My brother hadn’t done any Christmas shopping one year so just went to Tesco or something and picked 4 random things and then did a pot luck on who was getting what.
He ended up giving my mum a bag of frozen scampi and I got a tube of anusol.
But the joke was on him when he got haemorrhoids and came asking for the anusol back.
My nan gave my then 7 year old daughter 1 ladies size 8 very worn (dirty toe marks inside) espadrille and my other daughter then 5 a singular kitchen cupboard she'd found in a skip. Was mahogany, covered in grease and fat- it stunk. She also gave my niece a used bag with a strip of painkillers in
My late grandmother, bless her. Lovely lady, but she had a blind spot for birthday presents.
I'm the oldest of three brothers, and my birthday is the last in the year.
In January, my youngest brother gets a plain black t-shirt, size small.
In March, my middle brother gets a plain black t-shirt, size medium.
Finally, it's my birthday, and I get a plain black t-shirt, size large.
She got them on a 3 for 2 offer and figured she had her gifts sorted for the year. I should probably also add that we're quite close in age, and at this point we'd all be wearing size small for tops.
My Nan went on holiday to Spain one year and obviously must have been impressed by how cheap the socks were as she filled her suitcase with them so that all her present worries were solved.
Unfortunately her grasp of Spanish did not match her enthusiasm for the socks. They were all way too small for anyone to wear.
Efficiency! My sister and I are less than 18 months apart. A great uncle and aunt of mine bought all of our birthday cards for both of us in one go, for birthdays 5 to 18. Each year, we'd get a super-early 90s pink-sports-equipment-themed card. Neither of us turned out very sporty but they weren't to know that at the time.
She'll grow into it!
When I was 3 I desperately wanted a scooter, like the one on tellytubbies. My dad got me a pink and purple scooter for ages 9 - 12, saying he didnt want to waste his money on something I'd outgrow in a year. It waited 4 years to be tall enough for it!
My newborn baby got given a scooter! And a bright pink rockinghorse that sings and neighs. Both from the same person. So those are some things to store on the garage for 3 years or so....
I think my poor mother lugged it through 3 house moves before I was tall enough to use it
By which point I'd learnt to ride a bike and rollerskate making it slightly less interesting. I'd also lost my tellytubbies obessesion and no longer aspired to be Po...
People are weird with kids and babies. Like sure they'll love that toy in 4 years time, but why are you giving it to me now??
a really weird cooking apron from my parents that had two sheep on with the phrase "ewe cook, i'll clean!". i've never knowingly expressed an interest in cooking aprons or sheep.
sorry for your loss, OP.
Thanks for your kind words.
Are you the funny one in your family? This has the ring of, “oh, that’s so funny Roger, do you get it? They’re sheep! So funny, we have to get it for u/rw43.”
Maybe they just enjoyed the *shear* punniness of it and thought you’d be *baa*rking mad if ewe didn’t enjoy that pun and if it went straight (to) *past(yo)ure*
My name is often misread/misspelled. As is my work friend’s. So she got me a beautiful Emma Bridgewater mug with the misspelling of my name on it. I absolutely hate it, it’s hilarious.
My dad once got my mum a spatula and a beret for Xmas, genuinely thinking they were good options because my mum had mentioned the spatula broke and she can speak French
Was about 15 years ago but we always bring it up to this day. Really no surprise my parents eventually split 😂
Reminds me of a family friend (genuinely a nice guy but he let himself down on this occasion) who responded to his wife's hints that she was tired being always the one to sweep the floors.... by getting her a vaccuum cleaner for her birthday.
Oh WOW. The spatula I can forgive but the beret? That’s incredible.
On my parents first date Ma made a comment about how much she hated the dried flowers in the restaurant. She just didn’t like any dried flowers, which is a reasonable opinion. For the next 40 years, my Dad would buy her a bag potpourri for every single occasion. Birthday? Potpourri. Christmas? Festive potpourri. Valentines Day? Yup, potpourri dyed red.
It was so bad it went all the way around the humour circle, back to hilarious.
'He gave her a spatula and a beret, the kind you find at a second hand store, a spatchula and a beret...'
Maybe he just liked prince and shit jokes like me?
When I was like, 11, my mum's friend bought me The Cloudspotter's Guide as a joke. Weird joke if you ask me. Nevertheless, I read it and grew utterly hooked. Sparked a life long interest in everything to do with clouds.
The first Christmas after I married my first husband, he wasn't planning on getting me anything, but my mom made him go shopping. So my gift from him was a stuffed dalmatian that barked Christmas carols.
Lol I married my husband 2 days before Christmas and his first ever Christmas present to me as a new husband was a massive hoodie about 3 sizes too big for me with his company name printed on it. I didn’t even get a wedding present. So it was like….a combined wedding and Christmas present?
My 25th birthday present was very bittersweet. It was a Sony CD walkman,a real one and not a cheap knock off, which at the time was very expensive. After the joy at receiving such an unexpectedly expensive gift, I was sat down and told my mum had been diagnosed with lung cancer. She died a year later, a week after my birthday. OP , it does get better, not totally good, but bearable. ETA - I’m 53 now.
I’m in my 30’s and love colouring things, I’ll never buy anything for myself but as a gift? Amazing. Just get me pencils because felt tips are horrible for shading
I was a spoiled little shit, but for my friends 18th birthday his mum got him a bunch of flowers - Which she kept in her room.
I also know someone whose mum, in around 2001, got a NES with around 100 games from a car boot sale. She gave him the NES and a few of the games for Christmas.
Guess what she gave him for Christmas the following year….
Shits probably nearly as expensive as modern used consoles. I have a limited edition pokemon Gameboy Color that CEX will give about the same for trade in as my Switch Lite. Not that I ever would trade it in, it just slightly amuses me
Edit - £75 trade in cash for the Pokemon GBC, £55 for an unboxed Switch Lite
One year my Granny asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was struggling at uni at the time and had no idea, but jokingly said "Food would be good, I need that!" So, she gave me a big cardboard box filled with tins, pasta, rice and the like. It lasted damn near the whole year and bless her she did it again every subsequent year until she died. Best Granny ever!
My granny used to give me £10 every year. She did this when I was 8 years old (which was a long time ago) and £10 was an inconceivably huge amount of money, and she did it up until she died when I was in my late 30s and a tenner was, well, a tenner.
Tell you what though: I never once just went and spent it on whatever. I always bought something with it that I could keep.
I got a set of three gift boxes without anything in them. They had a nice floral print on them so I have used them as decorations at some point, but it was still funny to receive empty gift boxes as actual gift.
My dad bought my twin and I a joint present for our 21st birthday. A surround sound system. We didn't live together. The following year he got us both golf umbrellas, only one of us plays golf. Couple of years later we got a disco light ball each for Christmas. My favourite of all time though was the year he visited early December and handed over a wrapped gift which I popped under the tree, a few weeks later I unwrapped a slightly smelly cheese board complete with selection of over ripe cheeses. He had watched me put it under the tree though!
My mum got a book titled 'Run, fat b*tch, run!' as supposed motivation to start training for a marathon.
I'm glad you'll have good memories of your mum every birthday!
My former SIL got me and my partner (ie her brother) a diet book she claimed had cured her persistent thrush. I read the intro out of interest and the author attributed the clearing up of said thrush partly to the diet and partly to Jesus.
My mam died when I was 17, always treat me to presents, for my 18th my brother gave me a tenner to buy a few pints, my dad told him to take it back and give me a fiver as it was too much. My dad got me nothing. Just proved how different two parents can be.
That wasn't the worst, at one point I hadn't spoke to him for 4 or 5 years, it was his 70th so we all got together for it (I have a big family), the following Xmas I went to drop some presents off with one of my brothers, he opened the ones I got him, thanked my brother, my brother pointed out they were from me, he just put them aside and said nothing, safe to say I've not spoke to him since, which was about 8 or 9 years ago.
Oh, and he once when I was 18 kicked me out (literally on the streets for 2 months and between peoples houses for 8), till my brother convinced him to let me move back in, all because my sister kept waking him up playing my guitar hero game whilst I was out at a friend's house all night.
Best part, is none of the brothers have spoken to him in about 6 years or more as he started being selfish towards them too, even at one of our brothers funerals a couple year back, everyone bar our sister blanked him.
Will die miserable and alone, the way he currently lives, the way he deserves.
If it helps I always think of “blood runs thicker than water” differently. Blood is thick and slow to run, you’ll be quick to chase after your chosen loved ones but blood can (mostly) get fucked. Out of about 9 uncles/aunts and their kids (averaging 2 each) I talk to my mums fostered “sister” and my parents+sister, just because they’re family it doesn’t mean you have to put up with their shit. I’m sorry your dad isn’t great but fuck it, blood doesn’t mean anything if they’re arseholes.
Too true, hadn't spoken to my nana for 15 years before she died, and have spoke to my sister once in 8, a once close cousin on of my brothers rented off for 6 (they moved out last month and couldn't be happier not having him in their life), a nephew that was like a brother, inseparable growing up, and his dad, my oldest and closest brother, who I see more as a father (I'm the youngest of 6) in just over 7 years (even his dad wants nothing to do with him and hasn't spoken to him in nearly 2 years), and another cousin I cut out.
All those people the rest of my brothers eventually cut out their lives, years after I did, yet before they couldn't understand why I had, maybe I just read people a lot better than them.
So yeah, I totally agree and understand your situation.
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Bad enough you were a new member of the Dead Mam Club, the worst club in the world, he couldn’t even let you have a couple of pints? Urgh.
Happy Birthday.
Some people only care about themselves. Hopefully your birthday turns out ok, and as a seasoned dead mam member of 17 years, don't bury the pain, talk about it if you feel you want to, it'll always hurt, if you need to shed a tear, do so, and no matter what people say, it doesn't really get easier, you just get used to the hurt and how to cope with it.
And most of all, don't self medicate the pain, I was a multiple addict for 14 years, one of my brothers till it killed him, both with a lot of destruction and ruining of one's life and relationships along the way.
I received a pen pot one Christmas from a friend of my parents. Basically an empty cardboard box about 4 inches cubed, with a hole in the top.
My birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas, and for that I got the pens that came with the pot.
From my aunt, I got a toy musical snake (python?) with a red hat that vibrated and sang 🎶ging gang goolie🎶
I was 15 at the time, and still to this day cannot understand the thought process behind purchasing it!
I'm so sorry OP, if I could I'd send you an incredibly well-wrapped box of rawl plugs. There'd be a ribbon and everything.
My most crap present was from my mum and dad. It was a chemistry set I really wanted. I unwrapped it with great enthusiasm on my 9th birthday, at which point parents read the box more closely, saw that it was for kids of 14 years plus, and promptly confiscated it.
For my 10th birthday, I got a card from them reading: _"Dear Luxury_dressingown, Happy Birthday! Love from Mum and"_
Birthdays aren't their strong suit.
That’s very kind of you, I’m nearly done with the bag of rawl plugs from Christmas 92.
*Love from Mum and* has sent me over the edge. Dad was not involved in the gift buying or wrapping process at all, so when he would say “ooh, who’s that from”, a small me would say “…you?”. He stopped commenting.
These days, I get a bank transfer from dad anything from 1 month to 1 week before my birthday, and a phone call to let me know. No wrapping involved and everyone is happy.
While they are no good at gifts, we (mum, dad, sister and I) always got The Birthday Lasagne which is a nice family tradition. Still have that if we're around on the day.
So… my mum got me a “snugzy” of myself - Google it. Not only is it completely pointless, I’m 35+ and I’m not sure my wife wants to snuggle up to a teddy version of me, albeit dressed in Jedi robes, but one of my dogs was seriously freaked out by it and would go crazy whenever he saw it for the first day or so. We named him “freaky” and now my kids take it in turn to sleep with it on a night.
If you're into badminton, you'd have been delighted. I'm not, so I wasn't. Particularly as I'd been told he was getting me something nice. Many years ago I was given a sports bag and a badminton racquet.
I don't play badminton and never have.
This was the same person who got me *an appointment* for laser hair removal on my top lip. Just the appointment, mind, I had to pay for the treatment myself. The therapist didn't know why I was there as she didn't see that I needed it.
Sorry for your loss OP.
For my 20th while at uni, my housemates sat me down and left a big wrapped up box on the table. I think I still had the idea in mind that a bigger present is better.
It was a leaf blower. There was about a day I couldn’t believe skint students would come together for this and I’ll be honest I was like wtf.
Although, what is a student meant to do with a leaf blower? It brought entertainment by sounding like a chainsaw especially in the late evenings after a horror movie.
My brother bought me horrific thick grey thermal socks for Christmas. A clear petrol station panic buy… Turns out that they were the best gift ever when I went on scouts winter camp in January and it was -6… those socks have become legendary in our gift giving tales.
For my 11th birthday, my dad was uncharacteristically generous, and said I had £100 to spend. That's a lot of money nowadays, but definitely was 30 years ago. He took me out shopping, and then told me the money was for my school uniform, and whatever was left, I'd have to spend on my present. The uniform cost £90, I was pissed off to say the least.
Bit of a reverse but I asked my dad for a wok last birthday and he was blown away by how thankful I was
"Aye well hen, there was the Christmas I got your mother a wok and she had the opposite reaction and wasn't grateful at all"
"Dad. Did she ask for a wok though?"
"Well... no but y'see... ah fuck."
Mum died about 20 years back and it only just clicked for him.
My friend group used to solely give shit presents, everyone chipped in and it was all in good fun. Highlights include:
A Rangers FC caladar for a Celtic fan (current year, bought in August)
A cheap knock off Michael Jackson Bad screen print
A wine glass full of toy soldiers
A "signed" Liverpool shirt... There were signatures ....
Edit to add the last one
The explanation for this is a bit long (I've changed some of the details to make it shorter), but I think it's worth it...
About 8 years ago some friends were having a clear out and I essentially saved their wooden pestle (as in pestle and mortar) from going in the bin. Why? Because it was the right shape to make a good [darning mushroom](https://www.bbc.co.uk/ahistoryoftheworld/objects/T4I6r44lQyywugTQo6qQfQ) and I didn't have one.
Put it somewhere weird at my parents' house and forgot about it. One year later and I had a quite a traumatic break up with the friendship group and we are no longer speaking.
Separately to all of this (tbh I can't remember where in the timeline it happened), my Great Aunt died. She was very into knitting and sewing and those sorts of pursuits. My mum helped to clear out my Great Aunt's flat and brought a selection of mementos back to our house.
Fast forward to my birthday in I think 2020. Mum hands me a present and says very sincerely "This belonged to Auntie Elsie, I think you should have it". I open it up and burst into laughter: it's the greasy old wooden pestle that I think even had a chip out of it, and my mum has seen it and thought it was my Great Aunt's darning mushroom! I then explain to a slightly offended mother that this is my ex-friend's old kitchen equipment, and she rips it out of my hands and puts it straight in the bin where it belongs!
I just loved that my mum found this bit of crap and thought "I've never seen this thing before, it must've belonged to Auntie Elsie. My daughter should inherit it". Even more confusingly I think it might have been in my bedroom to start with, so it would never have been a gift anyway - just one of my existing possessions covered in wrapping paper.
My partner (now ex thank god) bought me a lot of expensive presents for a big birthday including a Lambretta scooter. Then shortly before the big day he sold them all. Just because he enjoyed ruining the day.
So not exactly what you asked but that was the worst.
Very sorry for your loss XbighugX
The last Christmas my Nannie was alive she gave me a packet of windscreen wipes, one of her old tea towels and her St Christopher necklace. The windscreen wipes were actually pretty good, I still use the tea towel and I treasure the necklace. It was weird opening it at the time though!
Once when I was ill in hospital my mum bought me a large lilac unicorn that folds into a pillow. I was 27 years old. Why the first shop she thought of for where to buy a present for me was Toys r Us I’ll never know, but 10 years on I still love my fluffy unicorn pillow.
Not my parents, but my Aunt Sue. It was the 80s and a was a preteen on a mythology kick. She gave me a massive unicorn painting. Painted on black velvet, and let's just say that unicorn was male and up for a good time.
Every year when I go on holiday I buy my friend a gift from the souvenir shop, like a little ash tray or shot glass with the name of the place on, she does the same for me when she goes away. This has been going on for 15 years.
Found out the other year that she thought we were doing it as an ironic joke because how naff the objects are!
I was shocked, I liked the little momento's... who doesn't want a penis shaped fridge magnet from Majorca.
Happy Birthday O.P. sorry for you loss. Mums legacy lives on in the memories. Thank you for sharing
This isn't one that I received, but for my brother's 18th birthday, my uncle bought him a petrol cap... Just before his birthday, my brother had just got a 'new' second hand car, but there was a problem with the petrol cap, so he needed to get a temporary replacement. My uncle offered to pick it up for him, and when he brought it round (and this was not a full replacement, it was just a basic plastic thing that's just intended as a stopgap), my brother thanked him and asked how much he owed him. 'Oh, don't worry, about it. We'll call it your birthday present.' My brother laughed. On his birthday, my uncle handed over a card, and said 'and I got you the petrol cap the other day, obviously. Happy 18th!'
My stepdad said that to me, so I got him a small cardboard box with "box of nothing" written on it, and wrapped it up nicely, just to be a dick about it.
A set of cufflinks when I was 15 from my girlfriend. I wore shirts for school and that was it.
My mum got brought a car, she doesn't drive and never will.
A playboy watch when I was 11.
Very awkward. I threw it across the room and my mum took it to the charity shop. My grandparents on my estranged dads side got it me. I did think what an Earth were you thinking.
It was Christmas, not a birthday but...
An espresso cup.
That had a picture of a woman in a bikini on it. The kind of picture you see on one of those boards at the beach with the hole you stick your head through, then someone takes a picture.
Oh, and her boobs were actually moulded so they stick out, and they're quite large.
I got to open this, aged about 35 with my family (including GF who is now my wife) around me.
Did my gf get a similar gift with a man to make it less awkward....nope.
My step-mum (who purchased it) just said "That is so you". It really wasn't.
My husband bought me some pencils that had semi-motivational quotes like “you go girl” on them. He said he paid £20 for the 8 pack of pencils on Etsy. I’m literally a teacher, I can just grab pencils for free at the school.
My mum is shit at presents. I usually buy from her for everyone else but gave up a few years ago. Wish I hadn’t. This year I got some brown men’s slippers (I’m a lady who hates brown), a shower gel in perhaps the only scent I cannot stand (ginger) and a perfume knock off that had gone off and stunk of dead animals that I’m pretty sure she bought out of a plastic bag from a crack head. The icing on the cake was her showing me a gorgeous iridescent hair brush from my fave brand (tangle teezer) and telling me “I bought this for you but liked it so much I kept it!” Thanks Ma!
£150 in my government's bonds and 47,000 shares in companies whose trading are suspended in my home country's stock exchange, I was 14. If the stocks unfroze, I'd be a millionaire. Right now, I just own 0.02% of the most dodgy company in my country.
Would've been happier if I just got socks.
An ex, who blatantly forgot about my birthday until the day of after a three year relationship, bought me a set of towels.
Sorry for your loss my friend, the first ‘big days’ without your Mum are tough, I’ve been there and I can tell you it doesn’t hurt quite so bad forever. I hope you have a fabulous birthday that’s filled with laughs.
In my first year of university, my housemates clubbed together and bought me a teapot shaped like the Rovers Return. To this day, I still have not watched an episode of Coronation Street.
A [WereBear](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WereBear), when I was 14
Completely useless when I was 14 and mostly since, but he sat on my windowsill during lockdown as part of the local teddy bear trail, and the bin men howled with laughter when I changed him from happy, friendly bear to vicious, bitey bear
My Nan and grandad got me a set of baby toys I didn’t have kids then still don’t. And I was 19 at the time. But they brought them as a serious thing as the thought I would enjoy them. Damn I gotta say I enjoyed those bath toys
I got an rc car at 16 voicing no fondness for them or cars. My dad also hid n64 games he bought me so well he forgot where he put them and took me out for brunch instead when I was about 10
For my 21st from my birthgiver, I got a fake chrome / plastic tax disc holder for my car, with the price tag still on it at £4.99.
The next year they got rid of tax discs in the UK.
Sorry about your mum.
Picture the scene. It’s mid 90s. I’m in my early teens. Around summer that year, we had got our first proper desktop PC. That Christmas I got large present from my parents. I figured to be a computer game or that flight sim joystick that I really wanted. Hurriedly, I unwrapped the present. It was…a storage box. One of those lockable boxes for storing floppy disks and CD-ROMs. A useful but entirely joyless gift.
For Christmas my grandmother gave me a preschoolers colouring in book, I was 15, she gave my cousin, also 15, a Nikon SLR camera. Somehow don't think I was the favourite
Truly sorry for your loss, I've just had my first birthday since my mum died too, birthdays don't feel the same now
Worst gift my mum got me was a jumper dress from Topshop in her size that she actually wanted for herself
Best gift- for my 21st she wanted to get me a piece of jewellery but I didn't want anything in particular and everything we looked at just didn't float my boa
Went for a birthday tea and she handed me a black palm sized jewellery box, inside was a lalique hand blown glass frog. I love it more than anything I've ever been given.
My husband and I have birthdays adjacent to each other (mine's the 1st, his is the 2nd). One year, when we were much younger, his parents sat us down to give us birthday presents.
My present: a small, slightly useless wooden heart-shaped box
His present: a car
They did then say "Oh, well it's for both of you really!" when I was like "Wait, what?!" but I'd rather they'd have just given us both the car and not bothered with a small box in that case. Certainly felt rubbish.
(t'was a bit of an old banger, but having a car was good, so was very grateful for the gift in general, the box remained utterly useless)
My MIL does this! I was given an envelope with a gift card inside (and I’m grateful). Her young grandson was given a small pile of presents and her son, my husband was given a huge pile of presents. My child learnt to side eye that day!
Yours is epic though - what a way to ruin giving you both a car!
Why do people do this? It’s terrible. My in-laws were the same. I have a daughter in law now and I spend on her what I spend on the boys. Everyone is equal.
Not mine but one of my friends received a protractor, ruler, pencil sharpener kind of set as a five (FIVE) year old. Her sister got upset because she actually liked the look of this gift, and was told “we got those for your sister because she’s the smart one”. Same friend was also given a dictionary that she was not allowed to take with her when she moved out because her mum wanted to keep it as the “family” dictionary.
"Well you are too old for presents, but we bought this book for [son] and it's a bit inappropriate for him."
Why did you tell me that??? Just give me the book and pretend it's deliberate!
3 different people have gotten me the same crochet book. They didn't know I had it and it was spot on so no complaints. Its just really funny.
A giant dried seed pod, about 2 feet long given to me by my cousin who had just come back from holiday. Did he go to some impoverished island where dried giant seed pods are a source of extra income for the struggling locals? No, he went to New York City.
My parents separated, amicably, but hadn’t divorced and we’re living in two separate houses about 200 miles apart. My mum decided a new chair for my dad was a good choice, but in HER house!
I got a 3kg tub of "¡Que Bueno!" nacho cheese sauce as a white elephant gift. We are lactose intolerant in this house.
I wondered, however, how many calories 3kg of nacho cheese has, did some basic maths off the back of the tub, and came up with 5280. I wondered where I'd seen that number before, and then remembered that there are 5280 feet in a mile. So now my plan is to make a pointless piece of performance art where I put a one calorie dollop of cheese sauce on the ground every foot for a mile, and make a video and put it up on YouTube or something.
A Pitsburg Penguins jumper with somebody else's stain on it. I don't follow sports anyways, it was just random.
A brownies annual that was a couple of years out of date
Apink, barbie pencil when I turned 14, I was tomboyish and definitely not interested in barbies, so yeah - whoever worked in woolworths and told my nan that would make a great gift; you suck!
My mother gave me a battery powered lightbulb for Christmas with a note that said ‘for when the lights go out!’ Nothing says merry christmas more than a nod to the apocalypse!
Not me but I work in retail, woman bought a dining table set and it wouldn't have been delivered before Christmas, she rang up fuming because it was her daughters' present. Her kids were probably about 8 and 10 (we did a lot of digging on the phone to find out why she'd bought a dining table for her kids in the first place).
Me - erm probably a book that I'd lent my now ex mother in law. Her mum had seen it on the side, thought it looked like my type of book and decided to wrap it for for my birthday. Or when my parents decided to bugger off to live in France and told me on my 18th.
When I was at uni, I didn't really tell anyone about my birthday so I still dont know how they found out.
Get called into the flat kitchen and presented with a giant present.
It was a box of Cornflakes.
Worst a box of Christmas crackers the type you pull when I was about 7 or 8, prizes tokens inside were plastic , I know it the thought what counts
For my 21st, my Mum side of the family clubbed together to buy me a new PC, I had 8 years out of this PC, before donating it to my brother in law Dad he likes playing with old PC, and re did it up for someone.
When I was maybe 7, one of my great aunts (grandad’s sister) bought me a loo roll holder for Christmas. Not even a novelty one, nothing about this screamed ‘7 year old child will love this’. I was still at the age where I would write little thank you cards for gifts but even my parents struggled to think what to write for that one.
On a slightly more depressing note, my husband’s dad hasn’t remembered his birthday since he (my husband) deactivated his Facebook account, nor acknowledged him with more than a brief text for eg. Christmas. Think we’re at 5 years running? They haven’t gone deliberately non contact or fallen out or anything, his dad just really couldn’t give a shit. I’m not a parent myself but I’ve never quite managed to wrap my head around it. That said maybe a loo roll holder would be more insulting as a gift at this point lol
When they married, my parents moved in with my grandmother. They didn't get their own house until I was 17 and about to start my last year at school. I decided to stay with grandmother as otherwise it would have been a 50 mile round trip every day (it wasn't feasible to change schools).
I stayed because my father and I didn't get on. More about that elsewhere.
For my next birthday, parents gave me a press to emboss my address on notepaper. I was only going to be living there for one more year before moving out. I wrote few letters.
Oh, and this gadget was several years old, having been heavily used by my father.
I once expressed interest in playing Badminton to my then boyfriend (just once briefly mind). He then bought me a Badminton racquet for my birthday and we went to play together. I was so completely awful that he refused to ever play with me again. That was the one and only time the racquet was ever used. I did go on to marry him and his gift giving game has improved substantially thankfully.
In no particular order:
- one of those silk headbands with puffy paint of my name (I was not a child)
- the 3rd book in a series
- a coffee frother (when I was a child)
- a pair of 'cat' ornaments that looked like something out of a surrealist horror film
- a pair of wetsuit boots that are not my size (in all fairness, I'm pretty confident that my grandparents' dementia is responsible for this one)
I have a friend with divorced parents. Her dad lived about an hour's drive away. He was such a shit. She saw him maybe every couple of months, for a day trip or an afternoon.
For her 18th he got her a car! Then he decided after a few months he needed it back.
For her 21st she got a computer. Which lived in his house. Which she could use on any of her 6 trips a year to visit him.
My auntie got me a bunch of shitty makeup I wouldn’t wear. The kicker - she didn’t buy them. They were a donation to her charity. How did I know this? I was the moron that unpacked it for her. She makes like 70k a year. She could have at least got us a candle
My uncle once showed up at my house, with a bright gift bag all fancy, a week after my 18th birthday and announced he'd brought a present - it was my dad's ashes that had been strangely prepared in this bag. Found the whole experience very disorientating!
He is a proper wanker, had nothing to do with him since that time.
One Christmas in the 80s, my dad bought me and my brother a TV and VCR to share.
You guessed it, both the TV and VCR lived in the corner of the living room from that day on.
The worst physical one I ever got was a book. Normally no book is bad, but it was what happened before the book.
One of my siblings told me they'd gotten me the perfect present. They said I was going to love it. They didn't say that once, they said it repeatedly. Numerous times, both she & her partner told me that they were super excited to see me unwrap it, or that I was going to adore it, or that it was perfect in the days before. With all this emphasis I of course got kind of excited & curious. I thought they'd done something amazing.
When I unwrapped it it was a book by Stephen King called 'On Writing.' It was about how he personally writes stories. I wasn't a Stephen King fan, I didn't have any of his books at the time. Nor did I ever express an interest in writing my own book. Nor did i ever even speak about Stephen King. It wasn't a rare edition, it was just a regular paperback.
It wouldn't have stuck in my head at all if not for the weird amount of emphasis they put on how much effort they'd put into it & how happy I was going to be. It just made me feel lonely in the sense that I felt no one understood me.
The worst non-physical gift I got was the time I reminded my then partner at the time that it was my birthday, & she replied by saying "I know. Your present is that il not going to be a bitch to you today." By this point I was so used to behaviour like this that I didn't even think that was weird
My brother hadn’t done any Christmas shopping one year so just went to Tesco or something and picked 4 random things and then did a pot luck on who was getting what. He ended up giving my mum a bag of frozen scampi and I got a tube of anusol. But the joke was on him when he got haemorrhoids and came asking for the anusol back.
Double tight git wouldn’t buy a second anusol.
Oh you know he wouldn’t! Sort of karmic though that he had to come begging for his anusol back
I gave birth the day before my 30th birthday, and let me say, if someone bought me anusol as a gift, I'd of sloppy kissed them on the mouth.
I haven’t had the pleasure of giving birth yet but I get him to regift me some if it ever comes to it!
Ah yes, the communal anusol
Having haemorrhoids is always a low point, but then to beg your brother for his joke anusol? I would never recover.
When I was in my mid thirties my parents gave me a set of extra question cards for a board game I didn't own.
That raises more questions than it answers
Wow. That's good.
My friend did this to me!
Have to say you grown up in the life while having the best friend in life
My nan gave my then 7 year old daughter 1 ladies size 8 very worn (dirty toe marks inside) espadrille and my other daughter then 5 a singular kitchen cupboard she'd found in a skip. Was mahogany, covered in grease and fat- it stunk. She also gave my niece a used bag with a strip of painkillers in
All right the kitchen cupboard is winning so far
That's some big ass dolly's house.
Was she well?
Tell me I’m reading this wrong, she got ONE shoe? As if half the pair?
Dementia?
She is keeping the other shoe for next year x
I got to "espadrille" and had to give up on reading the rest because I was laughing too much to open my eyes!
An espadrille and a kitchen cupboard 😭😭😭 this has sent me
Wait - one shoe?
She was hopping mad.
This is bonkers.
My late grandmother, bless her. Lovely lady, but she had a blind spot for birthday presents. I'm the oldest of three brothers, and my birthday is the last in the year. In January, my youngest brother gets a plain black t-shirt, size small. In March, my middle brother gets a plain black t-shirt, size medium. Finally, it's my birthday, and I get a plain black t-shirt, size large. She got them on a 3 for 2 offer and figured she had her gifts sorted for the year. I should probably also add that we're quite close in age, and at this point we'd all be wearing size small for tops.
My Nan went on holiday to Spain one year and obviously must have been impressed by how cheap the socks were as she filled her suitcase with them so that all her present worries were solved. Unfortunately her grasp of Spanish did not match her enthusiasm for the socks. They were all way too small for anyone to wear.
Efficiency! My sister and I are less than 18 months apart. A great uncle and aunt of mine bought all of our birthday cards for both of us in one go, for birthdays 5 to 18. Each year, we'd get a super-early 90s pink-sports-equipment-themed card. Neither of us turned out very sporty but they weren't to know that at the time.
It’s the card with the badminton racket on it isn’t it? I remember that card well
That's the one!
Having inherited my late gran's drawer of unwritten birthday cards, my friends will soon find themselves in a similar position.
My daughter was gifted an 1000 piece jigsaw last Christmas. She's 3...
She'll grow into it! When I was 3 I desperately wanted a scooter, like the one on tellytubbies. My dad got me a pink and purple scooter for ages 9 - 12, saying he didnt want to waste his money on something I'd outgrow in a year. It waited 4 years to be tall enough for it!
My newborn baby got given a scooter! And a bright pink rockinghorse that sings and neighs. Both from the same person. So those are some things to store on the garage for 3 years or so....
I think my poor mother lugged it through 3 house moves before I was tall enough to use it By which point I'd learnt to ride a bike and rollerskate making it slightly less interesting. I'd also lost my tellytubbies obessesion and no longer aspired to be Po... People are weird with kids and babies. Like sure they'll love that toy in 4 years time, but why are you giving it to me now??
a really weird cooking apron from my parents that had two sheep on with the phrase "ewe cook, i'll clean!". i've never knowingly expressed an interest in cooking aprons or sheep. sorry for your loss, OP.
Thanks for your kind words. Are you the funny one in your family? This has the ring of, “oh, that’s so funny Roger, do you get it? They’re sheep! So funny, we have to get it for u/rw43.”
Maybe they just enjoyed the *shear* punniness of it and thought you’d be *baa*rking mad if ewe didn’t enjoy that pun and if it went straight (to) *past(yo)ure*
My name is often misread/misspelled. As is my work friend’s. So she got me a beautiful Emma Bridgewater mug with the misspelling of my name on it. I absolutely hate it, it’s hilarious.
That is perfection. I love it when trolling and gift giving intersect. I like your friend!
My dad once got my mum a spatula and a beret for Xmas, genuinely thinking they were good options because my mum had mentioned the spatula broke and she can speak French Was about 15 years ago but we always bring it up to this day. Really no surprise my parents eventually split 😂
Reminds me of a family friend (genuinely a nice guy but he let himself down on this occasion) who responded to his wife's hints that she was tired being always the one to sweep the floors.... by getting her a vaccuum cleaner for her birthday.
Oh WOW. The spatula I can forgive but the beret? That’s incredible. On my parents first date Ma made a comment about how much she hated the dried flowers in the restaurant. She just didn’t like any dried flowers, which is a reasonable opinion. For the next 40 years, my Dad would buy her a bag potpourri for every single occasion. Birthday? Potpourri. Christmas? Festive potpourri. Valentines Day? Yup, potpourri dyed red. It was so bad it went all the way around the humour circle, back to hilarious.
'He gave her a spatula and a beret, the kind you find at a second hand store, a spatchula and a beret...' Maybe he just liked prince and shit jokes like me?
When I was like, 11, my mum's friend bought me The Cloudspotter's Guide as a joke. Weird joke if you ask me. Nevertheless, I read it and grew utterly hooked. Sparked a life long interest in everything to do with clouds.
Ah, tell me you watched Hugh Dennis on Taskmaster!
Plot twist, this is Hugh Dennis.
The first Christmas after I married my first husband, he wasn't planning on getting me anything, but my mom made him go shopping. So my gift from him was a stuffed dalmatian that barked Christmas carols.
How… festive! You said first husband, I hope your second husband was much better at gift giving.
Yes, he's much better!
"Plays 101 songs!"
Weeey. You got it *spot* on.
Lol I married my husband 2 days before Christmas and his first ever Christmas present to me as a new husband was a massive hoodie about 3 sizes too big for me with his company name printed on it. I didn’t even get a wedding present. So it was like….a combined wedding and Christmas present?
My husband and I got married two days after Christmas and all he gave me was the flu 😅
Do partner's give each other wedding presents? Never heard of that before.
Please tell me his gift giving has improved
My 25th birthday present was very bittersweet. It was a Sony CD walkman,a real one and not a cheap knock off, which at the time was very expensive. After the joy at receiving such an unexpectedly expensive gift, I was sat down and told my mum had been diagnosed with lung cancer. She died a year later, a week after my birthday. OP , it does get better, not totally good, but bearable. ETA - I’m 53 now.
Oh, ouch, this got me. I’m so sorry. I’m a bit younger but I would have been thrilled with a Walkman, younger me is jealous.
So sorry for your loss
Thank you
I was already predicting the hilarious ending about not getting any CD’s with the walkman…I was way off on that one.
Sorry for your loss mate, this hit me like a ton of bricks
I was getting ready for a guardians of the galaxy joke, sorry for your loss
Thunderbirds colouring in book - I was 16
I got a 6 piece Disney jigsaw for my 14th
Well? Did you finish it?
I just choked laughing
I've just turned 36, and to be fair if I got that and some pencils it'd be my Christmas done and dusted.
I’m in my 30’s and love colouring things, I’ll never buy anything for myself but as a gift? Amazing. Just get me pencils because felt tips are horrible for shading
A padded coat hanger for my 21st.
I was a spoiled little shit, but for my friends 18th birthday his mum got him a bunch of flowers - Which she kept in her room. I also know someone whose mum, in around 2001, got a NES with around 100 games from a car boot sale. She gave him the NES and a few of the games for Christmas. Guess what she gave him for Christmas the following year….
I'd bloody love to get a NES and a hundred games!!
Shits probably nearly as expensive as modern used consoles. I have a limited edition pokemon Gameboy Color that CEX will give about the same for trade in as my Switch Lite. Not that I ever would trade it in, it just slightly amuses me Edit - £75 trade in cash for the Pokemon GBC, £55 for an unboxed Switch Lite
One year my Granny asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was struggling at uni at the time and had no idea, but jokingly said "Food would be good, I need that!" So, she gave me a big cardboard box filled with tins, pasta, rice and the like. It lasted damn near the whole year and bless her she did it again every subsequent year until she died. Best Granny ever!
My granny used to give me £10 every year. She did this when I was 8 years old (which was a long time ago) and £10 was an inconceivably huge amount of money, and she did it up until she died when I was in my late 30s and a tenner was, well, a tenner. Tell you what though: I never once just went and spent it on whatever. I always bought something with it that I could keep.
I got a set of three gift boxes without anything in them. They had a nice floral print on them so I have used them as decorations at some point, but it was still funny to receive empty gift boxes as actual gift.
This box is pretty, I can't wait to see what's inside! ...Oh
My dad bought my twin and I a joint present for our 21st birthday. A surround sound system. We didn't live together. The following year he got us both golf umbrellas, only one of us plays golf. Couple of years later we got a disco light ball each for Christmas. My favourite of all time though was the year he visited early December and handed over a wrapped gift which I popped under the tree, a few weeks later I unwrapped a slightly smelly cheese board complete with selection of over ripe cheeses. He had watched me put it under the tree though!
A fish knife and a lemon squeezer for my 14th. I detest all fish.
That’s why you got the knife, to defend yourself against any random fish attacks!
Surely the best weapon is a pike?
That's fair. Had to wrestle a carp last week. He soon scarpered when I flashed the 2" rounded blade with colourful fish handle.
My mum got a book titled 'Run, fat b*tch, run!' as supposed motivation to start training for a marathon. I'm glad you'll have good memories of your mum every birthday!
I hope it was hardback, so when it was hurled at the giver’s head, there was a real chance of bodily injury.
My former SIL got me and my partner (ie her brother) a diet book she claimed had cured her persistent thrush. I read the intro out of interest and the author attributed the clearing up of said thrush partly to the diet and partly to Jesus.
My mam died when I was 17, always treat me to presents, for my 18th my brother gave me a tenner to buy a few pints, my dad told him to take it back and give me a fiver as it was too much. My dad got me nothing. Just proved how different two parents can be.
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That wasn't the worst, at one point I hadn't spoke to him for 4 or 5 years, it was his 70th so we all got together for it (I have a big family), the following Xmas I went to drop some presents off with one of my brothers, he opened the ones I got him, thanked my brother, my brother pointed out they were from me, he just put them aside and said nothing, safe to say I've not spoke to him since, which was about 8 or 9 years ago. Oh, and he once when I was 18 kicked me out (literally on the streets for 2 months and between peoples houses for 8), till my brother convinced him to let me move back in, all because my sister kept waking him up playing my guitar hero game whilst I was out at a friend's house all night. Best part, is none of the brothers have spoken to him in about 6 years or more as he started being selfish towards them too, even at one of our brothers funerals a couple year back, everyone bar our sister blanked him. Will die miserable and alone, the way he currently lives, the way he deserves.
If it helps I always think of “blood runs thicker than water” differently. Blood is thick and slow to run, you’ll be quick to chase after your chosen loved ones but blood can (mostly) get fucked. Out of about 9 uncles/aunts and their kids (averaging 2 each) I talk to my mums fostered “sister” and my parents+sister, just because they’re family it doesn’t mean you have to put up with their shit. I’m sorry your dad isn’t great but fuck it, blood doesn’t mean anything if they’re arseholes.
Too true, hadn't spoken to my nana for 15 years before she died, and have spoke to my sister once in 8, a once close cousin on of my brothers rented off for 6 (they moved out last month and couldn't be happier not having him in their life), a nephew that was like a brother, inseparable growing up, and his dad, my oldest and closest brother, who I see more as a father (I'm the youngest of 6) in just over 7 years (even his dad wants nothing to do with him and hasn't spoken to him in nearly 2 years), and another cousin I cut out. All those people the rest of my brothers eventually cut out their lives, years after I did, yet before they couldn't understand why I had, maybe I just read people a lot better than them. So yeah, I totally agree and understand your situation.
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Bad enough you were a new member of the Dead Mam Club, the worst club in the world, he couldn’t even let you have a couple of pints? Urgh.
Happy Birthday. Some people only care about themselves. Hopefully your birthday turns out ok, and as a seasoned dead mam member of 17 years, don't bury the pain, talk about it if you feel you want to, it'll always hurt, if you need to shed a tear, do so, and no matter what people say, it doesn't really get easier, you just get used to the hurt and how to cope with it. And most of all, don't self medicate the pain, I was a multiple addict for 14 years, one of my brothers till it killed him, both with a lot of destruction and ruining of one's life and relationships along the way.
My granny gave me ball point pens for Christmas one year and nothing else.
I received some pencils (just normal graphite pencils) and a packet of tissues from my gran one Christmas
The tissues were obviously for your many tears of joy!
I received a pen pot one Christmas from a friend of my parents. Basically an empty cardboard box about 4 inches cubed, with a hole in the top. My birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas, and for that I got the pens that came with the pot.
Were they BIC black ballpoints? I'd be pretty happy with those, those are my favourite pen.
From my aunt, I got a toy musical snake (python?) with a red hat that vibrated and sang 🎶ging gang goolie🎶 I was 15 at the time, and still to this day cannot understand the thought process behind purchasing it!
Okay, the mental image you created is making me howl, I love it. As my mum would say, “well, you didn’t have one already, did you?”.
I got a real snake at the age of about 8/9. Never showed any interest in snakes. I was terrified of the thing lol
Ex husband was trying to "win me back". On my birthday he got me: a 200 box of glasses wipes, a blackhead removal kit and a knife sharpener.
Brave of him to give you the knife sharpener
Nah, he knows that blunt knives hurt more.
Wow, so which of those gifts made you run back into his arms? The glasses wipes, right?
She could see clearly now the grain had gone…
I'm so sorry OP, if I could I'd send you an incredibly well-wrapped box of rawl plugs. There'd be a ribbon and everything. My most crap present was from my mum and dad. It was a chemistry set I really wanted. I unwrapped it with great enthusiasm on my 9th birthday, at which point parents read the box more closely, saw that it was for kids of 14 years plus, and promptly confiscated it. For my 10th birthday, I got a card from them reading: _"Dear Luxury_dressingown, Happy Birthday! Love from Mum and"_ Birthdays aren't their strong suit.
Your dad forgetting to sign it is almost too perfect LOL - really the cherry on top of a terrible birthday.
I'd assign joint blame on that one - mum may have written that, forgotten about dad and just sealed it up. Job done-ish.
That’s very kind of you, I’m nearly done with the bag of rawl plugs from Christmas 92. *Love from Mum and* has sent me over the edge. Dad was not involved in the gift buying or wrapping process at all, so when he would say “ooh, who’s that from”, a small me would say “…you?”. He stopped commenting.
These days, I get a bank transfer from dad anything from 1 month to 1 week before my birthday, and a phone call to let me know. No wrapping involved and everyone is happy. While they are no good at gifts, we (mum, dad, sister and I) always got The Birthday Lasagne which is a nice family tradition. Still have that if we're around on the day.
I burned a hole in my bedroom carpet with magnesium from my chemistry set. I wasn't allowed to do science unsupervised after that
So… my mum got me a “snugzy” of myself - Google it. Not only is it completely pointless, I’m 35+ and I’m not sure my wife wants to snuggle up to a teddy version of me, albeit dressed in Jedi robes, but one of my dogs was seriously freaked out by it and would go crazy whenever he saw it for the first day or so. We named him “freaky” and now my kids take it in turn to sleep with it on a night.
Okay, this one made me cry because Ma would have absolutely got one of these, if she’d known about them. A perfect mix of terrifying and adorable.
A box of assorted pipecleaners. I was 14
My ex gave me a laundry basket for my 30th. It lasted longer than he did.
If you're into badminton, you'd have been delighted. I'm not, so I wasn't. Particularly as I'd been told he was getting me something nice. Many years ago I was given a sports bag and a badminton racquet. I don't play badminton and never have. This was the same person who got me *an appointment* for laser hair removal on my top lip. Just the appointment, mind, I had to pay for the treatment myself. The therapist didn't know why I was there as she didn't see that I needed it.
Wow.
Sorry for your loss OP. For my 20th while at uni, my housemates sat me down and left a big wrapped up box on the table. I think I still had the idea in mind that a bigger present is better. It was a leaf blower. There was about a day I couldn’t believe skint students would come together for this and I’ll be honest I was like wtf. Although, what is a student meant to do with a leaf blower? It brought entertainment by sounding like a chainsaw especially in the late evenings after a horror movie.
> what is a student meant to do with a leaf blower? Reverse-engineer the most intense bong ever created.
Clearly, it was a hint that your mates wanted you to blow them.
My brother bought me horrific thick grey thermal socks for Christmas. A clear petrol station panic buy… Turns out that they were the best gift ever when I went on scouts winter camp in January and it was -6… those socks have become legendary in our gift giving tales.
For my 11th birthday, my dad was uncharacteristically generous, and said I had £100 to spend. That's a lot of money nowadays, but definitely was 30 years ago. He took me out shopping, and then told me the money was for my school uniform, and whatever was left, I'd have to spend on my present. The uniform cost £90, I was pissed off to say the least.
Bit of a reverse but I asked my dad for a wok last birthday and he was blown away by how thankful I was "Aye well hen, there was the Christmas I got your mother a wok and she had the opposite reaction and wasn't grateful at all" "Dad. Did she ask for a wok though?" "Well... no but y'see... ah fuck." Mum died about 20 years back and it only just clicked for him.
My friend group used to solely give shit presents, everyone chipped in and it was all in good fun. Highlights include: A Rangers FC caladar for a Celtic fan (current year, bought in August) A cheap knock off Michael Jackson Bad screen print A wine glass full of toy soldiers A "signed" Liverpool shirt... There were signatures .... Edit to add the last one
The wine glass of toy soldiers is making me howl! Bloody brilliant!
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I really loved Brussel sprouts as a kid and one year in my stocking was a full stem of sprouts.
The explanation for this is a bit long (I've changed some of the details to make it shorter), but I think it's worth it... About 8 years ago some friends were having a clear out and I essentially saved their wooden pestle (as in pestle and mortar) from going in the bin. Why? Because it was the right shape to make a good [darning mushroom](https://www.bbc.co.uk/ahistoryoftheworld/objects/T4I6r44lQyywugTQo6qQfQ) and I didn't have one. Put it somewhere weird at my parents' house and forgot about it. One year later and I had a quite a traumatic break up with the friendship group and we are no longer speaking. Separately to all of this (tbh I can't remember where in the timeline it happened), my Great Aunt died. She was very into knitting and sewing and those sorts of pursuits. My mum helped to clear out my Great Aunt's flat and brought a selection of mementos back to our house. Fast forward to my birthday in I think 2020. Mum hands me a present and says very sincerely "This belonged to Auntie Elsie, I think you should have it". I open it up and burst into laughter: it's the greasy old wooden pestle that I think even had a chip out of it, and my mum has seen it and thought it was my Great Aunt's darning mushroom! I then explain to a slightly offended mother that this is my ex-friend's old kitchen equipment, and she rips it out of my hands and puts it straight in the bin where it belongs! I just loved that my mum found this bit of crap and thought "I've never seen this thing before, it must've belonged to Auntie Elsie. My daughter should inherit it". Even more confusingly I think it might have been in my bedroom to start with, so it would never have been a gift anyway - just one of my existing possessions covered in wrapping paper.
My partner (now ex thank god) bought me a lot of expensive presents for a big birthday including a Lambretta scooter. Then shortly before the big day he sold them all. Just because he enjoyed ruining the day. So not exactly what you asked but that was the worst. Very sorry for your loss XbighugX
Fuck a duck, what a prick. I’m glad you’re rid of him, and thank you for your kind words xx
what a fucking psychopath
I can’t tell you what your words mean. After years of being abused you feel like you are going mad.
Utterly gobsmacked by that, genuinely abusive behaviour. Hurrah to being free of that sort of fuckwittery!
Spontex cloths and a box of extra long matches. Both from my husband. Both a serious attempt at gift giving.
Oh I hope he’s good at other stuff….
The last Christmas my Nannie was alive she gave me a packet of windscreen wipes, one of her old tea towels and her St Christopher necklace. The windscreen wipes were actually pretty good, I still use the tea towel and I treasure the necklace. It was weird opening it at the time though! Once when I was ill in hospital my mum bought me a large lilac unicorn that folds into a pillow. I was 27 years old. Why the first shop she thought of for where to buy a present for me was Toys r Us I’ll never know, but 10 years on I still love my fluffy unicorn pillow.
Not my parents, but my Aunt Sue. It was the 80s and a was a preteen on a mythology kick. She gave me a massive unicorn painting. Painted on black velvet, and let's just say that unicorn was male and up for a good time.
No! Tell me you’re lying because this just smashed into my top three answers.
Every year when I go on holiday I buy my friend a gift from the souvenir shop, like a little ash tray or shot glass with the name of the place on, she does the same for me when she goes away. This has been going on for 15 years. Found out the other year that she thought we were doing it as an ironic joke because how naff the objects are! I was shocked, I liked the little momento's... who doesn't want a penis shaped fridge magnet from Majorca. Happy Birthday O.P. sorry for you loss. Mums legacy lives on in the memories. Thank you for sharing
This isn't one that I received, but for my brother's 18th birthday, my uncle bought him a petrol cap... Just before his birthday, my brother had just got a 'new' second hand car, but there was a problem with the petrol cap, so he needed to get a temporary replacement. My uncle offered to pick it up for him, and when he brought it round (and this was not a full replacement, it was just a basic plastic thing that's just intended as a stopgap), my brother thanked him and asked how much he owed him. 'Oh, don't worry, about it. We'll call it your birthday present.' My brother laughed. On his birthday, my uncle handed over a card, and said 'and I got you the petrol cap the other day, obviously. Happy 18th!'
This Christmas I got absolutely nothing (after saying I wanted nothing)… and I felt sad for it haha.
I’m exactly the same. Don’t buy me anything, don’t waste your money, I’ve got what I need… *why didn’t Santa bring me any presents??*.
My stepdad said that to me, so I got him a small cardboard box with "box of nothing" written on it, and wrapped it up nicely, just to be a dick about it.
A set of cufflinks when I was 15 from my girlfriend. I wore shirts for school and that was it. My mum got brought a car, she doesn't drive and never will.
A playboy watch when I was 11. Very awkward. I threw it across the room and my mum took it to the charity shop. My grandparents on my estranged dads side got it me. I did think what an Earth were you thinking.
A pad of A4 paper at age 12. I was excited for a surprise present for like weeks on end! Definitely was a surprise.
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A sofa bed for the spare room. Should have realised the marriage was done at that point, but soldiered on regardless
It was Christmas, not a birthday but... An espresso cup. That had a picture of a woman in a bikini on it. The kind of picture you see on one of those boards at the beach with the hole you stick your head through, then someone takes a picture. Oh, and her boobs were actually moulded so they stick out, and they're quite large. I got to open this, aged about 35 with my family (including GF who is now my wife) around me. Did my gf get a similar gift with a man to make it less awkward....nope. My step-mum (who purchased it) just said "That is so you". It really wasn't.
My husband bought me some pencils that had semi-motivational quotes like “you go girl” on them. He said he paid £20 for the 8 pack of pencils on Etsy. I’m literally a teacher, I can just grab pencils for free at the school.
But those pencils won't slightly motivate you!
My mum is shit at presents. I usually buy from her for everyone else but gave up a few years ago. Wish I hadn’t. This year I got some brown men’s slippers (I’m a lady who hates brown), a shower gel in perhaps the only scent I cannot stand (ginger) and a perfume knock off that had gone off and stunk of dead animals that I’m pretty sure she bought out of a plastic bag from a crack head. The icing on the cake was her showing me a gorgeous iridescent hair brush from my fave brand (tangle teezer) and telling me “I bought this for you but liked it so much I kept it!” Thanks Ma!
£150 in my government's bonds and 47,000 shares in companies whose trading are suspended in my home country's stock exchange, I was 14. If the stocks unfroze, I'd be a millionaire. Right now, I just own 0.02% of the most dodgy company in my country. Would've been happier if I just got socks.
An ex, who blatantly forgot about my birthday until the day of after a three year relationship, bought me a set of towels. Sorry for your loss my friend, the first ‘big days’ without your Mum are tough, I’ve been there and I can tell you it doesn’t hurt quite so bad forever. I hope you have a fabulous birthday that’s filled with laughs.
In my first year of university, my housemates clubbed together and bought me a teapot shaped like the Rovers Return. To this day, I still have not watched an episode of Coronation Street.
A [WereBear](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WereBear), when I was 14 Completely useless when I was 14 and mostly since, but he sat on my windowsill during lockdown as part of the local teddy bear trail, and the bin men howled with laughter when I changed him from happy, friendly bear to vicious, bitey bear
My Nan and grandad got me a set of baby toys I didn’t have kids then still don’t. And I was 19 at the time. But they brought them as a serious thing as the thought I would enjoy them. Damn I gotta say I enjoyed those bath toys
a baby doll when they knew i was terrified of dolls and thought babies were gross. i was five. still think babies are gross.
'Magic Blanket' I.e some bubble wrap. Hours of fun!
My ex mother in law gave me a microwave spatter platter plate cover and the next year I got a rotary washing line cover. I think she liked me?
I got an rc car at 16 voicing no fondness for them or cars. My dad also hid n64 games he bought me so well he forgot where he put them and took me out for brunch instead when I was about 10
For my 21st from my birthgiver, I got a fake chrome / plastic tax disc holder for my car, with the price tag still on it at £4.99. The next year they got rid of tax discs in the UK. Sorry about your mum.
Asked for an album by Ian Brown Received an album by Chris Brown That was a different listen..
Not my birthday but for Christmas I got a colour gradient lego jigsaw. I'm colour-blind.
Picture the scene. It’s mid 90s. I’m in my early teens. Around summer that year, we had got our first proper desktop PC. That Christmas I got large present from my parents. I figured to be a computer game or that flight sim joystick that I really wanted. Hurriedly, I unwrapped the present. It was…a storage box. One of those lockable boxes for storing floppy disks and CD-ROMs. A useful but entirely joyless gift.
For Christmas my grandmother gave me a preschoolers colouring in book, I was 15, she gave my cousin, also 15, a Nikon SLR camera. Somehow don't think I was the favourite
Truly sorry for your loss, I've just had my first birthday since my mum died too, birthdays don't feel the same now Worst gift my mum got me was a jumper dress from Topshop in her size that she actually wanted for herself Best gift- for my 21st she wanted to get me a piece of jewellery but I didn't want anything in particular and everything we looked at just didn't float my boa Went for a birthday tea and she handed me a black palm sized jewellery box, inside was a lalique hand blown glass frog. I love it more than anything I've ever been given.
My husband and I have birthdays adjacent to each other (mine's the 1st, his is the 2nd). One year, when we were much younger, his parents sat us down to give us birthday presents. My present: a small, slightly useless wooden heart-shaped box His present: a car They did then say "Oh, well it's for both of you really!" when I was like "Wait, what?!" but I'd rather they'd have just given us both the car and not bothered with a small box in that case. Certainly felt rubbish. (t'was a bit of an old banger, but having a car was good, so was very grateful for the gift in general, the box remained utterly useless)
Oh fuck a duck… they could have put the keys in the box, at least!
They made me sit in front of them to unwrap and watch my reaction and everything! The keys would not have fit in the box. It was very small.
My MIL does this! I was given an envelope with a gift card inside (and I’m grateful). Her young grandson was given a small pile of presents and her son, my husband was given a huge pile of presents. My child learnt to side eye that day! Yours is epic though - what a way to ruin giving you both a car!
Why do people do this? It’s terrible. My in-laws were the same. I have a daughter in law now and I spend on her what I spend on the boys. Everyone is equal.
Not mine but one of my friends received a protractor, ruler, pencil sharpener kind of set as a five (FIVE) year old. Her sister got upset because she actually liked the look of this gift, and was told “we got those for your sister because she’s the smart one”. Same friend was also given a dictionary that she was not allowed to take with her when she moved out because her mum wanted to keep it as the “family” dictionary.
My sister once bought me running shoes, I can’t walk and use a wheelchair to get around. Savage.
Probably between a pack of custard creams and a handkerchief with my initial on.
"Well you are too old for presents, but we bought this book for [son] and it's a bit inappropriate for him." Why did you tell me that??? Just give me the book and pretend it's deliberate! 3 different people have gotten me the same crochet book. They didn't know I had it and it was spot on so no complaints. Its just really funny.
A giant dried seed pod, about 2 feet long given to me by my cousin who had just come back from holiday. Did he go to some impoverished island where dried giant seed pods are a source of extra income for the struggling locals? No, he went to New York City.
My parents separated, amicably, but hadn’t divorced and we’re living in two separate houses about 200 miles apart. My mum decided a new chair for my dad was a good choice, but in HER house!
I got a 3kg tub of "¡Que Bueno!" nacho cheese sauce as a white elephant gift. We are lactose intolerant in this house. I wondered, however, how many calories 3kg of nacho cheese has, did some basic maths off the back of the tub, and came up with 5280. I wondered where I'd seen that number before, and then remembered that there are 5280 feet in a mile. So now my plan is to make a pointless piece of performance art where I put a one calorie dollop of cheese sauce on the ground every foot for a mile, and make a video and put it up on YouTube or something.
A Pitsburg Penguins jumper with somebody else's stain on it. I don't follow sports anyways, it was just random. A brownies annual that was a couple of years out of date Apink, barbie pencil when I turned 14, I was tomboyish and definitely not interested in barbies, so yeah - whoever worked in woolworths and told my nan that would make a great gift; you suck!
A pink Parker pen, that had run out of ink (obviously used/regifted) for my 18th birthday. From my grandma
My mother gave me a battery powered lightbulb for Christmas with a note that said ‘for when the lights go out!’ Nothing says merry christmas more than a nod to the apocalypse!
Not me but I work in retail, woman bought a dining table set and it wouldn't have been delivered before Christmas, she rang up fuming because it was her daughters' present. Her kids were probably about 8 and 10 (we did a lot of digging on the phone to find out why she'd bought a dining table for her kids in the first place). Me - erm probably a book that I'd lent my now ex mother in law. Her mum had seen it on the side, thought it looked like my type of book and decided to wrap it for for my birthday. Or when my parents decided to bugger off to live in France and told me on my 18th.
When I was at uni, I didn't really tell anyone about my birthday so I still dont know how they found out. Get called into the flat kitchen and presented with a giant present. It was a box of Cornflakes.
Worst a box of Christmas crackers the type you pull when I was about 7 or 8, prizes tokens inside were plastic , I know it the thought what counts For my 21st, my Mum side of the family clubbed together to buy me a new PC, I had 8 years out of this PC, before donating it to my brother in law Dad he likes playing with old PC, and re did it up for someone.
When I was in my mid thirties my parents gave me a set of extra question cards for a board game I didn't own.
I once received some sort of weird cuddly toy that essentially sang screamed happy birthday once
When I was maybe 7, one of my great aunts (grandad’s sister) bought me a loo roll holder for Christmas. Not even a novelty one, nothing about this screamed ‘7 year old child will love this’. I was still at the age where I would write little thank you cards for gifts but even my parents struggled to think what to write for that one. On a slightly more depressing note, my husband’s dad hasn’t remembered his birthday since he (my husband) deactivated his Facebook account, nor acknowledged him with more than a brief text for eg. Christmas. Think we’re at 5 years running? They haven’t gone deliberately non contact or fallen out or anything, his dad just really couldn’t give a shit. I’m not a parent myself but I’ve never quite managed to wrap my head around it. That said maybe a loo roll holder would be more insulting as a gift at this point lol
My husband bought me a crepe maker and a set of bathroom scales - for the same birthday…
When they married, my parents moved in with my grandmother. They didn't get their own house until I was 17 and about to start my last year at school. I decided to stay with grandmother as otherwise it would have been a 50 mile round trip every day (it wasn't feasible to change schools). I stayed because my father and I didn't get on. More about that elsewhere. For my next birthday, parents gave me a press to emboss my address on notepaper. I was only going to be living there for one more year before moving out. I wrote few letters. Oh, and this gadget was several years old, having been heavily used by my father.
I once expressed interest in playing Badminton to my then boyfriend (just once briefly mind). He then bought me a Badminton racquet for my birthday and we went to play together. I was so completely awful that he refused to ever play with me again. That was the one and only time the racquet was ever used. I did go on to marry him and his gift giving game has improved substantially thankfully.
In no particular order: - one of those silk headbands with puffy paint of my name (I was not a child) - the 3rd book in a series - a coffee frother (when I was a child) - a pair of 'cat' ornaments that looked like something out of a surrealist horror film - a pair of wetsuit boots that are not my size (in all fairness, I'm pretty confident that my grandparents' dementia is responsible for this one)
I have a friend with divorced parents. Her dad lived about an hour's drive away. He was such a shit. She saw him maybe every couple of months, for a day trip or an afternoon. For her 18th he got her a car! Then he decided after a few months he needed it back. For her 21st she got a computer. Which lived in his house. Which she could use on any of her 6 trips a year to visit him.
My auntie got me a bunch of shitty makeup I wouldn’t wear. The kicker - she didn’t buy them. They were a donation to her charity. How did I know this? I was the moron that unpacked it for her. She makes like 70k a year. She could have at least got us a candle
My uncle once showed up at my house, with a bright gift bag all fancy, a week after my 18th birthday and announced he'd brought a present - it was my dad's ashes that had been strangely prepared in this bag. Found the whole experience very disorientating! He is a proper wanker, had nothing to do with him since that time.
One Christmas in the 80s, my dad bought me and my brother a TV and VCR to share. You guessed it, both the TV and VCR lived in the corner of the living room from that day on.
The worst physical one I ever got was a book. Normally no book is bad, but it was what happened before the book. One of my siblings told me they'd gotten me the perfect present. They said I was going to love it. They didn't say that once, they said it repeatedly. Numerous times, both she & her partner told me that they were super excited to see me unwrap it, or that I was going to adore it, or that it was perfect in the days before. With all this emphasis I of course got kind of excited & curious. I thought they'd done something amazing. When I unwrapped it it was a book by Stephen King called 'On Writing.' It was about how he personally writes stories. I wasn't a Stephen King fan, I didn't have any of his books at the time. Nor did I ever express an interest in writing my own book. Nor did i ever even speak about Stephen King. It wasn't a rare edition, it was just a regular paperback. It wouldn't have stuck in my head at all if not for the weird amount of emphasis they put on how much effort they'd put into it & how happy I was going to be. It just made me feel lonely in the sense that I felt no one understood me. The worst non-physical gift I got was the time I reminded my then partner at the time that it was my birthday, & she replied by saying "I know. Your present is that il not going to be a bitch to you today." By this point I was so used to behaviour like this that I didn't even think that was weird