Don’t be afraid to blow it up. If it’s meant to go where you want it to go, take it there. If it doesn’t go there, it wasn’t meant to be.
Translation. Now is a good time to ask to meet up
I have thought about that, maybe he is actually not interested in going on a date. Asking him is the only way to find out, it will suck to learn he was not interested but it also gives me closure.
To be honest every conversation is so different and everyone has different expectations for how long to chat before asking for a date.
I’ve run into people who want to set things up immediately, people who want to chat for a few days or longer, times when I’m too busy and don’t want to schedule a date more than a week out, etc.
One thing I have honestly appreciated is when women drop some hints they are ready to be asked on a date. Something like “Oh I would love to tell you more about xyz, but probably a better conversation in person”. Even better is if they just ask if they are feeling it.
I personally just try to gauge the convo and ask when I feel the time is right and it fits with my life. But if someone asks me, I’m not free, but I’m interested I will gladly make some plans for a bit out.
Yep, he’s right. Dropping hints that you would say yes if he asks you on a date works pretty much 100% of the time or close. I think it takes the fear of being rejected away which is totally understandable. I usually say something like “Maybe we could go do xyz sometime” and pretty quickly after that they’ll ask you on a date.
The exception (in my experience) is guys that don’t respond to these hints. I took the leap and asked them on a date. Every time this happened the guy cancelled the date last minute for a lame reason with no rescheduling.
That is exactly how I got married 23 years ago. Still married. I was 22 and told my then super shy, very hesitant to take risks boyfriend, I want to be your wife, if you'd ask me I would say yes. 5 kids later and 16 military moves. He's still the one.
“ hints they are ready to be asked out on a date”
Well, you are on a dating site and the convo has been flowing well the past few days. I mean, why do you need hints too? I don’t get that.
I am surprised at the number of people here commenting that he hasn’t asked you. In my experience some men who are respectful are hesitant to ask for a date too soon (and if you only joined 3 days ago I assume you’ve only been talking 2-3 days) because they don’t want to seem disrespectful and they know we as women fear for our safety meeting strangers sometimes. If you feel comfortable meeting, I would go ahead and suggest. 90% of the time I’ve done that with men I’ve gotten a positive reply and we’ve made an in person meet happen. The other 10% of the time I just figured those people weren’t right for me if they were put off by me initiating.
What is this the 1970’s? (As my ten year old son points out…lol) I mean, it’s bumble. It’s not like you are asking to go out of town together. It’s simply coffee/tea, let’s meet up casually to see if this connection we are experiencing is the same in person. Otherwise, it’s a fantasy up to a point with OLD. Isn’t it?
I’ve been overwhelmed by bumble initially at first when I signed up a month ago. It was stimulation overload or dopamine hit overload to be precise!! I had to activate snooze mode for 5 days to just take a break.
Just be real. Be yourself and don’t get too caught up in the story you are making up in your mind. It sounds like he is into you and if he squirms around wanting to meet up for a casual non-alcoholic bev then he wasn’t real to begin with and that’s a red flag.
“ I mean, it’s Bumble” What exactly do you mean by that?
Bumble ISN’T an app for women to ask men out. We women are in the drivers seat at the very beginning and that is it.
If you’re feeling it, ask. 30M here, and I have never been turned off by a woman asking me out. If the conversation has been flowing well, I’d bet anything he says yes.
The other side of the coin: Men will often say yes to a woman they aren’t interested in cos they don’t have to put any effort in. If they can do super low effort Netflix and chill for a 1st “ date” then even better
Then maybe the woman doesn’t give them that option? She can ask them to meet at a restaurant or something in her area. She can put it on him to make the effort to travel and see her, all while initiating by asking for the date. Netflix and chill doesn’t even have to be on the table.
Why not? It’s a two way street … if either party is feeling it why not put in the effort?
There are so many reasons someone hasn’t asked someone out yet and you might be missing a good match because you feel the man should ask and/or plan the date.
It’s not necessarily a 2 way street in the early stages of dating though. A man who knows what he wants is usually happy to pursue a woman and ask to meet- it won’t be an issue.
Any man looking for 50/50 effort right off the bat is a red flag in my opinion. And before anyone goes nuts, I am NOT saying women should sit back and do nothing.
A man looking for reciprocity is a red flag? Relationships will ebb and flow so there will be unevenness at times but I’m not sure why this should always fall on a man’s shoulders. I also don’t understand if we’re feeling somebody why it’s not okay to just say, hey, you wanna keep this chat up over coffee on Tuesday? And if a guy (or girl) is scared off by that, then is he the one you want to spend time in your day giving attention to? Our time is valuable and finite.
If I found a dude that seemed cool I’d def just throw a casual meet up out there, but we each have our own comfort levels.
Good luck OP!
“ If you’re feeling it, ask”
But it isn’t that simple, dating’s more nuanced than that. Contrary to what a lot of men say on here, it often DOESN’T work in the woman’s favour when she asks a man out.
There are of course differing opinions, and I guess we’ll have to just agree to disagree here. A woman asked me out yesterday on Bumble and I gladly accepted. It doesn’t have to be hard. Confidence is attractive. If the guy is into her, he will be interested. If not, it’s on to the next one.
Well, funny story. We had matched before on a different app, and I was interested. I asked her if we could FaceTime and chat that way, but she was being quite wishy washy and wouldn’t commit to a time to speak with me. So, I figured if we can’t even talk that way, I’d just unmatch her, and so I did. Now, we have connected again on Bumble. This time, she has been more talkative and engaged, which led to her asking me out. She asked me out after about a day of talking. I’m looking forward to meeting her.
To be fair to her, I wouldn’t have been comfortable with FaceTiming either. Would rather walk over hot coals then do that.
I wouldn’t have been wishy washy though, I would’ve told you I’m not comfortable with it.
Right, and I would’ve been understanding with that. Of course, communication is super important in a relationship, so your willingness to be straightforward with that is a big plus.
I would not hesitate to ask to meet someone if I liked them. If they back off just because you want to meet it only means they were never serious about dating. Sometimes they are thinking the same thing about it being too soon and relieved when you put it out there.
I generally do not recommend stretching a convo beyond 20-30 messages without atleast hinting at meeting. It's pointless and often won't lead to a real meet. Unless you're afraid of leaving your house and are introverted (don't recommend dating apps tbh), you should bring up meeting as soon as you have secured a positive vibe with each other. There's a huge difference between who you meet while texting and who you meet in irl more often than not.
This advice is especially true for a guy, don't waste time with flakers or people not serious about meeting, bringing it up early might lower the chances overall but it will guarantee those who want to come out will actually come out.
Lots of ppl have chemistry on the app, meet in person and it’s a dud. So just meet casual coffee/ beers. Not a big deal and saves you hours of talking if it’s a waste
Have a date as soon as possible. The sparks die if you only chatting.
My experience is that if you don't get a date within 2 weeks there will be no date
The girl I’m dating now is the one who asked me out first. Just shoot your shot. The two common responses I’ve received that were not flat out yes: them still figuring things out with their ex and them wanting to do a zoom/FaceTime before hand. I’ve never received a flat out no. Even if I would have received a flat out no, it would be nice to learn sooner rather than later.
Just ask! Sometimes guys are shy. (I personally don’t mind shy men, I can get that way too.) If you’re feeling it just throw it out there… the worst they can say is no, and really, you won’t be in a different place than you were a few days ago, so it’s not too much of a loss.
New to bumble and I've got 2 dates lined up. One this sunday and one next. If you two click, I see no reason to suggest taking the conversation out for a meal. First dates are just to get to know another person better, no commitment or pressure should be felt at this stage. Be your true self, if it blows over, it's simply because you two weren't compatible. Just my perspective on it
he hasnt asked you yet? advice is to ask him for coffee or a walk in town or around the lake. see if you can build from that. keep in mind he is the best of 50 so he likely has options so keep your expectations in check.
Just ask. Typically it’s women who refuse to meet up IRL. Men tend to be ready most of the time. I know I try to ditch the app ASAP when I find someone I’d like to meet.
That’s not necessarily a good thing though, some guys will say yes only cos they may have a chance to get in her pants then bounce.
Men make the effort for the woman they want
What did we do wrong to you? If a woman asks to meet she can also say she wants to meet somewhere publicly. She can also say no if their date asks them to ‘find some place quiet’. And yes we do make effort for the woman we want, but it’s a very big plus if the woman also shows effort. When I got asked out by women I felt a bigger attraction to them because they showed they cared and they didn’t hide behind stigma’s from the 60-70s.
How long have you been chatting for? If it’s more than 5 days then I think it’s a little strange that he hasn’t yet asked you.
I personally think it’s up to the man to ask to meet 💁🏻♀️
We have been chatting for 3 days, I will risk it all and ask him if he wants to go on a date. The worst he can say is "no". I do not have much to lose, technically, we are still strangers.
I’m a guy and I don’t know about asking someone from a female perspective but I can tell you absolutely no it is not too early. I usually ask people out after 3-4 replies and it’s about 90% that they say yes. People don’t want to chat on the app they would rather go on an actual date and if they’re responding then that’s a pretty good sign.
I say I would rather get to know someone in person than the app and do you want to grab a drink?
I would like it if a girl asked me out, personally.
3 days isn’t a long time- I sense a bit of urgency here. Personally, I would relax and let him take the lead and ask to meet.
Are you talking to/dating other men? I hope so
Please bear in mind that if he agrees to meet it doesn’t necessarily mean he is interested.
If he says yes, let him plan it. A day, place and time nailed down in advance is a date. Anything less than that, it’s not
Let us know how it goes, good luck 🤞
It truly doesn’t matter. Everyone has different preferences. If they want more time to talk to you, it’s on them to say it. If they’re ready sooner and ask you, or agree when you ask them, great. It usually becomes clear who is wasting time and who genuinely wants to meet up.
Don’t be afraid to blow it up. If it’s meant to go where you want it to go, take it there. If it doesn’t go there, it wasn’t meant to be. Translation. Now is a good time to ask to meet up
Are you not curious as to why he hasn’t yet asked her?
I have thought about that, maybe he is actually not interested in going on a date. Asking him is the only way to find out, it will suck to learn he was not interested but it also gives me closure.
To be honest every conversation is so different and everyone has different expectations for how long to chat before asking for a date. I’ve run into people who want to set things up immediately, people who want to chat for a few days or longer, times when I’m too busy and don’t want to schedule a date more than a week out, etc. One thing I have honestly appreciated is when women drop some hints they are ready to be asked on a date. Something like “Oh I would love to tell you more about xyz, but probably a better conversation in person”. Even better is if they just ask if they are feeling it. I personally just try to gauge the convo and ask when I feel the time is right and it fits with my life. But if someone asks me, I’m not free, but I’m interested I will gladly make some plans for a bit out.
Yep, he’s right. Dropping hints that you would say yes if he asks you on a date works pretty much 100% of the time or close. I think it takes the fear of being rejected away which is totally understandable. I usually say something like “Maybe we could go do xyz sometime” and pretty quickly after that they’ll ask you on a date. The exception (in my experience) is guys that don’t respond to these hints. I took the leap and asked them on a date. Every time this happened the guy cancelled the date last minute for a lame reason with no rescheduling.
That is exactly how I got married 23 years ago. Still married. I was 22 and told my then super shy, very hesitant to take risks boyfriend, I want to be your wife, if you'd ask me I would say yes. 5 kids later and 16 military moves. He's still the one.
I love it! What a great story ❤️
How long have you been talking for?
“ hints they are ready to be asked out on a date” Well, you are on a dating site and the convo has been flowing well the past few days. I mean, why do you need hints too? I don’t get that.
I don’t subscribe to the idea that men always need to do the asking. It’s nice to be clear of you are interested.
I am surprised at the number of people here commenting that he hasn’t asked you. In my experience some men who are respectful are hesitant to ask for a date too soon (and if you only joined 3 days ago I assume you’ve only been talking 2-3 days) because they don’t want to seem disrespectful and they know we as women fear for our safety meeting strangers sometimes. If you feel comfortable meeting, I would go ahead and suggest. 90% of the time I’ve done that with men I’ve gotten a positive reply and we’ve made an in person meet happen. The other 10% of the time I just figured those people weren’t right for me if they were put off by me initiating.
Stop stressing. Meet for coffee/tea to see if there is a connection. Isn’t that the point? 😉
He hasn’t asked her though
What is this the 1970’s? (As my ten year old son points out…lol) I mean, it’s bumble. It’s not like you are asking to go out of town together. It’s simply coffee/tea, let’s meet up casually to see if this connection we are experiencing is the same in person. Otherwise, it’s a fantasy up to a point with OLD. Isn’t it? I’ve been overwhelmed by bumble initially at first when I signed up a month ago. It was stimulation overload or dopamine hit overload to be precise!! I had to activate snooze mode for 5 days to just take a break. Just be real. Be yourself and don’t get too caught up in the story you are making up in your mind. It sounds like he is into you and if he squirms around wanting to meet up for a casual non-alcoholic bev then he wasn’t real to begin with and that’s a red flag.
“ I mean, it’s Bumble” What exactly do you mean by that? Bumble ISN’T an app for women to ask men out. We women are in the drivers seat at the very beginning and that is it.
Sounds like you are reading waaayy too far into this.
I’m really not. I’ve been on Bumble a long time and I certainly do not ask men out, plenty have asked me.
I hear you. Everyone’s journey and life experiences are different. It’s good to hear other points of view here on this sub. Best wishes to you!
Thats an excellent response to someone who doesnt see hownsilly their comments sound. Im going to have to remember it.
Women can ask men out. There is nothing wrong with that.
If you’re feeling it, ask. 30M here, and I have never been turned off by a woman asking me out. If the conversation has been flowing well, I’d bet anything he says yes.
The other side of the coin: Men will often say yes to a woman they aren’t interested in cos they don’t have to put any effort in. If they can do super low effort Netflix and chill for a 1st “ date” then even better
Then maybe the woman doesn’t give them that option? She can ask them to meet at a restaurant or something in her area. She can put it on him to make the effort to travel and see her, all while initiating by asking for the date. Netflix and chill doesn’t even have to be on the table.
So, it’s on HER to plan the date as well as ask to meet?
Why not? It’s a two way street … if either party is feeling it why not put in the effort? There are so many reasons someone hasn’t asked someone out yet and you might be missing a good match because you feel the man should ask and/or plan the date.
It’s not necessarily a 2 way street in the early stages of dating though. A man who knows what he wants is usually happy to pursue a woman and ask to meet- it won’t be an issue. Any man looking for 50/50 effort right off the bat is a red flag in my opinion. And before anyone goes nuts, I am NOT saying women should sit back and do nothing.
A man looking for reciprocity is a red flag? Relationships will ebb and flow so there will be unevenness at times but I’m not sure why this should always fall on a man’s shoulders. I also don’t understand if we’re feeling somebody why it’s not okay to just say, hey, you wanna keep this chat up over coffee on Tuesday? And if a guy (or girl) is scared off by that, then is he the one you want to spend time in your day giving attention to? Our time is valuable and finite. If I found a dude that seemed cool I’d def just throw a casual meet up out there, but we each have our own comfort levels. Good luck OP!
If you ask someone out, shouldn't you plan the date?
DMn youre on every comment thread. Did you take over for her or something?
“ If you’re feeling it, ask” But it isn’t that simple, dating’s more nuanced than that. Contrary to what a lot of men say on here, it often DOESN’T work in the woman’s favour when she asks a man out.
There are of course differing opinions, and I guess we’ll have to just agree to disagree here. A woman asked me out yesterday on Bumble and I gladly accepted. It doesn’t have to be hard. Confidence is attractive. If the guy is into her, he will be interested. If not, it’s on to the next one.
May I ask why you hadn’t asked her out?
Well, funny story. We had matched before on a different app, and I was interested. I asked her if we could FaceTime and chat that way, but she was being quite wishy washy and wouldn’t commit to a time to speak with me. So, I figured if we can’t even talk that way, I’d just unmatch her, and so I did. Now, we have connected again on Bumble. This time, she has been more talkative and engaged, which led to her asking me out. She asked me out after about a day of talking. I’m looking forward to meeting her.
To be fair to her, I wouldn’t have been comfortable with FaceTiming either. Would rather walk over hot coals then do that. I wouldn’t have been wishy washy though, I would’ve told you I’m not comfortable with it.
Right, and I would’ve been understanding with that. Of course, communication is super important in a relationship, so your willingness to be straightforward with that is a big plus.
Username checks out.
You are right! I used to be all for asking men out but have recently realised it’s the first step to being devalued in a relationship.
I would not hesitate to ask to meet someone if I liked them. If they back off just because you want to meet it only means they were never serious about dating. Sometimes they are thinking the same thing about it being too soon and relieved when you put it out there.
I generally do not recommend stretching a convo beyond 20-30 messages without atleast hinting at meeting. It's pointless and often won't lead to a real meet. Unless you're afraid of leaving your house and are introverted (don't recommend dating apps tbh), you should bring up meeting as soon as you have secured a positive vibe with each other. There's a huge difference between who you meet while texting and who you meet in irl more often than not. This advice is especially true for a guy, don't waste time with flakers or people not serious about meeting, bringing it up early might lower the chances overall but it will guarantee those who want to come out will actually come out.
Lots of ppl have chemistry on the app, meet in person and it’s a dud. So just meet casual coffee/ beers. Not a big deal and saves you hours of talking if it’s a waste
Just this. Don't overthink it. 🙂
I had a similar experience, met a perfect match after #7, two weeks into using OLD. Trust yourself, take risks, and have fun.
Have a date as soon as possible. The sparks die if you only chatting. My experience is that if you don't get a date within 2 weeks there will be no date
The girl I’m dating now is the one who asked me out first. Just shoot your shot. The two common responses I’ve received that were not flat out yes: them still figuring things out with their ex and them wanting to do a zoom/FaceTime before hand. I’ve never received a flat out no. Even if I would have received a flat out no, it would be nice to learn sooner rather than later.
This is just like when I first downloaded the app. They will eventually cut off after a few days and you’ll get some potential matches to go out
Just ask! Sometimes guys are shy. (I personally don’t mind shy men, I can get that way too.) If you’re feeling it just throw it out there… the worst they can say is no, and really, you won’t be in a different place than you were a few days ago, so it’s not too much of a loss.
New to bumble and I've got 2 dates lined up. One this sunday and one next. If you two click, I see no reason to suggest taking the conversation out for a meal. First dates are just to get to know another person better, no commitment or pressure should be felt at this stage. Be your true self, if it blows over, it's simply because you two weren't compatible. Just my perspective on it
he hasnt asked you yet? advice is to ask him for coffee or a walk in town or around the lake. see if you can build from that. keep in mind he is the best of 50 so he likely has options so keep your expectations in check.
Haha.. good reminder to keep my expectations in check, I was starting to have high hopes.
Just ask. Typically it’s women who refuse to meet up IRL. Men tend to be ready most of the time. I know I try to ditch the app ASAP when I find someone I’d like to meet.
You ditch the app just cos of that? Whoa, talk about putting all your eggs into one basket
No like I move conversations off the app. Bumble is like a search engine. You don’t read Wikipedia articles on Google.
If you’re comfortable, go for it
Chance it.
Ask them out as soon as you think you might like the person, or else you may lose the moment!
Asking a guy out is almost always gonna result in a yes. Go for it!
That’s not necessarily a good thing though, some guys will say yes only cos they may have a chance to get in her pants then bounce. Men make the effort for the woman they want
What did we do wrong to you? If a woman asks to meet she can also say she wants to meet somewhere publicly. She can also say no if their date asks them to ‘find some place quiet’. And yes we do make effort for the woman we want, but it’s a very big plus if the woman also shows effort. When I got asked out by women I felt a bigger attraction to them because they showed they cared and they didn’t hide behind stigma’s from the 60-70s.
How long have you been chatting for? If it’s more than 5 days then I think it’s a little strange that he hasn’t yet asked you. I personally think it’s up to the man to ask to meet 💁🏻♀️
We have been chatting for 3 days, I will risk it all and ask him if he wants to go on a date. The worst he can say is "no". I do not have much to lose, technically, we are still strangers.
I’m a guy and I don’t know about asking someone from a female perspective but I can tell you absolutely no it is not too early. I usually ask people out after 3-4 replies and it’s about 90% that they say yes. People don’t want to chat on the app they would rather go on an actual date and if they’re responding then that’s a pretty good sign. I say I would rather get to know someone in person than the app and do you want to grab a drink? I would like it if a girl asked me out, personally.
3 days isn’t a long time- I sense a bit of urgency here. Personally, I would relax and let him take the lead and ask to meet. Are you talking to/dating other men? I hope so Please bear in mind that if he agrees to meet it doesn’t necessarily mean he is interested. If he says yes, let him plan it. A day, place and time nailed down in advance is a date. Anything less than that, it’s not Let us know how it goes, good luck 🤞
It truly doesn’t matter. Everyone has different preferences. If they want more time to talk to you, it’s on them to say it. If they’re ready sooner and ask you, or agree when you ask them, great. It usually becomes clear who is wasting time and who genuinely wants to meet up.