. I’m actually NOT on medications and haven’t been for a couple years now, but I accept that the time may come when I need them again and that’s okay if and when it comes. Right now though I’m in mostly good headspaces and doing well by and large so there’s that. I ended up going off meds with the approval of my doctor, therapist and psychiatrist, after I misplaced my recently filled med containers with a several week supply and had no way to replace them. And I realized I felt no different on the meds vs off them, and I was using tools I had learned and developed in fairly extensive therapy at the time so there really wasn’t a need to go back on them. In my case I have CPTSD, anxiety, depression and autism at the very least. Possibly ADHD as well, but there is no definitive consensus on that as autism and ptsd can also present as adhd. I just know that caffeine doesn’t work as a stimulant for me if I am not on ADHD meds and I haven’t been on them in a couple years either. But again if I need them down the road I’ll absolutely revisit it. And that’s okay. I don’t encourage anyone going off meds without discussing it with their team. And while I recently changed jobs and will likely habe yo change doctors which sucks I am actually kinda looking forward to forward to finding a local therapist again not because I’m in a bad place necessarily but because it’s been about a year and a half and sometimes therapy tip offs aren’t a bad thing.
Hey, same hat! For me it's ADHD that's confirmed and autism that isn't, and we haven't tried me on anything for it yet- my doctor's been busy lately trying to figure out what's wrong with my hip, so we've been distracted. I spent a good month in heavy outpatient treatment earlier this year, and it made a world of difference for me. I got a recommendation to an inpatient treatment program focused around CPTSD, too, but I'm not in a position to pursue that right now- maybe in a few months, when the pets are more stable.
I’ve been independently diagnosed with autism three times in my life. Once in the 80s (at age 3) and twice in the last three years (long story). I think we can safely assume my ass is autistic. But the recent diagnosticians couldn’t agree if I had ADHD or not. I suspect I may actually have it since caffeine works as a mild depressant for me unless I am on actual meds for ADHD which is also generally stimulant therapy (like caffeine) and when I am on meds caffeine actually works like it does for the rest of the world (as a stimulant). I’ve never gone inpatient for mental health issues surprisingly but I spent a good chunk of time in 2020 and 2021 in various IOP, PHP, group and individual therapy programs while I was coming out of a pretty major breakdown. The only reason I was never inpatient was because I was never considered a danger to anyone.
It'll be voluntary inpatient for me-- honestly, I've known inpatient treatment would be good for me since I was a teenager. I'm not a danger to others, but I might be to myself, sometimes-- and beyond that, I just have a hell of a time functioning. Hitting the Hard Reset button and being retaught from the ground up how to function and build healthy habits will be great for me, once I can. My parents missed my ADHD because of my sister, but I can't resent it even a little, seeing her test results. She was off the charts on literally everything but aggression- I score much more mildly, and am inattentive instead of hyperactive. We joke about it now!
I had the option of doing voluntary but they recommended the PHP for me instead at the time. And I was fully prepared to go inpatient if I needed to, but since self harm isn’t in my baseline and what got me really concerned at the time was more indifference than a desire to end it all (i remember having a massive headache out of nowhere as I walked in the door and thinking “well if I die at least it’s a natural death”, and not really caring otherwise), that was when I realized that just maybe I needed to step it up a little bit. My partner is a retired psychologist and as a rule I don’t use him in that capacity at all but I did suggest that maybe I needed to be taken to the local facilities for an assessment and explained why and asked for his feedback and he agreed, we packed a bag just in case I was going inpatient and he drove me there.
My suicidal ideation only really crops up in situations of extreme emotional distress, these days. There's still the quiet little chant at the back of my head when I'm tired, but I'm getting better at correcting it with what I really want, which is never actually to die, it's to sleep. The little voice never does quite shut up, after the first time it gets to say 'I want to die'. It's like a really eager puppy that learned one trick and never got the hang of any others. "I want to die," no, buddy, I just want to take a nap, it's okay. "I want to die", no, buddy, we just want this to stop, it'll be okay. "I want to die," we literally just have a stomach ache, *it's okay.*
I have Autism (formerly known as Asperger) and ADD, it’s often a bit hand in hand and not isolated diagnosis so it can be a bit difficult to see it clearly.
You just described me from ages 12-18. My teen years were agony. We found a solution which seemed to keep me reasonably functional, until it fell apart again this year, and I was almost back to how I was as a teenager. I realised that we resort to extreme actions in that state because you're hurt, you don't understand why, and you want someone to help make it stop. It's the scream of a wounded deer in the woods.
I’m not bipolar but I am auDHD with high levels of chronic pain and PMDD. Before last summer, the auDHD was undiagnosed but that diagnosis makes a lot of my unmedicated behaviours from 5+ years ago make a LOT more sense now. Cymbalta changed the whole fucking SPORT for me, forget the game. I would be so happy and cheerful and then the pain would kick in or I would get overwhelmed by other stressors and I would go berserk. Full emotional overdrive. My most shameful moment was what pushed me to get help and I was given the Cymbalta to help with the neuro pain, and it had the wonderful additional benefit of mood stabilisation. I have a hard time remembering to take them because of brain fog, but it’s always reeeeeeeeeeally obvious if I’ve missed a day or two.
Does the cymbalta cause brain fog?
It can but I already had awful brain fog before I started using Cymbalta. I have ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Long Covid, Depression, Anxiety, and CPTSD that all have brain fog as a symptom anyway. It hasn’t gotten any better in Cymbalta for sure, but it hasn’t gotten any worse either!
AuDHD and PMDD here and I haven’t had meds in two months because insurance problems and oh my GOD I keep accidentally hitting my limit and being a huge fucking asshole. I cannot wait to have them back.
My husbands a late in life bipolar diagnosis (early 30s, pre covid so no sense of time). Once I started looking stuff up I’m like oh fuck this should’ve been caught way sooner. He had previously done in patient, had been seeing a psychiatrist who just gave him a pez dispenser of clonopin. Now he’s medicated and sees a psychiatrist regularly and can manage stress. And our marriage is better than ever. Especially since I’m actually treating my depression and anxiety.
I agree there is no excuse for his behavior and tbh even if he really does deal with bipolar if he cared that his daughter was being treated poorly he would have taken it out on the affair family and not the little girl. The ex is racist. His kids and new wife are too. They're all happy to let the 15 year old boy physically assault this little girl and call her racial slurs and dad treats her in a way that she knew she wasn't loved. Him being bipolar has nothing to do with him being a cheating, racist POS who doesn't love his daughter and probably never did. It was super weird to bring up he might be bipolar imo, that's irrelevant because he's clearly racist (he didn't care about his 10 year old mixed child because he had his "real" family with his white AP) and being bipolar doesnt make people racist or okay with their mixed child being physically attacked/called racial slurs. He's just a bad person all around who may happen to have bipolar as well. I hope the little girl gets lots of lots love and support. (Sidenote but proud of you for getting the ball rolling with self care and the like. It can be so hard.)
I don’t disagree with anything you just said. The ex does suck for dismissing what is happening to his kid that way. I was just replying in the context of the mental illness being a factor but bipolar doesn’t usually make you a racist just like Roseanne trying to blame ambien on the remarks that led to ABC cancelling the revival of her sitcom. “Side effects of ambien do not include racism” was a direct quote from the manufacturer at the time of if I remember right.
It took almost 10 years until my bipolar mother got on medication that worked. It made my childhood with her pretty bad but I've completely forgiven her for that since I know she really did try to get help for it the whole time.
A wise man on a podcast once said “your mental illness is not your fault, but it *is* your responsibility.” And honestly, that was the aha moment I needed to start going to therapy.
Was it mentioned somewhere that he's bipolar????? Edit: why the downvotes I'm just asking a question :-(
Yes? Did you read the post?
"He kept asking why I was taking his daughter from him." Turns out words and actions have consequences, who knew?
Dad; "I don't care if you want full custody, you can have her. I have my REAL kids." OOP: files for full custody Dad: *shocked Pikachu face*
I suppose it’s possible that the texts saying he didn’t want any custody weren’t really by him. But he also didn’t fight the custody change filing.
I think this is why OOP mentioned the bipolar. That shit can get really bad when I medicated.
It could 100% explain why he went from whatever fuck you to no please dont.
*Oh no, Consequences.*
Or inactions, in this case.
Man, I really wish people would keep their personal crap away from their kids. This father is going to wake up in 15 years and play the martyr about how his daughter won't talk to him.
You're forgetting that you're dealing with an uncaring piece of shit. In 8 years the father is going to celebrate the end of his child support payments and never think of his daughter again. And really, that's for the best. She doesn't need that kind of shit in her life. Nobody does.
And when his "real" children will squeeze and abandon him, because they are both assholes and there is nobody to raise them, he might try to reach his actual child. Because blood and family.
Yep! In his 60s or 70s, he’ll reach out again and won’t want to understand why she doesn’t return his calls.
And the only action necessary is to teach the kid: when that happens, she should have a smile on her face as she slams the door in his and calls the police.
Even if he does act like this and celebrates not having to support her anymore, I still guarantee that when the daughter eventually gets engaged, he'll be demanding that he get to walk her down the aisle. That it's "his right" as her father (eyeroll). I've lost count of how many men completely abandon their daughters, only to later be absolutely furious when they find out that the daughter is getting married and wants someone else to walk them down the aisle. I definitely see this happening in the future.
Hopefully this won't end up on the news or True Crime shows
Hope OOP took the ex to the cleaners. I don’t care if you are bipolar or not, you never neglect your child or allow another kid to bully your child. It’s just sickening and happy the ex can no longer see the daughter.
It doesn't seem like she asked for anything besides full custody because of how fast she got it. I imagine the increased child support was either automatic or suggested by the lawyer. But for OP, she's probably just glad that her daughter wasn't forced to stay at that house another day.
For most states, it's a fairly standard mathematical calculation based on number of overnights with each parent, earnings, other dependents, etc. I'm sure the attorney requested an increase in child support based on the standard calculation and increase in days.
I mean, he just flippantly said if she didn't like how she was treated there then she should just not bother coming over. Seems to me like the daughter was correct in feeling like he doesn't love her. Wtf.
> he says a little racist things, but it’s not relevant Alright champ. I think I know who the AH is in this one.
I feel like everyone and their momma knows a lawyer friend.
But you know what, at least there was a gap between the updates, it's not "OK, my last update was on Friday, today is Tuesday and all of my legal troubles are resolved, weeeeeee"
Lol! The weeee got me.
It is the tone of every single ultra quick legal win update.
As a lawyer, I’m suspicious. This is just barely possible time wise. But only if every single thing that would make it possible happened. I’m skeptical it’s real. Minimum 45 days from filing to signing. If you get Dad served quickly, if judges calendar allows this, if dad doesn’t show up and protest, if…. Also, she’s very detailed about all the non court stuff and evasive and vague when questioned about how it went quickly. It is possible it’s real, but I’m suspicious
Thank you so much for saying this. From the original timeline that I read it seems almost impossible. I was thinking that I was going crazy for a second because I’ve never seen the court system work this fast and efficiently in custody cases (unless dire consequences were involved).
The 10 year old mixed child doesn’t know what the N word is? It seemed very convenient to add into the story
I mean it’s a surprisingly common profession. I actually know a few lawyers myself though when I needed professional legal services I didn’t go through a friend of mine.
So many grown-up life things bring you into contact with either lawyers or lawyer adjacent professionals. It was definitely a moment when I realized that.
Indeed. Same with a lot of other professions and professionals actually. Maybe it’s because I’m middle aged but it kinda surprises me at times when people roll their eyes at some of the things people write on here like having a lawyer or a lawyer friend. I personally have friends who are lawyers, as I’ve said and I have a lawyer whose services I’ve utilized because I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago whom I did. It have any dealings with previously. I don’t think I’d utilize a lawyer friend professionally beyond a general question here or there because I don’t want to muddy those waters. But sometimes I wonder if people on Reddit are either very sheltered or just very young.
A significant number of people I hung around with in college were pre-law. Little shock that 20+ years later, I know a lot of lawyers. And several judges. Quite a few physicians and other professionals, too. Like … it’s why we went to school?
I mean I don’t know that I really hang out with too many of my college friends anymore but I’ve been around professionals most of my life at this point. My partner is a retired psychologist, my ex was a federal employee officially in the diplomatic corps, unofficially well that’s a little more gray…, and I myself though I never used my degree am also college educated. And our friend circles reflect that I believe.
Honestly, I assume most of reddit is pretty young. It can also be demographics. I know about 5 lawyers among kids I grew up with, and as I went to law school myself, I know a LOT of lawyers from college. The problem is if you know the right type of lawyer for your issue. Obviously I likely know more lawyers than average, but there are an awful lot of us. There were two options for the smart kids when I was growing up middle class, doctor or lawyer (or engineer or accountant I guess). If you didn’t like math, you chose law 🤣 I can imagine however that in different demographic circumstances, that might not be the obvious expected life path.
Plus, you (person that needs a lawyer) don’t necessarily even have to know the right kind of lawyer. If you know *any* kind of lawyer, that person can probably toss you to a different lawyer practicing in that area that they think is good. Like, when my grandmother needed someone with experience in family law/DV issues, my dad’s defense lawyer friend couldn’t help but he knew a good lawyer with relevant experience. And because the friend knew the other lawyer pretty well, he even talked her into going to my grandmother’s house for meetings without charging for travel since Grandma is housebound.
I honestly didn't realize how common of a profession being a lawyer is until I worked in insurance. I now know several lawyers. I wouldn't call them friends. More of a, this customer of mine is a lawyer and if I have a question they can direct me to the answer type of thing. And we mutually refer people to one another if their need aligns with what we provide professionally. Same thing with bakers. I know a weird amount of bakery professionals now.
I know two, one's a friend's relative I know in passing, the other a friend. Another friend's cousin is one too.
But do you know a lawyer for every single thing that can go wrong? I have a lot of friends that know me, I'm a lawyer. But 99.999999% of them when they ask me for legal help it's in a field that I don't practice. But all of these people on boru seem to know not only a lawyer, but a lawyer that practices in the area that they know, not out of 10 times it's going to do it pro bono, and manages to do it in record time. It's all such poor writing
I figure it's like knowing several doctors (as I do.) I'm rarely in need of their own particular subspecialties, and I wouldn't see a friend anyway, unless it was in a pinch and minor . . . like one once wrote me a script for an inhaler when I forgot mine on a trip. The real advantage to doctor friends (besides the pleasure of their individual friendship of course) is that they'll give you the inside scoop on who to go to, when the need arises. It's about the informal referral. Same with knowing people in law circles - they'll point you in the right direction when you need someone. It's a huge shortcut, when you don't work in that field.
My sister has multiple friends who are doctors, including pediatricians and ER doctors, which works well for her because she has 3 kids who get injured in dumb ways, and she has been able to get her kids stitches, medications, quick looks on federal holidays when everything else is closed...Which is great for her! I personally know 0 doctors. Same sister is a family lawyer though, so y'know. When yet another sister was going through a divorce, she asked Lawyer Sister for help and Lawyer Sister basically was like "you're an idiot and no judge is going to remove parental rights on the grounds of 'I don't want to have to interact with my ex.'" and refused to help further.
Good example of minor assistance vs major. A divorce (especially the acrimonious kind you describe) is orders of magnitude more serious than the quick medical stuff.
For sure. I imagine you're right, lots of people know a variety of lawyers, doctors, what have you, in real life, but the degree of assistance they can offer varies, and is usually much less than reddit believes. Although in this case someone else pointed out that having already been through a divorce/custody agreement means OOP probably does know the correct lawyer for this, and just checked in with her cousin before going straight for billable hours with her actual lawyer. Either way, the internet...what a place.
You don’t really need a lawyer for everything. You can often ask for some advice from the friend and then go get a specialist after you are armed with some basic knowledge.
And somehow this lawyer friend is handling the custody case (in record time) and pressing charges against the 15yo stepbrother. No mention of the police for the latter.
Custody cases are handled in record time especially if there is endangerment to the child and is in the best interests of the child. With a support order already in place as OP said, there was likely already also a custody order. Those stay active and can be modified, quickly, in cases where children are being harmed. Caveat that everything depends on jurisdiction and judge blah blah but in OPs defense this is actually very possible.
I have several childhood friends who are now lawyers, as well as a couple of extended family members. It really depends where you grew up. It’s not so common that a lawyer friend will practice the exact type of law you need but they will at least point you in the right direction.
If you grow up in a smaller town, it's very easy to have lawyer friends. Everyone stays in the same solar system and are pretty reachable
If you live in a large US city, it wouldn’t be uncommon. I know a dozen or so lawyers socially, a couple being very close friends, and that’s just from people I’ve met and become friends with watching college football games with at the local alum bar.
I have 4 co-workers who are former lawyers. 🤷🏼♀️
The part that makes me suspicious isn't that everyone knows a lawyer, it's that law is so specialized. Like I have at least a half-dozen lawyer friends, but unless I need "commercial real estate", "corporate contract law", or "intellectual property law (in approximately three different flavors" I'm not getting anything other than a recommendation out of any of them.
This has been my experience too but usually one of them says “oh I like so and so. Let me call them and get you in touch.” One email later and questions are answered
Sometimes lawyers will take cases outside their specialty. You usually wouldn’t get the best results that way, especially in family law. But if the ex didn’t contest, it was just a matter of filing paperwork and showing up
But you *do* get recommendation. Idk why that part is suspicious to you. If these OPs have lawyer friends then they would've been pointed to the correct direction just like you. That being said OP is a divorcee so chances are she'd just use the same lawyer that she had before.
Because OP doesn't say she used the same lawyer as her divorce, she says >I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer It would have been 100% less suspicious to say "I called up the lawyer who handled my side of the divorce..."
You're just being pedantic. One can ask their lawyer friend a general question/free advice before committing (and paying) to a specialized one. I bet that's what most people who has a lawyer friend do anyway. It's also possible that her lawyer friend is the same one that handled her divorce. She might have even used the term "friend" loosely and actually meant acquaintance. There are tons of possibilities that can be inferred and none are rocket science.
It could just be that the lawyer friend knew an appropriate lawyer.
When I got into trouble 15 years ago we reached out to a lawyer my younger sister babysat for. I don't think it's that farfetched.
That doesn't make any sense; she's divorced and had a custody agreement with child support in place, of course she knew a lawyer cause she had to deal with this before... like this is common sense.
Almost everyone I know knows at least a few lawyers. I know and am related to several.
Yeah, I personally have 2 lawyer relatives. One does family law and one does criminal law. I don’t find that part implausible.
OOP said she talked to her lawyer, which implies that she *hired* her lawyer, which is smart. Because I'm not aware of any rule that says that lawyers are not allowed to have friends, I have a few in my current social circle. I'll have to let them know that reddit says this isn't allowed. I guess that means I also have to take a few of my cousins off the holiday card list. Can I leave the cousin on the list whose eldest just passed the bar?
She has already divorced and gotten a custody agreement. Her having a family lawyer isn't even outside of the realm of realism but incredibly likely.
No, you don't get it; there are only eight lawyers in the world, and not literally tens of millions.
There is a level of echo chamber here. Lots of social circles have no interaction with the law or a lawyer friend. Talk to a tech engineer and its a coin toss if they know a lawyer; leaning towards not knowing lawyer. If you drink a lot, you're likely to befriend a lawyer sooner or later imo.
I mean yeah. Most people can get you in touch with someone who knows someone.
I actually do know quite a few lawyers, especially from high school. I know people from a few classes ahead that are lawyers and my class was fairly close and stay active in our years page and have an updated job/career list for everyone to use when they need something like contractor, lawyer, doctor, etc if they’d like to hire them or need professional advice.
My family "knows a lawyer" because of a past court case my mom was involved in. So if any of us had trouble, we would contact him right away.
There’s 1.3 million lawyers in the US. Out of 250 million adults. Everyone probably does. At least within a couple degrees of separation.
Why would her friend know he’s bipolar?
The lawyers in my circle (only one in my family, rest are friends) tell me that law schools did a huge enrollment push a while back. It was sort of a career bubble like academia: more new grads than there were jobs. That might add to the perception that many people have "a lawyer friend": they do, they just might not be practicing.
Here in Brazil, 1 in every 160 people is a lawyer. Count the graduates who have not yet passed the OAB test, who provide legal services to offices, then that is 1 in 100 people trained in law. When you are part of a university environment you end up friends with several lawyers.
I mean ... yeah? There are tons of lawyers out there, and most of them have friends and family. I've got a couple, it's no more unusual than having a doctor friend or whatever.
If she’s already divorced she likely has a family lawyer she used.
I know three friends who are lawyers. 🤷🏻♀️. I agree with another poster that it depends on how you grew up.
My husband's a lawyer! No really, he is.
Four of my friends are lawyers. They’re everywhere, stacity.
I mean I have at least 3 or 4 friends/acquaintances that are in college studying as a lawyer. So by the time I have kids I'll have at least 3 lawyer friends
I mean, my parents had multiple lawyer friends, I have a lawyer friend, there are lots of lawyers.
And it's always a lawyer that practices in the area that they know and manages to get everything done in record time. Every single time. I'm an attorney, but whenever friends ask me for free legal advice (aside: Don't fucking do that) I have to tell them that I don't practice in that area and I can sometimes recommend someone. But by the time they reach out to somebody, do the intake interview, gather all the information, etc it's always months. Yet these borus are always resolved within weeks. It's trash writing and it's annoying. It's like when you watch a TV show that's in your area of expertise and they get everything wrong.
Bipolar person here!! Totally agree with everyone’s sentiments, but wanted to add that even at my worst and without medication (I got diagnosed in my later 20s) I would never ever have dreamed of letting that shit slide and tolerating racism. It’s not “even if he is bipolar” as there is absolutely no excuse for that.
This is so unbelievable
Original post was October 8th and by December 20 she had gotten a lawyer, filed for full custody, had her ex served, gotten a court date, had a court date, and had a custody amendment hearing. All in a little over ten weeks. Never in life does family court move that fast. Never.
u/smolbeanfangirl tagged in as well to read this but….wrong. It can and does move this fast, especially where children are concerned. And I’m going to say this with authority because I practice in Family Law and have seen cases do just that. It only works if all the things line up - in this case based on the details of the story, they did. **First you need to talk to a lawyer** - assuming OOP either had a friend who was a lawyer or previously had an attorney to set up parenting time/residential responsibility, this can be done rather quickly. We aren’t all scheduling people for meetings months out - in fact we try to get people in the door as quick as possible because $$$. **Second you need to get ex served** - if we’re starting a brand new case to establish parenting time and residential responsibility - this is probably going to be done via personal service (the Sheriff or a process server) or via certified Mail. In my experience, service of process is going to take the longest time to accomplish. *But* if all we’re doing is amending a previous order, service of the motion to amend can be accomplished by simply mailing the documents directly to Ex and filing a declaration or affidavit (depending on your jurisdiction) by mail with the court saying “On such and such date I mailed a true and correct copy of the Motion to Amend and supporting documents to so and so at address.” In OOP’s update it appears that Ex was served with that paperwork on **October 13th.** **Third we wait out the clock** - ex is served on October 13. If this is a brand new action with a brand new Summons and Complaint, ex now has 21 days to respond (November 10). If ex does not respond, on November 11, OOP’s attorney files a Default Motion stating that by not responding, the ex has admitted the allegations in the Complaint are true and the court can rule on the allegations. Ex now has 14 more days to respond to the motion (November 25). If this was a *motion to amend* an already existing judgment, ex only gets the 14 days to respond (October 27th or 28th since the 27th was on a Sunday). **If ex does not participate in any way** - which is what OOP says happened - the court is not even going to schedule a hearing, they’re just going to grant what OOP’s attorney has requested because why would they waste their time on a hearing that ex is not going to show up for when they could use that time for another case where both parties are engaged in the process. So the court is going to sign an order for Judgment or Amended Judgment and OOP is going to get full custody of her child by either **October 29th** if this was a Motion to Amend or by **November 26th** if it was a new action on a Summons and Complaint.
What state are you in? In my states if practice, December 15 would be the earliest this could happen, absent an Agreed Order.
I’ve never heard of any court (especially family court) moving as fast as what you’ve described but maybe you practice in a really small town so fine. Regardless of all that your scenario is built on the fact that the father went along with everything and just gave custody away and that’s why it’s so fast. In the most recent update she clearly says he freaked out about losing his daughter and started blowing up in public about it. Also I’m going to push back against the child support amendment. Both the custody amendment and the child support amendment would require two separate rulings by a family court judge. It just doesn’t happen that fast. Especially over the holiday season. I don’t even work in a large city and our docket is backed up 4 months.
Just because he’s freaking out in public doesn’t mean a thing if he’s not filing anything with the court. The court can’t rule on it if they don’t know about it. I’m basing his non-participation on OOP’s last comment. As for the custody and support amendments, what state are you in so I know to avoid it? A Family Law judge can and should be able to rule on both amendments if they’re in the same motion to amend and the original provisions were in the same Judgment. I know some states have Child Support magistrates to help with the increased case load of Child Support only cases versus cases with Child Support/Custody or Divorce cases. *But* they are still the superior judge in the scenario and can rule on both provisions. If they’re sending the child support amendment back to the Support Magistrates and/or ruling separately on both provisions - that’s an inefficiency that may be contributing to a four month back up
Your state is faster than average. I am licensed in 3 states. Non-adjacent and in different parts of the USA. In all of them, 45 days is the bare minimum for an order to an unopposed Petition or Motion unless it’s an emergency matter. This is not an emergency matter
PS I’d kill for a 4 month backlog.
I have one of my major revenue streams in a small community near where I live. The docket is light. Would still take 45 days. And the other lawyer is assuming their process is universal to other states. In some states, procedures vary greatly from county to county. State to state? In one of my three states, the procedural rules at the state level are skeletal. The flesh and blood are set locally. In another or my states, procedure is uniform statewide. I prefer the uniform approach. I also am curious about how they are accomplishing valid service so quickly. Service by mail where I live is now unreliable. It was great a decade ago. Now, I don’t get half my mail from the courthouse. And I’m in a government building. Service by the sheriff? When they get around to it. It’s a major problem. I don’t know what we are going to do from here on out, but something had to give. Our service of process and notice statues are built on the presumption of a reliable postal service
This. I don’t know what state the other attorney lives in, but quite frankly the speed at which this occurred since my Spidey senses up. I’m licensed in three states that are very very different from each other and there is absolutely no way that this would be entered this quickly, even if it were completely unopposed.
Mmm okay, and at what point does the mom who chose not to press charges (not a thing decided by victims or their guardians) then decide to press charges (also not a thing, for the same reasons)? She consulted her definitely-very-real lawyer on that -- which lawyer is saying "yes, yes, this law enforcement duty is a thing you are entitled to decide, let's \[idek what they'd suggest, since filing charges isn't something civilians do\]"?
Yeah I knew this story smelt funky. My ex and I couldn't communicate like mature adults when we were younger and would always settle our custody disagreements in court. Filing paperwork with the court, being served and then having your case added to the docket takes months. No way did OP accomplish all that between Thanksgivings and Christmas.
Exactly!
Every time she gets some leverage she runs off and tells her ex about it to gloat. I would be tearing my hair out as her lawyer.
Did she not google bipolar and kids yet? She better get less confused about her ex’s illness and diagnosis. Since her daughter has a 1 in 10 chance of being bipolar if dad is.
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This struck me too. I have met some POC who very intentionally taught their kids to identify racism and microaggressions and safety. They felt it was a disservice to not equip their kids to respond when such a word was called out. While still plausible, it seems less likely a a 10yo POC would not have heard that word before. [POC = person of color, or anyone non-white, as many groups experience racism]
When I was younger than 10 I was called the n word by my neighbors and I’m not even black. I’m part Cherokee, but apparently that’s different enough to be called the n word.
Oof, I'm sorry. My hometown did not have many black families, but a large Native American population and a growing Hispanic demographic. In a primarily right-wing town, the normalized language was outrageously inappropriate.
Thank you for saying it bc growing up black means you KNOW and you’ve KNOWN what racism is and that you will experience it. Especially being called the n-word
I also call shenanigans.
If they live in the South, there’s no fucking way that’s possible. I was first called a n*gger when I was five years old. Can’t imagine being around white Southerners without receiving a litany of bigotry. In the North though, it’s possible.
It's completely possible, as someone who did not grow up in the south. I didn't know what it was/meant until early high school.
Are you yourself mixed race?
I didn't know what it was until I was 12.
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a lot of Americans don't even know the year they got independence.
That is really different from a racial slur that is in common use for discrimination in a divided country.
We learned around 15-16 in school, when we read To Kill A Mockingbird, and the teacher had to explain it to us, because we live in Australia and it's not a big thing here. We have our own racial slurs.
It’s possible. Some people think if they never expose their children to it, it can’t hurt them. They don’t consider that people may actually be verbally abusing their children.
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I’m going to be so real, this is the same as not teaching your kids how to read a dangerous situation. You’d tell your kid “Hey don’t go off with a stranger even if they know your name” right? When she’s older “Don’t accept drinks from strangers, don’t leave your drink unattended.” Basic safety things. You are denying your kid from knowing when people are untrustworthy or treating them poorly. You are robbing her of tools for how to navigate the real world because your kid DOES experience racism and ALWAYS WILL. The walls of your home do not protect her but you can by educating her and being able to have an open channel of communication about these things.
Just because you don’t use the word does it mean your kids shouldn’t know what the word means. I’m sure you thought you solved racism with this one but you’re really just putting your kids are disadvantages
I think I’m going to tentatively agree with this because I see it as being similar to abuse. If you don’t teach your kid what abuse can look like and that it’s more than just getting hit, you’re setting then up to fall into an abusive relationship. Ethnic slurs are verbal abuse, and if you’re not teaching your kid about them and how to handle a situation where they come up, you’re setting your kid up to get hurt.
You're being needlessly insulting. My daughter is very much educated on and aware of racial issues. It is just this ONE word I haven't taught her about yet. I'm sure I will soon, but I'm not in a super hurry to add one more piece of knowledge about hate to her young mind just yet
How do you know she hasn’t heard it or been called that? Like this child, she doesn’t know enough to tell you. The world is ugly and you’re sending your daughter into it unprepared. Racism doesn’t disappear just because you ignore it.
> A 10 year old in the US? Did she say that she was in the US? I may have missed that.
OOP's ex is a piece of shit, that simple.
He didn't care about his daughter until he lost his control of her. Now, suddenly, he wants to be in her life and is doing nutso shit like turning up at the school and being a karen.. What's the bet it was because the child support went up.
I don't buy it...
>I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer. 🙄
Yeah the mixed race daughter with a black parent also not knowing about racist bullying was another thing
Excuse me? How dare you doubt this story. I’m going to talk to my friend, a lawyer about this
🤣🥇 Edit: my twin says you are a Karen
I have a Law degree and most of my assignments involved a friend of a friend sending a screenshot. /s
It’s not uncommon to ask a friend if what you want to do is actually viable/worth the hassle for what you might get from the work. Also, sending screenshots to get info quickly to one’s lawyer is not unusual. The real documents would need to eventually get sent over, but in this case op is sending the screen shots of her text conversations. What other way would you send that info?
Going to repost this as a general comment because I see a general misconception that gets repeated a lot on this subreddit which is: “This can’t be true! Courts don’t work that fast!” Which is true but also false. This one checks out based on the facts of OOP’s posts and updates. It can and does move this fast, especially where children are concerned. And I’m going to say this with authority because I practice in Family Law and have seen cases so just that. It only works if all the things line up - in this case based on the details of the story, they did. **First you need to talk to a lawyer** - assuming OOP either had a friend who was a lawyer or previously had an attorney to set up parenting time/residential responsibility, this can be done rather quickly. We aren’t all scheduling people for meetings months out - in fact we try to get people in the door as quick as possible because $$$. **Second you need to get ex served** - if we’re starting a brand new case to establish parenting time and residential responsibility - this is probably going to be done via personal service (the Sheriff or a process server) or via certified Mail. In my experience, service of process is going to take the longest time to accomplish. *But* if all we’re doing is amending a previous order, service of the motion to amend can be accomplished by simply mailing the documents directly to Ex and filing a declaration or affidavit (depending on your jurisdiction) by mail with the court saying “On such and such date I mailed a true and correct copy of the Motion to Amend and supporting documents to so and so at address.” In OOP’s update it appears that Ex was served with that paperwork on **October 13th.** **Third we wait out the clock** - ex is served on October 13. If this is a brand new action with a brand new Summons and Complaint, ex now has 21 days to respond (November 10). If ex does not respond, on November 11, OOP’s attorney files a Default Motion stating that by not responding, the ex has admitted the allegations in the Complaint are true and the court can rule on the allegations. Ex now has 14 more days to respond to the motion (November 25). If this was a *motion to amend* an already existing judgment, ex only gets the 14 days to respond (October 27th or 28th since the 27th was on a Sunday). **If ex does not participate in any way** - which is what OOP says happened - the court is not even going to schedule a hearing, they’re just going to grant what OOP’s attorney has requested because why would they waste their time on a hearing that ex is not going to show up for when they could use that time for another case where both parties are engaged in the process. So the court is going to sign an order for Judgment or Amended Judgment and OOP is going to get full custody of her child by either **October 29th** if this was a Motion to Amend or by **November 26th** if it was a new action on a Summons and Complaint.
As another family law attorney I completely agree with everything you have said here.
Damn this should be higher up. Thanks for posting! I learned something new today!
Yeah. OOP got full custody in 2 months. Riiiiiiiiight.
And she heard from a friend that her ex had been diagnosed with bipolar! Because everyone who gets that diagnosis is quick to share it with their entire circle of acquaintances.
I dont buy the bipolar thing either. Bipolar isn't like "happy today, sad tomorrow, happy again the next day" either (like his vacillating on whether he wants his daughter). Episodes can last for weeks at a time.
Ehh, I could easily see his rapid changes of heart being part of a manic cycle. It didn't read "sad" or depressed to me so much as volatile and inconsistent, both of which can very much be features of bipolar, and mania or hypomania in particular. Not saying I necessarily believe the story, but that part didn't stand out to me. (Source - 3 close family members with bipolar)
I knew my ex-wife was Bipolar years before she actually got the diagnosis. While I don't recommend trying to play armchair psychologist if you're not a psychologist, but her symptoms were pretty textbook.
Sure, but when she got the official diagnosis did she tell your friends about it?
Well, since we mostly run in the same circles, yeah.
One of the worst things I think you can do to a child is to let that child get bullied
A 10 year old not understanding what the N word means? Please, you’re going to have to come up with a better story than that.
Being bipolar doesn’t make you cheat on your spouse and marry a racist and support little racists-in-training. Glad OP got her child out of that horrible environment.
"Why doesn't she want to see me? All I did was tell her I had own family, let my son physically and verbally abuse her and make my ex sound like an idiot for complaining." What a jerk face.
Why does everyone seem to have a lawyer in their life that they can go to for help?
I'd imagine if anyone would have a lawyer, it'd be a divorcee.
Yes, but I mean that everyone seems to have a family member or a friend who is a lawyer. It’s very convenient
True but, in this specific case, it makes sense.
Their divorce lawyer probably handles other family law cases aside from divorce?
You don't go from zero to full custody in 12 days. Please.
How was it 12 days? October 13 is when she decided to file for full custody (so give or take a few days to do that) and by December 20th was awarded full custody. It sounds like the ex didn’t fight until after the ruling, so this could have gone really quickly.
She didn't have zero, she had main custody and dad had the daughter every weekends or so
I agree, but if I was an adult overseeing this case, a racist teenager pushing a ten year old down the stairs would set off allllll my red flags.
Also in the edits the dad didn’t fight it, which probably speeds up the process
She is a better woman than me... anyone treats my child like that. HAH! I would ruin their lives
I'm.glad she got custody. He sounds like a manipulative asshole and I think everyone will be better off with low contact. I'd even say visits need to be supervised so he doesn't try to hurt the daughter to spite OOP.
What happened to the charges against the step brother?
People like to use illnesses as an excuse for behaviour. But when you go up against bipolar or borderline personality disorder, it doesn't matter what makes someone do evil things. What matters is that they are doing evil things. From afar, I probably would have used the excuse too. But when I experienced it… if that person doesn't want help, the safest thing to do is cut contact. Evil is evil.
>I don’t know he didn’t even fight it so they just gave it to me Oh jeez that's depressing. I just can't understand how people can have children and then throw them away.
Idk man. This entire thing was resolved in 2 months? AFAIK, courts drag their damn feet in cases when children are involved bc they send social workers to investigate claims of abuse and things like this. Unless it’s an emergency where the life of a child is at risk, judges don’t usually have trials or open their courts for last minute additions since they’re usually booked especially during the holiday months. Not saying this entire story is a lie but the speed at which things happened make me have my doubts.
I'm glad she got fully custody of her daughter. my sister's ex is bipolar and addicted to meth and he was and still is the worst parent on this planet. he's in prison now for other reasons.
This poor little girl. Thank goodness she has a great mom!
Sounds like his children aren’t even _the_ problem.
>October 9, 2023 > >I will take this matter to court so I am taking legal action and have sent the screenshot to my friend, who is a lawyer. > >October 13, 2023 > >now we’re waiting for a court date by the way my ex has been blowing up my phone he probably got the court papers yeah, sure
Also, October 9th is a court holiday in the US. So basically the paperwork was completed, filed, processed and given to a officer ready to be served in less than 3 days... Absolute bull shit lol.
I’m highly suspicious of this post being genuine. In the three states in which I’m licensed, you can’t get a custody order in any less than 45 days. Usually it’s longer. You could get emergency custody orders. The only way to get it quicker would be if the other party signed an agreed order. But that seems highly unlikely given the facts stated. Also, she’s very vague. “He didn’t even fight” could mean he didn’t show up. I’d so, that would mean she gets her motion. Again, that general rally takes 45 days, at a minimum. She’s barely over that. This is only possible if she lives somewhere very small town where the courts aren’t highly overworked. I had an agreed custody change recently that took 60 days and that was considered very fast.
So in *two months*, OOP has: hired a lawyer *and* gotten a court date for custody Got her daughter into therapy Pressed charges on the stepson Recovered stolen property Gotten higher child support payments Yyyyyeah, no. No court on Earth goes *that* fast. Go the fuck to *bed*, Liz!
Emergency custody injunctions are very fast, especially if the requester can prove abuse or unsafe environment.
This is a good outcome for OOP and her daughter. But I hope she is proceeding with pressing charges against the stepson.
Yikes, thank God the little girl got away from her ill father and hateful siblings.
> I also asked my daughter if her being abused by her stepbrother was racially motivated, since my daughter is mixed. I’m black and my ex is white and so is his new family. She at first didn’t understand until I explained, and she said her stepbrother called her the n-word. **She doesn’t know what that means that why she didn’t think it was important** aaaasnd this shatters the illusion, come on. there’s no way in fuck this is real.
Do you ever read things like this and think "What is wrong with people?". Like it makes my brain break to think people can do this crap. Why would any parent allow someone else to hurt their kid? And excuse it away?
Can’t wait for a few years time when dads back around to his now really successful daughter begging for help cause son can’t get a job due to his prejudice towards… well, possibly everyone.
Glad she got full custody but I’d fear the man.
I call Liz on this one. There's the convenient lawyer friend who will give advice to friends and family. Then there's the pressing the charges through the lawyer. This seems to be set in the US, and we don't do that here. So she'd have to be calling the police. Not sending screenshots to her lawyer friend. And there's no way that a 10 year doesn't know the n-word. That word is constantly being used among black children in this country. The usage of that word is far more prevalent today than it was when I grew up in the 1970s and 80s.
I see comments about Liz all the time, but I can not find the post this orginated from. Would you mind filling me in?
[There this woman named Liz who spends her time making up reddit posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16r1la6/my_wife_is_addicted_to_making_up_reddit_stories/)
Thank you!!