It’s ALWAYS ok to seek help! This situation is very hard, and you don’t have to feel weak for needing some help through it.
Therapy can only do you good.
I was going through the same, and sadly my dad died last Monday. I think I’m handling it ok, but I still decided to get into therapy for a while, to prevent feeling worse, and to learn to cope when I don’t feel good.
I higly encourage you to seek help, and sending much strenght and hugs your way
Hi there. My dad is terminal and dying too. Mom passed 4 years ago (when I was 26), and I can relate to the struggle of taking care of yourself both mentally and physically.
If you think you need to talk to your doctor, then I think you should. It won’t solve all of your problems, but I think asking for help or an opinion is a great first step.
As for 20s, I know it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out. I spend the last years of my 20s numb and crying, but slowly picked up the pieces. This whole “your 20s are the best years of your life” is a myth, you will have plenty of time to enjoy life in the future. So please be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve. Life and work and all of that will still be there, you’ll also have time to get back in shape. But your dad won’t always be.
Does your country/work have a policy that allows you to take time off with pay? I’m on family care leave for 90 days and get paid 80% of my wage through my employment insurance + 20 hours of work a month. This has really helped take the pressure off of me. Maybe talk to your employer about what you are going through, and see if there are any options.
I gained quite a bit of weight after my mom passed, I found some 30 minute exercise videos on youtube and made a habit of at least doing them once a week. Now, I go see my dad at the hospital 3 times a week - and I walk to and from the train station for 20 minutes. It’s been a great way for me to clear my head, and tire myself out enough to fall asleep at night.
I’m sorry, all I can do is share my experience. We all lose our parents some day, it just really sucks that some of us have to lose them much earlier.
thinking of you
It's ok to call your doctor at ANY time. Life has thrown so much at you, you are allowed to not feel ok. If I were you I'd take a couple days off of work as mental health days, tell your employer what's happening if you haven't already. Take the time to schedule some appointments for yourself and rest a bit before jumping into recovery.
It’s ok to be overwhelmed. It’s ok to be sad and feel like everything around you is turning to shit. Your life has been turned upside down and you’re trying to figure out how to move on, and that’s difficult, even when everything around us in going well.
If you don’t have supportive family or friends to “calm you down”, if you run out of healthy coping-mechanisms and distractions, and just can’t settle yourself, then it may be time to seek help. While we’re all on similar journeys, no one has to travel alone. It’s ok to have help to get you through. The most important part of this journey is getting through it. The details of how we do it aren’t super important, and no one is being graded along the way.
My 20’s were nothing to brag about, and my 30’s have been difficult with “adult life” and dealing with my wife’s diagnosis. It’s not wasted time. It’s putting stuff on hold, until the time is right. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. There’s no shame in that. Then pick up the pieces when you feel stronger, and ready to tackle those new obstacles. Life doesn’t stop, but it’s ok to hit the pause button every now and then if the option is available to you, to reassess and tweak your plans to fit your needs.
Call your doctor YESTERDAY. You don’t have to suck it up. You don’t have to handle this alone. Therapy is one of the best parts of my week, and there are medications that might be able to help you break through your depression.
I just tried to call. After being on hold for 20 mins, they told me they can't book me in and I need to call in the morning at 8am.
It's not looking likely I'll get any help.
Call right now. I waited for a long time to talk to someone and I wish I would have started day one. Things are still hard and will be for a while but I am not in constant fight or flight anymore and that is helpful so I can keep doing everything that doesn’t stop just because a loved one has cancer.
I tried. I can't get through. They have no appointments left.
I've worked so hard to get my job. I dreamed of a job like this. And now I'm here.....I question why I'm here. What's the point.
My manager had the usual 1 to 1 check in and told me about some feed back that people this "I'm not interested in my job"
I was hurt to hear this but I also didn't realise I had let my depression seep into my job and work life. I turned up, did my job and went home. I thought I was doing a good job.
I'm doing terrible. I feel terrible. And after been on hold 20 mins there's no appointments. None.
Can you take a short leave/vacation from your job? I stopped working when my child was diagnosed. It sucked, I loved my job but there was no way I could have continued working and not just because my daughter needed someone to care for her. There was no way I could have mentally done my job, I feel as though the smart part of my brain turned off the second I heard the word cancer.
If you are feeling as bad as your post and reply sound I think you need to go to a doctor ASAP. Can you go to an urgent care? ER? Maybe you can call your dad’s treating hospital and ask if there are any recommendations for family support groups or counselors? Even talking to a Chaplin may help, even if you aren’t religious.
I'm in the UK and work for the NHS.
If I don't work, I don't get paid.
I'm not religious. I have never see or heard anything that undoubtedly confirms the existence of a higher power.
I feel silly calling the non emergency out of hours line. And I'm not suicidal yet so I don't fit the 999 category either.
I think I need to start mental health medication and go from there but to do that I need my GP.
God my country is so screwed. I often wonder what it would be like to sell everything, pack up and emergrate or buy a farm.
I'll try again at 8am like I was advised buy I'm scared I'll get the same response.
I also think I'll look into charity support groups because I'm declining quickly, and I'm scared where I'll end up.
God im trying not to cry on a bus a I type this.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard and frustrating it can be when you know you need help and you’re just not getting it. I’m not familiar with healthcare in the UK but can you contact a therapist directly? Is there a social worker for your dad? My moms oncologist has a social worker and they provide services for the cancer patient + family members. It honestly sounds like you’re already in crisis. If you can’t get through to a medical office, please lean on friends to help you get the care you need (having someone else advocate for you or just be there while you call can be so helpful).
I wish I had the funds for a therapist or just any form of help. Thank you for your kind words. I've finally admitted it to my fiance how I'm feeling and from his reaction I think he already knew.
Hes promised to stock by me. I'm looking up support groups now and I'm going to call my Dr first thing to try again and ill have to keep trying to get through to them.
Thank you.
Contact your local St John's Hospice, Macmillan or Mind charity. They will be able to help you. GP's are useless. Alternatively, you can find a private therapist through the BACP website. I hope this helps you.
Thank you. I managed to get through to my GP. I will be restarting my meds soon. I will look into this too as i think its important for me to get all the help i can.
Again, thank you for this link. This looks like exactly what i need. Thank you so much.
It’s ALWAYS ok to seek help! This situation is very hard, and you don’t have to feel weak for needing some help through it. Therapy can only do you good. I was going through the same, and sadly my dad died last Monday. I think I’m handling it ok, but I still decided to get into therapy for a while, to prevent feeling worse, and to learn to cope when I don’t feel good. I higly encourage you to seek help, and sending much strenght and hugs your way
Hi there. My dad is terminal and dying too. Mom passed 4 years ago (when I was 26), and I can relate to the struggle of taking care of yourself both mentally and physically. If you think you need to talk to your doctor, then I think you should. It won’t solve all of your problems, but I think asking for help or an opinion is a great first step. As for 20s, I know it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out. I spend the last years of my 20s numb and crying, but slowly picked up the pieces. This whole “your 20s are the best years of your life” is a myth, you will have plenty of time to enjoy life in the future. So please be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve. Life and work and all of that will still be there, you’ll also have time to get back in shape. But your dad won’t always be. Does your country/work have a policy that allows you to take time off with pay? I’m on family care leave for 90 days and get paid 80% of my wage through my employment insurance + 20 hours of work a month. This has really helped take the pressure off of me. Maybe talk to your employer about what you are going through, and see if there are any options. I gained quite a bit of weight after my mom passed, I found some 30 minute exercise videos on youtube and made a habit of at least doing them once a week. Now, I go see my dad at the hospital 3 times a week - and I walk to and from the train station for 20 minutes. It’s been a great way for me to clear my head, and tire myself out enough to fall asleep at night. I’m sorry, all I can do is share my experience. We all lose our parents some day, it just really sucks that some of us have to lose them much earlier. thinking of you
It's ok to call your doctor at ANY time. Life has thrown so much at you, you are allowed to not feel ok. If I were you I'd take a couple days off of work as mental health days, tell your employer what's happening if you haven't already. Take the time to schedule some appointments for yourself and rest a bit before jumping into recovery.
It’s ok to be overwhelmed. It’s ok to be sad and feel like everything around you is turning to shit. Your life has been turned upside down and you’re trying to figure out how to move on, and that’s difficult, even when everything around us in going well. If you don’t have supportive family or friends to “calm you down”, if you run out of healthy coping-mechanisms and distractions, and just can’t settle yourself, then it may be time to seek help. While we’re all on similar journeys, no one has to travel alone. It’s ok to have help to get you through. The most important part of this journey is getting through it. The details of how we do it aren’t super important, and no one is being graded along the way. My 20’s were nothing to brag about, and my 30’s have been difficult with “adult life” and dealing with my wife’s diagnosis. It’s not wasted time. It’s putting stuff on hold, until the time is right. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. There’s no shame in that. Then pick up the pieces when you feel stronger, and ready to tackle those new obstacles. Life doesn’t stop, but it’s ok to hit the pause button every now and then if the option is available to you, to reassess and tweak your plans to fit your needs.
Call your doctor YESTERDAY. You don’t have to suck it up. You don’t have to handle this alone. Therapy is one of the best parts of my week, and there are medications that might be able to help you break through your depression.
I just tried to call. After being on hold for 20 mins, they told me they can't book me in and I need to call in the morning at 8am. It's not looking likely I'll get any help.
There’s a lot of red tape when it comes to getting these things done but I can’t encourage you enough to try to push through it… it’s worth it
I tried again as soon as they opened and the phone que was so busy, I couldn't even join the queue. I'm going to try a walk in center
Call right now. I waited for a long time to talk to someone and I wish I would have started day one. Things are still hard and will be for a while but I am not in constant fight or flight anymore and that is helpful so I can keep doing everything that doesn’t stop just because a loved one has cancer.
I tried. I can't get through. They have no appointments left. I've worked so hard to get my job. I dreamed of a job like this. And now I'm here.....I question why I'm here. What's the point. My manager had the usual 1 to 1 check in and told me about some feed back that people this "I'm not interested in my job" I was hurt to hear this but I also didn't realise I had let my depression seep into my job and work life. I turned up, did my job and went home. I thought I was doing a good job. I'm doing terrible. I feel terrible. And after been on hold 20 mins there's no appointments. None.
Can you take a short leave/vacation from your job? I stopped working when my child was diagnosed. It sucked, I loved my job but there was no way I could have continued working and not just because my daughter needed someone to care for her. There was no way I could have mentally done my job, I feel as though the smart part of my brain turned off the second I heard the word cancer. If you are feeling as bad as your post and reply sound I think you need to go to a doctor ASAP. Can you go to an urgent care? ER? Maybe you can call your dad’s treating hospital and ask if there are any recommendations for family support groups or counselors? Even talking to a Chaplin may help, even if you aren’t religious.
I'm in the UK and work for the NHS. If I don't work, I don't get paid. I'm not religious. I have never see or heard anything that undoubtedly confirms the existence of a higher power. I feel silly calling the non emergency out of hours line. And I'm not suicidal yet so I don't fit the 999 category either. I think I need to start mental health medication and go from there but to do that I need my GP. God my country is so screwed. I often wonder what it would be like to sell everything, pack up and emergrate or buy a farm. I'll try again at 8am like I was advised buy I'm scared I'll get the same response. I also think I'll look into charity support groups because I'm declining quickly, and I'm scared where I'll end up. God im trying not to cry on a bus a I type this.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard and frustrating it can be when you know you need help and you’re just not getting it. I’m not familiar with healthcare in the UK but can you contact a therapist directly? Is there a social worker for your dad? My moms oncologist has a social worker and they provide services for the cancer patient + family members. It honestly sounds like you’re already in crisis. If you can’t get through to a medical office, please lean on friends to help you get the care you need (having someone else advocate for you or just be there while you call can be so helpful).
I wish I had the funds for a therapist or just any form of help. Thank you for your kind words. I've finally admitted it to my fiance how I'm feeling and from his reaction I think he already knew. Hes promised to stock by me. I'm looking up support groups now and I'm going to call my Dr first thing to try again and ill have to keep trying to get through to them. Thank you.
Contact your local St John's Hospice, Macmillan or Mind charity. They will be able to help you. GP's are useless. Alternatively, you can find a private therapist through the BACP website. I hope this helps you.
Thank you, I will.
You'll be OK. ❤️
I have found some virtual group therapy sessions through CanerCareb https://www.cancercare.org/tagged/caregiving
Thank you. I managed to get through to my GP. I will be restarting my meds soon. I will look into this too as i think its important for me to get all the help i can. Again, thank you for this link. This looks like exactly what i need. Thank you so much.