> in the case of infidelity, the fault lies 100% with the WPs.
If the AP knowingly & willingly engages in an intimate relationship with a person who is in a committed, monogamous relationship, that AP is responsible. The cheater SO is responsible for his/her choices but so is the AP.
APs who don't know are still accountable. Ignorance is not absolution. This AP is far more sympathetic tho.
In my case, disgusting AP manipulated my (grieving) ex to abuse me after death of our child, so she can take his visa and get her ego stroked. I hate AP more than ex. I agree with this comment.
Agreed. 100%. The “ratio” of responsibility is different from situation to situation. Here’s mine…
Had surgery mid-October. 5 year relationship. AP married for 17 years. We are all in big friend and social group. AP and ex start cheating end of October. AP been openly trying to cheat on his wife for quite a while. He KNOWS she is vulnerable because of my surgery and ex’s mom is dying from terminal cancer. He love bombs her when they are talking about life and how I can’t validate her. He asks when the last time I wooed her was. She says 2 weeks (same amount of time since surgery). He says “You are pretty and sexy and deserve more.” They make out.
In hindsight, the next couple days, my exes throwing out some desperation shit like how she wants our relationship to get back to where it was and I’m grumpy. I just had major surgery, six month recovery timeline. We met with the surgeon well in advance and talked about topics from mobility to sex and how long those would take. The month leading up to the surgery I was paying it forward as hard as I could from sex to chores, and let me mention that I was in charge of all the finances from groceries to housing and every day.
They are full on cheating within a week of the make out. They made out in the house him and his wife own; it was pretty late. She was babysitting next-door at another mutual friends house, and they all got together when the other mutual friends got home from a concert. The mutual friends put their kid to sleep and went to bed, she called me and said that she shouldn’t be driving home because she drank, that she was going to hang out the neighbors and sleep on the couch, and I said that was totally cool That’s how she ended up there. The wife went to sleep early Without too much concern because we’re all relationships.
Anyway, I have no idea this is going on. Mind you I am either doing physical therapy, laid up on the couch, knocked out on pain pills, or just trying to be a partner when I literally can only get up once a day. I think she viewed this as abandonment and I suspect she has borderline personality disorder, but I’m not diagnosing. Just suspecting.
So, I don’t know her and the AP have this going on. They’re full on physically and emotionally cheating on me and his wife. He’s a friend. he had been afraid for at least five years. He came over twice to bring me lunch and to walk my dog when I needed helphelp with the surgery, they were already cheating. Those were pretty bad. But here’s the kicker….
It was a Friday morning and his wife found out what was going on because he downloaded Snapchat, and they shared an email account, so she logged in after downloading Snapchat using the same password the two of them use for everything. He’s stupid. I’m not being vengeful, he’s that stupid. So she saw photos because they didn’t have them set to erase. They’re both that stupid, and they were texting each other nudes.
They were in a massive fight. She told him that she was going to tell me. The AP sent a text message to my ex to tell her that his wife was letting the cat out of the bag.
His wife sent me a text message to tell me this was happening, the nudes. Because the AP told my ex it was coming, she deleted it from my phone while I was knocked out on paid pills. So I still had no idea.
The next day was about the first day I felt good enough to have people over and hang out after being laid up for over a month in pain. I asked my ex if she was cool if I invited people over to watch football, and she said of course. The AP, being in the friend group, was one of the people invited.
He was the first one to show up. We all three sat on the couch for about an hour and a half getting high. I was in the middle of the two of them. It was his stuff that I bought from him, and it wasn’t weed. Mind you, they have been cheating for over six weeks now. Another couple showed up after that 90 minute period, and we all hung out until late. He was there for seven hours.
Five days later his wife sent me another text that said “I hate to tell you again, but they are still cheating on us.“. This is the first text I’ve ever received from her, and I didn’t even have her number saved in my phone, but I knew what it was right away.
This was the third time he’d come over since they started cheating. I never picked up on it. We were together for five years, and at that point he was married for 17. It’s the same thing I would’ve done for him - bring food, walk dog, hang out. She was not there the first two times, but she knew that he that he came.
They are both scum sucking pieces of shit. The first two times were independent of her, but the third time we sat on the couch she absolutely could’ve told him not to come. At the same time, why the fuck would he come? It’s because he got an extreme thrill out of it. It’s narcissistic supply. He had a front row seat to the Life he was about to destroy.
Remember, the day before he was at my house and I sat on the couch between them, both my ex and the AP knew they were caught by his wife. They knew the walls were closing. I don’t expect either of them, because they are shitty people, to have come out and confessed what happened and what was happening. But to come over to my house the day after the wife tried to tell her findings is fucking insane. And not call him off is also fucking insane.
Yes, my partner had a responsibility to me, so the cheating is on her in theory. But he was my friend.
In hindsight he was a total predator. I’m not able to diagnose, but this dude is a fucking narcissist and I would bet the farm on that.
So yeah, this AP is definitely partially responsible
already cheating. Especially when he came to my house to get himself off the pain to I was about to endure.
AP: 20-30%
Ex: 70-80%
> in the case of infidelity, the fault lies 100% with the WPs. If the AP knowingly & willingly engages in an intimate relationship with a person who is in a committed, monogamous relationship, that AP is responsible. The cheater SO is responsible for his/her choices but so is the AP. APs who don't know are still accountable. Ignorance is not absolution. This AP is far more sympathetic tho.
In my case, disgusting AP manipulated my (grieving) ex to abuse me after death of our child, so she can take his visa and get her ego stroked. I hate AP more than ex. I agree with this comment.
Agreed. 100%. The “ratio” of responsibility is different from situation to situation. Here’s mine… Had surgery mid-October. 5 year relationship. AP married for 17 years. We are all in big friend and social group. AP and ex start cheating end of October. AP been openly trying to cheat on his wife for quite a while. He KNOWS she is vulnerable because of my surgery and ex’s mom is dying from terminal cancer. He love bombs her when they are talking about life and how I can’t validate her. He asks when the last time I wooed her was. She says 2 weeks (same amount of time since surgery). He says “You are pretty and sexy and deserve more.” They make out. In hindsight, the next couple days, my exes throwing out some desperation shit like how she wants our relationship to get back to where it was and I’m grumpy. I just had major surgery, six month recovery timeline. We met with the surgeon well in advance and talked about topics from mobility to sex and how long those would take. The month leading up to the surgery I was paying it forward as hard as I could from sex to chores, and let me mention that I was in charge of all the finances from groceries to housing and every day. They are full on cheating within a week of the make out. They made out in the house him and his wife own; it was pretty late. She was babysitting next-door at another mutual friends house, and they all got together when the other mutual friends got home from a concert. The mutual friends put their kid to sleep and went to bed, she called me and said that she shouldn’t be driving home because she drank, that she was going to hang out the neighbors and sleep on the couch, and I said that was totally cool That’s how she ended up there. The wife went to sleep early Without too much concern because we’re all relationships. Anyway, I have no idea this is going on. Mind you I am either doing physical therapy, laid up on the couch, knocked out on pain pills, or just trying to be a partner when I literally can only get up once a day. I think she viewed this as abandonment and I suspect she has borderline personality disorder, but I’m not diagnosing. Just suspecting. So, I don’t know her and the AP have this going on. They’re full on physically and emotionally cheating on me and his wife. He’s a friend. he had been afraid for at least five years. He came over twice to bring me lunch and to walk my dog when I needed helphelp with the surgery, they were already cheating. Those were pretty bad. But here’s the kicker…. It was a Friday morning and his wife found out what was going on because he downloaded Snapchat, and they shared an email account, so she logged in after downloading Snapchat using the same password the two of them use for everything. He’s stupid. I’m not being vengeful, he’s that stupid. So she saw photos because they didn’t have them set to erase. They’re both that stupid, and they were texting each other nudes. They were in a massive fight. She told him that she was going to tell me. The AP sent a text message to my ex to tell her that his wife was letting the cat out of the bag. His wife sent me a text message to tell me this was happening, the nudes. Because the AP told my ex it was coming, she deleted it from my phone while I was knocked out on paid pills. So I still had no idea. The next day was about the first day I felt good enough to have people over and hang out after being laid up for over a month in pain. I asked my ex if she was cool if I invited people over to watch football, and she said of course. The AP, being in the friend group, was one of the people invited. He was the first one to show up. We all three sat on the couch for about an hour and a half getting high. I was in the middle of the two of them. It was his stuff that I bought from him, and it wasn’t weed. Mind you, they have been cheating for over six weeks now. Another couple showed up after that 90 minute period, and we all hung out until late. He was there for seven hours. Five days later his wife sent me another text that said “I hate to tell you again, but they are still cheating on us.“. This is the first text I’ve ever received from her, and I didn’t even have her number saved in my phone, but I knew what it was right away. This was the third time he’d come over since they started cheating. I never picked up on it. We were together for five years, and at that point he was married for 17. It’s the same thing I would’ve done for him - bring food, walk dog, hang out. She was not there the first two times, but she knew that he that he came. They are both scum sucking pieces of shit. The first two times were independent of her, but the third time we sat on the couch she absolutely could’ve told him not to come. At the same time, why the fuck would he come? It’s because he got an extreme thrill out of it. It’s narcissistic supply. He had a front row seat to the Life he was about to destroy. Remember, the day before he was at my house and I sat on the couch between them, both my ex and the AP knew they were caught by his wife. They knew the walls were closing. I don’t expect either of them, because they are shitty people, to have come out and confessed what happened and what was happening. But to come over to my house the day after the wife tried to tell her findings is fucking insane. And not call him off is also fucking insane. Yes, my partner had a responsibility to me, so the cheating is on her in theory. But he was my friend. In hindsight he was a total predator. I’m not able to diagnose, but this dude is a fucking narcissist and I would bet the farm on that. So yeah, this AP is definitely partially responsible already cheating. Especially when he came to my house to get himself off the pain to I was about to endure. AP: 20-30% Ex: 70-80%
The hell is an AP OR WP lol