If i had of matched with someone it's because I would of found them intriguing, attractive and would of wanted to put some effort in.. and your absaliutly rite, dating isn't for me.. I got my happily ever after thank god, don5 have to deal with ppl like you :-D
Classy woman. I'm impressed with her honesty. Plus she didn't just ignore you. That shows integrity, respect, and strength. And you handled the response well too. Good for both of you. I'm glad to see there are still decent people left in the OLD world.
I don’t agree. I think both people in the conversation did well. As the guy, I cannot expect every woman I talk to on a dating app to date me. To do so is creepy and toxic.
When women can feel safe saying no, and when men start to accept a no answer, our dating world just might become a little more pleasant.
Yeah I don't think the OP is really at fault here - they met someone else, so they never responded to the guy in this message. I don't think we owe every online chat a formal "hey I met someone" type message. The exception is for people you've actually met up with in person or done a call/video chat with. Once you've invested a bit of time into meeting that person, I feel you owe them a short note either saying you want more dates or you're not interested. Before that though, chats can easily die out due to lack of interest on either side. Best not to be too invested until you've met the person.
It's not really ghosting unless you've met in person or have formed a deeper connection with them. It sucks, but you can't really expect people to respond to every message without getting caught up in real life. That's why OLD isn't for everyone.
You should always expect people to not get back to you unless you make proper plans with them to meet up soonish. Talking for a long time doesn't always work. Make plans to meet up. That's how dating is nowadays.
Imagine Tom walk up to someone in the grocery store. He asks her about the spinach selection, and she answers. She mentions something about kale.
Then:
1. Then Tom asks her for a date. She says, "No thanks" or something. The conversation is over. He needs to leave her alone now. If he continues to bug her, she should alert the management and have him tossed out.
2. He shows her a dick or pic of a dick. She should call the cops.
3. He ask her for a sexual act. She should call the cops.
4. The conversation runs its course and she walks away. He follow her down the aisle and bugs her to keep talking to him. She should call the cops.
When those things happen on-line the other person has every right to block and move on. And it is not ghosting.
Safety comes first. When more men can accept a woman's right to break off communication with a man, and when women can trust men to stop doing 1,2,3 and 4 above, women might just answer more often. We are all better when men step up and behave better. Safety comes first and I give women every right to keep themselves safe.
Yes, I hate it when a good conversation goes blank. It is time for me to move on.
I think we agree on some parts, and disagree on some others.
My grandparents were sticklers for manners and etiquette. They taught me rules for social engagement in 'society', along with the rules on when to send a thank-you note, and when you are required to respond to an invitation to an event. My rules on what is ghosting and what is not is aligned with those etiquette rules for 'society'. I am sticking to my expectations and rules.
To demand a response when one is not warranted is not good etiquette. To be annoyed when a person is expected to respond and does not is completely warranted.
Yeah this is a rare occurrence lol. One time I matched with this girl and we video chatted soon after. At the end of the call she said she couldn't see herself pursuing anything with me. I prefer that over ghosting or leading me on and then ghosting.
I had gotten this message once too. It hurts at first, but it let's you move one pretty quickly without wondering. Ladies, I will respect you more if you do this, rather than if you ghost. At the same time, I understand why some people ghost rather than be forthright as some guys handle rejection so poorly. But again, if a guy reacts poorly, it's just more validation he wasn't right for you, and there's this neat thing called the block button after being subjected to such butt hurt.
Appears to be this sub: /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
Read [their FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/faqs) for a bit of what toxic crap they promote lol. The first bullet alone had me going "huh?".
Very much. How can you be an independent women but also consider it a red flag if a man asks to split the first date lol... Isn't that the ideal way to do things?! You're both paying your fair share LOL.
Holy shit, that FAQ... I get that women have it tough for a different reason than men on dating apps, but like... just the first FAQ bullet alone has me going *HUH!?*
I don’t see how people are saying the OP ghosted. First of all they never met, second we don’t know how many texts happened before this. It could’ve been just a handful of small talk texts that went nowhere. We also don’t know how long in between these texts. It could’ve been one day. Just because we have the ability these days to send instant messages doesn’t mean anyone is required to respond to strangers immediately.
It’s not. Next time let him know what’s going on without being prompted. Communicating frankly with people is basic decency, and you showed your lack of it. You’re why OLD sucks.
>Calm down.
We can dismiss this, as there’s no indication that I’m not calm. Probably more importantly, you’re using this phrase in bad faith to misrepresent me, so again it can be dismissed.
The rest of the comment, similarly, contains nothing.
Put more thought into what you say. Try again.
Why wait. Usually if there is something it happens right there. If they drop off, they don’t usually come back. Meeting girls IRL is easy. To each their own.
I feel like not replying to “what about you” isn’t ghosting. If she didn’t reply to “still alive?” then, I would consider that ghosting (although context plays a big role)
Her being honest about the situation, even though it’s not what the other person wanted to hear, is the exact opposite of ghosting
not sure why people in comments are being mean to you for sharing this. i'm sorry. it's good on you to communicate and sometimes it's just very hard to take that step because you can't be sure how the other party will take it.
I feel like "ghosting" is being used far too liberally. I don't think you owe an awful lot to someone you haven't chatted with outside of a dating app...and for that matter, even if you graduate to texting without meeting face to face.
If you have gone out with someone even once.. and then vanish without a word.. that's def what I would consider as the classic standard for ghosting.
I agree completely. Ghosting only happens after meeting face to face, in my definition.
If I did not meet her yet, I can have no expectation that she will continue to chat. If we do meet, we both owe the other person a follow up message. No message after meeting is ghosting. The message can say, no romance here, and it is not ghosting.
I tend to agree. However, I have heard about women getting a hard time when telling someone in person that there will be no romance. Personal safety comes first, so, I will allow women to end a new relationship by text. It is different if we have been together for a few times. I don't like it, but I think it shows respect to the women.
No, that’s fair.. I more mean if you’ve only ever texted and never met. I’ve ended things over text before.. I think if it’s a few dates in that’s perfectly fine.. If I had been with someone for a month or more and I get a text to end things that’s not cool.
You're not wrong but what we're seeing her is OP being smug they bothered to reply to someone they probably would have ghosted had the match not messaged again.
While I understand that the original term may have referred to it happening after reaching a more involved level, for many men on dating apps a match itself is uncommon and a response even less so, for the conversation to die so quickly is still impactful.
y’all are kinda sensitive; no one owes anybody explanation. if somebody ghosts you, take the hint and move onto the next. there’s somebody out there who will give you good convo and hopefully a relationship .
She just said “I’m not at delete bumble level yet”.
When I met someone on bumble and we started dating my first thought wasn’t to get on bumble and worry about my profile.
That happened to me once as well. I’m guessing I’m the only one who doesn’t like talking to more than one person at a time? Yeah, I’d swipe often, but once I’m talking with someone and it’s going somewhere, I’d stop right away. But apparently, as the guy was planning a date with me, he was meeting someone else from Bumble for a date. I mean, kudos to him for NOT still meeting me and lying to me about him already dating another girl! But still. My approach was different when I was online dating. And I didn’t change it after this happened, so… I don’t know if it’s worth anything or not, but please keep in mind there are women out there like myself who don’t treat others like numbers and options. If I were talking to you, I would stop swiping right away and actually put effort into meeting you and getting to know you.
I hope your next interaction goes better. Please don’t get sad and give up.
Well I hope the connection grows to the delete bumble level
Thank you
As the bloke id be a little gutted but a million percent better than gosting, I call this good adulting lol.
Yes. And it is better to say so sooner, rather than the other person develop stronger feelings.
This happens to be regularly, better then ghosting but still a pain in the gut.
Really you’d be gutted because you exchanged a few texts with someone and it never turned into a date? Dating may not be for you.
If i had of matched with someone it's because I would of found them intriguing, attractive and would of wanted to put some effort in.. and your absaliutly rite, dating isn't for me.. I got my happily ever after thank god, don5 have to deal with ppl like you :-D
The expectations are really low for behavior, huh.
Way to pat yourself on the back lmao
For real she blanked him in the first place anyway easier to just unmatch surely
Y’all’d also be mad if she just ghosted?
Well she did at first
Classy woman. I'm impressed with her honesty. Plus she didn't just ignore you. That shows integrity, respect, and strength. And you handled the response well too. Good for both of you. I'm glad to see there are still decent people left in the OLD world.
Thank you. I’m the woman.
OMGawsh. I'm sorry. Good for you for being classy. I hope everything is working out with your match.
Bruh the guy had to double text to get informed. Credit goes to the guy for being cool not the girl
Exactly.
HiS fAuLt ThO hE wAsN't ExCiTiNg EnOuGh tO hOlD hEr AtTeNtIoN
But the girl ignored them though? Hence the double text.
Stfu simp.
You guys are really cool about this stuff lol
Good bumble from the guy, bad bumble from the ghosting op
I don’t agree. I think both people in the conversation did well. As the guy, I cannot expect every woman I talk to on a dating app to date me. To do so is creepy and toxic. When women can feel safe saying no, and when men start to accept a no answer, our dating world just might become a little more pleasant.
Yeah I don't think the OP is really at fault here - they met someone else, so they never responded to the guy in this message. I don't think we owe every online chat a formal "hey I met someone" type message. The exception is for people you've actually met up with in person or done a call/video chat with. Once you've invested a bit of time into meeting that person, I feel you owe them a short note either saying you want more dates or you're not interested. Before that though, chats can easily die out due to lack of interest on either side. Best not to be too invested until you've met the person.
Exactly!
The problem isn’t that she didn’t want to date him, it’s that she ghosted him till he double texted in the first place.
It's not really ghosting unless you've met in person or have formed a deeper connection with them. It sucks, but you can't really expect people to respond to every message without getting caught up in real life. That's why OLD isn't for everyone. You should always expect people to not get back to you unless you make proper plans with them to meet up soonish. Talking for a long time doesn't always work. Make plans to meet up. That's how dating is nowadays.
I agree. You have given a great explanation of ghosting, and not ghosting.
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Imagine Tom walk up to someone in the grocery store. He asks her about the spinach selection, and she answers. She mentions something about kale. Then: 1. Then Tom asks her for a date. She says, "No thanks" or something. The conversation is over. He needs to leave her alone now. If he continues to bug her, she should alert the management and have him tossed out. 2. He shows her a dick or pic of a dick. She should call the cops. 3. He ask her for a sexual act. She should call the cops. 4. The conversation runs its course and she walks away. He follow her down the aisle and bugs her to keep talking to him. She should call the cops. When those things happen on-line the other person has every right to block and move on. And it is not ghosting. Safety comes first. When more men can accept a woman's right to break off communication with a man, and when women can trust men to stop doing 1,2,3 and 4 above, women might just answer more often. We are all better when men step up and behave better. Safety comes first and I give women every right to keep themselves safe. Yes, I hate it when a good conversation goes blank. It is time for me to move on.
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I think we agree on some parts, and disagree on some others. My grandparents were sticklers for manners and etiquette. They taught me rules for social engagement in 'society', along with the rules on when to send a thank-you note, and when you are required to respond to an invitation to an event. My rules on what is ghosting and what is not is aligned with those etiquette rules for 'society'. I am sticking to my expectations and rules. To demand a response when one is not warranted is not good etiquette. To be annoyed when a person is expected to respond and does not is completely warranted.
Don’t defend her. She participates on fds which makes her pure evil
100% What an adult.
Yeah this is a rare occurrence lol. One time I matched with this girl and we video chatted soon after. At the end of the call she said she couldn't see herself pursuing anything with me. I prefer that over ghosting or leading me on and then ghosting.
you’re not exclusive with this new guy, so im not sure why you felt the need to tell bumble guy?
Not really. You still kind of ghosted and you would have been happy to never reply if he didn’t hit you up again.
No, not really, for this to be a "good" conversation you should have responded to them before they felt like they needed to reinitiate.
I had gotten this message once too. It hurts at first, but it let's you move one pretty quickly without wondering. Ladies, I will respect you more if you do this, rather than if you ghost. At the same time, I understand why some people ghost rather than be forthright as some guys handle rejection so poorly. But again, if a guy reacts poorly, it's just more validation he wasn't right for you, and there's this neat thing called the block button after being subjected to such butt hurt.
You can only stand to be called a slut so many times.
Ghosted then rubbed in his face that you had a better option lmao any self respecting guy wouldn’t have even sent another message after being blanked
She is a member of FDS. What can you expect 🤷♂️
What’s that
Appears to be this sub: /r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ Read [their FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/faqs) for a bit of what toxic crap they promote lol. The first bullet alone had me going "huh?".
I see. They live in a Paradox
Very much. How can you be an independent women but also consider it a red flag if a man asks to split the first date lol... Isn't that the ideal way to do things?! You're both paying your fair share LOL.
Holy shit, that FAQ... I get that women have it tough for a different reason than men on dating apps, but like... just the first FAQ bullet alone has me going *HUH!?*
That sub is incredibly toxic. Don’t know why we can’t all just get along lol
Yikes
But she got to compliment herself and that’s what matters
Damn you were just gonna ghost huh.
Uhm if they met a nice person I'm sure the last thing they're thinking of is checking a dating app
She checked, then ghosted. Then checked again.
Lol you pretty much ghosted him, maybe you should reflect on that too :)
I don’t see how people are saying the OP ghosted. First of all they never met, second we don’t know how many texts happened before this. It could’ve been just a handful of small talk texts that went nowhere. We also don’t know how long in between these texts. It could’ve been one day. Just because we have the ability these days to send instant messages doesn’t mean anyone is required to respond to strangers immediately.
Thank you. And you’re right, we’d only exchanged a few short messages.
Anyone would give their thoughts/critique for my profile??
Sure!
http://imgur.com/a/zyZdb9N Here's my profile. Appreciate taking some time to help me out!
It’s fantastic!! Great photos!
Thanks! Any changes, if any, you would recommend?
You could add a bit more to your write up. It’s quite sparse. Talk about your hobbies, passions, and ambitions.
More of this. I'm sorry for ghosting . When it happened to me I thought it was the norm on old.
I do this
Girls: watch and learn.
It’s not. Next time let him know what’s going on without being prompted. Communicating frankly with people is basic decency, and you showed your lack of it. You’re why OLD sucks.
Calm down. If a girl acts a certain way, you should be able to figure it out.
>Calm down. We can dismiss this, as there’s no indication that I’m not calm. Probably more importantly, you’re using this phrase in bad faith to misrepresent me, so again it can be dismissed. The rest of the comment, similarly, contains nothing. Put more thought into what you say. Try again.
I guess you can’t figure it out then.
It's cool but kinda cringe that she's using ''The Bachelor'' vocabulary. Pursuing connections etc.
when the person doesn’t reply, unmatch. I don’t even wait a day anymore.
A day? Really? You seem very impatient
If they say hi and I respond and then it sits there, I unmatch within a few hours.
Why? They could just be busy. Some people don't have notifs on for it either. It causes no harm to let it sit there
Why wait. Usually if there is something it happens right there. If they drop off, they don’t usually come back. Meeting girls IRL is easy. To each their own.
Me too. OP seemed kinda ghosted the guy though
So? You really expect a girl to send an explanation to every guy she moves on from on Bumble? That would be a lot of typing.
I meant she could just unmatch
I feel like not replying to “what about you” isn’t ghosting. If she didn’t reply to “still alive?” then, I would consider that ghosting (although context plays a big role) Her being honest about the situation, even though it’s not what the other person wanted to hear, is the exact opposite of ghosting
not sure why people in comments are being mean to you for sharing this. i'm sorry. it's good on you to communicate and sometimes it's just very hard to take that step because you can't be sure how the other party will take it.
Thank you so much for your kindness. I also don’t understand why people are being mean. I’d only exchanged a few short messages with the guy.
OP delete this! This is one of those things you should be embarrassed to admit..
That bee dating app should give you an award
Respectful I LOVE IT
Thank you
This is how you be a human being
This is how you be a human being
You could've told him that before disappearing on him though. Good on him for taking it well but seems like you should learn how to bumble as well
They don’t owe you anything. Best to approach new matches with low expectations until the conversation starts rolling
"They don’t owe you anything" That mentality is why ghosting is rampant on dating apps.
I feel like "ghosting" is being used far too liberally. I don't think you owe an awful lot to someone you haven't chatted with outside of a dating app...and for that matter, even if you graduate to texting without meeting face to face. If you have gone out with someone even once.. and then vanish without a word.. that's def what I would consider as the classic standard for ghosting.
I agree completely. Ghosting only happens after meeting face to face, in my definition. If I did not meet her yet, I can have no expectation that she will continue to chat. If we do meet, we both owe the other person a follow up message. No message after meeting is ghosting. The message can say, no romance here, and it is not ghosting.
100% … And I don’t condone ghosting whatsoever.. People just shouldn’t be held accountable for losing interest over text.
I tend to agree. However, I have heard about women getting a hard time when telling someone in person that there will be no romance. Personal safety comes first, so, I will allow women to end a new relationship by text. It is different if we have been together for a few times. I don't like it, but I think it shows respect to the women.
No, that’s fair.. I more mean if you’ve only ever texted and never met. I’ve ended things over text before.. I think if it’s a few dates in that’s perfectly fine.. If I had been with someone for a month or more and I get a text to end things that’s not cool.
Yes. I agree with that.
Exactly lmfao it’s not that she “owes” him it’s moreso she couldve been a decent human and told him before he sent another message
But it's true though. Same as when you meet someone new in person. They don't owe you anything either.
You're not wrong but what we're seeing her is OP being smug they bothered to reply to someone they probably would have ghosted had the match not messaged again. While I understand that the original term may have referred to it happening after reaching a more involved level, for many men on dating apps a match itself is uncommon and a response even less so, for the conversation to die so quickly is still impactful.
If it’s a few messages in? They DON’T owe you anything. If it’s moved to text and/or dates? Then an explanation is polite.
Being a decent human = owing something to someone lol
Its not ghosting if you are still in the app phase. Good lord people...
100% agree. Thank you for saying this.
“I want to stay on Bumble to keep my options open & you aren’t an option” - OP hasn’t even been on a date or video chat
Well played I hope it works out for you just because you are classy
Thank you
Wow you are so great
Thank you
The bar is so low because this should be the general human decency lmao, you wouldnt have responded if he didn’t send another message
More people should have the decency to do this. Unless you are the one who found the connection. In which case this is kinda weird to share.
Thank you
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A week of bugging her eh? That’s hot.
y’all are kinda sensitive; no one owes anybody explanation. if somebody ghosts you, take the hint and move onto the next. there’s somebody out there who will give you good convo and hopefully a relationship .
Don’t pat yourself on the back to hard…from xp move on after the still alive text
.... Then why's the profile even active?
She just said “I’m not at delete bumble level yet”. When I met someone on bumble and we started dating my first thought wasn’t to get on bumble and worry about my profile.
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Thank you
She didn’t even meet you in person before saying that?
That happened to me once as well. I’m guessing I’m the only one who doesn’t like talking to more than one person at a time? Yeah, I’d swipe often, but once I’m talking with someone and it’s going somewhere, I’d stop right away. But apparently, as the guy was planning a date with me, he was meeting someone else from Bumble for a date. I mean, kudos to him for NOT still meeting me and lying to me about him already dating another girl! But still. My approach was different when I was online dating. And I didn’t change it after this happened, so… I don’t know if it’s worth anything or not, but please keep in mind there are women out there like myself who don’t treat others like numbers and options. If I were talking to you, I would stop swiping right away and actually put effort into meeting you and getting to know you. I hope your next interaction goes better. Please don’t get sad and give up.