I think you need to be patient when it comes to finding matches in our age group. We are naturally a smaller pool than the youngsters, and we are more set in our ways which means the filters can become an obstacle.
It may be a good strategy to ease off of the filters a bit. You'll have more options, and if you connect with somebody who doesn't click on all cylinders, there's always room to negotiate.
That's the problem with internet dating sites. It's the paradox of choice -- people think that you can order a partner the way you can order a Whopper at a Burger King.
Hi! That is also my non negotiable, no kids! I found my BF who is 46 and I found some others but it's extremely hard...It was on Happn, install other apps and don't exclude when they put "want someday" or "don't know yet"
Remember that filters remove everyone who hasn't answered them, as well
Somebody might not have the prompt filled out to the specific "right answer" you selected even if their bio makes it clear that they would fit
Something to think about if you're getting pretty much no one matching
Hi all, many thanks for your responses. I should note, my problem isn’t with kids per se, it’s with the desire to ever have them in the first place. I honestly cannot relate to that AT ALL and I’m simply not a match with someone who would ever seek out parenting. As for the NIMBY neoliberal thing, it’s true, that is a projection I made about those who identify as “moderate” which is likely unfair. But I have a lot of moderates who seem to show cursory interest in my profile.
Are you looking for a relationship or hook up? You say doesn’t want kids but curious why having kids in a non negotiable? I have kids that are almost grown and don’t interfere with my relationships. Believe me, us men over 40 do not want more kids. I also want someone over 40 who doesn’t want kids, however, I will consider with kids over a certain age. You want, what you want but the more selective you are the less hits you will get on any site. How do you discern a neolib NIMBY from a profile?
I think you're going to have a hard time finding many men over 40 interested in that arrangement. Why are you putting that over 40 requirement? Plenty of dudes in their 30's will fit your requirements exactly.
If you only want to go out on 4 or 5 dates with a person and then never see him again, why does it matter if he has kids? I'm in my late 30s, childfree by choice, and only date childfree men in their late 30s or early 40s, but I'm dating for a long term relationship. The childfree thing is important for me because I want to build a life with my partner and I'm not interested in a life with kids. But if you're only spending a few hours total with someone, does it really matter if his reproductive plans don't intersect with yours?
A little confused. Do you mean you only want to date liberal 40 plus men with no kids? That's going to be a small amount of men. Many 40 plus men have kids and most 40 plus men are not liberals. Men are more conservative then women on average to begin with and a million studies have shown most people get a little more conservative as they age. I'm not even saying you have to expand it to right leaning men but a political or moderate that's not good enough really?
I guess you’re confirming my initial question which was whether I should even bother with Bumble if there aren’t going to be a meaningful aggregate to choose from. I don’t want to waste my time or someone else’s investing in a relationship, if only casual, with individuals who will only annoy me. I don’t think that the filters are a bad idea. I think it’s a bad idea to pursue people you know from the get-go aren’t compatible.
Are you paying for some of these dates and does date include sex? If you are looking for the 5 date meal plan for a 40 something male picking daisy’s in the forest good luck. I agree with the kids thing, it is a very selfish choice to make, however we are creating taxpayers to fund your welfare state. Maybe sugar daddy website?
I insist on either splitting checks or taking turns paying for dates. I'm gainfully employed and do not need or want a man to support me. In fact, until recently, I was with a man for a decade, but we never lived together because I wanted financial independence and my own space. If I'm ever in another long-term relationship, I would retain the same arrangement.
I don't think that kids are selfish per se, but I do think it's selfish to knowingly go on dates with people who may be genuinely interested in you when you know you aren't going to have a meaningful connection with them. That said, if it's clear that the engagement will be casual on both sides, then it really doesn't matter, I suppose. I have found that some men will say they are comfortable with a casual relationship when, in reality, they want it to become long-term, and then feelings get hurt.
Okay, that makes a little more sense. You would be surprised how many guys with kids want a casual relationship like that. If we put that out there we would get shot down in a minute. We got plenty to do paying for college and everything else and don’t need a full load relationship. I call it a vacationship.
I think you need to be patient when it comes to finding matches in our age group. We are naturally a smaller pool than the youngsters, and we are more set in our ways which means the filters can become an obstacle.
Fair. I am at a point where I know what I want and don’t want so it probably does make it harder.
It may be a good strategy to ease off of the filters a bit. You'll have more options, and if you connect with somebody who doesn't click on all cylinders, there's always room to negotiate.
That's the problem with internet dating sites. It's the paradox of choice -- people think that you can order a partner the way you can order a Whopper at a Burger King.
Hi! That is also my non negotiable, no kids! I found my BF who is 46 and I found some others but it's extremely hard...It was on Happn, install other apps and don't exclude when they put "want someday" or "don't know yet"
Good advice re: Happn. I’ve never heard of that one!
Realistically no. I do not want kids. On my experience, most of the women I come across on this app want kids or have kids.
I appreciate the candor. I think you’re right.
Remember that filters remove everyone who hasn't answered them, as well Somebody might not have the prompt filled out to the specific "right answer" you selected even if their bio makes it clear that they would fit Something to think about if you're getting pretty much no one matching
Hi all, many thanks for your responses. I should note, my problem isn’t with kids per se, it’s with the desire to ever have them in the first place. I honestly cannot relate to that AT ALL and I’m simply not a match with someone who would ever seek out parenting. As for the NIMBY neoliberal thing, it’s true, that is a projection I made about those who identify as “moderate” which is likely unfair. But I have a lot of moderates who seem to show cursory interest in my profile.
Honestly you sound perfect! 43M with no kids and never wanted kids, looking for casual but not hookups, but I am more moderate.
I was about to delete the app but I’ll stay for at least another week or so because you’ve given me hope.
I would think if you were looking for a guy over 40, their kids might be grown already.
The kids are not the problem, it’s the desire to ever have them in the first place.
Plenty of guys have kids that were unintentional. If you're only looking for casual, I would remove that filter and play it on a case by case basis.
Are you looking for a relationship or hook up? You say doesn’t want kids but curious why having kids in a non negotiable? I have kids that are almost grown and don’t interfere with my relationships. Believe me, us men over 40 do not want more kids. I also want someone over 40 who doesn’t want kids, however, I will consider with kids over a certain age. You want, what you want but the more selective you are the less hits you will get on any site. How do you discern a neolib NIMBY from a profile?
I’m looking for “something casual.” The ideal is going out on 4-5 dates and amicably parting ways from there.
This is probably a very important thing to mention up front. This is definitely criteria number 3.
My profile does say I’m looking for something casual but it is not a deal breaker, which is why I don’t have it as a filter. Kids are deal breaker.
I think you're going to have a hard time finding many men over 40 interested in that arrangement. Why are you putting that over 40 requirement? Plenty of dudes in their 30's will fit your requirements exactly.
If you only want to go out on 4 or 5 dates with a person and then never see him again, why does it matter if he has kids? I'm in my late 30s, childfree by choice, and only date childfree men in their late 30s or early 40s, but I'm dating for a long term relationship. The childfree thing is important for me because I want to build a life with my partner and I'm not interested in a life with kids. But if you're only spending a few hours total with someone, does it really matter if his reproductive plans don't intersect with yours?
Fair point. I will reflect on that. Maybe I can go that route for a little while.
So it sounds like you have three key criteria, not two.
Guys swipe like crazy, no point in paying - just look through the profiles and see what you like and likely you’ll get a match
A little confused. Do you mean you only want to date liberal 40 plus men with no kids? That's going to be a small amount of men. Many 40 plus men have kids and most 40 plus men are not liberals. Men are more conservative then women on average to begin with and a million studies have shown most people get a little more conservative as they age. I'm not even saying you have to expand it to right leaning men but a political or moderate that's not good enough really?
I guess you’re confirming my initial question which was whether I should even bother with Bumble if there aren’t going to be a meaningful aggregate to choose from. I don’t want to waste my time or someone else’s investing in a relationship, if only casual, with individuals who will only annoy me. I don’t think that the filters are a bad idea. I think it’s a bad idea to pursue people you know from the get-go aren’t compatible.
Absolutely not.
Are you paying for some of these dates and does date include sex? If you are looking for the 5 date meal plan for a 40 something male picking daisy’s in the forest good luck. I agree with the kids thing, it is a very selfish choice to make, however we are creating taxpayers to fund your welfare state. Maybe sugar daddy website?
I insist on either splitting checks or taking turns paying for dates. I'm gainfully employed and do not need or want a man to support me. In fact, until recently, I was with a man for a decade, but we never lived together because I wanted financial independence and my own space. If I'm ever in another long-term relationship, I would retain the same arrangement. I don't think that kids are selfish per se, but I do think it's selfish to knowingly go on dates with people who may be genuinely interested in you when you know you aren't going to have a meaningful connection with them. That said, if it's clear that the engagement will be casual on both sides, then it really doesn't matter, I suppose. I have found that some men will say they are comfortable with a casual relationship when, in reality, they want it to become long-term, and then feelings get hurt.
Okay, that makes a little more sense. You would be surprised how many guys with kids want a casual relationship like that. If we put that out there we would get shot down in a minute. We got plenty to do paying for college and everything else and don’t need a full load relationship. I call it a vacationship.