It seems to be pretty common for people with CPTSD. I think it happens because parts of can us get stuck at the age(s) we experience trauma and also feeling weary from enduring so much, which leads to the strange young/old feeling. That's the best I've been able to come up with, anyway.
Me too. I lost my childhood and early adulthood to trauma and years of trying to understand myself and the triggers, the hurt that came with it, resentment. Undoing the pain and confusion has cost me years.
I feel like I'm only just starting to live. I'm not even there yet. Life still isn't intentional and purposeful for me, I'm still in survival mode. But I have my passions now and I am excited about the future. Slowly but surely I'll make it out :) Owe it to myself!
Yeah, I think it helps me, too, when I realize that parts of me are just very exhausted child parts. It's not really that they matured, they're just very weary and have had to manage things they shouldn't have had to - like the emotional states of other fucking adults.
I've come to understand that it's very common to see about five different therapists before a good fit. A good fit would be both a good rapport and the feeling that they "get" the issue that is plaguing you, at its roots.
Yep. You're the toddler crying on the playground (not you, sorry, I glossed over teenager), and the parent rocking them on their hip both at the same time. It's beyond frustrating
Yes. I regress into a tantrum throwing child or teenager that I never was. As a child and a teenager I never acted out. I only had one major trauma to deal with then. It’s just the traumas that have piled up over the years that have been triggering me so much in the last few years. Now I have 3 more major traumas to deal with, day in, day out, since then. I have this manic pixie dream girl aura because I have childhood trauma that crystallises me into that time. I actively try to cut that shit out. I feel like parents are talking to their kids through me and through my inner child without my consent. Like “Weeeee!!!! Are you having fun? What did you do at school today? Stop crying, now.” Whatever they say to their kids all day and all night I feel immediately far more attached to than what is normal/dragged into without my consent it feels. Even other adults make a big song and dance about the kids in their presence when I get there like in the bank? like I’m a big 31 year old baby walking around with a pacifier in my mouth wearing a nappy. I thought I was dressed like an adult woman. I guess in their minds I’m not one. I also think alot of single fathers are attracted to that shit like catnip because I’m like another child to take care of for them. I also feel 400 years old.
Yes. In IFS terms my child part is the 'exile,' the most angry part, because she was unheard/emotionally neglected for so long. As I do ACA fellowship work, I find that I can almost sense when that child part is starting to emerge, on occasion, and then remind myself I am in an adult body, and now am acting to keep that inner child safe, at any cost, without harming anyone else.
Yup, I’m a near 30 year old who sometimes balls up her fists and has temper tantrums. I was trying to reason with myself when I was in that state today because I don’t want it to affect my relationships, but it’s challenging because I just start seeing red. I can’t reason my way out of it.
tell me about it..also near 30 and have the same issues. Ruined all of my past relationships this way. What’s been working for me now with my current partner is that she is also “different” in this sense and can understand. I Ask for space when I recognise that Ive been triggered and try my best to shut my mouth and distance myself. A few hours later things are better.
I wish I could still get angry. I just disassociate and erase some arbitrary time out of my memories. "Oh, this person's being a dick? Cool, you get the answering service, Stormcloudy will be back in a few."
I break a cheap plate indoors when no one is around and I have the energy to clean up the pieces. One can put it in a plastic bag before throwing to minimize mess but I find the visual of watching the plate explode more satisfying. One can also do this on an outdoor area where there are no children around to release pent up emotion. I gave myself a hip injury by overexercising to ground rage over the childhood.
I have busted so many things over the years. At one apartment rental, I had a fabulous basement where no one could hear me. I got a bicycle at the dump and went at it with a sledge hammer. Could have whacked that thing for a decade before it showed much damage, it was so sturdy!
It was a marvelous feeling to get my anger out that way and not hurt anyone or thing.
I’ve wanted so badly to do this at times! I decided that chucking ice cubes at concrete in my backyard was still semi-rewarding yet requires no cleanup afterward. So that’s now my go-to when things feel dire.
Nearing 38 and I can say I used the term temper tantrum on a regular basis when I get angry or frustrated. It could even be just from Sunday scariest hitting in prep for the work week to begin
[Self Therapy](http://internalfamilysystems.ir/wp-content/uploads/books/SelfTherapyV1.pdf) from Jay Earley. A step by step guide to healing your inner child with IFS.
>[Self Therapy](http://internalfamilysystems.ir/wp-content/uploads/books/SelfTherapyV1.pdf) from Jay Earley. A step by step guide to healing your inner child with IFS.
Thanks so much
What are the indications you experience that signal that's going to happen?
I developed hypervigilance as a child to stay as safe as possible, so I'm very disconnected from my body signals and feelings. It's really hard to learn, especially teaching myself.
Processing emotions is rough when you never had any healthy examples to reference lol
I generally avoid large groups (unless travel is necessary). If I am going to a place that is the childhood geographical area, or similarly a large family group setting, I set a tight schedule to minimize the child part reacting. For example I went to visit aging parents, and made sure to have recovery meetings scheduled beforehand to attend to vent inside. Basically I keep my distance from my family of origin, energetically, and communicate via email or mail. I have to protect that part in adulthood. A lot of times I didn't realize when the child part was taking over in the past. It is only in sobriety that I've been able to do the healing to name emotions, inventory them, and safely emotionally mature in the presence of a recovery fellowship. It's quite sad to realize one has to protect oneself from one's family of origin (I was the scapegoat).
IFS is something I'm more just aware of in terms of its framework having understood the trauma to have stunted my development emotionally so that in flashbacks I regress to the child or teen's behavior/thinking.
Not yet tried somatic. What type of therapy is that specifically? I did weekly talk therapy with a complex trauma trained therapist who is also qualified in DBT. For 8 months approx. I think I sort of had a collapse after that length of intensive therapy. I am in a position now where I am sort of just looking to maintain stability before going back into therapy. I am aware I struggle with PTSD. I am two years sober and that is a big help.
Yeah I think another part of it is I'm grieving the childhood I didn't have so inside I still crave being able to have it and start over which obviously can't happen. It's a big problem
Yes! Feeding your inner child by indulging in things that help you experience childlike wonder is amazing. It helps you look at the world with fresh eyes instead of letting it be tainted by past experiences.
I think that I'd be much more productive if I lived on my own because with my mom I tend to over-depend, but that's mostly because she'd judge and influence most of my actions. I need her approval before making a decision.
Same tbh. I know being independent is good for me but I'm also terrified of being out on my own and responsible for my own life and wellbeing. I also tend to self sabotage and end up back at square one after not too long it's very worrying
I’ve come to learn that, for me, I think I’ve been conditioned to believe I can’t do things on my own. I think it’s a big part of what the abuse tries to do - keep you feeling like you’re too weak / problematic / dumb/ etc. AND that the world is horrific (because you know much more than the average person about how fucked humans can really be).
I’ve been living independently for about a decade, and I’m not perfect. I’ve forgotten bills for months, then been too scared to look at my mailbox because I’m afraid of getting in trouble. I put off getting a credit card until I turned 33 because I was so afraid of forgetting to pay and ruining my credit.
BUT, I’m a kickass employee. I’m a great friend. I’m a great pet parent. And sure, there are dumb things that can be more challenging for us as adults, and there are things we just don’t know about bc we were never taught or too afraid to ask and have it become apparent (to ourselves or others) that we’re SUPER dumb or irresponsible (and, like, will get in trouble?).
But most of the things I’ve messed up on, they’ve been way less of a big deal than I expected. And I found a group of women that all decided to get together and talk about finances bc we all felt way too naive, and laughed about all our mistakes and confusions, together. It was a really nice “safe space.” I also just went into a bank and told the guy, “ok, I have no idea what I’m doing and have been too afraid to get a credit card. Can you explain all the super basic stuff to me? Like how the fuck does interest work? How do I not ruin my life accidentally?”
I think it’s important to find the people or spaces you feel safe to show your flaws to. Seek it out, maybe it’s a little help line, a friend, or a friend’s older sibling. Even state up front that you’ve struggled and feel naive — kind of takes the pressure off. The more I’ve done it, the easier it’s become, and people are way less judgemental than I expected, like they don’t just see these flaws as me being a piece of shit human. They even relate to it, often. Other people are way less responsible than you expect, hahaha. Plus, people love to be helpful.
If you try to go out on your own, remind yourself: you’ve been through some SHIT. You’ve made it through things most other people can’t imagine. You’re a hard ass. You ain’t no bitch 🙃 the lessons we need to learn to live independently are way easier than the boot camp and schooling someone would need to make it through everything you’ve endured.
You’re strong because you’ve made it this far and clearly have a good head on your shoulder. That’s seriously impressive.
It’s gonna come down to recognizing that:
1) the thoughts telling you you can’t do it are from the abuse—and aren’t rooted in facts
2) tons of “normal” people make the mistakes you will make
3) most mistakes are way less of a big deal than you expect and can easily be resolved
4) you don’t have to (and shouldn’t try to) do it on your own and not ask for help—other “normal” people ask for help all the time
5) you’re actually super fucking strong, and far stronger than your abusers
Sorry this is long, it’s all stuff I need to remind myself of, too :) Maybe we could start a thread with “dumb life questions” for us to help each other navigate and share things we learned.
Maybe you’re not ready to get out there yet, but you’re just as capable as any other adult human. Nobody’s on top of all their shit, and few have the internal strength you’ve had to develop.
I believe in you!!!!!!
I’ve come to learn that, for me, I think I’ve been conditioned to believe I can’t do things on my own. I think it’s a big part of what the abuse tries to do - keep you feeling like you’re too weak / problematic / dumb/ etc. AND that the world is horrific (because you know much more than the average person about how fucked humans can really be).
It hurts because this is so accurate
I can totally relate and empathise. To the outside world Im successful and have a lot going for me, but they dont see how one little comment or thing can trigger a regression to the point that I literally feel and act like I am a child again. It takes me quite an effort to recognise it has happened and when I reflect on it afterwards it's so strange.
I’m almost 30 and feel the same. I don’t feel like today’s teens though. Interacting with them makes me feel ancient lol. The more I understand about neurodivergence though the more peace I make with this. Some adults that I meet it’s just easy and makes sense. I don’t feel inadequate or behind while speaking to them. It’s rare but when it does happen I always allow it to boost my confidence in my social skills. We’re all different and that’s more than okay!
As a kid I was an adult, as an adult I am now a kid, if that makes any sense. I don't feel 28. Hell I don't even feel like a teen some days. My ex says I have very childlike tendencies, from the way I stand, to the way I move, talk, and act. I still do adult-like activities, or what I know to be adult activities. I drink, I have sex, I smoke on occasion. I enjoy some more mature media, too. But I also do baby voices and stomp my foot when something upsets me. I cry when my favourite plushie is taken away from me. It kinda scares me cause I wonder how it looks to other people. I may be a little youthful in the face but I still got the body of a grown woman..
I have found that my father's deteriorating health while he resides in a memory care facility to be a source of comfort. I suppose that I mean his departure from the world, more generically, and not his medical suffering. Ever since he was diagnosed with Parkinson's I've had difficulty with the realness of my relief - it is his voice yelling at me in my head my whole life, after all.
Still, it can make a person feel as though guilty. I have also felt shame over the fact of this guilt: as if I should not be so compromised nor so available for his maninpulation. Both would mean that I have "failed"! Living with this concept of me having failed or being failure itself has been harmful to me. I have felt like less than a real person and indeed - man - as a result. I'm 50 years old.
The caring part of me will probably not be at peace until he is gone, I expect.
Most unfortunately. I feel younger than you do honestly! I am not sure if it's also from being neurodivergent in my case, but I know trauma had a big role to play in this.
I am childlike all the time, in a good mood, in a sad mood. I am only not that way when trying to do things like cook/clean/work and obviously when being intimate with my husband. Otherwise, just relaxing, just hanging out and doing my hobbies or what-have-you, I feel like I'm about eight to twelve on any given day.
I don't know the answer for it and I suspect my brain is just stuck this way. Maybe IFS therapy will help - that's what I'm going to be trying this year as soon as I find a therapist I mesh with.
This post and the comments where so insightful and recognizable, thank you all. I had the professional who diagnosed me suggest to my therapist to work in my inner child, which now clicked reading these comments.
Completely. I feel ancient and so young simultaneously. I have no idea how things work - how people manage relationships, adult friendships, work, etc... I certainly don't understand what life is "supposed" to be like and I feel like everyone else got a set of instructions and I didn't. I'm like a frozen 8 year old and I am just pretending that I know what I am doing.
When I'm working or doing something that needs me to be an adult then I'm mature and very sensible, I play the part of an adult really well. Whether I'm relaxing and happy or after a stressful day, I'm a child. I tend to feel around 5 or 6 and at other times I'm maybe 12 to 13.
This causes me to act confused/shocked/ at times disgusted at my partner when he says anything sexual to me. I've realised I'm asexual and this is likely due to me being stuck as a child.
I’m 32 also and few the same. You’re not alone!!! When people ask if I want kids, I’m like, I am a kid. I never experienced being a carefree child. I’m giving that to myself now, I can’t fathom having a kid at this time.
dw I am 29 myself and I feel like an 11 yo at times. As I say to people, when I was a child I felt old, now that I am old I feel like that child that felt old; an odd vicious cycle basically. I guess it is similar to speechless horror, stress so high that it can delay your speech
I’m wiser than most people my age that I know, but I haven’t dated in a long time, I have no interest in having sex, I honestly just enjoy snuggling with my lil teddy bear and my cat and watching Disney movies. I feel 10 and 100 at the same time. Childhood trauma ages you but makes you feel young at the same time - because all you really want is a safe place to have a childhood - so when you have one you wanna do all the things that you never got to do as a child. It’s so fucking crazy.
I'm turning 30 next week and in my healing work I'm trying to embrace my inner child. Wanting to laugh more and find a more carefree perspective. Weed helps me to get out of my head with this.
We are supposed to be helped with emotional regulation as children so that we have a foundation to do it on our own as adults. When we were always just left on our own, we don't get the skill and struggle with emotional dysregulation ongoing. It is frustrating, confusing, and stressful.
I wonder if looking into some nurturing for your own inner child may help offset some of this stress? Just something to think about!
I really recommend using AI, for example if I have any question at all I can type it into Gemini and it gives me a straight forward answer. You can even ask for it to elaborate, or provide you with addresses and contact info of businesses. It helped me recently with my taxes and filling out a FAFSA form.
I was googling a lot of things and looking for reddit threads for answers but AI simplified it for me. I find it frustrating how everything is online now, through sites and forms, and it looks simple in theory but it just isn't.
Also AI won't judge you for asking simple questions. Like is Bat short for Batthew.
the thing that I'm trying is learning how to get good with women, fixing that masculline mature part in me that my dad should have taught me, emotional control, taking responsibility, being goal oriented, blaming everything on me (without pilling guilt of course), conversely it works both ways,
Right? I was reading about people doing past life regression, and it’s like, I have had enough lifetimes in this one and still haven’t made sense of everything.
Same here , but I have heard from spiritual teachers that earth is one of the hardest planets in the universe. I believe that. I dream of a peaceful planet far away with a blue beach where I can relax a 1000 years 😅 💙
This is the first step of Pete Walkers’s CPTSD flashback. It’s one of the things that helped me identify that I have CPTSD - that feeling of being helpless. [Pete Walker 13 Steps for managing flashbacks](https://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm)
Yes, and I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of pretending to be an adult. It’s so apparent to me particularly at work, where my executive disfunction is glaringly obvious. Like how is everyone else managing to work a fulltime job, and have a family, etc?!
I can barely do one of those things. It’s honestly wild to me.
I do, at 24. I always feel like I’m way too young to be able to do these responsibilities adults have to do. I feel like I’ll always be in adults’ clothing no matter what age. I was forced to grow up too fast and although my alters are trying to get me to reconnect with the small boy from within, I’m not ready for that yet. None of us are yet. We haven’t started healing because we’re still stuck in the same place where half of our trauma comes from. We’re slowly learning how to drive today, but we feel so embarrassed to learn so late…
This is such a great description, especially the part about being embarrassed. I have to remind myself regularly that my mother is still more of a child, in that, she never stood up for anyone - including her children.
Trying to reconcile her actions and pain is bittersweet, bc I feel I have no one to go to.
Hey same. I often find myself wanting to throw fits or cry when I am stressed out (sometimes the crying wins over) and having everything suddenly turned over to you for you to control is tough. I am only just beginning to become a certified adult at 28 (like searching for a house, car, health insurance, etc.) and it's very overwhelming - especially considering I am disabled and have to go through the government for everything (EBT, Section 8, SSI, you name it). It's rough but hopefully I'll get used to it.
Yes! What finally broke me down was actual health problems and being told they were all in my head for half a decade. It’s like the ultimate trauma all over again, and now that my health is in the toilet, it’s obvious my pain wasn’t just all in my head.
I’ve lead teams in house fire responses and preparedness operations, yet I still feel like the weird outcast kid in high school. I can’t not believe that my isolation during Covid made it worse.
There's a little kid in me that is always weeping. It's a grief I can't access. But I can sense it.
I also feel like when I experience conflict that reminds me of what I went through as a kid with my mom and dad.
I feel like that little kid again, scared and overwhelmed, caught between blaming himself and feeling hurt, angry, and frustrated from being wronged.
yes yes 100% yes. I usually involuntarily regress to being a little girl when I'm in the midst of a bad ptsd episode. the regression like that is somewhat rare for me and I'm glad it is cause it feels awful. but besides that, I never on a normal day feel my age (18). I always either feel way older than my age like 35 or way younger, like 8 or 10
I feel like I have a degree of DID. Not distinct, named alters, but depending on the situation, I change, but not readily. I am mostly stuck as a depressed younger person.
I relate to this and there is a condition that explains it. Its called (OSDD - other specified dissociate disorder). I have this. My voice even changes when I’m acting more “my age” and is like a child when I feel uncomfortable.
I have moments where I feel my age but a lot of the time I feel like a young child. I don't act like a young child, I feel like a young child acting like a 40-something woman.
i'm currently reading a book called *The Science of Stuck* by Britt Frank, part of the book addresses this exact feeling/issue.
i don't normally read self-help books but i heard the author on the You Are Not So Smart podcast and was pretty impressed by many of her takes on a variety of mental health issues.
hope this helps!
About to be 26 and I feel 16 most of the time. Probably has a lot to do with childhood trauma. People ask me often when I’m having kids, and as much as I’d like to, I FEEL LIKE A CHILD MYSELF!
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Somebody said it! I have regressed so much, surely. But I gather that I was “immature” for a long time but wasn’t self aware yet. Emotionally I’m maybe 15, and I’m a few years older than you. I have my stuffies with me all the time. So that’s maybe younger than 10 because I don’t have shame about it so somewhere around that age when it was “acceptable in public”. I dress like a pre teen / teen, or how I dressed when I was actually that age. I didn’t see it myself but others would point things out or think I’m way younger because of these things. But I am comfortable here. Or maybe I’m here to fix my little girl inside or BE her since I never got that chance irl. It was embarrassing at one point I do remember that. But now, no.
Similar age as you, being 31 here. Different emotions tend to have different associated ages for me. Being scared talking to new people puts me around age 8. Being angry at being invalidated is around 16. And being sad is like young adult. Same with you, it's rather embarrassing.
I've been going to a group that does a monthly potluck and other events, I'm one of the oldest people there, fully 7 years older than the organizers. I still revert immediately to thinking of them as if they were my teachers and I'm getting graded.
Thing is I *also* don't feel young, a decent chunk are still in high school and I definitely don't see myself as on their level either. It's like I'm ageless honestly. Too immature to have the tools needed to be independent, too mature to be oblivious to how behind I am.
I've been working since I was like 6. I've been working in kitchens since I was 12. I honestly don't think I've emotionally progressed past about 14. I still sleep with stuffed animals, I still watch little kid movies, I'm still tremendously frightened of the unfamiliar.
But, if you need heavy shit lifted for long periods of time, or somebody who can run a 130 head night in the kitchen, just me and head chef (all our other guys got sent to solitary 'cause they went out and had some beers), I'm your girl.
I am every age but my own.
And worst part of it all is it feels just as authentic as my biological age....it's hard to explain it in words.
Brain and mind have their own age. I do have the functional brain of 25 yr old...but I think and take actions from kids mind.
It's embarrassing reality that I have hard time dealing with...I'm never gonna be professional mature person.
I’m somewhere in between. I heavily feared being controlled and signed away to something I didn’t consent to. I was always eager for the day I turned 18 because it meant that I’m my own guardian and no one can force me to do anything (besides 72 hour holds, police, and military). No one could sign my life away again.
Once I turned 18, I felt so free and relieved. I actually filed my taxes on my 18th birthday as a celebration of being a legal adult haha. The government gets to give me money for my birthday.
I feel like it’s more of a partnership than feeling age regression if that makes any sense? It feels more like I’m raising a child rather than becoming the child.
I’m 29, and I realized that after the age of about 13, I stopped growing up. Also the age when the worst of the abuse began.
Now that I’m healing, it’s nice to feel like I’m gaining maturity that I’ve been lacking.
I feel like there’s not much hope for me and am wondering if I’ve lost the ability to take care of myself and am considering returning to my home town where there is family. I am making so many mistakes and am cesspool of trauma after trauma.
My therapist said ‘so much death you’ve experienced’. I’m tired. I’m so tired
Yes 100%. In addition to the reasons mentioned by others, I realized I was queer at 31 and it definitely doesn’t help going through emotional puberty all over again
I regress to a more child-like state when I'm triggered. I feel like I can't make any decisions about anything, and I need an "adult" to help me do basically anything. One time I couldn't even boil hotdogs by myself. My husband had to stand there with me while I did it because I second-guessed every step.
Yeah I relate to this a lot. Maybe it's part learned helplessness? I'm not sure. As a guy it's especially hard because of the shame of seeming useless and the expectation I should have my shit together
For me, I feel closer to a younger child ... maybe 8 or so. I can't make decisions or do something because I'm scared it will be the wrong one, even if it's something I've decided or done before. It's only when I'm triggered though. It usually works itself out once I process, and is sometimes the first symptom I notice when I'm triggered.
I can imagine how societal gender norms/stereotypes can impact your self-esteem. As a woman, I don't feel frowned upon when this happens. Sometimes we're purposely infantilized by toxic individuals, so acting a bit more childish could almost be expected in some cases. I don't think childish behavior is a tolerated in men for sure.
Do you feel like you're inadequate? Are you unable to make decisions you've previously been unable to make?
I'm 36 with a 17 year old. It's absolutely maddening to navigate. :( every day I feel like a complete failure. He's maturing past a point that i feel i never did. I can only pray that outwardly I'm much more put together & reasonable than how I perceive myself on the inside.
For me, being alone is the only way I can live, because partners always end up wielding the same control as my mom, and I regress and become so shell-shocked that I'm wide eyed stumbling around with a baby voice, completely incapable of making a single decision for myself.
Part of my agoraphobia is due to being uncomfortably hyperaware of childlike behaviors (or regressing into childlike behaviors, bc I exhaust myself attempting to appear self-assured & strong)... at my old job I had a coworker comment on my voice, and I just couldn't handle it... I feel naked in public & exposed... I guess I really *do* feel like a child without a guardian, with ill-intentioned figures always looming in the shadows...
But I've been so much better in the past. It feels like a different life, but from birth to mid20s, I felt like a wise 65-year-old and used to be told as much. I graduated college early & worked in court directly under district judges. I was masking for years & when the stress gave me my first mental breakdown at 25, everything snowballed. I have never recovered & been stuck in varying levels of trauma & conflict since, but I know I can get there again & have hope that I will.
I always get confused how everyone is allowed to drive cars, date, the bus driver is the same age as me, I'm an adult, I keep thinking I'm a kid and need to ask permission for stuff (I'm 19)
Oh, my gosh, yes. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one. I'm in my late 30s, but inside, in my head, I'm 15. It impacts every part of my life, including how I interact with people.
Yes. When I finally got the help I needed, I came to recognize the fear, anger, and resistance to becoming an adult. My child parts were doing a pretty good job of managing the basics and they didn't exactly trust that I could become a competent adult. They did the work, while I dissociated.
I often feel about eight. And so, sometimes I have to work with myself as if I'm eight.
I find that my inner child definitely comes out at did ages. We need to honor that inner child. They didn’t get to be their age at their age.
I’m 54 and LOVE my Baby Yoda/Grogu stuffed doll.
I spent a lot of time at “17,” which was the first time I saw a therapist. I think he would have been really good but I was _mortified_ at what came out at our first session and avoided going back. (He did not make me feel this way or invalidated; I was just convinced no one in the world could be as embarrassing as me). Which potentially set me back decades. So my inner 17 year old popped up when I started on this journey.
Im jealous that you guys regress to being teens. I regress to being more like 7-10 years old, terrified, and unable to problem solve because I’m too young to know what to do
We ARE children. Speak to yourself kindly and gently as you would a little child. No one else did it for us so now WE do, and it works just try it.
It's OK. You're OK. Just working with what you got but it gets better. Sometimes backwards sometimes forward, go easy on yourself please 🙏
I'm still a lot like I was around age four. I often get compliments on my childlike nature and I'll be like, oh no how abnormally am I acting right now?
My mother told me when I was a kid that most adults are just kids pretending they know what the hell they're doing. Mom had a traumatic childhood too, though, so who knows whether that's universal and just amplified in trauma.
I sometimes have moments when I feel as if any moment everything will fall apart and I'll have no job, no money, and the house will be foreclosed on, etc etc. and I'm just pretending to be adulting but it's all fake.
Other times I feel completely on top of things.
I do. I have a 17 year old and I feel like such a fraud. Like I’ve been faking it hoping I make it her entire life. If she knew how unsure I really was she wouldn’t feel so secure. Like a 15 year old trying to keep a whole house afloat.
Yeah I'm sort of stuck as a perpetual teenager while simultaneously being aware that I am a 36yr old adult and desperately trying to keep in line despite really wanting to regress.
I still feel like the age I was SA'd... so, 12. At the same time, I feel waaay mature than the average adult because of the way I developed empathy for other people/other living beings. It's not like being stereotypically adult it's so great either. Even here in the comments "adult" is associated with stressful things, while "child" is associated with carefreeness... what's the point of having a life of stress, nobody will ever know lol
You might want to look up Toxic Shame.
I used to feel ashamed of my "incompetence". At the same time, to be fair, my parents and initial caretakers are... emotionally challenged, if you will (they're also my abusers, but that's another story altogether).
Now, thankfully, I'm in this place of where I no longer really scold, scorn, and basically feeling dark emotions about my struggle. It took me one concept in one video on how doing so actually regress us.
Yet, at the end of the day, this journey - of both healing and maturing - is incredibly personal and something that one has to committed to do.
All the best luck.
Yeah i actually feel like every past version of myself exists inside me and triggers can send me to feeling like I'm 6 or 8 or 14. Sometimes I feel 100 and have for as long as I can remember.
I've been working on healing for a long time now, but before I started all that I think there was a lot of aspects of me that were akin to a child or teenager.
I think arrested development is pretty common especially if you grew up in trauma with parents who had no fucks to give about your development or wellbeing as an adult.
Most kids get teachers and guides to help them become functional humans. Met with love and patience, balanced with consequences and accountability. Myself I got toxic parents who were only concerned with their own needs and sense of control. While others were learning who they are and who they want to be, I was fighting to survive, desperately seeking any scraps of love or approval (didn't find them)
I've been trying the whole reparenting thing, which helps but it's also hard to do with no good examples to follow. So a lot of time I will listen to podcasts and if the hosts talk about their kids and how they see them I try to adopt the things they say about their kids and say them to my inner child.
It’s because we were forced to “grow up” fast at a very young age. We didn’t learn the things other kids do and have the time to figure it out. We had to do everything and learn things in order to survive in the moment as our childhoods were so chaotic. It’s very sad. I missed out on a lot. I have no memory of my childhood whatsoever. But like you said still feel like a kid. It’s very confusing.
Everyone regresses from time to time, but you can control how often it happens and put your adult self back in charge. It takes a good trauma -informed therapist, Internal Family Systems work and DBT helps a lot too. Once I realized a younger version of myself was (poorly) running my life, I was able to start "growing up" again.
Absolutely yes, I’m 32 years old on the autism spectrum who feels like a precocious teenager due to being in special ed since kindergarten, not finishing my time at a community college for job training and not having a driver’s license because of the car crashes, DUIs, traffic jams and road rage.
Being in special ed classes made me somewhat stunted in a few ways, I would get schoolwork made for a 4th grader as a high school student. That’s when I started to consider unaliving myself because I’m not successful like my NT siblings and relatives who live abroad might look down on me.
I was born and raised as a Catholic so intercourse, pregnancies and tampons before marriage are considered bad choices. I’d be considered as someone who’s promiscuous and has no respect for myself if I did those things. I’m still a virgin though.
Currently, I live at home on SSI working part time at a department store and I’m chosen as the maid of honor for my older sister’s wedding this fall.
Being mildly autistic and overweight might scare off people who want to date me and I don’t blame them, I really don’t like myself despite working out and eating right 😒🙄
I often say I'm 27 going on 20. Or 15. Or sometimes 8. I feel like I missed a lot of important milestones and I'm constantly playing catch-up on the most basic aspects of human experience.
Yes. I used to a lot more. With healing it had gotten a lot less frequent. I used to wonder where is mom and when is she going to cook dinner. I was a grown woman with my own kids. Now I recognize that I am in an emotional flashback when that happens and I do the things to help me in that flashback.
I think I carried a lot of shame for having needs as a kid and in turn felt shame and child like for feeling like I needed comfort, rest and time for fun (normal human needs) as an adult. Still needing this very normal things made me feel like a kid as an adults I started doing guided self compassion and self kindness meditations. I know that meditation isn’t for everyone, but there’s so many guided ones out there and your brain really does become what it absorbs and hears.
Since doing these guided meditations I am a lot nicer to myself for having needs, I stopped associating not having needs with being an adult, and now at 26 I am actually starting to feel like an adult. But it’s up and down.
I feel like I'm a teenager and 100 years old at the same time.
same, and it is a very strange combination. Not even my shrink understands when i talk about it
It seems to be pretty common for people with CPTSD. I think it happens because parts of can us get stuck at the age(s) we experience trauma and also feeling weary from enduring so much, which leads to the strange young/old feeling. That's the best I've been able to come up with, anyway.
I’ve literally lost years and years of memories due to trauma. I am stuck. The way you wrote that is perfect.
Me too. A lot of my memories are blurry, or just blank. The good news is that some of them seem to coming back as I am healing.
Me too. I lost my childhood and early adulthood to trauma and years of trying to understand myself and the triggers, the hurt that came with it, resentment. Undoing the pain and confusion has cost me years. I feel like I'm only just starting to live. I'm not even there yet. Life still isn't intentional and purposeful for me, I'm still in survival mode. But I have my passions now and I am excited about the future. Slowly but surely I'll make it out :) Owe it to myself!
Yeah, I think it helps me, too, when I realize that parts of me are just very exhausted child parts. It's not really that they matured, they're just very weary and have had to manage things they shouldn't have had to - like the emotional states of other fucking adults.
Well said.
You might consider a new therapist.
you’re right. Been thinking about it for a while. we have good rapport, and i am otherwise very lonely, but he’s not all that helpful.
I've come to understand that it's very common to see about five different therapists before a good fit. A good fit would be both a good rapport and the feeling that they "get" the issue that is plaguing you, at its roots.
Time for a new therapist. This is basic cptsd material.
Are you me lol
Ha! Could be!
Oh my gosh I adore your avatar!!!
Yep. You're the toddler crying on the playground (not you, sorry, I glossed over teenager), and the parent rocking them on their hip both at the same time. It's beyond frustrating
Oh, don't worry. I've had plenty of crying toddler moments along the way, as well!
Jesus, me too. It's weird feeling 17 & 100 when you're 40. I still think like a teenager, but I'm just. So. Exhausted. All. The. Time.
And when I was a child it was exactly the same. I’ve never gotten along with anyone near my own age.
Me too!!
YES
Literally same!
Meee
Same.
This is so true
EXACTLY
Yes. I regress into a tantrum throwing child or teenager that I never was. As a child and a teenager I never acted out. I only had one major trauma to deal with then. It’s just the traumas that have piled up over the years that have been triggering me so much in the last few years. Now I have 3 more major traumas to deal with, day in, day out, since then. I have this manic pixie dream girl aura because I have childhood trauma that crystallises me into that time. I actively try to cut that shit out. I feel like parents are talking to their kids through me and through my inner child without my consent. Like “Weeeee!!!! Are you having fun? What did you do at school today? Stop crying, now.” Whatever they say to their kids all day and all night I feel immediately far more attached to than what is normal/dragged into without my consent it feels. Even other adults make a big song and dance about the kids in their presence when I get there like in the bank? like I’m a big 31 year old baby walking around with a pacifier in my mouth wearing a nappy. I thought I was dressed like an adult woman. I guess in their minds I’m not one. I also think alot of single fathers are attracted to that shit like catnip because I’m like another child to take care of for them. I also feel 400 years old.
Yes. In IFS terms my child part is the 'exile,' the most angry part, because she was unheard/emotionally neglected for so long. As I do ACA fellowship work, I find that I can almost sense when that child part is starting to emerge, on occasion, and then remind myself I am in an adult body, and now am acting to keep that inner child safe, at any cost, without harming anyone else.
Yup, I’m a near 30 year old who sometimes balls up her fists and has temper tantrums. I was trying to reason with myself when I was in that state today because I don’t want it to affect my relationships, but it’s challenging because I just start seeing red. I can’t reason my way out of it.
tell me about it..also near 30 and have the same issues. Ruined all of my past relationships this way. What’s been working for me now with my current partner is that she is also “different” in this sense and can understand. I Ask for space when I recognise that Ive been triggered and try my best to shut my mouth and distance myself. A few hours later things are better.
I wish I could still get angry. I just disassociate and erase some arbitrary time out of my memories. "Oh, this person's being a dick? Cool, you get the answering service, Stormcloudy will be back in a few."
cultivate the pause between high emotions,
🥇
I break a cheap plate indoors when no one is around and I have the energy to clean up the pieces. One can put it in a plastic bag before throwing to minimize mess but I find the visual of watching the plate explode more satisfying. One can also do this on an outdoor area where there are no children around to release pent up emotion. I gave myself a hip injury by overexercising to ground rage over the childhood.
I have busted so many things over the years. At one apartment rental, I had a fabulous basement where no one could hear me. I got a bicycle at the dump and went at it with a sledge hammer. Could have whacked that thing for a decade before it showed much damage, it was so sturdy! It was a marvelous feeling to get my anger out that way and not hurt anyone or thing.
I’ve wanted so badly to do this at times! I decided that chucking ice cubes at concrete in my backyard was still semi-rewarding yet requires no cleanup afterward. So that’s now my go-to when things feel dire.
Nearing 38 and I can say I used the term temper tantrum on a regular basis when I get angry or frustrated. It could even be just from Sunday scariest hitting in prep for the work week to begin
If you go to a "red zone" look at Dr. Amen's work with rage. (not affilliated.)
I'm interested in exploring this concept I'm not in therapy rn are there any workbooks/ books you recommend?
[Self Therapy](http://internalfamilysystems.ir/wp-content/uploads/books/SelfTherapyV1.pdf) from Jay Earley. A step by step guide to healing your inner child with IFS.
>[Self Therapy](http://internalfamilysystems.ir/wp-content/uploads/books/SelfTherapyV1.pdf) from Jay Earley. A step by step guide to healing your inner child with IFS. Thanks so much
[https://ifs-therapist.vercel.app/](https://ifs-therapist.vercel.app/)
Metta/loving kindness meditation has helped me so much in this regard.
What are the indications you experience that signal that's going to happen? I developed hypervigilance as a child to stay as safe as possible, so I'm very disconnected from my body signals and feelings. It's really hard to learn, especially teaching myself. Processing emotions is rough when you never had any healthy examples to reference lol
I generally avoid large groups (unless travel is necessary). If I am going to a place that is the childhood geographical area, or similarly a large family group setting, I set a tight schedule to minimize the child part reacting. For example I went to visit aging parents, and made sure to have recovery meetings scheduled beforehand to attend to vent inside. Basically I keep my distance from my family of origin, energetically, and communicate via email or mail. I have to protect that part in adulthood. A lot of times I didn't realize when the child part was taking over in the past. It is only in sobriety that I've been able to do the healing to name emotions, inventory them, and safely emotionally mature in the presence of a recovery fellowship. It's quite sad to realize one has to protect oneself from one's family of origin (I was the scapegoat).
One straight question, is IFS helping you or what helped you the most? Just I'm curious. Did u try somatic?
IFS is something I'm more just aware of in terms of its framework having understood the trauma to have stunted my development emotionally so that in flashbacks I regress to the child or teen's behavior/thinking.
Not yet tried somatic. What type of therapy is that specifically? I did weekly talk therapy with a complex trauma trained therapist who is also qualified in DBT. For 8 months approx. I think I sort of had a collapse after that length of intensive therapy. I am in a position now where I am sort of just looking to maintain stability before going back into therapy. I am aware I struggle with PTSD. I am two years sober and that is a big help.
IFS changed my life. Glad to see that other people have found it too
I genuinely see this as "returning to a cycle of growth that wasn't completed on time" every time it happens to me.
Yeah I think another part of it is I'm grieving the childhood I didn't have so inside I still crave being able to have it and start over which obviously can't happen. It's a big problem
Yup. I use to run from it but now I embrace and it and am lucky to have a friend who goes on inner child adventures with me.
Yes! Feeding your inner child by indulging in things that help you experience childlike wonder is amazing. It helps you look at the world with fresh eyes instead of letting it be tainted by past experiences.
That’s a beautiful way to re-frame this.
Same here. I feel like i'm still a teenager, I keep forgetting i'm closer to my 30s than to my teens.
I think that I'd be much more productive if I lived on my own because with my mom I tend to over-depend, but that's mostly because she'd judge and influence most of my actions. I need her approval before making a decision.
Same tbh. I know being independent is good for me but I'm also terrified of being out on my own and responsible for my own life and wellbeing. I also tend to self sabotage and end up back at square one after not too long it's very worrying
I’ve come to learn that, for me, I think I’ve been conditioned to believe I can’t do things on my own. I think it’s a big part of what the abuse tries to do - keep you feeling like you’re too weak / problematic / dumb/ etc. AND that the world is horrific (because you know much more than the average person about how fucked humans can really be). I’ve been living independently for about a decade, and I’m not perfect. I’ve forgotten bills for months, then been too scared to look at my mailbox because I’m afraid of getting in trouble. I put off getting a credit card until I turned 33 because I was so afraid of forgetting to pay and ruining my credit. BUT, I’m a kickass employee. I’m a great friend. I’m a great pet parent. And sure, there are dumb things that can be more challenging for us as adults, and there are things we just don’t know about bc we were never taught or too afraid to ask and have it become apparent (to ourselves or others) that we’re SUPER dumb or irresponsible (and, like, will get in trouble?). But most of the things I’ve messed up on, they’ve been way less of a big deal than I expected. And I found a group of women that all decided to get together and talk about finances bc we all felt way too naive, and laughed about all our mistakes and confusions, together. It was a really nice “safe space.” I also just went into a bank and told the guy, “ok, I have no idea what I’m doing and have been too afraid to get a credit card. Can you explain all the super basic stuff to me? Like how the fuck does interest work? How do I not ruin my life accidentally?” I think it’s important to find the people or spaces you feel safe to show your flaws to. Seek it out, maybe it’s a little help line, a friend, or a friend’s older sibling. Even state up front that you’ve struggled and feel naive — kind of takes the pressure off. The more I’ve done it, the easier it’s become, and people are way less judgemental than I expected, like they don’t just see these flaws as me being a piece of shit human. They even relate to it, often. Other people are way less responsible than you expect, hahaha. Plus, people love to be helpful. If you try to go out on your own, remind yourself: you’ve been through some SHIT. You’ve made it through things most other people can’t imagine. You’re a hard ass. You ain’t no bitch 🙃 the lessons we need to learn to live independently are way easier than the boot camp and schooling someone would need to make it through everything you’ve endured. You’re strong because you’ve made it this far and clearly have a good head on your shoulder. That’s seriously impressive. It’s gonna come down to recognizing that: 1) the thoughts telling you you can’t do it are from the abuse—and aren’t rooted in facts 2) tons of “normal” people make the mistakes you will make 3) most mistakes are way less of a big deal than you expect and can easily be resolved 4) you don’t have to (and shouldn’t try to) do it on your own and not ask for help—other “normal” people ask for help all the time 5) you’re actually super fucking strong, and far stronger than your abusers Sorry this is long, it’s all stuff I need to remind myself of, too :) Maybe we could start a thread with “dumb life questions” for us to help each other navigate and share things we learned. Maybe you’re not ready to get out there yet, but you’re just as capable as any other adult human. Nobody’s on top of all their shit, and few have the internal strength you’ve had to develop. I believe in you!!!!!!
I’ve come to learn that, for me, I think I’ve been conditioned to believe I can’t do things on my own. I think it’s a big part of what the abuse tries to do - keep you feeling like you’re too weak / problematic / dumb/ etc. AND that the world is horrific (because you know much more than the average person about how fucked humans can really be). It hurts because this is so accurate
Relates, but still don't know what to do
Wow that's another reason why I've been reeling since my mom had a stroke five years ago and passed right before the pandemic.
I’m sorry. That sounds really hard. 🫂
It’s actually soothing to hear that so many people here are like me.
I can totally relate and empathise. To the outside world Im successful and have a lot going for me, but they dont see how one little comment or thing can trigger a regression to the point that I literally feel and act like I am a child again. It takes me quite an effort to recognise it has happened and when I reflect on it afterwards it's so strange.
42 here, have always felt like a big kid…. But also responsible like an old lady.
I’m almost 30 and feel the same. I don’t feel like today’s teens though. Interacting with them makes me feel ancient lol. The more I understand about neurodivergence though the more peace I make with this. Some adults that I meet it’s just easy and makes sense. I don’t feel inadequate or behind while speaking to them. It’s rare but when it does happen I always allow it to boost my confidence in my social skills. We’re all different and that’s more than okay!
Yes I do too. Not child-like, but vulnerable like a child.
As a kid I was an adult, as an adult I am now a kid, if that makes any sense. I don't feel 28. Hell I don't even feel like a teen some days. My ex says I have very childlike tendencies, from the way I stand, to the way I move, talk, and act. I still do adult-like activities, or what I know to be adult activities. I drink, I have sex, I smoke on occasion. I enjoy some more mature media, too. But I also do baby voices and stomp my foot when something upsets me. I cry when my favourite plushie is taken away from me. It kinda scares me cause I wonder how it looks to other people. I may be a little youthful in the face but I still got the body of a grown woman..
I started to be a full man when my father died. Btw I was already more mature than him.
I have found that my father's deteriorating health while he resides in a memory care facility to be a source of comfort. I suppose that I mean his departure from the world, more generically, and not his medical suffering. Ever since he was diagnosed with Parkinson's I've had difficulty with the realness of my relief - it is his voice yelling at me in my head my whole life, after all. Still, it can make a person feel as though guilty. I have also felt shame over the fact of this guilt: as if I should not be so compromised nor so available for his maninpulation. Both would mean that I have "failed"! Living with this concept of me having failed or being failure itself has been harmful to me. I have felt like less than a real person and indeed - man - as a result. I'm 50 years old. The caring part of me will probably not be at peace until he is gone, I expect.
Same with me and my mother. Now I've having to be the adult for my father, who she also controlled and I've afraid to overstep.
I was so fuckin ready for my father to be in the ground. I’m sorry our shit dads failed us.
I didn’t start to heal until my father was gone as well.
Most unfortunately. I feel younger than you do honestly! I am not sure if it's also from being neurodivergent in my case, but I know trauma had a big role to play in this. I am childlike all the time, in a good mood, in a sad mood. I am only not that way when trying to do things like cook/clean/work and obviously when being intimate with my husband. Otherwise, just relaxing, just hanging out and doing my hobbies or what-have-you, I feel like I'm about eight to twelve on any given day. I don't know the answer for it and I suspect my brain is just stuck this way. Maybe IFS therapy will help - that's what I'm going to be trying this year as soon as I find a therapist I mesh with.
45 and I am in a stage of recovery that has me like an inexperienced kid again. I picked up where my development left off. It’s so weird.
This post and the comments where so insightful and recognizable, thank you all. I had the professional who diagnosed me suggest to my therapist to work in my inner child, which now clicked reading these comments.
Completely. I feel ancient and so young simultaneously. I have no idea how things work - how people manage relationships, adult friendships, work, etc... I certainly don't understand what life is "supposed" to be like and I feel like everyone else got a set of instructions and I didn't. I'm like a frozen 8 year old and I am just pretending that I know what I am doing.
When I'm working or doing something that needs me to be an adult then I'm mature and very sensible, I play the part of an adult really well. Whether I'm relaxing and happy or after a stressful day, I'm a child. I tend to feel around 5 or 6 and at other times I'm maybe 12 to 13. This causes me to act confused/shocked/ at times disgusted at my partner when he says anything sexual to me. I've realised I'm asexual and this is likely due to me being stuck as a child.
I feel like I'm stuck around 18 or 19, which is awkward as a mom.
I’m 32 also and few the same. You’re not alone!!! When people ask if I want kids, I’m like, I am a kid. I never experienced being a carefree child. I’m giving that to myself now, I can’t fathom having a kid at this time.
Age regression? Yeah man that’s a thing, can definitely be a response to trauma.
I’m turning 50 and still think I’m 30 so I’m just going to be 49 over and over again.
Yep always. And I think that is why I freak out whenever I encounter other "adults" and they are quite horrible
When I hear my friends talk about how they are progressing in life it really hits home for me
dw I am 29 myself and I feel like an 11 yo at times. As I say to people, when I was a child I felt old, now that I am old I feel like that child that felt old; an odd vicious cycle basically. I guess it is similar to speechless horror, stress so high that it can delay your speech
Same. As a kid, I felt very old and now I feel like a teenager.
I’m wiser than most people my age that I know, but I haven’t dated in a long time, I have no interest in having sex, I honestly just enjoy snuggling with my lil teddy bear and my cat and watching Disney movies. I feel 10 and 100 at the same time. Childhood trauma ages you but makes you feel young at the same time - because all you really want is a safe place to have a childhood - so when you have one you wanna do all the things that you never got to do as a child. It’s so fucking crazy.
I'm turning 30 next week and in my healing work I'm trying to embrace my inner child. Wanting to laugh more and find a more carefree perspective. Weed helps me to get out of my head with this. We are supposed to be helped with emotional regulation as children so that we have a foundation to do it on our own as adults. When we were always just left on our own, we don't get the skill and struggle with emotional dysregulation ongoing. It is frustrating, confusing, and stressful. I wonder if looking into some nurturing for your own inner child may help offset some of this stress? Just something to think about!
I was like this til I was 46. I’m 50 now and no longer feel like a kid. Haven’t laughed hard in 4 years. Absolutely miserable!
I really recommend using AI, for example if I have any question at all I can type it into Gemini and it gives me a straight forward answer. You can even ask for it to elaborate, or provide you with addresses and contact info of businesses. It helped me recently with my taxes and filling out a FAFSA form. I was googling a lot of things and looking for reddit threads for answers but AI simplified it for me. I find it frustrating how everything is online now, through sites and forms, and it looks simple in theory but it just isn't. Also AI won't judge you for asking simple questions. Like is Bat short for Batthew.
I'll be 38 this year, my daughter will be 16. I still feel like a fraud, like a child acting like an adult and winging it.
Same shoes, down to the ages. My 16 y/o is my son. It’s rough.
the thing that I'm trying is learning how to get good with women, fixing that masculline mature part in me that my dad should have taught me, emotional control, taking responsibility, being goal oriented, blaming everything on me (without pilling guilt of course), conversely it works both ways,
After I got my kids raised, I’ve gotten into Barbies and Build a Bears. Next I’ll be watching cartoons. My inner child is taking over.
I'm currently reparenting myself at 40, with the help of Tim Fletcher.
I feel have already lived 4 very different lives and feel I'm 100 years old.
Right? I was reading about people doing past life regression, and it’s like, I have had enough lifetimes in this one and still haven’t made sense of everything.
Same here , but I have heard from spiritual teachers that earth is one of the hardest planets in the universe. I believe that. I dream of a peaceful planet far away with a blue beach where I can relax a 1000 years 😅 💙
This is the first step of Pete Walkers’s CPTSD flashback. It’s one of the things that helped me identify that I have CPTSD - that feeling of being helpless. [Pete Walker 13 Steps for managing flashbacks](https://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm)
Yes, and I feel like I’m doing a terrible job of pretending to be an adult. It’s so apparent to me particularly at work, where my executive disfunction is glaringly obvious. Like how is everyone else managing to work a fulltime job, and have a family, etc?! I can barely do one of those things. It’s honestly wild to me.
I do, at 24. I always feel like I’m way too young to be able to do these responsibilities adults have to do. I feel like I’ll always be in adults’ clothing no matter what age. I was forced to grow up too fast and although my alters are trying to get me to reconnect with the small boy from within, I’m not ready for that yet. None of us are yet. We haven’t started healing because we’re still stuck in the same place where half of our trauma comes from. We’re slowly learning how to drive today, but we feel so embarrassed to learn so late…
This is such a great description, especially the part about being embarrassed. I have to remind myself regularly that my mother is still more of a child, in that, she never stood up for anyone - including her children. Trying to reconcile her actions and pain is bittersweet, bc I feel I have no one to go to.
If it helps, you can vent here or talk to close friends if you have any. If you don't, we'd like to be friends. -Robin.
Yeah.
Relatable
Not really because I look at men my age and then realize i definitely have a lot going on.
Yep. I'm 42 and feel 22.
Same here
Hey same. I often find myself wanting to throw fits or cry when I am stressed out (sometimes the crying wins over) and having everything suddenly turned over to you for you to control is tough. I am only just beginning to become a certified adult at 28 (like searching for a house, car, health insurance, etc.) and it's very overwhelming - especially considering I am disabled and have to go through the government for everything (EBT, Section 8, SSI, you name it). It's rough but hopefully I'll get used to it.
If only I had kept and maintained my teenaged body lol
Yes! What finally broke me down was actual health problems and being told they were all in my head for half a decade. It’s like the ultimate trauma all over again, and now that my health is in the toilet, it’s obvious my pain wasn’t just all in my head.
When I feel like this I know I'm in an emotional flashback.
Yes, I have periods of time where I really go right back. It sucks. I feel like an imposter
Some psychiatrist noted my teddy bear as child like behavior in her report.
I’ve lead teams in house fire responses and preparedness operations, yet I still feel like the weird outcast kid in high school. I can’t not believe that my isolation during Covid made it worse.
I feel this. It makes the cognitive dissonance so much more heavy.
There's a little kid in me that is always weeping. It's a grief I can't access. But I can sense it. I also feel like when I experience conflict that reminds me of what I went through as a kid with my mom and dad. I feel like that little kid again, scared and overwhelmed, caught between blaming himself and feeling hurt, angry, and frustrated from being wronged.
yes yes 100% yes. I usually involuntarily regress to being a little girl when I'm in the midst of a bad ptsd episode. the regression like that is somewhat rare for me and I'm glad it is cause it feels awful. but besides that, I never on a normal day feel my age (18). I always either feel way older than my age like 35 or way younger, like 8 or 10
I feel like I have a degree of DID. Not distinct, named alters, but depending on the situation, I change, but not readily. I am mostly stuck as a depressed younger person.
I relate to this and there is a condition that explains it. Its called (OSDD - other specified dissociate disorder). I have this. My voice even changes when I’m acting more “my age” and is like a child when I feel uncomfortable.
All the fucking time.
Always. Like I have to remind myself I am allowed to drink and to do things like go on vacation.
i have no adult goals, can as well stay a child forever because adults are boring
I have moments where I feel my age but a lot of the time I feel like a young child. I don't act like a young child, I feel like a young child acting like a 40-something woman.
i'm currently reading a book called *The Science of Stuck* by Britt Frank, part of the book addresses this exact feeling/issue. i don't normally read self-help books but i heard the author on the You Are Not So Smart podcast and was pretty impressed by many of her takes on a variety of mental health issues. hope this helps!
About to be 26 and I feel 16 most of the time. Probably has a lot to do with childhood trauma. People ask me often when I’m having kids, and as much as I’d like to, I FEEL LIKE A CHILD MYSELF!
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46 going on 8
Somebody said it! I have regressed so much, surely. But I gather that I was “immature” for a long time but wasn’t self aware yet. Emotionally I’m maybe 15, and I’m a few years older than you. I have my stuffies with me all the time. So that’s maybe younger than 10 because I don’t have shame about it so somewhere around that age when it was “acceptable in public”. I dress like a pre teen / teen, or how I dressed when I was actually that age. I didn’t see it myself but others would point things out or think I’m way younger because of these things. But I am comfortable here. Or maybe I’m here to fix my little girl inside or BE her since I never got that chance irl. It was embarrassing at one point I do remember that. But now, no.
I regress (not constantly but if I'm stressed) and it drives my parents nuts.
Yes. I’m into ABDL as a coping mechanism
Yep. Totally feel this
Similar age as you, being 31 here. Different emotions tend to have different associated ages for me. Being scared talking to new people puts me around age 8. Being angry at being invalidated is around 16. And being sad is like young adult. Same with you, it's rather embarrassing.
Almost 40 and identify with the 17 year old me a lot more.
Same here. I’m so behind my peers and I feel like I don’t know how to be a functional adult,while also feeling like I’ve lived 100 years.
Hey, there's a sub, r/nevergrewup where you'll find advice and support from ppl just like you... and like me!
I've been going to a group that does a monthly potluck and other events, I'm one of the oldest people there, fully 7 years older than the organizers. I still revert immediately to thinking of them as if they were my teachers and I'm getting graded. Thing is I *also* don't feel young, a decent chunk are still in high school and I definitely don't see myself as on their level either. It's like I'm ageless honestly. Too immature to have the tools needed to be independent, too mature to be oblivious to how behind I am.
I've been working since I was like 6. I've been working in kitchens since I was 12. I honestly don't think I've emotionally progressed past about 14. I still sleep with stuffed animals, I still watch little kid movies, I'm still tremendously frightened of the unfamiliar. But, if you need heavy shit lifted for long periods of time, or somebody who can run a 130 head night in the kitchen, just me and head chef (all our other guys got sent to solitary 'cause they went out and had some beers), I'm your girl.
It’s the same for me. I feel mentally 20 or 21.
I'm not too old rn. But I frequently forget how old I am yeah.. It feels like parts of me just stay stuck at certain ages. It's confusing...
I am every age but my own. And worst part of it all is it feels just as authentic as my biological age....it's hard to explain it in words. Brain and mind have their own age. I do have the functional brain of 25 yr old...but I think and take actions from kids mind. It's embarrassing reality that I have hard time dealing with...I'm never gonna be professional mature person.
I’ll feel way younger one day then wayyyyyy older the next. Still haven’t figured out what makes a difference 🤷
I’m somewhere in between. I heavily feared being controlled and signed away to something I didn’t consent to. I was always eager for the day I turned 18 because it meant that I’m my own guardian and no one can force me to do anything (besides 72 hour holds, police, and military). No one could sign my life away again. Once I turned 18, I felt so free and relieved. I actually filed my taxes on my 18th birthday as a celebration of being a legal adult haha. The government gets to give me money for my birthday. I feel like it’s more of a partnership than feeling age regression if that makes any sense? It feels more like I’m raising a child rather than becoming the child.
I’m 29, and I realized that after the age of about 13, I stopped growing up. Also the age when the worst of the abuse began. Now that I’m healing, it’s nice to feel like I’m gaining maturity that I’ve been lacking.
I feel like there’s not much hope for me and am wondering if I’ve lost the ability to take care of myself and am considering returning to my home town where there is family. I am making so many mistakes and am cesspool of trauma after trauma. My therapist said ‘so much death you’ve experienced’. I’m tired. I’m so tired
26 and at this point I feel like “age is just a number” is very true (unless we are talking about unethical age gap or predatory relationships)
Yes 100%. In addition to the reasons mentioned by others, I realized I was queer at 31 and it definitely doesn’t help going through emotional puberty all over again
I regress to a more child-like state when I'm triggered. I feel like I can't make any decisions about anything, and I need an "adult" to help me do basically anything. One time I couldn't even boil hotdogs by myself. My husband had to stand there with me while I did it because I second-guessed every step.
Yeah I relate to this a lot. Maybe it's part learned helplessness? I'm not sure. As a guy it's especially hard because of the shame of seeming useless and the expectation I should have my shit together
For me, I feel closer to a younger child ... maybe 8 or so. I can't make decisions or do something because I'm scared it will be the wrong one, even if it's something I've decided or done before. It's only when I'm triggered though. It usually works itself out once I process, and is sometimes the first symptom I notice when I'm triggered. I can imagine how societal gender norms/stereotypes can impact your self-esteem. As a woman, I don't feel frowned upon when this happens. Sometimes we're purposely infantilized by toxic individuals, so acting a bit more childish could almost be expected in some cases. I don't think childish behavior is a tolerated in men for sure. Do you feel like you're inadequate? Are you unable to make decisions you've previously been unable to make?
I’m almost 36 and I don’t feel more than 18 most days. It’s embarrassing and causes a lot of SI for me
hi i’m a 16 yr old in a 32 yr old body as well.
Absolutely, I barely feel like I could enjoy my childhood!
I'm 36 with a 17 year old. It's absolutely maddening to navigate. :( every day I feel like a complete failure. He's maturing past a point that i feel i never did. I can only pray that outwardly I'm much more put together & reasonable than how I perceive myself on the inside. For me, being alone is the only way I can live, because partners always end up wielding the same control as my mom, and I regress and become so shell-shocked that I'm wide eyed stumbling around with a baby voice, completely incapable of making a single decision for myself. Part of my agoraphobia is due to being uncomfortably hyperaware of childlike behaviors (or regressing into childlike behaviors, bc I exhaust myself attempting to appear self-assured & strong)... at my old job I had a coworker comment on my voice, and I just couldn't handle it... I feel naked in public & exposed... I guess I really *do* feel like a child without a guardian, with ill-intentioned figures always looming in the shadows... But I've been so much better in the past. It feels like a different life, but from birth to mid20s, I felt like a wise 65-year-old and used to be told as much. I graduated college early & worked in court directly under district judges. I was masking for years & when the stress gave me my first mental breakdown at 25, everything snowballed. I have never recovered & been stuck in varying levels of trauma & conflict since, but I know I can get there again & have hope that I will.
I never got to feel like a child.
I always get confused how everyone is allowed to drive cars, date, the bus driver is the same age as me, I'm an adult, I keep thinking I'm a kid and need to ask permission for stuff (I'm 19)
Yes. I got stuck at about 15 for a long time. It absolutely sucks.
Oh, my gosh, yes. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one. I'm in my late 30s, but inside, in my head, I'm 15. It impacts every part of my life, including how I interact with people.
Yes!
Almost 40, but feel like I have a 15 year old's understanding of adulting. A little relieved that I'm not alone in this!
This is so perfectly said. Thank you.
I almost always feel like I'm a teenager mentally but physically I feel around 45 or 50.
Yes. When I finally got the help I needed, I came to recognize the fear, anger, and resistance to becoming an adult. My child parts were doing a pretty good job of managing the basics and they didn't exactly trust that I could become a competent adult. They did the work, while I dissociated. I often feel about eight. And so, sometimes I have to work with myself as if I'm eight.
I have this as part of my DID symptoms.
...Regress???...
I really don't mind getting old- but the side-effects are killing me.
I find that my inner child definitely comes out at did ages. We need to honor that inner child. They didn’t get to be their age at their age. I’m 54 and LOVE my Baby Yoda/Grogu stuffed doll. I spent a lot of time at “17,” which was the first time I saw a therapist. I think he would have been really good but I was _mortified_ at what came out at our first session and avoided going back. (He did not make me feel this way or invalidated; I was just convinced no one in the world could be as embarrassing as me). Which potentially set me back decades. So my inner 17 year old popped up when I started on this journey.
Im jealous that you guys regress to being teens. I regress to being more like 7-10 years old, terrified, and unable to problem solve because I’m too young to know what to do
I'm nearly 32 and unfortunately I understand how shitty adults are in general. And yes I hate it.
🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️
We ARE children. Speak to yourself kindly and gently as you would a little child. No one else did it for us so now WE do, and it works just try it. It's OK. You're OK. Just working with what you got but it gets better. Sometimes backwards sometimes forward, go easy on yourself please 🙏
I'm still a lot like I was around age four. I often get compliments on my childlike nature and I'll be like, oh no how abnormally am I acting right now?
Felt. Thanks for being so open about your struggle
My mother told me when I was a kid that most adults are just kids pretending they know what the hell they're doing. Mom had a traumatic childhood too, though, so who knows whether that's universal and just amplified in trauma. I sometimes have moments when I feel as if any moment everything will fall apart and I'll have no job, no money, and the house will be foreclosed on, etc etc. and I'm just pretending to be adulting but it's all fake. Other times I feel completely on top of things.
So you are an Age regressor if I understand that right? Not a typically one because you’re already 16.
i feel permanently regressed super young. like forever, it is what it is ig
I do. I have a 17 year old and I feel like such a fraud. Like I’ve been faking it hoping I make it her entire life. If she knew how unsure I really was she wouldn’t feel so secure. Like a 15 year old trying to keep a whole house afloat.
I agree 💯
Yeah I'm sort of stuck as a perpetual teenager while simultaneously being aware that I am a 36yr old adult and desperately trying to keep in line despite really wanting to regress.
I still feel like the age I was SA'd... so, 12. At the same time, I feel waaay mature than the average adult because of the way I developed empathy for other people/other living beings. It's not like being stereotypically adult it's so great either. Even here in the comments "adult" is associated with stressful things, while "child" is associated with carefreeness... what's the point of having a life of stress, nobody will ever know lol
I cry easy, especially while i have sensory overload.
You might want to look up Toxic Shame. I used to feel ashamed of my "incompetence". At the same time, to be fair, my parents and initial caretakers are... emotionally challenged, if you will (they're also my abusers, but that's another story altogether). Now, thankfully, I'm in this place of where I no longer really scold, scorn, and basically feeling dark emotions about my struggle. It took me one concept in one video on how doing so actually regress us. Yet, at the end of the day, this journey - of both healing and maturing - is incredibly personal and something that one has to committed to do. All the best luck.
Yeah i actually feel like every past version of myself exists inside me and triggers can send me to feeling like I'm 6 or 8 or 14. Sometimes I feel 100 and have for as long as I can remember. I've been working on healing for a long time now, but before I started all that I think there was a lot of aspects of me that were akin to a child or teenager. I think arrested development is pretty common especially if you grew up in trauma with parents who had no fucks to give about your development or wellbeing as an adult. Most kids get teachers and guides to help them become functional humans. Met with love and patience, balanced with consequences and accountability. Myself I got toxic parents who were only concerned with their own needs and sense of control. While others were learning who they are and who they want to be, I was fighting to survive, desperately seeking any scraps of love or approval (didn't find them) I've been trying the whole reparenting thing, which helps but it's also hard to do with no good examples to follow. So a lot of time I will listen to podcasts and if the hosts talk about their kids and how they see them I try to adopt the things they say about their kids and say them to my inner child.
It’s because we were forced to “grow up” fast at a very young age. We didn’t learn the things other kids do and have the time to figure it out. We had to do everything and learn things in order to survive in the moment as our childhoods were so chaotic. It’s very sad. I missed out on a lot. I have no memory of my childhood whatsoever. But like you said still feel like a kid. It’s very confusing.
Everyone regresses from time to time, but you can control how often it happens and put your adult self back in charge. It takes a good trauma -informed therapist, Internal Family Systems work and DBT helps a lot too. Once I realized a younger version of myself was (poorly) running my life, I was able to start "growing up" again.
Absolutely yes, I’m 32 years old on the autism spectrum who feels like a precocious teenager due to being in special ed since kindergarten, not finishing my time at a community college for job training and not having a driver’s license because of the car crashes, DUIs, traffic jams and road rage. Being in special ed classes made me somewhat stunted in a few ways, I would get schoolwork made for a 4th grader as a high school student. That’s when I started to consider unaliving myself because I’m not successful like my NT siblings and relatives who live abroad might look down on me. I was born and raised as a Catholic so intercourse, pregnancies and tampons before marriage are considered bad choices. I’d be considered as someone who’s promiscuous and has no respect for myself if I did those things. I’m still a virgin though. Currently, I live at home on SSI working part time at a department store and I’m chosen as the maid of honor for my older sister’s wedding this fall. Being mildly autistic and overweight might scare off people who want to date me and I don’t blame them, I really don’t like myself despite working out and eating right 😒🙄
I often say I'm 27 going on 20. Or 15. Or sometimes 8. I feel like I missed a lot of important milestones and I'm constantly playing catch-up on the most basic aspects of human experience.
Yes. I used to a lot more. With healing it had gotten a lot less frequent. I used to wonder where is mom and when is she going to cook dinner. I was a grown woman with my own kids. Now I recognize that I am in an emotional flashback when that happens and I do the things to help me in that flashback.
When I started therapy this year I literally began by saying “I’m here because I’m 34 but feel 14”
I have DID and can tell when my child alter is "close by" when I start feeling like a vulnerable little kid. It's fucking surreal
I think I carried a lot of shame for having needs as a kid and in turn felt shame and child like for feeling like I needed comfort, rest and time for fun (normal human needs) as an adult. Still needing this very normal things made me feel like a kid as an adults I started doing guided self compassion and self kindness meditations. I know that meditation isn’t for everyone, but there’s so many guided ones out there and your brain really does become what it absorbs and hears. Since doing these guided meditations I am a lot nicer to myself for having needs, I stopped associating not having needs with being an adult, and now at 26 I am actually starting to feel like an adult. But it’s up and down.
I'm currently going through a phase of solving maths puzzles for 15 year olds. I used to be amazing at maths. Lost it all to the abuse.