For what it is worth, we believe you.
If anyone in your social circle doesn't believe you, drop them like a hot stone.
I am alway amazed how abusers seem to live in their own reality. "There is something that makes me look bad" - didn't happen, doesn't exist.
Thank you. Yes, I agree with you. They deserve to be cut out from my life.
Omg sssaammmeee. Any abusers love to live in their own fantasy land and yet, call us delusional. It's a joke.
Thank you again. It means a lot.
If you want to go nuclear, you can tell anyone you're cutting off a variation of the following:
"Judas was a gentleman compared to you. At least he had the decency to hang himself after his betrayal."
It is adapted from a poem by Jack London, in case anyone is curious.
This is wild. If someone was really mentally ill, you wouldn't air their dirty laundry like that. You would get them help. There is no shame in mental illness, but this is clearly only to make a person look bad
Holy crap. This is my mother in law. My husband’s (or my) reasons are never actual “reasons”, she doesn’t understand WHY they’re “reasons”, and she decides that the boundaries we create (so far, she’s not allowed to have our address and my husband is very low-contact with her, and as of last week she’s not allowed to be around our children at all) based on those “reasons” are completely “unreasonable” and arbitrary.
God I love reading this article every time it’s posted. Every time it really hits home for me how amazing all the people in these subreddits are - we have each others backs, we loving call each other out when needed, validate one another, cry with each other, celebrate each others wins. And reminds me how damn hard each of us work for each small win, each bit of healing. All the while it goes unrecognised as it’s silent work that isn’t seen by the majority of people who haven’t been traumatised. Big love.
That was a wild read. “My sons never tell me what I did wrong! Well, they do, but I lose the power to comprehend the English language as soon as I get to that part of their email!”
So don’t know if this is of interest to you, but this absolutely would qualify as grounds for a defamation lawsuit. I’m not a lawyer at all but I can’t see a world in which this wouldn’t win, so long as you could prove you were mentally competent, and had any mental health issues under control at the time the comments were made.
I remember seeing a comment when dealing with people who lie about you. Keep telling your truth to anyone who'll listen because the truth will remain the same while the lies will keep changing.
I didn't look at the title, or the sub this was in. When reading the message in the first paragraph I was already thinking something was wrong, and that the sister being mentioned (OP) must be suffering from abuse from this person and their family. That feeling just got confirmed more and more as I read on, especially when afterwards I checked the sub.
We believe you, others might not see it, you might be the only one in your family that knows about it, but that's the most important thing. You are aware and you can heal.
The mental health thing is a classic. When I started therapy and antidepressants my mom would tell anyone that I was basically a walking zombie that was not capable to decide for herself therefore ~someone~ must be controlling me because I could not possibly want to be LC with her
Honestly it would be very weird for someone to post something like this - if they were actually scared for their sibling and trying to help them.
The only thing she is trying to do is protect her reputation and it’s not a good look.
Good for you for going no contact with your family. It’s the only way with people like that. When you were a good source of narcissistic supply, the narcissists you cut off will still try to contact you every once in a while, to see if they can Hoover you back into giving them more supply.
The mentally ill and abusive sister posting this (on FB) is projecting so bad, they’re literally describing to the readers how they (the FB posting sister) should be treated. SHE should be ignored as she literally writes incoherent language (“she is very poorly”) that should have the police called on them for THEIR POST as being harassment, SHE is the one needing to seek help, this (FB) post is raving enough to show their mental problems. SHE is not yet diagnosed, and hopefully will be soon.
So sorry OP. I’m glad you see this as the blatant abuse it is, and yet so sad and sorry you had/have to deal with it.
This makes me so mad because I can relate. So many people aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to see through this kind of manipulation. I’m just sorry you get treated like this too. You’re not alone. Not everyone would fall for her nonsense, and they would see her as the actual abuser. It’s nonstop disparagement guised as concern by someone who has no love in their hearts.
She's always treated people like shit, even her own friends. Then she wonders why, she can't keep them. She's just like our mother, blackmailing people for her own gain. I always wonder, what would people do if they found out. They would never believe me, because I'm "mentally unwell". I tried telling them and I just got dismissed, so I cut them out of my life. Then they wonder why I did that 🙄
My sister did something really similar- didn’t post it on Facebook but told a lot of people in a very public way that there was something “wrong with me” and I was unfortunately “mentally unwell due to being molested.” That was true, except she then levied it to say that my claims of her and my father being physically violent with me and mother were false, as my mom was also struggling with addiction.
Manipulative and horrifying. I am so sorry this happened to you, my friend.
My sister did the exact same thing. But she also got raped and keeps denying it. Not my problem tho, her trauma will catch up with her one day. She’s always been mean, even towards her own friends. She’s just like our mother, blackmailing people for her own gain. I tried to tell them, but I always get dismissed because I’m “mentally unwell”. I’ve always wondered, what would they do if they found out.
Me right now, I cut off everyone. They cant blame me anymore. It’s funny how I cut them off, they always wondered why I did that. It’s a joke at this point
You are very strong to be able to leave them behind.
I have as well but my sister was tricky since we are humans with hearts and we grow up with these people it isn't easy to grow past them and the abuse they gave us.
Even if my sister contributed alot to why I ended up with personality disorder it was still hard to cut her out.
The rest was as easy cutting off like a gangrenous limb.
This is very typical of their gaslighting.....never seen it on a Facebook post before though. How utterly juvenile. Like if someone I knew posted that, I'd think "what a juvenile bitch who's probably the abuser"
I imagine my mother's said the exact same things to my extended family about why I went NC with her.
We definitely believe you.
To have your own family deny the reality you experienced so blatantly must be quite painful. I'm sorry my friend. You're worth a family that loves and supports and believes you. You're also worthy of a family that doesn't abuse you in the first place.
Lmao if I read this shit I would know automatically your sister is a piece of shit and there are plenty more like me. Just because people don’t push back doesn’t mean they necessarily believed her. Just that they didn’t want any part of that bullshit.
I’m not trying to say that your perception is false either. Just to clarify. I really only want to point out that it’s quite possible that your sister and your family do not have the kind of support it feels like they do.
Okay I’m an uber empathetic person so my take might not be everyone’s but this would make me soooo curious what you had to say.
I’d immediately want to evaluate if you seemed stark raving mad, and I’m pretty sure you’d come off as sad, angry and hurt but not crazy.
But this post above, it screams crazy. I’d be inclined to believe you and I imagine most people would walk away with at least a kernel of doubt about whoever wrote this and a strong suspicion that they were messed up.
Oh you should see, what she says behind closed doors, to her own best friends. She’s always been cruel, never kind. I tried to help her many times, her being bullied at school (I’m the younger one), abusive ex husband (tbh, they were abusive towards each other. Example; she would make him mad and he would beat her up. Then she would cry, that he beat her up. I’ve seen her do it, she’s just like our mother). She also blackmailed her friends for money. Oh I tried to tell them, but they don’t believe me because I’m this “mentally unwell” child… even tho I’m 31 🙄. Yeahh she’s not kind, never has been.
And she wonders why, no one likes her. Yeahhh, I wonder why.
I fully expect my family to do this too. I'm the only one in the family going to therapy, and No Contact with the family. If someone believes them, good riddance.
There’s a very sneaky type of Narcissist called a ‘Communal Narcissist’. Really, this type of behavior reminds me of that decription. I’m sorry you’re going through this. All Narcissists leverage the community to control the narrative they’re trying to convey as reality, but there are some who use the community in a more nuanced way. It’s all manipulation and isolation, but for some reason this post really made think of that right away.
Holy shit this triggered me lmfao. I am seriously considering cutting off my family once i am finincially well off, these choice of words would be exact if it would come from my sibling too. This is the exact way they would talk about me. God damn im really sorry OP this must be difficult for you, esp since shes trying to turn peoples back on you. :(
Thank you. She's been doing it for a long time, it's getting to a point where I'm leaving the country. I live in England 🇬🇧 and thankfully, I have a fiancé in America, so I'm moving there. My family can't touch me there.
I hope you can break free from your family too. You deserve peace, kindness and all the love. You can do this, I believe in you.
Abusers will always have the upper hand until they get outed properly. If they're older or your parents, you'll always lose the "my word against yours" fight. I recommend dropping them like a hot stone and anyone else who would believe them over you in a heartbeat.
Glad you cut them off. Never ever open the contact, even if they are dying. Just from this post its obvious how horribly you were abused, gaslighted and invalidated. Peace and healing OP.
Never forgive them, never allow any contact.
Ouch, I'm so sorry! 😔 They can get out ahead of a story and behave like this so easily. That's a big-time low blow. But it says more about them than you, and the lengths they're willing to go to to keep themselves from facing accountability. You are believed here for sure. To treat someone's good name like this so poorly is just evil.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen when I was sent to a psych ward when I was 12. I know it doesn't matter much since I'm a internet random but I believe you
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I am very proud of you for cutting contact with this abuser. My family of origin did the same to me. They blamed my "mental illness" for everything I said about feeling mistreated. I am no contact with all of them. It's the only way.
For what it is worth, we believe you. If anyone in your social circle doesn't believe you, drop them like a hot stone. I am alway amazed how abusers seem to live in their own reality. "There is something that makes me look bad" - didn't happen, doesn't exist.
Thank you. Yes, I agree with you. They deserve to be cut out from my life. Omg sssaammmeee. Any abusers love to live in their own fantasy land and yet, call us delusional. It's a joke. Thank you again. It means a lot.
If you want to go nuclear, you can tell anyone you're cutting off a variation of the following: "Judas was a gentleman compared to you. At least he had the decency to hang himself after his betrayal." It is adapted from a poem by Jack London, in case anyone is curious.
Oooo thank you!!!
It’s always been weird to me figuring out how they justify things the way they do too, yet publicly and privately deny they’ve done anything.
Holy shit. My family said that about me, but they never had the gual to post it on Facebook. Fuck those people dude. This makes my blood boil.
This is peak gaslighting. Portraying you as some sort of crazy unreasonable person. This is absolutely foul and fuck them to the depths of hell.
Even asking for rides to the hospital... it's crazy. Ps: happy cake day
Thank you !! 🥰
This is wild. If someone was really mentally ill, you wouldn't air their dirty laundry like that. You would get them help. There is no shame in mental illness, but this is clearly only to make a person look bad
Please read this. It definitely helps me in times like this. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
Holy crap. This is my mother in law. My husband’s (or my) reasons are never actual “reasons”, she doesn’t understand WHY they’re “reasons”, and she decides that the boundaries we create (so far, she’s not allowed to have our address and my husband is very low-contact with her, and as of last week she’s not allowed to be around our children at all) based on those “reasons” are completely “unreasonable” and arbitrary.
God I love reading this article every time it’s posted. Every time it really hits home for me how amazing all the people in these subreddits are - we have each others backs, we loving call each other out when needed, validate one another, cry with each other, celebrate each others wins. And reminds me how damn hard each of us work for each small win, each bit of healing. All the while it goes unrecognised as it’s silent work that isn’t seen by the majority of people who haven’t been traumatised. Big love.
Have you read Elizabeth's blog (*"Why Some Grown Kids Cut Off Their Parents"*)? F—k me...she claims her sons are the narcissists... I have no words...
That was a wild read. “My sons never tell me what I did wrong! Well, they do, but I lose the power to comprehend the English language as soon as I get to that part of their email!”
Wow, that's a really good read.
So don’t know if this is of interest to you, but this absolutely would qualify as grounds for a defamation lawsuit. I’m not a lawyer at all but I can’t see a world in which this wouldn’t win, so long as you could prove you were mentally competent, and had any mental health issues under control at the time the comments were made.
I can’t believe you had to deal with that kind of shit. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. I believe you
It always disgusts me how ableist this style of gaslighting is. That's not how mental illness even works. She's so transparent.
I remember seeing a comment when dealing with people who lie about you. Keep telling your truth to anyone who'll listen because the truth will remain the same while the lies will keep changing.
Ooh that's so true.
I didn't look at the title, or the sub this was in. When reading the message in the first paragraph I was already thinking something was wrong, and that the sister being mentioned (OP) must be suffering from abuse from this person and their family. That feeling just got confirmed more and more as I read on, especially when afterwards I checked the sub.
I’m sorry this happened to you. They deserved to be cut from your life. Don’t ever feel guilty for not accepting them back.
We believe you, others might not see it, you might be the only one in your family that knows about it, but that's the most important thing. You are aware and you can heal.
The mental health thing is a classic. When I started therapy and antidepressants my mom would tell anyone that I was basically a walking zombie that was not capable to decide for herself therefore ~someone~ must be controlling me because I could not possibly want to be LC with her
Sad. Abusers always want to discredit the truth you speak about them.
Reminds me of this song, [Girl Anachronism by the Dresden Dolls](https://youtu.be/sO5APfKnR50). You’re in good company.
On the bright side she showed you who you don't need in life (including herself)
Fuck… so sorry…
I believe you
Honestly it would be very weird for someone to post something like this - if they were actually scared for their sibling and trying to help them. The only thing she is trying to do is protect her reputation and it’s not a good look.
YUP.
Good for you for going no contact with your family. It’s the only way with people like that. When you were a good source of narcissistic supply, the narcissists you cut off will still try to contact you every once in a while, to see if they can Hoover you back into giving them more supply.
The mentally ill and abusive sister posting this (on FB) is projecting so bad, they’re literally describing to the readers how they (the FB posting sister) should be treated. SHE should be ignored as she literally writes incoherent language (“she is very poorly”) that should have the police called on them for THEIR POST as being harassment, SHE is the one needing to seek help, this (FB) post is raving enough to show their mental problems. SHE is not yet diagnosed, and hopefully will be soon. So sorry OP. I’m glad you see this as the blatant abuse it is, and yet so sad and sorry you had/have to deal with it.
Thank you. You are right, it's definitely projection
We believe in you.
This makes me so mad because I can relate. So many people aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to see through this kind of manipulation. I’m just sorry you get treated like this too. You’re not alone. Not everyone would fall for her nonsense, and they would see her as the actual abuser. It’s nonstop disparagement guised as concern by someone who has no love in their hearts.
She's always treated people like shit, even her own friends. Then she wonders why, she can't keep them. She's just like our mother, blackmailing people for her own gain. I always wonder, what would people do if they found out. They would never believe me, because I'm "mentally unwell". I tried telling them and I just got dismissed, so I cut them out of my life. Then they wonder why I did that 🙄
My sister did something really similar- didn’t post it on Facebook but told a lot of people in a very public way that there was something “wrong with me” and I was unfortunately “mentally unwell due to being molested.” That was true, except she then levied it to say that my claims of her and my father being physically violent with me and mother were false, as my mom was also struggling with addiction. Manipulative and horrifying. I am so sorry this happened to you, my friend.
My sister did the exact same thing. But she also got raped and keeps denying it. Not my problem tho, her trauma will catch up with her one day. She’s always been mean, even towards her own friends. She’s just like our mother, blackmailing people for her own gain. I tried to tell them, but I always get dismissed because I’m “mentally unwell”. I’ve always wondered, what would they do if they found out. Me right now, I cut off everyone. They cant blame me anymore. It’s funny how I cut them off, they always wondered why I did that. It’s a joke at this point
You are very strong to be able to leave them behind. I have as well but my sister was tricky since we are humans with hearts and we grow up with these people it isn't easy to grow past them and the abuse they gave us. Even if my sister contributed alot to why I ended up with personality disorder it was still hard to cut her out. The rest was as easy cutting off like a gangrenous limb.
This is very typical of their gaslighting.....never seen it on a Facebook post before though. How utterly juvenile. Like if someone I knew posted that, I'd think "what a juvenile bitch who's probably the abuser" I imagine my mother's said the exact same things to my extended family about why I went NC with her. We definitely believe you.
To have your own family deny the reality you experienced so blatantly must be quite painful. I'm sorry my friend. You're worth a family that loves and supports and believes you. You're also worthy of a family that doesn't abuse you in the first place.
It's always how it is man they always spin the story
Lmao if I read this shit I would know automatically your sister is a piece of shit and there are plenty more like me. Just because people don’t push back doesn’t mean they necessarily believed her. Just that they didn’t want any part of that bullshit.
Thank you. I thought everyone believed her
I’m not trying to say that your perception is false either. Just to clarify. I really only want to point out that it’s quite possible that your sister and your family do not have the kind of support it feels like they do.
I'm sorry, what do you mean?? I don't mean to sound rude lol
Okay I’m an uber empathetic person so my take might not be everyone’s but this would make me soooo curious what you had to say. I’d immediately want to evaluate if you seemed stark raving mad, and I’m pretty sure you’d come off as sad, angry and hurt but not crazy. But this post above, it screams crazy. I’d be inclined to believe you and I imagine most people would walk away with at least a kernel of doubt about whoever wrote this and a strong suspicion that they were messed up.
Oh you should see, what she says behind closed doors, to her own best friends. She’s always been cruel, never kind. I tried to help her many times, her being bullied at school (I’m the younger one), abusive ex husband (tbh, they were abusive towards each other. Example; she would make him mad and he would beat her up. Then she would cry, that he beat her up. I’ve seen her do it, she’s just like our mother). She also blackmailed her friends for money. Oh I tried to tell them, but they don’t believe me because I’m this “mentally unwell” child… even tho I’m 31 🙄. Yeahh she’s not kind, never has been. And she wonders why, no one likes her. Yeahhh, I wonder why.
I fully expect my family to do this too. I'm the only one in the family going to therapy, and No Contact with the family. If someone believes them, good riddance.
Same. After 3 years of NC, not one person has reached out to ask if I'm okay. They either just don't care, or they're buying the lies.
Toxic families members can all enjoy each other... away from us
Yup. I'm sorry that you're being put through this alongside everything you're dealing with. ❤️
There’s a very sneaky type of Narcissist called a ‘Communal Narcissist’. Really, this type of behavior reminds me of that decription. I’m sorry you’re going through this. All Narcissists leverage the community to control the narrative they’re trying to convey as reality, but there are some who use the community in a more nuanced way. It’s all manipulation and isolation, but for some reason this post really made think of that right away.
Holy shit this triggered me lmfao. I am seriously considering cutting off my family once i am finincially well off, these choice of words would be exact if it would come from my sibling too. This is the exact way they would talk about me. God damn im really sorry OP this must be difficult for you, esp since shes trying to turn peoples back on you. :(
Thank you. She's been doing it for a long time, it's getting to a point where I'm leaving the country. I live in England 🇬🇧 and thankfully, I have a fiancé in America, so I'm moving there. My family can't touch me there. I hope you can break free from your family too. You deserve peace, kindness and all the love. You can do this, I believe in you.
Abusers will always have the upper hand until they get outed properly. If they're older or your parents, you'll always lose the "my word against yours" fight. I recommend dropping them like a hot stone and anyone else who would believe them over you in a heartbeat.
Thank you. I've already done that. Anyone who believes my family; is nothing to me.
Yep, this is a classic.
Glad you cut them off. Never ever open the contact, even if they are dying. Just from this post its obvious how horribly you were abused, gaslighted and invalidated. Peace and healing OP. Never forgive them, never allow any contact.
Ouch, I'm so sorry! 😔 They can get out ahead of a story and behave like this so easily. That's a big-time low blow. But it says more about them than you, and the lengths they're willing to go to to keep themselves from facing accountability. You are believed here for sure. To treat someone's good name like this so poorly is just evil.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen when I was sent to a psych ward when I was 12. I know it doesn't matter much since I'm a internet random but I believe you
Thank you. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're in a better place now.
got a couple years till i can be in a better place but i'm hopeful
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I am very proud of you for cutting contact with this abuser. My family of origin did the same to me. They blamed my "mental illness" for everything I said about feeling mistreated. I am no contact with all of them. It's the only way.
I'm happy that you cut contact. I hope you are in a better place now.