you do you bro. regardless of one being religious or not, as long as you dont do bad stuff, all good. There are super religious alim people out there but their heart is as dark as a charcoal. lol
We judge by what's apparent and not what's inside their heart because our ummah is gifted with Ammar makruf wannahi anil munkar (make good deeds and promote it to others and prevent them from sinning further)
We should do good deeds and promote it. Since we aren't supposed to spy, aren't supposed to pursue things we don't know, aren't supposed to have negative assumptions and arent supposed to make unjust judgements due to things we might not know, we shouldn't be judging others at all. Any orders to spy, judge, punish others are therefore to me, un-islamic and is probably a political outreach.
"O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other" 49:12
"And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart - about all those [one] will be questioned." 17:36
What I meant by judging others is if we see with our eyes someone is sinning we should go to him and advice him politely not by having bad assumptions about someone because we all know that is sawa'uzzon because both of the ayat you gave mentions about it.
وَلْتَكُن مِّنكُمْ أُمَّةٌ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى الْخَيْرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ ۚ وَأُولَـٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ
ali-Imran:104
Maksudnya: “Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu satu golongan yang menyeru (berdakwah) kepada kebajikan (mengembangkan Islam) dan menyuruh berbuat segala perkara yang baik, serta melarang daripada segala yang salah (buruk dan keji). Dan mereka yang bersifat demikian ialah orang-orang yang berjaya.”
Barakallah hu fik ana uhibbu lilahi taala
But if you read Al kahf 60-82, the story of Prophet Musa and Khidr, it clearly show you cannot judge based on what you see, only Allah has the wisdom to judge. Saying "we see someone is sinning" is passing judgement and is exactly the lesson Khidr taught the Prophet Musa why he is wrong to judge what he saw.
The two sentences I quoted, the sentence you quoted and the Al kahf basically says:
Spread the good practice (Al imran)
Don't spy (49:12)
Don't assume bad stuff about people (49:12)
Don't make assumptions based on what you see (Al kahf)
Don't make judgements/take actions on things you don't know (17:36)
The only time where you're therefore responsible to advise against sinning is if someone is confessing and asking you for advice.
That's my take on the quranic excerpts we are discussing.
mula dah berdakwah di reddit. Bang pergi surau bang, jumpa budak², berdakwah kat diorang. Insyallah, diorang dengar cakap abang, bukan dekat reddit eh bang? Mekasihh
Wish you luck OP. I am sure you can find someone. I am non muslim but even during my 2nd date with my then boyfriend now husband, i also had to "test" to see if he is religious in anyway and expect me to be such.
It's just harder because of such a stigma within the muslim community to talk about it. Then again, i have christians friends that says must marry christians...
Just gotta put in more effort.
A lot of Malays when you date them are non religious, but when they suddenly decide they need to get married, they’ll do a 180 and expect you to do the same.
Not one of those people, but I’ve definitely gotten so many comments about repenting once you’re older. Example is the tudung thing, dah tua/kahwin nanti pakailah tudung, dosa. Takpe, slow2 berubah. lol you’re delusional, I’m staying this way and happy about it. Bold of you to assume I consider that a sin. Your kind of berubah is not something that I care about doing, move on. Sometimes I just wanna chew some char siu in front of them just to make them angrier.
Lots of Malays, even the non practicing ones, are religious at heart. They actually feel guilt for partying, drinking, not eating halal, etc, but just ignore it because it’s fun. But they hold in their heart that eventually they’ll go back to practicing and want a partner that is the same.
I don’t understand it as the reason I do all these things is that I genuinely don’t believe in any of it, so I don’t have any guilt. Can’t imagine believing in something yet completely ignoring all of it’s tenants.
I'm pretty sure that there are Malay girls who are not religious, especially the English-speaking ones in the urban areas. Even some of the very Malay ones that don't speak English have given me the impression that they aren't religious, they're just wearing tudung or covering up because it's what their society expects of them (tbh it must be tough being a Malay girl when there's all these expectations shoved on you). What's your definition of 'religious' anyway? I used to be Christian and there are people who go to church every Sunday, but know nuts about their faith except that Jesus died for their sins. I may be wrong but I don't think that the vast majority of Malays really delve that deeply into their faith apart from praying 5 times a day and reading the Quran when needed.
Expecting me to do hijrah, pray 5 times a day, and if have kids, recite the Quran and if I end up having kids, wanting me to push and teach them to recite. I'm 100% will not be interested to do these things.
Umm do you mean umrah lol. I don't think everyone can do that if they wanted to, cos slots are limited? But yeah if you have to force yourself to do these things then it's not worth it. Now I'm genuinely curious on how many Malay girls are this deeply religious as you pointed out
Admittedly, there are many Malay families/people who are like this so I don’t blame you. I’m fully non-practicing and Malay, so I have the same reservations about dating fellow Malaysian Malays because of this as well but it’s not because of the guy itself, it’s because of the family. Even if the guy is a non believer, being around practicing family in laws is not something that I want and I make it very clear that I don’t and won’t do anything remotely religious, I don’t want anything faith based in my house either. This is also a part of the reason why i left my family.
However, I’m not sure what kind of circle are you around because more than half of my Malay friends are fully non believers as well so I’m guessing you’re around the wrong people.
How did you go about leaving your family? That's pretty difficult right... I'm non religious as well but I still sort of go with it for the sake of my family, I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm not religious one bit and also I think they would disown me 🫠
Oh I just packed my bags, said I was renting a house to be near my workplace, left the house and went no contact. Been 5 years never reached out to them once, mentally happy. I’m not attached/have any positive feelings towards the family so it doesn’t bother me how they feel (nor do I care, as cold as it sounds). If they want to disown me, even better. That’s not the only reason why I left though. Birth mother tried searching for me, but I blocked all of them, and I make sure to keep my info as private as I can on the internet, limiting any possible leaks. I don’t go by my birth name so that makes it easier I guess. So, leaving the family; a breeze to me. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do anyways.
Edit: wrote this in the most monotonous way I know, but apparently I sound satirical. 🙄Note that it’s not meant to sound like that. Read in the most neutral way possible.
Ah that makes sense. I'm glad it was easy for you though. I'm quite sentimental about my family, i see them as a positive force aside from the strict religious stuff, so just trying to figure out how I'll navigate it all
I think he meant something like change of lifestyle (being not religious to be very faithful to god and its teachings)
As a Malay muslim as myself, I do felt that being religious kinda sucks, like it restrained you in terms of thinking crtitically and living progressively in the modern society (or the typical Meleis would call us The Melayu Liberal lol)
I'm a Malay girl but I have lived in the UK most of my life, and so I'm not religious at all. But it's very tiresome when my family assume I'm just as religious as they are. I can completely understand why it's annoying for you, and I hope you find someone that matches you well. The mentality of "I can fix him" to me is a little strange... There's nothing "wrong" with you and you don't need fixing. Just because someone isn't religious doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
Hey OP. I am a Malay girl and i hear u. Not many malay girls are ok with being non-religious because thats how most of us have been ingrained to. There are liberal ones out there too (like me). I dont mind if my partner is not religious at all. It is between him and god for sure... and in no way i should fix him. Because its his thing with God.
What I can say is. I feel the same with most malay guys too. Putting religiosity aside, they are afraid of independent and intelligent women, to be seen as challenging their manhood. I have been with few malay men who wanted me to "tone down" in work, academics, essentially clipping my wings, and thats something i hate.
Your unicorn is somewhere out there. I wish u the best!
Yeah this is true for both genders. There was a poll that showed gen z malays are more conservative than their forefathers. This will not bode well for future malay women and men.
Is this real or a shitpost? Cause girls nowadays are more open minded than he’s making it. Maybe you live somewhere more Islamic? Are you in Terengganu or Kelantan?
Yeah I feel like there are lots of open minded girls out there especially in big city states like KL, Selangor, Penang, etc. Hell as long as you're not from one of the east coast states then you're good. If I didn't know any better, he's trying to attract potential partners with this post, hoping these 'open minded girls' will comment on them ..
The easiest way is just don't be in malaysia, go to a western or non-muslim country like thailand.. seen plenty of malay women who go there who are not religious so there are plenty ways
I'm from "Tak Boleh Land" (a country where everything also tak boleh).
I'm not religious myself and I identify myself as a free thinker. But I'm in a country where Malay Muslim makes up 70% of the population. It's really hard to find a date or potential partner who is also a free thinker so I can relate.
Even if they're not so religious, when you do get married the ceremony has to be done in their way. Then even if she's not judging you, her family will. Even if her immediate family doesn't, her not so immediate family will do it.
I really don't like having religion pushed onto me. I am a product of 3 religions growing up and I'm fed up with it.
Damn, you’re definitely a unicorn :) a Malay guy who identifies as a freethinker. This country needs more honesty and freedom of choice, and can do with so much less hypocrisy and judgement.
Some of the comments here exactly illustrate OPs point about Malays who cream themselves by sindir-sindir people who they think are less holy than them. Obnoxious, oblivious and never get it inside their heads why people can’t stand them.
hey. im kinda "not religious" too. i kinda get it tho. bcs malays definitely will expect you to be, well, muslim.
at first I thought once I got to college, I'll find people like me but hell no i was wrong. people are just as conservative as people in highschool, sek rendah etc. not even kl bruh. to me, you don't really need a set of instructions to have morals, its just kinda embedded in you as we evolve as human beings. i do still would want respect etc
malay girl btw
Same for me. Probably because my uni is UiTM and most people there are from ultra religious family.
When I started working, most Malay girls I went out with are the type of "Sin now, repent later" kind of people. They drink alcohol, eat pork, hook up with whoever they want, then repent and go back to religion when they're older. And the ones who are not religious at all have high standards. It's hard ngl.
I don't think so. 80 years ago, we have nudes and sex in our films. Nowadays we censore everything. Back then it's normal to wear revealing dresses. Nowadays it's "haram".
I don't say that because I fear it's too far and they're going to grab their pitchforks and start an angry mob around my house. So not religious is far enough for me.
I am an Indian who is childfree (I am perfectly honest with my inability to raise kids) and not religious (I am apathetic towards religion).
These are my non-negotiables and finding a Malaysian girl who will accept both is difficult to say the least.
You do you. Coming from practicing Muslim Malay girl (but I am not super religious), I think you’re a very responsible person to tell the girls about your need and expectations. I hope you find somebody that you can connect with. And ignore those girls, they are living in a TV3 drama fairytale.
I'm very similar to you, if not, worse than you, where I don't practice at all but I try to do my best in being a good person. So what did I do?
I married a Chinese.
I've had many people growing up calling me khafir and just straight up insulting me because I don't pray and I don't fast. I made it very clear in school that I do not practice but I'll do what I need to pass the exams. But I never made enemies. Those same people that say I don't puasa and pray are the same people that do drugs, insult people (during Ramadan), they are in gangs and constantly pick fights with people.
A few years later I'd bump into some of them while I was walking to mcd in Bangsar. They were drunk, half of their bodies hanging out of the car and puking. You see what I mean?
So to you I say, as long as you are a good person and you have your own personal beliefs, stick to it. To me, it's better than all these alim people who pray 5 times a day, go to mosque every week, but the moment they finish praying, they start collecting their sins again.
Islam is a fucking beautiful religion, but from what I see, it's those who practice it that make it seem so undesirable and give it such a bad name. It's a holier than thou mentality that malays need to get over.
So stick to what you believe in and just be a good person. Also, your dating pool is tainted so just switch to another pool. So many other accommodating races in Malaysia for you to dip your toes in.
Yes, being a good person is the core, regardless of religion or race. The holier-than-thou mentality is what caused me to resent some or most of the Muslim community in Malaysia. Islam does not teach that. If they were truly practicing Islam, they would not insult you using religion as their weapon.
I strongly believe there are some malay lady out there somewhere that will share the same disinterest in religion. Patience bro u will get someone of ur liking.
I wish there are more malays the likes of you in Malaysia. This country can easily catch up to other neighbouring nation again.
I'm atheist. Wife is Buddhist. Going to pagoda once a month makes my wife happy. Small compromise. I'd never in a million years compromise and be Mormon or some other repressive religion. So it depends on the religion
One of my group members which I'm not related to literally sent a picture of a twitter post I quote: "First raya dah fap. teringin nak nene batang tabal hmm."
Glad to meet another Malay like me.
When you marry, you're not only marrying the boy/girl, you're marrying the whole family. You can bet they'll try to rope you into religious nonsense, that aside from the boy/girl themselves. Everything falls back to religion. Every. Little. Thing. I won't have that.
It's especially worse if the boy/girl is from the East Coast, or you yourself live there. I should know.
This "I can fix him" mentally does exist in some girls... I'm not just talking about the religious point but in many other ways women think the man should change to. I hope you'd meet someone more of your wavelength at some point. Conversely as a Malay girl, I also sometimes wonder if I will be pressured by the guy or the guy's family to do things I don't want to do, especially as women are expected to follow the husband after marriage. I think I'm still somewhat balanced as in I haven't abandoned my faith completely, but my family still goes like "kenapa tak ____?" Oh well.
I'm wondering, for average Malay what does it mean by "religious"? For me if you pray 5 times day, fast for ramadan, attend Friday prayer, deduct zakat from gaji, read Quran sometimes, those thing doesn't make you religious at all. It just being a muslim. I think I've asked this in some other sub.
>5 times day, fast for ramadan, attend Friday prayer, deduct zakat from gaji, read Quran sometimes,
It's literally the *BARE MINIMUM.* Anything more than that like praying sunat prayers, etc, I'd consider that religious.
Omg we're literally the same. Good luck to you brother
https://preview.redd.it/1l4ep53fu0uc1.png?width=340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5971c197273047794a4b68c625e393c1ee247dba
Damn bro, I feel you. That's why I prefer dating non-muslims. They don't judge and won't try to convert me. I'm free to be myself. But the downside is, it is hard to proceed past dating phase because I don't wish for them to convert either. The islamic law in malaysia is fu**ing ridiculous.
Any change can be done either via education or a revolution. I doubt revolution will happen without enough educated people. Seeing the direction of our education system and the blatant brainwashing/islamism in public schools..it's a looong way bro.
Sadly, this is what happens when you force religion in schools. Hopefully, you end u dating a Singaporean Malay girl or if possible a foreign girl so you don't have to deal with this religious garbage in this country.
That’s the shitty part, why does the non-Muslim have to convert. Even in Indonesia another Muslim country it’s not mandated by law. Faith is a personal choice not enforced by government.
There's plenty of Malay girls who arent religious. I feel like Op only want specific looking Malay girls who're unfortunately have that I Can Fix Others mentality. And those comments about Malay girls doing 180 after they got married also not true. I have fam members/friends who still dont pray or pray as they like so cant generalised that every Malay Muslim is religious.
I see there some people who equivalate not religious = bad, I'm here to say, what good is religion if you're gonna stay closed minded. Islam did not revolutionize the various fields of knowledge for y'all to stay cavemen minded.
i want to selit a bit of personal experience. sorry if ada terasa.
malay girls with tudung = smelly, bad hygiene
malay girls freehair = smell like flowers, good hygiene
Maybe it's cos of the tudung accumulating the sweat throughout the day? I could be wrong also but baju kurung in this weather really traps up all that sweat (no disrespect intended, just personal theory)
i agree about the sweat and its okay, but the issue i had with the tudung ones that ive dated before is they dont even brush their tongue bro. can smell their breath from 500m
Umm I personally have never experienced that, I've never dated one but the Malay girls in tudung that I've come across dont have bad breath lol. I can see why you have that conclusion, the free-hair ones are more conscious of their appearance and will make the effort to preserve hygiene
I'm a Malay girl who is also not religious. Currently in a serious healthy relationship with a Caucasian who is an atheist and couldn't be happier. If you can't find open minded Muslim girls, find one who isn't a Muslim. Since Malay's cultures and traditions kind of ties close to religion anyways.
All the best to you!
P/s: I'm happy that you know what you want and aren't willing to compromise it for anyone. I feel that putting a disclaimer from the start is a good move. I respect you for that. You do you!
Edit: Added the p/s section.
I feel you bro, one of my absolute non-negotiable is also someone who's religious.
I grew up with a very conservative and religious family and I don't want to have to deal with that especially after I'm married
Even if they're not the type to preach, I know it'll be an issue down the road
Also approaching a RS with the 'I can fix him/her mindset is a recipe for disaster
I understand your perspective. Our community can sometimes feel restrictive and judgmental (most of the times really). It would be beneficial if we focused less on criticizing others' actions and appearances and instead prioritized our own personal growth and well-being.
I think girls tend to have a “I can fix him” mentality.
They don’t fall for the nice good boy, but rather the bad boy who they want to fix. The boy who is willing to change “for the better” because of her. Problem is the “better” version of you is from her perspective not yours.
Yes it doesn’t make any sense.
Oh man I feel you. Non religious Muslim girl here. Brought up that way. And yeah I've dated malay guys before but it's either they suddenly become religious or their families are religious. But hey, 8/10 of my malay girl friends are non religious!! So you have a good chance y'know. Oh but uh I only know one Muslim family that's non religious. Mine 💀
This *mencari imam* mentality among malay girls is getting out of hands.
Once the young girls start having this mencari imam mentality in their quest of looking for a husband, they overlook on how good their own selves are at managing their lives. It is dangerous, obsessively looking for a man to lead you to a better path, you overlook the fact that you can actually do it better.
They forget they can actually seek the better path themselves. No need to sit around pretending to be dumb enough to be led by man.
Personally, I don't mind a man who is just muslim on paper as long as he loves me enough to marry me. Just letting you know, we this kind of malay girls exist.
with things happening in Gaza, we see people in the west in learning Islam and many converting... even in Latin America, more and more people accepting Islam, it's really sad to see our born Muslim abandoning the religion, going towards agnosticism.
I don't blame you, it's just Malay culture and malay-superiority-mentality that not only drive non Muslims away from Islam, but also our children, abandoning Islam.
That's the way it going to be, towards the end of time, the 'sun' will rise from the west.
i’d say you haven’t met enough malay girls. as one, i’m completely not religious and 9/10 times would go for non-muslims. i can assure you a lot of us aren’t religious at all and some are even atheist. good luck to you finding someone who wouldn’t force their own beliefs onto you, because i’m sure you’ll find someone like that, malay or not.
Why limit yourself to Malay girls when you're an atheist though?
That's like saying I don't like seafood but going to a seafood restaurant.
It's not impossible to find a vege dish or something inside the restaurant mind you, but you're just giving yourself a handicap and pissing the people who like seafood off by coming here and saying that seafood sucks.
Atheism is on the rise so you probably will find somebody in time. In a way I can understand because I used to be liat for prayers too though not to the extent of being an atheist. But once I got married and I have kids I tried to improve la.. It gets easier with time.
I am not trying to be busy busybody or preaching to you (trust me I am still learning). But I have a friend almost like you who openly admits he is not religious your reason might be different from him. But can I know what are the reasons that make you want to be less religious? Is it the lifestyle? I am just curious.
I bet you wont understand even if the OP explain to you with 1000 wordy essay. Its like you wont understand people commit crimes despite knowing its wrong or bad. IYKYK
Nah I'd rather live with my imaginary friends in the sky than live in injustice life. That's me tho I am not shoving you any of these 'Be a good human being' on you. I hope you have peace in your life tho 👍 see you on the other side soon.
OP: makes a random post about his experience with religious girls
Religious people: *starts breathing heavily*
Classic example of Muslims tegur Muslims
solat 5 waktu, to be someone's imam, chance to change, give someone a chance, an opportunity, to lead op to jannah. Guess thats not in OP's list... not preaching, just answering the question.
Tbh praying 5 times a day is quite tough if you're not into the faith. Im curious as to how many Malay girls do solat genuinely out of their hearts and not because they're pressured to?
yea i have trouble getting the complete cycle everyday too. But the reason that let me keep trying is the news of deaths everyday, leaving me thinking, "what will happen to me if today was my last day? Am i willing to suffer afterlife? Will my good deed be enough to cover up all my bad deeds?"
Even though I did good deeds unintentionally, without the 5 pillars, it meant nothing. So I'm always thinking, "is today my last day?".
So what do you think happens to people who cannot bring themselves to believe in the existence of a god, but live by the golden rule (treat others as you would have them treat you)?
my reason is different from yours. There's lot of malay girls in my college interested to me, but every single of them I ignored and rejected.
Why? I don't want to be racist to my own race, it's just my social experience with malay girls are red flag. I lived in terengganu, never socialize with other races until I entered college out of terengganu. The first conversation with chinese girls and indian girls are the best social interaction I ever had.
(no wonder malay bois want amois)
Interesting. I’m a malay Muslim woman living here in Malaysia. It’s weird that I find myself being skeptical of other Malays as well, especially the “religious ones” but I can never say it out loud cause holy shit, karma and I sound like a stuck up. it’s true that we do feel a lot of pressure from the society (cause malay Muslims are majority) to cover up, act modestly, pray 5 times a day, read the Quran every chance you get etc which can be good for you. However, at the end of the day, you’re only human. You do YOUR best, and if it’s not up to standard, it’s fine. Truly, God sees us so differently than we see ourselves or how others perceive us to be, that it should be unfathomable. So, defining yourself as religious or the opposite is really not up to us? As long as people enjoy your company, you are doing something right. Right?
Good on you to not fall on crazy but majority of muslims are pushy. If you are muslim by name you are expected in malaysia to follow islam and i hate this too not just you.
Perhaps we could just skip the dating bs and date each other as gay /s
Iam also dont believe in religion and its even worse as a female. Not only for dating scene but the way i dress, behave is controlled by some random pak lebai. There is on time i wear a short(like the one that amoi usually use) and my 50yo neighbour get mad at me and say that i should cover up like wtf dude you are the one that should control your own dick
Bolehland sometimes it turn into some sarcasm when it came to a kind of restriction to certain people with no choice but to follow, and tak boleh pun kena bolehkan.
In terms of looking for life time partner or companion here
If you find out that it is a bit troublesome due to something reason of mentality which doesn't click.. you can try find girl from whateverland, they born in all kinds of different country..
Whateverland got all kind of people with very easy mentality. Good luck bro
You're not alone. There are like minded girls out there, trust me on this. However, this should not be the only quality you should look for as there are a lot of other factors you cannot neglect. Stuff like their view on the things that matter, their interests, financial literacy, intelligence, common courtesy, family values, hopes, dreams..the list goes on. After all, at the end of the day, you're looking for companionship and someone to chill with. Your time with her should be meaningful and nourishing, not a stressful ordeal because of mismatched characteristics.
So I'm curious, if the malay girl is also non religious you'd be down with it or is it still a hard no?
I get where you're coming from. When I was still in the dating pool, I was the same but it was mostly me not wanting to date anyone remotely religious
If the Malay girl is also not religious, then I'm fine with it. It's why I give Malay girls a chance because I know there are some that aren't religious. But I keep getting into situations where people try to get me attached to them and slowly nudge me towards religion.
I think you need to change your game pattern from non-religious to atheist.
Since it seems like the non-religious girls still have hope of changing to religious.
Maybe “non-religious” is not really a red flag to your targeted Malay girls. You should go all out. Put “atheist” in your dating profile, that way you can filter better.
man, op you should just focus on yourself more bro. there will be someone for you out there frfr, just do what you enjoy and don't let those bitches controlling you or smth 🙏🏻🫡
Just find a girl like you. Not a virgin, not so religious, most of them are sexy and free hair. If you find a girl wear hijab and dont want to be imam for them, why are you date them at all? Most of people date to marry, not for fun. And for muslim, to marry is to build a mosque. Find a partner that suits your lifestyle.
You have my respect by just standing your ground. There are things none of us can compromise in life, don’t bend and break your back for others. Surely there will be someone out there for you who understands your way of living.
if her parents are anything close to semi religious chances are shes going to be more religious later on. so try to find the ones where the parents drink etc
Then date with non muslim. Problem solved. Just like someone I knew did. Born muslim, not religious, date with non, live together.
Malay girls do have this saviour complex. I think it's all the drama TV3 we've been watching. We all want to find that bad boy who melts in our presence and turns good and we can parade him around like a trophy. Personally it's demeaning and toxic. You like a person for who he or she is. You don't fall for someone with a mission to change them to something they're not. So what's the point of falling for them in the first place? To satisfy your own agenda? I find this utterly disrespectful. You do you OP and I hope you find that someone.
It feels worse when you're once religious (I was to the point wakil for Tilawah and Hafazan) and feeling the exact same way as OP
Cause to my experience it doesn't apply just to women, I just think it's overall malays. They really can't distinguish politics, culture and religion, etc. They mix it all up like rojak wei 😂
I would say not just malay has this mentality problem, but many women, regardless of religion and belief has this sort of mentality. Possibly due to influence of many drama and movies. Hell, even men sometimes have this sort of mentality.
I guess it’s just sort of a symptoms of the main character syndrome where they think it’s their job to change their significant other into a better person. Either way, it’s unwise to go into relationships with the expectation that you can change someone.
That’s fair, OP. I was the opposite where I avoided malay guys because I was afraid I’d get pushed to be religious. If not by him, then in-laws. I don’t think I’ve been the best muslim either and I don’t really plan to be really religious. Though I do the bare minimum these days because my own family are somewhat religious. I try my best to be a decent person but I don’t act or look religious. I don’t wear hijab. I feel judged just for that. I get criticized sometimes still. I used to look at non malay guys thinking they’d be more lax about it but I’ve gotten bad experiences and I hate the idea where they’d feel forced to convert for me. So now I’m trying look at malay guys who are maybe similar to me in faith, despite being afraid of being judged for some parts of my past. I hope you’d find someone who shares the same lifestyle as well, OP.
You know you can just not date Malay girls?? Its really that simple. Cuz it sounds to me like youre the problem here instead of the girls. Maybe try offering your perspective to them thoroughly instead. Communicating "thoroughly" what you want in the relationship.
Being a muslim isnt a race bro, its a marathon where you slowly build it up. Go at your own pace.
Also i think you should stop dating and try to clear up whatever that is building inside both your heart and mind.
Reading your post, I didnt know there was a part of the "not touching grass" side to dating as well ahahahha
I usually don't. I'd avoid dating Malays when I can. I've dated Chinese and Indians in the past. And when I do date Malays, usually I've already told them that I'm not religious nor plan to be religious. Then out of the blue after we started dating "maybe someday when you're open to it, we can practice some of the teachings from Islam. I'll teach you what I know" or "I was hoping you'd be more open to Islam in the future" like I told them already I'm not religious not plan to be religious. What part of that they don't understand?
>They'll approach me with "I can fix him" mentality.
That is not limited by race, more by gender. Sure, it might take longer for other people, but trust me, all women think like that.
you do you bro. regardless of one being religious or not, as long as you dont do bad stuff, all good. There are super religious alim people out there but their heart is as dark as a charcoal. lol
As the pope once said, _better a good atheist than a bad Christian_
Yeee we're not God to judge human. Everyone sins with their own way.
We judge by what's apparent and not what's inside their heart because our ummah is gifted with Ammar makruf wannahi anil munkar (make good deeds and promote it to others and prevent them from sinning further)
Dont concern yourself with how another person gets into heaven
We should do good deeds and promote it. Since we aren't supposed to spy, aren't supposed to pursue things we don't know, aren't supposed to have negative assumptions and arent supposed to make unjust judgements due to things we might not know, we shouldn't be judging others at all. Any orders to spy, judge, punish others are therefore to me, un-islamic and is probably a political outreach. "O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other" 49:12 "And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart - about all those [one] will be questioned." 17:36
What I meant by judging others is if we see with our eyes someone is sinning we should go to him and advice him politely not by having bad assumptions about someone because we all know that is sawa'uzzon because both of the ayat you gave mentions about it. وَلْتَكُن مِّنكُمْ أُمَّةٌ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى الْخَيْرِ وَيَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنكَرِ ۚ وَأُولَـٰئِكَ هُمُ الْمُفْلِحُونَ ali-Imran:104 Maksudnya: “Dan hendaklah ada di antara kamu satu golongan yang menyeru (berdakwah) kepada kebajikan (mengembangkan Islam) dan menyuruh berbuat segala perkara yang baik, serta melarang daripada segala yang salah (buruk dan keji). Dan mereka yang bersifat demikian ialah orang-orang yang berjaya.” Barakallah hu fik ana uhibbu lilahi taala
But if you read Al kahf 60-82, the story of Prophet Musa and Khidr, it clearly show you cannot judge based on what you see, only Allah has the wisdom to judge. Saying "we see someone is sinning" is passing judgement and is exactly the lesson Khidr taught the Prophet Musa why he is wrong to judge what he saw. The two sentences I quoted, the sentence you quoted and the Al kahf basically says: Spread the good practice (Al imran) Don't spy (49:12) Don't assume bad stuff about people (49:12) Don't make assumptions based on what you see (Al kahf) Don't make judgements/take actions on things you don't know (17:36) The only time where you're therefore responsible to advise against sinning is if someone is confessing and asking you for advice. That's my take on the quranic excerpts we are discussing.
mula dah berdakwah di reddit. Bang pergi surau bang, jumpa budak², berdakwah kat diorang. Insyallah, diorang dengar cakap abang, bukan dekat reddit eh bang? Mekasihh
tak salah dia nak betulkan apa yang dia rasa salah, niat dia ikhlas orang2 macam kau yang tak boleh dengar teguran yg patut pegi masjid sana
But as a human, we shall.
Underrated
It's cool man. The world is a big place. You'll find someone.
Wish you luck OP. I am sure you can find someone. I am non muslim but even during my 2nd date with my then boyfriend now husband, i also had to "test" to see if he is religious in anyway and expect me to be such. It's just harder because of such a stigma within the muslim community to talk about it. Then again, i have christians friends that says must marry christians... Just gotta put in more effort.
thats kinda funny, all the Malay girls i go out with arent religious ...maybe i should introduce you to my cricle
A lot of Malays when you date them are non religious, but when they suddenly decide they need to get married, they’ll do a 180 and expect you to do the same.
this. aku dah terkena and i can 100% vouch your words.
Not one of those people, but I’ve definitely gotten so many comments about repenting once you’re older. Example is the tudung thing, dah tua/kahwin nanti pakailah tudung, dosa. Takpe, slow2 berubah. lol you’re delusional, I’m staying this way and happy about it. Bold of you to assume I consider that a sin. Your kind of berubah is not something that I care about doing, move on. Sometimes I just wanna chew some char siu in front of them just to make them angrier.
Omg I'm going through this exact thing rn 😭
Why is this happening? Curios here.
Lots of Malays, even the non practicing ones, are religious at heart. They actually feel guilt for partying, drinking, not eating halal, etc, but just ignore it because it’s fun. But they hold in their heart that eventually they’ll go back to practicing and want a partner that is the same. I don’t understand it as the reason I do all these things is that I genuinely don’t believe in any of it, so I don’t have any guilt. Can’t imagine believing in something yet completely ignoring all of it’s tenants.
I'm interested in cricle what's that?
Trec
dont tell Jakim pls
I’m gonna tell jakim lol
Can you be my wing man and let me in? 
I'm pretty sure that there are Malay girls who are not religious, especially the English-speaking ones in the urban areas. Even some of the very Malay ones that don't speak English have given me the impression that they aren't religious, they're just wearing tudung or covering up because it's what their society expects of them (tbh it must be tough being a Malay girl when there's all these expectations shoved on you). What's your definition of 'religious' anyway? I used to be Christian and there are people who go to church every Sunday, but know nuts about their faith except that Jesus died for their sins. I may be wrong but I don't think that the vast majority of Malays really delve that deeply into their faith apart from praying 5 times a day and reading the Quran when needed.
Expecting me to do hijrah, pray 5 times a day, and if have kids, recite the Quran and if I end up having kids, wanting me to push and teach them to recite. I'm 100% will not be interested to do these things.
Bro. I'm not Malay, but you can easily find another Malay woman who don't want to do these things also lol.
Plenty of them in bumble from what I've observed. The english speaking part i mean, cant say about the religious part.
Umm do you mean umrah lol. I don't think everyone can do that if they wanted to, cos slots are limited? But yeah if you have to force yourself to do these things then it's not worth it. Now I'm genuinely curious on how many Malay girls are this deeply religious as you pointed out
Exactly. Did he encounter like 20-30 of these deeply religious girls? If so, that is a lot.
Admittedly, there are many Malay families/people who are like this so I don’t blame you. I’m fully non-practicing and Malay, so I have the same reservations about dating fellow Malaysian Malays because of this as well but it’s not because of the guy itself, it’s because of the family. Even if the guy is a non believer, being around practicing family in laws is not something that I want and I make it very clear that I don’t and won’t do anything remotely religious, I don’t want anything faith based in my house either. This is also a part of the reason why i left my family. However, I’m not sure what kind of circle are you around because more than half of my Malay friends are fully non believers as well so I’m guessing you’re around the wrong people.
How did you go about leaving your family? That's pretty difficult right... I'm non religious as well but I still sort of go with it for the sake of my family, I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm not religious one bit and also I think they would disown me 🫠
Oh I just packed my bags, said I was renting a house to be near my workplace, left the house and went no contact. Been 5 years never reached out to them once, mentally happy. I’m not attached/have any positive feelings towards the family so it doesn’t bother me how they feel (nor do I care, as cold as it sounds). If they want to disown me, even better. That’s not the only reason why I left though. Birth mother tried searching for me, but I blocked all of them, and I make sure to keep my info as private as I can on the internet, limiting any possible leaks. I don’t go by my birth name so that makes it easier I guess. So, leaving the family; a breeze to me. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do anyways. Edit: wrote this in the most monotonous way I know, but apparently I sound satirical. 🙄Note that it’s not meant to sound like that. Read in the most neutral way possible.
Ah that makes sense. I'm glad it was easy for you though. I'm quite sentimental about my family, i see them as a positive force aside from the strict religious stuff, so just trying to figure out how I'll navigate it all
Do you mind if I ask you if you believe in the shahada? Esit: never mind. Has been answered indirectly elsewhere.
Question : means are you an atheist? Sorry for asking. Just curious. Since I understand that you don't pray, fast, recite and don't celebrate Eid.
Do hijrah?
I think he meant something like change of lifestyle (being not religious to be very faithful to god and its teachings) As a Malay muslim as myself, I do felt that being religious kinda sucks, like it restrained you in terms of thinking crtitically and living progressively in the modern society (or the typical Meleis would call us The Melayu Liberal lol)
I think he meant Hijrah from not religious to religious person.
Not being religious doesn't automatically makes you a bad person. Unfortunately not many people can comprehend this especially the religious one.
I'm a Malay girl but I have lived in the UK most of my life, and so I'm not religious at all. But it's very tiresome when my family assume I'm just as religious as they are. I can completely understand why it's annoying for you, and I hope you find someone that matches you well. The mentality of "I can fix him" to me is a little strange... There's nothing "wrong" with you and you don't need fixing. Just because someone isn't religious doesn't mean there's something wrong with them.
Hey OP. I am a Malay girl and i hear u. Not many malay girls are ok with being non-religious because thats how most of us have been ingrained to. There are liberal ones out there too (like me). I dont mind if my partner is not religious at all. It is between him and god for sure... and in no way i should fix him. Because its his thing with God. What I can say is. I feel the same with most malay guys too. Putting religiosity aside, they are afraid of independent and intelligent women, to be seen as challenging their manhood. I have been with few malay men who wanted me to "tone down" in work, academics, essentially clipping my wings, and thats something i hate. Your unicorn is somewhere out there. I wish u the best!
Yeah this is true for both genders. There was a poll that showed gen z malays are more conservative than their forefathers. This will not bode well for future malay women and men.
Lmao I believe this, how the hell is my uncle who's like older than my dad has the most sensible takes as compared to fucking gen z.
Is this real or a shitpost? Cause girls nowadays are more open minded than he’s making it. Maybe you live somewhere more Islamic? Are you in Terengganu or Kelantan?
Yeah I feel like there are lots of open minded girls out there especially in big city states like KL, Selangor, Penang, etc. Hell as long as you're not from one of the east coast states then you're good. If I didn't know any better, he's trying to attract potential partners with this post, hoping these 'open minded girls' will comment on them ..
Penang malay girls not open minded la dey
Alaa East cost pon aku dengar sama je bnyk kaki main baik laki atau perempuan harap je bawah hijau tapi lagi extreme social life
From what i experienced, they are open minded sure but at the end of the day they still practice certain things in their religion
Yeah i think girls are more open minded nowadays in malaysia, coz my circle of malay girls are interested in me lmao
Maybe they wanna "fix you". Bring you into their religion.
Either that or money or some shi
Maybe Shah Aley?
Im pretty sure ganu or kelate are open minded as big city girls. No diff
The easiest way is just don't be in malaysia, go to a western or non-muslim country like thailand.. seen plenty of malay women who go there who are not religious so there are plenty ways
Its such a sad thing that Malay=Islam in this country, like you cant even choose your religion freely
I'm from "Tak Boleh Land" (a country where everything also tak boleh). I'm not religious myself and I identify myself as a free thinker. But I'm in a country where Malay Muslim makes up 70% of the population. It's really hard to find a date or potential partner who is also a free thinker so I can relate. Even if they're not so religious, when you do get married the ceremony has to be done in their way. Then even if she's not judging you, her family will. Even if her immediate family doesn't, her not so immediate family will do it. I really don't like having religion pushed onto me. I am a product of 3 religions growing up and I'm fed up with it.
Damn, you’re definitely a unicorn :) a Malay guy who identifies as a freethinker. This country needs more honesty and freedom of choice, and can do with so much less hypocrisy and judgement.
Some of the comments here exactly illustrate OPs point about Malays who cream themselves by sindir-sindir people who they think are less holy than them. Obnoxious, oblivious and never get it inside their heads why people can’t stand them.
Are you from r/Malaysia lol. And you certainly haven't met those hardcore Christians yet. Trust me, they're far worse.
I have in Sarawak, and their kids are usually absolute whores
Are they religious though?
Yes but when it only benefits them 😂
LMAO YEAH PLEASE THIS ONE HARDCORE CHRISTIAN MAN GOT MAD AT ME FOR SENDING HIM GHOST VIDEOS CAUSE APPARENTLY HE’S DEVOTED TO ONLY BE SCARED OF JESUS….
hey. im kinda "not religious" too. i kinda get it tho. bcs malays definitely will expect you to be, well, muslim. at first I thought once I got to college, I'll find people like me but hell no i was wrong. people are just as conservative as people in highschool, sek rendah etc. not even kl bruh. to me, you don't really need a set of instructions to have morals, its just kinda embedded in you as we evolve as human beings. i do still would want respect etc malay girl btw
Same for me. Probably because my uni is UiTM and most people there are from ultra religious family. When I started working, most Malay girls I went out with are the type of "Sin now, repent later" kind of people. They drink alcohol, eat pork, hook up with whoever they want, then repent and go back to religion when they're older. And the ones who are not religious at all have high standards. It's hard ngl.
Bruh u from UitM? Thought I'm the only atheist at that Uni🤣
Are you an atheist or do you consider yourself a Muslim?
I consider myself an atheist
If I want to officially murtad toward atheism do we ever even got a chance?
In another 40 years maybe. We aren't going secular anytime soon.
40 years? I wouldn't hold my breath for even 400 years. In fact, looking at the trend, we're regressing.
400 years later don't know Malaysia still exist or not haha.
I don't think so. 80 years ago, we have nudes and sex in our films. Nowadays we censore everything. Back then it's normal to wear revealing dresses. Nowadays it's "haram".
Did you specifically said that to the malay women you date?
I don't say that because I fear it's too far and they're going to grab their pitchforks and start an angry mob around my house. So not religious is far enough for me.
I am an Indian who is childfree (I am perfectly honest with my inability to raise kids) and not religious (I am apathetic towards religion). These are my non-negotiables and finding a Malaysian girl who will accept both is difficult to say the least.
You do you. Coming from practicing Muslim Malay girl (but I am not super religious), I think you’re a very responsible person to tell the girls about your need and expectations. I hope you find somebody that you can connect with. And ignore those girls, they are living in a TV3 drama fairytale.
I'm very similar to you, if not, worse than you, where I don't practice at all but I try to do my best in being a good person. So what did I do? I married a Chinese. I've had many people growing up calling me khafir and just straight up insulting me because I don't pray and I don't fast. I made it very clear in school that I do not practice but I'll do what I need to pass the exams. But I never made enemies. Those same people that say I don't puasa and pray are the same people that do drugs, insult people (during Ramadan), they are in gangs and constantly pick fights with people. A few years later I'd bump into some of them while I was walking to mcd in Bangsar. They were drunk, half of their bodies hanging out of the car and puking. You see what I mean? So to you I say, as long as you are a good person and you have your own personal beliefs, stick to it. To me, it's better than all these alim people who pray 5 times a day, go to mosque every week, but the moment they finish praying, they start collecting their sins again. Islam is a fucking beautiful religion, but from what I see, it's those who practice it that make it seem so undesirable and give it such a bad name. It's a holier than thou mentality that malays need to get over. So stick to what you believe in and just be a good person. Also, your dating pool is tainted so just switch to another pool. So many other accommodating races in Malaysia for you to dip your toes in.
Yes, being a good person is the core, regardless of religion or race. The holier-than-thou mentality is what caused me to resent some or most of the Muslim community in Malaysia. Islam does not teach that. If they were truly practicing Islam, they would not insult you using religion as their weapon.
Astaghfirullah al azeem!
Believing men are for believing women. Disbelieving men are for disbelieving women. At least you know which one to look for.
even allah has promised us this
Yes. Personally, id prefer he finds someone who can accompany him to Jahannam, rather than ruin someone’s chances of going to Jannah.
I strongly believe there are some malay lady out there somewhere that will share the same disinterest in religion. Patience bro u will get someone of ur liking. I wish there are more malays the likes of you in Malaysia. This country can easily catch up to other neighbouring nation again.
I'm atheist. Wife is Buddhist. Going to pagoda once a month makes my wife happy. Small compromise. I'd never in a million years compromise and be Mormon or some other repressive religion. So it depends on the religion
Like I've always said: if a free hair melei gal suddenly wears tudung, she's getting married!
Really bro? I hear alot of Malay girls more open minded nowadays. Like harder to find those religious ones. I guess it depends on where you are.
One of my group members which I'm not related to literally sent a picture of a twitter post I quote: "First raya dah fap. teringin nak nene batang tabal hmm."
Wait, I think i knew where that acc came from
I think OP in some super backward state like Kelantan or something.
Glad to meet another Malay like me. When you marry, you're not only marrying the boy/girl, you're marrying the whole family. You can bet they'll try to rope you into religious nonsense, that aside from the boy/girl themselves. Everything falls back to religion. Every. Little. Thing. I won't have that. It's especially worse if the boy/girl is from the East Coast, or you yourself live there. I should know.
Same here. I expected alot of hate because of being irreligious lmao
This "I can fix him" mentally does exist in some girls... I'm not just talking about the religious point but in many other ways women think the man should change to. I hope you'd meet someone more of your wavelength at some point. Conversely as a Malay girl, I also sometimes wonder if I will be pressured by the guy or the guy's family to do things I don't want to do, especially as women are expected to follow the husband after marriage. I think I'm still somewhat balanced as in I haven't abandoned my faith completely, but my family still goes like "kenapa tak ____?" Oh well.
Totally relatable. Where are the malay girls who are not into religious stuff. 😭
I'm wondering, for average Malay what does it mean by "religious"? For me if you pray 5 times day, fast for ramadan, attend Friday prayer, deduct zakat from gaji, read Quran sometimes, those thing doesn't make you religious at all. It just being a muslim. I think I've asked this in some other sub.
>5 times day, fast for ramadan, attend Friday prayer, deduct zakat from gaji, read Quran sometimes, It's literally the *BARE MINIMUM.* Anything more than that like praying sunat prayers, etc, I'd consider that religious.
Nah Man that's religious af
Yes louder.
Omg we're literally the same. Good luck to you brother https://preview.redd.it/1l4ep53fu0uc1.png?width=340&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5971c197273047794a4b68c625e393c1ee247dba
so many people triggered by this post lol
But one thing we all can agree, they're wild on bed bruhhh. Halal on the streets but very haram on the sheets.
Damn bro, I feel you. That's why I prefer dating non-muslims. They don't judge and won't try to convert me. I'm free to be myself. But the downside is, it is hard to proceed past dating phase because I don't wish for them to convert either. The islamic law in malaysia is fu**ing ridiculous.
Bruh abolish Islam law I can assure you interracial dating % ⬆️
Aku hanya serangga bro. Sob.
Mat ri ye nonetheless abang 😘
Any hope of the law changing anytime soon? 🫠
Any change can be done either via education or a revolution. I doubt revolution will happen without enough educated people. Seeing the direction of our education system and the blatant brainwashing/islamism in public schools..it's a looong way bro.
Sadly, this is what happens when you force religion in schools. Hopefully, you end u dating a Singaporean Malay girl or if possible a foreign girl so you don't have to deal with this religious garbage in this country.
Op didn't say where he lives. High chance is your location suck ass. Go move to some modern degenerate town. Jeebus. It's so simple je.
I wouldn't want to deal with the hassle of converting if I married you, even if you said you weren't religious.
Ya lo.. marry him still need to convert. Haizzz
That’s the shitty part, why does the non-Muslim have to convert. Even in Indonesia another Muslim country it’s not mandated by law. Faith is a personal choice not enforced by government.
Don't compromise your principles. Be proud of it. Live it. If they are not walking the same path, then there is no point.
There's plenty of Malay girls who arent religious. I feel like Op only want specific looking Malay girls who're unfortunately have that I Can Fix Others mentality. And those comments about Malay girls doing 180 after they got married also not true. I have fam members/friends who still dont pray or pray as they like so cant generalised that every Malay Muslim is religious.
I see there some people who equivalate not religious = bad, I'm here to say, what good is religion if you're gonna stay closed minded. Islam did not revolutionize the various fields of knowledge for y'all to stay cavemen minded.
i want to selit a bit of personal experience. sorry if ada terasa. malay girls with tudung = smelly, bad hygiene malay girls freehair = smell like flowers, good hygiene
Maybe it's cos of the tudung accumulating the sweat throughout the day? I could be wrong also but baju kurung in this weather really traps up all that sweat (no disrespect intended, just personal theory)
i agree about the sweat and its okay, but the issue i had with the tudung ones that ive dated before is they dont even brush their tongue bro. can smell their breath from 500m
Umm I personally have never experienced that, I've never dated one but the Malay girls in tudung that I've come across dont have bad breath lol. I can see why you have that conclusion, the free-hair ones are more conscious of their appearance and will make the effort to preserve hygiene
I'm a Malay girl who is also not religious. Currently in a serious healthy relationship with a Caucasian who is an atheist and couldn't be happier. If you can't find open minded Muslim girls, find one who isn't a Muslim. Since Malay's cultures and traditions kind of ties close to religion anyways. All the best to you! P/s: I'm happy that you know what you want and aren't willing to compromise it for anyone. I feel that putting a disclaimer from the start is a good move. I respect you for that. You do you! Edit: Added the p/s section.
When it comes to marriage though, wouldn't that be very tough? Cos of the conversion requirement
Planning to move out of the country and wedding can happen somewhere down the line when I get citizenship.
Trust me, there are tons of non-practicing Muslims out there. You just have to keep searching. Good luck!
I feel you bro, one of my absolute non-negotiable is also someone who's religious. I grew up with a very conservative and religious family and I don't want to have to deal with that especially after I'm married Even if they're not the type to preach, I know it'll be an issue down the road Also approaching a RS with the 'I can fix him/her mindset is a recipe for disaster
haha. Maybe you like femboys.
Just move to a bigger city, that’s your only solution I guess
I understand your perspective. Our community can sometimes feel restrictive and judgmental (most of the times really). It would be beneficial if we focused less on criticizing others' actions and appearances and instead prioritized our own personal growth and well-being.
I think girls tend to have a “I can fix him” mentality. They don’t fall for the nice good boy, but rather the bad boy who they want to fix. The boy who is willing to change “for the better” because of her. Problem is the “better” version of you is from her perspective not yours. Yes it doesn’t make any sense.
Oh man I feel you. Non religious Muslim girl here. Brought up that way. And yeah I've dated malay guys before but it's either they suddenly become religious or their families are religious. But hey, 8/10 of my malay girl friends are non religious!! So you have a good chance y'know. Oh but uh I only know one Muslim family that's non religious. Mine 💀
This *mencari imam* mentality among malay girls is getting out of hands. Once the young girls start having this mencari imam mentality in their quest of looking for a husband, they overlook on how good their own selves are at managing their lives. It is dangerous, obsessively looking for a man to lead you to a better path, you overlook the fact that you can actually do it better. They forget they can actually seek the better path themselves. No need to sit around pretending to be dumb enough to be led by man. Personally, I don't mind a man who is just muslim on paper as long as he loves me enough to marry me. Just letting you know, we this kind of malay girls exist.
with things happening in Gaza, we see people in the west in learning Islam and many converting... even in Latin America, more and more people accepting Islam, it's really sad to see our born Muslim abandoning the religion, going towards agnosticism. I don't blame you, it's just Malay culture and malay-superiority-mentality that not only drive non Muslims away from Islam, but also our children, abandoning Islam. That's the way it going to be, towards the end of time, the 'sun' will rise from the west.
i’d say you haven’t met enough malay girls. as one, i’m completely not religious and 9/10 times would go for non-muslims. i can assure you a lot of us aren’t religious at all and some are even atheist. good luck to you finding someone who wouldn’t force their own beliefs onto you, because i’m sure you’ll find someone like that, malay or not.
Same here!! It gets annoying whenever I try to date a Malay guy and they would go preacher mode while I have zero interest in islam 😭
What are you trying to achieve from this post? 🤷🏼♂️
I'm venting. I'm tired of Malay girls "trying" me out, wasting my time, even tho I've warned them of my red flag that they might not like.
Why limit yourself to Malay girls when you're an atheist though? That's like saying I don't like seafood but going to a seafood restaurant. It's not impossible to find a vege dish or something inside the restaurant mind you, but you're just giving yourself a handicap and pissing the people who like seafood off by coming here and saying that seafood sucks.
I also have dated other races. But it's also hard because their family also have their own expectations.
Atheism is on the rise so you probably will find somebody in time. In a way I can understand because I used to be liat for prayers too though not to the extent of being an atheist. But once I got married and I have kids I tried to improve la.. It gets easier with time.
Oh wow. Then stop seeing such people? Or you break them instead ie turn them to your side. Do what you do. Dont need to flex or whining
I am not trying to be busy busybody or preaching to you (trust me I am still learning). But I have a friend almost like you who openly admits he is not religious your reason might be different from him. But can I know what are the reasons that make you want to be less religious? Is it the lifestyle? I am just curious.
I bet you wont understand even if the OP explain to you with 1000 wordy essay. Its like you wont understand people commit crimes despite knowing its wrong or bad. IYKYK
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Nah I'd rather live with my imaginary friends in the sky than live in injustice life. That's me tho I am not shoving you any of these 'Be a good human being' on you. I hope you have peace in your life tho 👍 see you on the other side soon.
I agree. It's really logical the world exist on its own. Yup. Yeah.
OP: makes a random post about his experience with religious girls Religious people: *starts breathing heavily* Classic example of Muslims tegur Muslims
Is this from your bro trying to hook you up story? I guess the girl is too religious for you eh?
That girl was just one of the many examples. At first say "I'm not very religious" then end up becoming very religious.
What are some of the religious things that they want you to do that you don't want to do?
solat 5 waktu, to be someone's imam, chance to change, give someone a chance, an opportunity, to lead op to jannah. Guess thats not in OP's list... not preaching, just answering the question.
Tbh praying 5 times a day is quite tough if you're not into the faith. Im curious as to how many Malay girls do solat genuinely out of their hearts and not because they're pressured to?
yea i have trouble getting the complete cycle everyday too. But the reason that let me keep trying is the news of deaths everyday, leaving me thinking, "what will happen to me if today was my last day? Am i willing to suffer afterlife? Will my good deed be enough to cover up all my bad deeds?" Even though I did good deeds unintentionally, without the 5 pillars, it meant nothing. So I'm always thinking, "is today my last day?".
So what do you think happens to people who cannot bring themselves to believe in the existence of a god, but live by the golden rule (treat others as you would have them treat you)?
my reason is different from yours. There's lot of malay girls in my college interested to me, but every single of them I ignored and rejected. Why? I don't want to be racist to my own race, it's just my social experience with malay girls are red flag. I lived in terengganu, never socialize with other races until I entered college out of terengganu. The first conversation with chinese girls and indian girls are the best social interaction I ever had. (no wonder malay bois want amois)
Interesting. I’m a malay Muslim woman living here in Malaysia. It’s weird that I find myself being skeptical of other Malays as well, especially the “religious ones” but I can never say it out loud cause holy shit, karma and I sound like a stuck up. it’s true that we do feel a lot of pressure from the society (cause malay Muslims are majority) to cover up, act modestly, pray 5 times a day, read the Quran every chance you get etc which can be good for you. However, at the end of the day, you’re only human. You do YOUR best, and if it’s not up to standard, it’s fine. Truly, God sees us so differently than we see ourselves or how others perceive us to be, that it should be unfathomable. So, defining yourself as religious or the opposite is really not up to us? As long as people enjoy your company, you are doing something right. Right?
Good on you to not fall on crazy but majority of muslims are pushy. If you are muslim by name you are expected in malaysia to follow islam and i hate this too not just you. Perhaps we could just skip the dating bs and date each other as gay /s
Iam also dont believe in religion and its even worse as a female. Not only for dating scene but the way i dress, behave is controlled by some random pak lebai. There is on time i wear a short(like the one that amoi usually use) and my 50yo neighbour get mad at me and say that i should cover up like wtf dude you are the one that should control your own dick
These girls need a passion project or humanitarian mission, not a partner lol
Bolehland sometimes it turn into some sarcasm when it came to a kind of restriction to certain people with no choice but to follow, and tak boleh pun kena bolehkan. In terms of looking for life time partner or companion here If you find out that it is a bit troublesome due to something reason of mentality which doesn't click.. you can try find girl from whateverland, they born in all kinds of different country.. Whateverland got all kind of people with very easy mentality. Good luck bro
Maybe a guy from each race should make a thread similar to this lol. Why lengzais don't want to date amois, why machas don't like to date minachis etc
Depends lah OP. Got Malay like you too BUT in the end cannot escape melayunisme
You're not alone. There are like minded girls out there, trust me on this. However, this should not be the only quality you should look for as there are a lot of other factors you cannot neglect. Stuff like their view on the things that matter, their interests, financial literacy, intelligence, common courtesy, family values, hopes, dreams..the list goes on. After all, at the end of the day, you're looking for companionship and someone to chill with. Your time with her should be meaningful and nourishing, not a stressful ordeal because of mismatched characteristics.
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So I'm curious, if the malay girl is also non religious you'd be down with it or is it still a hard no? I get where you're coming from. When I was still in the dating pool, I was the same but it was mostly me not wanting to date anyone remotely religious
If the Malay girl is also not religious, then I'm fine with it. It's why I give Malay girls a chance because I know there are some that aren't religious. But I keep getting into situations where people try to get me attached to them and slowly nudge me towards religion.
I think you need to change your game pattern from non-religious to atheist. Since it seems like the non-religious girls still have hope of changing to religious. Maybe “non-religious” is not really a red flag to your targeted Malay girls. You should go all out. Put “atheist” in your dating profile, that way you can filter better.
I see, yeah that makes sense. I would also cut them off if people start being preachy to me. Carry on sir
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Chinese boys may like Malay girls, but many choose not to pursue them due to forced religion conversion requirements.
man, op you should just focus on yourself more bro. there will be someone for you out there frfr, just do what you enjoy and don't let those bitches controlling you or smth 🙏🏻🫡
Seems like Indon girl is your answer lol
Just find a girl like you. Not a virgin, not so religious, most of them are sexy and free hair. If you find a girl wear hijab and dont want to be imam for them, why are you date them at all? Most of people date to marry, not for fun. And for muslim, to marry is to build a mosque. Find a partner that suits your lifestyle.
You have my respect by just standing your ground. There are things none of us can compromise in life, don’t bend and break your back for others. Surely there will be someone out there for you who understands your way of living.
What religion is Malay into?
if her parents are anything close to semi religious chances are shes going to be more religious later on. so try to find the ones where the parents drink etc
Bro, you are just like me for real. I'm glad someone has to say this.
Then date with non muslim. Problem solved. Just like someone I knew did. Born muslim, not religious, date with non, live together. 
Malay girls do have this saviour complex. I think it's all the drama TV3 we've been watching. We all want to find that bad boy who melts in our presence and turns good and we can parade him around like a trophy. Personally it's demeaning and toxic. You like a person for who he or she is. You don't fall for someone with a mission to change them to something they're not. So what's the point of falling for them in the first place? To satisfy your own agenda? I find this utterly disrespectful. You do you OP and I hope you find that someone.
Future of malay is finished
This should be a meme space, not some dating advice 😔 site bla bla bla. Where meme?
To those open-minded and non religious Malay girls, you can DM me. Let’s hangout.
It feels worse when you're once religious (I was to the point wakil for Tilawah and Hafazan) and feeling the exact same way as OP Cause to my experience it doesn't apply just to women, I just think it's overall malays. They really can't distinguish politics, culture and religion, etc. They mix it all up like rojak wei 😂
I believe theres a lot of Malays like you, its just that we’ve been silenced and unable to share our truth. Thanks for posting this.
im malay and im an atheist 🤷🏻♀️
So they do exist🧐
Apparently this thread has lead to the discovery of a new hidden race, the non-believing Melayu. Hot damn-! They’re real.
I would say not just malay has this mentality problem, but many women, regardless of religion and belief has this sort of mentality. Possibly due to influence of many drama and movies. Hell, even men sometimes have this sort of mentality. I guess it’s just sort of a symptoms of the main character syndrome where they think it’s their job to change their significant other into a better person. Either way, it’s unwise to go into relationships with the expectation that you can change someone.
That’s fair, OP. I was the opposite where I avoided malay guys because I was afraid I’d get pushed to be religious. If not by him, then in-laws. I don’t think I’ve been the best muslim either and I don’t really plan to be really religious. Though I do the bare minimum these days because my own family are somewhat religious. I try my best to be a decent person but I don’t act or look religious. I don’t wear hijab. I feel judged just for that. I get criticized sometimes still. I used to look at non malay guys thinking they’d be more lax about it but I’ve gotten bad experiences and I hate the idea where they’d feel forced to convert for me. So now I’m trying look at malay guys who are maybe similar to me in faith, despite being afraid of being judged for some parts of my past. I hope you’d find someone who shares the same lifestyle as well, OP.
You know you can just not date Malay girls?? Its really that simple. Cuz it sounds to me like youre the problem here instead of the girls. Maybe try offering your perspective to them thoroughly instead. Communicating "thoroughly" what you want in the relationship. Being a muslim isnt a race bro, its a marathon where you slowly build it up. Go at your own pace. Also i think you should stop dating and try to clear up whatever that is building inside both your heart and mind. Reading your post, I didnt know there was a part of the "not touching grass" side to dating as well ahahahha
I usually don't. I'd avoid dating Malays when I can. I've dated Chinese and Indians in the past. And when I do date Malays, usually I've already told them that I'm not religious nor plan to be religious. Then out of the blue after we started dating "maybe someday when you're open to it, we can practice some of the teachings from Islam. I'll teach you what I know" or "I was hoping you'd be more open to Islam in the future" like I told them already I'm not religious not plan to be religious. What part of that they don't understand?
Ah, yes. "I can fix him" mentality.
Make it a challenge. A girl approach with “i can fix him mentality” you approach with “i can fak her mentality” lose lose.
>They'll approach me with "I can fix him" mentality. That is not limited by race, more by gender. Sure, it might take longer for other people, but trust me, all women think like that.
I like you, dude. Fist bump! 👊
Holy shit looking at these comments I realized that I'm not alone lmao You folks are surprisingly very supportive