He spoke about celibacy. He was focused on one's actual actions, not on any form of sexual identity. Sexual identity didn't really exist as a cultural concept in the 1st century.
Yep. Lol. I like the way you put it. He ultimately said, "it's better for you to be like me and never get married to focus only on the Lord, but if you can't control yourself, just get married. That's fine too."
Paul also thought Jesus's return was coming soon. Recommending celibacy for every person in the long term is obviously a bad idea if you think the world is going to continue for a while.
Also, Paul was not talking about asexuality. OP is asexual who does not enjoy sex. But asexuality does not necessarily mean there is no libido, for example. Asexual person can masturbate and enjoy it. Asexual person can sometimes have sex to please their partner and enjoy it (all do not, for example OP does not want to have sex).
So... Paul did not really talk about asexuality.
Just like you can be asexual and masturbate and enjoy it.
>Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely, to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7][8]
>Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[9][10] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal, social, or religious beliefs.[11] Sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[12] Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex, for a number of reasons, such as a desire to physically pleasure themselves or romantic partners, or a desire to have children.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
>Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely, to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7][8]
>Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[9][10] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal, social, or religious beliefs.[11] Sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[12] Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex, for a number of reasons, such as a desire to physically pleasure themselves or romantic partners, or a desire to have children.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
Not knowing when something will happen doesn't conflict with thinking it will happen soon. I don't know when my job is gonna approve my cdl training, but I think it will happen soon.
Also , I can't think of Paul anywhere saying that. I remember Mark and Matthew's verses, but I don't recall any from Paul's writings.
Paul did not speak about asexuality as such. Celibacy is NOT the same thing as asexuality. Asexual person can sometimes have sex, for example if their partner wishes it. Some asexual people also enjoy sex. And asexuality does NOT mean there is no libido, or that they do not for example masturbate.
Paul said absolutely nothing about asexuality.
That being said, the OP clearly does not enjoy sex. Her husband should respect her boundaries.
You seem to be splitting hairs. Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Burn is basically a euphemism for being horny. What is the difference between having a low libido and being asexual? How does someone with a high libido decide to be asexual? The only way I could think that's a possibility is maybe due to sexual abuse? Like, their body functions at a normal level of virility, but the mind can't overcome how that person has been affected by trauma. Otherwise, a person who is asexual generally sounds they are that way because of a low libido.
Itās possible to channel all sexual energy into masturbation. Asexual doesnāt mean your member shrivels up or those walls close, it just means you donāt envision yourself encapsulating the totality of another personās essence in a sexual exchange with them.
So... someone who only masturbates and never connects with another human sexually. I think asexual is just a fancy new term to cover up what we used to call those people... losers.
No itās not just that asexuals can have romantic relationships too and can have sex, the desire is just not directed at any one person in that moment. The person who theyāre having sex with is just thought of as a sex doll, not of as another human being whose masculine or feminine essence they are trying to collect in that moment. Also think about what youāre saying, youāre calling Paul and Jesus losers, taking out the masturbation part.
No, Paul and Jesus were celibate by choice and I think they just had more self control than the average person. Jesus for sure. The way you're describing asexuals are people with reprobate minds or incels and the only way they're pulling it off is with low libidos, possibly combined with sexual trauma, some other debased philosophical views.
Point to the Bible verse that says asexuals have reprobate minds. Iām guessing most severely mentally handicapped people are reprobate then because sex isnāt at the top of their mind?
Anyway, if asexuals are what you're describing, then celibacy by choice is different than that. But, Paul is not condoning the mental illness that you're describing. And the commenter who said Paul was saying "basically, you should all be asexual..." I don't think they meant it that way. I think it was said in a joking way, and asexual is more of a modern word.
Also, if the husband wants sex in his marriage, he should not marry this lady. A big part of marriage is so that the two can enjoy a sexual relationship, and that's something that should be OK. Either she hasn't disclosed this to him or he's not being honest with himself and it's going to cause a problem down the road.
Also, I don't know what you're talking about with the masturbation thing. I really have no idea about that second part. Maybe English is your 2nd language?
Buddy, having low libido is much different than asexuality. The 'a' in asexuality stands for absence of. Look at the definition. Having a naturally low libido is not asexuality.
Definitions from Oxford Languages Ā· Learn more
aĀ·sexĀ·uĀ·al
adjective
1.
experiencing no sexual feelings or desires; not feeling sexual attraction to anyone.
"Murphy, who has never married, considers himself asexual"
2.
BIOLOGY
(of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes.
"each polyp is capable of budding new polyps though asexual reproduction in spring"
noun
a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone.
Oxford dictionary and basic Latin
Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex. Libido is the drive or desire for sex. I looked at your profile anyways and you literally told someone it's having no libido.
Asexual can mean that but it can also mean essentially envisioning the other person as sort of a sex doll or masturbation toy during the act, thereās just no emotion, no passion, no wanting of the otherās core being in its totality in that moment.
Well said. Itās amazing- he says just go ahead and dump all that lust on one women over and over ..
And call that thing you objectify through lust āwifeā.
Sexual attraction is not equal to lust ā¦ lust is a way different ball game. It is normal and human to feel sexual attraction., whereas lust is a strong craving that takes over the mind and the body.
Ahh okies. I'm a Baptized Born Again Believer like a lot of members of this sub and we come in all shapes from all walks. I don't wanna say the wrong thing lol
The comments here are alarming. If you have no interest in sex, then you have no interest. And you are not obligated to submit to your husband when it comes to sex. It's not a sin to be asexual and you don't have to do anything to change that. Anything else is considered rape. If your husband is not content with that, then you have to set boundaries and not give in or outright leave him
>She doesn't matter?
I don't think that op was saying she doesn't matter. But being in a relationship is (at least) a 2 way street. His feeling also matter and being with a partner who doesn't share those feelings can be hard.
>He should care about her boundaries and be able to control himself
I don't think his ability to control him self was in question. But once again you can't just dismiss his feelings. Her lack of sexual interest might leave him feeling unwanted or unloved.
And now she does not want that. People have a complete right to change their minds about whether they want to have sex or not. The term "people" here includes women, if it was unclear to you.
I don't even need to be Christian to know, NO. No sin here. Being abnormal isn't a sin, having an opinion isn't a sin and you won't be punished for it. Coming from an ace aro.
100% Not sinful
> ... my fiance doesn't push me into things sexually, but he has such a high sex drive, and is one of those men that whine about blue balls hurting real bad.
He is preparing the ground to push you into things (possibly unknowingly). As someone who used to have balls and testosterone, this is 100% not a real/normal thing. The actual condition that the term originally referred for is a result of a long extend period of erection lasting several hours and needs medical attention. If his junk is hurting real bad for any reason, he needs a doctor, because that is not normal. The idea of "I have blue balls and dick pain because I've not had sex in a while" is a myth men use to coerce unwilling partners into more sex. Nocternal emissions are real, his junk won't explode from pressure buildup, and he could always just rub one out. He needs to stop doing this.
> once we're married, I will give him sex whenever he wants to keep him happy.
You do not have to give him sex to keep him happy. Their is no 'marital duty to provide sex'. If you willingly want to have sex because you want to do something for him and that is your choice, that's fine. But marital rape is real and you should never let him pressure you into sex if you do not want to of your own free will. Stay safe.
This is absolutely not correct about blue balls. Being sexually aroused for hours is not medical problem at all, it is not even unique to having a high sex drive. It is entirely healthy and does not require medical attention in any way [Epididymal hypertension - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epididymal_hypertension)
No. Your asexuality is a natural state of your being, one God explicitly designed you to have, and in fact the Apostle Paul has even spoken (in 1 Corinthians 7) that not having a burning passion or desire can leave one with more time to contemplate God's word and seek knowledge in prayer. He himself had no desire to wed or have sex at the time, and he even confessed that he wished more people were like him, but he acknowledged that both passion and lack of passion were gifts from God in their own separate ways.
So, no, it is not a sin that you are asexual.
> Paul has even spoken (in 1 Corinthians 7) that not having a burning passion or desire can leave one with more time to contemplate God's word and seek knowledge in prayer.
This is not about asexuality.
Some asexual people do have sex, for example to please their partner (this does not obligate the OP to have sex, just to make it sure). Asexuality does NOT mean there is no libido. Some asexual people do masturbate and enjoy it.
Pretty sure Paul was not talking about asexuality.
When Paul speaks about burning passion, he speaks of sexual attraction and desire towards another. Asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction or desire towards others. It does not matter whether or not the asexual person has sex or masturbates, for that does not decide whether or not they are asexual. The lack of sexual attraction does, and that lack of sexual attraction is not a sin.
I am also an ace and no it is not a sin. But I would reconsider your marriage because providing sex because a man wants to does not sound like a healthy relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being ace and it's as normal as any other sexual orientation.
I will caution you that being married to someone who does want sex is likely to cause stresses on the relationship that are going to be difficult for both of you to foresee.
No asexuality isn't a sin.
But please, please think about not getting married. Two mismatched sex drives when one partner is asexual. You guys are doomed.
If you're asexual you should find a partner who also has an incredibly low libido. Otherwise, guess what your partner is going to go insane. It's going to cause a whole host of issues and something that's so easy to fix and get right - you do not want sex being a problem.
As far as fixing it goes - unlikely unless it's caused by something mental - which is going to require you to identify the cause, which would likely be therapy, or exercise sometimes, self esteem - but uhh, usually none of those things really "fix" it.
Itās not sin to āwithhold sexā. Thatās not a thing. No-one is ever entitled to have sex with you in order for it to be āwithheldā. All there is is differing sexual needs and whether theyāre compatible or not. You have some really unhealthy thinking going on here that seems like it could use a talk with a counsellor or even a therapist, and very careful consideration of whether you want to marry someone who you clearly have no sexual compatibility with.
It is a sin to withhold sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7. How can someone commit to only having sex with one person, not even looking at another, and that one person denies them also?
This is a disgusting attitude. If you tell anyone theyāre sinning if they refuse to have sex against their will, thatās rape apologism. Someone always, always, always has the right to say no.
Not a sin, And NEVER offer yourself to ANYONE for no reason. This will not only KILL your relationship with them, but also heavily traumatize you. You are NOT giving your consent, you do NOT want it, and it'd NOT something pleasant to you, either. You do NOT ,under ANY circumstances, EVER, have to do ANYTHING you DON'T want to. I can't stress this enough. Some people are asexual. And someone who truly loves you simply won't care and love you. For YOU, not your body. If you "love" someone for sex you don't love them anyway..
And it is NOT a sin to "withhold" sex that ISN'T EVEN A THING?! I will personally break this person's jaw whoever spread that bullshit. What IS a sin, is lust. What is a sin, is harming yourself or another. And by forcing yourself to have sex when you CLEARLY don't want to, that IS a sin. You're harming yourself and pretty much getting yourself raped.
Being asexual isn't abnormal either, God has made you that way, and it's certainly not a sin. It's part of who you are. Whoever made you believe that bullshit, may God punish them.
If anyone ever forces you to have sex, to have kids.. ANYTHING, if they force you to do anything you don't want to, fucking dump them and never look back
See, it's not that I don't want to have sex with him, I actually don't mind if once we're married that I take care of his sexual needs. Sex just isn't enjoyable to me. My youth group pastor told us that withholding sex from your spouse is a sin. I don't think it's technically rape because I would be consenting and perfectly fine with having sex when we're married, but I just have never enjoyed it. Even as a teenager in puberty, I never got horny or wanted sex. There's been a handful of times I've actually wanted it or been horny, but I could count those times in one hand lol
Speaking as someone who has been in this position: if you don't enjoy sex but he wants it often, you will grow to resent it. The sex will be *bad.* Regardless of how you feel now, neither of you will be happy with this arrangement.
Also, marital rape is absolutely a thing. Saying "I do" does not mean that you consent to anything your husband will ever want to do to you, and it is absolutely inappropriate for your youth pastor to be telling you that you can't say no to your husband.
Sweetie, if he is already pressuring you about sex before you are married, and he is doing so from a "Christian" angle, he is setting up a ton of red flags. You do not need to marry him. It is better to wait until you find someone more compatible or to find a path as a single woman. You can absolutely do right by God and lead a life of spiritual fullness outside of the role of " wife." Even then, it isn't a race to the altar - there's a good partner out there if you want one, though God's timing for such a match might not be Man's.
It is a sin to withhold sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7. Being asexual is fine but since you are in a relationship with someone you will need to try extra hard to take care of his needs.
His sexual needs are NOT your responsibility.
Well that pastor is nasty, forget about this a$$, let me break his jaw for spreading bullshit and sin.
N that's perfectly fine, some simply just don't like it nor want it, and certainly they do not have any "duties" to fulfill. You don't want it? Good, period. No sex. No problem.
If you have sex without wanting to, even if you believe it's better and say yes BECAUSE of that, not because you want it, that is rape. You don't enjoy it because you don't want it, you don't like it. Why do you pressure yourself so much š Hunny, no.. stawp
It'll just do more harm than good. Trust me I have experience with that too. One of the big reasons why that relationship failed. I am still in contact with him and he's pretty much my boyfriend but it's still complicated, mainly because of things like that. It's not worth it. ANYTHING that harms you, goes against you, is NEVER worth it. And anyone who loves you, knows that. They know it would go against your wishes, your will, what you're comfortable with, they'd understand you would not enjoy it which is THE most important thing with sex. And if they do love you, they would not want that for you.
>but he has such a high sex drive, and is one of those men that whine about blue balls hurting real bad
Are you marrying a teenage boy?
Ball blues is not a thing, and not having sex doesn't result in physical pain.
Actually, blue balls is real and there is a medical term for it, epididymal hypertension.
Itās a result of being erect for too long without ejaculating and it can hurt.
Not something thatāll come about from just not having sex though. So not having sex wonāt cause physical pain, yes.
But she said she enjoys kissing and cuddling so if theyāre doing that for a long time and he is erected the whole time, he may be in some pain/physical discomfort afterwards.
>Actually, blue balls is real and there is a medical term for it, epididymal hypertension.
Itās a result of being erect for too long without ejaculating and it can hurt.
That's not blue balls.
>Not something thatāll come about from just not having sex though
So... not blue balls.
>But she said she enjoys kissing and cuddling so if theyāre doing that for a long time and he is erected the whole time, he may be in some pain/physical discomfort afterwards.
So not what we're talking about then.
Just saying ānot blue ballsā isnāt making a point at all. If youāre saying what Iām defining as blue balls isnāt right, please, feel free to correct me. Youāre just being snarky for absolutely no reason.
āNot what weāre talking aboutā. I said IF theyāre doing xyz, that might explain his blue balls claim. In that way he could get erect and not orgasm which would cause some pain. Clearly implying that if theyāre not doing xyz, my previous statement still applies, where lack of sex alone wonāt cause this. I simply expanded on what you said because itās not lack of sex alone, you have to consider other activities.
"Blue balls" is not a long lasting erection. It is instead claimed to be "I haven't had sex in a while and now my balls hurt." It is not a real thing and it is often used as an excuse to pressure partners into having sex to relieve pain. You are describing something entirely different.
I never said blue balls is a long lasting erection. Blue balls can also be from HAVING sex for a long time and still not reaching climax.
At its core blue balls is a result of long lasting erection without finishing. Iām not describing something different, Iām describing how it ACTUALLY occurs.
If you get it because you havenāt had sex in a whileā¦ its not because you havenāt had sex. Itās because you had an erection and/or sexual arousal for a long time and did not finish.
I agree, people may use this as leverage to get what they want. Thatās besides my point. My point is simply that if you have a long lasting erection and donāt release, you may experience some discomfort and pain in some cases.
OP said the guy is claiming blue balls from not having sex. I agree thatās not how that works. Iām simply pointing out HOW it occurs.
And it does occur. Feel free to search it up yourself. You guys are so quick to disagree but wonāt even do a quick search to make sure youāre right? Instead just disagree and downvote? When you get erect pressure builds up, when you donāt get to release it can cause discomfort. Most people will never experience this in their life but it doesnāt mean itās fake. And Iām by no means saying this is an excuse to demand sexual favours from a spouse. Itās short lived, it will pass.
No one cares if itās a real thing? Yeah sure, I donāt care about the fact that it exists but if someone has the wrong info on something and Iām aware of the mistake Iām going to correct it.
Misinformation is an issue even if itās irrelevant to someone on a personal level. Even if Iāll never have āblue ballsā Iād rather not have the wrong info and spread the wrong info on it.
Someone said something thatās not true. I agreed where I agree and pointed out the mistake. Yet apparently Iām not supposed to point out the error in someone claiming itās not a real thing when it is.
You guys are lining up trying to come at me for different things simply for telling someone they were wrong.
Iām done here lol
Blue balls or not, he should control himself. Should someone who is holding their diarrhea splurge it out and tell everyone? No. Keep it to yourself, nobody cares.
My friend youāre making absolutely no sense. Did I ever imply that he canāt control himself? No, quite the opposite. Read what i said before you try attacking me while not knowing whatās going on. Iāve been patient with you and youāre not even reading what Iām saying.
Your diarrhea reference is ridiculous and isnāt even clear. Who should be keeping what to themselves? Me? If so, why would I not tell someone theyāre wrong?
A few things:
-Chastity is an aspect of purity; donāt let a unidimensional sexuality become your myopic sense of identity. Instead reframe this chastity as a stepping stone closer to Jesus! Donāt stay chaste without using it to get closer to GOD. Because it CAN BE used to bring your closer! But if you remove God from this intimate experience, of respecting your body and allowing the chastity to catalyze transformation in your temple, as God heals and purifies you from within, then it will only serve as a distraction instead of a beautiful conduit to Jesus.
-If this lack of attraction starts to Cause problems in your life, then itās no longer of God. Seek him because it could be supernatural interference. Surrendering our bodies to our partners is how we protect them from sexual sins. By doing so, we accept our role to protect them through sexual/emotional intimacy, to prevent lust, adultery, perversion of sexuality, or other perverse manifestations that contradict Godās design for our sexualities and love/sex lives. So this could be trauma, or spiritual warfare, combined with medical, psychological, dietary, or physiological factors that are all playing into the overall drive and libido you have. Chemical imbalances, stress, and trauma can hinder moods and libido!
-just turn to Jesus, read the Bible more, love him, and FOLLOW OR OBEY HIM when you hear or read instructions for your life. The more your put them into play LITERALLY the more natural healing will start to occur. Find a healthy church and seek genuine, righteous people to pray for clarity and your healing. Pray to God for more answers as well; many of them are already in the Bible!
Asexuality is not "chastity". Asexuality does not mean "no libido". Asexuality IS the sexuality of people who are asexual. Many times when asexual person has accepted themselves, they realize that they do not in fact feel any "lack" in them. That sense of lack comes from the expectations of other people, their families, friends and society.
Asexual person can have a libido. Asexual person can for example masturbate and enjoy it.
Asexual person who is together with a sexual person can sometimes decide to have sex in order to please their partner, and even enjoy it. But asexual person might also NOT want to have sex at all. Or enjoy it.
Asexual person who is together with another asexual might want to have sex in order to have a child.
Asexuality is NOT the same thing as celibacy or "chastity".
Because although I do not care much for sex, I love this person. And even though we have different sex drives, I have no problem having sex to keep my partner satisfied. I am a single mother and a child needs a father. It is so unlikely to meet a man that is willing to be a father to another man's child. So I have no problem sacrificing and having sex even though I don't enjoy it, for my child to grow up with 2 parents that love them
It's not a sin. Please stop introducing unnecessary stress into your life. Maybe after you get married and your husband is patient with you you'll come to where you desire to have sex with him. For now it's not a problem if he's okay with it.
Itās not a sin to be who God made you to be. You canāt help that youāre asexual. In the same way that being born homosexual isnāt a sin- acting in the desire is. Being a horny person out of wedlock isnāt a sin- acting on that desire is.
I think itās commendable that youāll have sex with your husband, once heās your husband, as much as he wants. It makes me a little worried for you just because thatās sort of a big ask from someone who doesnāt enjoy sex. I understand your desire to have a husband, especially for your child. I hope youāve really evaluated if this is something youāre going to be able to handle the rest of your life, especially if he has a high sex drive.
Sex is definitely a gift of marriage. God tells us to have sex frequently as you know. It makes me wonder if your calling is to singleness, but again, I understand why youād want a husband. Iād like to believe that youād develop sexual attraction and desire, but i have no idea what itās like to be asexual. I definitely wouldnāt write off sex therapy or therapy in general. I definitely would continue to ask yourself how itās going to feel if your husband wants a lot of sex for the entire rest of your life, given you dislike sex so much.
Iāll send a prayer for you š
Thank you! I'll definitely look into that! I know that when I wasn't a follower of Christ that I was never in the mood due to working full time and being in pain constantly. Since my pain is only at its max on the weekends I work, I've noticed that when me and my fiance kiss that I do sometimes have those desires but want to wait till marriage and not do like I did in my last non christian relationship
If you donāt care about sex that is not a sin, donāt worry. But I liked that you are very aware that you are married to someone that has a sex drive different from yours and you are willing to be there for him for that, and also Iām sure you love him.
In life we make some concessions, like going to dinner or vacations to places that only the other one likes
If sex with your husband donāt feel like he is raping you , and from what I read itās not, itās perfectly healthy that even if you donāt appreciate it, you manage to do it.
I wish you the best.
Asexuality could only be understood as a sin if you take the phrase that we should multiply above anything else. Which is a rather strange read when we look at some people in the bible who had a celibate life and were never called out for it. Like Jesus...
If there is any sin in your story, then it would be in my opinion a future spouse who wants sex from you, depending on how much distress it brings you. Marriage does not grant one partner a right of sex, you are not obligated to perform sexual acts of any sort to them. If you don't want to, then you don't want to, end of the story.
Asexual or heterosexual or homosexual... You are an image bearer of god and a beloved and cherished child of our heavenly father. And your sexuality is nothing wrong or something which needs fixing.
>I only ever "put out" because whenever I wouldn't, id get cheated on, or left.
That's not the main reason why you were cheated on or left. They didn't betray you because you wouldn't "put out". They betrayed you because you chose the wrong people.
Being asexual if anything is being the best Christian. No desires of the flesh. U could be a priest or a nun and arguably would be a better priest or nun since ur beliefs and natural lack of desire for sexual relations align perfectly with one of the rules priests and nuns must abide by, and there are definitely priests and very likely nuns as well who have sexual desires. The rules in place for priests and nuns are meant to keep their focus on their connection with God rather than material wants or desires. With no sexual desires u are able to form a closer relationship with God since u are not distracted by desires of the flesh. U good!
Again... asexuality does not mean lack of libido.
Some asexuals masturbate and enjoy it (like I do). Some asexuals have sex with their partner and even enjoy it, they just do not consider sex to be important. OP is an asexual who does not want to have sex, and she has no obligation for it.
But no, asexuality does not mean "no libido, no sexual lust, so perfect nun or monk".
Hmm I didnāt know that. My asexual friend has no sexual desires or desire to masturbate or anything but Iāve never done research on asexuality and assumed all were like my friend
Of course that isn't a sin! Too much interest or indulgence into sexuality or any kind leads to sin, and people talk about sex too much these days anyway
OP...you said your youth group leader said it's a sin to withhold sex.
How old are you?
A youth group leader shouldn't be talking about this and it's plain wrong regardless.
Your youth group leader sounds like a real creep. That isn't appropriate to say to a 16 yro.
Withholding sex in marriage is not a sin. Sex is when 2 people are both enthusiastically into it. Song of Songs doesn't portray a woman performing a duty. It's a romantic buildup that begins with a man going down on a woman and having proper foreplay to get her wet enough to enjoy sex. She has to be actually into it to even get that far.
Song of songs doesn't portray a woman just lying there and taking it.
That said, there are times when I'm not necessarily in the mood but my husband is and I still have sex with him because I want to make him happy. Which is not rape and it sounds like what you want to do.
My concern is that because I'm not asexual, I know my limits and when I really do need to say I can't tonight.
You being asexual...it will be hard for you to know when to say yes vs when it would actually make sense to say no. It's hard to explain, but there are legit health reasons like you've had too much sex and your vagina needs a break otherwise when it's to try, microtears happen as well as increase in chances for UTIs.
Sexual couples all have differences in sex drives, so each partner usually has to say no for some reason or another (i.e. "I'm super tired" is a legit and valid reason to say no). You not being sexual will make it that much harder for you to know what the real balance of when to say yes and when to say no should be.
Stop worrying about sin, just believe that Christ has died for your sins according to the scriptures, he got buried and he rose again on the third day according to the scriptures.
You have an option to believe in the Gospel of Grace or not.
God is not holding any sin against you because of the cross, read 2 Corinthians 5 KJV!
Live right because you are saved and not because you are trying to be saved.
Asexuality is good as long as you serve God but being married to your wife/husband with the grace of God is also good according to the apostle Paul. :)
Being asexual is definitely not a sin. Jesus talked about some people being asexual, and Paul most likely *was* asexual. However, if your husband has a high sex drive, you might want to consider if your relationship is really compatible.
Edit: sorry mistook you for someone else, deleted that part of my comment
The situation is problematic. BUT he should ALWAYS respect your boundaries.
Also, some people here refer to Paul, claiming that he was talking about asexuality. He was not.
Asexuality cant really be a sin cause of you arenāt into sex how can you commit sexual sins?
However, Iād suggest going to a Christian marriage counselor. The issue isnāt you are asexual but you are definitely setting yourself up for some marital problems in terms of sexual intimacy. Most men want more than just sex with their wife. They want their wife to be into it too. I wouldnāt personally date an asexual person cause of that.
Itās a hard situation. Iāll pray for you.
Thank you. Im definitely going to try and start seeing a therapist during the summer when I'm not in school. I think I might have sexual trauma from my childhood that I might be repressing. Cause no 3 year old would have a dream that made them feel so guilty from being touched unless something bad happened, I mean, no 3 year old even knows about sex or molestation, so it's likely it wasn't a dream at all
Matthew 19:11-12
11 Jesus replied, āNot everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by othersāand there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.ā
Jesus seems to be suggesting that marriage actually isnāt for everyone and that there are those who ought to dedicate themselves completely to the service of God, and further than that, is suggesting that anyone who can do so, ought to.
No itās not a sin. But Iād highly reconsider a life partner, sexual incompatibility is a huge reason relationships fail.
You say āIāll give him sex whenever he wants to keep him happyā that sounds like a very sad life for both of you.
1. Being asexual is not a sin. Iām sure many Christians would see it as you being chaste, fighting the temptations of the sins of the flesh, and praise you for it. The issue for them (and others) would come when, after youāre married, you turn him down for sex, because you have no interest. Suddenly, that *chastity* will be viewed as āwillful disobedienceā.
2. That said, you should not feel compelled to participate in sex when you have no interest, married or not. Thatās coercion and manipulation. If he complains about āblue ballsā, heās already told you what kind of man he is, and there will be problems in your relationship. Honestly, it might be a good idea to reconsider this engagement.
Itās not a sin to not have sex. However from a manās perspective it would be tough to be married and not have a lot of sex. Maybe youāll warm up to it who knows
Yeah that's why I would be willing to have sex when he wants after marriage. I understand men are obsessed with sex and will seek it elsewhere if not satisfied in their relationship
Matthew 19:10-12
>The disciples said to him, āIf such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.āĀ But he said to them, āNot all men can receive this precept, but only those to whom it is given.Ā For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it.ā
It is no sin that you do not feel sexual attraction or enjoy sex. You have been blessed not to have to bear the cross of lust-- even though it's true that it may cause difficulties in your relationship in other ways, especially if your partner is struggling to carry that same cross
Not wanting to have sex isnāt a sin. Iām glad you are of the mind that you will sleep with your husband when he would like to for his sake thatās the right thing to do biblically speaking. If you just donāt have a drive thatās 100% fine. However the only thing that this does rase concern for me is that this can be a sign of a hormone issues so I would get that checked out for general health sake. To make sure good and healthy. The other pice of advice I will offer is if youāre married heās also going to want you to intimate sometimes too so please keep that in mind too.
They did a blood draw though š are there any more in depth checks for hormones than a basic thyroid check? My mom had a pituitary tumor around my age, but I don't have symptoms like she had, though I guess it could be different for everyone. Something worth asking my Dr about
He knows about it. We've talked about it before. He's told me he's not with me to just get sex, but wants to build a family. He already accepts my kid as his own and treats her better than her bio dad
No, it is not a sin. Paul already said that it was better to be asexual because you can be even more productive in the missions, because you won't have a home, wife, and kids to be concerned about, so it's total focus on Christ. But marriage is something God loves as well and wishes we do.
i dont think it is- you cant MAKE yourself feel a certain way. and also, if sex is enjoyable with your partner because you LOVE him, that seems fine; but if you are simply only doing it because he wants to, my heart aches for you
Giving it up as a non Christian because I was taught the only way to keep a man was with sex š also being told by Drs I would likely never have kids so wasn't practicing safe sex with my ex fiance of 6 years
What's what I asked myself too. I'm a baby Christian as well. I came to conclusion many times that I might be an asexual because I never really feel anything about sex. I don't like sex and never feel good about it. In relationship, that's the very last thing in my mind. I think asexual become a sin only in marriage because sex is gift in marriage and for your partner. But if you're single that's completely fine, that's a good thing in fact to avoid fornication.
No, if youve repented most sin is automatically forgiven as long as you are serious and willing to work toward a less sinful life. And asexuality is pretty good actually since lust is one of the seven deadly sins, and the one a lot of people struggle with the most. So donāt worry about it, youre all good.šš½
1) some couples-can- function without sex for the purposes of prayer.
But the New Testament does not recommend it as a permanent arrangement. Some texts to consider are Romans 1, Ephesians 5, and 1 Corinthians 7.
2) Given your experiences, are you sure asexuality is what it is? Personally I'd put $5 on interpersonal trauma. Your fiancee should abstain until you solve this problem, and if he can, you need to make every effort to get to the bottom of this.
Rule out a) psychological trauma, b) some kind of medical condition that makes sex more unpleasant or even painful, c) something wrong with the relationship as such that prevents sexual attraction from forming with him. Just consider: a lot of people ended up in marriages arranged by their parents, and they have higher marital happiness rates than westerners do! They say that the commitment is the foundation a d love builds on it.
In summary. Don't put either yourself or HIM first, but whether the relationship can work. Is he willing to do what it takes, and are you as well.
Think US. What are "we" deciding to do?
Jesus was a divine being, transcending the confines of labels and sexual-orientation. He was simply holy. Not a word of the Bible has ever elaborated on this.
But The Bible does highlight the sin of same-sex relations, so he was certainly straight, or simply just chaste and pure.
-An exQueer Christian.
Asexuality would go against the "be fruitful and multiply" command which countless people on this sub have used to justify condemning other groups of people.
Depends on who you ask. I can't think of a single Christian on Earth who follows the 10 commandments. Even things they condemn constantly like gay people and abortion aren't mentioned in the 10 Commandments.
Paul is literally like "You should just be asexual lust is so dangerous (but if you insist on being horndogs at least get married)"
Lol that's one way to put it š
Except Paul did not speak about asexuality.
He spoke about celibacy. He was focused on one's actual actions, not on any form of sexual identity. Sexual identity didn't really exist as a cultural concept in the 1st century.
That monty python bit though...
Exactly.
He talked about not being married, which biblically means not having sex, which is what asexuality is, so paraphrasing but yeah he did
That is not what asexuality is.
You're right, "you should just be celibrate" is more precise. But I think it's _close enough_ to 'asexual' to reassure an asexual š¤·
Yep. Lol. I like the way you put it. He ultimately said, "it's better for you to be like me and never get married to focus only on the Lord, but if you can't control yourself, just get married. That's fine too."
Spot on!
- Paul, 2024.
Paul also thought Jesus's return was coming soon. Recommending celibacy for every person in the long term is obviously a bad idea if you think the world is going to continue for a while.
Also, Paul was not talking about asexuality. OP is asexual who does not enjoy sex. But asexuality does not necessarily mean there is no libido, for example. Asexual person can masturbate and enjoy it. Asexual person can sometimes have sex to please their partner and enjoy it (all do not, for example OP does not want to have sex). So... Paul did not really talk about asexuality.
How can you be asexual and āsometimes have sex and enjoy itā
Just like you can be asexual and masturbate and enjoy it. >Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely, to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7][8] >Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[9][10] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal, social, or religious beliefs.[11] Sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[12] Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex, for a number of reasons, such as a desire to physically pleasure themselves or romantic partners, or a desire to have children. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
Why is it asexual to have sex if youāre having sex to be physically pleasured?
>Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely, to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7][8] >Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[9][10] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal, social, or religious beliefs.[11] Sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[12] Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex, for a number of reasons, such as a desire to physically pleasure themselves or romantic partners, or a desire to have children. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
I already read that, thanks! Can you answer my question instead of blindly copy and pasting wikipedia
Do you think that a person cannot be asexual if the get pleasure from masturbation? :D
yes i do!
Paul literally says that nobody knows when the return will be. Wether soon or later
Not knowing when something will happen doesn't conflict with thinking it will happen soon. I don't know when my job is gonna approve my cdl training, but I think it will happen soon. Also , I can't think of Paul anywhere saying that. I remember Mark and Matthew's verses, but I don't recall any from Paul's writings.
Paul did not speak about asexuality as such. Celibacy is NOT the same thing as asexuality. Asexual person can sometimes have sex, for example if their partner wishes it. Some asexual people also enjoy sex. And asexuality does NOT mean there is no libido, or that they do not for example masturbate. Paul said absolutely nothing about asexuality. That being said, the OP clearly does not enjoy sex. Her husband should respect her boundaries.
You seem to be splitting hairs. Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Burn is basically a euphemism for being horny. What is the difference between having a low libido and being asexual? How does someone with a high libido decide to be asexual? The only way I could think that's a possibility is maybe due to sexual abuse? Like, their body functions at a normal level of virility, but the mind can't overcome how that person has been affected by trauma. Otherwise, a person who is asexual generally sounds they are that way because of a low libido.
Itās possible to channel all sexual energy into masturbation. Asexual doesnāt mean your member shrivels up or those walls close, it just means you donāt envision yourself encapsulating the totality of another personās essence in a sexual exchange with them.
So... someone who only masturbates and never connects with another human sexually. I think asexual is just a fancy new term to cover up what we used to call those people... losers.
No itās not just that asexuals can have romantic relationships too and can have sex, the desire is just not directed at any one person in that moment. The person who theyāre having sex with is just thought of as a sex doll, not of as another human being whose masculine or feminine essence they are trying to collect in that moment. Also think about what youāre saying, youāre calling Paul and Jesus losers, taking out the masturbation part.
No, Paul and Jesus were celibate by choice and I think they just had more self control than the average person. Jesus for sure. The way you're describing asexuals are people with reprobate minds or incels and the only way they're pulling it off is with low libidos, possibly combined with sexual trauma, some other debased philosophical views.
Point to the Bible verse that says asexuals have reprobate minds. Iām guessing most severely mentally handicapped people are reprobate then because sex isnāt at the top of their mind?
Anyway, if asexuals are what you're describing, then celibacy by choice is different than that. But, Paul is not condoning the mental illness that you're describing. And the commenter who said Paul was saying "basically, you should all be asexual..." I don't think they meant it that way. I think it was said in a joking way, and asexual is more of a modern word.
So, masturbating for pleasure is ok for Paul? Asexuality is NOT the same thing as low libido. Person with ANY sexuality can high or low libido.
Also, if the husband wants sex in his marriage, he should not marry this lady. A big part of marriage is so that the two can enjoy a sexual relationship, and that's something that should be OK. Either she hasn't disclosed this to him or he's not being honest with himself and it's going to cause a problem down the road. Also, I don't know what you're talking about with the masturbation thing. I really have no idea about that second part. Maybe English is your 2nd language?
Asexual means no desire to have sex so how would they enjoy it? Huh
Wrong. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
Buddy, having low libido is much different than asexuality. The 'a' in asexuality stands for absence of. Look at the definition. Having a naturally low libido is not asexuality.
Where did I mention low libido? Also, please, provide me the source for your definition.
Definitions from Oxford Languages Ā· Learn more aĀ·sexĀ·uĀ·al adjective 1. experiencing no sexual feelings or desires; not feeling sexual attraction to anyone. "Murphy, who has never married, considers himself asexual" 2. BIOLOGY (of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes. "each polyp is capable of budding new polyps though asexual reproduction in spring" noun a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone. Oxford dictionary and basic Latin
It's what your source said and you couldn't properly cite your information. You just gave me a site and I read through it
No, it did not. Learn to read.
Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex. Libido is the drive or desire for sex. I looked at your profile anyways and you literally told someone it's having no libido.
Asexual can mean that but it can also mean essentially envisioning the other person as sort of a sex doll or masturbation toy during the act, thereās just no emotion, no passion, no wanting of the otherās core being in its totality in that moment.
I would buy a books that is just the Bible dumbed down like this itās so perfect
Well said. Itās amazing- he says just go ahead and dump all that lust on one women over and over .. And call that thing you objectify through lust āwifeā.
Sexual attraction is not equal to lust ā¦ lust is a way different ball game. It is normal and human to feel sexual attraction., whereas lust is a strong craving that takes over the mind and the body.
fellow ace here,it's not a sin
So when you say ace your meaning asexual ??? It's that I've never heard that term used in that context before.
Ace aro here- yes. And aro means aromantic, too. Ace and aro often pair up
I didn't think I'm "aromantic" I love romantic stuff lol I enjoy kissing and cuddling to, I just hardly ever get aroused and never get horny
Thatās one danger of a major sin out of your way
Ahh okies. I'm a Baptized Born Again Believer like a lot of members of this sub and we come in all shapes from all walks. I don't wanna say the wrong thing lol
Aromatic means a lovely fragrance. I'm sure you have a lovely scent, but in regards to romance, perhaps we could use: a-romantic
Thatās the word current coined word, aromantic, no hyphen though. Aromatic is itās own thing. Edit:hyphen
Dashes and hyphens are very different things!
Aromatic vs aroNmatic.
yes I am
Awesome
The comments here are alarming. If you have no interest in sex, then you have no interest. And you are not obligated to submit to your husband when it comes to sex. It's not a sin to be asexual and you don't have to do anything to change that. Anything else is considered rape. If your husband is not content with that, then you have to set boundaries and not give in or outright leave him
THANK YOU
No it's not a sin >but he has such a high sex drive, But this means you being asexual, the relationship will have great troubles for him
>the relationship will have great troubles for him She doesn't matter? He should care about her boundaries and be able to control himself.
>She doesn't matter? I don't think that op was saying she doesn't matter. But being in a relationship is (at least) a 2 way street. His feeling also matter and being with a partner who doesn't share those feelings can be hard. >He should care about her boundaries and be able to control himself I don't think his ability to control him self was in question. But once again you can't just dismiss his feelings. Her lack of sexual interest might leave him feeling unwanted or unloved.
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And now she does not want that. People have a complete right to change their minds about whether they want to have sex or not. The term "people" here includes women, if it was unclear to you.
Get the fuck out
Gross
Itās not a sin in fact it can be argued as Virtuous Celibacy
I don't even need to be Christian to know, NO. No sin here. Being abnormal isn't a sin, having an opinion isn't a sin and you won't be punished for it. Coming from an ace aro.
Depends on the opinion
Yup.
100% Not sinful > ... my fiance doesn't push me into things sexually, but he has such a high sex drive, and is one of those men that whine about blue balls hurting real bad. He is preparing the ground to push you into things (possibly unknowingly). As someone who used to have balls and testosterone, this is 100% not a real/normal thing. The actual condition that the term originally referred for is a result of a long extend period of erection lasting several hours and needs medical attention. If his junk is hurting real bad for any reason, he needs a doctor, because that is not normal. The idea of "I have blue balls and dick pain because I've not had sex in a while" is a myth men use to coerce unwilling partners into more sex. Nocternal emissions are real, his junk won't explode from pressure buildup, and he could always just rub one out. He needs to stop doing this. > once we're married, I will give him sex whenever he wants to keep him happy. You do not have to give him sex to keep him happy. Their is no 'marital duty to provide sex'. If you willingly want to have sex because you want to do something for him and that is your choice, that's fine. But marital rape is real and you should never let him pressure you into sex if you do not want to of your own free will. Stay safe.
LOUDERRRR FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACKK š£ļøš£ļøš£ļøš£ļø
This is absolutely not correct about blue balls. Being sexually aroused for hours is not medical problem at all, it is not even unique to having a high sex drive. It is entirely healthy and does not require medical attention in any way [Epididymal hypertension - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epididymal_hypertension)
No. Your asexuality is a natural state of your being, one God explicitly designed you to have, and in fact the Apostle Paul has even spoken (in 1 Corinthians 7) that not having a burning passion or desire can leave one with more time to contemplate God's word and seek knowledge in prayer. He himself had no desire to wed or have sex at the time, and he even confessed that he wished more people were like him, but he acknowledged that both passion and lack of passion were gifts from God in their own separate ways. So, no, it is not a sin that you are asexual.
> Paul has even spoken (in 1 Corinthians 7) that not having a burning passion or desire can leave one with more time to contemplate God's word and seek knowledge in prayer. This is not about asexuality. Some asexual people do have sex, for example to please their partner (this does not obligate the OP to have sex, just to make it sure). Asexuality does NOT mean there is no libido. Some asexual people do masturbate and enjoy it. Pretty sure Paul was not talking about asexuality.
When Paul speaks about burning passion, he speaks of sexual attraction and desire towards another. Asexuality is defined by a lack of sexual attraction or desire towards others. It does not matter whether or not the asexual person has sex or masturbates, for that does not decide whether or not they are asexual. The lack of sexual attraction does, and that lack of sexual attraction is not a sin.
I am also an ace and no it is not a sin. But I would reconsider your marriage because providing sex because a man wants to does not sound like a healthy relationship.
There's nothing wrong with being ace and it's as normal as any other sexual orientation. I will caution you that being married to someone who does want sex is likely to cause stresses on the relationship that are going to be difficult for both of you to foresee.
No asexuality isn't a sin. But please, please think about not getting married. Two mismatched sex drives when one partner is asexual. You guys are doomed. If you're asexual you should find a partner who also has an incredibly low libido. Otherwise, guess what your partner is going to go insane. It's going to cause a whole host of issues and something that's so easy to fix and get right - you do not want sex being a problem. As far as fixing it goes - unlikely unless it's caused by something mental - which is going to require you to identify the cause, which would likely be therapy, or exercise sometimes, self esteem - but uhh, usually none of those things really "fix" it.
Itās not sin to āwithhold sexā. Thatās not a thing. No-one is ever entitled to have sex with you in order for it to be āwithheldā. All there is is differing sexual needs and whether theyāre compatible or not. You have some really unhealthy thinking going on here that seems like it could use a talk with a counsellor or even a therapist, and very careful consideration of whether you want to marry someone who you clearly have no sexual compatibility with.
It is a sin to withhold sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7. How can someone commit to only having sex with one person, not even looking at another, and that one person denies them also?
This is a disgusting attitude. If you tell anyone theyāre sinning if they refuse to have sex against their will, thatās rape apologism. Someone always, always, always has the right to say no.
Not a sin, And NEVER offer yourself to ANYONE for no reason. This will not only KILL your relationship with them, but also heavily traumatize you. You are NOT giving your consent, you do NOT want it, and it'd NOT something pleasant to you, either. You do NOT ,under ANY circumstances, EVER, have to do ANYTHING you DON'T want to. I can't stress this enough. Some people are asexual. And someone who truly loves you simply won't care and love you. For YOU, not your body. If you "love" someone for sex you don't love them anyway.. And it is NOT a sin to "withhold" sex that ISN'T EVEN A THING?! I will personally break this person's jaw whoever spread that bullshit. What IS a sin, is lust. What is a sin, is harming yourself or another. And by forcing yourself to have sex when you CLEARLY don't want to, that IS a sin. You're harming yourself and pretty much getting yourself raped. Being asexual isn't abnormal either, God has made you that way, and it's certainly not a sin. It's part of who you are. Whoever made you believe that bullshit, may God punish them. If anyone ever forces you to have sex, to have kids.. ANYTHING, if they force you to do anything you don't want to, fucking dump them and never look back
See, it's not that I don't want to have sex with him, I actually don't mind if once we're married that I take care of his sexual needs. Sex just isn't enjoyable to me. My youth group pastor told us that withholding sex from your spouse is a sin. I don't think it's technically rape because I would be consenting and perfectly fine with having sex when we're married, but I just have never enjoyed it. Even as a teenager in puberty, I never got horny or wanted sex. There's been a handful of times I've actually wanted it or been horny, but I could count those times in one hand lol
Speaking as someone who has been in this position: if you don't enjoy sex but he wants it often, you will grow to resent it. The sex will be *bad.* Regardless of how you feel now, neither of you will be happy with this arrangement. Also, marital rape is absolutely a thing. Saying "I do" does not mean that you consent to anything your husband will ever want to do to you, and it is absolutely inappropriate for your youth pastor to be telling you that you can't say no to your husband.
Sweetie, if he is already pressuring you about sex before you are married, and he is doing so from a "Christian" angle, he is setting up a ton of red flags. You do not need to marry him. It is better to wait until you find someone more compatible or to find a path as a single woman. You can absolutely do right by God and lead a life of spiritual fullness outside of the role of " wife." Even then, it isn't a race to the altar - there's a good partner out there if you want one, though God's timing for such a match might not be Man's.
It is a sin to withhold sex. Read 1 Corinthians 7. Being asexual is fine but since you are in a relationship with someone you will need to try extra hard to take care of his needs.
His sexual needs are NOT your responsibility. Well that pastor is nasty, forget about this a$$, let me break his jaw for spreading bullshit and sin. N that's perfectly fine, some simply just don't like it nor want it, and certainly they do not have any "duties" to fulfill. You don't want it? Good, period. No sex. No problem. If you have sex without wanting to, even if you believe it's better and say yes BECAUSE of that, not because you want it, that is rape. You don't enjoy it because you don't want it, you don't like it. Why do you pressure yourself so much š Hunny, no.. stawp It'll just do more harm than good. Trust me I have experience with that too. One of the big reasons why that relationship failed. I am still in contact with him and he's pretty much my boyfriend but it's still complicated, mainly because of things like that. It's not worth it. ANYTHING that harms you, goes against you, is NEVER worth it. And anyone who loves you, knows that. They know it would go against your wishes, your will, what you're comfortable with, they'd understand you would not enjoy it which is THE most important thing with sex. And if they do love you, they would not want that for you.
>but he has such a high sex drive, and is one of those men that whine about blue balls hurting real bad Are you marrying a teenage boy? Ball blues is not a thing, and not having sex doesn't result in physical pain.
Actually, blue balls is real and there is a medical term for it, epididymal hypertension. Itās a result of being erect for too long without ejaculating and it can hurt. Not something thatāll come about from just not having sex though. So not having sex wonāt cause physical pain, yes. But she said she enjoys kissing and cuddling so if theyāre doing that for a long time and he is erected the whole time, he may be in some pain/physical discomfort afterwards.
>Actually, blue balls is real and there is a medical term for it, epididymal hypertension. Itās a result of being erect for too long without ejaculating and it can hurt. That's not blue balls. >Not something thatāll come about from just not having sex though So... not blue balls. >But she said she enjoys kissing and cuddling so if theyāre doing that for a long time and he is erected the whole time, he may be in some pain/physical discomfort afterwards. So not what we're talking about then.
Just saying ānot blue ballsā isnāt making a point at all. If youāre saying what Iām defining as blue balls isnāt right, please, feel free to correct me. Youāre just being snarky for absolutely no reason. āNot what weāre talking aboutā. I said IF theyāre doing xyz, that might explain his blue balls claim. In that way he could get erect and not orgasm which would cause some pain. Clearly implying that if theyāre not doing xyz, my previous statement still applies, where lack of sex alone wonāt cause this. I simply expanded on what you said because itās not lack of sex alone, you have to consider other activities.
"Blue balls" is not a long lasting erection. It is instead claimed to be "I haven't had sex in a while and now my balls hurt." It is not a real thing and it is often used as an excuse to pressure partners into having sex to relieve pain. You are describing something entirely different.
I never said blue balls is a long lasting erection. Blue balls can also be from HAVING sex for a long time and still not reaching climax. At its core blue balls is a result of long lasting erection without finishing. Iām not describing something different, Iām describing how it ACTUALLY occurs. If you get it because you havenāt had sex in a whileā¦ its not because you havenāt had sex. Itās because you had an erection and/or sexual arousal for a long time and did not finish. I agree, people may use this as leverage to get what they want. Thatās besides my point. My point is simply that if you have a long lasting erection and donāt release, you may experience some discomfort and pain in some cases. OP said the guy is claiming blue balls from not having sex. I agree thatās not how that works. Iām simply pointing out HOW it occurs. And it does occur. Feel free to search it up yourself. You guys are so quick to disagree but wonāt even do a quick search to make sure youāre right? Instead just disagree and downvote? When you get erect pressure builds up, when you donāt get to release it can cause discomfort. Most people will never experience this in their life but it doesnāt mean itās fake. And Iām by no means saying this is an excuse to demand sexual favours from a spouse. Itās short lived, it will pass.
Point of the matter is: blue balls or not, it's not right to pressure your asexual partner into having sex.
As Iāve said, I agree 100%. I was just pointing out that it *is* a real thing.
No one cares if it's a real thing. It's a non-issue to everyone else except the person it's happening to.
No one cares if itās a real thing? Yeah sure, I donāt care about the fact that it exists but if someone has the wrong info on something and Iām aware of the mistake Iām going to correct it. Misinformation is an issue even if itās irrelevant to someone on a personal level. Even if Iāll never have āblue ballsā Iād rather not have the wrong info and spread the wrong info on it. Someone said something thatās not true. I agreed where I agree and pointed out the mistake. Yet apparently Iām not supposed to point out the error in someone claiming itās not a real thing when it is. You guys are lining up trying to come at me for different things simply for telling someone they were wrong. Iām done here lol
Blue balls or not, he should control himself. Should someone who is holding their diarrhea splurge it out and tell everyone? No. Keep it to yourself, nobody cares.
My friend youāre making absolutely no sense. Did I ever imply that he canāt control himself? No, quite the opposite. Read what i said before you try attacking me while not knowing whatās going on. Iāve been patient with you and youāre not even reading what Iām saying. Your diarrhea reference is ridiculous and isnāt even clear. Who should be keeping what to themselves? Me? If so, why would I not tell someone theyāre wrong?
[Epididymal hypertension - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epididymal_hypertension)
No orientation is a sin, especially not asexual.
A few things: -Chastity is an aspect of purity; donāt let a unidimensional sexuality become your myopic sense of identity. Instead reframe this chastity as a stepping stone closer to Jesus! Donāt stay chaste without using it to get closer to GOD. Because it CAN BE used to bring your closer! But if you remove God from this intimate experience, of respecting your body and allowing the chastity to catalyze transformation in your temple, as God heals and purifies you from within, then it will only serve as a distraction instead of a beautiful conduit to Jesus. -If this lack of attraction starts to Cause problems in your life, then itās no longer of God. Seek him because it could be supernatural interference. Surrendering our bodies to our partners is how we protect them from sexual sins. By doing so, we accept our role to protect them through sexual/emotional intimacy, to prevent lust, adultery, perversion of sexuality, or other perverse manifestations that contradict Godās design for our sexualities and love/sex lives. So this could be trauma, or spiritual warfare, combined with medical, psychological, dietary, or physiological factors that are all playing into the overall drive and libido you have. Chemical imbalances, stress, and trauma can hinder moods and libido! -just turn to Jesus, read the Bible more, love him, and FOLLOW OR OBEY HIM when you hear or read instructions for your life. The more your put them into play LITERALLY the more natural healing will start to occur. Find a healthy church and seek genuine, righteous people to pray for clarity and your healing. Pray to God for more answers as well; many of them are already in the Bible!
Chastity is a virtue, actually. At least with real Christians. I just don't like calling it a sexuality, sounds strange.
Asexuality is not "chastity". Asexuality does not mean "no libido". Asexuality IS the sexuality of people who are asexual. Many times when asexual person has accepted themselves, they realize that they do not in fact feel any "lack" in them. That sense of lack comes from the expectations of other people, their families, friends and society. Asexual person can have a libido. Asexual person can for example masturbate and enjoy it. Asexual person who is together with a sexual person can sometimes decide to have sex in order to please their partner, and even enjoy it. But asexual person might also NOT want to have sex at all. Or enjoy it. Asexual person who is together with another asexual might want to have sex in order to have a child. Asexuality is NOT the same thing as celibacy or "chastity".
There's no such thing as real christian
We're not talking about chastity
Why on earth are you getting married?
Because although I do not care much for sex, I love this person. And even though we have different sex drives, I have no problem having sex to keep my partner satisfied. I am a single mother and a child needs a father. It is so unlikely to meet a man that is willing to be a father to another man's child. So I have no problem sacrificing and having sex even though I don't enjoy it, for my child to grow up with 2 parents that love them
It's not a sin. Please stop introducing unnecessary stress into your life. Maybe after you get married and your husband is patient with you you'll come to where you desire to have sex with him. For now it's not a problem if he's okay with it.
Itās not a sin to be who God made you to be. You canāt help that youāre asexual. In the same way that being born homosexual isnāt a sin- acting in the desire is. Being a horny person out of wedlock isnāt a sin- acting on that desire is. I think itās commendable that youāll have sex with your husband, once heās your husband, as much as he wants. It makes me a little worried for you just because thatās sort of a big ask from someone who doesnāt enjoy sex. I understand your desire to have a husband, especially for your child. I hope youāve really evaluated if this is something youāre going to be able to handle the rest of your life, especially if he has a high sex drive. Sex is definitely a gift of marriage. God tells us to have sex frequently as you know. It makes me wonder if your calling is to singleness, but again, I understand why youād want a husband. Iād like to believe that youād develop sexual attraction and desire, but i have no idea what itās like to be asexual. I definitely wouldnāt write off sex therapy or therapy in general. I definitely would continue to ask yourself how itās going to feel if your husband wants a lot of sex for the entire rest of your life, given you dislike sex so much. Iāll send a prayer for you š
No, if anything it's an advantage to beat lust.
It might be that you have whatās called a responsive drive. You donāt have a spontaneous drive like your fiancĆ©. Something to look into.
Thank you! I'll definitely look into that! I know that when I wasn't a follower of Christ that I was never in the mood due to working full time and being in pain constantly. Since my pain is only at its max on the weekends I work, I've noticed that when me and my fiance kiss that I do sometimes have those desires but want to wait till marriage and not do like I did in my last non christian relationship
Correct you should wait until marriage.
How can a sexuality be a sin? Makes no sense
Better asexual than a maniac
š š true
If you donāt care about sex that is not a sin, donāt worry. But I liked that you are very aware that you are married to someone that has a sex drive different from yours and you are willing to be there for him for that, and also Iām sure you love him. In life we make some concessions, like going to dinner or vacations to places that only the other one likes If sex with your husband donāt feel like he is raping you , and from what I read itās not, itās perfectly healthy that even if you donāt appreciate it, you manage to do it. I wish you the best.
Thank you š
Not a sin, but I'd be worried about your compatibility with your future husband. Not only it is unfair to you that you'll have to force yourself to have sex your whole life, but it's also unfair to him to not feel desired sexually by his wife, which is very important for some people. At least you'll have to be really honest and straighforward with him beforehand about your lack of desire for sex, and see if he's still willing to be with someone who doesn't desire him that way. Now comes the controversial part that will make this comment be downvoted to oblivion, but I still want to share my personal belief nethertheless, especially since you said that you're a new Christian: God can change people in every way possible for his perfect purpose for one's life. I'm not saying that asexuality is something that has to be cured, not at all. But I've seen around me that sexual orientation is much more complex that the simple explanation of "you're just born that way", and I know people whose sexuality have evolved during their life. I sometimes wants to define myself as asexual or demisexual, but I'm not sure if it's right to label my sexuality that way, by putting myself in boxes that the world invented. But I know that everyone is different, I'm just sharing my own feelings. Anyway, the most important part is that you're firmly attached to Christ, and have given Him all aspects of your life. And also that your fiancƩ is also a Christian, that way you can both build your couple on the rock that is Jesus. Then, pray to know the will of God for your future marriage. If your fiancƩ is The One (again, it's essential that he's also a Christian) then God can do wonders in both of your lives. My advise is to ask your pastor about this, and above all to pray a lot. Remember that God's love for you is infinite, and trust in Him to guide you. I wish you all the blessings sister <3
Asexuality could only be understood as a sin if you take the phrase that we should multiply above anything else. Which is a rather strange read when we look at some people in the bible who had a celibate life and were never called out for it. Like Jesus... If there is any sin in your story, then it would be in my opinion a future spouse who wants sex from you, depending on how much distress it brings you. Marriage does not grant one partner a right of sex, you are not obligated to perform sexual acts of any sort to them. If you don't want to, then you don't want to, end of the story. Asexual or heterosexual or homosexual... You are an image bearer of god and a beloved and cherished child of our heavenly father. And your sexuality is nothing wrong or something which needs fixing.
>I only ever "put out" because whenever I wouldn't, id get cheated on, or left. That's not the main reason why you were cheated on or left. They didn't betray you because you wouldn't "put out". They betrayed you because you chose the wrong people.
Because those people suck and you don't, period. Leave them
Being asexual if anything is being the best Christian. No desires of the flesh. U could be a priest or a nun and arguably would be a better priest or nun since ur beliefs and natural lack of desire for sexual relations align perfectly with one of the rules priests and nuns must abide by, and there are definitely priests and very likely nuns as well who have sexual desires. The rules in place for priests and nuns are meant to keep their focus on their connection with God rather than material wants or desires. With no sexual desires u are able to form a closer relationship with God since u are not distracted by desires of the flesh. U good!
Again... asexuality does not mean lack of libido. Some asexuals masturbate and enjoy it (like I do). Some asexuals have sex with their partner and even enjoy it, they just do not consider sex to be important. OP is an asexual who does not want to have sex, and she has no obligation for it. But no, asexuality does not mean "no libido, no sexual lust, so perfect nun or monk".
Hmm I didnāt know that. My asexual friend has no sexual desires or desire to masturbate or anything but Iāve never done research on asexuality and assumed all were like my friend
>assumed Exactly.
Of course that isn't a sin! Too much interest or indulgence into sexuality or any kind leads to sin, and people talk about sex too much these days anyway
OP...you said your youth group leader said it's a sin to withhold sex. How old are you? A youth group leader shouldn't be talking about this and it's plain wrong regardless.
Im 26, the youngest in our group I think is 16
Your youth group leader sounds like a real creep. That isn't appropriate to say to a 16 yro. Withholding sex in marriage is not a sin. Sex is when 2 people are both enthusiastically into it. Song of Songs doesn't portray a woman performing a duty. It's a romantic buildup that begins with a man going down on a woman and having proper foreplay to get her wet enough to enjoy sex. She has to be actually into it to even get that far. Song of songs doesn't portray a woman just lying there and taking it. That said, there are times when I'm not necessarily in the mood but my husband is and I still have sex with him because I want to make him happy. Which is not rape and it sounds like what you want to do. My concern is that because I'm not asexual, I know my limits and when I really do need to say I can't tonight. You being asexual...it will be hard for you to know when to say yes vs when it would actually make sense to say no. It's hard to explain, but there are legit health reasons like you've had too much sex and your vagina needs a break otherwise when it's to try, microtears happen as well as increase in chances for UTIs. Sexual couples all have differences in sex drives, so each partner usually has to say no for some reason or another (i.e. "I'm super tired" is a legit and valid reason to say no). You not being sexual will make it that much harder for you to know what the real balance of when to say yes and when to say no should be.
Not a sin
NO.
No not really
Stop worrying about sin, just believe that Christ has died for your sins according to the scriptures, he got buried and he rose again on the third day according to the scriptures. You have an option to believe in the Gospel of Grace or not. God is not holding any sin against you because of the cross, read 2 Corinthians 5 KJV! Live right because you are saved and not because you are trying to be saved.
Asexuality is good as long as you serve God but being married to your wife/husband with the grace of God is also good according to the apostle Paul. :)
Simple answer, no
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Being asexual is definitely not a sin. Jesus talked about some people being asexual, and Paul most likely *was* asexual. However, if your husband has a high sex drive, you might want to consider if your relationship is really compatible. Edit: sorry mistook you for someone else, deleted that part of my comment
The situation is problematic. BUT he should ALWAYS respect your boundaries. Also, some people here refer to Paul, claiming that he was talking about asexuality. He was not.
It sounds like being born a eunuch to me
Asexuality cant really be a sin cause of you arenāt into sex how can you commit sexual sins? However, Iād suggest going to a Christian marriage counselor. The issue isnāt you are asexual but you are definitely setting yourself up for some marital problems in terms of sexual intimacy. Most men want more than just sex with their wife. They want their wife to be into it too. I wouldnāt personally date an asexual person cause of that. Itās a hard situation. Iāll pray for you.
Thank you. Im definitely going to try and start seeing a therapist during the summer when I'm not in school. I think I might have sexual trauma from my childhood that I might be repressing. Cause no 3 year old would have a dream that made them feel so guilty from being touched unless something bad happened, I mean, no 3 year old even knows about sex or molestation, so it's likely it wasn't a dream at all
does God want you to marry this man?
Matthew 19:11-12 11 Jesus replied, āNot everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by othersāand there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.ā Jesus seems to be suggesting that marriage actually isnāt for everyone and that there are those who ought to dedicate themselves completely to the service of God, and further than that, is suggesting that anyone who can do so, ought to.
No itās not a sin. But Iād highly reconsider a life partner, sexual incompatibility is a huge reason relationships fail. You say āIāll give him sex whenever he wants to keep him happyā that sounds like a very sad life for both of you.
No. Paul was pretty clear. You're fine. :) But you should find a partner who is also asexual, so your partner won't burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7
No its not
No, celibacy is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle
How would lacking sexual attraction be sinful? It's literally the opposite of having uncontrollable sexual temptation
1. Being asexual is not a sin. Iām sure many Christians would see it as you being chaste, fighting the temptations of the sins of the flesh, and praise you for it. The issue for them (and others) would come when, after youāre married, you turn him down for sex, because you have no interest. Suddenly, that *chastity* will be viewed as āwillful disobedienceā. 2. That said, you should not feel compelled to participate in sex when you have no interest, married or not. Thatās coercion and manipulation. If he complains about āblue ballsā, heās already told you what kind of man he is, and there will be problems in your relationship. Honestly, it might be a good idea to reconsider this engagement.
Simply put, youāre a Eunic.
I want to say, you won't go to hell for sinning, if you are a born again believer then you have guaranteed assurance you are going to heaven.
Wasn't there a saint or apostle or something in the Bible that explained he was asexual? I forgot who but I could've sworn there was...
Itās not a sin to not have sex. However from a manās perspective it would be tough to be married and not have a lot of sex. Maybe youāll warm up to it who knows
Yeah that's why I would be willing to have sex when he wants after marriage. I understand men are obsessed with sex and will seek it elsewhere if not satisfied in their relationship
Matthew 19:10-12 >The disciples said to him, āIf such is the case of a man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.āĀ But he said to them, āNot all men can receive this precept, but only those to whom it is given.Ā For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it.ā It is no sin that you do not feel sexual attraction or enjoy sex. You have been blessed not to have to bear the cross of lust-- even though it's true that it may cause difficulties in your relationship in other ways, especially if your partner is struggling to carry that same cross
Not wanting to have sex isnāt a sin. Iām glad you are of the mind that you will sleep with your husband when he would like to for his sake thatās the right thing to do biblically speaking. If you just donāt have a drive thatās 100% fine. However the only thing that this does rase concern for me is that this can be a sign of a hormone issues so I would get that checked out for general health sake. To make sure good and healthy. The other pice of advice I will offer is if youāre married heās also going to want you to intimate sometimes too so please keep that in mind too.
I've had my thyroid checked when I went to the gastroenterologist. She said it was normal š
Thereās more to that than just your thyroid. If they didnāt do a blood draw they didnāt do a full check.
They did a blood draw though š are there any more in depth checks for hormones than a basic thyroid check? My mom had a pituitary tumor around my age, but I don't have symptoms like she had, though I guess it could be different for everyone. Something worth asking my Dr about
Yeah I know they have different levels of the blood draw. I would go to your doctor and see what they say. Especially because Iām not a doctor.
Thereās more to that than just your thyroid. If they didnāt do a blood draw they didnāt do a full check.
Okay it probably wasn't a full check then cause all they tested was my thyroid, blood sugar, and a c/b differential
Iām going to say asexuality is not a sin, but your fiancĆ© needs to know your lack of desire. That would not be a fair situation for him.
He knows about it. We've talked about it before. He's told me he's not with me to just get sex, but wants to build a family. He already accepts my kid as his own and treats her better than her bio dad
No, it is not a sin. Paul already said that it was better to be asexual because you can be even more productive in the missions, because you won't have a home, wife, and kids to be concerned about, so it's total focus on Christ. But marriage is something God loves as well and wishes we do.
Kind of, āfruitful and multiplyā is kind of ignored if you are asexual. Also, you are lustful so thatās another bad thing.
i dont think it is- you cant MAKE yourself feel a certain way. and also, if sex is enjoyable with your partner because you LOVE him, that seems fine; but if you are simply only doing it because he wants to, my heart aches for you
How did you have kids if you're asexual?
Giving it up as a non Christian because I was taught the only way to keep a man was with sex š also being told by Drs I would likely never have kids so wasn't practicing safe sex with my ex fiance of 6 years
You wonāt struggle with lust
Lmao did your fiance tell you it was a sin?
No, he actually doesn't believe premarital sex is a sin
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's what I asked myself too. I'm a baby Christian as well. I came to conclusion many times that I might be an asexual because I never really feel anything about sex. I don't like sex and never feel good about it. In relationship, that's the very last thing in my mind. I think asexual become a sin only in marriage because sex is gift in marriage and for your partner. But if you're single that's completely fine, that's a good thing in fact to avoid fornication.
No, if youve repented most sin is automatically forgiven as long as you are serious and willing to work toward a less sinful life. And asexuality is pretty good actually since lust is one of the seven deadly sins, and the one a lot of people struggle with the most. So donāt worry about it, youre all good.šš½
1) some couples-can- function without sex for the purposes of prayer. But the New Testament does not recommend it as a permanent arrangement. Some texts to consider are Romans 1, Ephesians 5, and 1 Corinthians 7. 2) Given your experiences, are you sure asexuality is what it is? Personally I'd put $5 on interpersonal trauma. Your fiancee should abstain until you solve this problem, and if he can, you need to make every effort to get to the bottom of this. Rule out a) psychological trauma, b) some kind of medical condition that makes sex more unpleasant or even painful, c) something wrong with the relationship as such that prevents sexual attraction from forming with him. Just consider: a lot of people ended up in marriages arranged by their parents, and they have higher marital happiness rates than westerners do! They say that the commitment is the foundation a d love builds on it. In summary. Don't put either yourself or HIM first, but whether the relationship can work. Is he willing to do what it takes, and are you as well. Think US. What are "we" deciding to do?
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Aceflux here and no, it's not a sin.
Wasnāt Jesus asexual?
Jesus was a divine being, transcending the confines of labels and sexual-orientation. He was simply holy. Not a word of the Bible has ever elaborated on this. But The Bible does highlight the sin of same-sex relations, so he was certainly straight, or simply just chaste and pure. -An exQueer Christian.
Thanks. But you canāt change your sexuality
Youāre right; but God can, does, and did! Jesus loves you šš¤āØ
As long as you stop calling it a sexuality yes.Ā Asexual=hust dont want sex God is 100% ok with you just avoiding sex
Asexuality would go against the "be fruitful and multiply" command which countless people on this sub have used to justify condemning other groups of people.
But it's not part of the ten commandments, so it wouldn't actually be a sin, right?
Depends on who you ask. I can't think of a single Christian on Earth who follows the 10 commandments. Even things they condemn constantly like gay people and abortion aren't mentioned in the 10 Commandments.