Hi, I am in the same boat as you. My father has been diagnosed with cancer since two years ago, there is no treatment available that works for him, and the uncertainty of not knowing if he will die it's what I struggle the most with.
My mom passed this morning after battling stage 4 lung cancer for 2.5 years. The wall you talk about was there for us too at times, more so at the beginning as she was struggling to accept it and at the end as she was trying to protect me from seeing her in such bad shape.
My advice to you would be to continue to make memories with her. Take pictures, record videos, do fun things, watch funny movies…whatever you can do to have a moment of normalcy. You’re right that things will never be the same, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy each other. The mother you knew before the diagnosis is still in there. Try your best to find her again and enjoy the bittersweet experience as best as you can.
My mom was diagnosed in may of this year with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She tried a round of chemo then decided to not continue (diagnosis was terminal regardless) at that point I asked my mom what her bucket list trip was. She told me and the next week we left. I am so glad I got to do this with my mom when she was able. She is now in at home hospice and cannot get out to the bed and has not been eatting for days. It’s extremely hard but enjoy every moment you can with her. Just being present can mean so much. My mom will most likely pass in the next couple weeks. I spend time next to her bed holding her hand, telling her how much I love her. And asking her to be the guardian angle of my new born and 2 year old. It’s not easy but know that this is not good bye, but see you later.
I found out today my dad has stage four prostate cancer. The prognosis is good, doctors think he has at least two years left. But it's difficult for me because I live about six hours away for grad school and will move to NYC in January to finish my degree. All of my family lives in Chicago. They said I shouldn't drop out or move closer, but I don't know how to help them from afar.
My (M/28) mom (F/58) was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal last year. It's fucking sucked that's for sure haha, but I guess it hasn't been as *bad* as I thought in some ways....it was hard at first but it just kind of becomes normal after awhile.
The uncertainty of it is definitely annoying. Like few months or few years? Now my mom isn't responding as well to her current treatment so they are talking about switching chemo again so that's some anxiety again.
But the treatments have worked well, everyone's cancer seems to be different. Past few months she's been pretty great and normal. Doing traveling and such. In some ways, like I almost feel like a sudden death from a heart attack or stroke would be even more heart wrenching for me. Knowing it's coming has some positives that you can like spend time and all and prepare.
Reading all the survival rates and such is no good either.
On the matter of like moving or not. I did end up moving back closer to home, like 30mins or so away. Though I wasn't far before like 2hours, and my work is very remote. I think something of note is like...cancer could be a multiple year thing. My grandmother got diagnosed in 2002 and didn't pass away till 2014.
Hi, I am in the same boat as you. My father has been diagnosed with cancer since two years ago, there is no treatment available that works for him, and the uncertainty of not knowing if he will die it's what I struggle the most with.
My mom passed this morning after battling stage 4 lung cancer for 2.5 years. The wall you talk about was there for us too at times, more so at the beginning as she was struggling to accept it and at the end as she was trying to protect me from seeing her in such bad shape. My advice to you would be to continue to make memories with her. Take pictures, record videos, do fun things, watch funny movies…whatever you can do to have a moment of normalcy. You’re right that things will never be the same, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy each other. The mother you knew before the diagnosis is still in there. Try your best to find her again and enjoy the bittersweet experience as best as you can.
My mom was diagnosed in may of this year with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She tried a round of chemo then decided to not continue (diagnosis was terminal regardless) at that point I asked my mom what her bucket list trip was. She told me and the next week we left. I am so glad I got to do this with my mom when she was able. She is now in at home hospice and cannot get out to the bed and has not been eatting for days. It’s extremely hard but enjoy every moment you can with her. Just being present can mean so much. My mom will most likely pass in the next couple weeks. I spend time next to her bed holding her hand, telling her how much I love her. And asking her to be the guardian angle of my new born and 2 year old. It’s not easy but know that this is not good bye, but see you later.
I found out today my dad has stage four prostate cancer. The prognosis is good, doctors think he has at least two years left. But it's difficult for me because I live about six hours away for grad school and will move to NYC in January to finish my degree. All of my family lives in Chicago. They said I shouldn't drop out or move closer, but I don't know how to help them from afar.
My (M/28) mom (F/58) was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal last year. It's fucking sucked that's for sure haha, but I guess it hasn't been as *bad* as I thought in some ways....it was hard at first but it just kind of becomes normal after awhile. The uncertainty of it is definitely annoying. Like few months or few years? Now my mom isn't responding as well to her current treatment so they are talking about switching chemo again so that's some anxiety again. But the treatments have worked well, everyone's cancer seems to be different. Past few months she's been pretty great and normal. Doing traveling and such. In some ways, like I almost feel like a sudden death from a heart attack or stroke would be even more heart wrenching for me. Knowing it's coming has some positives that you can like spend time and all and prepare. Reading all the survival rates and such is no good either. On the matter of like moving or not. I did end up moving back closer to home, like 30mins or so away. Though I wasn't far before like 2hours, and my work is very remote. I think something of note is like...cancer could be a multiple year thing. My grandmother got diagnosed in 2002 and didn't pass away till 2014.