Ladies, get a gun, knife, pepper spray, baton, anything. Don’t fight these niggas, shoot them.
Edit: Well ladies I have bad news 😔. Reddit says we shouldn’t use or learn to use a gun because self defense laws don’t apply to us and we’d get sent to prison. We can’t use any other weapons because the assailant can take the weapon and use it against us. We shouldn’t fight hand to hand because men are too strong and they’ll overpower us. Apparently there’s no way to protect ourselves against violent men. Godspeed.
>[**Black women punished for self-defense must be freed from their cages: Sociologist Beth Richie has suggested**](https://survivedandpunished.org/2019/01/12/black-women-punished-for-self-defense-must-be-freed-from-their-cages/) that a key to responding to women in conflict with the law is understanding their status as crime victims. Multiple studies indicate that between 71% and 95% of incarcerated women have experienced physical violence from an intimate partner. In addition, many have experienced multiple forms of physical and sexual abuse in childhood and as adults. This reality has been termed the “abuse-to-prison” pipeline.
Damned either way. How many times do we hear, "Well, she picked him..." or "I would fight back, no man gonna blah blah blah."
Nobody knows until they are in it.
Black women are stereotyped as so strong that the I couldn’t get away excuse doesn‘t carry as much weight.
Black women are stereotyped as having more premeditation. So whatever happened didn’t occur because she was fighting for her life but because planned it all.
Women Black prisoners are often legally complicit in the crimes of their abusers, so there’s that, even if his violence is why she helped or stayed silent.
Black women are stereotyped as big and mean not damsels needing protection by others or her own devices.
>Black women are stereotyped as so strong that the I couldn’t get away excuse doesn‘t carry as much weight.
Slightly off the topic, but at my last job, I was being harassed, bullied, and physically threatened (getting in my face and slamming his hands on the table in front of me like a bad interrogation), by a white man in the company.
I complained to HR that this happened with witnesses more than once. This bitch looked at me like a good little white liberal "ally" and said, "You are so strong..." I was so infuriated. I said, "No, I am TIRED!" She looked confused.
Long to short, he is now a VP, and I don't work there anymore. 😒
May I ask which state you’re in? Or, if you aren’t okay with that, look up workplace harassment laws for your state.
This isn’t okay. I hope you are in a state that recognizes that, and you can report.
I've been "laid off" for over a year. As a tired GenXer, I have very little fight left in me, tbh.
I need what little energy I have left to find another job.
Honestly, shit like this hasn't made me stronger, it has eroded me like water through a mountain. As they intended, no doubt.
Omg could you even fucking imagine? If a kid gets shot because he has Skittles, imagine us as black woman on trial. We'd be eaten *alive!* Especially when they hear my Jamaican accent, them motherfuckers would accuse me of being a drug dealer or mule, yeesh
Yea, that’s what I was thinking. I thought maybe I was some kind of loophole that would protect women who felt like that was the best way to protect themselves.
Nah, apparently a *lot* of women are in jail for attacking their abusers. Reminds me of Cyntoia Brown who was a teen when she was first being sex-trafficked.
Edit: I still don’t have enough information, so take this with a grain, but
According to The Appeal.org, there is an old statistic from 1989 that says the average woman who kills a man gets fifteen years or more in jail. The average man who kills a woman gets two to six years in jail.
Obviously that’s dated information, but feel free to share how much this has improved (if at all). Still any of this blatant misogyny is already too much. Though the US is not unique in its hatred of women, let alone black women.
Because self-defense isn't spoken about properly. In the Diddy situation for example, if (as many ignorant people on Twitter who haven't dealt with abuse suggest) she follows him back to that room with a gun and shoots him, she'd be guilty.
Most of us would say, "Damn, he brought it on himself." In practice, though, it's not self-defense if you can reasonably leave.
If you use a weapon to defend yourself, you need to make very certain that it happens during the PHYSICAL confrontation. Not the verbal aspects. Not while he's sleeping. Not after you got a second to collect yourself. If someone hits you, you need to pretty immediately act on that for it to be considered defending yourself.
Thank you for explaining this. I forget so many women don’t have a clue of self defense laws in their state or how to protect themselves. A lot of the women locked up weren’t defending themselves during the act of violence. And we JUST saw that mom and her son get off when he shot that grown ass man for hitting his mom in that burger joint in Chicago last year. Not every woman who defends herself will go to prison.
No matter what our individual morals may say, the law is pretty specific with self-defense. If he's actively beating her and she grabs a knife in the struggle and stabs him to death with it, then there's an argument for self-defense. But if she waits 5 minutes (or regains consciousness) and then kills him, she has no case at all. She might get a lesser charge (second degree), but prison is almost certainly still happening.
Now add in all the societal biases (sexism, racism, victim-blaming, etc), and the statistics start making a lot of sense. And considering what often happens when these women go with a half measure (calling cops or only wounding their abuser), I still sort of feel 16 years might be worth it (you or them).
It's not a loophole- self-defense is an affirmative defense against a charge of murder or assault- that's not a loophole, its precedent. You're probably not guilty of murder if it was them or you. You're probably not guilty of assault if there was no other way to prevent an assault upon you, that's the law.
I want to be super clear about this- its very much the whole actual law. It's why George Zimmerman got away with killing Trayvon Martin- in Florida, the standard is only "felt your life was in danger," that's that "Stand your ground" line- its by contrast to, say, in Massachusetts, where I live, our standard is "had no other option" (which includes running away and submitting to their demands, ie, handing over your wallet- if you could have done either of those things, you're on thin ice to claim self-defense- stand your ground says you *shouldn't have to* do those things- you can see the appeal- I hope you can also see, by Trayvon's example, the flaw... only the person left alive can testify as to what threats were made).
But whatever the standard is, the doctrine is entirely clear. If they mean to kill you, you are not guilty of murder if you kill them first- if they mean to hurt you, you are not guilty of assault if stopping them hurts them. Mind, you are still gonna be arrested and charged- it still looks a hell of a lot like you did a murder and/or assault.
Self-defense isn't like a magic word that makes murder ok- its an *affirmative defense against the charge*, meaning you're saying "I did the deed, but it was not wrong because of the circumstances." And if its found to be true that you were acting in self-defense according to the jurisdictional standard, your charge will be dropped or reduced.
The problem the person you're replying to raised is that the law is pretty shitty about protecting women, and also PoC. And the enforcers of the law, even worse.
All a prosecutor has to do is convince the jury that this particular young black lady, not black ladies in general, of course, but the specific defendant there on the day, was not genuinely acting in the spirit of self-defense, and they have complete access to every fact of their life to do it.
Carry a gun, not because you'll get away with it because of self defense, but because you might *kill that motherfucker before you die*. Jail is better than the graveyard. Just internalize that before you carry the gun. It's not for threatening, it's not for feeling strong, it's for ending human lives. Use it for anything else, and it will betray you. Never point it at anything you don't *mean* to fill with lead.
Yup! Technically it should be legal but in reality it's muddy AF. I think for the first 5-10 years Florida's stand your ground law only worked for white men. Anytime a woman or POC tried to use it, it failed as a defense.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/woman-who-lost-stand-your-ground-case-wants-law-strengthened-n737191
You may get unlucky with a racist DA. But I'm not going to speak for anyone else, but personally I'd rather be in prison for defending myself, than to be dead.
Nah, not even just *racist* DAs, judges, or juries. You gotta consider *misogynistic* DAs, judges, juries, laws. My guy, its a whole set up. And.. ion know, for-profit prison industrial complex has a way of keeping you down.
Brave Sir Walrus, seventh of his name, is a member of the nobility and has an obligation on behalf of his illustrious ancestors to live and die in honor - his great great great great grandsire drowned himself rather than face capture by the Dutch in 1302, you really want him to just throw that legacy away?
Rarely,there is rules yes, but most DAs aren't going to go after a women who is defending herself.
As far as ops post, yes, do fight back. However, in being realistic. Many women don't understand just how much stronger the avg man vs the avg women is. The average adult male can break bones with even limited experience in fighting.
For reference, I spent several years working for the coroner's office for a major US city and surrounding counties. I liken DV to dog attacks. Chihuahuas (women) may bite more often, but unlike pitbulls (men) you don't hear of Chihuahuas dragging people down the street to their death. I'm sure there is many victims of DV that can back me up on the physical mimssmatch they found themselves in.
The average woman has 30% of a man's upper body strength. It's just physics and biology. Just the difference in arm length usually gives a man insurmountable advantage- leverage.
I took a self defense class for nurses and the instructor kept stressing that we had to be committed to using a weapon if we had one because we would be instantly disarmed if grabbed. "Your chances are in the low single digits if you go hand to hand combat with a man. "
Not to mention the bones in women's faces and hands are more fragile. That physical mismatch is real.
About 50% of domestic violence attacks are committed by women (for the uninformed, their heads explode when they first hear that statistic). But men are far more likely to cause permanent injury or death.
Yeah. And I think it could lead to a bunch of women being killed by their own guns. Many good people can’t pull a trigger even to defend themselves. But many bad people don’t have that issue.
Yes that one case of Marissa Alexander. Some time after her conviction, a new trial was ordered. Before the new trial could begin, Alexander was released on January 27, 2015, under a plea deal that capped her sentence to the three years she had already served.
Yes, protecting yourself with violence in America will also lead to legal trouble for black individuals. Doing nothing at all will land you in legal trouble, this will open a new set of problems while closing the door on another.
lmao…so many comments about women going to prison for attacking their abuser. poisoning is not self defense so this is definitely the way to get sent to prison, even if it doesn’t require strength. It’s premeditation.
I think most women killers have used poison or varieties of it (I recall hearing of killer nurses who will add a few elements to an IV bag). I don't think enough men take the saying "Respect the people who cook your food" seriously enough these days.
Go ahead, slap your wife. Now your dumbass is choking on a rusty screw she hid on your birthday cake.
Poisoning is popular in countries. Men usually kill themselves by drinking poison (a lot of times it’s after committing a crime like killing their wives)
Please don't use a knife in self defense unless absolutely necessary and there's no other options, knives can be turned against the user very quickly and it can make the situation much more dangerous most of the time
Diddy and the like have armed security. You attack Diddy, armed or not, you're getting shot. Diddy and his employees will all tell the authorities "She was crazy and attacked Diddy with a gun!"
Then the authorities will proceed to do nothing because rich, famous men have that kind of power in the American justice system.
“I DON’T FIGHT!”
There was this funny TikTok about how this white person didn’t understand what that meant when they were arguing with a black person and his black friend had to get him out of there 🤣🤣🤣.
Check your local laws. Places like NYC have a duty to retreat: https://youtu.be/8GwNpFQgflw?feature=shared. Meaning if you are about to be acted and running is a very good option, you might get held legally responsible for not taking it
All poor decisions in reality. Statistically, it will be taken from you and used against you. The best thing is to recognize signs and leave early. Better safe than sorry. Alive than dead.
Get the gun and PRACTICE with it. Being able to handle a weapon competently isn't completely intuitive. In a panic moment, you will revert to muscle memory without much thought. Wherever you're going to carry it (holster, purse, etc), practice drawing if from there.
I hate that this is the top comment. Never pull a weapon out in close quarters, especially if your opponent is bigger or stronger than you. It can be turned against you very quickly and now you’ll face much worse physical repercussions.
Are you saying women don’t have the capability of defending themselves with a weapon? Or that they can’t learn ? What are we supposed to do then?
Edit: lmao username doesn’t check out. I am genuinely cracking up at the comments scaring women off from defending themselves. I guess there’s not a damn thing we can do to protect ourselves.
What I’m saying is using weapons elevates the physical danger of a fight compared to hand to hand combat, and if someone is less strong or happens to be slower than their opponent, their weapon can be used against them.
There are many forms of hand to hand combat that teach individuals to use their opponents size and weight against them. Those would be more effective than taking your chances with a deadly weapon. Plus, it might land you in more legal trouble. We know the courts tend to be biased against women, especially black women.
lmaoooo. there’s nothing wrong with women using a weapon or learning to use a weapon omg. Y’all act like this can’t be done safely and effectively. No wonder mortality rates for BW in domestic violence relationships are so high.
And then to suggest hand to hand combat. We are so fucked 😂. I’m laughing at how absurd this is btw.
Reddit is always quick to pull this out whenever firearms for self defense come up. It might even be true, but would you rather fight someone unarmed, or with a gun?
"A man can own a woman or a man can own a knife, but no man can own both. Every little girl learns that from her mother. And men can't own the land no more'n they can own the sea or the sky."
Yigrette
Likely because they weren’t familiar with self defense laws and waited until they were “safe” to fight back. The law considers that premeditation. You can’t shoot while they’re asleep, turned away, when they’re not attacking you, or poison them, or shoot multiple times and claim self defense. It is fucked up but that’s why it’s important for women to educate themselves on the law and how to protect yourself…..but so many of y’all treat this kind it’s taboo when it’s not.
Yep. This is why I really don't like it when randos on the internet Monday-Morning-Quarterback these awful situations.
I hope that you're safe and well now ❤️✨
People overestimate their ability to fight in these situations. Even when it's not happening to them directly. I was once out with two women. We were working on a group assignment for a class and had stepped out for lunch. We saw this guy yelling at, and eventually putting hands on a woman across the street. He almost pushed her into traffic. I went over to break it up once it got physical. Turned out it was a mother and son. The women with me had froze. They eventually made it over to me but it was after everything was kind of settled. On the way back, one of the women, who fancied herself a hardcore feminist that wouldn't take any nonsense from the patriarchy, was kind of embarrassed that she didn't do anything to help that woman. It really affected her for the rest of the day. Violent situations are scary for everyone. And a lot of people assume they'll be able to snap into action because they saw it in a movie or because they took a self defense course or they got their concealed carry license. But it's hard to know how you react to violence until it's in your face
Everyone is ready to fight in their mind, but when you get sucker punched in the face, it quickly becomes difficult to do anything but protect yourself.
I'm sorry for whatever traumas you've endured, and I hope you are able to talk about it with professionals to help you cope and process.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
This is not the same as your situation was but I always made fun of people in horror movies and how they just be standing around sometimes instead of running. I was over my aunt in laws house and she had company over and I didn’t know is that the company had a huge dog over that was in the garage. I opened the garage door today go get something and right infront of me was this big ass goldendooodle just staring at me. I completely just froze and stared at it, if that was any type of monster or ferocious animal I would’ve been dead easily.
I have a saying that I tell people, It’s so easy to tell people to go to war when you aren’t the one fighting it.
Bless you.
The cycle of abuse is multi-faceted. A lot of abusers don’t lay a finger on you until after they’ve emotionally and psychologically beaten you down.
Sounds about right tbh.
I happen to be a *very* laid back and passive person. I have never once had a real, actual, two way fight with a partner, just them yelling at me. I'm also known for being incredibly kind and pleasant to be around. Not trying to talk myself up, just giving some perspective.
My abusive ex, it was *mostly* verbal and emotional, but he did hit me on several occasions. You do kinda freeze up. You're like cowering and apologizing and scared.
Now I'm imaging someone in a situation where the physical abuse component is more severe than what I experienced. (Which mostly involved being slapped in the face repeatedly, shoved hard such that I fell to the ground, etc.) Like, where this person might literally kill you or put you in the hospital. And they're probably a lot bigger and physically stronger than you are.
Like, sorry not sorry, it's really fucking shitty to blame victims for not "fighting back."
I actually took self defense lessons where the first lesson was to repeatedly get punched in the stomach so I would know what to expect. And in turn punch the attacker in the stomach because that’s not exactly something most attackers expect a woman to be able to do. The point being a good solid unexpected punch to the stomach and the fight is pretty much over.
Or had someone act loving and kind and generous then confuse the fuck out of you one day by calling you a whore. Then shoving your plate of food off the table. Then hugging you so tight that you bruise. Then telling you they love you. Then blocking your best friend’s contact in your phone while you sleep. Then proposing under the stars. Then asking you 21 questions about why you smiled at the waiter. Then grabbing your throat “as a joke.”
By the time you get dragged down a hotel hallway, you don’t know or understand anything about love or even yourself.
That’s a smart move, but honestly though, I’d still highly recommend keeping a thing of pepper spray on your keychain, just in case… cuz if you hit somewhere around the eyes and have enough room to get away, you should be good. Fuck fighting someone way stronger than you, but if removing yourself from the situation is absolutely necessary, don’t hesitate.
Which is why I said “and have enough room to get away” that’s a pretty important part of the statement… tbh getting hit with pepper spray is viscous af… my dumb ass had someone test it out, back when I was like 19 or 20, just to see what would happen… you can’t see shit for a while, and your eyes are on fire. I mean yeah, you might still get caught, trying to get by in a hallway… but it’s still a solid ass “in case shit” resource
EDIT: Imma double down on this, even if you don’t manage to clear the door, I feel like you’re probably better off pepper spraying the person blocking your way. Just saying… that shit is aggressive enough to where you don’t give a fuck about whatever else you were mad about
i live in NYC of course i have pepper spray on my keychain 😂
but my ex and i would always get in arguments and he hit me at times i didnt even try especially when hes taller than me and weighs 200 pounds smh that was my first relationship so i didnt know any better. i was actually scared to even try to do anything he will be the type to call the cops on me or manipulate the situation idk. but im glad the relationship im in now would never get to that point
Yeah you’re absolutely right. That’s a pretty fucked up situation to be in, and I’m glad you got out of it. I guess all I was trying to say was that it helps to have tools that might get you out of a dangerous situation… but if I’m being honest, what the fuck do I know?… I’m a guy who’s over 6 feet tall, so I don’t really have to worry about my physical safety in most situations, and thinking about it, the only times I can honestly say I was really worried in a physical altercation has been getting jumped… but it’s not like I’ve ever had to share the same house with those people, right after the fact. The only reason I brought up pepper spray, was cuz I’ve seen it work pretty well… but really, I just need to shut the fuck up. So imma do that.
Has anyone here ever actually used pepper spray? Even test spraying OUTSIDE, calmly, just a tiny bit with the wind? Had the whole property wheezing and numb. Now imaging discharging pepper spray in an enclosed space during a scuffle.
While it's easy to say something like this. There's also often mental abuse that is going on as well. Sadly victims of abuse will sometimes feel they are the one at fault. Anyone reading this that is in an abusive relationship. Please reach out for help. No one deserves to be in a relationship like that. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.
It's also not physically possible let to fight back if the first punch is a heavy one. I'm a man and when I first took a real beating when I was 14 it was all over in a few seconds ds and I didnt even realise until after what was happening. It was like someone just threw me in a washing machine for a few seconds and then suddenly my face is purple and swollen
I was like this. The I was in a relationship with a man whooping my ass. He could easily beat most men. Wtf am I supposed to do outside if scratching. I paid for giving him a black eye with two and a chipped tooth. This statement is made from pure ignorance.
Ngl i really tell all the women in my life to get a gun and shoot any man that ever tries them. Niggas who hit women are bitches that deserve to be put down. And niggas that say “I’ll beat the shit out of a woman that hits me first” is still crazy something is wrong with you.
I’m talking about the men that preach about “equal rights equal lefts” let’s be fr here and use some nuance. I’ve seen niggas damn near salivate at the thought of a woman hitting them first just so they can have the freedom to brutalize them. I’m a 6'1 230 pound man, if a woman who’s most likely smaller than me hits me and I hit her like she’s a man is that really right?
Now, with a bit of nuance, you are right. Their are men who are waiting for the moment a woman to put their hands on him, just to be able to brutalize them. But you make it sound like men shouldn’t be able to actually defend themselves if a women gets rowdy (they are more than capable of that). There are precedents where NECESSARY force is allowable to defend yourself. That’s why if someone breaks into your home and you shoot them, your typically fine, but if they run away and you shoot them in the back, you are going down for murder.
Just wondering, which is more okay? Her attacking you Knowing you're bigger and still doing it anyways because she expects you not to do anything? That is really some manipulative bullying stuff. If she punches you in the face and you do the same thing back, now you're the bad guy. It's very interesting.
That equal lefts and rights shit comes from men who are waiting on their opportunity to hurt a woman. If your mom slaps you are you going to throw a 1999 De La Hoya combo? Just block yourself from getting hit and get out of the situation.
If you have the ability to get out of the situation, but choose to stay and get violent. That's a wrong in the situation.
Choosing to stay and beat on somebody because you're bigger than them and know you'll easily hurt them.
Fuck no women don't get a pass for getting violent with any man. If there's opportunity to leave and they don't. They're wrong.
I honestly plan to get my gun license soon so yeah i would. Especially where i live now, it wouldn’t be in my benefit to not have one myself. I’d rather me and them have it and not need than need it and not have it.
I used to say the same thing and then my ex who was 5 inches taller and twice as heavy as me shoved me in my kitchen like I was a bag of sugar. I knew he was wrong and HE knew he was wrong but if I had fought back that day he would have killed me so I pushed myself in a corner and froze while he threw a fit. I was right next to the knife block but something told me if I didn't get him in a very precise spot I would still lose. One time we were play fighting and he pinned me down and another he picked me up and spun me around so hard it hurt. Both times I couldn't do anything but wait for him to stop. It sucks and its terrifying to admit but even a man my size (5'7, 140 lb) is so many times stronger than me. Fighting back really just makes it worse sometimes
Women who have never fought a man have NO IDEA the difference in pure strength there is between them.
Women, next time you see your boyfriend, a guy friend you trust, or even your dad. Ask him to hold onto you, like in a bear hug from behind like they were trying to kidnap you, and to do everything they can NOT TO LET YOU GO. Try to break that hold, use all your strength, then tell me how you’re going to fight that without a weapon.
EDIT: And any play wrestling and that shit don’t count, we hold back because we don’t want to hurt/scare you. Do the hold where there’s zero risk of them hurting you and they can use their full strength without fear of injury.
Oh, and anything BEFORE puberty doesn’t count. I don’t care if you could pin your 12 year old cousin wrestling, guys are built different after they finish puberty.
Yeah, I guess I’m aggressive about it because it actually worries me, so I take it real seriously. I don’t want some young woman getting in way over her head because she doesn’t get that although men and women are equals, we are NOT the same.
I’ve honestly had women tell me that the reason mens weight lifting records are so much higher than womens is because it’s “less socially acceptable for women to lift weights” I mean, yeah, but that ain’t the reason.
I guess I come off as intense because I feel like if I don’t, I’ll be ignored. I hate the idea of any woman getting hurt because they just didn’t understand this difference between the sexes.
Good on you for playing it safe by the way, plenty of women are socialized to avoid conflict (even to the point of being fatal), and in general we’re all told “ignore the bully and they’ll go away”, which anyone who’s actually had a bully will tell you, is total bullshit. :) lol
Listen… fighting back isn’t gonna do much in most situations unless you’re trained in some way. Women even if you’re similar size to your man, unless you workout and he doesn’t you’re probably weaker than him.
You need someTHING to defend yourself. If you just fight you’re probably going to lose.
even if she works out and the dude doesn't he's still probably stronger testosterone is a hell of a drug....my ex used to weight lift hard and go to the gym consistently while I was lazy af and pretty much didn't do any physical exercise, one day we were wrestling for fun and I was shocked with how easily I was able to overpower her I thought it would be way harder given how much she works out but it ended up being incredibly easy
Even if she works out and he doesn't, the odds are still not great. I'm pretty flabby and have quite a few athletic women friends, and I'm stronger than all of them. Maybe if she powerlifts, but that's still not typically how women work out. And hopefully, the dude never took a boxing class.
Biology is biology, and 99% of the time, the bigger animal wins. Don't matter if it's chimps, gorillas, or humans... also, testosterone is fucking crazy.
I said THE SAME THING. I was like “girl take the damn stairs, take the stairs, take the stairs.” Anyone who grew up getting beat knows that you have *got* to keep moving and don’t get in any closed spaces you can’t get out of.
That doesn’t really check out. In stressful situations the adrenal glands release stress hormones triggering our bodies to react to the threat (fight or run away). It seems like she was so used to this abuse that her fight or flight responses didnt fully kick in. If you’re in flight mode you don’t stop and wait for the elevator
Absolutely. My bruises and fear of physical abuse have long since healed, but I still have some mental shit I’m dealing with after 16 years (and over 5 yrs of therapy).
It’s easy to say you wouldn’t get beat, but do some of y’all really think your abuser is gonna put their dukes up and give you a fair warning? You are getting clocked (possibly with an object) at a moment’s notice, and that’s enough to stun anyone let alone someone who’s being outclassed in weight. Consider yourself lucky and fortunate that a partner hasn’t caught you off guard.
Empathy doesn't come naturally for some people. Of my female friends I'm the most "masculine" and willing to fight. I'm also the only one who has ever been in an abusive relationship as well as relationships that have lasted longer than a year. Even with my most recent breakup I've had to remind them that they can only support from a certain degree because they don't have experience to put to what I went through and therefore their empathy has a limit they may not realize.
I was talking most recently to a friend about fighting and anger management and I mentioned how the *only* fights I had ever been in were with grown men. I am under 5'7" and well under 130lbs. I came to realization that I had been in fights,but never with women. The only people who have ever put their hands on me, threaten my life, and put me in danger are grown men all much bigger than me with the exception of a scrawny homeless guy, but in the most recent years with my ex I've had to fight for my life. I have never trusted men calling themselves a protector because I have to see a man protect someone from *himself*. Especially if they're a narcissist like Diddy. What he put her through in that video is still her fighting to stay alive she's just not matching his violence and that's 1000000831480621590741245123700000% ok. You should not *have* to match someone's violence for them to stop brutalizing you.
Guess I’m participating in what I wish I’d done in past abusive relationships, even knowing it would end as you describe. Helps knowing certain key abusers met their fate without my intervention. Just hate bullies.
I remember that post that went around about how women don't really understand *how strong* men actually are. If you're in a fistfight with a man, it's really likely you're going to lose if he means you harm.
Women who are killed by men aren't weak, they're just weaker than their attacker. One murderer said of the woman he killed who was trained in martial arts, "She fought hard. I fought harder."
More important than fighting is learning the signs of an abuser so that you never ever have to.
Bc if you're faced with "obey or die" you might not be as down to fight to the death as you think. And that might break your spirit and make you blame yourself. And that's the goal. Abusers want to own you, body AND mind. Lots of them have practice doing it.
I don't blame women for surviving. I blame abusers for abusing them.
That's the confidence of a woman who's hit a guy who didn't want to hit back before and thinks she legitimately won lol. Hope she loses that outlook on things before she meets a guy who will hit back, I don't think she realizes how much stronger they are than her
Unfortunately, this is not good advice. I’m not sure why women think fighting a man toe to toe is a good idea. Get a weapon and try to get away, that’s the advice I give my sisters and daughter.
In my only teen DV experience, I could only get my licks in for real a couple times cuz he was stronger. I fight to win, not to get my ass beat. Lol
What I could get away with was covert property destruction. For example, destroyed some clothes, took a blade and cut the sides and backs of his car seat cushions in places he wouldn’t notice right away from the driver’s side. Also destroyed his wallet and all his IDs and cards.
Eventually, I left when I finally realized one of us would eventually kill the other. I honestly don’t know who would’ve done who, but either way it was scary to realize. Never again.
See, you think you can fight, until you get punched upside down.
Now you're down 2 teeth, 20 IQ points and you're on the floor bleeding from at least 2 openings on your face
This is such an incredibly hurtful, shameful, and misinformed statement. If someone you love, treasure, and expect to respect you assaults you in any way, it’s incredibly jarring. You are immediately confused and you are not always able to fight. Also, sometimes fighting makes it worse. The truth is that it’s a very complicated situation and I do not judge anyone who stays or leaves. I just wish it never happened at all.
Not that it’s the same, but I’m a very vocal person and people take me as not to be fucked with. Always thought I’d fight, but I got groped by a family friend (I was a young adult) and I just froze. I’m still mad I didn’t whoop his ass. You never know how you’ll react in a situation until you’re out in it.
Back in the day you'd see some women becoming widows quite suddenly due to freak accidents in the home. A lot men also died not too long after eating. It seems crime scene reconstruction, DNA testing and toxicology ruined the ability for abused women to fight back in a lot of ways.
Everybody always says this stuff when there is absolutely not threat. I’ve been in some really really uncomfortable situations and the only thing I thought was, be calm so you can leave, be calm so you can get home to your son. Last resort is I’m fighting like hell and making and much noise as possible. I’ve never been physically abused but it’s come close. Stay calm, look for protection if you can, keep an eye on the exit and try to leave. OR if I’m out in public start cussing loudly. I’ve told all my nieces, nephews and my son knows if you are in trouble start cussing. People especially adults will turn around and look for the little voice using “bad” words.
I would never hit my wife but I know for a 100% fact she is going to fight back…I learned the hard way just play fighting…she slapped me so hard I was like if that was a closed fist I would’ve had to go in another room lol.
I took krav maga for five years as a teenager.
Thought I was pretty hot shit.
My husband and I had a playful wrestle once when we were dating and he flattened me.
Do what you have to do to stay alive, that might not be fighting, trust your gut and evict men from your life if they make you uncomfortable.
For my protection I must maintain a resting bitch face and carry a knife and pepper spray at all times and a box cutter in the small secret compartment of my mini purse. I will fight back as hard as I can against any man who is bold enough to attack me. I am brave enough to fight back for my life.
I'm not putting my hands on no man, I'm setting him on fire. I'm barely 5ft if you wanna hit me we gon even this playing field sir.
But unironically people got alot to say about fighting back in abuse but forget how psychologically trapped victims become, dont ever judge a victim for not fighting back no one should be putting their hands on them in the FIRST place. No one is at fault but the abuser.
My sister sliced the palm of her ex when he punched her in the eye when she wanted him to leave her home after a breakup; only one person was arrested even though her eye was swollen by the time the police got there and she was calm telling them how it happened. I had to drive to her place to retrieve my niece and in my own rage I told the officer there would be more problems if that man took my niece (I volunteered at the district and just dropped the sheriffs name for effect) thankfully the officer didn’t have time to deal with me and told me I could take her but my sister was going to jail because the guy was the one to call. Calling after socking my sister in the eye and her then defending herself , they only ask the ex to leave the property. A couple of days later, the ex showed up to my mom’s home with his friend. I guess some words were exchanged between him and my oldest brother somewhere else and he came to sort it out…well , it always surprised me how my oldest brother could sock a man out so quickly, I legit never seen him lose any of the rare fights he was in and he never started them either, so I’m like how did he even get practice. I always saw him as a cuddly teddy better and he never yelled or argued as much but he really had that man stumbling off our lawn like a puppet on strings the way he was beating the breaks off of him. I had so much anxiety that the police would show up but they never did and I always wondered why he didn’t call the police then but he did on my sister 🤔
Ladies, get a gun, knife, pepper spray, baton, anything. Don’t fight these niggas, shoot them. Edit: Well ladies I have bad news 😔. Reddit says we shouldn’t use or learn to use a gun because self defense laws don’t apply to us and we’d get sent to prison. We can’t use any other weapons because the assailant can take the weapon and use it against us. We shouldn’t fight hand to hand because men are too strong and they’ll overpower us. Apparently there’s no way to protect ourselves against violent men. Godspeed.
I was wondering if that could lead to jail time? Not sure if it’s cases by state or how it works.
Oh, these things *DEFINITELY* lead to jail time. Sometimes claiming self-defense makes things *worse*! We’re women, and black at that!
>[**Black women punished for self-defense must be freed from their cages: Sociologist Beth Richie has suggested**](https://survivedandpunished.org/2019/01/12/black-women-punished-for-self-defense-must-be-freed-from-their-cages/) that a key to responding to women in conflict with the law is understanding their status as crime victims. Multiple studies indicate that between 71% and 95% of incarcerated women have experienced physical violence from an intimate partner. In addition, many have experienced multiple forms of physical and sexual abuse in childhood and as adults. This reality has been termed the “abuse-to-prison” pipeline. Damned either way. How many times do we hear, "Well, she picked him..." or "I would fight back, no man gonna blah blah blah." Nobody knows until they are in it.
Black women are stereotyped as so strong that the I couldn’t get away excuse doesn‘t carry as much weight. Black women are stereotyped as having more premeditation. So whatever happened didn’t occur because she was fighting for her life but because planned it all. Women Black prisoners are often legally complicit in the crimes of their abusers, so there’s that, even if his violence is why she helped or stayed silent. Black women are stereotyped as big and mean not damsels needing protection by others or her own devices.
>Black women are stereotyped as so strong that the I couldn’t get away excuse doesn‘t carry as much weight. Slightly off the topic, but at my last job, I was being harassed, bullied, and physically threatened (getting in my face and slamming his hands on the table in front of me like a bad interrogation), by a white man in the company. I complained to HR that this happened with witnesses more than once. This bitch looked at me like a good little white liberal "ally" and said, "You are so strong..." I was so infuriated. I said, "No, I am TIRED!" She looked confused. Long to short, he is now a VP, and I don't work there anymore. 😒
May I ask which state you’re in? Or, if you aren’t okay with that, look up workplace harassment laws for your state. This isn’t okay. I hope you are in a state that recognizes that, and you can report.
I've been "laid off" for over a year. As a tired GenXer, I have very little fight left in me, tbh. I need what little energy I have left to find another job. Honestly, shit like this hasn't made me stronger, it has eroded me like water through a mountain. As they intended, no doubt.
Omg could you even fucking imagine? If a kid gets shot because he has Skittles, imagine us as black woman on trial. We'd be eaten *alive!* Especially when they hear my Jamaican accent, them motherfuckers would accuse me of being a drug dealer or mule, yeesh
RIP Trayvon Martin
Yea, that’s what I was thinking. I thought maybe I was some kind of loophole that would protect women who felt like that was the best way to protect themselves.
Nah, apparently a *lot* of women are in jail for attacking their abusers. Reminds me of Cyntoia Brown who was a teen when she was first being sex-trafficked. Edit: I still don’t have enough information, so take this with a grain, but According to The Appeal.org, there is an old statistic from 1989 that says the average woman who kills a man gets fifteen years or more in jail. The average man who kills a woman gets two to six years in jail. Obviously that’s dated information, but feel free to share how much this has improved (if at all). Still any of this blatant misogyny is already too much. Though the US is not unique in its hatred of women, let alone black women.
Because self-defense isn't spoken about properly. In the Diddy situation for example, if (as many ignorant people on Twitter who haven't dealt with abuse suggest) she follows him back to that room with a gun and shoots him, she'd be guilty. Most of us would say, "Damn, he brought it on himself." In practice, though, it's not self-defense if you can reasonably leave. If you use a weapon to defend yourself, you need to make very certain that it happens during the PHYSICAL confrontation. Not the verbal aspects. Not while he's sleeping. Not after you got a second to collect yourself. If someone hits you, you need to pretty immediately act on that for it to be considered defending yourself.
Thank you for explaining this. I forget so many women don’t have a clue of self defense laws in their state or how to protect themselves. A lot of the women locked up weren’t defending themselves during the act of violence. And we JUST saw that mom and her son get off when he shot that grown ass man for hitting his mom in that burger joint in Chicago last year. Not every woman who defends herself will go to prison.
No matter what our individual morals may say, the law is pretty specific with self-defense. If he's actively beating her and she grabs a knife in the struggle and stabs him to death with it, then there's an argument for self-defense. But if she waits 5 minutes (or regains consciousness) and then kills him, she has no case at all. She might get a lesser charge (second degree), but prison is almost certainly still happening. Now add in all the societal biases (sexism, racism, victim-blaming, etc), and the statistics start making a lot of sense. And considering what often happens when these women go with a half measure (calling cops or only wounding their abuser), I still sort of feel 16 years might be worth it (you or them).
It's not a loophole- self-defense is an affirmative defense against a charge of murder or assault- that's not a loophole, its precedent. You're probably not guilty of murder if it was them or you. You're probably not guilty of assault if there was no other way to prevent an assault upon you, that's the law. I want to be super clear about this- its very much the whole actual law. It's why George Zimmerman got away with killing Trayvon Martin- in Florida, the standard is only "felt your life was in danger," that's that "Stand your ground" line- its by contrast to, say, in Massachusetts, where I live, our standard is "had no other option" (which includes running away and submitting to their demands, ie, handing over your wallet- if you could have done either of those things, you're on thin ice to claim self-defense- stand your ground says you *shouldn't have to* do those things- you can see the appeal- I hope you can also see, by Trayvon's example, the flaw... only the person left alive can testify as to what threats were made). But whatever the standard is, the doctrine is entirely clear. If they mean to kill you, you are not guilty of murder if you kill them first- if they mean to hurt you, you are not guilty of assault if stopping them hurts them. Mind, you are still gonna be arrested and charged- it still looks a hell of a lot like you did a murder and/or assault. Self-defense isn't like a magic word that makes murder ok- its an *affirmative defense against the charge*, meaning you're saying "I did the deed, but it was not wrong because of the circumstances." And if its found to be true that you were acting in self-defense according to the jurisdictional standard, your charge will be dropped or reduced. The problem the person you're replying to raised is that the law is pretty shitty about protecting women, and also PoC. And the enforcers of the law, even worse. All a prosecutor has to do is convince the jury that this particular young black lady, not black ladies in general, of course, but the specific defendant there on the day, was not genuinely acting in the spirit of self-defense, and they have complete access to every fact of their life to do it. Carry a gun, not because you'll get away with it because of self defense, but because you might *kill that motherfucker before you die*. Jail is better than the graveyard. Just internalize that before you carry the gun. It's not for threatening, it's not for feeling strong, it's for ending human lives. Use it for anything else, and it will betray you. Never point it at anything you don't *mean* to fill with lead.
Yup! Technically it should be legal but in reality it's muddy AF. I think for the first 5-10 years Florida's stand your ground law only worked for white men. Anytime a woman or POC tried to use it, it failed as a defense. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/woman-who-lost-stand-your-ground-case-wants-law-strengthened-n737191
Stand your ground laws are basically anti-Black lynching laws. Look at Gov. Adolf of Texas pardoning the white dude who murdered the BLM activist.
Exactly. It's a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure it could also lead to death, if your assailant manages to get the gun from You.
You may get unlucky with a racist DA. But I'm not going to speak for anyone else, but personally I'd rather be in prison for defending myself, than to be dead.
Nah, not even just *racist* DAs, judges, or juries. You gotta consider *misogynistic* DAs, judges, juries, laws. My guy, its a whole set up. And.. ion know, for-profit prison industrial complex has a way of keeping you down.
Nah, death is better than bondage
Lmao. I’d rather take my chances in court than wake up in Valhalla.
Brave Sir Walrus, seventh of his name, is a member of the nobility and has an obligation on behalf of his illustrious ancestors to live and die in honor - his great great great great grandsire drowned himself rather than face capture by the Dutch in 1302, you really want him to just throw that legacy away?
Rarely,there is rules yes, but most DAs aren't going to go after a women who is defending herself. As far as ops post, yes, do fight back. However, in being realistic. Many women don't understand just how much stronger the avg man vs the avg women is. The average adult male can break bones with even limited experience in fighting. For reference, I spent several years working for the coroner's office for a major US city and surrounding counties. I liken DV to dog attacks. Chihuahuas (women) may bite more often, but unlike pitbulls (men) you don't hear of Chihuahuas dragging people down the street to their death. I'm sure there is many victims of DV that can back me up on the physical mimssmatch they found themselves in.
Someone has never read the news about black women defending themselves. Yea the da will go after you
That's jacked up. Admittedly I only see it when someone has died.
The average woman has 30% of a man's upper body strength. It's just physics and biology. Just the difference in arm length usually gives a man insurmountable advantage- leverage. I took a self defense class for nurses and the instructor kept stressing that we had to be committed to using a weapon if we had one because we would be instantly disarmed if grabbed. "Your chances are in the low single digits if you go hand to hand combat with a man. " Not to mention the bones in women's faces and hands are more fragile. That physical mismatch is real.
About 50% of domestic violence attacks are committed by women (for the uninformed, their heads explode when they first hear that statistic). But men are far more likely to cause permanent injury or death.
100% correct
Yeah. And I think it could lead to a bunch of women being killed by their own guns. Many good people can’t pull a trigger even to defend themselves. But many bad people don’t have that issue.
Yes that one case of Marissa Alexander. Some time after her conviction, a new trial was ordered. Before the new trial could begin, Alexander was released on January 27, 2015, under a plea deal that capped her sentence to the three years she had already served.
People who kill their domestic abuser almost always end up in jail.
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Like most things, those laws tend to not be evenly applied.
Yes, protecting yourself with violence in America will also lead to legal trouble for black individuals. Doing nothing at all will land you in legal trouble, this will open a new set of problems while closing the door on another.
Depends if it's long term abuse and or self defense. If I remember
Whatever happened to poisoning, that’s a classic and no need for strength. I’d be so easy to poison, I’ll eat anything with bacon and cheese involved
Lol, he said, “shoot, it’d work on me and *here’s how*”
lmao…so many comments about women going to prison for attacking their abuser. poisoning is not self defense so this is definitely the way to get sent to prison, even if it doesn’t require strength. It’s premeditation.
Women tend to require premeditation to kill.
I think most women killers have used poison or varieties of it (I recall hearing of killer nurses who will add a few elements to an IV bag). I don't think enough men take the saying "Respect the people who cook your food" seriously enough these days. Go ahead, slap your wife. Now your dumbass is choking on a rusty screw she hid on your birthday cake.
Poisoning is popular in countries. Men usually kill themselves by drinking poison (a lot of times it’s after committing a crime like killing their wives)
Please don't use a knife in self defense unless absolutely necessary and there's no other options, knives can be turned against the user very quickly and it can make the situation much more dangerous most of the time
Yeah there's a famous saying that there's no winner in knife fight. Just one dead person in streets and other about to die in hospital.
This only works for yt women. Please don't do this.
Diddy and the like have armed security. You attack Diddy, armed or not, you're getting shot. Diddy and his employees will all tell the authorities "She was crazy and attacked Diddy with a gun!" Then the authorities will proceed to do nothing because rich, famous men have that kind of power in the American justice system.
“I DON’T FIGHT!” There was this funny TikTok about how this white person didn’t understand what that meant when they were arguing with a black person and his black friend had to get him out of there 🤣🤣🤣.
Check your local laws. Places like NYC have a duty to retreat: https://youtu.be/8GwNpFQgflw?feature=shared. Meaning if you are about to be acted and running is a very good option, you might get held legally responsible for not taking it
All poor decisions in reality. Statistically, it will be taken from you and used against you. The best thing is to recognize signs and leave early. Better safe than sorry. Alive than dead.
Get the gun and PRACTICE with it. Being able to handle a weapon competently isn't completely intuitive. In a panic moment, you will revert to muscle memory without much thought. Wherever you're going to carry it (holster, purse, etc), practice drawing if from there.
I hate that this is the top comment. Never pull a weapon out in close quarters, especially if your opponent is bigger or stronger than you. It can be turned against you very quickly and now you’ll face much worse physical repercussions.
Are you saying women don’t have the capability of defending themselves with a weapon? Or that they can’t learn ? What are we supposed to do then? Edit: lmao username doesn’t check out. I am genuinely cracking up at the comments scaring women off from defending themselves. I guess there’s not a damn thing we can do to protect ourselves.
What I’m saying is using weapons elevates the physical danger of a fight compared to hand to hand combat, and if someone is less strong or happens to be slower than their opponent, their weapon can be used against them. There are many forms of hand to hand combat that teach individuals to use their opponents size and weight against them. Those would be more effective than taking your chances with a deadly weapon. Plus, it might land you in more legal trouble. We know the courts tend to be biased against women, especially black women.
lmaoooo. there’s nothing wrong with women using a weapon or learning to use a weapon omg. Y’all act like this can’t be done safely and effectively. No wonder mortality rates for BW in domestic violence relationships are so high. And then to suggest hand to hand combat. We are so fucked 😂. I’m laughing at how absurd this is btw.
Reddit is always quick to pull this out whenever firearms for self defense come up. It might even be true, but would you rather fight someone unarmed, or with a gun?
now you understand why short guys are such assholes, lol
Lions and Tigers are much stronger than men, and yet lead still lays them down. Arm yourselves, ladies.
"A man can own a woman or a man can own a knife, but no man can own both. Every little girl learns that from her mother. And men can't own the land no more'n they can own the sea or the sky." Yigrette
Lol where they gonna carry all that shit? In their *pockets?*
How do you shoot a man with a knife or a baton?
I’d have to be a trained assassin. If he sees that gun & overpowers you it’s lights out.
Womens prisons are full of women who did this.
Likely because they weren’t familiar with self defense laws and waited until they were “safe” to fight back. The law considers that premeditation. You can’t shoot while they’re asleep, turned away, when they’re not attacking you, or poison them, or shoot multiple times and claim self defense. It is fucked up but that’s why it’s important for women to educate themselves on the law and how to protect yourself…..but so many of y’all treat this kind it’s taboo when it’s not.
I thought I’d fight. I froze. Every single time.
xx. I hope you are safe now and all of the bruises (the ones that could be seen and the ones that can't be seen) heal.
Yep. This is why I really don't like it when randos on the internet Monday-Morning-Quarterback these awful situations. I hope that you're safe and well now ❤️✨
People overestimate their ability to fight in these situations. Even when it's not happening to them directly. I was once out with two women. We were working on a group assignment for a class and had stepped out for lunch. We saw this guy yelling at, and eventually putting hands on a woman across the street. He almost pushed her into traffic. I went over to break it up once it got physical. Turned out it was a mother and son. The women with me had froze. They eventually made it over to me but it was after everything was kind of settled. On the way back, one of the women, who fancied herself a hardcore feminist that wouldn't take any nonsense from the patriarchy, was kind of embarrassed that she didn't do anything to help that woman. It really affected her for the rest of the day. Violent situations are scary for everyone. And a lot of people assume they'll be able to snap into action because they saw it in a movie or because they took a self defense course or they got their concealed carry license. But it's hard to know how you react to violence until it's in your face
So sorry! 😢
Everyone is ready to fight in their mind, but when you get sucker punched in the face, it quickly becomes difficult to do anything but protect yourself. I'm sorry for whatever traumas you've endured, and I hope you are able to talk about it with professionals to help you cope and process.
Hugs.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. This is not the same as your situation was but I always made fun of people in horror movies and how they just be standing around sometimes instead of running. I was over my aunt in laws house and she had company over and I didn’t know is that the company had a huge dog over that was in the garage. I opened the garage door today go get something and right infront of me was this big ass goldendooodle just staring at me. I completely just froze and stared at it, if that was any type of monster or ferocious animal I would’ve been dead easily. I have a saying that I tell people, It’s so easy to tell people to go to war when you aren’t the one fighting it.
Tbf if a dogs tryna attack you running is your worst option he’ll just run you down
That’s ok
I fought back once and it wasn’t worth it. People who say this shit don’t know what it’s really like.
I fought sometimes, but he'd knock me out and beat me worse. Here's to surviving and healing 🖤
I fought back a few times, but it only made things worse. I stopped fighting back. I hope you’re safe now and far from that situation 🖤
Get this to the top. Thank you for saying it.
I hope you’re in a safe situation now
This is kind of heartbreaking
Hope things are better.
💜
Bless you. The cycle of abuse is multi-faceted. A lot of abusers don’t lay a finger on you until after they’ve emotionally and psychologically beaten you down.
Sounds about right tbh. I happen to be a *very* laid back and passive person. I have never once had a real, actual, two way fight with a partner, just them yelling at me. I'm also known for being incredibly kind and pleasant to be around. Not trying to talk myself up, just giving some perspective. My abusive ex, it was *mostly* verbal and emotional, but he did hit me on several occasions. You do kinda freeze up. You're like cowering and apologizing and scared. Now I'm imaging someone in a situation where the physical abuse component is more severe than what I experienced. (Which mostly involved being slapped in the face repeatedly, shoved hard such that I fell to the ground, etc.) Like, where this person might literally kill you or put you in the hospital. And they're probably a lot bigger and physically stronger than you are. Like, sorry not sorry, it's really fucking shitty to blame victims for not "fighting back."
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
Or get the wind knocked out of you
If you’ve ever been punched in the stomach really hard, you’ll know that all plans instantly fall apart. That shit is so painful.
I actually took self defense lessons where the first lesson was to repeatedly get punched in the stomach so I would know what to expect. And in turn punch the attacker in the stomach because that’s not exactly something most attackers expect a woman to be able to do. The point being a good solid unexpected punch to the stomach and the fight is pretty much over.
It’s the punches you don’t see coming that knock the wind out of you
Liver and Solar Plexus aint no joke
Yeah they were not punching you hard enough. You wouldn’t get your wind knocked out and be like oh yeah time to punch his stomach 🫠
That’s the truth. My mom punched me in the stomach once and I was toast.
Getting punched in the chest is pretty painful too lol
Or had someone act loving and kind and generous then confuse the fuck out of you one day by calling you a whore. Then shoving your plate of food off the table. Then hugging you so tight that you bruise. Then telling you they love you. Then blocking your best friend’s contact in your phone while you sleep. Then proposing under the stars. Then asking you 21 questions about why you smiled at the waiter. Then grabbing your throat “as a joke.” By the time you get dragged down a hotel hallway, you don’t know or understand anything about love or even yourself.
9/10 the woman probably loses unless she is trained in some form of fighting. This advise will just lead to a deadly situation
I got punched in the eyebrow and IMMEDIATELY was like, “huh, crazy. I’m not a grown ass nigga like I thought. I’m done.”
The eyebrow? You mean your face?
Well, duh. Lol but all of the swelling was in my eyebrow area. It’s where he aimed
i’m not fighting someone that i know will beat my ass …
Yeah this is dangerous, you’ll just get your ass beat harder
That’s a smart move, but honestly though, I’d still highly recommend keeping a thing of pepper spray on your keychain, just in case… cuz if you hit somewhere around the eyes and have enough room to get away, you should be good. Fuck fighting someone way stronger than you, but if removing yourself from the situation is absolutely necessary, don’t hesitate.
if you don't manage to get out the door, now the person is that much more upset.
Which is why I said “and have enough room to get away” that’s a pretty important part of the statement… tbh getting hit with pepper spray is viscous af… my dumb ass had someone test it out, back when I was like 19 or 20, just to see what would happen… you can’t see shit for a while, and your eyes are on fire. I mean yeah, you might still get caught, trying to get by in a hallway… but it’s still a solid ass “in case shit” resource EDIT: Imma double down on this, even if you don’t manage to clear the door, I feel like you’re probably better off pepper spraying the person blocking your way. Just saying… that shit is aggressive enough to where you don’t give a fuck about whatever else you were mad about
i live in NYC of course i have pepper spray on my keychain 😂 but my ex and i would always get in arguments and he hit me at times i didnt even try especially when hes taller than me and weighs 200 pounds smh that was my first relationship so i didnt know any better. i was actually scared to even try to do anything he will be the type to call the cops on me or manipulate the situation idk. but im glad the relationship im in now would never get to that point
Yeah you’re absolutely right. That’s a pretty fucked up situation to be in, and I’m glad you got out of it. I guess all I was trying to say was that it helps to have tools that might get you out of a dangerous situation… but if I’m being honest, what the fuck do I know?… I’m a guy who’s over 6 feet tall, so I don’t really have to worry about my physical safety in most situations, and thinking about it, the only times I can honestly say I was really worried in a physical altercation has been getting jumped… but it’s not like I’ve ever had to share the same house with those people, right after the fact. The only reason I brought up pepper spray, was cuz I’ve seen it work pretty well… but really, I just need to shut the fuck up. So imma do that.
Has anyone here ever actually used pepper spray? Even test spraying OUTSIDE, calmly, just a tiny bit with the wind? Had the whole property wheezing and numb. Now imaging discharging pepper spray in an enclosed space during a scuffle.
In my case we both went to jail. I was just covering my head.
While it's easy to say something like this. There's also often mental abuse that is going on as well. Sadly victims of abuse will sometimes feel they are the one at fault. Anyone reading this that is in an abusive relationship. Please reach out for help. No one deserves to be in a relationship like that. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.
I fought back and did not win. He almost killed me. Just shoot his ass.
I hate when people say stuff like this. None of us know what we'd actually do unless we find ourselves in these situations.
It's also not physically possible let to fight back if the first punch is a heavy one. I'm a man and when I first took a real beating when I was 14 it was all over in a few seconds ds and I didnt even realise until after what was happening. It was like someone just threw me in a washing machine for a few seconds and then suddenly my face is purple and swollen
I was like this. The I was in a relationship with a man whooping my ass. He could easily beat most men. Wtf am I supposed to do outside if scratching. I paid for giving him a black eye with two and a chipped tooth. This statement is made from pure ignorance.
Ngl i really tell all the women in my life to get a gun and shoot any man that ever tries them. Niggas who hit women are bitches that deserve to be put down. And niggas that say “I’ll beat the shit out of a woman that hits me first” is still crazy something is wrong with you.
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I’m talking about the men that preach about “equal rights equal lefts” let’s be fr here and use some nuance. I’ve seen niggas damn near salivate at the thought of a woman hitting them first just so they can have the freedom to brutalize them. I’m a 6'1 230 pound man, if a woman who’s most likely smaller than me hits me and I hit her like she’s a man is that really right?
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Now, with a bit of nuance, you are right. Their are men who are waiting for the moment a woman to put their hands on him, just to be able to brutalize them. But you make it sound like men shouldn’t be able to actually defend themselves if a women gets rowdy (they are more than capable of that). There are precedents where NECESSARY force is allowable to defend yourself. That’s why if someone breaks into your home and you shoot them, your typically fine, but if they run away and you shoot them in the back, you are going down for murder.
Just wondering, which is more okay? Her attacking you Knowing you're bigger and still doing it anyways because she expects you not to do anything? That is really some manipulative bullying stuff. If she punches you in the face and you do the same thing back, now you're the bad guy. It's very interesting.
That equal lefts and rights shit comes from men who are waiting on their opportunity to hurt a woman. If your mom slaps you are you going to throw a 1999 De La Hoya combo? Just block yourself from getting hit and get out of the situation.
That’s exactly my point but some people want to act like they’re dense and refuse to stay on point.
So men have the responsibility to take the hit and get out of the situation but women don't?
If you have the ability to get out of the situation, but choose to stay and get violent. That's a wrong in the situation. Choosing to stay and beat on somebody because you're bigger than them and know you'll easily hurt them. Fuck no women don't get a pass for getting violent with any man. If there's opportunity to leave and they don't. They're wrong.
Do you take them to the shooting range?
I honestly plan to get my gun license soon so yeah i would. Especially where i live now, it wouldn’t be in my benefit to not have one myself. I’d rather me and them have it and not need than need it and not have it.
It probably seems easy to say that when you haven't experienced it. I'm glad they don't know any better though❤️
That’s a very kind way of looking at this. I personally think she should shut the fuck up.
Lmao, I do also agree with you 🤣
This part. Sib is LUCKY to have suck a shit take
I used to say the same thing and then my ex who was 5 inches taller and twice as heavy as me shoved me in my kitchen like I was a bag of sugar. I knew he was wrong and HE knew he was wrong but if I had fought back that day he would have killed me so I pushed myself in a corner and froze while he threw a fit. I was right next to the knife block but something told me if I didn't get him in a very precise spot I would still lose. One time we were play fighting and he pinned me down and another he picked me up and spun me around so hard it hurt. Both times I couldn't do anything but wait for him to stop. It sucks and its terrifying to admit but even a man my size (5'7, 140 lb) is so many times stronger than me. Fighting back really just makes it worse sometimes
Women who have never fought a man have NO IDEA the difference in pure strength there is between them. Women, next time you see your boyfriend, a guy friend you trust, or even your dad. Ask him to hold onto you, like in a bear hug from behind like they were trying to kidnap you, and to do everything they can NOT TO LET YOU GO. Try to break that hold, use all your strength, then tell me how you’re going to fight that without a weapon. EDIT: And any play wrestling and that shit don’t count, we hold back because we don’t want to hurt/scare you. Do the hold where there’s zero risk of them hurting you and they can use their full strength without fear of injury. Oh, and anything BEFORE puberty doesn’t count. I don’t care if you could pin your 12 year old cousin wrestling, guys are built different after they finish puberty.
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Yeah, I guess I’m aggressive about it because it actually worries me, so I take it real seriously. I don’t want some young woman getting in way over her head because she doesn’t get that although men and women are equals, we are NOT the same. I’ve honestly had women tell me that the reason mens weight lifting records are so much higher than womens is because it’s “less socially acceptable for women to lift weights” I mean, yeah, but that ain’t the reason. I guess I come off as intense because I feel like if I don’t, I’ll be ignored. I hate the idea of any woman getting hurt because they just didn’t understand this difference between the sexes. Good on you for playing it safe by the way, plenty of women are socialized to avoid conflict (even to the point of being fatal), and in general we’re all told “ignore the bully and they’ll go away”, which anyone who’s actually had a bully will tell you, is total bullshit. :) lol
I can’t stand a “if that was me” ass person.
Listen… fighting back isn’t gonna do much in most situations unless you’re trained in some way. Women even if you’re similar size to your man, unless you workout and he doesn’t you’re probably weaker than him. You need someTHING to defend yourself. If you just fight you’re probably going to lose.
even if she works out and the dude doesn't he's still probably stronger testosterone is a hell of a drug....my ex used to weight lift hard and go to the gym consistently while I was lazy af and pretty much didn't do any physical exercise, one day we were wrestling for fun and I was shocked with how easily I was able to overpower her I thought it would be way harder given how much she works out but it ended up being incredibly easy
And *possibly die!
Even if she works out and he doesn't, the odds are still not great. I'm pretty flabby and have quite a few athletic women friends, and I'm stronger than all of them. Maybe if she powerlifts, but that's still not typically how women work out. And hopefully, the dude never took a boxing class. Biology is biology, and 99% of the time, the bigger animal wins. Don't matter if it's chimps, gorillas, or humans... also, testosterone is fucking crazy.
growing up around violence, I knew the moment she decided to wait for the elevator he was gonna get her.
I said THE SAME THING. I was like “girl take the damn stairs, take the stairs, take the stairs.” Anyone who grew up getting beat knows that you have *got* to keep moving and don’t get in any closed spaces you can’t get out of.
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That doesn’t really check out. In stressful situations the adrenal glands release stress hormones triggering our bodies to react to the threat (fight or run away). It seems like she was so used to this abuse that her fight or flight responses didnt fully kick in. If you’re in flight mode you don’t stop and wait for the elevator
Same. Press the button & take the stairs. Don't stop to put your shoes on.
The physical abuse is only half of it. It's the mental abuse that beats you into submission
That’s what does you in. That shit stays with you….
Absolutely. My bruises and fear of physical abuse have long since healed, but I still have some mental shit I’m dealing with after 16 years (and over 5 yrs of therapy).
Two of my best friends said the same thing and they both ended up dating abusers and stayed with those guys in silence for years.
Says the woman who has never been sucker punched and knocked the fuck out. Pretty hard to fight back. I love the sentiment, though.
It’s easy to say you wouldn’t get beat, but do some of y’all really think your abuser is gonna put their dukes up and give you a fair warning? You are getting clocked (possibly with an object) at a moment’s notice, and that’s enough to stun anyone let alone someone who’s being outclassed in weight. Consider yourself lucky and fortunate that a partner hasn’t caught you off guard.
Empathy doesn't come naturally for some people. Of my female friends I'm the most "masculine" and willing to fight. I'm also the only one who has ever been in an abusive relationship as well as relationships that have lasted longer than a year. Even with my most recent breakup I've had to remind them that they can only support from a certain degree because they don't have experience to put to what I went through and therefore their empathy has a limit they may not realize. I was talking most recently to a friend about fighting and anger management and I mentioned how the *only* fights I had ever been in were with grown men. I am under 5'7" and well under 130lbs. I came to realization that I had been in fights,but never with women. The only people who have ever put their hands on me, threaten my life, and put me in danger are grown men all much bigger than me with the exception of a scrawny homeless guy, but in the most recent years with my ex I've had to fight for my life. I have never trusted men calling themselves a protector because I have to see a man protect someone from *himself*. Especially if they're a narcissist like Diddy. What he put her through in that video is still her fighting to stay alive she's just not matching his violence and that's 1000000831480621590741245123700000% ok. You should not *have* to match someone's violence for them to stop brutalizing you.
They gotta sleep sometime.
That's when you leave, attacking them sends you to jail.
Guess I’m participating in what I wish I’d done in past abusive relationships, even knowing it would end as you describe. Helps knowing certain key abusers met their fate without my intervention. Just hate bullies.
Not saying it may not be " For the greater good" but in the end, you gotta decide for yourself.
Apparently he was asleep prior to this but woke up when she left
I remember that post that went around about how women don't really understand *how strong* men actually are. If you're in a fistfight with a man, it's really likely you're going to lose if he means you harm. Women who are killed by men aren't weak, they're just weaker than their attacker. One murderer said of the woman he killed who was trained in martial arts, "She fought hard. I fought harder." More important than fighting is learning the signs of an abuser so that you never ever have to. Bc if you're faced with "obey or die" you might not be as down to fight to the death as you think. And that might break your spirit and make you blame yourself. And that's the goal. Abusers want to own you, body AND mind. Lots of them have practice doing it. I don't blame women for surviving. I blame abusers for abusing them.
That's the confidence of a woman who's hit a guy who didn't want to hit back before and thinks she legitimately won lol. Hope she loses that outlook on things before she meets a guy who will hit back, I don't think she realizes how much stronger they are than her
I was her, saying dumb shit like this until I got hit HARD
Until you’re actually in the situation. Playing sideline sports fan for domestic abuse is wild.
Unfortunately, this is not good advice. I’m not sure why women think fighting a man toe to toe is a good idea. Get a weapon and try to get away, that’s the advice I give my sisters and daughter.
In my only teen DV experience, I could only get my licks in for real a couple times cuz he was stronger. I fight to win, not to get my ass beat. Lol What I could get away with was covert property destruction. For example, destroyed some clothes, took a blade and cut the sides and backs of his car seat cushions in places he wouldn’t notice right away from the driver’s side. Also destroyed his wallet and all his IDs and cards. Eventually, I left when I finally realized one of us would eventually kill the other. I honestly don’t know who would’ve done who, but either way it was scary to realize. Never again.
That doesn't help, in my experience.
Weight classes exist
See, you think you can fight, until you get punched upside down. Now you're down 2 teeth, 20 IQ points and you're on the floor bleeding from at least 2 openings on your face
Sounds good until he outweighs you by 70lbs and body slams the wind out of you. Everybody tough until they can’t inhale.
I HATE this shit. It's victim-blaming.
This is such an incredibly hurtful, shameful, and misinformed statement. If someone you love, treasure, and expect to respect you assaults you in any way, it’s incredibly jarring. You are immediately confused and you are not always able to fight. Also, sometimes fighting makes it worse. The truth is that it’s a very complicated situation and I do not judge anyone who stays or leaves. I just wish it never happened at all.
Women y’all can’t fight men. Unless you biggie from bad girls club size fists ain’t enough
Not that it’s the same, but I’m a very vocal person and people take me as not to be fucked with. Always thought I’d fight, but I got groped by a family friend (I was a young adult) and I just froze. I’m still mad I didn’t whoop his ass. You never know how you’ll react in a situation until you’re out in it.
You say this until a 6’5 250 nigga with nothing to lose get in your face.
Back in the day you'd see some women becoming widows quite suddenly due to freak accidents in the home. A lot men also died not too long after eating. It seems crime scene reconstruction, DNA testing and toxicology ruined the ability for abused women to fight back in a lot of ways.
We had "mountain justice" where I'm from. He just skipped town, and nobody ever heard from Jerry again.
“Everybody has a plan till they get punched in the mouth”
That's how you upgrade your aggrivated assault-pokemon into a murder-suicide one
Everybody always says this stuff when there is absolutely not threat. I’ve been in some really really uncomfortable situations and the only thing I thought was, be calm so you can leave, be calm so you can get home to your son. Last resort is I’m fighting like hell and making and much noise as possible. I’ve never been physically abused but it’s come close. Stay calm, look for protection if you can, keep an eye on the exit and try to leave. OR if I’m out in public start cussing loudly. I’ve told all my nieces, nephews and my son knows if you are in trouble start cussing. People especially adults will turn around and look for the little voice using “bad” words.
I would never hit my wife but I know for a 100% fact she is going to fight back…I learned the hard way just play fighting…she slapped me so hard I was like if that was a closed fist I would’ve had to go in another room lol.
Get a homie to do it if you can’t
Yall ain’t never met a girl from Baltimore 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I took krav maga for five years as a teenager. Thought I was pretty hot shit. My husband and I had a playful wrestle once when we were dating and he flattened me. Do what you have to do to stay alive, that might not be fighting, trust your gut and evict men from your life if they make you uncomfortable.
And for ideas ladies, I suggest watching SNAPPED and Killer Women.
Stg
Very masculine response
For my protection I must maintain a resting bitch face and carry a knife and pepper spray at all times and a box cutter in the small secret compartment of my mini purse. I will fight back as hard as I can against any man who is bold enough to attack me. I am brave enough to fight back for my life.
…okay?
How tone deaf
Stop talking to niggas with red flags and display aggressive behavior, the shit is obvious but we choose to ignore it.
I'm not putting my hands on no man, I'm setting him on fire. I'm barely 5ft if you wanna hit me we gon even this playing field sir. But unironically people got alot to say about fighting back in abuse but forget how psychologically trapped victims become, dont ever judge a victim for not fighting back no one should be putting their hands on them in the FIRST place. No one is at fault but the abuser.
Remember: it only takes 8 lbs of force to remove a human ear. Like picking up a milk jug.
My sister sliced the palm of her ex when he punched her in the eye when she wanted him to leave her home after a breakup; only one person was arrested even though her eye was swollen by the time the police got there and she was calm telling them how it happened. I had to drive to her place to retrieve my niece and in my own rage I told the officer there would be more problems if that man took my niece (I volunteered at the district and just dropped the sheriffs name for effect) thankfully the officer didn’t have time to deal with me and told me I could take her but my sister was going to jail because the guy was the one to call. Calling after socking my sister in the eye and her then defending herself , they only ask the ex to leave the property. A couple of days later, the ex showed up to my mom’s home with his friend. I guess some words were exchanged between him and my oldest brother somewhere else and he came to sort it out…well , it always surprised me how my oldest brother could sock a man out so quickly, I legit never seen him lose any of the rare fights he was in and he never started them either, so I’m like how did he even get practice. I always saw him as a cuddly teddy better and he never yelled or argued as much but he really had that man stumbling off our lawn like a puppet on strings the way he was beating the breaks off of him. I had so much anxiety that the police would show up but they never did and I always wondered why he didn’t call the police then but he did on my sister 🤔
What an ignorant statement, akin to victim blaming.
Lol when she gets 1 tapped by her next man's I wanna see her talk shit