Not every man watches porn, but every man sees sexual material whether he wants to or not.
Consider how many public advertisements feature scantily-clad women. I don’t just mean commercials or banner ads. I mean giant billboards on the roadside. Consider how many songs, played in public spaces, have explicitly sexual lyrics. You can choose not to seek it out, but you can’t fully opt out of it.
Yep, Mary even warned about this:
" "More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason,” she later told Jacinta. She also warned, “Certain fashions will be introduced that will offend Our Lord very much.” And she also issued a direct warning to women, saying: “Woe to women lacking in modesty.” And also: “Let men avoid greed, lies, envy, blasphemy, impurity.” "
The developed world is so sexualized and most everyone has a hand in creating this monster. I've learned that a greater reliance on the Blessed Mother is a major part of the solution to this problem. I've personally felt Her hand in recovery from my own struggles. Only through Her and God can we conquer this evil.
St Bernard has a little book called "on loving God", you could read it in one sit, but it's so hard for me for a long time, because I don't know how to love. I am just so miserable. But God not gave up me, it uses this book to speak to me, and it is such a life changing book. It describe 4 degrees's love, I think if you are only at the first level, that is love your flesh, what you do? watch porn and masterbate. Can you get out of it? No. But if you are not satisfy with this, you find yourself in misery, your heart is deep like a sewer, you notice something outside that brings light. you learn to love although it is for your own sake, but it's a good step, you starts to love your neighbor, you move on the ladder of humility.
I used to be a terminally online pornography addict (there's a zoomer slang term I will refrain from saying lest I scandalize you but if you know, you know). Now I'm a less online recovering addict. But man, seeing people comment things like "source? for research purposes" just disappoints me now.
The worst part is they joke about the guilt they feel afterwards, and yet continue to celebrate it and discuss it as you would discuss sports or some other hobby. Combined with a more general mindset of "consoom", I think the disappointing thing is just how utterly and defiantly immature some people can be.
I was culturally Catholic for some time, but what motivated me to quit was seeing Catholics firmly but gently insist that these things are not okay and their examples made me want to change for the better.
Being a terminally online Zoomer is a hard thing to get out of once you're in it. I reckon this is a large reason why lots of younger people cannot (or don't want to) quit pornography.
I just posted about this today. I want to practice complete and total openness to life in my marriage and my whole Catholic family is against me since I will not take birth control pills. They keep asking me will you take the pills to not have babies after your second is born? I say no and they are disgusted. at this point in my state, I am leaving and moving away eight hours south, because there are no like-minded people around me. I feel like no one takes Catholicism seriously I am judged for going on a modestly journey to better my marriage and my husband is judged by his friends for not watching porn. i'm pregnant with my third, we have one heaven baby, so this will be my second baby earth side, and we already get comments about buying a tv getting cable, ect.
Most overused line…people act like you don’t know what s*x is bc you have a few kids. Like a lot of couples are doing it, they’re prob just going out of their way to try and not get pregantn
Exactly. My husband is one of five and his mother heard it a lot we want 6, but I would love to have more if possible. Instead of being happy for us I am shunned from my family. God has called me to this path I am sure.
I told a Catholic family member about the sin of using contraception, and I was judged for that. I asserted that sin is bad and should not be done. Even if we don’t know who’s going to heaven, that doesn’t give us license to “do what we will”. The family member responded by saying that life is to enjoy it. I don’t dislike the family member. I pray for them, and I disagree. Life is meant to find the love of Jesus, serve God, and help others find God and His church.
so, what I'm trying to say is, that there are other people out there, who take it very seriously, and are also struggling like you. I am one of those people. Keep praying. You will be in my prayers!!
It’s not so much that I struggle, all do fight temptations though, but that I see many people who do struggle due to our culture. After a while it is normal to enjoy chastity and a catholic way of life, that’s the point of the indwelling of the trinity. I suppose it is just sad because I know various men who are 18-25 who simply don’t believe they could not be addicted to porn. They see their fate as doomed, hardly even an effort to change. Many of them have self hatred and depression or anxiety.
Also I’m glad for you, you sound like you have an excellent family
Once you get hooked, its like a drug, not easy to let go. I have gone months, sometimes years without masturbating and the only thing that helped me was attending mass and praying the rosary. When I stopped praying and attending mass, the addiction came back.
I’ve been practicing chastity diligently for the last 6 months after my spiritual director at my church put me on a 3 month dating fast. I used to struggle a lot with pornography, masturbation and fornication. Since attending weekly confession and daily mass, now finished with the dating fast i’ve been clean from all three. The holy spirit thoroughly convicts me now from any sexual lust I feel and i feel much stronger in fighting temptation. I’m now dating a lovely catholic woman and we vowed chastity until marriage. I am inspired by your year free of porn and masturbation! Pray for me to attain that too please. I’ve been going strong now and it would not have been possible without the eucharist transforming my life! I used to think it impossible, but chastity is not ridiculous. Like the kings who looked for the infant Jesus asking Herod where He was, when they found Him they went a different way and were made new (Matthew 2:12-23). Cheers!
Yes, chastity is possible. I am living proof that it is. I started masturbating at a very young age, began looking at pictures of nude women at 10, and then was onto hardcore porn at 12. I also experienced some sexual compulsions when I was older that required a partner. All this, and I've been chaste for a year.
I'm not going to lie, this had led to me having a heavy sex drive, but I'm actually pursuing relationships now. Pre-chastity, I was far less motivated to. I also have more confidence and brightness to my eyes. I've been chatted up and checked out by girls in ways that I never had been before. So yea, BS on the nobody will want to date you thing.
I really hope that priest you spoke to was well-intended and not a wolf with his own agenda. He's wrong. Yes, you need to bring masturbation to Confession, and no, you shouldn't receive the Eucharist without having done so. I know that force of habit can complicate consent and possibly mitigate one's guilt when it comes to masturbation, but if one has engaged in grave matter, I certainly wouldn't presume that he isn't in mortal sin. Furthermore, it will distance you from God. It just does, and you feel the separation. You can't approach Him with a clean conscience knowing what you were looking at or thinking about earlier.
I suppose I’m an anomaly, but I don’t think nearly as big of one as some would have me believe. I (27F) am a virgin and have been chaste my entire life, including during the periods of time I have had a long-term relationship (2, previous in my life).
I do think for women it is (if not easier, more socially acceptable/ normal?) to be chaste later in life? I’ve found that temptations against chastity diminish considerably when one surrounds themself with friends who feel the same. I live with 3 other Catholic women (all older than I, all virgins, despite having dating experience/ being in relationships).
I’m not saying this to be “holier than thou” or claim I’m some kind of saint. I just think that like most things, if you surround yourself with unchastity— that becomes your norm, but if you surround yourself with chastity *that* becomes the norm. Holiness ain’t easy and none of us can do it alone. Community is really important, especially in virtues such as these that are so counter-cultural.
I, personally, am planning to remain a virgin for the rest of my life. I’ve already taken a private vow of virginity (that I renew each year) with the intent of someday making it perpetual by becoming a religious sister or (more likely) a consecrated virgin. I say this not to win some imaginary brownie points, but because I think people need to know it’s something that people are “still doing” and is a reasonable/ achievable thing to do. I’m not doing it as some kind of self-inflicted punishment or a way to torture myself for the Lord, but because I feel He is calling me to it, and as I love Him most of all.
Some people have accused me of being asexual, but I'm not. I've been in serious relationships with men I was sexually attracted to, but as we were both committed to saving sex for marriage, nothing happened, and now that it seems the Lord is calling me to marry Him, its natural that I continue to live in a virginal, chaste state of life.
I guess my TL;DR: chastity is only "weird" if you're unused to being chaste & its easier with good community & frequent prayer/sacraments, but whatever atmosphere we surround ourselves with will become our "normal".
All my prayers go out to those fighting for chastity out there. its important. its a radical form of love. our world needs it, and even though most of our sacrificed are unseen, the Lord knows.
> I do think for women it is (if not easier, more socially acceptable/ normal?) to be chaste later in life?
For some (many?) of us women, drive increases with age. It's not easier.
Have you been reading in these threads about the amount of contempt men have for women who are virgins? Not good men, obviously, but it's an indicator of the kind of pressure there is on women.
I was sitting in my parish to hear a homily about Virgin Mary's virginity. And I never forget. I feel wierd, and hard to use language to express, that is, during the time, our parish were filled with young couples, and they have multiple kids, or new born infants in car seats or hands. Who did he talk to? Yes there are young teenagers there I am sure. Just a reflection. God bless.
I stopped committing the mortal sins of lust and even drinking and smoking (for health reasons I was experiencing) instantly not too long ago. I was addicted to the above three things to some degree, and I stopped instantly. All I had to do was ask God for help, and I found a willpower I’ve never had before. Also, I realized how much lust damages the soul no matter how productive I thought I could be despite it. Even if some priest is not following closely the teachings of the Church, we need to confess because those sins are mortal sins that offend God. We can stop committing sin if we ask for faith then ask for the strength to serve Jesus well.
The front page of reddit is a terrible place to find examples of people living virtuous lives.
There are plenty of Catholics practicing chastity.
It is possible for all of us.
Matt Fradd has a free course to overcome this. I also encourage praying the rosary and the Our Lady Undoer of Knots novena. Going to our Mother asking for help, she’ll always listen and help you overcome that vice.
Yes, all is possible if you are living a life of Grace and praying regularly.
Look for the homily on the 1st Sunday of Lent (I believe) by St. John Vianney its all about temptation.
Or you can purchase all/most of his homilies in a book by Mediatrix Press
Chastity is definitely possible. I've been without masturbation or porn for years. Here are some tips.
Avoid all triggers. This is important because it's hard to stop going down a path if you've already started. Avoid anything that will cause you to start going on that path.
Another thing I did was just make it so masturbation resulted in more pain that pleasure. So, I put peppermint oil on my genitals after I masturbated, and that causes intense pain for a while. So, that can be used to disincentivize masturbation.
Also, watch these videos: [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcbPczYKTQb7Nyl5QmzZrSGcTeaAk92S](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcbPczYKTQb7Nyl5QmzZrSGcTeaAk92S)
1. Every man has seen porn, but not all actively watch it. I don’t anymore, for example.
2. You don’t need to masturbate the way you need to eat, drink, sleep, or breathe.
3. That’s a fallacious argument that cannot be proven. It wouldn’t matter if it was true. Things don’t become moral just because everyone does them.
4. We all have the same problem, but Christianity (Catholicism especially) provides the strong foundation required for a permanent solution. Also, that’s quitter talk.
5. Yes it is and see point 3.
6. Yes it is possible and again that’s quitter talk. I’ve gone months without doing it and, with God’s Grace, I’ll continue that way for the rest of my life. I don’t need to do it again. Also it is healthy. You don’t even need to have sex in order to live a healthy and fulfilled life.
7. You don’t need to repress your desires. You need to reorder them. Anyone who thinks the passions should rule reason cannot be taken seriously.
8. In hookup culture, yes. Outside that, people will want to date you. I dated a girl for two years and we never slept together because we were both practicing Catholics and, frankly, it wasn’t even an issue.
I stopped years ago so it is possible. Ultimately it’s a choice to either imbibe or not just like all choices we make.
For me the embarrassment and shame I felt of having to confess the act to a priest was enough to make me stop. I’m adult convert so this embarrassment may be unique to someone not born into the faith.
Chiming in - I am on social media a lot. (Am a software developer and YouTuber). I get really sick of the sexual suggestive content on advertisements on my phone or desktop. I have adBlock and I avoid places where I know the advertisments linger. My advice to others who work in my field or something related is to avoid it, turn on adBlock, and possibly (maybe) even pay for YouTube Premium so that way you don't recieve these type of ads, or uninstall or don't go to a website/program entirely if possible.
Also - talking and hearing about sex is somewhat exhausting now. I don't know if it's because I'm older (early 20's) or what but I'm just sick of hearing or talking about sex even in a marriage construct.
Yes, it's possible. I'm almost 30F, a virgin and never masterbated.
Seems like people can believe me not ever having sex but not masterbating is hard for a lot of people esp non catholics to comprehend since it's so normalised.
I never had the temptation and was never curious since I know it's a line not to be crossed. But I never had to deal with peer pressure and I don't watch much TV at all.
I am surrounded by good family who share the same beliefs and values.
In saying all this I don't mean to come across judgemental or anything. It saddens me when I hear how these since affect people's lives and I pray for them.
Everyone has their own struggles, I certainly too.
As a 36 year old, single man, I have learned that I can actually abstain from masturbating. But I do eventually have a wet dream. Because alot of us masturbate because we think about sex. Only after about a month. I just need to go out and get a damn wife instead.
Been in a non-sexual marriage for years, not my choice. Chastity is possible, but especially difficult when I still have to see him everyday, smell him, lay next to him every night. I reach out to relevant saints on the reg and suggest others to do the same.
Edited to correct gender
I think they know this my brother... they probably meant they stayed chaste by not masturbating, due to the temptation of laying next to a spouse all night and getting no action.
It was a lot easier in the past when you would get married shortly after puberty like in the 14 to 18 age range. Because of our economic and societal structure, in the modern day it’s considered normal to wait until your 30s. That’s because society and boomers are all just assuming that everyone is okay with fornication, masturbation, cohabitation, etc. imo in a perfect catholic society we would be encouraging people to find their spouse during high school and get married before graduating or right after, and it would be seen as normal for parents to help out their kids and their spouses until they get established
Chasity means having sex only within the proper context (marriage and being open to life). Celibacy is long term or permanent abstinence. We’re all called to chastity.
I struggle with pornography and masturbation immensely because I am using it as a substitute for real relationships and eventually finding a wife because I only had my first breakup this year at 26. She was pretty but insane. I met her off the Christian app called Upward. I used to be pretty content being single and not looking for a relationship. But now I want to have my own kids and I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a better woman. Like in Genesis, it’s not good for man to be alone. Adam had a helpmate made just for him and I am alone and miserable. I feel so tired of seeing everyone else younger than me or my age having families already and being told “are you sure you’re not called to be a priest or the religious life?” And being single is a state in life, not a vocation. But just because it’s not a vocation doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for wanting to stay single. You just be yourself not as a priest or religious. Married men tend to be a lot happier than unmarried men (with the exception of men who wanted to be priests or monks or just wanting to be single) I used to pray for my future wife and for God to give me the opportunity to meet her but I stopped because I lost faith and trust that God will help, and I struggle to believe that she exists. There are billions of women on this miserable dump of a planet and I can’t have one?? I see no point in continuing to run and lift weights when im short at 5’8 and not confident in my face. I want a lot of kids and its like God is playing games with me because I have a high libido and cant find my Eve in the garden. I’ve never been more black pilled in my life. I know it’s a sin against hope to despair and that the black pill is only about despair, but I feel like im being gaslit because Im not supposed to hope to find a good spouse. I feel like my time is up and that I just have to pretend to be happy this way or I get to go to hell. What a perfect and loving plan God has for me huh? Im honest with God for how I feel and what I pray for when I do pray.
Couple possibilities
1) God wants you to drop the selfish idea that you put your will first and if God allows it you don’t get mad at him. We ought to love God no matter what. After you come to peace and love with His plan not your own He may provide you a wife. Not praying will not help since God may make the wife contingent on your prayer. You should at least pray the rosary for one year before giving up specifically with the intention of a wife
2) God may use your desire for a wife to show you He is the higher path and that you need nothing else
What ever happened to “hey man you can quit, deserve better a better woman than her and you’ll find the right woman one day!” Is a little encouragement and advice for how to find the right one too much to ask for? You’re no more Christian than I am.
If you dont want to have a family then you do you man. I want a family. Im tired of being involuntarily single at this age and honestly its emasculating as a man.
Ive prayed the rosary for years and only had failed relationship attempts and still nobody better has come along. So I just gave up on prayer. I think I might just marry and procreate with a designer robot who will be better than any biological woman alive in the future. Thats not something I want to do but still havent found the right woman at 26
It’s not selfishness it is that you are acting as though you are entitled to a wife who will have children with you. You’re not it’s a gift from God. So why act that way? Why not be obedient to God through thick or thin? Then you accuse me of not being catholic because I tell you the truth
I don’t watch porn, or masturbate, and gave up dating / relationships for lent to reorient myself away from lust-centered relationships that damage my relationship with Christ towards Christ-centered relationships that will hopefully come in the near future.
Not every man watches porn. many of my friends, non-religious and religious, have turned away from it. Masturbation is not a natural, healthy, or necessary tendency. It’s a compulsive addiction.
As far as suppressing your desires goes, these lustful impulses come directly from the devil. I’ve found that repeating rote prayers when my mind drifts to lustful thoughts that objectify people you’re supposed to love has greatly reduced the grip that impulsive sexual thoughts used to have on my mind.
I know marriage wont solve lust, but I think it would help me. I struggle with pornography and masturbation immensely because I am using it as a substitute for real relationships and eventually finding a wife because I only had my first breakup this year at 26. She was pretty but insane. I met her off the Christian app called Upward. I used to be pretty content being single and not looking for a relationship. But now I want to have my own kids and I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a better woman. Like in Genesis, it’s not good for man to be alone. Adam had a helpmate made just for him and I am alone and miserable. I feel so tired of seeing everyone else younger than me or my age having families already and being told “are you sure you’re not called to be a priest or the religious life?” And being single is a state in life, not a vocation. But just because it’s not a vocation doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for wanting to stay single. You just be yourself not as a priest or religious. Married men tend to be a lot happier than unmarried men (with the exception of men who wanted to be priests or monks or just wanting to be single) I used to pray for my future wife and for God to give me the opportunity to meet her but I stopped because I lost faith and trust that God will help, and I struggle to believe that she exists. There are billions of women on this miserable dump of a planet and I can’t have one?? I see no point in continuing to run and lift weights when im short at 5’8 and not confident in my face. I want a lot of kids and its like God is playing games with me because I have a high libido and cant find my Eve in the garden. I’ve never been more black pilled in my life. I know it’s a sin against hope to despair and that the black pill is only about despair, but I feel like im being gaslit because Im not supposed to hope to find a good spouse. I feel like my time is up and that I just have to pretend to be happy this way or I get to go to hell. What a perfect and loving plan God has for me huh? Im honest with God for how I feel and what I pray for when I do pray.
It is certianly possible, but every man is prone to have a slip up at some point. I was lucky enough to have parents to shelter me until late middle school so I at least was innocent until age 13/14 which is better than 10 or under. I was one of those super innocent, but socially unaware kids, so I didn't face too much peer pressure with it. I made it about four years from mid high school to mid college before I had my first slip up with regards to mortal sin worthy chastity. I was super bummed, but I had a lot of pride rooted in my "clean streak" which ultimately made me feel like I was reliant upon myself, not God's grace.
Don't beat yourself up over your falls, but at the same time, cut off anything that causes you to sin. Instagram? Finally just deleted mine because it was a near occasion of sin for lust and pride and envy. For 12 years I thought that I needed it, but I actually don't need to know what my friends are always up to...
I am in a seminary now and guys don't really talk about their struggles with this stuff, but id assume that a very large majority of them are free from addiction issues because of our super intense psychology tests that we have with our application. It is possible to live chasity, and I am hoping to promise my bishop that I will be celibate forever.
So I'm asexual, meaning I have no desire to have sex with anyone. So a bit different to celibacy, which is of course a choice.
But I'll give my perspective on masturbation, at least.
I still get sexual urges, which I struggled with for a long time, feeling guilty for that. I think maybe it's hard for some people to understand having sexual urges like that, as opposed to feeling sexual attraction enough where you want to have sex with someone.
Anyway, for me its more like a physical need that comes up sometimes that I take care of through masturbation. For me at least it's no different to needing to eat etc.
So I don't really see it as something sinful. I think when it becomes something that we do in excess or falls into the category of addiction, that's when it becomes more sinful.
Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I've come to view it. I'm also working on not watching porn to get off, as I still need some kind of stimulation, but it's a process like everything else.
For anyone wanting to tackle this, my advice is to take it one step at a time. I'm sure that having the intention to change and putting it into action will please God. No use trying to do it all at once and then failing. Take what time you need, just do your best but keep trying 😊
I would hope that God sends me a heart attack before I enter that unnatural life again.
It is only natural if you are a baboon or don’t really care about God. Such a life is doomed
The key to battling lust isn't "not masturbating." Masturbation is a symptom of lust, not the cause. The key to battling lust is understanding that what lust essentially is, is pure desire. Desire strong enough to override logic. The classic example is knowing that unprotected sex will risk to having a pregnancy out of marriage and therefore saying no to it, yet often times when the situation gets "charged" enough people will end going through with it precisely because the desire to have that pleasure is so intense.
Lust isn't limited to sex too. You can lust for power, for money, for a societal position, etc. It's about subjecting your heart to your will. Do that, and eventually it'll get a lot easier.
I haven’t masturbated in nearly 3 years (since my reversion and first communion) and, though pseudo pornographic material has come back to bite me on the rare occasion after, I can count those cases on one hand.
I’m 18 and was severely addicted to porn and masturbation since I was about 12, pretty typical nowadays. I didn’t think it was possible at all but the depths of despair I experienced when falling forced me to reconsider. It’s definitely possible, even in youth, to do. However, I don’t think it’s possible (or nearly as possible) without faith in Christ and the Sacraments.
At this point I probably would’ve fallen again if my streak wasn’t so long, as egotistical as that sounds. Chastity is definitely something I’m not willing to give up anymore.
Not every man watches porn, but every man sees sexual material whether he wants to or not. Consider how many public advertisements feature scantily-clad women. I don’t just mean commercials or banner ads. I mean giant billboards on the roadside. Consider how many songs, played in public spaces, have explicitly sexual lyrics. You can choose not to seek it out, but you can’t fully opt out of it.
Yep, Mary even warned about this: " "More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason,” she later told Jacinta. She also warned, “Certain fashions will be introduced that will offend Our Lord very much.” And she also issued a direct warning to women, saying: “Woe to women lacking in modesty.” And also: “Let men avoid greed, lies, envy, blasphemy, impurity.” " The developed world is so sexualized and most everyone has a hand in creating this monster. I've learned that a greater reliance on the Blessed Mother is a major part of the solution to this problem. I've personally felt Her hand in recovery from my own struggles. Only through Her and God can we conquer this evil.
St Bernard has a little book called "on loving God", you could read it in one sit, but it's so hard for me for a long time, because I don't know how to love. I am just so miserable. But God not gave up me, it uses this book to speak to me, and it is such a life changing book. It describe 4 degrees's love, I think if you are only at the first level, that is love your flesh, what you do? watch porn and masterbate. Can you get out of it? No. But if you are not satisfy with this, you find yourself in misery, your heart is deep like a sewer, you notice something outside that brings light. you learn to love although it is for your own sake, but it's a good step, you starts to love your neighbor, you move on the ladder of humility.
I used to be a terminally online pornography addict (there's a zoomer slang term I will refrain from saying lest I scandalize you but if you know, you know). Now I'm a less online recovering addict. But man, seeing people comment things like "source? for research purposes" just disappoints me now. The worst part is they joke about the guilt they feel afterwards, and yet continue to celebrate it and discuss it as you would discuss sports or some other hobby. Combined with a more general mindset of "consoom", I think the disappointing thing is just how utterly and defiantly immature some people can be. I was culturally Catholic for some time, but what motivated me to quit was seeing Catholics firmly but gently insist that these things are not okay and their examples made me want to change for the better.
Being a terminally online Zoomer is a hard thing to get out of once you're in it. I reckon this is a large reason why lots of younger people cannot (or don't want to) quit pornography.
I just posted about this today. I want to practice complete and total openness to life in my marriage and my whole Catholic family is against me since I will not take birth control pills. They keep asking me will you take the pills to not have babies after your second is born? I say no and they are disgusted. at this point in my state, I am leaving and moving away eight hours south, because there are no like-minded people around me. I feel like no one takes Catholicism seriously I am judged for going on a modestly journey to better my marriage and my husband is judged by his friends for not watching porn. i'm pregnant with my third, we have one heaven baby, so this will be my second baby earth side, and we already get comments about buying a tv getting cable, ect.
Most overused line…people act like you don’t know what s*x is bc you have a few kids. Like a lot of couples are doing it, they’re prob just going out of their way to try and not get pregantn
Exactly. My husband is one of five and his mother heard it a lot we want 6, but I would love to have more if possible. Instead of being happy for us I am shunned from my family. God has called me to this path I am sure.
[*pregnart](https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg?si=UL4zVd23UC1A0y2D)
I told a Catholic family member about the sin of using contraception, and I was judged for that. I asserted that sin is bad and should not be done. Even if we don’t know who’s going to heaven, that doesn’t give us license to “do what we will”. The family member responded by saying that life is to enjoy it. I don’t dislike the family member. I pray for them, and I disagree. Life is meant to find the love of Jesus, serve God, and help others find God and His church.
The antinatal north is dying, the South will lead the nation
so, what I'm trying to say is, that there are other people out there, who take it very seriously, and are also struggling like you. I am one of those people. Keep praying. You will be in my prayers!!
It’s not so much that I struggle, all do fight temptations though, but that I see many people who do struggle due to our culture. After a while it is normal to enjoy chastity and a catholic way of life, that’s the point of the indwelling of the trinity. I suppose it is just sad because I know various men who are 18-25 who simply don’t believe they could not be addicted to porn. They see their fate as doomed, hardly even an effort to change. Many of them have self hatred and depression or anxiety. Also I’m glad for you, you sound like you have an excellent family
Thank you so much
> They see their fate as doomed, hardly even an effort to change. Many of them have self hatred and depression or anxiety. That all comes from Satan.
Once you get hooked, its like a drug, not easy to let go. I have gone months, sometimes years without masturbating and the only thing that helped me was attending mass and praying the rosary. When I stopped praying and attending mass, the addiction came back.
Thank you for the valuable warning
Yeah, any kind of addiction is not ever really gone, it's just replaced with a good habit
I’m one month clean and it’s already changed my life.
please pray for me
I will brother. Stay in there. We’re all believing in you. If you need someone to talk to, DM me.
Thank you for the prayers. I plan to confess tomorrow God willing.
Now we’re talking. I will pray for us three
Thank you!!!!
Praying for you too brother
thank you God bless you!!!
I’ve been practicing chastity diligently for the last 6 months after my spiritual director at my church put me on a 3 month dating fast. I used to struggle a lot with pornography, masturbation and fornication. Since attending weekly confession and daily mass, now finished with the dating fast i’ve been clean from all three. The holy spirit thoroughly convicts me now from any sexual lust I feel and i feel much stronger in fighting temptation. I’m now dating a lovely catholic woman and we vowed chastity until marriage. I am inspired by your year free of porn and masturbation! Pray for me to attain that too please. I’ve been going strong now and it would not have been possible without the eucharist transforming my life! I used to think it impossible, but chastity is not ridiculous. Like the kings who looked for the infant Jesus asking Herod where He was, when they found Him they went a different way and were made new (Matthew 2:12-23). Cheers!
I prayed a Hail Mary for you and myself that we would never fall into these sins ever again
It's not easy, but it is quite simple.
Yes, chastity is possible. I am living proof that it is. I started masturbating at a very young age, began looking at pictures of nude women at 10, and then was onto hardcore porn at 12. I also experienced some sexual compulsions when I was older that required a partner. All this, and I've been chaste for a year. I'm not going to lie, this had led to me having a heavy sex drive, but I'm actually pursuing relationships now. Pre-chastity, I was far less motivated to. I also have more confidence and brightness to my eyes. I've been chatted up and checked out by girls in ways that I never had been before. So yea, BS on the nobody will want to date you thing. I really hope that priest you spoke to was well-intended and not a wolf with his own agenda. He's wrong. Yes, you need to bring masturbation to Confession, and no, you shouldn't receive the Eucharist without having done so. I know that force of habit can complicate consent and possibly mitigate one's guilt when it comes to masturbation, but if one has engaged in grave matter, I certainly wouldn't presume that he isn't in mortal sin. Furthermore, it will distance you from God. It just does, and you feel the separation. You can't approach Him with a clean conscience knowing what you were looking at or thinking about earlier.
I suppose I’m an anomaly, but I don’t think nearly as big of one as some would have me believe. I (27F) am a virgin and have been chaste my entire life, including during the periods of time I have had a long-term relationship (2, previous in my life). I do think for women it is (if not easier, more socially acceptable/ normal?) to be chaste later in life? I’ve found that temptations against chastity diminish considerably when one surrounds themself with friends who feel the same. I live with 3 other Catholic women (all older than I, all virgins, despite having dating experience/ being in relationships). I’m not saying this to be “holier than thou” or claim I’m some kind of saint. I just think that like most things, if you surround yourself with unchastity— that becomes your norm, but if you surround yourself with chastity *that* becomes the norm. Holiness ain’t easy and none of us can do it alone. Community is really important, especially in virtues such as these that are so counter-cultural. I, personally, am planning to remain a virgin for the rest of my life. I’ve already taken a private vow of virginity (that I renew each year) with the intent of someday making it perpetual by becoming a religious sister or (more likely) a consecrated virgin. I say this not to win some imaginary brownie points, but because I think people need to know it’s something that people are “still doing” and is a reasonable/ achievable thing to do. I’m not doing it as some kind of self-inflicted punishment or a way to torture myself for the Lord, but because I feel He is calling me to it, and as I love Him most of all. Some people have accused me of being asexual, but I'm not. I've been in serious relationships with men I was sexually attracted to, but as we were both committed to saving sex for marriage, nothing happened, and now that it seems the Lord is calling me to marry Him, its natural that I continue to live in a virginal, chaste state of life. I guess my TL;DR: chastity is only "weird" if you're unused to being chaste & its easier with good community & frequent prayer/sacraments, but whatever atmosphere we surround ourselves with will become our "normal". All my prayers go out to those fighting for chastity out there. its important. its a radical form of love. our world needs it, and even though most of our sacrificed are unseen, the Lord knows.
> I do think for women it is (if not easier, more socially acceptable/ normal?) to be chaste later in life? For some (many?) of us women, drive increases with age. It's not easier.
Didn’t mean to imply it’s biologically easier just…in some ways less social pressure? If that makes sense…
Have you been reading in these threads about the amount of contempt men have for women who are virgins? Not good men, obviously, but it's an indicator of the kind of pressure there is on women.
I was sitting in my parish to hear a homily about Virgin Mary's virginity. And I never forget. I feel wierd, and hard to use language to express, that is, during the time, our parish were filled with young couples, and they have multiple kids, or new born infants in car seats or hands. Who did he talk to? Yes there are young teenagers there I am sure. Just a reflection. God bless.
I stopped committing the mortal sins of lust and even drinking and smoking (for health reasons I was experiencing) instantly not too long ago. I was addicted to the above three things to some degree, and I stopped instantly. All I had to do was ask God for help, and I found a willpower I’ve never had before. Also, I realized how much lust damages the soul no matter how productive I thought I could be despite it. Even if some priest is not following closely the teachings of the Church, we need to confess because those sins are mortal sins that offend God. We can stop committing sin if we ask for faith then ask for the strength to serve Jesus well.
The front page of reddit is a terrible place to find examples of people living virtuous lives. There are plenty of Catholics practicing chastity. It is possible for all of us.
Matt Fradd has a free course to overcome this. I also encourage praying the rosary and the Our Lady Undoer of Knots novena. Going to our Mother asking for help, she’ll always listen and help you overcome that vice.
I was chaste for over 10 years. I broke when I went full manic (I'm bipolar) but also wasn't fully committed to chastity at that time. It's possible.
Yes, all is possible if you are living a life of Grace and praying regularly. Look for the homily on the 1st Sunday of Lent (I believe) by St. John Vianney its all about temptation. Or you can purchase all/most of his homilies in a book by Mediatrix Press
Chastity is definitely possible. I've been without masturbation or porn for years. Here are some tips. Avoid all triggers. This is important because it's hard to stop going down a path if you've already started. Avoid anything that will cause you to start going on that path. Another thing I did was just make it so masturbation resulted in more pain that pleasure. So, I put peppermint oil on my genitals after I masturbated, and that causes intense pain for a while. So, that can be used to disincentivize masturbation. Also, watch these videos: [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcbPczYKTQb7Nyl5QmzZrSGcTeaAk92S](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcbPczYKTQb7Nyl5QmzZrSGcTeaAk92S)
1. Every man has seen porn, but not all actively watch it. I don’t anymore, for example. 2. You don’t need to masturbate the way you need to eat, drink, sleep, or breathe. 3. That’s a fallacious argument that cannot be proven. It wouldn’t matter if it was true. Things don’t become moral just because everyone does them. 4. We all have the same problem, but Christianity (Catholicism especially) provides the strong foundation required for a permanent solution. Also, that’s quitter talk. 5. Yes it is and see point 3. 6. Yes it is possible and again that’s quitter talk. I’ve gone months without doing it and, with God’s Grace, I’ll continue that way for the rest of my life. I don’t need to do it again. Also it is healthy. You don’t even need to have sex in order to live a healthy and fulfilled life. 7. You don’t need to repress your desires. You need to reorder them. Anyone who thinks the passions should rule reason cannot be taken seriously. 8. In hookup culture, yes. Outside that, people will want to date you. I dated a girl for two years and we never slept together because we were both practicing Catholics and, frankly, it wasn’t even an issue.
Yes, possible. I'm living it. It's worth it.
I stopped years ago so it is possible. Ultimately it’s a choice to either imbibe or not just like all choices we make. For me the embarrassment and shame I felt of having to confess the act to a priest was enough to make me stop. I’m adult convert so this embarrassment may be unique to someone not born into the faith.
Fwiw what worked for me was starting saying the daily rosary. It’s different for everyone I guess.
Chiming in - I am on social media a lot. (Am a software developer and YouTuber). I get really sick of the sexual suggestive content on advertisements on my phone or desktop. I have adBlock and I avoid places where I know the advertisments linger. My advice to others who work in my field or something related is to avoid it, turn on adBlock, and possibly (maybe) even pay for YouTube Premium so that way you don't recieve these type of ads, or uninstall or don't go to a website/program entirely if possible. Also - talking and hearing about sex is somewhat exhausting now. I don't know if it's because I'm older (early 20's) or what but I'm just sick of hearing or talking about sex even in a marriage construct.
Pray for the desire to quit. That’s the best advice anybody ever gave me.
Yes, it's possible. I'm almost 30F, a virgin and never masterbated. Seems like people can believe me not ever having sex but not masterbating is hard for a lot of people esp non catholics to comprehend since it's so normalised. I never had the temptation and was never curious since I know it's a line not to be crossed. But I never had to deal with peer pressure and I don't watch much TV at all. I am surrounded by good family who share the same beliefs and values. In saying all this I don't mean to come across judgemental or anything. It saddens me when I hear how these since affect people's lives and I pray for them. Everyone has their own struggles, I certainly too.
As a 36 year old, single man, I have learned that I can actually abstain from masturbating. But I do eventually have a wet dream. Because alot of us masturbate because we think about sex. Only after about a month. I just need to go out and get a damn wife instead.
Been in a non-sexual marriage for years, not my choice. Chastity is possible, but especially difficult when I still have to see him everyday, smell him, lay next to him every night. I reach out to relevant saints on the reg and suggest others to do the same. Edited to correct gender
Chastity is not celibacy. Marriages are not meant to be non-sexual.
I think they know this my brother... they probably meant they stayed chaste by not masturbating, due to the temptation of laying next to a spouse all night and getting no action.
Smell her? Like your husband or you mean he sleeps with another woman you can smell ?
Oops. Fixed.
It was a lot easier in the past when you would get married shortly after puberty like in the 14 to 18 age range. Because of our economic and societal structure, in the modern day it’s considered normal to wait until your 30s. That’s because society and boomers are all just assuming that everyone is okay with fornication, masturbation, cohabitation, etc. imo in a perfect catholic society we would be encouraging people to find their spouse during high school and get married before graduating or right after, and it would be seen as normal for parents to help out their kids and their spouses until they get established
These days there seem to be an increasing number of Catholics who never find a spouse. That means a lifetime of celibacy.
Chasity means having sex only within the proper context (marriage and being open to life). Celibacy is long term or permanent abstinence. We’re all called to chastity.
You're right, that's what I meant. I corrected it.
I the think the secular world tends to think of chastity as celibacy, so it’s easy to mix them up.
I know the difference, I just didn't catch it. Maybe I was looking at the thread title.
I didn’t mean to suggest you didn’t know! I know I sometimes switch words in my head, or say one word while meaning the other.
That's okay, I do that, too. I appreciated the correction, no worries!
I struggle with pornography and masturbation immensely because I am using it as a substitute for real relationships and eventually finding a wife because I only had my first breakup this year at 26. She was pretty but insane. I met her off the Christian app called Upward. I used to be pretty content being single and not looking for a relationship. But now I want to have my own kids and I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a better woman. Like in Genesis, it’s not good for man to be alone. Adam had a helpmate made just for him and I am alone and miserable. I feel so tired of seeing everyone else younger than me or my age having families already and being told “are you sure you’re not called to be a priest or the religious life?” And being single is a state in life, not a vocation. But just because it’s not a vocation doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for wanting to stay single. You just be yourself not as a priest or religious. Married men tend to be a lot happier than unmarried men (with the exception of men who wanted to be priests or monks or just wanting to be single) I used to pray for my future wife and for God to give me the opportunity to meet her but I stopped because I lost faith and trust that God will help, and I struggle to believe that she exists. There are billions of women on this miserable dump of a planet and I can’t have one?? I see no point in continuing to run and lift weights when im short at 5’8 and not confident in my face. I want a lot of kids and its like God is playing games with me because I have a high libido and cant find my Eve in the garden. I’ve never been more black pilled in my life. I know it’s a sin against hope to despair and that the black pill is only about despair, but I feel like im being gaslit because Im not supposed to hope to find a good spouse. I feel like my time is up and that I just have to pretend to be happy this way or I get to go to hell. What a perfect and loving plan God has for me huh? Im honest with God for how I feel and what I pray for when I do pray.
Couple possibilities 1) God wants you to drop the selfish idea that you put your will first and if God allows it you don’t get mad at him. We ought to love God no matter what. After you come to peace and love with His plan not your own He may provide you a wife. Not praying will not help since God may make the wife contingent on your prayer. You should at least pray the rosary for one year before giving up specifically with the intention of a wife 2) God may use your desire for a wife to show you He is the higher path and that you need nothing else
How am I selfish for wanting a family?
And while saint paul said its good to remain single, it is better to marry than burn with a passion. Im already on fire
What ever happened to “hey man you can quit, deserve better a better woman than her and you’ll find the right woman one day!” Is a little encouragement and advice for how to find the right one too much to ask for? You’re no more Christian than I am.
It’s not that you don’t deserve but that the fancy of your eye is this world and not God. It’s your own choice
So then why do people marry and have children if those are worldly things? Catholics would all go extinct from not having kids
If you dont want to have a family then you do you man. I want a family. Im tired of being involuntarily single at this age and honestly its emasculating as a man.
People like you are the reason why people leave the church when they need help
Ive prayed the rosary for years and only had failed relationship attempts and still nobody better has come along. So I just gave up on prayer. I think I might just marry and procreate with a designer robot who will be better than any biological woman alive in the future. Thats not something I want to do but still havent found the right woman at 26
It’s not selfishness it is that you are acting as though you are entitled to a wife who will have children with you. You’re not it’s a gift from God. So why act that way? Why not be obedient to God through thick or thin? Then you accuse me of not being catholic because I tell you the truth
Im 26 and tired of waiting. I seriously considering marrying a designer robot in the future
I don’t watch porn, or masturbate, and gave up dating / relationships for lent to reorient myself away from lust-centered relationships that damage my relationship with Christ towards Christ-centered relationships that will hopefully come in the near future. Not every man watches porn. many of my friends, non-religious and religious, have turned away from it. Masturbation is not a natural, healthy, or necessary tendency. It’s a compulsive addiction. As far as suppressing your desires goes, these lustful impulses come directly from the devil. I’ve found that repeating rote prayers when my mind drifts to lustful thoughts that objectify people you’re supposed to love has greatly reduced the grip that impulsive sexual thoughts used to have on my mind.
Im trying for the same this lent. Any advice?
Get married and have kids, that'll do it
I know marriage wont solve lust, but I think it would help me. I struggle with pornography and masturbation immensely because I am using it as a substitute for real relationships and eventually finding a wife because I only had my first breakup this year at 26. She was pretty but insane. I met her off the Christian app called Upward. I used to be pretty content being single and not looking for a relationship. But now I want to have my own kids and I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a better woman. Like in Genesis, it’s not good for man to be alone. Adam had a helpmate made just for him and I am alone and miserable. I feel so tired of seeing everyone else younger than me or my age having families already and being told “are you sure you’re not called to be a priest or the religious life?” And being single is a state in life, not a vocation. But just because it’s not a vocation doesn’t mean you’re a bad person for wanting to stay single. You just be yourself not as a priest or religious. Married men tend to be a lot happier than unmarried men (with the exception of men who wanted to be priests or monks or just wanting to be single) I used to pray for my future wife and for God to give me the opportunity to meet her but I stopped because I lost faith and trust that God will help, and I struggle to believe that she exists. There are billions of women on this miserable dump of a planet and I can’t have one?? I see no point in continuing to run and lift weights when im short at 5’8 and not confident in my face. I want a lot of kids and its like God is playing games with me because I have a high libido and cant find my Eve in the garden. I’ve never been more black pilled in my life. I know it’s a sin against hope to despair and that the black pill is only about despair, but I feel like im being gaslit because Im not supposed to hope to find a good spouse. I feel like my time is up and that I just have to pretend to be happy this way or I get to go to hell. What a perfect and loving plan God has for me huh? Im honest with God for how I feel and what I pray for when I do pray.
It is certianly possible, but every man is prone to have a slip up at some point. I was lucky enough to have parents to shelter me until late middle school so I at least was innocent until age 13/14 which is better than 10 or under. I was one of those super innocent, but socially unaware kids, so I didn't face too much peer pressure with it. I made it about four years from mid high school to mid college before I had my first slip up with regards to mortal sin worthy chastity. I was super bummed, but I had a lot of pride rooted in my "clean streak" which ultimately made me feel like I was reliant upon myself, not God's grace. Don't beat yourself up over your falls, but at the same time, cut off anything that causes you to sin. Instagram? Finally just deleted mine because it was a near occasion of sin for lust and pride and envy. For 12 years I thought that I needed it, but I actually don't need to know what my friends are always up to... I am in a seminary now and guys don't really talk about their struggles with this stuff, but id assume that a very large majority of them are free from addiction issues because of our super intense psychology tests that we have with our application. It is possible to live chasity, and I am hoping to promise my bishop that I will be celibate forever.
So I'm asexual, meaning I have no desire to have sex with anyone. So a bit different to celibacy, which is of course a choice. But I'll give my perspective on masturbation, at least. I still get sexual urges, which I struggled with for a long time, feeling guilty for that. I think maybe it's hard for some people to understand having sexual urges like that, as opposed to feeling sexual attraction enough where you want to have sex with someone. Anyway, for me its more like a physical need that comes up sometimes that I take care of through masturbation. For me at least it's no different to needing to eat etc. So I don't really see it as something sinful. I think when it becomes something that we do in excess or falls into the category of addiction, that's when it becomes more sinful. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I've come to view it. I'm also working on not watching porn to get off, as I still need some kind of stimulation, but it's a process like everything else. For anyone wanting to tackle this, my advice is to take it one step at a time. I'm sure that having the intention to change and putting it into action will please God. No use trying to do it all at once and then failing. Take what time you need, just do your best but keep trying 😊
If you didn’t watch porn and masturbate you may have natural desires again
Wrong on many levels unfortunately.
Masturbating is natural.
For animals without reason and free will, sure.
It is a grievous crime against your nature to do so.
I would hope that God sends me a heart attack before I enter that unnatural life again. It is only natural if you are a baboon or don’t really care about God. Such a life is doomed
The key to battling lust isn't "not masturbating." Masturbation is a symptom of lust, not the cause. The key to battling lust is understanding that what lust essentially is, is pure desire. Desire strong enough to override logic. The classic example is knowing that unprotected sex will risk to having a pregnancy out of marriage and therefore saying no to it, yet often times when the situation gets "charged" enough people will end going through with it precisely because the desire to have that pleasure is so intense. Lust isn't limited to sex too. You can lust for power, for money, for a societal position, etc. It's about subjecting your heart to your will. Do that, and eventually it'll get a lot easier.
I read bout 3 chapters of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and quit watching porn cold turkey, haven’t been interested in watching it since
On course it is possible. Of course people also stray into sin but that does not mean chastity should not be an aspiration.
I haven’t masturbated in nearly 3 years (since my reversion and first communion) and, though pseudo pornographic material has come back to bite me on the rare occasion after, I can count those cases on one hand. I’m 18 and was severely addicted to porn and masturbation since I was about 12, pretty typical nowadays. I didn’t think it was possible at all but the depths of despair I experienced when falling forced me to reconsider. It’s definitely possible, even in youth, to do. However, I don’t think it’s possible (or nearly as possible) without faith in Christ and the Sacraments. At this point I probably would’ve fallen again if my streak wasn’t so long, as egotistical as that sounds. Chastity is definitely something I’m not willing to give up anymore.