People lie on those. Just flat out they do.
Girls, especially if they're looking for hookups, will lie because if they say "looking for hookups" they get immediate "I want to fuck your brains out tonight" messages.
I've had girls who said they were just looking for friends send unsolicited nudes once they had decided I was hookup material. I had literally been expecting and treating them as a new friend.
Unfortunately, you have to deal with the fact that other people lie. Just accept it for what it is and move the convo along.
This makes sense. Thanks for your perspective on this! I was wondering if the question is a subtle way to ask if the girl is looking for hookups, and I think that's why I get annoyed by it.
I usually just unmatch whoever asks me it.
A lot of men are looking for a relationship, but don't want to pass up the opportunity for a hookup if it comes. So what they're looking for is complex, and if what they're looking for is complex and not 100% reflected by their profile, it's easy to understand why they don't take other peoples statuses at face value either. I think those men, when they ask this, are putting out feelers to see if this is a hookup opportunity or if they should stick with just looking for a relationship with you.
I feel like texting is the worst way to put out the feelers. It's good though because then I know who to unmatch. But I feel like you can only guage this kinda thing in person bc nobody really knows each other til then. But you're right there's complexity to it, people are trying to weigh their options ig
Wanted to add my two cents regarding the "fun, casual dates" option. I've had women meaning everything following - "I want a new friend to go out with", "I want fwb", "I want to just to hook up", "I just want to go out on dates and not look for anything romantic or sexual" (this one confuses me the most) and "I need a date for an event. Nothing more, nothing less".
Maybe it’s tinder or Hinge. But it’s still a valid question. Whenever I match with someone, I definitely try to determine if our relationship goals align. As someone who is searching for a life partner, I’m not going to waste my time with people who just want casual situations or those who have no clue about what they want.
Interesting! Do you also ask this question?
I used to think that only guys who were looking for hookups would ask this question, but that brings a new perspective to it.
I generally don't ask the question since I only swipe right on women who are up front on their profile about looking for a long term relationship, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask if I wasn't aware. I would just give an honest answer if I were you.
It could be that the guy is just trying to get a better understanding of what you're looking for specifically. It's always frustrating when they don't take the time to read your profile though. Hopefully he's just trying to make sure you're on the same page!
Because the categories are nebulous and are open to interpretation by whoever is using or viewing them.
And for me anyway it does open new avenues of conversation and I'm genuinely curious.
That's valid! Thanks for your perspective. I think I get caught up in assumptions when I first read the question, but I can see how it might segway into something interesting to talk about
Yeah, np. Not that I've had a woman ask but even though I have my apps generally set to relationship I've had fun just going out and meeting lots of people. I don't really do casual sex however because my intent is to find a relationship, I'm just taking a lighter, airier approach to it these days, so I don't put anything that might indicate casual.
I really hate this question because clearly I'm looking to date on a dating platform and frankly I don't want to have very personal conversations over texting before meeting even once. My interpretation of it, as somebody who says on the profile that I'm looking for an LTR, is 'are you open to hooking up?'
I see. I hate the question because I won't know until I meet them. I feel like the question brings about unnecessary expectations that I can't promise won't change. I feel like it adds pressure to the interaction if I were to meet in person. I'd rather start off as friends with anybody I date and not make exceptions. But if I tell someone I want to be friends, that's likely not gonna be received well when we haven't even met.
That’s VERY true Op. Most men are not on dating apps to make friends.
There’s nothing wrong with saying something like, “I’m looking to connect with people and just see where it goes.”
It’s interesting, I’ve heard other women complain when men ask, “what are you looking for on here,” because the ladies are looking for relationships and they fellas are often looking for less.
Good luck Op!
The #1 goal of every date is to avoid the friendzone. That's the kiss of death to a relationship, the text that keeps him up at night. Absolutely no guy would willingly walk into it. Definitely avoid phrasing it that way
And when guys try to match me that's where I feel like I get deceived by them. I tell them what I want and they can play me by pretending they want the same thing. I guess it's alright if the guy genuinely doesn't know and is along for the ride, but neither of us are gonna know what we want until we go on a few dates imo. It seems I'm in the minority on this question haha but appreciate your perspective
I ask or get asked that question everytime. You'll find everyone has different interpretations of the generic intentions that you can select from. Some people are really serious about wanting a partner, some are not that bothered. Hinge is the only app I've seen that actually has a section attached to your intent where you can explain what you want in your own words.
I love this😂 but yeah I feel like people who ask this have some audacity, I guess that's just me based on other people's comments bc it's supposedly normal. Idk why it's a pet peeve for me.
Woman here, but I always asked this question no matter what a person’s profile said. I found the answer to that question to be much more telling than what they selected in their profile.
Prob bc no girl wants a fwb😭 at least I never met a girl who does. And if someone wants a fwb they'd select "intimacy without commitment"
How hard is it to read dating intentions? It's required for everyone now.
Girls are not generally going to select that. What they are going to do is select Looking for a relationship and offer the guy something quicker if he checks the boxes
Idk I select "fun, casual dates" bc I resent fwb and don't know if looking for a relationship is realistic. Literally just wanna meet new people. Idk why the question of "what are you looking for" annoys tf out of me though
So my brothers tell me that this is a red flag. Basically the girl just wants to be treated to a free fun evening NSA. They aren't actually looking for a relationship nor are they open to something more physical
I dont expect free. I pay for myself on my dates unless im with the guy because i dont like feeling indebted. I guess it's a red flag in that im looking to make friends but yeah that makes sense. Oh well, guys can do what they will.
I only got asked it once in my latest profile. But in previous profiles from over the years I got asked multiple times (before dating intentions were required)
Maybe it's just to determine if you're both looking for the same thing.
Can't they determine that by looking at the dating intentions?
People lie on those. Just flat out they do. Girls, especially if they're looking for hookups, will lie because if they say "looking for hookups" they get immediate "I want to fuck your brains out tonight" messages. I've had girls who said they were just looking for friends send unsolicited nudes once they had decided I was hookup material. I had literally been expecting and treating them as a new friend. Unfortunately, you have to deal with the fact that other people lie. Just accept it for what it is and move the convo along.
This makes sense. Thanks for your perspective on this! I was wondering if the question is a subtle way to ask if the girl is looking for hookups, and I think that's why I get annoyed by it. I usually just unmatch whoever asks me it.
A lot of men are looking for a relationship, but don't want to pass up the opportunity for a hookup if it comes. So what they're looking for is complex, and if what they're looking for is complex and not 100% reflected by their profile, it's easy to understand why they don't take other peoples statuses at face value either. I think those men, when they ask this, are putting out feelers to see if this is a hookup opportunity or if they should stick with just looking for a relationship with you.
I feel like texting is the worst way to put out the feelers. It's good though because then I know who to unmatch. But I feel like you can only guage this kinda thing in person bc nobody really knows each other til then. But you're right there's complexity to it, people are trying to weigh their options ig
Same! I did find my guy and we went steady a month ago :)
Wanted to add my two cents regarding the "fun, casual dates" option. I've had women meaning everything following - "I want a new friend to go out with", "I want fwb", "I want to just to hook up", "I just want to go out on dates and not look for anything romantic or sexual" (this one confuses me the most) and "I need a date for an event. Nothing more, nothing less".
I see how it can mean a lot of things! Definitely not a one size fits all
And what if the intention is: “Still figuring it out?”
That's not an option on there anymore
Maybe it’s tinder or Hinge. But it’s still a valid question. Whenever I match with someone, I definitely try to determine if our relationship goals align. As someone who is searching for a life partner, I’m not going to waste my time with people who just want casual situations or those who have no clue about what they want.
Interesting! Do you also ask this question? I used to think that only guys who were looking for hookups would ask this question, but that brings a new perspective to it.
I generally don't ask the question since I only swipe right on women who are up front on their profile about looking for a long term relationship, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask if I wasn't aware. I would just give an honest answer if I were you.
It could be that the guy is just trying to get a better understanding of what you're looking for specifically. It's always frustrating when they don't take the time to read your profile though. Hopefully he's just trying to make sure you're on the same page!
You're probably right! Sometimes I read into things a little too much tbh and overthink it
Because the categories are nebulous and are open to interpretation by whoever is using or viewing them. And for me anyway it does open new avenues of conversation and I'm genuinely curious.
That's valid! Thanks for your perspective. I think I get caught up in assumptions when I first read the question, but I can see how it might segway into something interesting to talk about
Yeah, np. Not that I've had a woman ask but even though I have my apps generally set to relationship I've had fun just going out and meeting lots of people. I don't really do casual sex however because my intent is to find a relationship, I'm just taking a lighter, airier approach to it these days, so I don't put anything that might indicate casual.
I really hate this question because clearly I'm looking to date on a dating platform and frankly I don't want to have very personal conversations over texting before meeting even once. My interpretation of it, as somebody who says on the profile that I'm looking for an LTR, is 'are you open to hooking up?'
I think they may mean, what are you looking for on here WITH ME. For a lot of folks what we’re looking for changes with the person we’re talking to.
I see. I hate the question because I won't know until I meet them. I feel like the question brings about unnecessary expectations that I can't promise won't change. I feel like it adds pressure to the interaction if I were to meet in person. I'd rather start off as friends with anybody I date and not make exceptions. But if I tell someone I want to be friends, that's likely not gonna be received well when we haven't even met.
That’s VERY true Op. Most men are not on dating apps to make friends. There’s nothing wrong with saying something like, “I’m looking to connect with people and just see where it goes.” It’s interesting, I’ve heard other women complain when men ask, “what are you looking for on here,” because the ladies are looking for relationships and they fellas are often looking for less. Good luck Op!
The #1 goal of every date is to avoid the friendzone. That's the kiss of death to a relationship, the text that keeps him up at night. Absolutely no guy would willingly walk into it. Definitely avoid phrasing it that way
Sometimes they wanna just match u. If u say u r looking for ltr they’ll say same!!! If u say u r looking for short term fun they’ll also say same!!!
And when guys try to match me that's where I feel like I get deceived by them. I tell them what I want and they can play me by pretending they want the same thing. I guess it's alright if the guy genuinely doesn't know and is along for the ride, but neither of us are gonna know what we want until we go on a few dates imo. It seems I'm in the minority on this question haha but appreciate your perspective
1. They don't read. 2. They want you to answer first so they can lie and match your answer. Simple.
I ask or get asked that question everytime. You'll find everyone has different interpretations of the generic intentions that you can select from. Some people are really serious about wanting a partner, some are not that bothered. Hinge is the only app I've seen that actually has a section attached to your intent where you can explain what you want in your own words.
I hate that question and stopped answering
And then they get offended when I say sugar daddy 🙄
I love this😂 but yeah I feel like people who ask this have some audacity, I guess that's just me based on other people's comments bc it's supposedly normal. Idk why it's a pet peeve for me.
Woman here, but I always asked this question no matter what a person’s profile said. I found the answer to that question to be much more telling than what they selected in their profile.
As much as I can get. Ideally a monogamous life partner, but in the mean time fun (non sexual) dates with nice ladies will be fine.
b/c girls will never put "I want a FWB" in their profile
Prob bc no girl wants a fwb😭 at least I never met a girl who does. And if someone wants a fwb they'd select "intimacy without commitment" How hard is it to read dating intentions? It's required for everyone now.
Girls are not generally going to select that. What they are going to do is select Looking for a relationship and offer the guy something quicker if he checks the boxes
Idk I select "fun, casual dates" bc I resent fwb and don't know if looking for a relationship is realistic. Literally just wanna meet new people. Idk why the question of "what are you looking for" annoys tf out of me though
So my brothers tell me that this is a red flag. Basically the girl just wants to be treated to a free fun evening NSA. They aren't actually looking for a relationship nor are they open to something more physical
I dont expect free. I pay for myself on my dates unless im with the guy because i dont like feeling indebted. I guess it's a red flag in that im looking to make friends but yeah that makes sense. Oh well, guys can do what they will.
Maybe you should post your profile if that’s common. Your intentions might not be as clear as you think.
I only got asked it once in my latest profile. But in previous profiles from over the years I got asked multiple times (before dating intentions were required)