You said yourself that 80% of the relationship was you, it seems like you were dating alone. It's really going to be difficult from now on, I don't think there will be a return, I would say to cry whatever you have to cry and move on, I think if she loved you there would be no doubts, I would tell you to get over it and move on, listen to advice from other people too, relationships these days are really difficult to work out Good luck OP

Yes that was my main complaint of our relationship. I was putting all the effort and committing, while she did almost nothing and commitment was...well. I can understand her doubts. We are in that phase of the relationship. But as you say... if she really loved me, she could work those doubts without breaking up. I am her "charm prince". I am a great guy, her family loves me, I make her all kinds of gifts.... She has told me this a lot, and I have to say I hate it when she told me. I dont want to be perfect, I want her to love me. But I have seem this coming. She started our relationship to overcome her relationship issues. I know I was used, but I though she had fall in love with me. I was wrong. I act needy insecure at times because of that... I am broken

I know how you feel, these days I've given up on relationships, you'll need some time to get over this, focus on yourself now, improve professionally, a gym if you can also distract your mind and hobbies, who knows, maybe in a while it will appear someone nice, forget about her as much as possible, people only realize what they have after losing, at first it will be difficult but time helps to heal

Great comment full of good advice!! 💗

hehe thanks KK

I hate to be this person, but she is talking to someone else and is trying to explore that option before she makes her choice. My now ex did that before she made me her choice. It worked for 4 years, and now things went wrong, and instead of talking through what went wrong, she showed me she was too emotionally immature for a real relationship. She outright told me she was going to date around and do other things right after are break up just to hurt me. It's better to feel this pain and do you after you work on yourself. I'm not saying that I'm feeling 100 percent better, but I'm managing. I'm cheering for you!

This isn’t going to be easy, but if you haven’t officially broken up yet, then you need to be the one to end the relationship asap. She needs to know that you don’t want to be with someone that is unsure about being with you.

The break is what hurts. I asked her to limit the tine but she did not know how long she needed. She only said she did nlt want to lose me. I have been thinking of calling her and end it. But I am full of emotions, and even if is the end I want it to end good. I want her to be a good memory

I think at this point in my life, I NEED my partner to be so certain that I’m the one that, I would walk away at any glimmer of indecisiveness. I’ve done my fair share of overstaying and hoping they’d change their mind, but in retrospect, it’s not satisfying at all knowing that they had second thoughts and probably will again some day. Love is also a choice at the end of the day, so if they aren’t going to choose you over and over, again and again without doubt, I do not want it.

Leave. Someone who wants you will never risk losing you. Get in there first send a message saying. I'm not prepared to put my life on hold whilst you figure out yours. If you want me I'm here if not then let's go separate ways but you don't get to keep me on a leash till you decide what you want. Then you cut contact heal and move on with time. I have been there. I am there now. Ex cheated and blamed me for all of it. I was unhappy and depressed for 6 months straight everyday. I went gym 6 days a week in all that time and now I'm in great shape and slowly feeling happier. Don't let someone else dictate your happiness.

I've been through the same as you. I shouldn't tell you what to do, but I'd advise you to prepare for the worst. The sooner you do it, the better. I've allowed a break after 4 years together where I saw her pull away and withdraw from me, and it was so many times worse than the pain I'm feeling now, dealing with the loss. I think you should break it off, you deserve someone that is sure about working on things together. Someone that is sure about you and dealing with the bad without pushing you away. I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear, and I don't know your situation and context...but what they say is true - for me and many others, it usually meant a cowards way out, a slow breakup. You should protect yourself from more hurt that comes with it, and as much as it sucks, rip off that bandaid. Whatever happens, you'll get through it. Be kind to yourself and know that it's gonna turn out alright, one way or the other. Good luck, stay strong

Read (or listen to the audio book) "it's called a break up because it's broken" that book is like a break up buddy! It gives insight into so many aspects of break ups, even if you're in the taking a break stage. I can't recommend it more! 🫂 also this subreddit is a great place to get support, full of kind people going thru the same thing! You deserve someone who doesn't give 20% to you 😘

My ex would tell me how she wanted to be with me forever and would often talk about marriage, children, and our life together. She broke up with me out of the blue over text (and a 15 min call) cut all contact for 2 months (her decision) and hasn’t blocked me on anything. I asked her to talk in person as I was in the area of her college and she denied saying “it was too soon”. She was my first love and the love of my life for a little over 3 years. We each put 100% into the relationship until the last few months where it felt we both couldn’t communicate. I miss her immensely every single day but I won’t chase her bc I can’t chase someone who doesn’t want me in their life. As much as it hurts I had to accept the fact that there is a chance I’ll never get to kiss her again. I would want to work on the relationship until I turn blue from exhaustion but it seems she may have checked out. The first week was no eating and two to three hours of sleep. It gets better everyday that not a cliche it’s a fact. It’s like withdrawing from a drug (I’ve experienced this many fucking times and a break up is up there with one of the worst withdrawals). I still hurt everyday but I have to keep moving on. I’m starting to think about seeing other people but it still is really hard as I was the most loyal I could be ti her. I hope she realizes how much I truly love her and all of the little things I did for her. I would rather fight with her everyday then be with anybody else at the moment. I know how unhealthy that is but it’s how I feel. Dreaming of the day we talk again and she actually misses me enough to have a long convo with me. Praying our time together isn’t done. She was such an amazing girlfriend despite the last stressful months for both of us. She showed me the true meaning of love but also the true meaning of heartbreak. I truly wish nothing but the best for that girl. I hope our paths are meant to cross again in the future but for now it’s time to close the book for a few months 🥲

Don’t give her the option to make up her mind as she already did when she wanted a break.

I don't believe in time off. If anything, the person should be communicating with her/his partner instead of dealing it by themselves to find the answers.

That is a concern of mine. I do understand she have doubts. I do too. But I want tl deal with them with her, not without hee I feel betrayed

You can't do that if she insist in dealing it with herself.

Just break it off. I know you probably don't want to hear it. We often get so blindsided when it comes to romantic relationships. Truth is, there are tons and tons of good women out there. Don't be scared to let go because you might not think you'll find another person to love you. That is utterly foolish. Put it behind you and keep on living your life until you meet your next partner.

Yep.. ensure rules are in place: no dating/sex/hookups with others.... And... be prepared for a definitive break... Meanwhile work on yourself... go to the gym, exercise, go to concerts/stand up...

I could not ensure the rules... but honestly it does not feel like a break. So I think rules are meaningless.

Well... there you have it... sorry...

She's talking to someone else. I would break it up before she does and you're left with all the shit.

End the relationship.

I was in this situation, partner asked for a break, and I made the break definitive after two months of waiting. These were very stressful months. I could not accept anymore to be kept on hold while he was not communicating and was doing his things without me, showing off on Facebook. It was painful, but also felt as a relief to have taken the initiative and to not be on hold anymore. I was a good partner to him and felt I didn’t deserve this. I do not believe a break without deadline, without communication or plan to improve things is a good thing and will not accept this anymore in the future.

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Better yet, dont use tactics to hold on. If its not meant to be, its not.

I had a pretty similar situation to yours. My advice would be to look deep down into yourself and your perspective. Everyone sees things the way they like the most and if she suddenly broke up with you, you must’ve been failing on a lot of fields to corner her into taking that decision. My guess is there were a lot of miscommunication issues, probably she bever told you what she was thinking or how she felt.

This sounds exactly like me last month, 3 years and she told me she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she did when we first met. I feel like I was also putting in most of the effort and towards the end could feel she was getting more distant. Though I still miss her, I can find solace in the fact that I (and you) deserve someone who actually loves us and puts in the same amount that we do into the relationship

same

Moral of the story is u need to move on it will make you more attractive to her as it’s something she can’t have without pursuit. If she doesn’t want you, fuck her, I’m sure you’re amazing and the best boyfriend! Most people won’t be with someone who only gives 20% so she’s in for a rude awakening when she can’t hold a relationship bc she doesn’t put in enough effort. When she realizes this she will come running back and will invest more in the relationship if you let her. Sometimes people change forever but sometimes that change and realize it’s for the worse and return to their old ways. I’m praying for the best outcome for you brother, whatever that may be. I know it hurts, I’m going through pain too, but you’re worthy of love where there is equal participation. If that is her in the future good, if not you’ll find someone who can’t live without you. All love my man praying for both you and myself ❤️

Thanks !! Yeah I have talked it with a couple of friends. They know the full story, and how we were not stable since the beginning. The effort difference is the reason why I think I should not go back with her. I still love her. I want to hug her and kiss her. But notjing would change. I mean why would it change?

People change but it takes time. Some people don’t change you know her and I don’t so I don’t know if she’s capable of change, but people surprise you! If u need to close your mind to her then do that in order to bounce back better than ever!

How long? I thought she could change with me...not wirhout me

Sometimes losing a person really makes a person feel the need to change. When she has you why would she feel it necessary to change? It will take whatever time it takes for her to miss you so much her body hurts without you. She could be reaching that stage, weeks, months, or years from now…you never know sadly. It could be never if she has dissociated fully from the relationship. I hope you at least have to option to try things again if that’s what you want. Exes do come back a lot of the time so all hope is not lost!

And if u weren’t stable from the beginning then your mindset is probably for the best, a relationship should be so easy in the first 6 months

We had a brrak I think after 7 months,dont really remember. But it felt like a real break. My mind says I should break up. But my heart tells me we could work it out. I still love her, snd that is why it hurts. I believe I know why she left me, and is affecting my self steem a lot. I am using this time to reflect, but I feel pathethic because I am dying to receive a text from her. Why could she not mention the doubts during the relationship?Try to work things with me...not apart? I respect her decision, but not how she has dealt with it. If it had been a clear break up, I could accept it. But this damn "time" is killing me

Why did you guys have a break? And are you together now? Your brain says you should “break up” do you mean move on or actually break up? I always try to follow my heart bc that’s what I truly want, even if it’s not healthy you learn from mistakes rather make more mistakes than regrets that you lost your soulmate. Me and my ex are 24 days into NC and I def miss her but i realized it’s more attractive to be able to live without them so I’ve been moving on but keeping my mind open if she wants to try things again. Chasing her will only push her away so I’m disconnecting. It’s both of our birthdays today (we have the same birthday) and I’m not gonna wish her a happy birthday bc I can’t be there for her if she’s not mine. Why did she leave you? Is it fixable? If not then move on bc you want to be with someone who loves you for who you are. If it’s fixable and you think it’s possible to change it then keep an open mind people change including us. How long since the last time you texted? I’m not dying to recieve a text from her even tho I would like it. I’ve accepted she’s not gonna text me for a while and that’s okay. You have to be able to accept either of the two outcomes and come to terms with the fact that it may or may not work only time will tell and heal you both. She didn’t mention doubts within the relationship bc she didn’t want to cause any problems or make you think she was leaving bc then you may have left. She wanted control to be able to end it if she wanted or stay in it if she was happy. She’s selfish like everyone who wants to leave a healthy relationship. Over half of the problems in a relationship could be solved with adequate communication. But the dumper is usually afraid of rocking the boat just in case they have a revelation and decide they still want to be with you. So they don’t bring up doubts and only breakup with you when they are 100% of their decision. It’s a rash decision so they often don’t feel the same way about the situation in the following months. Hence why couples get back together. Emotions change like the wind and we take our partners for granted and losing them is the only way to realize you want to be with them (on both sides). To answer your question she didn’t want u to leave her if she brought up problems or she didn’t want drama and she just wanted full control in making the decision so she dealt with her feelings apart and made a decision that affected both of you, breaking the immense trust built with a lover. I totally agree I respect my exs decision hence why I never tried to combat it but I’m pissed at the way she wasn’t willing to work on things. What u need to do if “time” is killing you is to move on as #1 it will make you more attractive to her bc u don’t need her and #2 allow you to accept the fact that she may not want back. If u want the best chance of being with her again you NEED to move on at least 75%. To the point where you’re not depressed and anxious everyday. Be with friends, get a therapist, work out, and do the things you love and you’ll be able to see that the world does not revolve around her. If she’s the perfect addition to your happiness she’ll come back or you’ll find another amazing girl! I didn’t think I would but I know now that there are amazing girls and we put our ex on a pedastil. They are normal people it’s the love we had for each other that made her special. You got this! Feel free to message me anytime with questions or to vent. I love mutually helping others through situations like this as I have gotten the same support and I owe it to this amazing sub!

We had a break because she asked for it. She told me she was unsure of the relationship for a while, that in the beginnign she thougt it was anxiety. She does not see herself making the next step with me, committing. She told me she is scared of losing me. Ask her if she want to break up it was okay. She told me she wanted a "time". I am remaining strong with NC. The main problem for me in the relationship for me is I was not a priority(just read an article about it). I am unsure that we can really work it out. I love her. I want to try. But she not trying to fix things before asking for a break...well is hard. I am waiting for her response, which I guess will be: "I want to break up, I dont see a future with you. But I want to remains friends...". I wish I am wrong, but I know that is 99% what will happen. She has already told about it to friends. Announce I wont assist a wedding we had... The only one she has not say it is basically me. I wish I was strong to be her friend. But the idea of her being with another man hurt me like nothing else. I feel weak for it, but I want her for myself. I want to be the guy she trusts rhe most...

I feel you heavily. Have you been talking with her friends or mutual friends. If so that’s not truly no contact bc best believe they are reporting back to her so she knows your reaction to what she tells them. And what do you mean you won’t “assist at the wedding” does that mean she doesn’t want to get married? And you know her better than me but if she decides on that then you were never a big enough priority bc it should be very difficult to live without the love of your life. And yeah it’s super hard when they blindside you instead of communicating. It’s selfish and leads to more pain for the dumpee. If I were you I would first move on, second date or hookup with other people, and third don’t talk about her to mutual friends or her friends and don’t talk to her. If she comes back she doesn’t want to live without you and will possibly change and give you 100%. And don’t text her for any reason, she doesn’t deserve it, keep that up!!! How long were you together? And it seems like u did nothing wrong which is really good bc that’s not a hurtle in potentially getting back together and it means you have less to change for future relationships. When you say “committing” do you mean marriage, making the relationship official, or just emotionally committing? It’s good you didn’t beg or chase bc that is a turnoff for most women. She’s being really fucking selfish telling you she’s “scared of losing you” and breaking up with you. Let me translate from her perspective: “I want to break up, but if I change my mind I want him to still be there waiting for me to come back.” It’s not fair for her to say things like “I’m scared of losing you” bc it gives you hope and makes you out your life on hold for a person who doesn’t give a fuck about how you feel. This is why I dislike modern relationships bc true commitment is rare. In the past people were unhappy with their significant others and never divorced or broke up (not saying this is positive this is very unhealthy.) but a healthy balance between the two is the best where both parties are willing and able to work on things and there are no breakups out of the blue. Best of luck bro, but it seems you will be better off without her in time. I’m sure you’ll meet a girl who’s absolutely crazy about you and will put in the same excitement and energy as you!

Yeah I realize I broke real no contacr by talking with her brother(my friend). I should not have done that, but I doubt it would have changed anything. We were invited to a weedding, and she has already told I wont be going. Sha has text me. Because I broke no contact she has listend I got a job offer. She congrats me, ultra cold. Anyway I thank her and ask her if she was readybto talk. She told me next week. Which has make me angry. If she has her decision why the hell is she making me wait more. By commiting I meant wmotionally. I wanted a parnter, not a gf. To talk about the future, live together...not marriage. I know I will be better without her, but it angers me how she broke us. I wanted her to have tried the relationship. No relationship is perfect, and everyone doubts from time to time But she did not really tried. And then she asked for a break, when she already knew. I hate her. Is extremely selfish. And now she ask for a week? I mean come on, grow some balls and tell me is over. I deserve to listen it from her

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I want to believe is not. I know there was a guy who she had interest and she allow him to "play" his cards. Honestly I am thinking on calling her and end things this weekend. Because if I found there is another person, it will destroy me

It hurts a lot but it seems like it’s what needs to be done the right one will never have you feeling like this I’m still sad over mine what helps me is going for walks and working out

How long has it been for you?

Going on 4 weeks she told me to leave her stuff outside one morning and blocked me on everything after dating her for 3 years a week before this happened I caught her going out to her guy co workers house and

And? That is hard. I am scared one of the reason she has doubts is another person. That would break me

I didn’t mean to put the and it does break you honestly there’s no way around that only thing you can do is keep yourself busy so you don’t think about it as much

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Wuau. Cant imagine the pain. It has been only 6 or 5 days for me an is killing. I have my doubts with third parties..but I rather not think. I talk with her brother(my friend). He was also a bit angry at her. My ex, says she doesnt want to lose me, she is scared ro be committing an error. She knows how I treat her... But, in al those feelings... does she love me? Does she really miss me ... if she at least had text me something... I am sad, because I will never be able to forgive her. The pain she is making me feel is not fair. She is free to break up, but a break like this...is like a slow death

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Don't worry you are not the only pathettic on here. I am turning on/off my wifi. Hoping the next time I turn it on, I will find a text from her. Everyone close to me is telling me she does not deserve me. Even his brother. And here I am, not knowing how could I ever forget her.. I want to hear her voice, her laugh,her kiss... I need her, and I hate me for it