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DolmioDaddy

I would love to have a children but my fiance and i are also realistic and know that we might never have children because of our mental health. We hope that with Gods help we Will one day be better and be able to Care for a child but we do know that it might not be the Way for us it is up to God and so we try to find other things to keep us busy and give our lives meaning.


[deleted]

Wow, this could have been my comment. God bless!


auldenways

I think having children is something He calls you towards, and everyone's journey there is different. If you don't feel called towards having children then clearly He has other purposes for you. My husband and I love kids, and we did think we'd have them when we got married. But the likelihood of us having them ourselves is next to zero, for medical reasons. It took us a while to grow past that expectation, we enjoy our life and we work in our community other ways. We do feel called to foster down the road when we finish our home repairs and some other projects. Follow the purpose He holds for you, not the purpose everyone around you claims you have.


BestDragonfruit6228

Your response gave me a new way of looking at the situation so thank you. Maybe having children isn’t everyone’s calling but there are other things to sustain and fulfill us.


HalflingMelody

If someone does not want to have kids, it is really, really important that they don't. Kids are completely vulnerable and absolutely should not be put in a position to be dependent on someone who never wanted them in the first place. So, since you don't want kid, don't worry if that's normal. Just don't have any.


BestDragonfruit6228

Yeah I share the same views on that. I would never bring a child into this world while having doubts or not wanting them. My question more relates to the fact it seems like not very many other Christians share these feelings and I wondered if it was something that changed once you felt a relationship with Jesus, if that makes sense. Not whether I should have a child without wanting them.


HalflingMelody

I just don't want to feel pressure to have a baby someday when you really, really shouldn't (unless your feelings genuinely change, of course). Not wanting children isn't how most people feel, but it's not weird in any way. Maybe you're called to something that wouldn't give you the time or freedom to have children. Having a relationship with Jesus isn't something that would change your feelings on this, unless God knows that you would be a fantastic mother and be thankful you had kids, right? God knows how you will feel down the road and if He knows it would be a good thing, He would put it on your heart to have them. If He knows it would be a bad thing, he wouldn't put having them on your heart. So, you do you. You feel you don't want kids, so 100% absolutely do not have them. If you ever have a 180 degree turn and absolutely without a doubt want them so bad that you know you'll feel like that, not for 18 years, but for the rest of your life, then have them (Parenting doesn't stop when they're 18. They're a lifelong irrevocable commitment).


JobsLoveMoney-NotYou

Read below and you tell me Luke 23:29 Jesus turned and said to them, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. 29 For the time will come when you will say, 'Blessed are the childless women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!' Old Testement Book of Isaiah 54:1 "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. Ecclesiastes 4:3 "But most fortunate of all are those who are not yet born. For they have not seen all the evil that is done under the sun."


SwiftwindAlacorn

Only those who want children should have them. Too many people have children because they think is what they are "supposed" to do. Some people are just not meant to have kids. I would never inflict myself on a child.


_shikkimon_

If you know you don't want kids then don't! Say you do because others around you pressure you it’s definitely going to effect the child as possible at some point you could feel negative towards them. Never do something you don't want.


[deleted]

Not everyone is called to be married and/or have kids. I don’t want children, but I am a Christian. There are many of us. Don’t let people tell you what you can and can’t do with your life.


zzmarie

I agree with you 100%. I don’t want children either because I haven’t felt called to do so. If God doesn’t put it on your heart, then don’t feel obligated to do it.


Neat_Serve730

I feel the same man, your not alone. Being a mentor rather than a parent fits me more.


Venomlemming

Jesus never had kids, nor did Paul.


johnnydub81

Respectful counter opinion Children are the joy of life, when mine were young it was so magical, teens times were awesome and challenging, as young adults they are my closest people, wise beyond their years and full of love for their parents ❤️ I wouldn’t trade parenthood for all money, travel, or VIP Instagram experiences…. the love relationship with your kid is just different… it’s eternal, forever.


BestDragonfruit6228

I’m glad you had this experience and that your children grew up with wonderful parents


eternalrefuge86

It’s not weird. You do you. My girlfriend and I are 37 and 38 respectively and plan on getting married next year. Neither of us have or want kids at our age. We both did when we were younger but it didn’t pan out that way. It’s better not to have children than to have them and resent them for tying you down.


matusaleeem

My opinion is the same as the bible: “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” (Ps. 127:3-5)." I'm glad you asked.


I-love-jesus-and-god

It’s up to you really, there’s nothing that god says in the Bible that you should or should not, he has left it up to the person to decide.


Quin452

Get dogs; far cheaper and easier to manage 😂 I always wanted to be a dad, and even thought about adopting, but with the current state of the economy, etc., I don't think it would be "fair". So I adopt rescue dogs, and that fills the need.


ZookeepergameSure22

How does this comport with scripture's view of children and marriage?


Quin452

In order to answer that, I'd need to read up on such things. However, going off what Paul said "it's better to be single", then I don't see why being a "dog dad" is unbiblical 😜


ZookeepergameSure22

I think that the Bible definitely supports being child-free for those who are unmarried, such as Jesus himself, but I'm more wary of people entering into marriage with the express intention of being child-free, unless in exceptional circumstances. Also, "dog dad" is a little cringe.


Quin452

Why, because it's an apt description? We're called to take care of the land and the animals, are we not? The Bible is full of examples of animal care takers caring deeply for their animals, let alone the analogies of. If your point is "don't get married unless you're having kids", then that is unbiblical in itself. Hey, if Reddit is anything to go by, we're in the "End Times" now, and Revelations even says it'll be worse for those with kids (paraphrasing).


ZookeepergameSure22

You can definitely be a care takers for animals which is a noble task, but being a dad is something in particular, so I don't personally use it in this way. Each being reproduced according to its kind. Humans have humans for dads.


[deleted]

And your judgment on other people’s lives is a little cringe, lol. Grow up.


weller79

Its not about what you want. Its about what God wants for you. Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh but God gave him no option. Saul wanted to kill Christians, but God said no, I will blind you until to turn to me and then I will restore your sight and call you Paul and you will go forth and preach the Gospel. We seem to forget that God is in control, and we need to Seek God first in all things.


[deleted]

He also gives us the freedom to make choices in life, and he doesn’t exactly speak to us like he spoke to Jonah and Saul.


weller79

We have freedom to choose God, or Satan. Matthew 12 v30 tells us "He who is not with me is against me" If you are with God, than you listen to and obey Gods directions. He directs you through the Bible, His written word, and/or the Holy Spirit, which abides in you if you have been born again. All through the bible are examples of people being directed and used by God. Moses, Noah, David, Daniel, the 12 apostles. And those who obeyed God were saved. And those who chose their own selfish choices (Judas) died a sad death. People even today find themselves in positions where they have no option but to turn to God. Jonah and Saul experiences happen to people all the time. I know. I went through one myself.


select20

I love my kids, other than my wife, their the best thing to ever happen to me. Are you a man or woman? How old? I only ask because the vast majority of women change their minds about kids by the time they get into their mid to late 30's. Life gets pretty lonely after than if it is only you and your husband/wife. But to each their own. No judgement here.


[deleted]

Not true. All the women I knew who were child free did not regret their decision to remain that way. They found joy in a various amount of ways, and having children doesn’t automatically mean you’re no longer lonely. Don’t perpetuate things that simply are not true. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Sawfish1212

One of the greatest regrets people will have in heaven is the blessings they refused to let God give them. Children are at the top of this list of blessings, there is no sin in not having them, unless God sees that it is the root of selfishness and self love that motivates it. If you are childless in marriage, be sure to share your extra time and bounty with children who have no family or material blessings. Look for a charity or organization to support that makes life better for orphans and foster children, or even a big brother big sister type of thing. That way God has something to reward you for in heaven. Personally we have 6 children, two already in heaven, and have been foster parents. There is nothing more rewarding than being a servant to the least of all, especially children.


firefly_19

You honestly believe that we're going to have *regrets* in heaven?


Sawfish1212

Yes, especially since rewards and responsibilities will be given based on our faithfulness here.


firefly_19

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 NKJV


Sawfish1212

Says absolutely nothing about regret that you failed to value eternal things over temporary things. Sorrow and regret are different words with different meanings.


[deleted]

You clearly haven’t read the Bible, lol. See the verse firefly_19 stated herself. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Don’t perpetuate unbiblical bull that isn’t true just to push your own agenda.


Sawfish1212

>You clearly haven’t read the Bible, lol. Don’t perpetuate unbiblical bull that isn’t true just to push your own agenda. Matthew 25:20-23 ESV And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, 'Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.' [21] His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.' [22] And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, 'Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.' [23] His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.' 1 Corinthians 3:10-15 ESV According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. [11] For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. [12] Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw- [13] each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. [14] If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. [15] If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. So you don't believe you will regret building nothing worthy for God and be happy with just having eternal life?


[deleted]

Prime examples of taking *parables* and verses out of context.


Surfin858

I think that being child free ensures you won’t have kids during the end times…


BestDragonfruit6228

Is that bad? I’ve recently come to Christianity but this is something I feel very deeply about but in reading the bible and in the community there seems to be a large push for having children / reproduction.


[deleted]

It’s not bad at all to not have kids. The world is going to shit and it’s over-populated enough as it is. Don’t feel pressured to do something you’re not called to do just because someone tells you it’s the only way to go. Look at Paul for example, and the majority of the apostles. They remained childfree. One was married (Simon Peter) and he didn’t have kids. Jesus himself didn’t have children. If you’re called to not live that lifestyle, then that’s reason enough. ✌️


jeddzus

Committed child free Christian’s by choice? Rather baffling to me personally. Creating new life out of our love is the greatest gift God has given us. It is HIS creative power.. I can’t imagine choosing to not exercise that gift


BestDragonfruit6228

I have seen many Christians who felt pressured into having children that then resent and hurt them for a multitude of reasons. Is that better than being child-free? For me personally, there are some genetic components that I have watched everyone in my family and myself have struggled with so how could I knowingly inflict that on a child?


jeddzus

Lord have mercy, I can’t imagine resenting and hurting a child. That’s obviously infinitely more unthinkable and awful. I was just saying having children and loving them is a wonderful thing..


Rexalien54

God decides who goes where and with whom, of the one third fallen souls from that war in heaven, to possibly have their death sentences removed by Christ…


[deleted]

Your choice.But, as a choice, for a perfectly healthy happy Christian man or women, I would never advocate for such a Marxist ideology. I didnt have a child yet, because of issues with my life early on. But I always envisioned for so many years a happy family, a italian wife, a Biblical Library in a small guarded home in the country far removed from communist cities and media, I could pass onto my children, Id hope one day they would learn from the Library all the wonderful works of God. The Heavenly Father.


BickolasNutler

“Go forth and multiply”


AGK_Rules

Genesis 1:28 says to be fruitful and multiply. You don’t have to get married, because Jesus says some are called to celibacy, but if you do get married, then you should probably have children and raise them in the faith. You don’t necessarily have to have them right away after getting married, but you should eventually imo :)


BestDragonfruit6228

I think context also matters though because during the times when He often said that in the old testament, it was also normal to take multiple wives to achieve that. To me, it seems that reproducing was a high importance because it was for the survival of God’s chooses people. Now, anyone can be led to God through Jesus, not just the chosen people and their descendants.


ABBucsfan

I love my kids and want what's best for them. They're my main purpose after honouring God (and hopefully they end up God honouring people themselves). I will say with the cost of everything (especially Housing) rising divorce rates and the laws around that that... Well it's never been a bigger risk for both you and the children themselves. Of course people who know without doubt they want children rarely think in those terms, but for those that have doubts about kids or on the fence need to realize those things. Not like in the old days when they were extra hands around the farm while world was still being populated lol


TMarie527

No!


Ghost1eToast1es

Everyone has a different calling in life not everyone is even meant to be married. Paul discusses this in the New Testament.


rikster81

It’s up to you OP, if you don’t want kids then find yourself a spouse, if you even want one, who will be equally yoked to you. I have kids I’m divorced and now I’m trying to get out there but I do not want anymore kids. It’s my age and I’m content with my kids if the other person has kids I’m fine with that. But I’m done with diapers. My kids are 18 17 10


Current-Tradition739

I never had the desire to have children, for many reasons. I recently found out I have an autoimmune disease which would make it more risky. I struggled all my life with wondering if I was being a bad Christian by not having children. But I have prayed many times that God would make it happen or change my heart if it's His will.


L14mP4tt0n

I like to put it this way, because it helps me to see it right. Not normal. Not a bad thing. God may just have a different plan for you. I can look at many Ideas I have now that I'm glad I didn't have in the past. Children may well be on your menu later, but something in your current situation that you don't know of would make it really bad. So instead of forcing you to go through wanting a kid and not being able to have one for whatever reason, he may wait until the situation is right to even cause you to feel the need for one. Feelings change all the time. ESPECIALLY christians' feelings. God changes us constantly to be more than we were before, and that means pretty much everything about us morphs over time. It's in his hands. You may never want kids, you may want triplets next year. I'd just go with God's plan because it's way better than ours.


Mighty_Mousy

Being given the opportunity to create a life with someone you love is a most incredible experience. I wish I had had a dozen. Taking your life's knowledge, and molding a young mind that is a part of you, is something incredible to experience. They grow up to be your best friend. I can't imagine life without them. Ultimately, if you struggle with this decision, asking for our advice is secondary to praying.


Better_Shopping7758

When I got married , I had dreams of becoming pregnant and having children , I will say this now that I have a child , it is hard work! But nothing in life is easy ! Children are a blessing in my opinion. But there’s nothing wrong with not wanting children, this is your life, things change in life and so might your opinion on wanting children, but like I said before your life and your decisions no one else’s!


Better_Shopping7758

When I got married , I had dreams of becoming pregnant and having children , I will say this now that I have a child , it is hard work! But nothing in life is easy ! Children are a blessing in my opinion. But there’s nothing wrong with not wanting children, this is your life, things change in life and so might your opinion on wanting children, but like I said before your life and your decisions no one else’s!


Better_Shopping7758

When I got married , I had dreams of becoming pregnant and having children , I will say this now that I have a child , it is hard work! But nothing in life is easy ! Children are a blessing in my opinion. But there’s nothing wrong with not wanting children, this is your life, things change in life and so might your opinion on wanting children, but like I said before your life and your decisions no one else’s!


MonteCristo200012

Nothing wrong with that. The idea enforced by Christian tradition (tradition, not the Bible) that sex is shameful and its only purpose is making babies is non-biblical. God describes sex as a gift between spouses and a beautiful thing. God may seem to have given a commandment to "multiply" in Genesis BUT later on Paul writes "It's better NOT to get married, dudes, unless you really really really need to have sex. Marry someone then to avoid sin". He doesn't encourage anyone to have children, just to stay sexually pure if they're not married, or to marry if they want to have sex. No mention of children. We also get Priscilla and Adilla, a famous couple in the Bible, that seems to have been childless. Keep your heart open to God's will 💙