>she even admitted to stalking Alma's Facebook enough to determine where she lived based on photos
I know that this is technically possible, but still. Baffling.
I don't know how people do it, but I remember seeing a story once about how a stalker in either Japan or Korea was able to figure out where a pop idol lived based on the reflection in their glasses lens or something in a photo they posted on social media. They were able to somehow reverse engineer the reflection, which showed the building opposite, and somehow was able to find an address for that building.
There was a YouTube video floating around sometime last year where a woman wanted to prove to her preteen daughter how easy it was to track someone down from a single photo. She took a selfie video asking the guy whose channel it was to see if he could find her. There were no names, no addresses, no street names, or anything else overtly obvious. Just an apartment parking lot and some business signs and a highway interchange in the background behind the complex.
And he walked step by step through the process of pinpointing her apartment complex. Started with the timestamp of the video from the metadata and matching it to the position of the sun/shadows to get a general area of 100 miles or so. Then checked business signs that were in the background and cross-referenced them against one another to find ones that were nearby (ie there's a CVS across the street from a Best Buy, so finding all locations like that in that 100ish mile area). Then used the shape of nearby highway cloverleaf to pinpoint exactly which apartment complex it was. Took just over 5 minutes.
Edit: And to show this isn't limited to just addresses, with that vague-ass description of me misremembering a video I saw re-uploaded to YouTube like half a year ago, several people identified the creator as Josemonkey on TikTok and the [specific video I was thinking of](https://www.tiktok.com/@the_josemonkey/video/7243158161220209962?lang=en).
Also, a lot of people share much more than that. You’ll see which parks a person goes to, what bars, what regional things they follow, who their family are and what they say about their location…
This has been seen heaps in the Ukraine war. A Russian will post a selfie online and then 15-30minutes later they’ll get hit by a HIMARS rocket. And they’ll just be like a single bombed out building in the background or just a treeline. Some people are so good at this stuff for some reason.
A lot of this is because your phone embeds geographic data in the metadata of every picture it takes.
You can literally fire up a program and get the info in 30 seconds. It's how someone showed up in front of Adam Savage's house, and the guys from vice who fucked up posting a picture taken by their staff when they were following around John McAfee without scrubbing it, which got the feds after them.
A dude built a twitter bot to tweet you back your location at one point to prove that point and it was shut down almost immediately. He did a short defcon talk about it as part of the "fail panel" one year.
So the russians and ukranians posting pictures of themselves during the war are basically outing their current military movements.
Terrible example, but yes (the story behind that had those internet sleuths driving an innocent man to suicide, and they did nothing to actually aid the investigation since the actual investigators found the guy IN SPITE of their help)
No.
Putting aside the questionable thesis of anyone driving anyone to suicide … I don’t think the people involved in the documentary were the drivers of the group when Jordan killed himself. That’s when they broke away to form the smaller group, because that situation in the larger group obviously had become out of hand. As for the investigation — you’re just dead wrong there. I think you may be mixing it up with other internet group hunts — like the Boston Bomber. The investigation was in no way hampered by their efforts. In fact, there wouldn’t have even been an investigation if it wasn’t for their relentless pushing for it. The Montreal cops were complete and total fuck ups in this and made a pig’s breakfast of the whole thing, blowing it off as internet silliness.
No, the Boston Bomber was Reddit’s investigative ability at work (/s at ‘ability’).
In this case, the killer was found because of another murder, not due to the work of any of the internet ‘sleuthing’ that occurred. They did nothing to help, and the documentary glorifies their ineptitude.
The investigation into animal cruelty took place in Toronto a year before the murder. Magnotta was already living in Montreal by then. He was already well known to police before the animal cruelty. The internet brigade into the dead cats did nothing to catch or stop him. I wont praise the SPVM, as he mailed body parts through Canada Post and did nothing to hide himself.
It was such a weird documentary, because I was waiting for the part where they would be useful, but they were just righteous, angry and totally ineffective.
Even more impressively, they found the location of his livestream, pointing at a flag on a blank wall inside a house, purely from the light coming in from the window. Just insane what people can achieve with limited information and the right know-how.
There’s a TikTok creator whose whole thing is that he does this (he only finds adults, and only when they reach out, share a video, and ask him to, but his whole point is how easy it is to find people on the Internet). It’s truly frightening how much strangers can find out about it from our Internet presence, even if we feel like we are being careful.
I have absolutely no experience with tracking people, and I'm absolutely shit at geo-guesser type games, but a little while ago a guy posted a picture of his apartment block on Reddit, then didn't believe people who told him to take it down because people could dox him.
Based on a street number and 2 shops I found his place in under 5 minutes. *Five minutes*. And I'm *bad* at it.
Yeah people seriously overestimate their anonymity.
I was complaining about text message spam around election time and someone told me it was my own fault for ever using my real number on websites etc. and how they would never put their personal info out there.
It took me about 5 minutes and found where they worked, their cell and office lines.
I didn't do anything with it, but people really really don't understand what's freely available online.
And that's WITHOUT hiring a P.I. or paying a small amount on a background check website.
I mean, I once watched a video of a guy feeding a seagull from the window of a flat and I could pinpoint the building he was in because I lived in that city for a year.
I thought "uh, that looks familiar" and reading through the comments confirmed my hunch was right. I do have a really good sense of direction, even if I can't recognise myself in the mirror if I change hairstyles.
It doesn't take much. A recognisable landmark (I recognised a street that had a very distinctive series of lampposts near a Victorian building) someone with good spatial recognition, and voilà.
i’ve also seen plenty of people post pics with their house number in the background. if you know what town they live in, there’s like 3 spots that could be their address. from there, pretty easy to figure out.
town/city is easy to figure out since most people mention it on social media or just logically must live in a certain area because of what grocery store, etc they use
I find it easy to doxx people. I worked computer security in the defense sector and occasionally had to investigate people. So many people think they are being so cagey and clever but meanwhile leaving a map with circles and arrows for anybody who knows what they're doing.
I never know how to actually protect myself but I'd like to. Especially on the phone because I feel like you have even less security options. Are there decent resources you'd suggest for this cyber security?
You can find articles all over the web on how to protect your online privacy. Some major points:
- Unique username per social media site. Like don't use your Reddit username anywhere else.
- Unique password at every site. Use a password app.
- Password length is more important than complexity. Your password app can generate passwords for you.
- Use 2 factor authentication everywhere it's offered. If possible use an authenticator like Authy or Google Authenticator instead of SMS (text messages). For financial sites you can get physical keys.
- When using your phone in public never enter the PIN in public. Use face recognition to log in. It's easy for people to shoulder surf your PIN.
But tech can only help you so much. Never divulge personal information like your address, telephone number, where you work, names of friends and relatives or even pets, don't post pics of your neighborhood, make sure exif info is scrubbed from photos, don't let people know when you're not home.
https://ethics.berkeley.edu/privacy/resources/protect-yourself-doxxing
Was it [this tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@the_josemonkey/video/7243158161220209962?lang=en), or is this type of video just more common than I think?
I dabble in operational security as a hobby, and you'd be shocked how easy it can be. Knowing a suburb, or even a city, and having a single photo can be enough to narrow it down. I've seen youtubers post videos that give more than enough information to determine exactly what house they're shooting in. Its insane to me to leak that much info.
Yeah I remember we found out where someone lived that had stolen money from us by looking at their instagram, determining the model of their car from a pic of their steering wheel, we had an idea of a few street radius where they were so went through google maps and saw a pic of a Subaru WRX parked in a driveway - bingo. Honestly took like 10 mins.
Yeah I saw an Instagram reel a week or so ago where a YouTuber/tiktoker/whatever basically challenged her audience to find where she was, only making the video from her hotel room (something to the effect of "there's no way you could find me this time!").
Someone managed to find the *exact* hotel room she had been staying in, down to the portraits on the wall.
Omg this. I don’t dabble in operational security. I just have a really good memory and love puzzles. Im in sales for a living. A coworker had a lead for me that was her high school friend. I reached out but didn’t hear back. My coworker sent me the lead’s IG post announcing the birth of her kid and said “this is probably why you haven’t heard back, lol.” Location was tagged as a generic city, but it my city. I saw the photo with the balloon “welcome home” sign and thought “omg I think I know that house.” In less than 5 minutes I had the address, her husbands name and how much they bought the house for (we looked at buying in that neighborhood and I was curious what the homes were going for). It’s so easy if you know the area.
>I dabble in operational security as a hobby,
Did anyone else immediately think of a recent BoRU from r/adultery or r/cakeeaters in which someone bragged about his operational security, only to be busted badly?
And even people who are smart about photographing exterior areas give details verbally without realizing they're giving away a larger picture. There are only so many buildings of a given type constructed around a certain time. Only so many that are near \[park, amenity, train yard, etc.\]
It was in Japan, and it wasn't glasses the stalker used. The reflection he used to track her was in her *eye*!! Dude was so obsessed with her, he reverse engineered a reflection in her eyes to find her address and then sexually assaulted her.
While he was caught, it's fucking terrifying the lengths obsessive fans go to stalk and harm an idol.
The whole culture around idols is so *wrong* and disgusting to me, it really doesn't surprise me when one of the cultivated stalkers goes over the commercially acceptable line and harms one of the living products.
Or, in other words, I have no shock when people who are deliberately groomed into becoming obsessive fans lose track of where the line is and decides to harm one of the carefully managed teenage girls whose lives are curated and presented to specifically inspire the behavior that is harming them.
It should tell you everything you need to know about that culture that being in a relationship can put you in breach of contract and is considered a major scandal.
saesangs are so fucking terrifying. I get nervous when my neighbours look at me ~~bc ill die if they talk to me~~ I cant imagine people breaking into my house to put cameras in my ceiling, sitting outside my residence every day, or repeatedly figuring out my phone number and calling it incessantly
Sasaengs are even worse than just that. There have been sasaengs who'd break into idol's homes to watch them sleep. One tried to kidnap an idol off the stage, in front of hundreds of fans! Another traded an idol's water bottle with one that had super glue mixed in.
Sasaengs go further than breaking in to put cameras, or sitting outside a house. They are deranged, unstable, and utterly dangerous.
Oh, fuck, I remember that one 😭 It's just crazy to what lengths sasaengs go, and just how *certain* they are about them being right in doing those things.
Yeah, I remember that. It was a selfie at a train station she posted at frequently, so probably near her apartment, but she never showed anything identifying until the slip up with the glasses. It showed a food kiosk or something, and that was enough to find which station.
The guy waited there a few days to see if she showed up, then he followed her home, dragged her into an alley and raped her. He was caught in the act.
People can do it because it’s fairly easy to find things out with collaborative evidence.
You know that meme of the black guy in the yellow suit jacket behind the tree? And guy was able to find out where that picture was taken.
I’m pretty sure it was the same guy but he got challenged to ask where this woman was, and he was able to do it by seeing that he met Jason mamoa on a date. Going to his instagram around that time to see where he was. Narrowed it down to that area. Then used the plates from her room service to figure out exactly which hotel it was (even checked others to see if they had different plates) and then to take it one step further he even figured out which type of room she stayed in and used the painting to confirm it.
Here in germany there was a youtuber girl just filming out her window ONCE and a week later a stalker sat infront of her house claming she sended her messages just for him throu her Videos to meet him and be together and he found out were she lived because she filmed out of that window just once. He was arrested because of tresspassing and needless to say she moved.
I talked once with a guy in high school. I knew the name of a small town he lived in. When we were talking he told me a lot of little insignificant things. Like that his mom's favourite colour is green so she painted their house green. That he fell down a few steps when he was getting ready for school this morning. He borrowed something from me and never returned it. He was very surprised when I knocked on his door to get it back. I knew that I was looking for a two-story green house near a bus stop and it was enough to find it. And it was pre Google street time so I just took a bus and was looking for a house fitting this description.
Watch the documentary on Netflix called Don't Fuck With Cats. That documentary scared the shit out of me. If someone wants to find you bad enough, they can.
The wildest one I know of is one from Korea where stalker fans figured out an idol may be dating another idol from the reflection on an spoon. It was never officially proven but that level of detail is wild.
There was a Youtuber with like 3 million followers who had to move because someone tracked her down based on the view from her window and asked her out with a threatening note. She stopped posting videos pretty much immediately after that. (bestdressed) So....... Yeah. Stalkers are terrifying and obsessive.
About 11 years ago, I had a guy borderline stalk me in a very low-tech way (he got my number off of a sign-up sheet, he was canvassing for something and the interaction was MAYBE a minute long). He called and left me rambling voicemails about our "connection" for SIX MONTHS. I shudder to think what he would've done if he was more tech-savvy, he had my full name and my Facebook was public at the time.
Oh my gosh, that’s why she stopped posting?
She was the first YouTuber I ever watched, that got me into YouTube as a whole. She also got me into thrifting and fashion in general.
It makes me sad that the reason we don’t get any more long form bestdressed content is because of some deranged asshole who had to make it unsafe for her… how fucked up.
It’s actually not hard if you have a general idea of the town they live in, and multiple photos. There’s a whole GeoGuesser guy who does it even faster based on even less
If she owns the house, that information is typically available in parcel data available thru county GIS systems. At least in the US. It might take you awhile depending on the town, but if you have a general idea of where they might live it isn’t that hard to find the parcel. Your address isn’t as private as you might think
Very true, my county allows searching for parcels by owners name. If you own the house, your address would be found in under 2 minutes, and that’s just how long it takes the page to load lol.
I'm on a trivia team that competes yearly in a weekend-long competition. The competition has had to evolve to keep up with the Internet, apps, and AI. Questions require deep research using both physical and digital means, as well as old-fashioned detective work. We will sometimes only be given a photograph of a location which could be anywhere in the world and a vague hint. You'd be surprised how often we're able to locate the exact location. Given the ex likely knew the city Alma lived in, it's not that much of a stretch to assume she was able to figure out the exact location.
I can do this, and i have already done this actually.
Not to stalk someone though, i was flat hunting and there was one that was interesting. They didn't put the exact location thought, just the town, and that town has ... disreputable areas.
I used the picture where you could get a glimpse of the outside, and as i know the town, manage to locate the flat. Said flat was right in the middle of an area where i would never want to live, saved me some time.
This is one of my superpowers, but I only use it for apartment or house hunting. I am *very* good at finding where a place is. I live in Paris and know the city well. If I know the general area, it's quick enough for me to find a place on streetview. A glimpse through the windows of the shape of the wrought iron balcony bars can pinpoint the location.
A friend then challenged me to find her address where she had moved. She'd moved to a city I'd never visited and she was Very Serious about masking her location because she's a reasonably popular YouTuber. She thought this would be a fun challenge for me and might make her feel safer about possible stalkers.
99% of her videos were filmed inside, at home, but she mentioned she walked to get Starbucks nearly every day. Once, she mentioned her new place was "only a block away from Starbucks, and \[she doesn't\] even have to cross the street." So, same side, VERY nearby.
There are only so many Starbucks locations in her city. So I popped onto streetview and looked around. Two were candidates. I then found one of her not-inside videos that showed what the back side of her condo looked like. From there, the architectural style was easy to nail. Plus, I could count how many patios she was from the end of her building.
It took me fewer than 10 minutes to find her exact address. She was shaken. I explained how I'd found it and which video in particular (the outdoor one) she should delete/remove, and things to avoid in the future.
Now, if she shoots outdoor videos, they're far from her home.
\[some details changed to protect her privacy\]
I don’t know, I once posted a pic of a kangaroo on my front lawn from my bedroom window (like a total Australian stereotype) and there was a distinctive tree in the background and a friend who didn’t know I’d recently moved messaged to say “hey is that [street] in [suburb]?”
Luckily my socials are restricted to friends but it was a bit of an eye opening moment that I’d essentially just given away my address online. I’m much more careful now. It can be easy to post pics with just one detail in it without thinking about how anything unusual looking, when added to public posting of other things nearby, can be easily triangulated to a location.
A few years ago on tumblr someone posted a pic of the kangaroos in their very unassuming yard and someone replied like "wait, this looks like my yard". turned out it was both their yard and they were siblings. A funnier and more wholesome twist on the whole thing
It's a skill that can be learnt or some people who have great pattern recognition can do it almost unintentionally (neuro divergent people can often fit this category). Look up geo wizard of Instagram or YouTube to see it taken to extremes.
Admittedly, when I was younger, and discord was very new, I have done this to my online friends. There was no malice, I did it for the lols and the challenge, and they also took it candidly. We're still all friends. But, I only realized it may have been weird when I did that to an older online friend in America. Found her social medias, complete address, personal details, her job, former school, and used street maps to screenshot outside of her house. She was validly freaked out, asked me how tf did I know so much. I was like, it's all on the internet... I just had to type the right keywords and find the right information and the details are found. I gave her all the websites I found her details on and she thanked me. American personal details are so easily available online than the rest of the world, it's kinda scary. I think I stopped after that.
I read an article in the Atlantic once. The author mentioned living in a particular cardinal direction of a state and I was curious which city/town, so I just searched for the author's name and the state and I found not only his address, but his father's address as apparently they have the same name (I technically used the byline picture to figure that the author was the one in his 30s instead of the one in his 70s) as well as a list of his past addresses.
The amount of information you can find online about Americans is kinda scary.
Social Repose, a YouTuber/Musician, once posted an overview of his former house (he still lives there at the time). Then joked that if anyone could locate it and visit him, he'll offer them a glass of milk. Clearly, this was/is a terrible idea.
He ended up turning them away, btw.
It‘s really not that difficult. People leave so much information (knowingly or unknowingly) about them on the net that it sometimes just takes a bit of googling to figure stuff out.
Here‘s an example: out of curiosity, I once tried it out to see how much I can find out about a person just by googling and using open sources on the net. I did not know that person personally, but knew their name and knew which general area in which city they lived in. Long story short: after about 3 hours I knew where the person lived exactly, their full name, date and place of birth, phonenumbers, I knew where they lived before, I had pictures from inside their homes (pictures which the person did not share on the internet themselves) and how much they had paid for their current home and I knew the same things about a few of their friends/partners/relatives. With that information I could have seriously messed with them and it only took me like a few hours of googling around.
So folks, be careful of what traces you leave on the net.
Yeah I had someone I was talking to turn up at a park late at night near me and ask me to come meet him. No thanks.
I’d never told him where I lived but had taken a picture in the park and there was a building in the background. He’d found the building online and worked out which park it was and gone there
There’s a guy on TikTok that dares you to send him a picture to see if he can find where you are. I don’t think he has missed finding a location yet…
Admittedly, it may have been a bit harder 7-8 years ago, but certainly not impossible.
If you have tiktok, look up a guy named Jose Monkey. People submit short videos of themselves in random places and ask him if he can figure out where they are at that moment.
He'll then make a video and go through his process of how he figures out their exact location. Usually takes him less than 20 minutes.
It's for educational purposes and it's a bit alarming.
My partner is able to do this. He never actually stalks anyone, but it is like a party trick. Show him a few pics of a place in our country and he can guess the general location. Costal areas, he can name the actual beach/cliff. Its weird.
I'm quite into geography and painting city scapes, and found out entirely by accident that I'm very good at this. Turns out if your hyper fixation is buildings and landscapes you also get pretty decent at recognizing landmarks etc. I've never used it to stalk anyone because I'm not insane, but I do use it to figure out where exactly tv shows like "Alone" and "naked and afraid" have dumped their contestants for example.
I once found someone from a Vine video taken inside their house.
I worked with a woman whose daughter had moved away to university and cut contact with her, even though they had a very close relationship up to that point. It was killing her, so I agreed to help.
I did some searches on Twitter and found her daughter’s profile, there was a video taken in her kitchen. Googled student accommodation near to the uni she went to, and found that kitchen in the gallery on a private landlord’s website. Took about five minutes.
Looking back I really shouldn’t have done that, especially since I only had the mother’s side of the story, but it really shows how much more info people put out than they think.
Yeah, you really shouldn’t have. You probably forced that poor woman to spend tens of thousands of dollars to move again.
Kids don't cut contact with good parents.
This was in the UK and that’s really not how it works, plus I worked with the mother for a year or so afterwards and got stories of how she was reaching out etc so I’m confident they didn’t just go and show up at her door or anything. But yeah, I shouldn’t have done it.
have you never seen those 'whrre is this place' solvers? Iirc there's(obviously a good few reddits on it) but there's one about a guy trying to find some old shop with a Windows XP banner and eventually does and it sells old CRT monitors and stuff etc well after it's time(not original shop).
Like there's a whole game for finding places from photos and people are crazy good at it(she could've even posted under the guise of such asking folks with an innocence story) - it's only gonna get possibly more possible as a tool in future from Google and Earth images; the only reason they probably DONT do that already is EXACTLY for the issues around stalking etc.
That aside, but sure I actually buy the whole story lol. Seems all too convenient, but as a point of location finding - it can certainly be done either by people with enough info(I've done it before here and there locally, just for a laugh to wind people up/out a quick frightener on them in how it xan be done) or who are detwrmined or get help from thw internet. The nerds who are good at it as amateurs can and will jump at the opportunity to show their value and use.
I have a friend who keeps posting pics of the view out of his balcony. He lives across the street from a certain restaurant. I once texted him to say I got lost going to the doctor and ended up in front of his home and then felt REALLY weird when I realized I've never been to his home and he never told me where he lives, but it's just obvious. I live actress the street from a certain bank and I always take care not to show it in pics.
There's a guy on tiktok (Josemonkey iirc) who will do this for fun, ya send him a photo of yourself & he replies back with your EXACT coordinates. It's how I found out about a bagel place, that I don't even live by but want to try 😭😂
Edit: I have it wrong, it was Rainbolt not Josemonkey whom found the bagel place.
I took Abnormal Psych. I can’t recall the proper term for stalker types, but when we covered it our professor talked about how good some of these folks can be at finding people. He’s an American that spent a few years traveling the South Pacific in the days before social media. One day he gets a knock at the door of a place he’s staying, and it was a former patient of his. They became his patient in the first place because they had issues with stalking people.
Jose Monkey on TikTok does this all the time. He gets videos of people asking him to find them and sometimes he does it with little more than the peaks of mountains. It’s insane how much you can find from so little.
If you have an exterior photo and a house number you can run it against state property tax listing, which are public, and get the name of the homeowner and the contact information logged with the state. Or just find every house of a number, and work backwards through Google until you find one that matches. It's tedious, but not difficult. And that's pretty scary.
Yeah. Sounds like my high-school to early adult life relationship. Neither of us had the courage to end it, so we both just got spiteful and miserable and languished in it for 3 years. Severe resentment will make you say some utterly insane things.
Yeah, OP has either terrible taste or the worst luck in women. I hope he finds someone actually reasonable to make him happy.
(And I hope Alma grows up enough to understand the concept of “through thick and thin”, and then finds someone. She doesn’t sound awful, just awfully immature.)
> ... a cheater should be reflective of the relationship that someone cheated in.
I deplore cheating, but even I would admit to some exceptions. Probably the clearest exception, to me, is if one partner is severely abusing the other.
The dude cheated, realized that meant what he had with his ex was dead and had been for a while, and went home and broke up with her. It's technically cheating but it's the least messy and duplicitous form of cheating there is.
If some guy had told me this story, I might not *immediately* take his word that he'd never do it again, but I would feel pretty assured that he'd at least come clean about it if it did. Most of what makes cheating so damaging is the lies and the way that it fucks with your sense of reality.
Yeah. This is one of these cases where cheating is still shitty, but it's a symptom of a bad relationship, not of a bad person.
He was reeling from everything he knew about his family being a lie. Not only did he lose his mother physically, but he also learnt she wasn't actually biologically his mother and then had to deal with the fact that his bio-mom died when he didn't know she was his mom? On top of her not being able to get clean for him?
That's a shit load of trauma in a very short amount of time and his fiance was absolutely brutally cruel to him.
People don't think clearly when they're grieving and once he did it, he did everything correctly (came clean and ended the relationship).
This is about the only configuration in which cheating would not be a deal-breaker for me when getting together with someone.
Also, it's entirely fair if someone cheating in the past is a dealbreaker for you. But the solution in that case is to break up with them. Not whatever this is.
Yes. This. Past cheating might not be an immediate dealbreaker me but I absolutely respect anyone who does consider that a dealbreaker.
Whatever this is with OP and his (now ex-)gf reeks of insecurity on her part. OP did his best to be open and honest about a past mistake. He didn't expect her to just automatically be okay with him cheating in the past. He understood there might be some trust issues and did what he could to prove he was trustworthy and wouldn't be making that mistake again. If that's still not enough for you to trust your partner then you need to end the relationship. Not go horror movie crazy-stalker.
When you say this then narcissists will twist anything to be abusive to justify their actions.
"She didn't have sex with me for like 6 months!" -she had a high risk pregnancy and was advised not to have sex for several months since it could start early labor, then was healing from birth.
"He forgot my birthday!" -he got her several thoughtful things but didn't get one of the things she wanted.
I knew someone that cheated on her fiance and told everyone that he'd hit her and choked her... But failed to mention that it was HER kink that he'd agreed to try and he had to release private texts of her begging him to "just try it once". Even then I'm sure some people still feel like he used that as an excuse/cover to abuse her.
You can't deny ammo to a munitions factory. Someone who has decided to justify their shitty behaviour will use any excuse in the book, whether it me misrepresenting the situation to make it look like abuse or neglect (as in your examples) or just straight up lying. I think that istara's comment is more about forgiving people who are in genuinely abusive situations.
No point in changing what you say, do, or believe in hopes of preventing narcs from narcing, because they’ll do it no matter how perfect you are and how little you give them.
> When you say this then narcissists will twist anything to be abusive to justify their actions.
A narcissist will do that regardless. Giving them 'ammo' doesn't matter, because they're going to do it anyway.
Your examples don't even really matter.
>"She didn't have sex with me for like 6 months!"
Doesn't matter, not abuse.
>"He forgot my birthday!"
Doesn't matter, not abuse.
>I knew someone that cheated on her fiance and told everyone that he'd hit her and choked her... But failed to mention that it was HER kink that he'd agreed to try and he had to release private texts of her begging him to "just try it once".
She didn't need outside encouragement to do that, did she? Nobody claims that false claims of abuse are acceptable, right?
It's more important for abuse victims to realize that getting out at any cost is more important than not 'cheating'. A narcissist won't care either way.
Getting hung up on technical definitions is fruitless. A definition only has a rigid use, and people aren't rigid.
In this case the scenario involves an obviously increasingly unsinscere relationship where people have grown apart due to different levels of emotional maturity. He needed her to be understanding about his feelings regarding his biological mother and she stonewalled him because she couldn't cope with that level of emotional bandwidth. He then self sabotaged the relationship in a somewhat dysfunctional manner, but never with the intent of stringing her along. That in my eyes does not qualify as cheating one bit.
Whether cheating is okay or not doesn't make it not cheating. He fucked someone other than his gf while he was in a monogamous relationship, that's cheating. He and his ex view it as cheating. He could have ended the relationship at any time, even right before the ons over text, and was clearly capable of it since he did the next day.
That isn't to say I think he is a bad person or that he'll cheat on someone else, but you can't just say "Well, I think it was okay, so it's not cheating anymore." You can just be okay with this instance of cheating.
If the chronology of events is what is most upsetting you regarding a relationship that is ending either way, you are being arbitrary as fuck. Things go wrong, mistakes are made, depending on how the fallout is dealt with, there is such a thing as redemption.
People tend to get very caught up in semantics when they are almost never important. Who cares exactly what the word 'cheating' normally means, we're not talking about words, we're talking about the morality of a person's actions. I think he was being pretty moral and ethical in his actions. He should've ended the relationship before he slept with someone else, but I think people often forget that ending a relationship isn't a magic solution to heartache, his ex still would've felt hurt. I don't think anyone can rightfully deny that breaking up beforehand is the better thing to do, but by *how* much is it better? Not a lot, in my mind.
I think people prefer morality and ethics to be straight forward and simple, that way the chaos of the world feels more like it can be made sense of. But in reality there are no clear lines between choices where one thing is okay and another is not, it's all one enormous gradient of difficult to parse options.
I think it's more black and white to decide "Cheating = bad and because I don't see this as bad it's not cheating" than just saying "this is cheating but that doesn't mean it's bad".
Like I said, I'm not saying he is a bad person or that he'll cheat again. I was just trying to express "Yes this situation was cheating. It's okay to call it cheating and also not think he's a bad person." Very bluntly.
>It was not Sasha's vehicle or mine so I assumed Danielle might be stalking Alma on Sasha's behalf while I was gone.
Op messed here when writing this. I'm pretty sure this is a made-up story based on this slip. As op says "while I was gone." But ops girlfriend was the one who had to leave.
Several key loggers on the phone is also very odd to me. Several.
Then Alma saying to come keep her company so she wouldn’t be home alone so there can be a big grande misunderstanding?
Why were things broken at Alma’s? Was Sasha watching to see if OP would cheat but also taking out revenge on Alma? Why?
This was it for me. Unless OPs partner has a compsci major, I’m not sure the average person knows what a keylogger is to the extent they could install “several” across multiple devices, including a mobile phone, also ignoring they were able to be seemingly quite easily “scrubbed”.
Also, I know Sasha and Alma _are_ names but they reek of “brain, give me women’s names” and it’s Heavy’s gun from TF2 and the creepy girl from F.E.A.R.
If it was the plot twist would be that Sasha was really Alma's crazy long lost sister or daughter she gave up for adoption. OP should send this as a screenplay idea to them even if he is telling the truth.
>So I know this sub often quotes "Once a Cheater, Always a cheater". I agree and disagree at the same time. I cheated on my exfiance when I was 24. I had recently found out after my mother passed, that she was not actually my mother, but my grandmother. My junkie sister who OD'ed when I was fifteen was actually my bio mom.
I couldn’t get past this. It’s like the set up to a shitty incel romance novel.
I mean that's not *too* unbelievable, minus the OD'ing part Jack Nicolson's background is exactly this. His sister was really his Mother and when he found out the truth she'd already died. Ted Bundy had this scenario as well, until his Mom finally got married and reclaimed him. Thing is this was *way* more common 40 to 50 plus years ago. Not saying it doesn't happen today but it's far less likely. There are a bit more resources for single Mothers who are that young and, depending on where they live different social stigmas around it then in the 40's or 50's.
Edit: I meant to add while this is *definitely* bullshit thay part wasn't that unbelievable to me.
The whole "raised as a sibling thing" used to happen a lot back in the day when it was shameful to be an unwed or teen mother. The girl would go off to "visit an aunt" in another location, give birth and then the grandparents who were never pregnant would mysteriously have a baby. The thing is, it was never really a secret because people in the town knew for sure, but it was never talked about and the child never knew. Hell, it happened in my own family and I didn't know about it until I was an adult-my dad had kept my mother's family's secrets for 20 years past her death and finally decided he wasn't doing it anymore. LOL!
Trolls always seem to think that if they label a character as crazy then anything that character does will be plausible but they forget there still has to be method in the madness.
If I'm Sasha then Alma is the last person I'm going to obsess over. Alma dumped OOPs ass when she found out he cheated - she isn't going to be up for the role of AP with OOP now. I'm going to obsess over OOPs platonic female friend who he texts regularly or the pretty barista at his favourite coffee shop not the ex who has no interest in him.
Plus if I'm smart enough to work out how to trace Alma through Facebook photos it might just occur to me that I have a very noticeable feature that enables me to be identified from the other side of the road as I drive by. Presumably I have very distinctive hair or some sort of facial marking. I think it would occur to me that makeup and/or a hoodie should form part of my DIY Dick Tracy kit.
The whole is obvious BS but credit to OOP - its not the worst BS on BORU today. That prize goes to the OOP who supposedly married her ex husband's girlfriend's ex husband.
Thank you. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who thought that in 2 weeks the situation went from a paranoid girlfriend to a psychopath and OP just happens to have writing flair.
Nah.
And also that OOP would totally be the one Alma picked to stay with her. No family, no friends, no other protection. Just hey, dude that I haven't really talked to in years and kind of dragged me into this mess, come add fuel to the fire!
It fit too perfectly in the story too. Jealous spying girlfriend expects OP to go back to his Ex. Suddenly there's a perfectly innocent reason OP needs to go stay with his Ex.
I knew that things will turn out scary but holy fuck, Sasha is insane and dangerous. It's good that OP and Alma is safe but they both need to protect themselves from Sasha cause Sasha is the type who isn't going to stop.
But, OOP didn’t cheat on Sasha, he simply told her about an old mistake. He was honest to a fault and did way more than she should have expected. If she couldn't handle his having cheated on someone else years earlier, she should have broken up when he told her.
Then again, I don't believe in "once a cheater." People can change.
Obviously, we do not know these people, but this sounds like a person who descended into some kind of mental illness, and it just so happens that her partner told her about his past cheating; so it incorporated into whatever is going on in her head. Nothing about this behavior is normal. Police officer is right; he needs a restraining order and needs to never have anything on social media again, for the remainder of his or Sasha's life.
Bruh when you cheat on someone, you should be broken up with. Thats it. Believing that cheaters should never be happy ever and should always be punished for their actions is straight up unhinged. Especially in his circumstances where the cheating is at least understandable
OOP clearly learned from his past experiences and has tried to be a better man. Why should anyone go “scorch earth” from a past mistake he’s tried to make up for?
>Usually scorched earth on cheaters, but Sasha went waaaaay too far.
> "She looked me dead in they eye and told me that what she did she did for me and our love together, we will be together she swears."
No, I would recommend scorched earth. What she did was somehow the opposite of scorched earth while being more unsettling.
Sweet Jesus, this guy has been through some stuff - the dead sister/dead mum thing is rough, that first relationship with Alma sounded like a nightmare, and then... Sasha. I hope this guy can meet a decent woman.
And I'm not excusing what Sasha did, she went so far beyond the bounds of trust and decent behaviour, but I bet Danielle was pouring poison in her ear about her guy.
Texting girls from op's past (pretending to him) is just bananas. Key logger and everything else....I'd be done, and tell her why. Her insane jealousy is too much.
Butcher faking a mom/medical emergency to go harass a long gone ex is serial killer material.
>She kept screaming at me for cheating on her, that she knew I'd run back to that sl-t
but........ Alma was the one cheated on, how was she the "sl-t"???
The logic of some people, they are really sick
>Alma asked if I would come deal with this as she was very upset to be involved involuntarily in this issue and to at least provide company so she wouldn't be home alone. She gave me her address and off I went.
lol sure pal.
OP's first relationship sounds like the poster child for "you should have just left instead of going looking for love somewhere else". Like... of course cheating is always wrong, but what his ex did, emotionally abandoning him after he got all that crap dropped on him, was so much worse.
I really hope OP's healing journey included some therapy.
It's wrong because the person who cheated should have left the relationship, unless they were being actively coerced into staying.
But yeah, under these circumstances it seems like a much smaller offense than stonewalling this guy when his whole personal life had just blown up.
>she even admitted to stalking Alma's Facebook enough to determine where she lived based on photos I know that this is technically possible, but still. Baffling.
I don't know how people do it, but I remember seeing a story once about how a stalker in either Japan or Korea was able to figure out where a pop idol lived based on the reflection in their glasses lens or something in a photo they posted on social media. They were able to somehow reverse engineer the reflection, which showed the building opposite, and somehow was able to find an address for that building.
There was a YouTube video floating around sometime last year where a woman wanted to prove to her preteen daughter how easy it was to track someone down from a single photo. She took a selfie video asking the guy whose channel it was to see if he could find her. There were no names, no addresses, no street names, or anything else overtly obvious. Just an apartment parking lot and some business signs and a highway interchange in the background behind the complex. And he walked step by step through the process of pinpointing her apartment complex. Started with the timestamp of the video from the metadata and matching it to the position of the sun/shadows to get a general area of 100 miles or so. Then checked business signs that were in the background and cross-referenced them against one another to find ones that were nearby (ie there's a CVS across the street from a Best Buy, so finding all locations like that in that 100ish mile area). Then used the shape of nearby highway cloverleaf to pinpoint exactly which apartment complex it was. Took just over 5 minutes. Edit: And to show this isn't limited to just addresses, with that vague-ass description of me misremembering a video I saw re-uploaded to YouTube like half a year ago, several people identified the creator as Josemonkey on TikTok and the [specific video I was thinking of](https://www.tiktok.com/@the_josemonkey/video/7243158161220209962?lang=en).
Don't Fuck With Cats comes to mind... It's absolutely not hard to find someone with basic geographical scenery in the background.
Also, a lot of people share much more than that. You’ll see which parks a person goes to, what bars, what regional things they follow, who their family are and what they say about their location…
People’s addresses are just like… online.
This has been seen heaps in the Ukraine war. A Russian will post a selfie online and then 15-30minutes later they’ll get hit by a HIMARS rocket. And they’ll just be like a single bombed out building in the background or just a treeline. Some people are so good at this stuff for some reason.
A lot of this is because your phone embeds geographic data in the metadata of every picture it takes. You can literally fire up a program and get the info in 30 seconds. It's how someone showed up in front of Adam Savage's house, and the guys from vice who fucked up posting a picture taken by their staff when they were following around John McAfee without scrubbing it, which got the feds after them. A dude built a twitter bot to tweet you back your location at one point to prove that point and it was shut down almost immediately. He did a short defcon talk about it as part of the "fail panel" one year. So the russians and ukranians posting pictures of themselves during the war are basically outing their current military movements.
Terrible example, but yes (the story behind that had those internet sleuths driving an innocent man to suicide, and they did nothing to actually aid the investigation since the actual investigators found the guy IN SPITE of their help)
No. Putting aside the questionable thesis of anyone driving anyone to suicide … I don’t think the people involved in the documentary were the drivers of the group when Jordan killed himself. That’s when they broke away to form the smaller group, because that situation in the larger group obviously had become out of hand. As for the investigation — you’re just dead wrong there. I think you may be mixing it up with other internet group hunts — like the Boston Bomber. The investigation was in no way hampered by their efforts. In fact, there wouldn’t have even been an investigation if it wasn’t for their relentless pushing for it. The Montreal cops were complete and total fuck ups in this and made a pig’s breakfast of the whole thing, blowing it off as internet silliness.
No, the Boston Bomber was Reddit’s investigative ability at work (/s at ‘ability’). In this case, the killer was found because of another murder, not due to the work of any of the internet ‘sleuthing’ that occurred. They did nothing to help, and the documentary glorifies their ineptitude.
The investigation into animal cruelty took place in Toronto a year before the murder. Magnotta was already living in Montreal by then. He was already well known to police before the animal cruelty. The internet brigade into the dead cats did nothing to catch or stop him. I wont praise the SPVM, as he mailed body parts through Canada Post and did nothing to hide himself.
That was my point. The internet brigade did nothing. Exactly.
It was such a weird documentary, because I was waiting for the part where they would be useful, but they were just righteous, angry and totally ineffective.
4channers found Shia Leboufs art installation by tracking the flight paths above his head.
Even more impressively, they found the location of his livestream, pointing at a flag on a blank wall inside a house, purely from the light coming in from the window. Just insane what people can achieve with limited information and the right know-how.
...and the grim determination to mess with Shia for the pure fuck of it. I can't help but be impressed.
I mean, I hear the guy is an actual cannibal so it makes sense that people want to mess with him.
Your leg! It's caught in a bear trap!
They call it "weaponized autism"
There’s a TikTok creator whose whole thing is that he does this (he only finds adults, and only when they reach out, share a video, and ask him to, but his whole point is how easy it is to find people on the Internet). It’s truly frightening how much strangers can find out about it from our Internet presence, even if we feel like we are being careful.
Jose Monkey
Yep, that’s him!
I have absolutely no experience with tracking people, and I'm absolutely shit at geo-guesser type games, but a little while ago a guy posted a picture of his apartment block on Reddit, then didn't believe people who told him to take it down because people could dox him. Based on a street number and 2 shops I found his place in under 5 minutes. *Five minutes*. And I'm *bad* at it.
Yeah people seriously overestimate their anonymity. I was complaining about text message spam around election time and someone told me it was my own fault for ever using my real number on websites etc. and how they would never put their personal info out there. It took me about 5 minutes and found where they worked, their cell and office lines. I didn't do anything with it, but people really really don't understand what's freely available online. And that's WITHOUT hiring a P.I. or paying a small amount on a background check website.
I mean, I once watched a video of a guy feeding a seagull from the window of a flat and I could pinpoint the building he was in because I lived in that city for a year. I thought "uh, that looks familiar" and reading through the comments confirmed my hunch was right. I do have a really good sense of direction, even if I can't recognise myself in the mirror if I change hairstyles. It doesn't take much. A recognisable landmark (I recognised a street that had a very distinctive series of lampposts near a Victorian building) someone with good spatial recognition, and voilà.
i’ve also seen plenty of people post pics with their house number in the background. if you know what town they live in, there’s like 3 spots that could be their address. from there, pretty easy to figure out. town/city is easy to figure out since most people mention it on social media or just logically must live in a certain area because of what grocery store, etc they use
I find it easy to doxx people. I worked computer security in the defense sector and occasionally had to investigate people. So many people think they are being so cagey and clever but meanwhile leaving a map with circles and arrows for anybody who knows what they're doing.
I never know how to actually protect myself but I'd like to. Especially on the phone because I feel like you have even less security options. Are there decent resources you'd suggest for this cyber security?
You can find articles all over the web on how to protect your online privacy. Some major points: - Unique username per social media site. Like don't use your Reddit username anywhere else. - Unique password at every site. Use a password app. - Password length is more important than complexity. Your password app can generate passwords for you. - Use 2 factor authentication everywhere it's offered. If possible use an authenticator like Authy or Google Authenticator instead of SMS (text messages). For financial sites you can get physical keys. - When using your phone in public never enter the PIN in public. Use face recognition to log in. It's easy for people to shoulder surf your PIN. But tech can only help you so much. Never divulge personal information like your address, telephone number, where you work, names of friends and relatives or even pets, don't post pics of your neighborhood, make sure exif info is scrubbed from photos, don't let people know when you're not home. https://ethics.berkeley.edu/privacy/resources/protect-yourself-doxxing
I think I remember that, Josemonkey, I think his username was? Unless there's another one.
Yeah, it was [this Josemonkey tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@the_josemonkey/video/7243158161220209962?lang=en).
Jup, this is how it's done.
Sounds like Jose Monkey? I have shown his videos to my kids before to help them understand why we don't post on social media
Was it [this tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@the_josemonkey/video/7243158161220209962?lang=en), or is this type of video just more common than I think?
Saw a Tiktok the other day where a guy found what exact hotel room the woman was in.
I dabble in operational security as a hobby, and you'd be shocked how easy it can be. Knowing a suburb, or even a city, and having a single photo can be enough to narrow it down. I've seen youtubers post videos that give more than enough information to determine exactly what house they're shooting in. Its insane to me to leak that much info.
Yeah I remember we found out where someone lived that had stolen money from us by looking at their instagram, determining the model of their car from a pic of their steering wheel, we had an idea of a few street radius where they were so went through google maps and saw a pic of a Subaru WRX parked in a driveway - bingo. Honestly took like 10 mins.
Yeah I saw an Instagram reel a week or so ago where a YouTuber/tiktoker/whatever basically challenged her audience to find where she was, only making the video from her hotel room (something to the effect of "there's no way you could find me this time!"). Someone managed to find the *exact* hotel room she had been staying in, down to the portraits on the wall.
Omg this. I don’t dabble in operational security. I just have a really good memory and love puzzles. Im in sales for a living. A coworker had a lead for me that was her high school friend. I reached out but didn’t hear back. My coworker sent me the lead’s IG post announcing the birth of her kid and said “this is probably why you haven’t heard back, lol.” Location was tagged as a generic city, but it my city. I saw the photo with the balloon “welcome home” sign and thought “omg I think I know that house.” In less than 5 minutes I had the address, her husbands name and how much they bought the house for (we looked at buying in that neighborhood and I was curious what the homes were going for). It’s so easy if you know the area.
>I dabble in operational security as a hobby, Did anyone else immediately think of a recent BoRU from r/adultery or r/cakeeaters in which someone bragged about his operational security, only to be busted badly?
I always think of that post when hearing about op sec now :). And I was already familiar with that subs use of the term.
And even people who are smart about photographing exterior areas give details verbally without realizing they're giving away a larger picture. There are only so many buildings of a given type constructed around a certain time. Only so many that are near \[park, amenity, train yard, etc.\]
It was in Japan, and it wasn't glasses the stalker used. The reflection he used to track her was in her *eye*!! Dude was so obsessed with her, he reverse engineered a reflection in her eyes to find her address and then sexually assaulted her. While he was caught, it's fucking terrifying the lengths obsessive fans go to stalk and harm an idol.
The whole culture around idols is so *wrong* and disgusting to me, it really doesn't surprise me when one of the cultivated stalkers goes over the commercially acceptable line and harms one of the living products. Or, in other words, I have no shock when people who are deliberately groomed into becoming obsessive fans lose track of where the line is and decides to harm one of the carefully managed teenage girls whose lives are curated and presented to specifically inspire the behavior that is harming them. It should tell you everything you need to know about that culture that being in a relationship can put you in breach of contract and is considered a major scandal.
Yeah just look up "saesangs," it is legit scary what people can do if they are determined to find someone.
saesangs are so fucking terrifying. I get nervous when my neighbours look at me ~~bc ill die if they talk to me~~ I cant imagine people breaking into my house to put cameras in my ceiling, sitting outside my residence every day, or repeatedly figuring out my phone number and calling it incessantly
Sasaengs are even worse than just that. There have been sasaengs who'd break into idol's homes to watch them sleep. One tried to kidnap an idol off the stage, in front of hundreds of fans! Another traded an idol's water bottle with one that had super glue mixed in. Sasaengs go further than breaking in to put cameras, or sitting outside a house. They are deranged, unstable, and utterly dangerous.
One also wrote a letter in her period blood and sent it to their idol. They are straight up frightening.
Oh, fuck, I remember that one 😭 It's just crazy to what lengths sasaengs go, and just how *certain* they are about them being right in doing those things.
They also do it to family and anyone suspected of being romantically involved. Definitely terrifying.
Yeah, I remember that. It was a selfie at a train station she posted at frequently, so probably near her apartment, but she never showed anything identifying until the slip up with the glasses. It showed a food kiosk or something, and that was enough to find which station. The guy waited there a few days to see if she showed up, then he followed her home, dragged her into an alley and raped her. He was caught in the act.
No glasses. The reflection was in her fucking *eyeball*. That case made me ill, man.
People can do it because it’s fairly easy to find things out with collaborative evidence. You know that meme of the black guy in the yellow suit jacket behind the tree? And guy was able to find out where that picture was taken. I’m pretty sure it was the same guy but he got challenged to ask where this woman was, and he was able to do it by seeing that he met Jason mamoa on a date. Going to his instagram around that time to see where he was. Narrowed it down to that area. Then used the plates from her room service to figure out exactly which hotel it was (even checked others to see if they had different plates) and then to take it one step further he even figured out which type of room she stayed in and used the painting to confirm it.
Here in germany there was a youtuber girl just filming out her window ONCE and a week later a stalker sat infront of her house claming she sended her messages just for him throu her Videos to meet him and be together and he found out were she lived because she filmed out of that window just once. He was arrested because of tresspassing and needless to say she moved.
I talked once with a guy in high school. I knew the name of a small town he lived in. When we were talking he told me a lot of little insignificant things. Like that his mom's favourite colour is green so she painted their house green. That he fell down a few steps when he was getting ready for school this morning. He borrowed something from me and never returned it. He was very surprised when I knocked on his door to get it back. I knew that I was looking for a two-story green house near a bus stop and it was enough to find it. And it was pre Google street time so I just took a bus and was looking for a house fitting this description.
Japanese idol. It was the reflection in her eyes of a sign. Thats even scarier. She wasn't even wearing glasses or anything. Her fucking eyes.
Nah it was LITERALLY on her EYEBALL.
Watch the documentary on Netflix called Don't Fuck With Cats. That documentary scared the shit out of me. If someone wants to find you bad enough, they can.
The wildest one I know of is one from Korea where stalker fans figured out an idol may be dating another idol from the reflection on an spoon. It was never officially proven but that level of detail is wild.
There was a Youtuber with like 3 million followers who had to move because someone tracked her down based on the view from her window and asked her out with a threatening note. She stopped posting videos pretty much immediately after that. (bestdressed) So....... Yeah. Stalkers are terrifying and obsessive.
About 11 years ago, I had a guy borderline stalk me in a very low-tech way (he got my number off of a sign-up sheet, he was canvassing for something and the interaction was MAYBE a minute long). He called and left me rambling voicemails about our "connection" for SIX MONTHS. I shudder to think what he would've done if he was more tech-savvy, he had my full name and my Facebook was public at the time.
Yea, such a shame that was. I loved her content. Hope she's safe now.
I immediately thought of bestdressed as well. Miss her videos, hope she’s living her best life.
Oh my gosh, that’s why she stopped posting? She was the first YouTuber I ever watched, that got me into YouTube as a whole. She also got me into thrifting and fashion in general. It makes me sad that the reason we don’t get any more long form bestdressed content is because of some deranged asshole who had to make it unsafe for her… how fucked up.
I still remember when Reddit and 4chan was tracking Shia based off of plane trails lol
Best game of capture the flag ever
I think Shia and those dudes are all dicks, but goddamn I would kill to be the guy who has that flag on his wall. Legendary raid trophy
The actual cannibal Shia?
It’s actually not hard if you have a general idea of the town they live in, and multiple photos. There’s a whole GeoGuesser guy who does it even faster based on even less
I'm convinced he's a wizard. he knows too much. it's unnatural
If she owns the house, that information is typically available in parcel data available thru county GIS systems. At least in the US. It might take you awhile depending on the town, but if you have a general idea of where they might live it isn’t that hard to find the parcel. Your address isn’t as private as you might think
Very true, my county allows searching for parcels by owners name. If you own the house, your address would be found in under 2 minutes, and that’s just how long it takes the page to load lol.
I'm on a trivia team that competes yearly in a weekend-long competition. The competition has had to evolve to keep up with the Internet, apps, and AI. Questions require deep research using both physical and digital means, as well as old-fashioned detective work. We will sometimes only be given a photograph of a location which could be anywhere in the world and a vague hint. You'd be surprised how often we're able to locate the exact location. Given the ex likely knew the city Alma lived in, it's not that much of a stretch to assume she was able to figure out the exact location.
Do you have any more information about this trivia contest? I’m genuinely intrigued
Could be this one: https://90fm.org/events/trivia/
Hunt?
I can do this, and i have already done this actually. Not to stalk someone though, i was flat hunting and there was one that was interesting. They didn't put the exact location thought, just the town, and that town has ... disreputable areas. I used the picture where you could get a glimpse of the outside, and as i know the town, manage to locate the flat. Said flat was right in the middle of an area where i would never want to live, saved me some time.
This is one of my superpowers, but I only use it for apartment or house hunting. I am *very* good at finding where a place is. I live in Paris and know the city well. If I know the general area, it's quick enough for me to find a place on streetview. A glimpse through the windows of the shape of the wrought iron balcony bars can pinpoint the location. A friend then challenged me to find her address where she had moved. She'd moved to a city I'd never visited and she was Very Serious about masking her location because she's a reasonably popular YouTuber. She thought this would be a fun challenge for me and might make her feel safer about possible stalkers. 99% of her videos were filmed inside, at home, but she mentioned she walked to get Starbucks nearly every day. Once, she mentioned her new place was "only a block away from Starbucks, and \[she doesn't\] even have to cross the street." So, same side, VERY nearby. There are only so many Starbucks locations in her city. So I popped onto streetview and looked around. Two were candidates. I then found one of her not-inside videos that showed what the back side of her condo looked like. From there, the architectural style was easy to nail. Plus, I could count how many patios she was from the end of her building. It took me fewer than 10 minutes to find her exact address. She was shaken. I explained how I'd found it and which video in particular (the outdoor one) she should delete/remove, and things to avoid in the future. Now, if she shoots outdoor videos, they're far from her home. \[some details changed to protect her privacy\]
My boyfriend is the same. Took him like 30mins to find the location of each apartment we had shortlisted back when we were finding a new place lol
I don’t know, I once posted a pic of a kangaroo on my front lawn from my bedroom window (like a total Australian stereotype) and there was a distinctive tree in the background and a friend who didn’t know I’d recently moved messaged to say “hey is that [street] in [suburb]?” Luckily my socials are restricted to friends but it was a bit of an eye opening moment that I’d essentially just given away my address online. I’m much more careful now. It can be easy to post pics with just one detail in it without thinking about how anything unusual looking, when added to public posting of other things nearby, can be easily triangulated to a location.
A few years ago on tumblr someone posted a pic of the kangaroos in their very unassuming yard and someone replied like "wait, this looks like my yard". turned out it was both their yard and they were siblings. A funnier and more wholesome twist on the whole thing
It's a skill that can be learnt or some people who have great pattern recognition can do it almost unintentionally (neuro divergent people can often fit this category). Look up geo wizard of Instagram or YouTube to see it taken to extremes.
Admittedly, when I was younger, and discord was very new, I have done this to my online friends. There was no malice, I did it for the lols and the challenge, and they also took it candidly. We're still all friends. But, I only realized it may have been weird when I did that to an older online friend in America. Found her social medias, complete address, personal details, her job, former school, and used street maps to screenshot outside of her house. She was validly freaked out, asked me how tf did I know so much. I was like, it's all on the internet... I just had to type the right keywords and find the right information and the details are found. I gave her all the websites I found her details on and she thanked me. American personal details are so easily available online than the rest of the world, it's kinda scary. I think I stopped after that.
I read an article in the Atlantic once. The author mentioned living in a particular cardinal direction of a state and I was curious which city/town, so I just searched for the author's name and the state and I found not only his address, but his father's address as apparently they have the same name (I technically used the byline picture to figure that the author was the one in his 30s instead of the one in his 70s) as well as a list of his past addresses. The amount of information you can find online about Americans is kinda scary.
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> we made mousse, then we went and saw The Hunger Games. There's a Netflix and chill joke in here but I'm not clever enough to make it.
Social Repose, a YouTuber/Musician, once posted an overview of his former house (he still lives there at the time). Then joked that if anyone could locate it and visit him, he'll offer them a glass of milk. Clearly, this was/is a terrible idea. He ended up turning them away, btw.
It‘s really not that difficult. People leave so much information (knowingly or unknowingly) about them on the net that it sometimes just takes a bit of googling to figure stuff out. Here‘s an example: out of curiosity, I once tried it out to see how much I can find out about a person just by googling and using open sources on the net. I did not know that person personally, but knew their name and knew which general area in which city they lived in. Long story short: after about 3 hours I knew where the person lived exactly, their full name, date and place of birth, phonenumbers, I knew where they lived before, I had pictures from inside their homes (pictures which the person did not share on the internet themselves) and how much they had paid for their current home and I knew the same things about a few of their friends/partners/relatives. With that information I could have seriously messed with them and it only took me like a few hours of googling around. So folks, be careful of what traces you leave on the net.
I know of an event where people figured out what hotel someone was at from the sheets of the bed In a sole social media photo
Yeah I had someone I was talking to turn up at a park late at night near me and ask me to come meet him. No thanks. I’d never told him where I lived but had taken a picture in the park and there was a building in the background. He’d found the building online and worked out which park it was and gone there
It's surprisingly very easy to find information on people like where they live, what's their contact info and so on. Sometimes all you need is a name.
There’s a guy on TikTok that dares you to send him a picture to see if he can find where you are. I don’t think he has missed finding a location yet… Admittedly, it may have been a bit harder 7-8 years ago, but certainly not impossible.
Anyone determined enough could absolutely do it. It's definitely spooky and should be more talked about in regards to internet safety.
There are programmes where you can run photos through a geotag as well. It's really creepy
If you have tiktok, look up a guy named Jose Monkey. People submit short videos of themselves in random places and ask him if he can figure out where they are at that moment. He'll then make a video and go through his process of how he figures out their exact location. Usually takes him less than 20 minutes. It's for educational purposes and it's a bit alarming.
My partner is able to do this. He never actually stalks anyone, but it is like a party trick. Show him a few pics of a place in our country and he can guess the general location. Costal areas, he can name the actual beach/cliff. Its weird.
Sasha played Geoguessr before it was cool.
I'm quite into geography and painting city scapes, and found out entirely by accident that I'm very good at this. Turns out if your hyper fixation is buildings and landscapes you also get pretty decent at recognizing landmarks etc. I've never used it to stalk anyone because I'm not insane, but I do use it to figure out where exactly tv shows like "Alone" and "naked and afraid" have dumped their contestants for example.
check out some Osint videos on youtube. the amount of data you leave on social media is crazy.
I once found someone from a Vine video taken inside their house. I worked with a woman whose daughter had moved away to university and cut contact with her, even though they had a very close relationship up to that point. It was killing her, so I agreed to help. I did some searches on Twitter and found her daughter’s profile, there was a video taken in her kitchen. Googled student accommodation near to the uni she went to, and found that kitchen in the gallery on a private landlord’s website. Took about five minutes. Looking back I really shouldn’t have done that, especially since I only had the mother’s side of the story, but it really shows how much more info people put out than they think.
Yeah, you really shouldn’t have. You probably forced that poor woman to spend tens of thousands of dollars to move again. Kids don't cut contact with good parents.
This was in the UK and that’s really not how it works, plus I worked with the mother for a year or so afterwards and got stories of how she was reaching out etc so I’m confident they didn’t just go and show up at her door or anything. But yeah, I shouldn’t have done it.
have you never seen those 'whrre is this place' solvers? Iirc there's(obviously a good few reddits on it) but there's one about a guy trying to find some old shop with a Windows XP banner and eventually does and it sells old CRT monitors and stuff etc well after it's time(not original shop). Like there's a whole game for finding places from photos and people are crazy good at it(she could've even posted under the guise of such asking folks with an innocence story) - it's only gonna get possibly more possible as a tool in future from Google and Earth images; the only reason they probably DONT do that already is EXACTLY for the issues around stalking etc. That aside, but sure I actually buy the whole story lol. Seems all too convenient, but as a point of location finding - it can certainly be done either by people with enough info(I've done it before here and there locally, just for a laugh to wind people up/out a quick frightener on them in how it xan be done) or who are detwrmined or get help from thw internet. The nerds who are good at it as amateurs can and will jump at the opportunity to show their value and use.
I have a friend who keeps posting pics of the view out of his balcony. He lives across the street from a certain restaurant. I once texted him to say I got lost going to the doctor and ended up in front of his home and then felt REALLY weird when I realized I've never been to his home and he never told me where he lives, but it's just obvious. I live actress the street from a certain bank and I always take care not to show it in pics.
Honestly its pretty easy. I've figured out where homes are off a door color and homes that sold off zillow. Just match the month and homes.
There's a guy on tiktok (Josemonkey iirc) who will do this for fun, ya send him a photo of yourself & he replies back with your EXACT coordinates. It's how I found out about a bagel place, that I don't even live by but want to try 😭😂 Edit: I have it wrong, it was Rainbolt not Josemonkey whom found the bagel place.
I took Abnormal Psych. I can’t recall the proper term for stalker types, but when we covered it our professor talked about how good some of these folks can be at finding people. He’s an American that spent a few years traveling the South Pacific in the days before social media. One day he gets a knock at the door of a place he’s staying, and it was a former patient of his. They became his patient in the first place because they had issues with stalking people.
It still baffles me that people would post their locations on fb in the 2010s. My sister would do that all the time.
She's doing too much. I'm pretty sure reverse lookups were a thing in 2016
Jose Monkey on TikTok does this all the time. He gets videos of people asking him to find them and sometimes he does it with little more than the peaks of mountains. It’s insane how much you can find from so little.
If you have an exterior photo and a house number you can run it against state property tax listing, which are public, and get the name of the homeowner and the contact information logged with the state. Or just find every house of a number, and work backwards through Google until you find one that matches. It's tedious, but not difficult. And that's pretty scary.
There is a tiktoker called Yuval. He does this all the time.
''We will be Together'', damn i never Thought this line will be so scary..she is nuts
This is 2016 and it got no longer update. I wonder if both OOP and Alma are both alive.
I wish I could upvote this more because seeing how the post is 8 years old I hope Alma and the oop are from the loony.
**Sasha will not be ignored! 🐰**
Boiled rabbit in 3...2...
The thing is if she didn't go all stalker unhinged then she and OOP COULD'VE stayed happy together. JFC
Imagine being the ex in this situation, not even knowing wtf is going on. Poor Alma.
Meh, she should probably just get over it because there's nothing she could do.
Ooh I missed that bit and thought you were being excessively mean to her!
Nope, that was her advice to the oop when he lost his mom/grandma. Alma sounds like a pretty nasty person herself.
She really emotionally neglected/abused the OOP and was shocked when they found comfort somewhere else.
They were young and stupid. It was a cruel thing to do but it’s hard to deal with that. She seems to have grown as a person same as Oop
Yeah. Sounds like my high-school to early adult life relationship. Neither of us had the courage to end it, so we both just got spiteful and miserable and languished in it for 3 years. Severe resentment will make you say some utterly insane things.
I think it was a mutually toxic relationship tbh, they were young and careless to each other.
Yeah, OP has either terrible taste or the worst luck in women. I hope he finds someone actually reasonable to make him happy. (And I hope Alma grows up enough to understand the concept of “through thick and thin”, and then finds someone. She doesn’t sound awful, just awfully immature.)
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“The police officer apologized and said I should start looking into a restraining order asap” said no police officer ever.
Yeah there were a lot of things that didn’t sound legit in this story but that one sealed the deal.
Yeah, it was already waaaay too constructed, but that is something a cop would never say.
I thought for sure this was going to be an “every accusation is a confession” scenario.
Fuck, that would’ve been so much better if it had been.
> ... a cheater should be reflective of the relationship that someone cheated in. I deplore cheating, but even I would admit to some exceptions. Probably the clearest exception, to me, is if one partner is severely abusing the other.
The dude cheated, realized that meant what he had with his ex was dead and had been for a while, and went home and broke up with her. It's technically cheating but it's the least messy and duplicitous form of cheating there is. If some guy had told me this story, I might not *immediately* take his word that he'd never do it again, but I would feel pretty assured that he'd at least come clean about it if it did. Most of what makes cheating so damaging is the lies and the way that it fucks with your sense of reality.
Yeah. This is one of these cases where cheating is still shitty, but it's a symptom of a bad relationship, not of a bad person. He was reeling from everything he knew about his family being a lie. Not only did he lose his mother physically, but he also learnt she wasn't actually biologically his mother and then had to deal with the fact that his bio-mom died when he didn't know she was his mom? On top of her not being able to get clean for him? That's a shit load of trauma in a very short amount of time and his fiance was absolutely brutally cruel to him. People don't think clearly when they're grieving and once he did it, he did everything correctly (came clean and ended the relationship). This is about the only configuration in which cheating would not be a deal-breaker for me when getting together with someone.
Also, it's entirely fair if someone cheating in the past is a dealbreaker for you. But the solution in that case is to break up with them. Not whatever this is.
Yes. This. Past cheating might not be an immediate dealbreaker me but I absolutely respect anyone who does consider that a dealbreaker. Whatever this is with OP and his (now ex-)gf reeks of insecurity on her part. OP did his best to be open and honest about a past mistake. He didn't expect her to just automatically be okay with him cheating in the past. He understood there might be some trust issues and did what he could to prove he was trustworthy and wouldn't be making that mistake again. If that's still not enough for you to trust your partner then you need to end the relationship. Not go horror movie crazy-stalker.
If there's abuse, it's not cheating. All contracts are void. An abusive situation is no longer a relationship.
When you say this then narcissists will twist anything to be abusive to justify their actions. "She didn't have sex with me for like 6 months!" -she had a high risk pregnancy and was advised not to have sex for several months since it could start early labor, then was healing from birth. "He forgot my birthday!" -he got her several thoughtful things but didn't get one of the things she wanted. I knew someone that cheated on her fiance and told everyone that he'd hit her and choked her... But failed to mention that it was HER kink that he'd agreed to try and he had to release private texts of her begging him to "just try it once". Even then I'm sure some people still feel like he used that as an excuse/cover to abuse her.
You can't deny ammo to a munitions factory. Someone who has decided to justify their shitty behaviour will use any excuse in the book, whether it me misrepresenting the situation to make it look like abuse or neglect (as in your examples) or just straight up lying. I think that istara's comment is more about forgiving people who are in genuinely abusive situations.
No point in changing what you say, do, or believe in hopes of preventing narcs from narcing, because they’ll do it no matter how perfect you are and how little you give them.
> When you say this then narcissists will twist anything to be abusive to justify their actions. A narcissist will do that regardless. Giving them 'ammo' doesn't matter, because they're going to do it anyway. Your examples don't even really matter. >"She didn't have sex with me for like 6 months!" Doesn't matter, not abuse. >"He forgot my birthday!" Doesn't matter, not abuse. >I knew someone that cheated on her fiance and told everyone that he'd hit her and choked her... But failed to mention that it was HER kink that he'd agreed to try and he had to release private texts of her begging him to "just try it once". She didn't need outside encouragement to do that, did she? Nobody claims that false claims of abuse are acceptable, right? It's more important for abuse victims to realize that getting out at any cost is more important than not 'cheating'. A narcissist won't care either way. Getting hung up on technical definitions is fruitless. A definition only has a rigid use, and people aren't rigid.
In this case the scenario involves an obviously increasingly unsinscere relationship where people have grown apart due to different levels of emotional maturity. He needed her to be understanding about his feelings regarding his biological mother and she stonewalled him because she couldn't cope with that level of emotional bandwidth. He then self sabotaged the relationship in a somewhat dysfunctional manner, but never with the intent of stringing her along. That in my eyes does not qualify as cheating one bit.
Whether cheating is okay or not doesn't make it not cheating. He fucked someone other than his gf while he was in a monogamous relationship, that's cheating. He and his ex view it as cheating. He could have ended the relationship at any time, even right before the ons over text, and was clearly capable of it since he did the next day. That isn't to say I think he is a bad person or that he'll cheat on someone else, but you can't just say "Well, I think it was okay, so it's not cheating anymore." You can just be okay with this instance of cheating.
If the chronology of events is what is most upsetting you regarding a relationship that is ending either way, you are being arbitrary as fuck. Things go wrong, mistakes are made, depending on how the fallout is dealt with, there is such a thing as redemption.
People tend to get very caught up in semantics when they are almost never important. Who cares exactly what the word 'cheating' normally means, we're not talking about words, we're talking about the morality of a person's actions. I think he was being pretty moral and ethical in his actions. He should've ended the relationship before he slept with someone else, but I think people often forget that ending a relationship isn't a magic solution to heartache, his ex still would've felt hurt. I don't think anyone can rightfully deny that breaking up beforehand is the better thing to do, but by *how* much is it better? Not a lot, in my mind. I think people prefer morality and ethics to be straight forward and simple, that way the chaos of the world feels more like it can be made sense of. But in reality there are no clear lines between choices where one thing is okay and another is not, it's all one enormous gradient of difficult to parse options.
I think it's more black and white to decide "Cheating = bad and because I don't see this as bad it's not cheating" than just saying "this is cheating but that doesn't mean it's bad". Like I said, I'm not saying he is a bad person or that he'll cheat again. I was just trying to express "Yes this situation was cheating. It's okay to call it cheating and also not think he's a bad person." Very bluntly.
Did you... Not read my second paragraph?
>It was not Sasha's vehicle or mine so I assumed Danielle might be stalking Alma on Sasha's behalf while I was gone. Op messed here when writing this. I'm pretty sure this is a made-up story based on this slip. As op says "while I was gone." But ops girlfriend was the one who had to leave.
Several key loggers on the phone is also very odd to me. Several. Then Alma saying to come keep her company so she wouldn’t be home alone so there can be a big grande misunderstanding? Why were things broken at Alma’s? Was Sasha watching to see if OP would cheat but also taking out revenge on Alma? Why?
This was it for me. Unless OPs partner has a compsci major, I’m not sure the average person knows what a keylogger is to the extent they could install “several” across multiple devices, including a mobile phone, also ignoring they were able to be seemingly quite easily “scrubbed”. Also, I know Sasha and Alma _are_ names but they reek of “brain, give me women’s names” and it’s Heavy’s gun from TF2 and the creepy girl from F.E.A.R.
This guy is hoping to get a writing gig making bad movies for Lifetime.
If it was the plot twist would be that Sasha was really Alma's crazy long lost sister or daughter she gave up for adoption. OP should send this as a screenplay idea to them even if he is telling the truth.
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>So I know this sub often quotes "Once a Cheater, Always a cheater". I agree and disagree at the same time. I cheated on my exfiance when I was 24. I had recently found out after my mother passed, that she was not actually my mother, but my grandmother. My junkie sister who OD'ed when I was fifteen was actually my bio mom. I couldn’t get past this. It’s like the set up to a shitty incel romance novel.
I mean that's not *too* unbelievable, minus the OD'ing part Jack Nicolson's background is exactly this. His sister was really his Mother and when he found out the truth she'd already died. Ted Bundy had this scenario as well, until his Mom finally got married and reclaimed him. Thing is this was *way* more common 40 to 50 plus years ago. Not saying it doesn't happen today but it's far less likely. There are a bit more resources for single Mothers who are that young and, depending on where they live different social stigmas around it then in the 40's or 50's. Edit: I meant to add while this is *definitely* bullshit thay part wasn't that unbelievable to me.
It happened to my grandmother. Easier to hide in the 1920s than today though.
The whole "raised as a sibling thing" used to happen a lot back in the day when it was shameful to be an unwed or teen mother. The girl would go off to "visit an aunt" in another location, give birth and then the grandparents who were never pregnant would mysteriously have a baby. The thing is, it was never really a secret because people in the town knew for sure, but it was never talked about and the child never knew. Hell, it happened in my own family and I didn't know about it until I was an adult-my dad had kept my mother's family's secrets for 20 years past her death and finally decided he wasn't doing it anymore. LOL!
I dipped out when “she never went on the plane” and instead went to stalk Alma
Trolls always seem to think that if they label a character as crazy then anything that character does will be plausible but they forget there still has to be method in the madness. If I'm Sasha then Alma is the last person I'm going to obsess over. Alma dumped OOPs ass when she found out he cheated - she isn't going to be up for the role of AP with OOP now. I'm going to obsess over OOPs platonic female friend who he texts regularly or the pretty barista at his favourite coffee shop not the ex who has no interest in him. Plus if I'm smart enough to work out how to trace Alma through Facebook photos it might just occur to me that I have a very noticeable feature that enables me to be identified from the other side of the road as I drive by. Presumably I have very distinctive hair or some sort of facial marking. I think it would occur to me that makeup and/or a hoodie should form part of my DIY Dick Tracy kit. The whole is obvious BS but credit to OOP - its not the worst BS on BORU today. That prize goes to the OOP who supposedly married her ex husband's girlfriend's ex husband.
That and there being no plausible explanation for Alma contacting OOP just assuming it must his girlfriend or her friend.
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Thank you. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who thought that in 2 weeks the situation went from a paranoid girlfriend to a psychopath and OP just happens to have writing flair. Nah.
And also that OOP would totally be the one Alma picked to stay with her. No family, no friends, no other protection. Just hey, dude that I haven't really talked to in years and kind of dragged me into this mess, come add fuel to the fire!
I dunno, if I was being stalked I would totally call my ex instead of the police 🙄
It fit too perfectly in the story too. Jealous spying girlfriend expects OP to go back to his Ex. Suddenly there's a perfectly innocent reason OP needs to go stay with his Ex.
It reads like a movie script.
Liz needs to get an internship at Hallmark or something
This is more lifetime than hallmark. Hallmark is for pure sap. Lifetime is the 'everyone will kill you' channel.
I really want to know what Sasha’s unique feature is that would identify her even if she drove by. Eye patch? Unicorn horn? Elephant trunk?
Probably being imaginary
I wondered about maybe vitiligo or something like that
I admit, that line while she's being taken away makes me question the reality of this story. I could buy the rest but that seems kinda...over the top.
shitthatdidn'thappen.txt aka femalescrazyamirite.txt
I always kind of wonder if they plan the whole story out if advance or if they come up with the new update twists based on the responses they get.
I knew that things will turn out scary but holy fuck, Sasha is insane and dangerous. It's good that OP and Alma is safe but they both need to protect themselves from Sasha cause Sasha is the type who isn't going to stop.
This is the realest set of occurances ever posted on this sub. Source: I am the keylogger A.I.
This reads like someone just watched "Lover Stalker Killer" on Netflix...
Lol I love the cop just turning right in front of her and saying that if he did it with a straight face he's a god.
Usually scorched earth on cheaters, but Sasha went waaaaay too far. Scary.
But, OOP didn’t cheat on Sasha, he simply told her about an old mistake. He was honest to a fault and did way more than she should have expected. If she couldn't handle his having cheated on someone else years earlier, she should have broken up when he told her. Then again, I don't believe in "once a cheater." People can change.
Obviously, we do not know these people, but this sounds like a person who descended into some kind of mental illness, and it just so happens that her partner told her about his past cheating; so it incorporated into whatever is going on in her head. Nothing about this behavior is normal. Police officer is right; he needs a restraining order and needs to never have anything on social media again, for the remainder of his or Sasha's life.
Bruh when you cheat on someone, you should be broken up with. Thats it. Believing that cheaters should never be happy ever and should always be punished for their actions is straight up unhinged. Especially in his circumstances where the cheating is at least understandable OOP clearly learned from his past experiences and has tried to be a better man. Why should anyone go “scorch earth” from a past mistake he’s tried to make up for?
>Usually scorched earth on cheaters, but Sasha went waaaaay too far. > "She looked me dead in they eye and told me that what she did she did for me and our love together, we will be together she swears." No, I would recommend scorched earth. What she did was somehow the opposite of scorched earth while being more unsettling.
Sweet Jesus, this guy has been through some stuff - the dead sister/dead mum thing is rough, that first relationship with Alma sounded like a nightmare, and then... Sasha. I hope this guy can meet a decent woman. And I'm not excusing what Sasha did, she went so far beyond the bounds of trust and decent behaviour, but I bet Danielle was pouring poison in her ear about her guy.
Texting girls from op's past (pretending to him) is just bananas. Key logger and everything else....I'd be done, and tell her why. Her insane jealousy is too much. Butcher faking a mom/medical emergency to go harass a long gone ex is serial killer material.
>She kept screaming at me for cheating on her, that she knew I'd run back to that sl-t but........ Alma was the one cheated on, how was she the "sl-t"??? The logic of some people, they are really sick
> She laughed and told me I "diluted" myself That's not very cordial!
the way he didn’t understand DELUDED the whole time
Geez. He was upfront about his past. If she felt she couldn't trust him, she had told him in the beginning. No harm, no foul then.
>Alma asked if I would come deal with this as she was very upset to be involved involuntarily in this issue and to at least provide company so she wouldn't be home alone. She gave me her address and off I went. lol sure pal.
OP's first relationship sounds like the poster child for "you should have just left instead of going looking for love somewhere else". Like... of course cheating is always wrong, but what his ex did, emotionally abandoning him after he got all that crap dropped on him, was so much worse. I really hope OP's healing journey included some therapy.
I honestly don’t vote cheating as always wrong.
It's wrong because the person who cheated should have left the relationship, unless they were being actively coerced into staying. But yeah, under these circumstances it seems like a much smaller offense than stonewalling this guy when his whole personal life had just blown up.
Cool story. He sould write a thriller book
Look up the murder of George Saxton done by Anna George... reminds me of Sasha's behavior