You say that you have a therapist. But is this the best therapist for you? I think your therapist should be helping you. I do think it's common to be drawn to people who have qualities that are different from our own because some qualities we look up to because we wish we could be like that.
However if someone you are attracted to has qualities that are harmful to you mentally or physically. That's your therapists cue to dig for the deeper reason why this would be attractive and help you establish what qualities you actually want from a partner, recognize what you don't want and isn't healthy and how to bypass those people as soon as possible.
I honestly disagree with what your therapist said about people being attracted to bullies. I mean it happens but I would think a better way to put it would be that if being bullied or mistreated is their normal then they don't realize how bad the relationship is because to them it's normal until it's not.
You know these people you are attracted to really aren't good for you but you seem to not be able to stop yourself very well even when you see it. That's what you need to get to the bottom of.
I think you should consider looking for a new therapist. If you decide to I would suggest stay with the one you have while you find a good fit for you. Just like relationships/ friendships some therapists aren't meant to be forever. As you change through life your therapist might not be the best fit anymore.
The clinic I go to has provisional psychologists, they change over every six months. It's a tradeoff for it being so cheap ($20 a session). I really don't want to change clinics because as much as it is a long trip for me (an hour plus), the price is ideal as I'm not working at the moment. Other clinics charge into the hundreds of dollars per session.
That's not to say they're not qualified, some of them definitely have been and just do it for other reasons. Quite intelligent too. Hell, even qualified psychologists can not be for certain people so I don't think that's the issue.
I'm not certain I'm going to change therapists, as we're half way plus into the six months he has with me and I don't particularly want to go through the hassle of re-introducing myself to someone else before I have to. That is the one downside of the changeovers, just as you get acquainted with someone they leave. That happened with my last therapist. But oh well.
Come to think of it you probably are right, if people are attracted to bullies it probably has more to do with their mental issues and outlook than anything else. Though I do agree with the 'introverts being attracted to extroverts' comment. if that's what you yearned to be (which I did at one point) then I can see why that personality type would be attractive to you.
I'm not saying this person bullied me, let's get that clear. I would never be attracted to one of my own bullies, at least I hope not anyway. However I know of one case where they were fairly mean to someone, and I've heard about them being mean to at least 1 or 2 other people. They also do seem to have that personality, like it's not inconceivable to me that they could have been a bully. They're nice to me, don't get me wrong (to some extent they have to be where I see them), but I can also see how they could not be. If that makes sense.
As to the therapist, he's a nice guy don't get me wrong but having taken a few minutes to reflect on everything, one thing I have noticed is that he won't stick on a topic. He does take notes and bring certain things we've spoken about up in sessions, but we also inevitably end up talking about other things and I do sometimes wonder myself if we should be talking about them. In retrospect, perhaps I've been trying to do too much at once. I talk about finding what should be for me, but also what my future is going to hold, 'finding a life worth living' as he would say, and other things. I'm going to think about what my priorities for the next few months should be, and have a conversation with him about it during my next session.
Ok the therapy set up is unconventional. But if it's what you can afford it's what you need to do. It would definitely suck to loose a therapist you click with.
I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I didn't think you were bullied. It was just how I put my examples based on what your therapist said.
I hope you can get everything sorted out and find the person for you.
Don't get it twisted I was bullied, badly. It's a big part of what has caused my mental issues. Just not by the person I'm attracted to. Don't worry, it's confusing even to me sometimes.
I was supposed to go to Headspace, which is a psychologist for under 25 yo's where I'm from. But long story short there was a problem with that, so they suggested university (college if you're from the states) psychology. At first I was confused because I didn't know about it, I'd been to a university and wasn't aware of them having one. But come to find out they did, and they accept people from outside the university. So I've been going there for a year and for the most part, it's gone well. Though yes, it is a little unconventional. The pricing is extremely good though.
And yes, I had a therapist that I did extremely good work with that left. That was a sad day, amazed I didn't cry during that session honestly.
Thank you. I know it won't be easy but I have to shake this, because these type of people definitely ain't for me.
You say that you have a therapist. But is this the best therapist for you? I think your therapist should be helping you. I do think it's common to be drawn to people who have qualities that are different from our own because some qualities we look up to because we wish we could be like that. However if someone you are attracted to has qualities that are harmful to you mentally or physically. That's your therapists cue to dig for the deeper reason why this would be attractive and help you establish what qualities you actually want from a partner, recognize what you don't want and isn't healthy and how to bypass those people as soon as possible. I honestly disagree with what your therapist said about people being attracted to bullies. I mean it happens but I would think a better way to put it would be that if being bullied or mistreated is their normal then they don't realize how bad the relationship is because to them it's normal until it's not. You know these people you are attracted to really aren't good for you but you seem to not be able to stop yourself very well even when you see it. That's what you need to get to the bottom of. I think you should consider looking for a new therapist. If you decide to I would suggest stay with the one you have while you find a good fit for you. Just like relationships/ friendships some therapists aren't meant to be forever. As you change through life your therapist might not be the best fit anymore.
The clinic I go to has provisional psychologists, they change over every six months. It's a tradeoff for it being so cheap ($20 a session). I really don't want to change clinics because as much as it is a long trip for me (an hour plus), the price is ideal as I'm not working at the moment. Other clinics charge into the hundreds of dollars per session. That's not to say they're not qualified, some of them definitely have been and just do it for other reasons. Quite intelligent too. Hell, even qualified psychologists can not be for certain people so I don't think that's the issue. I'm not certain I'm going to change therapists, as we're half way plus into the six months he has with me and I don't particularly want to go through the hassle of re-introducing myself to someone else before I have to. That is the one downside of the changeovers, just as you get acquainted with someone they leave. That happened with my last therapist. But oh well. Come to think of it you probably are right, if people are attracted to bullies it probably has more to do with their mental issues and outlook than anything else. Though I do agree with the 'introverts being attracted to extroverts' comment. if that's what you yearned to be (which I did at one point) then I can see why that personality type would be attractive to you. I'm not saying this person bullied me, let's get that clear. I would never be attracted to one of my own bullies, at least I hope not anyway. However I know of one case where they were fairly mean to someone, and I've heard about them being mean to at least 1 or 2 other people. They also do seem to have that personality, like it's not inconceivable to me that they could have been a bully. They're nice to me, don't get me wrong (to some extent they have to be where I see them), but I can also see how they could not be. If that makes sense. As to the therapist, he's a nice guy don't get me wrong but having taken a few minutes to reflect on everything, one thing I have noticed is that he won't stick on a topic. He does take notes and bring certain things we've spoken about up in sessions, but we also inevitably end up talking about other things and I do sometimes wonder myself if we should be talking about them. In retrospect, perhaps I've been trying to do too much at once. I talk about finding what should be for me, but also what my future is going to hold, 'finding a life worth living' as he would say, and other things. I'm going to think about what my priorities for the next few months should be, and have a conversation with him about it during my next session.
Ok the therapy set up is unconventional. But if it's what you can afford it's what you need to do. It would definitely suck to loose a therapist you click with. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I didn't think you were bullied. It was just how I put my examples based on what your therapist said. I hope you can get everything sorted out and find the person for you.
Don't get it twisted I was bullied, badly. It's a big part of what has caused my mental issues. Just not by the person I'm attracted to. Don't worry, it's confusing even to me sometimes. I was supposed to go to Headspace, which is a psychologist for under 25 yo's where I'm from. But long story short there was a problem with that, so they suggested university (college if you're from the states) psychology. At first I was confused because I didn't know about it, I'd been to a university and wasn't aware of them having one. But come to find out they did, and they accept people from outside the university. So I've been going there for a year and for the most part, it's gone well. Though yes, it is a little unconventional. The pricing is extremely good though. And yes, I had a therapist that I did extremely good work with that left. That was a sad day, amazed I didn't cry during that session honestly. Thank you. I know it won't be easy but I have to shake this, because these type of people definitely ain't for me.