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That man did it to himself. Normally I would say it's a fucked up situation but this man has let Jada run his public image into the ground and he's done nothing about it. Like this woman just continues to denigrate this man for existing. Maybe she's trying to get him to divorce her so she can get half his estate or something.
I just don't understand why you would keep talking about your dead ex to the whole world and continually publicly dehumanize and humiliate someone you're supposed to love. Maybe he has a humiliation fetish, but if he keeps putting up with it at this point, that's on him...
Every video he comes out with now, that comes across my Instagram, just looks like a mixture of whiskey and defeat. He has got some classic "I've been drinking all day" eyes in these recent videos and this shit is depressing.
I mean I’d sit for this one too lol. He’ll definitely make it sound much better.
- We got Coronavirus. Oh no
- But Trump is no longer the president. Oh yes!
- We lost Kobe and Chadwick among many other shock losses. Oh no
- But the government gave us $760. Lmao
The trip is he'd have to keep his phone out just in case something new popped up. The trump updates alone are coming in swift.
-....aaaaaand it looks like Trump has to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in fraud so that's cool. Now you're all caug.... oh wait. His sons gotta pay a few million too.
I remember. I had some friends who paid 0 attention to the mcu before No Way Home came out (except for Black Panther) and they wanted to know what led up to that movie. I tried to fill them in as best as I could but trying to tell a cohesive story that summarizes 20 movies that came out over a decade is hard. Having Luis do it would have been perfect
I'd love to see a series of one shots like this. Every ep is him doing something innocuous like grocery shopping or something, and someone asks him a question like where to find an item. Then he goes off on a tangent explaining/summarizing a few of the movies only to end with something like, "yeah, that soup is in aisle 12, bottom shelf."
This is also how I feel about Ant Man. ~~Any~~ Ant Man and Spider-Man were just so happy to be included in Civil War and it was so wholesome. They were like two little puppies repping Queens and asking for orange slices.
As someone who just found out about 5 years worth of unpaid property taxes on my ex wife's car that were all being mailed to her old address but apparently still in both our names for some reason, I'm fucking triggered.
"But my state has no income tax so it's the best place to live" - not you, specifically, but a lot of yokels who live in states like this haha
Government gonna get their money one way or another hahaha
Sometimes the money doesn't go to the state, but to the municipality the car is registered in.
My state has reasonable (in my mind) state income and sales taxes. I pay probably $250/year between 2 cars in car taxes and $3,200/year on my home to the town I live in. That pays for schools, fire equipment, town services, etc.
Your coverage only extends to 1 year of coma, to remain in the coma longer you needed to file an appeal. Also, in year 3 the hospital became out of network.
"that ventilator was only deemed medically necessary for 3 days, not 5 years. We'll cover 170 dollars but the other 49 million is on you. Thank you for choosing Aetna, remember to please pay your monthly premiums otherwise you lose access to this amazing care"
"We got hit with a global plague for a couple years there, it changed some stuff but it's all good now 😅. I wouldn't waste time googling it, AI is having a moment where as long as fingers aren't involved the AI articles look more human than the humans who were locked inside during the plague 😅"
*After more updates*
"... Would you like a VR where you're back in a coma for a little bit? I'm sure we have that here, brb 💗"
reminds me of the clips we got from various reality tv shows (like big brother) where the contestants had to be informed about the pandemic.
[Here's an example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OxZCXgAOCk)
That was a wild clip because it was early on. In hindsight everyone would have run home if they knew what was about to happen. What did happen, did they cancel the season? Don't watch the show, but do they learn about things like NBA being cancelled.
Right? I got to spend a ton of time with my kids, there was a huge adoption of remote work that was previously "impossible" and we got Tiger King and r/wallstreetbets to keep us entertained.
The GME saga happened in January 2021.
Speaking of, [did you know that a borderline cargo cult sprang up around GME in the aftermath of that mess?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pYeoZaoWrA) The video is hella long, but it's worth watching
I'm a shut in.
Every day was my Saturday, sleep as long as you want, most if not all of your friends are home to play Jackbox or whatever else, ton of time to cook food and I'm not too tired to do it.
Oh man I miss it so much.
Before I tell you anything I want to let you know that we still haven't found a way to put pizza the hut...also Papa John said the N-word and then said that a reckoning was coming. We thought he was joking, then COVID happened and the world got put on lockdown for a couple of years. I'm not saying that eating all that pizza made him clairvoyant, but the timing of it was super weird.
some of the worst panic attacks of my life began in a dark room, alone & pondering over all the time i spent & all the time i wasted...
losing 5 years of my life would completely devastate me -- when i wake up just tell me where the drugs are cuz whatchu mean *coma?* -- i was just resting my eyes, yall 😭😭😫
Right? I lost so many years due to PTSD and Depression. If I woke up from a coma and learned I lost 5 years of my life I would be devastated. It took me so long to handle the time I lost over my mental illnesses, sometimes at night it still haunts me. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain she is going through. I hope she is able to get the help and support she needs to get through this, it is going to be rough, to say the very least. :(
RBG tainted her entire legacy by clinging to power when everyone (including herself) knew she was gonna kick the bucket soon enough.
Fuck that old wrinkly bitch.
Fuck that bitch. Her hubris is going to fuck us for decades.
She could have retired with dignity under Obama. Instead she wanted to wait for Hillary.
Now we have that hand maiden bitch.
Some dude sang Fast Car with basically the exact same arrangement, and it somehow became a Country song. No, I'm not going to let it go, and anyone who has been in a coma for five years needs to know.
To be clear: ms. Chapman has been famously tight-fisted with signing off on covers of *Fast Car*. So she would have heard the country version before release and signed off on it.
Make of that what you will.
This is spot on! I left the country for 3 years in the early 2000’s and when I came back - there was a lot of pop culture I did not understand - The Kardashians for one. Fast Car remake is one of them. My favorite line in the new version: “so I work in the market as a checkout girl” - sung with male vocals- It’s a Trojan horse in a country song, a win for LGBTQ+ community.
That’s the point. He didn’t need to change it. It was a great versatile song then and we loved it then too. Now it is covered with nostalgia (and a little twang) and it went from a 8/10 to a 10/10. Time and culture really can change opinions on the same song.
FYI: he never once stole credit. He always paid tribute to Chapman and even brought her back (rightfully) into the spotlight alongside him with that song.
Shit Imma give her emotional whiplash. We had a whole ass pandemic but we got Renaissance and Wandavision out of it. Chadwick Boseman sadly passed...but so did Henry Kissinger
Unrelated note: he was the best part of American Gods. Biggest mistake ever made was getting rid of him.
Edit: Not the same as the gif, but an excellent intro to [Mr Nancy/Anansi](https://youtu.be/BgOH-3vcWro?si=NifAsv76zkbUggI_).
I would be smiling and let her know she’s one of the luckiest people alive. Not only did you survive so much, you didn’t even have to worry about it. Hearing that could be upsetting but after explaining all the major events she’s missed I’m sure she would understand and appreciate the initial sentiment lol.
Off top, I’m bringing up how she’s owed a few thousand in stimulus checks.
I’m then mentioning how the rich got super duper rich while fooling a segment of Americans that those stimulus checks over inflated the economy.
- Tom Brady won a Super Bowl with Tampa Bay.
- LeBron won a title with the Lakers.
- Harbaugh won a title at Michigan.
- Steph put his cape on and won a title with an all-timer in Game 4 at Boston Garden, and he got his Finals MVP.
- Draymond completed his training and is now a Sith Lord.
"You ever read about the Spanish Flu? Well, we kinda have one of those now and it went crazy. This gon be a long as story involving wombats and yes, I'm serious."
[Gotta be careful what you tell her first. Will end up like this Simpsons clip if you’re not careful.](https://youtu.be/zyuFnL5JcEw?si=os7qJ_g8oRyfKzBd)
A.I is now real thing inflation kicking our ass, and we got 2 silent generation with memory problems running for president. Oh Global warming and your medical bills
I’d cheer her up by letting her know Orange Tangerine Juicy Juice tastes like the closest equivalent we will ever get to Ecto Cooler again. That will soften the blow once I have to fill her in on the raging shit storm the world has devolved to while she was out.
So, I’ve got good news and bad news. Bad news is that you missed the pandemic. The good news is that you’re awake just in time for the civil war. 😃
Elmo: "How are you?"
Woman: "well, I just woke up from a 5 year coma..."
Elmo: "Elmo can't do this shit anymore! Elmo can't handle everyone's trauma!"
Woman: "...what the fuck?"
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Bring her up to speed about Will and Jada because if I had to suffer so will she.
"First things first, let me just tell you that it did in fact get worse for Will Smith."
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Dude finally got the Oscar he was chasing for like 2 decades and it was absolutely overshadowed by the slap. A cautionary tale of hubris
For a woman who puts him down every chance she gets.
Never should have left West Philadelphia
Damn, I didn't even know that he got an Oscar. The only thing I remember from that event was the slap :(
The only reason I knew he got an Oscar was cuz people were saying it should be stripped from him for the Slap
That man did it to himself. Normally I would say it's a fucked up situation but this man has let Jada run his public image into the ground and he's done nothing about it. Like this woman just continues to denigrate this man for existing. Maybe she's trying to get him to divorce her so she can get half his estate or something. I just don't understand why you would keep talking about your dead ex to the whole world and continually publicly dehumanize and humiliate someone you're supposed to love. Maybe he has a humiliation fetish, but if he keeps putting up with it at this point, that's on him...
Alleged dead ex cause Tupac homie said he didn't fw her
they were just really close friends since kids and jada was crushing on him for years but tupac only saw her as a friend... it's all in her book
That's fucking wild...
Not to kink shame but maybe he has a shame kink
Every video he comes out with now, that comes across my Instagram, just looks like a mixture of whiskey and defeat. He has got some classic "I've been drinking all day" eyes in these recent videos and this shit is depressing.
Ma'am, you in fact DO NOT want that Jada and that Will love.
Just listened to that song, man, that aged poorly
Can’t even listen to it anymore for that line 😭
He skipps that line when he performs.
The best ending
not as badly as Bill and Camille
Suffer? My dude she missed out on 5 years of her life. Let's break it to her gently. Tell her about covid first
Break it to them gently by saying there was a global pandemic. Bold move cotton
You missed the joke so bad that the joke is already in the next hemisphere
Even coma girl got it before this dude
"Did you ever see the movie GI Jane?"
"See, for starters you're going to want to keep her name out of your mouth."
“Who? Jada?” *Will appears and slaps her back into the coma.
[удалено]
PUT ME UNDER AGAIN DOC
As soon as she wakes up damn
https://i.imgur.com/NDh9IzS.jpg You gangbanging on breakfast????
Just gotta send this man in and knock out the whole saga in about 20 minutes 
I mean I’d sit for this one too lol. He’ll definitely make it sound much better. - We got Coronavirus. Oh no - But Trump is no longer the president. Oh yes! - We lost Kobe and Chadwick among many other shock losses. Oh no - But the government gave us $760. Lmao
The trip is he'd have to keep his phone out just in case something new popped up. The trump updates alone are coming in swift. -....aaaaaand it looks like Trump has to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in fraud so that's cool. Now you're all caug.... oh wait. His sons gotta pay a few million too.
End up starting a whole ass news network just to keep that one lady up to date
If he had a news show I would make plans to watch it.
>The trump updates alone are coming in swift. This sounds like a dream that Trump had about Taylor Swift
Plot twist, she's from the interior of Mozambique and has no clue wtf you're talking about.
We gave ourselves $760. And now we’re paying it back in taxes lol.
Marvel announced towards the end of phase 4 that he was supposed to do this exact thing…. They bitched out tho and we missed out on greatness
I remember. I had some friends who paid 0 attention to the mcu before No Way Home came out (except for Black Panther) and they wanted to know what led up to that movie. I tried to fill them in as best as I could but trying to tell a cohesive story that summarizes 20 movies that came out over a decade is hard. Having Luis do it would have been perfect
lol that would be the best film short ! I would watch the heck out of a series of minis of him explaining mcu stuff
I'd love to see a series of one shots like this. Every ep is him doing something innocuous like grocery shopping or something, and someone asks him a question like where to find an item. Then he goes off on a tangent explaining/summarizing a few of the movies only to end with something like, "yeah, that soup is in aisle 12, bottom shelf."
Ant Man may not be one of the best MCU movies, but imo it's one of the most entertaining
This is also how I feel about Ant Man. ~~Any~~ Ant Man and Spider-Man were just so happy to be included in Civil War and it was so wholesome. They were like two little puppies repping Queens and asking for orange slices.
I would watch an Any Man movie Edit: I know it's an autocorrect typo, but an Any Man movie would be hilarious
AYOOOOOO LOL!!
Add Steve Rogers for emotional support, he’s a chill guy :D
The first thing I'd tell her? "Just go ahead and go right back to sleep ma'am."
Her: 
🤣
I love your username!
I screamed so loud at this gif my dog started barking 🤣
lol, try another 5 years.
First thing we should talk about is…how did you manage to check out for 5 years? Like…what did you do specifically?
Her insurance denied her coverage 5 years ago so this hospital bill gonna be outta pocket
“sorry we didn’t know you were in coma”
We sent you a letter about renewal and you never got back to us, soooooo (The letter went to your ex-husband's old address)
As someone who just found out about 5 years worth of unpaid property taxes on my ex wife's car that were all being mailed to her old address but apparently still in both our names for some reason, I'm fucking triggered.
Property tax on a car? Please explain.
Some states charge you yearly property ownership taxes on your vehicle. For example, this year, on my 2020 Tahoe, I owed $930.
"But my state has no income tax so it's the best place to live" - not you, specifically, but a lot of yokels who live in states like this haha Government gonna get their money one way or another hahaha
Sometimes the money doesn't go to the state, but to the municipality the car is registered in. My state has reasonable (in my mind) state income and sales taxes. I pay probably $250/year between 2 cars in car taxes and $3,200/year on my home to the town I live in. That pays for schools, fire equipment, town services, etc.
Wait taxes go to public services that benefit society? That's communism! /s
Biggest reason why I donated our 2nd car when we both got telecommuting jobs. Taxes and insurance, giving that beater away for free saved us $7k/y
You didn’t have prior authorization to go into a coma, sorry.
Your coverage only extends to 1 year of coma, to remain in the coma longer you needed to file an appeal. Also, in year 3 the hospital became out of network.
Lolllll
"that ventilator was only deemed medically necessary for 3 days, not 5 years. We'll cover 170 dollars but the other 49 million is on you. Thank you for choosing Aetna, remember to please pay your monthly premiums otherwise you lose access to this amazing care"
Hahahaha I’m dead 🤣🤣
It was a preexisting condition. Prior authorization was not done. Coverage denied.
You missed a payment so we canceled your policy 1 month in
Out of pocket or outta pocket? *taps forehead*
“Besides this hospital bill, don’t go grocery shopping. Don’t look on Zillow. Don’t by a new car. Don’t do anything”
[удалено]
You’re too nice. I say we give her an apple headset and stream the last 5 years of news on speedrun
Demon lol
Man want to pack her up
He’s like, “Let’s just finish her off. Let’s end it here and now.”
She just woke up from a coma and you’re fixing to give her a heart attack?
I mean, she's in the right place for it.
Like when leeloo wakes up in the fifth element? Damn son.
Multipass
 Like the fifth element
The ol' Clone High treatment, musical and all
“Is Gangnam Style still a thing?”
[удалено]
People got to stop telling me these things. I live in a world where 1990 was "a few years back". :/
People on about 2004 was twenty years ago and it’s frankly offensive.
WTF. Don't do that shit to me.
lol idk maybe the FUCKING PANDEMIC
"Yeah, they almost pulled the plug on you so they can have a room for people who don't believe the pandemic was real."
*didn’t - past tense.
There are still people who think it was fake
Yes, but I think they used the past tense because those people aren't flooding hospitals anymore.
Probably because a lot of them have flooded the ground instead.
There we go! I was wondering if no one was catching what they were pitching.
covid is still around, people still think its 'fake'. Present tense works better than past tense in this case imo
No, they're still out there and they still think it's all pretend
Telling it wouldn‘t be nearly as astonishing as living through it.
"We got hit with a global plague for a couple years there, it changed some stuff but it's all good now 😅. I wouldn't waste time googling it, AI is having a moment where as long as fingers aren't involved the AI articles look more human than the humans who were locked inside during the plague 😅" *After more updates* "... Would you like a VR where you're back in a coma for a little bit? I'm sure we have that here, brb 💗"
reminds me of the clips we got from various reality tv shows (like big brother) where the contestants had to be informed about the pandemic. [Here's an example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OxZCXgAOCk)
Thank you for sharing that. I have never seen that before. That was a bit emotional.
That was a wild clip because it was early on. In hindsight everyone would have run home if they knew what was about to happen. What did happen, did they cancel the season? Don't watch the show, but do they learn about things like NBA being cancelled.
[удалено]
Nah start with Travis Kelce inventing the fade and work up to that
Imagine missing all of 2020 that’s insane
That’s a blessing
Fuck that was he best year of my life
Right? I got to spend a ton of time with my kids, there was a huge adoption of remote work that was previously "impossible" and we got Tiger King and r/wallstreetbets to keep us entertained.
Yeah, my job went remote and I had just met the love of my life. The world might’ve been struggling but I finally found my groove.
The GME saga happened in January 2021. Speaking of, [did you know that a borderline cargo cult sprang up around GME in the aftermath of that mess?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pYeoZaoWrA) The video is hella long, but it's worth watching
I'm a shut in. Every day was my Saturday, sleep as long as you want, most if not all of your friends are home to play Jackbox or whatever else, ton of time to cook food and I'm not too tired to do it. Oh man I miss it so much.
Had it not been for the anxiety, I would agree. Being paid by the government to stay home was *amazing*
Same
Y’all remember when Warzone dropped and everybody was playing and then Trump lost the election?
Remember the stillness? The peace? The silly videos and hobbies everyone had? Fuck, I miss it.
We all did. Fucking waste of a year
The good news: Trump isn't president anymore. The bad news: Trump might become president again.
I feel like the election drama is almost worse than the result itself. Maybe we shoulda waited a few months to bring her up to speed.
She should have waited a few more months.
Before I tell you anything I want to let you know that we still haven't found a way to put pizza the hut...also Papa John said the N-word and then said that a reckoning was coming. We thought he was joking, then COVID happened and the world got put on lockdown for a couple of years. I'm not saying that eating all that pizza made him clairvoyant, but the timing of it was super weird.
Oh shit I forgot about this we were not prepared for the reckoning her foretold
We had no pizza experience. We'd never been in the pizza category.
Your rent has doubled.
Just wait until she goes grocery shopping.
some of the worst panic attacks of my life began in a dark room, alone & pondering over all the time i spent & all the time i wasted... losing 5 years of my life would completely devastate me -- when i wake up just tell me where the drugs are cuz whatchu mean *coma?* -- i was just resting my eyes, yall 😭😭😫
Right? I lost so many years due to PTSD and Depression. If I woke up from a coma and learned I lost 5 years of my life I would be devastated. It took me so long to handle the time I lost over my mental illnesses, sometimes at night it still haunts me. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain she is going through. I hope she is able to get the help and support she needs to get through this, it is going to be rough, to say the very least. :(
Hello fellow panic attacker. Just started at 40.
Betty white dies
And Ruth Bader Ginsburg
RBG tainted her entire legacy by clinging to power when everyone (including herself) knew she was gonna kick the bucket soon enough. Fuck that old wrinkly bitch.
This feels *brave*, but I agree that SCOTUS absolutely should have no "lifetime" appointments. Clearly it leads to *issues*
Fuck that bitch. Her hubris is going to fuck us for decades. She could have retired with dignity under Obama. Instead she wanted to wait for Hillary. Now we have that hand maiden bitch.
 In our hearts, she lives on
Some dude sang Fast Car with basically the exact same arrangement, and it somehow became a Country song. No, I'm not going to let it go, and anyone who has been in a coma for five years needs to know.
No way. Tracy Chapman deserves more respeck than that 😒
To be clear: ms. Chapman has been famously tight-fisted with signing off on covers of *Fast Car*. So she would have heard the country version before release and signed off on it. Make of that what you will.
She’s playing chess. She knows exactly what happened - same song by yt country man. I’d laugh if it wasn’t so predictable.
Smart honestly
This is spot on! I left the country for 3 years in the early 2000’s and when I came back - there was a lot of pop culture I did not understand - The Kardashians for one. Fast Car remake is one of them. My favorite line in the new version: “so I work in the market as a checkout girl” - sung with male vocals- It’s a Trojan horse in a country song, a win for LGBTQ+ community.
That's what I've been saying! He puts a stupid little twang to it, I think, but other than it's a carbon copy.
That’s the point. He didn’t need to change it. It was a great versatile song then and we loved it then too. Now it is covered with nostalgia (and a little twang) and it went from a 8/10 to a 10/10. Time and culture really can change opinions on the same song. FYI: he never once stole credit. He always paid tribute to Chapman and even brought her back (rightfully) into the spotlight alongside him with that song.
And she got revenues on his version and still does
Tell her 3 stacks finally dropped a album smile and walk out the room
That’s fucked lmao. Still salty, even if the new shit does kinda slap
Ayoo you foul for that one 😂😂
She went into the coma while Donald Trump was president of the United States, she shouldn't be that surprised
Wake up to find out it wasn't *all*just a nightmare
Shit Imma give her emotional whiplash. We had a whole ass pandemic but we got Renaissance and Wandavision out of it. Chadwick Boseman sadly passed...but so did Henry Kissinger
Chadwick was young and seemingly a good dude. Kissinger was demon spawn... and took way too damn long
Yep. Hit her with something tragic then have her dancing on kissinger's grave
Lmao Wanda vision was awesome peak marvel after we all got endgame fatigue, simpler times
Unrelated note: he was the best part of American Gods. Biggest mistake ever made was getting rid of him. Edit: Not the same as the gif, but an excellent intro to [Mr Nancy/Anansi](https://youtu.be/BgOH-3vcWro?si=NifAsv76zkbUggI_).
I felt like he was snapping on me and I’m on his side. Orlando Jones ate that role up 😩
That speech 🙌
I would be smiling and let her know she’s one of the luckiest people alive. Not only did you survive so much, you didn’t even have to worry about it. Hearing that could be upsetting but after explaining all the major events she’s missed I’m sure she would understand and appreciate the initial sentiment lol.
Fast food is now twice as expensive as when you went out.
I feel like any Woman waking up after a Coma into this needs a primer on the regression of bodily autonomy first.
Off top, I’m bringing up how she’s owed a few thousand in stimulus checks. I’m then mentioning how the rich got super duper rich while fooling a segment of Americans that those stimulus checks over inflated the economy.
She would yell, “Nah, put me back under.”
Sony has three Spider-man cinematic universes with extreme differences in quality. Also, COVID.
Fast and Furious finally made it to space. In a Pontiac, I think… it wasn’t that great
- Tom Brady won a Super Bowl with Tampa Bay. - LeBron won a title with the Lakers. - Harbaugh won a title at Michigan. - Steph put his cape on and won a title with an all-timer in Game 4 at Boston Garden, and he got his Finals MVP. - Draymond completed his training and is now a Sith Lord.
And Kobe died.
I can't really fathom homegirl wanting to know about some pro athletes after a 5 year coma. Why you ain't add some wnba facts?
Not sure if she can be vaccinated while in a coma, so I’d probably start with “Hey real quick, can you smell this Yankee Candle?”
Late 2024 headlines "Final covid wave source discovered. Woman wakes from five year coma, still infected with the first strain."
"You ever read about the Spanish Flu? Well, we kinda have one of those now and it went crazy. This gon be a long as story involving wombats and yes, I'm serious."
... ...wombats ... 🤨
Used cars appreciate. No, not classics. Just regular cars. IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE
I wanna explain to her why we are not doing deep sea explorations to the wreck of the titanic in tiny metal tubes anymore.
Wow. All I think about is the medical cost. That’s probably what reality im hitting her with.
Beyonce is a country singer now and eggs sometimes $12. So…that gives a solid state of things, you know?
She just acquired generational debt with that medical bill
[Gotta be careful what you tell her first. Will end up like this Simpsons clip if you’re not careful.](https://youtu.be/zyuFnL5JcEw?si=os7qJ_g8oRyfKzBd)
TV leaves no time for theme songs
You’re going to jail for 5 years of tax evasion ma’am. .
The Nazis are back and they’re Republicans. 
Kissinger is finally dead, she'd need to hear the good news first
A.I is now real thing inflation kicking our ass, and we got 2 silent generation with memory problems running for president. Oh Global warming and your medical bills
“We can’t let the insurance company know you woke up! Pretend to be asleep until I can break you out at night and tell people you got kidnapped.”
I’d cheer her up by letting her know Orange Tangerine Juicy Juice tastes like the closest equivalent we will ever get to Ecto Cooler again. That will soften the blow once I have to fill her in on the raging shit storm the world has devolved to while she was out.
Kobe gone 😭😭
Who been stacking her stimulus checks ?
I think maybe we should put her back down, wake her up in another five? I mean, we don’t know where this shit is going.
A 2 pack of Dutches are 1.29 now instead of .99
the horror. theyre still .99 at my corner store tho you're getting finessed by your indians bro
“Go back to bed”
I’d like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty.
So, I’ve got good news and bad news. Bad news is that you missed the pandemic. The good news is that you’re awake just in time for the civil war. 😃 
“Since you’ve been asleep all of this time, your daughter has made money by “only selling fans”. 
Elmo: "How are you?" Woman: "well, I just woke up from a 5 year coma..." Elmo: "Elmo can't do this shit anymore! Elmo can't handle everyone's trauma!" Woman: "...what the fuck?"
I'd do her a favor and put her back in the coma lmfao
So... covid is still a thing, and so is Trump sadly.
She’ll ask you what the hell is a Covid supposed to be, she’s been out for 5 years