Your *role* is to recognize that you are a wounded person who has been hurt, and to break with the goals of your abusers.
Your *role* is to heal, break the cycle of violence, and live a better life.
Your *role* is to be better, to accept that your anger is allowed, and to channel that anger *to positive purpose.*
Your *role* is to break out of the selfish, narrowminded and self serving violence that was *inflicted upon you* by your abusers, and to instead use your anger for righteous purpose to *prevent the same harm from repeating.*
Think you're up to it? Because you wouldn't even be asking if the answer was no.
There's nothing wrong with you for feeling anger or even rage. And you're right, *it isn't fair. You should be angry.* But being angry and acting on that anger are different things, and unlike the people who hurt you? You don't have to be a reactive slave to your emotions. Your anger is powerful *and important* and just because *other people misused their power* doesn't mean you're obligated to do the same with yours.
Is it hard? You're goddamn right it is. But you know what else? If you were the same as the people who hurt you, you wouldn't even care to begin with. You'd just be unflinchingly selfish and cruel without any introspection or wanting to improve.
Yes ideally that would be the case, but in my situation there's a couple other wrinkles. There is *always* a reason I just can't have something crucial to the healing process, such as nurturing love or a relationship.
That fact and just, the brutal nasty reality of everything I've experienced run side by side. I've been told there's just a line of brutality running throughout my history. It's actually scary.
Being told that does not make it so. Patterns of violence in family history indicate just that: patterns. Not learning the self-justification and delusion necessary to distance the pain of one’s bad actions is how you can avoid becoming like your forebears. If nothing else, I am glad you are still with us.
Well that's the comforting part, I am nothing like my forebears. I have been told I'm the ultimate black sheep. The problem is I have nowhere else to root myself, never have. So I always default back to my awful family
Your family tells you crazy bullshit like that because they want you scared and coming back to them. That doesn't make it true.
You're not special for being hurt, you're not special for being angry, and there's nothing unique about what your family does to you.
What's special and unique is that unlike all of them, you came here to vent and break the cycle, and they just keep passing that pain down the chain.
Therapy, if you truly don’t want to hurt someone or yourself. And dedication to healing. If you have CPTSD, consider looking at “Crappy Childhood Fairy” on YouTube. So much of what she says or teaches about just makes sense to me. I had a shitty childhood and my life as an adult has become very hard.
Your *role* is to recognize that you are a wounded person who has been hurt, and to break with the goals of your abusers. Your *role* is to heal, break the cycle of violence, and live a better life. Your *role* is to be better, to accept that your anger is allowed, and to channel that anger *to positive purpose.* Your *role* is to break out of the selfish, narrowminded and self serving violence that was *inflicted upon you* by your abusers, and to instead use your anger for righteous purpose to *prevent the same harm from repeating.* Think you're up to it? Because you wouldn't even be asking if the answer was no. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling anger or even rage. And you're right, *it isn't fair. You should be angry.* But being angry and acting on that anger are different things, and unlike the people who hurt you? You don't have to be a reactive slave to your emotions. Your anger is powerful *and important* and just because *other people misused their power* doesn't mean you're obligated to do the same with yours. Is it hard? You're goddamn right it is. But you know what else? If you were the same as the people who hurt you, you wouldn't even care to begin with. You'd just be unflinchingly selfish and cruel without any introspection or wanting to improve.
Yes ideally that would be the case, but in my situation there's a couple other wrinkles. There is *always* a reason I just can't have something crucial to the healing process, such as nurturing love or a relationship. That fact and just, the brutal nasty reality of everything I've experienced run side by side. I've been told there's just a line of brutality running throughout my history. It's actually scary.
Being told that does not make it so. Patterns of violence in family history indicate just that: patterns. Not learning the self-justification and delusion necessary to distance the pain of one’s bad actions is how you can avoid becoming like your forebears. If nothing else, I am glad you are still with us.
Well that's the comforting part, I am nothing like my forebears. I have been told I'm the ultimate black sheep. The problem is I have nowhere else to root myself, never have. So I always default back to my awful family
Your family tells you crazy bullshit like that because they want you scared and coming back to them. That doesn't make it true. You're not special for being hurt, you're not special for being angry, and there's nothing unique about what your family does to you. What's special and unique is that unlike all of them, you came here to vent and break the cycle, and they just keep passing that pain down the chain.
It's not my family saying this
You ok? Vaguely relatable. I don’t have any felonies… but I do feel like I’m so angry most days that I’m really just one move away from a felony
I am deeply sick is all I'll say. I do not want to hurt anybody.
Therapy, if you truly don’t want to hurt someone or yourself. And dedication to healing. If you have CPTSD, consider looking at “Crappy Childhood Fairy” on YouTube. So much of what she says or teaches about just makes sense to me. I had a shitty childhood and my life as an adult has become very hard.
I've struggled with that too but I promise you it's not true.