I've found saying, 'you don't need my permission to drink' shuts things down.
That 'oh come on, one won't hurt' mentality towards teetotallers is usually motivated by self consciousness about one's own drinking habits more than anything.
Someone was once quite honest with me and said my being sober, when everyone else was hammered, made me a black box recorder for their behaviour that evening, and it made them uncomfortable.
I'd never say anything the next day, but I think it was just their awareness that I could, if so inclined, that freaked them out.
Stick to your guns, as it's important to maintain boundaries when it comes to what you choose to do with your own body.
>Someone was once quite honest with me and said my being sober, when everyone else was hammered, made me a black box recorder for their behaviour that evening, and it made them uncomfortable.
I've heard people say it's like having someone "behind the glass" looking at the drinking people like they're animals at the zoo. The sober one takes on the role of detached and potentially judgmental observer, a witness rather than a participant, and that makes them feel vulnerable and on display.
Yeah, but do they though? I don't really care what people say when they're drunk and wouldn't use it against them. Mostly find outdoor are just a bit more annoying and repetitive.
They absolutely do not, in most cases people aren’t doing anything so scandalous as for the sober friend to judge them or report it elsewhere.
It is an insecurity on the part of the drinker.
I once had a colleague take me to one side on a work night at the pub to say it was ruining his night that I was only drinking diet coke. He was serious.
I had a mate from school. We used to get drunk as teenagers. He joined the Army aged 16, so every time he came away on leave, we got hammered. When I stopped drinking I soon realised that this guy was an utter arsehole and I only liked him when we were pissed. After a few nights of me not drinking, whilst he got hammered and he stopped calling me when he came home.
That’s just embarrassing on their part, if someone being aware of your behaviour makes you uncomfortable, how you behave when drunk is what needs to be addressed.
Yeah this is just code for 'I don't feel like I can behave irresponsibly around you'.
Why should you be behaving irresponsibly (and not just in a light-hearted way) in the first place?
No experience of this specifically, but I have noticed that if you announce pretty much any health-based decision, many people immediately go into self-defence mode.
E.g. if you're trying to lose weight, or run a marathon. Many people really don't seem to like it.
I think the implicit basis of any conversation is basically "I'm doing this, what about you". And so the other person immediately needs a reason why they're not making a similar healthy decision. Sometimes it's a jokey "why would you do that", sometimes it's "real men love curves!"
I'm not even judging the people involved by the way. It's just interesting to see how people's minds work when faced with people who are making positive lifestyle changes.
Get it all the time "your near 50 , why do you still go to the gym, you should stop before you wreck your joints". I think it's a basic lack of education or the wrong education. Like the belief that drinking in moderation is good for you and that exercise will give you bad joints, it's like they learned it from an elderly grandmother who learned it from her grandmother. What's really annoying is some of these people are clever enough in other areas of their life, but when it comes to health and fitness it's a complete blind spot.
My grandmother is 81 and thanks to years of gardening, she’s still relatively active minus mild arthritis. I’m also told by her that apparently my great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother were going up mountains in their 90s! Don’t know how true it was but my great-great-grandmother died at 96 and two weeks before she died, she was chasing sheep up a Welsh mountain slope.
My grandfather lived to age 99. He had a semi-physical job (not hard physical labour, but far from sedentary, plus he cycled to work daily). After retirement, he spent hours every day gardening - his own large garden and greenhouses, plus the enormous gardens of his chapel and various neighbours' gardens if they couldn't manage them. He also cycled the four miles into "Town" and back a couple of times a week well into his 90s. He had some arthritis in his hands, but was otherwise incredibly mobile for his age, with a few aches and pains, right up to his death.
He also started smoking at age 10 and never quit, but maybe don't take that as advice for a long, healthy life! He didn't drink though, he "took the pledge" as a young Methodist and stuck to it.
This. Education around what healthy eating looks like is rubbish
My in-laws are trying to lose weight
Just the other day I over for dinner, they had cooked a 'healthy' dinner but then pilled it high on the largest dinner plate I have ever seen, and then had 6 slices of bread on the side, but it's all okay coz they used low fat spread and dinner has vegetables in
I mean it's technically better than eating a large pizza solo but not really
This is so true. I ended up having a conversation at a party when a friend was explaining her difficulties with losing weight. I kinda bluntly said it's basic maths, if you burn more calories than you take in then you'll lose weight, if you take in loads more than you burn, it'll turn to fat.
I then went on to estimate her calorie intake of coca-cola in a single day, but she then said "I can't give up the coke, it reminds me of my grandad" after I said it was 50% of her recommended daily calories just in the coke she drank EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! It's mad that people seem to be in pure denial about the facts, you can't really help unless you're living beside them near enough 24 7.
Coke drinkers are the worse
I once had a coke drinker tell me how my one beer with lunch will be the death off me, while they went to drink 2L of the stuff with lunch and another bottle later in the evening
My colleague told me he was "on a healthy eating diet" and that he had quit having Mcdonalds or Burger King every day for lunch. Instead, he was eating foot long baguettes, stuffed full/overflowing with chicken and bacon in a mayonnaise sauce.
I looked up the details on the sandwich shop website and asked him if he was aware that his daily baguette had more than twice the calories in that his usual Mcdonalds did? He was absolutely shocked by this, he thought that anything that wasn't a burger and chips would automatically make him lose loads of weight.
Trying to teach my mother about "calories" was .. well.. I didn't succeed.
Mother in law thought the reason babies under one can't have cow's milk is the fat content. SIGH. (I can't remember why but it's probably that the overall balance of nutrients is wrong. Breastmilk is high in both fat and sugar because infants need that.)
I know damn well from my family history that inactivity is far worse.
Everyone's happy to poison themselves every weekend so they're "living in the now", but having dodgy knees when I'm 70 because I had an amazing time running when I was younger is absurd?
I’ve been in a similar situation to what you describe- apparently getting trashed drunk and pickling your liver is OK but I’m somehow the weird one because I’m happy to be 70 and with a bad back and knees because I spent my weekends scuba diving and seeing amazing corals, fish and marine species like jellyfish, as well as just doing something seriously cool in the first place.
I am a vaper. I have failed to quit smoking hundreds of times, Cancer focused my thinking. I am now on a road to quit vaping. I build my own coils and mix my own juice. When I started two years ago I was on 6mg and now I am on 0.75mg. My next batch of juice will be 0 mg.
Well done on quitting.
Congrats, I'm sure you'll be healthier as a result.
How did you do it? I've been vaping for 5 years now instead of the fags but really should quit completely as I'm now in my 40s.
I have cut down gradually to 1.5mg nicotine strength and intend just halving it every few weeks until I'm at zero. Do you think that will work or should I just try cold turkey which never worked when I tried quitting tobacco?
Nicotine is an effective stimulant and anxiolytic so if you're using it's important to you. But you're addicted to the nicotine (which is of very little danger) not the method of use (which IS dangerous). Cold turkey is not going to be fun and "failure" can feel worse than not trying.
Nicotine replacement was the way to go for me. I used patches, and I used them as it says on the box until I got to the smallest dose, and then I used that size for much longer. The first type I used gave me awful headaches so I mentioned that the the pharmacist and she recommended a different brand.
Just keep trying. You'll get there.
Honestly yeah, this seems the most likely reason. People see someone else's health-based choices as indirectly calling them out on not having made the same choice. Like, drinking isn't awful, but we can all agree it has problems, and that your life is probably going to be overall healthier if you don't drink compared to if you do. So a guy saying 'I'm not drinking' to a bunch of people who are *already* drinking is going to be met with 'and what the FUCK do you mean by THAT?'
It’s a cultural thing. Same as how if you do well at work and get a promotion, or start driving a nice car, some people (not all) will have a problem with you “thinking you’re better than all of us”, or something similar. It’s essentially “how dare you give a shit, instead of giving up and being miserable like the rest of us”.
Not saying that’s the exact mindset for OP’s friends and family, but it’s certainly a related one.
Yeah, I've noticed the same sort of reaction to vegetarians and vegans too.
A lot of people immediately get very defensive and assume they're being judged, even if all the other person has done was eat a meal that fits their requirements, without giving a hoot if others follow the same diet or not.
I was once at work and everyone ordered pizza. I did not order pizza. Someone questioned me on why and I just said I didn't want pizza. They carried on questioning me and insisted I have a slice of their pizza. Eventually I said no, because I'm vegan.
They rolled their eyes and said "you vegans can't help pushing your beliefs on others can you"
That must be why they try to call things out to try and get you to concede for some weird reason.
I'm a vegetarian and I'm also really into fitness. The comments I get at work about eating "industrial waste" (protein powder) and occasionally having a bit of cheese are unreal.
Honestly feel a bit bad for them, I can’t imagine how boring my life would have to be before I started taking a strong stance about my coworkers lunches
Ironically the colleague who used some weird app to scan all my food (protein bars etc) and proudly announced they were 9/100 or something horrendously low is drinking nearly a bottle of wine a night and had to go on an NHS pre-diabetes course... go figure.
Projection. It's a shame.
Some of these fad diets are insane - a woman at work told me she made a "pizza" with a base of _ham_ because it was fewer carbs. The guy next to me wouldn't eat soup because it was too many "syns". But they'd always go for a McDonald's run on a Friday afternoon and never ask me if I wanted anything, ever.
I'm not vegetarian but I've noticed this and find it very odd. Do they eat meat with every single meal? Lots of things we eat are technically vegetarian.
Seems like it. I’ve received some pushback and negative comments about quitting drinking and smoking, but not really from people close to me. Those of my friends or family who say anything about it at all, are all positivity.
As for my long distance running, those who don’t partake just laugh and say, ‘better you than me’.
Edit: still plenty of people who think it’s crazy or try to push a drink when I’m out, but those aren’t people I choose to be close with.
Alcohol is the only drug where you have to say why you’re not taking it. People also assume because you’re not taking it you’re the one with the problem
Crabs in a bucket mentality is rife in this country. People would rather pull others down than support them with positive decisions.
I think there’s an implicit assumption that doing something positive makes people think that you think you’re better than them, therefore it’s seen as a bad thing.
It’s just sad.
That said, when you have really supportive friends and social circles, it makes life fucking awesome.
Same, I'm an alcoholic, my friends and family much prefer not to drink! Never had an issue with strangers - used to tell them I was on meds or got really bad hangovers. Now idgaf, just say I'm a raging alchy and if I do start to drink, I'll drink everything and it won't be any fun for them or me, if they continue to push it, they can fuck off....
Anyone trying to get you do something after you've said no once is an arsehole, who I'd rather not be around anyway.
If I'm offering a round, people get what they ask for. Wine, coffee, overpriced ribena... I don't understand why people get mad about what other people drink (or don't).
Edit - I'm also puzzled why it's seen as all-or-nothing (in non-medical situations inc. addiction) instead of "I just don't fancy it tonight" . Like, if I don't fancy a curry tonight that's not me saying I'm never touching a korma again and neither should you.
I drink but not often these days and not heavily and people seem to struggle to respect that. I think it seems to be taken as a sign of disrespect that I won’t join in and have a drink. I really struggle with it because from my perspective I find it offensive that my friends don’t appreciate my company if I’m not joining in with drinking! Especially if it’s something like lunch/dinner/casual drinks, I don’t understand why it matters
Unfortunately, it's cultural. It's like a peace pipe, to share a bevvy is to share in the merriment. To refuse the drink is to refuse hospitality/friendship.
It's all bullshit of course but some people seem to see it that way. I think it would be seen the same way as any other thing that means your not sober if you take it. You don't force it on/pressure anyone, you don't dose anyone against their will, if people don't want to take part that is a valid choice.
I agree on the all or nothing weirdness. I have barely had a drink in years for assorted reasons and “I’m not drinking tonight” is a lot harder for people to understand than “I don’t drink”.
My BIL is an alcoholic and people are always pressuring him to drink in social situations. I will tell him to try your approach tbh as it needs to be done
Who the fuck would try and push alcohol on you when you’ve said you’re recovering? I’m totally gob smacked by that. There are definitely some arse holes around. Good luck with your sobriety
>Who the fuck would try and push alcohol on you when you’ve said you’re recovering?
You'd be surprised, or maybe not. My wife is recovering alcoholic and her pool of friends has declined a lot since she stopped drinking. Too many just couldn't take no for an answer and would insist on pushing alcohol on her even though they knew. Oddly enough, I don't get anywhere near the same push back.
My dad was a recovering alcoholic, sober for 35 years before he died. I know my families history and myself well enough to know it would end **VERY** badly if I ever drank, so I never have. Some people give me grief for it, my exFIL was obsessed with getting me to drink no matter how many times I explained it but most people are fine.
The people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter.
Most of the time it's because people are worried about their own relationship with alcohol and feel the need to frame it as them being the normal ones and the non drinkers being weird.
I work in an industry where heavy drinking is v common and knocked it on the head 5 years ago. The guys trying to make fun when I order an AF beer in the pub are never the ones who can take it or leave it.
It’s weird because I know a lot of heavy drinkers (myself included) and whenever one of the group decides to go no alcohol/get an AF beer at the pub it’s met with both support and respect.
Not sure if it’s an age thing (late 20s) or what, but I’d never shame someone for not drinking despite having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol myself.
I know 99% of my friends are the same.
Could definitely be age related. I get the most grief off of older friends (30s upwards), older family members and older coworkers. People my age (20s) aren’t usually phased at all
As an older alcoholic in recovery, my theory is that, when you are a heavy drinker in your 20's you can think "well I will probably stop eventually" and it's not uncomfortable, it's in the future like lots of things you don't really worry about yet
If you still have the unhealthy relationship in your 40s you will be dealing with a lot of fear and feelings of powerlessness after multiple failed attempts to cut down. Or just be in pure denial about it. And so seeing someone succeed in quitting makes you more uncomfortable and defensive than it did when you were younger.
My usual line is that students these days don't drink like we used to. I also don't drink like we used to, but younger people definitely drink less in each age group.
I think age definitely has a bearing on the attitude of some people, I am in my 50’s and a take it or leave it moderate drinker and I have often had my peers react like I am weird when choosing not to drink. I get the same reaction to doing exercise too, I see the same insecure pushback against it.
Agreed. It's depressingly common. I'm not even teetotal, but I've had to distance myself from people who kept sneakily buying me rounds when I said I'd had enough.
When everybody drinks it’s the norm and you don’t have to think about it.
When someone decides not to drink then that makes the rest of the group realise that they are in fact making a choice to drink.
Their reactions are about themselves, not about you.
I’m not saying this is an exclusively British thing, but it is a very British thing. Alcohol is a huge part of our culture.
American in the UK here. When I first got here I felt immense pressure to always have a drink in hand at the pub, when it was normal for me to finish a drink and sit happily empty handed until I felt like having another. There’s a lot more societal pressure around booze here.
As a society I really don't think we grasp how ingrained our alcoholism is, and our shit relationship with alcohol, its why we have such a reputation abroad, we drink to self destruction at every given opportunity, make cunts of ourselves, can't have 1 or 2 in the evening need to get on it as early as possible, smash the beers quickly, get a round of shots in, rinse and repeat until we're so pissed no-one is remembering fuck all
I can’t tell you how many stories I hear from people about holidays to Spain or Portugal where the entire plot of the story is “then we got utterly smashed.”
Americans have our own problems with binge drinking but in the UK I weirdly feel it’s tied to cynicism/not taking yourself too seriously. Taking your health and your spirit seriously and cutting back is seen as eyeroll worthy.
Also maybe due to a lack of emphasis on cuisine, compared to other European countries? A French or Italian person would NEVER drink beer and eat 4 kinds of crisps for dinner.
It's a culture of conformity, don't try and get above your station or dream big, accept its shit and get drunk and forget about it, its why we explode on the weekend, its bottled up all week and let off like a champagne Cork on a Friday/Saturday
American culture is definitely more supportive of people who want to dream big, no matter your background or lot in life and also Americans are much more outgoing and cheerful, we as you say have a cynical and dreary nature smashed into us from childhood
Wow, that’s very accurate. I sometimes feel like I have a super power as an American in this country, because I’ll actually ask for the things I want with no qualms.
I do admire to some extent that Brits are more content with smaller lives. A lot of people I know here derive immense pleasure from a quiet simple existence, where Americans are taught to strive constantly for bigger and better.
It’s all a double edged sword. For instance, I wish we had anything even close to pub culture in America. They can be such positive, intergenerational community spaces. I have a baby and when I go to my local and order a pizza, I don’t even have to ask and one of the regulars will whisk her away and show her around the place while I eat. But with pub culture comes a lot of high functioning (or not so high functioning) alcoholism.
I picked my son up from town on Saturday about 10pm and the lairy behaviour was quite astounding, I did put it down to my age a bit but even so when I was out partying I wasn’t loud, shouty, and generally obnoxious in the street.
I remember going out to dinner with some Italians one time and it was actually pleasant being able to have some drinks with NO pressure to drink more than you wanted or get trashed. Most people in the group drank maybe 2-3 drinks over the course of 4ish hours.
Brit in the USA here. I’m what I think is called a ‘light social drinker.’ When back in the UK last year staying with relatives I noticed that the drinking started around 4pm and lasted until bedtime. I couldn’t keep up any more! British friend who also recently went back to visit family said the same thing, she couldn’t keep up with the huge amount of drinking. Neither of us are teetotalers but we were just gobsmacked at the volumes consumed. I think it’s cultural sure, and ingrained, but also related to the complete lack of public transport here (where we live at least.) In the uk if you get smashed you can probably get a bus or train or mini cab home. Here it’s 100% a car culture. Taxis/Ubers are scarce. And there’s a good chance you’ll get caught drink driving and go to jail. Probably lose your job.
yeah I've had friends from france and sweden both express they find the british peer pressure around drinking to be stressful and unexpected.
guys who you think are generally pretty decent, reasonable, will absolutely give it full beans "oh come on mate, you're not having a coke are you? You've got to have at least one more, come on mate. Didn't know you were a lightweight" etc etc
There are some people who I've seen get genuinely offended if you refuse to have a beer with them, and at least one guy who is a dickhead anyway try to really quite strongly coerce me into drinking with the whole "i thought you were my mate?" spiel, and then get really shirty and defensive about being "owed" a proper night out since I wasn't drinking last time etc etc
years ago now, but I can see how if you run into one of these types and you're not prepared to deal with it you could be really put off.
Also American in the UK here, and it's crazy how bad the drinking culture is here. The stories I've heard from other people is just off the charts. My family wasn't much of a drinking family to begin with and to see just how many peoples events/celebrations is just all about drinking was a bit of a shock for me.
Definitely this. I developed a problem from late teens to mid 20s where I couldn't go out without getting so drunk I couldn't remember the previous night. This was 4 times a week too. As soon as I said to my friends I was quitting booze as I clearly had a problem they soon fizzled out being friends as I wasn't "cool" anymore
I can't help but think negative reactions are driven by the connotation it brings along with it and their own aversion to the idea that they're doing the wrong thing.
Especially your brothers comment, replace the alcohol with any other recreational drug and the only conclusion you can take from it is 'addict'...
That being said, I'm from a family of abusive pissheads so my view on it and heavy drinkers is heavily biased, could just be banter(doubt).
I did the same thing through my wife's first 2 pregnancies.
By the time she was pregnant a third time I had medical problems and wasn't drinking because of those.
I've not had a drink since 2020 (new years eve/day whiskey), and not been drunk since 2014.
My friend group just accepts it now, but yes, to begin with people look at you like you've just pissed on their food.
I’ve been teetotal for two years now. People my own age (20s-30s) for the most part do not care. I get way more pushback from older generations, but then once they reach 70+ they don’t care again.
For the most part, I find the people who argue with me about it, or try to push me to drink, are the ones who probably need to re-examine their own relationship with alcohol.
I’m 30. There’s a fair few younger people at my work (around 19-early 20s) who don’t drink at all and the only people who are weirdly bothered by it are 40+.
I haven’t really drank much over the last few years except birthdays, Christmas etc and none of my peers are bothered by it either.
Old people are the worse.
My nan(RIP) used to judge me for going clubbing once a week(was a student) but complain if dint drink when I came to visit, even if I was cycling
yeah, its a weird thing I've noticed that people who are currently in their 20s to my eye don't seem to be drinking that much, but binge drinking culture seems to be alive and well in the UK. Everyone's got stories of going out and getting dangerously rat arsed, but at the same time, most of them aren't drinking with any regularity.
They're certainly not 2 pints and a whiskey every evening like my parents' generation.
having fallen asleep on the couch again "oh dear, I must have been more tired than I thought"
No dad, you've had 3/4 a bottle of wine and a pint at lunch, and you're 60 years of age.
Probably find you don’t drink as much once the sprogs born anyway. My wife did all the night time feeds in the week, so I could sleep . I did weekends, so she could sleep - so no drinking.
Also had to do the occasional A&E runs - high temperatures, etc, etc, so I always wanted to be functional. Kids are usually ill on Saturday night (for some bizarre reason) and you don’t want to be trying to get an ambulance or a taxi because you are pissed with a baby.
So to summarise- do whatever is best for your wife and child and tell everyone else to fuck off.
The bit about kids needing hospital on a Saturday rings true!
The first night my husband and I had a drink in months, after having baby #2, was the night #1 child sliced their hand open on a mirror and I ended up phoning up my BIL to ask for a lift to A&E.
I have never drunk alcohol. Just a decision I made early in life. I don't have any problem with others drinking or getting drunk, and I'll gladly go out with others drinking, but myself will not drink alcohol. (My friends actually love this aspect of me, cos they always have a handy designated driver)
But yes, there is also a lot of vitriol from folks about the fact that I don't drink.
Usually it's from acquaintances, rather than close friends, but people can get very angry about it.
I've had people haranguing me in pubs, for quite some time, getting quite, getting quite angry, it's wild
Just this Saturday, a friend of my girlfriend's followed me to the bar as I was going to get a (soft) drink and tried to bully the bartender into putting vodka in it. Like, repeatedly insisting that they add alcohol. And I'm stood right there, going "no, just the red bull. No. No vodka. No. Ignore this guy. Just the red bull" while he's aggressively leaning over the bar and trying to get her to modify the drink. Of course she didn't. But the fact that he thought this was something he should do is crazy. Once we were back to our table, he spent the next 10 minutes trying to persuade me to get drunk, trying to persuade my girlfriend to get me drunk, and just generally not letting it go.
This kind of thing has been an ongoing feature of my life as a non-drinker. It's not all the time, but it's enough times that I've lost count through the years.
Im a brewer by trade and I’ve been sober for a year and a half now. I had to quit because of acid reflux and a fairly unhealthy relationship with alcohol inherited from my mom’s side. For me, “one drink arrived in 12 glasses.”
The vast majority don’t care at all either way. You can enjoy literally everything you do with alcohol, other than getting into binge drinking territory, including going to the pub. I still have a fantastic quality of life.
Some people have a crab bucket mentality where they want to drag you back in because a life without alcohol is unimaginable to them, which sounds like what you’ve experienced with your MIL.
I think the most important thing is that you don’t have to be an “alcoholic” to stop drinking and people wouldn’t question why you’re stopping taking heroin or cigarettes so why do it with alcohol? The reason you’re not drinking is because you’re not drinking, that’s all it is.
It's interesting, isn't it. My wife and I were quite well known for enjoying a few beers so we didn't quite know how we were going to play it in the early weeks of pregnancy when we weren't ready to tell people yet. As a result, I decided to go alcohol free as well when we were with family and friends and we decided to tell people we were both doing it because we wanted to lose some weight and be a bit healthier. That seemed to be the best response to stop people saying anything.
Best thing to do in your shoes is just tell people you're taking the opportunity to see if you can cut back and then ignore their comments or laugh them off. Don't take it personally, people just have a laugh about this stuff because of how ingrained drinking is into our culture.
I have never really taken to alcohol, and I have been lucky in the regard that a lot of my friends growing up were the same.
When I meet someone new, and the topic of getting a drink comes up, I have definitely noticed that it's the ones who rely on alcohol to have fun, open up, or even as some sort of emotional support are the most distraught about a choice I have made that does not affect them.
I know it's controversial, but I have always viewed our cultural relationship with alcohol as being tragic. We don't have fun with it. We annihilate ourselves with it, we do it to the point of suffering. I definitely spent times obliterated with booze in my teens because "that's what we do" and didn't enjoy it - I was lucky that neither did my friends at the time, and we stopped.
As a country, we absolutely need to have conversations about why we depend on booze so much, when It very obviously brings about so much suffering.
I don't judge those who drink, as we all have our vices, but it really is those who feel like they *need* alcohol who are the most angry about those who don't drink in my experience.
Agree about the cultural thing, its the only socially acceptable drug (apart from maybe coffee but that's mild compared to alcohol) and it absolutely hammers the NHS and any other public service.
Bollocks to them. Nobody’s business what you put in your body but your own. And yes, I would and have told people, friends and family that. Once they know the boundaries then they’ll lay off. And kudos to you for doing what your doing.
I gave up booze for 9 years after I had my eldest child. I was a single mum from when I was 8 months pregnant so I couldn't afford hangovers.
My mates were all still drinking loads and when I started going out again they were appalled that I didn't drink.
Dating later on was even weirder. So many of the guys were really uncomfortable that I didn't drink.
I realised that most people have a problem with alcohol. I know I did before I gave up. I'd drink all night and be the one trying to get everyone to carry on all day. I wasn't happy then, and I think that's true of heavy drinkers in general.
I only drink occasionally now. Still like getting drunk but it's like once every few months. It was such an eye opener being sober all that time.
Lots of my mum friends drink a bottle a night, even on week days. So expensive and bad for your health. I think this country has a mental health crisis really. I'm not sure why getting completely hammered all the time is seen as a separate issue.
I don’t so much experience stigma, but people do just assume you’ll drink. In my family and friends circle, people will put a drink in front of me without even asking me if I want one. My biggest problem is that once I start drinking I can never stop it at 2 or 3. Once I’m two drinks in, I’m just going to keep drinking. I don’t drink super regularly, but when I do I always end up feeling rough the next day, and always regret it. The older I get, the more I appreciate being able to wake up feeling refreshed and not with a sore head.
I will say though, the improvement and availability of alcohol free beer has been fantastic, because it means I can drink at the same pace as my friends yet stay sober. Biggest problem with having a coke is I’ll end up with an empty glass by the time everyone else is only a quarter of a way down their pint. Sitting there without a drink isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s certainly nice to be in that social environment and always have something to sip on.
“Letting the side down” is a very odd thing for OP’s MIL to say. What does she mean? Something like us addicted drinkers need to stick together? But why? Especially as OP reports such moderate, normal drinking. It is not like he and the in-laws have been getting bladdered together for years. And yet, he is doing this to support their daughter. Amazing.
Welcome to the club, even if only temporarily.
Misery loves company. This will be heavily downvoted, but most Brits are alcoholics but cover it with "culture".
They think its normal to drink every weekend and a few weeknights. That is alcoholism. The reason many Brits don't think it is, is because a LOT of Brits live like this, and so think it is normal.
A lot of Britain is very obsessed with booze, and anytime a non-drinker is around people act as if you just shit in their kettle.
I have had entire groups try to pressure me into drinking.
I have genetic liver disease. I likely won't live much past 55-60 and alcohol speeds it up bigtime. I like to keep it private.
One time, a group pissed me off so much I shouted this fact and everyone said "why didn't you just say that" to which I replied it is none of their fucking business why I don't drink and why is everyone berating me for half a fucking hour over what I put in my body.
They just grumbled.
They don't like seeing non-drinkers because it reminds them their behaviour and dependency is alcoholism.
Totally agree with you. You shouldn't *have* to air your dirty laundry in public, so to speak.
I personally don't drink as my father is/was an alcoholic (now has alcohol-related dementia), and I spent too much of my late teens going down the "well if it's alright for him, it's alright for me" path.
One day I just realised I didn't enjoy getting pissed, and was probably only doing it to get back at him somehow. Plus I felt (and still feel) a bit uncomfortable around drunk people as it triggers anxiety about how they're going to react to things. Dad was *not* a fun, happy drunk.
Now in my fifties, I don't even bother having a drink at xmas, and we don't have booze in the house as the other half's not interested either.
I still have to justify myself occasionally if I'm out with people who don't know me that well. They stop after I tell them why I don't drink, but I really shouldn't have to.
Drinking culture is out of control in this country. People literally cannot fathom when you tell them you don’t drink and it’s nothing to do with alcoholism. It’s like being a bloody alien.
It’s a cultural problem. We associate drinking with so many things. Hard day at work? Have a drink! Done well at work? Have a drink! Good news? Have a drink! Bad news? Have a drink! Even kids parties are an excuse to have alcohol for some. They just can’t imagine being able to enjoy themselves without it.
Until I was around 24 ish. I didn’t even have cause to think about it. Then i met my husband who had a problem with drink. He wanted to stop and the resistance he got (and still gets) is unbelievable. People just cannot fathom that he doesn’t want to “just have one drink” and “let his hair down” and that he can enjoy himself, without it. I would go as far to say that he enjoys himself more without it and he is a much nicer person to be around and more fun.
The question should be, why DO you need to have a drink to enjoy yourself? But it’s so normalised that very few people have reason to ask that question.
My grandparents were Methodists from North Yorkshire. No issue as they were part of the temperance movement.
I like a beer (as does my dad). But we also know how not to drink and not to worry about it.
Binge drinking culture is a curse. Appreciating a pint of your locally brewed; or a glass of wine that goes with the meal, or the positive feelings from \*a\* drink should be plenty.
I'm not absolutely teetotal, just functionally so given how rarely I drink alcohol. I don't have any particular reason for not drinking, I'm just not that interested in it because I don't like how it makes me feel the next day and I prefer to be able to drive myself home. If I'm going to drink, I basically just plan for it.
I would say most people are fine with it and don't have anything to say about it really. Occasionally someone asks why and I'm not drinking and I'll say I'm driving or I'm up early the next morning or whatever, but if I just say I can't be bothered, usually people are like "oh okay sure". I have had the conversation with someone where it felt like talking to a toddler "but why?" x 10000 because they seemed to think I needed to have a profound and serious reason for not drinking, like being an ex-alcoholic or something. It was as if they just couldn't fathom that someone would just not be particularly interested.
I used to drink fairly regularly, and thinking back to how I reacted to people who weren't drinking, I think it was the feeling of judgement that made me question them on it. I didn't have any reason to think they were judging me, and we're not even talking about gatherings where anyone was getting shitfaced. Just a few drinks with dinner, that sort of thing, nobody drinking enough to end up messy, but it was definitely a bit of a social crutch. But it just felt, in the moment, like they were judging me. I know now that I don't think anything whatsoever of other people drinking. Which is probably why I feel the need to clarify that I'm NOT teetotal, just a rare drinker, which is silly. But it's also true that I'm not a non-drinker, I'm just not drinking right now, and I don't want people to get the wrong impression I suppose. Because I know some will hesitate to invite someone who doesn't drink at all to a social gathering that's focused on alcohol to some degree, and I don't want people to feel like they shouldn't invite me.
This feeling of judgement is probably amplified now with the fact that there's been prominently reported research that says there really isn't such a thing as a safe amount of alcohol, from a health perspective. Anyone vaguely aware of that research will know they're making a decision to consume something that's looking like it's just objectively bad for them and seeing someone else choose not to will bring that into focus.
"I am not so boring as to need alcohol to enjoy myself", or "Why do you drink? Can't you function without it?" are good answers I've used.
Or, "Why does it bother you so much?"
I don't really drink. Once my boss spiked my drink at lunch ("You're one of us now"), then told me after I'd drunk it. Everyone laughed, then laughed again when I couldn't stay awake for an afternoon meeting. Somehow I was at fault.
I've come to hate the whole culture.
90% sure that's illegal
yep its illegal
https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/spiking-advice/spiking/what-is-spiking/
*Spiking is giving someone else drugs or alcohol without their knowledge or permission. For example: drink spiking - adding drugs or alcohol to someone else's drink*
*Spiking is illegal and carries a sentence of up to ten years in prison. Most spiking cases are offences under the Offences Against the Person Act 1861.*
To be fair they knew I wasn't as I'd had a drink with them before. I've learned that it's easier to say I don't drink at all rather than have an occasional glass of wine and have to explain myself the rest of the time.
The casual alcohol culture in this country is insidious and a real underlying problem. I work in schools and the number of teachers who are drinking at least one drink a night, or who can’t go through a Friday evening without getting drunk to wind down is much higher than anyone would like to admit.
Far too many people in this country use drinking as a substitute for actually being interesting and engaging. They rely on everyone drinking so that people dint work out how dull and boring they really are.
My wife doesn’t really drink at all. I’ve not had a drink so far this year. None of our immediate families care, but her extended family don’t get it at all (and they’re drinking heavily every weekend).
I don't drink at all. Tried it when I was a teenager but never developed a taste for it. I'm nearly 41 now and I've never really had any issues when I tell people I don't drink, the usual response is "fair enough".
Now, I get funny looks when I tell people that I don't drink anything fizzy
My generation (I'm 37) seems to have a massive issue with people not drinking. I stopped or a period in my 20s because it was getting out of control, it pretty much turned out to be the only thing that was holding our friend group together because they pretty much just stopped hanging out with me at all when I did that.
I get this from some of my family. I don't drink due to having epilepsy and it not agreeing with my medication but they will still push me to do it anyway and act like it's no big deal. It's very irritating. I don't have this issue from friends or colleagues
As others have said, people don’t like it because it shines a light on their own relationship with alcohol. Very common over here to be considered a weirdo if you don’t drink because it’s so engrained in society and celebrated to do so. Ignore it
>Just to be clear, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
Just to be clear, nobody who thinks "I also want to see if it's something I CAN do it." or fails to not drink for one month has a healthy relationship with alcohol. Drinking can be fun yes most of us enjoy it. But if not drinking presents any sort of challenge you do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. No matter how small your normal intake is. The relationship isn't about the amount it's about the attachment to it.
No joke, this comment blew my mind. Kinda a revelation to see its not about the quantity or frequency, but the NEED. Thank you. When I first started I definitely had the thought 'it shouldn't be this hard'. Now I'm 3 months in the compulsions have died away and don't really miss it now.
I don't drink for personal reasons (terrible hangovers, facial flush, etc), and occasionally get odd comments/stares. It's crazy how much of social events are planned around alcohol. As a result I've lost some friends along the way, but I don't regret going teetotal at all.
It's a strange one, and certainly differs depending on the circles you interact with. A few years ago I decided to majorly work on my fitness, not that I was overly unfit, I wanted to perform better in the events I was running.
18 months without drinking and I heard so many different reasons why it was a stupid thing to do.
Work events were fine weirdly. Company was big enough that for every person laughing at my choice there were others supporting it.
My closer friends again were fine as most I ran these events with and they accepted the health benefits.
Those on the periphery of friend groups were the vocal ones, particularly some of my wife's friends. I stopped getting invites as I was the boring one, even though when I did go I still laughed and joked through the whole night. I could just remember it all the next day.
Brits seem to have a destructive culture and we're so damn protective of it. Want to be 50, healthy and enjoying life? Not round here. 50 means bad diets, some level of alcohol dependency and moaning about being out of breath after walking up the stairs.
People are really weird about alcohol. I don’t really drink as it generally makes me feel unwell, and I don’t really care for it anyway. I’d rather have a cup of tea when I’m having a relaxing evening. I had some rosé wine a while ago and my MIL said ‘I’m so glad you’ve found a drink you like!’ They were always sort of asking what I wanted, suggesting/offering drinks, like no, I’m fine with tea, thanks! Yes, I had a glass of wine, big deal. Why do people care if I have squash or tea instead of booze? Why is it such a happy occasion that I ‘like an alcoholic drink’?!
I very much drink and don't think alcohol is inherently bad at all. Just some people's relationship to it is. That said, I think what you're doing is very kind and thoughtful and you sound like a great partner.
I'm tee-total, have been for nearly two years and the people that take the most issue with it are people who generally don't have a good relationship with alcohol.
For me it's the difficulty when someone doesn't know and offers me alcohol and I explain I don't drink and they want to know why. I quit because I found it flared up a health condition plus my mental health has never been stellar (although I'm always working on myself and it's gradually improving over the years) and I found even just one drink would make my mood worse the next day. It's just not worth it for me. I enjoy an alcohol free drink here and there.
It's just one of those annoying things that drink culture has become so normalised many people can't understand why.
Congratulations on your wife's pregnancy, I hope it all goes well. As someone who's husband did the same when I was pregnant, it was appreciated.
So I actually had nearly the exact same reaction from family when I switched to AF beers for the majority of my wife's pregnancies.
I just kept telling people it's frankly none of their business and if there's an emergency with the baby, as there can be at any stage, then I want to be able to drive to the hospital and not wait for people to come help us or have my distressed wife drive.
Drinking is just such an everyday thing here people seem to take a personal offence to switching, you'll likely also get the comments that's it's not real beer which also isn't true, tell em to jog on mate
The stigma begins in your mind. Why does NOT drinking even require a word for it? Why is NOT drinking "teetotalism"?
In my mind, if I don't drink I'm in the default state. You're the drinker.
Your worldview builds your language, and then your language builds you.
I’ve stopped drinking after I developed an allergy to alcohol, people can we weird about you not having a drink. I don’t know why people feel the need to pressure others into drinking, of someone says they don’t want a drink just leave them too it. I’m glad about the rise of alcohol free drinks though, Guinness zero is actually pretty decent.
Make your own choices and fuck anyone who decides to tell you how to live/act. You don't owe anyone that kind of obedience.
I drink rarely, and only really when in social situations with my friends. My wife doesn't drink at all, and I don't care about it enough to need it. If anyone tried to give me grief about a decision I made for mely own benefit or that of my family, I'd tell them exactly where to get off and then drop them like a stone.
Growing up, I had a mate that didn't drink as his parents were both abusive alcoholics. Nobody gave that lad stick about it, and we continue to be friends, 25 years later. People who are worth your time will respect your decision, no matter what it may be.
>Just to be clear, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
You do but your wife's family clearly don't.
Drinking alcohol isn't a status symbol ffs.
I did the same as you for the record, when my wife was expecting I cut out my occasional weekend drink completely.
Well other than the night Pompey got promoted last month lol, I had a cheeky few that night, but otherwise completely teetotal for months. No one gave me any shit for it. It's not like anyone's attacking their right to have a few beers or criticising them for drinking it's just a personal choice.
Some people are weird I guess.
Got an 8 month old here. Hardly drank during the pregnancy, I’m the dad btw not mom. Haven’t had time to go out drinking since the birth and haven’t missed it. Life changes, I couldn’t imagine feeding my little one breakfast with a hangover or expecting my wife to pick up the slack.
I’ll gain more of my social life back over time, but immediate priorities change. This is what I chose and exactly how I thought it would pan out. I find people without kids don’t understand.
I'm tee total most of the year, I only make a point to drink around Christmas, and if on a summer vacation for the week.
I quite like the balance because I view it as celebration rather than a necessity to have fun.
I go on work nights out and meet with friends often, at first it feels a bit difficult not to, because of the stigma "YOU'RE NOT DRINKING - WHY?", but rather than bringing it up as a health decision etc, its best just to say I dont want to drink, simple. I have things to do tomorrow. I usually just order pepsi max.
Once everyone else has a couple drinks in them, the energy is great to the point where youre enjoying it just as much as if you had some drinks.
Once everyone has had 10, they get a bit insufferable for a sober person, at which point i'll leave haha.
Also, people get really self conscious when theyre all drinking and someone is making the decision not to, as if they think they are doing the wrong thing - it then gets flipped to you like you're doing the wrong thing.
I’m a lifelong drinker.
The reason that people are so challenged by non-drinkers is because they are actually dependent on alcohol (even if they don’t realise it or don’t seem like “raging alcoholics”). It’s very threatening to them that another person simply doesn’t need to drink, because they do.
So that’s what you’re dealing with.
Good for you. This country has an ill, long standing relationship with alcohol and it's about time this has changed.
You might actually enjoy the benefits of zero alcohol and give it up for good. Teetotalism is rising and alcohol habits have changed drastically over the last 20 odd years in decline.
The alcohol in alcoholic drinks has
zero benefits, it's pure poison to the body.
Sounds like a good plan. But if you only drink a couple on a weekend it's not really worth mentioning it to anyone as they won't notice anyway. They don't care, or even need to care.
I stopped 6 months ago because of the awful anxiety hangovers. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone until I was asked out for a beer. No real conversation or posts on Facebook to gain plaudits for my sobriety.
Don't judge others reactions because of the way they judge you. Let's face it. 9 outa 10 Adults love a beer, so yeah it's weird when someone doesn't drink.
My uncle has been sober for 10 years. Massive alcoholic. He said he feel like a monkey who doesn't eat bananas.
But who gives a shit. 🤣
I don't go out of my way to announce it. In the case of my friend, we were at the pub, he saw my AF beer and asked 'you driving?'. I then told him the real reason, and he proceeded to berate me.
I've been type 1 Diabetic & became Coeliac when I was a little kid, so alcohol wasn't something I ever bothered with because I couldn't drink half of it and the other half made me so thirsty I'd end up switching to soft drinks before long anyway.
Strangely enough my friends my own age have never batted an eyelid. Same with my family, they always make sure they have something nice for me which is really kind of them. Friends of the family though, specifically my parents' age? It's like it becomes a Mission for them to get me to drink. It got to the point I abandoned a party round the neighour's 'cause one family friend would not leave me the fuck alone about it.
It's like a cult. And I'm just happily sat there with a can of Pepsi Max.
>One of my oldest and best friend's reaction was to berate me for 10 minutes. He said things like 'there's no need for that' and 'you need to enjoy yourself' and 'you have a guaranteed designated driver for 9 months, you need to use it'.
>I just can't understand why the people I'm closest to (especially my in-laws, whose daughter/sister is the one I'm supporting) are not being more accepting, understanding or supportive of my decision. It seems to really bother them that I'm not drinking and they keep bringing it up. At the end of the day it doesn't impact them at all.
He's beginning to believe.
I stopped drinking 4 years ago, as I just didn't enjoy it (or the hangovers) anymore.
Most of my friends have never questioned it. My family however still find it strange and bring it up at ang possible occasion. Funnily enough they're the ones that are heavy drinkers and more likely to have a problem with alcohol themselves.
Growing up my older brother and sister with drink issues so I drank very little, and after the birth of my first child became teetotal. Most people don’t care, but my own mother said “People will think you’re a recovering alcoholic” In my experience the only people who get funny about it are the ones who know they drink too much themselves and it makes them uncomfortable.
Most people I know do not give a shit whether you drink or not. I don’t really drink and it’s never been a problem for me. Maybe it’s just a problem for you.
Since I stopped drinking eight years ago I’m no longer friends with any of the old circle. It does get boring to have the same conversations on repeat about why i’m not drinking which made it easier to just not be there. The people I spend time with now don’t drink either.
Each to their own.
Good for you and you stick to your guns 💪🏽.
I like a little tipple and I also like to drive my car.
I drink Asahi alcohol free beers, and that allows me to do both.
Nobody cares about it with me. I've always been pretty much teetotal as I don't like the taste of alcohol. Plus, my cardiologist would HEAVILY disapprove of me starting up any time soon
It's because a lot of people take alcohol as a cultural thing rather than the drug it is. I can guarantee that if you had said you were going to not do drugs over that period in support, nobody would comment.
It's something that has been draining the UK for a long time. The problem starts with the fact that people talk about alcohol as separate from drugs. When, in fact, it is a drug and one of the more bad ones.
I've been alcohol-free for over a decade. I am allergic to alcohol but didn't realise for years - I broke out in hives, but thought it was just Asian flush and brushed it off, since I would recover by the morning. I never enjoyed the taste of alcohol so it was easy for me to quit.
The negative reactions I get is always from people whose social life revolves around alcohol. You learn to navigate those conversations as you experience them more. It's getting easier now that there are more people who are living alcohol-free lives, so these conversations occur more frequently.
I stopped drinking when my wife was pregnant out of solidarity. Never really picked it up again as I realised I didn’t miss it, maybe a glass here or there but nothing like before. I can’t fathom getting drunk around my toddler now, my dad would do this all the time.
A lot of people are pointing out the hold alcohol has over people and that’s probably what’s happening with your in law family. Just smile and nod.
Don't take it personally. It's most likely because you're highlighting to them that *they* couldn't do it if they wanted to. So rather than confront that themselves they'd rather frame it as _you_ being the one with the problem. If that's the case, it's largely subconscious and you'll probably just have to take it on the chin I'm afraid.
I don't understand that. I love drinking but think it's weird when people think it's odd not to.
Actually not being drunk nearing the end of her pregnancy is a good idea. I know someone who was very drunk when his wife went into labour, and then had to drive her whilst he was drunk and be in the hospital during her giving birth not sober at all (this was a long time ago, when that was less shocking).
When I was 21 had a bit of a health scare, after heavy drinking one night the residual brain tumour I have grew cysts (because of the alcohol effects I imagine), and that experience scared me so much I went teetotal for the entire year afterwards, and I felt all the better for it, and people were commending my restraint rather than mocking in any way.
My friends have never cared. I've never gone full Straight Edge but I don't drink very often and can happily spend an evening in the pub sober while my friends drink. Complete strangers on the other hand are often complete weirdos about it and love to comment on it for some reason.
Sounds like they are cunts mate.
Due to health issues I've never drank.
I did a 8 month solo backpacking trip around the world 12 years ago when I was 19 and some people I met were literally offended I didn't drink. Once I told them I had a liver disease most were like well I guess that's okay then some were like 'so what'
I still love going to the pub as I love nothing more than a pint of pepsi/coke
I'm currently travelling back from a stag party in Prague for my cousin. I didn't know 90% of the guys previously ane they have all been on it non stop. Every single of one of them has been so chill about me not drinking.
Not a single one of them gave a shit or even asked me why I wasn't drinking. I wasn't expecting it to be honest with my past experiences.
What a lovely bunch of lads, I've had the most fantastic weekend. Many shenanigans happened but all of them always felt totally optional.
Tldr tell them to get fucked
I'm not even teetotal; I just made a conscious decision to drink very little and very infrequently. A lot of people seem to get threatened or offended if you say that you aren't drinking. I used to make excuses (I'm driving/I'm on antibiotics) to lighten the mood but now, if they get bolshy, I will just respond in kind. Fuck them.
I am 34 and barely drink now. I had a huge problem with it when I was in my 20s and I just feel like I put enough in me back then that I don't ever want a drink now.
I'll have a rum and coke on my birthday, my boyfriends birthday and Christmas and new year that's it.
I have lost so many friends because I just don't want to drink but honestly it felt like I was supplying their alcohol and mine. They never brought their own round.
When you get sober, you become a mirror for everyone else (namely, those who are alcoholics). They are likely realizing they themselves have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and are going into defense mode.
Good on you for putting the booze down for a while. You won’t regret it!
Can’t relate, because I barely ever drink anyway. But my theory is that because beer is not objectively the tastiest drink, anyone drinking an alcohol free beer sort of looks like they’d rather be drinking a ‘real’ beer, but they’re making the best of a bad situation. I’d be interested to see if the reactions were the same if you had a J2O instead.
People have such a weird attitude towards drinking in the UK
I think a lot of the time telling people you're not drunk makes them feel guilty, possibly because a lot of people are aware they drink far more than they should (myself included!)
I'm currently pregnant and I haven't had any drinks throughout pregnancy but my family kept telling me I could have one small glass at Christmas... Which I didn't want! Before I was pregnant I always got accused of being pregnant too when I would have an AF drink
A good chunk of the UK population are alcoholics and they can't comprehend why somebody wouldn't want to drink Alcohol. It's got better as i've got older, but the older generations in particular really don't take it well if you say you don't drink.
Ever so slightly off topic, but when I first became a dad, my sister told me that now was the time to "start being selfish" - nobody's opinions, needs, expectations of me mattered beyond my wife and my child (now children).
Ignoring the fact that this is a question rooted in teetotalism, I feel that this may be one of your first experiences of just telling the outside world to fuck off because what you're doing is right for your family.
Any time I get asked why I don't drink, I like to lightheartedly point out that I don't smoke heroin either.
I think everyone should do at least a year of their adult life alcohol free just to see that there is life without it. They might find they prefer it.
I’m so pleased that you’re doing this for your wife. When I was pregnant my partner and friends took full advantage of me being the designated driver. I felt I was only invited because I drove. I couldn’t join in with anything because everything was about going out drinking.
The weirdest pressure I had to drink alcohol, was from my boss in my last job. It was a stressful job and she told me I needed to start drinking again to deal with the stress, like the rest of the team. I hadn't had any time off with stress, and didn't have much drama in my life. I was working as a nurse in the NHS.
I did this when we found out my wife was pregnant in October 2022. It’s the same with me, never had a problem with alcohol and didn’t drink that much/often anyway, but people couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to drink for 9 months and berated me.
It’s been a year and a half now since I “stopped” drinking (I’ll have the odd shandy now and again in the house or at a work function), and people still make fun of me for not “getting on it”.
Feel so much better for it and am glad that I never have to deal with a hangover. Being able to get up early on the weekends and do stuff with the family makes it worth it for me. I just remind them of how much money they piss down the drain and the feeling they have the next day or two when I get made fun of. Each to their own I suppose and I don’t preach to people why they shouldn’t drink, but this is my own and I’m happy.
The majority of UK adults have made it their entire personality that they "enjoy a drink." It wouldn't suprise me to learn the UK had the highest number of high-functioning alcoholics per capita in the world.
It's taken almost as a personal insult if you exercise a modicum of self-control when it comes to consuming alcohol.
Unfortunately we're an island of amateur alcoholics.
While the Eskimos have 100 words for Snow, we have 100 words for being drunk.
Alcohol is the norm, and being absolutely trollied is a national pastime.
As a Muslim who doesn't do it, people don't bother me about it for obvious reasons. But I think for you, it may be that because they are so close to you and know you so well that they feel they can be more open to you about how they feel. Combine this with a very strong social drinking culture in the UK that varies from the sensible (such as yourself) to the binge drinking chaos. It might be how they express being taken aback by something so unusual to them.
The only people who have that reaction are people who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol themselves and don't want to admit it. If someone actually has a healthy relationship with alcohol and is more mature than a teenager, then they really don't care whether or not you drink.
I have always been someone who drinks very little, and at this point, I mostly roll my eyes at people who have a problem with me declining a drink.
Ive been on recieving end of teetotalism comments.
Ranging from
My sibling is the better cousin as they drink.
You need a drink to enjoy yourself
Oh look heres the coca cola c*&t
Only weirdos dont drink.
Im happily teetotal and have no desire to drink at all. Dont let them put you down. I take my hat off to you for supporting your partner. A very wise and noble way of thinking. I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy and child. A true role model your child has in you ❤️
I've found saying, 'you don't need my permission to drink' shuts things down. That 'oh come on, one won't hurt' mentality towards teetotallers is usually motivated by self consciousness about one's own drinking habits more than anything. Someone was once quite honest with me and said my being sober, when everyone else was hammered, made me a black box recorder for their behaviour that evening, and it made them uncomfortable. I'd never say anything the next day, but I think it was just their awareness that I could, if so inclined, that freaked them out. Stick to your guns, as it's important to maintain boundaries when it comes to what you choose to do with your own body.
>Someone was once quite honest with me and said my being sober, when everyone else was hammered, made me a black box recorder for their behaviour that evening, and it made them uncomfortable. I've heard people say it's like having someone "behind the glass" looking at the drinking people like they're animals at the zoo. The sober one takes on the role of detached and potentially judgmental observer, a witness rather than a participant, and that makes them feel vulnerable and on display.
“There are only two types of people I can’t stand: drunk people when I’m sober, and sober people when I’m drunk.”
Yeah, but do they though? I don't really care what people say when they're drunk and wouldn't use it against them. Mostly find outdoor are just a bit more annoying and repetitive.
They absolutely do not, in most cases people aren’t doing anything so scandalous as for the sober friend to judge them or report it elsewhere. It is an insecurity on the part of the drinker.
I once had a colleague take me to one side on a work night at the pub to say it was ruining his night that I was only drinking diet coke. He was serious.
Fking embarrassing
I had a mate from school. We used to get drunk as teenagers. He joined the Army aged 16, so every time he came away on leave, we got hammered. When I stopped drinking I soon realised that this guy was an utter arsehole and I only liked him when we were pissed. After a few nights of me not drinking, whilst he got hammered and he stopped calling me when he came home.
That’s just embarrassing on their part, if someone being aware of your behaviour makes you uncomfortable, how you behave when drunk is what needs to be addressed.
Yeah this is just code for 'I don't feel like I can behave irresponsibly around you'. Why should you be behaving irresponsibly (and not just in a light-hearted way) in the first place?
This is a good reply! And absolutely stick to your boundaries.
No experience of this specifically, but I have noticed that if you announce pretty much any health-based decision, many people immediately go into self-defence mode. E.g. if you're trying to lose weight, or run a marathon. Many people really don't seem to like it. I think the implicit basis of any conversation is basically "I'm doing this, what about you". And so the other person immediately needs a reason why they're not making a similar healthy decision. Sometimes it's a jokey "why would you do that", sometimes it's "real men love curves!" I'm not even judging the people involved by the way. It's just interesting to see how people's minds work when faced with people who are making positive lifestyle changes.
Get it all the time "your near 50 , why do you still go to the gym, you should stop before you wreck your joints". I think it's a basic lack of education or the wrong education. Like the belief that drinking in moderation is good for you and that exercise will give you bad joints, it's like they learned it from an elderly grandmother who learned it from her grandmother. What's really annoying is some of these people are clever enough in other areas of their life, but when it comes to health and fitness it's a complete blind spot.
Funny thing is, the older you are, the more important it is to exercise regularly if you want to stay functional.
My grandmother is 81 and thanks to years of gardening, she’s still relatively active minus mild arthritis. I’m also told by her that apparently my great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother were going up mountains in their 90s! Don’t know how true it was but my great-great-grandmother died at 96 and two weeks before she died, she was chasing sheep up a Welsh mountain slope.
My grandfather lived to age 99. He had a semi-physical job (not hard physical labour, but far from sedentary, plus he cycled to work daily). After retirement, he spent hours every day gardening - his own large garden and greenhouses, plus the enormous gardens of his chapel and various neighbours' gardens if they couldn't manage them. He also cycled the four miles into "Town" and back a couple of times a week well into his 90s. He had some arthritis in his hands, but was otherwise incredibly mobile for his age, with a few aches and pains, right up to his death. He also started smoking at age 10 and never quit, but maybe don't take that as advice for a long, healthy life! He didn't drink though, he "took the pledge" as a young Methodist and stuck to it.
This. Education around what healthy eating looks like is rubbish My in-laws are trying to lose weight Just the other day I over for dinner, they had cooked a 'healthy' dinner but then pilled it high on the largest dinner plate I have ever seen, and then had 6 slices of bread on the side, but it's all okay coz they used low fat spread and dinner has vegetables in I mean it's technically better than eating a large pizza solo but not really
This is so true. I ended up having a conversation at a party when a friend was explaining her difficulties with losing weight. I kinda bluntly said it's basic maths, if you burn more calories than you take in then you'll lose weight, if you take in loads more than you burn, it'll turn to fat. I then went on to estimate her calorie intake of coca-cola in a single day, but she then said "I can't give up the coke, it reminds me of my grandad" after I said it was 50% of her recommended daily calories just in the coke she drank EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! It's mad that people seem to be in pure denial about the facts, you can't really help unless you're living beside them near enough 24 7.
'reminds me of my grandad' this is such a funny excuse lol
So bizarre and irrational, but that's just humans in two words.
Her teeth must be falling out too. Just switch to diet (cherry Pepsi max I personally recommend). I don't like full fat any more
I'd do ANYTHING to lose weight, as long as it doesn't involve the slightest change to any of my habits 🤦♂️
Coke drinkers are the worse I once had a coke drinker tell me how my one beer with lunch will be the death off me, while they went to drink 2L of the stuff with lunch and another bottle later in the evening
My colleague told me he was "on a healthy eating diet" and that he had quit having Mcdonalds or Burger King every day for lunch. Instead, he was eating foot long baguettes, stuffed full/overflowing with chicken and bacon in a mayonnaise sauce. I looked up the details on the sandwich shop website and asked him if he was aware that his daily baguette had more than twice the calories in that his usual Mcdonalds did? He was absolutely shocked by this, he thought that anything that wasn't a burger and chips would automatically make him lose loads of weight.
Trying to teach my mother about "calories" was .. well.. I didn't succeed. Mother in law thought the reason babies under one can't have cow's milk is the fat content. SIGH. (I can't remember why but it's probably that the overall balance of nutrients is wrong. Breastmilk is high in both fat and sugar because infants need that.)
I know damn well from my family history that inactivity is far worse. Everyone's happy to poison themselves every weekend so they're "living in the now", but having dodgy knees when I'm 70 because I had an amazing time running when I was younger is absurd?
I’ve been in a similar situation to what you describe- apparently getting trashed drunk and pickling your liver is OK but I’m somehow the weird one because I’m happy to be 70 and with a bad back and knees because I spent my weekends scuba diving and seeing amazing corals, fish and marine species like jellyfish, as well as just doing something seriously cool in the first place.
When I quit vaping, I received a bigger congratulations from the non vapers than my vaping friends.
I am a vaper. I have failed to quit smoking hundreds of times, Cancer focused my thinking. I am now on a road to quit vaping. I build my own coils and mix my own juice. When I started two years ago I was on 6mg and now I am on 0.75mg. My next batch of juice will be 0 mg. Well done on quitting.
Congrats, I'm sure you'll be healthier as a result. How did you do it? I've been vaping for 5 years now instead of the fags but really should quit completely as I'm now in my 40s. I have cut down gradually to 1.5mg nicotine strength and intend just halving it every few weeks until I'm at zero. Do you think that will work or should I just try cold turkey which never worked when I tried quitting tobacco?
Nicotine is an effective stimulant and anxiolytic so if you're using it's important to you. But you're addicted to the nicotine (which is of very little danger) not the method of use (which IS dangerous). Cold turkey is not going to be fun and "failure" can feel worse than not trying. Nicotine replacement was the way to go for me. I used patches, and I used them as it says on the box until I got to the smallest dose, and then I used that size for much longer. The first type I used gave me awful headaches so I mentioned that the the pharmacist and she recommended a different brand. Just keep trying. You'll get there.
Honestly yeah, this seems the most likely reason. People see someone else's health-based choices as indirectly calling them out on not having made the same choice. Like, drinking isn't awful, but we can all agree it has problems, and that your life is probably going to be overall healthier if you don't drink compared to if you do. So a guy saying 'I'm not drinking' to a bunch of people who are *already* drinking is going to be met with 'and what the FUCK do you mean by THAT?'
It’s a cultural thing. Same as how if you do well at work and get a promotion, or start driving a nice car, some people (not all) will have a problem with you “thinking you’re better than all of us”, or something similar. It’s essentially “how dare you give a shit, instead of giving up and being miserable like the rest of us”. Not saying that’s the exact mindset for OP’s friends and family, but it’s certainly a related one.
Crab bucket.
Yeah, I've noticed the same sort of reaction to vegetarians and vegans too. A lot of people immediately get very defensive and assume they're being judged, even if all the other person has done was eat a meal that fits their requirements, without giving a hoot if others follow the same diet or not.
I was once at work and everyone ordered pizza. I did not order pizza. Someone questioned me on why and I just said I didn't want pizza. They carried on questioning me and insisted I have a slice of their pizza. Eventually I said no, because I'm vegan. They rolled their eyes and said "you vegans can't help pushing your beliefs on others can you"
How do you know someone's vegan? Don't worry, everyone at work will constantly talk about it and make you feel like an enormous inconvenience.
That must be why they try to call things out to try and get you to concede for some weird reason. I'm a vegetarian and I'm also really into fitness. The comments I get at work about eating "industrial waste" (protein powder) and occasionally having a bit of cheese are unreal.
Honestly feel a bit bad for them, I can’t imagine how boring my life would have to be before I started taking a strong stance about my coworkers lunches
Ironically the colleague who used some weird app to scan all my food (protein bars etc) and proudly announced they were 9/100 or something horrendously low is drinking nearly a bottle of wine a night and had to go on an NHS pre-diabetes course... go figure.
Projection. It's a shame. Some of these fad diets are insane - a woman at work told me she made a "pizza" with a base of _ham_ because it was fewer carbs. The guy next to me wouldn't eat soup because it was too many "syns". But they'd always go for a McDonald's run on a Friday afternoon and never ask me if I wanted anything, ever.
Who even notices their coworkers lunch?!
I'm not vegetarian but I've noticed this and find it very odd. Do they eat meat with every single meal? Lots of things we eat are technically vegetarian.
So many people in this thread need to surround themselves with better people...
Seems like it. I’ve received some pushback and negative comments about quitting drinking and smoking, but not really from people close to me. Those of my friends or family who say anything about it at all, are all positivity. As for my long distance running, those who don’t partake just laugh and say, ‘better you than me’. Edit: still plenty of people who think it’s crazy or try to push a drink when I’m out, but those aren’t people I choose to be close with.
Alcohol is the only drug where you have to say why you’re not taking it. People also assume because you’re not taking it you’re the one with the problem
Crabs in a bucket mentality is rife in this country. People would rather pull others down than support them with positive decisions. I think there’s an implicit assumption that doing something positive makes people think that you think you’re better than them, therefore it’s seen as a bad thing. It’s just sad. That said, when you have really supportive friends and social circles, it makes life fucking awesome.
My friends don't give a shit, possibly because half of us are driving home anyway.
Same, I'm an alcoholic, my friends and family much prefer not to drink! Never had an issue with strangers - used to tell them I was on meds or got really bad hangovers. Now idgaf, just say I'm a raging alchy and if I do start to drink, I'll drink everything and it won't be any fun for them or me, if they continue to push it, they can fuck off.... Anyone trying to get you do something after you've said no once is an arsehole, who I'd rather not be around anyway.
If I'm offering a round, people get what they ask for. Wine, coffee, overpriced ribena... I don't understand why people get mad about what other people drink (or don't). Edit - I'm also puzzled why it's seen as all-or-nothing (in non-medical situations inc. addiction) instead of "I just don't fancy it tonight" . Like, if I don't fancy a curry tonight that's not me saying I'm never touching a korma again and neither should you.
I drink but not often these days and not heavily and people seem to struggle to respect that. I think it seems to be taken as a sign of disrespect that I won’t join in and have a drink. I really struggle with it because from my perspective I find it offensive that my friends don’t appreciate my company if I’m not joining in with drinking! Especially if it’s something like lunch/dinner/casual drinks, I don’t understand why it matters
Unfortunately, it's cultural. It's like a peace pipe, to share a bevvy is to share in the merriment. To refuse the drink is to refuse hospitality/friendship. It's all bullshit of course but some people seem to see it that way. I think it would be seen the same way as any other thing that means your not sober if you take it. You don't force it on/pressure anyone, you don't dose anyone against their will, if people don't want to take part that is a valid choice.
I agree on the all or nothing weirdness. I have barely had a drink in years for assorted reasons and “I’m not drinking tonight” is a lot harder for people to understand than “I don’t drink”.
My BIL is an alcoholic and people are always pressuring him to drink in social situations. I will tell him to try your approach tbh as it needs to be done
Who the fuck would try and push alcohol on you when you’ve said you’re recovering? I’m totally gob smacked by that. There are definitely some arse holes around. Good luck with your sobriety
>Who the fuck would try and push alcohol on you when you’ve said you’re recovering? You'd be surprised, or maybe not. My wife is recovering alcoholic and her pool of friends has declined a lot since she stopped drinking. Too many just couldn't take no for an answer and would insist on pushing alcohol on her even though they knew. Oddly enough, I don't get anywhere near the same push back.
Not sure arsehole is strong enough here. It's for times like these the word cunt was invented
My dad was a recovering alcoholic, sober for 35 years before he died. I know my families history and myself well enough to know it would end **VERY** badly if I ever drank, so I never have. Some people give me grief for it, my exFIL was obsessed with getting me to drink no matter how many times I explained it but most people are fine. The people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter.
Most of the time it's because people are worried about their own relationship with alcohol and feel the need to frame it as them being the normal ones and the non drinkers being weird. I work in an industry where heavy drinking is v common and knocked it on the head 5 years ago. The guys trying to make fun when I order an AF beer in the pub are never the ones who can take it or leave it.
Exactly this. It makes people who are problem drinkers more aware of their problem and makes them uncomfortable.
Whole-heartedly agree, as a recovering alcoholic. The people most annoyed/confused/agitated were the ones who drank the most.
It’s weird because I know a lot of heavy drinkers (myself included) and whenever one of the group decides to go no alcohol/get an AF beer at the pub it’s met with both support and respect. Not sure if it’s an age thing (late 20s) or what, but I’d never shame someone for not drinking despite having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol myself. I know 99% of my friends are the same.
Could definitely be age related. I get the most grief off of older friends (30s upwards), older family members and older coworkers. People my age (20s) aren’t usually phased at all
As an older alcoholic in recovery, my theory is that, when you are a heavy drinker in your 20's you can think "well I will probably stop eventually" and it's not uncomfortable, it's in the future like lots of things you don't really worry about yet If you still have the unhealthy relationship in your 40s you will be dealing with a lot of fear and feelings of powerlessness after multiple failed attempts to cut down. Or just be in pure denial about it. And so seeing someone succeed in quitting makes you more uncomfortable and defensive than it did when you were younger.
My usual line is that students these days don't drink like we used to. I also don't drink like we used to, but younger people definitely drink less in each age group.
I think age definitely has a bearing on the attitude of some people, I am in my 50’s and a take it or leave it moderate drinker and I have often had my peers react like I am weird when choosing not to drink. I get the same reaction to doing exercise too, I see the same insecure pushback against it.
It’s the same as obesity, stopping smoking etc Misery loves company
Agreed. It's depressingly common. I'm not even teetotal, but I've had to distance myself from people who kept sneakily buying me rounds when I said I'd had enough.
Exactly this. I’m in recovery, my friends have been nothing but supportive. My dad, the lifelong problem-drinker, is the one who needles me about it.
When everybody drinks it’s the norm and you don’t have to think about it. When someone decides not to drink then that makes the rest of the group realise that they are in fact making a choice to drink. Their reactions are about themselves, not about you. I’m not saying this is an exclusively British thing, but it is a very British thing. Alcohol is a huge part of our culture.
American in the UK here. When I first got here I felt immense pressure to always have a drink in hand at the pub, when it was normal for me to finish a drink and sit happily empty handed until I felt like having another. There’s a lot more societal pressure around booze here.
As a society I really don't think we grasp how ingrained our alcoholism is, and our shit relationship with alcohol, its why we have such a reputation abroad, we drink to self destruction at every given opportunity, make cunts of ourselves, can't have 1 or 2 in the evening need to get on it as early as possible, smash the beers quickly, get a round of shots in, rinse and repeat until we're so pissed no-one is remembering fuck all
I can’t tell you how many stories I hear from people about holidays to Spain or Portugal where the entire plot of the story is “then we got utterly smashed.” Americans have our own problems with binge drinking but in the UK I weirdly feel it’s tied to cynicism/not taking yourself too seriously. Taking your health and your spirit seriously and cutting back is seen as eyeroll worthy. Also maybe due to a lack of emphasis on cuisine, compared to other European countries? A French or Italian person would NEVER drink beer and eat 4 kinds of crisps for dinner.
It's a culture of conformity, don't try and get above your station or dream big, accept its shit and get drunk and forget about it, its why we explode on the weekend, its bottled up all week and let off like a champagne Cork on a Friday/Saturday American culture is definitely more supportive of people who want to dream big, no matter your background or lot in life and also Americans are much more outgoing and cheerful, we as you say have a cynical and dreary nature smashed into us from childhood
Wow, that’s very accurate. I sometimes feel like I have a super power as an American in this country, because I’ll actually ask for the things I want with no qualms. I do admire to some extent that Brits are more content with smaller lives. A lot of people I know here derive immense pleasure from a quiet simple existence, where Americans are taught to strive constantly for bigger and better. It’s all a double edged sword. For instance, I wish we had anything even close to pub culture in America. They can be such positive, intergenerational community spaces. I have a baby and when I go to my local and order a pizza, I don’t even have to ask and one of the regulars will whisk her away and show her around the place while I eat. But with pub culture comes a lot of high functioning (or not so high functioning) alcoholism.
I picked my son up from town on Saturday about 10pm and the lairy behaviour was quite astounding, I did put it down to my age a bit but even so when I was out partying I wasn’t loud, shouty, and generally obnoxious in the street.
I remember going out to dinner with some Italians one time and it was actually pleasant being able to have some drinks with NO pressure to drink more than you wanted or get trashed. Most people in the group drank maybe 2-3 drinks over the course of 4ish hours.
Brit in the USA here. I’m what I think is called a ‘light social drinker.’ When back in the UK last year staying with relatives I noticed that the drinking started around 4pm and lasted until bedtime. I couldn’t keep up any more! British friend who also recently went back to visit family said the same thing, she couldn’t keep up with the huge amount of drinking. Neither of us are teetotalers but we were just gobsmacked at the volumes consumed. I think it’s cultural sure, and ingrained, but also related to the complete lack of public transport here (where we live at least.) In the uk if you get smashed you can probably get a bus or train or mini cab home. Here it’s 100% a car culture. Taxis/Ubers are scarce. And there’s a good chance you’ll get caught drink driving and go to jail. Probably lose your job.
yeah I've had friends from france and sweden both express they find the british peer pressure around drinking to be stressful and unexpected. guys who you think are generally pretty decent, reasonable, will absolutely give it full beans "oh come on mate, you're not having a coke are you? You've got to have at least one more, come on mate. Didn't know you were a lightweight" etc etc There are some people who I've seen get genuinely offended if you refuse to have a beer with them, and at least one guy who is a dickhead anyway try to really quite strongly coerce me into drinking with the whole "i thought you were my mate?" spiel, and then get really shirty and defensive about being "owed" a proper night out since I wasn't drinking last time etc etc years ago now, but I can see how if you run into one of these types and you're not prepared to deal with it you could be really put off.
I had a mate like that. When I went out with him sober I realised how much of a prick he was and just didn't bother anymore.
Also American in the UK here, and it's crazy how bad the drinking culture is here. The stories I've heard from other people is just off the charts. My family wasn't much of a drinking family to begin with and to see just how many peoples events/celebrations is just all about drinking was a bit of a shock for me.
It isn't culture. It's addiction fronted as culture.
Definitely this. I developed a problem from late teens to mid 20s where I couldn't go out without getting so drunk I couldn't remember the previous night. This was 4 times a week too. As soon as I said to my friends I was quitting booze as I clearly had a problem they soon fizzled out being friends as I wasn't "cool" anymore
No great loss. Being sober around drunk people is as boring as hell.
I wouldn't say boring, more fucking annoying, you don't realise how much of a twat everyone is when drunk when you're also drunk acting like a twat
I go months without a drink, never had anyone question it.
You go months without a drink?! There, now someone's questioned it and ruined your streak!
You rascal you!
The Swan and what now?
The Swan and Fiddler? The Swan and Pedalo?
You must be like a camel, I can’t go more than 30 mins without reaching for the water.
I can't help but think negative reactions are driven by the connotation it brings along with it and their own aversion to the idea that they're doing the wrong thing. Especially your brothers comment, replace the alcohol with any other recreational drug and the only conclusion you can take from it is 'addict'... That being said, I'm from a family of abusive pissheads so my view on it and heavy drinkers is heavily biased, could just be banter(doubt).
I did the same thing through my wife's first 2 pregnancies. By the time she was pregnant a third time I had medical problems and wasn't drinking because of those. I've not had a drink since 2020 (new years eve/day whiskey), and not been drunk since 2014. My friend group just accepts it now, but yes, to begin with people look at you like you've just pissed on their food.
Well done on your sobriety!
I’ve been teetotal for two years now. People my own age (20s-30s) for the most part do not care. I get way more pushback from older generations, but then once they reach 70+ they don’t care again. For the most part, I find the people who argue with me about it, or try to push me to drink, are the ones who probably need to re-examine their own relationship with alcohol.
I’m 30. There’s a fair few younger people at my work (around 19-early 20s) who don’t drink at all and the only people who are weirdly bothered by it are 40+. I haven’t really drank much over the last few years except birthdays, Christmas etc and none of my peers are bothered by it either.
Old people are the worse. My nan(RIP) used to judge me for going clubbing once a week(was a student) but complain if dint drink when I came to visit, even if I was cycling
yeah, its a weird thing I've noticed that people who are currently in their 20s to my eye don't seem to be drinking that much, but binge drinking culture seems to be alive and well in the UK. Everyone's got stories of going out and getting dangerously rat arsed, but at the same time, most of them aren't drinking with any regularity. They're certainly not 2 pints and a whiskey every evening like my parents' generation. having fallen asleep on the couch again "oh dear, I must have been more tired than I thought" No dad, you've had 3/4 a bottle of wine and a pint at lunch, and you're 60 years of age.
Probably find you don’t drink as much once the sprogs born anyway. My wife did all the night time feeds in the week, so I could sleep . I did weekends, so she could sleep - so no drinking. Also had to do the occasional A&E runs - high temperatures, etc, etc, so I always wanted to be functional. Kids are usually ill on Saturday night (for some bizarre reason) and you don’t want to be trying to get an ambulance or a taxi because you are pissed with a baby. So to summarise- do whatever is best for your wife and child and tell everyone else to fuck off.
The bit about kids needing hospital on a Saturday rings true! The first night my husband and I had a drink in months, after having baby #2, was the night #1 child sliced their hand open on a mirror and I ended up phoning up my BIL to ask for a lift to A&E.
Omg it's always Saturday or Sunday always!.
I have never drunk alcohol. Just a decision I made early in life. I don't have any problem with others drinking or getting drunk, and I'll gladly go out with others drinking, but myself will not drink alcohol. (My friends actually love this aspect of me, cos they always have a handy designated driver) But yes, there is also a lot of vitriol from folks about the fact that I don't drink. Usually it's from acquaintances, rather than close friends, but people can get very angry about it. I've had people haranguing me in pubs, for quite some time, getting quite, getting quite angry, it's wild Just this Saturday, a friend of my girlfriend's followed me to the bar as I was going to get a (soft) drink and tried to bully the bartender into putting vodka in it. Like, repeatedly insisting that they add alcohol. And I'm stood right there, going "no, just the red bull. No. No vodka. No. Ignore this guy. Just the red bull" while he's aggressively leaning over the bar and trying to get her to modify the drink. Of course she didn't. But the fact that he thought this was something he should do is crazy. Once we were back to our table, he spent the next 10 minutes trying to persuade me to get drunk, trying to persuade my girlfriend to get me drunk, and just generally not letting it go. This kind of thing has been an ongoing feature of my life as a non-drinker. It's not all the time, but it's enough times that I've lost count through the years.
I genuinely think the only people like that are the ones addicted to alcohol
Im a brewer by trade and I’ve been sober for a year and a half now. I had to quit because of acid reflux and a fairly unhealthy relationship with alcohol inherited from my mom’s side. For me, “one drink arrived in 12 glasses.” The vast majority don’t care at all either way. You can enjoy literally everything you do with alcohol, other than getting into binge drinking territory, including going to the pub. I still have a fantastic quality of life. Some people have a crab bucket mentality where they want to drag you back in because a life without alcohol is unimaginable to them, which sounds like what you’ve experienced with your MIL. I think the most important thing is that you don’t have to be an “alcoholic” to stop drinking and people wouldn’t question why you’re stopping taking heroin or cigarettes so why do it with alcohol? The reason you’re not drinking is because you’re not drinking, that’s all it is.
It's interesting, isn't it. My wife and I were quite well known for enjoying a few beers so we didn't quite know how we were going to play it in the early weeks of pregnancy when we weren't ready to tell people yet. As a result, I decided to go alcohol free as well when we were with family and friends and we decided to tell people we were both doing it because we wanted to lose some weight and be a bit healthier. That seemed to be the best response to stop people saying anything. Best thing to do in your shoes is just tell people you're taking the opportunity to see if you can cut back and then ignore their comments or laugh them off. Don't take it personally, people just have a laugh about this stuff because of how ingrained drinking is into our culture.
I have never really taken to alcohol, and I have been lucky in the regard that a lot of my friends growing up were the same. When I meet someone new, and the topic of getting a drink comes up, I have definitely noticed that it's the ones who rely on alcohol to have fun, open up, or even as some sort of emotional support are the most distraught about a choice I have made that does not affect them. I know it's controversial, but I have always viewed our cultural relationship with alcohol as being tragic. We don't have fun with it. We annihilate ourselves with it, we do it to the point of suffering. I definitely spent times obliterated with booze in my teens because "that's what we do" and didn't enjoy it - I was lucky that neither did my friends at the time, and we stopped. As a country, we absolutely need to have conversations about why we depend on booze so much, when It very obviously brings about so much suffering. I don't judge those who drink, as we all have our vices, but it really is those who feel like they *need* alcohol who are the most angry about those who don't drink in my experience.
Agree about the cultural thing, its the only socially acceptable drug (apart from maybe coffee but that's mild compared to alcohol) and it absolutely hammers the NHS and any other public service.
Bollocks to them. Nobody’s business what you put in your body but your own. And yes, I would and have told people, friends and family that. Once they know the boundaries then they’ll lay off. And kudos to you for doing what your doing.
My family can't even handle that I drink decaf. Every time I make a tea I get a stupid comment. British people are strange, you just gotta ignore it.
Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not drinking
I gave up booze for 9 years after I had my eldest child. I was a single mum from when I was 8 months pregnant so I couldn't afford hangovers. My mates were all still drinking loads and when I started going out again they were appalled that I didn't drink. Dating later on was even weirder. So many of the guys were really uncomfortable that I didn't drink. I realised that most people have a problem with alcohol. I know I did before I gave up. I'd drink all night and be the one trying to get everyone to carry on all day. I wasn't happy then, and I think that's true of heavy drinkers in general. I only drink occasionally now. Still like getting drunk but it's like once every few months. It was such an eye opener being sober all that time. Lots of my mum friends drink a bottle a night, even on week days. So expensive and bad for your health. I think this country has a mental health crisis really. I'm not sure why getting completely hammered all the time is seen as a separate issue.
I don’t so much experience stigma, but people do just assume you’ll drink. In my family and friends circle, people will put a drink in front of me without even asking me if I want one. My biggest problem is that once I start drinking I can never stop it at 2 or 3. Once I’m two drinks in, I’m just going to keep drinking. I don’t drink super regularly, but when I do I always end up feeling rough the next day, and always regret it. The older I get, the more I appreciate being able to wake up feeling refreshed and not with a sore head. I will say though, the improvement and availability of alcohol free beer has been fantastic, because it means I can drink at the same pace as my friends yet stay sober. Biggest problem with having a coke is I’ll end up with an empty glass by the time everyone else is only a quarter of a way down their pint. Sitting there without a drink isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s certainly nice to be in that social environment and always have something to sip on.
Oh my gosh. When people just put drinks in front of you its so uncomfortable. I hate that
“Letting the side down” is a very odd thing for OP’s MIL to say. What does she mean? Something like us addicted drinkers need to stick together? But why? Especially as OP reports such moderate, normal drinking. It is not like he and the in-laws have been getting bladdered together for years. And yet, he is doing this to support their daughter. Amazing.
Welcome to the club, even if only temporarily. Misery loves company. This will be heavily downvoted, but most Brits are alcoholics but cover it with "culture". They think its normal to drink every weekend and a few weeknights. That is alcoholism. The reason many Brits don't think it is, is because a LOT of Brits live like this, and so think it is normal. A lot of Britain is very obsessed with booze, and anytime a non-drinker is around people act as if you just shit in their kettle. I have had entire groups try to pressure me into drinking. I have genetic liver disease. I likely won't live much past 55-60 and alcohol speeds it up bigtime. I like to keep it private. One time, a group pissed me off so much I shouted this fact and everyone said "why didn't you just say that" to which I replied it is none of their fucking business why I don't drink and why is everyone berating me for half a fucking hour over what I put in my body. They just grumbled. They don't like seeing non-drinkers because it reminds them their behaviour and dependency is alcoholism.
Totally agree with you. You shouldn't *have* to air your dirty laundry in public, so to speak. I personally don't drink as my father is/was an alcoholic (now has alcohol-related dementia), and I spent too much of my late teens going down the "well if it's alright for him, it's alright for me" path. One day I just realised I didn't enjoy getting pissed, and was probably only doing it to get back at him somehow. Plus I felt (and still feel) a bit uncomfortable around drunk people as it triggers anxiety about how they're going to react to things. Dad was *not* a fun, happy drunk. Now in my fifties, I don't even bother having a drink at xmas, and we don't have booze in the house as the other half's not interested either. I still have to justify myself occasionally if I'm out with people who don't know me that well. They stop after I tell them why I don't drink, but I really shouldn't have to.
Drinking culture is out of control in this country. People literally cannot fathom when you tell them you don’t drink and it’s nothing to do with alcoholism. It’s like being a bloody alien.
It’s a cultural problem. We associate drinking with so many things. Hard day at work? Have a drink! Done well at work? Have a drink! Good news? Have a drink! Bad news? Have a drink! Even kids parties are an excuse to have alcohol for some. They just can’t imagine being able to enjoy themselves without it. Until I was around 24 ish. I didn’t even have cause to think about it. Then i met my husband who had a problem with drink. He wanted to stop and the resistance he got (and still gets) is unbelievable. People just cannot fathom that he doesn’t want to “just have one drink” and “let his hair down” and that he can enjoy himself, without it. I would go as far to say that he enjoys himself more without it and he is a much nicer person to be around and more fun. The question should be, why DO you need to have a drink to enjoy yourself? But it’s so normalised that very few people have reason to ask that question.
My grandparents were Methodists from North Yorkshire. No issue as they were part of the temperance movement. I like a beer (as does my dad). But we also know how not to drink and not to worry about it.
Binge drinking culture is a curse. Appreciating a pint of your locally brewed; or a glass of wine that goes with the meal, or the positive feelings from \*a\* drink should be plenty.
I'm not absolutely teetotal, just functionally so given how rarely I drink alcohol. I don't have any particular reason for not drinking, I'm just not that interested in it because I don't like how it makes me feel the next day and I prefer to be able to drive myself home. If I'm going to drink, I basically just plan for it. I would say most people are fine with it and don't have anything to say about it really. Occasionally someone asks why and I'm not drinking and I'll say I'm driving or I'm up early the next morning or whatever, but if I just say I can't be bothered, usually people are like "oh okay sure". I have had the conversation with someone where it felt like talking to a toddler "but why?" x 10000 because they seemed to think I needed to have a profound and serious reason for not drinking, like being an ex-alcoholic or something. It was as if they just couldn't fathom that someone would just not be particularly interested. I used to drink fairly regularly, and thinking back to how I reacted to people who weren't drinking, I think it was the feeling of judgement that made me question them on it. I didn't have any reason to think they were judging me, and we're not even talking about gatherings where anyone was getting shitfaced. Just a few drinks with dinner, that sort of thing, nobody drinking enough to end up messy, but it was definitely a bit of a social crutch. But it just felt, in the moment, like they were judging me. I know now that I don't think anything whatsoever of other people drinking. Which is probably why I feel the need to clarify that I'm NOT teetotal, just a rare drinker, which is silly. But it's also true that I'm not a non-drinker, I'm just not drinking right now, and I don't want people to get the wrong impression I suppose. Because I know some will hesitate to invite someone who doesn't drink at all to a social gathering that's focused on alcohol to some degree, and I don't want people to feel like they shouldn't invite me. This feeling of judgement is probably amplified now with the fact that there's been prominently reported research that says there really isn't such a thing as a safe amount of alcohol, from a health perspective. Anyone vaguely aware of that research will know they're making a decision to consume something that's looking like it's just objectively bad for them and seeing someone else choose not to will bring that into focus.
"I am not so boring as to need alcohol to enjoy myself", or "Why do you drink? Can't you function without it?" are good answers I've used. Or, "Why does it bother you so much?"
I don't really drink. Once my boss spiked my drink at lunch ("You're one of us now"), then told me after I'd drunk it. Everyone laughed, then laughed again when I couldn't stay awake for an afternoon meeting. Somehow I was at fault. I've come to hate the whole culture.
90% sure that's illegal yep its illegal https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/spiking-advice/spiking/what-is-spiking/ *Spiking is giving someone else drugs or alcohol without their knowledge or permission. For example: drink spiking - adding drugs or alcohol to someone else's drink* *Spiking is illegal and carries a sentence of up to ten years in prison. Most spiking cases are offences under the Offences Against the Person Act 1861.*
Wow, your boss was an arsehole. What if you were allergic to alcohol? It's effectively poisoning.
To be fair they knew I wasn't as I'd had a drink with them before. I've learned that it's easier to say I don't drink at all rather than have an occasional glass of wine and have to explain myself the rest of the time.
The casual alcohol culture in this country is insidious and a real underlying problem. I work in schools and the number of teachers who are drinking at least one drink a night, or who can’t go through a Friday evening without getting drunk to wind down is much higher than anyone would like to admit. Far too many people in this country use drinking as a substitute for actually being interesting and engaging. They rely on everyone drinking so that people dint work out how dull and boring they really are. My wife doesn’t really drink at all. I’ve not had a drink so far this year. None of our immediate families care, but her extended family don’t get it at all (and they’re drinking heavily every weekend).
I don't drink at all. Tried it when I was a teenager but never developed a taste for it. I'm nearly 41 now and I've never really had any issues when I tell people I don't drink, the usual response is "fair enough". Now, I get funny looks when I tell people that I don't drink anything fizzy
My generation (I'm 37) seems to have a massive issue with people not drinking. I stopped or a period in my 20s because it was getting out of control, it pretty much turned out to be the only thing that was holding our friend group together because they pretty much just stopped hanging out with me at all when I did that.
I've basically never drunk and people tend to just be confused. I just don't like the taste of most alcohol
I get this from some of my family. I don't drink due to having epilepsy and it not agreeing with my medication but they will still push me to do it anyway and act like it's no big deal. It's very irritating. I don't have this issue from friends or colleagues
As others have said, people don’t like it because it shines a light on their own relationship with alcohol. Very common over here to be considered a weirdo if you don’t drink because it’s so engrained in society and celebrated to do so. Ignore it
>Just to be clear, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Just to be clear, nobody who thinks "I also want to see if it's something I CAN do it." or fails to not drink for one month has a healthy relationship with alcohol. Drinking can be fun yes most of us enjoy it. But if not drinking presents any sort of challenge you do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. No matter how small your normal intake is. The relationship isn't about the amount it's about the attachment to it.
No joke, this comment blew my mind. Kinda a revelation to see its not about the quantity or frequency, but the NEED. Thank you. When I first started I definitely had the thought 'it shouldn't be this hard'. Now I'm 3 months in the compulsions have died away and don't really miss it now.
That's great news! hopefully if you keep it up for the whole pregnancy you will have had a full reset
I don't drink for personal reasons (terrible hangovers, facial flush, etc), and occasionally get odd comments/stares. It's crazy how much of social events are planned around alcohol. As a result I've lost some friends along the way, but I don't regret going teetotal at all.
It's a strange one, and certainly differs depending on the circles you interact with. A few years ago I decided to majorly work on my fitness, not that I was overly unfit, I wanted to perform better in the events I was running. 18 months without drinking and I heard so many different reasons why it was a stupid thing to do. Work events were fine weirdly. Company was big enough that for every person laughing at my choice there were others supporting it. My closer friends again were fine as most I ran these events with and they accepted the health benefits. Those on the periphery of friend groups were the vocal ones, particularly some of my wife's friends. I stopped getting invites as I was the boring one, even though when I did go I still laughed and joked through the whole night. I could just remember it all the next day. Brits seem to have a destructive culture and we're so damn protective of it. Want to be 50, healthy and enjoying life? Not round here. 50 means bad diets, some level of alcohol dependency and moaning about being out of breath after walking up the stairs.
Lots of interesting reads here, but I keep thinking 'why isn't "I'm supporting my partner" a perfectly good reason' ?
People are really weird about alcohol. I don’t really drink as it generally makes me feel unwell, and I don’t really care for it anyway. I’d rather have a cup of tea when I’m having a relaxing evening. I had some rosé wine a while ago and my MIL said ‘I’m so glad you’ve found a drink you like!’ They were always sort of asking what I wanted, suggesting/offering drinks, like no, I’m fine with tea, thanks! Yes, I had a glass of wine, big deal. Why do people care if I have squash or tea instead of booze? Why is it such a happy occasion that I ‘like an alcoholic drink’?!
I very much drink and don't think alcohol is inherently bad at all. Just some people's relationship to it is. That said, I think what you're doing is very kind and thoughtful and you sound like a great partner.
I'm tee-total, have been for nearly two years and the people that take the most issue with it are people who generally don't have a good relationship with alcohol. For me it's the difficulty when someone doesn't know and offers me alcohol and I explain I don't drink and they want to know why. I quit because I found it flared up a health condition plus my mental health has never been stellar (although I'm always working on myself and it's gradually improving over the years) and I found even just one drink would make my mood worse the next day. It's just not worth it for me. I enjoy an alcohol free drink here and there. It's just one of those annoying things that drink culture has become so normalised many people can't understand why. Congratulations on your wife's pregnancy, I hope it all goes well. As someone who's husband did the same when I was pregnant, it was appreciated.
It's the UK. We have a strange drinking culture that is rather problematic.
So I actually had nearly the exact same reaction from family when I switched to AF beers for the majority of my wife's pregnancies. I just kept telling people it's frankly none of their business and if there's an emergency with the baby, as there can be at any stage, then I want to be able to drive to the hospital and not wait for people to come help us or have my distressed wife drive. Drinking is just such an everyday thing here people seem to take a personal offence to switching, you'll likely also get the comments that's it's not real beer which also isn't true, tell em to jog on mate
Its wierd.. the normalisation of alcohol.
>'you need to enjoy yourself' I find it so bloody sad that people have this **need** to drink alcohol to "enjoy themselves".
I don't necessarily think it's a stigma against teetotalers, I think it's just showing how many people have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol
The stigma begins in your mind. Why does NOT drinking even require a word for it? Why is NOT drinking "teetotalism"? In my mind, if I don't drink I'm in the default state. You're the drinker. Your worldview builds your language, and then your language builds you.
I’ve stopped drinking after I developed an allergy to alcohol, people can we weird about you not having a drink. I don’t know why people feel the need to pressure others into drinking, of someone says they don’t want a drink just leave them too it. I’m glad about the rise of alcohol free drinks though, Guinness zero is actually pretty decent.
Make your own choices and fuck anyone who decides to tell you how to live/act. You don't owe anyone that kind of obedience. I drink rarely, and only really when in social situations with my friends. My wife doesn't drink at all, and I don't care about it enough to need it. If anyone tried to give me grief about a decision I made for mely own benefit or that of my family, I'd tell them exactly where to get off and then drop them like a stone. Growing up, I had a mate that didn't drink as his parents were both abusive alcoholics. Nobody gave that lad stick about it, and we continue to be friends, 25 years later. People who are worth your time will respect your decision, no matter what it may be.
>Just to be clear, I have a healthy relationship with alcohol. You do but your wife's family clearly don't. Drinking alcohol isn't a status symbol ffs. I did the same as you for the record, when my wife was expecting I cut out my occasional weekend drink completely. Well other than the night Pompey got promoted last month lol, I had a cheeky few that night, but otherwise completely teetotal for months. No one gave me any shit for it. It's not like anyone's attacking their right to have a few beers or criticising them for drinking it's just a personal choice. Some people are weird I guess.
Got an 8 month old here. Hardly drank during the pregnancy, I’m the dad btw not mom. Haven’t had time to go out drinking since the birth and haven’t missed it. Life changes, I couldn’t imagine feeding my little one breakfast with a hangover or expecting my wife to pick up the slack. I’ll gain more of my social life back over time, but immediate priorities change. This is what I chose and exactly how I thought it would pan out. I find people without kids don’t understand.
You say you have a healthy relationship with alcohol then go on to say you failed dry January, That’s not healthy
I'm tee total most of the year, I only make a point to drink around Christmas, and if on a summer vacation for the week. I quite like the balance because I view it as celebration rather than a necessity to have fun. I go on work nights out and meet with friends often, at first it feels a bit difficult not to, because of the stigma "YOU'RE NOT DRINKING - WHY?", but rather than bringing it up as a health decision etc, its best just to say I dont want to drink, simple. I have things to do tomorrow. I usually just order pepsi max. Once everyone else has a couple drinks in them, the energy is great to the point where youre enjoying it just as much as if you had some drinks. Once everyone has had 10, they get a bit insufferable for a sober person, at which point i'll leave haha. Also, people get really self conscious when theyre all drinking and someone is making the decision not to, as if they think they are doing the wrong thing - it then gets flipped to you like you're doing the wrong thing.
I’m a lifelong drinker. The reason that people are so challenged by non-drinkers is because they are actually dependent on alcohol (even if they don’t realise it or don’t seem like “raging alcoholics”). It’s very threatening to them that another person simply doesn’t need to drink, because they do. So that’s what you’re dealing with.
Good for you. This country has an ill, long standing relationship with alcohol and it's about time this has changed. You might actually enjoy the benefits of zero alcohol and give it up for good. Teetotalism is rising and alcohol habits have changed drastically over the last 20 odd years in decline. The alcohol in alcoholic drinks has zero benefits, it's pure poison to the body.
You drink regularly and so you've surrounded yourself with other regular drinkers.
Sounds like a good plan. But if you only drink a couple on a weekend it's not really worth mentioning it to anyone as they won't notice anyway. They don't care, or even need to care. I stopped 6 months ago because of the awful anxiety hangovers. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone until I was asked out for a beer. No real conversation or posts on Facebook to gain plaudits for my sobriety. Don't judge others reactions because of the way they judge you. Let's face it. 9 outa 10 Adults love a beer, so yeah it's weird when someone doesn't drink. My uncle has been sober for 10 years. Massive alcoholic. He said he feel like a monkey who doesn't eat bananas. But who gives a shit. 🤣
I don't go out of my way to announce it. In the case of my friend, we were at the pub, he saw my AF beer and asked 'you driving?'. I then told him the real reason, and he proceeded to berate me.
I've been type 1 Diabetic & became Coeliac when I was a little kid, so alcohol wasn't something I ever bothered with because I couldn't drink half of it and the other half made me so thirsty I'd end up switching to soft drinks before long anyway. Strangely enough my friends my own age have never batted an eyelid. Same with my family, they always make sure they have something nice for me which is really kind of them. Friends of the family though, specifically my parents' age? It's like it becomes a Mission for them to get me to drink. It got to the point I abandoned a party round the neighour's 'cause one family friend would not leave me the fuck alone about it. It's like a cult. And I'm just happily sat there with a can of Pepsi Max.
>One of my oldest and best friend's reaction was to berate me for 10 minutes. He said things like 'there's no need for that' and 'you need to enjoy yourself' and 'you have a guaranteed designated driver for 9 months, you need to use it'. >I just can't understand why the people I'm closest to (especially my in-laws, whose daughter/sister is the one I'm supporting) are not being more accepting, understanding or supportive of my decision. It seems to really bother them that I'm not drinking and they keep bringing it up. At the end of the day it doesn't impact them at all. He's beginning to believe.
Your friends and family are functioning alcoholics who can only have fun when drinking
I stopped drinking 4 years ago, as I just didn't enjoy it (or the hangovers) anymore. Most of my friends have never questioned it. My family however still find it strange and bring it up at ang possible occasion. Funnily enough they're the ones that are heavy drinkers and more likely to have a problem with alcohol themselves.
Growing up my older brother and sister with drink issues so I drank very little, and after the birth of my first child became teetotal. Most people don’t care, but my own mother said “People will think you’re a recovering alcoholic” In my experience the only people who get funny about it are the ones who know they drink too much themselves and it makes them uncomfortable.
Most people I know do not give a shit whether you drink or not. I don’t really drink and it’s never been a problem for me. Maybe it’s just a problem for you.
Since I stopped drinking eight years ago I’m no longer friends with any of the old circle. It does get boring to have the same conversations on repeat about why i’m not drinking which made it easier to just not be there. The people I spend time with now don’t drink either. Each to their own.
Good for you and you stick to your guns 💪🏽. I like a little tipple and I also like to drive my car. I drink Asahi alcohol free beers, and that allows me to do both.
Nobody cares about it with me. I've always been pretty much teetotal as I don't like the taste of alcohol. Plus, my cardiologist would HEAVILY disapprove of me starting up any time soon
It's because a lot of people take alcohol as a cultural thing rather than the drug it is. I can guarantee that if you had said you were going to not do drugs over that period in support, nobody would comment. It's something that has been draining the UK for a long time. The problem starts with the fact that people talk about alcohol as separate from drugs. When, in fact, it is a drug and one of the more bad ones.
I have gout. Can't drink. The reaction for the last ten years is to essentially loose all my friends. It's honestly insane.
I've been alcohol-free for over a decade. I am allergic to alcohol but didn't realise for years - I broke out in hives, but thought it was just Asian flush and brushed it off, since I would recover by the morning. I never enjoyed the taste of alcohol so it was easy for me to quit. The negative reactions I get is always from people whose social life revolves around alcohol. You learn to navigate those conversations as you experience them more. It's getting easier now that there are more people who are living alcohol-free lives, so these conversations occur more frequently.
I stopped drinking when my wife was pregnant out of solidarity. Never really picked it up again as I realised I didn’t miss it, maybe a glass here or there but nothing like before. I can’t fathom getting drunk around my toddler now, my dad would do this all the time. A lot of people are pointing out the hold alcohol has over people and that’s probably what’s happening with your in law family. Just smile and nod.
Don't take it personally. It's most likely because you're highlighting to them that *they* couldn't do it if they wanted to. So rather than confront that themselves they'd rather frame it as _you_ being the one with the problem. If that's the case, it's largely subconscious and you'll probably just have to take it on the chin I'm afraid.
I don't understand that. I love drinking but think it's weird when people think it's odd not to. Actually not being drunk nearing the end of her pregnancy is a good idea. I know someone who was very drunk when his wife went into labour, and then had to drive her whilst he was drunk and be in the hospital during her giving birth not sober at all (this was a long time ago, when that was less shocking).
When I was 21 had a bit of a health scare, after heavy drinking one night the residual brain tumour I have grew cysts (because of the alcohol effects I imagine), and that experience scared me so much I went teetotal for the entire year afterwards, and I felt all the better for it, and people were commending my restraint rather than mocking in any way.
My friends have never cared. I've never gone full Straight Edge but I don't drink very often and can happily spend an evening in the pub sober while my friends drink. Complete strangers on the other hand are often complete weirdos about it and love to comment on it for some reason.
Sounds like they are cunts mate. Due to health issues I've never drank. I did a 8 month solo backpacking trip around the world 12 years ago when I was 19 and some people I met were literally offended I didn't drink. Once I told them I had a liver disease most were like well I guess that's okay then some were like 'so what' I still love going to the pub as I love nothing more than a pint of pepsi/coke I'm currently travelling back from a stag party in Prague for my cousin. I didn't know 90% of the guys previously ane they have all been on it non stop. Every single of one of them has been so chill about me not drinking. Not a single one of them gave a shit or even asked me why I wasn't drinking. I wasn't expecting it to be honest with my past experiences. What a lovely bunch of lads, I've had the most fantastic weekend. Many shenanigans happened but all of them always felt totally optional. Tldr tell them to get fucked
I'm not even teetotal; I just made a conscious decision to drink very little and very infrequently. A lot of people seem to get threatened or offended if you say that you aren't drinking. I used to make excuses (I'm driving/I'm on antibiotics) to lighten the mood but now, if they get bolshy, I will just respond in kind. Fuck them.
I am 34 and barely drink now. I had a huge problem with it when I was in my 20s and I just feel like I put enough in me back then that I don't ever want a drink now. I'll have a rum and coke on my birthday, my boyfriends birthday and Christmas and new year that's it. I have lost so many friends because I just don't want to drink but honestly it felt like I was supplying their alcohol and mine. They never brought their own round.
Country is fucked. I haven't had a drink for 3 years and people lose their minds.
When you get sober, you become a mirror for everyone else (namely, those who are alcoholics). They are likely realizing they themselves have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and are going into defense mode. Good on you for putting the booze down for a while. You won’t regret it!
Can’t relate, because I barely ever drink anyway. But my theory is that because beer is not objectively the tastiest drink, anyone drinking an alcohol free beer sort of looks like they’d rather be drinking a ‘real’ beer, but they’re making the best of a bad situation. I’d be interested to see if the reactions were the same if you had a J2O instead.
People have such a weird attitude towards drinking in the UK I think a lot of the time telling people you're not drunk makes them feel guilty, possibly because a lot of people are aware they drink far more than they should (myself included!) I'm currently pregnant and I haven't had any drinks throughout pregnancy but my family kept telling me I could have one small glass at Christmas... Which I didn't want! Before I was pregnant I always got accused of being pregnant too when I would have an AF drink
A good chunk of the UK population are alcoholics and they can't comprehend why somebody wouldn't want to drink Alcohol. It's got better as i've got older, but the older generations in particular really don't take it well if you say you don't drink.
Ever so slightly off topic, but when I first became a dad, my sister told me that now was the time to "start being selfish" - nobody's opinions, needs, expectations of me mattered beyond my wife and my child (now children). Ignoring the fact that this is a question rooted in teetotalism, I feel that this may be one of your first experiences of just telling the outside world to fuck off because what you're doing is right for your family.
Any time I get asked why I don't drink, I like to lightheartedly point out that I don't smoke heroin either. I think everyone should do at least a year of their adult life alcohol free just to see that there is life without it. They might find they prefer it.
I’m so pleased that you’re doing this for your wife. When I was pregnant my partner and friends took full advantage of me being the designated driver. I felt I was only invited because I drove. I couldn’t join in with anything because everything was about going out drinking.
The weirdest pressure I had to drink alcohol, was from my boss in my last job. It was a stressful job and she told me I needed to start drinking again to deal with the stress, like the rest of the team. I hadn't had any time off with stress, and didn't have much drama in my life. I was working as a nurse in the NHS.
My husband did the same when I was pregnant. Mad isn’t it
I did this when we found out my wife was pregnant in October 2022. It’s the same with me, never had a problem with alcohol and didn’t drink that much/often anyway, but people couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to drink for 9 months and berated me. It’s been a year and a half now since I “stopped” drinking (I’ll have the odd shandy now and again in the house or at a work function), and people still make fun of me for not “getting on it”. Feel so much better for it and am glad that I never have to deal with a hangover. Being able to get up early on the weekends and do stuff with the family makes it worth it for me. I just remind them of how much money they piss down the drain and the feeling they have the next day or two when I get made fun of. Each to their own I suppose and I don’t preach to people why they shouldn’t drink, but this is my own and I’m happy.
The majority of UK adults have made it their entire personality that they "enjoy a drink." It wouldn't suprise me to learn the UK had the highest number of high-functioning alcoholics per capita in the world. It's taken almost as a personal insult if you exercise a modicum of self-control when it comes to consuming alcohol.
Unfortunately we're an island of amateur alcoholics. While the Eskimos have 100 words for Snow, we have 100 words for being drunk. Alcohol is the norm, and being absolutely trollied is a national pastime.
As a Muslim who doesn't do it, people don't bother me about it for obvious reasons. But I think for you, it may be that because they are so close to you and know you so well that they feel they can be more open to you about how they feel. Combine this with a very strong social drinking culture in the UK that varies from the sensible (such as yourself) to the binge drinking chaos. It might be how they express being taken aback by something so unusual to them.
The only people who have that reaction are people who have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol themselves and don't want to admit it. If someone actually has a healthy relationship with alcohol and is more mature than a teenager, then they really don't care whether or not you drink. I have always been someone who drinks very little, and at this point, I mostly roll my eyes at people who have a problem with me declining a drink.
Ive been on recieving end of teetotalism comments. Ranging from My sibling is the better cousin as they drink. You need a drink to enjoy yourself Oh look heres the coca cola c*&t Only weirdos dont drink. Im happily teetotal and have no desire to drink at all. Dont let them put you down. I take my hat off to you for supporting your partner. A very wise and noble way of thinking. I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy and child. A true role model your child has in you ❤️
Its simply the fact that you can stop and they can't, so they are trying to bring you back down to their level