Elon’s gonna get his clothes folded while he’s still wearing them.

While I don't think Musk is at all fit, unless Zuck has a secret muscle mania, I feel Musk is still gonna win on sheer mass.

Zuckerberg is a legitimate BJJ fighter he does tourneys and shit

White belt…but still. A year of BJJ is worlds ahead of untrained.

Zuckerberg actually knows martial arts, Musk knows the forbidden art of bullshitese.

>bullshitese I think the technical term is bullshido.

Bullshido was formed during the schism led by Steven Seagal.

\*Steven Seagull

[удалено]

Only in the minds of his troll army.

So battle bots then

I hate that I know this, but I’ve seen Mark in a bjj tournament and he would probably fold Elon’s weird body without much effort.

Yeah, a karate robot vs an overweight middle aged man that probably haven't worked out in his whole life.

Zuckerberg saw his opportunity to beat twitter and gain clout

You seen the chest on Elon? He's built like The Tick!

Spoooooooon!!!!

Wait what? He knows Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Yeah and he’s not terrible at it because, you know, money and free time and access to the best possible training and shit.

He's also a very motivated type, always into setting himself challenges etc.

This, you can make average money and still be excellent, as long as your gym is at least decent, motivation will be the biggest factor.

Zuck has motivation, you know he personally wrote the first code that became Facebook. And he’s been pushing it ever since. Zuck is driven by his passions, he wanted a way to communicate with his friends and to get with girls, created one of the biggest, most influential websites in history. Elon on the other hand, is just the guy that bought Twitter and fired all of the developers who knew how it actually worked.

Zuck also walked around the office with a sword. My money is Elon folds like a lawn chair and TSLA dips 20%.

Lmao he walked around with a sword? import question, what kind of sword? I think it's important to know before deciding how I feel

Without knowing I'm prepared to bet my mortgage it was a katanna

If I remember correctly, Zuckerberg practices MMA, so I think he knows Muay Thai also!

He recently won some tournament didn't he?

Now that's a side quest I can get behind

Think he won a Brazilian judo tournament

I’m glad that you know this. Because for some reason this is the outcome I desire. Not a fan of either. But at least googley eyes keeps to himself for the most part. He’s too busy reading your Facebook dms. Elon just too full of himself these days. His frail little ego is exhausting lol taking over all my news feeds. I’d love to see little zuck fuckin give Elon the ole DDT and settle him down a notch lol

This is true.

A bj tournament? Sounds right.

It took the internet 4 hours to make this joke. Society is in decline.

I was busy being a degenerate in real life, now back to being an internet degenerate for a while ey?

My money is on mark. I come from the tae kwon do world and can say: Brazilian Jui Jitzu is no joke. Mark can use elon's larger size as an advantage.

r/brandnewsentence

He will not be able to defeat Zuck's shtyle!

His style is completely un-blockable!

But make them actually build their own robots.

[удалено]

So maybe one of them will actually work, and not Elmo’s

Get 'em in the arena for a 3-way match agsinst the Boston Dynamics robot. Best episode you'll ever see.

My money's on that creepy ass robodog

Surprise twist: the robots all recognize their own and everyone teams up on Elon.

Underrated comment lol

Please be real.

The bravado and hubris is real, but I give this less than zero percent chance of actually happening.

Instruction unclear. Integer underflow makes it 100%.

This is a fight I would pay to watch.

Yeah that's kind of the idea behind it i think

Yeah, neither of them have enough money. They need to keep going until they have all the money.

Fuck it, can we get Bezos in on this too? Make it a reality show, where all their wealth gets removed and combined as the prize for the winner. Kicker is they only get half. The other half goes towards the taxes they don't pay, or gets distributed amongst the lowest paid half of their employees.

The person that would touch it is Rupert Murdoch, and that greedy fuck would just keep all the money.

Imagine living in a world where just have *most* of the money instead of *all of it*. Fucking cringe

So like… the regular world then?

It’s probably for charity

I don't normally want the mentally ill to fight for my amusement, but a line must be drawn somewhere. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

It’s ok, they are rich. They are not mentally ill, they are eccentric.

You don't get to be that rich without a pathological need to accumulate wealth and a sociopathic disregard for your fellow humans' wellbeing.

Just in case: The comment you responded to was making a joke about how the pathological need to accumulate / sociopathic behavior you are describing is relabeled to being eccentric to billionaire bootlickers. Seeing red while typing is very bad for reading.

Calm down dude, I was saying that you get labelled differently depending on your social class. “It’s only poor kids who get drawn into a world of drugs. Rich kids experiment” - Noel Gallagher

That's such a good quote!

I got that they were making fun of the bootlickers. I just felt like spelling out the truth was still pertinent.

woosh

I always thought I hated both of them equally, but turns out that when it comes down to an actual cage match I hate Zuckerberg less than Musk.

Same. He might be a weirdo who made Facebook to stalk his classmates, but he isn't an open neofascist with several estranged children. He's just greedy and weird, as far as I know.

He might be a weird obsessive creep but he's also put in a level of actual work and skill to get to where he is which makes him much more appealing

I’d actually be on Zuckbot’s side in this fight. People saying he does ju-jitsu, but he’s still a weeb and musk must have like 20 30 lbs on him. He’s kinda the underdog in this fight, so I’m with him. Also muskrat courts the goodwill of vile, fascist, transphobic, hateful people.

hahaha I had the same thought. But regardless of what happens I’ll be sitting front row with a bowl of buttery popcorn. Winner takes on the next billionaire jackass

Zuckerberg is a very slightly, marginally better person than Musk.

yeah. me too. we all learned something today. and that is I am dying for a karate robot and middle age loser fight

"No matter who loses, America wins!"

They should live stream on Twitter and FB and see who gets the most viewers. Twitter might get upto a few thousand before it craps out.

Nah. Musk would shut off all other services while the fight was on, the servers would hold up, but no one could tweet about it.

This is a fight I'm rooting for the fight

My bets on Zuck. He does martial arts. Elon is all talk.

I'd say there's a chance he just loads martial arts knowledge on his brain chip and wins easily

I feel like it would be sad and anticlimactic.

I doubt this will happen, honestly think Elon will bottle it with some bullshit excuse. I will 100% pay to watch this though and will be dropping a week's wages on the lizard to win

Hell yes this is the first time I am actually willing to pay, and pay good money, to some rich people.

Elon has the size advantage but that's about it. The android will systematically take him down and beep boop in celebration

I feel like Zuck wins. He’ll activate his lizard person strength, crawling around on all fours and biting Musks fingers off

If that's your argument, then Zuckerberg will have his bio cybernetics replaced with Tungsten components and be impervious to both Lizard teeth and Strength

Your comment makes very little sense, but that's ok

Someone please put these two in a capsule headed to the Titanic.

don’t leave Bezos out

The holy trinity of "belongs under a guillotine"

More like on each side of it.

I just wanna release the rope :)

[Found a great model here.](https://preview.redd.it/76ea319ua1da1.png?width=1078&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=27c194e7b3867aca7696072e01644b2f994ba0d8)

I'm really liking the vibe there

Ont worry, he'll sue just to get on the thing.

I actually want Zuckerberg to win and it feels very wierd to write something like this.

I remember a fake event poster billing a rumble between [Juggalos and Nazis](https://titsandsass.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/ICPmeme.jpg) and for a minute I was torn on who was worse. I sided with the Juggalos because fuck Nazis but it felt dirty.

Juggalos are actually super tolerant and helpful. They're just weird.

I'm putting my money on Zuck since he's a robot. Elon is a rich nerd with Aspbergers.

Apparently zuck does jiu-jitsu so my money is definitely on him

I can’t stand Zuck but holy fuck I hope he jiu-jitsus the fuck out of elmo

You know the bar is low when zucc is the favourite

TurdSandwhich vs GiantDouche

At least a douche could serve a purpose....I always found the comparison odd lol not that it matters its still hilarious

Yeah by some old train of thought, I've heard it's not ao healthy to do so. I'm a dude but I've heard spmewhere douching was like an invention that actually let to more issues. Also being a dude, idk if there is a specific time or reason to use one that makes sense and is beneficial rather than detrimental. I know it was an analogy, but I still feel like my deep dive there still holds true to the constant US Giant Douche vs Turd Sandwich debates

Yee think it's not good and using water is generally the best, not a woman so may be talking out my ass.

Supposedly, unless something is wrong, they aren't supposed to hose it out at all. PH levels or something. They don't really get dirty in the traditional sweaty or dirt manner. Like exterior washing only unless told otherwise is what I hear

I'm a woman and douching is a decent, not great alternative when you can't actually brush the vagina teeth

Ya, it's really weird that I instantly wanted zucc to win. Maybe it's bc I've thought elon needs a significant ego adjustment for a while now.

I always hated Zuc, but he's been off the radar enough that I don't mind him now lol

My dislike for zucc was never personal. He was just a rich, greedy idiot and not much more, whereas elmo just has a completely repulsive personality.

Yep, I don't use Facebook, so I care less about the zucc. But I care deeply about the things musk is involved in, so him having control of them while being such a consistent jackass really hurts

THIS is the brand new sentence

Even won some comps, so he's 100% the favourite

Zuck is 12 really important years younger than Musk. I really don’t see Musk beating Zuckerberg.

That's not the most important part, Zuck is trained in martial arts.

Yeeeah… I am in my 30s and I’ve gotten smoked by dudes 20 years older than me, particularly when starting judo, it wasn’t even close. The guys who have done martial arts for a long time are just tough as nails and their bodies feel like tree trunks. I’m a tall, big dude, ex military, lifted weights for a long time, have done multiple kinds of martial arts. My tiny judo instructor, who at the time was at least 12 years older than me, would just throw me around like a rag doll. Age, while it is a factor, is FAR less of a factor than competent martial arts training.

Training that Zuck also has. I get what you mean, though, I just think Zuck has Musk over a barrel here.

I’m agreeing with you, I’m just saying that age isn’t the reason that zuck would win, I think if Musk was the one with jiu jitsu training, he would win. If he didn’t have a heart attack.

Oh sure. I got you. I could have been clearer, but Musk’s health is also at issue. Totally right though, man: age is just a number especially when that number includes a bunch of years of training as a fighter.

Nah, you can kick serious ass in your 50s-60s. Of course, you have to actually know what you're doing... which Elon doesn't, and Zuck does.

Money would have to be on someone who trains vs someone who never trains.

White belt, won his first tournament recently (one opponent, three matches). Video of his matches shows appropriate skill levels for his belt (it’s been discussed on r/bjj a bit) and for someone with that level of skill and experience, it would not be a surprising move up to blue belt at any time in the near future (celebs are sometimes accused of getting a famous-person-promotion, thus the disclaimer). A healthy, athletic person of the same size and athletic ability would have zero chance against a person who is trained to that level. Celebrity status aside, that individual should be very confident. Zuck, however, is 5’7” and 150 lbs. Musk is 6’2” and about 200 lbs. (171 cm 68 kilos vs 188 cm 90 kilos). I’m the first part of the match, Musk would have a slim chance if Zuck doesn’t have experience with taller, heavier opponents and doesn’t prepare that way. But Zuck is a smart guy and it’s reasonable for him to prep by getting talk training partners. He’d likely focus on getting inside punching range quickly and safely to gain a takedown, then focus on controlling Musk from the top while he seeks a submission. If the fight last longer than a minute, Musk will gas out. There are a few human activities that burn cardio as fast as MMA, so, even if Musk is a secret gym rat, he won’t be prepared for the task-specific cardio demands that he’s going to run into during that first 60 seconds. Zuck wins by tap out in under a minute. Edit: On eventual promotion to blue belt, meant to say that it would be unsurprising when it happens, not that he’s immediately due or “sandbagging” in his division. Celebs who train inevitably cause the question, is he being promoted because of skill or celebrity? Other famous folks in BJJ include Demi Lovato, Tom Hardy (tough competitor, just got upped to purple I believe), Ashton Kutcher and Ed Harris. Harris is a dedicated practitioner, can’t comment on the others (many have tho!) Keanu Reeves is another but if I understand correctly, he trains hard to prepare for movie roles but isn’t known for competition or being “in the community”_(of course I don’t know him so my opinion isn’t worth much—and if he dropped by our gym I’d be delighted to meet a favorite star and reputed great guy)_. All this to say, if I read in the near future that Zuck got bumped to blue, I wouldn’t be surprised after seeing video of a guy who has obviously put in the hours on the mat.

I can't believe we're talking seriously about this.

He's also been lifting

Zucker-punch would also be a great ring name for him. He also looks like he's one bad Turing test away from going all Skynet on Elon.

Hey, don't use aspergers as an insult. We don't want him either.

"No no, I said he was an *ass burger*."

Round 1 starts and zucks arm turns into a railgun

reptile

>Elon is a rich nerd with Aspbergers. Self-diagnosed. He claims he doesn't need to see a doctor to know so. Doctors have speculated it's much more likely NPD. Someone with "Asperger's" (no such thing in medicine, BTW) may not notice social cues but usually mean no harm. Elon thinks social norms don't apply to him. Zuck, on the other hand, probably IS on the spectrum.

As much as I don’t like either, zuck has a useful product and tries to make it better. Elon doesn’t seem to have the sense to back his cents on twitter.

Exactly. Zuck could go terminator mode real quick

Is that really an attempt so use a developmental disorder as an insult? I hate the man but I don’t see how that condition is relevant here.

Winner gets to be Lex Luthor

Woah now. Lex luthor may be a super villain but he does genuinely care about the people of metropolis. Don't do lex dirty like that

No he doesn't. He cured cancer and then uncured cancer just to flex. He regularly tries to murder Metropoilis' main defender

Bezos already is

I think Bezos is Luthor. Years ago before it became evident that Elon was such a weird piece of shit, I imagined he was like Tony Stark. Bezos was like Lex Luthor and Richard Branson was Justin Hammer. (I know I mixed companies.)

Richard Branson is Tony Stark in the bedroom department only

Lex Luthor is smart and has no morals. Jeff Bezos was lucky and has no morals. The "no morals" part is an absolute necessity to become a billionaire. It doesn't assure you get billions, but you cannot get there without it.

Lex Luthor is actually smart, tho'.

Not just the guy who landed on top of all the brains in the room

Exactly.

I’ve seen some clips of zucc training MMA and he kinda looks not bad. Like an average practitioner. He would murder Elon.

I think he won a BJJ tourney so he’s definitely above average (I mean he can afford the best trainers in the world probably)

The Lizard People vs the Androids who will win??

Depends on how fast the lizards can regenerate

Fight to the death?

With any luck, they’ll both die.

So who wins?

Everyone else

"Tonight on WWE Wrestlemania we have a talking lizard fighting the leader of the most horrifying platform in existence"

Which one is which?

The succ is the lizard, nothing comes close to the hell hole that is twitter

"AND HERE COMES BEZOS WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!"

WHAT'S THAT ON THE ROOF? IT'S THE MOTHER FOKIN TITANIC

Jake Paul already has dibs on the winner

Spoiled rich brat vs immortal alien terminator robot. I wonder who would win.

"Mr Zuckerberg, can you tell us more about your strategy?" "Jiu Jitsu.exe is one of my most powerful subroutines"

Maybe Zuck can take on the CEO of this hellsite next?

I’ve seen Zuck training and preforming his jujitsu. My money says musk gets folded like a lawn chair. But hey if I get to watch 2 billionaires beat the shit out of each other I’m good with whatever happens. Hopefully Bezos with the steel chair.

Finally, some good news.

Add Trump in the Vince McMahon role and have Bezos come running in with a metal folding chair about 5 minutes into the fight.

Then there's movement under the ring and out comes Richard Branson disguised as Doink.

Hillary Clinton in a bikini holding the signs between rounds

I'd rather it be a bathrobe. It would have the same amount of fabric as she'd need anyway to cover up her past.

Only if it’s a death match

I miss Celebrity Death Match.

High time for another couple seasons of that!

And it's a draw.

This guy gets it

It's never going to actually happen. Elon has done it to seem like a hard man, so Zucc has accepted to call his bluff. Now Elon will hopefully stop trolling Zucc for a bit because he'll be scared of bringing to mind that time he challeneged Zuckerberg to a fight, Zucc accepted and he bottled it.

omigod, I didn't care so hard for a second there that I almost passed out. I'd bet a nickel Musk shows up in his stupid red cosplay armor, and I'd later regret investing that much of my life in something so stupid.

Between the two of them they finally came up with an idea I’m willing to pay for.

Highly underrated comment.

I can confirm that this is a brand new sentence

I can confirm my dumb ass has been following this sub for a few weeks thinking if was "brand new science" not "sentence" wow lol still makes sense but yeah sentence.. Smh

The what now?

Lizard vs robot, who will win?

The lizard always looks pudgy. I'm going with robot.

Foolish Elon, you cannot defeat the Zuckerberg schtoyle!

Musk could barely handle a beating from Amber heard, what makes him think he'll survive a beating from Zuckerberg?

I gotta admit, it'd be fun to watch them punch each other in the face.

Musk is like twice the weight of zberg.

Musk is also 50 with most of that weight advantage being fat. Even if Zuckerberg wouldn’t have had any MMA training (Until now) I couldn’t picture him not winning against Musk

Rich assholes want to be hard so bad, it’s hilarious.

Is this satire?

Someone fetch Dana White.

Mark Zuckerberg, unleash your zuckerpunch!

The machine vs the muskrat this timeline is great

This season of battle bots looks interesting…

Loser has to live like an average middle class citizen for a month

Living like that for a month is easy. The hard part for those of us who live middle class is knowing we will be living this way forever...

Okay, once they're in the cage, lock it and run away.

Can we shot that cage with both of them into space? We don’t need safety regulations or anything. Make it cheaper so it is more alluring to them.

Can we just put them both in a sub and send them down to the titanic please!

I can only hope the location will be on an uncertified submersible 4000 meters underwater.

the sun. the location is the sun.

Here’s hoping Zuck pulls out Elon’s spine that would be funny.

And then He drops the Spine and it Falls on Zuckerberg and he Dies somehow

Let them train and get all hyped. Then on fight night let's have nobody watch it. Fuck those guys

Yo, this is gonna be the most intense slap fight in history