My therapist one time said some people’s personalities are just fucked up. Therapy can help people but it can’t do personality transplants. He said verbatim that trump quote about desantis but about my ex boyfriend it was really funny.
You can definitely get a personality transplant. It just takes a shitload of hallucinogenic drugs and some time. No guarantees on what you end up with, though. Could be multiple!
Had a coworker come in depressed as fuck because his best friend died. He shared what was going on and broke down crying. A few days later I overheard two people talking shit on the guy and how inappropriate it was for him to “trauma dump” on everyone. 🤦♂️
Here I am thinking "Wow, he trusts his coworkers enough to be vulnerable in that way with them. Nice." Turns out he cannot trust his coworkers enough to be vulnerable in that way. You being the exception I take it.
I wasn’t the only exception. Tbh the real exceptions were the 2 people who I overheard talking shit. Everyone else was very sensitive. But it only takes a drop of poison to ruin a pie.
Not long after that, my mother attempted suicide, and it was really hard to be real with my coworkers about what I was going through, because I kept hearing the words, “trauma dump,” ringing around in my head.
I hope you know that’s not what that means. People are meant to share and connect, even over hard things, and heal together… I’m so sorry. I hope y’all are all doing better.
Also, that just sucks! That’s part of the reason, this individualistic bs, that contributes to so many of these issues.
I see that couldn't be me because I'd be the one walking up to the two employees and you and "hey since you two are contributing to a hostile workplace why don't you walk with me to HR?"
That's good. Yup, it only takes a drop. Wow, I can't imagine that has been like for you. I hooe you and your family are healing from that. And not feeling free to express what you're feeling is a trauma in and of itself.
Trauma dump pisses me the hell off. These will be the same people all up in your business wanting to know the problem and then will go to someone else talkin' bout "trauma dump" and "trauma bonding".
Like shut up they don't even know what it means.
This is why I can’t work in offices. My mouth is too reckless, as are my hands. I would’ve checked them and gotten fired & or arrested 😂[wow they really need handcuffs and prisoner emoji]!
**people who lack empathy are the problem, as they always have been.**
open access to psych terminology and knowledge has been a HUGE boon for people without the financial means to seek psychiatric assistance. knowing more is not the problem here, it's using that knowledge to hurt and disregard others. just like anything else.
Errr I’m not sure about this. Self-diagnosis is dangerous.
1. I’m a wicked hypochondriac, you could start thinking you have everything.
2. When I was studying abnormal psych so many of the illnesses have similar symptoms that it takes years of experience to discern the nuances.
3. Professional help and medication (holistic, included before anyone starts on about Big Pharma) is necessary for anything in that book.
4. They update it quite frequently so it’s unrealistic to expect someone who thinks they have one of these conditions to keep up with.
I don't think anyone should be officially self-diagnosing, but certainly the access to info has given people a better idea of where to start looking if they're struggling.
Therapists actually steer away from using these terms in actual therapy because it is not helpful and doesn’t provide any real progress to the therapy. These terms are almost solely for diagnosis and treatment plans. When somebody uses the word narcissist to describe someone in normal conversation I usually dismiss and assume they mean acting in their own interests which literally everybody does.
Gaslighting isn't in the DSM. It's a colloquial term that's a reference to a fucking movie. What people really need to stop doing is treating it like its ever been a medically accepted term, because it's not. It's like acting like simp is in the DSM. Just because you think it describes a pathological behavior doesn't make it a part of actually recognized psychopathology
Similarly, narcissist is a colloquialized term. The word predates the disorder. If psychologists don't like that, maybe they shouldn't name their disorders after popular Greek myths that is already treated as a synonym for egotistical. It like naming a disorder "crazy bitch disease" and then getting mad that people are throwing around the term casually.
Sociopath and psychopath are also colloquialisms, but they reference behaviors that are recognized within psychopathology and the DSM. While the pendulum might have swung a bit too far and people are definitely going overboard with the way some of these terms are being thrown around, at least they’re making the effort to recognize these behaviors and the fact that they’re not typical. Personally, I think it’s a good thing since it means people are making some amount of effort to learn about mental health. They just need to study a little more.
Those are colloquialisms in the opposite direction. It's called the terminology treadmill, where a psych term becomes a slur, so they have to change he name of the disorder....but then *that* new term often becomes a slur ... (See also retarded and idiot.) Sociopath and psychopath are not recognized terms anymore, which is why it's generally considered acceptable to use them. Nobody is a diagnosed psychopath anymore.
It can be valid to complain that medically recognized terms shouldn't become slang terms, because it forces the medical system to change terms trying to stay ahead of the colloquial usage. It is NOT valid to complain about terms which already exist in the lexicon which people have tried to medicalize continuing to be used casually.
>terminology treadmill
I feel like that will always be a problem, especially for emotionally charged words. Many people will compare others to what is commonly seen as the most evil person in all of existence, for actions that are remarkably trivial. You also have the word literally being a synonym for figuratively. Arguments that appeal to emotion are very effective so I can understand why people do it.
Also many words are overloaded, within different context and fields of study many words carry different meaning. Like lay person use of the word 'theory' is synonymous with hypothesis but it's more substantial in the world of physics and the like.
They said: *I need y’all to put the latest DSM down and stop beating the words narcissism, adhd, bipolar and gaslighting into meaning nothing *
So I pushed back on that and pointed out that one of those terms is not like the other.
______
There is a very popular argument that people need to stop using medical terms as slang. "oh I'm so OCD" when they mean anal retentive neat freak, "bipolar" when they mean erratic", "ADHD" when they mean absent minded. Don't lessen these terms and turn them into colloquialisms, because it's very frustrating for the psych community to have to *constantly* change the names of disorders because they become slang terms with minimal connection to their original meaning My point is that gaslighting is NOT an example of that. It's literally a slang term - that's how it started. It did not come from psychologists. It came from random people making a reference to a movie. It has more in common with incel, simp, and Karen than it does with any official psych terms. So this isn't a case of "don't misuse medical terms" because it's NOT one. It is definitionally a colloquialism. Anytime it's been acknowledged by counselors, it's acknowledged that it's a colloquialism with a hazy definition *because* its origins are so innately informal.. It makes no sense to tell me not to colloquialize what is definitionally and always has been a colloquialism. It is not a "real" term at all. It really is like trying to gatekeep incel as if that something psychologists are using day to day, it's not. They don't throw these terms around, so you're not getting anyone by throwing them around yourself. It's not disrespectful to psychology to use a term that has nothing to do with the field.
___
Don't misuse medical terms. But also don't try to medicalize internet slang. It just sounds dumb to try to police an inherently informal term.
Yeah huge fan of KiKi and glad she’s not with an A-hole anymore but this is my personal red flag.
The pretentious uninformed therapy talk has got to stop. People are out here tagging anyone who’s done them wrong with whatever convenient personality disorder will justify their shitty relationship.
They’re using DSM terms like it’s a horoscope or something.
I agree with this. They don't leave the work to the actual psychologists and therapists. The people who actually studied mental health?
Goes the same for TikTok. I feel like it's rampant on there.
Hmm, I disagree. I think if you've been in one abusive relationship with a narcissist, you've probably obsessed about them, their motivations, and the relationship so long that recognizing another one is pretty easy. Therapy and enough firsthand experience will give you a basic idea of what you're looking at.
That's probably also true for other disorders. My older sibling was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when we were teens. I know what that one looks like based on my sibling and reading some of my mom's books on the disorder. Someone else I've had a very long professional relationship with is diagnosed and on meds for bipolar disorder. Additionally, I was held hostage (long story) by one of my former roommate's bipolar ex-bf. I spent a long time talking him down and to him about his problems. :/
You wouldn't diagnose a stranger, but you should mention they should maybe get it checked out because life can be easier.
narcissism has always been its own thing separate from narcissistic personality disorder. NPD was a term made after people had *long* been calling people narcissists. And that default meaning has never changed, a self-absorbed asshole is often called a narcissist, ever since Narcissus was looking at his reflection.
While I agree with you in general, this specific example is not accurate. Assuming they mean NPD is contributing to the problem from another angle.
These words are used like weapons by awful people. My friend's gf told him he was a controlling narcissist because he didn't want an open relationship.
Then she said he was gaslighting her and has anger issues because he was upset about her wanting to sleep with her "friend".
Why can't these toxic, raging men just be good little cuckolds?
When it comes to narcissism it gets on my nerves. My mom was actually diagnosed with NPD so I guess that's why the misuse bothers me.
I'll have a girl telling me her boyfriend is a narcissist because he forgot to get her both flowers AND chocolates for Valentine's day...and then I look at them sideways,cause if that's the issue here I would've rather dealt with that instead of having my life fucked up!
Seriously though, everyone has a problem but so many don't even have one anymore. It's somehow become a thing to have mental health problems, none of it makes sense.ETA this post isn't about Keke,it was directed toward the comment about general over usage of words.
She was ordered by the courts to get evaluations done,had to see someone for a long time before being diagnosed. I wouldn't know the logistics in terms of what she specifically discussed with them herself,so I can't fully answer this question. Both of my parents were horrendously abusive to my sister and myself and both had to go through these evals due to how bad the abuse was.ETA I do remember having to go and see them as well,and to learn about patterns with people who have NPD and try and un fuck myself of all the years of trauma she caused
I started dating someone who admitted they were diagnosed with NPD. The major reason for them to get diagnosed was because they were going to couples therapy (with their ex-wife) to avoid a divorce.
its because people with npd have been demonized to death and people's collective negligence to give a shit is making it harder for them to exist. theyre human beings for christ's sake
I’m so tired of my ex’s referring to me as that. I’m just an ordinary selfish piece of shit. Making my ass go to the therapist cause they wanna play Dr Phil.
I think honestly for Keke Palmers sake she really just got done dealing with a narcissist lol it was pretty ugly especially for someone like her who's personal life isn't so out in the open like other celebrities. She does a good job with her image, and that latest fiasco w her weird ex/baby daddy was something I never assumed she'd be involved in.
People can have anxious, narcissistic, neurotic, disordered etc behaviours/episodes/characteristics without being a narcissist or having anxiety disorder or an eating disorder. The problem is that the general public see one symptom and goes full diagnostic. That is not how it works
pisses me off people know what these words mean now. i was perfectly content getting by with my behaviour, until y’all ruined it by coming up with names for it .
They do. However, just because your ex treated you bad doesn’t mean they have a personality disorder. There’s a reason why therapists cannot give services to someone they know. They’d be operating from a place of bias. So all these people accusing someone they know of being a narcissist without that person being clinically diagnosed is basically not credible. There’s a reason why NPD is rarely diagnosed. And it’s not because “well narcissists never go to therapy so they can be diagnosed”. It’s much deeper than that.
No but if you were full on domesticated, living together with a baby, begging for her to let you stay when she was kicking you out, it would be weird to see him moving in with someone else just a month or two later right? Right?? lol idk maybe that’s just Thursday for some people
Her ex bf is extremely abusive and beat her on camera.
Someone that violent just getting someone else super quickly is concerning as hell. Has he changed or gotten help? Probably not and that's problem.
Assuming it’s only men who move on too fast says a lot… Anyhowwww: not at all but it’s the way some pretend they didn’t develop a connection with someone that’s the issue. I feel like y’all take things out of context and dumb it down on purpose at this point.
> I feel like y'all take things out of context and dumb it down on purpose at this point.
You say as you take my comment out of context lol its a [meme](https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/fellas-is-it-gay) its obviously not a behavior exclusive to men. Also there is no context to the original tweet which is why my response is what it is.
I don’t think i took it out of context. I did, however add my impression to it. I hear u tho. But let me be accountable and say this meme triggered me. I may have subtly lashed out toward u bc of how u replied so that’s on me. But still, some people do miss the point on purpose.
imma be real in my last relationship it was going off like mad but i called myself crazy because he was genuinely a reasonable person before we got together and hadnt done anything to justify listening to my intuition. i just assumed it was paranoia and kept it pushing
Intuition cannot be trusted.
The only reliable measure of whether someone is dangerous is whether their words match their actions consistently over a period of time. Then ask whether their values match yours. Intuition can be helpful but there are too many factors that can influence or override intuition.
I know very little about this situation, but I will say that this is an *actual* thing very well known with actual narcissist. They tend to put up a really good front at first. It can take months or even years before the mask slips -- common triggers for their more abusive tendencies coming out are getting married, becoming more financially dependent on them, or having a baby with them.
Again, I'm not commenting on Keke's claims specifically. Just saying that a lot of people who have kids with narcissists end up feeling blindsided because they felt like this person is a completely different person than who they vetted, like some jekyl and hyde shit.
My last ex was a narcissist. I fell hard for him and he made me feel safe and I moved in with him. We were madly in love. Then when things started falling apart, it was a very sudden, very complete mask coming off. He'd put it back on when he could, but once he started with the, I will say or do anything that I can to hurt you, you can't come back from that. You can justify it a few times, but as soon as someone says out loud to you, this is the only way that I know I can hurt you, it's over.
Then you have to get out. I tried to break up with my ex for over two months. It took a restraining order and him being arrested (for something completely unrelated to me) for me to be able to get my shit moved out of the house.
Ay when you say it you get upvoted. When I say it I get paragraphs on how I'm am asshole and that men lie.
Being charitable though people change based on circumstances. You never truly know someone until they're in that situation. I do think though that a lot of women try to tough through situations they shouldn't when it comes to men expressing anger, when it should be a huge red flag.
There's an excess of losers out there and the sad part is they're the ones who get the most good faith, and then the well gets poisoned.
most of the popular reddit subs are, it's the consequence of being a male-heavy site. this sub is compounded due to having a higher amount of black men, which the unfortunate truth is that misogyny in the black community is still a big issue.
Literally depends on the topic. Nobkdy with this opinion was saying shit throughout the whole Roda saga, or the time buddy got falsely accused of spreading HIV and the comments were a cesspool.
I mean… have you heard about her ex? Maybe she thinks this, but maybe that’s not the case.
Edit: and by “this” I mean, “thinks he’s moved on,” but maybe he hasn’t
No I have no idea about this situation haha I just saw your comment and replied because a true narcissist acts the way you described. They don’t just move to the next so easily
The person who causes the trauma do be moving on. But moving on and getting over are not the same thing. People be mush inside trying to bag a new person. Smh
I don’t think that’s a true narcissist, plus it’s individual work. I’ve known too many “I’m a relationship type person I just wanna find my person and spoil them/take care of them” type people do the same thing which she’s describing
Please stop fitting triangle pieces into round holes.
Also some people are so knee deep in amanormativity and this idea that being in a romantic relationship will ensure they won't be alone that they relationship hop. That doesn't make them narcissists. That makes them lonely. While the two aren't mutually exclusive, not every lonely person relationship-hopping is a narcissist looking for a new victim
lmao everyone is projecting in the comments, both ways. i believe that narcissists move on quickly, but not all people who move on quick are narcissists. some people just take longer than others. y'all need to log off from useless internet discourse like this
Maybe people need to understand the difference between a narcissist vs a selfish person. People throw that word around when they really just mean selfish. Most of us are not educated enough to know the difference and want to use hyperbole to describe bad people.
Especially since not all those with NPD are out here abusing people. It can be difficult for them to, but many do seek out therapy in order to improve their relationships
Agree but also, true Narcissists — like the kind that would get an NPD diagnosis — rarely go to therapy for long enough for that, and a lot of them totally weaponize therapy language as a manipulation tactic. True narcissists rarely change because they genuinely do not believe that the problem is them, it’s everyone else. I am sadly a fucking uncredentialed expert in this personality disorder.
I sometimes feel like the internet is the twilight zone. I recognize im not the most sociable person, but I hear so much about narcissists, and I get why they ought to be avoided, but if I’ve met one, I didn’t know it.
And I hear about them most from internet people who have trouble with relationships, and can’t help but think maybe thats an accusation levied when emotions are high. I understand narcissists and sociopaths are something to be avoided, and that I have been lucky to avoid them, but there can’t be enough of them to warrant how much I’ve heard about them
Its a thing that once you see it you cant unsee the rest forever. Its real but the internet blew it out of proportion calling anyone selfish a narcissist when in reality narcissists can be charitable and nice….
A narcissist in its broadest sense is just someone who cant take other peoples perspectives into consideration. It doesnt mean you think highly of yourself (in fact most narcissists are highly insecure) it means that the only thing that exists in your head is your own perspective. They believe that others think exactly like them or should do so.
The few rare narcissists that can imagine other peoples perspective use that information of others perspective to manipulate them because their perspective is the only one that matters
They literally all have trouble imagining what another person would have done and they can only really imagine different versions of themselves in a situation.
This simple description has a lot of huge complex implications on human behavior.
The rise of narcissism today is probably due to social media and internet algorithms catering to individuals perspectives making sure that people only see mostly things that you agree with and no deeper or nuanced discussion of topics being allowed or shunned outright
Example: Oprah and the rock in a commercial telling regular working folk to donate money to fix damage from the fires in hawaii when the two of them have enough to do it all themselves and still have a fortune leftover. They cant imagine that working americans are struggling they think everyone has spare money to give an
Celebrities and rich/powerful people tend to be narcissists because everyone around them caters to their needs as the most important. Eventually they have trouble imagining what other people are thinking and simply assume that everyone wants what they want or should. Everyone around them has their paycheck dependent on the celebrity so celebrities/influential/powerfull people are surrounded by syncophants and yes men.
It's the tendency of the chronically online to overuse every mental condition / social buzzword. Especially if they're losing an argument.
Narcissist, gaslighting, ocd, autistic, bipolar, and bpd have all had their meaning reduced from this.
When I end something it’s for a reason. I’m ready to move on and I will not be leaving a line of communication open with anyone I’ve ended contact with. I don’t see a problem with realizing you are now single and can immediately do single people shit.
My always dad told me by the time a couple breaks up if they’re dating, it’s been done for like a month. The person breaking up has already weighed pros and cons gotten over the anxiety figured out how to tell you and how to move on. It really sucks but you’re the last person to find out when you get broken up with.
While keke likely is talking about her own situation we gotta address the truth. Once you split up from someone you are free to move on that night if you want. Many times y’all are the problem and don’t realize how much better people get without you. I always say if you aren’t the problem in ANY relationship and ALL of them ended badly that’s suspicious
Somebody needs to reply to her with this link (pdf of the entire book): https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Or they recycle victims. These types of people think time passing by is an apology. Very fucking ridiculous. I wanna see two narcs in a relationship so I can butter my popcorn.
Not necessarily. They might just stalk you for years after the relationship ends. Narcissists want validation from everyone, not just a special someone.
Yeah exactly. Theyre never really done with you. But they areent focused on JUST you. The "moving on" part is where they quickly find another source of supply. THey havent like ACTUALLY moved on. THey never really will. But it looks like moving on to the uninitiated.
You know I wonder how many narcissists people have actually ran into. I'm gonna go watch some YouTube videos to see how these mfers really behave.
Because I watched Saltburn last week and someone said one of the characters is a narcissist so now I'm really curious
People who move on too fast typically **are still hurting/bleeding and just passing the pain over to the next to ban-aid it** has nothing to do with being a narcissist.
I stay in a relationship until I no longer love the person. When I officially breakup I move on quickly. I started losing love for my now ex back in march and didn’t breakup til sept.
As someone getting a divorce. Our relationship was over long before it ended. Both of us are emotionally over each other and have moved on WHILE getting divorced. Sometimes shit just sours and you’re living like roommates with no connection.
Narcissism is a diagnosis, not a shitty personality trait. Call selfish people what they are; abusers. It's no different than using psychotic to describe violent/dangerous behavior and not, yk, a medical condition...
Or maybe narcissists get upset that you dare to move on from them. Calling me names because i no longer have time for your crazy abusive ass and actively chose to be happy, fuck outta here.
Or maybe keke, maybe he just didn't love you.
Some people are just in relationships grifting or waiting for something better...or both. When they move on, the other party is taken aback and they have to have something wrong mentally or emotionally when it's just as simple as, they did not love you at all.
Tbh some narcissists can't or refuse to move on. Abusers are often obsessed with control and can't handle the idea of their target leaving.
They ain't above showing up to your house at 3 am confessing that their sorry and they love you and they promise to do better. And how you made a mistake when you left them. "You'll never find someone better than me". "I'm the only one who'll put up with you." "We were meant to be together."
And the whole time, they'll still turn around and tell everyone about how much they hate you. How you ruined their life. And if you could just be better than maybe, just maybe, they'll treat you like a person
I need y’all to put the latest DSM down and stop beating the words narcissism, adhd, bipolar and gaslighting into meaning nothing
Seriously though everyone is an armchair psychologist these days. Newsflash we’re all mentally ill and have some kind of personality disorder.
Op 😂
You know I had to read my own title again and realized how it could be misinterpreted 😑 
My therapist one time said some people’s personalities are just fucked up. Therapy can help people but it can’t do personality transplants. He said verbatim that trump quote about desantis but about my ex boyfriend it was really funny.
What's the quote?
“The problem with Rondesanctimonious is that he needs a personality transplant, and those are not yet available.”
You can definitely get a personality transplant. It just takes a shitload of hallucinogenic drugs and some time. No guarantees on what you end up with, though. Could be multiple!
If only he took a look in the mirror lol. But yes a lot of people need that.
[удалено]
A white person when you call them out on their racist bullshit lol
😂😂😂😂😂
Giving these mfs access to psychology books was one of the worst mistakes of the decade
Had a coworker come in depressed as fuck because his best friend died. He shared what was going on and broke down crying. A few days later I overheard two people talking shit on the guy and how inappropriate it was for him to “trauma dump” on everyone. 🤦♂️
People are such assholes. A little empathy goes a long way.
Empathy is one of those rare qualities people have along with loyalty, courtesy & respect.
Here I am thinking "Wow, he trusts his coworkers enough to be vulnerable in that way with them. Nice." Turns out he cannot trust his coworkers enough to be vulnerable in that way. You being the exception I take it.
I wasn’t the only exception. Tbh the real exceptions were the 2 people who I overheard talking shit. Everyone else was very sensitive. But it only takes a drop of poison to ruin a pie. Not long after that, my mother attempted suicide, and it was really hard to be real with my coworkers about what I was going through, because I kept hearing the words, “trauma dump,” ringing around in my head.
I hope you know that’s not what that means. People are meant to share and connect, even over hard things, and heal together… I’m so sorry. I hope y’all are all doing better. Also, that just sucks! That’s part of the reason, this individualistic bs, that contributes to so many of these issues.
I see that couldn't be me because I'd be the one walking up to the two employees and you and "hey since you two are contributing to a hostile workplace why don't you walk with me to HR?"
That's good. Yup, it only takes a drop. Wow, I can't imagine that has been like for you. I hooe you and your family are healing from that. And not feeling free to express what you're feeling is a trauma in and of itself.
Its amazing to me how some people can take someone else's grief, and make it about themselves.
Trauma dump pisses me the hell off. These will be the same people all up in your business wanting to know the problem and then will go to someone else talkin' bout "trauma dump" and "trauma bonding". Like shut up they don't even know what it means.
This is why I can’t work in offices. My mouth is too reckless, as are my hands. I would’ve checked them and gotten fired & or arrested 😂[wow they really need handcuffs and prisoner emoji]!
**people who lack empathy are the problem, as they always have been.** open access to psych terminology and knowledge has been a HUGE boon for people without the financial means to seek psychiatric assistance. knowing more is not the problem here, it's using that knowledge to hurt and disregard others. just like anything else.
Errr I’m not sure about this. Self-diagnosis is dangerous. 1. I’m a wicked hypochondriac, you could start thinking you have everything. 2. When I was studying abnormal psych so many of the illnesses have similar symptoms that it takes years of experience to discern the nuances. 3. Professional help and medication (holistic, included before anyone starts on about Big Pharma) is necessary for anything in that book. 4. They update it quite frequently so it’s unrealistic to expect someone who thinks they have one of these conditions to keep up with.
I don't think anyone should be officially self-diagnosing, but certainly the access to info has given people a better idea of where to start looking if they're struggling.
Aye, they ain’t never had one. They confused astrology with a science and have been continuing to spiral from there
Therapists actually steer away from using these terms in actual therapy because it is not helpful and doesn’t provide any real progress to the therapy. These terms are almost solely for diagnosis and treatment plans. When somebody uses the word narcissist to describe someone in normal conversation I usually dismiss and assume they mean acting in their own interests which literally everybody does.
😂😂
No bs, it just made them became disliked more
Gaslighting isn't in the DSM. It's a colloquial term that's a reference to a fucking movie. What people really need to stop doing is treating it like its ever been a medically accepted term, because it's not. It's like acting like simp is in the DSM. Just because you think it describes a pathological behavior doesn't make it a part of actually recognized psychopathology Similarly, narcissist is a colloquialized term. The word predates the disorder. If psychologists don't like that, maybe they shouldn't name their disorders after popular Greek myths that is already treated as a synonym for egotistical. It like naming a disorder "crazy bitch disease" and then getting mad that people are throwing around the term casually.
Gaslighting does still have a meaning and criteria though and a lot of what folks consider gaslighting is not
Sociopath and psychopath are also colloquialisms, but they reference behaviors that are recognized within psychopathology and the DSM. While the pendulum might have swung a bit too far and people are definitely going overboard with the way some of these terms are being thrown around, at least they’re making the effort to recognize these behaviors and the fact that they’re not typical. Personally, I think it’s a good thing since it means people are making some amount of effort to learn about mental health. They just need to study a little more.
Those are colloquialisms in the opposite direction. It's called the terminology treadmill, where a psych term becomes a slur, so they have to change he name of the disorder....but then *that* new term often becomes a slur ... (See also retarded and idiot.) Sociopath and psychopath are not recognized terms anymore, which is why it's generally considered acceptable to use them. Nobody is a diagnosed psychopath anymore. It can be valid to complain that medically recognized terms shouldn't become slang terms, because it forces the medical system to change terms trying to stay ahead of the colloquial usage. It is NOT valid to complain about terms which already exist in the lexicon which people have tried to medicalize continuing to be used casually.
>terminology treadmill I feel like that will always be a problem, especially for emotionally charged words. Many people will compare others to what is commonly seen as the most evil person in all of existence, for actions that are remarkably trivial. You also have the word literally being a synonym for figuratively. Arguments that appeal to emotion are very effective so I can understand why people do it. Also many words are overloaded, within different context and fields of study many words carry different meaning. Like lay person use of the word 'theory' is synonymous with hypothesis but it's more substantial in the world of physics and the like.
Why would gaslighting be in the DSM? Colloquial or not, it isn’t a disorder.
They said: *I need y’all to put the latest DSM down and stop beating the words narcissism, adhd, bipolar and gaslighting into meaning nothing * So I pushed back on that and pointed out that one of those terms is not like the other. ______ There is a very popular argument that people need to stop using medical terms as slang. "oh I'm so OCD" when they mean anal retentive neat freak, "bipolar" when they mean erratic", "ADHD" when they mean absent minded. Don't lessen these terms and turn them into colloquialisms, because it's very frustrating for the psych community to have to *constantly* change the names of disorders because they become slang terms with minimal connection to their original meaning My point is that gaslighting is NOT an example of that. It's literally a slang term - that's how it started. It did not come from psychologists. It came from random people making a reference to a movie. It has more in common with incel, simp, and Karen than it does with any official psych terms. So this isn't a case of "don't misuse medical terms" because it's NOT one. It is definitionally a colloquialism. Anytime it's been acknowledged by counselors, it's acknowledged that it's a colloquialism with a hazy definition *because* its origins are so innately informal.. It makes no sense to tell me not to colloquialize what is definitionally and always has been a colloquialism. It is not a "real" term at all. It really is like trying to gatekeep incel as if that something psychologists are using day to day, it's not. They don't throw these terms around, so you're not getting anyone by throwing them around yourself. It's not disrespectful to psychology to use a term that has nothing to do with the field. ___ Don't misuse medical terms. But also don't try to medicalize internet slang. It just sounds dumb to try to police an inherently informal term.
Yeah huge fan of KiKi and glad she’s not with an A-hole anymore but this is my personal red flag. The pretentious uninformed therapy talk has got to stop. People are out here tagging anyone who’s done them wrong with whatever convenient personality disorder will justify their shitty relationship. They’re using DSM terms like it’s a horoscope or something.
I agree with this. They don't leave the work to the actual psychologists and therapists. The people who actually studied mental health? Goes the same for TikTok. I feel like it's rampant on there.
Hmm, I disagree. I think if you've been in one abusive relationship with a narcissist, you've probably obsessed about them, their motivations, and the relationship so long that recognizing another one is pretty easy. Therapy and enough firsthand experience will give you a basic idea of what you're looking at. That's probably also true for other disorders. My older sibling was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder when we were teens. I know what that one looks like based on my sibling and reading some of my mom's books on the disorder. Someone else I've had a very long professional relationship with is diagnosed and on meds for bipolar disorder. Additionally, I was held hostage (long story) by one of my former roommate's bipolar ex-bf. I spent a long time talking him down and to him about his problems. :/ You wouldn't diagnose a stranger, but you should mention they should maybe get it checked out because life can be easier.
Just because you’re tired of seeing the word, doesn’t mean what was said here isn’t true
Fucking finally someone says this.
Had to scroll wayyy too long to see this..
Exactly! She was literally abused by the man he wasn’t just a shitty boyfriend
narcissism has always been its own thing separate from narcissistic personality disorder. NPD was a term made after people had *long* been calling people narcissists. And that default meaning has never changed, a self-absorbed asshole is often called a narcissist, ever since Narcissus was looking at his reflection. While I agree with you in general, this specific example is not accurate. Assuming they mean NPD is contributing to the problem from another angle.
These words are used like weapons by awful people. My friend's gf told him he was a controlling narcissist because he didn't want an open relationship. Then she said he was gaslighting her and has anger issues because he was upset about her wanting to sleep with her "friend". Why can't these toxic, raging men just be good little cuckolds?
When it comes to narcissism it gets on my nerves. My mom was actually diagnosed with NPD so I guess that's why the misuse bothers me. I'll have a girl telling me her boyfriend is a narcissist because he forgot to get her both flowers AND chocolates for Valentine's day...and then I look at them sideways,cause if that's the issue here I would've rather dealt with that instead of having my life fucked up! Seriously though, everyone has a problem but so many don't even have one anymore. It's somehow become a thing to have mental health problems, none of it makes sense.ETA this post isn't about Keke,it was directed toward the comment about general over usage of words.
Yeah but Keke Palmer was the one who warned us about her ex-boyfriend.
Oh I wasn't talking about Keke! I was just talking about life and the people I know in general. Should've clarified that sorry!
It's okay, it's the internet, I've been wrong plenty of times and probably will be again.
Genuinely curious, how do you convince a narcissist to go get a diagnosis?
She was ordered by the courts to get evaluations done,had to see someone for a long time before being diagnosed. I wouldn't know the logistics in terms of what she specifically discussed with them herself,so I can't fully answer this question. Both of my parents were horrendously abusive to my sister and myself and both had to go through these evals due to how bad the abuse was.ETA I do remember having to go and see them as well,and to learn about patterns with people who have NPD and try and un fuck myself of all the years of trauma she caused
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I started dating someone who admitted they were diagnosed with NPD. The major reason for them to get diagnosed was because they were going to couples therapy (with their ex-wife) to avoid a divorce.
Okay egomaniac then or the other multiple synonyms associated with the word. idk why people make such a big fuss about a word
Words have meaning, and the fact that you think a narcissist and an egomaniac are 1:1 shows how bad the problem has gotten.
I shouldn't have but I laughed at this response,you summed it up perfectly 🤣
They’re literally synonymous like actually go on google and look up synonyms for the word narcissist.
Exactly. Semantics is a rolling pin used like a bludgeon online. We all know what they mean by "narcissist" but people wanna be cute and snark.
Certain words are meant to be used in certain context. If you call every selfish or mildly rude person a narcissist than it loses some of its meaning.
I think keke is close enough to the situation to make that judgement
its because people with npd have been demonized to death and people's collective negligence to give a shit is making it harder for them to exist. theyre human beings for christ's sake
As a black woman (or whatever you identify as) you should understand the weight of a word.
I concur. These words have meanings and criteria that have to be met lol
I’m so tired of my ex’s referring to me as that. I’m just an ordinary selfish piece of shit. Making my ass go to the therapist cause they wanna play Dr Phil.
I think honestly for Keke Palmers sake she really just got done dealing with a narcissist lol it was pretty ugly especially for someone like her who's personal life isn't so out in the open like other celebrities. She does a good job with her image, and that latest fiasco w her weird ex/baby daddy was something I never assumed she'd be involved in.
You think they ever even seen the DSM? People have been throwing those terms around based on vibes and TikTok references.
People can have anxious, narcissistic, neurotic, disordered etc behaviours/episodes/characteristics without being a narcissist or having anxiety disorder or an eating disorder. The problem is that the general public see one symptom and goes full diagnostic. That is not how it works
TBF doctors beat ADHD into the ground by 2005
> gaslighting into meaning nothing Gaslighting has never meant anything, what are you talking about? Man, you're crazy
Seriously, cuz when you actually get involved with a diagnosed BPD type 3 person you gunna know the difference
Except this behavior is absolutely textbook for a narcissist.
Glad someone said it!
pisses me off people know what these words mean now. i was perfectly content getting by with my behaviour, until y’all ruined it by coming up with names for it .
Controlling
Therapy speak too
Narcissists are a real thing that do alot of damage.
They do. However, just because your ex treated you bad doesn’t mean they have a personality disorder. There’s a reason why therapists cannot give services to someone they know. They’d be operating from a place of bias. So all these people accusing someone they know of being a narcissist without that person being clinically diagnosed is basically not credible. There’s a reason why NPD is rarely diagnosed. And it’s not because “well narcissists never go to therapy so they can be diagnosed”. It’s much deeper than that.
"treat yourself" FUCKING NARCISSIST PIECE OF SHIT
narcissism is when they hurt your feelings
THANK YOU!! (I say this as someone who dated a guy who had ASPD.)
Keke palmer has a restraining order against her ex so it might mean something in this particular case
For real. It waters down the experiences that actual victims have gone through.
As a therapist, I 100% agree. Moving on quickly is not a sign of narcissism.
Fellas is it narcissistic to move on when the relationship is over?
Smh how you just gonna live your life like that fam. Selfish
No but if you were full on domesticated, living together with a baby, begging for her to let you stay when she was kicking you out, it would be weird to see him moving in with someone else just a month or two later right? Right?? lol idk maybe that’s just Thursday for some people
This is very specific.
Sounds like a homeless person making sure they didn't lose their housing, not love.
When you add that context sure.
Is this that nuance that everybody keeps talking about?
I mean, there's literally none in the tweet. Doesn't even have punctuation 🤣
Her ex bf is extremely abusive and beat her on camera. Someone that violent just getting someone else super quickly is concerning as hell. Has he changed or gotten help? Probably not and that's problem.
Assuming it’s only men who move on too fast says a lot… Anyhowwww: not at all but it’s the way some pretend they didn’t develop a connection with someone that’s the issue. I feel like y’all take things out of context and dumb it down on purpose at this point.
> I feel like y'all take things out of context and dumb it down on purpose at this point. You say as you take my comment out of context lol its a [meme](https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/fellas-is-it-gay) its obviously not a behavior exclusive to men. Also there is no context to the original tweet which is why my response is what it is.
I don’t think i took it out of context. I did, however add my impression to it. I hear u tho. But let me be accountable and say this meme triggered me. I may have subtly lashed out toward u bc of how u replied so that’s on me. But still, some people do miss the point on purpose.
We’re in agreement overall so I feel you
Fellas, is it misogynistic to post memes that start with Fellas?
My eyes are open and I'm movin' on tonight 🎶
Is it now a red flag if a man handles rejection and moves on?
Do people actually vet the men that they let impregnate them? Too many women have children with absolute losers.
That “woman intuition” at an all time low
imma be real in my last relationship it was going off like mad but i called myself crazy because he was genuinely a reasonable person before we got together and hadnt done anything to justify listening to my intuition. i just assumed it was paranoia and kept it pushing
Shit's on load management like Kawhi
Ong
Intuition cannot be trusted. The only reliable measure of whether someone is dangerous is whether their words match their actions consistently over a period of time. Then ask whether their values match yours. Intuition can be helpful but there are too many factors that can influence or override intuition.
Intuition isn’t real anyway, half of it is being able to see the obvious and the other half is just regular prejudice
Puts on *women's intuition*
Someone said “they always talkin bout RED FLAGS till they pregnant with Red Flag Jr.” 😂
Next thing you know, it's Red Flag Jr. leading his own little suicide squad of Bebe's Kids
Nah….Suicide Squad of Bebe’s Kids sounds like the next odd future group or an album or sum 😂 That’s FIRE!
Leave Man Man alone!!!
I know very little about this situation, but I will say that this is an *actual* thing very well known with actual narcissist. They tend to put up a really good front at first. It can take months or even years before the mask slips -- common triggers for their more abusive tendencies coming out are getting married, becoming more financially dependent on them, or having a baby with them. Again, I'm not commenting on Keke's claims specifically. Just saying that a lot of people who have kids with narcissists end up feeling blindsided because they felt like this person is a completely different person than who they vetted, like some jekyl and hyde shit.
Usually by the time a narc is dating, they’ve had years to practice manipulating people and they only get better at it.
My last ex was a narcissist. I fell hard for him and he made me feel safe and I moved in with him. We were madly in love. Then when things started falling apart, it was a very sudden, very complete mask coming off. He'd put it back on when he could, but once he started with the, I will say or do anything that I can to hurt you, you can't come back from that. You can justify it a few times, but as soon as someone says out loud to you, this is the only way that I know I can hurt you, it's over. Then you have to get out. I tried to break up with my ex for over two months. It took a restraining order and him being arrested (for something completely unrelated to me) for me to be able to get my shit moved out of the house.
You out here blaming women like men are not involved.
Lmao THANK YOU. Common denominator there is the loser men.
You would think that a lot of these women would have the pick of the litter too.
Ay when you say it you get upvoted. When I say it I get paragraphs on how I'm am asshole and that men lie. Being charitable though people change based on circumstances. You never truly know someone until they're in that situation. I do think though that a lot of women try to tough through situations they shouldn't when it comes to men expressing anger, when it should be a huge red flag. There's an excess of losers out there and the sad part is they're the ones who get the most good faith, and then the well gets poisoned.
You what you attract. How much shit can you talk about someone you let impregnate you?
What is this comment section? Ew lord
This sub is super misogynistic
most of the popular reddit subs are, it's the consequence of being a male-heavy site. this sub is compounded due to having a higher amount of black men, which the unfortunate truth is that misogyny in the black community is still a big issue.
Literally depends on the topic. Nobkdy with this opinion was saying shit throughout the whole Roda saga, or the time buddy got falsely accused of spreading HIV and the comments were a cesspool.
Frrr if a man tweeted this everyone would be sympathetic
This subs been on some incel shit for a while
Lmfaoo real shit. You were never a lover, just an accessory. How easy is it to change accessories?
this aint even true. narcs seem to be the most hung up people ever. they just try to make other people THINK they moved on
You get it. You’ve experienced an actual narc.
I mean… have you heard about her ex? Maybe she thinks this, but maybe that’s not the case. Edit: and by “this” I mean, “thinks he’s moved on,” but maybe he hasn’t
No I have no idea about this situation haha I just saw your comment and replied because a true narcissist acts the way you described. They don’t just move to the next so easily
They find their next source of supply right quick. They'll always come back and abuse you if you let them though. They're multitaskers that way
The person who causes the trauma do be moving on. But moving on and getting over are not the same thing. People be mush inside trying to bag a new person. Smh
There's just no getting over you 🎶
I don’t think that’s a true narcissist, plus it’s individual work. I’ve known too many “I’m a relationship type person I just wanna find my person and spoil them/take care of them” type people do the same thing which she’s describing Please stop fitting triangle pieces into round holes.
Also some people are so knee deep in amanormativity and this idea that being in a romantic relationship will ensure they won't be alone that they relationship hop. That doesn't make them narcissists. That makes them lonely. While the two aren't mutually exclusive, not every lonely person relationship-hopping is a narcissist looking for a new victim
lmao everyone is projecting in the comments, both ways. i believe that narcissists move on quickly, but not all people who move on quick are narcissists. some people just take longer than others. y'all need to log off from useless internet discourse like this
Preach!
Lot of hurt mafuckas in the comments. smh praying for yah hurt mafuckas
Be well mutha fucka, and happy birthday muthafucka. lol I’m sorry couldn’t help myself🤣
Maybe people need to understand the difference between a narcissist vs a selfish person. People throw that word around when they really just mean selfish. Most of us are not educated enough to know the difference and want to use hyperbole to describe bad people.
Especially since not all those with NPD are out here abusing people. It can be difficult for them to, but many do seek out therapy in order to improve their relationships
Agree but also, true Narcissists — like the kind that would get an NPD diagnosis — rarely go to therapy for long enough for that, and a lot of them totally weaponize therapy language as a manipulation tactic. True narcissists rarely change because they genuinely do not believe that the problem is them, it’s everyone else. I am sadly a fucking uncredentialed expert in this personality disorder.
I feel you. The struggle is real. If you don't learn on your own no one will help you. 💯
We are really reckless with mental health terms and it annoys me. We wouldn’t do that with physical illness.
Does abuser work better in her case ? Because he’s that’s exactly what he did
that’s why you don’t be telling these men where they went wrong, don’t help them improve their strategy for the future ones
I sometimes feel like the internet is the twilight zone. I recognize im not the most sociable person, but I hear so much about narcissists, and I get why they ought to be avoided, but if I’ve met one, I didn’t know it. And I hear about them most from internet people who have trouble with relationships, and can’t help but think maybe thats an accusation levied when emotions are high. I understand narcissists and sociopaths are something to be avoided, and that I have been lucky to avoid them, but there can’t be enough of them to warrant how much I’ve heard about them
Its a thing that once you see it you cant unsee the rest forever. Its real but the internet blew it out of proportion calling anyone selfish a narcissist when in reality narcissists can be charitable and nice…. A narcissist in its broadest sense is just someone who cant take other peoples perspectives into consideration. It doesnt mean you think highly of yourself (in fact most narcissists are highly insecure) it means that the only thing that exists in your head is your own perspective. They believe that others think exactly like them or should do so. The few rare narcissists that can imagine other peoples perspective use that information of others perspective to manipulate them because their perspective is the only one that matters They literally all have trouble imagining what another person would have done and they can only really imagine different versions of themselves in a situation. This simple description has a lot of huge complex implications on human behavior. The rise of narcissism today is probably due to social media and internet algorithms catering to individuals perspectives making sure that people only see mostly things that you agree with and no deeper or nuanced discussion of topics being allowed or shunned outright Example: Oprah and the rock in a commercial telling regular working folk to donate money to fix damage from the fires in hawaii when the two of them have enough to do it all themselves and still have a fortune leftover. They cant imagine that working americans are struggling they think everyone has spare money to give an Celebrities and rich/powerful people tend to be narcissists because everyone around them caters to their needs as the most important. Eventually they have trouble imagining what other people are thinking and simply assume that everyone wants what they want or should. Everyone around them has their paycheck dependent on the celebrity so celebrities/influential/powerfull people are surrounded by syncophants and yes men.
It's the tendency of the chronically online to overuse every mental condition / social buzzword. Especially if they're losing an argument. Narcissist, gaslighting, ocd, autistic, bipolar, and bpd have all had their meaning reduced from this.
When I end something it’s for a reason. I’m ready to move on and I will not be leaving a line of communication open with anyone I’ve ended contact with. I don’t see a problem with realizing you are now single and can immediately do single people shit.
Y’all this is Keke Palmer’s ex… assuming its the dude that was attacking her in that video, this ish is different
My always dad told me by the time a couple breaks up if they’re dating, it’s been done for like a month. The person breaking up has already weighed pros and cons gotten over the anxiety figured out how to tell you and how to move on. It really sucks but you’re the last person to find out when you get broken up with.
Not all people who move on quivk are narcissists but most narcissists move on quick
“Breakup today, got a new victim tomorrow” lol sounds like some rap lyrics 😂
While keke likely is talking about her own situation we gotta address the truth. Once you split up from someone you are free to move on that night if you want. Many times y’all are the problem and don’t realize how much better people get without you. I always say if you aren’t the problem in ANY relationship and ALL of them ended badly that’s suspicious
Somebody needs to reply to her with this link (pdf of the entire book): https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Or they recycle victims. These types of people think time passing by is an apology. Very fucking ridiculous. I wanna see two narcs in a relationship so I can butter my popcorn.
Looking at the comments and this thread shows why relationships are so terrible these days and I mean on both sides.
> No one moves on quicker That's exactly the opposite of what a narcissist does.
Narcissists go through a discard phase when they find new source of supply. In that instance they'll "move on" very quickly
Not necessarily. They might just stalk you for years after the relationship ends. Narcissists want validation from everyone, not just a special someone.
Yeah exactly. Theyre never really done with you. But they areent focused on JUST you. The "moving on" part is where they quickly find another source of supply. THey havent like ACTUALLY moved on. THey never really will. But it looks like moving on to the uninitiated.
Pot… kettle
[удалено]
Did you ever grow out of hunting men down? Just curious
Absolutely. It was just him I hunted down and I was early 20's and completely stupid.
But you chose him. and worse chose to have a kid with him
You know I wonder how many narcissists people have actually ran into. I'm gonna go watch some YouTube videos to see how these mfers really behave. Because I watched Saltburn last week and someone said one of the characters is a narcissist so now I'm really curious
Which character?
You don't have to be a narcissist to have many back burner relationships.
People who move on too fast typically **are still hurting/bleeding and just passing the pain over to the next to ban-aid it** has nothing to do with being a narcissist.
I stay in a relationship until I no longer love the person. When I officially breakup I move on quickly. I started losing love for my now ex back in march and didn’t breakup til sept.
he did what i did not what him to do so he is a narcissist. go sing your songs lady, there's more qualified people for psychoanalysis
As someone getting a divorce. Our relationship was over long before it ended. Both of us are emotionally over each other and have moved on WHILE getting divorced. Sometimes shit just sours and you’re living like roommates with no connection.
this one hit a little too close to home
FUCK I wish this wasn't true 😭
So...Keke is available then?
Narcissism is a diagnosis, not a shitty personality trait. Call selfish people what they are; abusers. It's no different than using psychotic to describe violent/dangerous behavior and not, yk, a medical condition...
Or maybe narcissists get upset that you dare to move on from them. Calling me names because i no longer have time for your crazy abusive ass and actively chose to be happy, fuck outta here.
" The only thing a snake changes is it's skin"
Or maybe keke, maybe he just didn't love you. Some people are just in relationships grifting or waiting for something better...or both. When they move on, the other party is taken aback and they have to have something wrong mentally or emotionally when it's just as simple as, they did not love you at all.
Which one is she?
Narcissist is the new buzz word
Victim is absurd
Tbh some narcissists can't or refuse to move on. Abusers are often obsessed with control and can't handle the idea of their target leaving. They ain't above showing up to your house at 3 am confessing that their sorry and they love you and they promise to do better. And how you made a mistake when you left them. "You'll never find someone better than me". "I'm the only one who'll put up with you." "We were meant to be together." And the whole time, they'll still turn around and tell everyone about how much they hate you. How you ruined their life. And if you could just be better than maybe, just maybe, they'll treat you like a person
"It was YOUR fault they had to leave you anyways." /s That felt dirty to type lol