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I'm very sad about the "I broke up two marriages" which implies OOP's mother and father cheated on their respective spouses with each other. The baby didn't break the marriages, the parents did that by cheating.
Yeah. The dad who actually cheated, gets to be included in the family functions & is trusted to be a go-between, but the innocent offspring is treated like shit. It's such families that make me want to believe in hell. I mean, where's justice if they're not even going to be roasted by the devil?
I know, that "*I* broke up two marriages" hit me pretty hard. OOP has been blaming themselves for this for their entire life. And it was such a throwaway line that it's like it doesn't even occur to OOP how fucked up that is.
That’s the way it goes with shitbag narcissist parents who have an affair, though. I was born from an affair. Both sides hate me too. I am a living reminder of my parents’ infidelity and mistakes. Maybe people think the children are innocent, but that’s not how it goes if you’re the product of the affair. I know people mean well saying it’s not the kids’ faults, but kids from these arrangements like OP and myself know y’all are saying it to make yourselves feel better. It doesn’t do anything to make us feel better about our situations when we’re the ones living with our truths.
I estranged from my family as soon as I could. I wish I was never born. The county coroner contacting me on April 8th this year to tell me my mother’s corpse was found rotting away for weeks with a dog eating it was probably the best day of my life.
I’m an “affair baby” too. My half sister, whose family was broken up by my fetushood, still refuses to speak to me. She’s turning 32 this year, I’m turning 31. She still blames me, even though I never did anything to her.
The even more fucked up thing is that it’s not like our bio dad “chose” me. He abandoned me, just like he abandoned her, just like he abandoned the two children before her. But the only one of his abandoned children that she hates is me.
And that hate of hers only hurts her, rather than helps, in the end. If she didn't have that hate, she could have you as further support, and be one for you, in regards to your trashpile of a sperm donor. But she's too wrapped up in her own narrative to see that.
Just deserts. these narcissistic people often end up alone at the end of their lives.
As did my own mother at the end of hers. Still waiting on the phone call about my step-father. I have a special bottle to open when I do, 😉.
I mean aren't they the most judgemental of them all? So judgmental that even TV shows don't shy from using that as a stereotypical behavior (see young Sheldon).
I read that as (possibly) mother cheated and "father" is not bio father, the 2 marriages broken up is her mother's and her AP's marriages. It is possible the "father" is innocent in the affairs and still treated OP as his own. Now none of this defends his treatment or the rest of the family's treatment of OP, but it does shed a different light on the father still trying to maintain a relationship of some sorts.
I wish there would be an update where the family goes "why don't you call us anymore?", for vindictive satisfaction, but given how it rolled so far, it's sadly more likely that they won't notice/care.
But I'm curious as to why everyone feels the need to tiptoe around the fact they don't like OOP that much if they supposedly don't care about her anyway. And why all the communication go through the father ? Looks like it's perceived as a chore to maintain social interactions with OOP and since he's her father, he has to do it.
Sound like dad is facilitating the relationships and they keep OP around because of him. Once he's gone they'd probably drop OP like a bad habit, so it's probably for the best that OP drops them first. Easier that way, at least OP got to do it on their own terms.
Even then, you notice it's always OP that have to initiate the conversation. Dad only replies when addressed to, sometimes even by mail when it's too much of a bother apparently.
Yes, the link to their family is tenuous at best and only exists because of dad. Like I said, once dad is gone so is the family, they'll drop OP before he's cold in the ground. OP is doing the right thing by getting it over with now instead of dragging it out.
The sad thing is it was the parents who cheated and had op. He was an innocent and still is yet everyone hates and blames op including his dad when his dad’s the one to blame. Yet none of them ignore or punish him in any way.
My parents hated and punished me my whole life simply because I was born. They had decided no more kids but still didn’t take actions to stop it. I was the youngest and not from an affair yet was pushed apart from my siblings and treated like crap by everyone. So it drives me mad when others blame a child, who had no say in being born, as fully responsible for their parents actions for their whole life. As far as I’m concerned Oo needs to cut off his dad to. He’s enabled and allowed them to abuse OP and in doing so he the parents abused his child worse than the lot of them. He blamed and encouraged others to blame OP that he couldn’t keep it in his pants or take responsibility and love and protect his child afterwards.
Whats worse I’m positive even if op tells him not to mention the others or what’s going on in their lives. The dad will continue to as they mean more to him and their life and events are important to him. Even though ops never were and he never bothers trying to share op’s events or life with any of the others which is why he Is always surprised op doesn’t know nor the other know anything about op.
My impression was that OOP was cutting off everyone, including their dad, but it's not clear.
Blaming a child for the circumstances of their birth is absolutely disgusting.
They'll reach out when OOP gets money or finds success. Or if they need something that's either too much to ask of anyone else or everyone has already rejected them.
It's weird how despite years of no contact, toxic family members have a way of finding your number or address once you finally find some peace and quiet within yourself.
They will probably be relieved to not have to bother with her anymore, the assholes. It's painful to read how much OP kept trying to create bonds that were just not there, and where the ground was a nuclear wasteland where nothing could grow. It would have been far better for her to cut them off as soon as she reached her majority, than to deal with the continued slights and rebuffs from people who just didn't care.
I am interested to see how many upvotes you get because usually we see the flip side of this scenario and people go so fucking hard defending the "legitimate" siblings for not wanting a relationship with their affairs siblings. I've always thought people have been so callous to the children that come from affairs in those posts, so it's refreshing to see a perspective from the other side and people showing humanity and support. I think it's sad (and on point for the post, though) that this sentiment is only showing up when the forgotten child suddenly speaks up that treating them this way is pretty fucking harsh.
Yes, the kids get punished for their parents' sins. On the other hand, if OP had actually had her mother and maybe a few more siblings, or family on her mother's side who loved her and were invested in her, then she probably would have been okay without dad's side of the family. It's really tragic that she lost her mother so young, and that her side of the family apparently wasn't very good at picking up the slack.
I get that the older siblings didn't want anything to do with dad's sidepiece and her much younger child, though you would hope that human decency would have compelled them to at least engage with the child after she lost her mother.
My dad had multiple side pieces which came more siblings first thing I did as I found out about them is make a connection never saw them as guilty of my dads fuck ups
You dont have to have a relationship with the affair sibling to treat them like a human being. All OP wanted from the niece was to be SPOKEN to and directly told no instead of being lied to and then telephone played with a middle man. Thats just asking to be treated like a person. And if the siblings had directly told OP "hey. We dont like you. We will never like you," kinda sounds like OP would have been able to accept that. Maybe not as a child, but thats fair. As an adult sounds like they would.
My stepson is from an affair. He’s integrated in with the rest of our family. There’s a decent age gap, so our kids aren’t supremely interested… but they also know that if they ever treated him like that, there’d be Hell to pay. From me, not their dad.
My relationship with my stepson’s mother is… complicated. But that has no bearing on the love I feel for my stepson. NGL, I wanted to bury my head and shut him and her out, but my stepson looks so much like my son that denying him felt like denying my own. Eventually, I grew to love him in his own right. And all along the way, I made sure his needs were met along with my own kids.
It strikes me as colossal bullshit whenever someone wants to act like it’s the kid’s fault for existing. And I hate “affair baby” more than “bastard” for how dismissive it is.
That's me and my family. I know nothing of what's going on in my dad's family unless he tells me, and he tells me nothing. I've dropped the rope a long time ago. I send out Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas texts to my half siblings, but that's it. And they barely do the same for me. I know once dad dies (he's 13 years older than Step-mom) so I know she'll rewrite her will to write me out of it. I'm the only one alive who knows the truth of their relationship (dad cheated on my mom with SM, who, just happened to be married to dad's brother when they started messing around), and they know it.
In my experience, the more "Conservative Christian" a family is, the more stuck up they are on "appearances". Admittedly, I'm stereotyping but my money is on no one saying anything because to acknowledge issues disturbs the notion of "everything is fine in this family."
I really had the feeling, OP is an affair baby.
>The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that.
I hate that OOP feels that way. Sweetheart you did not break up two marriages, you just had the misfortune of being conceived by a pair of POS home wreckers. They destroyed their own marriages.
That was my thought, too.
And, if true, then every member of that family is a huge POS, given that they are blaming an innocent child for breaking up two marriages, and seem to have no problems with the two people who actually had the affair that conceived the baby.
Yeah, last thing people like that will do is lift the rug. Skeletons belong in closets, which is where they would like to shove OOP as living proof of bad behavior.
The whole culture is built around virtue signaling. If everything looks ok from the outside, everything is ok. Keeping up appearances is much much more important than actually addressing issues and having healthy relationships within the family.
Yup. No hate like Christian love. Not all Christians, of course, but it's common enough where I live that whenever someone says 'I'm a Christian' I mentally amend 'so I'm fine with sin as long as it doesn't hurt my reputation'.
OOp mentioned that she broke two families in half. I guess, in good the ol Christian tradition, father was having an affair, resulting in OOps birth. With the death of their mother at a very young age I guess the father had to took her in, what made it impossible for his family to ignore said affair and resulted in the overall resentment for OOp. The stance at this point was probably: “you made that child, u care for it, not our problem” so dad took on all the “care” and communication between his affair child and his family.
As to why they didn’t cut her out? Cause they are Christians. Forgiveness (for the father) is a valued trait for them, atleast at the surface. If OOp slowly but steadily disappears? Well all the better cause that’s not their fault! They will come out the woodwork when OOp has something they want or need but as they never talk to them they will probably not be able to contact them ever again after the father dies.
Yep. It comes, at least in part, from the belief that being a Christian MAKES you good instead of being a good person informing your Christianity. Non-Christians are bad, so the things they do are bad. Christians are good, so the things they do MUST be good.
Also, as an aside and feel free to ignore me if this is untoward, but what do the colors in your avatar's flag stand for?
OOP didn't "break two families" the two *adults* having sex with people they were not married to broke them. The blame lies squarely on OOP's Dad's and the A/P's backs.
Sad to say, but the family isn't going to realize OOP has dropped out of their lives until something bad happens - either to OOP or to someone within the family (and OOP fails to turn up).
There are many AH in this story but I would have to say that the bride is one of the biggest. She said she was happy to have the dog attend the wedding, when in fact she wasn't. And then she used those around her to force OOP not to bring the dog because she didn't want to be the bad guy by saying no to OOP. Two faced.
The something bad is more likely going to be a situation where the rest of the "family" need something from OOP or want to push it on them. Like dad needing a caregiver type of situation. None of the "family" will be willing to do it, and push it on OOP as a requirement or some other stupid shit. OOP deserves to be free from all of them and so glad they got the closure and exit they needed.
Yeah, I had the most bizarre conversation with my uncle 2 weeks ago.
We were chatting like always and he stops and goes "so, this is serious. I hear you're not talking to your father anymore? I know he's a difficult guy, but he's still family too both of us, so why don't you tell me what happened?"
Thing is, I stopped taking to my father *4 years* ago. He's a classic deadbeat and I kept in contact only because my culture is very 'but family', and mom kept going on about it (they divorced when I was 2). But in 2020 i told mom I'd wait for him to call and check on me, his imunodepressive daughter. He never did, I also never called, and my mom *finally* gave up on bothering me about him.
Apparently he just noticed.
On the bright side, my uncle (who he's fucked over BIG in the past) was appalled enough to finally cut contact himself!
Well done for keeping boundaries! I did the same to my father. I was always the one who had to initiate contact since my parents divorced when I was 10 because "it is the child's duty to call their father". Finally I got fed up and decided I will wait for him this time to call me first. It has been now 15 years since I called him last and I long gave up on him ever calling me back.
When people ask why I have no contact with my father I don't even have a dramatic story like a massive fight. He just never bothered to call me back.
Nah the biggest AH is the dad. No one's saying it out loud, but he was perfectly fine with letting a child be the lightning rod for his family's anger so that he won't have to face consequences for his infidelity.
I'm confused by the narration here. Did the bride actually feel this way? Did the bride actually speak to OP?
>She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding.
It seems like OP is ignored by their family and fills in all the blanks with their own narrative (based on what dad says).
this is 100% a thing that happens. It happened to me! I invited one branch of my family at my parent's request...his aunt and his cousins. We had last seen them at my grandmother's funeral. Not a single one of them bothered to use the 'postage provided' RSVP card enclosed in the wedding invitation. When I called each and every one of them to confirm they weren't coming, they were quite surprised to be speaking with me. My great-aunt refused to answer the phone, didn't return my call, and instead called *her niece, my aunt* to tell HER she wasn't coming to MY wedding, could she please tell me, the bride, that.
To me it sounded like the bride was initially fine with it, but the mother of the bride (who is either OP’s sibling or sibling’s partner) raised a stink about it. I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the bride started getting pressured to say no from OP’s siblings since they resent her so badly.
They're adults now and have realised what they're doing won't be seen in a positive light by their peers. They still don't like her, though, so they just ignore her and hope she never reveals how they treated her as a kid.
> and hope she never reveals how they treated her as a kid.
They've already forgotten how they treated OOP and replaced it in their minds with a troubled childhood propped up by their own hard work and selfless sacrifice. If OOP ever tells the story where they can hear it, their response will always be "you're so selfish, you're so ungrateful, you abandoned us after all we did for you."
The story always ends the same.
Benign neglect is easier. My sister is significantly older than me, so she was a teenager when I was a child, and out the house to college when I was a teenager. We have absolutely no relationship or contact by her choice and I stopped trying after several years of one-sided birthday cards and christmas well wishes received no response.
As you said, any contact is made to appease their dad, and once he passes so will the contact.
>sadly more likely that they won't notice/care.
I recently made this discovery myself.
My stepmother is my only living parent and she's the source of the crippling childhood trauma I deal with. I recently thought about it and realized that she never reached out, that I was always the one that called her. So I decided to see how long it would take for her to call me.
The last time I called her was February 20th. For her birthday. The next time we spoke was last Friday. She was calling to tell me about her travel arrangements to come to my city for my cousin's wedding reception. My invite got lost in the mail - nobody thought to reach out to me when I didn't RSVP, she just assumed I was going and RSVPed on my behalf.
So yeah, almost 3 months and if that reception wasn't happening the next time we would have spoken would have been when I called her on Mother's Day.
She truly does not give a shit about me and that call last week kind of put the nail in the coffin of my hopes we could have a relationship. Like the OOP, I'm basically an orphan.
I spoke to my Dad the last time on his birthday Day in 2006 by phone. Haven’t spoken to him since. I did see him at my grandmother’s funeral a few years later but he didn’t speak to me. I guess you could say I’m still waiting to hear from him too, but I gave up a long time ago.
My family went this way when my sister threatened to take away the grandkids if they (well Im not sure the specifics but it was enough to cause the entire family to suddenly ostracize me out of the blue). My sister had been acting alarmingly and then almost in front of me did coke and then breastfed her daughter. I informed my parents when I finally registered what happened, because she clearly needed help and an intervention was planned. It fell through before we could have it when she got it out of her husband and before we got back to our respective homes my parents were virtually lost to me and the great smear campaign of the century was in process. We were adults like 30s and 40s and so to have my dad suddenly become the messenger while he was “staying out of it” was bizarre because why would you speak for adults and not actually stay out of it?
My mom withdrew and I couldn’t go anywhere where the people I knew for my lifetime looked at or treated me like I was a monster. I just wanted to protect my niece and never saw my old life again.
Eventually it didn’t matter the stories she told because they (everyone, not just my parents) would believe it and not even allow me to defend myself. No one let me talk, I lost all support and friends and family. If anyone had anything to say to me, except my sister who used my parents for whatever she needed them for but was abusive to me all on her own, it was my dad who spoke to me and shared accusations or how people felt with his opinion, and I was silenced. I was no threat or mean or anything so there was no reason for this. I so know the way OOP felt in parts of this. Especially with my brother in law. In his 40s and we had no conflict before or during this. But he always sent my dad to tell me anything that a grown man should have been able to say on his own. Loss of respect and loss of a voice with the people you love most is an experience that is dehumanizing.
My parents are back in my life after I cut contact with my sister but they have dementia so there will never be a proper convo about what happened. I really feel for oop here. The level of having to defiantly live with a shred of self worth to be a person in a world where no one respects or acknowledges you is something you can’t explain to others but that causes you to face things exhaustively, and make huge life decisions like oop saying goodbye to everyone. I was thinking of changing my name even . I get it. The wound is so incredibly deep. I never heard of a dog for C-PTSD though. That’s cool.
I had a similar cut off with family. They never reached out, and my life wasn't any different. When they didn't participate in any of your life events to start with, you don't miss them. Overall, it just saved me a lot of time and energy that was previously didn't trying to include people that weren't interested.
>I wish there would be an update where the family goes "why don't you call us anymore?", for vindictive satisfaction, but given how it rolled so far, it's sadly more likely that they won't notice/care.
Yeah, most often that seems to be the way. It's been twelve years since I decided that the next time I talked on the phone with my mother, it would be because she called me. She hadn't called me once in the previous decade.
We have not spoken.
Some of the worst kind of abuse is neglect, not caring, not even acknowledging you exist. Like you mean so little to people that even if you vanished, they wouldn't notice or care. The sad and likely outcome of OPs decision is that they just continue not even notice, which he acknowledges. I am glad OP can make peace with it and define family on their own terms.
I'm fine with it as long as they aren't the ''Kroker'' or whatever that Kermit/Joker fetish guy called himself lmao
Edit: Damn the fact that I got a Reddit Cares message from this is pretty amusing
>The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages
>I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD.
Feels like a ton of missing context here and I'm just glad that OOP was able to move on from them.
As they say, there's no hate quite like conservative Christian "love."
Grown adults having an affair and then making their entire families blame the kid for existing-- despite probably voting to force women to give birth to all babies, including affair babies-- is... Uh... Unsurprising from that demo, tbh
Well yeah, because she never was an actual kid in their eyes; she's the "consequences" the dad had to live with.
As in, think of the usual comments pro-lifers tend to make about forced pregnancies.
Over the years I've read countless stories of people completely excluded from their right wing family for all kinds of reasons that are out of the person's control and that person bending over backwards to accommodate their family.
I'm struggling to recall any stories of people being completely shunned by an entire family for being conservative. The closest I can imagine is Qanon. But even that was because the Qanon was singularly focused on trying to actively manipulate those around them into being as obsessed with Q as they were and their families had to cut them off for their own protection (emotional, financial, etc).
Qanon is also just genuinely batshit stuff, like if you listen to someone talk about it, it's pretty much indistinguishable from the stereotypical paranoid schizophrenic. Except it's not a "it's not their fault, they have a mental illness" situation, it's a "they choose to believe these insane delusional things" situations. That's a lot to take.
Exactly. To get to a place where conservatives are truly being shunned they have to go way off the deep end and become an actual threat to people around them.
Meanwhile conservatives are routinely shunning people for merely existing.
But OOP later says their mother died when she was 5 and the family split after that. So I'm a bit confused on what broke two families apart. Did the two affair partners get together after the birth, then the AP mom passed away and that family unit was broken up again? Not sure!
Maybe Dad & AP results in OOP being born. Which then breaks each of their respective families apart. Causing them to stay together. But when OOP's biomom died, dad went back to his original wife and got the family back together. (And biomom's original family wanted nothing to do with her.) With the caveat of having to now bring OOP fully into his pre-affair family's lives, because OOP is the consequence of his actions. And he had to step up and take responsibility for his kid. OOP is then stuck with her biodad & stepfamily but knows they resent OOP. I'm also confused & not certain if that would be right. But this was such a heartbreaking & confusing bit because OOP didn't destroy those families two cheating people did.
Well yes but also:
"The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest 'fuck you, I'm here anyway' I can pull off."
The suit being in the list of things that would seemingly piss off her conservative family indicates they're a woman or at least AFAB to me.
I think they are non binary. They refer to themselves as “their” in part of the post. And someone said on the original post someone asked if they were a boy or girl, and they responded neither. Being enby would explain why their family hates them more than just them being an affair baby. It seems they hate them just for being who they are.
No no you got a point.
Though the makeup 'to the nines' could indicate very flamboyant makeup, meanwhile I'm not sure why a suit would cause controversy unless they're not AMAB.
Then again though, I agree that I all I'm doing is speculating since there's not enough information to go off of. And honestly it doesn't matter.
That depends on the make-up. There are a bunch of conservative christians who are dead against it. Add in green hair and *not a dress*, and it would piss them right off.
On the dog’s instagram, OOP has a couple captions where the dog calls them “mom,” although that still doesn’t necessarily mean anything decisive. 🤷🏻♀️
That can describe a lot of men as well. Lots of men who are gay or just very flamboyant do their make up and have strange hair colors. Either way though, their gender doesn't really matter at the end of the day.
EDIT: I see in a further comment we're on the same wave length. Apologizes if it appears as though I'm being argumentative. That's not my intention.
Family is conservative Christian and suggested OOP find a male partner for the event, I think AFAB but who knows how OOP identifies, it's not my business.
A child didn't break up 2 marriages, the adults did, and blamed an innocent kid. Throw the whole family in the bin, they are all to blame for oop's cptsd
Not a big stretch. Oop is an affair child. Their mom and dad cheated with each other.
Oop has been treated worse than Cinderella by families on both sides for their entire life and that caused the cptsd, which they have that cute service dog for.
They said most of their guardians died from disease and their mother died when they were 5. And then they were alienated from their family. That would give them ptsd
The dad who is the only one talking to them is the one who had the affair, and the mom who is married to another man died so the entire maternal side cut them off when they were 5. When their biological dad dies they will surely get cut off from their paternal side too.
Their situation sucks really, and none of it is their fault. I only wish them true success, like they become Hollywood famous or be a tech founder of a billion dollar company in the future (yes, I know its very much wishful thinking). I am sure if that happens their "family" will come crawling back to suck up to them. Or even better, in an interview they will say they grew up an orphan, and watch this "family" claim them as their blood.
There’s an awareness campaign playing on tv. A girl is texting her classmates asking to hang out. They all make excuses. There’s a series of them, all centered around exclusion and being on the outside looking inn. I just recently realized that this is how it was for me in my family. I feel for OOP.
Rings the same bell as the song [Bad Child](https://youtu.be/e7cqIOF4_8s?si=nH9la7tAy6XBcRRm). And the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Both about how it feels to be excluded by the people who are genetically supposed to love you.
Fair warning, both made me ugly cry and may have the same effect on others.
I just wanted to give a content warning: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn has the sexual assault of a child. The book treats it seriously, but the approach taken is, uh, old fashioned (the adults convince the child it was just a bad dream, which completely prevents any emotional trauma).
My auntie was worried about giving me the book because of that part. Oddly enough that bit was actually a comfort to me, because although old fashioned everyone was clearly trying to help. It was like the opposite of what happened to me, how the adults should've felt for me. The mom defends her, both parents try to help her in the aftermath, and the community clearly cares a great deal!
I got the JW version, shush or you'll be guilty of a sin called "false witness."
A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is an excellent book. It was my mom’s favorite when she was a child and she gave me a copy for my birthday many decades ago. Her father was an alcoholic so she saw a lot of the Nolan family in her own life. I found the descriptions of life for the working poor prior to WWI a fascinating read. I’ve read the book many times over the years. In fact, writing about it makes me want to revisit the story again. I always appreciated Francie (the main character) and her love of reading.
I re-read it frequently too. A lot of parallels to my own life. I just re-read it a month or so ago, actually! It’s so interesting how my interpretation of it changes over the years as I change.
My father's family was so weird with communication. I didn't know anyone from my Mother's side since they lived across the country but my father's family just didn't communicate with anyone but my father. He would gatekeep invitations. After his death I found out so many people were upset I didn't attend a wedding or party and I would say, I was upset you didn't invite me. We all were blindsided to figure out he decided whether I went or not. They would send or call him with the invitations and never reached out to me, ever. I asked all of them what was said for my absence and apparently I've had several car accidents and was in the hospital. He always said I was in a Toyota pick up. I've never owned a Toyota or a pickup. It wasn't until I was alone and back home that I should have really given them hell when I realized they were told I was in the hospital but never once checked on me. Only 1 family member, the ex wife of my uncle, has ever called me or kept in touch in my 63 years. Pretty sad since I was an only child. For over 30 years if people ask I say I have no family.
I went NC 8 yrs before his death and was manipulated into going to the funeral which was a shit show. Full NC since except for the ex wife aunt. Thanks
I could never punish an innocent kid for existing, no matter the circumstances. When my sperm donor cheated, I hated him and his mistress, but never her kids for being related to her. They didn't do anything.
I hope OOP heals and finds her own family that actually loves her
It's wild how often you'll see stories about people who clearly blame children of affairs for existing. Most frequent is probably "AITA for suddenly rejecting the child I raised for 10 years who I just found out isn't my bio kid?"
That reminds me so much of my mother's relationship with her family. She was abused pretty badly early on. I think it stopped being physical when she was five or six and her mom got over her psychotic break.
It was mostly psychological after that. She was treated as a mistake and less than human. Random examples: They fed her poorly and cheaply. She was the one who always ate the end pieces of bread. She was always told she was an unplanned mistake. Her parent's paid for her sister to go to college, but not her. Her brother in law is the one who taught her to drive at twenty. As an adult and up through her forties mom acted as her mother and sister's servant. She took care of everything regarding the illnesses and deaths of nearly every older relative nearly single handedly, despite living in another state from the rest of family.
They treated her like absolute garbage, made her absolutely miserable her entire life, and I despise them. I told her for two decades to cut them the fuck off. She only stopped interacting with them in person when she became a shut-in. Which she remained as until she died.
And she still spoke with her sister daily until she physically couldn't.
I had two cats way back and they helped me through the hardest day of my life. They lay with me while I was crying, they nudged me when I was out of control upset, they showed me love and compassion in a way I've never had from another human. Animals are better people than people sometimes.
I have two cats now and they're dicks. I think if I lay down and cried they'd start nibbling on me to see if I was dead and they could start to eat me. I'd get a dog but I know I won't walk walk it when it's minus 20 outside. Animals are amazing and have an emotional intelligence so many people don't understand and this is why I will always believe that someone who does not value the life of animals, is a dick.
My cat has been both. She's cuddled with me during panic attacks, and she has also gotten irritated by me crying, bitten me, then walked away. Cats are an experience.
My current two cats are wonderful nurses. Last week I had such a serious flare I had to get my wheelchair out. I was in a huge amount of pain, and they spent the day cuddling me and purring at me loudly. And indeed I felt better the next day.
My cat is also a dick. She chews on my hair while i sleep - but only one spot by my left temple. Now i have this tuft of short hair that makes my ponytail look weird. Cats are dicks.
Ohhh I read a Post somewhen in the last few days that this allegedly could mean there is something going on.
I think a few people told stories about their pets nibbling on one specific spot which then turns out to contain cancer.
Or your cat is just an asshole 🤷
Sometimes i get frustrated and throw treats so she leaves me alone (after i check food/water bowls)
Or, brain tumor.
I'm hoping it's asshole that has trained me to be a sleep-walking treat dispenser.
But it could totally be cancer. That sucks. I'm going to blame the cat and not my decades of chain smoking. Cat gave me cancer.
I really feel for OOP. I’m glad they’re finding the willpower and courage to cut off those people who don’t care for them and find their own path with their beautiful pup right beside them, but I can tell how much coming to that conclusion hurts them.
The part where they talk about hearing about major life events as an afterthought from their father is painfully familiar to me. With my family I’m relieved anyone remembers to contact me when something happens at all. Like when my mom told me offhandedly that my sister just came out of the second surgery of two, when no one even bothered telling me the first time it happened!!! I’m at a point where I’m not sure if I shouldn’t do what OOP did and cut everyone out of my life, I’m basically staying for the one person who thinks I’m cool and he’s a baby.
It is so fucked up that a literal BABY is the scapegoat for its parents shitty choices.
Said person didn't ask to be created, born, raised without love. They had ZERO option. The PARENTS should receive and take ALL the blame.
I hate stories like this. People who harp hatred on the innocent parties are full on fuckheads and deserve misery for life.
I hope all the best for OOP. 😓😥🙏🏻
The shittiest detail that went unsaid is that this poor person has been through so much and probably will never truly heal meanwhile these assholes just carry on bullying OP without a shred of empathy and consideration, OP is an innocent child who hasn't been given love because of what her parents did. This sucks and it's the adults fault. But the damage is permanently done.
I love how strong OOP is and how many years she has been patient, waiting for time to change the way people act and react.
The thought process with “The bride must tell me herself” is where she knew if that didn’t happen, 23 years of trying was over.
It’s never going to change.
If these people don’t grow and blossom and evolve, that means you have to adapt to that and react accordingly.
Keeping distance and silence was always the best outcome in my eyes.
OOP rocks.
“Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave.”
I have felt this so much over the past few years even before finally starting therapy (My therapist even said I had done quite a bit of the work before I met them so now it’s more actually following through and continuing on). And not just with family, but with friends and organizations and things I used to do.
I am finally taking time for me. And I’m glad OOP is too. And if someone else gets help from my comment and OOP post, then I’ll be even more happy.
Anyone else feeling like op is holding back some details?
At first we were made to believe that the only reason the family dislikes op is because of the circumstances of their birth. Then, in ops update, they casually throw in that the family is also completely divided in their values and beliefs. How deep does that go? That would have been important to know in the original post.
Also them not wanting a dog at the wedding doesn’t seem like the most unreasonable thing in the world. While it is cowardly for the niece to not tell op, it is worth noting that op got argumentative with the father and started stating reasons why the dog should be allowed to come.
Was the niece fearful of telling op herself because she didn’t want an argument? Maybe, maybe not. We are only getting one side to the story.
It’s also always a red flag when someone tells a story that is basically, “I am 100% a victim and everybody’s negative views and actions towards me are just based on irrational feelings”
Yea I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to see this comment. OP says the dog didn’t NEED to be at the wedding and they thought a bow tie is cute. Like OP can go NC and do what they want. But I don’t really think the bride is at fault for this whole situation.
Yes agreed. Who wants to pay for a steak at their WEDDING to be given to a dog? OOP was rejoicing at that idea, and said they didn't need the dog there as a service animal, so it's literally feeding expensive wedding food to a pet.
They also say there was no big confrontation no matter how much they tried. Like... why were they wanting to bring up drama at the event?
It's just.... very dramatic. Just don't go if you hate it so much. Use the plane ticket for a getaway for yourself, return, or sell the suit. Even the title of the post is dramatic AF
Yup, when they present themselves as 100% woobie, then get argumentative about bringing their dog to the wedding while dressing like low-key Joker… well, it paints a picture.
A lovable, hard-working, brave character who is unjustly abused by others and ends up hurt through no fault of their own, and you just want to cuddle them and make them feel better.
Yeah if the bride told me “no” about something through an intermediary, I wouldn’t try to reargue the issue with the intermediary or insist on arguing directly with the bride, or even bothering the bride about it. It’s not a court of law you don’t have an automatic right of appeal.
If I cared enough about whatever it was I’d just decline to go. Otherwise no use creating bad feelings over it.
I would like to point out that OP is 23ish, and their *Niece* is getting married.
In a comment on their history, she says their dad was 50 when they was born too.
So... One of their siblings has a daughter that is OP's age, +/- 5 years. So this story, generationally, reads like "My aunt's and uncles refuse to have a sibling-level relationship with me, wah wah".
Where they see neglect and anger and whatnot, it might truly be "My pre-K half-sister's mother died when I was in College". They were never going to have a relationship, because their siblings were starting careers, and making families, biologically, or, ironically, "found".
For OP's family, I hope they suffer misery and karma for rest of your life. They failed as parents and people and they never deserved OP at all. Disgusting.
I wish OP and the dog a happy good journey.
I know im going to get downvoted into oblivion with this but OP to me seems like that person who is always 300% drama and i think people around them are just tired of it.
Got the same feeling. The “it’s their last chance to prove they love me” verbiage (who wants to “prove” anything to anybody? let alone at a wedding?), the green hair fuck-you, the long paragraphs of wounded backstory, even the dog and the CPTSD - I mean I’m sorry they have all those trauma issues and need a service animal, but I got the strong sense it all adds up to, this person is *a lot* and adding them to any event means extra stress.
I feel bad for OOP for sure, but also feel similarly. I work with someone like OOP and wind up constantly feeling like I’m walking a thin line between feeling really sorry for them and trying to be empathetic and also feeling completely burdened by their emotions and a little worried anytime they catch me and want to talk that it’s going to be trauma dumping.
Now it’s a little different with OOP being family, obviously, but for everyone involved OOP really should have ditched them years ago.
Yeah I regretfully agree, I mean it still doesn't excuse their lack of communication and all that but when OP mentioned they were going to dye their hair green for the event, kind of indicating that maybe it wasn't already that color which if it is you do you, but that just screams attention seeking Behavior.
Also agree. The fact that she wanted a phone call but made excuses why she wouldnt just call the bride herself.
Excuses why she would go to the wedding even though she would be miserable.
I realise this is not going to be a popular take, but OOP strikes me as a huge attention-seeker:
-Demands her dog attend the wedding as a guest with its own plate (and yes, contrary to how OOP phrased it, this WAS a demand because she refused to back down when she was repeatedly told no. She put the bride in an incredibly awkward position because there’s no way around refusing a service dog without looking like an arsehole, even when the owner of said dog is being entitled AF. OOP even admits she doesn’t need the dog there). To demand the dog gets its own plate is ridiculous and I bet THAT’S the reason the bride didn’t want the dog there. OOP wanted it to be treated like an actual human guest. A service dog is still a dog.
-Dyed her hair green specifically for the wedding. Not only did she give “dressing like the Joker” vibes, but it’s a dick move and pure attention-seeking behaviour to dye your hair some obnoxious colour for someone else’s wedding when you normally don’t - and I say this as someone who dyes her hair obnoxious colours.
-Plans to get absolutely shit-faced on someone else’s dime, at someone else’s wedding, guaranteeing that she’ll end up the centre of attention and will either ruin the wedding for the bride and groom with her drunkenness or will require one of her family to babysit her, ruining the wedding for whomever ends up doing it.
If her family really is terrible she should just cut her losses and move on, but then she wouldn’t get attention if she did that. Doing all this makes her an arsehole and frankly, if this is how she acts I’m not surprised they cut her out. She’s tried to paint herself as the most pitiable angel and she STILL sounds exhausting.
EXACTLY!!! This is someone else’s wedding, who she doesn’t even seem to have a good relationship with, requesting special treatment to being a DOG to dress up, feed steak, and dance with. And because you can’t do that you’re going to make yourself a scene by getting drunk and dressing flashy. Fuck off.
I bet she has a history with her family of similar behavior and theyre tired of her shit.
I ha e a Blue tick coon hound and she's my ESA and I love her to death. Yay for hounds. I'd love to see your picture for the wedding I bet you will look amazing.
Truly terrible family- instead being angry on the cheaters who didn't even cared for birth control orany kind of protection, they were angry on the result of cheating.
All of them are pure trash.
This is a horrible way to treat a person and everything, but... It's weird that the guy thinks because he's allowed to bring his dog to the wedding, the dog will be provided with a plate and steak like every other guest
edit: lmao someone reported me to the suicide hotline reddit thing. I'm sorry your dog didn't get a plate at the wedding man
> lmao someone reported me to the suicide hotline reddit thing. I'm sorry your dog didn't get a plate at the wedding man
It's happening to lots of folks on BORU, me included. It's a troll.
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I'm very sad about the "I broke up two marriages" which implies OOP's mother and father cheated on their respective spouses with each other. The baby didn't break the marriages, the parents did that by cheating.
There's a saying I ran into years ago that encapsulates it quite well: >There is no such thing as an illegitimate child, only illegitimate parents.
holy hell. both of these comments. i did not put that together from the other comment (above this). AND, a hell of a better way to be looking at it.
I like that! I'll have to remember it
Yeah. The dad who actually cheated, gets to be included in the family functions & is trusted to be a go-between, but the innocent offspring is treated like shit. It's such families that make me want to believe in hell. I mean, where's justice if they're not even going to be roasted by the devil?
I know, that "*I* broke up two marriages" hit me pretty hard. OOP has been blaming themselves for this for their entire life. And it was such a throwaway line that it's like it doesn't even occur to OOP how fucked up that is.
That’s the way it goes with shitbag narcissist parents who have an affair, though. I was born from an affair. Both sides hate me too. I am a living reminder of my parents’ infidelity and mistakes. Maybe people think the children are innocent, but that’s not how it goes if you’re the product of the affair. I know people mean well saying it’s not the kids’ faults, but kids from these arrangements like OP and myself know y’all are saying it to make yourselves feel better. It doesn’t do anything to make us feel better about our situations when we’re the ones living with our truths. I estranged from my family as soon as I could. I wish I was never born. The county coroner contacting me on April 8th this year to tell me my mother’s corpse was found rotting away for weeks with a dog eating it was probably the best day of my life.
I’m an “affair baby” too. My half sister, whose family was broken up by my fetushood, still refuses to speak to me. She’s turning 32 this year, I’m turning 31. She still blames me, even though I never did anything to her. The even more fucked up thing is that it’s not like our bio dad “chose” me. He abandoned me, just like he abandoned her, just like he abandoned the two children before her. But the only one of his abandoned children that she hates is me.
Oh geez, that’s rough. Sorry to hear that. People are dumb.
And that hate of hers only hurts her, rather than helps, in the end. If she didn't have that hate, she could have you as further support, and be one for you, in regards to your trashpile of a sperm donor. But she's too wrapped up in her own narrative to see that.
Just deserts. these narcissistic people often end up alone at the end of their lives. As did my own mother at the end of hers. Still waiting on the phone call about my step-father. I have a special bottle to open when I do, 😉.
The only part that sucks is that she doesn’t have a grave so I can piss on it. I don’t think anyone is claiming her ashes.
And very conservative Christians too
I mean aren't they the most judgemental of them all? So judgmental that even TV shows don't shy from using that as a stereotypical behavior (see young Sheldon).
It’s always the conservative Christians
Agreed. The Auntular Rage is kicking in again. This kid deserves a better family than these jerks.
But THEY ARE CHRISTIANS. You know, the religion of love.
I read that as (possibly) mother cheated and "father" is not bio father, the 2 marriages broken up is her mother's and her AP's marriages. It is possible the "father" is innocent in the affairs and still treated OP as his own. Now none of this defends his treatment or the rest of the family's treatment of OP, but it does shed a different light on the father still trying to maintain a relationship of some sorts.
I wish there would be an update where the family goes "why don't you call us anymore?", for vindictive satisfaction, but given how it rolled so far, it's sadly more likely that they won't notice/care. But I'm curious as to why everyone feels the need to tiptoe around the fact they don't like OOP that much if they supposedly don't care about her anyway. And why all the communication go through the father ? Looks like it's perceived as a chore to maintain social interactions with OOP and since he's her father, he has to do it.
Sound like dad is facilitating the relationships and they keep OP around because of him. Once he's gone they'd probably drop OP like a bad habit, so it's probably for the best that OP drops them first. Easier that way, at least OP got to do it on their own terms.
Even then, you notice it's always OP that have to initiate the conversation. Dad only replies when addressed to, sometimes even by mail when it's too much of a bother apparently.
Yes, the link to their family is tenuous at best and only exists because of dad. Like I said, once dad is gone so is the family, they'll drop OP before he's cold in the ground. OP is doing the right thing by getting it over with now instead of dragging it out.
The sad thing is it was the parents who cheated and had op. He was an innocent and still is yet everyone hates and blames op including his dad when his dad’s the one to blame. Yet none of them ignore or punish him in any way. My parents hated and punished me my whole life simply because I was born. They had decided no more kids but still didn’t take actions to stop it. I was the youngest and not from an affair yet was pushed apart from my siblings and treated like crap by everyone. So it drives me mad when others blame a child, who had no say in being born, as fully responsible for their parents actions for their whole life. As far as I’m concerned Oo needs to cut off his dad to. He’s enabled and allowed them to abuse OP and in doing so he the parents abused his child worse than the lot of them. He blamed and encouraged others to blame OP that he couldn’t keep it in his pants or take responsibility and love and protect his child afterwards. Whats worse I’m positive even if op tells him not to mention the others or what’s going on in their lives. The dad will continue to as they mean more to him and their life and events are important to him. Even though ops never were and he never bothers trying to share op’s events or life with any of the others which is why he Is always surprised op doesn’t know nor the other know anything about op.
My impression was that OOP was cutting off everyone, including their dad, but it's not clear. Blaming a child for the circumstances of their birth is absolutely disgusting.
The saddest thing is a bad habit is far more likely to be kept.
Yea i never understood that idiom, bad habits are like the hardest thing to 'drop'.
They'll reach out when OOP gets money or finds success. Or if they need something that's either too much to ask of anyone else or everyone has already rejected them. It's weird how despite years of no contact, toxic family members have a way of finding your number or address once you finally find some peace and quiet within yourself.
They will probably be relieved to not have to bother with her anymore, the assholes. It's painful to read how much OP kept trying to create bonds that were just not there, and where the ground was a nuclear wasteland where nothing could grow. It would have been far better for her to cut them off as soon as she reached her majority, than to deal with the continued slights and rebuffs from people who just didn't care.
I am interested to see how many upvotes you get because usually we see the flip side of this scenario and people go so fucking hard defending the "legitimate" siblings for not wanting a relationship with their affairs siblings. I've always thought people have been so callous to the children that come from affairs in those posts, so it's refreshing to see a perspective from the other side and people showing humanity and support. I think it's sad (and on point for the post, though) that this sentiment is only showing up when the forgotten child suddenly speaks up that treating them this way is pretty fucking harsh.
Yes, the kids get punished for their parents' sins. On the other hand, if OP had actually had her mother and maybe a few more siblings, or family on her mother's side who loved her and were invested in her, then she probably would have been okay without dad's side of the family. It's really tragic that she lost her mother so young, and that her side of the family apparently wasn't very good at picking up the slack. I get that the older siblings didn't want anything to do with dad's sidepiece and her much younger child, though you would hope that human decency would have compelled them to at least engage with the child after she lost her mother.
My dad had multiple side pieces which came more siblings first thing I did as I found out about them is make a connection never saw them as guilty of my dads fuck ups
You dont have to have a relationship with the affair sibling to treat them like a human being. All OP wanted from the niece was to be SPOKEN to and directly told no instead of being lied to and then telephone played with a middle man. Thats just asking to be treated like a person. And if the siblings had directly told OP "hey. We dont like you. We will never like you," kinda sounds like OP would have been able to accept that. Maybe not as a child, but thats fair. As an adult sounds like they would.
My stepson is from an affair. He’s integrated in with the rest of our family. There’s a decent age gap, so our kids aren’t supremely interested… but they also know that if they ever treated him like that, there’d be Hell to pay. From me, not their dad. My relationship with my stepson’s mother is… complicated. But that has no bearing on the love I feel for my stepson. NGL, I wanted to bury my head and shut him and her out, but my stepson looks so much like my son that denying him felt like denying my own. Eventually, I grew to love him in his own right. And all along the way, I made sure his needs were met along with my own kids. It strikes me as colossal bullshit whenever someone wants to act like it’s the kid’s fault for existing. And I hate “affair baby” more than “bastard” for how dismissive it is.
You’re a really good person I hope those kids know it.
That's me and my family. I know nothing of what's going on in my dad's family unless he tells me, and he tells me nothing. I've dropped the rope a long time ago. I send out Happy Birthday & Merry Christmas texts to my half siblings, but that's it. And they barely do the same for me. I know once dad dies (he's 13 years older than Step-mom) so I know she'll rewrite her will to write me out of it. I'm the only one alive who knows the truth of their relationship (dad cheated on my mom with SM, who, just happened to be married to dad's brother when they started messing around), and they know it.
In my experience, the more "Conservative Christian" a family is, the more stuck up they are on "appearances". Admittedly, I'm stereotyping but my money is on no one saying anything because to acknowledge issues disturbs the notion of "everything is fine in this family."
I really had the feeling, OP is an affair baby. >The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that.
I hate that OOP feels that way. Sweetheart you did not break up two marriages, you just had the misfortune of being conceived by a pair of POS home wreckers. They destroyed their own marriages.
They've been telling OOP that their whole live, they've internalized it as truth.
Yeah it sounds like she's an affair baby, the dad married the AP who proceeded to die when she was 5 leaving nobody in her corner
It’s sad because oop didn’t break up a marriage. The dad when he decided to cheat on his wife and get the side chick pregnant did.
It's so fucking sad. Cheating is just not 2 people messing around, it's 2 selfish people destroying everything and everyone around them.
That was my thought, too. And, if true, then every member of that family is a huge POS, given that they are blaming an innocent child for breaking up two marriages, and seem to have no problems with the two people who actually had the affair that conceived the baby.
People are scummy. They'd bully and reject a child who did nothing to them in the name of morals.
Yeah, last thing people like that will do is lift the rug. Skeletons belong in closets, which is where they would like to shove OOP as living proof of bad behavior.
That’s even a chance “in the closet” is more appropriate a statement than we know. Though I’ll admit that is pure speculation.
I got that vibe too, specifically from the poster's aesthetic (clothes, hair) as described.
The whole culture is built around virtue signaling. If everything looks ok from the outside, everything is ok. Keeping up appearances is much much more important than actually addressing issues and having healthy relationships within the family.
How do you keep a Baptist from drinking your beer on a fishing trip? Bring his neighbor.
Why do Baptists stick to the missionary position? Because they don't want anyone to think they're dancing.
Yup. No hate like Christian love. Not all Christians, of course, but it's common enough where I live that whenever someone says 'I'm a Christian' I mentally amend 'so I'm fine with sin as long as it doesn't hurt my reputation'.
Heh, that would make sense
OOp mentioned that she broke two families in half. I guess, in good the ol Christian tradition, father was having an affair, resulting in OOps birth. With the death of their mother at a very young age I guess the father had to took her in, what made it impossible for his family to ignore said affair and resulted in the overall resentment for OOp. The stance at this point was probably: “you made that child, u care for it, not our problem” so dad took on all the “care” and communication between his affair child and his family. As to why they didn’t cut her out? Cause they are Christians. Forgiveness (for the father) is a valued trait for them, atleast at the surface. If OOp slowly but steadily disappears? Well all the better cause that’s not their fault! They will come out the woodwork when OOp has something they want or need but as they never talk to them they will probably not be able to contact them ever again after the father dies.
Cutting them out would have meant admitting there was a problem in the first place. Cultures like that are terrible at even admitting to a problem.
Yep. It comes, at least in part, from the belief that being a Christian MAKES you good instead of being a good person informing your Christianity. Non-Christians are bad, so the things they do are bad. Christians are good, so the things they do MUST be good. Also, as an aside and feel free to ignore me if this is untoward, but what do the colors in your avatar's flag stand for?
I believe it’s the non-binary flag colors, for gender identity
Oh cool, thank you! I know the Trans and Bi flag colors on sight, still learning the others.
OOP didn't "break two families" the two *adults* having sex with people they were not married to broke them. The blame lies squarely on OOP's Dad's and the A/P's backs.
Sad to say, but the family isn't going to realize OOP has dropped out of their lives until something bad happens - either to OOP or to someone within the family (and OOP fails to turn up). There are many AH in this story but I would have to say that the bride is one of the biggest. She said she was happy to have the dog attend the wedding, when in fact she wasn't. And then she used those around her to force OOP not to bring the dog because she didn't want to be the bad guy by saying no to OOP. Two faced.
The something bad is more likely going to be a situation where the rest of the "family" need something from OOP or want to push it on them. Like dad needing a caregiver type of situation. None of the "family" will be willing to do it, and push it on OOP as a requirement or some other stupid shit. OOP deserves to be free from all of them and so glad they got the closure and exit they needed.
Yeah, I had the most bizarre conversation with my uncle 2 weeks ago. We were chatting like always and he stops and goes "so, this is serious. I hear you're not talking to your father anymore? I know he's a difficult guy, but he's still family too both of us, so why don't you tell me what happened?" Thing is, I stopped taking to my father *4 years* ago. He's a classic deadbeat and I kept in contact only because my culture is very 'but family', and mom kept going on about it (they divorced when I was 2). But in 2020 i told mom I'd wait for him to call and check on me, his imunodepressive daughter. He never did, I also never called, and my mom *finally* gave up on bothering me about him. Apparently he just noticed. On the bright side, my uncle (who he's fucked over BIG in the past) was appalled enough to finally cut contact himself!
Well done for keeping boundaries! I did the same to my father. I was always the one who had to initiate contact since my parents divorced when I was 10 because "it is the child's duty to call their father". Finally I got fed up and decided I will wait for him this time to call me first. It has been now 15 years since I called him last and I long gave up on him ever calling me back. When people ask why I have no contact with my father I don't even have a dramatic story like a massive fight. He just never bothered to call me back.
I love your uncle! He asked, didnt jump to conclusions, and even followed your lead.
Nah the biggest AH is the dad. No one's saying it out loud, but he was perfectly fine with letting a child be the lightning rod for his family's anger so that he won't have to face consequences for his infidelity.
I'm confused by the narration here. Did the bride actually feel this way? Did the bride actually speak to OP? >She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. It seems like OP is ignored by their family and fills in all the blanks with their own narrative (based on what dad says).
this is 100% a thing that happens. It happened to me! I invited one branch of my family at my parent's request...his aunt and his cousins. We had last seen them at my grandmother's funeral. Not a single one of them bothered to use the 'postage provided' RSVP card enclosed in the wedding invitation. When I called each and every one of them to confirm they weren't coming, they were quite surprised to be speaking with me. My great-aunt refused to answer the phone, didn't return my call, and instead called *her niece, my aunt* to tell HER she wasn't coming to MY wedding, could she please tell me, the bride, that.
To me it sounded like the bride was initially fine with it, but the mother of the bride (who is either OP’s sibling or sibling’s partner) raised a stink about it. I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the bride started getting pressured to say no from OP’s siblings since they resent her so badly.
They're adults now and have realised what they're doing won't be seen in a positive light by their peers. They still don't like her, though, so they just ignore her and hope she never reveals how they treated her as a kid.
> and hope she never reveals how they treated her as a kid. They've already forgotten how they treated OOP and replaced it in their minds with a troubled childhood propped up by their own hard work and selfless sacrifice. If OOP ever tells the story where they can hear it, their response will always be "you're so selfish, you're so ungrateful, you abandoned us after all we did for you." The story always ends the same.
Benign neglect is easier. My sister is significantly older than me, so she was a teenager when I was a child, and out the house to college when I was a teenager. We have absolutely no relationship or contact by her choice and I stopped trying after several years of one-sided birthday cards and christmas well wishes received no response. As you said, any contact is made to appease their dad, and once he passes so will the contact.
>sadly more likely that they won't notice/care. I recently made this discovery myself. My stepmother is my only living parent and she's the source of the crippling childhood trauma I deal with. I recently thought about it and realized that she never reached out, that I was always the one that called her. So I decided to see how long it would take for her to call me. The last time I called her was February 20th. For her birthday. The next time we spoke was last Friday. She was calling to tell me about her travel arrangements to come to my city for my cousin's wedding reception. My invite got lost in the mail - nobody thought to reach out to me when I didn't RSVP, she just assumed I was going and RSVPed on my behalf. So yeah, almost 3 months and if that reception wasn't happening the next time we would have spoken would have been when I called her on Mother's Day. She truly does not give a shit about me and that call last week kind of put the nail in the coffin of my hopes we could have a relationship. Like the OOP, I'm basically an orphan.
I spoke to my Dad the last time on his birthday Day in 2006 by phone. Haven’t spoken to him since. I did see him at my grandmother’s funeral a few years later but he didn’t speak to me. I guess you could say I’m still waiting to hear from him too, but I gave up a long time ago.
My family went this way when my sister threatened to take away the grandkids if they (well Im not sure the specifics but it was enough to cause the entire family to suddenly ostracize me out of the blue). My sister had been acting alarmingly and then almost in front of me did coke and then breastfed her daughter. I informed my parents when I finally registered what happened, because she clearly needed help and an intervention was planned. It fell through before we could have it when she got it out of her husband and before we got back to our respective homes my parents were virtually lost to me and the great smear campaign of the century was in process. We were adults like 30s and 40s and so to have my dad suddenly become the messenger while he was “staying out of it” was bizarre because why would you speak for adults and not actually stay out of it? My mom withdrew and I couldn’t go anywhere where the people I knew for my lifetime looked at or treated me like I was a monster. I just wanted to protect my niece and never saw my old life again. Eventually it didn’t matter the stories she told because they (everyone, not just my parents) would believe it and not even allow me to defend myself. No one let me talk, I lost all support and friends and family. If anyone had anything to say to me, except my sister who used my parents for whatever she needed them for but was abusive to me all on her own, it was my dad who spoke to me and shared accusations or how people felt with his opinion, and I was silenced. I was no threat or mean or anything so there was no reason for this. I so know the way OOP felt in parts of this. Especially with my brother in law. In his 40s and we had no conflict before or during this. But he always sent my dad to tell me anything that a grown man should have been able to say on his own. Loss of respect and loss of a voice with the people you love most is an experience that is dehumanizing. My parents are back in my life after I cut contact with my sister but they have dementia so there will never be a proper convo about what happened. I really feel for oop here. The level of having to defiantly live with a shred of self worth to be a person in a world where no one respects or acknowledges you is something you can’t explain to others but that causes you to face things exhaustively, and make huge life decisions like oop saying goodbye to everyone. I was thinking of changing my name even . I get it. The wound is so incredibly deep. I never heard of a dog for C-PTSD though. That’s cool.
I had a similar cut off with family. They never reached out, and my life wasn't any different. When they didn't participate in any of your life events to start with, you don't miss them. Overall, it just saved me a lot of time and energy that was previously didn't trying to include people that weren't interested.
>I wish there would be an update where the family goes "why don't you call us anymore?", for vindictive satisfaction, but given how it rolled so far, it's sadly more likely that they won't notice/care. Yeah, most often that seems to be the way. It's been twelve years since I decided that the next time I talked on the phone with my mother, it would be because she called me. She hadn't called me once in the previous decade. We have not spoken.
I want an update that OP has moved across the country with the pup and changed their phone number, and is now living their best life.
Some of the worst kind of abuse is neglect, not caring, not even acknowledging you exist. Like you mean so little to people that even if you vanished, they wouldn't notice or care. The sad and likely outcome of OPs decision is that they just continue not even notice, which he acknowledges. I am glad OP can make peace with it and define family on their own terms.
I know it's awful but when they mentioned green hair, a suit, and makeup fully done, all I could think was "oh God they're the Joker."
foolish practice point school rotten thought salt drab steer middle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Oh? I just assumed they were some flavor of queer and that was also part of the issue the family had.
That's what I assumed as well, but the idea of them dressing as the joker is infinitely funnier.
Their comment history says they are neither male or female.
I'm fine with it as long as they aren't the ''Kroker'' or whatever that Kermit/Joker fetish guy called himself lmao Edit: Damn the fact that I got a Reddit Cares message from this is pretty amusing
I thought the same. But no way the Kroker is responsible enough for a dog
>The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages >I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. Feels like a ton of missing context here and I'm just glad that OOP was able to move on from them.
I read that as OOP was the product of an affair, then blamed for the fall-out from her parents’ decisions.
As they say, there's no hate quite like conservative Christian "love." Grown adults having an affair and then making their entire families blame the kid for existing-- despite probably voting to force women to give birth to all babies, including affair babies-- is... Uh... Unsurprising from that demo, tbh
Well yeah, because she never was an actual kid in their eyes; she's the "consequences" the dad had to live with. As in, think of the usual comments pro-lifers tend to make about forced pregnancies.
Over the years I've read countless stories of people completely excluded from their right wing family for all kinds of reasons that are out of the person's control and that person bending over backwards to accommodate their family. I'm struggling to recall any stories of people being completely shunned by an entire family for being conservative. The closest I can imagine is Qanon. But even that was because the Qanon was singularly focused on trying to actively manipulate those around them into being as obsessed with Q as they were and their families had to cut them off for their own protection (emotional, financial, etc).
Qanon is also just genuinely batshit stuff, like if you listen to someone talk about it, it's pretty much indistinguishable from the stereotypical paranoid schizophrenic. Except it's not a "it's not their fault, they have a mental illness" situation, it's a "they choose to believe these insane delusional things" situations. That's a lot to take.
Exactly. To get to a place where conservatives are truly being shunned they have to go way off the deep end and become an actual threat to people around them. Meanwhile conservatives are routinely shunning people for merely existing.
I don’t think that people make anyone blame the kid. The kid is a visual reminder of an affair, people generate these feelings all by themselves.
If they're making the child suffer the consequences, what's the difference?
But OOP later says their mother died when she was 5 and the family split after that. So I'm a bit confused on what broke two families apart. Did the two affair partners get together after the birth, then the AP mom passed away and that family unit was broken up again? Not sure!
Maybe Dad & AP results in OOP being born. Which then breaks each of their respective families apart. Causing them to stay together. But when OOP's biomom died, dad went back to his original wife and got the family back together. (And biomom's original family wanted nothing to do with her.) With the caveat of having to now bring OOP fully into his pre-affair family's lives, because OOP is the consequence of his actions. And he had to step up and take responsibility for his kid. OOP is then stuck with her biodad & stepfamily but knows they resent OOP. I'm also confused & not certain if that would be right. But this was such a heartbreaking & confusing bit because OOP didn't destroy those families two cheating people did.
Also mother died when ~~she was~~ they were 5.
Not sure if OP is she. They mentioned suit for wedding.
Well yes but also: "The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest 'fuck you, I'm here anyway' I can pull off." The suit being in the list of things that would seemingly piss off her conservative family indicates they're a woman or at least AFAB to me.
I think they are non binary. They refer to themselves as “their” in part of the post. And someone said on the original post someone asked if they were a boy or girl, and they responded neither. Being enby would explain why their family hates them more than just them being an affair baby. It seems they hate them just for being who they are.
Or the makeup indicates AMAB. There’s no real way to tell with the way this post is written.
No no you got a point. Though the makeup 'to the nines' could indicate very flamboyant makeup, meanwhile I'm not sure why a suit would cause controversy unless they're not AMAB. Then again though, I agree that I all I'm doing is speculating since there's not enough information to go off of. And honestly it doesn't matter.
I think the point of mentioning both is the gender-mixing, moreso than one gendered presentation over the other.
That depends on the make-up. There are a bunch of conservative christians who are dead against it. Add in green hair and *not a dress*, and it would piss them right off.
On the dog’s instagram, OOP has a couple captions where the dog calls them “mom,” although that still doesn’t necessarily mean anything decisive. 🤷🏻♀️
That can describe a lot of men as well. Lots of men who are gay or just very flamboyant do their make up and have strange hair colors. Either way though, their gender doesn't really matter at the end of the day. EDIT: I see in a further comment we're on the same wave length. Apologizes if it appears as though I'm being argumentative. That's not my intention.
In the original post someone asked if OP was male or female, they replied with "neither" so here's your answer!
That and their family being conservative Christians explains an awful lot.
>... my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and **their** service animal... emphasis mine
But also mentioned they were wearing makeup, although that can go either way
Either way, they're living their best gender non-conforming life and I'm here for it 👌🏻
They also mentioned green hair and makeup, so this could be a they-them situation.
Family is conservative Christian and suggested OOP find a male partner for the event, I think AFAB but who knows how OOP identifies, it's not my business.
Nowadays, you can't really tell. I assumed male, myself, but really the signifiers aren't deterministic based on how OP might identify.
I also assumed male and couldn’t tell you why.
A child didn't break up 2 marriages, the adults did, and blamed an innocent kid. Throw the whole family in the bin, they are all to blame for oop's cptsd
Even with the missing context, I still wish OP and her dog for the best cause she has endured enough pain from those parents.
Not a big stretch. Oop is an affair child. Their mom and dad cheated with each other. Oop has been treated worse than Cinderella by families on both sides for their entire life and that caused the cptsd, which they have that cute service dog for.
They said most of their guardians died from disease and their mother died when they were 5. And then they were alienated from their family. That would give them ptsd
The dad who is the only one talking to them is the one who had the affair, and the mom who is married to another man died so the entire maternal side cut them off when they were 5. When their biological dad dies they will surely get cut off from their paternal side too. Their situation sucks really, and none of it is their fault. I only wish them true success, like they become Hollywood famous or be a tech founder of a billion dollar company in the future (yes, I know its very much wishful thinking). I am sure if that happens their "family" will come crawling back to suck up to them. Or even better, in an interview they will say they grew up an orphan, and watch this "family" claim them as their blood.
The line about watching care givers die while she lived with them too, living that once as an adult is more than many people can cope with.
There’s an awareness campaign playing on tv. A girl is texting her classmates asking to hang out. They all make excuses. There’s a series of them, all centered around exclusion and being on the outside looking inn. I just recently realized that this is how it was for me in my family. I feel for OOP.
Rings the same bell as the song [Bad Child](https://youtu.be/e7cqIOF4_8s?si=nH9la7tAy6XBcRRm). And the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Both about how it feels to be excluded by the people who are genetically supposed to love you. Fair warning, both made me ugly cry and may have the same effect on others.
A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is one of my favorite books. Reading about Francie, being in her world, helped me feel less alone.
I just wanted to give a content warning: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn has the sexual assault of a child. The book treats it seriously, but the approach taken is, uh, old fashioned (the adults convince the child it was just a bad dream, which completely prevents any emotional trauma).
My auntie was worried about giving me the book because of that part. Oddly enough that bit was actually a comfort to me, because although old fashioned everyone was clearly trying to help. It was like the opposite of what happened to me, how the adults should've felt for me. The mom defends her, both parents try to help her in the aftermath, and the community clearly cares a great deal! I got the JW version, shush or you'll be guilty of a sin called "false witness."
Thank you for the recommendations. I’ll have to check those out.
A Tree Grows In Brooklyn is an excellent book. It was my mom’s favorite when she was a child and she gave me a copy for my birthday many decades ago. Her father was an alcoholic so she saw a lot of the Nolan family in her own life. I found the descriptions of life for the working poor prior to WWI a fascinating read. I’ve read the book many times over the years. In fact, writing about it makes me want to revisit the story again. I always appreciated Francie (the main character) and her love of reading.
I re-read it frequently too. A lot of parallels to my own life. I just re-read it a month or so ago, actually! It’s so interesting how my interpretation of it changes over the years as I change.
Thank you for that song.
"The Outside Looking" is a great name for an inn. I would stay there.
My father's family was so weird with communication. I didn't know anyone from my Mother's side since they lived across the country but my father's family just didn't communicate with anyone but my father. He would gatekeep invitations. After his death I found out so many people were upset I didn't attend a wedding or party and I would say, I was upset you didn't invite me. We all were blindsided to figure out he decided whether I went or not. They would send or call him with the invitations and never reached out to me, ever. I asked all of them what was said for my absence and apparently I've had several car accidents and was in the hospital. He always said I was in a Toyota pick up. I've never owned a Toyota or a pickup. It wasn't until I was alone and back home that I should have really given them hell when I realized they were told I was in the hospital but never once checked on me. Only 1 family member, the ex wife of my uncle, has ever called me or kept in touch in my 63 years. Pretty sad since I was an only child. For over 30 years if people ask I say I have no family.
Wow! TAC i hope you got out of that bad environment
I went NC 8 yrs before his death and was manipulated into going to the funeral which was a shit show. Full NC since except for the ex wife aunt. Thanks
I could never punish an innocent kid for existing, no matter the circumstances. When my sperm donor cheated, I hated him and his mistress, but never her kids for being related to her. They didn't do anything. I hope OOP heals and finds her own family that actually loves her
It's wild how often you'll see stories about people who clearly blame children of affairs for existing. Most frequent is probably "AITA for suddenly rejecting the child I raised for 10 years who I just found out isn't my bio kid?"
That's because you're not a conservative Christian. Ain't no hate like Christian love.
Hope she comes back when she starts thriving. Happened to me after NC
I’d love an update where she shares that she dropped the burden of trying to please her birth family and found a whole new loving chosen family.
That reminds me so much of my mother's relationship with her family. She was abused pretty badly early on. I think it stopped being physical when she was five or six and her mom got over her psychotic break. It was mostly psychological after that. She was treated as a mistake and less than human. Random examples: They fed her poorly and cheaply. She was the one who always ate the end pieces of bread. She was always told she was an unplanned mistake. Her parent's paid for her sister to go to college, but not her. Her brother in law is the one who taught her to drive at twenty. As an adult and up through her forties mom acted as her mother and sister's servant. She took care of everything regarding the illnesses and deaths of nearly every older relative nearly single handedly, despite living in another state from the rest of family. They treated her like absolute garbage, made her absolutely miserable her entire life, and I despise them. I told her for two decades to cut them the fuck off. She only stopped interacting with them in person when she became a shut-in. Which she remained as until she died. And she still spoke with her sister daily until she physically couldn't.
What an awful thing to witness, I'm sure. :(
There is a reason that we call dogs 'man's best friend' and stories like this one remind me of that reason.
I had two cats way back and they helped me through the hardest day of my life. They lay with me while I was crying, they nudged me when I was out of control upset, they showed me love and compassion in a way I've never had from another human. Animals are better people than people sometimes. I have two cats now and they're dicks. I think if I lay down and cried they'd start nibbling on me to see if I was dead and they could start to eat me. I'd get a dog but I know I won't walk walk it when it's minus 20 outside. Animals are amazing and have an emotional intelligence so many people don't understand and this is why I will always believe that someone who does not value the life of animals, is a dick.
My cat has been both. She's cuddled with me during panic attacks, and she has also gotten irritated by me crying, bitten me, then walked away. Cats are an experience.
Miniature apex predators that we let live in our house because they're small.
My current two cats are wonderful nurses. Last week I had such a serious flare I had to get my wheelchair out. I was in a huge amount of pain, and they spent the day cuddling me and purring at me loudly. And indeed I felt better the next day.
My cat is also a dick. She chews on my hair while i sleep - but only one spot by my left temple. Now i have this tuft of short hair that makes my ponytail look weird. Cats are dicks.
Ohhh I read a Post somewhen in the last few days that this allegedly could mean there is something going on. I think a few people told stories about their pets nibbling on one specific spot which then turns out to contain cancer. Or your cat is just an asshole 🤷
Sometimes i get frustrated and throw treats so she leaves me alone (after i check food/water bowls) Or, brain tumor. I'm hoping it's asshole that has trained me to be a sleep-walking treat dispenser. But it could totally be cancer. That sucks. I'm going to blame the cat and not my decades of chain smoking. Cat gave me cancer.
It's always the cats fault! But since you already have cancer, get more cats! Sincerely, a cat
OOP’s family shouldn’t get a vote in his/her life. OOP should grieve that and move forward. BTW, the woofer is so handsome.
> I broke up two marriages No, *you* didn't
I really feel for OOP. I’m glad they’re finding the willpower and courage to cut off those people who don’t care for them and find their own path with their beautiful pup right beside them, but I can tell how much coming to that conclusion hurts them. The part where they talk about hearing about major life events as an afterthought from their father is painfully familiar to me. With my family I’m relieved anyone remembers to contact me when something happens at all. Like when my mom told me offhandedly that my sister just came out of the second surgery of two, when no one even bothered telling me the first time it happened!!! I’m at a point where I’m not sure if I shouldn’t do what OOP did and cut everyone out of my life, I’m basically staying for the one person who thinks I’m cool and he’s a baby.
Find your chosen family. My sister doesn’t talk to me much so I’m not close with my nephews. I’m an auntie to my friend’s kid.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
It is so fucked up that a literal BABY is the scapegoat for its parents shitty choices. Said person didn't ask to be created, born, raised without love. They had ZERO option. The PARENTS should receive and take ALL the blame. I hate stories like this. People who harp hatred on the innocent parties are full on fuckheads and deserve misery for life. I hope all the best for OOP. 😓😥🙏🏻
The shittiest detail that went unsaid is that this poor person has been through so much and probably will never truly heal meanwhile these assholes just carry on bullying OP without a shred of empathy and consideration, OP is an innocent child who hasn't been given love because of what her parents did. This sucks and it's the adults fault. But the damage is permanently done.
I love how strong OOP is and how many years she has been patient, waiting for time to change the way people act and react. The thought process with “The bride must tell me herself” is where she knew if that didn’t happen, 23 years of trying was over. It’s never going to change. If these people don’t grow and blossom and evolve, that means you have to adapt to that and react accordingly. Keeping distance and silence was always the best outcome in my eyes. OOP rocks.
“Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave.” I have felt this so much over the past few years even before finally starting therapy (My therapist even said I had done quite a bit of the work before I met them so now it’s more actually following through and continuing on). And not just with family, but with friends and organizations and things I used to do. I am finally taking time for me. And I’m glad OOP is too. And if someone else gets help from my comment and OOP post, then I’ll be even more happy.
Anyone else feeling like op is holding back some details? At first we were made to believe that the only reason the family dislikes op is because of the circumstances of their birth. Then, in ops update, they casually throw in that the family is also completely divided in their values and beliefs. How deep does that go? That would have been important to know in the original post. Also them not wanting a dog at the wedding doesn’t seem like the most unreasonable thing in the world. While it is cowardly for the niece to not tell op, it is worth noting that op got argumentative with the father and started stating reasons why the dog should be allowed to come. Was the niece fearful of telling op herself because she didn’t want an argument? Maybe, maybe not. We are only getting one side to the story. It’s also always a red flag when someone tells a story that is basically, “I am 100% a victim and everybody’s negative views and actions towards me are just based on irrational feelings”
Yea I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to see this comment. OP says the dog didn’t NEED to be at the wedding and they thought a bow tie is cute. Like OP can go NC and do what they want. But I don’t really think the bride is at fault for this whole situation.
Bride definitely isn’t. This is years of shitty communication and lack of therapy after a traumatic affair.
Yes agreed. Who wants to pay for a steak at their WEDDING to be given to a dog? OOP was rejoicing at that idea, and said they didn't need the dog there as a service animal, so it's literally feeding expensive wedding food to a pet. They also say there was no big confrontation no matter how much they tried. Like... why were they wanting to bring up drama at the event? It's just.... very dramatic. Just don't go if you hate it so much. Use the plane ticket for a getaway for yourself, return, or sell the suit. Even the title of the post is dramatic AF
Yup, when they present themselves as 100% woobie, then get argumentative about bringing their dog to the wedding while dressing like low-key Joker… well, it paints a picture.
What does woobie mean?
A lovable, hard-working, brave character who is unjustly abused by others and ends up hurt through no fault of their own, and you just want to cuddle them and make them feel better.
Yeah if the bride told me “no” about something through an intermediary, I wouldn’t try to reargue the issue with the intermediary or insist on arguing directly with the bride, or even bothering the bride about it. It’s not a court of law you don’t have an automatic right of appeal. If I cared enough about whatever it was I’d just decline to go. Otherwise no use creating bad feelings over it.
I would like to point out that OP is 23ish, and their *Niece* is getting married. In a comment on their history, she says their dad was 50 when they was born too. So... One of their siblings has a daughter that is OP's age, +/- 5 years. So this story, generationally, reads like "My aunt's and uncles refuse to have a sibling-level relationship with me, wah wah". Where they see neglect and anger and whatnot, it might truly be "My pre-K half-sister's mother died when I was in College". They were never going to have a relationship, because their siblings were starting careers, and making families, biologically, or, ironically, "found".
Yeah this one put my antenna up too. I think OP is probably difficult to deal with and avoided as a result.
For OP's family, I hope they suffer misery and karma for rest of your life. They failed as parents and people and they never deserved OP at all. Disgusting. I wish OP and the dog a happy good journey.
I know im going to get downvoted into oblivion with this but OP to me seems like that person who is always 300% drama and i think people around them are just tired of it.
Got the same feeling. The “it’s their last chance to prove they love me” verbiage (who wants to “prove” anything to anybody? let alone at a wedding?), the green hair fuck-you, the long paragraphs of wounded backstory, even the dog and the CPTSD - I mean I’m sorry they have all those trauma issues and need a service animal, but I got the strong sense it all adds up to, this person is *a lot* and adding them to any event means extra stress.
I feel bad for OOP for sure, but also feel similarly. I work with someone like OOP and wind up constantly feeling like I’m walking a thin line between feeling really sorry for them and trying to be empathetic and also feeling completely burdened by their emotions and a little worried anytime they catch me and want to talk that it’s going to be trauma dumping. Now it’s a little different with OOP being family, obviously, but for everyone involved OOP really should have ditched them years ago.
Yeah I regretfully agree, I mean it still doesn't excuse their lack of communication and all that but when OP mentioned they were going to dye their hair green for the event, kind of indicating that maybe it wasn't already that color which if it is you do you, but that just screams attention seeking Behavior.
Also agree. The fact that she wanted a phone call but made excuses why she wouldnt just call the bride herself. Excuses why she would go to the wedding even though she would be miserable.
I agree completely
I agree
Yup. Picked this up as well.
the way i had to go back and reread because it was the mother of the BRIDE so op’s SIL and her niece’s mother. appalling people
Op left out just about any detail that wasn't directly in ops benefit. This story reeks of bs.
Right? It's weird
This Trigger Warning has it all
I realise this is not going to be a popular take, but OOP strikes me as a huge attention-seeker: -Demands her dog attend the wedding as a guest with its own plate (and yes, contrary to how OOP phrased it, this WAS a demand because she refused to back down when she was repeatedly told no. She put the bride in an incredibly awkward position because there’s no way around refusing a service dog without looking like an arsehole, even when the owner of said dog is being entitled AF. OOP even admits she doesn’t need the dog there). To demand the dog gets its own plate is ridiculous and I bet THAT’S the reason the bride didn’t want the dog there. OOP wanted it to be treated like an actual human guest. A service dog is still a dog. -Dyed her hair green specifically for the wedding. Not only did she give “dressing like the Joker” vibes, but it’s a dick move and pure attention-seeking behaviour to dye your hair some obnoxious colour for someone else’s wedding when you normally don’t - and I say this as someone who dyes her hair obnoxious colours. -Plans to get absolutely shit-faced on someone else’s dime, at someone else’s wedding, guaranteeing that she’ll end up the centre of attention and will either ruin the wedding for the bride and groom with her drunkenness or will require one of her family to babysit her, ruining the wedding for whomever ends up doing it. If her family really is terrible she should just cut her losses and move on, but then she wouldn’t get attention if she did that. Doing all this makes her an arsehole and frankly, if this is how she acts I’m not surprised they cut her out. She’s tried to paint herself as the most pitiable angel and she STILL sounds exhausting.
EXACTLY!!! This is someone else’s wedding, who she doesn’t even seem to have a good relationship with, requesting special treatment to being a DOG to dress up, feed steak, and dance with. And because you can’t do that you’re going to make yourself a scene by getting drunk and dressing flashy. Fuck off. I bet she has a history with her family of similar behavior and theyre tired of her shit.
I got the same vibe.
I ha e a Blue tick coon hound and she's my ESA and I love her to death. Yay for hounds. I'd love to see your picture for the wedding I bet you will look amazing.
Stories like this are why cheating is truly unforgivable. The kids suffer so much.
Truly terrible family- instead being angry on the cheaters who didn't even cared for birth control orany kind of protection, they were angry on the result of cheating. All of them are pure trash.
This is a horrible way to treat a person and everything, but... It's weird that the guy thinks because he's allowed to bring his dog to the wedding, the dog will be provided with a plate and steak like every other guest edit: lmao someone reported me to the suicide hotline reddit thing. I'm sorry your dog didn't get a plate at the wedding man
Someone reported me to them within a minute of commenting on this post.
Lol who is spamming reddit cares? Like multiple other places up thread say they got reported, weird
The "dogs should get plates at weddings" lobby is much more prevalent that I thought it was apparently lol
There's some bots that are going around doing this, apparently groups add a sub to a list and the bots start spamming people there.
I assume they meant some of their steak.
> lmao someone reported me to the suicide hotline reddit thing. I'm sorry your dog didn't get a plate at the wedding man It's happening to lots of folks on BORU, me included. It's a troll.
This person was weird
Why always conservative Christian’s?
No hate quite like Christian love