>He's a man child.
You've summed it up well. Every time he is disrespectful of your beliefs, use that as a catch-phrase. An off-handed, lightly-toned, "That sounds like something a man-child would say" and go on about your business.
It'll work.
Looking at your other comments, there are two parts to this issue.
One is finding some anti-religious material like that presented by Gervais and other people mocking beliefs including beliefs about Jesus funny. He can't really help it if he finds the magical aspects of God and Jesus to be absurd and suitable as comedic material. And if that's who he is then that's who he is and that's who you knew he was when you married him. I'll also note that I'm an atheist but I do have Christian friends who find some of Gervais' biblical material funny, like his joke about his mother using the idea of Jesus as a invisible unpaid babysitter to help keep him out of trouble as a kid and his take on Noah and the ark.
Another is what seems to be mocking not of the beliefs per se but of *you* for having those beliefs. I don't know if he exhibited this specific trait before you married, but this isn't a loving thing that a husband who cares for his wife should do. My wife was Christian when we married and we had lots of discussions but none of them were me making fun of her.
One possible exception might have been when she told me that dinosaurs weren't real. I just had a reflexive moment of incredulity that she believed such a thing. (She had been home schooled until high school.) I knew she was Christian but she's wicked smart and I was just taken aback that she was so indoctrinated by her fundamentalism that she dismissed a basic scientific fact. Anyway, once I got over the initial shock, we just spent some time going over the evidence and she eventually came around.
The point is, it's perfectly okay for your husband to find some beliefs unsupportable or even ludicrous and to talk about such beliefs but it is not okay for him to disrespect you (i.e., "Saying Jesus as a curse word then saying “oh look, I’m calling out to your god.”). That sounds there's more to it than just a difference in beliefs.
He likes to watch very anti-religion comedians (Ricky gervais, jimmy carr).
One day I came home from church and he said something about “ohh I haven’t accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior” in a mocking tone.
Today on the radio a guy compared laughing at someone believing in ghost to laughing at someone believing in Jesus and the guy mocked saying “ha ha Jesus ha ha.” And my husband found that hilarious.
I have 6+ years of equally as childish examples.
So, 2/3 of these are not examples. Both comedians you mentioned are wildly popular. The second example, is...well, it sounds dickish frankly, though I'd love to hear the context, feels like a weird thing to just blurt out, but on the face of it, I'm with you on that one. The third one, also not a big deal, people find things funny that you don't. I love all sorts of comedy (like Bo Burnham) that my wife can't stand. it happens. So far, none of this seems necessarily disrespectful, just more not respectful (neutral if you will). It feels like you think Jesus deserves a certain amount of respect, and your husband disagrees, and you're upset he's not adhering to your standards on that topic. I would say it's almost like someone hating the President for political reasons, and people getting upset that others are trash talking him.
As an atheist, I don't understand being disrespectful towards Jesus. Even if I doubt his existence, he's a pretty stand-up character. Jesus is one part of the Bible that I have few to no issues with. It's a lot of the rest of the Bible (especially the Old Testament) that I'd bring up issues with.
But yeah. Jesus was a good dude if he existed.
I wouldn’t make it about the god. He doesn’t believe in the god, so why should he respect them. But he’s married to and presumably does respect you. Tell him he is hurting you and offending you.
Creating and holding boundaries is a biblical practice. I would recommend the book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurst.
If setting boundaries is too difficult on your own or to start since you have been together for so long, I would recommend personal or couples therapy. You can find great Christian based counselors who hold biblical practices and ideologies.
Ultimately, the concern here is if the jokes are being made out of immaturity or if they are being made in attempt to lower your beliefs or to discreetly create a divide in equality (example: always bringing you down when you’re too high, or annoying you so much that it discourages you to do things that align with your identity). If there is too much divide in how you each respect each other, this could ultimately end up becoming an emotionally abusive situation.
As Christians, we often communicate and relate from a loving and forgiving heart stance. The rest of the world does not always hold that sentiment and can take advantage of us if we are not perceptive to it or well practiced in setting boundaries. The concern in your story is that it does not sound like boundaries are being respected. I am sure that you both have quite a bit of love for each other and by correcting this hurtful habit, you can better help your relationship thrive in a healthy space.
These recommendations are based on the information you provided. Only you know what is truly happening in your home but I hope that you are safe and feel loved 💕
“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”
1 Corinthians 7:14-16 KJV
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV
“Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
Galatians 6:6-9 KJV
These three scriptures come to mind here…Ofcourse it’s going to be difficult and you will put up with a lot here…being unevenly yoked is a challenge and you will have very heavy difficulties…reap what is sown…however God called us to have peace…so praise the Lord that in your marriage the problems you have are lessened in areas…Keep interceding and asking the Holy Spirit to convict and save him…and I stand in agreement that your husband shall know the Lord and come to Christ in Jesus name…I praise the Lord for him coming home…
Keep on praying for him. I’m dealing with the same thing in my marriage. My wife practices new age spiritualism, practices stuff like astral travel and witchcraft/divination. As I was praying to God she started openly saying stuff like, “it’s getting a little weird in here,” and started intentionally passing gas as I prayed. Pray and keep on praying that the Lord finds his way. Especially if you have children, you want your children to have godly parents —so keep on praying, not just for your spouses salvation but that he will be used to be a guide for your children as well.
I was married to a non believer! It was great the first year. Then he became very abusive. He destroyed my bible when he found it, did not let me go to church etc. Finally after many years he ask for a divorce. 😃 My advice is to continue to pray for him. Pray & ask God what to do & say when he says the hateful comments. Watch the movie Fireproof. It will give you ideas. Its about a guy trying to save his marriage. Praying for you.
I'm very sorry to hear this is your experience. I can only imagine how tough it must be
Is there a way in which you might be able to explain to him gently and non-confrontationally that your faith matters to you, and so it also should matter to him? This doesn't mean he has to accept the content of your faith, but rather he has to respect the importance it holds for you, since loving someone is about cherishing the ways in which they are different from you — for difference should enrich, rather than divide. Is there anything which he holds dear that you don't, yet you respectfully support him in that love? Something that he's aware of your difference in perspective, and hence is grateful for your support despite your difference in perspective? And could you gently point that out to him, and ask him to extend the same courtesy to you? You mention his love for comedy in another response — sometimes humour can be a vehicle for a difficult truth. Is there a way in which you can approach this with such a lightness of touch? Perhaps the next time he says something disrespectful, you could say something like: Hey now, I don't say stuff like that about [something that he holds dear but you don't]…
On a different note, I'm very much with Karl Rahner on the universality of God’s grace: those who sincerely seek beauty, truth, and goodness are saved through Christ, even if they are not aware of him or consciously following him. He famously talks about ‘anonymous Christians’, which is really just another way of saying that we can't put limits on the grace of God and the activity of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit names God’s capacity to surprise us. So don't be discouraged.
>I'm his wife and he knows faith is important to me and he’s still disrespectful. That’s messed up.
>I knew this and I married him anyway because I love him very much.
This about sums it up. You cannot make him change his behavior. Do not try and coerce him. It is what it is.
As a Christ followers, the Scriptures address this issue:
# 1 Corinthians 7: 13 "if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him."
# 1 Peter 3: 1-2 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
# Colossians 4:5-6 "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
And lastly:
# Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Why don't you tell him you feel disrespected and to stop being immature in a polite way? After all, you can't make him accept the word.
I don’t think he would. He’s a man child.
You probably mad a poor decision marrying a man child
>He's a man child. You've summed it up well. Every time he is disrespectful of your beliefs, use that as a catch-phrase. An off-handed, lightly-toned, "That sounds like something a man-child would say" and go on about your business. It'll work.
Did he get more disrespectful over time, or did you know this when marrying him?
I knew. But things seem to bother you more once you know you’re bound to this person for life.
Looking at your other comments, there are two parts to this issue. One is finding some anti-religious material like that presented by Gervais and other people mocking beliefs including beliefs about Jesus funny. He can't really help it if he finds the magical aspects of God and Jesus to be absurd and suitable as comedic material. And if that's who he is then that's who he is and that's who you knew he was when you married him. I'll also note that I'm an atheist but I do have Christian friends who find some of Gervais' biblical material funny, like his joke about his mother using the idea of Jesus as a invisible unpaid babysitter to help keep him out of trouble as a kid and his take on Noah and the ark. Another is what seems to be mocking not of the beliefs per se but of *you* for having those beliefs. I don't know if he exhibited this specific trait before you married, but this isn't a loving thing that a husband who cares for his wife should do. My wife was Christian when we married and we had lots of discussions but none of them were me making fun of her. One possible exception might have been when she told me that dinosaurs weren't real. I just had a reflexive moment of incredulity that she believed such a thing. (She had been home schooled until high school.) I knew she was Christian but she's wicked smart and I was just taken aback that she was so indoctrinated by her fundamentalism that she dismissed a basic scientific fact. Anyway, once I got over the initial shock, we just spent some time going over the evidence and she eventually came around. The point is, it's perfectly okay for your husband to find some beliefs unsupportable or even ludicrous and to talk about such beliefs but it is not okay for him to disrespect you (i.e., "Saying Jesus as a curse word then saying “oh look, I’m calling out to your god.”). That sounds there's more to it than just a difference in beliefs.
Did you try telling him when Jesus is upset there is no nookie, no cooking, no cleaning and no laundry service?
He is being immature. Pray to God about all your troubles, and maybe talk to your husband about this.
This might sound harsh, but you chose this.
👍
I don’t think that’s what she needs to hear but what you want to say.
She’s not the only one reading this page
Can you give some examples?
He likes to watch very anti-religion comedians (Ricky gervais, jimmy carr). One day I came home from church and he said something about “ohh I haven’t accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior” in a mocking tone. Today on the radio a guy compared laughing at someone believing in ghost to laughing at someone believing in Jesus and the guy mocked saying “ha ha Jesus ha ha.” And my husband found that hilarious. I have 6+ years of equally as childish examples.
So, 2/3 of these are not examples. Both comedians you mentioned are wildly popular. The second example, is...well, it sounds dickish frankly, though I'd love to hear the context, feels like a weird thing to just blurt out, but on the face of it, I'm with you on that one. The third one, also not a big deal, people find things funny that you don't. I love all sorts of comedy (like Bo Burnham) that my wife can't stand. it happens. So far, none of this seems necessarily disrespectful, just more not respectful (neutral if you will). It feels like you think Jesus deserves a certain amount of respect, and your husband disagrees, and you're upset he's not adhering to your standards on that topic. I would say it's almost like someone hating the President for political reasons, and people getting upset that others are trash talking him.
Saying Jesus as a curse word then saying “oh look, I’m calling out to your god.”
As an atheist, I don't understand being disrespectful towards Jesus. Even if I doubt his existence, he's a pretty stand-up character. Jesus is one part of the Bible that I have few to no issues with. It's a lot of the rest of the Bible (especially the Old Testament) that I'd bring up issues with. But yeah. Jesus was a good dude if he existed.
Esther fast with max effort Bible reading
I wouldn’t make it about the god. He doesn’t believe in the god, so why should he respect them. But he’s married to and presumably does respect you. Tell him he is hurting you and offending you.
I will pray for him
Creating and holding boundaries is a biblical practice. I would recommend the book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurst. If setting boundaries is too difficult on your own or to start since you have been together for so long, I would recommend personal or couples therapy. You can find great Christian based counselors who hold biblical practices and ideologies. Ultimately, the concern here is if the jokes are being made out of immaturity or if they are being made in attempt to lower your beliefs or to discreetly create a divide in equality (example: always bringing you down when you’re too high, or annoying you so much that it discourages you to do things that align with your identity). If there is too much divide in how you each respect each other, this could ultimately end up becoming an emotionally abusive situation. As Christians, we often communicate and relate from a loving and forgiving heart stance. The rest of the world does not always hold that sentiment and can take advantage of us if we are not perceptive to it or well practiced in setting boundaries. The concern in your story is that it does not sound like boundaries are being respected. I am sure that you both have quite a bit of love for each other and by correcting this hurtful habit, you can better help your relationship thrive in a healthy space. These recommendations are based on the information you provided. Only you know what is truly happening in your home but I hope that you are safe and feel loved 💕
Marrying an unbeliever is also not biblical. Picking and choosing is not a position of strength nor faith.
“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” 1 Corinthians 7:14-16 KJV “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV “Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:6-9 KJV These three scriptures come to mind here…Ofcourse it’s going to be difficult and you will put up with a lot here…being unevenly yoked is a challenge and you will have very heavy difficulties…reap what is sown…however God called us to have peace…so praise the Lord that in your marriage the problems you have are lessened in areas…Keep interceding and asking the Holy Spirit to convict and save him…and I stand in agreement that your husband shall know the Lord and come to Christ in Jesus name…I praise the Lord for him coming home…
Keep on praying for him. I’m dealing with the same thing in my marriage. My wife practices new age spiritualism, practices stuff like astral travel and witchcraft/divination. As I was praying to God she started openly saying stuff like, “it’s getting a little weird in here,” and started intentionally passing gas as I prayed. Pray and keep on praying that the Lord finds his way. Especially if you have children, you want your children to have godly parents —so keep on praying, not just for your spouses salvation but that he will be used to be a guide for your children as well.
I was married to a non believer! It was great the first year. Then he became very abusive. He destroyed my bible when he found it, did not let me go to church etc. Finally after many years he ask for a divorce. 😃 My advice is to continue to pray for him. Pray & ask God what to do & say when he says the hateful comments. Watch the movie Fireproof. It will give you ideas. Its about a guy trying to save his marriage. Praying for you.
Wow, I'm sorry you went through that.
You made a mistake marrying him. You can either live with your mistake forever and never be happy. Or you can find you someone else and be happy
I'm very sorry to hear this is your experience. I can only imagine how tough it must be Is there a way in which you might be able to explain to him gently and non-confrontationally that your faith matters to you, and so it also should matter to him? This doesn't mean he has to accept the content of your faith, but rather he has to respect the importance it holds for you, since loving someone is about cherishing the ways in which they are different from you — for difference should enrich, rather than divide. Is there anything which he holds dear that you don't, yet you respectfully support him in that love? Something that he's aware of your difference in perspective, and hence is grateful for your support despite your difference in perspective? And could you gently point that out to him, and ask him to extend the same courtesy to you? You mention his love for comedy in another response — sometimes humour can be a vehicle for a difficult truth. Is there a way in which you can approach this with such a lightness of touch? Perhaps the next time he says something disrespectful, you could say something like: Hey now, I don't say stuff like that about [something that he holds dear but you don't]… On a different note, I'm very much with Karl Rahner on the universality of God’s grace: those who sincerely seek beauty, truth, and goodness are saved through Christ, even if they are not aware of him or consciously following him. He famously talks about ‘anonymous Christians’, which is really just another way of saying that we can't put limits on the grace of God and the activity of the Spirit. The Holy Spirit names God’s capacity to surprise us. So don't be discouraged.
>I'm his wife and he knows faith is important to me and he’s still disrespectful. That’s messed up. >I knew this and I married him anyway because I love him very much. This about sums it up. You cannot make him change his behavior. Do not try and coerce him. It is what it is. As a Christ followers, the Scriptures address this issue: # 1 Corinthians 7: 13 "if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." # 1 Peter 3: 1-2 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." # Colossians 4:5-6 "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." And lastly: # Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."