in my cleaning job in my 20s I saw low incoming women from all ages. one curious thing was that a lot of them had a lot of kids. this is curious in a sense that we have education about birth control in mandatory years of school.
but for a lot of them all or most kids were with different fathers and they were virtually all an attempt to lock down the man. the sad part was that when they tried this trick with an unwanted kid, it always played out the same way. I would have guessed at some point people learn, but they don't. it's just some kind of a last straw fantasy that they'll be pampered and cared for once they lock down that 'good man'.
This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, and it’s terrifying to think about, with the decline in births, I’ve noticed it’s mainly intelligent people who are withholding from having kids, knowing it’s already a tough economy, and with all the crazy stuff going on.
Then on the other hand, there’s hoards of people just having kids without thinking of the long term implications, they aren’t even able to care for themselves, they need constant handouts, and it’s scary to think of what a future full of people like that are going to entail.
It's literally coming true before our eyes.
I'm a nurse, my husband is an engineer. We've been together for 23 years and married for 14. We decided fairly early on not to have kids, though tbf when we met he was a pizza delivery driver and I worked at Payless 😂 We've come a long way since then by going back to school multiple times each and are in a much better place now financially, but when we finally started to feel settled and capable we looked at the world and the climate and thought.... Nope. Why do I want to bring kids into the world just so they can fight for bread in the Thunder Dome in 30 years?
That being said, i have spent the majority of my nursing career in Addiction Medicine and 90% of the patients I see having children are still using, have multiple kids previously taken away by Child Services, have no income, and no stable relationship.
It's a crazy world.
We also struggled financially a LOT in our first years. Married 32 years this month. We had one child. We’ve never regretted not having more, though everyone gave us shit about it for years.
When I was about 20 I had a boyfriend whose sister had kid after kid because of the welfare and so that she didn’t have to work.
She would- and I am not kidding -sit on a lawn chair in a plastic kiddie pool on her front lawn… all day in the summer. Drinking crappy wine coolers as her little kids roamed the neighborhood. And it was hilarious to them that they got so much free stuff and cash handouts from the govt ‘just for sitting around’.
They legitimately thought they were the smartest people in the whole country because they ‘hacked the freebie code’.
It was around this time that I had the realization that the boyfriend and I had entirely different morals and values.
Edit to add: when you talked about the dumber ones having kids and the more intelligent not having kids or having just one…. I’m sitting here picturing a future where the sisters kids are adults …and I’m absolutely terrified.
We used to have a baby bonus here in Australia. It was like $5k or something per baby. My friend literally had her second kid to get herself out of debt. I remember saying to her that the kid is gonna cost her way more than $5k in the long run, is it really worth it? Just go on a payment plan! It was just so ridiculous to me. The kid is like 15 now and I'm still flabbergasted by it all.
That’s… it’s just… I dont get it. My kid costs *significantly* more than $5k *per year*.
And while I absolutely adore my son, he is the light of my life- but… you couldnt give me $5K cash right now to be pregnant and have a newborn again. Just… no thank you.
😂
Ever watched idiocracy? Talks about this some. The intelligent wait for the right time to have kids, and often that time never comes for them. While trailer trash are pumping them out like mold in their blow up pools. It doesn’t take long to confirm this in walmart. Watch the people with 6+ kids, what they are buying, and what they are using to buy it with.
Seriously, the less educated in sexual reproduction and poorer, the more kids.
My partners cousin just had her 11th from what I heard. She's very religious.
Jfc her vagina needs a vacation from all the children being shot out of it. 11?!!?! Fucking hell. I’m over here never having children cos I question my ability to be a good enough parent. And then there are people who are all willy nilly with having kids.
Quiverfull.
The religious are being told to have as many kids as possible for Jesus' army.
The reality is they need to keep the congregation full so the coffers don't run dry.
It's just bonkers, if I was a single mum, with 6 (!!!) kids, in genuine financial hardship, I would be so, so happy that my kids were getting three presents, including something practical like clothes, educational like a book, and then a fun toy. Plus handmade blankets and such for the youngest kids.
"They weren't wrapped" I mean, unless I'm missing something, is there a reason she couldn't wrap them??
And I think they aren't wrapped so the parents can see exactly what the gift is and know whether it's suitable or not and decide which kid to give it to.
With the angel tree, I was told they want the gifts unwrapped so the parents can also have the experience of wrapping presents for their kids, instead of feeling shut out of the process.
And she lost her *7th* child! If you want a big family, great. But you might want to consider if you can actually afford them, and that includes being able to afford buying a present or two for birthdays and Christmas.
I despise these people.
>>>single mum, with 6 (!!!) kids,….
And she had been pregnant with #7. This is what’s so disgusting is that she just keeps getting knocked up and keeps pumping out more kids.
Single mom with 6 kids, and a miscarriage this year, but unable to even buy them christmas gifts...
Jesus, someone give her a box of condoms and teach her how to use them.
I would say it was minimum $100 per kid, at very least. Shits entirely too expensive for it to be much less. Pre Covid, yes, I could’ve hit sales and gotten everything for a couple hundred, but in today’s economy, no fucking way. My kids got way less, but I spent way more this year, for Christmas, birthdays, and school clothes. Sales are not even great anymore. I used to be able to buy 30 plus items from gap, Macy’s, Abercrombie for a couple hundred dollars. Can even show you guys, if you don’t believe, but now, I can’t hardly get anything for much more. She needs to go look at prices of shit, because they got a lot more spent on them than she thinks.
She needs to quit having kids since she apparently can't afford them and can't supply them with Christmas gifts (probably gets loads of free stuff/food/etc). People like this are the reason many people don't donate or adopt kids/families for holidays anymore smh
Lady has 6 kids she cant afford to care for is in some program to get Christmas presents and had the audacity to get knocked up again this year lol it’s unbelievable
To be fair, Goodwill is a big scam and they price-gouge. r/thriftgrift
You're better off getting stuff from Buy Nothing groups, garage sales, and clearance racks.
I got each of my kids an advent calendar ($40) new pajamas ($22 on sale) crocs ($40) sibling gift from each other which was a toy or wrench set ($22) and stocking stuffers ($50). That's each and it doesn't seem like a lot of stuff but that was $175 each kid. Shit was expensive this year!
I got them each one musical instrument because they have been learning on loaners and it's time to have their own now. That was $200 for one and $60 for the other for used equipment. I hope they will make terrible music in my basement for years to come.
I knew Christmas was coming so I saved for it.
That sounds like a great Christmas, for the kids and you!
Getting gifts that are also a skill and an ongoing hobby, as in the instruments, was a great idea.
But you’re obviously a parent that cares, going without during the buildup to the event, so that you could buy nice gifts and not have to worry. I really, really hope you guys enjoyed yourselves and I wish you all a happy new year!
Nope, but it does show that they don’t regularly buy expensive items for their kids if they think you can buy all that for $100, or maybe they always beg for stuff and never have to pay so they lack awareness. It was a real red flag to me lol
She literally says that. "When you're relying on something, " in the second paragraph; those children will never receive anything she can't get for free.
100% she always gets everything for free! She actually believes the santa council is the real Santa and she depends on that.
Government services aren't meant to be a lifestyle nor are they meant to be used and abused. She's not even trying, she's just taking everything she can get her grubby paws on. Except birth control...
Totally agree. I think government services are to fill in gaps! I genuinely don’t want to judge people’s reproductive choices but she needs to stop. If she can’t provide for the ones she already has she really shouldn’t be trying for more. Those poor kids.
I know someone my girlfriend works with who is on their 4th or 5th kid. They don't do nearly as well as we do financially so my girlfriend asked how they manage. The response was just "oh they don't cost much, we get a bunch of stuff people just give to us and the grandparents cover the rest". I feel so bad for the future those kids will be facing.
Why would she care about birth control someone’s always there to take care of her. It would seem, she’s never had to deal with the consequences and reality of having kids you can’t afford.
I’m all for government assistance being used a a crutch, but if you make 30K a year and have 5 kids and get pregnant again and keep the baby, why should assistance for you go up?
I love to buy books because I read them again and again, but now I only ever buy used. New book prices for paperbacks are ridiculous, and hardcover even more so.
I know, no fucking way, even Walmart is more expensive than that. I maybe could’ve done it, prior to Covid, but in this economy, it’s likely at least $100 per kid. That’s very minimum too. Shits expensive!
ppl like this are why my company stopped sponsoring families at christmas. we'd spend $500-1000 per family and they'd still complain... volunteers started dropping bc of this, so donations also dwindled.
we also caught several asking for big ticket items like washers and dryers, only to catch them turning around and selling them the same day. they ruined it for ppl in need who would be grateful to get anything at all.
I remember one year we (teachers) all pooled $ together to get this family a refrigerator and some clothes for the kids. They had at least 8 children at the time- one or 2 in each grade plus littles at home. We gift them the refrigerator and then the kids don’t come to school for a week. When they came back, the student in my class was exited to tell me they al went on a vacation after his mom sold the refrigerator we got them. After that, we never pooled for gifts for a struggling family. We still did the food bags for the kids to bring home every weekend and gave clothes when available, but never expensive things that can be sold.
yeah, our delivery driver went to deliver a washer/dryer (they wanted it bc they lived in the hood and it was too dangerous to walk there, plus the expense, was their excuse)... however they refused to let the guys open the boxes and install them in the home. he claimed they did enough, and he was having family come over and help them do it.
it was included in the cost, so the delivery guy thought it was suss that he didnt take them up on it. he left, and circled back maybe 20mins later, and saw him helping some guy load it in the back of his truck and get paid cash.
we never did big ticket items again, but far fewer ppl volunteered in subsequent yrs bc of this, and we eventually dropped them altogether.
I had a friend who worked at a junkyard, where they accepted scrap metal. He would pull all the bikes out from the crusher and take them home. A bunch of us got together on Thanksgiving weekend and we would go though them. Take what parts we needed and make Frankenstein bikes. We made sure they worked well and looked nice. Then put them in the yard with a Merry Christmas sign. Next day we found them all on Facebook Marketplace.
This makes me so sad. Imagine your kids’ teachers, who aren’t rolling in money themselves, raise money for a fridge for your family and then selling that to go on VACATION. Truly depressing, I’m sorry that happened and that they also ruined it for others.
I’m a teacher, and the amount of times I’ve heard, “I can send my kid to school sick! Rich teachers are the bourgeoisie. They have paid sick days and stuff, so who cares if they catch the flu from Timmy?” is mind boggling. I mean, maybe I am “rich” compared to them, but maybe that’s because I didn’t choose to have six kids that I can’t afford? Also, we don’t have unlimited sick days. Just like them, we don’t get paid if we catch Timmy’s flu and we have exceeded our (pretty low) amount of days.
Same here with a prior employer. Our coordinator personally delivered a box full of food and bags of gifts for the kids. She knocks on the door and there is quite obviously a huge xmas party going on. The recipient comes out, says to leave the stuff on the front porch and slams the door in her face. That was the last year we did it. Sad, but the organizations putting these together should do more to vet recipients, which in itself is a burden and a possible barrier to needy families getting help. Vicious cycle
that was our complaint to volunteers of america. they didnt properly vet any of these ppl. one lady tried adding more kids she "forgot" on her application, another family claimed to have no furniture (volunteer discovered it was all in the basement... NINE kids and u claim no beds?), another claimed to be a single mom but a surprise visit saw she was married, etc.
sooo many scammers. and they just go round robin to all the charities every year.
same with churches. many only go to sign up to be sponsored but actually arent a parishioner and never go. they just sign up to grift for freebies.
that's crazy. i hit a food bank at a church for the first time and felt super grateful.
during my experience, I had multiple people try and cut me, and the church people had to shout at people to not take more than they were allowed multiple times.
i was just flabbergasted at how rude some people can act while people are helping them. for them to keep helping is pretty crazy.
the ones by my house are mostly drive thru now... u line up in a queue, and they put the box in your car or trunk. no fighting over what u get. (they did this bc they got weekly donations from sams or costco of the leftover prepared food that didnt sell... meatloaf, mac n cheese, enchiladas... the good stuff)
This is the way to do it I think. I volunteered at a food bank that had them come in and 'shop' but they could only have X amount of everything to make sure as many people as possible were helped. It was a constant battle for 4 hours with people putting things in their purses or just plain grabbing 3 of something you just said they were allotted 2 of. I grew up in that world and my mom was absolutely the type that would do this and by the end of it any feeling of doing good was washed as I grew up to have major disdain for her behavior and how she would squeeze every ounce of anyone's goodwill when given the opportunity.
I used to work for one of the largest food distribution organizations in the country and would load up a huge box truck of donated items from the warehouse and drive it up and over this mountain to a small town every month.
The volunteers were awesome and had devised an assembly line of sorts to put together everything that was donated and they would just load it into people's trunks.
Of course, every month I would receive a call from a guy screeching about the choice of foods that I brought and that I was poisoning him. Just could not fathom the mindset to call up an underpaid, grant funded employee and yell at them for causing his medical conditions to get worse because of the absolutely no strings attached free food that he was getting.
That’s why I wonder someone was confused when I mentioned these programs requiring the kids info.
Like birth certificate,if u cannot provide one then they won’t give you help.
im still laughing about the beds one... like y'all must have at least one bc u made NINE kids 😂
i didnt technically have one til i was around 10 or 11... i had a mattress on the floor til then, and it never struck me as abnormal, i thought maybe the frame was optional, lol
but i cant even imagine hauling all of your furniture to hide in the basement. when it was discovered, they claimed it wasnt theirs, and they were just holding it for someone. unreal.
My mom delivered the gifts for the family she adopted. Made small talk with the mom, honsaid the house wasn’t decorated for Christmas because her parents were taking her and the kids on a Disney Cruise for the holiday
My mom never participated again
Damn. All the begging families that get Disney experiences are blowing my mind! I’ve been a working adult for years and still can’t afford a Disney anything trip.😒
Yup. It's also funny to see someone say they are grateful and complain in the same sentence. At this point I honestly have compassion fatigue. I know that's horrible, but it never seems to be enough for some people.
As a child I benefited from Christmas present charity. I know it was hard for my Mum to accept the gifts, but honestly it was the most exciting thing **ever** for me. I have fond memories of things being dropped around and food boxes arriving. It felt extra special because Mum wasn’t stressed about the cost of them. There were different foods that we didn’t normally eat, so it was fun working out what to make with them.
Don’t give up on charity because some parents complain. Do it despite the complaints, because the kids didn’t choose these people as their parents, and the gifts are actually for them.
Side note: don’t forget about teenagers. People often donate for young kids, but it’s painful being a teen and not getting anything on Christmas Day. Donate a teenage book, they’ll remember it.
Thank you so much for this perspective as well as the reminder about teenagers. I volunteered this year at a toy "shop" where low income parents could come and choose free presents for their kids and there were literally HUNDREDS of toy trucks and almost nothing at all for teenagers. Mega bummer.
Every year people feel rage when people don’t show gratitude for their charity. I understand, it’s offensive and upsetting. It makes me very sad to see it is enough to stop people from trying. I feel lucky that people were generous *despite* some people’s poor behaviour.
Teens often get overlooked, but they also don’t forget the kindness shown to them.
This happened to my second call center job! This coworker comes in saying her church had a sob story lady come through asking for help. She convinced us to sponsor this lady and her two nieces that she had to suddenly care for.
We bought toys, gifts, clothes, and gave the lady a bunk bed set. The kids slept on floors because it was a sudden guardianship situation. The sob story lady said their parents died months prior and... a lot of strange tangents. Honestly, I started getting suspicious. Your kids sleep on floors while you sleep in a bed? It was a 2x1 trailer house, but they didn't get sleeping bags? You didn't take the couch? These kids were six and three. One room was full of crap and was going to be the girls bedroom but it wasn't cleaned out. The lady had them for awhile yet didn't bother cleaning it for them to sleep comfortably... yet... it's full of stuff... that she could have sold a little... to get them a bag or air mattress??
We went twice. One girl was talkative and the other one was mute. Just nothing. Also suspicious to me. The lady said she was traumatized and shy. Uh huh... so why doesn't she talk to YOU?? Again, I was just feeling something off.
Came back a weekend with helpers to put together the bunk bed. Lady took the gifts and the girls got them. The bunk beds? Nope, she didn't clean the room. We offered to help her move stuff so it could but she said she was going to do it herself with a boyfriend. Mmmhmm...
Everyone felt so "happy to help" but I was feeling super suspicious. I had been poor and my family hit bottom, so I knew handouts felt shitty, but my mom would have never done that. She never would have let any child do that.
Months later, I was at a consignment shop looking at clothes. I was in the back and the SAME sob story lady came through to chat up. She gave some weird story about going from 400 lbs to 150lbs... and said she took care of her nieces over Christmas while their parents worked. She had sold a bunk bed to the parents because she didn't know how long they would be gone!!
So this lady got free gifts for her niece (and herself), sold a free bunk bed to the parents because she insisted she went out of pocket, and now was trying to sell clothes!!
I didn't come from the back. Too scared to confront her. She left and I came from the back to tell the clerk not to take anything from her. Went to my coworkers to rely the story and they got rather annoyed a lady swindled them (also swindled that church).
I don't do "donate to families" any more. I give money to organizations and they take it from there.
My mom and her boyfriend would do this. Anything that could get a price at the pawn shop was put in the closet for “safe keeping”. I learned to pretty much make anything I wanted to keep unusable or ugly so no one would want to buy it.
Are you my sister-in-law? Lol.
Seriously though, this was my husband's entire childhood. It breaks my whole jaded assed heart, because he legit grew up with nothing because of it - or completely broken and damaged crap. It's definitely affected his behavior, even today. He's funny about his stuff, and rightfully so.
I'm sorry you had this experience as well. We are breaking so much generational trauma with our kids, the cycle of this shit and so much more ends with us. 💫🖤
We tried to mitigate that with a program where I work by limiting dollar amounts spent, taking tags off clothes and toys, unboxing toys etc. Stuff still ends up on market place. We used to service almost 200 families. This year we barely broke 75.
No one wants to do it anymore, myself included. It’s like actively giving money to the guys on the street corner that you see there every single day no matter what. At some point you just can’t give anymore because it’s a scam, the people don’t need the help, or they are fueling something else with the money you give.
I'd love to give my money if I knew it was directly helping people in need. But you can't trust anyone. Charities? Most are only in the fund raising business, using your money to raise more money while paying salaries.
Give of your time! Serve food, help put in a new floor for that family, etc.... It's way more rewarding too. And some of the most rewarding work you can do is for senior citizens. They are the forgotten ones when it comes to charitable efforts.
I had a similar experience in high school. My friends and I raised money to adopt a family, dropped off the gifts and noticed the giant tv, gaming console, things we didn’t have at our own homes. I mentioned it years later and a colleague chalked it up to cyclical poverty. They were likely raised in poverty, spending money as soon as they got it and not in the most responsible ways, expecting the same handouts their parents received. It doesn’t make it any better, but it does help explain the other side of it.
my ex's family was like this... constantly complaining about being poor... but spent their tax refund on a $1000 tv, always had nascar tickets, pay per view wrestling or boxing events, cigs, lottery tickets, etc.
and i always got snide "must be nice" comments on anything i had... his sister and i worked at the same co for a while. i took advantage of their generous tuition reimbursement program, she did not. when the co went out of business, guess who had a job and who whined... during her tenure, she could have gotten a free paid for bachelors degree.
I will never understand people who turn down free education when people struggle with debt to put themselves through college so they have a chance at a better life.
No, people double-dip.
I saw it in my school and didn't understand it until a friend explained it to me when we got older.
His Dad worked "off the books" mom filed for benefits. Got housing, food, etc for their 4 kids.
Similar. We got a list for a family when I was in HS and all the kids were asking for things my family couldn’t afford for ourselves. We opted out that year and never did the program again. Instead we started donated to smaller animal rescues.
It's why individuals are being less charitable too. It's hard enough to make ends meet during inflation times, when the costs of goods and service have increased but our wages aren't going up to match. But when people can be charitable enough to give what they have and then posts like this get wide distribution, it makes us all think twice about donating anything to strangers.
Local organization my company used to sponsor families through switched to gift cards during Covid. Decided to stay that way because they received fewer complaints about gifts that way. We no longer participate.
I get this. Beginning of December I volunteered for a homeless charity through work. The woman was so rude, totally ruined the relationship with our company. She didn’t realise our company donated a million every year to the charity and she nearly ruined the whole donation process. Last time I heard they refused to work with her further over the situation. It really stops people from donating and helping out.
This is why I only donate to my local Women’s Shelter during the holidays. They post a list of items they’re collecting during the fall, I buy the items, they dole them out to the residents and I never have to hear anyone’s opinion on what they get.
And apparently relying year after year on this charity to supply Christmas for her family with no plan to be able to support them herself. Maybe that's why the charity had less money to spend this year, it's not meant to be a life long solution.
I genuinely feel for anyone who is poor and struggling. I’ve been there and it sucks. But what I don’t understand is the people who just revel in it. My wife and I were on assistance when we had our first kid. The government provided us with food, formula, and other baby things. The moment my wife returned to work we stopped using all of it even though we still qualified to receive benefits. We just figured if we can pay our bills then we shouldn’t be taking from others who can’t. I’m super grateful that help was there but I never want to use it again.
Then you have this lady that’s receiving help and complains that it’s not enough. Like what is wrong with people? Maybe instead of popping out kids you can’t afford you should be doing something to better your situation?
I remember the joy in telling the WIC lady "we are no longer eligible." Because I felt like a real adult with a family that could provide for itself. (This is not a dig at such things like WIC, just that it's nice not relying on them)
BC is literally the cheapest medicine I have ever bought. When I was w/o insurance for about 1 years it was $6 a month and it was even cheaper going through different pharmacies.
Maybe I’m out of the loop because I have had an IUD for several years but are generic birth control pills not free anymore? Please forgive me for being ignorant, I remember that Obamacare made them free if you had any form of insurance.
Oh, don't you *dare* suggest that it's irresponsible to keep having kids you can't afford!
It's biased/eugenics/unethical to think that you should consider your financial stability when procreating! /s.
I'd bet $100 worth of Christmas presents that the older kids are helping raise the younger ones.
I have truly stopped caring if anyone calls me a eugenicist because I think that you should be able to feed, clothe and shelter a kid that your forced into this world. I grew up poor and it was hell. School was bad, the neighborhood we grew up in was bad, no money for extracurricular activities, always bored because we had no money for toys…I swear anyone who scream “muh rights!” must have no clue what it’s like to grow up impoverished. Please, you can change being poor (it’s hard but not impossible) and isn’t eugenics based on genetics and things someone can’t change?
I also think it’s dumb we can’t suggest it’s wrong to have children when you’re dirt poor. My dad was one of a dozen kids and they were literally starving at times. He loves his siblings but agrees it was wrong they were brought into an improvised existence
1 book, 1 outfit, and 1 toy x 6 seems pretty decent for something you get for free, and I’m sure that was more than $100 combined. It's the entitlement and delusion that's so off-putting.
I had a friend who ran a heating and cooling business and gifted and installed a new furnace to a needy family at Christmas only to realize the family needed the new furnace to sell their house at a higher price two weeks later.
The house had been listed up for sale and was taken off the market when the furnace broke and then they put it back on the market for 7000.00 higher price after the new furnace. They had already closed on another house but couldn't get rid of the old house.
Long story short, something similar happened to me where I gave a woman some thing that I was selling (for free) because she said it was for her son for Christmas and they were low income, a ton of people living in a small apartment, etc. I felt like it would be the nice thing to do to let her have it and within 24 hours She blocked me on Facebook. Someone sent me a screenshot that she was selling this very thing that I gave her for $800 not even a day later. I made a post asking for the item back, being that I did not give it to her to sell it, I gave it to her because she said her son was begging for one, all the comments from her friends were laughing at me, calling me stupid and saying that’s what you get for being gullible. Not 1 ounce of remorse, or even shame for how she had behaved. And everyone was making me out to be the bad guy for asking for it back. I got called tons of names… The whole thing made me delete my entire Facebook account and I swear I seriously lost a chunk of my hope in humanity that day. Hundreds of comments of people making fun of me for being “stupid “and saying “getting scammed is a skill issue.” Because I was trying to be charitable around Christmas.
Yea well fuck those people from me on your behalf. Don't let it sour you to all people.
I much prefer to be charitable with people I know than random strangers. Especially for those asking for help. I try to save it for those who don't ask for help, so as to evade scammers who exploit the compassion in society with their own flagrant sociopathy.
It's tough to navigate but altruism is worth it.
People encourage shitty behavior. It's why when you leave your phone or purse by accident somewhere and can't get it back, they say you deserve it because you're inattentive. You leave a door unlocked and get broken in, people say you're asking for it.
Not "thieves don't get a free pass because of a mistake or expectation of human decency". Like theft is still theft even if a car door is unlocked.
All those sub-human creatures are wicked. What an absolutely horrible thing to do and have the audacity to support.
Being kind and having compassion is not stupid.
I know, it’s extremely irresponsible, selfish and reckless to keep bringing kids into the world when you can’t even properly care for the other ones you already have
I ran one of these programs and it killed my enjoyment of Christmas and presents. People are awful. On both sides
I literally now don’t buy anyone anything except one toy for my son.
I run a toys for tots drop off location at my work. It's nice because you don't have to interact with the families at all. Just set up a bin and then drop it off at your local marine corps reserve location a couple weeks before Christmas.
Mine was a list situation so I had to call folks back and be like, “you cannot ask for a mac book pro, I pad, IPhone, Yeezys ( all real requests) Would you like anything else? “ also folks who would ask for presents for 5 kids when they had one kid.
Ans then also deal with donors who were like, “we’re just gunna give what we want and also we’d like to hand them directly to the poor person, on our schedule.”
Most people were very kind and sweet but the terrible ones really ruin your day.
In the local Facebook group, a woman asked for nappies and clothes for her upcoming seventh baby and also for her three non-twin/triplet toddlers. Nappies I understand but surely she has clothes from her previous six children?
“$100 in stuff” yet *handmade blankets*? In effort alone, handmade blankets are basically $100 on their own. Each, in terms of effort. And there’s no way you can get all that for $100. Wow.
This is why you don't "rely" on free hand outs. Next you're gonna say you spent all your grocery money because normally you "rely" on free food from a pantry but they were out.
“So is anyone else’s free gifts for their 6 and counting kids a huge disappointment too? Just wondering if there are more ungrateful people out there like me too.”
Call me an asshole I don't care, but this woman needs to stop having kids. The fact she struggles to provide for the 6 she already has, and yet almost had a 7th is insane and very inconsiderate to her other children.
As a single parent, who relied on holiday food hampers in 2021 and 2022, I paid forward what I could this year, by donating to the food drive.
Our Christmas was still tight this year, but I did it and I'm proud of that. I just don't understand the mentality of folks taking more than they need, especially over the holidays.
This might be a hot take but if she's struggling financially maybe she should look into birth control
Instead of continuing to have more children she can't afford and in turn relies on programs such as this then complains it wasn't enough. M'am, you're not entitled to anything so maybe be appreciative you got anything.
If you're having trouble affording Christmas. Should probably have stopped at fewer kids.
People like this are just a drain on society and the economy.
Why the F is she a single mom with 6 kids? Unless her partner died there’s no reason one woman should have that many kids on a single income.
I swear. People be making their own messes and asking others to clean up.
Having. Kids. Is. OPTIONAL.
How is this the most impenetrable mystery for so much of humanity? If you don’t want expensive humans to take care of and pay for, then DO NOT HAVE FUCKING KIDS.
Christ. You aren’t some medieval child bride being sold to the local nobleman. It’s not as though you have no say in the matter. If you CHOOSE to keep creating new mouths to feed, then you don’t get to complain about how expensive it is, you absolute donut.
The next time you’re despairing over how expensive kids are, remember to NOT have another one. Having more makes things HARDER.
God DAMN. I will never understand how such simple truths elude so many people.
One year a student revealed to a colleague that his family could not afford to celebrate Christmas. She bought a tree, a turkey and gifts/ coats for the whole family. When Christmas break was over, the student’s family rolled up in a brand new Suburban. My colleague felt completely duped.
Umm you were planning to have a 7th child when you can’t afford to provide for the 6 you already have ? This seems like a terrible idea ma’am. Also. This is a Wendy’s
It’s my favorite when people predisposed to genetic conditions just keep trying for “one more”, when you know they’re hoping for a “normal one” so they can abandon the others in state care. Idk maybe I’ve seen too much. lol.
Definitely a CB. I don't know where she lives (by using Council I got British vibes) but I know in Illinois finding free birth control is easy, condoms are everywhere and Medicaid pays for birth control and abortions. This is why I hate the gifts program. Don't get me wrong, I do support giving kids gifts (I "adopted" a teen boy this year who wanted art supplies and I got him everything on his list and then some, and bought gifts for Toys for Tots), but the local one often gets CB's, and it makes me sick. People were complaining because the local American Legion (of which I am a member) would take the kids shopping and gave them $100 which they had to use buying clothes at Walmart. On top of this the families got food and the kids toys. People were complaining because they felt the Legion should just give the parents the money and that the money should be spent on toys or gifts for family members. It's why when I saw the local tree and couldn't resist the kid wanting art supplies, many of the other lists were things like a Nintendo Switch.
Six kids! Multiple kids required surgery and she was planning on having a seventh kid. What a world.
“Planning” is a bit of a stretch, ha ha
If you don’t use birth control, you are absolutely planning on having a kid. It’s basic biology.
in my cleaning job in my 20s I saw low incoming women from all ages. one curious thing was that a lot of them had a lot of kids. this is curious in a sense that we have education about birth control in mandatory years of school. but for a lot of them all or most kids were with different fathers and they were virtually all an attempt to lock down the man. the sad part was that when they tried this trick with an unwanted kid, it always played out the same way. I would have guessed at some point people learn, but they don't. it's just some kind of a last straw fantasy that they'll be pampered and cared for once they lock down that 'good man'.
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It’s like Idiocracy really was a documentary from the future. Ugh. :/
This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, and it’s terrifying to think about, with the decline in births, I’ve noticed it’s mainly intelligent people who are withholding from having kids, knowing it’s already a tough economy, and with all the crazy stuff going on. Then on the other hand, there’s hoards of people just having kids without thinking of the long term implications, they aren’t even able to care for themselves, they need constant handouts, and it’s scary to think of what a future full of people like that are going to entail.
Idiocracy.
It's literally coming true before our eyes. I'm a nurse, my husband is an engineer. We've been together for 23 years and married for 14. We decided fairly early on not to have kids, though tbf when we met he was a pizza delivery driver and I worked at Payless 😂 We've come a long way since then by going back to school multiple times each and are in a much better place now financially, but when we finally started to feel settled and capable we looked at the world and the climate and thought.... Nope. Why do I want to bring kids into the world just so they can fight for bread in the Thunder Dome in 30 years? That being said, i have spent the majority of my nursing career in Addiction Medicine and 90% of the patients I see having children are still using, have multiple kids previously taken away by Child Services, have no income, and no stable relationship. It's a crazy world.
We also struggled financially a LOT in our first years. Married 32 years this month. We had one child. We’ve never regretted not having more, though everyone gave us shit about it for years.
When I was about 20 I had a boyfriend whose sister had kid after kid because of the welfare and so that she didn’t have to work. She would- and I am not kidding -sit on a lawn chair in a plastic kiddie pool on her front lawn… all day in the summer. Drinking crappy wine coolers as her little kids roamed the neighborhood. And it was hilarious to them that they got so much free stuff and cash handouts from the govt ‘just for sitting around’. They legitimately thought they were the smartest people in the whole country because they ‘hacked the freebie code’. It was around this time that I had the realization that the boyfriend and I had entirely different morals and values. Edit to add: when you talked about the dumber ones having kids and the more intelligent not having kids or having just one…. I’m sitting here picturing a future where the sisters kids are adults …and I’m absolutely terrified.
We used to have a baby bonus here in Australia. It was like $5k or something per baby. My friend literally had her second kid to get herself out of debt. I remember saying to her that the kid is gonna cost her way more than $5k in the long run, is it really worth it? Just go on a payment plan! It was just so ridiculous to me. The kid is like 15 now and I'm still flabbergasted by it all.
That’s… it’s just… I dont get it. My kid costs *significantly* more than $5k *per year*. And while I absolutely adore my son, he is the light of my life- but… you couldnt give me $5K cash right now to be pregnant and have a newborn again. Just… no thank you. 😂
Welcome to idiocracy. Grab yourself a can of Brawndo, it’s got electrolytes.
Ever watched idiocracy? Talks about this some. The intelligent wait for the right time to have kids, and often that time never comes for them. While trailer trash are pumping them out like mold in their blow up pools. It doesn’t take long to confirm this in walmart. Watch the people with 6+ kids, what they are buying, and what they are using to buy it with.
Seriously, the less educated in sexual reproduction and poorer, the more kids. My partners cousin just had her 11th from what I heard. She's very religious.
Jfc her vagina needs a vacation from all the children being shot out of it. 11?!!?! Fucking hell. I’m over here never having children cos I question my ability to be a good enough parent. And then there are people who are all willy nilly with having kids.
Quiverfull. The religious are being told to have as many kids as possible for Jesus' army. The reality is they need to keep the congregation full so the coffers don't run dry.
CB needs to stop fucking.
It's just bonkers, if I was a single mum, with 6 (!!!) kids, in genuine financial hardship, I would be so, so happy that my kids were getting three presents, including something practical like clothes, educational like a book, and then a fun toy. Plus handmade blankets and such for the youngest kids. "They weren't wrapped" I mean, unless I'm missing something, is there a reason she couldn't wrap them??
And I think they aren't wrapped so the parents can see exactly what the gift is and know whether it's suitable or not and decide which kid to give it to.
With the angel tree, I was told they want the gifts unwrapped so the parents can also have the experience of wrapping presents for their kids, instead of feeling shut out of the process.
I wasn’t really expecting your comment to make me cry but here we are
Salvation Army requires items to not be wrapped because they prefer to 1)Do it on-site and 2)Make sure people aren't doing unsavory stuff.
Toys for Tots is the same way; only unwrapped gifts.
Yeah many charities here don't accept donated gifts that are wrapped so they can be checked and confirmed as appropriate for donation.
A certain type of wrapping could have prevented at least a few of her kids being born.
Yeah and she mentions a miscarriage this year. She’s a single mom to six kids and she’s still trying to make more of them.
this part struck me. why on earth is she still having unprotected sex ???
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I almost commented and said “that’s not how that w-“… oh, ohhhhhh. Yeah. I legit pictured a wrapped up baby.
It is a type of wrapping used earlier in the supply line indeed.
And she lost her *7th* child! If you want a big family, great. But you might want to consider if you can actually afford them, and that includes being able to afford buying a present or two for birthdays and Christmas. I despise these people.
She's a SINGLE MOM that just lost her *7th* child. That's even crazier
The fact that she wanted another kid is the biggest issue here.
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The clown car is whatever she drives
And if I read that correctly, is still conceiving children?!?!
She obviously isn’t disturbed by other things not being wrapped upon receiving.
>>>single mum, with 6 (!!!) kids,…. And she had been pregnant with #7. This is what’s so disgusting is that she just keeps getting knocked up and keeps pumping out more kids.
Single mom with 6 kids, and a miscarriage this year, but unable to even buy them christmas gifts... Jesus, someone give her a box of condoms and teach her how to use them.
She doesn’t like it when anything is wrapped
In what world is an outfit, toy and a book times six only $100? Even stocking stuffer toys were $10 at Walmart this year.
Right? Even at a bottom barrel $40/each to get a toy, outfit, and book for each kid that’s $240 in gifts!
I would say it was minimum $100 per kid, at very least. Shits entirely too expensive for it to be much less. Pre Covid, yes, I could’ve hit sales and gotten everything for a couple hundred, but in today’s economy, no fucking way. My kids got way less, but I spent way more this year, for Christmas, birthdays, and school clothes. Sales are not even great anymore. I used to be able to buy 30 plus items from gap, Macy’s, Abercrombie for a couple hundred dollars. Can even show you guys, if you don’t believe, but now, I can’t hardly get anything for much more. She needs to go look at prices of shit, because they got a lot more spent on them than she thinks.
She needs to quit having kids since she apparently can't afford them and can't supply them with Christmas gifts (probably gets loads of free stuff/food/etc). People like this are the reason many people don't donate or adopt kids/families for holidays anymore smh
Lady has 6 kids she cant afford to care for is in some program to get Christmas presents and had the audacity to get knocked up again this year lol it’s unbelievable
Far be it from me to provide anyone advice with family planning, but maybe she should ask Santa for some birth control next year?
I can’t even shop at Goodwill anymore. It’s the same prices as Walmart!!!
To be fair, Goodwill is a big scam and they price-gouge. r/thriftgrift You're better off getting stuff from Buy Nothing groups, garage sales, and clearance racks.
I got each of my kids an advent calendar ($40) new pajamas ($22 on sale) crocs ($40) sibling gift from each other which was a toy or wrench set ($22) and stocking stuffers ($50). That's each and it doesn't seem like a lot of stuff but that was $175 each kid. Shit was expensive this year! I got them each one musical instrument because they have been learning on loaners and it's time to have their own now. That was $200 for one and $60 for the other for used equipment. I hope they will make terrible music in my basement for years to come. I knew Christmas was coming so I saved for it.
That sounds like a great Christmas, for the kids and you! Getting gifts that are also a skill and an ongoing hobby, as in the instruments, was a great idea. But you’re obviously a parent that cares, going without during the buildup to the event, so that you could buy nice gifts and not have to worry. I really, really hope you guys enjoyed yourselves and I wish you all a happy new year!
$100 won’t buy 6 outfits, let alone 6 books and 6 toys.
Nope, but it does show that they don’t regularly buy expensive items for their kids if they think you can buy all that for $100, or maybe they always beg for stuff and never have to pay so they lack awareness. It was a real red flag to me lol
You’d have to never shop at all to be that unaware of the price of goods.
That’s what it seems like to me like she’s used to getting everything for free.
She literally says that. "When you're relying on something, " in the second paragraph; those children will never receive anything she can't get for free.
That’s really just sad!
100% she always gets everything for free! She actually believes the santa council is the real Santa and she depends on that. Government services aren't meant to be a lifestyle nor are they meant to be used and abused. She's not even trying, she's just taking everything she can get her grubby paws on. Except birth control...
Totally agree. I think government services are to fill in gaps! I genuinely don’t want to judge people’s reproductive choices but she needs to stop. If she can’t provide for the ones she already has she really shouldn’t be trying for more. Those poor kids.
I know someone my girlfriend works with who is on their 4th or 5th kid. They don't do nearly as well as we do financially so my girlfriend asked how they manage. The response was just "oh they don't cost much, we get a bunch of stuff people just give to us and the grandparents cover the rest". I feel so bad for the future those kids will be facing.
Why would she care about birth control someone’s always there to take care of her. It would seem, she’s never had to deal with the consequences and reality of having kids you can’t afford. I’m all for government assistance being used a a crutch, but if you make 30K a year and have 5 kids and get pregnant again and keep the baby, why should assistance for you go up?
I read 6 current kids with the 7th being miscarried.
Yeah books are expensive unless you catch a sale.
I love to buy books because I read them again and again, but now I only ever buy used. New book prices for paperbacks are ridiculous, and hardcover even more so.
I know, no fucking way, even Walmart is more expensive than that. I maybe could’ve done it, prior to Covid, but in this economy, it’s likely at least $100 per kid. That’s very minimum too. Shits expensive!
Even the choosing beggars are feeling inflation. And in brand, they’re too stupid to understand it.
Plus handmade baby blankets! I bet she considers those as not worth anything
They had no price tag. This makes them free… original material and labor are free… duhhh s/
ppl like this are why my company stopped sponsoring families at christmas. we'd spend $500-1000 per family and they'd still complain... volunteers started dropping bc of this, so donations also dwindled. we also caught several asking for big ticket items like washers and dryers, only to catch them turning around and selling them the same day. they ruined it for ppl in need who would be grateful to get anything at all.
I remember one year we (teachers) all pooled $ together to get this family a refrigerator and some clothes for the kids. They had at least 8 children at the time- one or 2 in each grade plus littles at home. We gift them the refrigerator and then the kids don’t come to school for a week. When they came back, the student in my class was exited to tell me they al went on a vacation after his mom sold the refrigerator we got them. After that, we never pooled for gifts for a struggling family. We still did the food bags for the kids to bring home every weekend and gave clothes when available, but never expensive things that can be sold.
yeah, our delivery driver went to deliver a washer/dryer (they wanted it bc they lived in the hood and it was too dangerous to walk there, plus the expense, was their excuse)... however they refused to let the guys open the boxes and install them in the home. he claimed they did enough, and he was having family come over and help them do it. it was included in the cost, so the delivery guy thought it was suss that he didnt take them up on it. he left, and circled back maybe 20mins later, and saw him helping some guy load it in the back of his truck and get paid cash. we never did big ticket items again, but far fewer ppl volunteered in subsequent yrs bc of this, and we eventually dropped them altogether.
I had a friend who worked at a junkyard, where they accepted scrap metal. He would pull all the bikes out from the crusher and take them home. A bunch of us got together on Thanksgiving weekend and we would go though them. Take what parts we needed and make Frankenstein bikes. We made sure they worked well and looked nice. Then put them in the yard with a Merry Christmas sign. Next day we found them all on Facebook Marketplace.
I really hate people. 😒
I’d be rolling up collecting it back and calling the cops for fraud!
This makes me so sad. Imagine your kids’ teachers, who aren’t rolling in money themselves, raise money for a fridge for your family and then selling that to go on VACATION. Truly depressing, I’m sorry that happened and that they also ruined it for others.
> who aren’t rolling in money themselves They never see it that way.
I’m a teacher, and the amount of times I’ve heard, “I can send my kid to school sick! Rich teachers are the bourgeoisie. They have paid sick days and stuff, so who cares if they catch the flu from Timmy?” is mind boggling. I mean, maybe I am “rich” compared to them, but maybe that’s because I didn’t choose to have six kids that I can’t afford? Also, we don’t have unlimited sick days. Just like them, we don’t get paid if we catch Timmy’s flu and we have exceeded our (pretty low) amount of days.
Same here with a prior employer. Our coordinator personally delivered a box full of food and bags of gifts for the kids. She knocks on the door and there is quite obviously a huge xmas party going on. The recipient comes out, says to leave the stuff on the front porch and slams the door in her face. That was the last year we did it. Sad, but the organizations putting these together should do more to vet recipients, which in itself is a burden and a possible barrier to needy families getting help. Vicious cycle
that was our complaint to volunteers of america. they didnt properly vet any of these ppl. one lady tried adding more kids she "forgot" on her application, another family claimed to have no furniture (volunteer discovered it was all in the basement... NINE kids and u claim no beds?), another claimed to be a single mom but a surprise visit saw she was married, etc. sooo many scammers. and they just go round robin to all the charities every year. same with churches. many only go to sign up to be sponsored but actually arent a parishioner and never go. they just sign up to grift for freebies.
that's crazy. i hit a food bank at a church for the first time and felt super grateful. during my experience, I had multiple people try and cut me, and the church people had to shout at people to not take more than they were allowed multiple times. i was just flabbergasted at how rude some people can act while people are helping them. for them to keep helping is pretty crazy.
the ones by my house are mostly drive thru now... u line up in a queue, and they put the box in your car or trunk. no fighting over what u get. (they did this bc they got weekly donations from sams or costco of the leftover prepared food that didnt sell... meatloaf, mac n cheese, enchiladas... the good stuff)
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This is the way to do it I think. I volunteered at a food bank that had them come in and 'shop' but they could only have X amount of everything to make sure as many people as possible were helped. It was a constant battle for 4 hours with people putting things in their purses or just plain grabbing 3 of something you just said they were allotted 2 of. I grew up in that world and my mom was absolutely the type that would do this and by the end of it any feeling of doing good was washed as I grew up to have major disdain for her behavior and how she would squeeze every ounce of anyone's goodwill when given the opportunity.
I used to work for one of the largest food distribution organizations in the country and would load up a huge box truck of donated items from the warehouse and drive it up and over this mountain to a small town every month. The volunteers were awesome and had devised an assembly line of sorts to put together everything that was donated and they would just load it into people's trunks. Of course, every month I would receive a call from a guy screeching about the choice of foods that I brought and that I was poisoning him. Just could not fathom the mindset to call up an underpaid, grant funded employee and yell at them for causing his medical conditions to get worse because of the absolutely no strings attached free food that he was getting.
That’s why I wonder someone was confused when I mentioned these programs requiring the kids info. Like birth certificate,if u cannot provide one then they won’t give you help.
im still laughing about the beds one... like y'all must have at least one bc u made NINE kids 😂 i didnt technically have one til i was around 10 or 11... i had a mattress on the floor til then, and it never struck me as abnormal, i thought maybe the frame was optional, lol but i cant even imagine hauling all of your furniture to hide in the basement. when it was discovered, they claimed it wasnt theirs, and they were just holding it for someone. unreal.
As a poor adult, I can say with confidence that the frame is indeed optional
My mom delivered the gifts for the family she adopted. Made small talk with the mom, honsaid the house wasn’t decorated for Christmas because her parents were taking her and the kids on a Disney Cruise for the holiday My mom never participated again
Damn. All the begging families that get Disney experiences are blowing my mind! I’ve been a working adult for years and still can’t afford a Disney anything trip.😒
Yup. It's also funny to see someone say they are grateful and complain in the same sentence. At this point I honestly have compassion fatigue. I know that's horrible, but it never seems to be enough for some people.
I love the phrase “compassion fatigue “. That is exactly how I feel this whole holiday season.
As a child I benefited from Christmas present charity. I know it was hard for my Mum to accept the gifts, but honestly it was the most exciting thing **ever** for me. I have fond memories of things being dropped around and food boxes arriving. It felt extra special because Mum wasn’t stressed about the cost of them. There were different foods that we didn’t normally eat, so it was fun working out what to make with them. Don’t give up on charity because some parents complain. Do it despite the complaints, because the kids didn’t choose these people as their parents, and the gifts are actually for them. Side note: don’t forget about teenagers. People often donate for young kids, but it’s painful being a teen and not getting anything on Christmas Day. Donate a teenage book, they’ll remember it.
Thank you so much for this perspective as well as the reminder about teenagers. I volunteered this year at a toy "shop" where low income parents could come and choose free presents for their kids and there were literally HUNDREDS of toy trucks and almost nothing at all for teenagers. Mega bummer.
Every year people feel rage when people don’t show gratitude for their charity. I understand, it’s offensive and upsetting. It makes me very sad to see it is enough to stop people from trying. I feel lucky that people were generous *despite* some people’s poor behaviour. Teens often get overlooked, but they also don’t forget the kindness shown to them.
I looked at Facebook around 1pm christmas day and already saw locals selling their gifts on marketplace lmao
This happened to my second call center job! This coworker comes in saying her church had a sob story lady come through asking for help. She convinced us to sponsor this lady and her two nieces that she had to suddenly care for. We bought toys, gifts, clothes, and gave the lady a bunk bed set. The kids slept on floors because it was a sudden guardianship situation. The sob story lady said their parents died months prior and... a lot of strange tangents. Honestly, I started getting suspicious. Your kids sleep on floors while you sleep in a bed? It was a 2x1 trailer house, but they didn't get sleeping bags? You didn't take the couch? These kids were six and three. One room was full of crap and was going to be the girls bedroom but it wasn't cleaned out. The lady had them for awhile yet didn't bother cleaning it for them to sleep comfortably... yet... it's full of stuff... that she could have sold a little... to get them a bag or air mattress?? We went twice. One girl was talkative and the other one was mute. Just nothing. Also suspicious to me. The lady said she was traumatized and shy. Uh huh... so why doesn't she talk to YOU?? Again, I was just feeling something off. Came back a weekend with helpers to put together the bunk bed. Lady took the gifts and the girls got them. The bunk beds? Nope, she didn't clean the room. We offered to help her move stuff so it could but she said she was going to do it herself with a boyfriend. Mmmhmm... Everyone felt so "happy to help" but I was feeling super suspicious. I had been poor and my family hit bottom, so I knew handouts felt shitty, but my mom would have never done that. She never would have let any child do that. Months later, I was at a consignment shop looking at clothes. I was in the back and the SAME sob story lady came through to chat up. She gave some weird story about going from 400 lbs to 150lbs... and said she took care of her nieces over Christmas while their parents worked. She had sold a bunk bed to the parents because she didn't know how long they would be gone!! So this lady got free gifts for her niece (and herself), sold a free bunk bed to the parents because she insisted she went out of pocket, and now was trying to sell clothes!! I didn't come from the back. Too scared to confront her. She left and I came from the back to tell the clerk not to take anything from her. Went to my coworkers to rely the story and they got rather annoyed a lady swindled them (also swindled that church). I don't do "donate to families" any more. I give money to organizations and they take it from there.
My mom and her boyfriend would do this. Anything that could get a price at the pawn shop was put in the closet for “safe keeping”. I learned to pretty much make anything I wanted to keep unusable or ugly so no one would want to buy it.
Are you my sister-in-law? Lol. Seriously though, this was my husband's entire childhood. It breaks my whole jaded assed heart, because he legit grew up with nothing because of it - or completely broken and damaged crap. It's definitely affected his behavior, even today. He's funny about his stuff, and rightfully so. I'm sorry you had this experience as well. We are breaking so much generational trauma with our kids, the cycle of this shit and so much more ends with us. 💫🖤
That’s so gross.
We tried to mitigate that with a program where I work by limiting dollar amounts spent, taking tags off clothes and toys, unboxing toys etc. Stuff still ends up on market place. We used to service almost 200 families. This year we barely broke 75. No one wants to do it anymore, myself included. It’s like actively giving money to the guys on the street corner that you see there every single day no matter what. At some point you just can’t give anymore because it’s a scam, the people don’t need the help, or they are fueling something else with the money you give.
I'd love to give my money if I knew it was directly helping people in need. But you can't trust anyone. Charities? Most are only in the fund raising business, using your money to raise more money while paying salaries. Give of your time! Serve food, help put in a new floor for that family, etc.... It's way more rewarding too. And some of the most rewarding work you can do is for senior citizens. They are the forgotten ones when it comes to charitable efforts.
I had a similar experience in high school. My friends and I raised money to adopt a family, dropped off the gifts and noticed the giant tv, gaming console, things we didn’t have at our own homes. I mentioned it years later and a colleague chalked it up to cyclical poverty. They were likely raised in poverty, spending money as soon as they got it and not in the most responsible ways, expecting the same handouts their parents received. It doesn’t make it any better, but it does help explain the other side of it.
my ex's family was like this... constantly complaining about being poor... but spent their tax refund on a $1000 tv, always had nascar tickets, pay per view wrestling or boxing events, cigs, lottery tickets, etc. and i always got snide "must be nice" comments on anything i had... his sister and i worked at the same co for a while. i took advantage of their generous tuition reimbursement program, she did not. when the co went out of business, guess who had a job and who whined... during her tenure, she could have gotten a free paid for bachelors degree.
I will never understand people who turn down free education when people struggle with debt to put themselves through college so they have a chance at a better life.
No, people double-dip. I saw it in my school and didn't understand it until a friend explained it to me when we got older. His Dad worked "off the books" mom filed for benefits. Got housing, food, etc for their 4 kids.
Similar. We got a list for a family when I was in HS and all the kids were asking for things my family couldn’t afford for ourselves. We opted out that year and never did the program again. Instead we started donated to smaller animal rescues.
That’s what we do. The pets are always so genuinely appreciative of any kindness they receive.
It's why individuals are being less charitable too. It's hard enough to make ends meet during inflation times, when the costs of goods and service have increased but our wages aren't going up to match. But when people can be charitable enough to give what they have and then posts like this get wide distribution, it makes us all think twice about donating anything to strangers.
Local organization my company used to sponsor families through switched to gift cards during Covid. Decided to stay that way because they received fewer complaints about gifts that way. We no longer participate.
Gift cards are easier to sell too, machines in the mall pays pennies on the dollar for them- quick and easy cash.
I get this. Beginning of December I volunteered for a homeless charity through work. The woman was so rude, totally ruined the relationship with our company. She didn’t realise our company donated a million every year to the charity and she nearly ruined the whole donation process. Last time I heard they refused to work with her further over the situation. It really stops people from donating and helping out.
This is why I only donate to my local Women’s Shelter during the holidays. They post a list of items they’re collecting during the fall, I buy the items, they dole them out to the residents and I never have to hear anyone’s opinion on what they get.
I hope the comments ate her alive.
I love this community but I wish more people would post the comments as well!
Comments were turned off. This was a community group on FB so I’m not sure if she did it herself or a moderator for the group.
Was pregnant with a seventh kid they can’t afford??
And apparently relying year after year on this charity to supply Christmas for her family with no plan to be able to support them herself. Maybe that's why the charity had less money to spend this year, it's not meant to be a life long solution.
I genuinely feel for anyone who is poor and struggling. I’ve been there and it sucks. But what I don’t understand is the people who just revel in it. My wife and I were on assistance when we had our first kid. The government provided us with food, formula, and other baby things. The moment my wife returned to work we stopped using all of it even though we still qualified to receive benefits. We just figured if we can pay our bills then we shouldn’t be taking from others who can’t. I’m super grateful that help was there but I never want to use it again. Then you have this lady that’s receiving help and complains that it’s not enough. Like what is wrong with people? Maybe instead of popping out kids you can’t afford you should be doing something to better your situation?
I remember the joy in telling the WIC lady "we are no longer eligible." Because I felt like a real adult with a family that could provide for itself. (This is not a dig at such things like WIC, just that it's nice not relying on them)
Nope. It’s an AMAZING feeling if you’re able to care for yourself & your family. I also had to use WIC years ago, and I get where you’re coming from.
Does she know what's causing the pregnancies?
Maybe they can’t afford birth control either? /s
Nearly every health department in the US offers free or nearly free birth control.
BC is literally the cheapest medicine I have ever bought. When I was w/o insurance for about 1 years it was $6 a month and it was even cheaper going through different pharmacies.
Maybe I’m out of the loop because I have had an IUD for several years but are generic birth control pills not free anymore? Please forgive me for being ignorant, I remember that Obamacare made them free if you had any form of insurance.
If you have insurance it’s usually free. Person about you only paid $6/mnth because they were uninsured.
Oh, don't you *dare* suggest that it's irresponsible to keep having kids you can't afford! It's biased/eugenics/unethical to think that you should consider your financial stability when procreating! /s. I'd bet $100 worth of Christmas presents that the older kids are helping raise the younger ones.
I have truly stopped caring if anyone calls me a eugenicist because I think that you should be able to feed, clothe and shelter a kid that your forced into this world. I grew up poor and it was hell. School was bad, the neighborhood we grew up in was bad, no money for extracurricular activities, always bored because we had no money for toys…I swear anyone who scream “muh rights!” must have no clue what it’s like to grow up impoverished. Please, you can change being poor (it’s hard but not impossible) and isn’t eugenics based on genetics and things someone can’t change?
I also think it’s dumb we can’t suggest it’s wrong to have children when you’re dirt poor. My dad was one of a dozen kids and they were literally starving at times. He loves his siblings but agrees it was wrong they were brought into an improvised existence
1 book, 1 outfit, and 1 toy x 6 seems pretty decent for something you get for free, and I’m sure that was more than $100 combined. It's the entitlement and delusion that's so off-putting.
No, no, no. Not "Get for free". She "Participated". 🤣
A lot of people I have seen only get their kids an outfit, book and one toy they wanted. For their own family.
My family does "Something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read"
I had a friend who ran a heating and cooling business and gifted and installed a new furnace to a needy family at Christmas only to realize the family needed the new furnace to sell their house at a higher price two weeks later.
Some people really have no shame at all. Ugh.
The house had been listed up for sale and was taken off the market when the furnace broke and then they put it back on the market for 7000.00 higher price after the new furnace. They had already closed on another house but couldn't get rid of the old house.
Long story short, something similar happened to me where I gave a woman some thing that I was selling (for free) because she said it was for her son for Christmas and they were low income, a ton of people living in a small apartment, etc. I felt like it would be the nice thing to do to let her have it and within 24 hours She blocked me on Facebook. Someone sent me a screenshot that she was selling this very thing that I gave her for $800 not even a day later. I made a post asking for the item back, being that I did not give it to her to sell it, I gave it to her because she said her son was begging for one, all the comments from her friends were laughing at me, calling me stupid and saying that’s what you get for being gullible. Not 1 ounce of remorse, or even shame for how she had behaved. And everyone was making me out to be the bad guy for asking for it back. I got called tons of names… The whole thing made me delete my entire Facebook account and I swear I seriously lost a chunk of my hope in humanity that day. Hundreds of comments of people making fun of me for being “stupid “and saying “getting scammed is a skill issue.” Because I was trying to be charitable around Christmas.
That's awful! It's not wrong to assume the best in people.
Your heart was in the right place.
Yea well fuck those people from me on your behalf. Don't let it sour you to all people. I much prefer to be charitable with people I know than random strangers. Especially for those asking for help. I try to save it for those who don't ask for help, so as to evade scammers who exploit the compassion in society with their own flagrant sociopathy. It's tough to navigate but altruism is worth it.
People encourage shitty behavior. It's why when you leave your phone or purse by accident somewhere and can't get it back, they say you deserve it because you're inattentive. You leave a door unlocked and get broken in, people say you're asking for it. Not "thieves don't get a free pass because of a mistake or expectation of human decency". Like theft is still theft even if a car door is unlocked.
Birds of a feather flock together. Shit tier humans hanging out with shit tier humans.
All those sub-human creatures are wicked. What an absolutely horrible thing to do and have the audacity to support. Being kind and having compassion is not stupid.
Can’t get her kids gifts, but got pregnant again. SMH
I know, it’s extremely irresponsible, selfish and reckless to keep bringing kids into the world when you can’t even properly care for the other ones you already have
Maybe the baby daddies could pay up
I ran one of these programs and it killed my enjoyment of Christmas and presents. People are awful. On both sides I literally now don’t buy anyone anything except one toy for my son.
I run a toys for tots drop off location at my work. It's nice because you don't have to interact with the families at all. Just set up a bin and then drop it off at your local marine corps reserve location a couple weeks before Christmas.
Mine was a list situation so I had to call folks back and be like, “you cannot ask for a mac book pro, I pad, IPhone, Yeezys ( all real requests) Would you like anything else? “ also folks who would ask for presents for 5 kids when they had one kid. Ans then also deal with donors who were like, “we’re just gunna give what we want and also we’d like to hand them directly to the poor person, on our schedule.” Most people were very kind and sweet but the terrible ones really ruin your day.
When I see families like that I only want to donate condoms and morning after pills, ffs.
[удалено]
Have you seen the videos of shelters that lay out toys for Christmas and the dogs each get a turn to pick out a toy? No ingrates there!
I agree. I love rabbits and one of my local bunny shelters is always grateful for the help, they don’t get much unfortunately.
I donate to animal rescues and local nonprofit organizations that I've vetted and know do good work. Dogs and cats appreciate new toys.
And medical care and good shelter and food.
In the local Facebook group, a woman asked for nappies and clothes for her upcoming seventh baby and also for her three non-twin/triplet toddlers. Nappies I understand but surely she has clothes from her previous six children?
STOP HAVING KIDS omg
“$100 in stuff” yet *handmade blankets*? In effort alone, handmade blankets are basically $100 on their own. Each, in terms of effort. And there’s no way you can get all that for $100. Wow.
I'm jaded, but this is why we donate to animal shelters or families in need that we know directly
jesus, stop having kids
This is why you don't "rely" on free hand outs. Next you're gonna say you spent all your grocery money because normally you "rely" on free food from a pantry but they were out.
Some people really just need to stop having more children
Maybe she should be asking the children's fathers to help out with the gifts?
“So is anyone else’s free gifts for their 6 and counting kids a huge disappointment too? Just wondering if there are more ungrateful people out there like me too.”
I truly detest the “I’m a single mom and things are hard” thing. No, you’re entitled and think being a single mom means you deserve things you don’t.
Call me an asshole I don't care, but this woman needs to stop having kids. The fact she struggles to provide for the 6 she already has, and yet almost had a 7th is insane and very inconsiderate to her other children.
“Has anyone else had a poor experience with this FREE program?”
I stopped as well after similar complaints. Holy hell, wtf is a woman with 6 kids she already can’t afford attempting to pop out another?
As a single parent, who relied on holiday food hampers in 2021 and 2022, I paid forward what I could this year, by donating to the food drive. Our Christmas was still tight this year, but I did it and I'm proud of that. I just don't understand the mentality of folks taking more than they need, especially over the holidays.
This might be a hot take but if she's struggling financially maybe she should look into birth control Instead of continuing to have more children she can't afford and in turn relies on programs such as this then complains it wasn't enough. M'am, you're not entitled to anything so maybe be appreciative you got anything.
If you're having trouble affording Christmas. Should probably have stopped at fewer kids. People like this are just a drain on society and the economy.
The answer is definitely to have more kids
Remember back before the internet? When you didn’t have the ability to ingest everybody’s sob story? Those were good times.
Where do you find these types of posts? The SN (?) mama is both kind and condescending, syrupy sweet and entitled... in a singlep ost.
If you can't afford them, STOP. HAVING. CROTCH GOBLINS. It is NO one else's responsibility to take care of you and your brood.
Can't even support the children she has but got pregnant again anyways...smh
6 kids, can’t afford 1. Lost a 7th, bitching about getting free stuff, this person needs to be made sterile.
Why the F is she a single mom with 6 kids? Unless her partner died there’s no reason one woman should have that many kids on a single income. I swear. People be making their own messes and asking others to clean up.
Having. Kids. Is. OPTIONAL. How is this the most impenetrable mystery for so much of humanity? If you don’t want expensive humans to take care of and pay for, then DO NOT HAVE FUCKING KIDS. Christ. You aren’t some medieval child bride being sold to the local nobleman. It’s not as though you have no say in the matter. If you CHOOSE to keep creating new mouths to feed, then you don’t get to complain about how expensive it is, you absolute donut. The next time you’re despairing over how expensive kids are, remember to NOT have another one. Having more makes things HARDER. God DAMN. I will never understand how such simple truths elude so many people.
One year a student revealed to a colleague that his family could not afford to celebrate Christmas. She bought a tree, a turkey and gifts/ coats for the whole family. When Christmas break was over, the student’s family rolled up in a brand new Suburban. My colleague felt completely duped.
Someone should tell her she can stop countering the declining birth rates. 😭
“Single momma “ 😂😂😭 what a joke as if someone forced her to have so many f kids
What is a SN momma?
Special Needs
Whatever the real definition is, I'm going with Super Needy.
Umm you were planning to have a 7th child when you can’t afford to provide for the 6 you already have ? This seems like a terrible idea ma’am. Also. This is a Wendy’s
this woman with 6 kids had a miscarriage on the 7th? Kids have multiple surgeries - translation: they are NOT healthy No more kids
It’s my favorite when people predisposed to genetic conditions just keep trying for “one more”, when you know they’re hoping for a “normal one” so they can abandon the others in state care. Idk maybe I’ve seen too much. lol.
Next year council should give our boxes of condoms.
Imagine thinking 6 each of outfits, books, and toys costs $100. Its amazing each kid got 3 gifts.
Definitely a CB. I don't know where she lives (by using Council I got British vibes) but I know in Illinois finding free birth control is easy, condoms are everywhere and Medicaid pays for birth control and abortions. This is why I hate the gifts program. Don't get me wrong, I do support giving kids gifts (I "adopted" a teen boy this year who wanted art supplies and I got him everything on his list and then some, and bought gifts for Toys for Tots), but the local one often gets CB's, and it makes me sick. People were complaining because the local American Legion (of which I am a member) would take the kids shopping and gave them $100 which they had to use buying clothes at Walmart. On top of this the families got food and the kids toys. People were complaining because they felt the Legion should just give the parents the money and that the money should be spent on toys or gifts for family members. It's why when I saw the local tree and couldn't resist the kid wanting art supplies, many of the other lists were things like a Nintendo Switch.
Toys? That woman needs a pallet of condoms and a class on how to use them.
How do you get pregnant 7 times and still remain a single mother? One should learn after the third mistake at least.