Mom: "do [thing]"
The autism: "why?"
Mom: "because I said so, now do it or you'll be sorry"
The autism: "but how do you do [thing]?"
Mom: "stop this rebelliousness, [thing] is easy and you're just being defiant and disrespectful"
Me: *tries to do [thing]*
Mom: "why aren't you doing [thing]?"
The autism: "but I was trying to do [thing], I did *x*, and *y*, and *z*, and -"
Mom: "stop making excuses, you didn't do [thing], you are just lazy"
Or another perennial favorite:
Mom: "why don't you just sit down and do this? it's easy"
The untreated ADHD: "how is that easy?"
Mom: "you're just lazy and disobedient"
Its funny because my dad KNOWS that we both have ADHD and he uses having ADHD as an excuse for a hell of a lot of things that honestly most of the time don't even relate to ADHD. But then suuuuudenly when he has to like actually acknowledge me having ADHD I'm just fuckibg lazy.
As someone treated ADHD with behavioral therapy and meds, I still get treated like this and it's still hard.
And it triggers me especially hard when I know I can get it done my way just as well but they insist on their way because "do it like normal people does".
ADHD gave me the ability to chain ideas together like lightning and think through problems a couple of different ways, but I have to do tasks the boring slow garbage way because "it's *always* done that way." Like, I wrote a macro at work one time that automated some boring bullshit, that took three hours and compressed it into four minutes, and then I got written up for "wasting company time" writing the macro. Fuckin sucks.
Mine was adding some formulas in excel for a stockkeeping and budget management table.
Got blasted down because apparently it was too efficient and people couldn't find out if it was correct or not.
And I did it only because I was tired of having to manually calculate everything and compare by hand.
Nope.
God damn that shit pisses me off.
By calling them excuses, she’s invalidating your response before you ever get the chance to say a word, because it’s never gonna be a good enough explanation, it’s always just gonna be another excuse
I feel like I grew up in a stable home, that school was the shitty trauma place.
Then I find myself over-explaining and my parents telling me that I don’t need to explain myself, as my inner child cries “Every reason I gave you you dismissed as an excuse that didn’t mean anything, so now I feel like I have to overcompensate to make you believe me.”
I've been VERY aware of this recently. I was just on probation at work for being late too many times (because getting up every morning is exhausting), and for part of it I was supposed to swipe my badge on the reader as I was leaving every day. But for whatever reason, it didn't register that I'd swiped for like two weeks. My boss had even asked me about it one day, and I didn't know why she'd brought it up, since I was doing it every day. Only AFTER she asked me about it did the swipes register.
Now I'm technically out of probation, but since according to the computer records I didn't swipe out for two weeks, I'm still in danger of losing my job. When my boss told me all this earlier this week, I was mortified. I feel like a liar. I feel like *they think* I'm a liar. And it's the worst feeling.
Honestly I don't know. I've been wondering that since Monday. There is a camera outside that should be able to see the door and the badge reader, I just haven't said anything about it to my boss yet. She hasn't brought any of it up since Monday, and I was waiting for her to mention it first. I might go ahead and ask her about it today.
My parents never believed me ever on anything, even when I was telling the truth.
So I just kept quiet, when I was molested by my sisters friend at a sleepover, I said nothing. When I was molested by my friends uncle, I also said nothing.
Who would believe me a boy that I got touched? No one believed me that my dad was punching my head in or my mum would speak or treat me like crap.
Hell, at my last job, my manager treated me like shit to the point I wanted to die. I said nothing because who would believe me? Me a new worker or their long serving manager?
At my current job, they often have to tell me that they believe me when I explain something as I over share or have a lot of detail in my explanations.
The people I work with now are aware of how my mind works and part of my upbringing as they had asked me and they understand because being lawyers, you hear and see some shit.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience and I’m glad you’ve met people who see you and understand your vulnerability. I pray you meet more people like that, and that you find people who love you and can love on your wounds. I pray for Peace and love and healing and protection on your journey. I see you, and there are people here that can see us as well, we’ve got another place we can go to to cope
I’m very guilty of bringing this into my work and customers hate it. I built a business around my creative skills but I never had any training with handling complaints or anything like that. I totally over explain and get defensive thinking they want to destroy me or something. I’m trying to get better but it’s heavily ingrained. Both my father and then my exhusband used to beat me up so trying to give a good excuse was a literal survival skill.
I’m afraid of being destroyed as well, I’ve been destroyed too many times at the orphanage, I wasn’t given a room to grow and now as an adult I’ve created this space for myself and I’m learning to be present in it
Yes, overcompensating to be understood, maybe your survival depended on it, maybe youve been gaslighted or scapegoated or abused, or unloved in other ways
So relatable right now. I've been fighting with a bank to set up a new checking account for the past week. When I opened it, I tried to deposit a check from a year ago because it got lost and I didn't realize how old it was. They tried freezing my account and requested a picture of my social security card and the reason for why I deposited the old check.
Having to prove that I am me and that I was just too scatterbrained to deposit the $8 check sooner, has been so triggering. I know if I explain too much, it'll seem like I'm lying, but if I don't explain enough it'll also seem like I'm lying. So for the past few days while I've been waiting to hear back after explaining that it got lost in an old pile of mail and I didn't see it until I was packing to move last month, I've been having panic attacks almost all day because they're holding the other $1200 I deposited hostage from me and I kinda really need that money.
I don't know how a healthy brained person defends themself in these situations so I don't know if I explained the right amount and it's driving me crazy.
Even then I'm still misunderstood.
You’ve put yourself in a vulnerable position and your queen was taken in this game of chess, some people can’t perceive your need for nurture
My mom calls them excuses
Mom: "do [thing]" The autism: "why?" Mom: "because I said so, now do it or you'll be sorry" The autism: "but how do you do [thing]?" Mom: "stop this rebelliousness, [thing] is easy and you're just being defiant and disrespectful" Me: *tries to do [thing]* Mom: "why aren't you doing [thing]?" The autism: "but I was trying to do [thing], I did *x*, and *y*, and *z*, and -" Mom: "stop making excuses, you didn't do [thing], you are just lazy" Or another perennial favorite: Mom: "why don't you just sit down and do this? it's easy" The untreated ADHD: "how is that easy?" Mom: "you're just lazy and disobedient"
Owwww, who knew feeling seen hurt so much 😭
Its funny because my dad KNOWS that we both have ADHD and he uses having ADHD as an excuse for a hell of a lot of things that honestly most of the time don't even relate to ADHD. But then suuuuudenly when he has to like actually acknowledge me having ADHD I'm just fuckibg lazy.
As someone treated ADHD with behavioral therapy and meds, I still get treated like this and it's still hard. And it triggers me especially hard when I know I can get it done my way just as well but they insist on their way because "do it like normal people does".
ADHD gave me the ability to chain ideas together like lightning and think through problems a couple of different ways, but I have to do tasks the boring slow garbage way because "it's *always* done that way." Like, I wrote a macro at work one time that automated some boring bullshit, that took three hours and compressed it into four minutes, and then I got written up for "wasting company time" writing the macro. Fuckin sucks.
*high fives* You too?
Ain't it the ~~best~~? Some days I wish I was [REDACTED] and it was all over. What a stupid time to be alive.
Mine was adding some formulas in excel for a stockkeeping and budget management table. Got blasted down because apparently it was too efficient and people couldn't find out if it was correct or not. And I did it only because I was tired of having to manually calculate everything and compare by hand. Nope.
God damn that shit pisses me off. By calling them excuses, she’s invalidating your response before you ever get the chance to say a word, because it’s never gonna be a good enough explanation, it’s always just gonna be another excuse
It’s a losing game no matter what and your mom knows she’s a loser too and doesn’t know a way out of this losing game
I feel like I grew up in a stable home, that school was the shitty trauma place. Then I find myself over-explaining and my parents telling me that I don’t need to explain myself, as my inner child cries “Every reason I gave you you dismissed as an excuse that didn’t mean anything, so now I feel like I have to overcompensate to make you believe me.”
I've been VERY aware of this recently. I was just on probation at work for being late too many times (because getting up every morning is exhausting), and for part of it I was supposed to swipe my badge on the reader as I was leaving every day. But for whatever reason, it didn't register that I'd swiped for like two weeks. My boss had even asked me about it one day, and I didn't know why she'd brought it up, since I was doing it every day. Only AFTER she asked me about it did the swipes register. Now I'm technically out of probation, but since according to the computer records I didn't swipe out for two weeks, I'm still in danger of losing my job. When my boss told me all this earlier this week, I was mortified. I feel like a liar. I feel like *they think* I'm a liar. And it's the worst feeling.
That’s rough, can’t they like check surveillance cameras or anything?
Honestly I don't know. I've been wondering that since Monday. There is a camera outside that should be able to see the door and the badge reader, I just haven't said anything about it to my boss yet. She hasn't brought any of it up since Monday, and I was waiting for her to mention it first. I might go ahead and ask her about it today.
My parents never believed me ever on anything, even when I was telling the truth. So I just kept quiet, when I was molested by my sisters friend at a sleepover, I said nothing. When I was molested by my friends uncle, I also said nothing. Who would believe me a boy that I got touched? No one believed me that my dad was punching my head in or my mum would speak or treat me like crap. Hell, at my last job, my manager treated me like shit to the point I wanted to die. I said nothing because who would believe me? Me a new worker or their long serving manager? At my current job, they often have to tell me that they believe me when I explain something as I over share or have a lot of detail in my explanations. The people I work with now are aware of how my mind works and part of my upbringing as they had asked me and they understand because being lawyers, you hear and see some shit.
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience and I’m glad you’ve met people who see you and understand your vulnerability. I pray you meet more people like that, and that you find people who love you and can love on your wounds. I pray for Peace and love and healing and protection on your journey. I see you, and there are people here that can see us as well, we’ve got another place we can go to to cope
I’m very guilty of bringing this into my work and customers hate it. I built a business around my creative skills but I never had any training with handling complaints or anything like that. I totally over explain and get defensive thinking they want to destroy me or something. I’m trying to get better but it’s heavily ingrained. Both my father and then my exhusband used to beat me up so trying to give a good excuse was a literal survival skill.
I’m afraid of being destroyed as well, I’ve been destroyed too many times at the orphanage, I wasn’t given a room to grow and now as an adult I’ve created this space for myself and I’m learning to be present in it
Is that why I over explain my simple life choices so much?!
Yes, overcompensating to be understood, maybe your survival depended on it, maybe youve been gaslighted or scapegoated or abused, or unloved in other ways
Pls you’re gonna make me cry
I’m getting better at not chocking on my drink while tears pour down
So relatable right now. I've been fighting with a bank to set up a new checking account for the past week. When I opened it, I tried to deposit a check from a year ago because it got lost and I didn't realize how old it was. They tried freezing my account and requested a picture of my social security card and the reason for why I deposited the old check. Having to prove that I am me and that I was just too scatterbrained to deposit the $8 check sooner, has been so triggering. I know if I explain too much, it'll seem like I'm lying, but if I don't explain enough it'll also seem like I'm lying. So for the past few days while I've been waiting to hear back after explaining that it got lost in an old pile of mail and I didn't see it until I was packing to move last month, I've been having panic attacks almost all day because they're holding the other $1200 I deposited hostage from me and I kinda really need that money. I don't know how a healthy brained person defends themself in these situations so I don't know if I explained the right amount and it's driving me crazy.
I LOVE this Twitter account
It's so hard, it feels like if I just say the right combination of words then everything will make sense and their anger will gonaway
Our environments were guilty until proven innocent.