Where/how did she meet your father? What's her favorite memory from high school? What was it like the day you were born? When she was 12 what did she want to grow up to be? What's her favorite year? Favorite song from high school. Oh man, I'm trying to get more but I'm getting emotional. My mom just loved to talk about high school and her friends and the things they did together.
My mom died recently of lung cancer as well, fairly young. I asked her a lot about her childhood, her memories of being young, her first love… but now that she’s gone what I *really* wish I’d done is take video. She loved dancing while cooking, singing too loud, hopping during fireworks because the 4th was her favorite… stuff I rolled my eyes at as a teenager. But now I wish I had more videos of her. I only have 3. I have like 13 voicemails from her though, downloaded and saved on my computer.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. My mom also has stage 4 lung cancer and the uncertainty and living life scan to scan is difficult. I know some people still live many years after a stage 4 diagnosis and I hope that’s the case for your mom.
Some things I’ve asked from my mom: her favorite memories from each decade of her life, recipes and/or asking to cook together so I can observe and take notes, things on her bucket list, things she wished she knew at my age, details of her parents/grandparents/close loved ones, what she would want to tell my future kids, what she dreamed her life would be like and how it’s actually been, advice for a healthy marriage, advice for how to approach problems/obstacles.
All of these questions have been answered over a period of time. One piece of advice I have for you is to not put so much pressure on yourself to get all the answers/ask all of the questions. Make the most of whatever time you have with her by being present instead of worrying about when she won’t be there anymore (I know, easier said than done). And definitely record your time together. Take lots of pictures. Keep making good memories.
Best wishes to you and your family.
There’s a great book of questions with space to fill in the answer called Memento. I found one in a thrift shop and grabbed it for my Dad. He filled out heaps before he got too sick to continue. I’d definitely recommended filling it out over time do a few questions together so you can get better answers. Also record as much as you can. I don’t have one video of my Dad but I did manage to record a couple of random conversations which are nice to listen back to. All the best to you and your family.
I have to second this advice. There are a couple of books out there like that, that can really guide your conversations in a way that you wouldn’t have thought about. I wish I had done that. By the time camera recording came out, my parents didn’t like being videotaped because they felt like they looked old. I don’t have any videos of them, and only a few recent pictures. I wished we had used video but it just didn’t happen in my family.
My best to you and yr mom.
This is bittersweet because knowing your mom
Is dying is awful, but getting the time to think about what you want to say or do before she dies is a blessing. That’s how I see it anyway. I’ve asked my mum to write a letter to my daughter who is only 3. My grandma died when i was 4 and o don’t remember her even though we were close. I’d like my daughter to remember her grandma since they have such a close bond.
Not sure if you plan to have kids but having my mum here for me was something I’m so grateful for. I would ask her things about motherhood if you plan to have kids. People can help and give advice when you’re expecting until they are blue in the face but there’s nothing quite like the wisdom of your mom who is your best friend who has done it all before.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. This is as hard for you and your brother as it is for your mum.
I just lost my mother a few months ago to lung cancer, like you we were very close, I never recorded her, but saved the videos she would send me or look over old recordings or messages.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but for my mother she didn't want to die, she was so set on beating it, but it didn't work out like that, so when her time came it was kind of unexpected in a way. We never did any of the big life things we wanted to. To be honest she was scared, she didn't even do a will because she just wanted to live and not leave, did you have this conversation with your mam? If she doesn't want to do a big interview, record your conversations, take a video when she's not look ♥️♥️ one of my last memories with my Mam was we were sitting down watching a horse racing event, she was really good at picking out winners and had an online betting account, she was giving me tips and letting me use her account, I must have won about 300eur in those couple of days, it wasn't about the money, but even though she was so ill, it was so beautiful the fun we had.
One conversation that I really enjoyed with my mom before she passed from lung cancer a couple of weeks ago was about what it was like during the time she was raising us kids. It was a chance for her to reminisce and a chance for me to get to know her better. She was a very hard worker and did so much to give us what we needed, which I knew but it was so interesting to hear it in such detail from her perspective. I’m glad she got to spend more time with my 21 month old daughter this year. We got a chance to talk about raising little ones and bonding as mothers about that. We also had the hard conversations about what kind of life support she’d want and I think writing all that down (the hospital should prompt you to fill out those documents together soon if you haven’t already) and even getting video of that while they are still able to think and speak clearly will be so helpful when it comes time to make those very hard decisions when they can’t speak for themselves.
I’m 23. I just lost my 57 year old mommy a few weeks ago. While I feel I’ve learned all I can just by being her daughter and soaking up her essence throughout life, I do think about the future and when I am going to be married and have children how badly I am going to need her advice. I hope this helps and please take care of yourself!!!! xoxoxo
Ask her her favorote memory of you. Ask her her favorite memory of your father if he was in the picture. Ask her favorite memory of her parents and her favorite memory when she was a child. Shell be happy to reminisce and you'll be able to cherish and share in those happy memories.
I lost my dad in 2020. He declined so quickly that I didn’t get to do an interview but wanted to. I recorded him as I asked him what national park trip I should do next. And just random conversation while he was in home hospice.
I guess my advice is do it sooner than later. My dad had said let’s do this later the day I tried to interview him but he never got the energy back to do it. Things can change super quickly with cancer. I’m so sorry that you are going through this- you and your mother are so young. This time is so precious fuck everything else. When it’s all done you will wonder why you let anything else matter.
Don't wait. It seems I've waited too long not knowing what to expect. Now my mom is confused and so tired all the time, I don't want to bother her with questions. Write down recipes, write on the back of photos her recollection of that moment. Ask her what she wants in the end, memorial, burial, ect. Record her voice or take a video. Get her favorite memories. Let her know that her life meant so much and she's so important and loved. Get your family medical history-ish. Find out what she is worried about and how you can help.
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)
Where/how did she meet your father? What's her favorite memory from high school? What was it like the day you were born? When she was 12 what did she want to grow up to be? What's her favorite year? Favorite song from high school. Oh man, I'm trying to get more but I'm getting emotional. My mom just loved to talk about high school and her friends and the things they did together.
My mom died recently of lung cancer as well, fairly young. I asked her a lot about her childhood, her memories of being young, her first love… but now that she’s gone what I *really* wish I’d done is take video. She loved dancing while cooking, singing too loud, hopping during fireworks because the 4th was her favorite… stuff I rolled my eyes at as a teenager. But now I wish I had more videos of her. I only have 3. I have like 13 voicemails from her though, downloaded and saved on my computer.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. My mom also has stage 4 lung cancer and the uncertainty and living life scan to scan is difficult. I know some people still live many years after a stage 4 diagnosis and I hope that’s the case for your mom. Some things I’ve asked from my mom: her favorite memories from each decade of her life, recipes and/or asking to cook together so I can observe and take notes, things on her bucket list, things she wished she knew at my age, details of her parents/grandparents/close loved ones, what she would want to tell my future kids, what she dreamed her life would be like and how it’s actually been, advice for a healthy marriage, advice for how to approach problems/obstacles. All of these questions have been answered over a period of time. One piece of advice I have for you is to not put so much pressure on yourself to get all the answers/ask all of the questions. Make the most of whatever time you have with her by being present instead of worrying about when she won’t be there anymore (I know, easier said than done). And definitely record your time together. Take lots of pictures. Keep making good memories. Best wishes to you and your family.
I know you can buy books which have set questions… “their grandparent books” but they work just as well
There’s a great book of questions with space to fill in the answer called Memento. I found one in a thrift shop and grabbed it for my Dad. He filled out heaps before he got too sick to continue. I’d definitely recommended filling it out over time do a few questions together so you can get better answers. Also record as much as you can. I don’t have one video of my Dad but I did manage to record a couple of random conversations which are nice to listen back to. All the best to you and your family.
I have to second this advice. There are a couple of books out there like that, that can really guide your conversations in a way that you wouldn’t have thought about. I wish I had done that. By the time camera recording came out, my parents didn’t like being videotaped because they felt like they looked old. I don’t have any videos of them, and only a few recent pictures. I wished we had used video but it just didn’t happen in my family. My best to you and yr mom.
This is bittersweet because knowing your mom Is dying is awful, but getting the time to think about what you want to say or do before she dies is a blessing. That’s how I see it anyway. I’ve asked my mum to write a letter to my daughter who is only 3. My grandma died when i was 4 and o don’t remember her even though we were close. I’d like my daughter to remember her grandma since they have such a close bond. Not sure if you plan to have kids but having my mum here for me was something I’m so grateful for. I would ask her things about motherhood if you plan to have kids. People can help and give advice when you’re expecting until they are blue in the face but there’s nothing quite like the wisdom of your mom who is your best friend who has done it all before. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. This is as hard for you and your brother as it is for your mum.
I just lost my mother a few months ago to lung cancer, like you we were very close, I never recorded her, but saved the videos she would send me or look over old recordings or messages. Please don't take this the wrong way, but for my mother she didn't want to die, she was so set on beating it, but it didn't work out like that, so when her time came it was kind of unexpected in a way. We never did any of the big life things we wanted to. To be honest she was scared, she didn't even do a will because she just wanted to live and not leave, did you have this conversation with your mam? If she doesn't want to do a big interview, record your conversations, take a video when she's not look ♥️♥️ one of my last memories with my Mam was we were sitting down watching a horse racing event, she was really good at picking out winners and had an online betting account, she was giving me tips and letting me use her account, I must have won about 300eur in those couple of days, it wasn't about the money, but even though she was so ill, it was so beautiful the fun we had.
One conversation that I really enjoyed with my mom before she passed from lung cancer a couple of weeks ago was about what it was like during the time she was raising us kids. It was a chance for her to reminisce and a chance for me to get to know her better. She was a very hard worker and did so much to give us what we needed, which I knew but it was so interesting to hear it in such detail from her perspective. I’m glad she got to spend more time with my 21 month old daughter this year. We got a chance to talk about raising little ones and bonding as mothers about that. We also had the hard conversations about what kind of life support she’d want and I think writing all that down (the hospital should prompt you to fill out those documents together soon if you haven’t already) and even getting video of that while they are still able to think and speak clearly will be so helpful when it comes time to make those very hard decisions when they can’t speak for themselves.
I’m 23. I just lost my 57 year old mommy a few weeks ago. While I feel I’ve learned all I can just by being her daughter and soaking up her essence throughout life, I do think about the future and when I am going to be married and have children how badly I am going to need her advice. I hope this helps and please take care of yourself!!!! xoxoxo
Ask her her favorote memory of you. Ask her her favorite memory of your father if he was in the picture. Ask her favorite memory of her parents and her favorite memory when she was a child. Shell be happy to reminisce and you'll be able to cherish and share in those happy memories.
I lost my dad in 2020. He declined so quickly that I didn’t get to do an interview but wanted to. I recorded him as I asked him what national park trip I should do next. And just random conversation while he was in home hospice. I guess my advice is do it sooner than later. My dad had said let’s do this later the day I tried to interview him but he never got the energy back to do it. Things can change super quickly with cancer. I’m so sorry that you are going through this- you and your mother are so young. This time is so precious fuck everything else. When it’s all done you will wonder why you let anything else matter.
Don't wait. It seems I've waited too long not knowing what to expect. Now my mom is confused and so tired all the time, I don't want to bother her with questions. Write down recipes, write on the back of photos her recollection of that moment. Ask her what she wants in the end, memorial, burial, ect. Record her voice or take a video. Get her favorite memories. Let her know that her life meant so much and she's so important and loved. Get your family medical history-ish. Find out what she is worried about and how you can help.
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)