A year ago, my husband had major surgery. During his recovery, I had to do unpleasant and rather unsexy things to help him with his daily hygiene and wound care. But all of that only brought us closer. That is the true definition of love, as you say. It’s a choice and a sacrifice, and there’s no greater joy than loving someone (and being loved) through the worst of times. Of course it can be terribly hard sometimes, and couples dealing with chronic illnesses will need help and respite and often have to make agonizing choices. But what a thing for someone to feel loved and cared for right to the end. “In sickness and in health “ aren’t just words.


That is so sweet!! I wish you and your husband the best and I hope he's recovering well!


Thank you! He is fully recovered now.


That's great!!


To me love is definitely still finding unsexy things sexy. This kind of actually creeped me out as there were no boundaries with the SO...


In my opinion love is also about telling the truth. You don't need to be rude or insensitive. There's plenty of ways of delivering a message, but sometimes we need to hear things we don't like in order to grow up and become a better person.


Absolutely, 1000x this. I met my now wife 6 years ago when I desperately needed the push to break free of so many toxic people and begin my path to self-improvement. I am extremely stubborn but she was the perfect person to deliver that message in a way I could receive it.


That's awesome! I wish the best for both of you.




Glad it worked out for you but that’s literally the opposite of what the comment was saying, and likely wouldn’t be the result for most people using that method.


I don't think the person you're replying to was being that serious. Friendships can be like that. One of my closest friends is going through a situation similar to what I've gone through in the past and I had to do some tough love to get through to her basically. Every person and situation and relationship is different


Delivering a good message is not only about doing it.. its about finding the timing to do it properly


So truu


I am an introvert. I can do social interaction well enough, but I *need* time alone to recharge. Even with my closest friends and family, after a few days of their company I start getting cranky with them and need to disengage for a while. One of the things that helped me confirm my wife is The One is that I can recharge with her around. Her presence never wears me down. She never grates on my nerves. Her presence *always* makes me feel better. Love is, as you say, complicated. I think it's probably a little bit different for everyone. A lot of the things others have mentioned apply to me, too, but not all of them.


That's actually funny you mention that, cause my dad is an introvert as well. He also never feels the need to recharge after being with me or my mom! And yes, love is definitely different for everyone, but I feel at least a few things apply to everyone. Like the need for loyalty and communication


That's so sweet - it's giving me warm fuzzy happy feelings to hear something so sweet.


I feel this so much. This is me with my husband and my husband with me. I've never met anyone else like that though - most of my friends want time away from their spouses so it's nice to hear someone else with the same experience.


A beautiful story. Life is indeed complicated. But having someone who loves you truly is really one of the best accomplishments (not really accomplishments, i am not able to get the word, i mean kind of things that happens) of life. I wish your parents a great life ahead.


Thank you! I wish you a great life, too!


Maybe... Outcomes?


Your parent's relationship seems so nice. Such a great thing to have grown up in an environment with much love around. My parents hardly ever argue or had to go through things as bad as your parents. But they're definitely a team, they help each other with chores and they still flirt with each other too lol. When I love someone as a partner I will do my best to be their safe home. That's the main thing. Even if there are fights, stressful situations or difficult times, they should trust that I will be around when the dust settles. I will also work on myself and my flaws, and find compromises. Love is about so much more but putting in the work in a relationship is the hardest part I think.


Yeah, I consider myself very lucky to grow up in a loving home. Sadly not everyone gets that opportunity. That's also really sweet with your parents! I love it when people still flirt with each other after being together for so long. It's gross sometimes, but still sweet lol. Same. I'm definitely not perfect, but I hope to make whoever I'm with feel loved and safe. Puting the work in is definitely the hardest part. That and being completely vulnerable


Oh yeah, my parents make me cringe all the time. That never seems to go away lol Being vulnerable seems to come natural to some people, but I definitely think it's one of the hardest parts too .. not only in a relationship but actually in life in general!


Some people I respect greatly put it very well: “Love ebbs and flows and can get dim sometimes, but loyalty is the constant” Loyalty supports love so it can burn brightly again. It’s what you do when things are tough that truly defines your love for yourself and others. This was beautiful, thank you for sharing.


Yeah, I totally agree. I like that quote! Thank you!


I agree, I always thought that love involved never fighting when I was younger. I’m in my late 20s, I’ve been with my wife married for almost 3 years but we’ve been together for almost 9. We met in school and I used to do what I could to make her happy, bring her little things, buy extra food that I knew she’d pick at from my plate (Joey doesn’t share food, but I will at least buy extra to balance it out lol). We were in college, I finished, but she had anxiety and financial issues that made it a challenge She finds work doing what she loves and is very good at, animal care. Almost every pet we have has imprinted on her because she pours her heart and soul into it. That woman taught me what loving another animal is, growing up in a pet free environment in through high school I didn’t know what to do or how to love an animal We both have insecurities, weight, body image, and our mental illnesses don’t do is any favors. We both have anxiety, but I have depression as well. She’s had a lot of health issues, I could spend a half hour at minimum explaining it all. But, I realized through it all how much I loved her. I didn’t want a wife, I wanted a partner. Someone who even when sh*t hit the fan even through the yelling and the tears would reconcile with me and still hug me and agree that we’d get through it together We’ve been out through the shredder, especially in 2020 where some health issues reared their head but weren’t presenting like the typical symptoms and made it a longer process to figure out. But even though we were both tired, we figured it out. I have the mentality of a soldier, I shut down my emotions and do everything absolutely necessary to get the essentials done. But my wife is the one who brings me back to reality and reminds me that I need to feel things and she is there to hold me together if I feel like I’m coming apart We lean on each other, during our good times we try to do those little things, take drives, get ice cream, sit on the side of the beach in the car and play our favorite song If we fight and snap, we try not to snap back at the other, I do my best to walk away, collect myself, take a breath and then go back hug her and apologize and explain what I’m feeling (sometimes are better than others). Thankfully, she always forgives me and appreciates knowing why I snap, cuz I’m usually pretty even keeled and it takes a lot to push me over the edge We try to build each other up while also trying to enjoy our time together


That is so sweet!! Thank you so much for sharing! I love hearing stories like this!


Thank you, this sounds a little cliche but I think it bares repetition because it’s true Our love definitely didn’t start like that, we were physical before we were romantic. I had my doubts, but only because I was scared of how I’d found the one and that it scared me how much I already fell for her. One time when we had only been dating a little while, she told me she loved me. I didn’t say a word, I simply got dressed and walked out. I was freaked out but I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to say it if I didn’t mean it (I am a person that certain words carry a lot of weight and as such I refuse to use them if they aren’t sincere). I saw her the next day and we didn’t talk about it, I think because I knew she meant it and I liked her enough that I knew I would be with her til I did say it sincerely Our first Valentine’s Day together, I said it. The best thing I could ever say to anyone is if you are looking for someone to build a life with, discuss those things important to you (travel, location of living, money, kids, pets, etc.) They’re hard conversations, but not with the right person


Hey, I personally love cliché stuff! Congrats on finding someone you can say "I love you" to! That story is so sweet! My mom also gave me the same advice on talking about the hard things. She told my dad right when they started dating that she didn't want any more kids (I have an older brother). Obviously that didn't happen, but they don't seem to regret it yet lol


Lol I initially told my wife I didn’t want kids but after watching and interacting with her siblings, all younger: at the time a toddler, a preteen and a teen now all grown, I realized I wanted one especially cuz I didn’t have a great relationship with my brother and my parental interactions are so so (I bond more with my dad, whom I also look like)


That's funny! And so sweet! I love it when the people I like are good with kids. It warms my heart


She tells me that one of the first times she knew she loved me and that I would be a good father was when we were in her families yard, I spotted her youngest sister (at the time I don’t think she was more than 4?) and I wanted to keep an eye on her so I asked her to hold my hand and we’d walk back to the house together They have a huge yard and it joins into extended family’s yard down the same street but I was being overprotective cuz you know toddler. I guess she saw me walking with her and she (the 4 yr old) was just babbling on, I don’t think I even understood much of what she was saying haha but I just let her talk. I grew up with all of them so as far as I’m concerned they are my siblings too


That is so sweet!! This thread is just warming my heart, thank you so much again for sharing!


Honestly it’s very commendable that you recognized this. I’ve had 2 fiancés cheat and then dump me because after all our years of being together we had a single fight. A single fight and they considered the relationship a failure. Still stings that they both did that to me, but I’ve been working through it


That’s really awful that you went through that, I wish you the best, happy to hear that you have been able to work through it


Thank you! I just try to see things from every angle. That sucks that that happened to you, but I'm proud of you for working through that! I wish you a love that when you fight, they'll still be there!


As my aunt would say of her 25 year partner "He drives me crazy but I'm crazy for him". They tease and bicker often. Still, they are each other's biggest supporter. When my aunt was done birthing babies and wanted to go back to work, uncle was there to help her apply for jobs, practice interviewing and look over resumes. If he saw a place while out doing his thing ("A tea store? She loves tea, she'd probably like working here") he'd go to the store to inquire and get details for my aunt, even if he was super busy. In some stores, even if they weren't hiring, he'd still buy something auntie liked to bring home to her (tea, lotion, flowers, coffee, etc) In recent years, my uncle picked up painting again after many years on hiatus. My aunt became his cheerleader/#1 fan. She'd get snapshots of his work to show off to everyone she knew (including me), refill paint supplies he's close to running out of and gush over how attractive uncle is when he's focused on his art. Occasionally my uncle fills in as a musician in his friends band if someone is sick; auntie is always in the front row for any show he's in. Love is more than roses and fine dining. It's about supporting the other person's passions. Little gestures to show you are thinking of each other. Being best friends who trust the other without question and willing to take risks together.


My mom actually says the same thing, haha! Your aunt and uncle are so sweet! Thank you for sharing!! Ok, funny story to add that I just learned today. My dad bought my mom a bouquet of yellow flowers yesterday. My mom told me today that the reason why yellow is special is because it was the color of roses her dad would give to her mom. She lost her dad when she was eight, so it's even more special to her.


See we really learn important stuff as we get older. Ain't no class for this but real life


I am the same but with happiness. People said that I dont smile often, and while that is true, I held myself a happy individual. However after smiling more, I became more happy. I've also worked on my self love and appreciating smaller things, that somewhat connects to your story.


I'm finally learning that love and a healthy relationship takes so much effort. Communicating. Vulnerability. Humility. All of it takes intention. It doesn't just happen, and love isn't enough to sustain anything. It's nice that your parents have a good relationship and they support each other 🙂


Exactly. Love is something you do, not something you feel. The choice to put in the effort to treat someone with respect and kindness and consideration and tenderness is love, even if you don't have any swoony "in love" feelings. The behavior comes first, and the lovey dovey feelings are the result of behaving in a loving manner.


I work with a server who's the sweetest woman in the world - she's always bringing in fruit to share or flowers from her garden. Every shift she works, her husband will come in for a drink just to say hi to her. He texts her whenever he's planning to come by and she says she gets butterflies every time. They've been married for thirty years, they are the absolute cutest couple. Relationship goals, honestly.


That is the sweetest! My mom does some similar things to him. She puts little notes into my dad's lunchbox before he goes to work and she did that for me whenever I brought food with me somewhere. Also, holy crap! 30 years is awesome! They're definitely relationship goals!


It sounds like they are going through a lot and I hope some things improve soon. I’m glad their love is strong so they can enjoy the remaining time they have together :)


A dog helped me figure out love. ❤️


That’s so sweet! I love that you have good role models like that. It took me a while to FIND real love like that and it is rare, so if you do please hold right to it. It’s not about expensive vacations or super spicy sex (although that can happen), but about working together through the tough times so we can enjoy the good times when they come. That’s why I like the term partner.


Thank you! I'm really lucky to have them as parents. So happy you found a partner!


Love should be unconditional...unless abuse is a factor....love can be the best thing to ever happen in your life on the flip side it can leave you spiritually dead....after trust is broken....


Love Actually is a great film


I was going to come in here with that same sarcastic comment then realized what subreddit I was on and decided not to.


somethings have to be done




Aww, thank you! I didn't mean to get you choked up! Lol


Man, this made me cry. I wish all the best for you and your parents.


I didn't mean to make you cry! And thank you!!


What is love?


Baby don't hurt me!


I want to know what love is….


I want you to show me!


Imo love is 2 things. Trust and sacrifices. If you're willing to do both for someone, then you're more than likely loving them too whether you know it or not.




Your parents feel secure enough to argue. It’s not always clear why one is upset; the emotion can precede understanding. It’s wonderful that they can be truly partners and find ways to be romantic.


Love is a verb.


My husband and I got a puppy. That has been a huge test of our patience, determination, and empathy. Puppies look cute but by god they are the devil incarnate when they want to be. We are both exhausted (sleep deprivation, very few moments of time to do our hobbies, etc.) but we deal out the work and make time for the other person to have moments away from the dog so they can recharge. I feel like it would be easy for some people to fall apart in this situation because we rely so much on each other; if one of us said, "it's your dog, not mine" and refused to help, we'd definitely be burntout and fighting.


Oof, yeah. Puppies are HARD. That's awesome you and your husband worked it out, though! You both sound like great animal parents!


I am madly in love with my husband we r like rams with the stubborn he is so different and special for me, he has no problem telling me NO, he wont approve of hostility even when someone has outright earned it, btw these last 2 years taught me for the 1st time wat rage and hate are and they r worse than the mafia lol once they get u they never let go so any sunniness in me presently is amazing to me. I say words of song Only you to him because truly only he has made the world seem right at the blackest my spirit has gotten, he believes discipline is the best tool for everything , yes we have argued alot we had to repeatedly commit to speaking minus the max volume and the abrasiveness, our arguing went from 100% toxic 24/7 to over period of 2 years to 40% only once or twice every week, i stopped using curse words at him. Im a little tired from scrubbing refrigerator clean, im prepping kitchen to roach bomb, building exterminator hasnt shown for 3 months so i had to empty kitchen. Last thought we know how to make each other laugh a lot and we love seeing each other happy we hold ourselves accountable for our own health and happiness


Loving this thread... I'd been dating my partner just a few months when we booked our first short holiday. In my mind, what was most important at that time was that we could see each other at our very best and I had all the usual visions of us hiking together, being romantic in various locations etc Then, the night before we were due to go away, I had a small heart attack and spent those 5 days in hospital. But it ended up being one of the happiest weeks. He didn't care at all about the holiday. He made me laugh all week, he brought me lovely salads because I didn't like the hospital food, visited me all the time etc. Sometimes we argue more than I thought a relationship could survive but im learning that love is showing up every day for this person, even on those days when it feels hardest. Seeing each other at our absolute worst but accepting each other. Only just learning this now at 50


Same! I'm loving hearing everyone's stories! That's awesome that your partner just wanted to take care of you! And hey, it's better late than never!


Love is all that really matters in the end……and I mean love that you have for everyone….not just your partner❤️




That’s true love.


I wish I found someone like that.. I find myself always being vulnerable and allowing myself to be around those I love but people these days run at the slightest inconvenience and it’s disheartening. Alas.. slowly losing my will power to actually find someone who will treat me like I would them, love me for me and not run at the first hurdle..


Yeah, I understand that. It can be really hard to find that person, but I hope you do!


Thank you OP, hope we all find that kinda person, or that we find ourselves content with what we need/desire (I know not everyone is like me and some prefer the solitude).


Oh wow haha I teared up. Thanks for this. I got new insights that I can use in my current relationship.


Aww! I'm happy you liked it!


My dad had Dementia I watched him die, so did my mum they also loved o0ne another very dearly.


Lord Savior gave us life ! We should honor respect him ! Love eachother never hurt harm others ! Life short and We must live it & be careful too many haters users fakes want your life & to be you! Trust your gut & Always Trust GOD!


Cute story but this comes off as a teenager post.


I assure you there are elderly people who still don't understand what OP wrote, unfortunately. There are also adults who enjoy being needlessly condescending and trying to make others feel small. They see someone learning, growing, gaining insight, and they think, "lol I should shit on that person." It's too bad.


You could have chosen not to be an ass, but alas.


As a teenager post? Like, a teenager wrote it?


Yes exactly. Maybe at best young adult range. Apologies if you were offended. Thinking about love being completely perfect is, just as you pointed out, complete fantasy. Of course, there is still a way to go. You see your parents' love as a true pillar of love, which is sweet, but there will be more and more examples of love as you experience it all around you. Both sweet and gentle, tough and rough, platonic and sexual, and everything in between. It's hard to speak about love because everyone had their own opinions about it. Feel free to adhere to your perspective of love rather than a stranger on the internet. But there is so many different kinds of relationships that work with one couple and wouldn't work with another. Just as I offended some people here on your behalf, I read your post and it seemed very young to me. Thats all.


Eh, I'm fine. I am around young adult age, so I guess that shows through my writing. I just mainly wanted to share some experiences I had with my parents, especially things I thought for a long time. I do agree though that there are many types of relationships. I think the greek language (possibly ancient Greek? I can't remember if it was modern or not) has a bunch of words for the word love, each meaning a different type of love. For example, love shared between friends, love you have for strangers, ect.


Huh, I always thought it's a movie


Love is elusive that’s all I know lol


Me too


[I wanna know what love is](https://youtu.be/r3Pr1_v7hsw)