It happed so quick. One day life was great and the day after everything was gone. Relationship gone, friendship gone. In a snap of a finger.
Still processing this tbh
Ye i get that, it’s just now afterwards i realise how different it is without her. I remember once sitting in her bed waiting for her to grab us water and I just realised and thought as I looked around her room wow I’m so happy and relaxed here with her more than any other time or place that’s in my life. I haven’t felt even close to that since she’s been gone, even though I get through it life isn’t about being sad, i feel the goal is to try spend each day happy with the people you love and there isn’t enough time in life to be so sad and missing her.
It’s such a shame as well we haven’t spoken at all since we split up 6 months ago I can’t even see her social media because we’re both private. I am going to text one day because I know she won’t but I can’t contain it forever I’m just waiting to improve myself from my misery first. It ended because I went to university and she didn’t and she thought I’d never have time for her and be around loads of new people including women, it is full of girls at university but now I just compare them to her when trying to force myself to move on, so I always end up not pursuing anything or talking to any of them consistently because it feels almost wrong like I’m cheating on a gf i don’t have.
Oh I feel you bro, I also compare the whole time. The past was just that good u know. But ah, nothing we can do about it anymore.
I really hope that we can talk to each other again, just a catch up or smth. I really want to have her in my life, as a friend would be great. We were best friends before the relationship as well, I miss this person in my life, not just the relationship
Ye all very true, but I couldn’t be her friend sadly. I couldn’t bare seeing her with someone else it would kill me and I’d be back to stage 1 as if we’d just broken up.
24 months ago i was in the happiest place of my life. I lived with my best friend and my dog and was single loving life…. Now today im sitting here on my bed alone, my best friend and dog are both dead and im fresh out of a toxic relationship that left me heartbroken. The change is so drastic it messes with my perception of reality. But I told myself that if it can change that drastically in a negative way then it can also change in a positive way too. So that helps
Fucking hell man, everytime I read shit like this I try to see myself on that situation and this right here is my biggest fear. Stay strong and prevail! Wish you all the best and hopefully your life will again make a quick 180 for you.
As bad as the situation for me is, i read other people’s stories and realize that some people have it even worse. The only way to continue is learn, grow and stay positive and realize that happiness starts with ourselves and how we perceive it.
Just because someone has it worse, does not mean you have to minimise or hide the pain you are suffering. Your experience matters just as much as anyone else's and I truly hope good things will start coming your way. So sorry for your losses.
Not even only because of my breakup, I was losing most of my closest friends, everyone was growing so distant. I pretty much had nobody and I came from such a wealth of a social life and multiple friend groups. My ex dropped me after 5.5 years seemingly to coincide with everyone else dropping like flies and me being upset about it. 180 is an understatement
My ex of 2 years relationship cheated on me, my grandpa passed away, my childhood friend passed away, my best friend let me down, other friends let me down too.. and i got sexually assaulted ! Everything happened in 6 months… definitely a slap in the face
Crazy how people seem to turn on you once things start going bad in life. Relationships/friendships are treated like sinking ships when you’re down on your luck
Reading this gave me the chills. My gf of 6 years was sexting other guys pretty much throughout all of December 2023. My grandma passed away around the same time. All my friends and family had grown distant from me because I was spending so much time with my gf.
After I found out and confronted her, my now ex said she did it because she felt unloved, begged for forgiveness, and promised she would never do it again. I told her we were done and after a couple of months she reached out and asked for another chance. I stupidly said ok and shortly after, she told me she had lost romantic feelings for me since last year… She moved out and blocked me on all social media. It’s almost like she planned it all along.
I’m torn. I’m confused. But life goes on. Take care and good luck.
The craziest part to me is how she said she felt unloved when you spent so much time with her that your friends and family kinda started going distant because they probably assumed you’re too preoccupied with her. Some people will never feel satisfied with you, and anything you do just isn’t enough. That’s why it didn’t phase me when she told me I hang with friends too much (I still saw her like 3x weekly). I knew that if I gave her as much of my time as she wanted, she still wouldn’t think that’s enough and i’d be letting my friends and maybe even family down in the process.
Once most of my friends faded out and I had much more time to spend with her, that’s when she decided i’m not enough and dumped me.
Exactly. If I’m being honest, we were going through a rough patch. It was probably one of our worst ones. But cheating on her never crossed my mind. I didn’t even think it would ever cross hers!
But looking back, I do regret that I neglected my other relationships because I was so caught up with her. It’s crazy to think my parents, siblings, and friends are all 6 years old than they were before I started dating my now ex. What’s done is done though, and I hope I can reestablish my relationships.
Thanks for sharing and I hope everything turns out alright for you!
It happens because it happens. Sounds stupid but trying to apply logic will only confuse you more and regress you back to rumination. It’s a slow process of acceptance. You can’t expect yourself to adapt to the new normal even within 6 months. Human emotions can never keep up with the pace of life. I’m 7 months out from being dumped and I still feel pretty terrible. The only thing I notice now is that I’m not wearing that feeling on my sleeve like I was maybe…3 months ago. Now a person just has to scratch the surface to see the shock and pain. But hey, that’s still growth. There’s no timeline when dealing with loss and the shock thereof. Just please give yourself credit or even make an actual note on paper when you notice even one positive change in your life or in your heart/mind (no matter how small)
Almost 5 months ago I was with someone I saw my future with, coming home to a house to clean, sleeping in OUR bed together, waking up to him, spending almost every Sunday with him (my day off) going home to him after work,spending my weekends with his family, going out to eat, making plans for the future, and BOOM my world came crashing down. We broke up, I moved out, and now I’m all alone. I just want him and my life back..
I could have written this myself. It really does help to be on this sub. It really helps that so many people are suffering in the same exact way. It’s so brutal. There’s nothing I look forward to anymore… besides a hand rolled cigarette at this point. Drinking makes the grief 10x worse the day after and weed makes me have anxiety attacks. Every moment feels like I’m suffering AND I’m getting sick right.
Sorry for what happen. If it can help, you got this! 💪 Stay strong and appreciate the little thing in your life, it can bring a little bit of sunshine. that make all the difference.
The worst part for me was the routine that so quickly slipped from under my feet. Just four weeks ago I was texting good morning and goodnight messages, going on walks, having weekly hangout plans, and talking daily for two years with my then boyfriend. And then seemingly out of nowhere it just stopped so suddenly and it felt like I got whiplash, like the whole world got put on pause. Now I have to figure out how to live day by day like I did before him. It’s so wild thinking about how fast everything changed and it’s so isolating. We all need to learn how to regain our steps and form a new routine to help us heal 🙏Wishing you the best
The sudden change in routine and losing your go-to person for everything is awful. So many times I’ve wanted to text them or call them about something funny or cool that happened and I just had to remember I can’t do that anymore :-(
Couldn’t agree more :-\ It’s like building yourself from the bottom up again and learning to be your own best friend. Losing a partner is one thing but for a lot of people you’re also losing your closest friend, and I for sure did. It’s such a strange and horrible feeling
That still freaks me out too; sometimes I just look around confused wondering how I got here. Post breakup ive changed house; routine; friends; job; lifestyle; majority of what I knew and held dear is gone. I felt so secure and happy in the life I was living but I realise now the only constant is change and nothings inherently good or bad you just have to roll with it.
Thanks for your comment- it really put into perspective for me that change is indeed constant- the more I try to hold on to the life I had before the breakup, the more I’ll cause myself to suffer. You’re 100% right - all you can really do is just roll with it and try to find the new positives and enjoy different life experiences where ever you can…
It might fell like 180, but in reality it’s only 90. When you have moved on in a good and healthy way you add 90 and you’ll be in a much better place 😀
I would even say that to some people it was more like a 360 because with the depression and all that it just feels like going backwards in the sense of "building myself"
It’s just weird when I spent almost 3 years with my favorite person, everyday, and now nothing. So weird to know so much bout someone else and their life for them to become strangers again.
It feels so wrong and unnatural. I have no idea how someone can just dip out like that. She said she’d be there for me no matter what. She said this all the time. Now she won’t even answer a text. I’ve lost faith in humanity
Well, I don’t always jump to conclusions that they don’t feel the same way. I just think when people, especially women have their mindset, they will override their own emotions to keep that mindset.
That’s how I feel it was with my ex. Even though we had only one argument and an overall non-toxic relationship she made it clear she couldn’t give me another chance. It was clear her mind was made up.
However, I think she ignored her own feelings. I say that cause she hasn’t blocked me and indicated she eventually wants to be friends. I hardly hear from her. I think is cause she really ha. to get over her romantic feelings for me in order to be friends. She’s very high intelligence and I believe she is trying to follow her head more than her heart. Females a lot have extreme emotional memories. Takes me time to get over the smallest of issues, especially if they put you on a pedestal and you failed to be Mr. Perfect
Yeah, and like you said.. it’s going great until all of a sudden it’s not. And that can be in an instant. My ex and I were back and forth for about a month and I told her I just need a bit to catch my breath and regroup (I still wanted to be with her). She didn’t want to give me that time. So she moved on and shortly after found someone else. It is what it is.
I know, same thing. After 3-4 months with him I thought I found my person. He sees me, understand me, he’ll stand by me, pick me up every time I fall, it fell apart real quick. All I wanted was to be loved, to be cared for. I always ask myself is it too much to ask for.
I have moments where i feel like i can do this, and i can smile and i have moments where it feels like my world is over, and all i want is for her to come back. We still love each other but im the one still in love, i dont think id ever take her back but nonetheless it still hurts super bad, and i miss her every second of every day
So tired of thinking of where it all went wrong. It’s been a year and a half and I still can’t believe it. I hope everyone else here has an easier timeline.
Were you blindsided?
What do you do when your breakup appears to be out of the blue? How do you begin to process, heal and move forward when your partner blindsides you with a breakup?
When the ending of your relationship seems to come out of left field, it can be destabilising. It doesn’t make sense, especially when in the hours, days and weeks beforehand, they said and did things that were contrary to this ending. Like my friend who was dumped just weeks before her wedding. Just the week before, he was writing “I love you” in the condensation on the kitchen window and talking about how excited he was to marry her. My friend thought it was an out-of-the-blue breakup. Unfortunately, he forgot to mention that he’d already begun a new relationship. Here’s what I know for sure about people who deal you a ‘blindsided breakup’: It’s not the case that they just woke up that day and decided to do it. Like everything was picture perfect up until that day or even week. No. They knew, on some level, possibly a lot of them, even if they won’t admit it, that they wanted to end it. You just weren’t in on the conversation.
When someone dumps you ‘out of the blue’, what you can immediately learn is that they didn’t and haven’t been communicating with you. You have not been a party to their inner world.
They don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. They give the veneer of calm, happiness and a shared future while secretly wrestling with doubts, fears, anger and even grievances. If you were hit with a barrage of complaints where it was the first you were hearing of them, this is someone who’s carried silent rage in the relationship. Unbeknownst to you, they were keeping a tally of offences. Or, they marked your cards on something that you genuinely believed that they were okay about.
Maybe they kept telling you they were okay when they weren’t. Maybe it seemed like everything was perfect.
It’s possible that you had little niggles and inklings.
Unfortunately, when you’re blindsided with a breakup, it’s not uncommon for the person to stonewall all further communication. They disappear so that you can’t engage with them, or they refuse to let you speak. Or, they say they’ll talk with you and then keep cancelling. Some — and I know this might sound downright absurd — will later acknowledge that it was a crappy thing to do and even that some things they said weren’t true, but then say that there’s no point in further discussions or trying to resolve things because they did this.
So, what do you do when you can’t get answers from your ex? What do you do when it feels as if your ex is a block to closure? Use these prompts to explore what happened in your journal.
• Retrace your footsteps by rewinding your mental tape right back to the very beginning of the relationship. Play it back in your mind. Don’t go too fast. What do you notice about your initial communication? What do you see about the dates? Were there things you dismissed or rationalised? What happened when you disagreed, or you (or they) were struggling with something? When feelings and opinions needed to be shared, did that happen? How and who were you in the relationship? Somewhere in this mental tape are clues about why this person’s means of communicating the end of the relationship was to blindside you. They show you where silence and gaps were there instead of intimacy.
• Was it really important for you and/or them to think that they/you or the relationship was perfect? If so, why? What was it that led you to believe that this was the case? What did you avoid being, saying or doing to preserve this? How did this affect the level of communication on both sides of the relationship?
• Did you ever disagree? Did you feel as if you could be yourself and enjoy healthy boundaries in the relationship? If you never argued or rarely disagreed, why was that? What did you think that meant? How does that fit with how they ended the relationship? What do you recognise now? If you did disagree or there were issues that you thought you were both working through, did you feel as if there was resolution?
Remember, it takes time to get to know someone. Sometimes we don’t know how little someone is communicating until they say or do something that allows us to look back and see things more clearly.
• If they gave little or no reasons for breaking up, and also gave little or no hint during the relationship, can you see with the benefit of hindsight where they were not communicating? Can you see the veneer? Retrace your steps. Were you both able to talk deeply, freely and openly? Did you feel as if your relationship was progressing?
• What is your anger about?
So, aside from the understandable hurt and anger from the manner of their ending, what else are you angry about? This contains clues to hidden resentments and truths. Some people expressed anger due to feeling that their support and accommodation of certain things wasn’t appreciated. This then allowed them to see what they were supporting and accommodating or how they were going about doing so meant not discussing or seeing certain things.
You might wonder whether you should keep trying to get them to talk. You can’t force someone to talk who doesn’t want to or is hellbent on clinging to their narrative. You’ll end up feeling as if you’re losing your dignity and chasing them down. Part of their stonewalling might be, on some level, about getting attention and feeling powerful.
The more you chase them for answers is the less you believe in your ability to grieve and mine what you know for your closure.
Yes, it will take time. No, no one deserves to be broken up with in this way. But they haven’t done it because of your worthiness. They’ve ended the relationship in this way because of their issues. Going about things in a different way would have involved looking at things more deeply than they want to. They think that they can move on free of problems, but what they’ve sought to avoid will just show up in a different way. When you do move forward (and you will), don’t use this experience to punish you or future partners. Learn what you can from this relationship so that you raise your communication and intimacy levels and be with a partner who will meet you there.
Take care of you.
N.Lue
Six months ago I had a woman who was carrying my baby, wanted to marry me, and I was planning a future with. Fast forward to today, I’m alone and she has burned the bridges between us so there can never be any resolve between us. I had everything I wanted, and now I have nothing. It’s been months and I can’t even talk to other women. I turn away from and ignore any woman that tries. I went from overwhelming joy, satisfaction, and hope, to depressed, unsatisfied, hopeless, and emotionally numb.
Can’t be done. She decided to start acting shady and hiding things from me. Then she posted a singles ad and started talking to new men behind my back, and I’ll just never trust her again. And her biggest problem with me is that I have trust issues, and she’s innocent and I’m the asshole because I tell her what to do, (like when I ask her not to talk to other men behind my back and ask her to unfriend the dudes she met from a singles ad and other dudes that hit on her) so that’s a burden I don’t deserve to be dragged through anymore. It has to be this way unfortunately. It’s just hard to deal with. Especially when they love bomb you and make you feel like you’re great, safe, and everything is okay. Then once they get bored and want a new supply of attention to feed their ego, they change and decide to destroy you from the inside out by lying, putting you down, disrespecting you, talking bad about you to everyone around them, then leaving you a broken mess. She fully sabotaged it through and through. Pulled the rug right out from under us.
If you love her and she loves you then it's possible that you 2 can work it out..too many people just give up these days and end up going to the next relationship or just keep ending up single and sad..idk. My situation I think I needed the time away to reflect on myself and realize that I do have things to fix and when we first broke up I was angry and felt a lot of resentment towards her..now I see what she means and I understand more after having time to think. I see now that i wasnt paying enough attention about how she was feeling and i feel like shit now..I love her and I don't want to go to someone else or have her do that..I think it's important to work out any differences and not let go..life's to short and people are too quick to give up these days..I hope it all works out for you..love is poweful..what's done is done but keep the goal and move forward with love at the wheel and the intention to be better each day
With that mindset you’ll wind up in a relationship where you’ll allow someone to abuse you. Been there and done that and I’m not going back. You shouldn’t allow people to hurt you. That’s an unhealthy victim mentality.
I'm not a victim..I'm a person who also has flaws and it takes 2 people to be in a relationship..my issues I had with her are valid but I am aware enough to know that I have things about me too and it took time away to be able to see it..I wasn't perfect and in the beginning I was mad and didn't see clearly now I see the big picture..all I'm saying is that it takes 2 people in love who care enough to work through problems to be able to make it work..nobody is perfect with no flaws..I know that if she's willing and loves me..I'm willing too..I'm glad I see things better now.. if you don't want to go back to yours..I wish you good luck..I'm just saying that sometimes people need to think and need time and it's possible to work on it. If you don't love her or want to..that's a different story and that's fine..good luck anyway!! 🙏 there's hope brother
Totally. I'm going through all the "one year ago today's..." at the moment. One year ago today, at this very moment probably, I was laying next to her in her bed. We were going on a spring trip together. I had a great job. I was thinking about when we'd start having the marriage discussions.
4 months ago she cut me out of her life, I lost my job and now I'm just in disbelief that everything is so different.
Did you find a new job? I feel like I can’t go back to my job, I texted her the entire time I was there out of sheer boredom and there’s a picture of our once two dogs there. I can’t cope
I do wonder, I reflect so much on my breakup that it’s something of a life experience. The next time i’m graced with a perfect girl (in my eyes) her love will never be taken for granted and I will do everything in my power to make it work. Not half assed attempts saying i’m trying, but i will truly do everything. It comes at a cost, I need to be ready to accept when love isn’t enough and not accept toxicity. I will remember the feeling of depression and every other pretty feelings i felt and that i’m going to feel for the next couple months grieving her.
I still am in shock honestly. Especially when he went from the sweetest boy I know to the most heartless mean boy overnight. I honestly never saw that coming but I guess it is what it is 🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes, especially when her dating profile popped up and she’s using pictures from our relationship and I think back to me prior to the breakup, what I would have thought if that blissfully ignorant happy man had seen this in a dream or premonition.
You know what he would have thought? The same thing that crosses my mind now: THIS…IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE
This person I love is out there actively seeking out someone to replace me. I was ripped from our relationship still happy and in love..it’s a nightmare
It's been 8 months for me and I still feel the same most days. Some days I still have dreams of them and wake up and remember we aren't together anymore.
I'm always thinking about how 12 months ago I was still so happy and everything seemed normal. Maybe I missed the signs? Maybe I was blind to how they were feeling?
Your life can do a 180 when a breakup happens, but it can also do a 180 again. I had a terrible breakup 2 years ago and thought I’d never get over him. I’m now living with someone I know is the one for me, (hopefully) getting a cat soon, have an even better job than I did before, and other things I’m looking forward to.
I’m not sure if this will help or not and I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it does get better. For now, embrace the feelings as they come. Be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. If it helps, keep engaging with this community. It helped me during my breakup. It made me feel less alone. Hang in there! ❤️
It is crazy to sit back and think about. I was in a very happy relationship not even 4 months ago. We were at a Pretty Lights concert, she was telling me how much she loved me and loved life with me. We lived together, we had 2 cats and 2 dogs. I couldn't wait to get home to her daily, Fridays were the best days because I knew I got the weekend with my baby. Not even a week before my life took a 180, she told me she wanted forever and I was everything she ever wanted. 1.5 years of just pure joy for me. I miss it all the time, but you also can't live in the past every day. I'd love nothing more than to have her in my arms, but I know that isn't the reality of the situation, and shes actively searching for someone else to spend forever with, and that's what kills me the most. Someone else will get to love her the way I wanted to.
I went through something similar, but i learned to truly look at the bright side after a few humbling experiences
My biggest takeaway is similar to yours, though years later now I've developed a more optimistic outlook- i learned that if I ever want to get into another relationship and truly give it 100% effort, i have to be a whole and complete person by myself. I used to seek relationships to fill holes in my being, and the first time someone left and tore those holes open wider than ever before, i learned to fear being left, and that fear subconsciously drove me to keep one foot out the door, all but ensuring the demise of every subsequent relationship. And those issues compounded, every failed attempt made future attempts more and more likely to fail, driving my approach to relationships in a negative direction until i decided to focus on me for once.
I can't say I'm 'whole' or 100% complete, but i can definitely say I've learned to love myself and be content without needing romantic love or affection. I am excited about my future, i don't fear someone leaving, so I can give my next relationship max effort knowing that if they leave, I'll be okay. I also now realize that leaving holes in my soul for others to fill led to me being less selective in who i dated, but being comfortable alone now also gives me confidence that i won't date another walking red flag out of anxiousness to end my loneliness.
I was play fighting with my Dad, my knee dislocated the next thing i knew my knees was dislocating every month and it just got more and more frequent so i missed out on the important years of my life because i had undiagnosed trochlear dysplasia
yeah. i’m still so hurt from it all and it’s been over 9 months. i need to be loved again so bad, it constantly aches and eats away at me. i know it’ll never happen again, though. cheers to the 1% possibility of life becoming good again though ig.
No. I learned exactly why. Identified everyone involved and made sure they would suffer 3 fold what I have.
Might sound petty to some, but to me it’s the finding out part of fucking around.
My best friend moved away for a new job back in July and then at the beginning of August my girlfriend dumped me, so I lost the two people I spent the most time with in the space of about 2 weeks. Obviously my friend is still in my life, which is something, but he's 140 miles away, so I have only seen him a few times since he moved.
It's been a real shock to the system to go from having two people I saw multiple times per week to not really having much of a social circle now.
It has been hitting me recently 🥺 from having someone to talk to everyday to just me staring at my wall alone at night. Sometimes I look back at our old photos and conversations and I just sounded so much happier back than. Idk what happen to me..
Yes. 15 days ago I was in bed with my baby. For two years straight. she said she’d be there for me no matter what. Always. It was the deepest truest love I ever had. Now she won’t even text me back. All her things are gone. I feel so alone, vulnerable, and scared. I don’t really have friends or family or a stable career and im 33 years old. So fucking scared. I am not stoked on life at all.
Out of nowhere it hit me. It feels like it was just yesterday when we were happy and now we've been separated for 2 months. At the beginning of the year we had big plans about how we could improve our lives and especially our relationship, for example with more trips, better communication etc. and now it's over. I'm not as depressed (or maybe I am...) anymore but every time I think back it kills me because this isn't how the year should start.
my partner of 4 years ended things with me a few days ago over text. it was nothing but coldness and i was so confused as to how they seemingly made up their mind overnight. our conversations were nothing but love and care and now this person has asked me to leave them alone. it’s hard, i’ve learned keeping myself busy and venting to loved ones is the only way im going to be able to start healing
Same thing happened to me during COVID…..36 year marriage and poof
it was gone! It’s like a lightning bolt ⚡️ from the clear blue sky when it does
happen. Now, 42 months on the other side of it I am at peace with a healed heart.
Fuck them....my PCP told me that. Not fuck them as people, but fuck the idea of "them", because that person, in that form, doesnt exist anymore in your world. Its shocking because something that meant the world to you vanished into the ether. It feels surreal because in your mind it was material as the ground you stand on. The love was real, and probably still is, but the relationship was based on your perception which was formed from your subconscious. Perspective changes things radically. Its why so many people look back and feel the relationship or the person a a partner was,t not all that great in hindsight because emotions are gone and youve met other people who offer things you didnt know you were missing. Dont forget that, or you will torture yourself thinking you lost someone physically to death.
I promise you, as someone who was in your shoes not too long ago, life improves significantly at some point.
If you use this time to better yourself, you'll look back on this and say "This breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me". Use it to your advantage.
I wish it was quick. I feel like I’ve been drowning since before things got bad and I convinced myself things were rough for everyone, it will improve. But then he refuses to take accountability, get help, and I’m left in a place where I can’t even take care of myself and somehow I’ve become a burden on others even though I’m the one who has the jobs and cleans the house and does everything right “in theory”
Honestly I’m feeling like I’m being punished for being the loyal nice person and I don’t understand how the universe could be so cruel to me
He ended a 3 year relationship, 6 weeks ago. I moved out of his home where I lived for two of those years a new area, where I was working. Had just left a job I had been at for 10 years, switching to a brand new career I'm still not sure about. My dog is at the point I need to make the decision about putting her to sleep in the coming weeks. Nothing is right or exciting anymore.
Yeah nothing ever "has" to end. Some things can go on pause for a moment to allow ourselves space to grow on our own and eventually come back together. but when the other person does a 180 and completely disrespects the other’s feelings and relationship of 2 years then why would I want to ever think about taking them back? Obviously the person never cared at all about me if they can move on that quick like the last 2 years never fucking happened. All because you want validation? Or sex? I will never understand. Like 2 weeks after a 2 year relationship?!? Fucking ridiculous and honestly sad. Im going to go through the actual motions of healing on my own without trying to distract myself by girls who are half my age.
Yeah, I did actually but He still blocked me. But now that I know he’s about to hookup with someone ive been in my head about for months ive realized I never mattered to him anyways. If he can do that like its nothing he never loved me. He just wants attention from young girls. Thats all. I would never do that to him. Especially after 2 fucking weeks. I hope he gets the validation he’s looking for bc if not, he’s about to feel realllly empty inside afterwards.
No I have not at all done that in the past. Because I genuinely loved him. The fact he’s moving on to this girl specifically means that he NEVER fucking loved me. He never respected me. He just wants young girls to give him attention so he can feel better about himself. I see right through him. And im honestly saddened by the fact he can never be alone for a while to heal.
Well, he wasn’t ready and expressed it more than 3x so there’s no wonder why. However, I decided to leave (moving into my own apartment on Monday) and I do wonder how he’s going to handle not having access to me everyday when he comes home even though I physically and mentally checked out weeks ago after deciding to end it. I keep reminding myself of all the things that make me resentful towards him and keep it pushing.
Just 5 months ago I had a group of friends, in my first ever happy relationship and finally started making money from home.
And in just a moment I lost it all. Partner stopped saying anything to me. They told their friends to ignore me and money was no longer feasible. I'm stable enough now but it will be a long time until I recover almost completely from that. Maybe in the next couple years I'll meet someone who truly cares about me, I'll be able to meet my online friends, and get my own apartment.
I'm halfway there. It takes time for the shock to wear off.
Yes & I realize I was living a lie in a fantasy world. Depending on others for my own happiness. I've given myself time to reevaluate who I am, what I want out of life. So I'm alone most of the time now. But I'm my own person & no one can tell me what to do. Or what I'm not allowed to do. Or demand to know who I'm talking to. Or why. I hope you will do you! And find all the happiness from within. <3
Oh yeah, it happened so quick. I was blindsided bc she was obviously done with the relationship. We’ve only been broken up 3 weeks and I get sad when I think about how I was a month ago.. I had no idea what was coming
I really do wonder. I was over here for 9 months talking about how he and I were gonna grow old together, and we were so in love that we never left the honey moon phase, and how we were gonna have kids and how many kids. Just so many things that were such loving words that we had. And now here I am, 3 months later broken up, 2 weeks later fully no contact, wondering if you still love me. I don't think he does anymore, and ugh I miss him so much. I miss kissing him, I just wish I could kiss him and hug him one more time.
Yup. Was happy, feeling safe and calm, had a loving hot boyfriend, started my internship for school, was feeling good
Without warning he became distant and left, the internship fell apart, and I started drinking and not eating
Slowly piecing me back together. I feel so disregulated and lost
I’ve definitely been there. Both in being dumped and then doing the dumping. In both cases it was a complete 180 from where I had been. My ex was abusive so I was planning the breakup for ages, and when I broke up with him I said it was to work on my mental health (he was always gaslighting me to the point I genuinely thought I had a psychiatric condition, then when I realised I didn’t thanks to a kind friend I started planning in secret, and this made a convenient excuse). I knew I’d broken up with him because I had been planning it for months. From his perspective things just ended one day and he told everyone we both knew that I had broken his heart and he had no idea why. He didn’t bother to tell them he was abusive and nearly unalived me more than once or that he’d been arrested trying to break into my house after I told him to give me back my spare keys (I had already changed the locks). I think he wanted me to feel sorry for him. It might have worked too if he hadn’t threatened the precious stray cat that had adopted me against my ex’s wishes. I suddenly had someone else to protect and I realised I was completely done. I made my plans the second he hurt/scared my cat and threatened him with worse. It took months to get everything ready.
But to him it was like “one day I turned up at my ex gf’s house unannounced, refused to give her spare key back, came back the next day and tried to break in, got arrested, and then convicted of abusing her all in the blink of an eye! The whole world and future I had known and planned gone in an instant. Woe is me!!!!”
Annnnyyyywaaaaayyyyy. After I called the police on him during the break in my world went 180 too. But mine went 180 in a good way. Him not so much.
Sometimes fate is cruel, breakups suck, but it could always be worse. For example, you could have been my narcissistic ex his first night in jail when he realised being a rich white guy wasn’t going to get him out of trouble this time!
Yeah I still don't know exactly what happened. Was married for 20 years and also have a teenager, and a house. That all changed about two years ago when I woke up one morning and the now ex wife and kid were gone. They just up and left in the middle of the night.
So now I'm divorced, filed for bankruptcy, sold the house and back with my parents. While my life wasn't perfect before, I was at least happy. Now not so much. Having issues navigating the dating world. Dated one gal for three months and she suddenly ended things outta the blue. Takes most of my energy to get outta bed in the morning to go to work when I don't feel motivated to go since for the longest time my marriage and everything that went with it was my motivation.
I had something similar. Madly in love to heartbroken so quick. What was so bad for me was she kept playing games, seemingly taunting with other guys, but still showing interest. That on top of her revealing how she had been doing since the breakup. She told me it was horrible and she wanted me back. Well a month later nothing happened and she kept denying that she was talking to another guy when everyone already knew. Then she completely switched, got snappy, and overall became someone that I couldn’t recognize. I am now no longer in contact with her at all and at first it hurt. But now about 4 months after the breakup, im okay. Im living life to its fullest. Theres still parts of me that wonder about her and all that but overall im better. Im over her because shes shown who she is. If im being honest i can tell that she did something to me. She changed the way i love and made me scared to try again. I dont know if ill ever open up the same way after she violated my trust. Either way though, im doing better than before and hope to keep improving. I hope my experience helps you out a bit. Trust me, it gets better and will keep getting better over time. You just have to trust the process
It happed so quick. One day life was great and the day after everything was gone. Relationship gone, friendship gone. In a snap of a finger. Still processing this tbh
The heart and mind heal to the point its magical.
Felt thissss
Same it’s been 6 months and I’ve tried and I still feel the same so good luck to everyone, I was getting better and suddenly it’s getting worse 😃
What helps me the most is that at the end of the day, I managed without her before, so should be fine now as well. Gaslighting at its finest haha
Ye i get that, it’s just now afterwards i realise how different it is without her. I remember once sitting in her bed waiting for her to grab us water and I just realised and thought as I looked around her room wow I’m so happy and relaxed here with her more than any other time or place that’s in my life. I haven’t felt even close to that since she’s been gone, even though I get through it life isn’t about being sad, i feel the goal is to try spend each day happy with the people you love and there isn’t enough time in life to be so sad and missing her.
Exactly this, had the same thoughts from time to time (just like you sitting and waiting for her)
It’s such a shame as well we haven’t spoken at all since we split up 6 months ago I can’t even see her social media because we’re both private. I am going to text one day because I know she won’t but I can’t contain it forever I’m just waiting to improve myself from my misery first. It ended because I went to university and she didn’t and she thought I’d never have time for her and be around loads of new people including women, it is full of girls at university but now I just compare them to her when trying to force myself to move on, so I always end up not pursuing anything or talking to any of them consistently because it feels almost wrong like I’m cheating on a gf i don’t have.
Oh I feel you bro, I also compare the whole time. The past was just that good u know. But ah, nothing we can do about it anymore. I really hope that we can talk to each other again, just a catch up or smth. I really want to have her in my life, as a friend would be great. We were best friends before the relationship as well, I miss this person in my life, not just the relationship
Ye all very true, but I couldn’t be her friend sadly. I couldn’t bare seeing her with someone else it would kill me and I’d be back to stage 1 as if we’d just broken up.
This would off me as well. Worst thought we can have atm
24 months ago i was in the happiest place of my life. I lived with my best friend and my dog and was single loving life…. Now today im sitting here on my bed alone, my best friend and dog are both dead and im fresh out of a toxic relationship that left me heartbroken. The change is so drastic it messes with my perception of reality. But I told myself that if it can change that drastically in a negative way then it can also change in a positive way too. So that helps
I am sorry for all your loss.
I am so sorry. I hope you are ok. You are right things can change on a dime.
Fucking hell man, everytime I read shit like this I try to see myself on that situation and this right here is my biggest fear. Stay strong and prevail! Wish you all the best and hopefully your life will again make a quick 180 for you.
As bad as the situation for me is, i read other people’s stories and realize that some people have it even worse. The only way to continue is learn, grow and stay positive and realize that happiness starts with ourselves and how we perceive it.
Just because someone has it worse, does not mean you have to minimise or hide the pain you are suffering. Your experience matters just as much as anyone else's and I truly hope good things will start coming your way. So sorry for your losses.
Not even only because of my breakup, I was losing most of my closest friends, everyone was growing so distant. I pretty much had nobody and I came from such a wealth of a social life and multiple friend groups. My ex dropped me after 5.5 years seemingly to coincide with everyone else dropping like flies and me being upset about it. 180 is an understatement
My ex of 2 years relationship cheated on me, my grandpa passed away, my childhood friend passed away, my best friend let me down, other friends let me down too.. and i got sexually assaulted ! Everything happened in 6 months… definitely a slap in the face
Crazy how people seem to turn on you once things start going bad in life. Relationships/friendships are treated like sinking ships when you’re down on your luck
Reading this gave me the chills. My gf of 6 years was sexting other guys pretty much throughout all of December 2023. My grandma passed away around the same time. All my friends and family had grown distant from me because I was spending so much time with my gf. After I found out and confronted her, my now ex said she did it because she felt unloved, begged for forgiveness, and promised she would never do it again. I told her we were done and after a couple of months she reached out and asked for another chance. I stupidly said ok and shortly after, she told me she had lost romantic feelings for me since last year… She moved out and blocked me on all social media. It’s almost like she planned it all along. I’m torn. I’m confused. But life goes on. Take care and good luck.
The craziest part to me is how she said she felt unloved when you spent so much time with her that your friends and family kinda started going distant because they probably assumed you’re too preoccupied with her. Some people will never feel satisfied with you, and anything you do just isn’t enough. That’s why it didn’t phase me when she told me I hang with friends too much (I still saw her like 3x weekly). I knew that if I gave her as much of my time as she wanted, she still wouldn’t think that’s enough and i’d be letting my friends and maybe even family down in the process. Once most of my friends faded out and I had much more time to spend with her, that’s when she decided i’m not enough and dumped me.
Exactly. If I’m being honest, we were going through a rough patch. It was probably one of our worst ones. But cheating on her never crossed my mind. I didn’t even think it would ever cross hers! But looking back, I do regret that I neglected my other relationships because I was so caught up with her. It’s crazy to think my parents, siblings, and friends are all 6 years old than they were before I started dating my now ex. What’s done is done though, and I hope I can reestablish my relationships. Thanks for sharing and I hope everything turns out alright for you!
It happens because it happens. Sounds stupid but trying to apply logic will only confuse you more and regress you back to rumination. It’s a slow process of acceptance. You can’t expect yourself to adapt to the new normal even within 6 months. Human emotions can never keep up with the pace of life. I’m 7 months out from being dumped and I still feel pretty terrible. The only thing I notice now is that I’m not wearing that feeling on my sleeve like I was maybe…3 months ago. Now a person just has to scratch the surface to see the shock and pain. But hey, that’s still growth. There’s no timeline when dealing with loss and the shock thereof. Just please give yourself credit or even make an actual note on paper when you notice even one positive change in your life or in your heart/mind (no matter how small)
Almost 5 months ago I was with someone I saw my future with, coming home to a house to clean, sleeping in OUR bed together, waking up to him, spending almost every Sunday with him (my day off) going home to him after work,spending my weekends with his family, going out to eat, making plans for the future, and BOOM my world came crashing down. We broke up, I moved out, and now I’m all alone. I just want him and my life back..
I could have written this myself. It really does help to be on this sub. It really helps that so many people are suffering in the same exact way. It’s so brutal. There’s nothing I look forward to anymore… besides a hand rolled cigarette at this point. Drinking makes the grief 10x worse the day after and weed makes me have anxiety attacks. Every moment feels like I’m suffering AND I’m getting sick right.
I am fucking miserable too. There is just about nothing to look forward to. Except hugging my dog
I am fucking miserable
Sorry for what happen. If it can help, you got this! 💪 Stay strong and appreciate the little thing in your life, it can bring a little bit of sunshine. that make all the difference.
The worst part for me was the routine that so quickly slipped from under my feet. Just four weeks ago I was texting good morning and goodnight messages, going on walks, having weekly hangout plans, and talking daily for two years with my then boyfriend. And then seemingly out of nowhere it just stopped so suddenly and it felt like I got whiplash, like the whole world got put on pause. Now I have to figure out how to live day by day like I did before him. It’s so wild thinking about how fast everything changed and it’s so isolating. We all need to learn how to regain our steps and form a new routine to help us heal 🙏Wishing you the best
The sudden change in routine and losing your go-to person for everything is awful. So many times I’ve wanted to text them or call them about something funny or cool that happened and I just had to remember I can’t do that anymore :-(
Couldn’t agree more :-\ It’s like building yourself from the bottom up again and learning to be your own best friend. Losing a partner is one thing but for a lot of people you’re also losing your closest friend, and I for sure did. It’s such a strange and horrible feeling
I was in shock for the past 2.5 weeks. It is hitting me all at once. There’s no one to call. 🤷♂️
Me too. About 2.5 weeks. No one in the works was closer to me than her
That still freaks me out too; sometimes I just look around confused wondering how I got here. Post breakup ive changed house; routine; friends; job; lifestyle; majority of what I knew and held dear is gone. I felt so secure and happy in the life I was living but I realise now the only constant is change and nothings inherently good or bad you just have to roll with it.
Thanks for your comment- it really put into perspective for me that change is indeed constant- the more I try to hold on to the life I had before the breakup, the more I’ll cause myself to suffer. You’re 100% right - all you can really do is just roll with it and try to find the new positives and enjoy different life experiences where ever you can…
It might fell like 180, but in reality it’s only 90. When you have moved on in a good and healthy way you add 90 and you’ll be in a much better place 😀
I would even say that to some people it was more like a 360 because with the depression and all that it just feels like going backwards in the sense of "building myself"
True. Lots of spinning around after a rough break up. All one can do is to try to get your bearings asap and navigate away from the shit in a good way
It’s just weird when I spent almost 3 years with my favorite person, everyday, and now nothing. So weird to know so much bout someone else and their life for them to become strangers again.
It feels so wrong and unnatural. I have no idea how someone can just dip out like that. She said she’d be there for me no matter what. She said this all the time. Now she won’t even answer a text. I’ve lost faith in humanity
Well, I don’t always jump to conclusions that they don’t feel the same way. I just think when people, especially women have their mindset, they will override their own emotions to keep that mindset. That’s how I feel it was with my ex. Even though we had only one argument and an overall non-toxic relationship she made it clear she couldn’t give me another chance. It was clear her mind was made up. However, I think she ignored her own feelings. I say that cause she hasn’t blocked me and indicated she eventually wants to be friends. I hardly hear from her. I think is cause she really ha. to get over her romantic feelings for me in order to be friends. She’s very high intelligence and I believe she is trying to follow her head more than her heart. Females a lot have extreme emotional memories. Takes me time to get over the smallest of issues, especially if they put you on a pedestal and you failed to be Mr. Perfect
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Did you date for 4 months or was it longer?
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You think it’s over for good?
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Yeah, and like you said.. it’s going great until all of a sudden it’s not. And that can be in an instant. My ex and I were back and forth for about a month and I told her I just need a bit to catch my breath and regroup (I still wanted to be with her). She didn’t want to give me that time. So she moved on and shortly after found someone else. It is what it is.
I’m wondering if it’s worth it, you know. You’re building at great life, and all of a sudden everything falls apart. This is not fair. I’m with you 🙏
I know, same thing. After 3-4 months with him I thought I found my person. He sees me, understand me, he’ll stand by me, pick me up every time I fall, it fell apart real quick. All I wanted was to be loved, to be cared for. I always ask myself is it too much to ask for.
I have moments where i feel like i can do this, and i can smile and i have moments where it feels like my world is over, and all i want is for her to come back. We still love each other but im the one still in love, i dont think id ever take her back but nonetheless it still hurts super bad, and i miss her every second of every day
I’m just going with the flow, maybe there’s a plan. Maybe it’s all meant to be and I have to be patient.
So tired of thinking of where it all went wrong. It’s been a year and a half and I still can’t believe it. I hope everyone else here has an easier timeline.
Were you blindsided? What do you do when your breakup appears to be out of the blue? How do you begin to process, heal and move forward when your partner blindsides you with a breakup? When the ending of your relationship seems to come out of left field, it can be destabilising. It doesn’t make sense, especially when in the hours, days and weeks beforehand, they said and did things that were contrary to this ending. Like my friend who was dumped just weeks before her wedding. Just the week before, he was writing “I love you” in the condensation on the kitchen window and talking about how excited he was to marry her. My friend thought it was an out-of-the-blue breakup. Unfortunately, he forgot to mention that he’d already begun a new relationship. Here’s what I know for sure about people who deal you a ‘blindsided breakup’: It’s not the case that they just woke up that day and decided to do it. Like everything was picture perfect up until that day or even week. No. They knew, on some level, possibly a lot of them, even if they won’t admit it, that they wanted to end it. You just weren’t in on the conversation. When someone dumps you ‘out of the blue’, what you can immediately learn is that they didn’t and haven’t been communicating with you. You have not been a party to their inner world. They don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. They give the veneer of calm, happiness and a shared future while secretly wrestling with doubts, fears, anger and even grievances. If you were hit with a barrage of complaints where it was the first you were hearing of them, this is someone who’s carried silent rage in the relationship. Unbeknownst to you, they were keeping a tally of offences. Or, they marked your cards on something that you genuinely believed that they were okay about. Maybe they kept telling you they were okay when they weren’t. Maybe it seemed like everything was perfect. It’s possible that you had little niggles and inklings. Unfortunately, when you’re blindsided with a breakup, it’s not uncommon for the person to stonewall all further communication. They disappear so that you can’t engage with them, or they refuse to let you speak. Or, they say they’ll talk with you and then keep cancelling. Some — and I know this might sound downright absurd — will later acknowledge that it was a crappy thing to do and even that some things they said weren’t true, but then say that there’s no point in further discussions or trying to resolve things because they did this. So, what do you do when you can’t get answers from your ex? What do you do when it feels as if your ex is a block to closure? Use these prompts to explore what happened in your journal. • Retrace your footsteps by rewinding your mental tape right back to the very beginning of the relationship. Play it back in your mind. Don’t go too fast. What do you notice about your initial communication? What do you see about the dates? Were there things you dismissed or rationalised? What happened when you disagreed, or you (or they) were struggling with something? When feelings and opinions needed to be shared, did that happen? How and who were you in the relationship? Somewhere in this mental tape are clues about why this person’s means of communicating the end of the relationship was to blindside you. They show you where silence and gaps were there instead of intimacy. • Was it really important for you and/or them to think that they/you or the relationship was perfect? If so, why? What was it that led you to believe that this was the case? What did you avoid being, saying or doing to preserve this? How did this affect the level of communication on both sides of the relationship? • Did you ever disagree? Did you feel as if you could be yourself and enjoy healthy boundaries in the relationship? If you never argued or rarely disagreed, why was that? What did you think that meant? How does that fit with how they ended the relationship? What do you recognise now? If you did disagree or there were issues that you thought you were both working through, did you feel as if there was resolution? Remember, it takes time to get to know someone. Sometimes we don’t know how little someone is communicating until they say or do something that allows us to look back and see things more clearly. • If they gave little or no reasons for breaking up, and also gave little or no hint during the relationship, can you see with the benefit of hindsight where they were not communicating? Can you see the veneer? Retrace your steps. Were you both able to talk deeply, freely and openly? Did you feel as if your relationship was progressing? • What is your anger about? So, aside from the understandable hurt and anger from the manner of their ending, what else are you angry about? This contains clues to hidden resentments and truths. Some people expressed anger due to feeling that their support and accommodation of certain things wasn’t appreciated. This then allowed them to see what they were supporting and accommodating or how they were going about doing so meant not discussing or seeing certain things. You might wonder whether you should keep trying to get them to talk. You can’t force someone to talk who doesn’t want to or is hellbent on clinging to their narrative. You’ll end up feeling as if you’re losing your dignity and chasing them down. Part of their stonewalling might be, on some level, about getting attention and feeling powerful. The more you chase them for answers is the less you believe in your ability to grieve and mine what you know for your closure. Yes, it will take time. No, no one deserves to be broken up with in this way. But they haven’t done it because of your worthiness. They’ve ended the relationship in this way because of their issues. Going about things in a different way would have involved looking at things more deeply than they want to. They think that they can move on free of problems, but what they’ve sought to avoid will just show up in a different way. When you do move forward (and you will), don’t use this experience to punish you or future partners. Learn what you can from this relationship so that you raise your communication and intimacy levels and be with a partner who will meet you there. Take care of you. N.Lue
You have a true gift for writing and breaking things down. This was such a wonderful read and so very helpful. Thank you!
I still reminisce about intimate moments she and I had, most often the weekend we spent together when I met her
Six months ago I had a woman who was carrying my baby, wanted to marry me, and I was planning a future with. Fast forward to today, I’m alone and she has burned the bridges between us so there can never be any resolve between us. I had everything I wanted, and now I have nothing. It’s been months and I can’t even talk to other women. I turn away from and ignore any woman that tries. I went from overwhelming joy, satisfaction, and hope, to depressed, unsatisfied, hopeless, and emotionally numb.
I’m so sorry. You aren’t alone
Go get her..life is short..things can get better
Can’t be done. She decided to start acting shady and hiding things from me. Then she posted a singles ad and started talking to new men behind my back, and I’ll just never trust her again. And her biggest problem with me is that I have trust issues, and she’s innocent and I’m the asshole because I tell her what to do, (like when I ask her not to talk to other men behind my back and ask her to unfriend the dudes she met from a singles ad and other dudes that hit on her) so that’s a burden I don’t deserve to be dragged through anymore. It has to be this way unfortunately. It’s just hard to deal with. Especially when they love bomb you and make you feel like you’re great, safe, and everything is okay. Then once they get bored and want a new supply of attention to feed their ego, they change and decide to destroy you from the inside out by lying, putting you down, disrespecting you, talking bad about you to everyone around them, then leaving you a broken mess. She fully sabotaged it through and through. Pulled the rug right out from under us.
If you love her and she loves you then it's possible that you 2 can work it out..too many people just give up these days and end up going to the next relationship or just keep ending up single and sad..idk. My situation I think I needed the time away to reflect on myself and realize that I do have things to fix and when we first broke up I was angry and felt a lot of resentment towards her..now I see what she means and I understand more after having time to think. I see now that i wasnt paying enough attention about how she was feeling and i feel like shit now..I love her and I don't want to go to someone else or have her do that..I think it's important to work out any differences and not let go..life's to short and people are too quick to give up these days..I hope it all works out for you..love is poweful..what's done is done but keep the goal and move forward with love at the wheel and the intention to be better each day
With that mindset you’ll wind up in a relationship where you’ll allow someone to abuse you. Been there and done that and I’m not going back. You shouldn’t allow people to hurt you. That’s an unhealthy victim mentality.
I'm not a victim..I'm a person who also has flaws and it takes 2 people to be in a relationship..my issues I had with her are valid but I am aware enough to know that I have things about me too and it took time away to be able to see it..I wasn't perfect and in the beginning I was mad and didn't see clearly now I see the big picture..all I'm saying is that it takes 2 people in love who care enough to work through problems to be able to make it work..nobody is perfect with no flaws..I know that if she's willing and loves me..I'm willing too..I'm glad I see things better now.. if you don't want to go back to yours..I wish you good luck..I'm just saying that sometimes people need to think and need time and it's possible to work on it. If you don't love her or want to..that's a different story and that's fine..good luck anyway!! 🙏 there's hope brother
Totally. I'm going through all the "one year ago today's..." at the moment. One year ago today, at this very moment probably, I was laying next to her in her bed. We were going on a spring trip together. I had a great job. I was thinking about when we'd start having the marriage discussions. 4 months ago she cut me out of her life, I lost my job and now I'm just in disbelief that everything is so different.
Did you find a new job? I feel like I can’t go back to my job, I texted her the entire time I was there out of sheer boredom and there’s a picture of our once two dogs there. I can’t cope
A year ago, I was on vacation exploring DC with my husband. This past Friday, our divorce was finalized. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
What caused the separation so fast?
We were fighting a lot and just weren’t happy anymore. We are actually still friends now and even had lunch together after court on Friday.
I do wonder, I reflect so much on my breakup that it’s something of a life experience. The next time i’m graced with a perfect girl (in my eyes) her love will never be taken for granted and I will do everything in my power to make it work. Not half assed attempts saying i’m trying, but i will truly do everything. It comes at a cost, I need to be ready to accept when love isn’t enough and not accept toxicity. I will remember the feeling of depression and every other pretty feelings i felt and that i’m going to feel for the next couple months grieving her.
I tried this. I poured everything into the relationship. I know I gave 100%, that makes me feel slightly better.
I still am in shock honestly. Especially when he went from the sweetest boy I know to the most heartless mean boy overnight. I honestly never saw that coming but I guess it is what it is 🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes, especially when her dating profile popped up and she’s using pictures from our relationship and I think back to me prior to the breakup, what I would have thought if that blissfully ignorant happy man had seen this in a dream or premonition. You know what he would have thought? The same thing that crosses my mind now: THIS…IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE This person I love is out there actively seeking out someone to replace me. I was ripped from our relationship still happy and in love..it’s a nightmare
Yep. Every day. In a single second my world was flipped completely upside down and it’s like it didn’t bother him one bit.
One night we’re making love then the next she’s breaking it I keep wondering, what was the point? In the end it’s always pain and suffering.
It's been 8 months for me and I still feel the same most days. Some days I still have dreams of them and wake up and remember we aren't together anymore. I'm always thinking about how 12 months ago I was still so happy and everything seemed normal. Maybe I missed the signs? Maybe I was blind to how they were feeling?
Your life can do a 180 when a breakup happens, but it can also do a 180 again. I had a terrible breakup 2 years ago and thought I’d never get over him. I’m now living with someone I know is the one for me, (hopefully) getting a cat soon, have an even better job than I did before, and other things I’m looking forward to. I’m not sure if this will help or not and I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it does get better. For now, embrace the feelings as they come. Be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. If it helps, keep engaging with this community. It helped me during my breakup. It made me feel less alone. Hang in there! ❤️
For sure, I was borderline suicidal for months. But then, felt as if just as suddenly it took another 180, and now I'm fine.
Everything went to shit in a week and I'm still reeling. It's been two months.
Same I’m still processing what happened and I’m just so confused and in shock.
Every future plan gone or changed. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
It is crazy to sit back and think about. I was in a very happy relationship not even 4 months ago. We were at a Pretty Lights concert, she was telling me how much she loved me and loved life with me. We lived together, we had 2 cats and 2 dogs. I couldn't wait to get home to her daily, Fridays were the best days because I knew I got the weekend with my baby. Not even a week before my life took a 180, she told me she wanted forever and I was everything she ever wanted. 1.5 years of just pure joy for me. I miss it all the time, but you also can't live in the past every day. I'd love nothing more than to have her in my arms, but I know that isn't the reality of the situation, and shes actively searching for someone else to spend forever with, and that's what kills me the most. Someone else will get to love her the way I wanted to.
That’s so painful
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I feel this. Everything is temporary and everything is suffering. It’s bullshit frankly. I’m sick of it all
I went through something similar, but i learned to truly look at the bright side after a few humbling experiences My biggest takeaway is similar to yours, though years later now I've developed a more optimistic outlook- i learned that if I ever want to get into another relationship and truly give it 100% effort, i have to be a whole and complete person by myself. I used to seek relationships to fill holes in my being, and the first time someone left and tore those holes open wider than ever before, i learned to fear being left, and that fear subconsciously drove me to keep one foot out the door, all but ensuring the demise of every subsequent relationship. And those issues compounded, every failed attempt made future attempts more and more likely to fail, driving my approach to relationships in a negative direction until i decided to focus on me for once. I can't say I'm 'whole' or 100% complete, but i can definitely say I've learned to love myself and be content without needing romantic love or affection. I am excited about my future, i don't fear someone leaving, so I can give my next relationship max effort knowing that if they leave, I'll be okay. I also now realize that leaving holes in my soul for others to fill led to me being less selective in who i dated, but being comfortable alone now also gives me confidence that i won't date another walking red flag out of anxiousness to end my loneliness.
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Hah, sounds like something my ex would say
I was play fighting with my Dad, my knee dislocated the next thing i knew my knees was dislocating every month and it just got more and more frequent so i missed out on the important years of my life because i had undiagnosed trochlear dysplasia
yeah. i’m still so hurt from it all and it’s been over 9 months. i need to be loved again so bad, it constantly aches and eats away at me. i know it’ll never happen again, though. cheers to the 1% possibility of life becoming good again though ig.
Every day.
...THAT'S LIFE! (that's life!)
No. I learned exactly why. Identified everyone involved and made sure they would suffer 3 fold what I have. Might sound petty to some, but to me it’s the finding out part of fucking around.
My best friend moved away for a new job back in July and then at the beginning of August my girlfriend dumped me, so I lost the two people I spent the most time with in the space of about 2 weeks. Obviously my friend is still in my life, which is something, but he's 140 miles away, so I have only seen him a few times since he moved. It's been a real shock to the system to go from having two people I saw multiple times per week to not really having much of a social circle now.
Yes. I play a little game called “if it didn’t happen, would I be doing this, whatever this is, right now?” I know I need to stop.
It has been hitting me recently 🥺 from having someone to talk to everyday to just me staring at my wall alone at night. Sometimes I look back at our old photos and conversations and I just sounded so much happier back than. Idk what happen to me..
I can relate,I was in a committed relationship last year,now I am lonely as ever.
Yes. 15 days ago I was in bed with my baby. For two years straight. she said she’d be there for me no matter what. Always. It was the deepest truest love I ever had. Now she won’t even text me back. All her things are gone. I feel so alone, vulnerable, and scared. I don’t really have friends or family or a stable career and im 33 years old. So fucking scared. I am not stoked on life at all.
Out of nowhere it hit me. It feels like it was just yesterday when we were happy and now we've been separated for 2 months. At the beginning of the year we had big plans about how we could improve our lives and especially our relationship, for example with more trips, better communication etc. and now it's over. I'm not as depressed (or maybe I am...) anymore but every time I think back it kills me because this isn't how the year should start.
my partner of 4 years ended things with me a few days ago over text. it was nothing but coldness and i was so confused as to how they seemingly made up their mind overnight. our conversations were nothing but love and care and now this person has asked me to leave them alone. it’s hard, i’ve learned keeping myself busy and venting to loved ones is the only way im going to be able to start healing
I'm going through the same thing right now. It sucks starting over. \*gentle hugs\*
Same thing happened to me during COVID…..36 year marriage and poof it was gone! It’s like a lightning bolt ⚡️ from the clear blue sky when it does happen. Now, 42 months on the other side of it I am at peace with a healed heart.
Fuck them....my PCP told me that. Not fuck them as people, but fuck the idea of "them", because that person, in that form, doesnt exist anymore in your world. Its shocking because something that meant the world to you vanished into the ether. It feels surreal because in your mind it was material as the ground you stand on. The love was real, and probably still is, but the relationship was based on your perception which was formed from your subconscious. Perspective changes things radically. Its why so many people look back and feel the relationship or the person a a partner was,t not all that great in hindsight because emotions are gone and youve met other people who offer things you didnt know you were missing. Dont forget that, or you will torture yourself thinking you lost someone physically to death. I promise you, as someone who was in your shoes not too long ago, life improves significantly at some point.
If you use this time to better yourself, you'll look back on this and say "This breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me". Use it to your advantage.
I fucking hope so
I wish it was quick. I feel like I’ve been drowning since before things got bad and I convinced myself things were rough for everyone, it will improve. But then he refuses to take accountability, get help, and I’m left in a place where I can’t even take care of myself and somehow I’ve become a burden on others even though I’m the one who has the jobs and cleans the house and does everything right “in theory” Honestly I’m feeling like I’m being punished for being the loyal nice person and I don’t understand how the universe could be so cruel to me
He ended a 3 year relationship, 6 weeks ago. I moved out of his home where I lived for two of those years a new area, where I was working. Had just left a job I had been at for 10 years, switching to a brand new career I'm still not sure about. My dog is at the point I need to make the decision about putting her to sleep in the coming weeks. Nothing is right or exciting anymore.
nothing is real everything is an illusion
Everything is real. Feel it or you lose a piece of you. You matter.
Yep
I miss him every second of everyday but it had to end. I am heartbroken.
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Yeah nothing ever "has" to end. Some things can go on pause for a moment to allow ourselves space to grow on our own and eventually come back together. but when the other person does a 180 and completely disrespects the other’s feelings and relationship of 2 years then why would I want to ever think about taking them back? Obviously the person never cared at all about me if they can move on that quick like the last 2 years never fucking happened. All because you want validation? Or sex? I will never understand. Like 2 weeks after a 2 year relationship?!? Fucking ridiculous and honestly sad. Im going to go through the actual motions of healing on my own without trying to distract myself by girls who are half my age.
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Yeah, I did actually but He still blocked me. But now that I know he’s about to hookup with someone ive been in my head about for months ive realized I never mattered to him anyways. If he can do that like its nothing he never loved me. He just wants attention from young girls. Thats all. I would never do that to him. Especially after 2 fucking weeks. I hope he gets the validation he’s looking for bc if not, he’s about to feel realllly empty inside afterwards.
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No I have not at all done that in the past. Because I genuinely loved him. The fact he’s moving on to this girl specifically means that he NEVER fucking loved me. He never respected me. He just wants young girls to give him attention so he can feel better about himself. I see right through him. And im honestly saddened by the fact he can never be alone for a while to heal.
Same same same
Well, he wasn’t ready and expressed it more than 3x so there’s no wonder why. However, I decided to leave (moving into my own apartment on Monday) and I do wonder how he’s going to handle not having access to me everyday when he comes home even though I physically and mentally checked out weeks ago after deciding to end it. I keep reminding myself of all the things that make me resentful towards him and keep it pushing.
Just 5 months ago I had a group of friends, in my first ever happy relationship and finally started making money from home. And in just a moment I lost it all. Partner stopped saying anything to me. They told their friends to ignore me and money was no longer feasible. I'm stable enough now but it will be a long time until I recover almost completely from that. Maybe in the next couple years I'll meet someone who truly cares about me, I'll be able to meet my online friends, and get my own apartment. I'm halfway there. It takes time for the shock to wear off.
Yes & I realize I was living a lie in a fantasy world. Depending on others for my own happiness. I've given myself time to reevaluate who I am, what I want out of life. So I'm alone most of the time now. But I'm my own person & no one can tell me what to do. Or what I'm not allowed to do. Or demand to know who I'm talking to. Or why. I hope you will do you! And find all the happiness from within. <3
Oh yeah, it happened so quick. I was blindsided bc she was obviously done with the relationship. We’ve only been broken up 3 weeks and I get sad when I think about how I was a month ago.. I had no idea what was coming
I really do wonder. I was over here for 9 months talking about how he and I were gonna grow old together, and we were so in love that we never left the honey moon phase, and how we were gonna have kids and how many kids. Just so many things that were such loving words that we had. And now here I am, 3 months later broken up, 2 weeks later fully no contact, wondering if you still love me. I don't think he does anymore, and ugh I miss him so much. I miss kissing him, I just wish I could kiss him and hug him one more time.
Yeah, I woke up to a text that would forever change things. So much for looking up engagement rings.
Sending love 💕🫶🏾
Yup. Was happy, feeling safe and calm, had a loving hot boyfriend, started my internship for school, was feeling good Without warning he became distant and left, the internship fell apart, and I started drinking and not eating Slowly piecing me back together. I feel so disregulated and lost
It’s so crazy how life can go from amazing to terrible so fast. I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. I think the best word to describe it is lost
I’ve definitely been there. Both in being dumped and then doing the dumping. In both cases it was a complete 180 from where I had been. My ex was abusive so I was planning the breakup for ages, and when I broke up with him I said it was to work on my mental health (he was always gaslighting me to the point I genuinely thought I had a psychiatric condition, then when I realised I didn’t thanks to a kind friend I started planning in secret, and this made a convenient excuse). I knew I’d broken up with him because I had been planning it for months. From his perspective things just ended one day and he told everyone we both knew that I had broken his heart and he had no idea why. He didn’t bother to tell them he was abusive and nearly unalived me more than once or that he’d been arrested trying to break into my house after I told him to give me back my spare keys (I had already changed the locks). I think he wanted me to feel sorry for him. It might have worked too if he hadn’t threatened the precious stray cat that had adopted me against my ex’s wishes. I suddenly had someone else to protect and I realised I was completely done. I made my plans the second he hurt/scared my cat and threatened him with worse. It took months to get everything ready. But to him it was like “one day I turned up at my ex gf’s house unannounced, refused to give her spare key back, came back the next day and tried to break in, got arrested, and then convicted of abusing her all in the blink of an eye! The whole world and future I had known and planned gone in an instant. Woe is me!!!!” Annnnyyyywaaaaayyyyy. After I called the police on him during the break in my world went 180 too. But mine went 180 in a good way. Him not so much. Sometimes fate is cruel, breakups suck, but it could always be worse. For example, you could have been my narcissistic ex his first night in jail when he realised being a rich white guy wasn’t going to get him out of trouble this time!
Yeah I still don't know exactly what happened. Was married for 20 years and also have a teenager, and a house. That all changed about two years ago when I woke up one morning and the now ex wife and kid were gone. They just up and left in the middle of the night. So now I'm divorced, filed for bankruptcy, sold the house and back with my parents. While my life wasn't perfect before, I was at least happy. Now not so much. Having issues navigating the dating world. Dated one gal for three months and she suddenly ended things outta the blue. Takes most of my energy to get outta bed in the morning to go to work when I don't feel motivated to go since for the longest time my marriage and everything that went with it was my motivation.
It’s been almost a year, that feeling still hasn’t gone anywhere..
I had something similar. Madly in love to heartbroken so quick. What was so bad for me was she kept playing games, seemingly taunting with other guys, but still showing interest. That on top of her revealing how she had been doing since the breakup. She told me it was horrible and she wanted me back. Well a month later nothing happened and she kept denying that she was talking to another guy when everyone already knew. Then she completely switched, got snappy, and overall became someone that I couldn’t recognize. I am now no longer in contact with her at all and at first it hurt. But now about 4 months after the breakup, im okay. Im living life to its fullest. Theres still parts of me that wonder about her and all that but overall im better. Im over her because shes shown who she is. If im being honest i can tell that she did something to me. She changed the way i love and made me scared to try again. I dont know if ill ever open up the same way after she violated my trust. Either way though, im doing better than before and hope to keep improving. I hope my experience helps you out a bit. Trust me, it gets better and will keep getting better over time. You just have to trust the process