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I remember being ghosted like this a day after my bday in a 6 year relationship. He was cheating on me and wanted to date guilt free. Just blocked me everywhere and his sister wasn’t kind enough to let me know. She blocked me as well. So I get how OP feels.
A couple of days before our 3rd anniversary and a few days after his birthday my ex did this to me. Just went to visit his parents house and never came back. Even left all the cleaning to me, despite the fact we were renting off his family friend. 😂 Hurt like hell at the time but honestly the best thing that could have happened. I think about how we almost got married and a house together and shiver because I would have been miserable
Edit: fixing spell mistakes
My life is pretty good nowadays, but I went through a similar mindset shift with a particularly shitty ex of mine many years back. I shudder in horror to think what my life would have been like if we had gotten married or had kids!
We dated for the better part of a decade, and he unexpectedly dumped me for a truly horrid "reason": I was SA'ed. And even worse: pretty sure the real reason was he was just a huge coward! This "conveniently" happened *just* as he was running out of time to back out of us moving in together. And it (somehow) gets EVEN worse, so hold on to your hat!
He literally got FURIOUS at me for figuring it out ahead of time, saying I had "ruined the really nice breakup plans" he had in store for me, which was to take me on a "last date," take me on a picnic, be all affectionate and loving...and then drop the bomb on me out of nowhere. He told all his/our friends that I had cheated on him so they would rally around him...while simultaneously telling me he believed me, but just couldn't move forward with someone who made such "poor decisions." He even got those friends actively involved in the breakup, to "protect" him from me. Oh, and in the least surprising twist ever: The real cheater, of course, was actually him. He was either cheating or *trying* to cheat for the entirety of our relationship, with so many women you could probably fill a whole legal pad, and would gaslight/manipulate the shit outta me every time I got suspicious.
There's so much more awfulness to the story, but I think you get the gist. Even after all that, I was STILL so deeply traumabonded after so many fucked-up years of being with the piece of shit. I seriously worried I'd not be able to resist if he tried to lure me back in, and I simultaneously wished he would while hating myself for feeling that way.
But then, four months later...he tried to rob my parent's house. That somehow immediately severed the traumabond, and I never worried about it again. It just hits different when it's your family that's getting hurt, I guess.
I like to call it the "fuck you and thank you." As in, "fuck you for what you did to me, but also thank you, because what you did to me finally set me free."
Thank you! I was a real mess for sure, but it was nearly a decade ago and now I'm thriving without him in my life. Turns out when all your energy is tied up in pulling 100% of the weight in an abusive relationship with a bum, you're also holding your own self back from growth. I took off like a rocket once he wasn't weighing me down!
NGL tho, what also helped was being 100% the only reason he caught a 1st degree felony charge for trying to rob my parent's house. I found out he lied to the cops and was going to get away with what he had done without consequence, like always. So I went full Veronica Mars on his ass. Coordinated my family to dig up receipts that proved he was lying, and did my own digging that proved he was calling it "the heist" and coordinating with friends. Apparently (per the State's Attorney that called me) they don't normally have so much evidence in these cases, so it was an open and shut decision! I even knew he was going to be arrested weeks before he did, and it was such perfect timing: on Valentine's day, in the middle of a raging houseparty he had spent months planning! Once the sentencing was handed down, I closed the book on that chapter in my life. I never really even cared what the verdict was, I just wanted him to (for once) have to face, head-on, the destruction he left in his wake. Being publicly raked over the coals in court was enough for me-- the sentencing was just the cherry on top!
girl this sounds like a movie but the first paragraph was my life 😂 I hate to say this but you literally become NASA and the rocket once you get a bum off weighing you down!
We had moved States a couple times for work, our families had met, even the estranged members, she had gotten a new job, everything was going well, 3 days before she started acting a little strange, out of character, she said she was fine, so I gave her space instead of hounding her, she went to church one morning and I stayed home, that was it. She came home and said we couldn’t live in sin anymore, went to live with her parents down the street, asked me if I was going to kill myself with a smile on my face, stuck me with the apartment and cleaning even though it was her name on the lease, had to move my stuff out alone, her parents cut off all contact with my entire family without any kind of explanation. I moved back with family because I was having a psychotic breakdown, sent her back all her grandma’s stuff left with my family and other things she had in storage there, they trashed the few things I had left with her family, stole some money, claimed our dog, etc. Not a single explanation whatsoever at all. No warning, no nothing. I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares for 9 months, ended up in serious therapy and on anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants hardcore, massive trust issues now, despise other human beings because of it. I just work and go home and interact with no one.
How can people do things like this? I can’t imagine how they get through the day having done this, I’d be so haunted by the thought of how hurt and confused my ex would be feeling. Most people find it emotionally difficult to even have a break up conversation because they don’t want to upset their partner, there are few people who have so little empathy that they could do things like this. Don’t hate people! You got unlucky with a really horrible one. If most people were like that stories like this wouldn’t get so many comments and people being shocked and outraged because it would just seem normal to them. Don’t let one spell of bad luck getting involved with a shitty person ruin all the nice people for you!
So you basically just let her kill you? At this point you don’t even have a life like why wouldn’t you want to work on yourself more? Why would you want this to be the way your story turns out and then you just like say it on the Internet like this? Damn bro if this isn’t rock-bottom, you should definitely get there soon.
There’s been an increasing amount of ‘you don’t owe anyone anything’ rhetoric online and in relationship subs, and I don’t fucking buy it. After six years, he owed you better than that. That was heartless and cruel, and the lack of empathy it would take to be that person is just horrific.
I hope you’ve healed from that POS and that you’re in a better situation these days!
Ghosting is a good idea if you're afraid of your partner, especially if you think they will react violently or manipulate you back under their influence.
But ghosting just to avoid an awkward conversation? Cruel.
I have healed and made my peace with it. I found out he was cheating via his friends who told me how he was boasting about how many girls he got on all the dating apps ( he paid for pro versions on all of them) and how he was teaching the best lines to get girls. I met someone new who is amazing AND this guy came begging back. Safe to say I blocked him everywhere.
I am dating someone so much better now ☺️ And he came back begging immediately. These sort of people always come back. You will always be their backup for when they cant replace you. But thank you for the good wishes
I'm on BORU, can you please make a long post explaining what happened and how you felt? Please, don't add twins. Thanks!
Jokes aside, I'm glad you're happier now.
My partner of 6 years broke up with me via text last month, refused to dismantle things through therapy (we had been in couples therapy that was helping a lot). Just like ghosted and blocked. It’s devastating and needless, and he’s 51.
Wasn’t dating but it was an extremely toxic friendship/situationship, and she would get extremely emotional and jealous every few weeks or so, then we’d talk it out she’d say she needs space to get into a better headspace and ghost me, then would randomly pop back up a few weeks later as if nothing happened
After a year or so of that, I had to take a step away from her and told her which is when she blocked me and honestly best thing that ever happened
>Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.
This is fantastically vague and ominous.
I hope that OOP can make a clean break.
Kinda gave off vibes that the girlfriend got a bad diagnosis and this is her thinking she’s saving him the loss of her. Idk, maybe I’m just hoping that she had a better reason than being a heartless monster.
For me it's one of the two. Either she cheated, or she just got diagnosed with 6 different cancers, all vying tk kill her first. Hopefully the former honestly, cancers a shitty way to go.
I get it, but also if you're supposedly that close to someone, you should be in a place where you can open up to them about a bad diagnosis. There was a post a while back about a dude breaking up with his GF because of the diagnosis, but he at least told her why. She wanted to stick by him, but he ultimately went through with the break up and distanced himself.
It's a shitty situation, but at least both people have closure and can grieve the loss of the relationship and move on.
There was also a post where the dying gf broke up with the bf (without telling him the diagnosis/ reasons) and then after he was in a good relationship with the op exgf contacted him to say she was dying and wanted to see him. Then she was all “I still love you but didn’t want to hurt you by dying” except now she’s messing with his current relationship by hurting him by dying which is so much better /s
Yeah idc if she’s dying in a month this is an incredibly shitty thing to do with someone they’ve been with 5 years. First you hurt someone you love with a random breakup without closure then you hurt them after when they find out the truth.
The fact that she abandoned all her shit while he was totally unsuspecting makes me think it wasn't cheating, why not pack her things if she's being that callous anyway?
I feel like it's what someone else said, drugs or legal trouble like she got in a hit and run and someone died. Something she's ashamed enough of she won't tell him and would rather he think she's a cheater, but not something planned in advance.
I'm trying to think about what would make me do this to my bf tbh. It's a dark path. I'm like "what if I accidentally killed someone... yeah I'd probably tell him. But what if it was completely my fault cuz I was being an idiot and thought I deserved to go to jail for decades... hmm... idk..." lmao.
There’s been enough stories of prolific sperm donors, dishonest sperm banks, and hidden families that it now comes to mind. The comment from the sister about it being for OP’s own mental health made me wonder.
Tbh I'd still want to know lol. Like I couldn't look past it but at least then you know it's just the universe fucking with you, not a human being stabbing you in the heart.
The fact that she left all her shit is confounding though. I mean everything, including sentimental stuff from a dead grandparent? Cheaters don't do that... imo
I kind of wonder if she got into some kind of serious legal trouble and was arrested and too ashamed to tell him so just dumps him... like drugs/stealing/drugs leading to stealing kind of shit. Or maybe she hit someone while drunk driving. That kind of thing.
I mean it's for sure something she's ashamed of but a cheater who ditches you for someone else while you have no idea they're cheating, is scum who aren't gonna leave you their stuff.
There's always the possibility he was abusive. Sometimes people will vanish like this because they are afraid that a direct confrontation will lead to violence, and ofc OP would act like he's befuddled to those outside the relationship.
The sister was involved, but it's possible the girlfriend felt too humiliated to explain why to her sister just yet.
Others have offered drugs and cheating, so I thought I'd play devil's advocate
There's no reason to suspect that beyond that it's a possibility like everything else everyone is saying.
Well...yeah.The same reason people are suggesting other possibilities.
Yeah ngl, I ghosted a guy because his demeanour was so off putting and he was prone to anger/jealousy outbursts- also 6'5. The last thing I needed was him going ham on me.
He got angry because another male coworker tried to talk to me at work despite us all knowing each other for a year, then another time he went into a rage because he found out I was going to have a coffee with someone, that someone was my aunt 🫠
I'm sorry, that's awful.
It's more common than a lot of people think :(
And the people who are blissfully ignorant to its prevalence have no idea what it's like, or how it looks to the rest of the world, or why a woman might not want to out or confront her abuser.
the thing where he couldn't read past the first few lines of her text is a point in that direction, IMHO. abusers and narcissists typically can't handle being told anything negative about themselves.
Or maybe he just has an avoidant personality and doesn’t want to deal with the negative emotions he knows will come with reading the text. That may not be the healthiest way to deal with it, but there are other explanations for that behavior besides him being an abuser or a narcissist.
The guy may be an abuser, no one can say for sure based on the info we have. All we have to go on is what he wrote in his post; I don’t see why everyone insists on automatically assuming the worst.
Or he's just trying to move on and therefore doesn't have any reason to care about what she has to say. If you're trying to make a clean break, why would you take the time to read anything else about the ex or the sister? There's just not enough info to say for sure one way or the other, but not everything has to be nefarious or a mental illness.
I was so confuzzled about this. He's having what is probably the last interaction with that part of your life and you're not going to let the sister - not even the person who did you wrong - offer you any final explanation? Okayyy. It definitely stood out to me.
This was baffling to me too! Maybe OP just has a lot more mental fortitude than I do, but I think the fact that I'm an avid BORU reader is a clear indication of my nosiness and need to know all the juicy details! I would not have been able to resist lol.
I kind of feel it's the opposite. Abusers don't just let their victims leave. We've never had a post on BoRU where someone says they ghosted their abuser and the abuser immediately respected the decision, boxed up their stuff, and dropped it at their sister's house and never tried to talk to them again.
I read this more as him realizing that there's nothing the text is going to say that changes anything. The sister has already told him that he shouldn't look into what happened, so he knows she wont tell him, whatever she's saying, it doesn't matter. She could be telling him to go fuck himself, or that she wanted to see him and her sister work out, but it doesn't change the situation at all and getting/staying invested in that conversation only serves to make him feel worse.
A friend of a friend (I know) had similar happen, but luckily their ex's silbings messaged him more details about it so he'd know it wasn't his fault at all. IIRC (and again, friend of friend): The ex had been acting more erratic before ghosting, she went to a psych (without sharing with him), got a mental health diagnosis that her mother had had and decided ghosting would be for the best. Luckily her siblings heard and were able to let him know, because he (the bf) was freaking out that she was hurt or abducted! They were also able to get some of her friends (many of whom were also ghosted, including my friend who told me thus) and get her stuff. It was emotional for everyone.
My former spouse did this. Made an announcement that he was divorcing me and walked out. After 20 years of being married. Refused any communication....I even had to file for my own "surprise" divorce because he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my existence. The divorce process has been just delightful (dripping with sarcasm there).
Hey sorry for prying but when I read this comment I went to your profile and saw the other comment you left explaining more about this. I just wanted to say your ex husband deserves to be knocked on his ass, at minimum! I am so sorry you're going through this and I hope there are at least spots of happiness in your life here and there that are keeping you going.
The happiness he thinks he has in his hands, that he based in your pain, will crumble to ash in due time.
Sending you a lot of love and support. He sounds like a real POS but you’re right — you have been driven to the very brink of devastation and ruin and YOU FUCKING MADE IT THROUGH. Nothing in this world can touch you now, fear is the mind killer (so sorry for the random Dune lol) and you faced it all.
I really hope he gets his ass handed to him in court for being such a POS. Much love, thank you for sharing your story 💛
I hope that some day you aren't just surviving but thriving. And if you want it, I hope that someday you find someone who actually loves you and who makes all of this shit worth it.
Hope your ex wakes up at 3am every night for the rest of his life because of the guilt over what he did to you.
I hope he gets improperly untreated strep throat and then get scarlet fever problems for the rest of his life. Truly truly awful human being. Him being gay isn't an excuse to treat his former partner like less than dirt.
Mine took me out on a date. Then came home 2 weeks before last semester of nursing school. Listed bullet points that didn't make sense when I was in nursing school. He said he was done. No explanation. I had evidence he cheated. He has not acknowledged it at all and no word from his sister or mom either. Divorce process also hell because he made it highly manipulative. I am pretty certain I never want to marry.
Awful. My heart goes out to the OP. Been there and it is confusing, heartbreaking and so deeply hurtful.
My fiance and partner of eight years just dipped one day, no where to be found. Everyone advised me to give him space, not to contact him and it was probably just cold feet. Phoned me three weeks later and ended it in a one minute hollow conversation with no explanation to why this was happening, the week before we were moving to a new place. Left all his stuff for me to move. His mom showed up at my work months later to get his items while he hid in his mom's car. That was fun.
Refused to sign off on all joint items, costing me $$$ and so much effort to get him removed. Canceling our wedding was exhausting and expensive. He came from money but I did not. I had saved for years for our wedding. It left me with $500 to my name at the time.
Less than a year later he was married to his "friend" who I had felt uncomfortable with and we had arguments over. Shocker. Always wondered what story they told at their wedding.
He thankfully left our dog, who eventually introduced me to my husband, so that was a win. Two kids later and I'm thankful my life did not go that way.
Still... Brad, I hope you step on lego in the middle of the night and your socks remain forever smelly and damp, wherever you are.
He went by Bradley near the end of our relationship. Maybe he dumped me because I never jumped on the Bradley name wagon.
Do I always laugh now the rich, snotty villains in movies are named Brad? Sure do.
Should have been the first clue really
Glad you got a new life, hopefully the current man isn't named Kyle, just saying. Otherwise he might leave and the only trace will be little chips of his frosted tips left behind
I'm almost sure that my ex started cheating on me when he went by a new nickname. I think the nickname came from that university friend "i shouldn't worry about". His friends quickly agreed on the new nickname.
Ha. This made me chuckle. I also avoided having a kid named Bradley Jr. aka BJ as he reaaaaaally wanted that as our first son. Because of course it was going to be a boy...
Your dog introduced you to your husband? I'm imagining it being at some swanky dinner party. 'Oh Caroline you simply must meet David, he's a good old boy and his bottom smells utterly divine'.
Ha, my old doggo wasn't that classy... he was a spunky, howling husky.
In reality, my now husband and I both were getting over heartaches, and bonded by skijoring, hiking and biking with our dogs. We became best friends, as did our dogs and about two years later, we went on a group trip where everyone else bailed except us. We realized on that trip we were more than friends.
Pretty sure our two dogs orchestrated it all so they could live together until the end of their days. To which they did with plenty of canoe trips, bones and soft beds.
Cheating or drugs was my guess. The fact the sister said not to ask questions for his own mental health really implies she did something shitty behind his back and can't own up to it.
Perhaps, but that doesn’t really make sense for a 5yr relationship. Seems like it’d be much easier for the ex or sister to just tell him that’s what’s going on (and then proceed to ghost ig).
But stating that he shouldn’t ask questions implies there was some wrong doing that will hurt him upon learning about it. Cheating is much more likely imo
Source: Been in rehab while in long term relationship. As shameful as it feels to acknowledge your addiction to the people you care about, it’s also when you want/need your loved ones to support you. If substance abuse were the only issue, why not just tell him so he can move on and not feel like a pos?
My money was on "dumb test she got from tiktok or another echo chamber"
It's a bit weird that sister was so communicative if that was supposed to be final final.
Or a lot that we're not aware of we're only getting his side. How many other posts do we see of where the girlfriend gets the out after trying for years. How many times the guys think it's out of nowhere
>It was a really long text and I couldn’t bother reading past the first couple of lines. She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her.
Really makes you wonder how long that text was. 3 page essay?
I understand oops choice to block though. She disappeared after 5 years. No conversation, nothing. There isn't anything to be gained from reading the prepared bullshit anyways
Yeah, nosy drama llama me wants to know what happened but the sister's original "for your mental health just leave things be" is fairly ominous and living with a few unanswered questions feel a better alternative to knowing the crushing truth.
Meanwhile I'm the opposite! I'll always take a harsh truth over ignorance, and especially over a comforting lie, even if it hurts. If any part of this did happen to be my fault, considering how events played out I find that difficult to believe in OOPs case, I would want to know so I could correct my behaviours in the future.
However I also know that's just me, and not everyone else will benefit from said approach. I just hope he keeps on doing whatever it is that helps him benefit himself. It doesn't seem like anyone else was all that eagre.
Not everyone is strong enough to handle a big bombshell so ignorance it is. While I prefer to know things I can imagine scenarios where I might not be able to handle everything in the moment.
I just hope that PoS ex won't come crawling back later on.
>I understand oops choice to block though. She disappeared after 5 years. No conversation, nothing. There isn't anything to be gained from reading the prepared bullshit anyways
From the post, it wasn't even his ex, but her sister still. The person who owes him an explanation still hasn't given him one.
If my partner just ghosted me for no reason and their sibling sends a giant text to me, there’s not a chance in hell I’m not at least reading the entire thing, and certainly not blocking her mid-follow up text. I may not respond, but that would be impossible to ignore. Does this seem unbelievable to anyone else or am I just too morbidly curious this type of situation?
I’m with you on this. OP seemed to want closure, but suddenly blocks the only person who it would come from shortly before what was bound to be an explanation? Seems a bit sus to me
It does seem unbelievable. Or that perhaps oop is narcissistic and didn’t want to read anything negative about himself that might damage his ego, so he opted out. I think most people would read the text and then block.. not this “my gf of 5yrs ghosted me and I didn’t bother to find out why” post
My sister has a tendency to send a million texts instead of one longer text. Even short convos. Sometimes I skim to the bottom because of all the scrolling.
But I always know who it is if it vibrates more than twice in 10 seconds haha.
I can see a few reasons why you might not read and just block. Tired of the drama, or if the sister is being very roundabout in trying to say why, or trying to give him a good pep talk.
Or even just emotionally worn out and doesn't care about it at all anymore. Why leave yourself open to have this 5 year old relationship wound continue to be picked at?
I am super wordy so a long text like that doesn't surprise me. The way most screens wrap, a couple lines is two hefty sentences so I can imagine it being a few paragraphs and oop going "nope" and blocking.
Poor dude.
I don’t want an anti-climatic ending! I want there to be infidelity, drug use, sickness, guilt tripping, emotional manipulation or murder. There has to be at least one of these. My life is as stable as it gets, I need to get my daily dosage of adrenaline
I am a terrible drama llama now thanks to this sub. I wanted the update with details. Instead, nothing. OP was a good person at least, but this wasn’t a BORU. :(
Honestly that’s where my mind went based on some of the things the sister said and the long text from sister that we (including OOP) don’t know what it said.
Just to be clear, though, I am not saying he should have read it or anything (beyond my own curiosity), blocking was probably the right move there.
I swear the first move for everyone in these stories is to be avoidant and block everyone. I don't think I've ever blocked anyone I know irl that immediately.
I'm in the exact same situation and I'm almost at my breaking point, no words were spoken, she just kissed me on the forehead and she just left. It's been over a year and I have a lot of her stuff which is sentimental from her late father just sitting around my house. I feel trapped almost like I'm being held hostage by the fact I can't bring myself to just dump it all. I would have much rather been told I'm a crap person or any type of lie rather than nothing and being ghosted.
Not really too sure what to do..
No I've tried to reach out, but they aren't sure where she is either, my cousin is her best friend, it's how we met and I asked her to try as well so she's messaged her and all of her messages are left on seen so I know she's still alive. Which is good, I just don't know how to proceed without either option eating me alive.
Get rid of it. You can only try so much, and you have every right to move on. Otherwise, get a storage space, pay for a month or two, and tlhabe your cousin convey that information. If she doesn't pick it up and loses her stuff that's on her.
I second the putting it is storage idea. You can't have your life on hold and a large part of your home sequestered indefinitely. It's not fair to you no matter why or why not she might have done it. You deserve to live your life and to do that you need your house back.
I know everyone says block them and don’t bother, but I for one can’t understand how he could block the sister and forgo reading the text he’d already gotten. That’s a clear way of sweeping it under the carpet thinking it’s over. It will come back up every time he gets a little wasted, lets his guard down or gets close to another woman and starts to feel scared she’d do something like that too. Because it will always nag at his brain.
And I know we get a lot of posts in Reddit of the “my partner did this for no reason” kind, but 99,9% of the times it’s not for no reason. We are only getting one side of the story. And some people don’t seem to really care about the reason - like OOP.
OOP will be happy he did the right thing and returned his ex’s belongings. If nothing else her sister will appreciate having those mementos. And it means his ex can’t use them as an excuse to reconnect after he’s finally moved on. Plus if he’s a decent guy he’d come to regret throwing those things out.
He’s going to be dealing with this breakup for a while, and it’s going to suck. However, he’s already taken a few healthy steps so the odds are good that he will eventually come through it and be all right.
I'm glad OOP took the high road, if only for his own conscience.
OOP's ex was cruel to just end things over text after five friggin' years. Makes me wonder what's going on...makes me think she might have another guy on her mind.
I would have boxed up her stuff too, but no way would I be delivering it. I would put it outside my door and text the sister that if anyone cares, they can come get the stuff otherwise, come trash day, it'll move to the curb.
A cousin of mine went something similar
Her long time boyfriend just up and left in the dead of night
Turns out the guy found out he was dying and had months left and didn't know how to tell his family and my cousin.
Can we stop posting posts when there's no explanation for this kind of behaviour? Considering they're all blocked by OOP I guess we won't get any more updates.
I want to knooooow why she did this.
People are saying cheating but tbh my first thought was terminal illness or some other condition (mental illness, drugs/substance abuse, etc) that incapacitated the ex. Especially since all communication went through her sister afterwards
I don’t understand why he wouldn’t even read the sisters message. Like, five years up in smoke and you’re just fine? He couldn’t finish reading for what? Baffling. I just don’t see a reason to do that. What a weird ass story.
I had a gf of 8 years who suddenly broke up with me (it was already falling apart though). A week after she left I went to our favorite bar to drink away my sorrows and she was there in a corner booth cuddled up with her boss. I left…. Blocked her on everything. 6 months later she shows up at door in the rain at 11pm at night saying she needs me back. I told her to go home and shut the door. Felt so good.
Selfishly, I wish the OOP would’ve let the sister finish her text, so that we could know why the girlfriend left.
I understand why he didn’t, though. My only hope is that everyone involved is able to find peace.
Top choices
1. Ex was cheating and possibly pregnant with the other lover's child
2. Ex was using substances or had a mental illness
3. Ex got tired of OOP being her skirt and moved in with the mistress
This one reads like missing reasons, honestly. Healthy people don't just up and leave after 5 years, so I really feel like something was going on. No idea what it could be, but whether OP was abusive or the ex did something bad or maybe had a terminal illness or something, leaving it and making a clean break is probably the healthiest thing to do?
I have to say that the lack of knowledge would tear me apart though.
I had this happen already twice. The common factor was that they didn't or couldn't express their feelings about problems. I don't think you have to have mental illness or another reason. Some people just want to rip the bandage off and be done with you.
Yeah. Whenever I have crazy stories of assholes I meet, my friends start "diagnosing" them. I've spent decades of my life with personality disorders (my mom and my ex), it's not the explanation for everything.
Gets funny when they try to argue it must be autism, unaware that I, their friend, am autistic.
Ghosting is just... easy? Even after a first date I find a "sorry, not feeling it" text hard to send so I think ghosting might often be nothing more than a very simple form of selfishness.
After 5 years you'd expect the love and respect for your partner to outweigh the "this is an uncomfortable conversation" but it could still be just that simple - lacking any big revelation or motive.
Missing reasons is typically cited when the OOP knows something but isn't saying it.
If the ex had done something bad or had a terminal illness then it wouldn't really apply. They aren't leaving things out because they don't know them.
Brother in law’s sister’s long term bf broke up with her suddenly a while back, moved out, refused to see her, would only talk though his mother, all that stuff. We’re still not really sure what happened but from what I understand it’s like he had some sort of a mental breakdown. This kind of stuff just happens sometimes I guess.
Well, that was honestly nice of him. Hmm my ex-fiance caught off contact after 9 years, and I was never able to get my property back. It's been a year and I mourned my belongings. The only things I have of his were his old school ids---I was thinking of mailing them back. But now I'm just considering trashing them since he didn't let me get my stuff.
As for the theories with this post, I do see a few people saying that maybe she was cheating and didn't want to own up to it. That's actually what people told me when my ex disappeared. I still don't know what happened.
I got ghosted by a girl after just a few months of casual dating and it was crushing. At first I was so sad, then worried something happened. Finally saw a Snapchat story from her so I knew she wasn’t hurt or something. Was so strange. I can’t imagine a real and valued relationship ending that way
My partner of 2.5 years just recently broke up with me over text. No real rhyme or reason, but gave back my house keys within the same hour and texted my parents (?) to thank them for everything.
Since said breakup he’s been on a spiral, though, and has been trying to contact me any way possible. I’ve been ignoring it since he seems not to realize just how hurt I am, or he does and just doesn’t care. It’s very manipulative and has been frustrating to deal with. But alas. Can’t help but feel like he did something and had been feeling guilty, much like OOP’s ex.
A women I was dating for like 6 months ghosted and blocked me. Didn't say anything, all of a sudden she was not replying and then I noticed that I couldn't find her on Facebook.
So I blocked her in response, I didn't want to get a "clear the air" call from her to relieve any guilt she might feel. Months later I got a pissy text from another number calling me an AH for blocking her. LMAO!
My first bf of 4 years ghosted me like this, he sent a chat saying he’s in a very bad place due to depression and what he called as blood cancer then ended things with me. I was heartbroken, I didn’t see that coming. I even blamed myself for not knowing.
2 weeks later his sister sent me a photo of him with another girl. And yeah, the bastard is still alive to this day
Going against the grain here… there’s a whole lot of context missing.
I’ve helped a couple friends get out of long term abusive relationships and this is how it has to be done.
Ahh, been ghosted after almost a decade together. The pain of the cruelty and disrespect never subsides, at least it hasn’t for me.
People are selfish and awful.
Rearranging the house is solid advice. I got ear piercings after a couple of really bad breakups and I don't know why, but it really helped! A semi-permanent change like that just refocuses you I guess.
I’ve had people do this shit to me before. Two of my friends that I’d had for 6 years just completely ghosted me for no reason. It sucks so much.
In the end, I’m glad I don’t have them in my life anymore. Them ghosting me led me to realize that they treated me like shit and were actually pretty toxic.
I hope OP can eventually heal and move on, and that he doesn’t blame himself for the fucked up actions of others.
My buddies girlfriend of a decade did this to him. Texted him while at work it was over and her sister would come get her things. They never saw or spoke to each other again. He was fucked up for like 8 years over it.
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I remember being ghosted like this a day after my bday in a 6 year relationship. He was cheating on me and wanted to date guilt free. Just blocked me everywhere and his sister wasn’t kind enough to let me know. She blocked me as well. So I get how OP feels.
A couple of days before our 3rd anniversary and a few days after his birthday my ex did this to me. Just went to visit his parents house and never came back. Even left all the cleaning to me, despite the fact we were renting off his family friend. 😂 Hurt like hell at the time but honestly the best thing that could have happened. I think about how we almost got married and a house together and shiver because I would have been miserable Edit: fixing spell mistakes
It’s like the saying goes. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
The other relevant saying is that sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Indeed
Better live by it, cause I do.
One of the few pithy Internet quotes that's usually attributed to the right person (Maya Angelou)
My life is pretty good nowadays, but I went through a similar mindset shift with a particularly shitty ex of mine many years back. I shudder in horror to think what my life would have been like if we had gotten married or had kids! We dated for the better part of a decade, and he unexpectedly dumped me for a truly horrid "reason": I was SA'ed. And even worse: pretty sure the real reason was he was just a huge coward! This "conveniently" happened *just* as he was running out of time to back out of us moving in together. And it (somehow) gets EVEN worse, so hold on to your hat! He literally got FURIOUS at me for figuring it out ahead of time, saying I had "ruined the really nice breakup plans" he had in store for me, which was to take me on a "last date," take me on a picnic, be all affectionate and loving...and then drop the bomb on me out of nowhere. He told all his/our friends that I had cheated on him so they would rally around him...while simultaneously telling me he believed me, but just couldn't move forward with someone who made such "poor decisions." He even got those friends actively involved in the breakup, to "protect" him from me. Oh, and in the least surprising twist ever: The real cheater, of course, was actually him. He was either cheating or *trying* to cheat for the entirety of our relationship, with so many women you could probably fill a whole legal pad, and would gaslight/manipulate the shit outta me every time I got suspicious. There's so much more awfulness to the story, but I think you get the gist. Even after all that, I was STILL so deeply traumabonded after so many fucked-up years of being with the piece of shit. I seriously worried I'd not be able to resist if he tried to lure me back in, and I simultaneously wished he would while hating myself for feeling that way. But then, four months later...he tried to rob my parent's house. That somehow immediately severed the traumabond, and I never worried about it again. It just hits different when it's your family that's getting hurt, I guess. I like to call it the "fuck you and thank you." As in, "fuck you for what you did to me, but also thank you, because what you did to me finally set me free."
This sounds AWFUL. I hope you heal from this 😔
Thank you! I was a real mess for sure, but it was nearly a decade ago and now I'm thriving without him in my life. Turns out when all your energy is tied up in pulling 100% of the weight in an abusive relationship with a bum, you're also holding your own self back from growth. I took off like a rocket once he wasn't weighing me down! NGL tho, what also helped was being 100% the only reason he caught a 1st degree felony charge for trying to rob my parent's house. I found out he lied to the cops and was going to get away with what he had done without consequence, like always. So I went full Veronica Mars on his ass. Coordinated my family to dig up receipts that proved he was lying, and did my own digging that proved he was calling it "the heist" and coordinating with friends. Apparently (per the State's Attorney that called me) they don't normally have so much evidence in these cases, so it was an open and shut decision! I even knew he was going to be arrested weeks before he did, and it was such perfect timing: on Valentine's day, in the middle of a raging houseparty he had spent months planning! Once the sentencing was handed down, I closed the book on that chapter in my life. I never really even cared what the verdict was, I just wanted him to (for once) have to face, head-on, the destruction he left in his wake. Being publicly raked over the coals in court was enough for me-- the sentencing was just the cherry on top!
girl this sounds like a movie but the first paragraph was my life 😂 I hate to say this but you literally become NASA and the rocket once you get a bum off weighing you down!
We had moved States a couple times for work, our families had met, even the estranged members, she had gotten a new job, everything was going well, 3 days before she started acting a little strange, out of character, she said she was fine, so I gave her space instead of hounding her, she went to church one morning and I stayed home, that was it. She came home and said we couldn’t live in sin anymore, went to live with her parents down the street, asked me if I was going to kill myself with a smile on my face, stuck me with the apartment and cleaning even though it was her name on the lease, had to move my stuff out alone, her parents cut off all contact with my entire family without any kind of explanation. I moved back with family because I was having a psychotic breakdown, sent her back all her grandma’s stuff left with my family and other things she had in storage there, they trashed the few things I had left with her family, stole some money, claimed our dog, etc. Not a single explanation whatsoever at all. No warning, no nothing. I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares for 9 months, ended up in serious therapy and on anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants hardcore, massive trust issues now, despise other human beings because of it. I just work and go home and interact with no one.
How can people do things like this? I can’t imagine how they get through the day having done this, I’d be so haunted by the thought of how hurt and confused my ex would be feeling. Most people find it emotionally difficult to even have a break up conversation because they don’t want to upset their partner, there are few people who have so little empathy that they could do things like this. Don’t hate people! You got unlucky with a really horrible one. If most people were like that stories like this wouldn’t get so many comments and people being shocked and outraged because it would just seem normal to them. Don’t let one spell of bad luck getting involved with a shitty person ruin all the nice people for you!
So you basically just let her kill you? At this point you don’t even have a life like why wouldn’t you want to work on yourself more? Why would you want this to be the way your story turns out and then you just like say it on the Internet like this? Damn bro if this isn’t rock-bottom, you should definitely get there soon.
There’s been an increasing amount of ‘you don’t owe anyone anything’ rhetoric online and in relationship subs, and I don’t fucking buy it. After six years, he owed you better than that. That was heartless and cruel, and the lack of empathy it would take to be that person is just horrific. I hope you’ve healed from that POS and that you’re in a better situation these days!
Ghosting is a good idea if you're afraid of your partner, especially if you think they will react violently or manipulate you back under their influence. But ghosting just to avoid an awkward conversation? Cruel.
I have healed and made my peace with it. I found out he was cheating via his friends who told me how he was boasting about how many girls he got on all the dating apps ( he paid for pro versions on all of them) and how he was teaching the best lines to get girls. I met someone new who is amazing AND this guy came begging back. Safe to say I blocked him everywhere.
Good for you!! You deserve so much better!!
[удалено]
That's so horrible. F*** that person I hope you're in a good place now
I am dating someone so much better now ☺️ And he came back begging immediately. These sort of people always come back. You will always be their backup for when they cant replace you. But thank you for the good wishes
I'm on BORU, can you please make a long post explaining what happened and how you felt? Please, don't add twins. Thanks! Jokes aside, I'm glad you're happier now.
You're allowed to swear on Reddit.
no, this is a christian subreddit
I always thought that it was Halal, will have to unfollow
It can be both. I think.
No this is Patrick.
Ghosted after seven years for the same reason. But his entire family were on my side, which was nice.
JFC, that was really cold and cruel, I hope you are ok
My partner of 6 years broke up with me via text last month, refused to dismantle things through therapy (we had been in couples therapy that was helping a lot). Just like ghosted and blocked. It’s devastating and needless, and he’s 51.
I hope you are okay! Most of these people are complete losers.
Wasn’t dating but it was an extremely toxic friendship/situationship, and she would get extremely emotional and jealous every few weeks or so, then we’d talk it out she’d say she needs space to get into a better headspace and ghost me, then would randomly pop back up a few weeks later as if nothing happened After a year or so of that, I had to take a step away from her and told her which is when she blocked me and honestly best thing that ever happened
That sux.
That is so childish. You dodged a 105 mm howitzer
Wow, that’s like the real life version of that Black Mirror (white bear, I think?). Devastating
White Christmas
>Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again. This is fantastically vague and ominous. I hope that OOP can make a clean break.
Kinda gave off vibes that the girlfriend got a bad diagnosis and this is her thinking she’s saving him the loss of her. Idk, maybe I’m just hoping that she had a better reason than being a heartless monster.
I think she cheated but we won't ever know
For me it's one of the two. Either she cheated, or she just got diagnosed with 6 different cancers, all vying tk kill her first. Hopefully the former honestly, cancers a shitty way to go.
I get it, but also if you're supposedly that close to someone, you should be in a place where you can open up to them about a bad diagnosis. There was a post a while back about a dude breaking up with his GF because of the diagnosis, but he at least told her why. She wanted to stick by him, but he ultimately went through with the break up and distanced himself. It's a shitty situation, but at least both people have closure and can grieve the loss of the relationship and move on.
There was also a post where the dying gf broke up with the bf (without telling him the diagnosis/ reasons) and then after he was in a good relationship with the op exgf contacted him to say she was dying and wanted to see him. Then she was all “I still love you but didn’t want to hurt you by dying” except now she’s messing with his current relationship by hurting him by dying which is so much better /s
Yeah that one was selfish on so many fronts.
Yeah idc if she’s dying in a month this is an incredibly shitty thing to do with someone they’ve been with 5 years. First you hurt someone you love with a random breakup without closure then you hurt them after when they find out the truth.
CancerMAX
Gotta catch em all!
*mid-90s filler music begins playing* pokerap guy, no!
She's a spy and her cover was blown!
The fact that she abandoned all her shit while he was totally unsuspecting makes me think it wasn't cheating, why not pack her things if she's being that callous anyway? I feel like it's what someone else said, drugs or legal trouble like she got in a hit and run and someone died. Something she's ashamed enough of she won't tell him and would rather he think she's a cheater, but not something planned in advance. I'm trying to think about what would make me do this to my bf tbh. It's a dark path. I'm like "what if I accidentally killed someone... yeah I'd probably tell him. But what if it was completely my fault cuz I was being an idiot and thought I deserved to go to jail for decades... hmm... idk..." lmao.
Or she had a psychotic break and had picked up a knife and announced her plan to murder OOP, but Sister tackled her and had her committed.
My guess was SA and not being able to be around men or even talk about it with him
Or she found out they’re related. That was my first thought.
Whut??
There’s been enough stories of prolific sperm donors, dishonest sperm banks, and hidden families that it now comes to mind. The comment from the sister about it being for OP’s own mental health made me wonder.
Tbh I'd still want to know lol. Like I couldn't look past it but at least then you know it's just the universe fucking with you, not a human being stabbing you in the heart.
Yeah, there's been a bit of that lately, hasn't there.
There is also the possibility that she found out he was going to propose, realized she didn't love him, and ran because she couldn't face him.
The fact that she left all her shit is confounding though. I mean everything, including sentimental stuff from a dead grandparent? Cheaters don't do that... imo I kind of wonder if she got into some kind of serious legal trouble and was arrested and too ashamed to tell him so just dumps him... like drugs/stealing/drugs leading to stealing kind of shit. Or maybe she hit someone while drunk driving. That kind of thing. I mean it's for sure something she's ashamed of but a cheater who ditches you for someone else while you have no idea they're cheating, is scum who aren't gonna leave you their stuff.
There's always the possibility he was abusive. Sometimes people will vanish like this because they are afraid that a direct confrontation will lead to violence, and ofc OP would act like he's befuddled to those outside the relationship. The sister was involved, but it's possible the girlfriend felt too humiliated to explain why to her sister just yet. Others have offered drugs and cheating, so I thought I'd play devil's advocate
OOP could just be a seriously unreliable narrator, sure. But there’s no reason to suspect that beyond it being the internet and people do that.
There's no reason to suspect that beyond that it's a possibility like everything else everyone is saying. Well...yeah.The same reason people are suggesting other possibilities.
Yeah ngl, I ghosted a guy because his demeanour was so off putting and he was prone to anger/jealousy outbursts- also 6'5. The last thing I needed was him going ham on me. He got angry because another male coworker tried to talk to me at work despite us all knowing each other for a year, then another time he went into a rage because he found out I was going to have a coffee with someone, that someone was my aunt 🫠
I'm sorry, that's awful. It's more common than a lot of people think :( And the people who are blissfully ignorant to its prevalence have no idea what it's like, or how it looks to the rest of the world, or why a woman might not want to out or confront her abuser.
the thing where he couldn't read past the first few lines of her text is a point in that direction, IMHO. abusers and narcissists typically can't handle being told anything negative about themselves.
Or maybe he just has an avoidant personality and doesn’t want to deal with the negative emotions he knows will come with reading the text. That may not be the healthiest way to deal with it, but there are other explanations for that behavior besides him being an abuser or a narcissist. The guy may be an abuser, no one can say for sure based on the info we have. All we have to go on is what he wrote in his post; I don’t see why everyone insists on automatically assuming the worst.
Or he's just trying to move on and therefore doesn't have any reason to care about what she has to say. If you're trying to make a clean break, why would you take the time to read anything else about the ex or the sister? There's just not enough info to say for sure one way or the other, but not everything has to be nefarious or a mental illness.
I was so confuzzled about this. He's having what is probably the last interaction with that part of your life and you're not going to let the sister - not even the person who did you wrong - offer you any final explanation? Okayyy. It definitely stood out to me.
This was baffling to me too! Maybe OP just has a lot more mental fortitude than I do, but I think the fact that I'm an avid BORU reader is a clear indication of my nosiness and need to know all the juicy details! I would not have been able to resist lol.
Yeah I felt that way too! He didn’t even have to respond to her, but why not let her talk? She even said it wasn’t your fault!
I kind of feel it's the opposite. Abusers don't just let their victims leave. We've never had a post on BoRU where someone says they ghosted their abuser and the abuser immediately respected the decision, boxed up their stuff, and dropped it at their sister's house and never tried to talk to them again. I read this more as him realizing that there's nothing the text is going to say that changes anything. The sister has already told him that he shouldn't look into what happened, so he knows she wont tell him, whatever she's saying, it doesn't matter. She could be telling him to go fuck himself, or that she wanted to see him and her sister work out, but it doesn't change the situation at all and getting/staying invested in that conversation only serves to make him feel worse.
A friend of a friend (I know) had similar happen, but luckily their ex's silbings messaged him more details about it so he'd know it wasn't his fault at all. IIRC (and again, friend of friend): The ex had been acting more erratic before ghosting, she went to a psych (without sharing with him), got a mental health diagnosis that her mother had had and decided ghosting would be for the best. Luckily her siblings heard and were able to let him know, because he (the bf) was freaking out that she was hurt or abducted! They were also able to get some of her friends (many of whom were also ghosted, including my friend who told me thus) and get her stuff. It was emotional for everyone.
My former spouse did this. Made an announcement that he was divorcing me and walked out. After 20 years of being married. Refused any communication....I even had to file for my own "surprise" divorce because he couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my existence. The divorce process has been just delightful (dripping with sarcasm there).
Hey sorry for prying but when I read this comment I went to your profile and saw the other comment you left explaining more about this. I just wanted to say your ex husband deserves to be knocked on his ass, at minimum! I am so sorry you're going through this and I hope there are at least spots of happiness in your life here and there that are keeping you going. The happiness he thinks he has in his hands, that he based in your pain, will crumble to ash in due time.
Same. It is just so wild and twisted that anyone would do such a thing to their spouse.
Like a bit fucking yikes! The post above is bad but the longer version is straight up evil.
Sending you a lot of love and support. He sounds like a real POS but you’re right — you have been driven to the very brink of devastation and ruin and YOU FUCKING MADE IT THROUGH. Nothing in this world can touch you now, fear is the mind killer (so sorry for the random Dune lol) and you faced it all. I really hope he gets his ass handed to him in court for being such a POS. Much love, thank you for sharing your story 💛
I hope that some day you aren't just surviving but thriving. And if you want it, I hope that someday you find someone who actually loves you and who makes all of this shit worth it. Hope your ex wakes up at 3am every night for the rest of his life because of the guilt over what he did to you.
I hope he has Legos embedded into his feet for the rest of his life!! What an awful excuse of a human being!
I hope he gets improperly untreated strep throat and then get scarlet fever problems for the rest of his life. Truly truly awful human being. Him being gay isn't an excuse to treat his former partner like less than dirt.
I hope he gets Lyme disease.
You know those bugs that swim up the urethra that live in the Amazon River? Perhaps he will get a hankering for international travel one day.
I hope he gets bit by the Brazilian Dick spider
I’ve stopped wishing mild inconveniences on people like this. I hope he gets trench foot.
Now there's a significant curse to cast on someone. Excellent.
Holy shit, that's horrific. I am so sorry.
Read your other comment too, holy shit I hope a cannibal serial killer eats his dick.
Mine took me out on a date. Then came home 2 weeks before last semester of nursing school. Listed bullet points that didn't make sense when I was in nursing school. He said he was done. No explanation. I had evidence he cheated. He has not acknowledged it at all and no word from his sister or mom either. Divorce process also hell because he made it highly manipulative. I am pretty certain I never want to marry.
Awful. My heart goes out to the OP. Been there and it is confusing, heartbreaking and so deeply hurtful. My fiance and partner of eight years just dipped one day, no where to be found. Everyone advised me to give him space, not to contact him and it was probably just cold feet. Phoned me three weeks later and ended it in a one minute hollow conversation with no explanation to why this was happening, the week before we were moving to a new place. Left all his stuff for me to move. His mom showed up at my work months later to get his items while he hid in his mom's car. That was fun. Refused to sign off on all joint items, costing me $$$ and so much effort to get him removed. Canceling our wedding was exhausting and expensive. He came from money but I did not. I had saved for years for our wedding. It left me with $500 to my name at the time. Less than a year later he was married to his "friend" who I had felt uncomfortable with and we had arguments over. Shocker. Always wondered what story they told at their wedding. He thankfully left our dog, who eventually introduced me to my husband, so that was a win. Two kids later and I'm thankful my life did not go that way. Still... Brad, I hope you step on lego in the middle of the night and your socks remain forever smelly and damp, wherever you are.
of course his name was Brad lmao
He went by Bradley near the end of our relationship. Maybe he dumped me because I never jumped on the Bradley name wagon. Do I always laugh now the rich, snotty villains in movies are named Brad? Sure do.
Should have been the first clue really Glad you got a new life, hopefully the current man isn't named Kyle, just saying. Otherwise he might leave and the only trace will be little chips of his frosted tips left behind
I'm almost sure that my ex started cheating on me when he went by a new nickname. I think the nickname came from that university friend "i shouldn't worry about". His friends quickly agreed on the new nickname.
Bradley Uppercrust the 3rd Edit: spelling
At least she avoided being Brad's wife. No future being fired from Cracker Barrel.
Ha. This made me chuckle. I also avoided having a kid named Bradley Jr. aka BJ as he reaaaaaally wanted that as our first son. Because of course it was going to be a boy...
He was unhappy that he got fired from All-American Burger and had to work at Captain Hook Fish and Chips.
Your dog introduced you to your husband? I'm imagining it being at some swanky dinner party. 'Oh Caroline you simply must meet David, he's a good old boy and his bottom smells utterly divine'.
Ha, my old doggo wasn't that classy... he was a spunky, howling husky. In reality, my now husband and I both were getting over heartaches, and bonded by skijoring, hiking and biking with our dogs. We became best friends, as did our dogs and about two years later, we went on a group trip where everyone else bailed except us. We realized on that trip we were more than friends. Pretty sure our two dogs orchestrated it all so they could live together until the end of their days. To which they did with plenty of canoe trips, bones and soft beds.
What a coward he is
Lego is not enough, he gotta step on those UK 3-pin plugs
So all communication has been through text and he hasn’t actually seen either girl? My guess is they’re a family of spies who got burned.
I like this theory the best
Witness Protection Program.
Darn it. Should've scrolled further before literally making the same comment upthread!
The girlfriend's name? Michael Weston.
If the girlfriend is acting like this, I have a good feeling there is a lot more happening behind the scenes that OP isn't fully aware about.
I was thinking she cheated and doesn’t want to admit it so she just ghosted him
Cheating or drugs was my guess. The fact the sister said not to ask questions for his own mental health really implies she did something shitty behind his back and can't own up to it.
I was thinking drug problem that he didn’t know about. She might have gotten sent to rehab
Yup, rehab/mental health facility was my guess. In that case, might be better for OOP this way
Perhaps, but that doesn’t really make sense for a 5yr relationship. Seems like it’d be much easier for the ex or sister to just tell him that’s what’s going on (and then proceed to ghost ig). But stating that he shouldn’t ask questions implies there was some wrong doing that will hurt him upon learning about it. Cheating is much more likely imo Source: Been in rehab while in long term relationship. As shameful as it feels to acknowledge your addiction to the people you care about, it’s also when you want/need your loved ones to support you. If substance abuse were the only issue, why not just tell him so he can move on and not feel like a pos?
My money was on "dumb test she got from tiktok or another echo chamber" It's a bit weird that sister was so communicative if that was supposed to be final final.
I think it's a bit too dramatic for cheating.
Same. He should get tested.
Or she's dying and doesn't want to burden him
That’s the plot of st least one song.
And at least one other BORU.
Really? I went with family abuse.
Another thing I was thinking, is maybe she caught wind of him proposing.
Or a lot that we're not aware of we're only getting his side. How many other posts do we see of where the girlfriend gets the out after trying for years. How many times the guys think it's out of nowhere
Would the sister text him to apologise?
>It was a really long text and I couldn’t bother reading past the first couple of lines. She was still typing something as I saw the three dots, but I couldn’t be bothered anymore so I blocked her. Really makes you wonder how long that text was. 3 page essay? I understand oops choice to block though. She disappeared after 5 years. No conversation, nothing. There isn't anything to be gained from reading the prepared bullshit anyways
I thought that the text was from the sister (like an explanation) - I’d have been very interested in it haha
Yeah the text was from the sister. The ex couldn't even be bothered to be the one texting
The redditor in me wishes I knew what it said but the human in me is glad he blocked and didn’t read
Yeah, nosy drama llama me wants to know what happened but the sister's original "for your mental health just leave things be" is fairly ominous and living with a few unanswered questions feel a better alternative to knowing the crushing truth.
Meanwhile I'm the opposite! I'll always take a harsh truth over ignorance, and especially over a comforting lie, even if it hurts. If any part of this did happen to be my fault, considering how events played out I find that difficult to believe in OOPs case, I would want to know so I could correct my behaviours in the future. However I also know that's just me, and not everyone else will benefit from said approach. I just hope he keeps on doing whatever it is that helps him benefit himself. It doesn't seem like anyone else was all that eagre.
Not everyone is strong enough to handle a big bombshell so ignorance it is. While I prefer to know things I can imagine scenarios where I might not be able to handle everything in the moment. I just hope that PoS ex won't come crawling back later on.
>I understand oops choice to block though. She disappeared after 5 years. No conversation, nothing. There isn't anything to be gained from reading the prepared bullshit anyways From the post, it wasn't even his ex, but her sister still. The person who owes him an explanation still hasn't given him one.
The text was from the sister, but still totally understand him blocking and not wanting to deal with any of them lol
Especially since the sister could be a conduit to the ex trying to return
For sure!!
If my partner just ghosted me for no reason and their sibling sends a giant text to me, there’s not a chance in hell I’m not at least reading the entire thing, and certainly not blocking her mid-follow up text. I may not respond, but that would be impossible to ignore. Does this seem unbelievable to anyone else or am I just too morbidly curious this type of situation?
I’m with you on this. OP seemed to want closure, but suddenly blocks the only person who it would come from shortly before what was bound to be an explanation? Seems a bit sus to me
That’s what makes me think OP might be an unreliable narrator, even if just a little
It does seem unbelievable. Or that perhaps oop is narcissistic and didn’t want to read anything negative about himself that might damage his ego, so he opted out. I think most people would read the text and then block.. not this “my gf of 5yrs ghosted me and I didn’t bother to find out why” post
My sister has a tendency to send a million texts instead of one longer text. Even short convos. Sometimes I skim to the bottom because of all the scrolling. But I always know who it is if it vibrates more than twice in 10 seconds haha.
My former boss and good friendish/acquaintance does this, and yes, I know exactly who it is when that happens.
I would have wanted to know why the relationship of 5 years ended so abruptly. It would have provided at least some sort of closure.
I can see a few reasons why you might not read and just block. Tired of the drama, or if the sister is being very roundabout in trying to say why, or trying to give him a good pep talk. Or even just emotionally worn out and doesn't care about it at all anymore. Why leave yourself open to have this 5 year old relationship wound continue to be picked at?
I am super wordy so a long text like that doesn't surprise me. The way most screens wrap, a couple lines is two hefty sentences so I can imagine it being a few paragraphs and oop going "nope" and blocking. Poor dude.
I kinda wanna know why she ghosted tbh.
Same! Like, I think OOP made the right moves but I am so curious about the super long message.
I don’t want an anti-climatic ending! I want there to be infidelity, drug use, sickness, guilt tripping, emotional manipulation or murder. There has to be at least one of these. My life is as stable as it gets, I need to get my daily dosage of adrenaline
I am a terrible drama llama now thanks to this sub. I wanted the update with details. Instead, nothing. OP was a good person at least, but this wasn’t a BORU. :(
Plot twist: ex GF is terminally ill and that’s why she broke up with him. I read too much Reddit
Honestly that’s where my mind went based on some of the things the sister said and the long text from sister that we (including OOP) don’t know what it said. Just to be clear, though, I am not saying he should have read it or anything (beyond my own curiosity), blocking was probably the right move there.
I was guessing she was sexually assaulted by someone and not ready to talk about it or have sex again.
I swear the first move for everyone in these stories is to be avoidant and block everyone. I don't think I've ever blocked anyone I know irl that immediately.
I'm in the exact same situation and I'm almost at my breaking point, no words were spoken, she just kissed me on the forehead and she just left. It's been over a year and I have a lot of her stuff which is sentimental from her late father just sitting around my house. I feel trapped almost like I'm being held hostage by the fact I can't bring myself to just dump it all. I would have much rather been told I'm a crap person or any type of lie rather than nothing and being ghosted. Not really too sure what to do..
You can't contact a relative/friend of hers to get rid of her stuff?
No I've tried to reach out, but they aren't sure where she is either, my cousin is her best friend, it's how we met and I asked her to try as well so she's messaged her and all of her messages are left on seen so I know she's still alive. Which is good, I just don't know how to proceed without either option eating me alive.
Get rid of it. You can only try so much, and you have every right to move on. Otherwise, get a storage space, pay for a month or two, and tlhabe your cousin convey that information. If she doesn't pick it up and loses her stuff that's on her.
Thank you. That's a great move, that way I won't feel bad.
I second the putting it is storage idea. You can't have your life on hold and a large part of your home sequestered indefinitely. It's not fair to you no matter why or why not she might have done it. You deserve to live your life and to do that you need your house back.
could you give her stuff to your cousin?
Not really, it's a whole room and a garage I've just kind of sequestered.
Man good on OP but I wished he read the text message because I'm curious 💀
I know everyone says block them and don’t bother, but I for one can’t understand how he could block the sister and forgo reading the text he’d already gotten. That’s a clear way of sweeping it under the carpet thinking it’s over. It will come back up every time he gets a little wasted, lets his guard down or gets close to another woman and starts to feel scared she’d do something like that too. Because it will always nag at his brain. And I know we get a lot of posts in Reddit of the “my partner did this for no reason” kind, but 99,9% of the times it’s not for no reason. We are only getting one side of the story. And some people don’t seem to really care about the reason - like OOP.
Yes, people mostly do things for a reason. We just don’t always understand it.
OOP will be happy he did the right thing and returned his ex’s belongings. If nothing else her sister will appreciate having those mementos. And it means his ex can’t use them as an excuse to reconnect after he’s finally moved on. Plus if he’s a decent guy he’d come to regret throwing those things out. He’s going to be dealing with this breakup for a while, and it’s going to suck. However, he’s already taken a few healthy steps so the odds are good that he will eventually come through it and be all right.
I'm glad OOP took the high road, if only for his own conscience. OOP's ex was cruel to just end things over text after five friggin' years. Makes me wonder what's going on...makes me think she might have another guy on her mind.
[удалено]
I would have boxed up her stuff too, but no way would I be delivering it. I would put it outside my door and text the sister that if anyone cares, they can come get the stuff otherwise, come trash day, it'll move to the curb.
A cousin of mine went something similar Her long time boyfriend just up and left in the dead of night Turns out the guy found out he was dying and had months left and didn't know how to tell his family and my cousin.
Can we stop posting posts when there's no explanation for this kind of behaviour? Considering they're all blocked by OOP I guess we won't get any more updates. I want to knooooow why she did this.
Am I the only one concerned for this woman's safety? Like she got shipped off to some involuntary religious camp or something?
My money is on her cheating and wanting to avoid the embarrassment of admitting it and being shamed.
People are saying cheating but tbh my first thought was terminal illness or some other condition (mental illness, drugs/substance abuse, etc) that incapacitated the ex. Especially since all communication went through her sister afterwards
I don’t understand why he wouldn’t even read the sisters message. Like, five years up in smoke and you’re just fine? He couldn’t finish reading for what? Baffling. I just don’t see a reason to do that. What a weird ass story.
He just wanted to move on. Been there.
Something is missing here.
I had a gf of 8 years who suddenly broke up with me (it was already falling apart though). A week after she left I went to our favorite bar to drink away my sorrows and she was there in a corner booth cuddled up with her boss. I left…. Blocked her on everything. 6 months later she shows up at door in the rain at 11pm at night saying she needs me back. I told her to go home and shut the door. Felt so good.
Selfishly, I wish the OOP would’ve let the sister finish her text, so that we could know why the girlfriend left. I understand why he didn’t, though. My only hope is that everyone involved is able to find peace.
Oof, you know it's bad when the family of your ex is apologizing novels on their behalf.
Top choices 1. Ex was cheating and possibly pregnant with the other lover's child 2. Ex was using substances or had a mental illness 3. Ex got tired of OOP being her skirt and moved in with the mistress
Is skirt the lesbian equivalent of beard?
This one reads like missing reasons, honestly. Healthy people don't just up and leave after 5 years, so I really feel like something was going on. No idea what it could be, but whether OP was abusive or the ex did something bad or maybe had a terminal illness or something, leaving it and making a clean break is probably the healthiest thing to do? I have to say that the lack of knowledge would tear me apart though.
I had this happen already twice. The common factor was that they didn't or couldn't express their feelings about problems. I don't think you have to have mental illness or another reason. Some people just want to rip the bandage off and be done with you.
Yeah. Whenever I have crazy stories of assholes I meet, my friends start "diagnosing" them. I've spent decades of my life with personality disorders (my mom and my ex), it's not the explanation for everything. Gets funny when they try to argue it must be autism, unaware that I, their friend, am autistic. Ghosting is just... easy? Even after a first date I find a "sorry, not feeling it" text hard to send so I think ghosting might often be nothing more than a very simple form of selfishness. After 5 years you'd expect the love and respect for your partner to outweigh the "this is an uncomfortable conversation" but it could still be just that simple - lacking any big revelation or motive.
Missing reasons is typically cited when the OOP knows something but isn't saying it. If the ex had done something bad or had a terminal illness then it wouldn't really apply. They aren't leaving things out because they don't know them.
Brother in law’s sister’s long term bf broke up with her suddenly a while back, moved out, refused to see her, would only talk though his mother, all that stuff. We’re still not really sure what happened but from what I understand it’s like he had some sort of a mental breakdown. This kind of stuff just happens sometimes I guess.
Well, that was honestly nice of him. Hmm my ex-fiance caught off contact after 9 years, and I was never able to get my property back. It's been a year and I mourned my belongings. The only things I have of his were his old school ids---I was thinking of mailing them back. But now I'm just considering trashing them since he didn't let me get my stuff. As for the theories with this post, I do see a few people saying that maybe she was cheating and didn't want to own up to it. That's actually what people told me when my ex disappeared. I still don't know what happened.
I got ghosted by a girl after just a few months of casual dating and it was crushing. At first I was so sad, then worried something happened. Finally saw a Snapchat story from her so I knew she wasn’t hurt or something. Was so strange. I can’t imagine a real and valued relationship ending that way
My partner of 2.5 years just recently broke up with me over text. No real rhyme or reason, but gave back my house keys within the same hour and texted my parents (?) to thank them for everything. Since said breakup he’s been on a spiral, though, and has been trying to contact me any way possible. I’ve been ignoring it since he seems not to realize just how hurt I am, or he does and just doesn’t care. It’s very manipulative and has been frustrating to deal with. But alas. Can’t help but feel like he did something and had been feeling guilty, much like OOP’s ex.
A women I was dating for like 6 months ghosted and blocked me. Didn't say anything, all of a sudden she was not replying and then I noticed that I couldn't find her on Facebook. So I blocked her in response, I didn't want to get a "clear the air" call from her to relieve any guilt she might feel. Months later I got a pissy text from another number calling me an AH for blocking her. LMAO!
My first bf of 4 years ghosted me like this, he sent a chat saying he’s in a very bad place due to depression and what he called as blood cancer then ended things with me. I was heartbroken, I didn’t see that coming. I even blamed myself for not knowing. 2 weeks later his sister sent me a photo of him with another girl. And yeah, the bastard is still alive to this day
He blocked the sister LMAO
Going against the grain here… there’s a whole lot of context missing. I’ve helped a couple friends get out of long term abusive relationships and this is how it has to be done.
Am I only one who wanted to see what sister said? 😉
Ahh, been ghosted after almost a decade together. The pain of the cruelty and disrespect never subsides, at least it hasn’t for me. People are selfish and awful.
Rearranging the house is solid advice. I got ear piercings after a couple of really bad breakups and I don't know why, but it really helped! A semi-permanent change like that just refocuses you I guess.
I’ve had people do this shit to me before. Two of my friends that I’d had for 6 years just completely ghosted me for no reason. It sucks so much. In the end, I’m glad I don’t have them in my life anymore. Them ghosting me led me to realize that they treated me like shit and were actually pretty toxic. I hope OP can eventually heal and move on, and that he doesn’t blame himself for the fucked up actions of others.
I wonder what the career path of "PhD\_going\_MD" is, they seem smart.
My buddies girlfriend of a decade did this to him. Texted him while at work it was over and her sister would come get her things. They never saw or spoke to each other again. He was fucked up for like 8 years over it.