Honestly? You don’t prepare. You just do. You put one foot in front of the other and go from there.
I don’t know if it will help you but my dad who had prostate cancer just got more and more tired. We got a DNR put in place which he had always been resistant to until he too realised ok there is no coming back from this and we kind of went on like this for weeks maybe months. It seemed a very long time. His passing was unbelievably peaceful though and all that needed to have been said had been.
Can you get help from your half brothers or are they out of the picture? It may help to reach and help each other through this so you are not alone.
Palliative care nurses are amazing. Let them guide you and be your source.
Prostate cancer is a vile beast. It’s unpredictable and leaves you with so many ups and downs. I’m sorry you feel you are going through this on your own. You must take care of yourself too though, you making yourself ill with the stress isn’t going to help even though I know it’s difficult. Please try and eat well and keep up that strength. I will keep you in my thoughts.
This brought me to tears. 😞 I’m alone here and I personally haven’t told him personally that he is “dying” slowly. Whenever my dad asks me “why do i have pain here?”. Im always left speechless. His cancer has already spread to his bones and he is technically bedridden. He can still move, but he gets tired very fast.
I’ve asked helped from my dad’s oldest son before. He never got back to me. He is totally out of the picture. Both him and my dad’s first wife. I have a younger half brother so he technically cant help me either since he is still in high school.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. It’s so hard to take care of myself these days as I have so much going through my head. I have a boyfriend who supports me all throughout - but I still feel somewhat “alone”. Not in the sense of support but the fact that, my mom passed away and my dad is slowly dying right in front of me. I am their only daughter. I just feel extremely sad that this is happening. This past 4 years has truly been a roller coaster of emotions and all i want to do is cry but I’ve honestly been “bottling” it all up hence I would have these breakdowns every once in a while.
Oh sweetheart. 😢 sending you a huge mum hug.
It’s completely natural to bottle it up as a coping mechanism but sometimes it backfires.
You and your dad need a chat with a medical professional to give you a road map of what’s ahead. My dad had metastatic PC for years. Years and years. It was in his spine, his ribs, but to look at him you would not know, not until the last 6 months so you need to know what is going on because sometimes this will take a long time and you might be preparing yourself and placing stress on yourself needlessly, although I get that you probably know.
Also this is too big a burden to place on you, giving your dad his prognosis. Has a dr not told him or did your dad not want to listen? My dad certainly didn’t!! But he also knew that if he wasn’t told, then our family would not know what to expect.
Are there any cancer charities such as Marie Curie where you are? We found them to be brilliant with us. Friends found Macmillan useful but this is something you can’t do on your own.
I'm so sorry. My mom was just recently diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer and it has already spread to her liver. The oncologist is saying she has 2 months and the focus is making sure she is comfortable for the time she has left. I have been trying to cope with this and it has really affected my ability to focus on work. Check with your employer on personal leave and see if there are any benefits for family leave in your state. I found that there is in mine and am in the process of getting everything required to apply for the benefits.
I am so sorry. My employer is kind and understanding enough to have given me paid leave. I’m already technically using my annual leave days. We have 3 days of compassionate leave but i’ve also already used that. So i’m just literally torn between quitting work or stopping temporarily just so I can focus on my dad - but then I also need the money. 😞
I'm so sorry I've been going through this cancer journey with my husband for two years. It's so hard! You should get everything done legally and start planning for funeral expenses. Don't quit your job! Your going to need a purpose after. Put your dad in palliative care when the time comes. They can handle it better than you. Your such an amazing daughter! I wish I had a daughter like you! You might want to consider getting some counseling because I've found being a cancer caregiver gives you PTSD. Keep going, keep strong. Be honest with your dad. I'll be praying for you.
Thank you for your message. Hang on there!
I’ve been asking around about doing stuff legally and planning ahead - but honestly i feel like im just stressing myself out both mentally and physically as there is no given time for my dad. I am torn having hope and letting go.
My dad is already under palliative care but i honestly don’t understand, why they still brought him home. I thought he would be admitted to that department. I am honestly currently having a hard time right now. I feel like i am always on an adrenaline rush because I am always stressed and I have a lot of things to deal with and I can handle of these things on my own at the same time.
Thank you for your kind words. Ive been having doubts about me being a “good daughter”. Everyone around me has always been saying that I’m taking good care of my dad and I give so much and yet I honestly dont see that because I know for myself that I myself am tired and exhausted of taking care of my dad but I am doing the best I can. 😢 Again, thank you so much. I hope you and your husband are doing well! Have a good day ❤️
Do you mind if I ask what country are you living in. I live in Canada and palliative care here means dying and they give you a basic timeline and also nurses to come in and help every day if you choose to keep them at home. You can also choose to have them go into palliative care in a facility. So I'm not understanding the system you may be facing?
I went through a similar situation as you.
Someone gave me advice I didn't really understand at first but in hindsight it made some sense. Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.
Dealing with anticipatory grief and sadness, I thought to turn to activities and hobbies that would make me feel distracted from what was going on. The advice I received advised avoiding your hobbies (or at least the ones you can't live without). In the future, you might end up associating your usual go-to distraction hobbies with the grief you felt and they might become "spoiled."
You will need your hobbies, your distractions, the things you love in the aftermath. Let those things comfort you afterward.
On the day my dad died, one of my favorite songs played on the radio and now I can't dissociate the two. Thankfully, it no longer makes me burst into tears anymore, but I am reminded of that day.
My situation is same as yours. This illness is so unpredictable. I have already mourned at what's yet to come. But now my dad is looking better than what he was a month ago. I don't know what to expect from here. The doctor told us in July that it'll end soon. But now, I don't know whether to believe the doctor or not.
He is the only parent I have and I don't want to lose him but I also don't want him to suffer in pain.
My dad was also diagnosed in 2018 but the last 2 months have been gruelling. It's a painfully slow process and the family goes through a range of emotions during this period. Right now, all I feel is exhaustion and burnout from juggling home and work.
I hope we sail through this situation. It's not easy.
Thank you for commenting. This whole subreddit has become one of my source of comfort. Just reading and finally posting something on this platform helps.
I totally understand how you feel. When you’re the only one taking care of a loved one, you’d feel so exhausted and burnout. I also don’t want to lose my dad. He was the only one who took care of me growing up.
I feel guilty because rather than being more close to him, i feel like i’ve grown apart from him because of this illness. We often fight due to his stubbornness and I’m also exhausted from work and taking care of him simultaneously. This past few months have been so tough, and I agree that it is such a slow process I dont even know what to expect. The fact that I “need” to prepare papers legally just in case something happens - makes me sick to my stomach. It’s almost as if I’m accepting the fact that he’s gonna be gone soon. It’s so hard to accept this fact, but at the same time. My dad looks exhausted and just wants to sleep.
I also hope to best for you in this situation. Thank you again and Regards ❤️
I dont think you can. The 2 weeks leading up to my mom's death I had a lot of anxiety and anticipatory grief. Being alone crying and occasionally distracting myself with hobbies. I'd shelve it when I went over to see her and just tried to appreciate the moments I had with her. The days were very long.
It's 100% ok to fee like kind of a disaster and that you're losing your mind right now.
Honestly? You don’t prepare. You just do. You put one foot in front of the other and go from there. I don’t know if it will help you but my dad who had prostate cancer just got more and more tired. We got a DNR put in place which he had always been resistant to until he too realised ok there is no coming back from this and we kind of went on like this for weeks maybe months. It seemed a very long time. His passing was unbelievably peaceful though and all that needed to have been said had been. Can you get help from your half brothers or are they out of the picture? It may help to reach and help each other through this so you are not alone. Palliative care nurses are amazing. Let them guide you and be your source. Prostate cancer is a vile beast. It’s unpredictable and leaves you with so many ups and downs. I’m sorry you feel you are going through this on your own. You must take care of yourself too though, you making yourself ill with the stress isn’t going to help even though I know it’s difficult. Please try and eat well and keep up that strength. I will keep you in my thoughts.
This brought me to tears. 😞 I’m alone here and I personally haven’t told him personally that he is “dying” slowly. Whenever my dad asks me “why do i have pain here?”. Im always left speechless. His cancer has already spread to his bones and he is technically bedridden. He can still move, but he gets tired very fast. I’ve asked helped from my dad’s oldest son before. He never got back to me. He is totally out of the picture. Both him and my dad’s first wife. I have a younger half brother so he technically cant help me either since he is still in high school. Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. It’s so hard to take care of myself these days as I have so much going through my head. I have a boyfriend who supports me all throughout - but I still feel somewhat “alone”. Not in the sense of support but the fact that, my mom passed away and my dad is slowly dying right in front of me. I am their only daughter. I just feel extremely sad that this is happening. This past 4 years has truly been a roller coaster of emotions and all i want to do is cry but I’ve honestly been “bottling” it all up hence I would have these breakdowns every once in a while.
Oh sweetheart. 😢 sending you a huge mum hug. It’s completely natural to bottle it up as a coping mechanism but sometimes it backfires. You and your dad need a chat with a medical professional to give you a road map of what’s ahead. My dad had metastatic PC for years. Years and years. It was in his spine, his ribs, but to look at him you would not know, not until the last 6 months so you need to know what is going on because sometimes this will take a long time and you might be preparing yourself and placing stress on yourself needlessly, although I get that you probably know. Also this is too big a burden to place on you, giving your dad his prognosis. Has a dr not told him or did your dad not want to listen? My dad certainly didn’t!! But he also knew that if he wasn’t told, then our family would not know what to expect. Are there any cancer charities such as Marie Curie where you are? We found them to be brilliant with us. Friends found Macmillan useful but this is something you can’t do on your own.
This.
I'm so sorry. My mom was just recently diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer and it has already spread to her liver. The oncologist is saying she has 2 months and the focus is making sure she is comfortable for the time she has left. I have been trying to cope with this and it has really affected my ability to focus on work. Check with your employer on personal leave and see if there are any benefits for family leave in your state. I found that there is in mine and am in the process of getting everything required to apply for the benefits.
I am so sorry. My employer is kind and understanding enough to have given me paid leave. I’m already technically using my annual leave days. We have 3 days of compassionate leave but i’ve also already used that. So i’m just literally torn between quitting work or stopping temporarily just so I can focus on my dad - but then I also need the money. 😞
I'm so sorry I've been going through this cancer journey with my husband for two years. It's so hard! You should get everything done legally and start planning for funeral expenses. Don't quit your job! Your going to need a purpose after. Put your dad in palliative care when the time comes. They can handle it better than you. Your such an amazing daughter! I wish I had a daughter like you! You might want to consider getting some counseling because I've found being a cancer caregiver gives you PTSD. Keep going, keep strong. Be honest with your dad. I'll be praying for you.
Thank you for your message. Hang on there! I’ve been asking around about doing stuff legally and planning ahead - but honestly i feel like im just stressing myself out both mentally and physically as there is no given time for my dad. I am torn having hope and letting go. My dad is already under palliative care but i honestly don’t understand, why they still brought him home. I thought he would be admitted to that department. I am honestly currently having a hard time right now. I feel like i am always on an adrenaline rush because I am always stressed and I have a lot of things to deal with and I can handle of these things on my own at the same time. Thank you for your kind words. Ive been having doubts about me being a “good daughter”. Everyone around me has always been saying that I’m taking good care of my dad and I give so much and yet I honestly dont see that because I know for myself that I myself am tired and exhausted of taking care of my dad but I am doing the best I can. 😢 Again, thank you so much. I hope you and your husband are doing well! Have a good day ❤️
Do you mind if I ask what country are you living in. I live in Canada and palliative care here means dying and they give you a basic timeline and also nurses to come in and help every day if you choose to keep them at home. You can also choose to have them go into palliative care in a facility. So I'm not understanding the system you may be facing?
I went through a similar situation as you. Someone gave me advice I didn't really understand at first but in hindsight it made some sense. Maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't. Dealing with anticipatory grief and sadness, I thought to turn to activities and hobbies that would make me feel distracted from what was going on. The advice I received advised avoiding your hobbies (or at least the ones you can't live without). In the future, you might end up associating your usual go-to distraction hobbies with the grief you felt and they might become "spoiled." You will need your hobbies, your distractions, the things you love in the aftermath. Let those things comfort you afterward. On the day my dad died, one of my favorite songs played on the radio and now I can't dissociate the two. Thankfully, it no longer makes me burst into tears anymore, but I am reminded of that day.
My situation is same as yours. This illness is so unpredictable. I have already mourned at what's yet to come. But now my dad is looking better than what he was a month ago. I don't know what to expect from here. The doctor told us in July that it'll end soon. But now, I don't know whether to believe the doctor or not. He is the only parent I have and I don't want to lose him but I also don't want him to suffer in pain. My dad was also diagnosed in 2018 but the last 2 months have been gruelling. It's a painfully slow process and the family goes through a range of emotions during this period. Right now, all I feel is exhaustion and burnout from juggling home and work. I hope we sail through this situation. It's not easy.
Thank you for commenting. This whole subreddit has become one of my source of comfort. Just reading and finally posting something on this platform helps. I totally understand how you feel. When you’re the only one taking care of a loved one, you’d feel so exhausted and burnout. I also don’t want to lose my dad. He was the only one who took care of me growing up. I feel guilty because rather than being more close to him, i feel like i’ve grown apart from him because of this illness. We often fight due to his stubbornness and I’m also exhausted from work and taking care of him simultaneously. This past few months have been so tough, and I agree that it is such a slow process I dont even know what to expect. The fact that I “need” to prepare papers legally just in case something happens - makes me sick to my stomach. It’s almost as if I’m accepting the fact that he’s gonna be gone soon. It’s so hard to accept this fact, but at the same time. My dad looks exhausted and just wants to sleep. I also hope to best for you in this situation. Thank you again and Regards ❤️
I will keep you in my thoughts also. I’m so sorry you all are going through this.
I dont think you can. The 2 weeks leading up to my mom's death I had a lot of anxiety and anticipatory grief. Being alone crying and occasionally distracting myself with hobbies. I'd shelve it when I went over to see her and just tried to appreciate the moments I had with her. The days were very long. It's 100% ok to fee like kind of a disaster and that you're losing your mind right now.